In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 4, Episode 27 - Night at the Movies - full transcript
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP
AND SIP ON A DREAM ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE
ON A FUNKY SCENE ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO ♪♪
HI. I'M LOOMIS SIMMONS.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
KNOW YOUR "FOOTURE"?
WELL, NOW YOU CAN WITH THE
LOOMIS SIMMONS PSYCHIC LINE.
YES, FIND OUT ALL THE THINGS
YOU'VE ONLY DREAMT OF KNOWING...
JUST BY PICKING UP THE PHONE.
THE FIRST 15 SECONDS IS
FREE, EXCEPT FOR TWO DOLLARS.
EACH ADDITIONAL 15
SECONDS IS A WHOLE LOT MORE.
LET'S LISTEN IN.
WELCOME TO THE FUTURE.
I PREDICT YOUR NEXT PHONE
BILL WILL BE TWO DOLLARS HIGHER.
I PREDICT YOUR NEXT PHONE
BILL WILL BE FOUR DOLLARS HIGHER.
I PREDICT YOUR NEXT PHONE
BILL WILL BE SIX DOLLARS HIGHER.
"SPOOKENING," ISN'T IT? A
LOT OF PEOPLE SAY TO ME,
"LOOMIS, HOW CAN
THIS BE A PSYCHIC LINE...
WHEN ALL YOU GET IS A
RECORDED MESSAGE?"
AND I SAY, "SHUT UP. WHO ARE
YOU TO QUESTION A PSYCHIC?"
LET'S LOOK AT SOME EXAMPLES
OF MY PSYCHIC ABILITY AT WORK.
WILL I FIND HAPPINESS?
YES.
WILL MY BUSINESS BE SUCCESSFUL?
HELL, NO.
WHERE WILL I MEET
THE MAN OF MY DREAMS?
IN YOUR DAMN DREAMS.
NOW LET'S LISTEN TO BOTH
OF MY SATISFIED CUSTOMERS.
LOOMIS SAID I WOULD WIN
THE LOTTERY AND QUIT MY JOB.
TODAY I QUIT MY JOB.
I'M HALFWAY THERE!
THANKS, LOOMIS.
IT'S FANTASTIC. I LOVE IT.
INTERNATIONAL STARS
OF STAGE AND SCREEN...
RELY ON ME TO ANSWER IMPORTANT
QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR CAREER.
HERE'S A CALL NOW.
HELLO, LOOMIS. THIS
IS TODD BRIDGES.
WILL I GO BEFORE
THE CAMERA AGAIN?
YES, "TARRED." A
SURVEILLANCE CAMERA,
IN A 7-11, WEARIN' A SKI MASK.
BUT STOP DIALIN' AFTER
THE FIRST SEVEN LETTERS.
REMEMBER, YOU MUST
BE OVER 18 TO CALL.
BUT YO, KIDS, WHO'S GONNA KNOW
HOW OLD YOU ARE OVER THE PHONE?
CERTAINLY NOT LOOMIS.
SO DON'T HIDE FROM
YOUR "FOOTURE."
CALL THE LOOMIS
SIMMONS PSYCHIC LINE.
CALL TODAY. CALL IT.
I KNOW YOU WILL. I CAN FEEL IT.
THE PSYCHIC LINE WANTS YOU.
SOMETIMES STUFF HAPPENS
THAT'S LIKE REALLY, REALLY UNFAIR,
AND YOU CAN'T TURN TO
ADULTS BECAUSE... LET'S FACE IT...
SOMETIMES THEY
JUST DON'T GET IT.
I MEAN, WHO'S THE FUTURE
OF THIS COUNTRY? US, RIGHT?
AND THINGS'LL BE DIFFERENT
WHEN WE'RE RUNNIN' THE SHOW.
BUT FOR NOW, MTV, THE
COOLEST NETWORK ON THE PLANET,
HAS ESTABLISHED THIS
FORUM: MTV'S TEEN COURT.
OKAY, HEY, UM, SHUT UP.
OKAY, UM... OKAY,
EVERYBODY SIT DOWN.
UH, UM, HI.
UM, I'VE READ YOUR COMPLAINTS, AND I
KNOW YOU'VE BEEN SWORN IN AND EVERYTHING,
BUT, UH, I HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING
TODAY EXCEPT MILK DUDS AND SLIM FAST.
I'M FEELING KINDA DIZZY, SO IF YOU COULD
JUST TELL ME AGAIN WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?
WELL, IF IT PLEASE THE COURT, YOUR HONOR,
YOU KNOW THE SUPERMODEL NAOMI CAMPBELL?
WELL, YEAH.
WELL, KENNY HERE SAYS THAT SHE HAD A MAJOR
BOOB JOB, BUT I SAY THAT SHE'S ALL NATURAL.
I'M TELLING YOU, MAN, GOD
DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING THAT SWEET.
HEY, MAN, WAIT A MINUTE. DID YOU
SEE THE GEORGE MICHAEL VIDEO?
I MEAN, MAN, SHE HAD THOSE
LIKE LIQUID LIKE TEXTURE.
MAN, YOU CAN'T GET
THAT FROM SILICONE.
YEAH? HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
HEY, WELL, LOOK
WHO'S TALKING, MAN.
LAST TIME YOU HAD A BREAST, MAN, IT HAD KENTUCKY
FRIED CHICKEN WRITTEN ON THE SIDE OF IT.
UM, EXCUSE ME, BUT, UH,
WHAT EXACTLY AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO ABOUT THIS ISSUE?
WE WERE JUST THINKING THAT MAYBE YOU
COULD GET NAOMI CAMPBELL TO COME DOWN HERE,
AND MAYBE WE COULD...
GOD, YOU TWO ARE TOTAL JERKS.
I HEREBY SENTENCE YOU TO TWO
MONTHS HARD LABOR AFTER SCHOOL...
AT THAT LONG JOHN SILVER'S
ON VENTURA BOULEVARD.
NEXT CASE!
HI. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
HE ASKED ME OUT,
AND HE'S REALLY LAME.
WELL, DUH! TELL ME
SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW.
UM, HE'S REALLY, REALLY LAME.
YOUR HONOR, I REQUEST THAT THAT
REMARK BE STRICKEN FROM THE RECORD...
ON THE GROUNDS THAT I LOVE HER
UNCONDITIONALLY AND TILL THE END OF ALL...
OH, MY GOD, YOU REALLY ARE LAME.
CITING THE PRECEDENT OF
BRADY BUNCH EPISODE #74,
"MARCIA V. THE SECRET
ADMIRER," I RULE FOR THE PLAINTIFF.
UM, WHAT ABOUT THE ONE WHERE PETER
HITS MARCIA IN THE NOSE WITH A FOOTBALL,
AND IT SWELLS UP ALL HUGE,
AND SHE MISSES THE DANCE?
- WHAT ABOUT IT?
- I LIKE THAT ONE.
I LIKE THAT ONE
TOO! "OW, MY NOSE!"
"OW, MY NOSE!" YOUR HONOR!
I HEREBY SUBMIT
STAR TREK EPISODE #18,
"DOOMSDAY MACHINE,"
WHERE THE OMNIPOTENT
BEING CAME DOWN FROM THE...
GEEK, GEEK, GEEK!
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
IMPOSE ON YOU THAT THING...
WHERE YOU CAN'T, LIKE, GO WITHIN
50 FEET OF ANYONE BREATHING.
- A RESTRAINING ORDER?
- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BOOGER BOB.
AND I ALSO FIND YOU GUILTY
OF ULTRA GROSSNESS...
AND SENTENCE YOU TO
GO TO A DERMATOLOGIST.
AND WIPE YOUR NOSE!
MOTION FOR APPEAL.
YEAH, RIGHT. HOLD YOUR
BREATH. COURT IS ADJOURNED.
I GOTTA GET THIS ROBE OFF. IT'S
MAKING ME BREAK OUT IN HIVES.
WELL, THAT BRINGS TO A CLOSE THE
CASE OF THE LAMEST GEEK IN THE GALAXY.
HERE COMES THE DEFENDANT NOW.
DUDE, YOU MUST FEEL
LIKE QUITE A LOSER.
BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY. THERE'S
NO INTELLIGENT LIFE DOWN HERE.
OH, LAME, LAME,
LAME, LAME, LAME.
WELL, BE SURE TO
TUNE IN NEXT TIME,
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER
EVERYONE'S ENTITLED TO A FAIR TRIAL.
THIS IS AMERICA, RIGHT? SO DON'T
SETTLE THINGS IN GYM DURING RECESS.
TAKE 'EM TO TEEN COURT.
THERE YOU GO. WE
ARE ALMOST FINISHED.
NOW HERE'S THE
PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE.
HEY, THAT'S
BEAUTIFUL. TAKE A LOOK.
HEY, MAN, WHAT DID YOU
DO? I LOOK LIKE DON KING.
NO, BOY, I GOT NEWS FOR
YOU. YOU LOOK LIKE BUCKWHEAT.
SO I SHOULD KNOW. I'M THE ONE MADE
DON KING LOOK LIKE DON KING, MAN.
I KNOW, SUCKER. NOW ALL THE "WOMENS"
GONNA BE RUNNIN' RIGHT AFTER YOU.
THEY GONNA BE RUNNIN' FROM
ME. I LOOK LIKE THE HEAT MISER.
OH, I DID HIS HAIR TOO,
SUCKER. I DID EVERYBODY'S HAIR.
ALL SHARPTON, MILLI AND VANILLI,
EL DeBARGE, ALL THE BIG STARS.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU'RE
GONNA DO MINE. I'M GONE.
WHERE'S MY TIP, SUCKER?
NOW, MAC, WHY DID YOU
TELL THAT BOY THEM LIES?
YOU KNOW YOU AIN'T NEVER DONE
NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE'S HAIR.
- WELL, HOW'S THAT?
- I SAID YOU AIN'T NEVER DONE
NONE OF THEM PEOPLE'S HAIR.
WELL, FINE, THANK YOU. MOVE YOUR
FEET, SUCKER. MOVE YOUR FEET. HEY.
YOU GOTTA QUIT TREATIN' PEOPLE LIKE YOU TREAT
'EM. SOMEBODY GONNA SLAP YOU UPSIDE YOUR HEAD.
OH, NO, I AIN'T CONSTIPATED
NO MORE, BUT THANKS FOR ASKIN'.
WHO DID MY BABY'S
HAIR LIKE THIS?
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TALK TO
HIM OVER THERE. MAC DID HIS HAIR.
UH, WHAT KIND OF BARBER ARE
YOU? I SENT MY SON DOWN HERE...
FOR A SIMPLE TRIM AND A LITTLE OFF
THE SIDES, AND LOOK WHAT YOU DID.
WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE A DAMN
FROG. WHAT'D YOU SAY, SUCKER?
I SAID YOU MESSED
UP MY SON'S HAIR.
OH, YOU LEFT SOMETHIN' ON
THE CHAIR. WELL, LET'S SEE.
I PAID 10 DOLLARS FOR MY SON TO HAVE HIS HAIR
CUT AND NOT BUTCHERED. I WANT MY MONEY BACK.
WELL, WHAT YOU WANT?
A TAIL IN THE BACK?
CAN YOU HEAR ME? I SAID
I WANT MY MONEY BACK.
NOW, IF YOU WANT ANOTHER CONK IN
HERE, THAT'S GONNA COST YOU EXTRA.
WE ARE NEVER COMING
BACK HERE AGAIN. COME ON.
WELL, SHOOT, THEY ALL COME
BACK NOW. THEY ALL COME BACK.
YOU GONNA BE BACK TOO. WHOOPI
GOLDBERG, PATTI LaBELLE, ROSS.
SHOOT, EVEN JAMES
BROWN DONE COME BACK.
NOW, YOU KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY. WHY
WOULD JAMES BROWN COME WAY DOWN HERE...
IN THIS OLD RUNDOWN BARBERSHOP
WAY DOWN HERE IN THE HOOD?
HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
HEY, WHAT'S-WHAT'S-WHAT'S
THE WAIT LIKE IN HERE, MAN?
THERE AIN'T NO WAIT, MR. BROWN.
GET ON UP, BOY. HEY, YOU.
HEY, HEY, SAM, YOU AIN'T
FINISHED WITH MY HAIR.
I DON'T WANNA TAKE ANYBODY'S
TURN. WHAT ABOUT THIS CHAIR HERE?
WHO'S NEXT? OH, YOU ARE,
SUCKER. COME ON. SIT DOWN.
HERE YOU GO. SIT DOWN. UH-HUH.
HERE WE GO. COMIN' RIGHT UP.
I'M GONNA BE WITH YOU IN A
MINUTE. HERE WE GO. WATCH THIS.
HEY! NOW WHAT YOU WANT, SUCKER?
WELL, I JUST WANT YOU TO TRIM THE
SIDES A LITTLE AND PUT A LINE IN THE BACK.
SO YOU WANT YOUR NAME ACROSS
THE SIDE AND TAIL IN THE BACK?
I WANT YOU TO TRIM THE SIDES
AND PUT A LITTLE LINE IN THE BACK.
OH, WH-WHAT YOU WANT? EAST
COAST OR WEST COAST? A WHAT?
WHAT YOU WANT? A BLOWOUT? I CAN GET
YOU SOME STRONG CONK. NOW, YOU WANT CONK?
MAN, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT.
POINT TO WHAT YOU WANT, SUCKER,
ON THE WALL. POINT TO WHAT YOU WANT.
HE CAN'T HEAR YOU VERY
WELL THERE, MR. BROWN.
OH, ALL RIGHT. RIGHT
OVER THERE. THAT ONE.
NOW LOOK HERE. YOU
AIN'T GOT TO SHOUT, SUCKER.
SOMEBODY 'BOUT TO
GET CUT. I CAN HEAR YOU.
ONE AL SHARPTON COMING UP!
YEP, HERE WE GO.
WATCH OUT, MAN.
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
THERE YOU GO,
SUCKER. TEN DOLLARS.
WOW! GOOD GOD!
OH, I KNOW IT'S A GOOD JOB
NOW, BUT GIVE ME MY MONEY.
YOU KNOW, I GOT TO
LEAVE FROM HERE...
BECAUSE I'M GONNA DO
SOMETHING I'LL REGRET.
YOU NEED SOME HELP.
YOU OUGHTA GET EDUCATION.
WHERE'S MY TIP, SUCKER?
HEY, WATCH YOUR STEP THERE,
MR. BROWN. YOU DON'T WANNA...
LOOK AT THAT.
WAS THAT LITTLE RICHARD?
♪ YEAH, UH-HUH ♪
♪ GIVE ME THE CHANGE
GONNA SHOW ME THE MONEY ♪
♪ YEAH, GIVE ME THE XLR ♪
♪ FILL THE BACKSEAT WITH HONEY ♪
♪ I'LL FLOW DOWN THE BEAT ♪
♪ I'M HOLDING MY
RHYME FOR RANSOM ♪
♪ JUST SHOW ME THE CASH ♪
♪ I'LL GIVE YOU
GOLD AND PLATINUM ♪
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.
YEAH, ONE MILLION, TWO
MILLION, THREE BILLION.
DOESN'T MATTER, 'CAUSE
I'VE BUILT AN EMPIRE.
YEAH, GIMME THAT, GIMME THAT.
GOLD AND PLATINUM. YEAH.
♪ GOLD AND PLATINUM ♪♪
TODAY WE'RE HIGHLIGHTING THE LIFE
OF A LESSER-KNOWN EX-CONTENDER,
CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS,
ALWAYS KNOWN AS...
THE SPARRING PARTNER'S
SPARRING PARTNER.
HE HAS MADE MORE APPEARANCES IN THE
RING THAN ANY OTHER BOXER IN HISTORY.
HE'S TAKEN BLOWS
FROM THE VERY BEST...
JOE LOUIS, GEORGE FOREMAN,
MUHAMMAD ALI, JUST TO NAME A FEW.
UM, TOOTH, NOW WHAT IS IT THAT ALL
THESE GREAT BOXERS HAVE IN COMMON?
UH, THEY ALL KICKED MY...
I CAN SEE THAT. A
LOT OF PEOPLE SAY...
YOU LOOK LIKE A BARNUM & BAILEY CLOWN
THAT'S BEEN RUN OVER BY A DAMN TRUCK.
HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THAT?
WELL, THAT'S COOL AND ALL THAT,
UH, BUT, YOU KNOW, I HAD
DONE THAT FOR A MINUTE.
BUT MY BOXIN' SKILLS IS WHAT HAS BROUGHT
ME FROM... FROM THE GROUND FLOOR, YOU KNOW.
AND PLUS WITH MY... WITH MY
HOOD, YOU KNOW, ROLLING BOXERS,
WE ROLLED UP LIKE
THAT, YOU KNOW.
IS THAT SOME SORT OF
A GANG YOU'RE IN THERE?
YEAH, IT'S A BOXING GANG, YOU KNOW,
'CAUSE WE DO LIKE DRIVE-BY PUNCHES.
- YOU KNOW, WE DRIVE UP... BOOM...
- BUST SOMEBODY'S HEAD.
UH-HUH. YEAH. DUDE, YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYIN', WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
WELL, THAT IS INCREDIBLE.
NOW, WHY EXACTLY DO
THEY CALL YOU THE TOOTH?
BASICALLY, I GOT ONE TOOTH,
AND IT'S A STRATEGY BEHIND THAT,
'CAUSE I FIGURE IF I
ONLY GOT ONE TOOTH,
THEY CAN'T FOCUS IN ON ALL MY
"TEEFESES" AND KNOCK 'EM OUT.
SO I KEEP ONE. UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
WHAT IS ALL THIS
ABOUT? MAN, THIS, UH...
THIS IS A PROMOTIONAL THING.
WHAT WE DO IS, I'M
TRYIN' TO HELP, YOU KNOW,
THE KIDS IN THE HOOD
AND ALL THAT WHOLE THING.
SO IF THEY COME IN
AND KNOCK ME OUT,
THEY GET A FREE MEAL, YOU KNOW.
BUT TYSON AIN'T SHOWED. MM-HMM.
I DONE WROTE LETTERS AND
EVERYTHING. HE AIN'T SHOWED.
SO, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST
DOIN' IT MYSELF. UH-HUH.
HEY, WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? IF I
KNOCK YOU OUT, I GET A FREE DINNER?
AIN'T THAT WHAT THE SIGN
SAYS? AIN'T IT WHAT IT SAYS?
I'LL GIVE THIS A SHOT.
WELL, BRING IT ON...
WHAT IN THE SMELLY
HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
IF YOU KNOCK HIM OUT,
YOU GET A FREE DINNER.
YOU DON'T SAY.
TOOTH, TOOTH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
HEY, MAN, DON'T STOP ME. DON'T STOP
ME. GET IN THE CAR. GET IN THE CAR.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO, HO. GET IN
THE CAR, GIRL. GET IN THE CAR, GIRL.
LET'S ROLL UP, GIRL. ROLL UP.
UH, UH, TOOTH, I THINK... I THINK
YOU'RE HAVING A FLASHBACK.
OH, OH, OH. WELL, BASICALLY, HE HAD HIT
ME IN THE HEAD. THAT'S HAPPENED BEFORE.
AND LIKE I SAID, BASICALLY
BOXING GOT MY HEAD DIZZY. MM-HMM.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HE DIDN'T
HIT ME LIKE I HAD BEEN HIT.
UH, TOOTH, YOU WERE KNOCKED OUT.
NOW, I SAW YOUR FACE WRAPPED
AROUND HIS FIST. ANY COMMENTS?
SEE, THAT'S WHAT YOU HAD SEEN, BUT
THAT'S LIKE THE JEDI OF BOXING THEORY.
MM-HMM. WHEN THEY
SWING AND THEY HIT MY FACE,
THAT'S ACTUALLY HITTIN'
THE BACK OF MY HEAD.
AND THAT'S WHAT
KEEPS ME ON POINT. MM.
OH, THIS IS SWEET. JIMMY, GO OVER THERE AND
LET MAMA TAKE YOUR PICTURE WITH THE CHAMP.
GO ON NOW.
I BET YOU LOOKIN' HERE
IN A PERSONAL WAY.
I BET YOU WANT AN "AUMOGRAPH"
OR SOMETHIN' FROM THE CHAMP.
DON'T YOU, BOY? NO, I
WANT A FREE DINNER.
HEY, MAN!
THAT WAS SWEET. NOW COME
ON. LET'S GET OUR FREE MEAL.
HEY, THAT'S THAT GIRL
FROM STAR TREK, AIN'T IT?
ANYWAY, MAN, THAT
WAS A LOW BLOW.
I WANT A REACH... I
WANT A REMATCH, MAN,
'CAUSE I WANT TYSON, MAN, YOU KNOW, AND
I WANT TYSON, AND I WANT THE KID TOO, MAN.
UH, TOOTH, AHEM, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF
PEOPLE SAY MAYBE YOU'RE PAST YOUR PRIME.
STRAIGHT UP. STRAIGHT UP. AND WE ALL KNOW
YOU'VE SUFFERED VERY MANY MEDICAL SETBACKS:
TWO DETACHED RETINAS, SWELLING
OF THE BRAIN AND THE HEART,
TWO STROKES AND A
HEART TRANSPLANT.
UH, NOW, EXACTLY
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
UH, MAN, I AIN'T BUT
16 AND A HALF, MAN.
BUT, UH, I'M IN THE
RECORD BOOKS, MAN.
UH, AS YOU SEE, MUHAMMAD ALI.
MM-HMM. STRAIGHT UP.
UH, LARRY "HELMES." MM-HMM.
STRAIGHT UP. AND THE ONE
AND ONLY JERRY CORNBREAD.
I TIGHTEN 'EM UP, MAN, 'CAUSE I
BE... THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
VERY INTERESTING. BOOM, BOOM.
HEY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I NEED SOME
TYSON. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
LOOK TO ME LIKE
YOU NEED A DENTIST.
WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED
A PUNCH IN YOUR FACE, LAWANDA.
WHAT'S UP? WHAT YOU
GONNA DO? HUH? HUH?
WOW, THAT WAS SIMPLY INCREDIBLE.
UNBELIEVABLE. HOW DO YOU FEEL?
FORGET MIKE TYSON. HE'S IN JAIL.
I WANT RIDDICK
BOWE! RIDDICK BOWE!
I WANNA PUNCH HER. THAT'S
WHAT I WANT. LET ME AT HIM!
GET IN THE CAR, GIRL! GET IN
THE CAR, GIRL! LET ME AT HIM!
MY NAME IS JIM HILL, AND WE'LL
BE BACK AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
HEY, WHAT'S UP? I'M D.J. TWIST.
FROM THE BOOGIE DOWN
BRONX WE HAVE SHOWBIZ & A.G.,
FEATURING DRES FROM BLACK SHEEP,
SINGIN' "BOUNCE TO
THIS." HERE WE GO.
HEY, YO. HEY, YO. THIS IS
SHOWBIZ WITH SHOWBIZ & A.G.,
AND I BRUNG MY PARTNER A.G. AND
MY MAN DRES FROM BLACK SHEEP...
AS WE BLOW FOR '93, YO.
♪ BOUNCE, MAKE IT BOUNCE
MAKE IT BOUNCE ♪ ♪ COME ON ♪
♪ BOUNCE, MAKE IT BOUNCE
MAKE IT BOUNCE, YO ♪
♪ SPEAK TO YOUR SPEAKER
'CAUSE IT'S THE TIME OF DAY ♪
♪ THERE'S SOMETHIN' NEW
FOR THE MASS, PASS, PEOPLE ♪
♪ TRIBE HARD, DIE HARD
UH-HUH, HARDLY EVER ♪
♪ NOT NEVER, BUT IF YOUR
PLEASURE BE CLEVER ♪
♪ WE'RE DEEPER THAN THE PORTS
IN THE BACK OF YOUR CEREBELLUM ♪
♪ DRES, DRE AND SHOWBIZ IS RIPPIN'
TOO QUICK AND GETTIN' 'EM YELLIN' ♪
♪ THEY CAME, THEY SAW
THEY RIPPED THE HELL OUT ♪
♪ YOU PLAY, YOU LAY BUT IF YOU
GIVE GOOD HAY YOU CAN STAY ♪
♪ HEY, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE WORLD TODAY ♪
♪ BROTHERS BUSTIN' BROTHERS
FOR LESS THAN TIME OF DAY ♪
♪ THE PAY FOR HAMMER IS PROPER ♪
♪ AIN'T NO SUNSHINE ♪
♪ AND WHITEY'S GOT YOUR MAMA ♪
♪ NOW DO YOU WANNA CHANGE FOR THE
CHILDREN WITH A COMMA FOR WHO, FOR ME ♪
♪ I MYSELF YOU KNOW THE ONE ♪
♪ DOIN' WHAT I
GOTTA DO WHEN I DO ♪
♪ COME, I JUST GET OFF
NOT JUST THAT, YO, I SAY ♪
♪ I DO IT GOOD AND CHAKA KHAN
KNOWS THAT WE BE IN HOLLYWOOD ♪
♪ DON'T GET JEL' 'CAUSE
WE CASH LARGE CHECKS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE SKIDDLY-DIP-DIP
DO-DIP-DIP FOR EFFECTS ♪
♪ BROTHERS THINK I'M DISSING
BUT I'M REALLY ON THEIR HEAD ♪
♪ LOOK INTO MY ALBUM, KID
YOU'LL SEE ALL THE FLICKS ♪
♪ BUT NO, YOU'D RATHER FEEL
MY MOVIE JUST TO COLD ME ♪
♪ SO I WAS BONIN' MAMA AND
YOUR MOTHER HUMPIN' TOLD ME ♪
♪ I'M PLAYIN', I REALLY AIN'T
GOT NO TIME ON THE REEL ♪
♪ BUT YO, THE SHEIK BE
UNIQUE SO DO WHAT YOU FEEL ♪
♪ DON'T THINK I'M LIVE
THEN TAKE A SWIGGA ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M FROM QUEENS
AND I RUN WITH BRONX FIGURES ♪
♪ CHECK IT, CHECK
IT CHECK WHAT I SAY ♪
♪ YOU CAN BOUNCE WITH DRES
OR YOU CAN BOUNCE WITH DRE ♪
♪ YOU CAN FLIP THE
SCRIPT OR YOU CAN PARLAY ♪
♪ OR YOU CAN LEARN THE
WORDS AND SAY WHAT WE SAY ♪
- ♪ IF YOU'RE CHILLIN'
WITH YOUR CREW ♪
- ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE CHILLIN' WITH YOUR
FRIENDS ♪ ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
- ♪ IF YOU'RE COOLIN'
AT A CLUB ♪
- ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHAT YOU
DO YA GOTTA BOUNCE ♪
♪ THEY SAY MORE BOUNCE TO THE
OUNCE, WELL A GIANT WEIGHS TONS ♪
♪ STEPPIN' TO THE TWO ♪
♪ BUT WE'RE NOT THE ONES ♪
♪ BROTHERS ARE FLIPPIN' SOME
OTHER SUCKERS ARE TRIPPIN' ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU GOTTA TAKE A WHIPPIN'
AND SEE THAT I'M LIVE AND KICKIN' ♪
♪ I'M THE "A" TO THE G-I
FOLLOWED BY THE A-N-T ♪
♪ ROLLING WITH ♪
♪ THE SHOW B-I ♪
♪ BLACK BOOTS, BLACK
HAT SLICK LIKE A BLACK CAT ♪
- ♪ FLIP LIKE A FAT CAT ♪
- ♪ NEVER NONE OF THAT, BLACK ♪
♪ BUT I GOT TECHS FOR
THOSE WHO WANNA FLEX ♪
♪ SO MANY STYLES, YOU DON'T
KNOW WHICH ONE IS COMIN' NEXT ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN BOUNCIN' TO
THE OUNCE FOR MONTHS ♪
♪ FINESSE IS HERE, YEAH
PREMIERE'S GOT THE BLUNTS ♪
♪ JAZZY'S GETTIN' JAZZY
BIG "L" IS RAISIN' HELL ♪
♪ SHOW IS BUGGIN' WITH THE
BEATS ♪ ♪ CAN'T YOU TELL ♪
♪ DIGGIN' IN THE CRATES
IS IN OUR CORNER ♪
♪ ICE WATER, DESHAWN
AND LONG IS GETTIN' LONGER ♪
♪ GARY GATOR GOT THE LETHAL ♪
♪ INFINITE TODAY YEAH,
THEY ARE MY PEOPLE ♪
♪ ACT LIKE DRES
'CAUSE HE'S LIVIN' FAT ♪
♪ AND SAY YOU CAN BOUNCE TO
THIS OR YOU CAN BOUNCE TO THAT ♪
♪ MY RESPECT AND ALL THAT
DOUGH IS ALL THAT COUNTS ♪
♪ WELL, I'M OUT, COME ON,
Y'ALL LET'S MAKE 'EM BOUNCE ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE CHILLIN' ON THE AVE
♪ ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE COOLIN' IN YOUR HOUSE
♪ ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE ROCKIN' IN A WATER
BED ♪ ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHAT YOU'RE DOING ♪
♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE ON LOCKDOWN ♪
♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ OR GOT THE BOOM IN YOUR BOX
♪ ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ EVEN IF YOU'RE DEAF ♪
♪ BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
- ♪ NO MATTER
WHAT YOU'RE DOING ♪
- ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE ♪
♪ LAST, THIS IS DRES AND
I I'M LETTIN' YOU KNOW ♪
♪ THAT S-H-O-W-B-I-Z & A.G. ♪
♪ ARE ALL THAT SO ♪♪
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP
AND SIP ON A DREAM ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE
ON A FUNKY SCENE ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO ♪♪
HI. I'M LOOMIS SIMMONS.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
KNOW YOUR "FOOTURE"?
WELL, NOW YOU CAN WITH THE
LOOMIS SIMMONS PSYCHIC LINE.
YES, FIND OUT ALL THE THINGS
YOU'VE ONLY DREAMT OF KNOWING...
JUST BY PICKING UP THE PHONE.
THE FIRST 15 SECONDS IS
FREE, EXCEPT FOR TWO DOLLARS.
EACH ADDITIONAL 15
SECONDS IS A WHOLE LOT MORE.
LET'S LISTEN IN.
WELCOME TO THE FUTURE.
I PREDICT YOUR NEXT PHONE
BILL WILL BE TWO DOLLARS HIGHER.
I PREDICT YOUR NEXT PHONE
BILL WILL BE FOUR DOLLARS HIGHER.
I PREDICT YOUR NEXT PHONE
BILL WILL BE SIX DOLLARS HIGHER.
"SPOOKENING," ISN'T IT? A
LOT OF PEOPLE SAY TO ME,
"LOOMIS, HOW CAN
THIS BE A PSYCHIC LINE...
WHEN ALL YOU GET IS A
RECORDED MESSAGE?"
AND I SAY, "SHUT UP. WHO ARE
YOU TO QUESTION A PSYCHIC?"
LET'S LOOK AT SOME EXAMPLES
OF MY PSYCHIC ABILITY AT WORK.
WILL I FIND HAPPINESS?
YES.
WILL MY BUSINESS BE SUCCESSFUL?
HELL, NO.
WHERE WILL I MEET
THE MAN OF MY DREAMS?
IN YOUR DAMN DREAMS.
NOW LET'S LISTEN TO BOTH
OF MY SATISFIED CUSTOMERS.
LOOMIS SAID I WOULD WIN
THE LOTTERY AND QUIT MY JOB.
TODAY I QUIT MY JOB.
I'M HALFWAY THERE!
THANKS, LOOMIS.
IT'S FANTASTIC. I LOVE IT.
INTERNATIONAL STARS
OF STAGE AND SCREEN...
RELY ON ME TO ANSWER IMPORTANT
QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR CAREER.
HERE'S A CALL NOW.
HELLO, LOOMIS. THIS
IS TODD BRIDGES.
WILL I GO BEFORE
THE CAMERA AGAIN?
YES, "TARRED." A
SURVEILLANCE CAMERA,
IN A 7-11, WEARIN' A SKI MASK.
BUT STOP DIALIN' AFTER
THE FIRST SEVEN LETTERS.
REMEMBER, YOU MUST
BE OVER 18 TO CALL.
BUT YO, KIDS, WHO'S GONNA KNOW
HOW OLD YOU ARE OVER THE PHONE?
CERTAINLY NOT LOOMIS.
SO DON'T HIDE FROM
YOUR "FOOTURE."
CALL THE LOOMIS
SIMMONS PSYCHIC LINE.
CALL TODAY. CALL IT.
I KNOW YOU WILL. I CAN FEEL IT.
THE PSYCHIC LINE WANTS YOU.
SOMETIMES STUFF HAPPENS
THAT'S LIKE REALLY, REALLY UNFAIR,
AND YOU CAN'T TURN TO
ADULTS BECAUSE... LET'S FACE IT...
SOMETIMES THEY
JUST DON'T GET IT.
I MEAN, WHO'S THE FUTURE
OF THIS COUNTRY? US, RIGHT?
AND THINGS'LL BE DIFFERENT
WHEN WE'RE RUNNIN' THE SHOW.
BUT FOR NOW, MTV, THE
COOLEST NETWORK ON THE PLANET,
HAS ESTABLISHED THIS
FORUM: MTV'S TEEN COURT.
OKAY, HEY, UM, SHUT UP.
OKAY, UM... OKAY,
EVERYBODY SIT DOWN.
UH, UM, HI.
UM, I'VE READ YOUR COMPLAINTS, AND I
KNOW YOU'VE BEEN SWORN IN AND EVERYTHING,
BUT, UH, I HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING
TODAY EXCEPT MILK DUDS AND SLIM FAST.
I'M FEELING KINDA DIZZY, SO IF YOU COULD
JUST TELL ME AGAIN WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?
WELL, IF IT PLEASE THE COURT, YOUR HONOR,
YOU KNOW THE SUPERMODEL NAOMI CAMPBELL?
WELL, YEAH.
WELL, KENNY HERE SAYS THAT SHE HAD A MAJOR
BOOB JOB, BUT I SAY THAT SHE'S ALL NATURAL.
I'M TELLING YOU, MAN, GOD
DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING THAT SWEET.
HEY, MAN, WAIT A MINUTE. DID YOU
SEE THE GEORGE MICHAEL VIDEO?
I MEAN, MAN, SHE HAD THOSE
LIKE LIQUID LIKE TEXTURE.
MAN, YOU CAN'T GET
THAT FROM SILICONE.
YEAH? HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
HEY, WELL, LOOK
WHO'S TALKING, MAN.
LAST TIME YOU HAD A BREAST, MAN, IT HAD KENTUCKY
FRIED CHICKEN WRITTEN ON THE SIDE OF IT.
UM, EXCUSE ME, BUT, UH,
WHAT EXACTLY AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO ABOUT THIS ISSUE?
WE WERE JUST THINKING THAT MAYBE YOU
COULD GET NAOMI CAMPBELL TO COME DOWN HERE,
AND MAYBE WE COULD...
GOD, YOU TWO ARE TOTAL JERKS.
I HEREBY SENTENCE YOU TO TWO
MONTHS HARD LABOR AFTER SCHOOL...
AT THAT LONG JOHN SILVER'S
ON VENTURA BOULEVARD.
NEXT CASE!
HI. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
HE ASKED ME OUT,
AND HE'S REALLY LAME.
WELL, DUH! TELL ME
SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW.
UM, HE'S REALLY, REALLY LAME.
YOUR HONOR, I REQUEST THAT THAT
REMARK BE STRICKEN FROM THE RECORD...
ON THE GROUNDS THAT I LOVE HER
UNCONDITIONALLY AND TILL THE END OF ALL...
OH, MY GOD, YOU REALLY ARE LAME.
CITING THE PRECEDENT OF
BRADY BUNCH EPISODE #74,
"MARCIA V. THE SECRET
ADMIRER," I RULE FOR THE PLAINTIFF.
UM, WHAT ABOUT THE ONE WHERE PETER
HITS MARCIA IN THE NOSE WITH A FOOTBALL,
AND IT SWELLS UP ALL HUGE,
AND SHE MISSES THE DANCE?
- WHAT ABOUT IT?
- I LIKE THAT ONE.
I LIKE THAT ONE
TOO! "OW, MY NOSE!"
"OW, MY NOSE!" YOUR HONOR!
I HEREBY SUBMIT
STAR TREK EPISODE #18,
"DOOMSDAY MACHINE,"
WHERE THE OMNIPOTENT
BEING CAME DOWN FROM THE...
GEEK, GEEK, GEEK!
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
IMPOSE ON YOU THAT THING...
WHERE YOU CAN'T, LIKE, GO WITHIN
50 FEET OF ANYONE BREATHING.
- A RESTRAINING ORDER?
- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BOOGER BOB.
AND I ALSO FIND YOU GUILTY
OF ULTRA GROSSNESS...
AND SENTENCE YOU TO
GO TO A DERMATOLOGIST.
AND WIPE YOUR NOSE!
MOTION FOR APPEAL.
YEAH, RIGHT. HOLD YOUR
BREATH. COURT IS ADJOURNED.
I GOTTA GET THIS ROBE OFF. IT'S
MAKING ME BREAK OUT IN HIVES.
WELL, THAT BRINGS TO A CLOSE THE
CASE OF THE LAMEST GEEK IN THE GALAXY.
HERE COMES THE DEFENDANT NOW.
DUDE, YOU MUST FEEL
LIKE QUITE A LOSER.
BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY. THERE'S
NO INTELLIGENT LIFE DOWN HERE.
OH, LAME, LAME,
LAME, LAME, LAME.
WELL, BE SURE TO
TUNE IN NEXT TIME,
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER
EVERYONE'S ENTITLED TO A FAIR TRIAL.
THIS IS AMERICA, RIGHT? SO DON'T
SETTLE THINGS IN GYM DURING RECESS.
TAKE 'EM TO TEEN COURT.
THERE YOU GO. WE
ARE ALMOST FINISHED.
NOW HERE'S THE
PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE.
HEY, THAT'S
BEAUTIFUL. TAKE A LOOK.
HEY, MAN, WHAT DID YOU
DO? I LOOK LIKE DON KING.
NO, BOY, I GOT NEWS FOR
YOU. YOU LOOK LIKE BUCKWHEAT.
SO I SHOULD KNOW. I'M THE ONE MADE
DON KING LOOK LIKE DON KING, MAN.
I KNOW, SUCKER. NOW ALL THE "WOMENS"
GONNA BE RUNNIN' RIGHT AFTER YOU.
THEY GONNA BE RUNNIN' FROM
ME. I LOOK LIKE THE HEAT MISER.
OH, I DID HIS HAIR TOO,
SUCKER. I DID EVERYBODY'S HAIR.
ALL SHARPTON, MILLI AND VANILLI,
EL DeBARGE, ALL THE BIG STARS.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU'RE
GONNA DO MINE. I'M GONE.
WHERE'S MY TIP, SUCKER?
NOW, MAC, WHY DID YOU
TELL THAT BOY THEM LIES?
YOU KNOW YOU AIN'T NEVER DONE
NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE'S HAIR.
- WELL, HOW'S THAT?
- I SAID YOU AIN'T NEVER DONE
NONE OF THEM PEOPLE'S HAIR.
WELL, FINE, THANK YOU. MOVE YOUR
FEET, SUCKER. MOVE YOUR FEET. HEY.
YOU GOTTA QUIT TREATIN' PEOPLE LIKE YOU TREAT
'EM. SOMEBODY GONNA SLAP YOU UPSIDE YOUR HEAD.
OH, NO, I AIN'T CONSTIPATED
NO MORE, BUT THANKS FOR ASKIN'.
WHO DID MY BABY'S
HAIR LIKE THIS?
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TALK TO
HIM OVER THERE. MAC DID HIS HAIR.
UH, WHAT KIND OF BARBER ARE
YOU? I SENT MY SON DOWN HERE...
FOR A SIMPLE TRIM AND A LITTLE OFF
THE SIDES, AND LOOK WHAT YOU DID.
WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE A DAMN
FROG. WHAT'D YOU SAY, SUCKER?
I SAID YOU MESSED
UP MY SON'S HAIR.
OH, YOU LEFT SOMETHIN' ON
THE CHAIR. WELL, LET'S SEE.
I PAID 10 DOLLARS FOR MY SON TO HAVE HIS HAIR
CUT AND NOT BUTCHERED. I WANT MY MONEY BACK.
WELL, WHAT YOU WANT?
A TAIL IN THE BACK?
CAN YOU HEAR ME? I SAID
I WANT MY MONEY BACK.
NOW, IF YOU WANT ANOTHER CONK IN
HERE, THAT'S GONNA COST YOU EXTRA.
WE ARE NEVER COMING
BACK HERE AGAIN. COME ON.
WELL, SHOOT, THEY ALL COME
BACK NOW. THEY ALL COME BACK.
YOU GONNA BE BACK TOO. WHOOPI
GOLDBERG, PATTI LaBELLE, ROSS.
SHOOT, EVEN JAMES
BROWN DONE COME BACK.
NOW, YOU KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY. WHY
WOULD JAMES BROWN COME WAY DOWN HERE...
IN THIS OLD RUNDOWN BARBERSHOP
WAY DOWN HERE IN THE HOOD?
HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
HEY, WHAT'S-WHAT'S-WHAT'S
THE WAIT LIKE IN HERE, MAN?
THERE AIN'T NO WAIT, MR. BROWN.
GET ON UP, BOY. HEY, YOU.
HEY, HEY, SAM, YOU AIN'T
FINISHED WITH MY HAIR.
I DON'T WANNA TAKE ANYBODY'S
TURN. WHAT ABOUT THIS CHAIR HERE?
WHO'S NEXT? OH, YOU ARE,
SUCKER. COME ON. SIT DOWN.
HERE YOU GO. SIT DOWN. UH-HUH.
HERE WE GO. COMIN' RIGHT UP.
I'M GONNA BE WITH YOU IN A
MINUTE. HERE WE GO. WATCH THIS.
HEY! NOW WHAT YOU WANT, SUCKER?
WELL, I JUST WANT YOU TO TRIM THE
SIDES A LITTLE AND PUT A LINE IN THE BACK.
SO YOU WANT YOUR NAME ACROSS
THE SIDE AND TAIL IN THE BACK?
I WANT YOU TO TRIM THE SIDES
AND PUT A LITTLE LINE IN THE BACK.
OH, WH-WHAT YOU WANT? EAST
COAST OR WEST COAST? A WHAT?
WHAT YOU WANT? A BLOWOUT? I CAN GET
YOU SOME STRONG CONK. NOW, YOU WANT CONK?
MAN, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT.
POINT TO WHAT YOU WANT, SUCKER,
ON THE WALL. POINT TO WHAT YOU WANT.
HE CAN'T HEAR YOU VERY
WELL THERE, MR. BROWN.
OH, ALL RIGHT. RIGHT
OVER THERE. THAT ONE.
NOW LOOK HERE. YOU
AIN'T GOT TO SHOUT, SUCKER.
SOMEBODY 'BOUT TO
GET CUT. I CAN HEAR YOU.
ONE AL SHARPTON COMING UP!
YEP, HERE WE GO.
WATCH OUT, MAN.
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
THERE YOU GO,
SUCKER. TEN DOLLARS.
WOW! GOOD GOD!
OH, I KNOW IT'S A GOOD JOB
NOW, BUT GIVE ME MY MONEY.
YOU KNOW, I GOT TO
LEAVE FROM HERE...
BECAUSE I'M GONNA DO
SOMETHING I'LL REGRET.
YOU NEED SOME HELP.
YOU OUGHTA GET EDUCATION.
WHERE'S MY TIP, SUCKER?
HEY, WATCH YOUR STEP THERE,
MR. BROWN. YOU DON'T WANNA...
LOOK AT THAT.
WAS THAT LITTLE RICHARD?
♪ YEAH, UH-HUH ♪
♪ GIVE ME THE CHANGE
GONNA SHOW ME THE MONEY ♪
♪ YEAH, GIVE ME THE XLR ♪
♪ FILL THE BACKSEAT WITH HONEY ♪
♪ I'LL FLOW DOWN THE BEAT ♪
♪ I'M HOLDING MY
RHYME FOR RANSOM ♪
♪ JUST SHOW ME THE CASH ♪
♪ I'LL GIVE YOU
GOLD AND PLATINUM ♪
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.
YEAH, ONE MILLION, TWO
MILLION, THREE BILLION.
DOESN'T MATTER, 'CAUSE
I'VE BUILT AN EMPIRE.
YEAH, GIMME THAT, GIMME THAT.
GOLD AND PLATINUM. YEAH.
♪ GOLD AND PLATINUM ♪♪
TODAY WE'RE HIGHLIGHTING THE LIFE
OF A LESSER-KNOWN EX-CONTENDER,
CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS,
ALWAYS KNOWN AS...
THE SPARRING PARTNER'S
SPARRING PARTNER.
HE HAS MADE MORE APPEARANCES IN THE
RING THAN ANY OTHER BOXER IN HISTORY.
HE'S TAKEN BLOWS
FROM THE VERY BEST...
JOE LOUIS, GEORGE FOREMAN,
MUHAMMAD ALI, JUST TO NAME A FEW.
UM, TOOTH, NOW WHAT IS IT THAT ALL
THESE GREAT BOXERS HAVE IN COMMON?
UH, THEY ALL KICKED MY...
I CAN SEE THAT. A
LOT OF PEOPLE SAY...
YOU LOOK LIKE A BARNUM & BAILEY CLOWN
THAT'S BEEN RUN OVER BY A DAMN TRUCK.
HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THAT?
WELL, THAT'S COOL AND ALL THAT,
UH, BUT, YOU KNOW, I HAD
DONE THAT FOR A MINUTE.
BUT MY BOXIN' SKILLS IS WHAT HAS BROUGHT
ME FROM... FROM THE GROUND FLOOR, YOU KNOW.
AND PLUS WITH MY... WITH MY
HOOD, YOU KNOW, ROLLING BOXERS,
WE ROLLED UP LIKE
THAT, YOU KNOW.
IS THAT SOME SORT OF
A GANG YOU'RE IN THERE?
YEAH, IT'S A BOXING GANG, YOU KNOW,
'CAUSE WE DO LIKE DRIVE-BY PUNCHES.
- YOU KNOW, WE DRIVE UP... BOOM...
- BUST SOMEBODY'S HEAD.
UH-HUH. YEAH. DUDE, YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYIN', WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
WELL, THAT IS INCREDIBLE.
NOW, WHY EXACTLY DO
THEY CALL YOU THE TOOTH?
BASICALLY, I GOT ONE TOOTH,
AND IT'S A STRATEGY BEHIND THAT,
'CAUSE I FIGURE IF I
ONLY GOT ONE TOOTH,
THEY CAN'T FOCUS IN ON ALL MY
"TEEFESES" AND KNOCK 'EM OUT.
SO I KEEP ONE. UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
WHAT IS ALL THIS
ABOUT? MAN, THIS, UH...
THIS IS A PROMOTIONAL THING.
WHAT WE DO IS, I'M
TRYIN' TO HELP, YOU KNOW,
THE KIDS IN THE HOOD
AND ALL THAT WHOLE THING.
SO IF THEY COME IN
AND KNOCK ME OUT,
THEY GET A FREE MEAL, YOU KNOW.
BUT TYSON AIN'T SHOWED. MM-HMM.
I DONE WROTE LETTERS AND
EVERYTHING. HE AIN'T SHOWED.
SO, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST
DOIN' IT MYSELF. UH-HUH.
HEY, WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? IF I
KNOCK YOU OUT, I GET A FREE DINNER?
AIN'T THAT WHAT THE SIGN
SAYS? AIN'T IT WHAT IT SAYS?
I'LL GIVE THIS A SHOT.
WELL, BRING IT ON...
WHAT IN THE SMELLY
HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
IF YOU KNOCK HIM OUT,
YOU GET A FREE DINNER.
YOU DON'T SAY.
TOOTH, TOOTH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
HEY, MAN, DON'T STOP ME. DON'T STOP
ME. GET IN THE CAR. GET IN THE CAR.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO, HO. GET IN
THE CAR, GIRL. GET IN THE CAR, GIRL.
LET'S ROLL UP, GIRL. ROLL UP.
UH, UH, TOOTH, I THINK... I THINK
YOU'RE HAVING A FLASHBACK.
OH, OH, OH. WELL, BASICALLY, HE HAD HIT
ME IN THE HEAD. THAT'S HAPPENED BEFORE.
AND LIKE I SAID, BASICALLY
BOXING GOT MY HEAD DIZZY. MM-HMM.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HE DIDN'T
HIT ME LIKE I HAD BEEN HIT.
UH, TOOTH, YOU WERE KNOCKED OUT.
NOW, I SAW YOUR FACE WRAPPED
AROUND HIS FIST. ANY COMMENTS?
SEE, THAT'S WHAT YOU HAD SEEN, BUT
THAT'S LIKE THE JEDI OF BOXING THEORY.
MM-HMM. WHEN THEY
SWING AND THEY HIT MY FACE,
THAT'S ACTUALLY HITTIN'
THE BACK OF MY HEAD.
AND THAT'S WHAT
KEEPS ME ON POINT. MM.
OH, THIS IS SWEET. JIMMY, GO OVER THERE AND
LET MAMA TAKE YOUR PICTURE WITH THE CHAMP.
GO ON NOW.
I BET YOU LOOKIN' HERE
IN A PERSONAL WAY.
I BET YOU WANT AN "AUMOGRAPH"
OR SOMETHIN' FROM THE CHAMP.
DON'T YOU, BOY? NO, I
WANT A FREE DINNER.
HEY, MAN!
THAT WAS SWEET. NOW COME
ON. LET'S GET OUR FREE MEAL.
HEY, THAT'S THAT GIRL
FROM STAR TREK, AIN'T IT?
ANYWAY, MAN, THAT
WAS A LOW BLOW.
I WANT A REACH... I
WANT A REMATCH, MAN,
'CAUSE I WANT TYSON, MAN, YOU KNOW, AND
I WANT TYSON, AND I WANT THE KID TOO, MAN.
UH, TOOTH, AHEM, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF
PEOPLE SAY MAYBE YOU'RE PAST YOUR PRIME.
STRAIGHT UP. STRAIGHT UP. AND WE ALL KNOW
YOU'VE SUFFERED VERY MANY MEDICAL SETBACKS:
TWO DETACHED RETINAS, SWELLING
OF THE BRAIN AND THE HEART,
TWO STROKES AND A
HEART TRANSPLANT.
UH, NOW, EXACTLY
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
UH, MAN, I AIN'T BUT
16 AND A HALF, MAN.
BUT, UH, I'M IN THE
RECORD BOOKS, MAN.
UH, AS YOU SEE, MUHAMMAD ALI.
MM-HMM. STRAIGHT UP.
UH, LARRY "HELMES." MM-HMM.
STRAIGHT UP. AND THE ONE
AND ONLY JERRY CORNBREAD.
I TIGHTEN 'EM UP, MAN, 'CAUSE I
BE... THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
VERY INTERESTING. BOOM, BOOM.
HEY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I NEED SOME
TYSON. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
LOOK TO ME LIKE
YOU NEED A DENTIST.
WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED
A PUNCH IN YOUR FACE, LAWANDA.
WHAT'S UP? WHAT YOU
GONNA DO? HUH? HUH?
WOW, THAT WAS SIMPLY INCREDIBLE.
UNBELIEVABLE. HOW DO YOU FEEL?
FORGET MIKE TYSON. HE'S IN JAIL.
I WANT RIDDICK
BOWE! RIDDICK BOWE!
I WANNA PUNCH HER. THAT'S
WHAT I WANT. LET ME AT HIM!
GET IN THE CAR, GIRL! GET IN
THE CAR, GIRL! LET ME AT HIM!
MY NAME IS JIM HILL, AND WE'LL
BE BACK AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
HEY, WHAT'S UP? I'M D.J. TWIST.
FROM THE BOOGIE DOWN
BRONX WE HAVE SHOWBIZ & A.G.,
FEATURING DRES FROM BLACK SHEEP,
SINGIN' "BOUNCE TO
THIS." HERE WE GO.
HEY, YO. HEY, YO. THIS IS
SHOWBIZ WITH SHOWBIZ & A.G.,
AND I BRUNG MY PARTNER A.G. AND
MY MAN DRES FROM BLACK SHEEP...
AS WE BLOW FOR '93, YO.
♪ BOUNCE, MAKE IT BOUNCE
MAKE IT BOUNCE ♪ ♪ COME ON ♪
♪ BOUNCE, MAKE IT BOUNCE
MAKE IT BOUNCE, YO ♪
♪ SPEAK TO YOUR SPEAKER
'CAUSE IT'S THE TIME OF DAY ♪
♪ THERE'S SOMETHIN' NEW
FOR THE MASS, PASS, PEOPLE ♪
♪ TRIBE HARD, DIE HARD
UH-HUH, HARDLY EVER ♪
♪ NOT NEVER, BUT IF YOUR
PLEASURE BE CLEVER ♪
♪ WE'RE DEEPER THAN THE PORTS
IN THE BACK OF YOUR CEREBELLUM ♪
♪ DRES, DRE AND SHOWBIZ IS RIPPIN'
TOO QUICK AND GETTIN' 'EM YELLIN' ♪
♪ THEY CAME, THEY SAW
THEY RIPPED THE HELL OUT ♪
♪ YOU PLAY, YOU LAY BUT IF YOU
GIVE GOOD HAY YOU CAN STAY ♪
♪ HEY, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE WORLD TODAY ♪
♪ BROTHERS BUSTIN' BROTHERS
FOR LESS THAN TIME OF DAY ♪
♪ THE PAY FOR HAMMER IS PROPER ♪
♪ AIN'T NO SUNSHINE ♪
♪ AND WHITEY'S GOT YOUR MAMA ♪
♪ NOW DO YOU WANNA CHANGE FOR THE
CHILDREN WITH A COMMA FOR WHO, FOR ME ♪
♪ I MYSELF YOU KNOW THE ONE ♪
♪ DOIN' WHAT I
GOTTA DO WHEN I DO ♪
♪ COME, I JUST GET OFF
NOT JUST THAT, YO, I SAY ♪
♪ I DO IT GOOD AND CHAKA KHAN
KNOWS THAT WE BE IN HOLLYWOOD ♪
♪ DON'T GET JEL' 'CAUSE
WE CASH LARGE CHECKS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE SKIDDLY-DIP-DIP
DO-DIP-DIP FOR EFFECTS ♪
♪ BROTHERS THINK I'M DISSING
BUT I'M REALLY ON THEIR HEAD ♪
♪ LOOK INTO MY ALBUM, KID
YOU'LL SEE ALL THE FLICKS ♪
♪ BUT NO, YOU'D RATHER FEEL
MY MOVIE JUST TO COLD ME ♪
♪ SO I WAS BONIN' MAMA AND
YOUR MOTHER HUMPIN' TOLD ME ♪
♪ I'M PLAYIN', I REALLY AIN'T
GOT NO TIME ON THE REEL ♪
♪ BUT YO, THE SHEIK BE
UNIQUE SO DO WHAT YOU FEEL ♪
♪ DON'T THINK I'M LIVE
THEN TAKE A SWIGGA ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M FROM QUEENS
AND I RUN WITH BRONX FIGURES ♪
♪ CHECK IT, CHECK
IT CHECK WHAT I SAY ♪
♪ YOU CAN BOUNCE WITH DRES
OR YOU CAN BOUNCE WITH DRE ♪
♪ YOU CAN FLIP THE
SCRIPT OR YOU CAN PARLAY ♪
♪ OR YOU CAN LEARN THE
WORDS AND SAY WHAT WE SAY ♪
- ♪ IF YOU'RE CHILLIN'
WITH YOUR CREW ♪
- ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE CHILLIN' WITH YOUR
FRIENDS ♪ ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
- ♪ IF YOU'RE COOLIN'
AT A CLUB ♪
- ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHAT YOU
DO YA GOTTA BOUNCE ♪
♪ THEY SAY MORE BOUNCE TO THE
OUNCE, WELL A GIANT WEIGHS TONS ♪
♪ STEPPIN' TO THE TWO ♪
♪ BUT WE'RE NOT THE ONES ♪
♪ BROTHERS ARE FLIPPIN' SOME
OTHER SUCKERS ARE TRIPPIN' ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU GOTTA TAKE A WHIPPIN'
AND SEE THAT I'M LIVE AND KICKIN' ♪
♪ I'M THE "A" TO THE G-I
FOLLOWED BY THE A-N-T ♪
♪ ROLLING WITH ♪
♪ THE SHOW B-I ♪
♪ BLACK BOOTS, BLACK
HAT SLICK LIKE A BLACK CAT ♪
- ♪ FLIP LIKE A FAT CAT ♪
- ♪ NEVER NONE OF THAT, BLACK ♪
♪ BUT I GOT TECHS FOR
THOSE WHO WANNA FLEX ♪
♪ SO MANY STYLES, YOU DON'T
KNOW WHICH ONE IS COMIN' NEXT ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN BOUNCIN' TO
THE OUNCE FOR MONTHS ♪
♪ FINESSE IS HERE, YEAH
PREMIERE'S GOT THE BLUNTS ♪
♪ JAZZY'S GETTIN' JAZZY
BIG "L" IS RAISIN' HELL ♪
♪ SHOW IS BUGGIN' WITH THE
BEATS ♪ ♪ CAN'T YOU TELL ♪
♪ DIGGIN' IN THE CRATES
IS IN OUR CORNER ♪
♪ ICE WATER, DESHAWN
AND LONG IS GETTIN' LONGER ♪
♪ GARY GATOR GOT THE LETHAL ♪
♪ INFINITE TODAY YEAH,
THEY ARE MY PEOPLE ♪
♪ ACT LIKE DRES
'CAUSE HE'S LIVIN' FAT ♪
♪ AND SAY YOU CAN BOUNCE TO
THIS OR YOU CAN BOUNCE TO THAT ♪
♪ MY RESPECT AND ALL THAT
DOUGH IS ALL THAT COUNTS ♪
♪ WELL, I'M OUT, COME ON,
Y'ALL LET'S MAKE 'EM BOUNCE ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE CHILLIN' ON THE AVE
♪ ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE COOLIN' IN YOUR HOUSE
♪ ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE ROCKIN' IN A WATER
BED ♪ ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ NO MATTER WHAT YOU'RE DOING ♪
♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE ♪
♪ IF YOU'RE ON LOCKDOWN ♪
♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ OR GOT THE BOOM IN YOUR BOX
♪ ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
♪ EVEN IF YOU'RE DEAF ♪
♪ BOUNCE TO THIS ♪
- ♪ NO MATTER
WHAT YOU'RE DOING ♪
- ♪ YA GOTTA BOUNCE ♪
♪ LAST, THIS IS DRES AND
I I'M LETTIN' YOU KNOW ♪
♪ THAT S-H-O-W-B-I-Z & A.G. ♪
♪ ARE ALL THAT SO ♪♪