In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 4, Episode 26 - In Living Color's Feedback Line - full transcript
THIS WEEK, THE BAD
BOYS OF COMEDY...
BRING YOU IN LIVING COLOR'S
BEST COMMERCIAL PARODIES.
♪♪
DO YOU ENJOY THE
FABULOUS RESORT CITIES?
ATLANTIC CITY, LAS VEGAS,
RENO, LAKE... TAHOE?
DO YOU HAVE AS MUCH FREE TIME AS
I DO? THEN WHAT ARE YOU WAITIN' ON?
GET YOURSELF A "PLAYERS CLUB."
YOU'LL RECEIVE UP TO 110% OFF...
ON SHOWS, ROOMS AND MEALS.
WITH THE PLAYERS CLUB, YOU'LL
GET V.I.P. TREATMENT, BABY.
I'LL HAVE A SUITE WITH
A HEART-SHAPED BED.
I'M SORRY, WE... UHH!
BELLBOY!
AND WITH THE CLUB, THERE'S
NO PROBLEM GETTIN' GOOD SEATS.
TONY! CAN YOU FIT
ME IN? NO, MAN, I... UHH!
BINGO. FRONT ROW.
USE THE PLAYERS
CLUB IN CASINOS, BANKS,
OR ANYWHERE ELSE YOU WANNA
THROW YOUR WEIGHT AROUND.
IT'S A MOOCHER'S DREAM.
I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON!
WELL, LET ME HELP
YOU COUNT IT. OHH!
"WHO CLUBS YA, BABY?"
TWENTY. 40.60.
AND ONE FOR YOU.
TWENTY...
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO ♪♪
WELL, NOW THAT THE F.D.A. HAS
BANNED SILICONE BREAST IMPLANTS,
I BETTER CALL THE DOCTOR
AND HAVE THEM REMOVED.
WAIT! STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
WHY? THESE ARE NO GOOD FOR ME.
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
BUT DID YOU KNOW...
YOU COULD BE THROWING
AWAY HOURS OF FUN?
BUT I CAN'T KEEP THESE.
SILICONE ISN'T SAFE.
NO, NOT SILICONE: SILLYCONE.
YES, LIKE SILLY PUTTY, SILLYCONE
IS THE BREAST YOU CAN PLAY WITH.
TAKE IT ON THE JOB
TO RELIEVE STRESS.
COPY YOUR FAVORITE COMIC STRIP.
THEY'RE GREAT FUN
AT BIRTHDAY PARTIES.
YOU CAN EVEN MAKE
THEM DO TRICKS.
BOUNCY, MEATY, AND GRANDMA.
HEY THERE, LITTLE BOY. I
SAID, HEY THERE, LITTLE BOY.
WELL, YOU MAY BE IGNORING
ME NOW, BUT I'M TAKING STEROIDS.
AND STEROIDS MAKE
MY BODY BALLOON UP,
AND THEY ALSO GIVE ME
THE STRENGTH OF 20 MEN.
SO WHILE YOU MAY
CHOOSE TO IGNORE ME NOW...
PRETTY SOON I'LL BE SO
PUMPED UP AND BLOATED,
YOU'LL HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME.
COME HERE, STUD PANTS.
LET'S PLAY MISSILE SILO.
TEN, NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX...
THEN AFTER A WHILE, THE STEROIDS WILL
BEGIN TO AFFECT MY BODY'S INNER MECHANISMS.
MY OVARIES WILL SHRINK
TO THE SIZE OF TINY RAISINS,
AND I'LL ALSO HAVE
KIDNEY FAILURE.
THEN PRETTY SOON I'LL BE DOING PUBLIC
SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS AGAINST STEROIDS.
THEN, I REALLY START
TO DETERIORATE.
THAT WHOLE "BODY FALLING APART" THING...
THAT'S STILL A GOOD FIVE OR SIX YEARS AWAY.
IN THE MEANTIME, VERA SAYS,
"LIVE FAST, DIE
YOUNG AND PRETTY."
LIVE FAST, DIE YOUNG AND PRETTY.
THEY'RE UNDERFED,
THEY'RE HUNGRY...
THEIR LIVES SLOWLY WASTING AWAY
BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T GOT ENOUGH FOOD.
HELLO, I'M SALLY STRUTHERS.
FOR JUST 50 CENTS A DAY,
THE PRICE OF AN APPLE FRITTER,
YOU CAN HELP FEED SOMEONE
WHO CAN'T AFFORD TO FEED HIMSELF.
THE MEALS ARE FREE,
THEY'RE NOURISHING, AND...
BEST OF ALL, THEY'RE
PRETTY DARN TASTY.
ARE YOU GONNA FINISH THIS?
YOUR DONATION TO THE FEED THE PLANET
FOUNDATION IS TOTALLY TAX DEDUCTIBLE.
YOU'RE REACHING OUT,
AND YOU'RE GIVING
THESE PEOPLE HOPE.
AND... BISCUITS?
I LOVE BISCUITS!
MM-MM! PLEASE SEND
YOUR DONATION TODAY.
FIFTEEN DOLLARS A MONTH...
THE PRICE OF A GRAND SLAM
BREAKFAST AND TEN DOVE BARS...
YOU CAN GIVE THESE PEOPLE THE SUSTENANCE
THAT THEY NOW SO DESPERATELY NEED.
PLEASE TRY TO HURRY, THOUGH.
I'VE BEEN HERE FOR SIX MONTHS,
AND THESE PEOPLE JUST SEEM TO
BE GETTING HUNGRIER AND HUNGRIER.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
REACH OUT AND TOUCH THEM.
REMEMBER, FOR
JUST $180 A YEAR...
THE PRICE OF 12 BUCKETS OF CHICKEN
AND A SUPER BIG GULP DR. PEPPER...
YOU CAN GIVE THESE
PEOPLE SUSTENANCE!
JUST CALL 555-FEED-ME.
GIVE IT TO ME!
JUST GIVE ME A BITE!
PLEASE MAKE THAT CALL.
♪♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GET IT UP, GET
IT UP GET IT UP ♪
♪ C'MON, YEAH ♪
♪ C'MON, WHAT ♪
♪ WHAT ♪
♪ FULL-ON FREAK PRETTY
WACK M.C. STEP LIKE A GREEK ♪
♪ SOME FLOW-FLOW INFREQUENCY ♪
♪ LISTEN, OUR MISSION IS KNOWLEDGE
AND LISTEN THERE'S SCHOLARS ♪
♪ WHO THINK THAT THEY HOLLER "DON'T
SPEAK," BATTLE ENEMIES THEY NEVER DEFEAT ♪
♪ SO PLEASE COME NO, NO HESITATE
FIGURE UNDERCOVER OPERATOR ♪
♪ PROBABLY NEVER GONNA HAPPEN IN MY
MICROPHONE AND NEVER PAY THE TOKEN ♪
♪ SOUNDED LIKE HIP BUT
THEY HOP WHEN I FLIP ♪
♪ BOY, I RUN AN M.C. THINGS
COME GIVE A BLESSIN' ♪♪
HE'S SAFE!
DON'T LOOK SO DOWN,
SON. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
YES, IT WAS, DAD. I PLAYED
HORRIBLE THE WHOLE GAME.
JUST WASN'T MYSELF. IT LOOKS
LIKE YOUR CONFIDENCE IS DOWN.
IS THERE SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND?
I DON' KNOW. I
JUST DON'T FEEL...
- FRESH?
- WELL, YEAH.
IT'S HARD TO CONCENTRATE
WHEN YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT...
MASCULINE HYGIENE, ISN'T IT?
YEAH. I MEAN... WHAT
SHOULD I DO ABOUT IT?
- TRY THESE.
- "TES-T-SHIELDS"?
THEY'RE PROTECTIVE LININGS YOU PUT IN
YOUR CUP TO GIVE YOU MORE CONFIDENCE.
EACH TES-T-SHIELD IS
FILLED WITH TINY AIR TUNNELS,
ALLOWING COOL AIR TO
CIRCULATE THROUGHOUT YOUR CUP.
AT THE SAME TIME, AROMA SENSORS
RELEASE AN EXHILARATING FRAGRANCE,
HELPING YOU STAY FRESH ALL DAY.
WOW! TEST-T-SHIELDS
DOES ALL THAT?
AND MORE. THEY EVEN
COME WITH WINGS.
- WINGS? WHAT FOR?
- LORD KNOWS.
BUT THE IMPORTANT THING
IS, IS THEY'RE COMFORTABLE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
SO MUCH ABOUT THEM?
SON, DO YOU SMELL THAT PINE TAR?
- YEAH?
- I'M WEARING 'EM RIGHT NOW.
EVEN AT MY AGE, I
NEED A LITTLE MORE.
WOW, I'LL GIVE THESE
TES-T-SHIELDS A TRY.
GO! GO, ALL RIGHT, GO!
- GO! GO!
- HE'S OUT!
LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT YOUR
CONFIDENCE BACK. THANKS TO YOU, DAD.
NO, THANKS TO TES-T-SHIELDS.
TES-T-SHIELDS FROM PLAYFREE.
THE MANLY WAY TO STAY FRESH,
CONFIDENT, AND
PROTECTED ALL DAY LONG.
PINE TAR, HERBAL
AND COWHIDE LEATHER.
HEY, GUY. HAVE YOU
EVER GONE TO BED...
WITH A WOMAN WHO YOU THOUGHT
LOOKED LIKE ROBIN GIVENS...
BUT WHEN YOU WAKE UP,
LOOKS MORE LIKE ROBIN LEACH?
THAT'S WHAT YOU
CALL "COYOTE UGLY."
BECAUSE YOU'D GNAW YOUR OWN
ARM OFF TO GET OUT OF THERE.
WELL, CHEW NO LONGER, BECAUSE THE
NEW COYOTE UGLY ESCAPE KIT IS HERE.
COYOTE UGLY ESCAPE KIT IS THE
DISPOSABLE PROSTHETIC ARM...
YOU ATTACH BEFORE YOU GO TO
BED WITH THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE.
SIMPLY FASTEN A REALISTIC,
STYLISH, COYOTE ARM,
AND YOU'RE ALL SET FOR
THOSE RUDE AWAKENINGS.
WHAT'S KEEPING YOU, BABY? I
NEED YOUR LOVIN' ARMS AROUND ME.
NO PROBLEM, THANKS TO
THE COYOTE UGLY ESCAPE KIT.
AT THE MOMENT OF REVULSION,
SIMPLY UNFASTEN THE HINGES,
AND YOU'RE FREE AND CLEAR, WITH NO TORN
LIGAMENTS OR UNPLEASANT ARTERIAL BLEEDING.
YES, COYOTE UGLY PROMISES "A
HAPPY HUMP WITH NO BLOODY STUMP."
SO, REMEMBER GUYS, WITH COYOTE
BRAND YOU CAN SAY FAREWELL TO ARMS,
AND FAREWELL TO
LAST NIGHT'S NIGHTMARE.
COYOTE UGLY ESCAPE
KIT, FROM MUTTCO.
HI. I'M GEORGE HAMILTON.
THROUGHOUT MY
ILLUSTRIOUS CAREER,
I HAVE BEEN FREQUENTLY COMPLIMENTED
ABOUT MY GOLDEN BRONZE PIGMENT.
YOU SEE, WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM THAT HOLE IN THE OZONE,
OVER THE YEARS MY EPIDERMAL LAYER
HAS GOTTEN SO THICK AND LEATHERY...
THAT, QUITE FRANKLY,
IT'S AS DEAD AS MY CAREER.
THAT'S WHY TODAY I'M
OFFERING DIRECTLY TO YOU...
THE GEORGE HAMILTON
LUGGAGE COLLECTION.
HOW DO I KNOW IT'S GOOD?
BECAUSE IT'S MADE OUT OF MY SKIN.
LET MY LOSS OF ELASTICITY
BECOME YOUR KEY TO DURABILITY.
THERE'S NEVER A NEED TO WORRY
ABOUT THOSE CLUMSY BAGGAGE HANDLERS.
UH-OH.
THAT FEELS GOOD. ♪♪
SIGOURNEY WEAVER WEARS
ARMY BOOTS, YOU FUR BALL!
YOU THINK YOU CAN DESTROY WHAT TOOK ME 50 YEARS
OF LOAFING AROUND THE POOL TO BUILD? HA-HA!
GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT, PRIMATE!
ORDER NOW, AND YOU'LL GET
THESE MATCHING RUMP HIDE BELTS.
THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE ASKS
YOU IF YOU KNOW GEORGE HAMILTON,
YOU CAN SAY, "KNOW HIM?
I BEAT MY KIDS WITH HIM!"
ORDER YOUR COLLECTION NOW.
HI. I'M AMY FISHER. YOU
KNOW, THE LONG ISLAND LOLITA.
AND THIS IS JOEY
BUTTAFUOCO OVER HERE. HEY!
JOEY BUTTAFUOCO OVER HERE!
HEY, GIRLS, ARE YOU A WHORE?
ARE YOU GOOD WITH A HANDGUN?
DO YOU LIKE TO
HAVE SEX IN A CAR?
ARE YOU AS DUMB AS DIP, BUT YOU
STILL WANNA MAKE A LOT OF MONEY?
THEN TAKE AMY'S SPECIAL
BANG FOR YOUR BUCKS SEMINAR.
TELL 'EM, PRINCESS.
THREE SIMPLE STEPS.
ONE, YOU GET YOURSELF
A REALLY SEXY GUY.
HEY. JOEY BUTTAFUOCO OVER HERE.
BUT TO LAND YOURSELF
A REALLY SEXY GUY,
FIRST YONG LESS THAN
TWO FEET AIN'T REALLY SEXY.
RIGHT, JOEE!
S GUY'S WIFE.
YOU SELL OFF YOUR MOVIE
RIGHTS, YOUR PAPERBACK RIGHTS.
THEN YOU LOOK FOR
THE NEW SITCOM ON FOX...
THE BUTTAFUOCOS OVER HERE!
HEY, SURE, I'M GONNA SPEND A
COUPLE OF YEARS IN THE SLAMMER,
BUT I'M ALREADY ELIGIBLE
FOR PAROLE IN '95 OVER HERE.
AND ALL THIS MONEY SPREAD OUT
WITH THREE YEARS IN THE CLINK,
THAT WORKS OUT TO, PER YEAR...
OH, SHE'S WORKIN' IT OUT!
I GOTTA PUT SOMETHIN'...
WELL, A WHOLE LOT OF MONEY.
SO, TAKE MY SEMINAR.
YEAH, RIGHT. I TOOK AMY'S SEMINAR,
AND NOBODY BOUGHT MY RIGHTS.
ALL I DID WAS GO
STRAIGHT TO JAIL.
OOPS. I ALMOST FORGOT
THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP.
MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE WHITE.
YEAH, 'CAUSE HOLLYWOOD
ONLY BUYS STORIES...
ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE KILLING
EACH OTHER OVER HERE!
HEY, DUH! NOW, GIVE
ME A KISS HERE, JOEY!
YOU COME HERE, YOU!
OH, YEAH! OH, YEAH!
HEY, JOEY! WHAT ARE YOU
KISSIN' THAT WHORE FOR?
HEY, MARY JO. I
WASN'T KISSIN' HER.
I WAS, UH, GIVIN' HER
C.P.R. OVER HERE.
GIVE ME A BREAK. THAT'S MY JOEY,
ALWAYS TRYING TO
HELP PEOPLE OVER HERE.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY BREAK IT
UP. VISITING DAY IS OVER OVER HERE.
SO DIAL 555-LO-LITER.
I'LL GET YOU MORE
BANG FOR YOUR BUCK.
BADA-BING, BADA-BANG.
IT'S JUST THAT SIMPLE.
CALL ME.
- OVER HERE?
- OVER HERE.
♪ YEAH, HA, COME ON, HA ♪
♪ GET THE PARTY
STARTED RIGHT NOW ♪
♪ UH, HA ♪
♪ WHAT UP, HUH LET'S
ROCK THIS PARTY ♪
♪ H2 LIMO AND A
CASE OF BACARDI ♪
♪ LADIES IN THE BACK
SEAT GONNA ACT NAUGHTY ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, WE ROCK
THIS SPOT WHAT UP, HA ♪
♪ GET HIGH, SUPERSONIC YOU
KNOW, WE ROCK THIS SPOT UP ♪
♪ WHAT UP, YEAH GET
HIGH, SUPERSONIC ♪
♪ ME AND THE CREW
LIKE A TWIST OF CHRONIC ♪
♪ TWO DOUBLE-OH FOUR
HIP-HOP, ARE YOU ON IT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, WE ROCK
THIS SPOT WHAT UP ♪♪
WELCOME TO JUICEMANIA...
THE SHOW THAT TAKES A LOOK AT
THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF JUICE.
THIS WEEK... THE JUICE WEASEL.
AND NOW, HERE'S YOUR
HOST, GORDY LANGSTON!
HI, EVERYBODY!
ARE YOU AS EXCITED
AS I'M BEING PAID TO BE?
WE'VE BEEN PAID TOO!
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
AND IT'S ALSO INCREDIBLE!
HEY, LET'S BRING
OUT TODAY'S HOST,
THE INCREDIBLE, MOST
AMAZING GUEST WE'VE EVER HAD,
JUICY JAY CORNERS!
COME ON! WOW!
WOW!
WOW! JUICY JAY, THAT WAS AN
INCREDIBLE FEAT OF STRENGTH.
THANK YOU, GORDY. I TOOK MY
WHOLE FAMILY ON LONG TRIPS LIKE THIS.
WOW. WOW, MAN. WHERE'S
YOUR FAMILY NOW, JAY?
THEY'RE ALL DEAD.
I OUTLIVED 'EM ALL.
THAT'S THE BEAUTY
OF THE JUICE WEASEL.
WOW. THAT'S INCREDIBLE,
HUH, AUDIENCE?
YOU! COME ON UP HERE. ME?
COME ON UP!
YOU SEEM LIKE A HEALTHY YOUNG
MAN. HOW OLD ARE YA? I'M 21.
TWENTY-ONE, HUH? YES.
HE'S 21, BUT I'M STILL STANDIN'.
I FOUND THE SECRET
OF ETERNAL LIFE.
I LOOKED INTO GOD'S EYES,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW?
THE JUICE WEASEL. HEY, FOLKS!
CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT TIME IT IS?
TIME TO JUICE!
JUICE! JUICE! JUICE! JUICE!
GORDY, THAT'S HOW MUCH ORGANIC
MATTER YOU NEED EVERY DAY.
NOW, YOU COULD
EAT IT IN THAT FORM,
BUT SOONER OR LATER, YOU'RE
GONNA GET TIRED OF WIPING YOUR BUTT.
ANOTHER PROBLEM IS
FRUIT. HOW DO YOU GET AT IT?
LOOK! WHAT DO I DO WITH IT?
YOU NEED TO BE A NASA
SCIENTIST TO GET INSIDE THAT THING.
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO
DRINK A RAW CARROT, GORDY?
IT CAN'T BE DONE.
WOW, I GET IT. NOW, THAT'S
WHERE THE JUICE WEASEL COMES IN.
YES!
THE JUICE WEASEL SEPARATES
THE FIBER FROM THE JUICE,
SAVING ONLY THE MOST
ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS.
THAT'S THE BEAUTY
OF MY DESIGN, GORDY.
I WANT YOU TO TRY
SOMETHING. SURE, JAY.
A LITTLE CONCOCTION I MADE
BEFORE THE SHOW. OKAY.
EW! EW, THAT TASTES LIKE
SOMEBODY'S DIRTY UNDERSHORTS.
NOT JUST SOMEBODY'S,
GORDY. THEY'RE MINE.
BUT, SEE, THE
UNDERSHORTS ARE GONE.
ALL THAT'S LEFT IS
THE LIFE-GIVING JUICE.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE! ISN'T
THAT GREAT? ISN'T THAT GREAT?
SEE, PEOPLE LIKE TO EAT THE BAD
STUFF AND THROW AWAY THE GOOD STUFF.
LOOK AT THIS CELERY,
GORDY. LOOK AT IT!
WHERE DOES IT COME
FROM? UH, THE DIRT, JAY?
NO, THE SOIL.
YOU SEE, THE SOIL IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING ON EARTH.
THAT IS MOTHER EARTH
GIVING US OUR GIFTS.
ALL LIFE EMANATES FROM
THE SOIL. IT EMANATES, GORDY!
SEE? SO, WHAT I DO IS
KNOCK OUT THE MIDDLE MAN.
YOU GOT ALL THE MINERALS
YOU NEED RIGHT HERE.
- THAT'S GONNA BE
BEAUTIFUL, GORDY.
- SURE IS. RIGHT, GUYS?
HELL WITH THEM! YOU KNOW,
ANOTHER QUESTION
PEOPLE ASK ME, GORDY, IS...
"JAY, WHAT AM I GONNA
DO ABOUT MY FINANCES?
GROCERIES ARE TOO EXPENSIVE."
OH, YA SON OF A... YOU KNOW?
I COULD JUST GO OFF ON 'EM.
I'D LOVE TO JUICE THEM SOMETIME, YOU
KNOW? JUST PUT THEIR HAND IN THERE...
WE CAN'T DO THAT, CAN WE, JAY?
YOU KNOW? BUT, UH...
BUT THE JUICE WEASEL CAN
TAKE YESTERDAY'S LEFTOVERS...
AND TURN THEM INTO
TODAY'S SMOOTHIE.
SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD TO ME.
BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAN, JAY?
WELL, HERE'S A LITTLE BAG OF
GARBAGE I TOOK OFF MY NEIGHBOR'S LAWN.
MOST PEOPLE THROW
EGGSHELLS AWAY.
BAD MISTAKE.
OH, LOOK AT THIS, GORDY. WE
GOT LUCKY. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WE GOT LUCKY. SEE? YOU KNOW, WHEN I
SEE PEOPLE THROWING STUFF LIKE THIS AWAY,
IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.
OH, COME ON NOW. INSECTS?
DON'T EVER QUESTION ME, GORDY.
I KNOW A LOT MORE ABOUT
NUTRITION THAN YOU DO.
ALL RIGHT. THAT'S
JUST ABOUT READY.
OKAY. NOW, WATCH
THIS, GORDY. OKAY, JAY.
JUICE! JUICE! JUICE! JUICE!
JUICE! JUICE! JUICE! JUICE!
NOTICE ANYTHING
DIFFERENT, GORDY?
UH, NO. WHAT, UH, JAY?
I'M INVISIBLE!
OH. OH, OH, RIGHT.
YEAH, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
I-I THOUGHT YOU WERE
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.
WHO ARE YOU TALKING
TO, GORDY? I'M OVER HERE!
WOW. THAT'S INCREDIBLE,
ISN'T IT, AUDIENCE?
YOU THINK THAT'S
GREAT... OH, LOOK. LOOK!
OH, THE VEGETABLES ARE
FLYIN' BY THEMSELVES. OOH.
OH, GREAT. IF YOU THINK THAT'S
GREAT, GORDY, WAIT TILL YOU SEE ME FLY.
WAIT A MINUTE. UH,
JAY... WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT.
JAY... I CAN FLY. I SWEAR I CAN.
UH, UH, LEON, STOP
TAPE. I CAN FLY!
- WAIT. WHAT? JAY? JAY. JAY!
- I CAN FLY!
OH, MY GOD! HE JUMPED
OUT THE WINDOW! STOP TAPE!
OH, HE JUMPED! JAY,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
IT'S GETTING DARK. I'M
FEELING STRANGELY PEACEFUL.
OH, MY GOD. JAY, DO
WE NEED A PRIEST?
NO, GORDY. JUST
GIVE ME THE JUICE.
COULD YOU POUR SOME OF
THAT ON MY JOINTS, GORDY?
I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW, GORDY.
THAT PROVES ONE THING TO ME.
THERE'S A TIME TO
LAUGH... A TIME TO CRY...
A TIME TO LIVE...
AND A TIME TO JUICE!
HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A GOOD
TIME. WE'LL SEE YA NEXT WEEK!
♪♪
BOYS OF COMEDY...
BRING YOU IN LIVING COLOR'S
BEST COMMERCIAL PARODIES.
♪♪
DO YOU ENJOY THE
FABULOUS RESORT CITIES?
ATLANTIC CITY, LAS VEGAS,
RENO, LAKE... TAHOE?
DO YOU HAVE AS MUCH FREE TIME AS
I DO? THEN WHAT ARE YOU WAITIN' ON?
GET YOURSELF A "PLAYERS CLUB."
YOU'LL RECEIVE UP TO 110% OFF...
ON SHOWS, ROOMS AND MEALS.
WITH THE PLAYERS CLUB, YOU'LL
GET V.I.P. TREATMENT, BABY.
I'LL HAVE A SUITE WITH
A HEART-SHAPED BED.
I'M SORRY, WE... UHH!
BELLBOY!
AND WITH THE CLUB, THERE'S
NO PROBLEM GETTIN' GOOD SEATS.
TONY! CAN YOU FIT
ME IN? NO, MAN, I... UHH!
BINGO. FRONT ROW.
USE THE PLAYERS
CLUB IN CASINOS, BANKS,
OR ANYWHERE ELSE YOU WANNA
THROW YOUR WEIGHT AROUND.
IT'S A MOOCHER'S DREAM.
I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON!
WELL, LET ME HELP
YOU COUNT IT. OHH!
"WHO CLUBS YA, BABY?"
TWENTY. 40.60.
AND ONE FOR YOU.
TWENTY...
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO ♪♪
WELL, NOW THAT THE F.D.A. HAS
BANNED SILICONE BREAST IMPLANTS,
I BETTER CALL THE DOCTOR
AND HAVE THEM REMOVED.
WAIT! STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
WHY? THESE ARE NO GOOD FOR ME.
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
BUT DID YOU KNOW...
YOU COULD BE THROWING
AWAY HOURS OF FUN?
BUT I CAN'T KEEP THESE.
SILICONE ISN'T SAFE.
NO, NOT SILICONE: SILLYCONE.
YES, LIKE SILLY PUTTY, SILLYCONE
IS THE BREAST YOU CAN PLAY WITH.
TAKE IT ON THE JOB
TO RELIEVE STRESS.
COPY YOUR FAVORITE COMIC STRIP.
THEY'RE GREAT FUN
AT BIRTHDAY PARTIES.
YOU CAN EVEN MAKE
THEM DO TRICKS.
BOUNCY, MEATY, AND GRANDMA.
HEY THERE, LITTLE BOY. I
SAID, HEY THERE, LITTLE BOY.
WELL, YOU MAY BE IGNORING
ME NOW, BUT I'M TAKING STEROIDS.
AND STEROIDS MAKE
MY BODY BALLOON UP,
AND THEY ALSO GIVE ME
THE STRENGTH OF 20 MEN.
SO WHILE YOU MAY
CHOOSE TO IGNORE ME NOW...
PRETTY SOON I'LL BE SO
PUMPED UP AND BLOATED,
YOU'LL HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME.
COME HERE, STUD PANTS.
LET'S PLAY MISSILE SILO.
TEN, NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX...
THEN AFTER A WHILE, THE STEROIDS WILL
BEGIN TO AFFECT MY BODY'S INNER MECHANISMS.
MY OVARIES WILL SHRINK
TO THE SIZE OF TINY RAISINS,
AND I'LL ALSO HAVE
KIDNEY FAILURE.
THEN PRETTY SOON I'LL BE DOING PUBLIC
SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS AGAINST STEROIDS.
THEN, I REALLY START
TO DETERIORATE.
THAT WHOLE "BODY FALLING APART" THING...
THAT'S STILL A GOOD FIVE OR SIX YEARS AWAY.
IN THE MEANTIME, VERA SAYS,
"LIVE FAST, DIE
YOUNG AND PRETTY."
LIVE FAST, DIE YOUNG AND PRETTY.
THEY'RE UNDERFED,
THEY'RE HUNGRY...
THEIR LIVES SLOWLY WASTING AWAY
BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T GOT ENOUGH FOOD.
HELLO, I'M SALLY STRUTHERS.
FOR JUST 50 CENTS A DAY,
THE PRICE OF AN APPLE FRITTER,
YOU CAN HELP FEED SOMEONE
WHO CAN'T AFFORD TO FEED HIMSELF.
THE MEALS ARE FREE,
THEY'RE NOURISHING, AND...
BEST OF ALL, THEY'RE
PRETTY DARN TASTY.
ARE YOU GONNA FINISH THIS?
YOUR DONATION TO THE FEED THE PLANET
FOUNDATION IS TOTALLY TAX DEDUCTIBLE.
YOU'RE REACHING OUT,
AND YOU'RE GIVING
THESE PEOPLE HOPE.
AND... BISCUITS?
I LOVE BISCUITS!
MM-MM! PLEASE SEND
YOUR DONATION TODAY.
FIFTEEN DOLLARS A MONTH...
THE PRICE OF A GRAND SLAM
BREAKFAST AND TEN DOVE BARS...
YOU CAN GIVE THESE PEOPLE THE SUSTENANCE
THAT THEY NOW SO DESPERATELY NEED.
PLEASE TRY TO HURRY, THOUGH.
I'VE BEEN HERE FOR SIX MONTHS,
AND THESE PEOPLE JUST SEEM TO
BE GETTING HUNGRIER AND HUNGRIER.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
REACH OUT AND TOUCH THEM.
REMEMBER, FOR
JUST $180 A YEAR...
THE PRICE OF 12 BUCKETS OF CHICKEN
AND A SUPER BIG GULP DR. PEPPER...
YOU CAN GIVE THESE
PEOPLE SUSTENANCE!
JUST CALL 555-FEED-ME.
GIVE IT TO ME!
JUST GIVE ME A BITE!
PLEASE MAKE THAT CALL.
♪♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GET IT UP, GET
IT UP GET IT UP ♪
♪ C'MON, YEAH ♪
♪ C'MON, WHAT ♪
♪ WHAT ♪
♪ FULL-ON FREAK PRETTY
WACK M.C. STEP LIKE A GREEK ♪
♪ SOME FLOW-FLOW INFREQUENCY ♪
♪ LISTEN, OUR MISSION IS KNOWLEDGE
AND LISTEN THERE'S SCHOLARS ♪
♪ WHO THINK THAT THEY HOLLER "DON'T
SPEAK," BATTLE ENEMIES THEY NEVER DEFEAT ♪
♪ SO PLEASE COME NO, NO HESITATE
FIGURE UNDERCOVER OPERATOR ♪
♪ PROBABLY NEVER GONNA HAPPEN IN MY
MICROPHONE AND NEVER PAY THE TOKEN ♪
♪ SOUNDED LIKE HIP BUT
THEY HOP WHEN I FLIP ♪
♪ BOY, I RUN AN M.C. THINGS
COME GIVE A BLESSIN' ♪♪
HE'S SAFE!
DON'T LOOK SO DOWN,
SON. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
YES, IT WAS, DAD. I PLAYED
HORRIBLE THE WHOLE GAME.
JUST WASN'T MYSELF. IT LOOKS
LIKE YOUR CONFIDENCE IS DOWN.
IS THERE SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND?
I DON' KNOW. I
JUST DON'T FEEL...
- FRESH?
- WELL, YEAH.
IT'S HARD TO CONCENTRATE
WHEN YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT...
MASCULINE HYGIENE, ISN'T IT?
YEAH. I MEAN... WHAT
SHOULD I DO ABOUT IT?
- TRY THESE.
- "TES-T-SHIELDS"?
THEY'RE PROTECTIVE LININGS YOU PUT IN
YOUR CUP TO GIVE YOU MORE CONFIDENCE.
EACH TES-T-SHIELD IS
FILLED WITH TINY AIR TUNNELS,
ALLOWING COOL AIR TO
CIRCULATE THROUGHOUT YOUR CUP.
AT THE SAME TIME, AROMA SENSORS
RELEASE AN EXHILARATING FRAGRANCE,
HELPING YOU STAY FRESH ALL DAY.
WOW! TEST-T-SHIELDS
DOES ALL THAT?
AND MORE. THEY EVEN
COME WITH WINGS.
- WINGS? WHAT FOR?
- LORD KNOWS.
BUT THE IMPORTANT THING
IS, IS THEY'RE COMFORTABLE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
SO MUCH ABOUT THEM?
SON, DO YOU SMELL THAT PINE TAR?
- YEAH?
- I'M WEARING 'EM RIGHT NOW.
EVEN AT MY AGE, I
NEED A LITTLE MORE.
WOW, I'LL GIVE THESE
TES-T-SHIELDS A TRY.
GO! GO, ALL RIGHT, GO!
- GO! GO!
- HE'S OUT!
LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT YOUR
CONFIDENCE BACK. THANKS TO YOU, DAD.
NO, THANKS TO TES-T-SHIELDS.
TES-T-SHIELDS FROM PLAYFREE.
THE MANLY WAY TO STAY FRESH,
CONFIDENT, AND
PROTECTED ALL DAY LONG.
PINE TAR, HERBAL
AND COWHIDE LEATHER.
HEY, GUY. HAVE YOU
EVER GONE TO BED...
WITH A WOMAN WHO YOU THOUGHT
LOOKED LIKE ROBIN GIVENS...
BUT WHEN YOU WAKE UP,
LOOKS MORE LIKE ROBIN LEACH?
THAT'S WHAT YOU
CALL "COYOTE UGLY."
BECAUSE YOU'D GNAW YOUR OWN
ARM OFF TO GET OUT OF THERE.
WELL, CHEW NO LONGER, BECAUSE THE
NEW COYOTE UGLY ESCAPE KIT IS HERE.
COYOTE UGLY ESCAPE KIT IS THE
DISPOSABLE PROSTHETIC ARM...
YOU ATTACH BEFORE YOU GO TO
BED WITH THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE.
SIMPLY FASTEN A REALISTIC,
STYLISH, COYOTE ARM,
AND YOU'RE ALL SET FOR
THOSE RUDE AWAKENINGS.
WHAT'S KEEPING YOU, BABY? I
NEED YOUR LOVIN' ARMS AROUND ME.
NO PROBLEM, THANKS TO
THE COYOTE UGLY ESCAPE KIT.
AT THE MOMENT OF REVULSION,
SIMPLY UNFASTEN THE HINGES,
AND YOU'RE FREE AND CLEAR, WITH NO TORN
LIGAMENTS OR UNPLEASANT ARTERIAL BLEEDING.
YES, COYOTE UGLY PROMISES "A
HAPPY HUMP WITH NO BLOODY STUMP."
SO, REMEMBER GUYS, WITH COYOTE
BRAND YOU CAN SAY FAREWELL TO ARMS,
AND FAREWELL TO
LAST NIGHT'S NIGHTMARE.
COYOTE UGLY ESCAPE
KIT, FROM MUTTCO.
HI. I'M GEORGE HAMILTON.
THROUGHOUT MY
ILLUSTRIOUS CAREER,
I HAVE BEEN FREQUENTLY COMPLIMENTED
ABOUT MY GOLDEN BRONZE PIGMENT.
YOU SEE, WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM THAT HOLE IN THE OZONE,
OVER THE YEARS MY EPIDERMAL LAYER
HAS GOTTEN SO THICK AND LEATHERY...
THAT, QUITE FRANKLY,
IT'S AS DEAD AS MY CAREER.
THAT'S WHY TODAY I'M
OFFERING DIRECTLY TO YOU...
THE GEORGE HAMILTON
LUGGAGE COLLECTION.
HOW DO I KNOW IT'S GOOD?
BECAUSE IT'S MADE OUT OF MY SKIN.
LET MY LOSS OF ELASTICITY
BECOME YOUR KEY TO DURABILITY.
THERE'S NEVER A NEED TO WORRY
ABOUT THOSE CLUMSY BAGGAGE HANDLERS.
UH-OH.
THAT FEELS GOOD. ♪♪
SIGOURNEY WEAVER WEARS
ARMY BOOTS, YOU FUR BALL!
YOU THINK YOU CAN DESTROY WHAT TOOK ME 50 YEARS
OF LOAFING AROUND THE POOL TO BUILD? HA-HA!
GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT, PRIMATE!
ORDER NOW, AND YOU'LL GET
THESE MATCHING RUMP HIDE BELTS.
THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE ASKS
YOU IF YOU KNOW GEORGE HAMILTON,
YOU CAN SAY, "KNOW HIM?
I BEAT MY KIDS WITH HIM!"
ORDER YOUR COLLECTION NOW.
HI. I'M AMY FISHER. YOU
KNOW, THE LONG ISLAND LOLITA.
AND THIS IS JOEY
BUTTAFUOCO OVER HERE. HEY!
JOEY BUTTAFUOCO OVER HERE!
HEY, GIRLS, ARE YOU A WHORE?
ARE YOU GOOD WITH A HANDGUN?
DO YOU LIKE TO
HAVE SEX IN A CAR?
ARE YOU AS DUMB AS DIP, BUT YOU
STILL WANNA MAKE A LOT OF MONEY?
THEN TAKE AMY'S SPECIAL
BANG FOR YOUR BUCKS SEMINAR.
TELL 'EM, PRINCESS.
THREE SIMPLE STEPS.
ONE, YOU GET YOURSELF
A REALLY SEXY GUY.
HEY. JOEY BUTTAFUOCO OVER HERE.
BUT TO LAND YOURSELF
A REALLY SEXY GUY,
FIRST YONG LESS THAN
TWO FEET AIN'T REALLY SEXY.
RIGHT, JOEE!
S GUY'S WIFE.
YOU SELL OFF YOUR MOVIE
RIGHTS, YOUR PAPERBACK RIGHTS.
THEN YOU LOOK FOR
THE NEW SITCOM ON FOX...
THE BUTTAFUOCOS OVER HERE!
HEY, SURE, I'M GONNA SPEND A
COUPLE OF YEARS IN THE SLAMMER,
BUT I'M ALREADY ELIGIBLE
FOR PAROLE IN '95 OVER HERE.
AND ALL THIS MONEY SPREAD OUT
WITH THREE YEARS IN THE CLINK,
THAT WORKS OUT TO, PER YEAR...
OH, SHE'S WORKIN' IT OUT!
I GOTTA PUT SOMETHIN'...
WELL, A WHOLE LOT OF MONEY.
SO, TAKE MY SEMINAR.
YEAH, RIGHT. I TOOK AMY'S SEMINAR,
AND NOBODY BOUGHT MY RIGHTS.
ALL I DID WAS GO
STRAIGHT TO JAIL.
OOPS. I ALMOST FORGOT
THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP.
MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE WHITE.
YEAH, 'CAUSE HOLLYWOOD
ONLY BUYS STORIES...
ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE KILLING
EACH OTHER OVER HERE!
HEY, DUH! NOW, GIVE
ME A KISS HERE, JOEY!
YOU COME HERE, YOU!
OH, YEAH! OH, YEAH!
HEY, JOEY! WHAT ARE YOU
KISSIN' THAT WHORE FOR?
HEY, MARY JO. I
WASN'T KISSIN' HER.
I WAS, UH, GIVIN' HER
C.P.R. OVER HERE.
GIVE ME A BREAK. THAT'S MY JOEY,
ALWAYS TRYING TO
HELP PEOPLE OVER HERE.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY BREAK IT
UP. VISITING DAY IS OVER OVER HERE.
SO DIAL 555-LO-LITER.
I'LL GET YOU MORE
BANG FOR YOUR BUCK.
BADA-BING, BADA-BANG.
IT'S JUST THAT SIMPLE.
CALL ME.
- OVER HERE?
- OVER HERE.
♪ YEAH, HA, COME ON, HA ♪
♪ GET THE PARTY
STARTED RIGHT NOW ♪
♪ UH, HA ♪
♪ WHAT UP, HUH LET'S
ROCK THIS PARTY ♪
♪ H2 LIMO AND A
CASE OF BACARDI ♪
♪ LADIES IN THE BACK
SEAT GONNA ACT NAUGHTY ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, WE ROCK
THIS SPOT WHAT UP, HA ♪
♪ GET HIGH, SUPERSONIC YOU
KNOW, WE ROCK THIS SPOT UP ♪
♪ WHAT UP, YEAH GET
HIGH, SUPERSONIC ♪
♪ ME AND THE CREW
LIKE A TWIST OF CHRONIC ♪
♪ TWO DOUBLE-OH FOUR
HIP-HOP, ARE YOU ON IT ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, WE ROCK
THIS SPOT WHAT UP ♪♪
WELCOME TO JUICEMANIA...
THE SHOW THAT TAKES A LOOK AT
THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF JUICE.
THIS WEEK... THE JUICE WEASEL.
AND NOW, HERE'S YOUR
HOST, GORDY LANGSTON!
HI, EVERYBODY!
ARE YOU AS EXCITED
AS I'M BEING PAID TO BE?
WE'VE BEEN PAID TOO!
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
AND IT'S ALSO INCREDIBLE!
HEY, LET'S BRING
OUT TODAY'S HOST,
THE INCREDIBLE, MOST
AMAZING GUEST WE'VE EVER HAD,
JUICY JAY CORNERS!
COME ON! WOW!
WOW!
WOW! JUICY JAY, THAT WAS AN
INCREDIBLE FEAT OF STRENGTH.
THANK YOU, GORDY. I TOOK MY
WHOLE FAMILY ON LONG TRIPS LIKE THIS.
WOW. WOW, MAN. WHERE'S
YOUR FAMILY NOW, JAY?
THEY'RE ALL DEAD.
I OUTLIVED 'EM ALL.
THAT'S THE BEAUTY
OF THE JUICE WEASEL.
WOW. THAT'S INCREDIBLE,
HUH, AUDIENCE?
YOU! COME ON UP HERE. ME?
COME ON UP!
YOU SEEM LIKE A HEALTHY YOUNG
MAN. HOW OLD ARE YA? I'M 21.
TWENTY-ONE, HUH? YES.
HE'S 21, BUT I'M STILL STANDIN'.
I FOUND THE SECRET
OF ETERNAL LIFE.
I LOOKED INTO GOD'S EYES,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW?
THE JUICE WEASEL. HEY, FOLKS!
CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT TIME IT IS?
TIME TO JUICE!
JUICE! JUICE! JUICE! JUICE!
GORDY, THAT'S HOW MUCH ORGANIC
MATTER YOU NEED EVERY DAY.
NOW, YOU COULD
EAT IT IN THAT FORM,
BUT SOONER OR LATER, YOU'RE
GONNA GET TIRED OF WIPING YOUR BUTT.
ANOTHER PROBLEM IS
FRUIT. HOW DO YOU GET AT IT?
LOOK! WHAT DO I DO WITH IT?
YOU NEED TO BE A NASA
SCIENTIST TO GET INSIDE THAT THING.
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO
DRINK A RAW CARROT, GORDY?
IT CAN'T BE DONE.
WOW, I GET IT. NOW, THAT'S
WHERE THE JUICE WEASEL COMES IN.
YES!
THE JUICE WEASEL SEPARATES
THE FIBER FROM THE JUICE,
SAVING ONLY THE MOST
ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS.
THAT'S THE BEAUTY
OF MY DESIGN, GORDY.
I WANT YOU TO TRY
SOMETHING. SURE, JAY.
A LITTLE CONCOCTION I MADE
BEFORE THE SHOW. OKAY.
EW! EW, THAT TASTES LIKE
SOMEBODY'S DIRTY UNDERSHORTS.
NOT JUST SOMEBODY'S,
GORDY. THEY'RE MINE.
BUT, SEE, THE
UNDERSHORTS ARE GONE.
ALL THAT'S LEFT IS
THE LIFE-GIVING JUICE.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE! ISN'T
THAT GREAT? ISN'T THAT GREAT?
SEE, PEOPLE LIKE TO EAT THE BAD
STUFF AND THROW AWAY THE GOOD STUFF.
LOOK AT THIS CELERY,
GORDY. LOOK AT IT!
WHERE DOES IT COME
FROM? UH, THE DIRT, JAY?
NO, THE SOIL.
YOU SEE, THE SOIL IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING ON EARTH.
THAT IS MOTHER EARTH
GIVING US OUR GIFTS.
ALL LIFE EMANATES FROM
THE SOIL. IT EMANATES, GORDY!
SEE? SO, WHAT I DO IS
KNOCK OUT THE MIDDLE MAN.
YOU GOT ALL THE MINERALS
YOU NEED RIGHT HERE.
- THAT'S GONNA BE
BEAUTIFUL, GORDY.
- SURE IS. RIGHT, GUYS?
HELL WITH THEM! YOU KNOW,
ANOTHER QUESTION
PEOPLE ASK ME, GORDY, IS...
"JAY, WHAT AM I GONNA
DO ABOUT MY FINANCES?
GROCERIES ARE TOO EXPENSIVE."
OH, YA SON OF A... YOU KNOW?
I COULD JUST GO OFF ON 'EM.
I'D LOVE TO JUICE THEM SOMETIME, YOU
KNOW? JUST PUT THEIR HAND IN THERE...
WE CAN'T DO THAT, CAN WE, JAY?
YOU KNOW? BUT, UH...
BUT THE JUICE WEASEL CAN
TAKE YESTERDAY'S LEFTOVERS...
AND TURN THEM INTO
TODAY'S SMOOTHIE.
SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD TO ME.
BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAN, JAY?
WELL, HERE'S A LITTLE BAG OF
GARBAGE I TOOK OFF MY NEIGHBOR'S LAWN.
MOST PEOPLE THROW
EGGSHELLS AWAY.
BAD MISTAKE.
OH, LOOK AT THIS, GORDY. WE
GOT LUCKY. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WE GOT LUCKY. SEE? YOU KNOW, WHEN I
SEE PEOPLE THROWING STUFF LIKE THIS AWAY,
IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.
OH, COME ON NOW. INSECTS?
DON'T EVER QUESTION ME, GORDY.
I KNOW A LOT MORE ABOUT
NUTRITION THAN YOU DO.
ALL RIGHT. THAT'S
JUST ABOUT READY.
OKAY. NOW, WATCH
THIS, GORDY. OKAY, JAY.
JUICE! JUICE! JUICE! JUICE!
JUICE! JUICE! JUICE! JUICE!
NOTICE ANYTHING
DIFFERENT, GORDY?
UH, NO. WHAT, UH, JAY?
I'M INVISIBLE!
OH. OH, OH, RIGHT.
YEAH, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
I-I THOUGHT YOU WERE
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.
WHO ARE YOU TALKING
TO, GORDY? I'M OVER HERE!
WOW. THAT'S INCREDIBLE,
ISN'T IT, AUDIENCE?
YOU THINK THAT'S
GREAT... OH, LOOK. LOOK!
OH, THE VEGETABLES ARE
FLYIN' BY THEMSELVES. OOH.
OH, GREAT. IF YOU THINK THAT'S
GREAT, GORDY, WAIT TILL YOU SEE ME FLY.
WAIT A MINUTE. UH,
JAY... WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT.
JAY... I CAN FLY. I SWEAR I CAN.
UH, UH, LEON, STOP
TAPE. I CAN FLY!
- WAIT. WHAT? JAY? JAY. JAY!
- I CAN FLY!
OH, MY GOD! HE JUMPED
OUT THE WINDOW! STOP TAPE!
OH, HE JUMPED! JAY,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
IT'S GETTING DARK. I'M
FEELING STRANGELY PEACEFUL.
OH, MY GOD. JAY, DO
WE NEED A PRIEST?
NO, GORDY. JUST
GIVE ME THE JUICE.
COULD YOU POUR SOME OF
THAT ON MY JOINTS, GORDY?
I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW, GORDY.
THAT PROVES ONE THING TO ME.
THERE'S A TIME TO
LAUGH... A TIME TO CRY...
A TIME TO LIVE...
AND A TIME TO JUICE!
HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A GOOD
TIME. WE'LL SEE YA NEXT WEEK!
♪♪