In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 3, Episode 8 - Late Night with Mike Tyson - full transcript
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
THE PLACE REALLY IS JUST CHARMING,
ISN'T IT? HERE'S MY BUSINESS CARD.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME IF
YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS AT ALL.
BYE-BYE NOW.
HELLO THERE. I'M SHEILA PEACE.
HI. HEY, THIS PLACE ISN'T THAT
BAD. HAVE YOU RENTED IT YET?
WHY, NO, WE HAVEN'T. PLEASE
FEEL FREE TO TAKE A LOOK AROUND.
COURSE, I WILL MENTION
THAT THERE'S AN APPLICATION,
AND YOU'LL BE REQUIRED
TO LIST YOUR EMPLOYER.
THAT'S NO PROBLEM. I HAVE A JOB.
WELL, OF COURSE YOU DO. NOW,
WHAT TEAM DO YOU PLAY FOR?
- I'M A DOCTOR.
- YOU'RE NOT DR. J.,
ARE YOU?
I'VE HEARD YOU'RE
QUITE TALENTED.
LADY, I'M A MEDICAL DOCTOR.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU. NOW, YOU
MUST HAVE STUDIED VERY HARD.
LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT THE APARTMENT, SHALL I?
FIRSTLY, THIS LOCALE
IS IDEAL FOR YOU.
THERE IS A GOLDEN BIRD FRIED
CHICKEN RIGHT DOWN ON THE CORNER.
AND DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING? THERE
IS A CRACK HOUSE OVER ON SEVENTH.
I TELL YOU. PEOPLE ARE GETTING
BEAT UP AND SHOT THERE ALL THE TIME.
AND WHAT, WITH YOU BEING A DOCTOR
AND ALL, YOUR BUSINESS COULD BE BOOMING.
OF COURSE, I CAN'T GUARANTEE
THAT THE CORNER STORE...
WOULD CARRY THAT AFRO
SHEEN ACTIVIST STUFF.
THEY'RE MEXICAN, YOU KNOW.
THEY HAVE PLENTY
OF THOSE "TORTEELAS,"
AND THE REST OF US
JUST HAVE TO MAKE-DO.
LADY, I'M GONNA HAVE A
LOOK AROUND... BY MYSELF.
OH, PLEASE DO.
YOU KNOW, THERE IS PLENTY
YOU CAN DO WITH THIS SPACE.
YOU CAN PUT YOUR BIG STEREO THERE IN
THE CORNER AND PLAY THAT RAP MUSIC...
JUST AS LOUD AS YOU LIKE.
LISTEN TO ME. YOU GO AHEAD
AND LOOK ALL YOU WANT.
ARE YOU STILL SHOWING
THE APARTMENT?
WE CERTAINLY ARE. HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU? I'M SHEILA PEACE.
I MUST SAY, YOU SPEAK
ENGLISH VERY WELL.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO
HAVE A LOOK AROUND.
HEY, THIS ISN'T BAD, HONEY.
YEAH, BUT I'M NOT SURE I
LIKE THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
WELL, LET ME JUST
SAY THIS ABOUT THAT.
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS CONVENIENTLY
CLOSE TO EVERYTHING YOU NEED.
WHY, CHINATOWN IS
JUST 10 BLOCKS AWAY.
THAT WAS A GOOD MOVIE,
WASN'T IT? CHINATOWN.
COURSE, THERE WEREN'T A
LOT OF CHINESE PEOPLE IN IT.
THAT MUST HAVE
CHAPPED YOUR HIDE.
COURSE, NOW YOU PEOPLE
ARE BUYING UP HOLLYWOOD.
YOU'LL SHOW THEM, HUH?
HEY, WE'RE KOREAN.
OH, WELL, THEN THIS APARTMENT
IS JUST PERFECT FOR YOU.
HERE YOU ARE ON THE
FIRST FLOOR. YOU WON'T
DISTURB ANYONE DOWN
BELOW WITH THAT KARATE STUFF.
AND THERE'S A FOTOMAT
RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.
YOU KNOW, WE ARE ONE OF
THE FEW BUILDINGS IN THE AREA...
THAT FEATURE SPEED BUMPS
IN THE PARKING GARAGE.
CAN I GET YOU AN APPLICATION?
NO. I THINK WE'RE LOOKING
FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE BIGGER.
OH, WELL, OF COURSE YOU ARE. WHAT,
WITH THAT WHOLE BOAT PEOPLE SITUATION.
WELL, THE THOUGHT OF THAT
BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES.
I'M SURE YOU GUYS HAVE
RELATIVES COMING IN ALL THE TIME.
LISTEN, GOOD LUCK TO YOU.
EXCUSE ME. IT'S
JUST AS WELL, REALLY.
YOU KNOW, THAT RICE THAT THEY
COOK STICKS TO THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
IT TAKES FOREVER TO GET IT OUT.
OH, WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME? I
HAVEN'T EVEN INTRODUCED MYSELF.
HI. I'M SHEILA PEACE.
HI. HOW ARE YOU?
AREN'T YOU ADORABLE? I
BET WHEN YOU GROW UP,
YOU WANNA MANAGE A
7-ELEVEN JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER.
YOU'LL GET ALL THE BIG
GULPS YOU WANT, WON'T YA?
COME ON, SON. WE'RE GONNA
LOOK AROUND SOME MORE.
WELL, HELLO AGAIN THERE, DOCTOR.
HAVE YOU DECIDED YOU'D
LIKE AN APPLICATION?
NO, LADY, I WOULD NEVER
RENT AN APARTMENT FROM YOU.
WELL, MY GOODNESS, YOU
DO DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN.
OKAY, THEN I'LL PUT UP
A HOOP IN THE BACKYARD.
OH, AND YOU CAN
BARBECUE ALL YOU PLEASE.
LADY, YOU ARE SICK.
I AM?
OH, MY GOODNESS,
I FEEL ALL RIGHT.
WELL, YOU'RE THE
DOCTOR. TOODLE-LOO.
EXCUSE ME. HAVE YOU HAD A
GOOD CHANCE TO LOOK AROUND?
YOU KNOW, THIS PLACE
REALLY IS PERFECT FOR YOU.
THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM FOR
ALL OF YOUR WIVES TO BELLY DANCE.
PLUS, YOU KNOW, THE
BEDROOM WINDOW FACES MECCA.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE BARE
FLOORS, YOU COULD PUT A MAGIC CARPET DOWN.
LES. [Screams]
LOOK, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU
EVERYWHERE, MAN. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE
THAT. YOU GOTTA HELP ME, MAN.
WHY? WHAT'S GOING
ON? WHAT HAPPENED?
I ACCIDENTALLY KILLED A
GUY. I GOT IN A FIGHT WITH HIM.
I HIT HIM ONE TIME, MAN. IT WAS
LIKE I HAD THE STRENGTH OF TWO MEN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO DO? I NEED MONEY.
OKAY. WELL, HERE'S MY PAYCHECK.
UM... THREE DOLLARS?
OKAY, I'VE BEEN HOLDING
OUT. HERE'S A QUARTER.
I WAS GONNA PLAY
VIDEO GAMES AT LUNCH.
HEY, LES, YOU WANNA
GET BACK TO WORK?
I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO HANG OUT
WITH RIFFRAFF. CUSTOMERS ARE WAITING.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I
ONLY HAVE ONE HAND.
[Man On Loudspeaker] WES
RAWLS, WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE.
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS
UP. OH, MY GOD, THEY FOUND ME.
[Screams] THEY MUST
HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING YOU.
THEY KNEW I'D MAKE CONTACT
WITH YOU SOONER OR LATER.
I'M SCARED, MAN.
OH, STOP "SNIVERING."
YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.
YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE, WES.
YOU'RE RIGHT. SEE
YOU AROUND. OKAY.
DAMN IT, LES. ARE YOU
GONNA DO ANY WORK TODAY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I JUST
CLEANED OFF THE ENTIRE COUNTER FOR YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? HEY,
IS THERE ANOTHER WAY OUTTA HERE?
- JUST THE WINDOW.
- ALL RIGHT, LITTLE BROTHER,
I GOTTA GO.
OKAY, MAN. HEY, CAN I
GET YOU SOMETHING ELSE?
GOOD IDEA, LES. THEY PROBABLY
WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT ONE.
COME ON, SON. WE'VE GOT
THE PLACE SURROUNDED.
YOU'LL NEVER TAKE
ME ALIVE, COPPERS.
[Gunshots]
- FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!
- BACK UP! I GOT A HOSTAGE!
YEAH, HE'S GOT A HOSTAGE.
WHO? MOVE OR I'LL DO HIM!
YOU, STUPID, YOU! BACK UP! OH.
LET HIM THROUGH.
HE'S GOT A HOSTAGE.
SHUT UP, YOU WHIMPERING PUNK.
I'M TELLING MOM. MOM
NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY.
GIVE ME BACK MY QUARTER.
TAKE IT. TAKE IT, BIG MAN.
WES, DON'T DO THIS TO ME,
MAN. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME.
SHUT UP. SHUT UP. [Whimpering]
ALL RIGHT, STAY BACK,
OR I'LL DO THIS LITTLE PUNK.
I'M NOT THAT MUCH OF A PUNK.
LISTEN HERE. IT'S
ME THEY WANT, KID.
GO ON, GET OUTTA HERE, MAN. RUN AS
FAST AS THAT LITTLE FOOT CAN TAKE YA.
OKAY, BUT KEEP IN TOUCH, BUDDY.
WHY WOULD I KEEP IN TOUCH
WITH A PUNK LIKE YOU? JUST GO!
OKAY, BUDDY. YOU TAKE IT
EASY. I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
WES, STOP, STOP. WES, YOU GOT
MY FOOT NOW. [Continues, Indistinct]
LOOKS LIKE IT'S ALMOST
TIME TO BE MOVING ON.
NO, PAPPY. DON'T
LEAVE ME, PAPPY.
YES'M, I'M ON MY WAY TO THAT
BIG COTTON FIELD IN THE SKY.
YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME, PAPPY.
I'S TOO DUMB TO MAKE IT.
I CAN'T. I'M JUST A DUMB
OL' SLAVE. HUSH UP!
YES, SIR. YOU'S
AIN'T NO SLAVE, BOY.
NO. WE'S RUNAWAYS.
I RUN AWAY FROM THAT
PLANTATION 123 YEARS AGO. YES, SIR.
AND I DONE RAISED THREE GENERATIONS
OF CHILDREN HERE IN THIS CAVE.
NOW YOU GOTS TO GO. YOU'RE
THE LAST OF THE TIMBUKS.
I CAN'T MAKE IT
OUT THERE, PAPPY.
YOU GOTS TO. I CAN'T.
YOU GOTS TO. I CAN'T.
I'LL PUT MY FOOT IN
YOUR ASS. OKAY, I'LL TRY.
ALL RIGHT. WELL, NOW YOU
GOTS TO HEAD UP NORTH...
YES'M. AND FIND THE
UNDERGROUND RAILROAD.
YES'M. GOTS TO FIND
HARRIET TUBMAN.
HARRIET TUBMAN.
LOOK LIKE CICELY TYSON.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS JANE
PITTMAN? NO, THAT'S ESTHER ROLLE.
I WANT YOU TO DO ONE
OTHER THING FOR ME, BOY.
WHAT IS IT, PAPPY? WHAT, PAPPY?
TAKE CARE OF MY GOOD JACKET.
OH, YES, SIR. [Groans]
PAPPY! PAPPY.
[Breathing Heavily]
OH, PAPPY!
HE'D WANTS ME TO HAVE THIS.
[Groaning, Grunts]
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
I'M ON MY OWN NOW.
I GOTS TO FIND MY FREEDOM AND GET OUTTA
HERE BEFORE THIS BODY STARTS STINKIN'.
BEFORE I BE A SLAVE, I
BE BURIED IN THE GRAVE.
OR I BE THE HARDEST WORKING
MAN IN THE COTTON FIELD.
PSST. PSST. YOU HEADIN' NORTH?
UH, NO, MAN. I BELIEVE
THIS IS SOUTHEAST.
WELL, HOW FAR
BEHIND YOU IS THEY?
WHO? THE DOGS. I
DON'T HEAR THE DOGS.
MAN, WHAT DOGS, MAN? IS THERE
SOMETHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH?
'CAUSE I'M ON MY WAY HOME,
AND, MAN, I AM WHIPPED.
OH, LORD, HOW MANY
LASHES THEY GIVE YA?
UH, NO, MAN, I MEAN I'M BEAT.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU
STILL GOT YOUR FOOT.
MAN, LOOK, WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT,
MAN? I DON'T HAVE ANY TIME FOR THIS.
YOU MUST BE ONE OF
THOSE HOUSE NIGGAS.
LOOK, I'M JUST LOOKING
FOR MY FREEDOM. FREEDOM?
YES, SIR. WELL, WHERE THE
HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, IN A CAVE?
YES, SIR, RIGHT BACK YONDER.
OH, MAN, LOOK. YOU MUST
BE FROM THE SOUTH, MAN.
BROTHERS UP HERE
DON'T ACT LIKE THAT. NO?
EXCUSE ME?
WELL, MOVE IT. YOU'RE
BLOCKING THE WAY.
I'S SORRY, SIR. WE JUST
MOSEY OUT YOUR WAY.
MAN, WHAT THE HELL IS
THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I'M TRYING TO JOG, AND
YOU'RE BLOCKING MY WAY.
YEAH, WELL, NEXT TIME, YOU
KNOW, RUN AROUND, JACKASS.
WHAT? [Breathing Heavily]
IS YOU CRAZY, MAN?
IS YOU CRAZY? YOU DON'T BE
TALKING TO NO WHITE MAN LIKE THAT.
HE DON'T... THEY WANNA BE RIGHT EVEN
WHEN THEY WRONG. WE'S SORRY, SIR.
VERY SORRY, SIR.
DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YA.
SORRY. HE MUST GOT ONE OF THEM,
THAT COLORED FEVER GOIN' ROUND.
THE BOY IS NOT FEELING TOO WELL.
ACCEPT OUR APOLOGIES, PLEASE, SIR.
I'LL ACCEPT YOURS. THANK YOU.
BUT I DON'T LIKE YOUR
FRIEND'S ATTITUDE.
YOU BETTER CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE.
MAN, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
DIDN'T YOUR PAPPY TEACH
YOU NOTHIN' ABOUT SURVIVAL?
YOU DON'T TALK TO THE
WHITE MAN LIKE THAT.
THEM PEOPLE WANNA BE RIGHT
EVEN WHEN THEY'S WRONG.
[Dog Barking] [Yells]
YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID?
YOU DONE PUT THE DOGS ON US.
OH, THEM DOGS A LOT SMALLER
THAN PAPPY SAID THEY WAS.
MAN, IT'S 1991. [Indistinct]
WHAT DID YOU SAY? I SAID STOP
EYEBALLIN' THAT WHITE WOMAN.
WITH YOUR FANCY CLOTHES ON. MAN, YOU
CAN HAVE THAT IF YOU SO DESIRE, BROTHER.
THIS IS 1991, MAN.
ALL THAT HANDKERCHIEF
HEAD STUFF DON'T PLAY UP HERE.
THIS IS AMERICA. WE ARE FREE.
WE CAN DO WHAT WE WANT.
THERE HE IS, OFFICER.
THAT'S THE ONE.
YOU DONE BROUGHT THE
SLAVE CATCHERS ON US.
WELL, FEETS, DON'T FAIL ME
NOW. BE COOL. BE COOL, MAN.
WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. OFFICER,
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. SEE, BECAUSE...
ALL RIGHT, FACE DOWN ON THE GROUND.
PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK.
YES, SIR! YES,
SIR! WAIT A MINUTE!
I SAID GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND
GET YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!
I'S DOWN, SIR. IF I GO ANY
FURTHER, I'LL BE IN CHINA.
[Officer] YOU HAVE...
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN
SILENT. MAN, THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
WE DIDN'T MEAN NO HARM,
MR. SLAVE MASTER, SIR.
- YOU BETTER SHUT UP.
- YES, SIR.
PLEASE DON'T BEAT
ME. DON'T BEAT ME.
I-I TRIED TO WARN HIM,
BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN.
HUSH UP. I'M NOT TALKING
TO YOU. YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
I'S FREE? YEAH, KEEP MOVING.
WAIT A MINUTE NOW. I THINK HE'S IN A
SINGING GROUP OR SOMETHING, MAN.
YES, SIR. I KEEP MOVING.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
FREEDOM DON'T SEEM TO
LAST TOO LONG AROUND HERE.
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
[Man] THIS IS A JAM.
JAM.
♪♪ [Ends]
[Announcer] THE KING OF
LATE NIGHT IS HANGING IT UP,
SO MAKE WAY FOR THE NEW
CONTENDER TO THE THRONE.
[Show Announcer] WELCOME TO LATE
NIGHT WITH MIKE, STARRING MIKE TYSON.
ALONG WITH THE WORLD'S MOST
BUCKTOOTH-ERRIFIC BAND,
THE SPINKS BROTHERS.
AND HERE'S A MAN WHO'S ALWAYS
GIVEN 100% NO MATTER WHAT HE'S DONE.
LET'S GIVE A BIG
HAMBURGER-ISTIC APPLAUSE...
FOR IRON MIKE...
TYSON!
[Show Announcer] HI-YO!
[Audience Whooping]
OH, WHAT A CROWD! YOU GUYS ARE
SO LUDICROUS TONIGHT. I'M ECSTATIC.
[Show Announcer Chuckling] OH,
WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE NEWS?
YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BOXER RUNNING AROUND
MOLESTING ALL THE BEAUTY CONTESTANTS?
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS, A
SUPREME COURT JUDGE? HI-YO!
OH, BOY.
WHAT ABOUT THAT BOXER WHO'S
UP FOR THE FRATERNITY SUIT?
I MEAN, THE KID LOOKS
NOTHING LIKE HIM.
HE'S SHORT, UGLY, LINES
IN HIS HAIR, GOLD TEETH.
AND... HEY, WHO'S
WRITING THIS STUFF?
[Audience Laughs]
[Laughs] THAT'S NOT
FUNNY. [Stammers]
I BETTER INTRODUCE MY POSSE BEFORE I HURT
SOMEBODY. YOU KNOW THEM PEOPLE OVER THERE?
THEY'RE THE...
OH! HEY, FOLKS,
THESE ARE NOT JOKES.
THESE ARE THINGS THAT MAKE
YOU SAY, "ROBIN, YOU BITCH."
HI-YO! [Laughs]
WE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
WE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
A LOT OF FUN GUESTS
TONIGHT. SO LET'S GET STARTED.
SPINKS BROTHERS,
TAKE US HOME, MICHAEL,
WITH SOME OF THAT "I GOT HIT ONCE AND
LAID DOWN AND COLLECT A CHECK" FUNK...
LIKE THE COWARD YOU ARE.
- GET US OUTTA HERE!
- ♪♪ [Hip-hop]
[Announcer] YOU'LL ALSO GET TO ENJOY
MICHAEL'S OWN SPECIAL COMEDY BITS.
PLEASE WELCOME THE "FABULISTIC"
CAR WRECK THE MAGNIFICENT.
[Applause, Cheering]
CAR WRECK, I HOLD IN
MY HAND AN ENVELOPE...
THAT HAS BEEN "PANASONICALLY"
SEALED IN A MAYONNAISE JAR...
ON GERRY COONEY'S
PORCH SINCE NOON TODAY.
BUT, YOU, IN YOUR
"UNCONGRIFFABLE" WAY,
WILL ASCERTAIN THE ANSWER TO
THE QUESTIONS WITHOUT EVEN SEEING.
THAT IS CORRECT, LARRY
HOLMES' JOCKSTRAP BREATH.
FEE-FI-FEE-FI-FEE-FI-FO.
FEE-FI-FEE-FI-FEE-FI-FO.
WHAT IS MY TELEPHONE NUMBER?
[Announcer] LATE NIGHT WITH
MIKE IS ALSO INFORMATIVE.
WELL, LET'S GET TO THE TOP
FIVE, SHALL WE? ALL RIGHT.
NOW THESE ARE THE TOP FIVE
QUESTIONS THAT PEOPLE ASK ME THE MOST.
AND THE NUMBER ONE QUESTION
THAT PEOPLE ASK ME THE MOST IS:
[Glass Breaking]
[Announcer] PLUS, YOU'LL ALSO GET
TO HEAR SOME GREAT CONVERSATION...
WITH GUEST STARS LIKE SINBAD.
DON'T EVER TELL A WOMAN
SHE GOT A BIG BUTT, MAN.
MY WIFE GOT A BIG BUTT, MAN. AND
SHE ASK ME, "SINBAD, IS MY BUTT BIG?"
I SAID, "NO, BABY, YOUR BUTT AIN'T
BIG." BUTT BIG AS NEW JERSEY, MAN.
YOU CAN SHOW THE 70 MILLIMETER
VERSION OF QUO VADIS ON HER BOOTY, MAN.
AND WHEN WOMEN GOT BIG BOOTIES,
THEY EAT LESS, BUT THEIR BOOTY'S STILL BIG.
THEY EAT A LITTLE, BUT THEIR
BUTTS STILL GROWING, MAN.
SHE WALKS DOWN THE
STREET LIKE THIS HERE. I GOTTA
ACT LIKE HER BUTT IS
BIG, BUT IT'S STILL BIG.
BUT IT'S LITTLE IN MY
MIND, NOT IN HER MIND.
[Stammering] Y'ALL DON'T
THINK THAT'S FUNNY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I
MEAN, WHERE ARE YOUR JOKES AT?
I-I LIKE WOMEN WITH BIG BUTTS.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH A BIG BUTT?
YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE. YOU'RE
MAKING ME SICK. JUST GET OFF OF MY SHOW.
GET OUTTA HERE.
THERE'S NO JOKE THERE.
HIS WIFE HAS A NICE, BIG...
[Announcer] YOU'LL ALSO
SEE ANOTHER SIDE OF MIKE...
WHEN HE'S JOINED BY JOAN
EMBERY FROM THE SAN DIEGO ZOO.
THIS IS THE RARE SOUTH
AMERICAN TALKING COCKATOO,
THE LAST OF ITS BREED.
OH. HOW YOU DOING,
CUTE LITTLE BIRDIE?
[Squawks] POLLY WANT A
CRACKER. POLLY WANT A CRACKER.
POLLY WANTS WHAT? YOU ALWAYS WANTS
SOMETHING. THEY ALWAYS WANT SOMETHING.
WE HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT TOGETHER
YET, AND YOU WANT SOMETHING.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A
NICE BUTT. GET OFF MY SHOW!
[Bird Squawks]
ONE, TWO, THREE...
[Announcer] LATE
NIGHT WITH MIKE,
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PROZACK,
THE SEDATIVE OF CHAMPIONS.
TONIGHT WE GOT THE B-I-G
D-A-D-D-Y K-A-N-E SINGING "OOH, AHH."
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
FOR BIG DADDY KANE.
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
♪ ENQUIRING MINDS WANNA
KNOW DID THE CHAMP RETIRE ♪
♪ SO HERE I AM BOOMIN'
LIKE AN AMPLIFIER ♪
♪ I CLEAR MY THROAT THEN I
FLOAT LIKE A BOAT NOTE FOR NOTE ♪
♪ WHAT I WROTE YOU
CAN'T QUOTE OR EVEN TOTE ♪
♪ RAPS ARE TOO HEAVY SHARP LIKE
A MACHETE PASS THE MICROPHONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE KANE IS ALL READY GRIPPIN' TO PLAY
THE PART TO PROVE THAT I'M IN COMMAND ♪
♪ THE BIGGEST DADDY OF 'EM
ALL AND, OH, KANE STANDS FOR ♪
♪ KING ASIATIC, NOBODY'S
EQUAL OR NON-EQUIVALANT ♪
♪ OR NATURAL EBONY OR NOW
EFFECTIVE OR NEVER EVER ♪
♪ PICK YOUR DEFINITION
AND PUT IT TOGETHER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IT STILL COMES OUT
TASTING LIKE CHOCOLATE ♪
♪ WITH THE FINESSE
M.C.'S NEVER GOT WITH ♪
♪ 'CAUSE NONE OF THEM WANT
ME TO TOUCH THE MIKE FIRST ♪
♪ THEY KNOW THAT IT ONLY TAKES KANE
ONE VERSE SO HERE'S THE MICROPHONE ♪
♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU CAN DO AND,
UH, WAKE ME UP WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH ♪
♪ JUST SO I CAN GO AND
FLOW AND THROW A BLOW ♪
♪ TO SHOW A PRO
AND LET 'EM ALL KNOW ♪
♪ THAT ANY M.C. TRYING
TO BE THIS LYRICAL
SHOULD GO ASK SMOKEY
ROBINSON FOR A MIRACLE ♪
♪ I WOULDN'T LET A
RAPPER GO ONE ROUND ♪
♪ I'M KNOCKING THEM
DOWN JUST LIKE JIM BROWN ♪
♪ SO, MR. C, LET THE MUSIC PLAY
HERE'S WHAT I WANT Y'ALL TO SAY ♪
- ♪ COME ON, COME ON, COME ON ♪
- ♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ I CAN'T HEAR Y'ALL COME ON
♪ ♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
YEAH.
♪ HERE'S A RAP AVALANCHE M.C.'S
TRAVEL AND RUN, RUN FOR SHELTER ♪
♪ THEY DON'T HAVE A CHANCE
ANY M.C. TALKING OUT OF TURN ♪
♪ I'LL STRAIGHTEN 'EM
OUT JUST LIKE A PERM ♪
♪ NOBODY MOVE, NOBODY GET HURT
AND I WON'T HAVE TO DO NO BODY WORK ♪
♪ THE MINUTE I COME ON STAGE
AND TAKE POSITION A DEMOLITION ♪
♪ WHERE RAPPERS CATCH A BAD
DECISION I START TO SWINGING IT ♪
♪ PUTTIN' MY BAD THING IN IT SOON AS I
START FLINGIN' IT GIRLS START CLINGIN' IT ♪
♪ PEOPLE WILL START
SINGING IT NOISE, OH,
I'M BRINGING IT TO SHOW
AND PROVE TO PEOPLE ♪
♪ THAT REALLY IS THE KING IN IT
'CAUSE I TAKE THE CAKE LIKE HOSTESS ♪
♪ NO, NOT THE ONE YOU
WANNA PLAY HIGH POST WITH ♪
♪ WARM IT UP, KANE
WARM AS A SNORKEL ♪
♪ SNATCH THE MICROPHONE AND
DO A RAPPER SOMETHING AWFUL ♪
♪ I GIVE HIM THE
RHYTHM-A-JAZZ PIZZAZZ FINESSE
AND THE FLAVOR TO JAM
AND SLAM THE LAND ♪
♪ I FLIP THE SCRIPT LIKE NOBODY
CAN, IT'S LIKE THEY LACK THE CROWD ♪
♪ TO GET LIVE AND RAW FROM ALL THE
BROTHERS WHO SMOTHERED THE MIKE ♪
♪ THEY'RE FRANK WITH FORCE 'CAUSE YOU
KNOW KANE COMES OFF ME AND THE MIKE ♪
♪ GO TOGETHER LIKE NEIGHBORS AND IF
THAT'S TOO FAST HERE'S A SLOWER FLAVOR ♪
♪ I AM THE MAN TO
STAND TOP BRAND ♪
♪ NO BAND AT HAND AND
YES, I CAN CAN YES, I CAN CAN ♪
♪ MR. C., LET THE MUSIC PLAY AND
HERE'S WHAT I WANT Y'ALL TO SAY ♪
♪ COME ON, COME ON ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ SAY WHAT? COME ON ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ KEEP GOING. COME ON ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ A LITTLE LOUDER, COME ON ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ COME ON, TIP MY MAN
RUB IT UP. COME ON, BABY ♪
♪ MEAN GENE WHERE
YOU AT, BABY ♪♪
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
THE PLACE REALLY IS JUST CHARMING,
ISN'T IT? HERE'S MY BUSINESS CARD.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME IF
YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS AT ALL.
BYE-BYE NOW.
HELLO THERE. I'M SHEILA PEACE.
HI. HEY, THIS PLACE ISN'T THAT
BAD. HAVE YOU RENTED IT YET?
WHY, NO, WE HAVEN'T. PLEASE
FEEL FREE TO TAKE A LOOK AROUND.
COURSE, I WILL MENTION
THAT THERE'S AN APPLICATION,
AND YOU'LL BE REQUIRED
TO LIST YOUR EMPLOYER.
THAT'S NO PROBLEM. I HAVE A JOB.
WELL, OF COURSE YOU DO. NOW,
WHAT TEAM DO YOU PLAY FOR?
- I'M A DOCTOR.
- YOU'RE NOT DR. J.,
ARE YOU?
I'VE HEARD YOU'RE
QUITE TALENTED.
LADY, I'M A MEDICAL DOCTOR.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU. NOW, YOU
MUST HAVE STUDIED VERY HARD.
LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT THE APARTMENT, SHALL I?
FIRSTLY, THIS LOCALE
IS IDEAL FOR YOU.
THERE IS A GOLDEN BIRD FRIED
CHICKEN RIGHT DOWN ON THE CORNER.
AND DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING? THERE
IS A CRACK HOUSE OVER ON SEVENTH.
I TELL YOU. PEOPLE ARE GETTING
BEAT UP AND SHOT THERE ALL THE TIME.
AND WHAT, WITH YOU BEING A DOCTOR
AND ALL, YOUR BUSINESS COULD BE BOOMING.
OF COURSE, I CAN'T GUARANTEE
THAT THE CORNER STORE...
WOULD CARRY THAT AFRO
SHEEN ACTIVIST STUFF.
THEY'RE MEXICAN, YOU KNOW.
THEY HAVE PLENTY
OF THOSE "TORTEELAS,"
AND THE REST OF US
JUST HAVE TO MAKE-DO.
LADY, I'M GONNA HAVE A
LOOK AROUND... BY MYSELF.
OH, PLEASE DO.
YOU KNOW, THERE IS PLENTY
YOU CAN DO WITH THIS SPACE.
YOU CAN PUT YOUR BIG STEREO THERE IN
THE CORNER AND PLAY THAT RAP MUSIC...
JUST AS LOUD AS YOU LIKE.
LISTEN TO ME. YOU GO AHEAD
AND LOOK ALL YOU WANT.
ARE YOU STILL SHOWING
THE APARTMENT?
WE CERTAINLY ARE. HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU? I'M SHEILA PEACE.
I MUST SAY, YOU SPEAK
ENGLISH VERY WELL.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO
HAVE A LOOK AROUND.
HEY, THIS ISN'T BAD, HONEY.
YEAH, BUT I'M NOT SURE I
LIKE THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
WELL, LET ME JUST
SAY THIS ABOUT THAT.
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS CONVENIENTLY
CLOSE TO EVERYTHING YOU NEED.
WHY, CHINATOWN IS
JUST 10 BLOCKS AWAY.
THAT WAS A GOOD MOVIE,
WASN'T IT? CHINATOWN.
COURSE, THERE WEREN'T A
LOT OF CHINESE PEOPLE IN IT.
THAT MUST HAVE
CHAPPED YOUR HIDE.
COURSE, NOW YOU PEOPLE
ARE BUYING UP HOLLYWOOD.
YOU'LL SHOW THEM, HUH?
HEY, WE'RE KOREAN.
OH, WELL, THEN THIS APARTMENT
IS JUST PERFECT FOR YOU.
HERE YOU ARE ON THE
FIRST FLOOR. YOU WON'T
DISTURB ANYONE DOWN
BELOW WITH THAT KARATE STUFF.
AND THERE'S A FOTOMAT
RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.
YOU KNOW, WE ARE ONE OF
THE FEW BUILDINGS IN THE AREA...
THAT FEATURE SPEED BUMPS
IN THE PARKING GARAGE.
CAN I GET YOU AN APPLICATION?
NO. I THINK WE'RE LOOKING
FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE BIGGER.
OH, WELL, OF COURSE YOU ARE. WHAT,
WITH THAT WHOLE BOAT PEOPLE SITUATION.
WELL, THE THOUGHT OF THAT
BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES.
I'M SURE YOU GUYS HAVE
RELATIVES COMING IN ALL THE TIME.
LISTEN, GOOD LUCK TO YOU.
EXCUSE ME. IT'S
JUST AS WELL, REALLY.
YOU KNOW, THAT RICE THAT THEY
COOK STICKS TO THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
IT TAKES FOREVER TO GET IT OUT.
OH, WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME? I
HAVEN'T EVEN INTRODUCED MYSELF.
HI. I'M SHEILA PEACE.
HI. HOW ARE YOU?
AREN'T YOU ADORABLE? I
BET WHEN YOU GROW UP,
YOU WANNA MANAGE A
7-ELEVEN JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER.
YOU'LL GET ALL THE BIG
GULPS YOU WANT, WON'T YA?
COME ON, SON. WE'RE GONNA
LOOK AROUND SOME MORE.
WELL, HELLO AGAIN THERE, DOCTOR.
HAVE YOU DECIDED YOU'D
LIKE AN APPLICATION?
NO, LADY, I WOULD NEVER
RENT AN APARTMENT FROM YOU.
WELL, MY GOODNESS, YOU
DO DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN.
OKAY, THEN I'LL PUT UP
A HOOP IN THE BACKYARD.
OH, AND YOU CAN
BARBECUE ALL YOU PLEASE.
LADY, YOU ARE SICK.
I AM?
OH, MY GOODNESS,
I FEEL ALL RIGHT.
WELL, YOU'RE THE
DOCTOR. TOODLE-LOO.
EXCUSE ME. HAVE YOU HAD A
GOOD CHANCE TO LOOK AROUND?
YOU KNOW, THIS PLACE
REALLY IS PERFECT FOR YOU.
THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM FOR
ALL OF YOUR WIVES TO BELLY DANCE.
PLUS, YOU KNOW, THE
BEDROOM WINDOW FACES MECCA.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE BARE
FLOORS, YOU COULD PUT A MAGIC CARPET DOWN.
LES. [Screams]
LOOK, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU
EVERYWHERE, MAN. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE
THAT. YOU GOTTA HELP ME, MAN.
WHY? WHAT'S GOING
ON? WHAT HAPPENED?
I ACCIDENTALLY KILLED A
GUY. I GOT IN A FIGHT WITH HIM.
I HIT HIM ONE TIME, MAN. IT WAS
LIKE I HAD THE STRENGTH OF TWO MEN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO DO? I NEED MONEY.
OKAY. WELL, HERE'S MY PAYCHECK.
UM... THREE DOLLARS?
OKAY, I'VE BEEN HOLDING
OUT. HERE'S A QUARTER.
I WAS GONNA PLAY
VIDEO GAMES AT LUNCH.
HEY, LES, YOU WANNA
GET BACK TO WORK?
I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO HANG OUT
WITH RIFFRAFF. CUSTOMERS ARE WAITING.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I
ONLY HAVE ONE HAND.
[Man On Loudspeaker] WES
RAWLS, WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE.
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS
UP. OH, MY GOD, THEY FOUND ME.
[Screams] THEY MUST
HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING YOU.
THEY KNEW I'D MAKE CONTACT
WITH YOU SOONER OR LATER.
I'M SCARED, MAN.
OH, STOP "SNIVERING."
YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.
YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE, WES.
YOU'RE RIGHT. SEE
YOU AROUND. OKAY.
DAMN IT, LES. ARE YOU
GONNA DO ANY WORK TODAY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I JUST
CLEANED OFF THE ENTIRE COUNTER FOR YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? HEY,
IS THERE ANOTHER WAY OUTTA HERE?
- JUST THE WINDOW.
- ALL RIGHT, LITTLE BROTHER,
I GOTTA GO.
OKAY, MAN. HEY, CAN I
GET YOU SOMETHING ELSE?
GOOD IDEA, LES. THEY PROBABLY
WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT ONE.
COME ON, SON. WE'VE GOT
THE PLACE SURROUNDED.
YOU'LL NEVER TAKE
ME ALIVE, COPPERS.
[Gunshots]
- FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!
- BACK UP! I GOT A HOSTAGE!
YEAH, HE'S GOT A HOSTAGE.
WHO? MOVE OR I'LL DO HIM!
YOU, STUPID, YOU! BACK UP! OH.
LET HIM THROUGH.
HE'S GOT A HOSTAGE.
SHUT UP, YOU WHIMPERING PUNK.
I'M TELLING MOM. MOM
NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY.
GIVE ME BACK MY QUARTER.
TAKE IT. TAKE IT, BIG MAN.
WES, DON'T DO THIS TO ME,
MAN. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME.
SHUT UP. SHUT UP. [Whimpering]
ALL RIGHT, STAY BACK,
OR I'LL DO THIS LITTLE PUNK.
I'M NOT THAT MUCH OF A PUNK.
LISTEN HERE. IT'S
ME THEY WANT, KID.
GO ON, GET OUTTA HERE, MAN. RUN AS
FAST AS THAT LITTLE FOOT CAN TAKE YA.
OKAY, BUT KEEP IN TOUCH, BUDDY.
WHY WOULD I KEEP IN TOUCH
WITH A PUNK LIKE YOU? JUST GO!
OKAY, BUDDY. YOU TAKE IT
EASY. I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
WES, STOP, STOP. WES, YOU GOT
MY FOOT NOW. [Continues, Indistinct]
LOOKS LIKE IT'S ALMOST
TIME TO BE MOVING ON.
NO, PAPPY. DON'T
LEAVE ME, PAPPY.
YES'M, I'M ON MY WAY TO THAT
BIG COTTON FIELD IN THE SKY.
YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME, PAPPY.
I'S TOO DUMB TO MAKE IT.
I CAN'T. I'M JUST A DUMB
OL' SLAVE. HUSH UP!
YES, SIR. YOU'S
AIN'T NO SLAVE, BOY.
NO. WE'S RUNAWAYS.
I RUN AWAY FROM THAT
PLANTATION 123 YEARS AGO. YES, SIR.
AND I DONE RAISED THREE GENERATIONS
OF CHILDREN HERE IN THIS CAVE.
NOW YOU GOTS TO GO. YOU'RE
THE LAST OF THE TIMBUKS.
I CAN'T MAKE IT
OUT THERE, PAPPY.
YOU GOTS TO. I CAN'T.
YOU GOTS TO. I CAN'T.
I'LL PUT MY FOOT IN
YOUR ASS. OKAY, I'LL TRY.
ALL RIGHT. WELL, NOW YOU
GOTS TO HEAD UP NORTH...
YES'M. AND FIND THE
UNDERGROUND RAILROAD.
YES'M. GOTS TO FIND
HARRIET TUBMAN.
HARRIET TUBMAN.
LOOK LIKE CICELY TYSON.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS JANE
PITTMAN? NO, THAT'S ESTHER ROLLE.
I WANT YOU TO DO ONE
OTHER THING FOR ME, BOY.
WHAT IS IT, PAPPY? WHAT, PAPPY?
TAKE CARE OF MY GOOD JACKET.
OH, YES, SIR. [Groans]
PAPPY! PAPPY.
[Breathing Heavily]
OH, PAPPY!
HE'D WANTS ME TO HAVE THIS.
[Groaning, Grunts]
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
I'M ON MY OWN NOW.
I GOTS TO FIND MY FREEDOM AND GET OUTTA
HERE BEFORE THIS BODY STARTS STINKIN'.
BEFORE I BE A SLAVE, I
BE BURIED IN THE GRAVE.
OR I BE THE HARDEST WORKING
MAN IN THE COTTON FIELD.
PSST. PSST. YOU HEADIN' NORTH?
UH, NO, MAN. I BELIEVE
THIS IS SOUTHEAST.
WELL, HOW FAR
BEHIND YOU IS THEY?
WHO? THE DOGS. I
DON'T HEAR THE DOGS.
MAN, WHAT DOGS, MAN? IS THERE
SOMETHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH?
'CAUSE I'M ON MY WAY HOME,
AND, MAN, I AM WHIPPED.
OH, LORD, HOW MANY
LASHES THEY GIVE YA?
UH, NO, MAN, I MEAN I'M BEAT.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU
STILL GOT YOUR FOOT.
MAN, LOOK, WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT,
MAN? I DON'T HAVE ANY TIME FOR THIS.
YOU MUST BE ONE OF
THOSE HOUSE NIGGAS.
LOOK, I'M JUST LOOKING
FOR MY FREEDOM. FREEDOM?
YES, SIR. WELL, WHERE THE
HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, IN A CAVE?
YES, SIR, RIGHT BACK YONDER.
OH, MAN, LOOK. YOU MUST
BE FROM THE SOUTH, MAN.
BROTHERS UP HERE
DON'T ACT LIKE THAT. NO?
EXCUSE ME?
WELL, MOVE IT. YOU'RE
BLOCKING THE WAY.
I'S SORRY, SIR. WE JUST
MOSEY OUT YOUR WAY.
MAN, WHAT THE HELL IS
THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I'M TRYING TO JOG, AND
YOU'RE BLOCKING MY WAY.
YEAH, WELL, NEXT TIME, YOU
KNOW, RUN AROUND, JACKASS.
WHAT? [Breathing Heavily]
IS YOU CRAZY, MAN?
IS YOU CRAZY? YOU DON'T BE
TALKING TO NO WHITE MAN LIKE THAT.
HE DON'T... THEY WANNA BE RIGHT EVEN
WHEN THEY WRONG. WE'S SORRY, SIR.
VERY SORRY, SIR.
DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YA.
SORRY. HE MUST GOT ONE OF THEM,
THAT COLORED FEVER GOIN' ROUND.
THE BOY IS NOT FEELING TOO WELL.
ACCEPT OUR APOLOGIES, PLEASE, SIR.
I'LL ACCEPT YOURS. THANK YOU.
BUT I DON'T LIKE YOUR
FRIEND'S ATTITUDE.
YOU BETTER CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE.
MAN, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
DIDN'T YOUR PAPPY TEACH
YOU NOTHIN' ABOUT SURVIVAL?
YOU DON'T TALK TO THE
WHITE MAN LIKE THAT.
THEM PEOPLE WANNA BE RIGHT
EVEN WHEN THEY'S WRONG.
[Dog Barking] [Yells]
YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID?
YOU DONE PUT THE DOGS ON US.
OH, THEM DOGS A LOT SMALLER
THAN PAPPY SAID THEY WAS.
MAN, IT'S 1991. [Indistinct]
WHAT DID YOU SAY? I SAID STOP
EYEBALLIN' THAT WHITE WOMAN.
WITH YOUR FANCY CLOTHES ON. MAN, YOU
CAN HAVE THAT IF YOU SO DESIRE, BROTHER.
THIS IS 1991, MAN.
ALL THAT HANDKERCHIEF
HEAD STUFF DON'T PLAY UP HERE.
THIS IS AMERICA. WE ARE FREE.
WE CAN DO WHAT WE WANT.
THERE HE IS, OFFICER.
THAT'S THE ONE.
YOU DONE BROUGHT THE
SLAVE CATCHERS ON US.
WELL, FEETS, DON'T FAIL ME
NOW. BE COOL. BE COOL, MAN.
WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. OFFICER,
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. SEE, BECAUSE...
ALL RIGHT, FACE DOWN ON THE GROUND.
PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK.
YES, SIR! YES,
SIR! WAIT A MINUTE!
I SAID GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND
GET YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!
I'S DOWN, SIR. IF I GO ANY
FURTHER, I'LL BE IN CHINA.
[Officer] YOU HAVE...
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN
SILENT. MAN, THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
WE DIDN'T MEAN NO HARM,
MR. SLAVE MASTER, SIR.
- YOU BETTER SHUT UP.
- YES, SIR.
PLEASE DON'T BEAT
ME. DON'T BEAT ME.
I-I TRIED TO WARN HIM,
BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN.
HUSH UP. I'M NOT TALKING
TO YOU. YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
I'S FREE? YEAH, KEEP MOVING.
WAIT A MINUTE NOW. I THINK HE'S IN A
SINGING GROUP OR SOMETHING, MAN.
YES, SIR. I KEEP MOVING.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
FREEDOM DON'T SEEM TO
LAST TOO LONG AROUND HERE.
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
[Man] THIS IS A JAM.
JAM.
♪♪ [Ends]
[Announcer] THE KING OF
LATE NIGHT IS HANGING IT UP,
SO MAKE WAY FOR THE NEW
CONTENDER TO THE THRONE.
[Show Announcer] WELCOME TO LATE
NIGHT WITH MIKE, STARRING MIKE TYSON.
ALONG WITH THE WORLD'S MOST
BUCKTOOTH-ERRIFIC BAND,
THE SPINKS BROTHERS.
AND HERE'S A MAN WHO'S ALWAYS
GIVEN 100% NO MATTER WHAT HE'S DONE.
LET'S GIVE A BIG
HAMBURGER-ISTIC APPLAUSE...
FOR IRON MIKE...
TYSON!
[Show Announcer] HI-YO!
[Audience Whooping]
OH, WHAT A CROWD! YOU GUYS ARE
SO LUDICROUS TONIGHT. I'M ECSTATIC.
[Show Announcer Chuckling] OH,
WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE NEWS?
YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BOXER RUNNING AROUND
MOLESTING ALL THE BEAUTY CONTESTANTS?
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS, A
SUPREME COURT JUDGE? HI-YO!
OH, BOY.
WHAT ABOUT THAT BOXER WHO'S
UP FOR THE FRATERNITY SUIT?
I MEAN, THE KID LOOKS
NOTHING LIKE HIM.
HE'S SHORT, UGLY, LINES
IN HIS HAIR, GOLD TEETH.
AND... HEY, WHO'S
WRITING THIS STUFF?
[Audience Laughs]
[Laughs] THAT'S NOT
FUNNY. [Stammers]
I BETTER INTRODUCE MY POSSE BEFORE I HURT
SOMEBODY. YOU KNOW THEM PEOPLE OVER THERE?
THEY'RE THE...
OH! HEY, FOLKS,
THESE ARE NOT JOKES.
THESE ARE THINGS THAT MAKE
YOU SAY, "ROBIN, YOU BITCH."
HI-YO! [Laughs]
WE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
WE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
A LOT OF FUN GUESTS
TONIGHT. SO LET'S GET STARTED.
SPINKS BROTHERS,
TAKE US HOME, MICHAEL,
WITH SOME OF THAT "I GOT HIT ONCE AND
LAID DOWN AND COLLECT A CHECK" FUNK...
LIKE THE COWARD YOU ARE.
- GET US OUTTA HERE!
- ♪♪ [Hip-hop]
[Announcer] YOU'LL ALSO GET TO ENJOY
MICHAEL'S OWN SPECIAL COMEDY BITS.
PLEASE WELCOME THE "FABULISTIC"
CAR WRECK THE MAGNIFICENT.
[Applause, Cheering]
CAR WRECK, I HOLD IN
MY HAND AN ENVELOPE...
THAT HAS BEEN "PANASONICALLY"
SEALED IN A MAYONNAISE JAR...
ON GERRY COONEY'S
PORCH SINCE NOON TODAY.
BUT, YOU, IN YOUR
"UNCONGRIFFABLE" WAY,
WILL ASCERTAIN THE ANSWER TO
THE QUESTIONS WITHOUT EVEN SEEING.
THAT IS CORRECT, LARRY
HOLMES' JOCKSTRAP BREATH.
FEE-FI-FEE-FI-FEE-FI-FO.
FEE-FI-FEE-FI-FEE-FI-FO.
WHAT IS MY TELEPHONE NUMBER?
[Announcer] LATE NIGHT WITH
MIKE IS ALSO INFORMATIVE.
WELL, LET'S GET TO THE TOP
FIVE, SHALL WE? ALL RIGHT.
NOW THESE ARE THE TOP FIVE
QUESTIONS THAT PEOPLE ASK ME THE MOST.
AND THE NUMBER ONE QUESTION
THAT PEOPLE ASK ME THE MOST IS:
[Glass Breaking]
[Announcer] PLUS, YOU'LL ALSO GET
TO HEAR SOME GREAT CONVERSATION...
WITH GUEST STARS LIKE SINBAD.
DON'T EVER TELL A WOMAN
SHE GOT A BIG BUTT, MAN.
MY WIFE GOT A BIG BUTT, MAN. AND
SHE ASK ME, "SINBAD, IS MY BUTT BIG?"
I SAID, "NO, BABY, YOUR BUTT AIN'T
BIG." BUTT BIG AS NEW JERSEY, MAN.
YOU CAN SHOW THE 70 MILLIMETER
VERSION OF QUO VADIS ON HER BOOTY, MAN.
AND WHEN WOMEN GOT BIG BOOTIES,
THEY EAT LESS, BUT THEIR BOOTY'S STILL BIG.
THEY EAT A LITTLE, BUT THEIR
BUTTS STILL GROWING, MAN.
SHE WALKS DOWN THE
STREET LIKE THIS HERE. I GOTTA
ACT LIKE HER BUTT IS
BIG, BUT IT'S STILL BIG.
BUT IT'S LITTLE IN MY
MIND, NOT IN HER MIND.
[Stammering] Y'ALL DON'T
THINK THAT'S FUNNY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I
MEAN, WHERE ARE YOUR JOKES AT?
I-I LIKE WOMEN WITH BIG BUTTS.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH A BIG BUTT?
YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE. YOU'RE
MAKING ME SICK. JUST GET OFF OF MY SHOW.
GET OUTTA HERE.
THERE'S NO JOKE THERE.
HIS WIFE HAS A NICE, BIG...
[Announcer] YOU'LL ALSO
SEE ANOTHER SIDE OF MIKE...
WHEN HE'S JOINED BY JOAN
EMBERY FROM THE SAN DIEGO ZOO.
THIS IS THE RARE SOUTH
AMERICAN TALKING COCKATOO,
THE LAST OF ITS BREED.
OH. HOW YOU DOING,
CUTE LITTLE BIRDIE?
[Squawks] POLLY WANT A
CRACKER. POLLY WANT A CRACKER.
POLLY WANTS WHAT? YOU ALWAYS WANTS
SOMETHING. THEY ALWAYS WANT SOMETHING.
WE HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT TOGETHER
YET, AND YOU WANT SOMETHING.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A
NICE BUTT. GET OFF MY SHOW!
[Bird Squawks]
ONE, TWO, THREE...
[Announcer] LATE
NIGHT WITH MIKE,
BROUGHT TO YOU BY PROZACK,
THE SEDATIVE OF CHAMPIONS.
TONIGHT WE GOT THE B-I-G
D-A-D-D-Y K-A-N-E SINGING "OOH, AHH."
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
FOR BIG DADDY KANE.
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
♪ ENQUIRING MINDS WANNA
KNOW DID THE CHAMP RETIRE ♪
♪ SO HERE I AM BOOMIN'
LIKE AN AMPLIFIER ♪
♪ I CLEAR MY THROAT THEN I
FLOAT LIKE A BOAT NOTE FOR NOTE ♪
♪ WHAT I WROTE YOU
CAN'T QUOTE OR EVEN TOTE ♪
♪ RAPS ARE TOO HEAVY SHARP LIKE
A MACHETE PASS THE MICROPHONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE KANE IS ALL READY GRIPPIN' TO PLAY
THE PART TO PROVE THAT I'M IN COMMAND ♪
♪ THE BIGGEST DADDY OF 'EM
ALL AND, OH, KANE STANDS FOR ♪
♪ KING ASIATIC, NOBODY'S
EQUAL OR NON-EQUIVALANT ♪
♪ OR NATURAL EBONY OR NOW
EFFECTIVE OR NEVER EVER ♪
♪ PICK YOUR DEFINITION
AND PUT IT TOGETHER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IT STILL COMES OUT
TASTING LIKE CHOCOLATE ♪
♪ WITH THE FINESSE
M.C.'S NEVER GOT WITH ♪
♪ 'CAUSE NONE OF THEM WANT
ME TO TOUCH THE MIKE FIRST ♪
♪ THEY KNOW THAT IT ONLY TAKES KANE
ONE VERSE SO HERE'S THE MICROPHONE ♪
♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU CAN DO AND,
UH, WAKE ME UP WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH ♪
♪ JUST SO I CAN GO AND
FLOW AND THROW A BLOW ♪
♪ TO SHOW A PRO
AND LET 'EM ALL KNOW ♪
♪ THAT ANY M.C. TRYING
TO BE THIS LYRICAL
SHOULD GO ASK SMOKEY
ROBINSON FOR A MIRACLE ♪
♪ I WOULDN'T LET A
RAPPER GO ONE ROUND ♪
♪ I'M KNOCKING THEM
DOWN JUST LIKE JIM BROWN ♪
♪ SO, MR. C, LET THE MUSIC PLAY
HERE'S WHAT I WANT Y'ALL TO SAY ♪
- ♪ COME ON, COME ON, COME ON ♪
- ♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ I CAN'T HEAR Y'ALL COME ON
♪ ♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
YEAH.
♪ HERE'S A RAP AVALANCHE M.C.'S
TRAVEL AND RUN, RUN FOR SHELTER ♪
♪ THEY DON'T HAVE A CHANCE
ANY M.C. TALKING OUT OF TURN ♪
♪ I'LL STRAIGHTEN 'EM
OUT JUST LIKE A PERM ♪
♪ NOBODY MOVE, NOBODY GET HURT
AND I WON'T HAVE TO DO NO BODY WORK ♪
♪ THE MINUTE I COME ON STAGE
AND TAKE POSITION A DEMOLITION ♪
♪ WHERE RAPPERS CATCH A BAD
DECISION I START TO SWINGING IT ♪
♪ PUTTIN' MY BAD THING IN IT SOON AS I
START FLINGIN' IT GIRLS START CLINGIN' IT ♪
♪ PEOPLE WILL START
SINGING IT NOISE, OH,
I'M BRINGING IT TO SHOW
AND PROVE TO PEOPLE ♪
♪ THAT REALLY IS THE KING IN IT
'CAUSE I TAKE THE CAKE LIKE HOSTESS ♪
♪ NO, NOT THE ONE YOU
WANNA PLAY HIGH POST WITH ♪
♪ WARM IT UP, KANE
WARM AS A SNORKEL ♪
♪ SNATCH THE MICROPHONE AND
DO A RAPPER SOMETHING AWFUL ♪
♪ I GIVE HIM THE
RHYTHM-A-JAZZ PIZZAZZ FINESSE
AND THE FLAVOR TO JAM
AND SLAM THE LAND ♪
♪ I FLIP THE SCRIPT LIKE NOBODY
CAN, IT'S LIKE THEY LACK THE CROWD ♪
♪ TO GET LIVE AND RAW FROM ALL THE
BROTHERS WHO SMOTHERED THE MIKE ♪
♪ THEY'RE FRANK WITH FORCE 'CAUSE YOU
KNOW KANE COMES OFF ME AND THE MIKE ♪
♪ GO TOGETHER LIKE NEIGHBORS AND IF
THAT'S TOO FAST HERE'S A SLOWER FLAVOR ♪
♪ I AM THE MAN TO
STAND TOP BRAND ♪
♪ NO BAND AT HAND AND
YES, I CAN CAN YES, I CAN CAN ♪
♪ MR. C., LET THE MUSIC PLAY AND
HERE'S WHAT I WANT Y'ALL TO SAY ♪
♪ COME ON, COME ON ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ SAY WHAT? COME ON ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ KEEP GOING. COME ON ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ A LITTLE LOUDER, COME ON ♪
♪ OOH, AHH, NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ COME ON, TIP MY MAN
RUB IT UP. COME ON, BABY ♪
♪ MEAN GENE WHERE
YOU AT, BABY ♪♪