In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 4, Episode 3 - Mr and Mrs. Brooks - full transcript
♪♪
HI, I'M CINDY CRAWFORD, AND
THIS IS M.T.V.'S ROCK THE VOTE,
COMING TO YOU FROM
L.A.'S HARD ROCK CAFE.
AND WE'RE ASKING THE FUTURE OF
AMERICA... THE M.T.V. GENERATION...
WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT
THE ELECTION ISSUES.
EXCUSE ME. CINDY
CRAWFORD, M.T.V.
IN THIS ELECTION YEAR, WHAT'S
THE NUMBER ONE ISSUE FOR YOU?
THERE'S TOO MANY GUNS.
YEAH, THERE SHOULDN'T
BE SO MANY GUNS.
YEAH, THEY SHOULD JUST, UM,
TAKE ALL THE GUNS AND
BULLETS AND PUT 'EM IN A BIG...
UM, I DON'T KNOW... CANISTER.
YEAH, A BIG CANISTER. YEAH.
AND THEY SHOULD JUST...
DUMP 'EM IN THE SEA.
WOW, THAT'S A REALLY
GOOD SOLUTION.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE
PROBLEMS WITH THE HOMELESS?
NOW, THAT'S A
REALLY BIG PROBLEM.
YEAH, THERE ARE A LOT
OF HOMELESS PEOPLE, MAN.
WHY CAN'T THEY JUST TAKE
ALL THE HOMELESS PEOPLE...
AND GATHER 'EM UP IN A BIG...
UM, I DON'T KNOW... CANISTER.
YEAH, AND THEN JUST
DUMP 'EM IN THE SEA.
STRONG WORDS INDEED.
HI. CINDY CRAWFORD, M.T.V. NEWS.
WHAT DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT?
UH, I'M FOR IT.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
HI, CINDY CRAWFORD, M.T.V. NEWS.
COULD YOU TELL US THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN... HI.
THE REPUBLICANS
AND THE DEMOCRATS?
OH, YEAH. THE REPUBLICANS
HAVE AN ELEPHANT,
AND THE DEMOCRATS
HAVE A LITTLE... HORSIE.
WOW. AND THEY SAY YOUNG
PEOPLE AREN'T INFORMED.
NOW, IF YOU WERE PRESIDENT,
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
OH. IF I WERE PRESIDENT,
I WOULD MAKE IT A LAW THAT,
UH, EVERYBODY GOT ALONG,
NOBODY STOLE OR
MURDERED EACH OTHER.
AND HOW WOULD YOU ENFORCE THAT?
I'D MAKE IT A LAW.
THAT'S A REALLY GOOD IDEA.
THANK YOU.
THE VOICE OF YOUNG AMERICA
COMING THROUGH LOUD AND CLEAR.
SO GET OUT AND VOTE BECAUSE
VOTING IS REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT.
I THINK MADONNA SAID
IT BEST WHEN SHE SAID,
"VOTING IS REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT."
FOR M.T.V. NEWS,
I'M CINDY CRAWFORD.
♪♪
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
THANK YOU FOR COMIN'.
HE'S WITH THE LORD NOW.
THERE, THERE. ALL
RIGHT. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT IN...
OH, GOD, IT'S COUSIN ELSEE!
COUSIN ELSEE! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE? YOU WEREN'T INVITED.
OH, I WOKE UP THIS MORNING,
AND MY BREATH WAS SO STINKY...
EVEN MY FEET WERE
COMPLAINING ABOUT IT.
I SAID TO MYSELF, THE ONLY THING
THAT CAN SMELL WORSE THAN THAT...
IS THE ROTTEN DEAD
CORPSE OF OLD UNCLE LUTHER.
- THAT'S UNCLE CLARENCE, ELSEE.
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT!
LUTHER'S FUNERAL
WAS THIS MORNING.
THIS IS MY FOURTH ONE TODAY.
I DONE SEE MORE LIFELESS BODIES
THAN AT THE BYRON ALLEN SHOW.
COULD WE ALL PLEASE BE SEATED?
WE'RE ABOUT TO GET UNDERWAY.
WHAT IS THAT SMELL?
OH, I'M SORRY. THAT WAS ME.
THE LAST FUNERAL WAS
CATERED BY TACO BELL.
I GUESS I BETTER MAKE
A RUN FOR THE BORDER.
ANTHONY! IS THAT
MY LITTLE ANTHONY?
DON'T YOU ACT LIKE YOU
DON'T KNOW COUSIN ELSEE...
WHEN WE USED TO
TAKE BATHS TOGETHER.
I REMEMBER WHEN THIS
BOY WOULD NOT TAKE A BATH.
YOU HAD TO BEAT HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD
WITH A BILLY CLUB TO GET HIM IN THE TUB.
MM-HMM. HE HAD MORE CRUST
ON HIM THAN A SOURDOUGH PIZZA.
HEY...
SO, NOW, ANTHONY, YOU GONNA
INTRODUCE ME TO THIS SWEET LITTLE DEVIL?
YEAH. CHERYL, THIS IS MY
COUSIN HORSIE... I MEAN, ELSEE.
ELSEE, CHERYL. HI, BABY.
LOOK AT THIS PRECIOUS
LITTLE MORSEL.
HAIR SO SOFT! IS THIS A WEAVE?
OH, GOD, AND THIGHS SO TAUT!
THE INNER THIGHS ALL TAUT.
BREASTS ALL FIRM AND PERKY... NIPPLES
STICKING UP LIKE TURKEY TESTERS.
CAN WE GET UNDERWAY NOW, PLEASE?
YES, WE CAN.
CLARENCE WAS A FINE MAN.
I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT SOMETHING FUNNY.
YES, SIRREE!
I REMEMBER WHEN I
WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL,
AND OLD CLARENCE SAT ME ON HIS
KNEE AND GAVE ME A NICKEL AND A KISS.
WELL, I GOT SO HOT AND BOTHERED!
OOOH-WHEE!
TALK ABOUT WATER ON THE KNEE?
"TALK ABOUT WATER ON THE KNEE"!
I'M A LUNATIC!
THEY NEED TO PUT ME IN SOME
TUPPERWARE AND LOCK ME AWAY.
ELSEE, PLEASE! THIS
MAN HAS PASSED AWAY.
WOULD YOU SHOW SOME
RESPECT? OH, SURE I WILL.
NOW, WHAT DID HE DIE OF? CANCER.
OH, THAT CANCER
IS SOMETHING ELSE.
I LOST AN OVARY AND
MY PROSTATE TO CANCER.
YOUR PROSTATE? OH, SURE.
COUSIN ELSEE GOT A
LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING.
NOW, LET ME JUST PAY
MY RESPECTS. THANK YOU.
OH, DEAR LORD!
DEAR... OH! DEAR...
OH, MY HEART!
OH, LOOK. SHE'S PASSED OUT COLD.
SHE NEEDS MOUTH... OH! SOMEBODY.
REVEREND, REVEREND, REVEREND.
WELL, I... I... I
GUESS I GOT TO.
AAAH!
ELSEE! COUSIN ELSEE!
BACK! BACK, YOU
UNHOLY DONKEY KONG.
COUSIN ELSEE!
NOW, COME ON. JUST PAY YOUR
LAST RESPECTS AND LEAVE. PLEASE!
OH.
WHOA, BOY. IT'S A SHAME
TO SEE YOU GO, CLEAVON.
- CLARENCE!
- WHATEVER.
ONE THING'S FOR SURE... I CAN SAY YOU
LOOK EXACTLY THE WAY I REMEMBER YOU.
YEP. EXACTLY.
WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE GOING ON,
I GUESS COUSIN ELSEE SHOULD
JUST SAY GOOD-BYE AND MOVE ON.
H-HEY... OH, MY GOD!
WOMAN, YOU BLASPHEMOUS GORILLA.
♪♪
♪ ONE, TWO THREE INTO THE FOUR ♪
♪ WHO CAME FROM DEATH ROW ♪
♪ ONE, TWO THREE INTO THE FOUR ♪
♪ WHEN TWO SKIPPED
AROUND WENT IN BLUE ♪
♪ HEY, GIRL WHAT'S YOUR NAME
WHAT'S THE SET YOU CLAIM ♪
♪ DIGGIN' IN YOUR STATE OF
FRAME SO I'M GLAD YOU CAME ♪
♪ GOT IT ALL SOLD UP AND
THEN THEM A.J. ROLLED UP ♪
♪ AND THEN THOSE
A.K.'s ROLLED UP ♪
♪ WHY ARE YOU BUGGIN' ME ♪
♪ WHY ARE YOU DRUGGIN' ME ♪
♪ I HATE THAT WHEN
I WALK OUTSIDE ♪
♪ IT GETS A LITTLE
SUN IN MY EYES ♪
♪ WHY ARE YOU BUGGIN' ME ♪
♪ WHY ARE YOU HERE DRUGGIN' ME ♪
♪ I HATE THAT WHEN
I WALK OUTSIDE ♪
♪ IT GETS A LITTLE
SUN IN MY EYES ♪
♪ WHY ARE YOU BUGGIN' ME
BUGGIN' ME BUGGIN' ME ♪♪
THEY'RE NEGLECTED, THEY'RE
UNWANTED, THEY'RE YOUNG.
AND, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE AVAILABLE.
HI, I-I'M WOODY ALLEN.
FOR JUST $40 A MONTH, YOU KNOW,
WHICH IS, MIND YOU, A LOT LESS THAN
THE COST OF YOUR ONE HOUR OF ANALYSIS,
YOU COULD NOT ONLY FEED ONE OF THESE...
THESE GORGEOUS, DELICIOUS ASIAN GIRLS,
YOU KNOW, Y-YOU
COULD ALSO DATE ONE.
BELIEVE ME, THEY DON'T
HAVE... THEY DON'T HAVE HOMES.
YOU KNOW, TH-THEY
DON'T HAVE CLOTHES.
THEY DON'T EVEN
HAVE BREASTS YET.
YOU KNOW, JUST-JUST THINK OF IT AS AN
INVESTMENT FOR YOUR FUTURE, YOU KNOW.
JUST-JUST-JUST LOOK AT THE
DIFFERENCE YOU CAN MAKE.
YOU KNOW, RIGHT HERE...
YOU KNOW, 15 YEARS
AGO, THIS GIRL WAS JUST...
A TINY ORPHAN LIVING
IN UTTER SQUALOR.
BUT, YOU KNOW, JUST...
OOH, JUST LOOK AT HER NOW.
OOH, ME SO HUNGRY.
GUESS WHO? PAPA WOODY!
YES, DEAR. PAPA...
YOU KNOW, JUST...
YOU KNOW, DON'T... DON'T,
UH, YOU SAY ANYTHING.
I BELIEVE IT WAS SIGMUND
FREUD WHO, UH, ONCE SAID,
YOU KNOW, A GIRL'S
FIRST LOVE IS HER FATHER.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IF I COULD JUST INTERJECT
RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW, AT THIS JUNCTURE.
IT WAS A LOT EASIER
AT THAT POINT...
TO SNEAK INTO A SEEDY MOTEL
UNDER AN ASSUMED NAME.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK I'M BEING
FACETIOUS OR REALLY EVEN DIDACTIC...
WHEN I SAY, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT
EVERYONE WHO'S GOT A WIFE NAIVE ENOUGH...
TO, YOU KNOW, BRING ONE OF THESE NUBILE,
YOUNG GODDESSES HOME WITH HER, YOU KNOW.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HEY, LOOK
WHAT IT'S DONE FOR ME.
AND WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN,
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A TOTAL LOSER.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS...
WHEN I WAS BREAST-FEEDING,
I REMEMBER MY MOTHER,
SHE SAID TO ME, YOU KNOW,
"I'D KINDA LIKE TO GET TO
YOU KNOW YOU BETTER."
BUT, YOU KNOW, THE REAL
BEAUTY OF THIS OFFER...
IS IT'S TOTALLY TAX-DEDUCTIBLE.
YOU KNOW, SO PLEASE CALL...
1-300-DATE-THE-CHILDREN.
AND IF-IF-IF A WOMAN NAMED MIA
ANSWERS THE PHONE, YOU KNOW,
JUST... HANG UP
AND TRY AFTER 11:00.
HER MEDICATION WILL
HAVE KICKED IN BY THEN.
GO, "K-NICKS"!
THAT'S KNICKS, MY
LITTLE BLOSSOM.
THE NEW YORK KNICKS.
DATE THE CHILDREN.
WHEN A MILLION DOLLARS IN
THERAPY JUST ISN'T ENOUGH.
♪♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR ME TO BREAK IT
DOWN AND TELL YOU HOW IT GOES ♪
♪ CONTINENTAL-MAKING
CHROME D's FOR THE TOLLS ♪
♪ TO THE HOOKERS WHO COMPETED
WE COMPLETE IT KEEP IT HEATED ♪
♪ THEY DOWN WITH MACKS NOW
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PAPER CHASE ♪
♪ HATE A RATER RACE KEEP IT WASTE,
KEEP IT FACED TO THE WEST, BABY, YES ♪
♪ PUFF THE STRESS AND THE
SUCCESS WITH A SYMBOL ON MY CHEST ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
WEST SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
EAST SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
NORTH SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
SOUTH SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
WEST SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
EAST SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON
THE NORTH SIDE ♪♪
T KNOW HOW WE CAN THANK
YOU FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE.
WHO NEEDS A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?
AFTER 50 YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER,
Y'ALL GOT TO BE THE EXPERT
ON STAYING TOGETHER.
THAT'S TRUE, SWEETHEART. I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT PEOPLE TODAY GET DIVORCED OVER.
MM-HMM. WHY, I REMEMBER
WHEN MR. BROOKS HERE...
WHEN I CAUGHT HIM IN BED WITH YOUR
AUNT LOUISE AND YOUR COUSIN LESTER.
I SAID TO MYSELF, "WELL, AT LEAST
HE'S KEEPING IT IN THE FAMILY."
WELL, THE WATER GOT ROUGH,
BUT THE SHIP DIDN'T SINK!
THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY. WE WERE RAISED TO
BELIEVE THAT WHEN PEOPLE GOT MARRIED,
THEY SHOULD STAY MARRIED,
THROUGH THICK AND THROUGH THIN.
OH, YES, SIR. FOR
BETTER OF FOR WORSE.
TILL DEATH DO US PART.
NOW, THAT'S EXACTLY
HOW IT'S GONNA BE.
ME AND MISS BROOKS GONNA BE
TOGETHER TILL THE DAY THAT WE DIE.
WELL, I HOPE THAT'S
A LONG TIME COMING.
Y'ALL TWO TAKE CARE,
HEAR? WE LOVE YOU BOTH.
ALL RIGHT, NOW. BYE, CHILDREN.
YOU KNOW, MRS. BROOKS,
LOOKIN' AT YOUR TIRED, DRIED-UP,
WRINKLED HUSK OF A BODY...
MADE ME A MIGHT THIRSTY.
WOULD YOU MIND FIXIN' ME A
NICE, COLD GLASS OF LEMONADE?
OH, WHY, CERTAINLY, MR. BROOKS.
ANYTHING TO HELP A MAN...
WHO CAN'T STAND ON HIS OWN TWO
FEET 'CAUSE HE AIN'T GOT NO SPINE.
HERE YOU GO, MR. BROOKS,
YOUR LEMONADE. OH!
GLORY BE! UH-HUH.
YEAH, AND HERE'S TO 50
YEARS OF BEIN' TOGETHER.
MR. BROOKS, YOU AIN'T GOING
TO LIGHT UP ONE OF THOSE...
OLD, NASTY, FOUL-SMELLING
CIGARS, ARE YOU?
WELL, YES, I AM. THIS IS THE
ONLY THING IN THIS HOUSE...
THAT EVER GAVE ME SATISFACTION.
OH, WELL, WHAT DO YOU
EXPECT, MR. BROOKS?
THAT STINKY CIGAR SMOKIN'
BETTER THAN YOU EVER HAVE.
WELL, NOW LONG AS
WE ON THE SUBJECT...
OF FUNKY SMELLS, MISS BROOKS...
THEM FEETS OF YOURS
IS SO BIG AND NASTY,
YOU THE ONLY WOMAN I KNOW
CAN FILL UP A MASON JAR...
WITH HER OWN TOE JAM.
THAT'S MIGHTY IRONIC
COMING FROM YOU, MR. BROOKS,
WITH ALL THAT BURPING
AND PASSIN' GAS YOU DO.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M SLEEPING
WITH MY HUSBAND OR MT. PINATUBO.
OH, MR. BROOKS, I THINK I'D
LIKE TO GET A BETTER LOOK...
AT YOUR LIFE INSURANCE POLICY.
DO YOU MIND PLUGGIN' THAT
LAMP IN OVER THERE FOR ME?
WELL, NOT AT ALL, MISS
BROOKS. NOT AT ALL.
LET ME JUST FIND
THIS THING HERE.
ARE YOU GROUNDED,
MR. BROOKS? I BEG YOUR PARDON?
OH, I HOPE I DIDN'T
WET YOU. I'M SORRY.
OH, LORD. I GUESS IT AIN'T
AS WET AS IT USUALLY GET...
WHEN YOU FORGET TO WEAR
THAT DAMN DIAPER IN BED.
WELL, I'LL WEAR MY DIAPER
IF YOU WEAR SOME SOCKS.
THOSE TOES OF YOURS LOOK
LIKE A ROW OF BRAZIL NUTS.
IF YOU SO WORRIED
ABOUT COVERING THINGS UP,
PLEASE WOULD YOU STOP WEARING
THEM SEE-THROUGH NEGLIGEES?
YOU'RE BODY MAKE
MY STOMACH SPOIL.
YOU GOT SO MUCH
HAIR ON YOUR CHEST,
I NEED A DAMN WEED WHACKER
TO FIND ONE OF THOSE...
SHRIVELED, LOPSIDED
NIPPLES YOU GOT.
IS THAT SO? WELL, MR. BROOKS,
WITH YOUR FALSE TEETH, YOUR
GLASS EYE, YOUR WOODEN LEG,
YOUR PLASTIC HIP, YOUR
PACEMAKER AND YOUR HEARING AID,
YOU GOT MORE ATTACHMENTS
THAN A HOOVER AUTOMATIC.
AT LEAST MY PARTS AIN'T
DROOPING, MISS BROOKS.
YOUR BUTT HANGS SO LOW,
YOU CAN WALK AND COVER
YOUR TRACKS AT THE SAME TIME.
MR. BROOKS, WOULD YOU GET
THAT BALL OF YARN FOR ME, PLEASE?
OH, WHY, SURE, MISS BROOKS.
WHY, SURE, MISS BROOKS.
DAMN KID WITH THE FIRECRACKERS!
HERE'S YOUR YARN, MISS
BROOKS. WHATCHA KNITTIN'?
OH, I'M KNITTIN' A MUZZLE...
FOR YOUR MAMA. UH-OH.
UH-OH. IT'S ON NOW.
OH, IT'S ON NOW.
SPEAKING OF MAMAS...
YOUR MAMA'S SO COCKEYED,
SHE CAN WATCH A TENNIS MATCH, AND SHE
DON'T EVEN MOVE THAT BIG HEAD OF HERS.
YOU GONE AND DONE IT
NOW, MR. BROOKS. COME ON!
OOH! OOH!
I SEE YOU STILL GOT YOUR
HOOK. WELL, HERE I GO.
UPPERCUT!
MR. BROOKS, NOW YOU DONE WORKED ME UP.
LET ME GET MY BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICATION.
OOH, AND MY HEART... MR. BROOKS!
HELP!
WE'VE FALLEN, AND
WE CAN'T GET UP!
GRANDPA, I LEFT MY WALLET...
WHY, YOU FRISKY LITTLE DEVILS!
AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS, GRANDPA.
WELL, WE STILL TOGETHER!
WELL, SINCE YOU'RE
DOWN THERE NOW...
PLEASE WELCOME E.M.I.
RECORDING ARTIST...
GANG STARR, FEATURING
NICE & SMOOTH.
DOIN' THEIR NEW
CURRENT SINGLE, "DWYCK"!
♪♪
COME ON! COME ON!
COME ON! COME ON!
YA KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS! GET UP
OUT YOUR SEAT. MAKE SOME NOISE.
HOW MANY PEOPLE IN THE
PLACE LOVE YOUR MOTHER?
IF YOU LOVE YOUR MOTHER,
PUT YOU HANDS UP LIKE THIS...
AND WAVE FROM SIDE TO SIDE.
SAY HEY-OH! HEY-OH!
SAY HEY-OH! HEY-OH!
SOMEBODY SCREAM!
♪ GANG STARR HAS GOT
TO BE THE SURE SHOT ♪
♪ NICE & SMOOTH HAS
GOT TO BE THE SURE SHOT ♪
♪ GANG STARR HAS GOT
TO BE THE SURE SHOT ♪
♪ NICE & SMOOTH HAS
GOT TO BE THE SURE SHOT ♪
♪ GREG NICE GREG N-I-C-E ♪
♪ DROPPIN' THEM
BASSO AH, OUI, OUI ♪
♪ ROCK FOR A FEE NOT FOR FREE ♪
♪ MAYBE I'LL DO IT FOR CHARITY ♪
♪ NOW, MY EMPLOYER
OR MY EMPLOYEE ♪
♪ IS MAKIN' GREG
N-I-C-E VERY M-A-D ♪
♪ DON'T EVER, EVER
THINK OF JERKIN' ME ♪
♪ I WORK TOO HARD
FOR MY ROYALTY ♪
♪ PUT LEAD ON THE BATTER
AND DRINK A CUP OF TEA ♪
♪ PEACE TO RED
ALERT AND KID CAPRI ♪
♪ OOH-LA-LA AH, OUI, OUI ♪
♪ I SAY MUHAMMAD ALI
YOU SAY CASSIUS CLAY ♪
♪ I SAY BUTTER YOU SAY PARKAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT IF YOU
WANT TO MAKE A SWAY ♪
♪ ON MY WAY UPTOWN TOOK
THE DEUCE TO THE TRE ♪
♪ I ORIGINATE THEY DUPLICATE ♪
♪ I PRAISE THE LORD
AND KEEP THE FAITH ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT KEEP
BITING AT THE BAIT ♪
♪ '92 ONE YEAR LATER ♪
♪ PEACE OUT, PREMIERE
TAKE ME OUT WITH THE ♪
TALLYHO! OKAY, GANG.
OKAY, GANG. OKAY, GANG.
♪ I CHANT EENIE,
MEENIE MINIE, MOE ♪
♪ I WRECK THE MIKE
LIKE A PIMP PIMPS HOS ♪
♪ HERE'S HOW IT GOES I
AM A GENIUS I MEAN THIS ♪
♪ I SHAKE THIS YOU'LL TAKE
THIS I'M KIND OF FIENDISH ♪
♪ YOU WISH THAT YOU COULD
COME INTO MY NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
♪ MEANING MY MENTAL
STATE STILL I'M 5'8" ♪
♪ CRAZY AS I WANT TO BE
'CAUSE I MAKE IT ORDERLY ♪
♪ YOU CAN SAY I'M SORT
OF THE BOSS SO GET LOST ♪
♪ THE BROTHER WHO'LL
MAKE YOU CHANGE OPINION ♪
♪ DOMINIONS, I'M IN THEM WITH
THE SOUND I KICK FROM THE HEART ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I GET A
PIECE OF THE ACTION ♪
♪ FEELING SATISFACTION FROM
THE STREET CROWD REACTION ♪
♪ CHUMPS PULL GUNS
WHEN THEY FEEL AFRAID ♪
♪ TOO LATE WHEN THEY DIP IN
THE KICK THEY GET SPRAYED ♪
♪ LEMONADE WAS A POPULAR
DRINK AND IT STILL IS ♪
♪ I GET MORE PROPS AND
STUNTS THAN BRUCE WILLIS ♪
♪ A POET LIKE LANGSTON
HUGHES AND CAN'T LOSE ♪
♪ WHEN I CRUISE OUT
ON THE EXPRESSWAY ♪
♪ LEAVING THE
BODEGA I SAY, SUAVÉ ♪
♪ PREMIERE'S GOT MORE
BEATS THAN BARNS GOT HAY ♪
♪ AND, YO, RHYMES I INJECT
STRAIGHT FROM MY MOUTH ♪
♪ SO I CAN TAKE THE
LOOT AND THEN I'M OUT ♪
♪ S-S-SMOOTH ♪ EVERYBODY,
PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR!
THIS IS A STICKUP. GET
READY FOR MY MAN, SMOOTH.
WE GONNA TAKE THIS JAM HOME.
♪ WHAT ♪ ♪ I LEFT MY PHILLY AT
HOME AND DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER ♪
COURSE. ♪ I WANT TO GET
BLUNTED, MY BROTHER ♪
♪ NOW, MAY I MAKE A MARK
AND THEN MAKE A SPARK ♪
♪ OVER THIS PHAT TRACK
OR SHOULD I SAY DOPE BEAT ♪
♪ SUBTRACT, DELETE ♪
♪ ALL OF THE WHICK-WHACK
THAT WANT TO BE ABSTRACT ♪
♪ BUT THEY LACK THE NEW KNACK
THAT'S COMING FROM WAY, WAY BACK ♪
♪ AND, YO, PREMIERE PLEASE
PASS THAT BUDDHA SACK ♪
♪ YOU HEARD WE
QUIT, NO WAY... BULL... ♪
♪ I TOLD YOU BEFORE WE
COME BACK WITH MORE HITS ♪
♪ I'LL PROVIDE RIPE FLAVOR
SO YOU CAN SKETCH ME ♪
♪ DO ME A FAVOR DON'T
TRY TO CATCH ME ♪
♪ SLIGHTLY AHEAD OF
THE GAME I'M NOT A LAME ♪
♪ ASK HIM HE'LL TELL YOU
THE SAME HE KNOWS MY NAME ♪
♪ SMOOTH, I DROP JEWELS
LIKE PARAPHERNALIA ♪
♪ I'M INFALLIBLE
NOT INTO FAILURE ♪
♪ LIKE A RHINOCEROS MY
SPEED IS PROSPEROUS ♪
♪ AND PURE KNOWLEDGE
EXPANDS FROM MY ESOPHAGUS ♪
♪ I WRITE IN THE NIGHT TO
BRING TRUTH TO THE LIGHT ♪
♪ MY DIALOGUE IS MY OWN BECAUSE
SMOOTH "B" WILL NEVER BITE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY SAY MAKE MONEY,
MONEY MAKE MONEY, MONEY, MONEY ♪
♪ AND WHEN THE TOUR QUITS
I COME BACK WITH MORE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY SAY MAKE MONEY,
MONEY MAKE MONEY, MONEY, MONEY ♪
♪ AND WHEN THE TOUR QUITS
I COME BACK WITH MORE ♪
PEACE TO BROOKLYN. PEACE
TO UPTOWN, THE BRONX.
♪♪
HI, I'M CINDY CRAWFORD, AND
THIS IS M.T.V.'S ROCK THE VOTE,
COMING TO YOU FROM
L.A.'S HARD ROCK CAFE.
AND WE'RE ASKING THE FUTURE OF
AMERICA... THE M.T.V. GENERATION...
WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT
THE ELECTION ISSUES.
EXCUSE ME. CINDY
CRAWFORD, M.T.V.
IN THIS ELECTION YEAR, WHAT'S
THE NUMBER ONE ISSUE FOR YOU?
THERE'S TOO MANY GUNS.
YEAH, THERE SHOULDN'T
BE SO MANY GUNS.
YEAH, THEY SHOULD JUST, UM,
TAKE ALL THE GUNS AND
BULLETS AND PUT 'EM IN A BIG...
UM, I DON'T KNOW... CANISTER.
YEAH, A BIG CANISTER. YEAH.
AND THEY SHOULD JUST...
DUMP 'EM IN THE SEA.
WOW, THAT'S A REALLY
GOOD SOLUTION.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE
PROBLEMS WITH THE HOMELESS?
NOW, THAT'S A
REALLY BIG PROBLEM.
YEAH, THERE ARE A LOT
OF HOMELESS PEOPLE, MAN.
WHY CAN'T THEY JUST TAKE
ALL THE HOMELESS PEOPLE...
AND GATHER 'EM UP IN A BIG...
UM, I DON'T KNOW... CANISTER.
YEAH, AND THEN JUST
DUMP 'EM IN THE SEA.
STRONG WORDS INDEED.
HI. CINDY CRAWFORD, M.T.V. NEWS.
WHAT DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT?
UH, I'M FOR IT.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
HI, CINDY CRAWFORD, M.T.V. NEWS.
COULD YOU TELL US THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN... HI.
THE REPUBLICANS
AND THE DEMOCRATS?
OH, YEAH. THE REPUBLICANS
HAVE AN ELEPHANT,
AND THE DEMOCRATS
HAVE A LITTLE... HORSIE.
WOW. AND THEY SAY YOUNG
PEOPLE AREN'T INFORMED.
NOW, IF YOU WERE PRESIDENT,
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
OH. IF I WERE PRESIDENT,
I WOULD MAKE IT A LAW THAT,
UH, EVERYBODY GOT ALONG,
NOBODY STOLE OR
MURDERED EACH OTHER.
AND HOW WOULD YOU ENFORCE THAT?
I'D MAKE IT A LAW.
THAT'S A REALLY GOOD IDEA.
THANK YOU.
THE VOICE OF YOUNG AMERICA
COMING THROUGH LOUD AND CLEAR.
SO GET OUT AND VOTE BECAUSE
VOTING IS REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT.
I THINK MADONNA SAID
IT BEST WHEN SHE SAID,
"VOTING IS REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT."
FOR M.T.V. NEWS,
I'M CINDY CRAWFORD.
♪♪
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
THANK YOU FOR COMIN'.
HE'S WITH THE LORD NOW.
THERE, THERE. ALL
RIGHT. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT IN...
OH, GOD, IT'S COUSIN ELSEE!
COUSIN ELSEE! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE? YOU WEREN'T INVITED.
OH, I WOKE UP THIS MORNING,
AND MY BREATH WAS SO STINKY...
EVEN MY FEET WERE
COMPLAINING ABOUT IT.
I SAID TO MYSELF, THE ONLY THING
THAT CAN SMELL WORSE THAN THAT...
IS THE ROTTEN DEAD
CORPSE OF OLD UNCLE LUTHER.
- THAT'S UNCLE CLARENCE, ELSEE.
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT!
LUTHER'S FUNERAL
WAS THIS MORNING.
THIS IS MY FOURTH ONE TODAY.
I DONE SEE MORE LIFELESS BODIES
THAN AT THE BYRON ALLEN SHOW.
COULD WE ALL PLEASE BE SEATED?
WE'RE ABOUT TO GET UNDERWAY.
WHAT IS THAT SMELL?
OH, I'M SORRY. THAT WAS ME.
THE LAST FUNERAL WAS
CATERED BY TACO BELL.
I GUESS I BETTER MAKE
A RUN FOR THE BORDER.
ANTHONY! IS THAT
MY LITTLE ANTHONY?
DON'T YOU ACT LIKE YOU
DON'T KNOW COUSIN ELSEE...
WHEN WE USED TO
TAKE BATHS TOGETHER.
I REMEMBER WHEN THIS
BOY WOULD NOT TAKE A BATH.
YOU HAD TO BEAT HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD
WITH A BILLY CLUB TO GET HIM IN THE TUB.
MM-HMM. HE HAD MORE CRUST
ON HIM THAN A SOURDOUGH PIZZA.
HEY...
SO, NOW, ANTHONY, YOU GONNA
INTRODUCE ME TO THIS SWEET LITTLE DEVIL?
YEAH. CHERYL, THIS IS MY
COUSIN HORSIE... I MEAN, ELSEE.
ELSEE, CHERYL. HI, BABY.
LOOK AT THIS PRECIOUS
LITTLE MORSEL.
HAIR SO SOFT! IS THIS A WEAVE?
OH, GOD, AND THIGHS SO TAUT!
THE INNER THIGHS ALL TAUT.
BREASTS ALL FIRM AND PERKY... NIPPLES
STICKING UP LIKE TURKEY TESTERS.
CAN WE GET UNDERWAY NOW, PLEASE?
YES, WE CAN.
CLARENCE WAS A FINE MAN.
I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT SOMETHING FUNNY.
YES, SIRREE!
I REMEMBER WHEN I
WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL,
AND OLD CLARENCE SAT ME ON HIS
KNEE AND GAVE ME A NICKEL AND A KISS.
WELL, I GOT SO HOT AND BOTHERED!
OOOH-WHEE!
TALK ABOUT WATER ON THE KNEE?
"TALK ABOUT WATER ON THE KNEE"!
I'M A LUNATIC!
THEY NEED TO PUT ME IN SOME
TUPPERWARE AND LOCK ME AWAY.
ELSEE, PLEASE! THIS
MAN HAS PASSED AWAY.
WOULD YOU SHOW SOME
RESPECT? OH, SURE I WILL.
NOW, WHAT DID HE DIE OF? CANCER.
OH, THAT CANCER
IS SOMETHING ELSE.
I LOST AN OVARY AND
MY PROSTATE TO CANCER.
YOUR PROSTATE? OH, SURE.
COUSIN ELSEE GOT A
LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING.
NOW, LET ME JUST PAY
MY RESPECTS. THANK YOU.
OH, DEAR LORD!
DEAR... OH! DEAR...
OH, MY HEART!
OH, LOOK. SHE'S PASSED OUT COLD.
SHE NEEDS MOUTH... OH! SOMEBODY.
REVEREND, REVEREND, REVEREND.
WELL, I... I... I
GUESS I GOT TO.
AAAH!
ELSEE! COUSIN ELSEE!
BACK! BACK, YOU
UNHOLY DONKEY KONG.
COUSIN ELSEE!
NOW, COME ON. JUST PAY YOUR
LAST RESPECTS AND LEAVE. PLEASE!
OH.
WHOA, BOY. IT'S A SHAME
TO SEE YOU GO, CLEAVON.
- CLARENCE!
- WHATEVER.
ONE THING'S FOR SURE... I CAN SAY YOU
LOOK EXACTLY THE WAY I REMEMBER YOU.
YEP. EXACTLY.
WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE GOING ON,
I GUESS COUSIN ELSEE SHOULD
JUST SAY GOOD-BYE AND MOVE ON.
H-HEY... OH, MY GOD!
WOMAN, YOU BLASPHEMOUS GORILLA.
♪♪
♪ ONE, TWO THREE INTO THE FOUR ♪
♪ WHO CAME FROM DEATH ROW ♪
♪ ONE, TWO THREE INTO THE FOUR ♪
♪ WHEN TWO SKIPPED
AROUND WENT IN BLUE ♪
♪ HEY, GIRL WHAT'S YOUR NAME
WHAT'S THE SET YOU CLAIM ♪
♪ DIGGIN' IN YOUR STATE OF
FRAME SO I'M GLAD YOU CAME ♪
♪ GOT IT ALL SOLD UP AND
THEN THEM A.J. ROLLED UP ♪
♪ AND THEN THOSE
A.K.'s ROLLED UP ♪
♪ WHY ARE YOU BUGGIN' ME ♪
♪ WHY ARE YOU DRUGGIN' ME ♪
♪ I HATE THAT WHEN
I WALK OUTSIDE ♪
♪ IT GETS A LITTLE
SUN IN MY EYES ♪
♪ WHY ARE YOU BUGGIN' ME ♪
♪ WHY ARE YOU HERE DRUGGIN' ME ♪
♪ I HATE THAT WHEN
I WALK OUTSIDE ♪
♪ IT GETS A LITTLE
SUN IN MY EYES ♪
♪ WHY ARE YOU BUGGIN' ME
BUGGIN' ME BUGGIN' ME ♪♪
THEY'RE NEGLECTED, THEY'RE
UNWANTED, THEY'RE YOUNG.
AND, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE AVAILABLE.
HI, I-I'M WOODY ALLEN.
FOR JUST $40 A MONTH, YOU KNOW,
WHICH IS, MIND YOU, A LOT LESS THAN
THE COST OF YOUR ONE HOUR OF ANALYSIS,
YOU COULD NOT ONLY FEED ONE OF THESE...
THESE GORGEOUS, DELICIOUS ASIAN GIRLS,
YOU KNOW, Y-YOU
COULD ALSO DATE ONE.
BELIEVE ME, THEY DON'T
HAVE... THEY DON'T HAVE HOMES.
YOU KNOW, TH-THEY
DON'T HAVE CLOTHES.
THEY DON'T EVEN
HAVE BREASTS YET.
YOU KNOW, JUST-JUST THINK OF IT AS AN
INVESTMENT FOR YOUR FUTURE, YOU KNOW.
JUST-JUST-JUST LOOK AT THE
DIFFERENCE YOU CAN MAKE.
YOU KNOW, RIGHT HERE...
YOU KNOW, 15 YEARS
AGO, THIS GIRL WAS JUST...
A TINY ORPHAN LIVING
IN UTTER SQUALOR.
BUT, YOU KNOW, JUST...
OOH, JUST LOOK AT HER NOW.
OOH, ME SO HUNGRY.
GUESS WHO? PAPA WOODY!
YES, DEAR. PAPA...
YOU KNOW, JUST...
YOU KNOW, DON'T... DON'T,
UH, YOU SAY ANYTHING.
I BELIEVE IT WAS SIGMUND
FREUD WHO, UH, ONCE SAID,
YOU KNOW, A GIRL'S
FIRST LOVE IS HER FATHER.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IF I COULD JUST INTERJECT
RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW, AT THIS JUNCTURE.
IT WAS A LOT EASIER
AT THAT POINT...
TO SNEAK INTO A SEEDY MOTEL
UNDER AN ASSUMED NAME.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK I'M BEING
FACETIOUS OR REALLY EVEN DIDACTIC...
WHEN I SAY, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT
EVERYONE WHO'S GOT A WIFE NAIVE ENOUGH...
TO, YOU KNOW, BRING ONE OF THESE NUBILE,
YOUNG GODDESSES HOME WITH HER, YOU KNOW.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HEY, LOOK
WHAT IT'S DONE FOR ME.
AND WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN,
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A TOTAL LOSER.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS...
WHEN I WAS BREAST-FEEDING,
I REMEMBER MY MOTHER,
SHE SAID TO ME, YOU KNOW,
"I'D KINDA LIKE TO GET TO
YOU KNOW YOU BETTER."
BUT, YOU KNOW, THE REAL
BEAUTY OF THIS OFFER...
IS IT'S TOTALLY TAX-DEDUCTIBLE.
YOU KNOW, SO PLEASE CALL...
1-300-DATE-THE-CHILDREN.
AND IF-IF-IF A WOMAN NAMED MIA
ANSWERS THE PHONE, YOU KNOW,
JUST... HANG UP
AND TRY AFTER 11:00.
HER MEDICATION WILL
HAVE KICKED IN BY THEN.
GO, "K-NICKS"!
THAT'S KNICKS, MY
LITTLE BLOSSOM.
THE NEW YORK KNICKS.
DATE THE CHILDREN.
WHEN A MILLION DOLLARS IN
THERAPY JUST ISN'T ENOUGH.
♪♪
♪ IT'S TIME FOR ME TO BREAK IT
DOWN AND TELL YOU HOW IT GOES ♪
♪ CONTINENTAL-MAKING
CHROME D's FOR THE TOLLS ♪
♪ TO THE HOOKERS WHO COMPETED
WE COMPLETE IT KEEP IT HEATED ♪
♪ THEY DOWN WITH MACKS NOW
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PAPER CHASE ♪
♪ HATE A RATER RACE KEEP IT WASTE,
KEEP IT FACED TO THE WEST, BABY, YES ♪
♪ PUFF THE STRESS AND THE
SUCCESS WITH A SYMBOL ON MY CHEST ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
WEST SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
EAST SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
NORTH SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
SOUTH SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
WEST SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON THE
EAST SIDE ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ GET YOUR GIN ON
THE NORTH SIDE ♪♪
T KNOW HOW WE CAN THANK
YOU FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE.
WHO NEEDS A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?
AFTER 50 YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER,
Y'ALL GOT TO BE THE EXPERT
ON STAYING TOGETHER.
THAT'S TRUE, SWEETHEART. I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT PEOPLE TODAY GET DIVORCED OVER.
MM-HMM. WHY, I REMEMBER
WHEN MR. BROOKS HERE...
WHEN I CAUGHT HIM IN BED WITH YOUR
AUNT LOUISE AND YOUR COUSIN LESTER.
I SAID TO MYSELF, "WELL, AT LEAST
HE'S KEEPING IT IN THE FAMILY."
WELL, THE WATER GOT ROUGH,
BUT THE SHIP DIDN'T SINK!
THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY. WE WERE RAISED TO
BELIEVE THAT WHEN PEOPLE GOT MARRIED,
THEY SHOULD STAY MARRIED,
THROUGH THICK AND THROUGH THIN.
OH, YES, SIR. FOR
BETTER OF FOR WORSE.
TILL DEATH DO US PART.
NOW, THAT'S EXACTLY
HOW IT'S GONNA BE.
ME AND MISS BROOKS GONNA BE
TOGETHER TILL THE DAY THAT WE DIE.
WELL, I HOPE THAT'S
A LONG TIME COMING.
Y'ALL TWO TAKE CARE,
HEAR? WE LOVE YOU BOTH.
ALL RIGHT, NOW. BYE, CHILDREN.
YOU KNOW, MRS. BROOKS,
LOOKIN' AT YOUR TIRED, DRIED-UP,
WRINKLED HUSK OF A BODY...
MADE ME A MIGHT THIRSTY.
WOULD YOU MIND FIXIN' ME A
NICE, COLD GLASS OF LEMONADE?
OH, WHY, CERTAINLY, MR. BROOKS.
ANYTHING TO HELP A MAN...
WHO CAN'T STAND ON HIS OWN TWO
FEET 'CAUSE HE AIN'T GOT NO SPINE.
HERE YOU GO, MR. BROOKS,
YOUR LEMONADE. OH!
GLORY BE! UH-HUH.
YEAH, AND HERE'S TO 50
YEARS OF BEIN' TOGETHER.
MR. BROOKS, YOU AIN'T GOING
TO LIGHT UP ONE OF THOSE...
OLD, NASTY, FOUL-SMELLING
CIGARS, ARE YOU?
WELL, YES, I AM. THIS IS THE
ONLY THING IN THIS HOUSE...
THAT EVER GAVE ME SATISFACTION.
OH, WELL, WHAT DO YOU
EXPECT, MR. BROOKS?
THAT STINKY CIGAR SMOKIN'
BETTER THAN YOU EVER HAVE.
WELL, NOW LONG AS
WE ON THE SUBJECT...
OF FUNKY SMELLS, MISS BROOKS...
THEM FEETS OF YOURS
IS SO BIG AND NASTY,
YOU THE ONLY WOMAN I KNOW
CAN FILL UP A MASON JAR...
WITH HER OWN TOE JAM.
THAT'S MIGHTY IRONIC
COMING FROM YOU, MR. BROOKS,
WITH ALL THAT BURPING
AND PASSIN' GAS YOU DO.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M SLEEPING
WITH MY HUSBAND OR MT. PINATUBO.
OH, MR. BROOKS, I THINK I'D
LIKE TO GET A BETTER LOOK...
AT YOUR LIFE INSURANCE POLICY.
DO YOU MIND PLUGGIN' THAT
LAMP IN OVER THERE FOR ME?
WELL, NOT AT ALL, MISS
BROOKS. NOT AT ALL.
LET ME JUST FIND
THIS THING HERE.
ARE YOU GROUNDED,
MR. BROOKS? I BEG YOUR PARDON?
OH, I HOPE I DIDN'T
WET YOU. I'M SORRY.
OH, LORD. I GUESS IT AIN'T
AS WET AS IT USUALLY GET...
WHEN YOU FORGET TO WEAR
THAT DAMN DIAPER IN BED.
WELL, I'LL WEAR MY DIAPER
IF YOU WEAR SOME SOCKS.
THOSE TOES OF YOURS LOOK
LIKE A ROW OF BRAZIL NUTS.
IF YOU SO WORRIED
ABOUT COVERING THINGS UP,
PLEASE WOULD YOU STOP WEARING
THEM SEE-THROUGH NEGLIGEES?
YOU'RE BODY MAKE
MY STOMACH SPOIL.
YOU GOT SO MUCH
HAIR ON YOUR CHEST,
I NEED A DAMN WEED WHACKER
TO FIND ONE OF THOSE...
SHRIVELED, LOPSIDED
NIPPLES YOU GOT.
IS THAT SO? WELL, MR. BROOKS,
WITH YOUR FALSE TEETH, YOUR
GLASS EYE, YOUR WOODEN LEG,
YOUR PLASTIC HIP, YOUR
PACEMAKER AND YOUR HEARING AID,
YOU GOT MORE ATTACHMENTS
THAN A HOOVER AUTOMATIC.
AT LEAST MY PARTS AIN'T
DROOPING, MISS BROOKS.
YOUR BUTT HANGS SO LOW,
YOU CAN WALK AND COVER
YOUR TRACKS AT THE SAME TIME.
MR. BROOKS, WOULD YOU GET
THAT BALL OF YARN FOR ME, PLEASE?
OH, WHY, SURE, MISS BROOKS.
WHY, SURE, MISS BROOKS.
DAMN KID WITH THE FIRECRACKERS!
HERE'S YOUR YARN, MISS
BROOKS. WHATCHA KNITTIN'?
OH, I'M KNITTIN' A MUZZLE...
FOR YOUR MAMA. UH-OH.
UH-OH. IT'S ON NOW.
OH, IT'S ON NOW.
SPEAKING OF MAMAS...
YOUR MAMA'S SO COCKEYED,
SHE CAN WATCH A TENNIS MATCH, AND SHE
DON'T EVEN MOVE THAT BIG HEAD OF HERS.
YOU GONE AND DONE IT
NOW, MR. BROOKS. COME ON!
OOH! OOH!
I SEE YOU STILL GOT YOUR
HOOK. WELL, HERE I GO.
UPPERCUT!
MR. BROOKS, NOW YOU DONE WORKED ME UP.
LET ME GET MY BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICATION.
OOH, AND MY HEART... MR. BROOKS!
HELP!
WE'VE FALLEN, AND
WE CAN'T GET UP!
GRANDPA, I LEFT MY WALLET...
WHY, YOU FRISKY LITTLE DEVILS!
AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS, GRANDPA.
WELL, WE STILL TOGETHER!
WELL, SINCE YOU'RE
DOWN THERE NOW...
PLEASE WELCOME E.M.I.
RECORDING ARTIST...
GANG STARR, FEATURING
NICE & SMOOTH.
DOIN' THEIR NEW
CURRENT SINGLE, "DWYCK"!
♪♪
COME ON! COME ON!
COME ON! COME ON!
YA KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS! GET UP
OUT YOUR SEAT. MAKE SOME NOISE.
HOW MANY PEOPLE IN THE
PLACE LOVE YOUR MOTHER?
IF YOU LOVE YOUR MOTHER,
PUT YOU HANDS UP LIKE THIS...
AND WAVE FROM SIDE TO SIDE.
SAY HEY-OH! HEY-OH!
SAY HEY-OH! HEY-OH!
SOMEBODY SCREAM!
♪ GANG STARR HAS GOT
TO BE THE SURE SHOT ♪
♪ NICE & SMOOTH HAS
GOT TO BE THE SURE SHOT ♪
♪ GANG STARR HAS GOT
TO BE THE SURE SHOT ♪
♪ NICE & SMOOTH HAS
GOT TO BE THE SURE SHOT ♪
♪ GREG NICE GREG N-I-C-E ♪
♪ DROPPIN' THEM
BASSO AH, OUI, OUI ♪
♪ ROCK FOR A FEE NOT FOR FREE ♪
♪ MAYBE I'LL DO IT FOR CHARITY ♪
♪ NOW, MY EMPLOYER
OR MY EMPLOYEE ♪
♪ IS MAKIN' GREG
N-I-C-E VERY M-A-D ♪
♪ DON'T EVER, EVER
THINK OF JERKIN' ME ♪
♪ I WORK TOO HARD
FOR MY ROYALTY ♪
♪ PUT LEAD ON THE BATTER
AND DRINK A CUP OF TEA ♪
♪ PEACE TO RED
ALERT AND KID CAPRI ♪
♪ OOH-LA-LA AH, OUI, OUI ♪
♪ I SAY MUHAMMAD ALI
YOU SAY CASSIUS CLAY ♪
♪ I SAY BUTTER YOU SAY PARKAY ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT IF YOU
WANT TO MAKE A SWAY ♪
♪ ON MY WAY UPTOWN TOOK
THE DEUCE TO THE TRE ♪
♪ I ORIGINATE THEY DUPLICATE ♪
♪ I PRAISE THE LORD
AND KEEP THE FAITH ♪
♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT KEEP
BITING AT THE BAIT ♪
♪ '92 ONE YEAR LATER ♪
♪ PEACE OUT, PREMIERE
TAKE ME OUT WITH THE ♪
TALLYHO! OKAY, GANG.
OKAY, GANG. OKAY, GANG.
♪ I CHANT EENIE,
MEENIE MINIE, MOE ♪
♪ I WRECK THE MIKE
LIKE A PIMP PIMPS HOS ♪
♪ HERE'S HOW IT GOES I
AM A GENIUS I MEAN THIS ♪
♪ I SHAKE THIS YOU'LL TAKE
THIS I'M KIND OF FIENDISH ♪
♪ YOU WISH THAT YOU COULD
COME INTO MY NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
♪ MEANING MY MENTAL
STATE STILL I'M 5'8" ♪
♪ CRAZY AS I WANT TO BE
'CAUSE I MAKE IT ORDERLY ♪
♪ YOU CAN SAY I'M SORT
OF THE BOSS SO GET LOST ♪
♪ THE BROTHER WHO'LL
MAKE YOU CHANGE OPINION ♪
♪ DOMINIONS, I'M IN THEM WITH
THE SOUND I KICK FROM THE HEART ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I GET A
PIECE OF THE ACTION ♪
♪ FEELING SATISFACTION FROM
THE STREET CROWD REACTION ♪
♪ CHUMPS PULL GUNS
WHEN THEY FEEL AFRAID ♪
♪ TOO LATE WHEN THEY DIP IN
THE KICK THEY GET SPRAYED ♪
♪ LEMONADE WAS A POPULAR
DRINK AND IT STILL IS ♪
♪ I GET MORE PROPS AND
STUNTS THAN BRUCE WILLIS ♪
♪ A POET LIKE LANGSTON
HUGHES AND CAN'T LOSE ♪
♪ WHEN I CRUISE OUT
ON THE EXPRESSWAY ♪
♪ LEAVING THE
BODEGA I SAY, SUAVÉ ♪
♪ PREMIERE'S GOT MORE
BEATS THAN BARNS GOT HAY ♪
♪ AND, YO, RHYMES I INJECT
STRAIGHT FROM MY MOUTH ♪
♪ SO I CAN TAKE THE
LOOT AND THEN I'M OUT ♪
♪ S-S-SMOOTH ♪ EVERYBODY,
PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR!
THIS IS A STICKUP. GET
READY FOR MY MAN, SMOOTH.
WE GONNA TAKE THIS JAM HOME.
♪ WHAT ♪ ♪ I LEFT MY PHILLY AT
HOME AND DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER ♪
COURSE. ♪ I WANT TO GET
BLUNTED, MY BROTHER ♪
♪ NOW, MAY I MAKE A MARK
AND THEN MAKE A SPARK ♪
♪ OVER THIS PHAT TRACK
OR SHOULD I SAY DOPE BEAT ♪
♪ SUBTRACT, DELETE ♪
♪ ALL OF THE WHICK-WHACK
THAT WANT TO BE ABSTRACT ♪
♪ BUT THEY LACK THE NEW KNACK
THAT'S COMING FROM WAY, WAY BACK ♪
♪ AND, YO, PREMIERE PLEASE
PASS THAT BUDDHA SACK ♪
♪ YOU HEARD WE
QUIT, NO WAY... BULL... ♪
♪ I TOLD YOU BEFORE WE
COME BACK WITH MORE HITS ♪
♪ I'LL PROVIDE RIPE FLAVOR
SO YOU CAN SKETCH ME ♪
♪ DO ME A FAVOR DON'T
TRY TO CATCH ME ♪
♪ SLIGHTLY AHEAD OF
THE GAME I'M NOT A LAME ♪
♪ ASK HIM HE'LL TELL YOU
THE SAME HE KNOWS MY NAME ♪
♪ SMOOTH, I DROP JEWELS
LIKE PARAPHERNALIA ♪
♪ I'M INFALLIBLE
NOT INTO FAILURE ♪
♪ LIKE A RHINOCEROS MY
SPEED IS PROSPEROUS ♪
♪ AND PURE KNOWLEDGE
EXPANDS FROM MY ESOPHAGUS ♪
♪ I WRITE IN THE NIGHT TO
BRING TRUTH TO THE LIGHT ♪
♪ MY DIALOGUE IS MY OWN BECAUSE
SMOOTH "B" WILL NEVER BITE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY SAY MAKE MONEY,
MONEY MAKE MONEY, MONEY, MONEY ♪
♪ AND WHEN THE TOUR QUITS
I COME BACK WITH MORE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY SAY MAKE MONEY,
MONEY MAKE MONEY, MONEY, MONEY ♪
♪ AND WHEN THE TOUR QUITS
I COME BACK WITH MORE ♪
PEACE TO BROOKLYN. PEACE
TO UPTOWN, THE BRONX.
♪♪