In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 4, Episode 21 - Black People Show - full transcript
HELLO. I'M ISABEL SANFORD,
AND FOR 12 SEASONS, I PLAYED
LOUISE ON THE JEFFERSONS.
LIKE MOST ENTERTAINERS, MY
PERFORMANCE DEPENDS A LOT ON MY VOICE.
YOU'RE PROBABLY ASKING
YOURSELF RIGHT NOW,
"HOW DID SHE GET SUCH A SMOOTH,
SEXY SOUND OUT OF THAT THROAT?"
WELL, THE SECRET
IS THESE: WEEZIES.
GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOUR
VOICE SOUND ITS ABSOLUTE BEST.
HOW DO THEY DO IT? BY USING ONLY
THE FINEST OF NATURAL INGREDIENTS:
RETSYN, BROKEN GLASS,
CARPET TACKS, PIT GRAVEL...
AND A HINT OF CHERRY.
WINK, WINK.
OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER,
BOB? THROAT TROUBLE?
YEAH. IT'S BEEN BOTHERING
ME FOR THREE DAYS.
HERE. TRY A WEEZIE.
WEEZIES TAKE A LITTLE
GETTING USED TO AT FIRST,
KIND OF LIKE MR. BENTLEY'S FACE.
WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT?
HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW, BOB?
LIKE MY THROAT IS BLEEDING.
BUT I SOUND TERRIFIC.
OF COURSE YOU DO.
YOU'VE GOT THE WEEZIES.
- CAN I HAVE ONE
OF THOSE TOO, LADY?
- OH, AREN'T YOU CUTE?
BUT AREN'T YOU A LITTLE
YOUNG FOR A WEEZIE?
- PLEASE?
- OH, WHAT THE HELL.
THERE YOU GO.
WEEZIES ARE FOR THE WHOLE
FAMILY. NOW, REPEAT AFTER ME.
- GEORGE.
- GEORGE.
- NOW YOU. FLORENCE.
- FLORENCE.
NOW, ONE TIME TOGETHER.
TOM, HELEN. TOM, HELEN.
LIONEL. LIONEL.
RALPH. RALPH.
WEEZIES. NOW
AVAILABLE IN CHERRY,
TAR AND NEW SANDPAPER.
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP
AND SIP ON A DREAM ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE
ON A FUNKY SCENE ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
WITH TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO ♪♪
♪ THERE'S A LECTURE
EVERY MINUTE ♪
♪ FROM THE HOMELESS
TO THE VOTE ♪
♪ IT'S A DIFFERENT MESSAGE ♪
♪ AND WE'LL SHOVE IT
DOWN YOUR THROAT ♪♪
MY SISTER, MY SISTER. OOH, LOOK
AT ALL THOSE BRAIDS. HOW YOU DOIN'?
SO WHAT YOU UP TO, MY
SISTER? WELL, WE'RE BUILDING...
AN ANTIAPARTHEID SHANTYTOWN OUTSIDE THE
HEADQUARTERS OF WENDELL'S HOUSE OF GLOBES.
AND WE'RE GONNA STAY THERE EVERY DAY UNTIL
THEY TAKE SOUTH AFRICA OFF THEIR MAPS,
BECAUSE, MY SISTER, UNTIL OUR
PEOPLE ARE FREE ALL AROUND THE WORLD,
NONE OF US IS TRULY FREE.
RON, YOU'VE TRIED TO HIT
ON EVERY GIRL IN THIS SCHOOL.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE UP
YOUR MIND, MY BROTHER?
BUT, YOU KNOW, MAN, THEY ALL HAVE
AWESOME BOOTIES, MAN, YOU KNOW.
ALL THE LITTLE SWEET HONEYS, MAN.
THEY'RE AWESOME. THEY'RE... OOH-WHEE!
MY BROTHER, SOMETIME I
DON'T THINK YOU HAVE A BRAIN.
WELL, YOU KNOW, I'LL TAKE THAT.
OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOIN' HERE?
YOU SHOULD'VE
GRADUATED YEARS AGO.
DON'T YOU KNOW, MR. GAINES,
THAT WE MUST STAY IN SCHOOL...
IF OUR PEOPLE ARE
EVER TO TRULY BE FREE?
YOU KNOW, BESIDES THAT, I'M
GETTIN' MY MASTER'S DEGREE IN BOOTY!
RON, RON, RON, MY
BROTHER, THIS IS NOT THE WAY.
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT TWO-THIRDS OF TODAY'S
COLLEGE STUDENTS DO NOT PRACTICE SAFE SEX,
AND 73% OF SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES ARE
SPREAD BY 11% OF THE POPULATION 92% OF THE TIME,
AND NINE OUT OF 10 PEOPLE DON'T
EVEN KNOW THIS SHOW IS STILL ON THE AIR.
DO YOU KNOW THAT FOUR OUT OF FIVE
DENTISTS SURVEYED RECOMMEND TRIDENT...
FOR PATIENTS WHO CHEW GUM?
WALTER, YOU'RE BACK! MAN,
I HAD TO COME BACK, MAN,
WHEN I HEARD THAT WHITLEY
WAS USING HAIR SPRAY, MAN.
MAN, THAT STUFF IS DESTROYIN'
OUR ATMOSPHERE, MAN. I AIN'T LYIN'.
AND UNTIL WE PROTECT THE OZONE,
OUR PEOPLE WILL NEVER TRULY BE FREE.
LISTEN TO MY
BROTHER, MY SISTERS.
AND ANOTHER THING. WHAT'S WITH
YOU LADIES AND SHOE SHOPPING, MAN?
I MEAN, HOW MANY PAIRS
OF SHOES DO Y'ALL NEED?
I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT ALL TYPES OF DAMN SHOES,
MAN. GOT 'EM PACKED ALL UP IN THE CLOSET.
SHOES BE GOIN', "HEY, MAN, WHY YOU
GOT US PACKED ALL UP IN THIS CLOSET FOR?"
EVEN THE SHOES TRYIN' TO GET
AWAY FROM YOUR BIG OLD BUTT.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, PLEASE
RENT MY VIDEO, NECESSARY ROUGHNESS.
VIDEO BE SITTIN' IN THE RENTAL STORE
GOIN', "HEY, MAN, AIN'T NOBODY RENTIN' ME.
GET ME OFF THE DAMN SHELF, MAN." I MAY HAVE
TO OPEN FOR LUTHER AGAIN IF THIS KEEPS UP.
MY SISTERS, IT'S MY SISTER.
THIS IS MY SISTER,
SISTER CINDY. HEY, SISTER.
SISTER CINDY, MY SISTERS,
MY SISTERS, MY
SISTER, SISTER CINDY.
WELL, WE'RE OFF
TO THE SHANTYTOWN.
WELL, I GUESS I HAVE TO
FIND SOMETHING TO PROTEST.
AND I'M ON MY WAY TO THE LAUNDROMAT, BECAUSE
UNTIL I CAN RID MY CLOTHES OF FILTH...
AND STUBBORN GREASE STAINS, OUR
PEOPLE WILL NEVER TRULY BE FREE.
YOU SAID THAT, MY BROTHER.
AND I'M OFF TO GET MY DAMN
JOB BACK ON THE APOLLO.
IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN TO
ASK THE QUESTION "WHY"?
THANK YOU, PAUL. AFTER
TWO WEEKS IN INTENSIVE CARE,
HECTOR RAMIREZ IS REPORTED
TO BE IN STABLE CONDITION.
HE WAS FOUND ON LA
TIJERA BOULEVARD...
AFTER A COLLISION IN HIS FORD
FESTIVA IN FRONT OF EL TORITO.
SEÑOR RAMIREZ HAD JUST CONSUMED TWO
EXTRA CRISPY BURRITOS, THREE MARGARITAS...
E UNA POLLO
QUESADILLA CON QUESO.
STOP. WHY IS IT THAT
REPORTERS TRY TO GET ETHNIC...
WHEN THEY REPORT A
STORY ABOUT LATINOS?
WHY DON'T THEY DO
THIS WITH OTHER GROUPS?
THANK YOU, LISA. TODAY
AT POLICE HEADQUARTERS,
CAPTAIN KEVIN MAGILLACUTTY
AND SERGEANT SEAN McCARTHY...
ANNOUNCED THEIR RETIREMENT
FROM THE POLICE DEPARTMENT.
AFTERWARDS, THEY CELEBRATED
AT O'SHAUNESSEY'S PUB...
AND HAD A FEW PINTS
OF McDOUGAL'S ALE.
LISA?
THANKS, PAUL. AN ELDERLY
WOMAN WITNESSED A ROBBERY...
AT THE WIENERSCHNITZEL.
THE CRIMINALS, DRESSED IN
LEDERHOSEN AND EATING SAUERKRAUT...
YELLED A LOUD "GESUNDHEIT" AS THEY
HOPPED INTO THEIR 1976 VOLKSWAGEN...
AND DROVE AWAY.
WHY?
WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL
GUEST D.J. ON THIS WEEK'S SHOW.
HE'S ONE OF THE TOUGHEST,
BRAVEST GUYS I KNOW.
AND LATER ON IN THE SHOW, HE'S GONNA DO ONE
OF THE MOST DEATH-DEFYING STUNTS ATTEMPTED.
HE'S ON LOCATION RIGHT
HERE ON THE FOX LOT,
AND HE'S HIGH ATOP THE
WORLD'S TALLEST D.J. PLATFORM.
PLEASE WELCOME
SUPER DAVE OSBORNE.
THANK YOU, TWIST.
I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT AN
HONOR IT IS TO BE ON THE SHOW.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S NOT
WASTE ANY MORE TIME.
COME ON, GIRLS. LET'S BITE IT!
WHAT'S WRONG?
- THAT'S "KICK IT."
- ALL RIGHT. LET'S KICK IT!
♪♪
♪♪
BLISHED 17 YEARS AGO BY
ACTOR CHARLES BRONSON,
THE MAKE A DEATH WISH FOUNDATION IS DEDICATED
TO MAKING CHILDREN'S DREAMS COME TRUE.
WITH THE HELP OF CHARLES
BRONSON, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
WOW! FROGGY LAND,
THE AMUSEMENT PARK!
THIS IS GONNA BE FUN! NOT SO FAST,
LITTLE GUY. IT COSTS $35 TO GET IN HERE.
I DON'T HAVE $35.
HEY, POND SCUM, HERE'S A .45.
YOU CAN KEEP THE CHANGE.
HOW ABOUT GIVIN' THIS KID A BREAK?
HEY, MISTER, YOU WOULDN'T SHOOT
FREDDY THE FROG, WOULD YOU?
OF COURSE NOT.
TAKE THAT, YOU
WART-FACED, LILY PAD-SUCKIN',
TADPOLE-MOLESTIN'
KERMIT WANNABE.
HEY, KID, LET'S GO SEE WHAT
KIND OF SERVICE WE CAN GET...
WITH A SMILE AND A GUN.
THAT'S THE WAY TO BE IN THERE,
EDWARDSON. THAT'S THE WAY TO BE IN THERE.
LOOK HERE, GUTIERREZ. IT COMES DOWN TO THIS.
YOU GO OUT AND MAKE A FIELD GOAL SO WE WIN.
- GET OUT THERE!
- CAN I KICK THE BALL,
MR. BRONSON?
I'D LIKE TO SEE SOMEONE
TRY TO STOP YOU.
HEY, JOCK BREATH, HOW ABOUT
GIVING THE LITTLE KID HIS WISH.
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? THIS IS THE
CHAMPIONSHIP. THIS IS THE BIGGEST GAME OF MY LIFE.
YOU THINK I'M GONNA LET AN
EIGHT-YEAR-OLD KID GO IN THERE AND...
TAKE THAT, YOU WHISTLE-BLOWIN',
GATORADE-SUCKIN',
WATCHIN' THE BOYS IN
THE SHOWER TOO LONG,
MIKE DITKA WANNABE.
HEY, KID. DON'T WORRY ABOUT
THE DEFENSE. I GOT 'EM COVERED.
OKAY, GIRLS. HIT IT.
RAH-RAH, SMITH & WESSON.
RAH-RAH, SMITH & WESSON.
AT THE CHARLES BRONSON
FOUNDATION, A CHILD'S WISH...
IS SOMEBODY ELSE'S HEADACHE.
HEY. WELL, HI THERE. YOU PROBABLY
WANNA KNOW ABOUT THE PLANE, HUH?
NO. HE WANTS TO FLY IT.
BANG!
THIS IS FUN, MR. BRONSON!
IS EVERYTHING OKAY IN HERE?
HEY, IT'S TIME I GET A WISH TOO.
COME HERE, YOU
PEANUT-PUSHING, LUGGAGE-LOSING,
WAKING ME UP WHEN I
DON'T NEED A PILLOW,
LITTLE WIDE-BODIED BIMBO!
TAKE IT EASY, KID. THERE
COULD BE SOME TURBULENCE.
SO PLEASE GIVE TO THE CHARLES
BRONSON MAKE A DEATH WISH FOUNDATION...
AND GIVE TILL IT HURTS,
BEFORE HE HURTS YOU.
THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE
ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
WE'RE ONLY SECONDS AWAY FROM ONE OF
THE MOST INCREDIBLE STUNTS EVER ATTEMPTED.
NOW, REMEMBER. SUPER DAVE
OSBORNE IS A PROFESSIONAL,
SO, KIDS, DON'T
TRY THIS AT HOME.
TAKE IT AWAY, SUPER DAVE!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, DAVID,
AND ONCE AGAIN, I'M THRILLED
TO BE ON IN LIVING COLOR.
I LOVE YOUR SHOW. UH, WHAT I WAS GOING
TO DO TONIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WAS A STUNT THAT WAS NEVER ATTEMPTED
BEFORE IN THE HISTORY OF STUNTDOM.
IT WAS A THREE-AND-A-HALF
TRIPLE LOOP WITH A LAYOUT...
ON A TARGET IN THE MIDDLE
OF A BAG FROM 30 FEET.
UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVE BAD WEATHER
CONDITIONS... THE WIND IS COMING UP...
SO I'M STILL GONNA DO A JUMP,
BUT I'M GONNA ADJUST IT A LITTLE BIT.
I'M STILL GONNA JUMP TO A TARGET ON
THE BAG, BUT I'M GONNA DO A FULL SWAN DIVE.
IT SHOULD LOOK BEAUTIFUL, SO YOU SHOULD
PUT A TAPE IN YOUR MACHINE AND NOT MISS IT.
NOW, IF YOU PAN DOWN, TERRY,
YOU'LL SEE THE TARGET ON THE BAG.
I'VE HAD IT PUT ON THE CORNER OF THE
BAG JUST TO MAKE THE STUNT MORE DIFFICULT.
AGAIN, THIS IS A PIECE OF
CAKE FOR SUPER DAVE OSBORNE,
BUT I DID MOVE THE TARGET OVER A
LITTLE TO MAKE IT MORE CHALLENGING.
NOW, I HAVE PROMISED THE PEOPLE IN
LIVING COLOR, IF I DON'T GO DIRECTLY...
INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE TARGET,
I WILL DONATE MY FULL SALARY,
WHICH IS A LOT OF MONEY,
TO THEIR FAVORITE CHARITY.
HOWEVER, IF I DO GO INTO THE MIDDLE OF
THE TARGET, THEY MUST DOUBLE MY SALARY,
AND HALF THE MONEY WILL
GO TO MY FAVORITE CHARITY,
THE UNDERPRIVILEGED STUNT
KIDS OF MANITOBA, CANADA.
SO IT SHOULD BE VERY EXCITING,
AND AS AN ADDED INCENTIVE,
THE PEOPLE OF IN LIVING
COLOR HAVE THROWN IN A BONUS:
IF I HIT THE MIDDLE OF THE TARGET, I GET
A DATE WITH THE FLY GIRL OF MY CHOICE.
SO IT'S GONNA BE A LOT OF FUN.
I WANT YOU TO FOCUS ON THIS,
AND I PROMISE YOU, I'M GOING
DIRECTLY INTO THE YELLOW.
MY HANDS WON'T EVEN
TOUCH THE RED. HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT. HELLO,
BAG. HERE I COME!
UP, AND... I MISSED IT!
SUPER DAVE! SUPER
DAVE! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I THINK I BROKE MY SPLEEN.
WELL, OF COURSE YOU ARE, SUPER DAVE.
IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO FOR YOU?
SINCE I'M NOT GETTING ANY MONEY FOR THIS
SHOW, CAN I HAVE A MEMENTO, SOMETHING?
UH, WELL, LET ME SEE
WHAT I CAN DO, SUPER DAVE.
LISTEN, GUYS, WHY DON'T WE
GIVE SUPER DAVE THE TURNTABLE?
- SURE. NO PROBLEM.
- THE TURNTABLE? FORGET IT.
NEW PAIN.
- SUPER DAVE?
- TELL THE FLY GIRL
TO FORGET IT.
UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR. IS
THIS THE DOG SHOW HERE?
WHY, YES, SIR, IT CERTAINLY IS.
NOW, IF YOU COULD PLEASE JUST TA...
YOU'RE A LITTLE
BIT TAKEN BY DUKE.
HE A BEAUT, AIN'T HE, BOY? LOOK
AT THAT DUKE RUNNIN' LIKE THE DEVIL.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR
DOG? YOU'RE CHESTER'S BOY, AIN'T YA?
I'LL BE JOHN BROWN, RUNNIN'
LIKE A TICK IN A TREE FACTORY.
YES, YOU ARE. YOU GOT BIG. I REMEMBER WHEN YOU
WASN'T BIGGER THAN A TICK ON A POSSUM'S ASS.
BUT LOOK AT YOU
NOW. BOY, I REMEMBER...
WHEN YOU DROWNED IN THAT CREEK ON THE
FOURTH OF JULY, BUT YOU LOOK GOOD NOW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
COMPETITION IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.
EVERYONE TAKE
YOUR PLACES, PLEASE.
HEEL NOW. HEEL...
HEEL, DUKE. HEEL!
HEEL, DUKE. HEEL.
STARIN' AT 'IM AIN'T
GONNA MAKE HIM YOURS.
YEAH, I KNOW. DUKE IS GETTIN' A
LITTLE HOT. YOU BEST WATCH YOUR LEG.
POPPIN' FRESH. LOOK
AT THAT, BOY. WHOO!
EASY, DUKE, NOW. LET THE
LITTLE UGLY BITCH GO FIRST.
- ALDO IS MALE.
- WELL, YOU CAN'T TELL
BY LOOKIN' AT HIM.
MY, WHAT A MARVELOUS ANIMAL.
THANK YOU. HE'S A PUREBRED.
AND WHAT KIND IS YOURS, SIR? MINE IS MORE
LIKE A GINGERBREAD. HE JUST LAYS STILL.
LOOK AT THAT. THERE YOU GO. SHINY COAT.
LAYS STILL LIKE A COOKIE. LOOK AT THAT, BOY.
SIR, YOUR DOG IS... YOU'RE TIPPY
WILSON, AIN'T YA? BOY, I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
NO, I'M NOT, SIR. YES,
YOU IS, BOY. I REMEMBER...
WHEN YOU WAS ON JOHNSON'S FARM, AND THAT
WHEAT THRASHER CUT YOUR HEAD CLEAN OFF.
BUT YOUR HEAD GREW IN REAL GOOD.
YOUR EARS IS BALANCED AND EVERYTHING.
BOY, LOOK AT YOU. I'LL BE
JOHN BROWN, RUNNIN' LIKE A...
I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT YOU'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE.
WHOA, DUKE. HEEL,
DUKE. HEEL, DUKE.
WELL, LOOK AT THAT.
STANKY STEVE. WHAT? NO.
YOU STANKY, YES, YOU ARE, BOY. I
CAN SMELL YOU LIKE A BAG OF CLAMS.
LOOK AT YOU, BOY.
I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
BOY, I REMEMBER WHEN THEY DRENCHED HIM
IN ALCOHOL, PUT A FIRECRACKER IN HIS BUTT,
TOOK HIM TO A BRIDGE AND THREW
HIM OFF THE BRIDGE AND HE FELL.
HE HIT HIS HEAD ON A ROCK, BUST
HIS HEAD WIDE OPEN... OKAY. I THINK...
AND THEN JUICE WAS COMIN' OUT OF HIS HEAD LIKE
FIRE WATER, AND THEN THEY PICKED HIM UP...
ALL RIGHT! ENOUGH!
YOU'RE IN THE COMPETITION.
I TOLD YOU, DUKE. WE GONNA GET...
WE GONNA WIN THIS ONE HANDS DOWN.
DOES ALDO DO ANY
TRICKS? DUKE, STAY!
LOOK AT THAT, BOY. I'LL
BE JOHN BROWN RUNNIN'.
WELL, CAN DUKE DO
THIS? COME ON, ALDO.
COME ON. UP, UP, UP.
UP, UP. YES. GOOD BOY!
OH, HELL, THAT AIN'T NOTHIN'. YOU WANNA SEE
SOMEBODY GET ON UP THE STAIRS? LOOK AT THAT.
RUN THAT, DUKE. LOOK AT THAT. COME
ON UP THERE, DUKE. THERE YOU GO.
HUP! UP! UP! THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO, DUKE. I'M NOT
SURE, BUT I THINK HE CHEATED.
CHEATED? AIN'T NOBODY CHEATED. YOU JUST
JEALOUS 'CAUSE DUKE IS BETTER THAN YOUR DOG.
DUKE CAN EVEN DO IMPRESSIONS. YOU
WANNA SEE DUKE DO AN IMPRESSION? HERE.
WATCH HIM IMPERSONATE. DUKE, DO
LASSIE. HELLO. WHAT'D YOU SAY, LASSIE?
TIMMY'S STUCK IN A MINE?
IS IT A COAL MINE
OR IS IT AN OIL MINE?
GAS LEAK OR METHANOL?
WHICH WAY DID HE GO?
OH.
GIVE IT UP FOR
DUKE. IT'S RIDICULOUS.
LOOK AT THIS. ALDO? YES.
NOW, THAT'S A TRICK.
HE'S A LITTLE DANCER.
THAT AIN'T NOTHIN'. COME ON, DUKE. WE GOT TO
SHOW OUR STUFF. LOOK AT THAT BOY RUNNING...
THERE YOU GO, BOY.
YOU'RE CATCHIN' 'EM.
WELL, YOU KNOW, HE BEEN EATIN'
ALL DAY. HE CAN'T EAT ALL THE TIME.
SIR, WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE NOW?
YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE OF WINNING.
WHAT YOU MEAN, WE AIN'T GOT A CHANCE,
SIR? WHAT YOU MEAN? DUKE GOT A CHANCE.
THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD HIM AT THE CLINIC WHEN
THEY SAID HE HAD RABIES. HE GOT A CHANCE.
RABIES? OH, ALDO! CALM
DOWN. CALM DOWN, PEOPLE.
DUKE, GET HIM. WELL,
I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
LOOK LIKE EVERYBODY DONE LEFT.
I GUESS THAT MEANS WE WIN, DUKE.
WE WIN. WELL, YOU DID GOOD.
THANK YOU. LOOK
OUT THERE! OH, GOD.
BETTER GET ON NOW.
I'M PROUD OF YOU, DUKE,
SON. YOU DID GOOD, SON.
I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU WAS
MY OWN. I KNOW YOU HEAR ME.
HI, I'M ROSIE. THIS IS
MY PARTNER, ARTHUR.
ARTHUR! ARTHUR!
TONIGHT WE GOT NAUGHTY BY NATURE
OFF OF TOMMY BOY RECORDS PERFORMIN'...
"HIP HOP HOORAY." HO! HEY! HO!
THIS IS THE SINGLE OFF THE 19 NAUGHTY
III ALBUM, ENTITLED "HIP HOP HOORAY."
- SO CHECK IT OUT.
- ♪ HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO!
HEY! HO! HEY! HO!
♪ YOU DREW A PICTURE OF MY MORNING
BUT YOU COULDN'T MAKE MY DAY ♪
♪ I'M ROCKIN' AND YOU'RE YAWNIN'
BUT YOU NEVER LOOK MY WAY ♪
♪ I'M LICKIN' DOWN YOU,
DARLIN' IN EVERY SINGLE WAY ♪
♪ YOUR FUNNY FLOW IS FOREIGN
AND A CHURCH IS ON THE WAY ♪
♪ THIS AIN'T GOT... SHAMPOO BUT
WATCH YOUR HEAD 'N' SHOULDERS ♪
♪ BROTHER OLDER BOLD
ENOUGH TO FOLD YA YO, I TOLD YA ♪
♪ A RAID AFRAID OF WHAT I
MADE PLUS PLAYED A FUNKY FIT ♪
♪ SO SAVE YA FLIPS PLUS TRICKS
FOR THAT MUSIC AND THE MONKEY BIT ♪
♪ TRIGGAS FROM THE GRILLTOWN
ILLTOWN SOME ASK HOW IT FEELS NOW ♪
♪ THE DEAL IS THAT WE'RE
REAL SO WE'RE STILL ROUND ♪
♪ THE LAMP WITH A FREESTYLE
PHANTOM AIN'T TRYIN' TO BE HANDSOME ♪
♪ SHRINKIN' WHAT YA
THINKIN' 'CAUSE I'M VAMPIN' ♪
♪ I LIVE AND DIE FOR HIP-HOP
THIS IS HIP-HOP FOR TODAY ♪
♪ I GIVE PROPS TO HIP-HOP ♪
♪ SO HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO!
HEY! HO!
HEY! HO! ♪ HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO!
HEY! HO! HEY!
TREACHERY, COME DOWN TO TOWN.
♪ I HEARD A LOT ABOUT A BROTHER
GAINING MO' GROUND BEING LOW-DOWN ♪
♪ I DO THE SHOWDOWN
WITH ANY LITTLE HO ROUND ♪
♪ I WANNA KNOW WHO YOU'RE
BELIEVING BEING FUNNY REASONS ♪
♪ EVEN WHEN I'M SLEEPING
YOU THINK I'M CHEATING ♪
♪ YOU SAID, I KNOW YOU'RE
MR. O.P.P., MAN YO, P.P.P., MAN ♪
♪ WON'T ONLY SEE ME, MAN YOU
SHOULD'VE KNEW WHEN I HIT AND STEP ♪
♪ THAT I WAS WITH IT A BIT
NOT TO CONSIDER THE REP ♪
♪ I DID YOUR PARTNER 'CAUSE SHE'S HOT
AS A BAKER 'CAUSE I'M NAUGHTY BY NATURE ♪
♪ NOT 'CAUSE I HATE YA YOU PUT
YOUR HEART IN PART OF A PART ♪
♪ THAT SPREADS APART AND FORGOT
THAT I FORGAVE YA WHEN YOU HAD A SPARK ♪
♪ YOU TRY TO ACT LIKE
SOMETHING REALLY BIG IS MISSIN' ♪
♪ EVEN THOUGH MY NAME'S
GRAFFITI WRITTEN ON YOUR KITTEN ♪
♪ I LOVE BLACK WOMEN ALWAYS
AND DISRESPECT AIN'T THE WAY ♪
- ♪ LET'S START A FAMILY TODAY ♪
- ♪ HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO!
HEY! HO! HEY!
- HO! HEY!
- ♪ HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO! HEY!
- HO! HEY!
- TREACHERY COME DOWN
THREE TIME!
♪ HIP-HOP, HIP-HIP-HOP
HIP-HIP-HOP, HOORAY ♪
♪ THERE'S MANY HUNGRY HIP-HOPPERS,
ONE REASON HIP-HOP'S HIP TOP TODAY ♪
♪ SWERVE, WHAT YA HEARD
'CAUSE I AIN'T BAILIN' NO HAY ♪
♪ AIN'T CHOPPIN' NO CROPS
BUT STILL GROWIN' EVERY DAY ♪
♪ HERE'S A THUNDER SOUND
FROM THE WONDERS FOUND ♪
♪ FROM THE UNDERGROUND TOWN
DOWN THE HILL FEEL HOW ILLTOWN ♪
♪ DROWNS SMILES TO FROWNS SNATCHIN'
CROWNS FROM CLOWNS BEAT DOWNS ARE FOUND ♪
- ♪ DON'T KNOW ME
DON'T COME AROUND ♪
- ♪ TIPPY, TIPPY, PAUSE ♪
♪ TIPPY, TIPPY, PAUSE SOMETIMES
CREEPIN' UP I EAT 'EM UP ♪
♪ YOUR STYLE IS OLDER THAN LOU
RAWLS, PEACE TO THIS AND THAT AND THEM ♪
♪ THAT WAY I SHOUT OUT
AND I DIDN'T MISS ONE FRIEND ♪
♪ FOOLS GET FOOLISH NEITHER
THEM OR PARKER LEWIS KNEW US ♪
♪ YOU COULD HAVE CREWS WITH
SHOES AND CAN'T STEP TO US ♪
♪ SOME KITTY PURR I CALL 'EM
SIR TOO LOOKING FOR HER CREW ♪
♪ ANY CHICK THAT
DISS GETS A CURFEW ♪
♪ I PUT MY PROJECTS FOR BOOTS STEP
THROUGH TROOPS AND LEAVE PROOF ♪
♪ MY PROBLEM
SOLVER'S NAME IS MOOK ♪
♪ I HITTIN' WOODIES IN A HOODIE,
PEACE TO JESETTE JOBETE, JO-JO, GENAE ♪
♪ AND EVERY HOOD GEE THAT'S RIGHT,
MY FIGHT IS ILL PEACE GOES TO L.O.N.S. ♪
♪ AND QUEST, NICE &
SMOOTH AND CYPRESS HILL ♪
♪ I LIVE AND DIE FOR HIP-HOP
THIS IS HIP-HOP FOR TODAY ♪
♪ I GIVE PROPS TO HIP-HOP
SO HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO!
HEY! HO! HEY! HO!
♪ HIP-HOP, HOORAY ♪♪
HO! HEY! HO!
AND FOR 12 SEASONS, I PLAYED
LOUISE ON THE JEFFERSONS.
LIKE MOST ENTERTAINERS, MY
PERFORMANCE DEPENDS A LOT ON MY VOICE.
YOU'RE PROBABLY ASKING
YOURSELF RIGHT NOW,
"HOW DID SHE GET SUCH A SMOOTH,
SEXY SOUND OUT OF THAT THROAT?"
WELL, THE SECRET
IS THESE: WEEZIES.
GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOUR
VOICE SOUND ITS ABSOLUTE BEST.
HOW DO THEY DO IT? BY USING ONLY
THE FINEST OF NATURAL INGREDIENTS:
RETSYN, BROKEN GLASS,
CARPET TACKS, PIT GRAVEL...
AND A HINT OF CHERRY.
WINK, WINK.
OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER,
BOB? THROAT TROUBLE?
YEAH. IT'S BEEN BOTHERING
ME FOR THREE DAYS.
HERE. TRY A WEEZIE.
WEEZIES TAKE A LITTLE
GETTING USED TO AT FIRST,
KIND OF LIKE MR. BENTLEY'S FACE.
WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT?
HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW, BOB?
LIKE MY THROAT IS BLEEDING.
BUT I SOUND TERRIFIC.
OF COURSE YOU DO.
YOU'VE GOT THE WEEZIES.
- CAN I HAVE ONE
OF THOSE TOO, LADY?
- OH, AREN'T YOU CUTE?
BUT AREN'T YOU A LITTLE
YOUNG FOR A WEEZIE?
- PLEASE?
- OH, WHAT THE HELL.
THERE YOU GO.
WEEZIES ARE FOR THE WHOLE
FAMILY. NOW, REPEAT AFTER ME.
- GEORGE.
- GEORGE.
- NOW YOU. FLORENCE.
- FLORENCE.
NOW, ONE TIME TOGETHER.
TOM, HELEN. TOM, HELEN.
LIONEL. LIONEL.
RALPH. RALPH.
WEEZIES. NOW
AVAILABLE IN CHERRY,
TAR AND NEW SANDPAPER.
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP
AND SIP ON A DREAM ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE
ON A FUNKY SCENE ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
WITH TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO ♪♪
♪ THERE'S A LECTURE
EVERY MINUTE ♪
♪ FROM THE HOMELESS
TO THE VOTE ♪
♪ IT'S A DIFFERENT MESSAGE ♪
♪ AND WE'LL SHOVE IT
DOWN YOUR THROAT ♪♪
MY SISTER, MY SISTER. OOH, LOOK
AT ALL THOSE BRAIDS. HOW YOU DOIN'?
SO WHAT YOU UP TO, MY
SISTER? WELL, WE'RE BUILDING...
AN ANTIAPARTHEID SHANTYTOWN OUTSIDE THE
HEADQUARTERS OF WENDELL'S HOUSE OF GLOBES.
AND WE'RE GONNA STAY THERE EVERY DAY UNTIL
THEY TAKE SOUTH AFRICA OFF THEIR MAPS,
BECAUSE, MY SISTER, UNTIL OUR
PEOPLE ARE FREE ALL AROUND THE WORLD,
NONE OF US IS TRULY FREE.
RON, YOU'VE TRIED TO HIT
ON EVERY GIRL IN THIS SCHOOL.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE UP
YOUR MIND, MY BROTHER?
BUT, YOU KNOW, MAN, THEY ALL HAVE
AWESOME BOOTIES, MAN, YOU KNOW.
ALL THE LITTLE SWEET HONEYS, MAN.
THEY'RE AWESOME. THEY'RE... OOH-WHEE!
MY BROTHER, SOMETIME I
DON'T THINK YOU HAVE A BRAIN.
WELL, YOU KNOW, I'LL TAKE THAT.
OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOIN' HERE?
YOU SHOULD'VE
GRADUATED YEARS AGO.
DON'T YOU KNOW, MR. GAINES,
THAT WE MUST STAY IN SCHOOL...
IF OUR PEOPLE ARE
EVER TO TRULY BE FREE?
YOU KNOW, BESIDES THAT, I'M
GETTIN' MY MASTER'S DEGREE IN BOOTY!
RON, RON, RON, MY
BROTHER, THIS IS NOT THE WAY.
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT TWO-THIRDS OF TODAY'S
COLLEGE STUDENTS DO NOT PRACTICE SAFE SEX,
AND 73% OF SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES ARE
SPREAD BY 11% OF THE POPULATION 92% OF THE TIME,
AND NINE OUT OF 10 PEOPLE DON'T
EVEN KNOW THIS SHOW IS STILL ON THE AIR.
DO YOU KNOW THAT FOUR OUT OF FIVE
DENTISTS SURVEYED RECOMMEND TRIDENT...
FOR PATIENTS WHO CHEW GUM?
WALTER, YOU'RE BACK! MAN,
I HAD TO COME BACK, MAN,
WHEN I HEARD THAT WHITLEY
WAS USING HAIR SPRAY, MAN.
MAN, THAT STUFF IS DESTROYIN'
OUR ATMOSPHERE, MAN. I AIN'T LYIN'.
AND UNTIL WE PROTECT THE OZONE,
OUR PEOPLE WILL NEVER TRULY BE FREE.
LISTEN TO MY
BROTHER, MY SISTERS.
AND ANOTHER THING. WHAT'S WITH
YOU LADIES AND SHOE SHOPPING, MAN?
I MEAN, HOW MANY PAIRS
OF SHOES DO Y'ALL NEED?
I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT ALL TYPES OF DAMN SHOES,
MAN. GOT 'EM PACKED ALL UP IN THE CLOSET.
SHOES BE GOIN', "HEY, MAN, WHY YOU
GOT US PACKED ALL UP IN THIS CLOSET FOR?"
EVEN THE SHOES TRYIN' TO GET
AWAY FROM YOUR BIG OLD BUTT.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, PLEASE
RENT MY VIDEO, NECESSARY ROUGHNESS.
VIDEO BE SITTIN' IN THE RENTAL STORE
GOIN', "HEY, MAN, AIN'T NOBODY RENTIN' ME.
GET ME OFF THE DAMN SHELF, MAN." I MAY HAVE
TO OPEN FOR LUTHER AGAIN IF THIS KEEPS UP.
MY SISTERS, IT'S MY SISTER.
THIS IS MY SISTER,
SISTER CINDY. HEY, SISTER.
SISTER CINDY, MY SISTERS,
MY SISTERS, MY
SISTER, SISTER CINDY.
WELL, WE'RE OFF
TO THE SHANTYTOWN.
WELL, I GUESS I HAVE TO
FIND SOMETHING TO PROTEST.
AND I'M ON MY WAY TO THE LAUNDROMAT, BECAUSE
UNTIL I CAN RID MY CLOTHES OF FILTH...
AND STUBBORN GREASE STAINS, OUR
PEOPLE WILL NEVER TRULY BE FREE.
YOU SAID THAT, MY BROTHER.
AND I'M OFF TO GET MY DAMN
JOB BACK ON THE APOLLO.
IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN TO
ASK THE QUESTION "WHY"?
THANK YOU, PAUL. AFTER
TWO WEEKS IN INTENSIVE CARE,
HECTOR RAMIREZ IS REPORTED
TO BE IN STABLE CONDITION.
HE WAS FOUND ON LA
TIJERA BOULEVARD...
AFTER A COLLISION IN HIS FORD
FESTIVA IN FRONT OF EL TORITO.
SEÑOR RAMIREZ HAD JUST CONSUMED TWO
EXTRA CRISPY BURRITOS, THREE MARGARITAS...
E UNA POLLO
QUESADILLA CON QUESO.
STOP. WHY IS IT THAT
REPORTERS TRY TO GET ETHNIC...
WHEN THEY REPORT A
STORY ABOUT LATINOS?
WHY DON'T THEY DO
THIS WITH OTHER GROUPS?
THANK YOU, LISA. TODAY
AT POLICE HEADQUARTERS,
CAPTAIN KEVIN MAGILLACUTTY
AND SERGEANT SEAN McCARTHY...
ANNOUNCED THEIR RETIREMENT
FROM THE POLICE DEPARTMENT.
AFTERWARDS, THEY CELEBRATED
AT O'SHAUNESSEY'S PUB...
AND HAD A FEW PINTS
OF McDOUGAL'S ALE.
LISA?
THANKS, PAUL. AN ELDERLY
WOMAN WITNESSED A ROBBERY...
AT THE WIENERSCHNITZEL.
THE CRIMINALS, DRESSED IN
LEDERHOSEN AND EATING SAUERKRAUT...
YELLED A LOUD "GESUNDHEIT" AS THEY
HOPPED INTO THEIR 1976 VOLKSWAGEN...
AND DROVE AWAY.
WHY?
WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL
GUEST D.J. ON THIS WEEK'S SHOW.
HE'S ONE OF THE TOUGHEST,
BRAVEST GUYS I KNOW.
AND LATER ON IN THE SHOW, HE'S GONNA DO ONE
OF THE MOST DEATH-DEFYING STUNTS ATTEMPTED.
HE'S ON LOCATION RIGHT
HERE ON THE FOX LOT,
AND HE'S HIGH ATOP THE
WORLD'S TALLEST D.J. PLATFORM.
PLEASE WELCOME
SUPER DAVE OSBORNE.
THANK YOU, TWIST.
I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT AN
HONOR IT IS TO BE ON THE SHOW.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S NOT
WASTE ANY MORE TIME.
COME ON, GIRLS. LET'S BITE IT!
WHAT'S WRONG?
- THAT'S "KICK IT."
- ALL RIGHT. LET'S KICK IT!
♪♪
♪♪
BLISHED 17 YEARS AGO BY
ACTOR CHARLES BRONSON,
THE MAKE A DEATH WISH FOUNDATION IS DEDICATED
TO MAKING CHILDREN'S DREAMS COME TRUE.
WITH THE HELP OF CHARLES
BRONSON, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
WOW! FROGGY LAND,
THE AMUSEMENT PARK!
THIS IS GONNA BE FUN! NOT SO FAST,
LITTLE GUY. IT COSTS $35 TO GET IN HERE.
I DON'T HAVE $35.
HEY, POND SCUM, HERE'S A .45.
YOU CAN KEEP THE CHANGE.
HOW ABOUT GIVIN' THIS KID A BREAK?
HEY, MISTER, YOU WOULDN'T SHOOT
FREDDY THE FROG, WOULD YOU?
OF COURSE NOT.
TAKE THAT, YOU
WART-FACED, LILY PAD-SUCKIN',
TADPOLE-MOLESTIN'
KERMIT WANNABE.
HEY, KID, LET'S GO SEE WHAT
KIND OF SERVICE WE CAN GET...
WITH A SMILE AND A GUN.
THAT'S THE WAY TO BE IN THERE,
EDWARDSON. THAT'S THE WAY TO BE IN THERE.
LOOK HERE, GUTIERREZ. IT COMES DOWN TO THIS.
YOU GO OUT AND MAKE A FIELD GOAL SO WE WIN.
- GET OUT THERE!
- CAN I KICK THE BALL,
MR. BRONSON?
I'D LIKE TO SEE SOMEONE
TRY TO STOP YOU.
HEY, JOCK BREATH, HOW ABOUT
GIVING THE LITTLE KID HIS WISH.
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? THIS IS THE
CHAMPIONSHIP. THIS IS THE BIGGEST GAME OF MY LIFE.
YOU THINK I'M GONNA LET AN
EIGHT-YEAR-OLD KID GO IN THERE AND...
TAKE THAT, YOU WHISTLE-BLOWIN',
GATORADE-SUCKIN',
WATCHIN' THE BOYS IN
THE SHOWER TOO LONG,
MIKE DITKA WANNABE.
HEY, KID. DON'T WORRY ABOUT
THE DEFENSE. I GOT 'EM COVERED.
OKAY, GIRLS. HIT IT.
RAH-RAH, SMITH & WESSON.
RAH-RAH, SMITH & WESSON.
AT THE CHARLES BRONSON
FOUNDATION, A CHILD'S WISH...
IS SOMEBODY ELSE'S HEADACHE.
HEY. WELL, HI THERE. YOU PROBABLY
WANNA KNOW ABOUT THE PLANE, HUH?
NO. HE WANTS TO FLY IT.
BANG!
THIS IS FUN, MR. BRONSON!
IS EVERYTHING OKAY IN HERE?
HEY, IT'S TIME I GET A WISH TOO.
COME HERE, YOU
PEANUT-PUSHING, LUGGAGE-LOSING,
WAKING ME UP WHEN I
DON'T NEED A PILLOW,
LITTLE WIDE-BODIED BIMBO!
TAKE IT EASY, KID. THERE
COULD BE SOME TURBULENCE.
SO PLEASE GIVE TO THE CHARLES
BRONSON MAKE A DEATH WISH FOUNDATION...
AND GIVE TILL IT HURTS,
BEFORE HE HURTS YOU.
THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE
ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
WE'RE ONLY SECONDS AWAY FROM ONE OF
THE MOST INCREDIBLE STUNTS EVER ATTEMPTED.
NOW, REMEMBER. SUPER DAVE
OSBORNE IS A PROFESSIONAL,
SO, KIDS, DON'T
TRY THIS AT HOME.
TAKE IT AWAY, SUPER DAVE!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, DAVID,
AND ONCE AGAIN, I'M THRILLED
TO BE ON IN LIVING COLOR.
I LOVE YOUR SHOW. UH, WHAT I WAS GOING
TO DO TONIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WAS A STUNT THAT WAS NEVER ATTEMPTED
BEFORE IN THE HISTORY OF STUNTDOM.
IT WAS A THREE-AND-A-HALF
TRIPLE LOOP WITH A LAYOUT...
ON A TARGET IN THE MIDDLE
OF A BAG FROM 30 FEET.
UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVE BAD WEATHER
CONDITIONS... THE WIND IS COMING UP...
SO I'M STILL GONNA DO A JUMP,
BUT I'M GONNA ADJUST IT A LITTLE BIT.
I'M STILL GONNA JUMP TO A TARGET ON
THE BAG, BUT I'M GONNA DO A FULL SWAN DIVE.
IT SHOULD LOOK BEAUTIFUL, SO YOU SHOULD
PUT A TAPE IN YOUR MACHINE AND NOT MISS IT.
NOW, IF YOU PAN DOWN, TERRY,
YOU'LL SEE THE TARGET ON THE BAG.
I'VE HAD IT PUT ON THE CORNER OF THE
BAG JUST TO MAKE THE STUNT MORE DIFFICULT.
AGAIN, THIS IS A PIECE OF
CAKE FOR SUPER DAVE OSBORNE,
BUT I DID MOVE THE TARGET OVER A
LITTLE TO MAKE IT MORE CHALLENGING.
NOW, I HAVE PROMISED THE PEOPLE IN
LIVING COLOR, IF I DON'T GO DIRECTLY...
INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE TARGET,
I WILL DONATE MY FULL SALARY,
WHICH IS A LOT OF MONEY,
TO THEIR FAVORITE CHARITY.
HOWEVER, IF I DO GO INTO THE MIDDLE OF
THE TARGET, THEY MUST DOUBLE MY SALARY,
AND HALF THE MONEY WILL
GO TO MY FAVORITE CHARITY,
THE UNDERPRIVILEGED STUNT
KIDS OF MANITOBA, CANADA.
SO IT SHOULD BE VERY EXCITING,
AND AS AN ADDED INCENTIVE,
THE PEOPLE OF IN LIVING
COLOR HAVE THROWN IN A BONUS:
IF I HIT THE MIDDLE OF THE TARGET, I GET
A DATE WITH THE FLY GIRL OF MY CHOICE.
SO IT'S GONNA BE A LOT OF FUN.
I WANT YOU TO FOCUS ON THIS,
AND I PROMISE YOU, I'M GOING
DIRECTLY INTO THE YELLOW.
MY HANDS WON'T EVEN
TOUCH THE RED. HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT. HELLO,
BAG. HERE I COME!
UP, AND... I MISSED IT!
SUPER DAVE! SUPER
DAVE! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I THINK I BROKE MY SPLEEN.
WELL, OF COURSE YOU ARE, SUPER DAVE.
IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO FOR YOU?
SINCE I'M NOT GETTING ANY MONEY FOR THIS
SHOW, CAN I HAVE A MEMENTO, SOMETHING?
UH, WELL, LET ME SEE
WHAT I CAN DO, SUPER DAVE.
LISTEN, GUYS, WHY DON'T WE
GIVE SUPER DAVE THE TURNTABLE?
- SURE. NO PROBLEM.
- THE TURNTABLE? FORGET IT.
NEW PAIN.
- SUPER DAVE?
- TELL THE FLY GIRL
TO FORGET IT.
UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR. IS
THIS THE DOG SHOW HERE?
WHY, YES, SIR, IT CERTAINLY IS.
NOW, IF YOU COULD PLEASE JUST TA...
YOU'RE A LITTLE
BIT TAKEN BY DUKE.
HE A BEAUT, AIN'T HE, BOY? LOOK
AT THAT DUKE RUNNIN' LIKE THE DEVIL.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR
DOG? YOU'RE CHESTER'S BOY, AIN'T YA?
I'LL BE JOHN BROWN, RUNNIN'
LIKE A TICK IN A TREE FACTORY.
YES, YOU ARE. YOU GOT BIG. I REMEMBER WHEN YOU
WASN'T BIGGER THAN A TICK ON A POSSUM'S ASS.
BUT LOOK AT YOU
NOW. BOY, I REMEMBER...
WHEN YOU DROWNED IN THAT CREEK ON THE
FOURTH OF JULY, BUT YOU LOOK GOOD NOW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
COMPETITION IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.
EVERYONE TAKE
YOUR PLACES, PLEASE.
HEEL NOW. HEEL...
HEEL, DUKE. HEEL!
HEEL, DUKE. HEEL.
STARIN' AT 'IM AIN'T
GONNA MAKE HIM YOURS.
YEAH, I KNOW. DUKE IS GETTIN' A
LITTLE HOT. YOU BEST WATCH YOUR LEG.
POPPIN' FRESH. LOOK
AT THAT, BOY. WHOO!
EASY, DUKE, NOW. LET THE
LITTLE UGLY BITCH GO FIRST.
- ALDO IS MALE.
- WELL, YOU CAN'T TELL
BY LOOKIN' AT HIM.
MY, WHAT A MARVELOUS ANIMAL.
THANK YOU. HE'S A PUREBRED.
AND WHAT KIND IS YOURS, SIR? MINE IS MORE
LIKE A GINGERBREAD. HE JUST LAYS STILL.
LOOK AT THAT. THERE YOU GO. SHINY COAT.
LAYS STILL LIKE A COOKIE. LOOK AT THAT, BOY.
SIR, YOUR DOG IS... YOU'RE TIPPY
WILSON, AIN'T YA? BOY, I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
NO, I'M NOT, SIR. YES,
YOU IS, BOY. I REMEMBER...
WHEN YOU WAS ON JOHNSON'S FARM, AND THAT
WHEAT THRASHER CUT YOUR HEAD CLEAN OFF.
BUT YOUR HEAD GREW IN REAL GOOD.
YOUR EARS IS BALANCED AND EVERYTHING.
BOY, LOOK AT YOU. I'LL BE
JOHN BROWN, RUNNIN' LIKE A...
I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT YOU'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE.
WHOA, DUKE. HEEL,
DUKE. HEEL, DUKE.
WELL, LOOK AT THAT.
STANKY STEVE. WHAT? NO.
YOU STANKY, YES, YOU ARE, BOY. I
CAN SMELL YOU LIKE A BAG OF CLAMS.
LOOK AT YOU, BOY.
I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
BOY, I REMEMBER WHEN THEY DRENCHED HIM
IN ALCOHOL, PUT A FIRECRACKER IN HIS BUTT,
TOOK HIM TO A BRIDGE AND THREW
HIM OFF THE BRIDGE AND HE FELL.
HE HIT HIS HEAD ON A ROCK, BUST
HIS HEAD WIDE OPEN... OKAY. I THINK...
AND THEN JUICE WAS COMIN' OUT OF HIS HEAD LIKE
FIRE WATER, AND THEN THEY PICKED HIM UP...
ALL RIGHT! ENOUGH!
YOU'RE IN THE COMPETITION.
I TOLD YOU, DUKE. WE GONNA GET...
WE GONNA WIN THIS ONE HANDS DOWN.
DOES ALDO DO ANY
TRICKS? DUKE, STAY!
LOOK AT THAT, BOY. I'LL
BE JOHN BROWN RUNNIN'.
WELL, CAN DUKE DO
THIS? COME ON, ALDO.
COME ON. UP, UP, UP.
UP, UP. YES. GOOD BOY!
OH, HELL, THAT AIN'T NOTHIN'. YOU WANNA SEE
SOMEBODY GET ON UP THE STAIRS? LOOK AT THAT.
RUN THAT, DUKE. LOOK AT THAT. COME
ON UP THERE, DUKE. THERE YOU GO.
HUP! UP! UP! THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO, DUKE. I'M NOT
SURE, BUT I THINK HE CHEATED.
CHEATED? AIN'T NOBODY CHEATED. YOU JUST
JEALOUS 'CAUSE DUKE IS BETTER THAN YOUR DOG.
DUKE CAN EVEN DO IMPRESSIONS. YOU
WANNA SEE DUKE DO AN IMPRESSION? HERE.
WATCH HIM IMPERSONATE. DUKE, DO
LASSIE. HELLO. WHAT'D YOU SAY, LASSIE?
TIMMY'S STUCK IN A MINE?
IS IT A COAL MINE
OR IS IT AN OIL MINE?
GAS LEAK OR METHANOL?
WHICH WAY DID HE GO?
OH.
GIVE IT UP FOR
DUKE. IT'S RIDICULOUS.
LOOK AT THIS. ALDO? YES.
NOW, THAT'S A TRICK.
HE'S A LITTLE DANCER.
THAT AIN'T NOTHIN'. COME ON, DUKE. WE GOT TO
SHOW OUR STUFF. LOOK AT THAT BOY RUNNING...
THERE YOU GO, BOY.
YOU'RE CATCHIN' 'EM.
WELL, YOU KNOW, HE BEEN EATIN'
ALL DAY. HE CAN'T EAT ALL THE TIME.
SIR, WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE NOW?
YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE OF WINNING.
WHAT YOU MEAN, WE AIN'T GOT A CHANCE,
SIR? WHAT YOU MEAN? DUKE GOT A CHANCE.
THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD HIM AT THE CLINIC WHEN
THEY SAID HE HAD RABIES. HE GOT A CHANCE.
RABIES? OH, ALDO! CALM
DOWN. CALM DOWN, PEOPLE.
DUKE, GET HIM. WELL,
I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
LOOK LIKE EVERYBODY DONE LEFT.
I GUESS THAT MEANS WE WIN, DUKE.
WE WIN. WELL, YOU DID GOOD.
THANK YOU. LOOK
OUT THERE! OH, GOD.
BETTER GET ON NOW.
I'M PROUD OF YOU, DUKE,
SON. YOU DID GOOD, SON.
I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU WAS
MY OWN. I KNOW YOU HEAR ME.
HI, I'M ROSIE. THIS IS
MY PARTNER, ARTHUR.
ARTHUR! ARTHUR!
TONIGHT WE GOT NAUGHTY BY NATURE
OFF OF TOMMY BOY RECORDS PERFORMIN'...
"HIP HOP HOORAY." HO! HEY! HO!
THIS IS THE SINGLE OFF THE 19 NAUGHTY
III ALBUM, ENTITLED "HIP HOP HOORAY."
- SO CHECK IT OUT.
- ♪ HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO!
HEY! HO! HEY! HO!
♪ YOU DREW A PICTURE OF MY MORNING
BUT YOU COULDN'T MAKE MY DAY ♪
♪ I'M ROCKIN' AND YOU'RE YAWNIN'
BUT YOU NEVER LOOK MY WAY ♪
♪ I'M LICKIN' DOWN YOU,
DARLIN' IN EVERY SINGLE WAY ♪
♪ YOUR FUNNY FLOW IS FOREIGN
AND A CHURCH IS ON THE WAY ♪
♪ THIS AIN'T GOT... SHAMPOO BUT
WATCH YOUR HEAD 'N' SHOULDERS ♪
♪ BROTHER OLDER BOLD
ENOUGH TO FOLD YA YO, I TOLD YA ♪
♪ A RAID AFRAID OF WHAT I
MADE PLUS PLAYED A FUNKY FIT ♪
♪ SO SAVE YA FLIPS PLUS TRICKS
FOR THAT MUSIC AND THE MONKEY BIT ♪
♪ TRIGGAS FROM THE GRILLTOWN
ILLTOWN SOME ASK HOW IT FEELS NOW ♪
♪ THE DEAL IS THAT WE'RE
REAL SO WE'RE STILL ROUND ♪
♪ THE LAMP WITH A FREESTYLE
PHANTOM AIN'T TRYIN' TO BE HANDSOME ♪
♪ SHRINKIN' WHAT YA
THINKIN' 'CAUSE I'M VAMPIN' ♪
♪ I LIVE AND DIE FOR HIP-HOP
THIS IS HIP-HOP FOR TODAY ♪
♪ I GIVE PROPS TO HIP-HOP ♪
♪ SO HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO!
HEY! HO!
HEY! HO! ♪ HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO!
HEY! HO! HEY!
TREACHERY, COME DOWN TO TOWN.
♪ I HEARD A LOT ABOUT A BROTHER
GAINING MO' GROUND BEING LOW-DOWN ♪
♪ I DO THE SHOWDOWN
WITH ANY LITTLE HO ROUND ♪
♪ I WANNA KNOW WHO YOU'RE
BELIEVING BEING FUNNY REASONS ♪
♪ EVEN WHEN I'M SLEEPING
YOU THINK I'M CHEATING ♪
♪ YOU SAID, I KNOW YOU'RE
MR. O.P.P., MAN YO, P.P.P., MAN ♪
♪ WON'T ONLY SEE ME, MAN YOU
SHOULD'VE KNEW WHEN I HIT AND STEP ♪
♪ THAT I WAS WITH IT A BIT
NOT TO CONSIDER THE REP ♪
♪ I DID YOUR PARTNER 'CAUSE SHE'S HOT
AS A BAKER 'CAUSE I'M NAUGHTY BY NATURE ♪
♪ NOT 'CAUSE I HATE YA YOU PUT
YOUR HEART IN PART OF A PART ♪
♪ THAT SPREADS APART AND FORGOT
THAT I FORGAVE YA WHEN YOU HAD A SPARK ♪
♪ YOU TRY TO ACT LIKE
SOMETHING REALLY BIG IS MISSIN' ♪
♪ EVEN THOUGH MY NAME'S
GRAFFITI WRITTEN ON YOUR KITTEN ♪
♪ I LOVE BLACK WOMEN ALWAYS
AND DISRESPECT AIN'T THE WAY ♪
- ♪ LET'S START A FAMILY TODAY ♪
- ♪ HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO!
HEY! HO! HEY!
- HO! HEY!
- ♪ HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO! HEY!
- HO! HEY!
- TREACHERY COME DOWN
THREE TIME!
♪ HIP-HOP, HIP-HIP-HOP
HIP-HIP-HOP, HOORAY ♪
♪ THERE'S MANY HUNGRY HIP-HOPPERS,
ONE REASON HIP-HOP'S HIP TOP TODAY ♪
♪ SWERVE, WHAT YA HEARD
'CAUSE I AIN'T BAILIN' NO HAY ♪
♪ AIN'T CHOPPIN' NO CROPS
BUT STILL GROWIN' EVERY DAY ♪
♪ HERE'S A THUNDER SOUND
FROM THE WONDERS FOUND ♪
♪ FROM THE UNDERGROUND TOWN
DOWN THE HILL FEEL HOW ILLTOWN ♪
♪ DROWNS SMILES TO FROWNS SNATCHIN'
CROWNS FROM CLOWNS BEAT DOWNS ARE FOUND ♪
- ♪ DON'T KNOW ME
DON'T COME AROUND ♪
- ♪ TIPPY, TIPPY, PAUSE ♪
♪ TIPPY, TIPPY, PAUSE SOMETIMES
CREEPIN' UP I EAT 'EM UP ♪
♪ YOUR STYLE IS OLDER THAN LOU
RAWLS, PEACE TO THIS AND THAT AND THEM ♪
♪ THAT WAY I SHOUT OUT
AND I DIDN'T MISS ONE FRIEND ♪
♪ FOOLS GET FOOLISH NEITHER
THEM OR PARKER LEWIS KNEW US ♪
♪ YOU COULD HAVE CREWS WITH
SHOES AND CAN'T STEP TO US ♪
♪ SOME KITTY PURR I CALL 'EM
SIR TOO LOOKING FOR HER CREW ♪
♪ ANY CHICK THAT
DISS GETS A CURFEW ♪
♪ I PUT MY PROJECTS FOR BOOTS STEP
THROUGH TROOPS AND LEAVE PROOF ♪
♪ MY PROBLEM
SOLVER'S NAME IS MOOK ♪
♪ I HITTIN' WOODIES IN A HOODIE,
PEACE TO JESETTE JOBETE, JO-JO, GENAE ♪
♪ AND EVERY HOOD GEE THAT'S RIGHT,
MY FIGHT IS ILL PEACE GOES TO L.O.N.S. ♪
♪ AND QUEST, NICE &
SMOOTH AND CYPRESS HILL ♪
♪ I LIVE AND DIE FOR HIP-HOP
THIS IS HIP-HOP FOR TODAY ♪
♪ I GIVE PROPS TO HIP-HOP
SO HIP-HOP HOORAY ♪
HO! HEY! HO!
HEY! HO! HEY! HO!
♪ HIP-HOP, HOORAY ♪♪
HO! HEY! HO!