In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 4, Episode 31 - You Bet Your Career - full transcript
AND ACTION.
HEY, WHAT'S SCRUFFY MacKENZIE
HAVE THAT WE DON'T HAVE?
FACE IT, GUYS. YOU'RE
NOT THE PARTY ANIMAL HE IS.
SO, WHEN YOU PARTY HARD, MAKE
SURE THAT SCRUFFY MacKENZIE...
AND JUGGS LITE ARE INCLUDED.
RIGHT, SCRUFFY?
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S A WRAP.
WHERE THE HELL DID SCRUFFY GO?
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS,
TAKE FIVE. I BE JOHN BROWN.
DUKE, HERE WE ARE. THIS IS YOUR
COMMERCIAL HERE. YOU MAKE THIS, BOY...
YOU MAKE THIS BIG BREAK HERE, YOU'LL HAVE
ALL THE STRAIGHT BITCHES RUNNING AFTER YOU.
UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR. I
THINK THE AUDITION'S OVER.
OH, IT CAN'T BE OVER, 'CAUSE
YOU AIN'T SEEN DUKE YET.
WHAT IN THE...
YEAH, LOOKEE HERE.
DUKE IS PERFECT FOR THE PART. I'LL TELL
YOU WHAT. HE CAN DO IMPRESSIONS TOO.
YEAH, WATCH HIM DO BRUCE LEE.
ACTUALLY, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
NOTICE, BUT I THINK YOUR DOG IS, UH...
YOU FATHEAD DAVIS,
AIN'T YOU? NO, NO.
WELL, I BE JOHN BROWN
RUNNING LIKE A GLUE FACTORY.
LOOK AT YOU, BOY. I REMEMBER
WHEN YOU WASN'T NO BIGGER THAN THIS,
AND YOU WAS A CUB SCOUT
OUT THERE IN THE WOODS...
AND A WOLF BIT
YOUR HEAD CLEAN OFF.
BOY, LOOK AT YA. OKAY,
OKAY, LET'S JUST DO THIS.
EVERYBODY, ONE LAST
TIME. THERE YOU GO, FATTY.
HEY, MY NAME'S NOT
FATTY. WHAT YOU WANNA DO?
ALL RIGHT NOW, COME ON,
EVERYBODY. LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.
I TELL YOU WHAT, DUKE,
NOW THIS YOUR CHANCE HERE.
AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THIS MONEY, YOU CAN GET
THAT CLEFT IN YOUR CHIN LIKE THAT JACKSON BOY.
AND... ACTION.
MAN, WHAT'S SCRUFFY MacKENZIE
HAVE THAT WE DON'T HAVE?
FACE IT, GUYS. YOU'RE
NOT THE PARTY ANIMAL HE IS.
YOU WAS CLOSE, DUKE. JUST
NEXT TIME OPEN YOUR MOUTH UP.
WHY DO WE LOVE
SCRUFFY MacKENZIE?
BECAUSE HE NEVER
GIVES US THE RUNAROUND.
THERE YOU GO, DUKE, RUN AROUND
THERE. THERE YOU GO, RUN AROUND.
THERE YOU GO, DUKE.
FALL INTO THAT RUNNIN'.
LOOK AT THAT, THERE YOU GO. YOU
GOT YOU A WHITE GIRL THERE, SNOWFLAKE.
LOOK AT THAT, BOY.
SO, WHEN YOU PARTY
HARD, MAKE SURE THAT...
GET HIM OFF OF ME!
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT,
BUT YOU KNOW DUKE IS A
LEG MAN, PUMPIN' FIT. EWW!
ALL RIGHT. SOMEBODY
CALL MY AGENT.
HEY, LOOK AT THAT, DUKE. I THINK
YOU DONE WON THERE. LOOK AT THAT.
YOU GOT THE COMMERCIAL, SON. AS SOON AS YOU
MAKE ENOUGH MONEY, WE CAN MOVE FROM HERE.
I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU WAS MY OWN.
YOU DON'T RUN LIKE YOU
USED TO, DUKE. YOU ALL RIGHT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO ♪♪
IF IT PLEASES YOU, I
PREPARE YOUR DINNER, LO LEE.
THANK YOU. NOW DIE!
TAKE THIS AWAY. IT DEPRESSES ME.
LO LEE, THE VILLAGE IS
NOT YOURS TO TOY WITH.
THE GREAT ONE WILL
STOP YOUR EVIL PLAN.
BRUCE LEE IN ENTER THE DRAGON.
NOW YOU CAN SEE WORLD CHAMPION
FEMALE BODYBUILDER VERA DE MILO IN...
BREASTS OF FURY!
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
GUYS PICK ON SOMEONE...
WITH YOUR OWN
TESTOSTERONE LEVEL?
ARE YOU THE GREAT ONE WHO
HAS BEEN SENT TO AVENGE US?
NO, BUT I'M ON STEROIDS. SO
WHEN I GET CRAMPS, LOOK OUT.
THERE IS NO HOPE.
THAT'S IT, CHANG.
NO PAIN, NO GAIN.
DOK, TAKE CARE OF
THIS. IT BORES ME.
LO LEE.
YOU EVIL OVERLORD.
I COME BEARING BITTER
FRUIT. I DON'T FEAR THE...
WHAT IS THAT SMELL?
YOU'LL HAVE TO
EXCUSE ME, I'M IN HEAT.
GET HER!
YOU BROKE MY ARM!
SO LEARN HOW TO
SWIM IN A CIRCLE.
NICE MOVES, BUT YOU'RE
NO PATRICK SWAYZE.
YOU FIGHT WELL, GENETIC FREAK.
BUT LET'S SEE HOW
YOU DO AGAINST DOMO!
OH.
SORRY, MUST BE NINJA-VITIS.
IS THAT TEMPURA IN YOUR BELLY,
OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY SASHIMI?
THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY
TO TAKE DOWN THIS BIG BOY.
LOOK UP THERE. IT'S RODAN, AND HE'S
FIGHTING WITH SOME OTHER CREATURE.
OH, NO!
I HAVE BEEN DEFEATED
BY POISON PIT.
I'VE TURNED BIGGER
STOMACHS THAN YOURS, MISTER.
HEY, LO LEE, NOT SO FAST.
MY BREASTS ARE QUITE
BEAUTIFUL, AREN'T THEY?
AND, OH, SO DISTRACTING.
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR PEEKING.
WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO?
VERA DE MILO HAS
BREASTS OF FURY!
NOW, LUTHER, YOU WASTING
YOUR TIME CALLING HERE EVERY DAY.
I AIN'T GONNA HIRE YOU BACK.
I SAID PLAIN AS DAY, "GIVE
MAMA A GLASS OF JUICE,"
NOT "GIVE MAMA'S ASS A GOOSE."
BESIDES, YOUR BROTHER
IS FITTIN' IN JUST GREAT.
CHITLIN PLATE. PICK IT UP.
HEY, LADY, CAN I
GET A STEAK KNIFE?
UH, YEAH. JUST LET
ME FINISH UP WITH IT.
I'M DOWN TO MY LAST CORN.
OH, LUCKY, LUCKY. THAT
ONE JUST POPPED RIGHT OFF.
POP-TART, PICK IT UP.
BARNEY RUBBLE GOES BOTH WAYS!
I BE JOHN BROWN. LOOK IT HERE.
OH, DR. TURNER, COME ON IN HERE.
OH, LUCKY DAY. MACK
DADDY IN THE HOUSE.
HOLD ON, MAMA. I THOUGHT
WE AGREED I GET THE NEXT MAN.
OH! WELL, WHAT SAY YOU
GET ME A SPECIAL TO GO.
DR. TURNER, I'VE BEEN GETTING THIS PAIN
RIGHT HERE IN MY SIDE. MM-HMM. WHERE?
UH, LOWER. LAND O'GOSHEN.
LOWER. I BELIEVE YOU.
IF YOU GO ANY LOWER, HE'S
GONNA BE TOUCHIN' YOUR BREASTS.
WELL, ANYWAY, YOU KNOW
I'M NOT A REAL DOCTOR.
ACTUALLY, I TOOK A
CORRESPONDENCE COURSE.
ACTUALLY, I'M A DOCTOR IN
WHAT YOU CALL PHILOSOPHY.
OH, WELL THEN, UH, MY "PHILOSOPHY-AN"
TUBES AIN'T DOING TOO WELL EITHER.
AIN'T GOT NO DAMN BEAVER.
GOT POSSUM THOUGH. PICK IT UP.
FRANCIS, I THOUGHT WE
SAID THIS WAS MY CUSTOMER.
NOW DON'T YOU REMEMBER YOUR
PANTY HOSE ARE IN THE BACK STEWING.
AND BY THE SMELL OF THINGS,
I'D SAY THEY WERE READY.
BE RIGHT BACK IN A MINUTE.
WELL, GET ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF.
I TRICK-OR-TREAT
WITH A COLOSTOMY BAG!
LOOKEE HERE AT THIS JUKEBOX. BOY,
IT'S A SHAME THE JUKEBOX AIN'T WORKIN',
'CAUSE IF IT WAS, I'D CUT A RUG.
LOOK IT THERE.
LOOK IT, Y'ALL, NOW YOU BETTER
ASK SOMEBODY IN THIS JOE.
HEY, LADY, I NEED SOME SERVICE.
IF YOU COULD PULL YOURSELF
AWAY FROM DENEY TERRIO.
AIN'T GOT NO "NIKO,"
GOT CHEERIOS. PICK IT UP.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT, BABY. MAMA
PROMISED YOU SOME KETCHUP, RIGHT?
HERE YOU GO.
I ORDERED SOUP.
OH, I'M SORRY, BABY.
STOP SHOUTIN'.
YOU'RE SPITTIN' ON ME.
UM, FRANCIS, GET THIS
MAN OVER HERE SOME SOUP.
UH, COMING RIGHT UP.
UH, UNFORTUNATELY, MY PANTY HOSE SOAKED UP
ALL THE SOUP, BUT THERE'S STILL A LITTLE LEFT.
JUST SAY WHEN. Y-YEAH.
LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION,
DOCTOR. RIGHT ON, RIGHT ON.
IS YOUR WIFE STILL DEAD?
YEAH, SHE'S STILL DEAD.
BUT JUST 'CAUSE THE HEN DIED, DON'T
MEAN THE ROOSTER DON'T STOP PECKIN'.
LOOK IT HERE. LOOK IT HERE.
I'M A MITE THIRSTY THOUGH.
MY THROAT NEEDS SOMETHING. I
NEED SOMETHING FOR MY THROAT.
OH, I'LL GET YOU SOMETHIN'.
LET GO OF THIS, SUCKER. GET...
HERE'S SOME BUTTERMILK FOR YOU.
IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR "PROSTRATE."
I AIN'T SEEN NO LEAP OF FAITH,
I GOT A FRUIT PLATE. PICK IT UP.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT MY PROSTATE
THOUGH. THEY TOOK ALL THAT OUT.
TOOK ALL OF THAT OUT, EXCEPT THE
KITCHEN SINK, BUT THE PIPE'S STILL WORKIN'.
LOOK IT THAT. YONDER GO.
IF I WAS A HO, LET
IT GO. PICK IT UP.
I'LL GET IT. UH, NO, I
WANNA SNAKE HIS MAIN LINE.
WELL, TOO BAD, 'CAUSE HE'S
MINE. NO, HE'S NOT, HE'S MINE.
HE'S MINE! HE'S MINE!
HE'S MINE. COME ON, BABY.
ALL RIGHT, ALICE. LET'S GO. I
CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT ME ONE.
BOY, LOOK IT THERE. I BE JOHN BROWN.
I GOT ME A SNOWFLAKE IN THE HOUSE.
AW, MAN, THERE'S A
CAT COLLAR IN THIS STEW.
OH, FRANCIS, TAKE DOWN THE SIGN.
WE DONE FOUND FLUFFY.
LUCKY, LUCKY DAY.
MY BUNION WINKED AT ME TODAY!
I AIN'T GAY.
ALL RIGHT, GRANNY, HANDS UP IN
THE AIR, BABY. THIS IS A STICKUP.
HEY, HO. YOU THOUGHT I
WAS READING THAT MAGAZINE,
BUT IN FOR REAL, I
WAS CASING THE JOINT.
WASN'T I, BABY? THAT'S RIGHT,
BABY. YOU'VE BEEN CASED.
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE CASED?
I CASED. THAT WAS
CASED. YEAH, IT WAS A CASE.
WOULD YOU PLEASE HURRY IT UP?
IN 15 MINUTES, AMY
FISHER ON ICE IS COMIN' ON.
HEY, HONEY, DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T
KNOW WHO WE ARE. WE'RE BUNNY AND CLIVE.
IT'S ON! IT'S ON!
YEAH, WE GOT A SLOW
GIG TOO. THAT'S RIGHT.
WE TAKE OUR...
WELL, ANYWAY, YOU HOLD YOUR HANDS UP IN THE
AIR, BECAUSE THIS STORE IS OURS. NOW GET IT?
NOW, HOW YOU GONNA ROB THE
PLACE WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE?
I CAN SEE. HOW COME YOU'RE POINTING
THE GUN AT THE HOT DOG MACHINE?
- I KNEW THAT.
- MOVE TO YOUR RIGHT, BABY.
AAH, GOTCHA! FRUIT ROLL-UPS.
MOVE TO YOUR LEFT, BABY.
GOTCHA IN THE SCOPE, BABY.
CORN FLAKES. OH!
YEAH! NOW YOU GOT ME.
NOW YOU JUST SIT BACK AND
SUFFER, WHILE WE PILLAGE.
THAT'S RIGHT, WE'LL PILLAGE.
WE'RE GONNA GO PILLAGE.
WE'RE GONNA GO PILLAGE. HEY, HOW DOES IT
FEEL TO HAVE YOUR NEWSPAPERS PILLAGED?
THOSE NEWSPAPERS ARE FREE.
YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT'S FREE.
NOBODY CAN TELL ME WHAT'S FREE.
HEY, YEAH, NOBODY TELLS
US NOTHING ABOUT FREE.
MATTER OF FACT, I'M GONNA PAY
FOR THEM. THERE. HOW YOU LIKE THAT?
THAT'S RIGHT, PAY IT, BABY.
HOW'S IT FEEL TO BE PAID?
♪ PAID, PAID WHOO, PAID, PAID ♪
HEY, LADY, WHERE DO YOU KEEP
THOSE STRAWBERRY DOUCHES?
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M GONNA TAKE ME SOME
OF THESE GIRLIE MAGAZINES LIKE PLAYPEN.
MYSTIQUE. OH, BOY, LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT THOSE FOR,
HONEY? DON'T START THIS AGAIN.
DON'T I SATISFY YOU? WHY DO YOU
GOTTA READ ALL THIS STUFF FOR?
BABY, I DON'T READ THESE. I
JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURES.
OH, OKAY.
YOU TWO AIN'T VERY
BRIGHT, ARE YOU?
AIN'T VERY BRIGHT? LOOK AT THE
HEADLINES, HUH? READ THE HEADLINES.
THAT'S RIGHT. AMERICA'S MOST
WANTED. READ IT AND YOU WEEP.
YEAH.
"MINI-MART ROBBED. HOT
DOG MACHINE SHOT SIX TIMES."
YOU TOLD ME I SHOT A CLERK.
I DIDN'T WANNA MESS
UP YOUR CONFIDENCE,
'CAUSE YOU'RE SO SENSITIVE ABOUT
YOUR BAD EYES. I DON'T HAVE BAD EYES.
OVER HERE, BABY. ALL RIGHT.
GIMME THIS. NOW YOU
READ IT FOR HER. YEAH.
"ACNE KITTY...
FOO-FO, T-T-TECH"...
OH, BABY, I CAN'T
READ. I'M SORRY.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY. WE'LL
GET YOU HOOKED ON PHONICS, BABY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I TRIED, BUT I CAN'T DO IT.
YOU KNOW, I'VE
BEEN ROBBED A LOT,
AND YOU TWO ARE THE WORST
CRIMINALS I HAVE EVER SEEN.
UH-HUH, WELL,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
HEY, EVELYN.
SUPER BIG GULP, AND DON'T
BE STINGY WITH THE ICE.
OH, NO, BABY, THE
GIG IS UP. THE GIG IS UP.
WHAT DOES THE
SIGN SAY, BABY? COPS!
COPS. I KNEW IT WOULD HAVE TO COME
DOWN TO THIS SOMEDAY. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
BEFORE WE LEAVE, YOU GOTTA
WRITE THIS MESSAGE DOWN... YES?
ALL RIGHT. FOR THE PRESS.
RECITE THIS.
DICTATION. ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE REBELS TOO
FAST TO LIVE, YET... YES.
TOO YOUNG TO DIE. YEAH.
WE'RE BUNNY AND
CLIVE. THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW READ IT BACK TO ME.
"SPANKY RAD FLIM-FLEE FOO FO"...
I CAN'T WRITE
NEITHER, BABY. I'M SO...
IT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY, BECAUSE THERE
AIN'T A JAIL THAT CAN HOLD US DOWN.
THAT'S RIGHT. WE'RE
BUNNY AND CLIVE.
- HERE YOU GO. ON THE HOUSE.
- THANKS.
HEY, YOU TWO, GET OUTTA MY CAR!
♪♪
♪ OH, BABY ♪
♪ OH, YES, IT IS ♪
♪ YES, IT IS, GIRL ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ YOU, YEAH ♪
♪ COME ON TAKE A
RIDE WITH A BROTHER ♪
♪ LET'S GO THUGGING OUR
LOVE FOR YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ I'M LOOKIN' AT YOU
I'M LOOKIN' AT YOU ♪
♪ TELL 'EM NO,
YOU'RE WITH BLUE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE'S ONLY
ONE MAN IN THIS HOME ♪
♪ AIN'T NO FLIRTIN' GOING ON ♪
♪ UNLESS IT'S WITH ME
YOUR HUSBAND-TO-BE ♪
♪ IN THE STREETS LABELED A G ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT ♪
♪ SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT ♪
♪ SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND ♪♪
WELCOME TO THE
DYSFUNCTIONAL HOME SHOW.
NOW HERE'S YOUR HOST
GRANDPA JACK McGEE.
HI.
AND WELCOME TO THE DYSFUNCTIONAL
HOME SHOW FUNERAL SPECIAL.
WON'T YOU JOIN US?
I'M JUST FINISHING THIS CASKET
FOR MY DEAR DEPARTED MOTHER.
LOOK WHAT THE
MORTICIAN DID TO HER.
PASTY, BLOATED, GREEN.
JUST LIKE I REMEMBER HER.
JACK, I'M SO SORRY.
THAT'S OKAY. THERE, THERE.
YOU JUST GOTTA THINK...
THINK OF THINGS THE WAY I DO.
SHE WAS A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING,
SLEAZY LEECH ON SOCIETY,
AND WE'RE ALL BETTER
OFF WITHOUT HER.
NOW GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.
OH, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME BEG.
CUT THE MUSIC. HEY, HEY!
IS... IS THAT A SYNTHESIZER?
IS... IS THAT... IS
IT A SYNTHESIZER?
WHY DON'T YOU DEDICATE A SONG
TO MY DEAR DEPARTED MOTHER...
ON YOUR... SYNTHESIZER?
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO PLAY?
HOW ABOUT "THAT OLD GRAY MARE,
SHE AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE."
♪♪
♪ THAT OLD GRAY MARE SHE
AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE ♪
♪ SHE AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO
BE AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE ♪
♪ THE OLD GRAY MARE SHE
AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE ♪
♪ TWENTY YEARS AGO ♪♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WOULD
ANYONE CARE TO SAY SOME KIND WORDS...
ABOUT THE DEARLY DEPARTED?
♪♪
ANYBODY?
ANYONE?
HELLO?
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
TYRELL, SAY SOMETHING
NICE ABOUT GRANDMA.
UH, YEAH. UH, I NEVER
REALLY LIKED HER.
BUT NOW THAT SHE'S
DEAD, I GUESS SHE'S OKAY.
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL
AND SENSITIVE AND SWEET,
YOU BLACK BASTARD.
CAN'T YOU SEE THERE ARE
PEOPLE MOURNING HERE?
I MEAN, LOOK AT ALL THE
PEOPLE THAT GRANDMA TOUCHED.
RICK, THE BARTENDER.
DAN FROM THE LIQUOR BARN.
MARY JO FROM THE
SUICIDE PREVENTION LINE.
THAT'S MARY JO.
WELL, WAY TO GO. NICE JOB, MARY.
WHAT, CAME TO SEE ONE
OF YOUR GRADUATES?
WHY, I'M GONNA MISS YA, MOM.
YOU GAVE ME EVERYTHING.
YOU GAVE ME LIFE.
YOU GAVE ME LOVE.
YOU GAVE ME THIS WATCH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOOK
GRANDMA'S WATCH. WE GET IT!
YEAH, YOU ALREADY
TOOK ALL THE MONEY.
HEY...
THAT MONEY HAS
SENTIMENTAL VALUE.
LOOK, THERE'S A DIAMOND EARRING! YEAH, DON'T
SHE HAVE SOME GOLD FILLINGS OR SOMETHING?
SOMEBODY GOT SOME
PLIERS? I GOT A CHURCH KEY.
AH, HOLD ON. GIMME
SOME LEVERAGE.
COME ON, YOU SELFISH BITCH!
I GOT IT! I GOT IT!
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
IT'S ALL IN THE WRIST, SON.
WAIT. MAKE IT ANOTHER DOUBLE,
AND THIS TIME PUT
SOME LIQUOR IN IT.
WHAT THE HELL...
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
NOT ANOTHER FUNERAL.
OH, JACK, THIS IS THE
THIRD ONE THIS YEAR.
OH, NO, SHE'S ALIVE!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
CAN'T A PERSON SLIP
INTO AN ALCOHOLIC COMA...
WITHOUT BEING BURIED ALIVE?
YOU ARE A LOSER!
CAN'T EVEN TELL IF I'M DEAD.
WELL, YES, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
SOMEBODY GET ME THE
LID. SOMEBODY HELP ME.
GO INTO THE LIGHT.
GO INTO THE LIGHT.
THIS HAS BEEN THE
DYSFUNCTIONAL HOME SHOW.
ALL RIGHT, NOW LET'S GET HYPED FOR DELICIOUS
VINYL RECORDING ARTIST THE FAR SIDE...
SINGING A SINGLE RISING
TO THE TOP WITH A BULLET,
"PASSING ME BY," YEAH!
♪♪
CHECK ONE, TWO.
CHECK IT OUT, UH.
ONE, TWO, CHECK IT CHECK IT OUT.
♪ JUST THROW YOUR
HANDS IN THE AIR ♪
♪ AND WAVE 'EM LIKE
YOU JUST DON'T CARE ♪
♪ AND IF YOU REALLY, REALLY
WANT TO HANG WITH US ♪
♪ SOMEBODY SAY, "OH, YEAH" ♪
♪ NOW IN MY YOUNGER DAYS
I USED TO SPORT A SHAG ♪
♪ WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL
I CARRIED LUNCH IN A BAG ♪
♪ WITH AN APPLE FOR MY TEACHER
'CAUSE I KNEW I'D GET A KISS ♪
♪ ALWAYS GOT MAD WHEN
THE CLASS WAS DISMISSED ♪
♪ BUT WHEN IT WAS IN SESSION
I ALWAYS HAD A QUESTION ♪
♪ I WOULD RAISE MY HAND TO MAKE
HER STAGGER TO MY DESK AND ♪
♪ HELP ME WITH MY PROBLEM
IT WAS NEVER MUCH ♪
♪ JUST A TRICK TO SMELL HER
SCENT AND TRY TO SNEAK A TOUCH ♪
♪ OH, HOW I WISH I COULD HOLD
HER HAND AND GIVE HER A HUG ♪
♪ SHE WAS MARRIED TO THE MAN
HE WAS A THUG HIS NAME WAS LEE ♪
♪ HE DROVE A "Z" HE PICKED HER
UP FROM SCHOOL PROMPTLY AT 3:00 ♪
♪ I WAS ON THE DOCK YES, INDEEDY
I WROTE GRAFFITI ON THE BUS ♪
♪ FIRST I CARVED HER NAME THEN
WRITE A PLUS WITH MY NAME LAST ♪
♪ SAW THE LOOKING GLASS I SEEN HER
YESTERDAY BUT STILL I HAD TO LET HER PASS ♪
♪ ONE, TWO, CHECK IT OUT
ONE, TWO, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ SHE KEEPS ON PASSIN' ME BY ♪
♪ MAKE IT FUNKY FOR
ME FUNKY FOR ME ♪
♪ SHE KEEPS ON PASSIN' ME BY ♪
♪ MAKE IT FUNKY FOR
ME FUNKY FOR ME ♪
♪ SHE KEEPS ON PASSIN' ME BY ♪
♪ YEAH, CHECK IT OUT
NOW CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ WHEN I DREAM OF FAIRY
TALES I THINK OF ME AND SHELLY ♪
♪ SHE'S MY TYPE OF HYPE AND I
CAN'T STAND WHEN BROTHERS TELL ME ♪
♪ THAT I SHOULD QUIT CHASIN'
AND LOOK FOR SOMETHING BETTER ♪
♪ BUT THE SMILE THAT SHE
SHOWS MAKES ME A GO-GETTER ♪♪
HEY, WHAT'S SCRUFFY MacKENZIE
HAVE THAT WE DON'T HAVE?
FACE IT, GUYS. YOU'RE
NOT THE PARTY ANIMAL HE IS.
SO, WHEN YOU PARTY HARD, MAKE
SURE THAT SCRUFFY MacKENZIE...
AND JUGGS LITE ARE INCLUDED.
RIGHT, SCRUFFY?
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S A WRAP.
WHERE THE HELL DID SCRUFFY GO?
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS,
TAKE FIVE. I BE JOHN BROWN.
DUKE, HERE WE ARE. THIS IS YOUR
COMMERCIAL HERE. YOU MAKE THIS, BOY...
YOU MAKE THIS BIG BREAK HERE, YOU'LL HAVE
ALL THE STRAIGHT BITCHES RUNNING AFTER YOU.
UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR. I
THINK THE AUDITION'S OVER.
OH, IT CAN'T BE OVER, 'CAUSE
YOU AIN'T SEEN DUKE YET.
WHAT IN THE...
YEAH, LOOKEE HERE.
DUKE IS PERFECT FOR THE PART. I'LL TELL
YOU WHAT. HE CAN DO IMPRESSIONS TOO.
YEAH, WATCH HIM DO BRUCE LEE.
ACTUALLY, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
NOTICE, BUT I THINK YOUR DOG IS, UH...
YOU FATHEAD DAVIS,
AIN'T YOU? NO, NO.
WELL, I BE JOHN BROWN
RUNNING LIKE A GLUE FACTORY.
LOOK AT YOU, BOY. I REMEMBER
WHEN YOU WASN'T NO BIGGER THAN THIS,
AND YOU WAS A CUB SCOUT
OUT THERE IN THE WOODS...
AND A WOLF BIT
YOUR HEAD CLEAN OFF.
BOY, LOOK AT YA. OKAY,
OKAY, LET'S JUST DO THIS.
EVERYBODY, ONE LAST
TIME. THERE YOU GO, FATTY.
HEY, MY NAME'S NOT
FATTY. WHAT YOU WANNA DO?
ALL RIGHT NOW, COME ON,
EVERYBODY. LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.
I TELL YOU WHAT, DUKE,
NOW THIS YOUR CHANCE HERE.
AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THIS MONEY, YOU CAN GET
THAT CLEFT IN YOUR CHIN LIKE THAT JACKSON BOY.
AND... ACTION.
MAN, WHAT'S SCRUFFY MacKENZIE
HAVE THAT WE DON'T HAVE?
FACE IT, GUYS. YOU'RE
NOT THE PARTY ANIMAL HE IS.
YOU WAS CLOSE, DUKE. JUST
NEXT TIME OPEN YOUR MOUTH UP.
WHY DO WE LOVE
SCRUFFY MacKENZIE?
BECAUSE HE NEVER
GIVES US THE RUNAROUND.
THERE YOU GO, DUKE, RUN AROUND
THERE. THERE YOU GO, RUN AROUND.
THERE YOU GO, DUKE.
FALL INTO THAT RUNNIN'.
LOOK AT THAT, THERE YOU GO. YOU
GOT YOU A WHITE GIRL THERE, SNOWFLAKE.
LOOK AT THAT, BOY.
SO, WHEN YOU PARTY
HARD, MAKE SURE THAT...
GET HIM OFF OF ME!
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT,
BUT YOU KNOW DUKE IS A
LEG MAN, PUMPIN' FIT. EWW!
ALL RIGHT. SOMEBODY
CALL MY AGENT.
HEY, LOOK AT THAT, DUKE. I THINK
YOU DONE WON THERE. LOOK AT THAT.
YOU GOT THE COMMERCIAL, SON. AS SOON AS YOU
MAKE ENOUGH MONEY, WE CAN MOVE FROM HERE.
I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU WAS MY OWN.
YOU DON'T RUN LIKE YOU
USED TO, DUKE. YOU ALL RIGHT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO ♪♪
IF IT PLEASES YOU, I
PREPARE YOUR DINNER, LO LEE.
THANK YOU. NOW DIE!
TAKE THIS AWAY. IT DEPRESSES ME.
LO LEE, THE VILLAGE IS
NOT YOURS TO TOY WITH.
THE GREAT ONE WILL
STOP YOUR EVIL PLAN.
BRUCE LEE IN ENTER THE DRAGON.
NOW YOU CAN SEE WORLD CHAMPION
FEMALE BODYBUILDER VERA DE MILO IN...
BREASTS OF FURY!
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
GUYS PICK ON SOMEONE...
WITH YOUR OWN
TESTOSTERONE LEVEL?
ARE YOU THE GREAT ONE WHO
HAS BEEN SENT TO AVENGE US?
NO, BUT I'M ON STEROIDS. SO
WHEN I GET CRAMPS, LOOK OUT.
THERE IS NO HOPE.
THAT'S IT, CHANG.
NO PAIN, NO GAIN.
DOK, TAKE CARE OF
THIS. IT BORES ME.
LO LEE.
YOU EVIL OVERLORD.
I COME BEARING BITTER
FRUIT. I DON'T FEAR THE...
WHAT IS THAT SMELL?
YOU'LL HAVE TO
EXCUSE ME, I'M IN HEAT.
GET HER!
YOU BROKE MY ARM!
SO LEARN HOW TO
SWIM IN A CIRCLE.
NICE MOVES, BUT YOU'RE
NO PATRICK SWAYZE.
YOU FIGHT WELL, GENETIC FREAK.
BUT LET'S SEE HOW
YOU DO AGAINST DOMO!
OH.
SORRY, MUST BE NINJA-VITIS.
IS THAT TEMPURA IN YOUR BELLY,
OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY SASHIMI?
THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY
TO TAKE DOWN THIS BIG BOY.
LOOK UP THERE. IT'S RODAN, AND HE'S
FIGHTING WITH SOME OTHER CREATURE.
OH, NO!
I HAVE BEEN DEFEATED
BY POISON PIT.
I'VE TURNED BIGGER
STOMACHS THAN YOURS, MISTER.
HEY, LO LEE, NOT SO FAST.
MY BREASTS ARE QUITE
BEAUTIFUL, AREN'T THEY?
AND, OH, SO DISTRACTING.
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR PEEKING.
WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO?
VERA DE MILO HAS
BREASTS OF FURY!
NOW, LUTHER, YOU WASTING
YOUR TIME CALLING HERE EVERY DAY.
I AIN'T GONNA HIRE YOU BACK.
I SAID PLAIN AS DAY, "GIVE
MAMA A GLASS OF JUICE,"
NOT "GIVE MAMA'S ASS A GOOSE."
BESIDES, YOUR BROTHER
IS FITTIN' IN JUST GREAT.
CHITLIN PLATE. PICK IT UP.
HEY, LADY, CAN I
GET A STEAK KNIFE?
UH, YEAH. JUST LET
ME FINISH UP WITH IT.
I'M DOWN TO MY LAST CORN.
OH, LUCKY, LUCKY. THAT
ONE JUST POPPED RIGHT OFF.
POP-TART, PICK IT UP.
BARNEY RUBBLE GOES BOTH WAYS!
I BE JOHN BROWN. LOOK IT HERE.
OH, DR. TURNER, COME ON IN HERE.
OH, LUCKY DAY. MACK
DADDY IN THE HOUSE.
HOLD ON, MAMA. I THOUGHT
WE AGREED I GET THE NEXT MAN.
OH! WELL, WHAT SAY YOU
GET ME A SPECIAL TO GO.
DR. TURNER, I'VE BEEN GETTING THIS PAIN
RIGHT HERE IN MY SIDE. MM-HMM. WHERE?
UH, LOWER. LAND O'GOSHEN.
LOWER. I BELIEVE YOU.
IF YOU GO ANY LOWER, HE'S
GONNA BE TOUCHIN' YOUR BREASTS.
WELL, ANYWAY, YOU KNOW
I'M NOT A REAL DOCTOR.
ACTUALLY, I TOOK A
CORRESPONDENCE COURSE.
ACTUALLY, I'M A DOCTOR IN
WHAT YOU CALL PHILOSOPHY.
OH, WELL THEN, UH, MY "PHILOSOPHY-AN"
TUBES AIN'T DOING TOO WELL EITHER.
AIN'T GOT NO DAMN BEAVER.
GOT POSSUM THOUGH. PICK IT UP.
FRANCIS, I THOUGHT WE
SAID THIS WAS MY CUSTOMER.
NOW DON'T YOU REMEMBER YOUR
PANTY HOSE ARE IN THE BACK STEWING.
AND BY THE SMELL OF THINGS,
I'D SAY THEY WERE READY.
BE RIGHT BACK IN A MINUTE.
WELL, GET ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF.
I TRICK-OR-TREAT
WITH A COLOSTOMY BAG!
LOOKEE HERE AT THIS JUKEBOX. BOY,
IT'S A SHAME THE JUKEBOX AIN'T WORKIN',
'CAUSE IF IT WAS, I'D CUT A RUG.
LOOK IT THERE.
LOOK IT, Y'ALL, NOW YOU BETTER
ASK SOMEBODY IN THIS JOE.
HEY, LADY, I NEED SOME SERVICE.
IF YOU COULD PULL YOURSELF
AWAY FROM DENEY TERRIO.
AIN'T GOT NO "NIKO,"
GOT CHEERIOS. PICK IT UP.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT, BABY. MAMA
PROMISED YOU SOME KETCHUP, RIGHT?
HERE YOU GO.
I ORDERED SOUP.
OH, I'M SORRY, BABY.
STOP SHOUTIN'.
YOU'RE SPITTIN' ON ME.
UM, FRANCIS, GET THIS
MAN OVER HERE SOME SOUP.
UH, COMING RIGHT UP.
UH, UNFORTUNATELY, MY PANTY HOSE SOAKED UP
ALL THE SOUP, BUT THERE'S STILL A LITTLE LEFT.
JUST SAY WHEN. Y-YEAH.
LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION,
DOCTOR. RIGHT ON, RIGHT ON.
IS YOUR WIFE STILL DEAD?
YEAH, SHE'S STILL DEAD.
BUT JUST 'CAUSE THE HEN DIED, DON'T
MEAN THE ROOSTER DON'T STOP PECKIN'.
LOOK IT HERE. LOOK IT HERE.
I'M A MITE THIRSTY THOUGH.
MY THROAT NEEDS SOMETHING. I
NEED SOMETHING FOR MY THROAT.
OH, I'LL GET YOU SOMETHIN'.
LET GO OF THIS, SUCKER. GET...
HERE'S SOME BUTTERMILK FOR YOU.
IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR "PROSTRATE."
I AIN'T SEEN NO LEAP OF FAITH,
I GOT A FRUIT PLATE. PICK IT UP.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT MY PROSTATE
THOUGH. THEY TOOK ALL THAT OUT.
TOOK ALL OF THAT OUT, EXCEPT THE
KITCHEN SINK, BUT THE PIPE'S STILL WORKIN'.
LOOK IT THAT. YONDER GO.
IF I WAS A HO, LET
IT GO. PICK IT UP.
I'LL GET IT. UH, NO, I
WANNA SNAKE HIS MAIN LINE.
WELL, TOO BAD, 'CAUSE HE'S
MINE. NO, HE'S NOT, HE'S MINE.
HE'S MINE! HE'S MINE!
HE'S MINE. COME ON, BABY.
ALL RIGHT, ALICE. LET'S GO. I
CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT ME ONE.
BOY, LOOK IT THERE. I BE JOHN BROWN.
I GOT ME A SNOWFLAKE IN THE HOUSE.
AW, MAN, THERE'S A
CAT COLLAR IN THIS STEW.
OH, FRANCIS, TAKE DOWN THE SIGN.
WE DONE FOUND FLUFFY.
LUCKY, LUCKY DAY.
MY BUNION WINKED AT ME TODAY!
I AIN'T GAY.
ALL RIGHT, GRANNY, HANDS UP IN
THE AIR, BABY. THIS IS A STICKUP.
HEY, HO. YOU THOUGHT I
WAS READING THAT MAGAZINE,
BUT IN FOR REAL, I
WAS CASING THE JOINT.
WASN'T I, BABY? THAT'S RIGHT,
BABY. YOU'VE BEEN CASED.
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE CASED?
I CASED. THAT WAS
CASED. YEAH, IT WAS A CASE.
WOULD YOU PLEASE HURRY IT UP?
IN 15 MINUTES, AMY
FISHER ON ICE IS COMIN' ON.
HEY, HONEY, DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T
KNOW WHO WE ARE. WE'RE BUNNY AND CLIVE.
IT'S ON! IT'S ON!
YEAH, WE GOT A SLOW
GIG TOO. THAT'S RIGHT.
WE TAKE OUR...
WELL, ANYWAY, YOU HOLD YOUR HANDS UP IN THE
AIR, BECAUSE THIS STORE IS OURS. NOW GET IT?
NOW, HOW YOU GONNA ROB THE
PLACE WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE?
I CAN SEE. HOW COME YOU'RE POINTING
THE GUN AT THE HOT DOG MACHINE?
- I KNEW THAT.
- MOVE TO YOUR RIGHT, BABY.
AAH, GOTCHA! FRUIT ROLL-UPS.
MOVE TO YOUR LEFT, BABY.
GOTCHA IN THE SCOPE, BABY.
CORN FLAKES. OH!
YEAH! NOW YOU GOT ME.
NOW YOU JUST SIT BACK AND
SUFFER, WHILE WE PILLAGE.
THAT'S RIGHT, WE'LL PILLAGE.
WE'RE GONNA GO PILLAGE.
WE'RE GONNA GO PILLAGE. HEY, HOW DOES IT
FEEL TO HAVE YOUR NEWSPAPERS PILLAGED?
THOSE NEWSPAPERS ARE FREE.
YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT'S FREE.
NOBODY CAN TELL ME WHAT'S FREE.
HEY, YEAH, NOBODY TELLS
US NOTHING ABOUT FREE.
MATTER OF FACT, I'M GONNA PAY
FOR THEM. THERE. HOW YOU LIKE THAT?
THAT'S RIGHT, PAY IT, BABY.
HOW'S IT FEEL TO BE PAID?
♪ PAID, PAID WHOO, PAID, PAID ♪
HEY, LADY, WHERE DO YOU KEEP
THOSE STRAWBERRY DOUCHES?
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M GONNA TAKE ME SOME
OF THESE GIRLIE MAGAZINES LIKE PLAYPEN.
MYSTIQUE. OH, BOY, LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT THOSE FOR,
HONEY? DON'T START THIS AGAIN.
DON'T I SATISFY YOU? WHY DO YOU
GOTTA READ ALL THIS STUFF FOR?
BABY, I DON'T READ THESE. I
JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURES.
OH, OKAY.
YOU TWO AIN'T VERY
BRIGHT, ARE YOU?
AIN'T VERY BRIGHT? LOOK AT THE
HEADLINES, HUH? READ THE HEADLINES.
THAT'S RIGHT. AMERICA'S MOST
WANTED. READ IT AND YOU WEEP.
YEAH.
"MINI-MART ROBBED. HOT
DOG MACHINE SHOT SIX TIMES."
YOU TOLD ME I SHOT A CLERK.
I DIDN'T WANNA MESS
UP YOUR CONFIDENCE,
'CAUSE YOU'RE SO SENSITIVE ABOUT
YOUR BAD EYES. I DON'T HAVE BAD EYES.
OVER HERE, BABY. ALL RIGHT.
GIMME THIS. NOW YOU
READ IT FOR HER. YEAH.
"ACNE KITTY...
FOO-FO, T-T-TECH"...
OH, BABY, I CAN'T
READ. I'M SORRY.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY. WE'LL
GET YOU HOOKED ON PHONICS, BABY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I TRIED, BUT I CAN'T DO IT.
YOU KNOW, I'VE
BEEN ROBBED A LOT,
AND YOU TWO ARE THE WORST
CRIMINALS I HAVE EVER SEEN.
UH-HUH, WELL,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
HEY, EVELYN.
SUPER BIG GULP, AND DON'T
BE STINGY WITH THE ICE.
OH, NO, BABY, THE
GIG IS UP. THE GIG IS UP.
WHAT DOES THE
SIGN SAY, BABY? COPS!
COPS. I KNEW IT WOULD HAVE TO COME
DOWN TO THIS SOMEDAY. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
BEFORE WE LEAVE, YOU GOTTA
WRITE THIS MESSAGE DOWN... YES?
ALL RIGHT. FOR THE PRESS.
RECITE THIS.
DICTATION. ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE REBELS TOO
FAST TO LIVE, YET... YES.
TOO YOUNG TO DIE. YEAH.
WE'RE BUNNY AND
CLIVE. THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW READ IT BACK TO ME.
"SPANKY RAD FLIM-FLEE FOO FO"...
I CAN'T WRITE
NEITHER, BABY. I'M SO...
IT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY, BECAUSE THERE
AIN'T A JAIL THAT CAN HOLD US DOWN.
THAT'S RIGHT. WE'RE
BUNNY AND CLIVE.
- HERE YOU GO. ON THE HOUSE.
- THANKS.
HEY, YOU TWO, GET OUTTA MY CAR!
♪♪
♪ OH, BABY ♪
♪ OH, YES, IT IS ♪
♪ YES, IT IS, GIRL ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ YOU, YEAH ♪
♪ COME ON TAKE A
RIDE WITH A BROTHER ♪
♪ LET'S GO THUGGING OUR
LOVE FOR YOUR LOVER ♪
♪ I'M LOOKIN' AT YOU
I'M LOOKIN' AT YOU ♪
♪ TELL 'EM NO,
YOU'RE WITH BLUE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE'S ONLY
ONE MAN IN THIS HOME ♪
♪ AIN'T NO FLIRTIN' GOING ON ♪
♪ UNLESS IT'S WITH ME
YOUR HUSBAND-TO-BE ♪
♪ IN THE STREETS LABELED A G ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT ♪
♪ SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT ♪
♪ SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND ♪♪
WELCOME TO THE
DYSFUNCTIONAL HOME SHOW.
NOW HERE'S YOUR HOST
GRANDPA JACK McGEE.
HI.
AND WELCOME TO THE DYSFUNCTIONAL
HOME SHOW FUNERAL SPECIAL.
WON'T YOU JOIN US?
I'M JUST FINISHING THIS CASKET
FOR MY DEAR DEPARTED MOTHER.
LOOK WHAT THE
MORTICIAN DID TO HER.
PASTY, BLOATED, GREEN.
JUST LIKE I REMEMBER HER.
JACK, I'M SO SORRY.
THAT'S OKAY. THERE, THERE.
YOU JUST GOTTA THINK...
THINK OF THINGS THE WAY I DO.
SHE WAS A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING,
SLEAZY LEECH ON SOCIETY,
AND WE'RE ALL BETTER
OFF WITHOUT HER.
NOW GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.
OH, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME BEG.
CUT THE MUSIC. HEY, HEY!
IS... IS THAT A SYNTHESIZER?
IS... IS THAT... IS
IT A SYNTHESIZER?
WHY DON'T YOU DEDICATE A SONG
TO MY DEAR DEPARTED MOTHER...
ON YOUR... SYNTHESIZER?
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO PLAY?
HOW ABOUT "THAT OLD GRAY MARE,
SHE AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE."
♪♪
♪ THAT OLD GRAY MARE SHE
AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE ♪
♪ SHE AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO
BE AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE ♪
♪ THE OLD GRAY MARE SHE
AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE ♪
♪ TWENTY YEARS AGO ♪♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WOULD
ANYONE CARE TO SAY SOME KIND WORDS...
ABOUT THE DEARLY DEPARTED?
♪♪
ANYBODY?
ANYONE?
HELLO?
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
TYRELL, SAY SOMETHING
NICE ABOUT GRANDMA.
UH, YEAH. UH, I NEVER
REALLY LIKED HER.
BUT NOW THAT SHE'S
DEAD, I GUESS SHE'S OKAY.
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL
AND SENSITIVE AND SWEET,
YOU BLACK BASTARD.
CAN'T YOU SEE THERE ARE
PEOPLE MOURNING HERE?
I MEAN, LOOK AT ALL THE
PEOPLE THAT GRANDMA TOUCHED.
RICK, THE BARTENDER.
DAN FROM THE LIQUOR BARN.
MARY JO FROM THE
SUICIDE PREVENTION LINE.
THAT'S MARY JO.
WELL, WAY TO GO. NICE JOB, MARY.
WHAT, CAME TO SEE ONE
OF YOUR GRADUATES?
WHY, I'M GONNA MISS YA, MOM.
YOU GAVE ME EVERYTHING.
YOU GAVE ME LIFE.
YOU GAVE ME LOVE.
YOU GAVE ME THIS WATCH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOOK
GRANDMA'S WATCH. WE GET IT!
YEAH, YOU ALREADY
TOOK ALL THE MONEY.
HEY...
THAT MONEY HAS
SENTIMENTAL VALUE.
LOOK, THERE'S A DIAMOND EARRING! YEAH, DON'T
SHE HAVE SOME GOLD FILLINGS OR SOMETHING?
SOMEBODY GOT SOME
PLIERS? I GOT A CHURCH KEY.
AH, HOLD ON. GIMME
SOME LEVERAGE.
COME ON, YOU SELFISH BITCH!
I GOT IT! I GOT IT!
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
IT'S ALL IN THE WRIST, SON.
WAIT. MAKE IT ANOTHER DOUBLE,
AND THIS TIME PUT
SOME LIQUOR IN IT.
WHAT THE HELL...
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
NOT ANOTHER FUNERAL.
OH, JACK, THIS IS THE
THIRD ONE THIS YEAR.
OH, NO, SHE'S ALIVE!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
CAN'T A PERSON SLIP
INTO AN ALCOHOLIC COMA...
WITHOUT BEING BURIED ALIVE?
YOU ARE A LOSER!
CAN'T EVEN TELL IF I'M DEAD.
WELL, YES, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
SOMEBODY GET ME THE
LID. SOMEBODY HELP ME.
GO INTO THE LIGHT.
GO INTO THE LIGHT.
THIS HAS BEEN THE
DYSFUNCTIONAL HOME SHOW.
ALL RIGHT, NOW LET'S GET HYPED FOR DELICIOUS
VINYL RECORDING ARTIST THE FAR SIDE...
SINGING A SINGLE RISING
TO THE TOP WITH A BULLET,
"PASSING ME BY," YEAH!
♪♪
CHECK ONE, TWO.
CHECK IT OUT, UH.
ONE, TWO, CHECK IT CHECK IT OUT.
♪ JUST THROW YOUR
HANDS IN THE AIR ♪
♪ AND WAVE 'EM LIKE
YOU JUST DON'T CARE ♪
♪ AND IF YOU REALLY, REALLY
WANT TO HANG WITH US ♪
♪ SOMEBODY SAY, "OH, YEAH" ♪
♪ NOW IN MY YOUNGER DAYS
I USED TO SPORT A SHAG ♪
♪ WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL
I CARRIED LUNCH IN A BAG ♪
♪ WITH AN APPLE FOR MY TEACHER
'CAUSE I KNEW I'D GET A KISS ♪
♪ ALWAYS GOT MAD WHEN
THE CLASS WAS DISMISSED ♪
♪ BUT WHEN IT WAS IN SESSION
I ALWAYS HAD A QUESTION ♪
♪ I WOULD RAISE MY HAND TO MAKE
HER STAGGER TO MY DESK AND ♪
♪ HELP ME WITH MY PROBLEM
IT WAS NEVER MUCH ♪
♪ JUST A TRICK TO SMELL HER
SCENT AND TRY TO SNEAK A TOUCH ♪
♪ OH, HOW I WISH I COULD HOLD
HER HAND AND GIVE HER A HUG ♪
♪ SHE WAS MARRIED TO THE MAN
HE WAS A THUG HIS NAME WAS LEE ♪
♪ HE DROVE A "Z" HE PICKED HER
UP FROM SCHOOL PROMPTLY AT 3:00 ♪
♪ I WAS ON THE DOCK YES, INDEEDY
I WROTE GRAFFITI ON THE BUS ♪
♪ FIRST I CARVED HER NAME THEN
WRITE A PLUS WITH MY NAME LAST ♪
♪ SAW THE LOOKING GLASS I SEEN HER
YESTERDAY BUT STILL I HAD TO LET HER PASS ♪
♪ ONE, TWO, CHECK IT OUT
ONE, TWO, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ SHE KEEPS ON PASSIN' ME BY ♪
♪ MAKE IT FUNKY FOR
ME FUNKY FOR ME ♪
♪ SHE KEEPS ON PASSIN' ME BY ♪
♪ MAKE IT FUNKY FOR
ME FUNKY FOR ME ♪
♪ SHE KEEPS ON PASSIN' ME BY ♪
♪ YEAH, CHECK IT OUT
NOW CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ WHEN I DREAM OF FAIRY
TALES I THINK OF ME AND SHELLY ♪
♪ SHE'S MY TYPE OF HYPE AND I
CAN'T STAND WHEN BROTHERS TELL ME ♪
♪ THAT I SHOULD QUIT CHASIN'
AND LOOK FOR SOMETHING BETTER ♪
♪ BUT THE SMILE THAT SHE
SHOWS MAKES ME A GO-GETTER ♪♪