In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 5, Episode 23 - Candy Cane's Last Show - full transcript
The Wayans siblings present an African-American focused sketch comedy show.
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
- ♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
- HI-YAH!
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW
WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
LADIES, THANK YOU FOR
GIVING UP YOUR LUNCH HOUR...
TO ATTEND THIS SEMINAR ON SEXUAL
HARASSMENT IN THE WORKPLACE.
NOW PLEASE JOIN ME IN
WELCOMING THE HEAD...
OF THE, UH, SCHOOL OF
SELF-DEFENSE IN HOLLYWOOD,
MR. SWEET TOOTH JONES.
♪♪
♪ HYAH, HYAH ♪
♪ HYAH, HYAH SEE
WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ SOMEBODY GRAB YOU BY THE ASS
IN THE OFFICE, JUMP ♪ ♪ HYAH, HYAH ♪
♪ SHOW 'EM YOU AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪
- ♪ KARATE, PROTECTIN' YOUR BODY
SUGAR BEAR ♪
- ♪ LA-DI-DA-DI ♪
♪ STEP TO THE LEFT
STEP TO THE RIGHT ♪
♪ LIKE IT'S ALL
RIGHT HYAH, HYAH ♪♪
NOW, NORMALLY, I DON'T
WORK FOR THE MAN.
BUT WORD ON THE STREET IS THAT SOME
CATS BEEN JIVIN' Y'ALL AT THE FILE CABINET.
THEY UP TO NO DAMN GOOD.
- ACTUALLY, MR. TOOTH...
- THAT'S SWEET TOOTH, SISTER.
RIGHT ON. STAY LOOSE, KITTENS.
LAY YOUR NUMBER ON ME,
SISTER. WHAT'S THE SCENE?
OKAY, SO, I'M AT THE
FILING CABINET, RIGHT?
OH, I DIG. I-I'M BENDING OVER TO GET A
FILE AND SOMEONE GRABBED MY REAR.
I MEAN THEY JUST, LIKE,
GRABBED IT. I HEARD THAT.
WELL, I'M LOOKIN' AT YOUR BOOTY
NOW, UH, SNOW WHITE, LOOK AT THAT.
ROUND AS PAM GRIER'S IN COFFY.
DID YOU SEE COFFY?
SHEBA, BABY. CLEOPATRA
JONES. SAY WHAT, BABY?
WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT DO I
DO NEXT TIME IT HAPPENS?
'CAUSE I REALLY DON'T
LIKE IT THAT MUCH.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'. IF
YOU'RE TOO UPTIGHT TO GROOVE,
AND THE DUDE WON'T
GET OFF YOUR TAIL...
CHECK THIS. STEP UP. LET'S
DO THIS. COME ON. DEMO TIME.
YOU GOT TO ARCH THAT. ARCH THAT.
THERE YOU GO, QUEEN BEE.
- SAY, MAMA.
WHY DON'T WE GO ON BACK TO MY
OFFICE AND YOU CAN TAKE SOME DICTATION?
UP YOURS, JIVE TURKEY.
ANY QUESTIONS? EXCUSE
ME, MR. SWEET TOOTH.
WHY DID YOU ATTACK THE GIRL?
DO UNTO OTHERS, BEFORE
YOU GET YOUR BUTT WHIPPED.
EXCUSE ME. WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT AM I TALKIN' ABOUT? I'M TALKING ABOUT
STRAIGHT, "UNADULTERED" KUNG FU, BABY.
SOMETHIN' YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW
NOTHIN' ABOUT. NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
OH!
♪ HE, HE ♪♪
LET'S GO. SCENARIO
NÚMERO "B." LET'S GO.
I DIG YOUR GROOVY
BOOTS, WHITE MAMA.
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO CLIMB
UP MY CORPORATE LADDER.
BACK OFF, JIVE TURKEY.
EXCUSE ME. YOU
GOT ANY QUESTIONS?
YOU'VE JUST BEATEN THIS WOMAN UP
TWICE. WHAT LESSON ARE WE LEARNING?
MY VISUALLY VICIOUS, YET TOTALLY
PAINLESS ATTACKS ON THIS WOMAN...
ARE BUT A METAPHOR FOR LIFE.
YOU GOT TO WATCH YOUR BACK.
TOTALLY PAINLESS? YOU
KNOW NOTHING ABOUT KARATE.
HEY! AND I NEVER SAID I DID.
I'M A FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHER OUT OF
HOLLYWOOD. THAT'S RIGHT, YOU ARE.
AND I KNOW TOWNSEND AND THEM.
BUT I CAN REALLY THROWN
DOWN. YOU WANNA SEE?
HUH, YOU WANT SOME OF
THIS, MAMA? COME ON. HUH?
TAMARA DOBSON WAS
CLEOPATRA JONES.
WHAT THE HELL?
HEY, HEY, HEY.
DAMN.
DAMN, RED!
MAN, GET OFF ME AND
START THE MUSIC, MAN.
♪♪
♪ HYAH, HYAH ♪
♪ HYAH, HYAH ♪
SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
YOU WANNA GO GET SOME
LUNCH, MAN? COME ON, MAN.
LET'S GO GET SOME
LUNCH, MAN. DO THE ROCK.
ROBOT.
GOOD FOOT.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH,
DON'T YOU, KEN, HUH?
WELL, HERE'S YOUR WAKE-UP CALL.
EXCUSE ME. UH, HI. ARE YOU
THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR?
- HAVE A SEAT.
- OKAY, THANKS.
- NAME'S ED BACON. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SON?
- UH, JOHN. JOHN.
JOHN? YEAH.
LET ME JUST GET
OUT THE JOHN FILE.
YEAH. JOHN.
YEAH, JOHN SA... JOHN. JOHN.
JOHN WITH NO "H."
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
THERE'S 200 FREAKIN'
JOHNS IN THIS SCHOOL.
HEY, MAYBE YOU'RE
ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES...
WHOSE DAD ACTUALLY STUCK AROUND
LONG ENOUGH TO GIVE HIM A LAST NAME.
IT'S SANDERS! JOHN
SANDERS! JOHN SANDERS!
S-A-N-D-E-R-S. JOHN SANDERS
WITH AN "S" AT BOTH ENDS.
SANDERS.
UH, "J" SANDERS. HERE WE ARE.
IT'S COMIN' RIGHT UP HERE.
TAKE-TAKE YOUR
TIME. YOU SEEM TENSE.
I'M JUST FINE. OKAY.
JOHN. ALL RIGHTY.
NOW, JOHN,
ACCORDING TO THIS, YOU'VE BEEN
SPENDING A LOT OF TIME IN ART CLASS THERE.
YEAH, I'M, UH... I'M
HOPING TO BE A PAINTER.
INTERESTING. YEAH.
- WHAT ABOUT THE MARINES, SON?
- THE MARINES?
I'M JUST SUGGESTING THAT BECAUSE
YOU SEEM A LITTLE POOFY TO ME.
A LITTLE SWEET IN THE PANTS,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YUP, I'D DEFINITELY SAY THE
MARINES ARE FOR YOU, JOHN.
MAKE YOU TOUGH. TAKE
A SHOT AT ME. COME ON!
IT'LL BE GOOD FOR YOU, JOHN.
IT'LL BE REAL GOOD FOR YOU.
ALL RIGHT, MR. BACON, YOU CAN
SPIT ON MY DREAMS IF YOU WANT TO,
BUT, UH, I'M GONNA SHOW
YOU AND EVERYBODY.
UH, SOMEDAY I'M GONNA...
I'M GONNA BE A PAINTER.
WELL, THEN.
BY ALL MEANS, PAINT.
JUST PAINT YOUR
SISSY LITTLE HEART OUT.
HELL, I'VE JUST BEEN DOING THIS
FOR 15 YEARS. WHAT DO I KNOW, HUH?
I'M AN IDIOT, RIGHT? I DIDN'T...
GET OUTTA MY SIGHT.
GET OUT!
AND DON'T CALL ME FROM
THE HOMELESS SHELTER EITHER!
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
UH, WHAT'S WITH JOHN?
I GUESS HE JUST HAD A LITTLE BITE
FROM THE BIG REALITY SANDWICH...
AND HE STARTED TO CHOKE ON IT.
- WHO ARE YOU?
- UH, DONITA CLARK. YOU SENT FOR ME.
RIGHT. DONITA.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
OVER YOUR FILE.
I SEE YOU'VE BEEN STUDYING
BALLET LESSONS FOR 14 YEARS.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M GONNA
BE A BALLET DANCER.
I'M GONNA SPEND THE SUMMER IN
LONDON STUDYING AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY.
BIG MISTAKE. HAVE
A SEAT, DONITA.
I'VE TAKEN A PERSONAL
INTEREST IN YOUR CAREER.
NOW, WHY WOULD YOU WANT
TO GO ALL THE WAY TO LONDON...
WHEN YOU COULD
PURSUE YOUR DREAM...
- RIGHT HERE IN THE STATES?
- HOW?
AS A STRIPPER. THERE'S
GOOD MONEY IN STRIPPIN'.
I DON'T CARE. I'M GONNA
BE A BALLET DANCER.
WAKE UP, DONITA!
YOU'RE NOT VERY PRETTY
AND YOU'RE NOT VERY SMART.
SO YOU CAN THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS
THAT GOD GAVE YOU SUCH A GREAT RACK.
IT'S YOUR CHOICE,
DONITA, STRIP OR STARVE.
MR. BAKER!
NOW, NOW, DONITA.
I KNOW THIS SEEMS HARSH,
BUT I'M TELLIN' YOU NOW...
BECAUSE IN 10 YEARS,
THOSE KNOCKERS OF YOURS...
ARE GONNA BE DOWN
AROUND YOUR ANKLES.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WITH BIG ONES LIKE YOURS.
IT'S A LITTLE LAW
CALLED GRAVITY, DONITA.
NOW, HERE'S WHAT
I WANT YOU TO DO.
DROP OUT OF SCHOOL IMMEDIATELY.
GO SEE MY FRIEND
KENNY AT THE JUG SHACK.
THE ADDRESS ARE
ON THOSE MATCHES.
YEP, I CAN STILL
MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
WELL, WELL, WELL, IF
IT ISN'T MARLON KANE.
YOU KNOW, THEY USED TO SAY YOU
COULDN'T SCORE BELOW 400 ON THE S.A.T.
IT'S AN HONOR TO MEET THE
MAN WHO PROVED 'EM WRONG.
NICE TO MEET YOU, MR. BACON.
HE SPEAKS!
WELL, MARLON,
IT SEEMS THAT EVEN A CUD-CHEWING
CRETIN LIKE YOURSELF IS ENTITLED TO WORK.
SO, WHY DON'T WE PULL OUT
THE OLD CAREER SKILLS MANUAL...
AND SEE WHAT MAGNIFICENT
OPPORTUNITIES AWAIT SOMEBODY...
WITH YOUR SPECIAL NEEDS.
NOW, LET'S SEE.
AH, HERE'S ONE.
NECK WRINGER AT
THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE.
NO, YOU'D HAVE TO BE SMARTER
THAN THE CHICKENS TO CATCH THEM.
GARBAGE MAN. THAT'S LIKE
PUTTIN' A KID IN THE CANDY STORE.
HERE WE GO. NO SKILLS,
NO BRAINS REQUIRED.
AND THAT WOULD LEAVE ONLY
ONE PROFESSION. IT WOULD, UH, BE...
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
- GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.
- WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR!
THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE,
MR. BACON, BUT I THINK I'LL HOLD OUT...
AND DO SOMETHIN'
BETTER, ALL RIGHT?
FOR THIS SUPER HUNK OVER HERE.
COME ON. GOIN'
ONCE. GOIN' TWICE.
COME ON, NOW.
SOLD TO THE LADY IN
THE FRONT ROW FOR $300.
ALL RIGHT. GO AND
GET HIM. COME ON, NOW.
THEY'VE GOT JUNGLE FEVER.
ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT. NEXT WE HAVE A
CELEBRITY HUNK. YOU
WANT ME TO BRING HIM OUT?
- YEAH!
- I CAN'T HEAR Y'ALL.
YEAH!
OKAY, LET'S WELCOME
MR. LUTHER VANDROSS.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, MAN, THANKS FOR COMING
BY THE STATION TODAY, OKAY?
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU ARE MY MAN.
YOU WANNA GIVE THESE
LOVELY LADIES A LITTLE PREVIEW...
OF WHAT A DATE WOULD BE LIKE
WITH YOU? OH, LET ME RUN IT BY YOU.
FIRST WE'LL, UH, SAIL
OUT ON MY PRIVATE YACHT.
YEAH. ALL ALONE,
UNDER THE STARS.
'CAUSE, UH, EVERYBODY KNOWS...
♪ EVERYONE NEEDS
LOVE NO DOUBT ♪♪
THERE IT IS.
ANY LOVE? YOU HEAR ME?
LET'S GET THE BIDDING STARTED
AT $300. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I'LL GIVE YOU $300 FOR
HIM. $300 RIGHT HERE.
$400. $400 RIGHT THERE.
450.450, RIGHT UP FRONT,
$500, WHOO-HOO!
$500. I HEARD $500,
BUT, HONEY, YOU GOT TO
SHOW YOUR FACE. IT
AIN'T GONNA BE ALL THAT...
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WATCH YOURSELF, LUTHER.
- HEY.
GOOD LORD! GREAT
GOOGLEY MOOGLEY!
WHO IN THE HELL
SHAVED THAT WOMBAT?
YOU BETTER CHILL OUT,
ERKEL. I AIN'T WITH THAT STUFF.
WAIT, SUPERSTAR,
COME HE... COME HERE.
I BEEN FANTASIZIN' ABOUT YOU
AND KISSIN' YOUR PICTURE AND STUFF.
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU BEEN
KISSIN' A WEED WHACKER. WHEW!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HE'S SO CRAZY AND HE IS...
HE'S SEXY TOO AND CRAZY.
I CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE
YOU ON OUR DREAM DATE.
I'M GONNA TAKE YOU TO
MEATY, MEATY BURGER AND
WE GONNA GET SOME
CHEESEBURGERS AND STUFF.
THEN WE GONNA GO HOME AND THEN PICK
THE CHEESE OUTTA OUR TEETH AND STUFF.
AND THEN WE GONNA
CREEP, CREEP, CREEP, CREEP.
WHY DON'T YOU CREEP YOUR
BUTT BACK TO THE SWAMP?
WHY DON'T YOU MIND YOUR
BUSINESS WITH THEM BIG-ASS GLASSES?
OKAY, WE'RE AT $500. WHO'S GONNA
TOP THAT FOR A DATE WITH LUTHER?
COME ON. 500. COME ON. 550.
550, RIGHT THERE. 575.
THERE IT IS. UH,
ANYWAY, UH, $700, PLEASE.
$700. UH, JUST KEEP SAYIN' TO
YOURSELF THIS IS A CHARITY EVENT, OKAY?
OKAY, BUT WHERE DOES SHE GET THE
MONEY? A GORILLA CONTEST? I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK, DON'T WORRY ABOUT
WHERE I GETS MY MONEY.
I GETS MY MONEY. THAT'S
ALL YOU GOT TO WORRY ABOUT.
PLUS YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW,
MY HOUSE WAS KINDA, UH,
DECONSTRUCTED IN THE
EARTHQUAKE AND STUFF, YOU KNOW.
YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE THE SAN ANDREAS
FAULT WAS RIGHT ACROSS YOUR DAMN FACE.
IT'S REGISTERIN' A 6.6
ON THE UGLY SCALE.
AW, SO Y'ALL GOT JOKES AND
STUFF, HUH? WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT.
AIN'T NOBODY GONNA OUTBID WANDA
WAYNE. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
UH, LOOK, WHICH ONE OF Y'ALL
LADIES ARE GONNA RESCUE...
I MEAN, WHICH ONE OF Y'ALL ARE
GONNA BID FOR LUTHER? COME ON, MAN.
WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT
A REAL CATCH HERE.
IT SAYS HERE THAT, UH, HE'S ACTIVE IN
ALL KINDS OF CHARITABLE ORGANIZATIONS.
SEE, THAT'S GOOD, 'CAUSE THAT'S
A TURN-ON, SEE, 'CAUSE I LIKE THAT.
SEE, I LIKE A MAN LIKE
THAT. HE NEEDS TO DONATE
HIS MANHOOD TO THE
WANDA FOUNDATION. HEY.
NO, NO. WAIT, WAIT. SEE, I DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOU GET YOUR INFORMATION FROM.
IT'S RIGHT HERE. UH,
NO, NO. IT'S ALL WRONG.
I HATE CHARITIES. I
DON'T LIKE 'EM. I'M SELFISH.
WELL, SEE, THAT'S GOOD. YOU SELFISH,
THAT MEANS YOU KEEP ME ALL TO YOURSELF.
I DON'T LIKE SHARIN'.
NO, NO, NO. SEE, YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND. SEE, I'M NO GOOD.
I'M LOW-DOWN. I'M KNOWN
TO BE LOW-DOWN. I'M SCUM.
SHOOT. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT.
I DONE DATED ALL KIND... I DATED PRISONERS.
DON'T YOU KNOW SHANK AND RAMPAGE?
OKAY, LOOK, THE
BIDDING STARTS AT 700.
- WHO CAN PUT THAT DOWN? COME ON, NOW.
- LOOK, I'LL BID $750.
$750. SOLD.
HEY, THAT AIN'T FAIR. YOU BETTER...
LIGHT SKIN, YOU BETTER GET ON.
$900.
$1000. $1000, CHILD.
UH-UH. $1,036...
HOLD ON A SECOND.
OOPS.
I ALMOST SHOWED YOU SOMETHIN'.
$37 DOLLARS, UH,
AND I GOT SOME PESOS.
YOU KNOW, WORK IS GOOD
SOUTH OF THE BORDER. HEY!
OH, NO, NO, NO. WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT. THAT'S THAT.
THAT'S ENOUGH OF
THAT. I'LL BID $5,000.
GOOD, 'CAUSE I NEED SOME MONEY.
WHO DO I MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO? UH, LUTHER,
I DON'T THINK THAT YOU CAN DO THAT, MAN.
NO, LET HIM MAKE THE
CHECK. I'M READY TO GO.
UH, LUTHER, MAN, I'M REALLY
INSULTED. THIS IS A CHARITY EVENT...
I DON'T WANT YOU INSULTED. I DON'T
MEAN TO DIS YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YOU KNOW THAT PURPLE
MERCEDES OUTSIDE?
RIGHT. IT'S ACTUALLY PLUM
COLORED. KEYS, RIGHT THERE. FOR YOU.
DON'T PLAY WITH ME. LET'S
GET ON OUTTA HERE. COME ON.
THAT'S MY DONATION. UH, LADIES,
YOU CAN PICK YOUR COATS UP FRONT.
WELL, GET ON OUTTA HERE THEN.
GIRL, WHO YOU LOOKIN' AT?
YOU BETTER GET YOUR
HAIR FIXED NEXT TIME.
'CAUSE I DON'T NEED NO MAN. I
CAN MAKE IT ON MY OWN AND STUFF.
YOU KNOW, IT AIN'T
LIKE I NEED SOMEBODY.
SO DOES THIS MEAN, UH,
THAT YOU GONNA ROCK MY WORLD?
NO, THAT'S JUST A ROSE.
THANK YOU ANYWAY THOUGH,
YOU KNOW. IT'S ALL GOOD.
AND NOW FROM DETROIT, DEF
JAM/CHAOS RECORDING ARTISTS...
PERFORMING "PROGRESS
OF ELIMINATION."
GIVE IT UP FOR BOSS.
WE GOT THE ROUGHEST,
TOUGHEST CHI YOU EVER SEEN, YO.
ROUGHEST CHI YOU EVER SEEN YO.
- YO, YO, YO. WHAT'S UP?
- HOW Y'ALL FEEL? ♪♪
CHECK IT, CHECK IT, CHECK
IT OUT. CHECK IT, CHECK IT.
♪ WHO AM I TO FLIP BUT LOOK
AT THIS BUSINESS IS BUSINESS ♪
♪ BUT NOW THE REVELATION HAS REVEALED
HOW THE BOSS IS TRYING TO GET RICH ♪
♪ THEY'RE DOING A GOOD JOB THEY'RE
RIPPIN' UP THE PAYMENT WITH NOTHING ♪
♪ COME ON, I THINK I
DUCKED INTO A MAZE ♪
♪ AND NOW I'M BEING SURROUNDED
BY DEAD BODIES IN A DAZE ♪
♪ SOME KIND OF WAY I
HAVE BECOME A SLAVE ♪
♪ YES, SIR, MASTER ♪
♪ NO, SIR, MASTER ♪
♪ I WORK FASTER EVEN IF IT MEANS
MY BRAIN'S BEING TAMPERED WITH ♪
♪ DROP IT ♪ ♪ AT LEAST
I GOT RID OF A PLAYER ♪
♪ LATER ON I MIX
UP WITH SOME G's ♪
♪ KICKIN' IT ON THE CORNER CURB
TALKIN' ABOUT EXPANDING TO PITTSBURGH ♪
♪ I'M OUT HERE ON THE CUT
SMOKIN' LOVE WITH MACARONI ♪
♪ INSTEAD OF US SERVIN' FOOLS
THIS STUFF IS GONNA BLOW ME ♪
♪ BUT I AIN'T TRYING TO
HATE THIS TRICK MADE UP ♪
♪ I AIN'T IN THE MOOD 'CAUSE I DON'T
MESS AROUND WITH THE HELP, BASTARD ♪
♪ IF IT WASN'T FOR THE DOPE THAT
WE GOT STASHED IN THE CASKET ♪
♪ I'D HAVE YOUR ASS HIT ♪ THEN
WATCH THE FOOL DIE TRICKIN' ♪
♪ WHILE I'LL BE COUNTIN' CRISPY-ASS
DOLLARS LIKE LOUISIANA FRIED CHICKEN ♪
♪ AND TAKIN' A SIP OF
HIS FAVORITE DRINK ♪
♪ AT THE GRAVE AS I STARE THROUGH
THE SHADE YOUR STUFF STILL STINKS ♪
♪ I WASN'T TRYIN' TO
SAY AN EXPLANATION ♪
♪ 'CAUSE AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED THE ONLY
WAY TO PROGRESS IS THROUGH ELIMINATION ♪
♪ GOTS TO GO, YEAH GOT TO GO ♪
♪ SIX MILLION WAYS
TO DIE CHOOSE ONE ♪
♪ GOTS TO GO, YEAH GOT TO GO ♪
♪ SIX MILLION WAYS
TO DIE CHOOSE ONE ♪♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
- ♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
- HI-YAH!
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW
WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
LADIES, THANK YOU FOR
GIVING UP YOUR LUNCH HOUR...
TO ATTEND THIS SEMINAR ON SEXUAL
HARASSMENT IN THE WORKPLACE.
NOW PLEASE JOIN ME IN
WELCOMING THE HEAD...
OF THE, UH, SCHOOL OF
SELF-DEFENSE IN HOLLYWOOD,
MR. SWEET TOOTH JONES.
♪♪
♪ HYAH, HYAH ♪
♪ HYAH, HYAH SEE
WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ SOMEBODY GRAB YOU BY THE ASS
IN THE OFFICE, JUMP ♪ ♪ HYAH, HYAH ♪
♪ SHOW 'EM YOU AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪
- ♪ KARATE, PROTECTIN' YOUR BODY
SUGAR BEAR ♪
- ♪ LA-DI-DA-DI ♪
♪ STEP TO THE LEFT
STEP TO THE RIGHT ♪
♪ LIKE IT'S ALL
RIGHT HYAH, HYAH ♪♪
NOW, NORMALLY, I DON'T
WORK FOR THE MAN.
BUT WORD ON THE STREET IS THAT SOME
CATS BEEN JIVIN' Y'ALL AT THE FILE CABINET.
THEY UP TO NO DAMN GOOD.
- ACTUALLY, MR. TOOTH...
- THAT'S SWEET TOOTH, SISTER.
RIGHT ON. STAY LOOSE, KITTENS.
LAY YOUR NUMBER ON ME,
SISTER. WHAT'S THE SCENE?
OKAY, SO, I'M AT THE
FILING CABINET, RIGHT?
OH, I DIG. I-I'M BENDING OVER TO GET A
FILE AND SOMEONE GRABBED MY REAR.
I MEAN THEY JUST, LIKE,
GRABBED IT. I HEARD THAT.
WELL, I'M LOOKIN' AT YOUR BOOTY
NOW, UH, SNOW WHITE, LOOK AT THAT.
ROUND AS PAM GRIER'S IN COFFY.
DID YOU SEE COFFY?
SHEBA, BABY. CLEOPATRA
JONES. SAY WHAT, BABY?
WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT DO I
DO NEXT TIME IT HAPPENS?
'CAUSE I REALLY DON'T
LIKE IT THAT MUCH.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'. IF
YOU'RE TOO UPTIGHT TO GROOVE,
AND THE DUDE WON'T
GET OFF YOUR TAIL...
CHECK THIS. STEP UP. LET'S
DO THIS. COME ON. DEMO TIME.
YOU GOT TO ARCH THAT. ARCH THAT.
THERE YOU GO, QUEEN BEE.
- SAY, MAMA.
WHY DON'T WE GO ON BACK TO MY
OFFICE AND YOU CAN TAKE SOME DICTATION?
UP YOURS, JIVE TURKEY.
ANY QUESTIONS? EXCUSE
ME, MR. SWEET TOOTH.
WHY DID YOU ATTACK THE GIRL?
DO UNTO OTHERS, BEFORE
YOU GET YOUR BUTT WHIPPED.
EXCUSE ME. WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT AM I TALKIN' ABOUT? I'M TALKING ABOUT
STRAIGHT, "UNADULTERED" KUNG FU, BABY.
SOMETHIN' YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW
NOTHIN' ABOUT. NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
OH!
♪ HE, HE ♪♪
LET'S GO. SCENARIO
NÚMERO "B." LET'S GO.
I DIG YOUR GROOVY
BOOTS, WHITE MAMA.
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO CLIMB
UP MY CORPORATE LADDER.
BACK OFF, JIVE TURKEY.
EXCUSE ME. YOU
GOT ANY QUESTIONS?
YOU'VE JUST BEATEN THIS WOMAN UP
TWICE. WHAT LESSON ARE WE LEARNING?
MY VISUALLY VICIOUS, YET TOTALLY
PAINLESS ATTACKS ON THIS WOMAN...
ARE BUT A METAPHOR FOR LIFE.
YOU GOT TO WATCH YOUR BACK.
TOTALLY PAINLESS? YOU
KNOW NOTHING ABOUT KARATE.
HEY! AND I NEVER SAID I DID.
I'M A FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHER OUT OF
HOLLYWOOD. THAT'S RIGHT, YOU ARE.
AND I KNOW TOWNSEND AND THEM.
BUT I CAN REALLY THROWN
DOWN. YOU WANNA SEE?
HUH, YOU WANT SOME OF
THIS, MAMA? COME ON. HUH?
TAMARA DOBSON WAS
CLEOPATRA JONES.
WHAT THE HELL?
HEY, HEY, HEY.
DAMN.
DAMN, RED!
MAN, GET OFF ME AND
START THE MUSIC, MAN.
♪♪
♪ HYAH, HYAH ♪
♪ HYAH, HYAH ♪
SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
YOU WANNA GO GET SOME
LUNCH, MAN? COME ON, MAN.
LET'S GO GET SOME
LUNCH, MAN. DO THE ROCK.
ROBOT.
GOOD FOOT.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH,
DON'T YOU, KEN, HUH?
WELL, HERE'S YOUR WAKE-UP CALL.
EXCUSE ME. UH, HI. ARE YOU
THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR?
- HAVE A SEAT.
- OKAY, THANKS.
- NAME'S ED BACON. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SON?
- UH, JOHN. JOHN.
JOHN? YEAH.
LET ME JUST GET
OUT THE JOHN FILE.
YEAH. JOHN.
YEAH, JOHN SA... JOHN. JOHN.
JOHN WITH NO "H."
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
THERE'S 200 FREAKIN'
JOHNS IN THIS SCHOOL.
HEY, MAYBE YOU'RE
ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES...
WHOSE DAD ACTUALLY STUCK AROUND
LONG ENOUGH TO GIVE HIM A LAST NAME.
IT'S SANDERS! JOHN
SANDERS! JOHN SANDERS!
S-A-N-D-E-R-S. JOHN SANDERS
WITH AN "S" AT BOTH ENDS.
SANDERS.
UH, "J" SANDERS. HERE WE ARE.
IT'S COMIN' RIGHT UP HERE.
TAKE-TAKE YOUR
TIME. YOU SEEM TENSE.
I'M JUST FINE. OKAY.
JOHN. ALL RIGHTY.
NOW, JOHN,
ACCORDING TO THIS, YOU'VE BEEN
SPENDING A LOT OF TIME IN ART CLASS THERE.
YEAH, I'M, UH... I'M
HOPING TO BE A PAINTER.
INTERESTING. YEAH.
- WHAT ABOUT THE MARINES, SON?
- THE MARINES?
I'M JUST SUGGESTING THAT BECAUSE
YOU SEEM A LITTLE POOFY TO ME.
A LITTLE SWEET IN THE PANTS,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YUP, I'D DEFINITELY SAY THE
MARINES ARE FOR YOU, JOHN.
MAKE YOU TOUGH. TAKE
A SHOT AT ME. COME ON!
IT'LL BE GOOD FOR YOU, JOHN.
IT'LL BE REAL GOOD FOR YOU.
ALL RIGHT, MR. BACON, YOU CAN
SPIT ON MY DREAMS IF YOU WANT TO,
BUT, UH, I'M GONNA SHOW
YOU AND EVERYBODY.
UH, SOMEDAY I'M GONNA...
I'M GONNA BE A PAINTER.
WELL, THEN.
BY ALL MEANS, PAINT.
JUST PAINT YOUR
SISSY LITTLE HEART OUT.
HELL, I'VE JUST BEEN DOING THIS
FOR 15 YEARS. WHAT DO I KNOW, HUH?
I'M AN IDIOT, RIGHT? I DIDN'T...
GET OUTTA MY SIGHT.
GET OUT!
AND DON'T CALL ME FROM
THE HOMELESS SHELTER EITHER!
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
UH, WHAT'S WITH JOHN?
I GUESS HE JUST HAD A LITTLE BITE
FROM THE BIG REALITY SANDWICH...
AND HE STARTED TO CHOKE ON IT.
- WHO ARE YOU?
- UH, DONITA CLARK. YOU SENT FOR ME.
RIGHT. DONITA.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
OVER YOUR FILE.
I SEE YOU'VE BEEN STUDYING
BALLET LESSONS FOR 14 YEARS.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M GONNA
BE A BALLET DANCER.
I'M GONNA SPEND THE SUMMER IN
LONDON STUDYING AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY.
BIG MISTAKE. HAVE
A SEAT, DONITA.
I'VE TAKEN A PERSONAL
INTEREST IN YOUR CAREER.
NOW, WHY WOULD YOU WANT
TO GO ALL THE WAY TO LONDON...
WHEN YOU COULD
PURSUE YOUR DREAM...
- RIGHT HERE IN THE STATES?
- HOW?
AS A STRIPPER. THERE'S
GOOD MONEY IN STRIPPIN'.
I DON'T CARE. I'M GONNA
BE A BALLET DANCER.
WAKE UP, DONITA!
YOU'RE NOT VERY PRETTY
AND YOU'RE NOT VERY SMART.
SO YOU CAN THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS
THAT GOD GAVE YOU SUCH A GREAT RACK.
IT'S YOUR CHOICE,
DONITA, STRIP OR STARVE.
MR. BAKER!
NOW, NOW, DONITA.
I KNOW THIS SEEMS HARSH,
BUT I'M TELLIN' YOU NOW...
BECAUSE IN 10 YEARS,
THOSE KNOCKERS OF YOURS...
ARE GONNA BE DOWN
AROUND YOUR ANKLES.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WITH BIG ONES LIKE YOURS.
IT'S A LITTLE LAW
CALLED GRAVITY, DONITA.
NOW, HERE'S WHAT
I WANT YOU TO DO.
DROP OUT OF SCHOOL IMMEDIATELY.
GO SEE MY FRIEND
KENNY AT THE JUG SHACK.
THE ADDRESS ARE
ON THOSE MATCHES.
YEP, I CAN STILL
MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
WELL, WELL, WELL, IF
IT ISN'T MARLON KANE.
YOU KNOW, THEY USED TO SAY YOU
COULDN'T SCORE BELOW 400 ON THE S.A.T.
IT'S AN HONOR TO MEET THE
MAN WHO PROVED 'EM WRONG.
NICE TO MEET YOU, MR. BACON.
HE SPEAKS!
WELL, MARLON,
IT SEEMS THAT EVEN A CUD-CHEWING
CRETIN LIKE YOURSELF IS ENTITLED TO WORK.
SO, WHY DON'T WE PULL OUT
THE OLD CAREER SKILLS MANUAL...
AND SEE WHAT MAGNIFICENT
OPPORTUNITIES AWAIT SOMEBODY...
WITH YOUR SPECIAL NEEDS.
NOW, LET'S SEE.
AH, HERE'S ONE.
NECK WRINGER AT
THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE.
NO, YOU'D HAVE TO BE SMARTER
THAN THE CHICKENS TO CATCH THEM.
GARBAGE MAN. THAT'S LIKE
PUTTIN' A KID IN THE CANDY STORE.
HERE WE GO. NO SKILLS,
NO BRAINS REQUIRED.
AND THAT WOULD LEAVE ONLY
ONE PROFESSION. IT WOULD, UH, BE...
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
- GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.
- WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR!
THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE,
MR. BACON, BUT I THINK I'LL HOLD OUT...
AND DO SOMETHIN'
BETTER, ALL RIGHT?
FOR THIS SUPER HUNK OVER HERE.
COME ON. GOIN'
ONCE. GOIN' TWICE.
COME ON, NOW.
SOLD TO THE LADY IN
THE FRONT ROW FOR $300.
ALL RIGHT. GO AND
GET HIM. COME ON, NOW.
THEY'VE GOT JUNGLE FEVER.
ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT. NEXT WE HAVE A
CELEBRITY HUNK. YOU
WANT ME TO BRING HIM OUT?
- YEAH!
- I CAN'T HEAR Y'ALL.
YEAH!
OKAY, LET'S WELCOME
MR. LUTHER VANDROSS.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, MAN, THANKS FOR COMING
BY THE STATION TODAY, OKAY?
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU ARE MY MAN.
YOU WANNA GIVE THESE
LOVELY LADIES A LITTLE PREVIEW...
OF WHAT A DATE WOULD BE LIKE
WITH YOU? OH, LET ME RUN IT BY YOU.
FIRST WE'LL, UH, SAIL
OUT ON MY PRIVATE YACHT.
YEAH. ALL ALONE,
UNDER THE STARS.
'CAUSE, UH, EVERYBODY KNOWS...
♪ EVERYONE NEEDS
LOVE NO DOUBT ♪♪
THERE IT IS.
ANY LOVE? YOU HEAR ME?
LET'S GET THE BIDDING STARTED
AT $300. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I'LL GIVE YOU $300 FOR
HIM. $300 RIGHT HERE.
$400. $400 RIGHT THERE.
450.450, RIGHT UP FRONT,
$500, WHOO-HOO!
$500. I HEARD $500,
BUT, HONEY, YOU GOT TO
SHOW YOUR FACE. IT
AIN'T GONNA BE ALL THAT...
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WATCH YOURSELF, LUTHER.
- HEY.
GOOD LORD! GREAT
GOOGLEY MOOGLEY!
WHO IN THE HELL
SHAVED THAT WOMBAT?
YOU BETTER CHILL OUT,
ERKEL. I AIN'T WITH THAT STUFF.
WAIT, SUPERSTAR,
COME HE... COME HERE.
I BEEN FANTASIZIN' ABOUT YOU
AND KISSIN' YOUR PICTURE AND STUFF.
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU BEEN
KISSIN' A WEED WHACKER. WHEW!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HE'S SO CRAZY AND HE IS...
HE'S SEXY TOO AND CRAZY.
I CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE
YOU ON OUR DREAM DATE.
I'M GONNA TAKE YOU TO
MEATY, MEATY BURGER AND
WE GONNA GET SOME
CHEESEBURGERS AND STUFF.
THEN WE GONNA GO HOME AND THEN PICK
THE CHEESE OUTTA OUR TEETH AND STUFF.
AND THEN WE GONNA
CREEP, CREEP, CREEP, CREEP.
WHY DON'T YOU CREEP YOUR
BUTT BACK TO THE SWAMP?
WHY DON'T YOU MIND YOUR
BUSINESS WITH THEM BIG-ASS GLASSES?
OKAY, WE'RE AT $500. WHO'S GONNA
TOP THAT FOR A DATE WITH LUTHER?
COME ON. 500. COME ON. 550.
550, RIGHT THERE. 575.
THERE IT IS. UH,
ANYWAY, UH, $700, PLEASE.
$700. UH, JUST KEEP SAYIN' TO
YOURSELF THIS IS A CHARITY EVENT, OKAY?
OKAY, BUT WHERE DOES SHE GET THE
MONEY? A GORILLA CONTEST? I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK, DON'T WORRY ABOUT
WHERE I GETS MY MONEY.
I GETS MY MONEY. THAT'S
ALL YOU GOT TO WORRY ABOUT.
PLUS YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW,
MY HOUSE WAS KINDA, UH,
DECONSTRUCTED IN THE
EARTHQUAKE AND STUFF, YOU KNOW.
YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE THE SAN ANDREAS
FAULT WAS RIGHT ACROSS YOUR DAMN FACE.
IT'S REGISTERIN' A 6.6
ON THE UGLY SCALE.
AW, SO Y'ALL GOT JOKES AND
STUFF, HUH? WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT.
AIN'T NOBODY GONNA OUTBID WANDA
WAYNE. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
UH, LOOK, WHICH ONE OF Y'ALL
LADIES ARE GONNA RESCUE...
I MEAN, WHICH ONE OF Y'ALL ARE
GONNA BID FOR LUTHER? COME ON, MAN.
WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT
A REAL CATCH HERE.
IT SAYS HERE THAT, UH, HE'S ACTIVE IN
ALL KINDS OF CHARITABLE ORGANIZATIONS.
SEE, THAT'S GOOD, 'CAUSE THAT'S
A TURN-ON, SEE, 'CAUSE I LIKE THAT.
SEE, I LIKE A MAN LIKE
THAT. HE NEEDS TO DONATE
HIS MANHOOD TO THE
WANDA FOUNDATION. HEY.
NO, NO. WAIT, WAIT. SEE, I DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOU GET YOUR INFORMATION FROM.
IT'S RIGHT HERE. UH,
NO, NO. IT'S ALL WRONG.
I HATE CHARITIES. I
DON'T LIKE 'EM. I'M SELFISH.
WELL, SEE, THAT'S GOOD. YOU SELFISH,
THAT MEANS YOU KEEP ME ALL TO YOURSELF.
I DON'T LIKE SHARIN'.
NO, NO, NO. SEE, YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND. SEE, I'M NO GOOD.
I'M LOW-DOWN. I'M KNOWN
TO BE LOW-DOWN. I'M SCUM.
SHOOT. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT.
I DONE DATED ALL KIND... I DATED PRISONERS.
DON'T YOU KNOW SHANK AND RAMPAGE?
OKAY, LOOK, THE
BIDDING STARTS AT 700.
- WHO CAN PUT THAT DOWN? COME ON, NOW.
- LOOK, I'LL BID $750.
$750. SOLD.
HEY, THAT AIN'T FAIR. YOU BETTER...
LIGHT SKIN, YOU BETTER GET ON.
$900.
$1000. $1000, CHILD.
UH-UH. $1,036...
HOLD ON A SECOND.
OOPS.
I ALMOST SHOWED YOU SOMETHIN'.
$37 DOLLARS, UH,
AND I GOT SOME PESOS.
YOU KNOW, WORK IS GOOD
SOUTH OF THE BORDER. HEY!
OH, NO, NO, NO. WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT. THAT'S THAT.
THAT'S ENOUGH OF
THAT. I'LL BID $5,000.
GOOD, 'CAUSE I NEED SOME MONEY.
WHO DO I MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO? UH, LUTHER,
I DON'T THINK THAT YOU CAN DO THAT, MAN.
NO, LET HIM MAKE THE
CHECK. I'M READY TO GO.
UH, LUTHER, MAN, I'M REALLY
INSULTED. THIS IS A CHARITY EVENT...
I DON'T WANT YOU INSULTED. I DON'T
MEAN TO DIS YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YOU KNOW THAT PURPLE
MERCEDES OUTSIDE?
RIGHT. IT'S ACTUALLY PLUM
COLORED. KEYS, RIGHT THERE. FOR YOU.
DON'T PLAY WITH ME. LET'S
GET ON OUTTA HERE. COME ON.
THAT'S MY DONATION. UH, LADIES,
YOU CAN PICK YOUR COATS UP FRONT.
WELL, GET ON OUTTA HERE THEN.
GIRL, WHO YOU LOOKIN' AT?
YOU BETTER GET YOUR
HAIR FIXED NEXT TIME.
'CAUSE I DON'T NEED NO MAN. I
CAN MAKE IT ON MY OWN AND STUFF.
YOU KNOW, IT AIN'T
LIKE I NEED SOMEBODY.
SO DOES THIS MEAN, UH,
THAT YOU GONNA ROCK MY WORLD?
NO, THAT'S JUST A ROSE.
THANK YOU ANYWAY THOUGH,
YOU KNOW. IT'S ALL GOOD.
AND NOW FROM DETROIT, DEF
JAM/CHAOS RECORDING ARTISTS...
PERFORMING "PROGRESS
OF ELIMINATION."
GIVE IT UP FOR BOSS.
WE GOT THE ROUGHEST,
TOUGHEST CHI YOU EVER SEEN, YO.
ROUGHEST CHI YOU EVER SEEN YO.
- YO, YO, YO. WHAT'S UP?
- HOW Y'ALL FEEL? ♪♪
CHECK IT, CHECK IT, CHECK
IT OUT. CHECK IT, CHECK IT.
♪ WHO AM I TO FLIP BUT LOOK
AT THIS BUSINESS IS BUSINESS ♪
♪ BUT NOW THE REVELATION HAS REVEALED
HOW THE BOSS IS TRYING TO GET RICH ♪
♪ THEY'RE DOING A GOOD JOB THEY'RE
RIPPIN' UP THE PAYMENT WITH NOTHING ♪
♪ COME ON, I THINK I
DUCKED INTO A MAZE ♪
♪ AND NOW I'M BEING SURROUNDED
BY DEAD BODIES IN A DAZE ♪
♪ SOME KIND OF WAY I
HAVE BECOME A SLAVE ♪
♪ YES, SIR, MASTER ♪
♪ NO, SIR, MASTER ♪
♪ I WORK FASTER EVEN IF IT MEANS
MY BRAIN'S BEING TAMPERED WITH ♪
♪ DROP IT ♪ ♪ AT LEAST
I GOT RID OF A PLAYER ♪
♪ LATER ON I MIX
UP WITH SOME G's ♪
♪ KICKIN' IT ON THE CORNER CURB
TALKIN' ABOUT EXPANDING TO PITTSBURGH ♪
♪ I'M OUT HERE ON THE CUT
SMOKIN' LOVE WITH MACARONI ♪
♪ INSTEAD OF US SERVIN' FOOLS
THIS STUFF IS GONNA BLOW ME ♪
♪ BUT I AIN'T TRYING TO
HATE THIS TRICK MADE UP ♪
♪ I AIN'T IN THE MOOD 'CAUSE I DON'T
MESS AROUND WITH THE HELP, BASTARD ♪
♪ IF IT WASN'T FOR THE DOPE THAT
WE GOT STASHED IN THE CASKET ♪
♪ I'D HAVE YOUR ASS HIT ♪ THEN
WATCH THE FOOL DIE TRICKIN' ♪
♪ WHILE I'LL BE COUNTIN' CRISPY-ASS
DOLLARS LIKE LOUISIANA FRIED CHICKEN ♪
♪ AND TAKIN' A SIP OF
HIS FAVORITE DRINK ♪
♪ AT THE GRAVE AS I STARE THROUGH
THE SHADE YOUR STUFF STILL STINKS ♪
♪ I WASN'T TRYIN' TO
SAY AN EXPLANATION ♪
♪ 'CAUSE AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED THE ONLY
WAY TO PROGRESS IS THROUGH ELIMINATION ♪
♪ GOTS TO GO, YEAH GOT TO GO ♪
♪ SIX MILLION WAYS
TO DIE CHOOSE ONE ♪
♪ GOTS TO GO, YEAH GOT TO GO ♪
♪ SIX MILLION WAYS
TO DIE CHOOSE ONE ♪♪