In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 3, Episode 9 - Krishna Cop - full transcript
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP
AND SIP ON A DREAM ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE
ON A FUNKY SCENE ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
[Announcer] TWENTIETH-CENTURY
FOX PRESENTS...
48 HOURS AGAIN
STARRING OSWALD BATES.
[Gravelly Voice] I WANNA
TALK TO YOU, BATES.
DON'T YOU KNOCK BEFORE
"ENAMATIZIN'" A ROOM?
JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN.
ONE OF YOUR EX-BUDDIES, BILLY
BEAR, JUST BUSTED OUT OF PRISON,
AND YOU'RE GONNA
HELP ME FIND HIM.
YOU GOT NO CHOICE, CONVICT.
YOU CANNOT EXPECTORATE
ME TO DIGEST MY SECRETIONS.
KISS MY BEEHIVE.
LOOK, BATES,
HELP ME FIND HIM, I'LL GIVE YA
ANYTHING YOU WANT... ANYTHING!
JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!
I NEED TO ASSIST MY
PENAL IMPLANTER...
AND LACTIFY MY ORAL EMBANKMENT.
IN OTHER WORDS...
I NEED A DICTIONARY.
YOU GOT IT, BATES.
♪♪ [Country]
EVER BEEN IN A
COUNTRY BAR, BATES?
THESE GOOD OL' BOYS
ARE GONNA LOVE YOU.
I CAN FONDLE MY OWN PIECE COOL.
THINK SO, CONVICT?
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT.
HELL, I'M EVEN GONNA
GIVE YOU A BADGE.
YOUR SILICONIC GYRATIONS
GOT MY DELICATESSEN OPEN.
BITCH.
HOWDY. DOODY.
WANT DO YOU WANT TO
DRINK? A BLACK RUSSIAN?
[All Laughing]
[High-pitched Laugh]
HOW'D YOU LIKE ME TO SUPPOSITORILY
TENDERIZE YOUR POSTERIOR?
NOT TO MENTION YOUR "PUSTERIOR."
- WHERE'S BOO-BOO BEAR?
- WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
RELATE THE "DEFINICIOUS"
LOCALITY OF BOO-BOO BEAR,
OR ELSE BE "CIRCUMVISED."
I DON'T HAVE TO
TELL YOU NOTHIN'.
ON THE CONTRAIRE,
MY REDNECK ECLAIR.
I'VE BEEN "PIGMATIZED."
MY COLON CARD.
OKAY, YOU'RE A COP.
BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A
FAILURE TO "EJACUBATE."
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN',
BUT I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT.
GO, AHEAD. MAKE MY "GOOMBAG."
[Groaning, Yelling]
LISTEN UP, "AU-REVOIR-CKERS."
I'M ABOUT TO FORNICATE
YOUR INNERMOST OVULATIONS.
WE DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
REGURGITATE, OR BE TURTLE-WAX.
[Glass Shatters]
LOOK,
IF SOMEBODY DOESN'T
TELL HIM WHERE HE IS,
NOT ONLY IS MY THROAT
GONNA GET SORE,
BUT HE'S GONNA BE TALKIN'
LIKE THIS ALL NIGHT LONG.
PLEASE, NOT THAT. OKAY?
BILLY BEAR LIVES NEXT DOOR.
SECOND-FLOOR APARTMENT.
A'IGHT, COLONEL SANDERS.
REMEMBER, THERE'S A
NEW "DOO-SHAY" IN TOWN.
[Announcer] 48 HOURS AGAIN,
COMING SOON TO A
THEATER NEAR YOU.
[Announcer] HE WAS
A PEACE OFFICER,
BUT HE WANTED MORE THAN
JUST PEACE ON THE STREETS...
HE WANTED PEACE
IN HIS ETERNAL SOUL.
ARMED WITH ONLY A
GOLD BADGE AND THOSE
STRIPES OF GOLD PAINT
DOWN HIS NOSE, HE WAS...
HE WAS THE TOUGHEST COP
TO EVER HIT THE STREETS,
WHETHER HE WAS WALKING A BEAT OR
BANGING ONE OUT ON HIS TAMBOURINE.
[Gunshots Ricocheting]
[Announcer] BUT ONE DAY THE
TAMBOURINE STOPPED BEATING.
PARTNER! NO!
OH, MY GOD! NO!
WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME?
WHY DID IT HAVE
TO BE RAJNISATTVA?
HEY, JAKE. DID YOU GET HIM?
GO AHEAD, KID. RUN ALONG
AND PLAY. GET OUTTA HERE.
MAYBE LATER, JAKE. BUT NOW WE
HAVE TO CATCH THE GUY WHO SHOT ME.
IS THAT YOU? RAJNISATTVA?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT IS YOU, LITTLE BUDDY!
AND, OH, YEAH, MY NAME'S
TIMMY NOW. OFFICER TIMMY.
OKAY. LET'S GO, OFFICER TIMMY.
HEY! FREEZE!
[Announcer] KRISHNA COP.
DESTINED TO BE REINCARNATED
AGAIN AND AGAIN...
UNTIL THE CITY STREETS ARE FINALLY
SAFE FOR PEACE-LOVING CITIZENS.
FREEZE!
HE'S GOT MORE SOUL THAN
JAMES BROWN... [Gunshot]
AND MORE LIVES THAN
SHIRLEY MacLAINE.
OY!
THEY SAY A CAT HAS
NINE LIVES. [Barks]
[Gunshot]
WELL, THAT'S A SLOW
DAY FOR KRISHNA COP!
[Car Horn Honking] KIDS,
SOUNDS LIKE DAD'S HOME.
YEA! YEA!
[Man] HOME FROM A LONG DAY OF
HOSTING A POPULAR GAME SHOW,
IT'S PROFESSIONAL QUIZMASTER
AND HOST OF THIS HOUSEHOLD,
BILL BENSON!
♪♪ [Theme] [Audience
Applauding, Cheering]
THANK YOU, AND GOOD EVENING.
NOW LET'S SAY HELLO TO MY
COHOST FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS.
SHE'S A HOMEMAKER AND A
MOTHER OF TWO... MY WIFE JANET.
HI, BILL! [Audience Applauding]
JANET, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US
WHAT'S IN TONIGHT'S DINNER SHOWCASE?
TONIGHT'S DINNER PRIZE
PACKAGE INCLUDES...
AN EVENING'S SUPPLY OF
RICE-A-RONI, THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT.
AND FOR DESSERT WE'LL BE
HAVING CERTS WITH RETSYN.
THAT'S CERTS. IT'S LIKE
TWO... TWO... TWO MINTS IN ONE.
YUMMY!
NOW LET'S MEET OUR TWO CHILDREN.
CONCEIVED IN THE BACK
SEAT OF A '62 FORD...
AND THE REASON HER MOTHER
AND FATHER "HAD TO" GET MARRIED,
[Janet Laughs] OH, BILL!
OUR DAUGHTER, AGE
15, JENNY BENSON!
COME ON DOWN!
[Audience Applauding]
GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK
IN THE LIVING ROOM, JEN.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, OUR
NEXT CONTESTANT,
HE DOESN'T LIKE
SPORTS... OR SO HE SAYS.
BUT HIS MOTHER AND I BOTH KNOW HE'S TOO
EMBARRASSED ABOUT HIS LACK OF ENDOWMENT...
TO SHOWER WITH THE OTHER BOYS.
OUR SON, AGE 13, CHRIS BENSON!
COME ON DOWN!
[Audience Applauding]
OKAY, KIDS, YOU KNOW THE RULES.
NOW LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE GAME.
NOW, OUR FIRST ITEM...
IS A HANDSOME
CERAMIC TABLE LAMP.
JANET?
HANDCRAFTED IN MEXICO,
BUT DESTROYED BY A TENNIS BALL
HERE IN THE BENSON LIVING ROOM.
ONCE VALUED AT $250,
IT'S NOW COMPLETELY WORTHLESS.
OKAY, CONTESTANTS, WHO
BROKE THE DAMN LAMP?
♪♪ [Countdown]
REMEMBER, NO ONE
EATS UNTIL THEY SPEAK UP.
JENNY! IT WAS CHRIS! HE DID IT!
CHRIS, I'M SORRY. I GUESS
THAT MAKES YOU OUR BIG LOSER.
YOU'LL BE HEADING UPSTAIRS
TO BED WITHOUT ANY DINNER.
BUT THANK YOU FOR
PLAYING WITH US THIS EVENING.
THANKS! I REALLY
HAD A GOOD TIME!
ALL RIGHTY, THEN.
- AND JENNY, YOU'LL ALSO
BE GOING UPSTAIRS.
- BUT WHY?
BECAUSE THE
PASSWORD IS "SNITCH"!
BUT WE HAVE SOME LOVELY
PARTING GIFTS FOR YOU.
JENNY, YOU'LL BE RECEIVING A MONTH'S
SUPPLY OF BIRTH CONTROL PILLS...
AS WELL AS THE UPSTAIRS
VERSION OF OUR HOME GAME!
THANKS! I REALLY
ENJOYED PLAYING THE GAME!
WELL, THAT'S ALL THAT
MATTERS, JENNY. NOW BEAT IT!
BYE-BYE.
OH, JANET, YOU KNOW
WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO...
WHILE THE KIDS ARE UPSTAIRS IN
THEIR SOUNDPROOF BEDROOMS?
HMM.
I'M GONNA SAY...
MAKE WHOOPEE?
SHE SAID, "MAKE WHOOPEE." I SAID,
"FALL ASLEEP WATCHING THE BALL GAME."
OH, BILL! YOU NEVER
WANNA DO IT ANYMORE!
LOOK WHO'S TALKING. YOU'RE
AS COLD AS OUR FRIGIDAIRE!
AND WITH TWICE
THE STORAGE SPACE!
WATCH IT, BILL. I THINK OUR MARRIAGE
MIGHT BE IN SERIOUS JEOPARDY!
THEN I'LL TAKE "MISTRESSES
WITH LARGE BREASTS" FOR 200.
[Horn Sounding]
YOU'VE JUST HIT
THE DAILY DOUBLE.
IF YOU ANSWER CORRECTLY, I COULD
WIN A DIVORCE AND HALF YOUR BELONGINGS.
HERE'S THE ANSWER:
BILL, SHE'S BEEN YOUR LUNCH
BREAK FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS.
♪♪ [Countdown]
WHO IS MY SECRETARY?
[Bell Dinging] SOUNDS
LIKE I'M CORRECT!
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU
ROTTEN BASTARD! [Laughs] JUDGES?
[Bell Dinging] SOUNDS LIKE
THEY'RE GOING TO ALLOW THAT.
AND HOW'S SHE
GONNA KILL ME TODAY?
SHE'S GONNA DO IT IN
STYLE WITH A DISTINCTIVE
SET OF FINE CHINA
FROM ROYAL DALTON.
ROYAL DALTON ADDS A TOUCH OF
ELEGANCE TO ANY VICIOUS ATTACK.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, BILL.
I'LL ALSO BE PUMMELING YOU WITH POTS
AND PANS FROM EKCO NON-STICK WEAR.
EKCO. EVEN THE MESSIEST
BLOOD WON'T STICK TO IT.
[Birds Twittering] KIDS!
AND I SUPPOSE YOU'LL
BE TAKING THE CHILDREN...
ON AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID
VACATION TO YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE.
THAT'S RIGHT, BILL.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
WE'LL BE LEAVING YOU
IN YOUR BRAND-NEW CAR!
[Gasps]
WELL, THAT'S IT
FOR TODAY'S GAME.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN I'LL
PLAY WITH NUBILE YOUNG COEDS...
ON THE REBOUND GAME.
♪♪ [Theme] [Audience Applauding]
OTHER EPISODE OF
THE HEAD DETECTIVE.
I'M TELLING YOU, PARTNER,
I NEVER THOUGHT THIS HARD-BOILED
HEAD WOULD EVER GO SOFT FOR A DAME.
BUT THIS BLONDE-HAIRED, GREEN-NOSED
HOT POTATO KNOCKED ME FOR A LOOP.
JUST LOOK.
HEY. WHAT'S HER NAME?
CANDY.
CANDY YAM.
[Laughs] WHOA! LOOK
AT THOSE TATERS.
SOUNDS LIKE
YOU'RE IN LOVE, HEAD.
LOVE'S NOT THE WORD, PARTNER. I'M
CRAZY, HEAD-OVER-HEELS ABOUT HER.
I CAN'T WAIT. I'M TAKING
HER TO THE BEACH TODAY.
[Female Dispatcher] CAR 63, WE
HAVE A ROBBERY IN PROGRESS...
AT FIRST STATE BANK,
FOURTH AND MAIN.
THAT'S AFFIRMATIVE. ALL RIGHT,
HEAD, TIME TO GO TO WORK. LET'S ROLL.
[Imitating Siren]
[Tires Screech]
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY
FREEZE! POLICE!
YOU FOLKS CAN RELAX.
- WHICH WAY DID THEY GO?
- [Stammering] I DON'T KNOW. THEY GOT AWAY.
DAMN! THAT'S THE
FIFTH TIME THIS WEEK.
WELL, LET'S GET TO WORK.
OH, MAN, WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS AND
PAPERWORK, THERE GOES MY DATE TONIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, HEAD. I'LL
WRAP IT UP AROUND HERE.
YOU GO ON. REALLY?
YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME, PARTNER?
GET OUTTA HERE, YOU KNUCKLEHEAD.
- THANKS, PARTNER!
- HAVE FUN!
I HAVE TO TELL YOU, HONEY,
I'M REALLY POTATO-WHIPPED.
MM-HMM! WANNA NECK?
THAT'S THE SAME THING MY
DOCTOR ASKED ME. [Both Laughing]
HEY! I'M GETTIN' WET!
ALL RIGHT. YOU POSITIVE
IT WAS A WOMAN? YES, YES.
OKAY, I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO
DESCRIBE HER, IF YOU CAN. ALL RIGHT.
SHE WAS VERY SHORT...
ABOUT FIVE INCHES.
FIVE INCHES? MM-HMM.
UH, SHE HAD A KIND OF A
PEAR-SHAPED FACE AND NO LEGS.
SHE HAD NICE FEET,
THOUGH. OKAY, NICE FEET.
UM, SHE HAD RED
HAIR AND A BLUE NOSE.
HER EARS WERE ROUND, AND THEY
KIND OF JUTTED OUT TO THE SIDE.
AND SHE ALWAYS
SEEMED TO BE SMILING.
MMM. OKAY. TAKE A LOOK AT
THIS AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.
[Gasps] THAT'S HER.
THIS WOMAN HAS ROBBED
FIVE BANKS IN THE PAST WEEK.
WE CAN'T SEEM TO TRACK HER DOWN.
[Sighs]
HEY. WAIT A MINUTE.
COME ON.
HMM. NOW, IF I
WERE TO DO THIS...
UH-HUH.
AND MAKE THAT BLUE
NOSE A GREEN ONE...
OH, MY GOD. I'VE
GOT TO WARN HEAD.
CALL THE POLICE. TELL 'EM TO
MEET ME AT THE BEACH DISTRICT.
[Both Laughing]
I JUST HAVE TO GO POWDER
MY NOSE AND PUT ON MY FACE.
SEE YA IN A SECOND.
OKAY, CUTIE PIE.
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
[Thud]
HEAD. HEAD. THANK GOD I FOUND YOU.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I GOT SOME BAD NEWS, HEAD.
OUR BANK ROBBER...
IT'S CANDY.
OH, GOD!
I'M SORRY, PAL.
I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO
BREAK IT TO YOU LIKE THIS.
[Candy] OKAY, THIS
IS A STICK-UP! CANDY!
WELL, PAL, I GUESS IT'S TIME
FOR US TO PEEL THAT POTATO.
COME ON!
HURRY IT UP, BEFORE
I LOSE MY STUFFIN'!
ALL RIGHT, POLICE! FREEZE!
PUT THE GUN DOWN, MRS. YAM.
THOSE GORGEOUS EYES DON'T FAZE ME.
NO, DON'T SHOOT, MAN.
CANDY, LET ME TALK TO YA.
OKAY, YOU CAN COME, HEAD.
BUT THE COPPER WITH
THE GUN STAYS PUT!
YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING, PARTNER? TRUST ME, MAN.
THIS POTATO SEEMS LIKE SHE
GOT A CHIP ON HER SHOULDER.
SET ME DOWN NICE AND EASY.
YOU HEARD ME. BACK OFF, COPPER!
- OH, CANDY. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
- I TRIED.
BUT EVERY TIME I OPENED MY
MOUTH IT JUST CAME OUT HALF-BAKED.
GEE, I ALWAYS DREAMED OF THE TWO OF US IN
A LITTLE HOUSE WITH A WHITE PICKET FENCE,
MAYBE A COUPLE OF TATER
TOTS RUNNING AROUND.
YOU GOT UNDER MY SKIN. THAT'S
MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER DID.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,
YOU BIG LUNKHEAD.
CANDY, STOP. CANDY... NO!
AAAH! [Splash]
[Weeping] I LOVED HER, MAN.
I REALLY LOVED HER.
AW, FORGET IT, HEAD.
THIS IS BURGERTOWN.
NOT HER EYES...
YOU'RE EATING HER EYES.
[Announcer] THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER
EPISODE OF THE HEAD DETECTIVE.
THIS YOUNG LADY WAS THE FIRST
ARTIST TO PERFORM ON IN LIVING COLOR,
AND WE'RE DELIGHTED
TO HAVE HER BACK.
YOU CAN CURRENTLY CATCH HER ACT
AS ONE OF THE STARS OF HOUSE PARTY 2.
PLEASE WELCOME TOMMY BOY
RECORDING ARTIST QUEEN LATIFAH.
[Audience Cheering, Applauding]
[Queen Latifah] ♪ 1991 ♪
♪ WHOSE POSSE'S
ON THE BOULEVARD ♪
♪ LET'S SEE WHAT QUEEN LATIFAH
DONE HAD ♪ ♪ THE QUEEN IS HYPED UP ♪
- ♪ HO ♪
- [Audience
Continues Cheering]
♪ YO, YO, YO, YO ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S L-A
THE T-I, THE F-A-H ♪
♪ YOU'LL SEE WHY Q-U-DOUBLE-E-N
IS THE REASON I MUST BE MYSELF ♪
♪ WHAT ELSE WELL,
FAME HASN'T GOT ME ♪
♪ SOUPED UP, SELLIN'
OUT SLOPPY OR WHAT ♪
♪ THERE'S SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR ♪
♪ THEREFORE HERE'S MORE
FROM A WOMAN ALL WOMAN ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR RUMORS TO YOURSELF ♪
♪ THE OVERBLOWN
HOMEGROWN, NOT KNOWN ♪
♪ FOOLS WHO NEVER SHOW PROOF
LET ALONE OWN A LOT OF PROPS ♪
♪ SO I HIP-HOP WATCH A
NOTCH ON YOUR CLOCK ♪
♪ THAT'S MY SWAT NOW,
WHO GOT THE WATCH I DO ♪
♪ WHY, YOU LITTLE PLAYED OUT...
AH-CHOO ♪ [Woman] BLESS YOU!
♪ I'M ALLERGIC TO WACK CREWS ♪
♪ THE LA, THE TI, THE
FAH THE QUEEN IS UP ♪
♪ THROWIN' SALT LIKE
YOU NEVER SEEN BEFORE ♪
♪ HOW DARE THOSE WHO
TALK WE CAN'T HAVE THEM ♪
♪ SOME MAKE ME WANNA GO
OUT WITH A BAT AND A MAGNUM ♪
♪ BUT I'M WISE, CIVILIZED
AND GROWIN' HIGHER ♪
♪ JUDGMENT FROM THE QUEEN
PUNISHMENT IS THE FIRE ♪
♪ I'M HERE TO MAKE THESE
FOOLS OUT AS LIARS ♪
♪ LEARN THE STEP AND
RESPECT THE SIRE FACE THE FIRE ♪
♪ LATIFAH'S HAD IT UP TO HERE
THE FRAUDS ARE FEELING FEAR ♪
♪ THE SOUND IS PLAYIN' LIKE
A Q-TIP DIGGIN' IN YOUR EAR ♪
♪ MAMA ZULU STANDS FOR
POSITIVITY KNOWLEDGE AND GRACE ♪
♪ I NEVER RUN MY PIECE BUT,
DAMN, I'LL TAKE IT TO YOUR FACE ♪
♪ HOPIN' WHAT YOU'RE HOPIN' NOW
INSTEAD OF STUTTERIN' MAYBE CHOKE ♪
♪ IT'S VERY HARD TO
BREATHE I GOT YOU IN A YOKE ♪
♪ WHAT YOU DOIN' CUT IT SHORT
NO ONE'S EVER GETTIN' NEAR ♪
♪ LATIFAH'S HAD IT UP TO
HERE GIVE IT TO 'EM, COME ON ♪
♪ THE QUEEN IS HYPED UP
♪ ♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ I GOT IT ♪ ♪ GIVE
IT TO 'EM QUEEN ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ I GOT IT ♪ ♪ GIVE
IT TO 'EM QUEEN ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ I GOT IT ♪ ♪ GIVE
IT TO 'EM QUEEN ♪
♪ WHO AM I ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
[Woman] ♪ THE QUEEN
L-A-T-I-F-A-H IN COMMAND ♪
♪ SOME OF THESE
COMMERCIAL ENTERTAINERS ♪
♪ ARE COMMERCIALLY A PAIN
TO MY MIND AND MY BEHIND ♪
♪ TRYIN' TO DIS DANA
BUMPIN' ME OFF ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THE QUEEN HAS NOW
REACHED A CERTAIN PLATEAU ♪
♪ ALL I DO IS BOO
AND SAY "IS THAT SO" ♪
♪ TALK IS CHEAP AND IF
TALK GOT ANY CHEAPER ♪
♪ THEY'D BE SELLIN' NIKE
TONGUES INSTEAD OF SNEAKERS ♪
♪ QUE SERA SERA
BLASÉ BLAH, ETCETERA ♪
♪ THIS IS A SCENE
FROM THE QUEEN LA ♪
♪ LOVELY AND LYRICALLY
LOOSE BUT LADYLIKE ♪
♪ I'M TOO SLICK TO SLIP OR GET
TRIPPED UP BY THE SHADY TYPE ♪
♪ CHUMPS SHALL TALK THEY
STILL WONDER HOW LOOSE I GOT ♪
♪ WHEN I'M IN TOWN I GIVE THE
ROOSTERS BOOSTER SHOTS ♪
♪ BREAKS, BREAKS, FACE, FACE
NEVER, NEVER, WASTE, WASTE ♪
♪ YOUR MIND ON A RHYME LET IT
GET THROWN IN YOUR FRONTIN' FACE ♪
♪ I PUNCH YOUR THOUGHT I CUT IT
SHORT NO ONE'S EVER GETTIN' NEAR ♪
♪ LATIFAH'S HAD IT UP TO HERE ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM
QUEEN ♪ ♪ LATIFAH ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ WHO GOT IT ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM
QUEEN ♪ ♪ LATIFAH ♪
- ♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
- ♪ I GOT IT ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM
QUEEN ♪ ♪ LATIFAH ♪
- ♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
- ♪ HUH ♪
[Woman] ♪ THE QUEEN
L-A-T-I-F-A-H IN COMMAND ♪
♪ ROYAL, ROYAL YOU FACE
THE FIRE ♪ ♪ YOU BOIL ♪
♪ YOU NEVER GIVE THE TIME
OF DAY SO MAKE WAY, HEY ♪
♪ SILENCE, I SAY LAY LOW
AND HAVE A COLD ONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THE WHIPPIN'
I'M DISHIN' IS AN OLD ONE ♪
♪ I THREW SOME SOUL INTO MY
MORNING BOWL THEN I ROLLED ♪
♪ TOOK YOUR GOLD AND STOPPED YOUR
SINGLE 'CAUSE IT NEVER, EVER SOLD ♪
♪ MATTER OF FACT IT NEVER
EVEN GOT THE TIME TO SPROUT ♪
♪ SO YOU COULD GIVE ME
BODY OR COME IN MY HOUSE ♪
♪ THE FLAVA UNIT IS DOIN'
THEY'RE BACK AGAIN THIS YEAR ♪
♪ HOW MANY FLAVORS OF THE
FLAVA CAN YOU LOVE TO HEAR ♪
♪ FEEL THE FORCE OF MY
HOLOCAUST I'M STARIN' AT YA ♪
♪ PUT IN A BID ON WHO WILL FALL I'M
SURE TO MATCH OR SNATCH YOUR STATURE ♪
♪ TILL YOUR BROKEN BONE
LOOKS MORE LIKE A FRACTURE ♪
♪ CATCH THE RAPPER LATIFAH
WILL BE BACK TO CRUSH YA ♪
♪ GO BUY A HEART 'CAUSE I TOLD YOU
FROM THE START NO ONE GETTIN' NEAR ♪
♪ LATIFAH'S HAD IT UP TO HERE ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM QUEEN
♪ ♪ WHO GOT IT ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ LATIFAH ♪♪
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP
AND SIP ON A DREAM ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE
ON A FUNKY SCENE ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
[Announcer] TWENTIETH-CENTURY
FOX PRESENTS...
48 HOURS AGAIN
STARRING OSWALD BATES.
[Gravelly Voice] I WANNA
TALK TO YOU, BATES.
DON'T YOU KNOCK BEFORE
"ENAMATIZIN'" A ROOM?
JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN.
ONE OF YOUR EX-BUDDIES, BILLY
BEAR, JUST BUSTED OUT OF PRISON,
AND YOU'RE GONNA
HELP ME FIND HIM.
YOU GOT NO CHOICE, CONVICT.
YOU CANNOT EXPECTORATE
ME TO DIGEST MY SECRETIONS.
KISS MY BEEHIVE.
LOOK, BATES,
HELP ME FIND HIM, I'LL GIVE YA
ANYTHING YOU WANT... ANYTHING!
JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!
I NEED TO ASSIST MY
PENAL IMPLANTER...
AND LACTIFY MY ORAL EMBANKMENT.
IN OTHER WORDS...
I NEED A DICTIONARY.
YOU GOT IT, BATES.
♪♪ [Country]
EVER BEEN IN A
COUNTRY BAR, BATES?
THESE GOOD OL' BOYS
ARE GONNA LOVE YOU.
I CAN FONDLE MY OWN PIECE COOL.
THINK SO, CONVICT?
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT.
HELL, I'M EVEN GONNA
GIVE YOU A BADGE.
YOUR SILICONIC GYRATIONS
GOT MY DELICATESSEN OPEN.
BITCH.
HOWDY. DOODY.
WANT DO YOU WANT TO
DRINK? A BLACK RUSSIAN?
[All Laughing]
[High-pitched Laugh]
HOW'D YOU LIKE ME TO SUPPOSITORILY
TENDERIZE YOUR POSTERIOR?
NOT TO MENTION YOUR "PUSTERIOR."
- WHERE'S BOO-BOO BEAR?
- WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
RELATE THE "DEFINICIOUS"
LOCALITY OF BOO-BOO BEAR,
OR ELSE BE "CIRCUMVISED."
I DON'T HAVE TO
TELL YOU NOTHIN'.
ON THE CONTRAIRE,
MY REDNECK ECLAIR.
I'VE BEEN "PIGMATIZED."
MY COLON CARD.
OKAY, YOU'RE A COP.
BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A
FAILURE TO "EJACUBATE."
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN',
BUT I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT.
GO, AHEAD. MAKE MY "GOOMBAG."
[Groaning, Yelling]
LISTEN UP, "AU-REVOIR-CKERS."
I'M ABOUT TO FORNICATE
YOUR INNERMOST OVULATIONS.
WE DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
REGURGITATE, OR BE TURTLE-WAX.
[Glass Shatters]
LOOK,
IF SOMEBODY DOESN'T
TELL HIM WHERE HE IS,
NOT ONLY IS MY THROAT
GONNA GET SORE,
BUT HE'S GONNA BE TALKIN'
LIKE THIS ALL NIGHT LONG.
PLEASE, NOT THAT. OKAY?
BILLY BEAR LIVES NEXT DOOR.
SECOND-FLOOR APARTMENT.
A'IGHT, COLONEL SANDERS.
REMEMBER, THERE'S A
NEW "DOO-SHAY" IN TOWN.
[Announcer] 48 HOURS AGAIN,
COMING SOON TO A
THEATER NEAR YOU.
[Announcer] HE WAS
A PEACE OFFICER,
BUT HE WANTED MORE THAN
JUST PEACE ON THE STREETS...
HE WANTED PEACE
IN HIS ETERNAL SOUL.
ARMED WITH ONLY A
GOLD BADGE AND THOSE
STRIPES OF GOLD PAINT
DOWN HIS NOSE, HE WAS...
HE WAS THE TOUGHEST COP
TO EVER HIT THE STREETS,
WHETHER HE WAS WALKING A BEAT OR
BANGING ONE OUT ON HIS TAMBOURINE.
[Gunshots Ricocheting]
[Announcer] BUT ONE DAY THE
TAMBOURINE STOPPED BEATING.
PARTNER! NO!
OH, MY GOD! NO!
WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME?
WHY DID IT HAVE
TO BE RAJNISATTVA?
HEY, JAKE. DID YOU GET HIM?
GO AHEAD, KID. RUN ALONG
AND PLAY. GET OUTTA HERE.
MAYBE LATER, JAKE. BUT NOW WE
HAVE TO CATCH THE GUY WHO SHOT ME.
IS THAT YOU? RAJNISATTVA?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT IS YOU, LITTLE BUDDY!
AND, OH, YEAH, MY NAME'S
TIMMY NOW. OFFICER TIMMY.
OKAY. LET'S GO, OFFICER TIMMY.
HEY! FREEZE!
[Announcer] KRISHNA COP.
DESTINED TO BE REINCARNATED
AGAIN AND AGAIN...
UNTIL THE CITY STREETS ARE FINALLY
SAFE FOR PEACE-LOVING CITIZENS.
FREEZE!
HE'S GOT MORE SOUL THAN
JAMES BROWN... [Gunshot]
AND MORE LIVES THAN
SHIRLEY MacLAINE.
OY!
THEY SAY A CAT HAS
NINE LIVES. [Barks]
[Gunshot]
WELL, THAT'S A SLOW
DAY FOR KRISHNA COP!
[Car Horn Honking] KIDS,
SOUNDS LIKE DAD'S HOME.
YEA! YEA!
[Man] HOME FROM A LONG DAY OF
HOSTING A POPULAR GAME SHOW,
IT'S PROFESSIONAL QUIZMASTER
AND HOST OF THIS HOUSEHOLD,
BILL BENSON!
♪♪ [Theme] [Audience
Applauding, Cheering]
THANK YOU, AND GOOD EVENING.
NOW LET'S SAY HELLO TO MY
COHOST FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS.
SHE'S A HOMEMAKER AND A
MOTHER OF TWO... MY WIFE JANET.
HI, BILL! [Audience Applauding]
JANET, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US
WHAT'S IN TONIGHT'S DINNER SHOWCASE?
TONIGHT'S DINNER PRIZE
PACKAGE INCLUDES...
AN EVENING'S SUPPLY OF
RICE-A-RONI, THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT.
AND FOR DESSERT WE'LL BE
HAVING CERTS WITH RETSYN.
THAT'S CERTS. IT'S LIKE
TWO... TWO... TWO MINTS IN ONE.
YUMMY!
NOW LET'S MEET OUR TWO CHILDREN.
CONCEIVED IN THE BACK
SEAT OF A '62 FORD...
AND THE REASON HER MOTHER
AND FATHER "HAD TO" GET MARRIED,
[Janet Laughs] OH, BILL!
OUR DAUGHTER, AGE
15, JENNY BENSON!
COME ON DOWN!
[Audience Applauding]
GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK
IN THE LIVING ROOM, JEN.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, OUR
NEXT CONTESTANT,
HE DOESN'T LIKE
SPORTS... OR SO HE SAYS.
BUT HIS MOTHER AND I BOTH KNOW HE'S TOO
EMBARRASSED ABOUT HIS LACK OF ENDOWMENT...
TO SHOWER WITH THE OTHER BOYS.
OUR SON, AGE 13, CHRIS BENSON!
COME ON DOWN!
[Audience Applauding]
OKAY, KIDS, YOU KNOW THE RULES.
NOW LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE GAME.
NOW, OUR FIRST ITEM...
IS A HANDSOME
CERAMIC TABLE LAMP.
JANET?
HANDCRAFTED IN MEXICO,
BUT DESTROYED BY A TENNIS BALL
HERE IN THE BENSON LIVING ROOM.
ONCE VALUED AT $250,
IT'S NOW COMPLETELY WORTHLESS.
OKAY, CONTESTANTS, WHO
BROKE THE DAMN LAMP?
♪♪ [Countdown]
REMEMBER, NO ONE
EATS UNTIL THEY SPEAK UP.
JENNY! IT WAS CHRIS! HE DID IT!
CHRIS, I'M SORRY. I GUESS
THAT MAKES YOU OUR BIG LOSER.
YOU'LL BE HEADING UPSTAIRS
TO BED WITHOUT ANY DINNER.
BUT THANK YOU FOR
PLAYING WITH US THIS EVENING.
THANKS! I REALLY
HAD A GOOD TIME!
ALL RIGHTY, THEN.
- AND JENNY, YOU'LL ALSO
BE GOING UPSTAIRS.
- BUT WHY?
BECAUSE THE
PASSWORD IS "SNITCH"!
BUT WE HAVE SOME LOVELY
PARTING GIFTS FOR YOU.
JENNY, YOU'LL BE RECEIVING A MONTH'S
SUPPLY OF BIRTH CONTROL PILLS...
AS WELL AS THE UPSTAIRS
VERSION OF OUR HOME GAME!
THANKS! I REALLY
ENJOYED PLAYING THE GAME!
WELL, THAT'S ALL THAT
MATTERS, JENNY. NOW BEAT IT!
BYE-BYE.
OH, JANET, YOU KNOW
WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO...
WHILE THE KIDS ARE UPSTAIRS IN
THEIR SOUNDPROOF BEDROOMS?
HMM.
I'M GONNA SAY...
MAKE WHOOPEE?
SHE SAID, "MAKE WHOOPEE." I SAID,
"FALL ASLEEP WATCHING THE BALL GAME."
OH, BILL! YOU NEVER
WANNA DO IT ANYMORE!
LOOK WHO'S TALKING. YOU'RE
AS COLD AS OUR FRIGIDAIRE!
AND WITH TWICE
THE STORAGE SPACE!
WATCH IT, BILL. I THINK OUR MARRIAGE
MIGHT BE IN SERIOUS JEOPARDY!
THEN I'LL TAKE "MISTRESSES
WITH LARGE BREASTS" FOR 200.
[Horn Sounding]
YOU'VE JUST HIT
THE DAILY DOUBLE.
IF YOU ANSWER CORRECTLY, I COULD
WIN A DIVORCE AND HALF YOUR BELONGINGS.
HERE'S THE ANSWER:
BILL, SHE'S BEEN YOUR LUNCH
BREAK FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS.
♪♪ [Countdown]
WHO IS MY SECRETARY?
[Bell Dinging] SOUNDS
LIKE I'M CORRECT!
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU
ROTTEN BASTARD! [Laughs] JUDGES?
[Bell Dinging] SOUNDS LIKE
THEY'RE GOING TO ALLOW THAT.
AND HOW'S SHE
GONNA KILL ME TODAY?
SHE'S GONNA DO IT IN
STYLE WITH A DISTINCTIVE
SET OF FINE CHINA
FROM ROYAL DALTON.
ROYAL DALTON ADDS A TOUCH OF
ELEGANCE TO ANY VICIOUS ATTACK.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, BILL.
I'LL ALSO BE PUMMELING YOU WITH POTS
AND PANS FROM EKCO NON-STICK WEAR.
EKCO. EVEN THE MESSIEST
BLOOD WON'T STICK TO IT.
[Birds Twittering] KIDS!
AND I SUPPOSE YOU'LL
BE TAKING THE CHILDREN...
ON AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID
VACATION TO YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE.
THAT'S RIGHT, BILL.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
WE'LL BE LEAVING YOU
IN YOUR BRAND-NEW CAR!
[Gasps]
WELL, THAT'S IT
FOR TODAY'S GAME.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN I'LL
PLAY WITH NUBILE YOUNG COEDS...
ON THE REBOUND GAME.
♪♪ [Theme] [Audience Applauding]
OTHER EPISODE OF
THE HEAD DETECTIVE.
I'M TELLING YOU, PARTNER,
I NEVER THOUGHT THIS HARD-BOILED
HEAD WOULD EVER GO SOFT FOR A DAME.
BUT THIS BLONDE-HAIRED, GREEN-NOSED
HOT POTATO KNOCKED ME FOR A LOOP.
JUST LOOK.
HEY. WHAT'S HER NAME?
CANDY.
CANDY YAM.
[Laughs] WHOA! LOOK
AT THOSE TATERS.
SOUNDS LIKE
YOU'RE IN LOVE, HEAD.
LOVE'S NOT THE WORD, PARTNER. I'M
CRAZY, HEAD-OVER-HEELS ABOUT HER.
I CAN'T WAIT. I'M TAKING
HER TO THE BEACH TODAY.
[Female Dispatcher] CAR 63, WE
HAVE A ROBBERY IN PROGRESS...
AT FIRST STATE BANK,
FOURTH AND MAIN.
THAT'S AFFIRMATIVE. ALL RIGHT,
HEAD, TIME TO GO TO WORK. LET'S ROLL.
[Imitating Siren]
[Tires Screech]
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY
FREEZE! POLICE!
YOU FOLKS CAN RELAX.
- WHICH WAY DID THEY GO?
- [Stammering] I DON'T KNOW. THEY GOT AWAY.
DAMN! THAT'S THE
FIFTH TIME THIS WEEK.
WELL, LET'S GET TO WORK.
OH, MAN, WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS AND
PAPERWORK, THERE GOES MY DATE TONIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, HEAD. I'LL
WRAP IT UP AROUND HERE.
YOU GO ON. REALLY?
YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME, PARTNER?
GET OUTTA HERE, YOU KNUCKLEHEAD.
- THANKS, PARTNER!
- HAVE FUN!
I HAVE TO TELL YOU, HONEY,
I'M REALLY POTATO-WHIPPED.
MM-HMM! WANNA NECK?
THAT'S THE SAME THING MY
DOCTOR ASKED ME. [Both Laughing]
HEY! I'M GETTIN' WET!
ALL RIGHT. YOU POSITIVE
IT WAS A WOMAN? YES, YES.
OKAY, I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO
DESCRIBE HER, IF YOU CAN. ALL RIGHT.
SHE WAS VERY SHORT...
ABOUT FIVE INCHES.
FIVE INCHES? MM-HMM.
UH, SHE HAD A KIND OF A
PEAR-SHAPED FACE AND NO LEGS.
SHE HAD NICE FEET,
THOUGH. OKAY, NICE FEET.
UM, SHE HAD RED
HAIR AND A BLUE NOSE.
HER EARS WERE ROUND, AND THEY
KIND OF JUTTED OUT TO THE SIDE.
AND SHE ALWAYS
SEEMED TO BE SMILING.
MMM. OKAY. TAKE A LOOK AT
THIS AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.
[Gasps] THAT'S HER.
THIS WOMAN HAS ROBBED
FIVE BANKS IN THE PAST WEEK.
WE CAN'T SEEM TO TRACK HER DOWN.
[Sighs]
HEY. WAIT A MINUTE.
COME ON.
HMM. NOW, IF I
WERE TO DO THIS...
UH-HUH.
AND MAKE THAT BLUE
NOSE A GREEN ONE...
OH, MY GOD. I'VE
GOT TO WARN HEAD.
CALL THE POLICE. TELL 'EM TO
MEET ME AT THE BEACH DISTRICT.
[Both Laughing]
I JUST HAVE TO GO POWDER
MY NOSE AND PUT ON MY FACE.
SEE YA IN A SECOND.
OKAY, CUTIE PIE.
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
[Thud]
HEAD. HEAD. THANK GOD I FOUND YOU.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I GOT SOME BAD NEWS, HEAD.
OUR BANK ROBBER...
IT'S CANDY.
OH, GOD!
I'M SORRY, PAL.
I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO
BREAK IT TO YOU LIKE THIS.
[Candy] OKAY, THIS
IS A STICK-UP! CANDY!
WELL, PAL, I GUESS IT'S TIME
FOR US TO PEEL THAT POTATO.
COME ON!
HURRY IT UP, BEFORE
I LOSE MY STUFFIN'!
ALL RIGHT, POLICE! FREEZE!
PUT THE GUN DOWN, MRS. YAM.
THOSE GORGEOUS EYES DON'T FAZE ME.
NO, DON'T SHOOT, MAN.
CANDY, LET ME TALK TO YA.
OKAY, YOU CAN COME, HEAD.
BUT THE COPPER WITH
THE GUN STAYS PUT!
YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING, PARTNER? TRUST ME, MAN.
THIS POTATO SEEMS LIKE SHE
GOT A CHIP ON HER SHOULDER.
SET ME DOWN NICE AND EASY.
YOU HEARD ME. BACK OFF, COPPER!
- OH, CANDY. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
- I TRIED.
BUT EVERY TIME I OPENED MY
MOUTH IT JUST CAME OUT HALF-BAKED.
GEE, I ALWAYS DREAMED OF THE TWO OF US IN
A LITTLE HOUSE WITH A WHITE PICKET FENCE,
MAYBE A COUPLE OF TATER
TOTS RUNNING AROUND.
YOU GOT UNDER MY SKIN. THAT'S
MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER DID.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,
YOU BIG LUNKHEAD.
CANDY, STOP. CANDY... NO!
AAAH! [Splash]
[Weeping] I LOVED HER, MAN.
I REALLY LOVED HER.
AW, FORGET IT, HEAD.
THIS IS BURGERTOWN.
NOT HER EYES...
YOU'RE EATING HER EYES.
[Announcer] THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER
EPISODE OF THE HEAD DETECTIVE.
THIS YOUNG LADY WAS THE FIRST
ARTIST TO PERFORM ON IN LIVING COLOR,
AND WE'RE DELIGHTED
TO HAVE HER BACK.
YOU CAN CURRENTLY CATCH HER ACT
AS ONE OF THE STARS OF HOUSE PARTY 2.
PLEASE WELCOME TOMMY BOY
RECORDING ARTIST QUEEN LATIFAH.
[Audience Cheering, Applauding]
[Queen Latifah] ♪ 1991 ♪
♪ WHOSE POSSE'S
ON THE BOULEVARD ♪
♪ LET'S SEE WHAT QUEEN LATIFAH
DONE HAD ♪ ♪ THE QUEEN IS HYPED UP ♪
- ♪ HO ♪
- [Audience
Continues Cheering]
♪ YO, YO, YO, YO ♪
♪ WELL, IT'S L-A
THE T-I, THE F-A-H ♪
♪ YOU'LL SEE WHY Q-U-DOUBLE-E-N
IS THE REASON I MUST BE MYSELF ♪
♪ WHAT ELSE WELL,
FAME HASN'T GOT ME ♪
♪ SOUPED UP, SELLIN'
OUT SLOPPY OR WHAT ♪
♪ THERE'S SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR ♪
♪ THEREFORE HERE'S MORE
FROM A WOMAN ALL WOMAN ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR RUMORS TO YOURSELF ♪
♪ THE OVERBLOWN
HOMEGROWN, NOT KNOWN ♪
♪ FOOLS WHO NEVER SHOW PROOF
LET ALONE OWN A LOT OF PROPS ♪
♪ SO I HIP-HOP WATCH A
NOTCH ON YOUR CLOCK ♪
♪ THAT'S MY SWAT NOW,
WHO GOT THE WATCH I DO ♪
♪ WHY, YOU LITTLE PLAYED OUT...
AH-CHOO ♪ [Woman] BLESS YOU!
♪ I'M ALLERGIC TO WACK CREWS ♪
♪ THE LA, THE TI, THE
FAH THE QUEEN IS UP ♪
♪ THROWIN' SALT LIKE
YOU NEVER SEEN BEFORE ♪
♪ HOW DARE THOSE WHO
TALK WE CAN'T HAVE THEM ♪
♪ SOME MAKE ME WANNA GO
OUT WITH A BAT AND A MAGNUM ♪
♪ BUT I'M WISE, CIVILIZED
AND GROWIN' HIGHER ♪
♪ JUDGMENT FROM THE QUEEN
PUNISHMENT IS THE FIRE ♪
♪ I'M HERE TO MAKE THESE
FOOLS OUT AS LIARS ♪
♪ LEARN THE STEP AND
RESPECT THE SIRE FACE THE FIRE ♪
♪ LATIFAH'S HAD IT UP TO HERE
THE FRAUDS ARE FEELING FEAR ♪
♪ THE SOUND IS PLAYIN' LIKE
A Q-TIP DIGGIN' IN YOUR EAR ♪
♪ MAMA ZULU STANDS FOR
POSITIVITY KNOWLEDGE AND GRACE ♪
♪ I NEVER RUN MY PIECE BUT,
DAMN, I'LL TAKE IT TO YOUR FACE ♪
♪ HOPIN' WHAT YOU'RE HOPIN' NOW
INSTEAD OF STUTTERIN' MAYBE CHOKE ♪
♪ IT'S VERY HARD TO
BREATHE I GOT YOU IN A YOKE ♪
♪ WHAT YOU DOIN' CUT IT SHORT
NO ONE'S EVER GETTIN' NEAR ♪
♪ LATIFAH'S HAD IT UP TO
HERE GIVE IT TO 'EM, COME ON ♪
♪ THE QUEEN IS HYPED UP
♪ ♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ I GOT IT ♪ ♪ GIVE
IT TO 'EM QUEEN ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ I GOT IT ♪ ♪ GIVE
IT TO 'EM QUEEN ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ I GOT IT ♪ ♪ GIVE
IT TO 'EM QUEEN ♪
♪ WHO AM I ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
[Woman] ♪ THE QUEEN
L-A-T-I-F-A-H IN COMMAND ♪
♪ SOME OF THESE
COMMERCIAL ENTERTAINERS ♪
♪ ARE COMMERCIALLY A PAIN
TO MY MIND AND MY BEHIND ♪
♪ TRYIN' TO DIS DANA
BUMPIN' ME OFF ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THE QUEEN HAS NOW
REACHED A CERTAIN PLATEAU ♪
♪ ALL I DO IS BOO
AND SAY "IS THAT SO" ♪
♪ TALK IS CHEAP AND IF
TALK GOT ANY CHEAPER ♪
♪ THEY'D BE SELLIN' NIKE
TONGUES INSTEAD OF SNEAKERS ♪
♪ QUE SERA SERA
BLASÉ BLAH, ETCETERA ♪
♪ THIS IS A SCENE
FROM THE QUEEN LA ♪
♪ LOVELY AND LYRICALLY
LOOSE BUT LADYLIKE ♪
♪ I'M TOO SLICK TO SLIP OR GET
TRIPPED UP BY THE SHADY TYPE ♪
♪ CHUMPS SHALL TALK THEY
STILL WONDER HOW LOOSE I GOT ♪
♪ WHEN I'M IN TOWN I GIVE THE
ROOSTERS BOOSTER SHOTS ♪
♪ BREAKS, BREAKS, FACE, FACE
NEVER, NEVER, WASTE, WASTE ♪
♪ YOUR MIND ON A RHYME LET IT
GET THROWN IN YOUR FRONTIN' FACE ♪
♪ I PUNCH YOUR THOUGHT I CUT IT
SHORT NO ONE'S EVER GETTIN' NEAR ♪
♪ LATIFAH'S HAD IT UP TO HERE ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM
QUEEN ♪ ♪ LATIFAH ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ WHO GOT IT ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM
QUEEN ♪ ♪ LATIFAH ♪
- ♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
- ♪ I GOT IT ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM
QUEEN ♪ ♪ LATIFAH ♪
- ♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
- ♪ HUH ♪
[Woman] ♪ THE QUEEN
L-A-T-I-F-A-H IN COMMAND ♪
♪ ROYAL, ROYAL YOU FACE
THE FIRE ♪ ♪ YOU BOIL ♪
♪ YOU NEVER GIVE THE TIME
OF DAY SO MAKE WAY, HEY ♪
♪ SILENCE, I SAY LAY LOW
AND HAVE A COLD ONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THE WHIPPIN'
I'M DISHIN' IS AN OLD ONE ♪
♪ I THREW SOME SOUL INTO MY
MORNING BOWL THEN I ROLLED ♪
♪ TOOK YOUR GOLD AND STOPPED YOUR
SINGLE 'CAUSE IT NEVER, EVER SOLD ♪
♪ MATTER OF FACT IT NEVER
EVEN GOT THE TIME TO SPROUT ♪
♪ SO YOU COULD GIVE ME
BODY OR COME IN MY HOUSE ♪
♪ THE FLAVA UNIT IS DOIN'
THEY'RE BACK AGAIN THIS YEAR ♪
♪ HOW MANY FLAVORS OF THE
FLAVA CAN YOU LOVE TO HEAR ♪
♪ FEEL THE FORCE OF MY
HOLOCAUST I'M STARIN' AT YA ♪
♪ PUT IN A BID ON WHO WILL FALL I'M
SURE TO MATCH OR SNATCH YOUR STATURE ♪
♪ TILL YOUR BROKEN BONE
LOOKS MORE LIKE A FRACTURE ♪
♪ CATCH THE RAPPER LATIFAH
WILL BE BACK TO CRUSH YA ♪
♪ GO BUY A HEART 'CAUSE I TOLD YOU
FROM THE START NO ONE GETTIN' NEAR ♪
♪ LATIFAH'S HAD IT UP TO HERE ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM QUEEN
♪ ♪ WHO GOT IT ♪
♪ GIVE IT TO 'EM, QUEEN ♪
♪ LATIFAH ♪♪