In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 3, Episode 5 - The Adventures of Handi-Boy - full transcript
[Man] CLARENCE THOMAS,
YOU WERE JUST ELECTED...
THE NEWEST JUSTICE
OF THE SUPREME COURT.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?
I'M GOING TO GIRLIE
WORLD. [Chuckles]
WHO PUT THIS HAIR IN MY COLA?
[No Audible Dialogue]
COME ON!
[Man] GIRLIE WORLD.
WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE.
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
NOBODY COULD HIT
LIKE WILLIE MAYS.
ANYBODY WHO DON'T AGREE
SHOULD BE SHOT AND SPIT ON.
HEY, NO ARGUMENT
FROM ME ON THAT ONE.
HEY, BABY! WHOA!
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? WHOO-HOO!
OH, THERE OUGHTA BE A LAW.
LOOKS LIKE SHE'S GOT GARY COLEMAN
AND WEBSTER UP UNDER THERE.
[Both Laugh]
UH-OH. HIDE THE JEWELS,
LOOK WHO'S COMIN'.
IF IT AIN'T A COUPLE OF
PRETTY BOYS. HEY, SISSIES.
PANTYWAISTS. POP-TARTS.
YEAH, THEY PROBABLY
HANG OUT WHERE ALL OF
THOSE TWINKIES DO, DOWN
THERE ON YORK STREET.
PROBABLY DRINK IN THAT SISSY BAR
ON THE CORNER OF THIRD AND YORK.
WHAT DO THEY CALL THAT
PLACE? THE BLUE PARROT.
RIGHT. THE BLUE PARROT.
[Laughs] APPLE TURNOVERS.
YEAH, I BET THEY'RE
IN THERE EVERY NIGHT.
SUCKING DOWN ONE OF THEM SPECIAL
DRINKS THEY MAKE IN THAT PLACE.
WHAT DO THEY CALL
'EM? SLOW BUN FIZZ.
RIGHT. THE SLOW BUN
FIZZ. SLOW BUN FIZZ, YEAH.
CINNAMON SWIRLS. CREAM PUFFS.
PROBABLY CAN'T WAIT TO GET TO THAT BIG
JUKEBOX THEY GOT IN THE CORNER THERE...
AND PLAY BETTE MIDLER
SONGS. OR-OR, "IT'S RAINING MEN."
[Both Laughing] THAT'S G-32.
G-35. OH, YEAH. G-35.
THEN THEY ALL HEAD BACK INTO THAT
SECRET ROOM THEY GOT BACK THERE.
OH, YEAH, BUT YOU CAN'T GET IN
UNLESS YOU KNOW THE PASSWORD.
[Together] POP GOES THE WEASEL.
[Laughing]
PEANUT BUTTER CUPS.
PEACH COBBLERS.
AND YOU KNOW THEY'RE GONNA
HIT ON TODD THE BARTENDER.
WHO? TODD. YOU KNOW, TODD?
THE GUY WHO TEASES YOU
WITH THOSE PIERCING BLUE EYES,
HIS POUTING, SOFT LIPS.
YEAH, WITH THAT TOM SELLECK MUSTACHE
THAT JUST MELTS YA DEAD IN YOUR TRACKS.
[Sighs]
WEED WHACKERS! CHEESE DOODLES!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHO IN THE HELL
YOU GUYS YELLING AT?
AW, A COUPLE OF SHOW
TUNE LOVERS WALKED BY.
OH, YEAH, LIKE THOSE FRUITCAKES
THAT HANG OUT AT THE BLUE PARROT.
- YEAH, YOU KNOW THE PLACE?
- YEAH, SURE. MY ROOMMATE
TODD WORKS THERE.
[All Talking At Once]
[Nervous Chuckle] YEAH, UM,
I'M SORRY ABOUT EATING HERE,
BUT, I MEAN, IF WE'RE GOING TO THAT
HOTEL LATER ON, THIS IS ALL I CAN AFFORD.
OH, BOBBY, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE
WE EAT, AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER.
- NOTHING COULD RUIN THIS NIGHT.
- PRINCE GOT A HAIRY BOOTY.
YO-HO-HO. WELCOME
TO SNACK 'N SHACK.
TONIGHT'S OUR NEW PIRATE
THEME. DON'T YOU TWO LOOK NICE.
- PORK FRIED RICE. PICK IT UP.
- IS THAT A REAL PARROT?
OH, NO, BABY. I USED TO
HAVE A REAL ONE UP THERE,
BUT IT KEPT PECKING
AT THE BUGS IN MY HAIR.
CHOCOLATE ÉCLAIR. PICK IT UP.
UH, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST
GO TO THE HOTEL NOW. NO. NO.
WE'VE ALREADY WAITED SO LONG. LET'S
HAVE A ROMANTIC DINNER. YOU'RE RIGHT.
AHOY, MATEYS. MAKE WAY
FOR LONG JOHN MINIMUM WAGE.
SOMEHOW IT'S ALWAYS MY
TURN TO SWAB THE DECK.
AIN'T GOT NO MORE WHEAT
CHEX. DON'T MEAN NO
DISRESPECT. WHAT THE
HECK, GOT CHICKEN NECKS.
- PICK IT UP.
- SINCE MAMA'S BABIES LOOK
SO MUCH LIKE MY GRANDCHILDREN,
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU SOME OF
LUTHER'S FREE CLAM CHOWDER.
THANKS, BUT, DO YOU
HAVE A CATCH OF THE DAY?
OH, NO. WE DON'T HAVE
A CATCH OF THE DAY.
BUT LAST WEEK, TWO
CUSTOMERS CAUGHT HEPATITIS.
MY LEFT TITTY NIPPLE
GOT AN EYE ON IT.
I CAN FEEL THOSE MAGIC
FINGERS NOW. LET'S GO. OH, BOBBY.
Y'ALL BETTER SIT ON BACK
DOWN. MAMA'S GONNA SPANK YOU.
SIT DOWN. I'LL PULL YOUR
PANTS AND SPANK YOU.
NOW, WHAT'S MAMA'S LITTLE
SWASHBUCKLERS GONNA HAVE?
UH, WELL, LET'S TRY SOME
OYSTERS ON THE HALF SHELL.
- OYSTERS ON THE HALF SHELL.
- OYSTERS ON THE HALF SHELL.
WHOSE FEET SMELL? KICK 'EM OUT.
WHY DON'T Y'ALL TRY THE SPECIAL,
THE LOBSTER? LOBSTER SOUNDS NICE.
OH, IT IS NICE, BABY. WE EVEN
LET YOU PICK IT OUT YOURSELF.
DON'T WE, FRANCES? AYE, MATEY.
BUT DON'T TAKE THE ONE ON MY BIG
TOE. HE'S STILL WORKING ON MY BUNION.
LIVER AND ONIONS. PICK IT UP.
DAMN, LADY. I'D RATHER EAT A
TWO-DAY-OLD, MOLDY TACO THAN EAT THAT.
OH, BLESS YOUR HEART, BABY.
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY SO?
AW, MAN. THERE YOU GO. YOU
WANT SOME HOT SAUCE ON THAT?
- OH, MY GOD.
- COD. PICK IT UP.
WHAT'S THIS IN THE
CHOWDER? [Gasps]
[Gagging]
OOH, GOOD GOOGA-MOOGA. LOOK LIKE
YOU DONE FOUND THE PIRATE'S TREASURE.
- FRANCES.
- LUCKY DAY. THAT'S LUTHER'S GLASS EYE.
WE AIN'T GOT NO MORE PEACH
PIE. HEY, WHAT THE HELL?
LET'S GO. I AM READY TO GET OUT
OF HERE. LET'S GO TO THE HOTEL NOW.
I CAN'T. I GOTTA GO
HOME AND THROW UP.
- ALL RIGHT. IT'S YOUR LOSS.
- TWO ALL-BEEF PATTIES,
SPECIAL SAUCE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT SUDDENLY
I'M HUNGRY FOR McDONALD'S.
GREAT, YOU HAVE IT YOUR WAY,
THEN LATER I'LL HAVE IT MINE.
I GOT A BOIL LOOK
JUST LIKE ELVIS.
WHO SAID I CAN'T MOVE MY PELVIS?
EXCUSE ME, WHAT
ARE YOUR SPECIALS?
TODAY'S SPECIALS ARE, UH, MEAT LOAF
WITH MASH POTATOES AND BROWN GRAVY.
WHITEFISH WITH TATER TOTS
AND NAVY BEAN SOUP. THANKS.
NO PROBLEM, HON. HEY,
YOU HAVE ANY KETCHUP?
ABSOLUTELY. HOW DO I
GET TO THE BATHROOM?
HERE'S WHAT YOU WANNA
DO. YOU GO DOWN THE
HALL, PAST THE TELEPHONE
BOOTH ON YOUR RIGHT,
IT'S ON YOUR LEFT-HAND SIDE,
YOU CAN'T MISS IT. THANKS.
LIZZY, I NEED A 12-LETTER LATIN
PHRASE FOR "I CAME, I SAW, I CONQUERED."
HUH. TRY "VENI, VIDI,
VICI." THAT OUGHTA WORK.
EXCUSE ME. WHAT'S THE
PROPER PENANCE FOR STEALING?
THAT'S TWO "OUR FATHERS"
AND A "HAIL MARY." [Chuckles]
HEY, LIZZY, HERE'S ONE.
THIS MAN, ALONG WITH MICHAEL "WONDER
MIKE" WRIGHT AND GUY "MASTER GEE" O'BRIEN,
MADE UP THE ORIGINAL
SUGARHILL GANG.
OH. WHO IS HENRY "BIG
BANG HANK" JACKSON?
SHE'S RIGHT AGAIN.
THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.
AW, GIVE ME THAT.
THERE YOU GO, HON.
- DID YOU SEE THAT?
- LIZZY, THIS PHYSICS
IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY LAW IS?
WHAT, DO I LOOK LIKE
A ROCKET SCIENTIST?
- I JUST FIGURED, YOU KNOW...
- NO, I'M JUST KIDDING.
TRY ONE HALF MASS TIMES VELOCITY SQUARED
EQUALS MASS TIMES GRAVITY TIMES HEIGHT.
HOW MUCH WOOD COULD A WOODCHUCK
CHUCK IF A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK WOOD?
AS MUCH WOOD AS A WOODCHUCK COULD
IF A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK WOOD.
HUH. WHEN IS A
HORSE NOT A HORSE?
- WHEN HE'S THE FAMOUS MR. ED.
- HEY, CAN YOU DO
THE RUNNING MAN?
ABSOLUTELY. [All]
GO, LIZZY. GO, LIZZY.
GO LIZZY. WHOO! [Laughs]
ALL RIGHT. I'M THINKING OF A
NUMBER BETWEEN ONE AND 1,000.
HEY, ARE THOSE BUGLE BOY JEANS
YOU'RE WEARING? [Speaking In Japanese]
I GOT YA. OKAY, I THINK
THAT'S 56. WHY, YES, THEY ARE.
AND, UH...
[Continues In Japanese]
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY. FREEZE!
I WANT YOU TO TAKE ALL YOUR
MONEY, PUT IN ON THE TABLE,
OR I'M GONNA BUST A CAP IN
THIS OLD, WHITE HEIFER'S BEHIND.
HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA SHOOT ANYBODY.
BULL... NO, YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO SHOOT ANYBODY.
YOU THINK I'M KIDDING?
THIS AIN'T NO JOKE, BABY.
LOOK AT THE WAY
HIS HAND IS SHAKING.
IT'S OBVIOUS THAT THIS IS A SUBCONSCIOUS
ATTEMPT TO GET LOVE FROM YOUR FATHER.
YOU WERE ABUSED AS A
CHILD. IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.
YOU'RE A SCARED LITTLE RABBIT.
YOU JUST NEED A BIG BEAR HUG.
YOU WANNA HURT US? YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S HURTING INSIDE, MISTER. THAT'S RIGHT.
[Crying] YOU RIGHT. GIVE
ME A HUG. ALL RIGHT.
[All Saying "Ah"] ALL RIGHT.
LET'S ALL GIVE HIM A
ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
I'M SORRY. WELCOME.
GO IN PEACE. THERE YOU GO.
WHAT ARE YOU SO NERVOUS
ABOUT? IT WASN'T EVEN A REAL GUN.
- WHAT?
- I'M JUST KIDDING.
IT WAS A .45 SEMIAUTOMATIC, 14-CLIP. HE
COULD HAVE BLOWN THE HELL OUT OF ALL OF US.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, BUT THE HEBREWS FOR
THE HOMELESS NIGHT IS TOMORROW.
SAY WHAT, BROTHER? NO,
WE HERE FOR THE PARTY. YEAH!
OH. WELL, IN THAT
CASE, YOU'LL NEED THIS.
HEY, MAN. WHAT THE
HELL KINDA HAT IS THIS?
COULDN'T YOU AFFORD
THE BRIM AND THE FEATHER?
OH, NOW. YOU KNOW THAT AIN'T NO HAT.
THAT'S THE CHAMOIS FOR THE EL DORADO.
BABY, YOU'RE ALWAYS IN MY
CORNER. GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.
[Loud Kiss] COME ON.
WE GONNA BE LATE.
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY REVEREND AL
♪ SAY, WHERE THE REVEREND AT?
OH, HERE WE GO. HOW
Y'ALL DOIN' TONIGHT?
I'M FINE.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS
TOGETHER, GET ON THE GOOD FOOT. HERE WE GO.
EXCUSE ME. E-EXCUSE ME. THIS IS
A RELIGIOUS CEREMONY. [Both] OH.
♪ ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS ♪
♪ MOONWALKIN' ON TO THE
WAR WITH THE REVEREND ♪
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. I
THINK YOU MADE A WRONG TURN SOMEWHERE.
WE DID? AIN'T THIS THE REVEREND
AL SHARPTON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY?
NO. NO. THIS IS ALLEN
SHARPSTEIN'S BAR MITZVAH.
BAR "MISTER"? OH, CEPHIE, I THINK WE
DONE FOUND OURSELVES A HAPPY HOUR.
AND THIS MAN SURE KNOW HOW TO
THROW DOWN. WHERE THE RIBS AT?
OH, NO. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS
IS A BAR MITZVAH, NOT A HAPPY HOUR.
IT'S A JEWISH RITE OF
PASSING. OH, THEY JEWISH.
YOU SHOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING. GIVE 'EM A
LITTLE TASTE OF THAT SPECIAL SONG WE DO.
WE GOT SOMETHING
SPECIAL. HERE WE GO.
♪ IF I WERE A JEW ♪
PLEASE! PLEASE, CAN WE
GET ON WITH THE CEREMONY?
OH, HEY. WAIT, NOW.
THAT AIN'T ONE OF THEM
THINGS WHERE YOU SNIP
AT THE BOY'S YO-YO, IS IT?
'CAUSE YOU GONNA NEED ALL
YOU CAN GET, KNEE-DEEP, PARTNER.
OH, MY GOD. WHAT
IS WITH YOU PEOPLE?
NOW, WHAT THE HELL THEY CALL THAT,
HONEY? THAT'S CALLED A CIRCUMCISION.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, BABY,
WE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
COME ON OVER HERE, SON. COME ON.
LET'S SING HIM A LITTLE
SPECIAL SONG, REESIE.
HERE WE GO. ♪ ALLEN HAD
HIS YO-YO SNIPPED E-I-E-I-O ♪
♪ WITH A SNIP-SNIP HERE
AND A SNIP-SNIP THERE ♪
LISTEN, PLEASE.
STOP. LISTEN. LISTEN.
DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW ANY
SONGS THAT WE WOULD LIKE TO HEAR?
WHAT ABOUT, UH, "HAVA NAGILA"?
"HAVA" WHAT? "HAVA" WHO?
"HAVA NAGILA." YOU KNOW,
♪ HAVA NAGILA, HAVA NAGILA ♪
NOW DIDN'T THE STYLISTICS
RECORD THAT BACK IN '72? I THINK SO.
I DON'T THINK WE KNOW THAT. DO WE,
BABY? THAT NEVER STOPPED US BEFORE.
HERE WE GO. [Screaming]
THAT'S IT. NOW, GIVE 'EM A LITTLE NAGILA
RIGHT ON THE SIDE WHERE THE HOT SAUCE IS.
♪ NAGILA ♪
♪♪ [Continues] WHOO-WEE!
GO IT ON, BABY. GO IT
ON, BABY. GO IT ON, BABY.
♪♪ [Continues] GO IT ON, GIRL!
WHEW! BABY, YOU DONE MADE
MY BIG TOE SHOOT UP IN MY BOOT.
YEAH, BABY! HERE WE GO, Y'ALL.
♪ HAVA NAGILA HAVE A TORTILLA ♪
♪ MAGILLA GORILLA ROCK,
PAPER OR SCISSORS ♪
♪ BOBBY BONILLA
EAT AT THE SIZZLER ♪
♪ CHOCOLATE, VANILLA
CAPTAIN FURILLO ♪
♪ HAVA NAGILA HAVA NAGILA ♪
♪ HAVA NAGILA HAVA
NAGILA ♪ ♪ HAVA ♪
WHERE'D THEY GO?
I DON'T KNOW, BABY.
OH, NO. THEY'RE GONE.
♪♪ [Dance]
[Man] AND NOW THE
ADVENTURES OF HANDI BOY.
COME ON, CLARK. BLOW OUT
YOUR CANDLES. I DON'T WANT TO.
- OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER, SON?
- JOHNNY SPRADLIN
MADE FUN OF ME AGAIN.
- AND NONE OF THE KIDS
WILL PLAY WITH ME.
- OH, NONSENSE.
YEAH? THEN WHY NO ONE
CAME TO MY PARTY THEN?
- HE'S GOT A POINT, MARTHA.
- IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO OPEN YOUR PRESENT, SON.
IT'S VERY SPECIAL,
DEAR. I DON'T WANT IT.
COME NOW. IT WAS GIVEN TO US BY
THE PEOPLE WHO SENT YOU HERE, SON.
THEY MADE US PROMISE NOT TO LET
YOU OPEN IT UNTIL YOUR EIGHTH BIRTHDAY.
YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT MY
REAL MOMMY AND DADDY?
[Chuckling] NOT BY A LONG SHOT.
JUST OPEN THE BOX, CLARK.
[Grunts] OH, LET
MOTHER HELP YOU, DEAR.
[Whirring]
HELLO, MY SON.
IT IS YOUR EIGHTH BIRTHDAY AND
TIME FOR YOU TO FULFILL YOUR DESTINY.
ARE YOU READY? I GUESS SO.
YOU WERE BORN ON
THE PLANET PALSY,
AND JUST BEFORE IT EXPLODED, WE
SENT YOU TO EARTH IN A WHEELCHAIR.
EVEN AS A BABY, YOU WERE
STRONGER THAN THE OTHER KIDS.
YOUR SCHOOLMATES MADE FUN OF
YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE DIFFERENT.
NOW, MY SON, IT IS THAT DIFFERENCE
THAT WILL MAKE YOU GREAT.
I AM MAKING YOU AN OFFER
THAT YOU CAN'T REFUSE.
DRINK THE LIQUID IN THE VIAL
AND BE ALL YOU CAN BE, MY SON.
[Liquid Gurgling]
VERY GOOD.
NOW, FROM THIS MOMENT ON,
YOU'LL BE KNOWN AS HANDI BOY,
DEFENDER OF THE WEAK
AND PROTECTOR OF THE MEEK.
AND REMEMBER, MY SON,
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE
POWERS OF THE HANDICAPPED.
NOW, GET DOWN OFF THE
LADY'S CHAIR, WOULD YOU?
YES, SIR.
[Together] HAPPY
BIRTHDAY, CLARK.
- AREN'T YOU GONNA CUT THE CAKE?
- NO. I GOTTA GO. THE WORLD NEEDS ME.
OH. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
[Together] GOOD-BYE,
SON. WE'LL MISS YOU.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
[Laughing] GIVE ME THOSE
GLASSES, FOUR EYES.
JOHNNY, GIVE ME BACK MY
GLASSES. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY, JOHNNY. JOHNNY,
IF I... YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME FALL.
- EXCUSE ME. LET HIM GO.
- WHAT?
I SAID, LET THE CANE GO.
- WELL, WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?
- I'M HANDI BOY.
AND I CAN DO ANYTHING
YOU CAN DO BETTER.
OH, YEAH? OKAY,
HANDI GIMP, LET'S RACE.
- COME ON.
- ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO!
[Panting] WHAT TOOK
YOU SO LONG, SLOWPOKE?
HEY, NOBODY CALLS ME NAMES,
HANDI BOY. I'LL TEACH YOU.
[Crying] MOMMY.
GEE, HE HAS A BIG HEAD.
THANK YOU, HANDI
BOY. THAT'S OKAY.
IT USED TO HAPPEN TO ME ALL THE
TIME UNTIL I REALIZED THAT I WAS SPECIAL,
JUST LIKE YOU. OW!
MY GLASSES. THANKS, HANDI BOY.
LET THIS BE A
LESSON TO ALL OF YOU.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE
POWERS OF THE HANDICAPPED.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
[Man] TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR
THE ADVENTURES OF HANDI BOY.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, LITTLE MAN, TELL
THEM WHAT THEY GOTTA DO.
RIGHT THERE. TELL
THEM WHAT THEY DO.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE FIRED.
SAY, BYE-BYE. SAY, BYE.
OKAY, SHE TOOK CARE OF
IT. NEXT WEEK, Y'ALL. WE OUT.
YOU WERE JUST ELECTED...
THE NEWEST JUSTICE
OF THE SUPREME COURT.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?
I'M GOING TO GIRLIE
WORLD. [Chuckles]
WHO PUT THIS HAIR IN MY COLA?
[No Audible Dialogue]
COME ON!
[Man] GIRLIE WORLD.
WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE.
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
NOBODY COULD HIT
LIKE WILLIE MAYS.
ANYBODY WHO DON'T AGREE
SHOULD BE SHOT AND SPIT ON.
HEY, NO ARGUMENT
FROM ME ON THAT ONE.
HEY, BABY! WHOA!
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? WHOO-HOO!
OH, THERE OUGHTA BE A LAW.
LOOKS LIKE SHE'S GOT GARY COLEMAN
AND WEBSTER UP UNDER THERE.
[Both Laugh]
UH-OH. HIDE THE JEWELS,
LOOK WHO'S COMIN'.
IF IT AIN'T A COUPLE OF
PRETTY BOYS. HEY, SISSIES.
PANTYWAISTS. POP-TARTS.
YEAH, THEY PROBABLY
HANG OUT WHERE ALL OF
THOSE TWINKIES DO, DOWN
THERE ON YORK STREET.
PROBABLY DRINK IN THAT SISSY BAR
ON THE CORNER OF THIRD AND YORK.
WHAT DO THEY CALL THAT
PLACE? THE BLUE PARROT.
RIGHT. THE BLUE PARROT.
[Laughs] APPLE TURNOVERS.
YEAH, I BET THEY'RE
IN THERE EVERY NIGHT.
SUCKING DOWN ONE OF THEM SPECIAL
DRINKS THEY MAKE IN THAT PLACE.
WHAT DO THEY CALL
'EM? SLOW BUN FIZZ.
RIGHT. THE SLOW BUN
FIZZ. SLOW BUN FIZZ, YEAH.
CINNAMON SWIRLS. CREAM PUFFS.
PROBABLY CAN'T WAIT TO GET TO THAT BIG
JUKEBOX THEY GOT IN THE CORNER THERE...
AND PLAY BETTE MIDLER
SONGS. OR-OR, "IT'S RAINING MEN."
[Both Laughing] THAT'S G-32.
G-35. OH, YEAH. G-35.
THEN THEY ALL HEAD BACK INTO THAT
SECRET ROOM THEY GOT BACK THERE.
OH, YEAH, BUT YOU CAN'T GET IN
UNLESS YOU KNOW THE PASSWORD.
[Together] POP GOES THE WEASEL.
[Laughing]
PEANUT BUTTER CUPS.
PEACH COBBLERS.
AND YOU KNOW THEY'RE GONNA
HIT ON TODD THE BARTENDER.
WHO? TODD. YOU KNOW, TODD?
THE GUY WHO TEASES YOU
WITH THOSE PIERCING BLUE EYES,
HIS POUTING, SOFT LIPS.
YEAH, WITH THAT TOM SELLECK MUSTACHE
THAT JUST MELTS YA DEAD IN YOUR TRACKS.
[Sighs]
WEED WHACKERS! CHEESE DOODLES!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHO IN THE HELL
YOU GUYS YELLING AT?
AW, A COUPLE OF SHOW
TUNE LOVERS WALKED BY.
OH, YEAH, LIKE THOSE FRUITCAKES
THAT HANG OUT AT THE BLUE PARROT.
- YEAH, YOU KNOW THE PLACE?
- YEAH, SURE. MY ROOMMATE
TODD WORKS THERE.
[All Talking At Once]
[Nervous Chuckle] YEAH, UM,
I'M SORRY ABOUT EATING HERE,
BUT, I MEAN, IF WE'RE GOING TO THAT
HOTEL LATER ON, THIS IS ALL I CAN AFFORD.
OH, BOBBY, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE
WE EAT, AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER.
- NOTHING COULD RUIN THIS NIGHT.
- PRINCE GOT A HAIRY BOOTY.
YO-HO-HO. WELCOME
TO SNACK 'N SHACK.
TONIGHT'S OUR NEW PIRATE
THEME. DON'T YOU TWO LOOK NICE.
- PORK FRIED RICE. PICK IT UP.
- IS THAT A REAL PARROT?
OH, NO, BABY. I USED TO
HAVE A REAL ONE UP THERE,
BUT IT KEPT PECKING
AT THE BUGS IN MY HAIR.
CHOCOLATE ÉCLAIR. PICK IT UP.
UH, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST
GO TO THE HOTEL NOW. NO. NO.
WE'VE ALREADY WAITED SO LONG. LET'S
HAVE A ROMANTIC DINNER. YOU'RE RIGHT.
AHOY, MATEYS. MAKE WAY
FOR LONG JOHN MINIMUM WAGE.
SOMEHOW IT'S ALWAYS MY
TURN TO SWAB THE DECK.
AIN'T GOT NO MORE WHEAT
CHEX. DON'T MEAN NO
DISRESPECT. WHAT THE
HECK, GOT CHICKEN NECKS.
- PICK IT UP.
- SINCE MAMA'S BABIES LOOK
SO MUCH LIKE MY GRANDCHILDREN,
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU SOME OF
LUTHER'S FREE CLAM CHOWDER.
THANKS, BUT, DO YOU
HAVE A CATCH OF THE DAY?
OH, NO. WE DON'T HAVE
A CATCH OF THE DAY.
BUT LAST WEEK, TWO
CUSTOMERS CAUGHT HEPATITIS.
MY LEFT TITTY NIPPLE
GOT AN EYE ON IT.
I CAN FEEL THOSE MAGIC
FINGERS NOW. LET'S GO. OH, BOBBY.
Y'ALL BETTER SIT ON BACK
DOWN. MAMA'S GONNA SPANK YOU.
SIT DOWN. I'LL PULL YOUR
PANTS AND SPANK YOU.
NOW, WHAT'S MAMA'S LITTLE
SWASHBUCKLERS GONNA HAVE?
UH, WELL, LET'S TRY SOME
OYSTERS ON THE HALF SHELL.
- OYSTERS ON THE HALF SHELL.
- OYSTERS ON THE HALF SHELL.
WHOSE FEET SMELL? KICK 'EM OUT.
WHY DON'T Y'ALL TRY THE SPECIAL,
THE LOBSTER? LOBSTER SOUNDS NICE.
OH, IT IS NICE, BABY. WE EVEN
LET YOU PICK IT OUT YOURSELF.
DON'T WE, FRANCES? AYE, MATEY.
BUT DON'T TAKE THE ONE ON MY BIG
TOE. HE'S STILL WORKING ON MY BUNION.
LIVER AND ONIONS. PICK IT UP.
DAMN, LADY. I'D RATHER EAT A
TWO-DAY-OLD, MOLDY TACO THAN EAT THAT.
OH, BLESS YOUR HEART, BABY.
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY SO?
AW, MAN. THERE YOU GO. YOU
WANT SOME HOT SAUCE ON THAT?
- OH, MY GOD.
- COD. PICK IT UP.
WHAT'S THIS IN THE
CHOWDER? [Gasps]
[Gagging]
OOH, GOOD GOOGA-MOOGA. LOOK LIKE
YOU DONE FOUND THE PIRATE'S TREASURE.
- FRANCES.
- LUCKY DAY. THAT'S LUTHER'S GLASS EYE.
WE AIN'T GOT NO MORE PEACH
PIE. HEY, WHAT THE HELL?
LET'S GO. I AM READY TO GET OUT
OF HERE. LET'S GO TO THE HOTEL NOW.
I CAN'T. I GOTTA GO
HOME AND THROW UP.
- ALL RIGHT. IT'S YOUR LOSS.
- TWO ALL-BEEF PATTIES,
SPECIAL SAUCE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT SUDDENLY
I'M HUNGRY FOR McDONALD'S.
GREAT, YOU HAVE IT YOUR WAY,
THEN LATER I'LL HAVE IT MINE.
I GOT A BOIL LOOK
JUST LIKE ELVIS.
WHO SAID I CAN'T MOVE MY PELVIS?
EXCUSE ME, WHAT
ARE YOUR SPECIALS?
TODAY'S SPECIALS ARE, UH, MEAT LOAF
WITH MASH POTATOES AND BROWN GRAVY.
WHITEFISH WITH TATER TOTS
AND NAVY BEAN SOUP. THANKS.
NO PROBLEM, HON. HEY,
YOU HAVE ANY KETCHUP?
ABSOLUTELY. HOW DO I
GET TO THE BATHROOM?
HERE'S WHAT YOU WANNA
DO. YOU GO DOWN THE
HALL, PAST THE TELEPHONE
BOOTH ON YOUR RIGHT,
IT'S ON YOUR LEFT-HAND SIDE,
YOU CAN'T MISS IT. THANKS.
LIZZY, I NEED A 12-LETTER LATIN
PHRASE FOR "I CAME, I SAW, I CONQUERED."
HUH. TRY "VENI, VIDI,
VICI." THAT OUGHTA WORK.
EXCUSE ME. WHAT'S THE
PROPER PENANCE FOR STEALING?
THAT'S TWO "OUR FATHERS"
AND A "HAIL MARY." [Chuckles]
HEY, LIZZY, HERE'S ONE.
THIS MAN, ALONG WITH MICHAEL "WONDER
MIKE" WRIGHT AND GUY "MASTER GEE" O'BRIEN,
MADE UP THE ORIGINAL
SUGARHILL GANG.
OH. WHO IS HENRY "BIG
BANG HANK" JACKSON?
SHE'S RIGHT AGAIN.
THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.
AW, GIVE ME THAT.
THERE YOU GO, HON.
- DID YOU SEE THAT?
- LIZZY, THIS PHYSICS
IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY LAW IS?
WHAT, DO I LOOK LIKE
A ROCKET SCIENTIST?
- I JUST FIGURED, YOU KNOW...
- NO, I'M JUST KIDDING.
TRY ONE HALF MASS TIMES VELOCITY SQUARED
EQUALS MASS TIMES GRAVITY TIMES HEIGHT.
HOW MUCH WOOD COULD A WOODCHUCK
CHUCK IF A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK WOOD?
AS MUCH WOOD AS A WOODCHUCK COULD
IF A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK WOOD.
HUH. WHEN IS A
HORSE NOT A HORSE?
- WHEN HE'S THE FAMOUS MR. ED.
- HEY, CAN YOU DO
THE RUNNING MAN?
ABSOLUTELY. [All]
GO, LIZZY. GO, LIZZY.
GO LIZZY. WHOO! [Laughs]
ALL RIGHT. I'M THINKING OF A
NUMBER BETWEEN ONE AND 1,000.
HEY, ARE THOSE BUGLE BOY JEANS
YOU'RE WEARING? [Speaking In Japanese]
I GOT YA. OKAY, I THINK
THAT'S 56. WHY, YES, THEY ARE.
AND, UH...
[Continues In Japanese]
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY. FREEZE!
I WANT YOU TO TAKE ALL YOUR
MONEY, PUT IN ON THE TABLE,
OR I'M GONNA BUST A CAP IN
THIS OLD, WHITE HEIFER'S BEHIND.
HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA SHOOT ANYBODY.
BULL... NO, YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO SHOOT ANYBODY.
YOU THINK I'M KIDDING?
THIS AIN'T NO JOKE, BABY.
LOOK AT THE WAY
HIS HAND IS SHAKING.
IT'S OBVIOUS THAT THIS IS A SUBCONSCIOUS
ATTEMPT TO GET LOVE FROM YOUR FATHER.
YOU WERE ABUSED AS A
CHILD. IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.
YOU'RE A SCARED LITTLE RABBIT.
YOU JUST NEED A BIG BEAR HUG.
YOU WANNA HURT US? YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S HURTING INSIDE, MISTER. THAT'S RIGHT.
[Crying] YOU RIGHT. GIVE
ME A HUG. ALL RIGHT.
[All Saying "Ah"] ALL RIGHT.
LET'S ALL GIVE HIM A
ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
I'M SORRY. WELCOME.
GO IN PEACE. THERE YOU GO.
WHAT ARE YOU SO NERVOUS
ABOUT? IT WASN'T EVEN A REAL GUN.
- WHAT?
- I'M JUST KIDDING.
IT WAS A .45 SEMIAUTOMATIC, 14-CLIP. HE
COULD HAVE BLOWN THE HELL OUT OF ALL OF US.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, BUT THE HEBREWS FOR
THE HOMELESS NIGHT IS TOMORROW.
SAY WHAT, BROTHER? NO,
WE HERE FOR THE PARTY. YEAH!
OH. WELL, IN THAT
CASE, YOU'LL NEED THIS.
HEY, MAN. WHAT THE
HELL KINDA HAT IS THIS?
COULDN'T YOU AFFORD
THE BRIM AND THE FEATHER?
OH, NOW. YOU KNOW THAT AIN'T NO HAT.
THAT'S THE CHAMOIS FOR THE EL DORADO.
BABY, YOU'RE ALWAYS IN MY
CORNER. GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.
[Loud Kiss] COME ON.
WE GONNA BE LATE.
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY REVEREND AL
♪ SAY, WHERE THE REVEREND AT?
OH, HERE WE GO. HOW
Y'ALL DOIN' TONIGHT?
I'M FINE.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS
TOGETHER, GET ON THE GOOD FOOT. HERE WE GO.
EXCUSE ME. E-EXCUSE ME. THIS IS
A RELIGIOUS CEREMONY. [Both] OH.
♪ ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS ♪
♪ MOONWALKIN' ON TO THE
WAR WITH THE REVEREND ♪
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. I
THINK YOU MADE A WRONG TURN SOMEWHERE.
WE DID? AIN'T THIS THE REVEREND
AL SHARPTON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY?
NO. NO. THIS IS ALLEN
SHARPSTEIN'S BAR MITZVAH.
BAR "MISTER"? OH, CEPHIE, I THINK WE
DONE FOUND OURSELVES A HAPPY HOUR.
AND THIS MAN SURE KNOW HOW TO
THROW DOWN. WHERE THE RIBS AT?
OH, NO. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS
IS A BAR MITZVAH, NOT A HAPPY HOUR.
IT'S A JEWISH RITE OF
PASSING. OH, THEY JEWISH.
YOU SHOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING. GIVE 'EM A
LITTLE TASTE OF THAT SPECIAL SONG WE DO.
WE GOT SOMETHING
SPECIAL. HERE WE GO.
♪ IF I WERE A JEW ♪
PLEASE! PLEASE, CAN WE
GET ON WITH THE CEREMONY?
OH, HEY. WAIT, NOW.
THAT AIN'T ONE OF THEM
THINGS WHERE YOU SNIP
AT THE BOY'S YO-YO, IS IT?
'CAUSE YOU GONNA NEED ALL
YOU CAN GET, KNEE-DEEP, PARTNER.
OH, MY GOD. WHAT
IS WITH YOU PEOPLE?
NOW, WHAT THE HELL THEY CALL THAT,
HONEY? THAT'S CALLED A CIRCUMCISION.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, BABY,
WE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
COME ON OVER HERE, SON. COME ON.
LET'S SING HIM A LITTLE
SPECIAL SONG, REESIE.
HERE WE GO. ♪ ALLEN HAD
HIS YO-YO SNIPPED E-I-E-I-O ♪
♪ WITH A SNIP-SNIP HERE
AND A SNIP-SNIP THERE ♪
LISTEN, PLEASE.
STOP. LISTEN. LISTEN.
DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW ANY
SONGS THAT WE WOULD LIKE TO HEAR?
WHAT ABOUT, UH, "HAVA NAGILA"?
"HAVA" WHAT? "HAVA" WHO?
"HAVA NAGILA." YOU KNOW,
♪ HAVA NAGILA, HAVA NAGILA ♪
NOW DIDN'T THE STYLISTICS
RECORD THAT BACK IN '72? I THINK SO.
I DON'T THINK WE KNOW THAT. DO WE,
BABY? THAT NEVER STOPPED US BEFORE.
HERE WE GO. [Screaming]
THAT'S IT. NOW, GIVE 'EM A LITTLE NAGILA
RIGHT ON THE SIDE WHERE THE HOT SAUCE IS.
♪ NAGILA ♪
♪♪ [Continues] WHOO-WEE!
GO IT ON, BABY. GO IT
ON, BABY. GO IT ON, BABY.
♪♪ [Continues] GO IT ON, GIRL!
WHEW! BABY, YOU DONE MADE
MY BIG TOE SHOOT UP IN MY BOOT.
YEAH, BABY! HERE WE GO, Y'ALL.
♪ HAVA NAGILA HAVE A TORTILLA ♪
♪ MAGILLA GORILLA ROCK,
PAPER OR SCISSORS ♪
♪ BOBBY BONILLA
EAT AT THE SIZZLER ♪
♪ CHOCOLATE, VANILLA
CAPTAIN FURILLO ♪
♪ HAVA NAGILA HAVA NAGILA ♪
♪ HAVA NAGILA HAVA
NAGILA ♪ ♪ HAVA ♪
WHERE'D THEY GO?
I DON'T KNOW, BABY.
OH, NO. THEY'RE GONE.
♪♪ [Dance]
[Man] AND NOW THE
ADVENTURES OF HANDI BOY.
COME ON, CLARK. BLOW OUT
YOUR CANDLES. I DON'T WANT TO.
- OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER, SON?
- JOHNNY SPRADLIN
MADE FUN OF ME AGAIN.
- AND NONE OF THE KIDS
WILL PLAY WITH ME.
- OH, NONSENSE.
YEAH? THEN WHY NO ONE
CAME TO MY PARTY THEN?
- HE'S GOT A POINT, MARTHA.
- IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO OPEN YOUR PRESENT, SON.
IT'S VERY SPECIAL,
DEAR. I DON'T WANT IT.
COME NOW. IT WAS GIVEN TO US BY
THE PEOPLE WHO SENT YOU HERE, SON.
THEY MADE US PROMISE NOT TO LET
YOU OPEN IT UNTIL YOUR EIGHTH BIRTHDAY.
YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT MY
REAL MOMMY AND DADDY?
[Chuckling] NOT BY A LONG SHOT.
JUST OPEN THE BOX, CLARK.
[Grunts] OH, LET
MOTHER HELP YOU, DEAR.
[Whirring]
HELLO, MY SON.
IT IS YOUR EIGHTH BIRTHDAY AND
TIME FOR YOU TO FULFILL YOUR DESTINY.
ARE YOU READY? I GUESS SO.
YOU WERE BORN ON
THE PLANET PALSY,
AND JUST BEFORE IT EXPLODED, WE
SENT YOU TO EARTH IN A WHEELCHAIR.
EVEN AS A BABY, YOU WERE
STRONGER THAN THE OTHER KIDS.
YOUR SCHOOLMATES MADE FUN OF
YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE DIFFERENT.
NOW, MY SON, IT IS THAT DIFFERENCE
THAT WILL MAKE YOU GREAT.
I AM MAKING YOU AN OFFER
THAT YOU CAN'T REFUSE.
DRINK THE LIQUID IN THE VIAL
AND BE ALL YOU CAN BE, MY SON.
[Liquid Gurgling]
VERY GOOD.
NOW, FROM THIS MOMENT ON,
YOU'LL BE KNOWN AS HANDI BOY,
DEFENDER OF THE WEAK
AND PROTECTOR OF THE MEEK.
AND REMEMBER, MY SON,
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE
POWERS OF THE HANDICAPPED.
NOW, GET DOWN OFF THE
LADY'S CHAIR, WOULD YOU?
YES, SIR.
[Together] HAPPY
BIRTHDAY, CLARK.
- AREN'T YOU GONNA CUT THE CAKE?
- NO. I GOTTA GO. THE WORLD NEEDS ME.
OH. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
[Together] GOOD-BYE,
SON. WE'LL MISS YOU.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
[Laughing] GIVE ME THOSE
GLASSES, FOUR EYES.
JOHNNY, GIVE ME BACK MY
GLASSES. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY, JOHNNY. JOHNNY,
IF I... YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME FALL.
- EXCUSE ME. LET HIM GO.
- WHAT?
I SAID, LET THE CANE GO.
- WELL, WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?
- I'M HANDI BOY.
AND I CAN DO ANYTHING
YOU CAN DO BETTER.
OH, YEAH? OKAY,
HANDI GIMP, LET'S RACE.
- COME ON.
- ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO!
[Panting] WHAT TOOK
YOU SO LONG, SLOWPOKE?
HEY, NOBODY CALLS ME NAMES,
HANDI BOY. I'LL TEACH YOU.
[Crying] MOMMY.
GEE, HE HAS A BIG HEAD.
THANK YOU, HANDI
BOY. THAT'S OKAY.
IT USED TO HAPPEN TO ME ALL THE
TIME UNTIL I REALIZED THAT I WAS SPECIAL,
JUST LIKE YOU. OW!
MY GLASSES. THANKS, HANDI BOY.
LET THIS BE A
LESSON TO ALL OF YOU.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE
POWERS OF THE HANDICAPPED.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
[Man] TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR
THE ADVENTURES OF HANDI BOY.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, LITTLE MAN, TELL
THEM WHAT THEY GOTTA DO.
RIGHT THERE. TELL
THEM WHAT THEY DO.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE FIRED.
SAY, BYE-BYE. SAY, BYE.
OKAY, SHE TOOK CARE OF
IT. NEXT WEEK, Y'ALL. WE OUT.