In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 4, Episode 17 - Passenger 227 - full transcript
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
HI.
DO YOU SECRETE A
READING DYSFUNCTION?
DO YOU HAVE PROBLEMS PUTTING
YOUR WORDS IN A COLOSTOMY BAG?
THAT'S WHY I'VE CREMATED
THIS NEW PROGRAM CALLED...
"BOOKED ON PHONICS."
I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO
"TESTICULATE" MY WAY.
TO "COPUTATE" HOW IT WORKS, I WILL
"INTERSEX" WITH A PERVERTED DEVIANT,
BY USING ONE OF MY
OWN PENAL IMPLANTS.
UH, "MASTERCATE" THIS
SENTENCE. "SEE"... "SEE"...
"DICK"... "DICK"...
"ANGINA."
"ANGINA."
YOU KNOW WHAT "GINA" IS,
DON'T YOU? OH... OH, Y-Y-YEAH.
OH, YEAH-YEAH-YEAH. YOU'RE "CONJACKULATING"
YOUR VERBS AND REAMING YOUR FIBULA.
IMPEACH ME. UH-HUH.
"DICK, ALAS, YOUR
EMASCULATED PACE...
IS ACCELERATING AT A
PROMISCUOUS RATE." HEY, MAN!
THAT AIN'T WHAT THAT SAYS. SHUT
UP. SUPPRESS YOUR DEFECATION.
SEE, READING IS BISEXUAL
IN YOUR MENTALITY.
I THINK IT WAS PLATO...
EXCUSE ME, PLAY-DOH...
WHO STUCK TO THE
WALL WHEN HE SAID,
"ONE MUST PUT HIS TRANSVESTITE
IN JEOPARDY IF ONE WANTS...
TO BECOME A CUNNING LINGUIST."
LIKE VANNA WHITE. NOW,
HERMAPHRODITE, TRY IT AGAIN.
"SEE"... UH, "SEE"...
"JANE"... "JANE"...
UH, UH, UH.
SEE JANE'S BIG "BREASTESSES"?
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
NOW, YOU'RE EXPECTORATING
YOUR SPHINX TO STINK WEDGE.
I GOTTA HAVE ME THE BIG BREASTS! I GOTTA
HAVE ME THE BIG BREASTS! HOLD ON NOW!
I GOTTA HAVE... HOLD ON! I
AIN'T NO VENEREAL FUDDRUCKER.
BUT I CAN TEACH YOU TO APPROPRIATE
YOUR HEMORRHOIDAL RETENTION.
AND YOU DON'T EVEN
HAVE TO BE CLAIRVOYANT...
EXCUSE ME, CLAIR HUXTABLE...
TO OVULATE THIS AMAZING PROGRAM.
BUT HOW, UH, BIG ARE
JANE'S BREASTESSES?
GIGANTOR. UH-HUH.
SO PLEASE, DON'T PUT OFF TOMORROW
WHAT YOU CAN CASTRATE TODAY.
SEND YOUR COLON IN TODAY.
SOON, YOU'LL BE
ON YOUR IVORY WAY.
AND REMEMBER,
R-I-F... READING IS...
FALLOPIAN.
TO ORDER BOOKED ON PHONICS,
"DEFLECATE" $9.95
TO OSWALD BATES,
CARE OF MID-STATE
MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON.
GIVE ME A BLANKET, BITCH.
HE WAS THE PIMP WHO TIME FORGOT.
FOREVER SILKY.
SIR, YOU MUST
CALM DOWN. IT'S 1993.
YOU'VE BEEN FROZEN FOR 22 YEARS.
1993?
I TOLD Y'ALL SUCKERS
TO THAW ME OUT IN '78.
I ONLY NEEDED SEVEN
YEARS TO BEAT THAT RAP.
YO, WHO WON THE
"THRILLA IN MANILA"?
WHERE'S MY EIGHT-TRACK
PARLIAMENT TAPE?
NOW, HE SEARCHES FOR
THE WORLD HE ONCE KNEW...
A WORLD THAT NO LONGER EXISTS.
YO, MAN, WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED TO BENNY'S BAR, MAN?
WHERE'S THE JUKEBOX? WHERE'S
ALL THEM VELVET PAINTINGS,
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,
WHERE ARE MY HOS?
MY GOD, SILKY?
- IS THAT YOU?
- YEAH, WELL, THIS AIN'T
HUGGY BEAR.
WHO ARE YOU?
IT'S ME, CHERRY!
CHERRY? NO, MY CHERRY WAS YOUNG.
MY CHERRY WAS SEXY. WELL.
AND SHE COULD DO THIS THING
WITH HER TONGUE. LIKE THIS?
AHHH, THAT'S THAT FREAKY
THING I'M TALKING ABOUT!
CHERRY, I NEVER
FORGOT YOU, BABY! NO?
LOOK, I STILL GOT MY LITTLE PINKY FINGER
YOU USED TO LOVE TO KISS ALL UP ON.
YEAH, I NEVER FORGOT
THE WAY YOU WALKED,
NEVER FORGOT THE
WAY YOU TALKED. OH!
OOH, AND I NEVER FORGOT THAT
TIME YOU HELD BACK $10 FROM ME,
TRYING TO MAKE SILKY LOOK BAD.
WHERE'S MY MONEY? YOU
BETTER GIVE ME MY DAMN MONEY!
GIVE ME MY MONEY,
WOMAN! I DON'T HAVE IT, SILKY.
I'VE CHANGED. THE WHOLE
WORLD HAS CHANGED.
I'VE JOINED THE NATION.
YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT IT.
OH, YOU DONE JOINED
THE NATION, HUH?
WHERE'S MY BEAN PIE, GIRL?
YOU BETTER GET MY BEAN PIE!
WHERE'S MY BEAN PIE,
WOMAN? SORRY, SILKY.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
IN A STRANGE NEW WORLD,
SILKY MUST LEARN TO START OVER.
WELCOME TO McBURGER.
MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
WOULD YOU LIKE CHEESE WITH THAT?
HERE YOU GO, PRETTY LADY.
MEDIUM ORANGE AND FILET OF FISH.
UH-UH, UH-UH. NOO.
SCUSE ME, BIG LEGS.
BUT SEE YOUR ORDER
CAME TO A TOTAL OF $2.77.
AND HERE YOU COME TRYING
TO GIVE SILKY TWO AND A HALF.
WHAT, YOU TRYIN' TO PLAY GAMES?
YOU THINK SILKY CAN'T
COUNT? HUH, DO YOU?
GIVE ME MY DAMN MONEY,
WOMAN! GIVE ME MY DAMN MONEY!
THANK YOU. WOULD YOU
LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?
FOREVER SILKY. COMING
SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
YOU EVER CONSIDER HOIN'?
♪♪
♪ THESE RAP GUYS CALL
THEMSELVES GANGSTAS ♪
♪ NOW YOU GOT BIG BLUE
BAD-ASS, CRAZY CHROME ♪
♪ PO' LI'L MAMA DID HER
BEST WHEN SHE RAISED ME ♪
♪ THESE WEST COAST STREETS DONE DROVE
ME CRAZY ALL THESE GUNS AND WOMEN ♪
♪ DYIN' TO MAKE ME SHADY SO HATEFUL,
I'M JUST ANGRY YOUR PEN CAN'T CAGE US ♪
♪ THE NATIONAL GUARD CAN'T
CONTAIN US, DIE TO TRY TO CHANGE US ♪
♪ BUILD ANOTHER CELL TO PUT MORE
OF US IN HELL AND WE'LL BE BACK ♪
♪ YOU WATCH, THERE'LL
BE MORE OF US NEXT YEAR ♪
♪ IN PACKS WITH GLOCKS AND TEC's
THAT HIT ON YOUR LIFE ♪ ♪ GANGSTA ♪
♪ AGENCY AND THE P.B.D. ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA ♪
♪ RIDE WITH ME ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA ♪
♪ RIDE WITH ME ♪♪
MY NAME IS LASHAWN, AND I
WILL BE YOUR SUPERVISOR.
OKAY, BEFORE WE GET
STARTED, UH, UH, WHAT'S YOUR...
OH, YEAH, YEAH. MY NAME IS LARRY,
BUT SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO CALL ME DENZEL.
MM-HMM. WELL, DENZEL,
RICOCHET YOUR BEHIND OVER HERE.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW
TO MAN THE STEAM PRESS.
LOOK, YOU AIN'T GOT
TO SHOW ME NOTHIN'.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS JUST GIVE ME
SOME TIME. I CAN FIGURE ALL MY STUFF OUT.
I'LL FIGURE MY STUFF OUT.
THAT'S COOL AND EVERYTHING,
BUT IF YOU MESS UP, YOU WILL HAVE
A LOT OF TIME TO FIGURE THINGS OUT,
BECAUSE YOU WILL BE UNEMPLOYED.
SO JUST, UH, TAKE THE
PANTS AND PUT THEM HERE...
FOR FIVE SECONDS AND
THEN TURN THEM OVER.
GOT THAT? FIVE SECONDS.
YEAH, I GOT THAT, FIVE SECONDS.
BUT USUALLY, YOU KNOW, I
LIKE TO RUN MY STUFF, LIKE...
JUST DO YOUR JOB, OKAY?
WELCOME TO JEFFERSON'S
CLEANERS. MAY I HELP YOU?
HOW YOU DOIN', SWEETIE.
LOOK, I'M IN A BIT OF A HURRY.
HOW SOON CAN I GET THIS
STUFF BACK? RIGHT NOW.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THE SIGN
OUTSIDE SAYS YOU HAVE ONE-HOUR SERVICE.
MM-HMM, THAT'S FOR ONE OR TWO GARMENTS, NOT
FOR THE WHOLE DOGGONE EBONY FASHION FAIR.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO PUT
IT HERE FOR FIVE SECONDS?
WHAT? LOOK! WHY
COME YOU CAN'T DO THAT?
LOOK-LOOK. YOUR
MACHINE IS BROKE, GIRL!
I LEFT IT IN THERE FOR FIVE
SECONDS! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
ME, MYSELF, I DON'T LIKE LEAVIN'
NOTHIN' IN FOR JUST FIVE SECONDS.
MM-HMM. I'M SURE THAT YOU,
YOURSELF AND SYBIL ARE VERY HAPPY...
IN YOUR BIG OLD MARBLE HEAD, BUT,
UH, WE HAVE SOME WORK TO DO, OKAY?
NOW, JUST STAY AWAY FROM
THE STEAM PRESS. I GOT YOU.
JUST WHATEVER. WHAT
YOU WANT ME TO DO THEN?
JUST PAY ATTENTION FOR A CHANGE.
NOW, YOU TAKE THIS SPRAYER... I
KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE SPRAYER.
HEY, WOULD YOU JUST...
W-WITHOUT YOU, I CAN DO MY JOB...
WOULD YOU JUST WAIT TILL I
SHOW YOU? OOH, YOU ARE TRIPPIN'.
JUST SPRAY A SMALL
AMOUNT ON THE STAIN,
AND SCRUB GENTLY
WITH THIS BRUSH.
GENTLY, AM I REACHING
YOU? YEAH, YOU REACHING ME.
I GOT IT... GENTLY.
I'LL BE BACK TO CHECK
ON YOU IN A MINUTE.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHO TAUGHT
YOU PEOPLE HOW TO DO LAUNDRY,
BUT I JUST HAD THIS
DRESS CLEANED, AND...
AND LOOK, NOW THERE
ARE TWO BUTTONS MISSING!
UH-HUH, WELL,
YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...
WHILE I OBSERVE YOUR TRAGIC
LOSS WITH A MOMENT OF SILENCE.
NOW YOU LOOK HERE, MISS THING!
NO, SHE DIDN'T. OH, NO. SHE DID NOT GO
THERE. SHE DID NOT CALL ME "MISS THING."
YES, SHE DID. SHE CALLED YOU
MISS THING. DO SOMETHIN' TO HER.
NOW, LOOK!
NOW, YOU BETTER DO
SOMETHING ABOUT MY BUTTONS!
WELL, I COULD SLAP YOU BACK INTO LAST WEEK
WHEN YOUR BUTTONS WERE STILL ON YOUR DRESS.
OH! I'LL NEVER COME HERE AGAIN!
AW!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
WHAT... GIVE... GIVE
ME THAT BRUSH! WHAT...
WHAT... WHAT ARE
YOU TRYING TO DO,
MAKE A HOLE IN THIS AS BIG
AS THE ONE IN YOUR HEAD?
YOU ARE GONNA GET IT NOW.
MR. JEFFERSON? I'M GONNA...
- MR. JEFFERSON!
- WHAT THE HELL
IS GOIN' ON OUT HERE?
IT'S HIM. IT'S HIM,
MR. JEFFERSON.
HE ALREADY BURNED UP SOME PANTS.
NOW, LOOK HOW HE RUINED THIS SHIRT.
COME ON, MR. J. YOU KNOW SHE'S THE
ONE THAT TAUGHT ME HOW TO DO ALL THAT.
WHAT? LASHAWN, THAT'S
COMIN' OUT OF YOUR PAYCHECK!
WHY COME I GOTTA PAY FOR HIS
MISTAKES? BECAUSE YOU'RE HIS SUPERVISOR,
AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
SUPERVISIN' HIM. IF I GOTTA TAKE THE BLAME,
THEN I AM TAKIN' HIS LUNCH
HOUR, AND MY TWO HOURS.
SEE YOU AT 3:00. YOU
BETTER GET BACK HERE!
IF YOU DON'T GET BACK HER, YOU'RE
GONNA FIND YOURSELF SHORT OF A JOB!
WELL, YOU ARE THE AUTHORITY
ON SHORT, MR. JEFFERSON.
YOU SO SHORT, YOU COULD
BE A TELLER AT A PIGGY BANK.
AND YOU GOT A MOUTH
LIKE A MINI MART...
OPEN 24 HOURS AND NOTHIN'
GOOD EVER COMES OUT OF IT!
WELL, I AM JUST GOIN' TO GO TO
LUNCH, WHILE YOU GET YOUR MIND RIGHT.
WELL, I GUESS NOW YOU HAVE
TO TRAIN ME, MR. JEFFERSON.
NUH-UH. NO. YOU FIRED! I DON'T
CARE IF YOU ARE WEEZY'S NEPHEW!
WEEZY!
THE FOLLOWING IS A PUBLIC
SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
THIS IS WHAT ARETHA FRANKLIN SOUNDS LIKE
SINGING HER CLASSIC SMASH HIT "RESPECT."
LISTEN CLOSELY.
♪ WHAT YOU WANT BABY, I GOT IT ♪
♪ WHAT YOU NEED
YOU KNOW I GOT IT ♪
♪ ALL I'M ASKIN' IS FOR A LITTLE
RESPECT WHEN YOU COME HOME ♪♪
BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT? NOW,
THIS IS WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE.
♪ WHAT YOU WANT BABY, I GOT IT ♪
♪ WHAT YOU NEED
YOU KNOW I GOT IT ♪
♪ ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE
RESPECT WHEN YOU COME HOME ♪
♪ OHH ♪
- ARETHA.
- ♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T, FIND OUT
WHAT IT MEANS TO ME ♪
- YOU.
- ♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T
TAKE CARE OF T-C-P ♪
♪ OHHH A LITTLE RESPECT ♪
REALITY CHECK!
YOU CAN'T SING! FOR
GOD'S SAKE, STOP IT.
THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE
ANNOUNCEMENT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
♪♪
♪ LET ME HEAR YA ♪
♪ COME ON, UHH ♪
♪ UHH ♪
♪ YEAH, UHH ♪
♪ UHH ♪
♪♪
TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP,
SON, BUT LEAVE THE BURNS.
KONICHIWA, FOLKS!
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU IN
THE MIDDLE OF YOUR LUNCH.
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU
WERE TAKING ALL THE PROPER SAFETY...
PRECAUTIONS.
WHAT'S THE MEANING?
EVERYTHING'S SAFE HERE.
I BEG TO DIFFER, SHOGUN!
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
LET'S JUST SAY YOU'RE GETTING READY TO
SERVE UP SOME OF THIS SPINY SEA URCHIN.
YOU'RE HIGH ON
M.S.G. SOMEBODY SAYS,
"LOOK, THERE'S CHAIRMAN MAO
SHOWING EVERYBODY HIS GINSENG ROOT."
YOU GO TO SALUTE HIM.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK LIKE
JACQUES COUSTEAU IN A TRAUMA UNIT.
TAKE CARE OF THAT
FOR ME, WILL YA, SON?
NOW, ACCORDING
TO JAPANESE CUSTOM,
IT IS TRADITIONAL, WHEN
MEETING A NEW CHEF,
TO BOW.
GOD! DOESN'T THAT HURT?
NO, BUT THIS DOES.
UGHHH! HEY! WE'RE
ON OUR HONEYMOON.
WE THOUGHT THIS WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE A SHOW.
OH, SO IT'S ENTERTAINMENT
YOU WANT, HUH?
OKAY. DRUM SOLO.
EAT YOUR HEART OUT, JOSÉ EBER!
ARE WE GONNA EAT?
WHAT'D YOUR LAST CHEF DIE FROM?
EVER WATCH JAPANESE BASEBALL?
AHA! THAT'S A TRIPLE!
HEY!
THIS LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
THERE'S A FINGER IN MINE.
UGH, MINE, TOO.
UH-OH!
NO WONDER I HAD SO MUCH
TROUBLE JUGGLIN' THAT GINSU.
I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK.
YEP, ORIENTAL DELICACIES CAN
TAKE A LITTLE GETTING USED TO.
I NEED A DRINK.
FREEZE, PERSIETTE!
IS THAT A BOTTLE OF HOT
SAKE YOU'VE GOT THERE, SON?
YEAH. SO? BETTER LET ME
CHECK THE ALCOHOL CONTENT.
THIS STUFF CAN MAKE A
PERSON HIGHLY VOLATILE.
NOW, LET'S JUST SAY...
YOU'RE OUT FOR A HOT
ONE WITH THE BOYS.
BUT YOU DON'T KNOW
WHEN TO SAY WHEN.
SUDDENLY, YOU'RE SO INTOXICATED,
YOU THINK YOU'RE A KUNG FU MOVIE STAR...
OUT FOR REVENGE
AGAINST A YOUNG LEE TRIAD.
SO, YOU THINK YOU
CAN BEAT ME, HUH?
WELL, MY FRIEND, LET
ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
EVERYBODY RUN!
SHOGUN, GO SHINPAI NAKU.
WATAKUSHI WA SHOBO SHOCHO DESU.
NOW, I HAVE TO GET NEW JOB.
THAT WAS MY FAVORITE
PLACE FOR LUNCH.
FUNNY THING ABOUT
ORIENTAL FOOD...
AN HOUR LATER,
YOU'RE HUNGRY AGAIN.
HEY, GUYS, NEXT MEAL'S ON ME.
I HAVE A REGULAR TABLE AT THE...
SIZZLER.
WHAT'S UP EVERYBODY? I'M JOSIE.
AND WE GOT TWIST AND
THE FLY GIRLS IN THE HOUSE.
OWW, AND TONIGHT I HAVE THE PLEASURE
OF INTRODUCING SOME OF MY BUDDIES.
EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS
TOGETHER FOR E.M.I. RECORDING ARTISTS,
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
SINGING "MR. WENDAL."
COME ON. JUST CLAP
YOUR HANDS. COME ON.
JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS. COME ON.
AHHH, YEAH.
COME ON. YES. ♪♪
WHAT YOU HAVE IS THE
HOMELESS SITUATION IN AMERICA.
♪♪ A VERY SERIOUS
SITUATION IN AMERICA.
SO, WHAT WE NEED
TO DO AS AMERICANS...
INSIDE OF THE STATES AND
OUTSIDE OF THE STATES... IS BE GIVING.
YES. LET'S BE VERY GIVING.
♪ HERE, HAVE A DOLLAR IN
FACT, NO, BROTHER MAN ♪
♪ HAVE TWO ♪
♪ TWO DOLLARS MEANS A SNACK FOR
ME, BUT IT MEANS A BIG DEAL TO YOU ♪
♪ BE STRONG, SERVE GOD ONLY KNOWING
THAT IF YOU DO BEAUTIFUL HEAVEN AWAITS ♪
♪ THAT'S THE POEM I
WROTE FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪
♪ I SAW A MAN WITH NO
CLOTHES NO MONEY, NO PLATE ♪
♪ MR. WENDAL THAT'S HIS NAME ♪
♪ NO ONE EVER KNEW HIS
NAME 'CAUSE HE'S A NO ONE ♪
♪ NEVER THOUGHT TWICE
ABOUT SPENDIN' ON AN OLD BUM ♪
♪ UNTIL I HAD A CHANCE TO
REALLY GET TO KNOW ONE ♪
♪ NOW THAT I KNOW HIM TO
GIVE HIM MONEY ISN'T CHARITY ♪
♪ HE GIVES ME SOME KNOWLEDGE
I BUY HIM SOME SHOES ♪
♪ AND TO THINK BLACKS SPEND
ALL THEIR MONEY ON BIG COLLEGES ♪
♪ STILL MOST OF Y'ALL COME OUT
CONFUSED GO AHEAD, MR. WENDAL ♪
MR. WENDAL, LIKE WE ONCE SAID,
LIVES IN EVERY NEIGHBORHOOD.
YOU SEE HIM EVERY
DAY ON A DAILY BASIS.
BUT WHAT DO WE DO? WE
SOMETIMES IGNORE THEM.
WHY? WHAT DOES THAT COME FROM?
THAT'S LIKE A LACK OF
IGNORANCE ON ONE MAN'S BEHALF.
- MR. WENDAL IS STILL...
- ♪ MR. WENDAL HAS FREEDOM ♪
♪ A FREE THAT YOU
AND I THINK IS DUMB ♪
♪ FREE TO BE WITHOUT THE WORRIES OF A QUICK
TO DIS SOCIETY FOR MR. WENDAL'S A BUM ♪
♪ HIS ONLY WORRIES ARE SICKNESS
AND AN OCCASIONAL HARASSMENT ♪
♪ BY THE POLICE
AND THEIR CHASE ♪
♪ UNCIVILIZED, WE CALL HIM BUT I JUST
SAW HIM EAT OFF THE FOOD WE WASTE ♪
♪ CIVILIZATION... ARE
WE REALLY CIVILIZED ♪
♪ YES OR NO WHO
ARE WE TO JUDGE ♪
♪ WHEN THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT MEN CAN BE BRUTALLY
ENSLAVED AND KILLED OVER A RACIST GRUDGE ♪
♪ MR. WENDAL HAS TRIED TO WARN US ABOUT
OUR WAYS, BUT WE DON'T HEAR HIM TALK ♪
♪ IS IT HIS FAULT WHEN
WE'VE GONE TOO FAR ♪
♪ AND WE'VE GOT TOO FAR
'CAUSE ON HIM WE'VE WALKED ♪
♪ MR. WENDAL, A MAN A HUMAN
IN FLESH BUT NOT BY LAW ♪
♪ I FEED YOU DIGNITY
TO STAND WITH PRIDE ♪
♪ REALIZE THAT, ALL IN
ALL YOU STAND TALL ♪
♪ GO AHEAD, MR. WENDAL ♪
YES, ONCE AGAIN WHAT WE DO...
IS WE ASK FOR PROTECTION AND GUIDANCE...
THROUGH FORCES SEEN AND UNSEEN.
AND WHAT WE NEED TO DO FOR PEOPLE
WHO ARE IN A HOMELESS STATE OF MIND...
WE HAVE TO ASK FOR
BLESSIN'S FOR THEM AS WELL.
'CAUSE SOMETIMES THEY
CAN'T DO FOR THEMSELVES.
MR. WENDAL, THERE IT IS.
RIGHT NOW, WE HAVIN' A
CELEBRATION OF LIFE, DEATH...
AND THE STRUGGLES
OF OUR ANCESTORS.
WE'D LIKE TO GIVE SPECIAL
SHOUT-OUTS TO MY MAN KEENAN,
SPECIAL SHOUT-OUTS TO THE CAST,
SPECIAL SHOUT-OUTS TO THE FAN WHO'S MADE
IT POSSIBLE FOR ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT...
TO COME FORTH WITH
SOUTHERN FRIED FUNK.
SPECIAL SHOUT-OUTS
TO E.M.I. ♪ MR. WENDAL ♪
SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT TO ENTERTAINMENT
RESOURCES FOR MAKIN' ALL OF THIS POSSIBLE.
IF ANYBODY KNOWS THE WORDS TO THIS
SONG, FEEL FREE TO SING ALONG. IT GOES:
CHECK IT OUT. IT'S
THE HOMELESS, Y'ALL.
LET'S BE IN A FRAME OF MIND OF
GIVING. LET'S OPEN THOSE HEARTS...
AND NOT ALWAYS BE
ON THE RECEIVING END.
YOU KNOW, THEY CAN'T FEND FOR THEMSELVES,
SO WE HAVE TO BE FENDING FOR THEM.
YES! MR. WENDAL.
COME ON! LET'S KEEP THOSE
HANDS TOGETHER. COME ON.
- SISTER TYREE, HELP ME OUT.
- ♪ JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS
TO THE BEAT ♪
♪ JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS
TO THE BEAT ♪ ♪ COME ON ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, JUST CLAP
YOUR HANDS TO THE BEAT ♪
AND YA DON'T STOP.
♪ JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS... ♪
REJOICE TIME!
♪ COME ON, UH ♪ GIVIN'
THANKS TO THE CREATOR.
SAY THIS WITH US. SAY THIS...
♪ HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-YAH-HEY ♪
COME ON! COME ON, SAY IT LOUD!
♪ HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-YAH-HEY ♪
COME ON! COME ON! LET ME HEAR
THAT! ♪ HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-YAH-HEY ♪
ON A DAILY BASIS...
PROTECTION, GUIDANCE...
THROUGH FORCES SEEN AND UNSEEN.
♪ HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-YAH-HEY ♪
YES.
CHECK IT OUT. MR. WENDAL...
IN EVERY NEIGHBORHOOD
AND EVERY BAR.
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
HI.
DO YOU SECRETE A
READING DYSFUNCTION?
DO YOU HAVE PROBLEMS PUTTING
YOUR WORDS IN A COLOSTOMY BAG?
THAT'S WHY I'VE CREMATED
THIS NEW PROGRAM CALLED...
"BOOKED ON PHONICS."
I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO
"TESTICULATE" MY WAY.
TO "COPUTATE" HOW IT WORKS, I WILL
"INTERSEX" WITH A PERVERTED DEVIANT,
BY USING ONE OF MY
OWN PENAL IMPLANTS.
UH, "MASTERCATE" THIS
SENTENCE. "SEE"... "SEE"...
"DICK"... "DICK"...
"ANGINA."
"ANGINA."
YOU KNOW WHAT "GINA" IS,
DON'T YOU? OH... OH, Y-Y-YEAH.
OH, YEAH-YEAH-YEAH. YOU'RE "CONJACKULATING"
YOUR VERBS AND REAMING YOUR FIBULA.
IMPEACH ME. UH-HUH.
"DICK, ALAS, YOUR
EMASCULATED PACE...
IS ACCELERATING AT A
PROMISCUOUS RATE." HEY, MAN!
THAT AIN'T WHAT THAT SAYS. SHUT
UP. SUPPRESS YOUR DEFECATION.
SEE, READING IS BISEXUAL
IN YOUR MENTALITY.
I THINK IT WAS PLATO...
EXCUSE ME, PLAY-DOH...
WHO STUCK TO THE
WALL WHEN HE SAID,
"ONE MUST PUT HIS TRANSVESTITE
IN JEOPARDY IF ONE WANTS...
TO BECOME A CUNNING LINGUIST."
LIKE VANNA WHITE. NOW,
HERMAPHRODITE, TRY IT AGAIN.
"SEE"... UH, "SEE"...
"JANE"... "JANE"...
UH, UH, UH.
SEE JANE'S BIG "BREASTESSES"?
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
NOW, YOU'RE EXPECTORATING
YOUR SPHINX TO STINK WEDGE.
I GOTTA HAVE ME THE BIG BREASTS! I GOTTA
HAVE ME THE BIG BREASTS! HOLD ON NOW!
I GOTTA HAVE... HOLD ON! I
AIN'T NO VENEREAL FUDDRUCKER.
BUT I CAN TEACH YOU TO APPROPRIATE
YOUR HEMORRHOIDAL RETENTION.
AND YOU DON'T EVEN
HAVE TO BE CLAIRVOYANT...
EXCUSE ME, CLAIR HUXTABLE...
TO OVULATE THIS AMAZING PROGRAM.
BUT HOW, UH, BIG ARE
JANE'S BREASTESSES?
GIGANTOR. UH-HUH.
SO PLEASE, DON'T PUT OFF TOMORROW
WHAT YOU CAN CASTRATE TODAY.
SEND YOUR COLON IN TODAY.
SOON, YOU'LL BE
ON YOUR IVORY WAY.
AND REMEMBER,
R-I-F... READING IS...
FALLOPIAN.
TO ORDER BOOKED ON PHONICS,
"DEFLECATE" $9.95
TO OSWALD BATES,
CARE OF MID-STATE
MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON.
GIVE ME A BLANKET, BITCH.
HE WAS THE PIMP WHO TIME FORGOT.
FOREVER SILKY.
SIR, YOU MUST
CALM DOWN. IT'S 1993.
YOU'VE BEEN FROZEN FOR 22 YEARS.
1993?
I TOLD Y'ALL SUCKERS
TO THAW ME OUT IN '78.
I ONLY NEEDED SEVEN
YEARS TO BEAT THAT RAP.
YO, WHO WON THE
"THRILLA IN MANILA"?
WHERE'S MY EIGHT-TRACK
PARLIAMENT TAPE?
NOW, HE SEARCHES FOR
THE WORLD HE ONCE KNEW...
A WORLD THAT NO LONGER EXISTS.
YO, MAN, WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED TO BENNY'S BAR, MAN?
WHERE'S THE JUKEBOX? WHERE'S
ALL THEM VELVET PAINTINGS,
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,
WHERE ARE MY HOS?
MY GOD, SILKY?
- IS THAT YOU?
- YEAH, WELL, THIS AIN'T
HUGGY BEAR.
WHO ARE YOU?
IT'S ME, CHERRY!
CHERRY? NO, MY CHERRY WAS YOUNG.
MY CHERRY WAS SEXY. WELL.
AND SHE COULD DO THIS THING
WITH HER TONGUE. LIKE THIS?
AHHH, THAT'S THAT FREAKY
THING I'M TALKING ABOUT!
CHERRY, I NEVER
FORGOT YOU, BABY! NO?
LOOK, I STILL GOT MY LITTLE PINKY FINGER
YOU USED TO LOVE TO KISS ALL UP ON.
YEAH, I NEVER FORGOT
THE WAY YOU WALKED,
NEVER FORGOT THE
WAY YOU TALKED. OH!
OOH, AND I NEVER FORGOT THAT
TIME YOU HELD BACK $10 FROM ME,
TRYING TO MAKE SILKY LOOK BAD.
WHERE'S MY MONEY? YOU
BETTER GIVE ME MY DAMN MONEY!
GIVE ME MY MONEY,
WOMAN! I DON'T HAVE IT, SILKY.
I'VE CHANGED. THE WHOLE
WORLD HAS CHANGED.
I'VE JOINED THE NATION.
YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT IT.
OH, YOU DONE JOINED
THE NATION, HUH?
WHERE'S MY BEAN PIE, GIRL?
YOU BETTER GET MY BEAN PIE!
WHERE'S MY BEAN PIE,
WOMAN? SORRY, SILKY.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
IN A STRANGE NEW WORLD,
SILKY MUST LEARN TO START OVER.
WELCOME TO McBURGER.
MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
WOULD YOU LIKE CHEESE WITH THAT?
HERE YOU GO, PRETTY LADY.
MEDIUM ORANGE AND FILET OF FISH.
UH-UH, UH-UH. NOO.
SCUSE ME, BIG LEGS.
BUT SEE YOUR ORDER
CAME TO A TOTAL OF $2.77.
AND HERE YOU COME TRYING
TO GIVE SILKY TWO AND A HALF.
WHAT, YOU TRYIN' TO PLAY GAMES?
YOU THINK SILKY CAN'T
COUNT? HUH, DO YOU?
GIVE ME MY DAMN MONEY,
WOMAN! GIVE ME MY DAMN MONEY!
THANK YOU. WOULD YOU
LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?
FOREVER SILKY. COMING
SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
YOU EVER CONSIDER HOIN'?
♪♪
♪ THESE RAP GUYS CALL
THEMSELVES GANGSTAS ♪
♪ NOW YOU GOT BIG BLUE
BAD-ASS, CRAZY CHROME ♪
♪ PO' LI'L MAMA DID HER
BEST WHEN SHE RAISED ME ♪
♪ THESE WEST COAST STREETS DONE DROVE
ME CRAZY ALL THESE GUNS AND WOMEN ♪
♪ DYIN' TO MAKE ME SHADY SO HATEFUL,
I'M JUST ANGRY YOUR PEN CAN'T CAGE US ♪
♪ THE NATIONAL GUARD CAN'T
CONTAIN US, DIE TO TRY TO CHANGE US ♪
♪ BUILD ANOTHER CELL TO PUT MORE
OF US IN HELL AND WE'LL BE BACK ♪
♪ YOU WATCH, THERE'LL
BE MORE OF US NEXT YEAR ♪
♪ IN PACKS WITH GLOCKS AND TEC's
THAT HIT ON YOUR LIFE ♪ ♪ GANGSTA ♪
♪ AGENCY AND THE P.B.D. ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA ♪
♪ RIDE WITH ME ♪
♪ DO YOU WANNA ♪
♪ RIDE WITH ME ♪♪
MY NAME IS LASHAWN, AND I
WILL BE YOUR SUPERVISOR.
OKAY, BEFORE WE GET
STARTED, UH, UH, WHAT'S YOUR...
OH, YEAH, YEAH. MY NAME IS LARRY,
BUT SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO CALL ME DENZEL.
MM-HMM. WELL, DENZEL,
RICOCHET YOUR BEHIND OVER HERE.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW
TO MAN THE STEAM PRESS.
LOOK, YOU AIN'T GOT
TO SHOW ME NOTHIN'.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS JUST GIVE ME
SOME TIME. I CAN FIGURE ALL MY STUFF OUT.
I'LL FIGURE MY STUFF OUT.
THAT'S COOL AND EVERYTHING,
BUT IF YOU MESS UP, YOU WILL HAVE
A LOT OF TIME TO FIGURE THINGS OUT,
BECAUSE YOU WILL BE UNEMPLOYED.
SO JUST, UH, TAKE THE
PANTS AND PUT THEM HERE...
FOR FIVE SECONDS AND
THEN TURN THEM OVER.
GOT THAT? FIVE SECONDS.
YEAH, I GOT THAT, FIVE SECONDS.
BUT USUALLY, YOU KNOW, I
LIKE TO RUN MY STUFF, LIKE...
JUST DO YOUR JOB, OKAY?
WELCOME TO JEFFERSON'S
CLEANERS. MAY I HELP YOU?
HOW YOU DOIN', SWEETIE.
LOOK, I'M IN A BIT OF A HURRY.
HOW SOON CAN I GET THIS
STUFF BACK? RIGHT NOW.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THE SIGN
OUTSIDE SAYS YOU HAVE ONE-HOUR SERVICE.
MM-HMM, THAT'S FOR ONE OR TWO GARMENTS, NOT
FOR THE WHOLE DOGGONE EBONY FASHION FAIR.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO PUT
IT HERE FOR FIVE SECONDS?
WHAT? LOOK! WHY
COME YOU CAN'T DO THAT?
LOOK-LOOK. YOUR
MACHINE IS BROKE, GIRL!
I LEFT IT IN THERE FOR FIVE
SECONDS! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
ME, MYSELF, I DON'T LIKE LEAVIN'
NOTHIN' IN FOR JUST FIVE SECONDS.
MM-HMM. I'M SURE THAT YOU,
YOURSELF AND SYBIL ARE VERY HAPPY...
IN YOUR BIG OLD MARBLE HEAD, BUT,
UH, WE HAVE SOME WORK TO DO, OKAY?
NOW, JUST STAY AWAY FROM
THE STEAM PRESS. I GOT YOU.
JUST WHATEVER. WHAT
YOU WANT ME TO DO THEN?
JUST PAY ATTENTION FOR A CHANGE.
NOW, YOU TAKE THIS SPRAYER... I
KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE SPRAYER.
HEY, WOULD YOU JUST...
W-WITHOUT YOU, I CAN DO MY JOB...
WOULD YOU JUST WAIT TILL I
SHOW YOU? OOH, YOU ARE TRIPPIN'.
JUST SPRAY A SMALL
AMOUNT ON THE STAIN,
AND SCRUB GENTLY
WITH THIS BRUSH.
GENTLY, AM I REACHING
YOU? YEAH, YOU REACHING ME.
I GOT IT... GENTLY.
I'LL BE BACK TO CHECK
ON YOU IN A MINUTE.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHO TAUGHT
YOU PEOPLE HOW TO DO LAUNDRY,
BUT I JUST HAD THIS
DRESS CLEANED, AND...
AND LOOK, NOW THERE
ARE TWO BUTTONS MISSING!
UH-HUH, WELL,
YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...
WHILE I OBSERVE YOUR TRAGIC
LOSS WITH A MOMENT OF SILENCE.
NOW YOU LOOK HERE, MISS THING!
NO, SHE DIDN'T. OH, NO. SHE DID NOT GO
THERE. SHE DID NOT CALL ME "MISS THING."
YES, SHE DID. SHE CALLED YOU
MISS THING. DO SOMETHIN' TO HER.
NOW, LOOK!
NOW, YOU BETTER DO
SOMETHING ABOUT MY BUTTONS!
WELL, I COULD SLAP YOU BACK INTO LAST WEEK
WHEN YOUR BUTTONS WERE STILL ON YOUR DRESS.
OH! I'LL NEVER COME HERE AGAIN!
AW!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
WHAT... GIVE... GIVE
ME THAT BRUSH! WHAT...
WHAT... WHAT ARE
YOU TRYING TO DO,
MAKE A HOLE IN THIS AS BIG
AS THE ONE IN YOUR HEAD?
YOU ARE GONNA GET IT NOW.
MR. JEFFERSON? I'M GONNA...
- MR. JEFFERSON!
- WHAT THE HELL
IS GOIN' ON OUT HERE?
IT'S HIM. IT'S HIM,
MR. JEFFERSON.
HE ALREADY BURNED UP SOME PANTS.
NOW, LOOK HOW HE RUINED THIS SHIRT.
COME ON, MR. J. YOU KNOW SHE'S THE
ONE THAT TAUGHT ME HOW TO DO ALL THAT.
WHAT? LASHAWN, THAT'S
COMIN' OUT OF YOUR PAYCHECK!
WHY COME I GOTTA PAY FOR HIS
MISTAKES? BECAUSE YOU'RE HIS SUPERVISOR,
AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
SUPERVISIN' HIM. IF I GOTTA TAKE THE BLAME,
THEN I AM TAKIN' HIS LUNCH
HOUR, AND MY TWO HOURS.
SEE YOU AT 3:00. YOU
BETTER GET BACK HERE!
IF YOU DON'T GET BACK HER, YOU'RE
GONNA FIND YOURSELF SHORT OF A JOB!
WELL, YOU ARE THE AUTHORITY
ON SHORT, MR. JEFFERSON.
YOU SO SHORT, YOU COULD
BE A TELLER AT A PIGGY BANK.
AND YOU GOT A MOUTH
LIKE A MINI MART...
OPEN 24 HOURS AND NOTHIN'
GOOD EVER COMES OUT OF IT!
WELL, I AM JUST GOIN' TO GO TO
LUNCH, WHILE YOU GET YOUR MIND RIGHT.
WELL, I GUESS NOW YOU HAVE
TO TRAIN ME, MR. JEFFERSON.
NUH-UH. NO. YOU FIRED! I DON'T
CARE IF YOU ARE WEEZY'S NEPHEW!
WEEZY!
THE FOLLOWING IS A PUBLIC
SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
THIS IS WHAT ARETHA FRANKLIN SOUNDS LIKE
SINGING HER CLASSIC SMASH HIT "RESPECT."
LISTEN CLOSELY.
♪ WHAT YOU WANT BABY, I GOT IT ♪
♪ WHAT YOU NEED
YOU KNOW I GOT IT ♪
♪ ALL I'M ASKIN' IS FOR A LITTLE
RESPECT WHEN YOU COME HOME ♪♪
BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT? NOW,
THIS IS WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE.
♪ WHAT YOU WANT BABY, I GOT IT ♪
♪ WHAT YOU NEED
YOU KNOW I GOT IT ♪
♪ ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE
RESPECT WHEN YOU COME HOME ♪
♪ OHH ♪
- ARETHA.
- ♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T, FIND OUT
WHAT IT MEANS TO ME ♪
- YOU.
- ♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T
TAKE CARE OF T-C-P ♪
♪ OHHH A LITTLE RESPECT ♪
REALITY CHECK!
YOU CAN'T SING! FOR
GOD'S SAKE, STOP IT.
THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE
ANNOUNCEMENT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
♪♪
♪ LET ME HEAR YA ♪
♪ COME ON, UHH ♪
♪ UHH ♪
♪ YEAH, UHH ♪
♪ UHH ♪
♪♪
TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP,
SON, BUT LEAVE THE BURNS.
KONICHIWA, FOLKS!
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU IN
THE MIDDLE OF YOUR LUNCH.
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU
WERE TAKING ALL THE PROPER SAFETY...
PRECAUTIONS.
WHAT'S THE MEANING?
EVERYTHING'S SAFE HERE.
I BEG TO DIFFER, SHOGUN!
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
LET'S JUST SAY YOU'RE GETTING READY TO
SERVE UP SOME OF THIS SPINY SEA URCHIN.
YOU'RE HIGH ON
M.S.G. SOMEBODY SAYS,
"LOOK, THERE'S CHAIRMAN MAO
SHOWING EVERYBODY HIS GINSENG ROOT."
YOU GO TO SALUTE HIM.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK LIKE
JACQUES COUSTEAU IN A TRAUMA UNIT.
TAKE CARE OF THAT
FOR ME, WILL YA, SON?
NOW, ACCORDING
TO JAPANESE CUSTOM,
IT IS TRADITIONAL, WHEN
MEETING A NEW CHEF,
TO BOW.
GOD! DOESN'T THAT HURT?
NO, BUT THIS DOES.
UGHHH! HEY! WE'RE
ON OUR HONEYMOON.
WE THOUGHT THIS WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE A SHOW.
OH, SO IT'S ENTERTAINMENT
YOU WANT, HUH?
OKAY. DRUM SOLO.
EAT YOUR HEART OUT, JOSÉ EBER!
ARE WE GONNA EAT?
WHAT'D YOUR LAST CHEF DIE FROM?
EVER WATCH JAPANESE BASEBALL?
AHA! THAT'S A TRIPLE!
HEY!
THIS LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
THERE'S A FINGER IN MINE.
UGH, MINE, TOO.
UH-OH!
NO WONDER I HAD SO MUCH
TROUBLE JUGGLIN' THAT GINSU.
I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK.
YEP, ORIENTAL DELICACIES CAN
TAKE A LITTLE GETTING USED TO.
I NEED A DRINK.
FREEZE, PERSIETTE!
IS THAT A BOTTLE OF HOT
SAKE YOU'VE GOT THERE, SON?
YEAH. SO? BETTER LET ME
CHECK THE ALCOHOL CONTENT.
THIS STUFF CAN MAKE A
PERSON HIGHLY VOLATILE.
NOW, LET'S JUST SAY...
YOU'RE OUT FOR A HOT
ONE WITH THE BOYS.
BUT YOU DON'T KNOW
WHEN TO SAY WHEN.
SUDDENLY, YOU'RE SO INTOXICATED,
YOU THINK YOU'RE A KUNG FU MOVIE STAR...
OUT FOR REVENGE
AGAINST A YOUNG LEE TRIAD.
SO, YOU THINK YOU
CAN BEAT ME, HUH?
WELL, MY FRIEND, LET
ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
EVERYBODY RUN!
SHOGUN, GO SHINPAI NAKU.
WATAKUSHI WA SHOBO SHOCHO DESU.
NOW, I HAVE TO GET NEW JOB.
THAT WAS MY FAVORITE
PLACE FOR LUNCH.
FUNNY THING ABOUT
ORIENTAL FOOD...
AN HOUR LATER,
YOU'RE HUNGRY AGAIN.
HEY, GUYS, NEXT MEAL'S ON ME.
I HAVE A REGULAR TABLE AT THE...
SIZZLER.
WHAT'S UP EVERYBODY? I'M JOSIE.
AND WE GOT TWIST AND
THE FLY GIRLS IN THE HOUSE.
OWW, AND TONIGHT I HAVE THE PLEASURE
OF INTRODUCING SOME OF MY BUDDIES.
EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS
TOGETHER FOR E.M.I. RECORDING ARTISTS,
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
SINGING "MR. WENDAL."
COME ON. JUST CLAP
YOUR HANDS. COME ON.
JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS. COME ON.
AHHH, YEAH.
COME ON. YES. ♪♪
WHAT YOU HAVE IS THE
HOMELESS SITUATION IN AMERICA.
♪♪ A VERY SERIOUS
SITUATION IN AMERICA.
SO, WHAT WE NEED
TO DO AS AMERICANS...
INSIDE OF THE STATES AND
OUTSIDE OF THE STATES... IS BE GIVING.
YES. LET'S BE VERY GIVING.
♪ HERE, HAVE A DOLLAR IN
FACT, NO, BROTHER MAN ♪
♪ HAVE TWO ♪
♪ TWO DOLLARS MEANS A SNACK FOR
ME, BUT IT MEANS A BIG DEAL TO YOU ♪
♪ BE STRONG, SERVE GOD ONLY KNOWING
THAT IF YOU DO BEAUTIFUL HEAVEN AWAITS ♪
♪ THAT'S THE POEM I
WROTE FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪
♪ I SAW A MAN WITH NO
CLOTHES NO MONEY, NO PLATE ♪
♪ MR. WENDAL THAT'S HIS NAME ♪
♪ NO ONE EVER KNEW HIS
NAME 'CAUSE HE'S A NO ONE ♪
♪ NEVER THOUGHT TWICE
ABOUT SPENDIN' ON AN OLD BUM ♪
♪ UNTIL I HAD A CHANCE TO
REALLY GET TO KNOW ONE ♪
♪ NOW THAT I KNOW HIM TO
GIVE HIM MONEY ISN'T CHARITY ♪
♪ HE GIVES ME SOME KNOWLEDGE
I BUY HIM SOME SHOES ♪
♪ AND TO THINK BLACKS SPEND
ALL THEIR MONEY ON BIG COLLEGES ♪
♪ STILL MOST OF Y'ALL COME OUT
CONFUSED GO AHEAD, MR. WENDAL ♪
MR. WENDAL, LIKE WE ONCE SAID,
LIVES IN EVERY NEIGHBORHOOD.
YOU SEE HIM EVERY
DAY ON A DAILY BASIS.
BUT WHAT DO WE DO? WE
SOMETIMES IGNORE THEM.
WHY? WHAT DOES THAT COME FROM?
THAT'S LIKE A LACK OF
IGNORANCE ON ONE MAN'S BEHALF.
- MR. WENDAL IS STILL...
- ♪ MR. WENDAL HAS FREEDOM ♪
♪ A FREE THAT YOU
AND I THINK IS DUMB ♪
♪ FREE TO BE WITHOUT THE WORRIES OF A QUICK
TO DIS SOCIETY FOR MR. WENDAL'S A BUM ♪
♪ HIS ONLY WORRIES ARE SICKNESS
AND AN OCCASIONAL HARASSMENT ♪
♪ BY THE POLICE
AND THEIR CHASE ♪
♪ UNCIVILIZED, WE CALL HIM BUT I JUST
SAW HIM EAT OFF THE FOOD WE WASTE ♪
♪ CIVILIZATION... ARE
WE REALLY CIVILIZED ♪
♪ YES OR NO WHO
ARE WE TO JUDGE ♪
♪ WHEN THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT MEN CAN BE BRUTALLY
ENSLAVED AND KILLED OVER A RACIST GRUDGE ♪
♪ MR. WENDAL HAS TRIED TO WARN US ABOUT
OUR WAYS, BUT WE DON'T HEAR HIM TALK ♪
♪ IS IT HIS FAULT WHEN
WE'VE GONE TOO FAR ♪
♪ AND WE'VE GOT TOO FAR
'CAUSE ON HIM WE'VE WALKED ♪
♪ MR. WENDAL, A MAN A HUMAN
IN FLESH BUT NOT BY LAW ♪
♪ I FEED YOU DIGNITY
TO STAND WITH PRIDE ♪
♪ REALIZE THAT, ALL IN
ALL YOU STAND TALL ♪
♪ GO AHEAD, MR. WENDAL ♪
YES, ONCE AGAIN WHAT WE DO...
IS WE ASK FOR PROTECTION AND GUIDANCE...
THROUGH FORCES SEEN AND UNSEEN.
AND WHAT WE NEED TO DO FOR PEOPLE
WHO ARE IN A HOMELESS STATE OF MIND...
WE HAVE TO ASK FOR
BLESSIN'S FOR THEM AS WELL.
'CAUSE SOMETIMES THEY
CAN'T DO FOR THEMSELVES.
MR. WENDAL, THERE IT IS.
RIGHT NOW, WE HAVIN' A
CELEBRATION OF LIFE, DEATH...
AND THE STRUGGLES
OF OUR ANCESTORS.
WE'D LIKE TO GIVE SPECIAL
SHOUT-OUTS TO MY MAN KEENAN,
SPECIAL SHOUT-OUTS TO THE CAST,
SPECIAL SHOUT-OUTS TO THE FAN WHO'S MADE
IT POSSIBLE FOR ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT...
TO COME FORTH WITH
SOUTHERN FRIED FUNK.
SPECIAL SHOUT-OUTS
TO E.M.I. ♪ MR. WENDAL ♪
SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT TO ENTERTAINMENT
RESOURCES FOR MAKIN' ALL OF THIS POSSIBLE.
IF ANYBODY KNOWS THE WORDS TO THIS
SONG, FEEL FREE TO SING ALONG. IT GOES:
CHECK IT OUT. IT'S
THE HOMELESS, Y'ALL.
LET'S BE IN A FRAME OF MIND OF
GIVING. LET'S OPEN THOSE HEARTS...
AND NOT ALWAYS BE
ON THE RECEIVING END.
YOU KNOW, THEY CAN'T FEND FOR THEMSELVES,
SO WE HAVE TO BE FENDING FOR THEM.
YES! MR. WENDAL.
COME ON! LET'S KEEP THOSE
HANDS TOGETHER. COME ON.
- SISTER TYREE, HELP ME OUT.
- ♪ JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS
TO THE BEAT ♪
♪ JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS
TO THE BEAT ♪ ♪ COME ON ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, JUST CLAP
YOUR HANDS TO THE BEAT ♪
AND YA DON'T STOP.
♪ JUST CLAP YOUR HANDS... ♪
REJOICE TIME!
♪ COME ON, UH ♪ GIVIN'
THANKS TO THE CREATOR.
SAY THIS WITH US. SAY THIS...
♪ HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-YAH-HEY ♪
COME ON! COME ON, SAY IT LOUD!
♪ HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-YAH-HEY ♪
COME ON! COME ON! LET ME HEAR
THAT! ♪ HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-YAH-HEY ♪
ON A DAILY BASIS...
PROTECTION, GUIDANCE...
THROUGH FORCES SEEN AND UNSEEN.
♪ HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY-YAH-HEY ♪
YES.
CHECK IT OUT. MR. WENDAL...
IN EVERY NEIGHBORHOOD
AND EVERY BAR.