In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 4, Episode 2 - Basic Instank - full transcript

HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?

HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?

HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪

♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪



♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪

♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪

♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪

♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪

♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪

♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪

♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪

♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪

♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪

♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪

♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪

♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪



♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪

♪ GO, GO, GO ♪♪

♪♪

YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE
BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE PERFECT.

WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO THE
SHOW BY, FOR AND ABOUT WOMEN...

GO ON GIRL. ALL RIGHT.

I'M YOUR HOST, SHAWANDA HARVEY.

TONIGHT, WE'RE PITTING THE
INDEPENDENT WOMAN OF THE '90s...

AGAINST THE TRADITIONAL
HOMEMAKER OF THE PAST.

PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY
MOTHERLY, MRS. GEORGE BUSH.

GO ON, GIRL! GO ON, GIRL!

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

PLEASE, CALL ME
BARBARA, SHANAQUA.

UH, PLEASE CALL ME
SHAWANDA, BARBARA. HMM?

GIRL, YOU ARE SOUND,
YOU ARE STRONG.

YOU ARE A SHINING EXAMPLE OF
WOMANHOOD. OH, THANK YOU, SHIITAKE.

INCIDENTALLY, UH, I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING...
AN APPLE PIE THAT I BAKED MYSELF.

MMM! GO ON, GIRL.

MY NEXT GUEST IS THE VERY
INDEPENDENT, MISS HILLARY CLINTON.

GO ON, GIRL!

GIRL, YOU ARE BOLD, YOU
ARE BAD, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

WELCOME, SISTER.
THANK YOU, SHAWANDA.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE HERE. I'M
SORRY I DIDN'T BRING ANYTHING.

BUT I'M A PARTNER IN A
VERY PRESTIGIOUS LAW FIRM,

AND I DON'T SIT AROUND THE
HOUSE BAKING COOKIES ALL DAY.

WELL, SHENANDOAH,

I'M NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE, REALLY,
FOR BELIEVING THAT BEING A MOTHER...

WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PURSUING SOME
PERSONAL, RATHER SELFISH, CAREER GOALS.

OH, SHE DOES HAVE A POINT.

PERHAPS I SHOULD STAY AT HOME AND
MAKE SURE THAT MY CHILDREN DON'T GROW UP...

AND BECOME SAVINGS
AND LOAN CROOKS.

- OR ADULTERERS.
- EXCUSE ME?

WELL, UH, SISTER, THEY SAY THAT THIS
HORNY GOMER PYLE HUSBAND OF YOURS...

DID GO OFF AND SLEEP
WITH THAT OTHER WOMAN.

NOW, THAT'S NEVER BEEN
PROVED. I MEAN, I KNOW MY BILL.

WHO DOESN'T?

I TRUST HIM.

AND I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT SOME
ALLEGATIONS MADE BY A DESPERATE WOMEN.

IN FACT, IT MEANS SO LITTLE TO ME, I
CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS WOMAN'S NAME.

I BELIEVE IT WAS
GENNIFER FLOWERS, DEAR.

I HOLD NO GRUDGES AGAINST HER.

I JUST WANT TO BECOME FIRST LADY SO I CAN
BECOME MORE INVOLVED IN THE SOCIAL ISSUES.

I MEAN, IN FACT, I'VE ALREADY
STARTED A NEW SUPPORT GROUP.

IT'S CALLED MOTHERS
AGAINST SLUTS.

WELL, THIS SISTER IS
DEDICATED. THIS SISTER IS DARING.

THIS SISTER IS DRINKING!

ASK HER ABOUT THE
AFFAIR HER HUSBAND HAD.

WELL, MY GOODNESS, SHAKA
ZULU, THAT WAS NEVER CONFIRMED.

THAT WAS NEVER CONFIRMED
AT ALL. IT WAS NOT PROVEN.

IT WAS AN ALLEGATION MADE
BY SOME VERY JEALOUS PEOPLE.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? YOUR
HUSBAND USED TO RUN THE C.I.A.

I MEAN, IF HE CAN HIDE
MISSILES UNDER THE AYATOLLAH,

HE CAN SURE AS HELL HIDE A
FEW PAIRS OF NASTY BOXERS!

SISTERS, SISTERS, PLEASE!
NOW, YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS.

YOU ARE PROUD. YOU
ARE PERSEVERING.

GIRL, YOU A PIG!

YOU CAN'T REALLY BLAME HER. SHE'S
JUST TRYING TO FILL IN ALL THOSE WRINKLES!

OH, YEAH?

WELL, YOUR DAUGHTER'S SO UGLY,
WOODY ALLEN WOULDN'T EVEN TOUCH HER!

SISTERS, PLEASE! NOW, NOW, NOW.

HAVEN'T WE SUFFERED
ENOUGH AT THE HANDS OF MEN?

WE MUST UNSHACKLE OURSELVES
FROM THE VICES OF THE WEAKER SEX.

WE MUST BAND TOGETHER
AND FIND OUR TRUE SELVES.

SHAWANDA, YOU
ARE SO RIGHT. I KNOW.

THIS ISN'T THE REAL ME. MM-HMM.

I HATE THIS DRESS! I DO TOO.

THIS IS THE REAL ME. WOW!
WERE YOU ON HEE HAW?

NO!

DUKES OF HAZZARD.

AND I'M NOT SOME
STUFFED CORPORATE TYPE.

I'M A PARTY GIRL
AND I WANNA ROCK!

OH, MY! YOU'VE GONE
A LITTLE TOO FAR, GIRL.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, CHAKA KHAN, I'VE
GOT SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU TOO.

I AM NOT WHO I PRETEND TO BE.
THEY FORCE TO ME TO DRESS THIS WAY.

OH, NOW, DON'T YOU GO ON, GIRL.

THEY FORCED ME TO MASQUERADE
AS GEORGE'S MOTHER FOR TOO LONG!

I WANT TO LIVE! I WANT TO LIVE!

I'M NOT EVEN FAT!

I'VE GOT AN IDEA. LET'S
GO TO CHIPPENDALES...

AND CRAM SOME OF THAT CAMPAIGN
SUPPORT INTO SOME JOCK STRAPS!

WELL, ALL RIGHT! AR! AR! AR!

LAST ONE THERE BUYS THE
MARGARITAS. WHOO-HOO!

NOW, THAT'S WHAT A DOMINEERING
MAN WILL DO FOR YOU, SISTERS.

NOW, IF BUSH AND CLINTON
CAN'T SATISFY THEIR OWN WIVES,

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO
FOR THE REST OF THE COUNTRY?

UNTIL NEXT TIME,
GO ON GIRL. WAIT UP.

YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I
HAVE ACTUALLY BENT THE SPOON...

USING MERELY THE POWERS
OF MY INCREDIBLE MIND.

ISN'T THAT WILD?
ISN'T THAT WILD?

NOW, THE KRESKIN CHALLENGE.

I WILL GIVE $10,000 TO
ANYONE IN THIS ROOM...

WHO CAN DUPLICATE OR SURPASS
WHAT I'M DOING HERE TONIGHT.

IS THERE ANYBODY IN
THE ROOM WHO IS VERSED...

IN THE ART OF
PSYCHIC PHENOMENON?

YO, YO, YO, KRESKIN! LET ME
GET IN ON THIS CHALLENGE, MAN.

YOU WANT TO DO
THIS? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

YOU WOULD LIKE TO COME IN HERE AND SHOW US
YOUR STUFF? YEAH, YEAH. LET ME GET ON IT.

WOW! ISN'T THAT WILD?

OH, YOU POOR SUCKER.

OKAY. WHAT IS YOUR NAME, SIR?

UH, MY NAME IS THE
AMAZING... UH, LAURENT.

THE AMAZING LAURENT. WELL,
LAURENT, I LOVE A CHALLENGE.

YOU, GIVE ME YOUR HAND.

I'M SENSING...

I'M SENSING THAT IN THE LAST MONTH
YOU'VE HAD VISITORS. AM I CORRECT?

YEAH, MY PARENTS WERE JUST
HERE ON VACATION. THAT'S RIGHT.

ISN'T THAT WILD?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME
A POUND. ALL RIGHT.

NOW, I BELIEVE IN
THE PAST MONTH...

YOU WAS UP AGAINST A
WALL ASSUMING THE POSITION.

YEAH, I WAS PULLED OVER
BY THE POLICE TWICE. HA HA.

HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP.

I CAN EVEN TELL YOU EXACTLY
WHAT THE POLICE SAID, RIGHT? RIGHT.

"YOU FIT THE DESCRIPTION OF
SOMEBODY WE LOOKIN' FOR." YEAH.

"STEP AWAY FROM
THE VEHICLE." YEAH.

"SIT YOUR BUTT ON
THE CURB." YEAH.

"PUT YOUR HANDS
BEHIND YOUR NECK." YEAH.

"YOU GOT ANY DRUGS IN THIS
CAR?" THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

"YOU LOOK LIKE YOU
HIGH ON P.C.P." YEAH.

"YOU BEEN ASSOCIATING WITH
KNOWN GANG MEMBERS?" HELL, YEAH...

"WASN'T YOU IN THE CAR
WITH RODNEY KING?" NO, MAN!

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID! THAT'S WHAT HE
SAID, DAWG! THAT'S WHAT HE SAID, MAN!

ISN'T THAT AMUSING?

QUITE AMUSING... INDEED.

BUT NOT QUITE AN EXAMPLE
OF PSYCHIC PHENOMENON.

WATCH AND LEARN. MADAM. OH!

I SENSE THAT DURING THE LAST YEAR
THIS LADY HAS CHANGED CAREERS.

BUT SHE DOES NOT LIKE
HER NEW JOB. AM I CORRECT?

HUH? YES! THAT'S RIGHT.

HEY, I DO HATE MY NEW JOB.

ISN'T THAT WILD? THAT'S WEAK.

ISN'T THAT AMAZING?
TOP THAT, LAURENT.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

UH, I'M SENSING
IN THE LAST YEAR,

YOU COULDN'T FIND NOT NEAR
NO PARTS OF NO JOB, RIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT, AND
I WAS LOOKING TOO.

AH! AH!

AND I'M ALSO SENSING THAT YOU
WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE THAT JOB...

THAT OLD WHITE LADY'S OVER
THERE BITCHING ABOUT. IN A MINUTE.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL US SOMETHING MORE
SPECIFIC ABOUT HER? INTIMATE DETAILS. HUH?

ALL RIGHT. OKAY. AND I'M
ALSO SENSING, UH, THAT...

YO, GIRL, THAT A WIG? HELL, NO.

ALL RIGHT. UH, I'M SENSING
THAT, IN THE LAST MONTH,

YOU, UH, BURNED UP THE BACK OF YOUR NECK, UH,
IN THE KITCHEN MORE THAN ONCE WITH A HOT COMB.

DAMN, IF HE AIN'T RIGHT!
HE IS GOOD! YEAH! HA HA!

THROUGH MY TELEKINETIC POWERS,

I WILL NOW READ WHAT
IS INSIDE YOUR PURSE.

I'M SEEING A WORD...
"PHENOMENON." NO.

UH, I'M SEEING THE LETTERS T-W-A.
DO THEY MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

YES. I HAVE A PLANE
TICKET ON TWA.

ISN'T THAT EERIE?

COME ON, GIMME THOSE, GIRL.

DON'T! DON'T... HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY! ALL RIGHT! OKAY!

GET AWAY FROM MY PURSE! YOU GONNA
GET IT BACK! YOU GONNA GET IT BACK!

SIT DOWN. WOULD YOU STOP THAT?

I'M, UH, SENSING SOME LETTERS.

I'M SENSING THREE LETTERS...
T-C-B. THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

THAT'S MY ACTIVATOR! HA HA!

THERE THEY ARE. GIVE ME THAT!

DAMN! AND JUDGING FROM THAT ATTITUDE,
I'M SENSING THREE MORE LETTERS... O-B-G.

THOSE MY TAMPONS! HOW DID HE
KNOW ABOUT THEM? MY TAMPONS?

I KNOW YOUR GAME NOW.
LET ME PICK THE PERSON.

TELL ME WHAT THAT LADY IS
THINKING RIGHT OVER THERE?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
EXCUSE ME. ALL RIGHT, MAN.

BITCH, YOU SCARED OF ME? YES!

ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME MY MONEY. GIVE
ME MY MONEY. GIVE ME MY MONEY.

NO. GIVE ME MY MONEY.

I DON'T THINK SO. GIVE
THE MAN HIS MONEY.

GIVE ME MY MONEY! GIVE
ME... ALL RIGHT, SEE, SEE.

THIS IS HOW IT STARTED, RIGHT? THIS IS
HOW IT STARTED, NORMANDY AND FLORENCE.

RIGHT? RIGHT UP HERE. ALL RIGHT,
LOOK, I GOT ONE LAST PREDICTION.

I SENSE IN THIS ROOM
HOSTILITY, I SENSE ANGER...

AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME MY MONEY
RIGHT NOW, I SENSE A NATURAL ASS WHUPPING!

THE AMAZING LAURENT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THE AMAZING LAURENT.
HEY, LAURENT, WAIT UP.

LETITIA, WAIT! LETITIA! LETI...

GO ON, GET IN THERE. DON'T
TOUCH ON ME, BOY! DON'T TOUCH ME!

GET ON OUT OF HERE.

ROAM AROUND, ROAM.
ROAM AROUND, ROAM.

FEELS LIKE HOME. FEELS
LIKE HOME. LOVE THE SMELL.

AH, WHAT'S UP? TELL THEM
WHAT TIME IT IS, ROME?

HEY, YO, CHECK THIS OUT.

MY NAME IS TONY ROAM. "T."

AND THIS IS MAN, SNUFF ALOFAGUS.

WHAT'S YOUR LAST
NAME, SNUFF? ALOFAGUS.

THAT'S RIGHT. AND
THIS IS OUR CELL.

WE RUNNING THIS JOINT NOW.

ANYBODY GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

THOUGHT SO. RIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT, 'CAUSE IF YOU
DO, MY MAN SNUFF OVER HERE...

IS GONNA SNUFF YOU OUT AND
THEN I'M A JUST ROAM AROUND.

TONY ROAM.

YO, ROAM, CHECK
THAT OUT RIGHT THERE.

DO MY EYES DECEIVE ME?

I'M ABOUT TO GO CAPTAIN
KIRK ON THAT BUTT.

I'M ABOUT TO GO WHERE NO MAN HAS EVER
GONE BEFORE. WELL, BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.

OH!

HEY, CUTIE, FOR A PACK OF CAMELS,
I'LL MAKE YOUR TOES CURL UP.

YO, YOU BETTER GO
TOM CRUISE ON THAT.

WORD! I'M GETTING FAR,
FAR AWAY FROM THAT HO.

YO, SHORTY, WHAT'S UP, MAN?

SHORTY, WHY DON'T YOU HOOK ME UP
WITH A CIGARETTE? GIVE ME A SMOKE, MAN.

YO, MAN, TELL HIM THE
SURGEON GENERAL WARNING.

YO, THE SURGEON GENERAL WARNING
SAY SMOKING GONNA STUNT YOUR GROWTH.

LOOKS TO ME LIKE WAS HOMEBOY
WAS BREAST FED ON CIGARETTES.

HOLD ON. WHAT'S UP?

UH-OH. YO! YOU BETTER
CHILL OUT, TATTOO.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S ENOUGH
OUT OF YOU TWO CHUMPS.

WHAT YOU 'OING DO?

UH-OH. UH-OH.
WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP?

AW, HE DONE DID IT NOW. I'M
GOING CRAZY. GO CRAZY, BRO.

YEAH, HOLD THIS. YEAH.

HOLD THAT. GIVE ME MY
HAT. GIVE ME IT. GIVE ME IT.

HOLDING IT? YEAH.

WHAT'S UP NOW? I'M GOIN'
JAILHOUSE ON YOU! WHAT'S UP?

WHAT'S UP?
JAILHOUSE! YEAH, YEAH!

HOLD THESE! YEAH, YEAH,
BOY! GIVE ME, GIVE ME!

HOLD THE POSE. WHAT'S
UP NOW? WHAT'S UP NOW?

OH, THAT'S IT!
UH-OH! UH-OH! YEAH!

YOU THINK I'M JOKIN'
NOW! WHAT'S UP NOW?

I'M GONNA TAKE A WALK
ON YOU, BOY! WHAT'S UP?

OH, HE THINK I'M BLUFF...
I'M GONNA LET IT ALL OUT!

SHUT UP! TAKE IT OFF.

BOY. GIVE ME MY PANTS BACK, MAN.

YO, YOU LUCKY THEY STOPPED HIM.

YOU KNOW, I'D HATE TO
HIT YOU IN THE MOUTH.

I MIGHT WANT TO KISS YOU LATER.

YO, YO, YO! YOU BETTER
APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW,

BECAUSE HE GONNA GO JEFFREY
DAHMER ON YOU. THAT'S RIGHT, BOY.

I CUT YOUR BIG ASS UP, PUT IT IN MY FREEZER
AND I'LL COME BACK AND KICK IT LATER.

AND WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO? WHO ME?

I'LL GO MILLI
VANILLI ON YOU. OOH!

AND WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S WHEN
I PRETEND TO KICK YOUR BUTT,

BUT THEN GO GET SOMEONE
MORE TALENTED TO DO IT FOR ME.

GO GET HIM, SNUFF. OH, MAN,
CHILL. UH, WHAT'S UP, MAN?

COME ON, PLAY THE
FLOOR. OH, PLAY THE FLOOR.

OH, THAT'S IT!
YOU ASKING FOR IT!

I'M GOIN' LOW! I'M
LOJACK! GIVE ME THE BALL!

SHABBA DO! SHABBA DO!
SHABBA DO! SHABBA DO!

NOW VOGUE! VOGUE!
STRIKE A VOGUE!

STRIKE A POSE, BABY. STRIKE
A POSE. COME ON, VOGUE.

WHAT'S UP?

THAT'S SO SHINY ON YOU.

ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, BREAK IT UP.

YES, BREAK IT UP.
ALVIN! THADDEUS!

DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO QUIT
SNEAKING IN THOSE MOVIE THEATERS?

YOU DONE SEEN
PINOCCHIO TWICE ALREADY.

AH, MA, I TOLD YOU IT'S NOT ALVIN
AND THADDEUS. IT'S SNUFF AND ROAM.

WHEN I GET YOU HOME, I'M
GONNA GO FLIP WILSON ON YOU.

WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S FLIP WILSON?

THAT'S WHEN I WHUP YOU SO BAD,

NOBODY WILL HEAR FROM
YOU FOR 20 YEARS. OH, MAN!

HEY, FLIP, WHAT YOU DOING MAN?

♪♪

♪ NOW LET ME SEE EVERYBODY
COME GET WITH THIS ♪

♪ COME GET WITH THIS ♪

♪ COME GET WITH THIS ♪

♪ COME GET WITH IT
COME GET WITH IT ♪

♪ COME GET WITH IT
COME GET WITH IT ♪

♪ COME GET WITH IT
COME GET WITH IT ♪

♪ COME GET WITH IT
COME GET WITH IT ♪

♪ COME GET WITH IT ♪

♪ COME GET WITH IT ♪

YES. YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT.

♪ COME GET WITH IT
COME GET WITH IT ♪

♪ COME GET WITH IT ♪♪

I'LL DO ANYTHING I CAN TO HELP YOU
WITH THE INVESTIGATION, DETECTIVE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

WELL, UH, LET ME GET RIGHT
TO THE POINT, MISS TRAMELL.

I NEED TO ASK YOU SOME
QUESTIONS ABOUT STEVE DERRICK.

UH-HUH.

WHEN WAS THE LAST
TIME YOU SAW HIM?

THE LAST TIME? YEAH.

HE WAS LYING DOWN HERE
ON THIS BED. WHOA. OH.

UH, WAS HE? UM,
WHY DON'T YOU, UH,

SHOW ME EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED,
SORT OF FLESH OUT THE DETAILS.

MAYBE I CAN GET ALL
OF THE EVIDENCE I NEED.

WHATEVER YOU WANT.

YOU'RE THE COP.

HE WAS ALL TIED UP.

NAKED... AND HELPLESS.

OH.

AND, UM...

THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

THEN MY GIRLFRIEND TOOK OVER.

GIRLFRIEND?

I LOVE YOU.

I THINK THIS WAS YOURS.

STILL GOT THE FLAVOR.

OOH, IT'S A POLICEMAN.
HOW YOU DOING?

IS THAT A TASER IN YOUR POCKET
OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?

HEY, LOOK, I WISH COULD SEE YOU,
BUT YOUR VOICE SOUNDS LOVELY.

OKAY, THEN. WELL, IF YOU THINK THE VOICE IS MILKY
SMOOTH, WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE WHOLE PACKAGE.

- YOU GONNA FREAK.
- IS THAT RIGHT? OH, I LOVE A FREAK TOO.

HEY, LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT
HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU AND DERRICK?

OKAY, THEN. FIRST OF ALL, I STRIPPED
DOWN TO MY UNMENTIONABLES, RIGHT?

MY VICTORIA'S SECRETIONS.

I KNOW YOU LIKE THAT,
RIGHT? OH, GOD, YES.

AND THEN I CREEPED UP ON HIM
LIKE I WAS A GORILLA IN THE MIST.

OOH. AND GOT DOWN ON HIM
LIKE HE WAS A HELPLESS RABBIT.

OOH! HUNT ME DOWN
AND TAKE ME, SUGAR.

HEY, LIKE A BOWL OF GRITS.

HEY, IS THAT A... HEY, I THOUGHT
COPS ONLY CARRIED A .38.

WELL, BABY, WHAT YOU DEALING
WITH HERE IS .357 MAGNUM.

HEY, DIRTY HARRY.

SUGAR. LOOK, WHY
DON'T YOU MAKE MY DAY?

TAKE OFF THIS BLINDFOLD. LET'S
PLAY A LITTLE SHOW AND TELL.

OKAY, HEY, THAT'S MY
SONG. ♪ SHOW AND TELL ♪

♪ JUST A GAME I PLAY ♪

♪ WHEN I WANNA SAY, I... ♪

WHO PUT A WIG ON
CHARLES BARKLEY?

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU
WANTED TO FREAK TOO.

HEY, I WANTED TO FREAK. I DON'T
WANT TO BE WITH A DAMN FREAK.

THAT'S THE ONLY WAY
YOU CAN BE FREAKY TOO.

WHY YOU TRIPPING?
YOU KNOW I GOT YOU?

YOU AIN'T GOT TO GO
NOWHERE. I HAVE YOU.

SO, WHY YOU TRIPPING, HUH?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
RELAX AND TAKE THIS TOO.

COME ON, DON'T YOU
WANT TO BUMP UGLIES?

BUMP UGLIES? BUMP UGLIES? YEAH.

HONEY, LOOK LIKE YOU
TOOK UGLY FACE ON.

WELL, FIRST OF ALL, WHY YOU TRIPPING
LIKE THAT? YOU KNOW I'M YOUR LOVE BEAST.

LOVE BEAST, HUH? SOMEBODY LEFT THE
CAGE OPEN AT THE ZOO, THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE.

OH, YOU TRIPPING NOW. WHY YOU
TRIPPING NOW? YOU GONNA MAKE...

NO, DON'T KILL
ME! DON'T KILL ME!

OH, GOD, DON'T KILL ME!
DON'T KILL ME! JUST SHUT UP!

BE QUIET. DON'T
KI... DON'T KI...

I AIN'T GONNA KI... I
AIN'T GO... SHUT UP.

I AIN'T GONNA KILL YOU. I JUST GOTTA
PICK SOMETHING OUTTA MY TEETH.

OH, GOD. OH, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE GONNA KILL ME.

AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
GONNA DO? WHAT YOU GONNA...

I'M GONNA ROCK YOUR WORLD.

KILL ME.

KILL ME. GO AHEAD. JUST RIGHT
THERE. STICK IT RIGHT IN THE NECK.

OH, YOU SO CRAZY. PLEASE.

- WAIT A MINUTE. FIRST OF ALL,
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE .357?
- SHOOT ME IN THE EYES.

SEE, I HAVE THIS
PROBLEM ALL THE TIME.

THEY ALWAYS GET NERVOUS AND STUFF 'CAUSE
THEY CAN'T HANDLE THIS TYPE OF WOMAN.

I'M TOO MUCH FOR 'EM.

BUT WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS
JUST RELAX OURSELVES, YOU KNOW?

ALL I NEED TO DO IS JUST
HAVE ME A LITTLE SMOKE...

SO YOU CAN GET YOUR
MIND TOGETHER, YOU KNOW?

THEN I'LL LET YOU IMAGINE
WHAT YOU'VE BEEN MISSING.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

MOTHER OF GOD! I'VE SEEN
THE FACE OF SATAN HIMSELF!

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE
THE DEVIL HIS DUE TOO?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH
YOU? WHERE YOU GOING?

WHERE YOU GOING?

I LIED! I LIED! DERRICK WASN'T
KILLED! HE WAS SCARED TO DEATH!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH
YOU? POLICE! POLICE!

I WAS GONNA ROCK HIS WORLD TOO.

- WELL, THANKS FOR JOINING US.
- WE'LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK. ♪♪

SO, DON'T FORGET TO TUNE
IN. PEACE. LOVE YOU, MA.

LOVE YOU, MA.

♪♪