In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 3, Episode 21 - Anton and the Green Card - full transcript
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THE
IMMIGRATION OFFICER
WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
OH, I WAS JUST
USING THE BATHROOM.
OH, MY GOD. THAT'S
NOT A TOILET, YOU IDIOT.
WELL, THAT'S WHY I
COULDN'T FLUSH IT THEN.
NOW, LISTEN. WE GOT TO MAKE IT
LOOK LIKE WE'RE REALLY MARRIED,
SO LET'S GET THE STORY
STRAIGHT, ALL RIGHT? OKAY.
YOU ARE ANTON. I'M ANTON.
AND I AM? YOU ARE,
UH... [Snaps Fingers]
DAMN, I'M NOT GOOD
WITH NAMES AND FACES.
HERE. LET ME SEE.
TURN AROUND. RITA.
THAT'S RIGHT, RITA. AND WE ARE
HAPPILY LIVING HERE AS MAN AND WIFE.
WELL, THEN, LET'S DO THE NASTY, LITTLE
GIRL AND "CONSTIPATE" THE MARRIAGE.
HOW MANY TIMES I GOT TO TELL YOU?
STAY AWAY FROM ME. YOUR BREATH STINK.
MY BREATH STINKS?
[Exhales] DAMN, YOU'RE RIGHT.
HERE, LET ME FRESHEN
IT UP WITH A PIECE OF GUM.
[Disgusted Sound]
THAT'S HER NOW.
MRS. JACKSON? I'M MISS WILSON
FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF IMMIGRATION.
YES, YES. COME RIGHT IN. THIS,
I ASSUME, IS MR. JACKSON?
THAT'S RIGHT. HOW YOU DOIN'? IT'S A
PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. VERY WELL.
OH. THAT'S REALLY NOT NECESSARY.
I'M FRENCH. THAT WAS A
FRENCH KISS I JUST GAVE YOU.
THAT'S VERY NICE. IN
CASE YOU WANNA KNOW.
WELL, UH, MR. AND MRS.
JACKSON, AS YOU KNOW,
THE REASON THAT I'M HERE TODAY IS
BECAUSE IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION...
THAT SEVERAL PEOPLE ARE GETTING
MARRIED JUST TO GET THEIR GREEN CARD.
HEY, I RESENT THAT REMARK.
I RESENT THAT TOTALLY.
WHEN WE GOT MARRIED, IT WAS
OUT OF LOVE AND AFFECTION. MM-HMM.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT, UH, RITA?
YES. WELL, LET'S GET
STARTED, SHALL WE?
NOW, FIRST, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE
THE TWO OF YOU SPENT YOUR HONEYMOON?
WELL, WE STARTED OUT
ON THE RIVIERA, MM-HMM.
BUT SHE KEPT SLIDING OFF THE ROOF
OF THE CAR, SO WE ENDED UP IN TRAFFIC.
ACTUALLY, WE SPENT A NICE,
ROMANTIC HONEYMOON HERE AT HOME.
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE. AND, UH,
MRS. JACKSON, HAVE YOU MET HIS PARENTS?
NO. THEY ACTUALLY
THINK I'M A BUM.
OH, DO THEY? HAVE
YOU MET HER PARENTS?
THEY THINK I'M A BUM TOO.
BUT, HE'S NOT A BUM. HE'S AN ACTOR.
ACTUALLY, A VERY TALENTED PERFORMER.
OH. HAVE I SEEN YOU IN ANYTHING?
POSSIBLY. LAST WEEK, I
PERFORMED IN BAREFOOT IN THE PARK.
- OH, THE PLAY?
- NO. SOMEBODY STOLE
MY SHOE.
BUT THEY LEFT IT. YEAH, I FOUND
IT IN A PILE OF HORSE MANURE.
[Forced Laugh]
WELL, YOU KNOW, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, AS A
YOUNG WOMAN, I WAS A BIT OF A THESPIAN.
I THOUGHT YOU WAS LOOKING
AT MY WIFE KINDA FUNNY.
I'M AFRAID I DON'T
KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
I'M SORRY, HE'S JUST A LITTLE
OVERLY PROTECTIVE, YOU KNOW?
YES. WELL, JUST A FEW
MORE QUESTIONS HERE.
NOW, MRS. JACKSON, WHAT WAS THE
LAST MOVIE YOUR HUSBAND SAW, PLEASE?
UH, I THINK IT WAS A LOVE STORY.
THAT'S RIGHT. I SAW THIS LOVE STORY
FOR 25 CENTS DOWN AT THE PORNO HOUSE.
AND GUESS WHO... PEE-WEE
HERMAN SAT RIGHT NEXT TO ME.
MRS. JACKSON, I REALLY MUST ASK YOU
WHAT EXACTLY ABOUT THIS MAN ATTRACTS YOU?
WELL, UH, HIS SENSE OF HUMOR,
YOU KNOW, AND HE'S VERY SENSITIVE.
ACTUALLY, HE'S JUST A
VERY WARM PERSON INSIDE.
OH, GOD. OH, I'M SORRY. SOME
OF MY INSIDE MUST'VE GOT OUT.
GET OUT. THAT'S IT. I
CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYMORE.
WHAT, BABY DOLL? WHAT'S THE
MATTER? YOU IDIOT! YOU IMBECILE.
IMBECILE? WE NEED TO TALK
TO DR. RUTH AND SHE'LL TELL ME...
I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH.
MRS. JACKSON, REST ASSURED,
YOUR GREEN CARD WILL
BE APPROVED. REALLY?
THAT'S WONDERFUL. YES. ONLY MARRIED
PEOPLE IN LOVE COULD BEHAVE THIS WAY.
AND IF LOVE IS BLIND, I CAN ONLY HOPE
THAT YOUR SENSE OF SMELL FAILS YOU AS WELL.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MRS., UH, WILSON. CONGRATULATIONS.
WELL, NOW THAT THAT'S ALL TAKEN CARE
OF, YOU, OUT. WE'RE GETTING A DIVORCE.
A DIVORCE? BUT I'M IN LOVE
WITH YOU, GIRL. I LOVE YOU.
THIS IS $20. TWENTY DOLLARS?
YOU THINK THAT $20 IS GONNA ERASE
THE FEELING? WHAT ABOUT OUR DREAMS?
GOING TO SEE OUR LITTLE SON DOWN
IN COUNTY JAIL TOGETHER? THAT'S $40.
FORTY DOLLARS? WHAT, YOU THINK
I'M SOME KIND OF HO? I AIN'T NO HO.
HERE. THAT'S A HUNDRED.
WELL, I AM A BUSINESSMAN.
SO, I'LL SEE YOU AROUND, BITCH.
♪♪ [Slow-tempo]
♪♪ [Dance] ♪♪ [Man Vocalizing]
OKAY. THIS IS STATION
ONE. THE SHAKE MACHINE.
OH, YEAH. SEE, I GOT
EXPERIENCE IN THIS, 'CAUSE
I USED TO WORK OVER AT
THANK GOD IT'S YOGURT.
GOOD. SO YOU KNOW WHAT
TO DO, SO DO IT. RIGHT. EXACTLY.
'CAUSE I'M HERE, YOU KNOW, TO MAKE
YOUR JOB BETTER. YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
MM-HMM. IT'S ABOUT
US. IT'S ALL ABOUT US.
MY NAME IS CHILLIN'?
HOW YOU DOIN'?
LOT OF MY FRIENDS CALL ME CHARLES,
BUT THEY CALL ME CHILLIN' TOO, MOSTLY,
'CAUSE THAT WHAT I DO
MOSTLY IS CHILL. UH-HUH.
WELL, UH, THAT'S COOL AND EVERYTHING.
I'M SURE YOUR PARENTS ARE PROUD.
BUT WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW IS TWO
STRAWBERRIES AND ONE RASPBERRY SHAKE.
DON'T GET THE CUPS MIXED UP,
OKAY? THAT AIN'T NOTHIN', SEE?
'CAUSE I GOT THIS. THIS
IS ABOUT US. MM-HMM.
MISS, I ASKED FOR A CHEESE
DOG, NOT A CHILI CHEESEBURGER.
- SO?
- SO, I WANT A CHEESE DOG.
UH, SO YOU WANT ME TO
DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT?
HERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU FOR COMING TO BOB'S BIG
WEENIE. YOU WILL COME AGAIN, ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, SEE, I WAS WORKING
OVER AT MEATS-R-US THE OTHER DAY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
HAD WENT DOWN, RIGHT?
FRIEND OF MINE,
LARRY, CAME TO VISIT ME.
HE ALWAYS COME TO MY JOB GIVE ME
ENCOURAGEMENT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
AFTER HE LEFT, MY SUPERVISOR
COME TO ME TALKIN' ABOUT SOMETHING.
TALKIN' ABOUT SOMETHING. "LET'S GO
FOR A WALK." YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
THEN HE GONNA SAY
LARRY IS IN CONNECTION
WITH SOME T-BONE STEAKS
THAT CAME UP MISSIN'.
OKAY, HOW YOU GONNA BLAME LARRY?
ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT HIS
CAR WAS PARKED OUT BACK
AND IT WAS THE ONLY ONE
WITH THE TRUNK POPPED.
SO, WHAT? HE GONNA BLAME
THAT ON HIM? THAT'S WRONG.
THAT WAS STEPPIN' ON MY PROFESSIONALISM.
I GOT ON OUT OF THERE, MAN.
UH-HUH, THAT'S COOL AND EVERYTHING AND I'M
SURE THEY WOULD DO A MINISERIES ABOUT IT,
BUT WHAT I WANNA KNOW RIGHT
NOW IS WHERE ARE THE SHAKES?
OH, THAT'S DONE. I THOUGHT YOU
SAID YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WAS DOING?
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU HAD EXPERIENCE.
WELL, SEE, WHAT I GOT EXPERIENCE
IN IS CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M
SAYIN'? AS YOU CAN SEE,
YOU GOT STRAWBERRY,
RASPBERRY AND BLUEBERRY.
I AIN'T GO NO
EXPERIENCE ON BERRIES.
YOU GOT TO TRAIN ME CORRECTLY
IF YOU WANT ME TO DO MY JOB.
JUST MOVE. I'LL DO IT. DO YOU
KNOW HOW TO FLIP BURGERS?
OH, YEAH, I CAN FLIP SOME BURGERS. 'CAUSE
I USED TO WORK OVER AT CHILI WAFFLES?
ON THIRD AND WALLABEE? UH-HUH.
SO I KNOW ALL ABOUT THE BURGERS.
UH-HUH. THAT'S COOL AND EVERYTHING.
I AM SURE THAT YOUR
STORY IS SO MOVING...
THAT IT WILL MAKE ME
WANT TO MARRY YOU,
HAVE FOUR UGLY KIDS
AND NAME THEM ALL LARRY,
BUT ALL YOU GOT TO DO
RIGHT NOW, IS FLIP THE
BURGERS AND MAKE SURE
THEY DON'T BURN, ALL RIGHT?
DON'T WORRY. I'M HERE TO MAKE YOUR
JOB EASY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
IT'S ABOUT US, YOU KNOW? IT'S
A COOPERATIVE THING. MM-HMM.
YOU KNOW, CHILI WAFFLES,
BOOM. LOOK AT THIS... TA DA!
BOOM, TA DA.
SEE, THIS IS EXPERIENCE. SEE HOW
I FLIP THAT? LOOK AT THAT. TA DA!
THAT'S EXPERIENCE, SEE? I USE
TO WORK OVER AT CHILI WAFFLES,
BUT I GOT FIRED OVER SOME OLD
BULL, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
BUT THEN I WAS WORKING AT LOU'S
USED CARS AND SOMETHING WENT DOWN.
MY FRIEND LARRY HAD SHOWED UP, RIGHT?
AND, SO, LATER ON AFTER LARRY HAD LEFT,
MY SUPERVISOR COME UP
TO ME, "LET'S TAKE A WALK."
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
SAYING? HE GONNA CONNECT
LARRY TO A 1982 EL DORADO
THAT COME UP MISSING.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'? HE
GONNA BLAME LARRY FOR THAT.
THAT AIN'T RIGHT. THAT'S STEPPIN' ON
MY PROFESSIONALISM. SIMPLE AS THAT.
LOOK AT THIS. THESE
HAMBURGERS ARE RUINED.
UH, YEAH, WELL... YOU KNOW
WHAT? I AM SICK OF YOU.
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
HOW COME YOU CAN'T DO THIS?
WELL, 'CAUSE... SEE, YOU GOTTA
LOOK AT THE DYNAMICS OF THIS GRILL.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
THIS IS A FLAT GRILL.
SEE, I'M USED TO
CHARBROILED GRILL.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'? I'M USED TO
PUTTING BLACK STRIPES ON THE HAMBURGER.
[Horn Honks] HOLD ON A
MINUTE. I WILL BE WITH YOU.
[Honks] HONK AGAIN HERE, SEE YOU
DON'T GET THESE FRIES IN YOUR FACE.
OKAY, COME HERE, 'CAUSE I
AM JUST GETTING MAD AT YOU.
SO FAR YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING
RIGHT. ALL RIGHT? I'M READY TO DO THIS.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WRAP
THE BURGERS, PUT THEM IN A BAG,
AND GIVE THEM TO
THE CUSTOMERS, OKAY?
SEE, THAT AIN'T NOTHING, SEE?
'CAUSE I GOT EXPERIENCE IN PACKAGING...
'CAUSE I USED TO WORK AT
DEREK'S DEVILISH HOT DOGS.
UH-HUH. YOU-YOU GOT
ALL THIS EXPERIENCE, HUH?
WELL, MR. EXPERIENCE, IF YOU WERE
SO GOOD AT DEREK'S DEVILISH DOGS,
HOW COME YOU AIN'T THERE NOW?
WELL, 'CAUSE... WELL, SOMETHING
HAD WENT DOWN. LARRY...
UH-HUH, UH-HUH. WITH YOU
AND YOUR BOY LARRY, RIGHT?
NAH, NAH. ACTUALLY, LARRY WAS LOCKED
UP. HIS BROTHER SHERMAN CAME OVER.
UH-HUH, WELL, JUST SHUT UP AND DO
THIS. DAMN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP TALKING?
AIN'T GONNA BE ALL OF
THAT. YO, WHAT'S UP, CHILLIN'?
WHAT'S UP, LARRY?
WHAT'S UP, BOY? YOU HUNGRY?
HEY, BAD. WHAT'S UP, BOY?
YOU LOOKIN' GOOD,
BOY. EXCUSE ME.
ONLY PEOPLE IN CARS IS SUPPOSED TO
COME TO THE DRIVE-THROUGH WINDOW.
YOU STRAIGHT-UP WRONG. SEE,
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S UP.
LARRY CAUGHT THE BUS OVER HERE.
LARRY SUPPOSED TO ASK THE BUS TO
COME THROUGH? YOU KNOW THE BUS TOO BIG.
LOOK, MY EL DORADO'S IN THE SHOP,
SO WHY YOU SWEATING ME, GIRL?
I'M SURE THIS IS ALL A
REALLY MOVING STORY,
AND I'M GONNA HAVE TO MAKE SURE TO
REMEMBER TO TELL MY GRANDCHILDREN.
BUT WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS
WHY COME YOU GOT ALL THIS FOOD?
ARE YOU BOB'S BIG
WEENIE? EXCUSE ME?
HE SAID, "ARE YOU
BOB'S BIG WEENIE?" NO.
ALL RIGHT, THEN, THIS IS
"A" AND "B." [Together] SEE YA.
I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS. SO, MAN, IS
THIS GONNA WORK OUT FOR YOU, MAN?
I THINK THIS IS GONNA WORK
OUT FINE. ALL RIGHT, THEN, COOL.
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYIN'. YEAH, 'CAUSE
SEE, I WANT THAT ONE RIGHT OVER THERE.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON HERE?
YOU ARE STEALING FOOD. I CAUGHT
YOU RED-HANDED. YOU'RE FIRED.
MAN, WHAT'S UP WITH HIM?
SEE, HE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FIRE
NOBODY. HE DIDN'T TAKE ME FOR NO WALK.
THAT'S MESSIN' WITH MY PROFESSIONALISM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, 'CAUSE I GOT AN
APPLICATION OVER AT CASA DE BEANS.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
[Continues, Indistinct]
AND NOW FOR THE FURTHER
ADVENTURES OF HANDI MAN.
[Struggling] TINY,
WE'RE TRAPPED.
NOW, CRUTCHED
CRUSADERS, PREPARE TO DIE.
[Man] LAST EPISODE, HANDI MAN AND THE TINY
AVENGER WERE TRAPPED BY THE EVIL ISADORA.
IS IT CURTAINS FOR
OUR TWO HEROS?
OKAY, HANDI MAN. LET'S SEE
HOW HANDY YOU ARE WITH A SAW.
OH, MY GOSH, HANDI MAN.
WE'RE GONERS FOR SURE.
OH, YE OF LITTLE FAITH AND
EVEN LITTLER LEGS. BE PATIENT.
THEY SAY IT AIN'T OVER
UNTIL THE FAT LADY SINGS.
- AND I HAVEN'T HEARD YOU
BLOW YET.
- ENOUGH OF YOUR HANDI CRAP.
NOW THAT YOU TWO
TROUBLEMAKERS ARE OUT OF MY
WAY, I CAN FINALLY
COMPLETE MY MASTER PLAN.
TO TRANSPLANT A HEALTHY, YOUNG
DANCER'S LEGS ONTO MY BODY.
ONCE AGAIN, I'LL BE THE
WORLD'S GREATEST DANCER.
I DON'T CARE WHOSE LEGS YOU HAVE,
YOU'LL ALWAYS LOOK LIKE JANE PITTMAN TO ME.
[Whirring]
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
HANDI MAN, I HAVE TO CUT OUT.
[Maniacal Laughter]
I HATE HER LAUGH.
WELL, I GUESS THIS IS THE
END, ISN'T IT, HANDI MAN?
NO. YOU KNOW WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE
THE HANDICAPPED? UH-UH.
HELP! THAT WAS JUST
A LITTLE HANDI JOKE.
OH, STOP KIDDING, HANDI
MAN. WE'RE BOTH GONNA
BE SAWED IN HALF IN
A MATTER OF SECONDS.
NOT IF I CAN HELP IT. [Grunting]
IF I COULD JUST GET MY HAND ON
MY HANDI BELT, I COULD SET US FREE.
- OH, HURRY, HANDI MAN.
- THERE IT IS.
MY PORTABLE TIME
REVERSING MACHINE.
WHAT'S THAT GONNA
DO? JUST WATCH.
NO SHORT JOKES, PLEASE.
[Engine Shuts Off]
- YOU'RE FREE.
- AND NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON.
I ALMOST MADE A SUPER
STINKY IN MY HANDI SUIT.
HEY, HANDI MAN, THAT HANDI BELT IS
AMAZING. DOES IT DO ANYTHING ELSE?
YES. IT KEEPS MY PANTS UP.
WELL, WELL, WELL. IF IT
ISN'T MANNY, MOE AND JACK.
MAY I? PLEASE TAKE
CARE OF MY LIGHT WORK.
TAKE THAT.
GREAT WORK, TINY AVENGER.
NOW, QUICK, WHERE'S
ISADORA'S LABORATORY?
- ON THE THIRD FLOOR.
- AND I BET THERE'S NOT
A DISABLED RAMP EITHER.
COME ON.
YOU GO FIRST.
♪ DANCING, DANCING, DANCING ♪
♪ I'M A DANCING MACHINE ♪
♪ OH, BABY ♪
[Vocalizing]
LOOK. SHE'S ABOUT TO
TAKE THAT POOR GIRL'S LEGS.
NOT IF I CAN HELP IT.
[Machine Shuts Off]
AT LAST. THE
TRANSFERENCE IS COMPLETE.
WRONG, ISADORA. IT SEEMS
YOU'VE HAD YOUR LAST DANCE.
I'M AFRAID YOU'RE
TOO LATE, HANDI MAN.
THE LITTLE BRAT'S
LEGS ARE ALREADY MINE.
NOW I CAN DANCE LIKE
A 19-YEAR-OLD AGAIN.
MY LEGS! MY LEGS!
MY GLORIOUS LEGS!
I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, ISADORA,
THOSE ARE THE SAME OLD WITHERED
POOL STICKS THAT YOU ALWAYS HAD.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? THEY'RE LONG AND...
OH, MY GOD. THEN HOW IS IT I WAS
ABLE TO DANCE AGAIN, HANDI MAN?
YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD THE ABILITY
TO DANCE, YOU JUST NEVER TRIED.
OH, HANDI MAN, THANK YOU
FOR GIVING ME BACK MY LIFE.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE
GONNA GET, ISADORA: LIFE.
AT THE STATE PENITENTIARY. NO!
YES. NO!
YES. NO!
YES. SEE YOU LATER,
DANCING MACHINE.
THANKS, HANDI MAN
AND TINY AVENGER.
DON'T MENTION IT, TWINKLE
TOES. PLIÉ AND AWAY. PLIÉ.
WELL, HANDI MAN, I GUESS
WE BETTER GET GOING.
YOU MEAN WHEREVER THERE'S
INJUSTICE TOWARDS HANDICAP?
YOU GOT IT. OKAY.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU.
[Together] UP, UP AND AWAY.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
[Man] TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE
FURTHER ADVENTURES OF HANDI MAN.
YO, DAMON, KICK
IT. GET OUT OF HERE.
ALL RIGHT. NEXT WEEK, Y'ALL.
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THE
IMMIGRATION OFFICER
WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
OH, I WAS JUST
USING THE BATHROOM.
OH, MY GOD. THAT'S
NOT A TOILET, YOU IDIOT.
WELL, THAT'S WHY I
COULDN'T FLUSH IT THEN.
NOW, LISTEN. WE GOT TO MAKE IT
LOOK LIKE WE'RE REALLY MARRIED,
SO LET'S GET THE STORY
STRAIGHT, ALL RIGHT? OKAY.
YOU ARE ANTON. I'M ANTON.
AND I AM? YOU ARE,
UH... [Snaps Fingers]
DAMN, I'M NOT GOOD
WITH NAMES AND FACES.
HERE. LET ME SEE.
TURN AROUND. RITA.
THAT'S RIGHT, RITA. AND WE ARE
HAPPILY LIVING HERE AS MAN AND WIFE.
WELL, THEN, LET'S DO THE NASTY, LITTLE
GIRL AND "CONSTIPATE" THE MARRIAGE.
HOW MANY TIMES I GOT TO TELL YOU?
STAY AWAY FROM ME. YOUR BREATH STINK.
MY BREATH STINKS?
[Exhales] DAMN, YOU'RE RIGHT.
HERE, LET ME FRESHEN
IT UP WITH A PIECE OF GUM.
[Disgusted Sound]
THAT'S HER NOW.
MRS. JACKSON? I'M MISS WILSON
FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF IMMIGRATION.
YES, YES. COME RIGHT IN. THIS,
I ASSUME, IS MR. JACKSON?
THAT'S RIGHT. HOW YOU DOIN'? IT'S A
PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. VERY WELL.
OH. THAT'S REALLY NOT NECESSARY.
I'M FRENCH. THAT WAS A
FRENCH KISS I JUST GAVE YOU.
THAT'S VERY NICE. IN
CASE YOU WANNA KNOW.
WELL, UH, MR. AND MRS.
JACKSON, AS YOU KNOW,
THE REASON THAT I'M HERE TODAY IS
BECAUSE IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION...
THAT SEVERAL PEOPLE ARE GETTING
MARRIED JUST TO GET THEIR GREEN CARD.
HEY, I RESENT THAT REMARK.
I RESENT THAT TOTALLY.
WHEN WE GOT MARRIED, IT WAS
OUT OF LOVE AND AFFECTION. MM-HMM.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT, UH, RITA?
YES. WELL, LET'S GET
STARTED, SHALL WE?
NOW, FIRST, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE
THE TWO OF YOU SPENT YOUR HONEYMOON?
WELL, WE STARTED OUT
ON THE RIVIERA, MM-HMM.
BUT SHE KEPT SLIDING OFF THE ROOF
OF THE CAR, SO WE ENDED UP IN TRAFFIC.
ACTUALLY, WE SPENT A NICE,
ROMANTIC HONEYMOON HERE AT HOME.
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE. AND, UH,
MRS. JACKSON, HAVE YOU MET HIS PARENTS?
NO. THEY ACTUALLY
THINK I'M A BUM.
OH, DO THEY? HAVE
YOU MET HER PARENTS?
THEY THINK I'M A BUM TOO.
BUT, HE'S NOT A BUM. HE'S AN ACTOR.
ACTUALLY, A VERY TALENTED PERFORMER.
OH. HAVE I SEEN YOU IN ANYTHING?
POSSIBLY. LAST WEEK, I
PERFORMED IN BAREFOOT IN THE PARK.
- OH, THE PLAY?
- NO. SOMEBODY STOLE
MY SHOE.
BUT THEY LEFT IT. YEAH, I FOUND
IT IN A PILE OF HORSE MANURE.
[Forced Laugh]
WELL, YOU KNOW, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, AS A
YOUNG WOMAN, I WAS A BIT OF A THESPIAN.
I THOUGHT YOU WAS LOOKING
AT MY WIFE KINDA FUNNY.
I'M AFRAID I DON'T
KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
I'M SORRY, HE'S JUST A LITTLE
OVERLY PROTECTIVE, YOU KNOW?
YES. WELL, JUST A FEW
MORE QUESTIONS HERE.
NOW, MRS. JACKSON, WHAT WAS THE
LAST MOVIE YOUR HUSBAND SAW, PLEASE?
UH, I THINK IT WAS A LOVE STORY.
THAT'S RIGHT. I SAW THIS LOVE STORY
FOR 25 CENTS DOWN AT THE PORNO HOUSE.
AND GUESS WHO... PEE-WEE
HERMAN SAT RIGHT NEXT TO ME.
MRS. JACKSON, I REALLY MUST ASK YOU
WHAT EXACTLY ABOUT THIS MAN ATTRACTS YOU?
WELL, UH, HIS SENSE OF HUMOR,
YOU KNOW, AND HE'S VERY SENSITIVE.
ACTUALLY, HE'S JUST A
VERY WARM PERSON INSIDE.
OH, GOD. OH, I'M SORRY. SOME
OF MY INSIDE MUST'VE GOT OUT.
GET OUT. THAT'S IT. I
CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYMORE.
WHAT, BABY DOLL? WHAT'S THE
MATTER? YOU IDIOT! YOU IMBECILE.
IMBECILE? WE NEED TO TALK
TO DR. RUTH AND SHE'LL TELL ME...
I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH.
MRS. JACKSON, REST ASSURED,
YOUR GREEN CARD WILL
BE APPROVED. REALLY?
THAT'S WONDERFUL. YES. ONLY MARRIED
PEOPLE IN LOVE COULD BEHAVE THIS WAY.
AND IF LOVE IS BLIND, I CAN ONLY HOPE
THAT YOUR SENSE OF SMELL FAILS YOU AS WELL.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MRS., UH, WILSON. CONGRATULATIONS.
WELL, NOW THAT THAT'S ALL TAKEN CARE
OF, YOU, OUT. WE'RE GETTING A DIVORCE.
A DIVORCE? BUT I'M IN LOVE
WITH YOU, GIRL. I LOVE YOU.
THIS IS $20. TWENTY DOLLARS?
YOU THINK THAT $20 IS GONNA ERASE
THE FEELING? WHAT ABOUT OUR DREAMS?
GOING TO SEE OUR LITTLE SON DOWN
IN COUNTY JAIL TOGETHER? THAT'S $40.
FORTY DOLLARS? WHAT, YOU THINK
I'M SOME KIND OF HO? I AIN'T NO HO.
HERE. THAT'S A HUNDRED.
WELL, I AM A BUSINESSMAN.
SO, I'LL SEE YOU AROUND, BITCH.
♪♪ [Slow-tempo]
♪♪ [Dance] ♪♪ [Man Vocalizing]
OKAY. THIS IS STATION
ONE. THE SHAKE MACHINE.
OH, YEAH. SEE, I GOT
EXPERIENCE IN THIS, 'CAUSE
I USED TO WORK OVER AT
THANK GOD IT'S YOGURT.
GOOD. SO YOU KNOW WHAT
TO DO, SO DO IT. RIGHT. EXACTLY.
'CAUSE I'M HERE, YOU KNOW, TO MAKE
YOUR JOB BETTER. YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
MM-HMM. IT'S ABOUT
US. IT'S ALL ABOUT US.
MY NAME IS CHILLIN'?
HOW YOU DOIN'?
LOT OF MY FRIENDS CALL ME CHARLES,
BUT THEY CALL ME CHILLIN' TOO, MOSTLY,
'CAUSE THAT WHAT I DO
MOSTLY IS CHILL. UH-HUH.
WELL, UH, THAT'S COOL AND EVERYTHING.
I'M SURE YOUR PARENTS ARE PROUD.
BUT WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW IS TWO
STRAWBERRIES AND ONE RASPBERRY SHAKE.
DON'T GET THE CUPS MIXED UP,
OKAY? THAT AIN'T NOTHIN', SEE?
'CAUSE I GOT THIS. THIS
IS ABOUT US. MM-HMM.
MISS, I ASKED FOR A CHEESE
DOG, NOT A CHILI CHEESEBURGER.
- SO?
- SO, I WANT A CHEESE DOG.
UH, SO YOU WANT ME TO
DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT?
HERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU FOR COMING TO BOB'S BIG
WEENIE. YOU WILL COME AGAIN, ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, SEE, I WAS WORKING
OVER AT MEATS-R-US THE OTHER DAY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
HAD WENT DOWN, RIGHT?
FRIEND OF MINE,
LARRY, CAME TO VISIT ME.
HE ALWAYS COME TO MY JOB GIVE ME
ENCOURAGEMENT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
AFTER HE LEFT, MY SUPERVISOR
COME TO ME TALKIN' ABOUT SOMETHING.
TALKIN' ABOUT SOMETHING. "LET'S GO
FOR A WALK." YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
THEN HE GONNA SAY
LARRY IS IN CONNECTION
WITH SOME T-BONE STEAKS
THAT CAME UP MISSIN'.
OKAY, HOW YOU GONNA BLAME LARRY?
ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT HIS
CAR WAS PARKED OUT BACK
AND IT WAS THE ONLY ONE
WITH THE TRUNK POPPED.
SO, WHAT? HE GONNA BLAME
THAT ON HIM? THAT'S WRONG.
THAT WAS STEPPIN' ON MY PROFESSIONALISM.
I GOT ON OUT OF THERE, MAN.
UH-HUH, THAT'S COOL AND EVERYTHING AND I'M
SURE THEY WOULD DO A MINISERIES ABOUT IT,
BUT WHAT I WANNA KNOW RIGHT
NOW IS WHERE ARE THE SHAKES?
OH, THAT'S DONE. I THOUGHT YOU
SAID YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WAS DOING?
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU HAD EXPERIENCE.
WELL, SEE, WHAT I GOT EXPERIENCE
IN IS CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M
SAYIN'? AS YOU CAN SEE,
YOU GOT STRAWBERRY,
RASPBERRY AND BLUEBERRY.
I AIN'T GO NO
EXPERIENCE ON BERRIES.
YOU GOT TO TRAIN ME CORRECTLY
IF YOU WANT ME TO DO MY JOB.
JUST MOVE. I'LL DO IT. DO YOU
KNOW HOW TO FLIP BURGERS?
OH, YEAH, I CAN FLIP SOME BURGERS. 'CAUSE
I USED TO WORK OVER AT CHILI WAFFLES?
ON THIRD AND WALLABEE? UH-HUH.
SO I KNOW ALL ABOUT THE BURGERS.
UH-HUH. THAT'S COOL AND EVERYTHING.
I AM SURE THAT YOUR
STORY IS SO MOVING...
THAT IT WILL MAKE ME
WANT TO MARRY YOU,
HAVE FOUR UGLY KIDS
AND NAME THEM ALL LARRY,
BUT ALL YOU GOT TO DO
RIGHT NOW, IS FLIP THE
BURGERS AND MAKE SURE
THEY DON'T BURN, ALL RIGHT?
DON'T WORRY. I'M HERE TO MAKE YOUR
JOB EASY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
IT'S ABOUT US, YOU KNOW? IT'S
A COOPERATIVE THING. MM-HMM.
YOU KNOW, CHILI WAFFLES,
BOOM. LOOK AT THIS... TA DA!
BOOM, TA DA.
SEE, THIS IS EXPERIENCE. SEE HOW
I FLIP THAT? LOOK AT THAT. TA DA!
THAT'S EXPERIENCE, SEE? I USE
TO WORK OVER AT CHILI WAFFLES,
BUT I GOT FIRED OVER SOME OLD
BULL, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
BUT THEN I WAS WORKING AT LOU'S
USED CARS AND SOMETHING WENT DOWN.
MY FRIEND LARRY HAD SHOWED UP, RIGHT?
AND, SO, LATER ON AFTER LARRY HAD LEFT,
MY SUPERVISOR COME UP
TO ME, "LET'S TAKE A WALK."
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
SAYING? HE GONNA CONNECT
LARRY TO A 1982 EL DORADO
THAT COME UP MISSING.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'? HE
GONNA BLAME LARRY FOR THAT.
THAT AIN'T RIGHT. THAT'S STEPPIN' ON
MY PROFESSIONALISM. SIMPLE AS THAT.
LOOK AT THIS. THESE
HAMBURGERS ARE RUINED.
UH, YEAH, WELL... YOU KNOW
WHAT? I AM SICK OF YOU.
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
HOW COME YOU CAN'T DO THIS?
WELL, 'CAUSE... SEE, YOU GOTTA
LOOK AT THE DYNAMICS OF THIS GRILL.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
THIS IS A FLAT GRILL.
SEE, I'M USED TO
CHARBROILED GRILL.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'? I'M USED TO
PUTTING BLACK STRIPES ON THE HAMBURGER.
[Horn Honks] HOLD ON A
MINUTE. I WILL BE WITH YOU.
[Honks] HONK AGAIN HERE, SEE YOU
DON'T GET THESE FRIES IN YOUR FACE.
OKAY, COME HERE, 'CAUSE I
AM JUST GETTING MAD AT YOU.
SO FAR YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING
RIGHT. ALL RIGHT? I'M READY TO DO THIS.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WRAP
THE BURGERS, PUT THEM IN A BAG,
AND GIVE THEM TO
THE CUSTOMERS, OKAY?
SEE, THAT AIN'T NOTHING, SEE?
'CAUSE I GOT EXPERIENCE IN PACKAGING...
'CAUSE I USED TO WORK AT
DEREK'S DEVILISH HOT DOGS.
UH-HUH. YOU-YOU GOT
ALL THIS EXPERIENCE, HUH?
WELL, MR. EXPERIENCE, IF YOU WERE
SO GOOD AT DEREK'S DEVILISH DOGS,
HOW COME YOU AIN'T THERE NOW?
WELL, 'CAUSE... WELL, SOMETHING
HAD WENT DOWN. LARRY...
UH-HUH, UH-HUH. WITH YOU
AND YOUR BOY LARRY, RIGHT?
NAH, NAH. ACTUALLY, LARRY WAS LOCKED
UP. HIS BROTHER SHERMAN CAME OVER.
UH-HUH, WELL, JUST SHUT UP AND DO
THIS. DAMN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP TALKING?
AIN'T GONNA BE ALL OF
THAT. YO, WHAT'S UP, CHILLIN'?
WHAT'S UP, LARRY?
WHAT'S UP, BOY? YOU HUNGRY?
HEY, BAD. WHAT'S UP, BOY?
YOU LOOKIN' GOOD,
BOY. EXCUSE ME.
ONLY PEOPLE IN CARS IS SUPPOSED TO
COME TO THE DRIVE-THROUGH WINDOW.
YOU STRAIGHT-UP WRONG. SEE,
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S UP.
LARRY CAUGHT THE BUS OVER HERE.
LARRY SUPPOSED TO ASK THE BUS TO
COME THROUGH? YOU KNOW THE BUS TOO BIG.
LOOK, MY EL DORADO'S IN THE SHOP,
SO WHY YOU SWEATING ME, GIRL?
I'M SURE THIS IS ALL A
REALLY MOVING STORY,
AND I'M GONNA HAVE TO MAKE SURE TO
REMEMBER TO TELL MY GRANDCHILDREN.
BUT WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS
WHY COME YOU GOT ALL THIS FOOD?
ARE YOU BOB'S BIG
WEENIE? EXCUSE ME?
HE SAID, "ARE YOU
BOB'S BIG WEENIE?" NO.
ALL RIGHT, THEN, THIS IS
"A" AND "B." [Together] SEE YA.
I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS. SO, MAN, IS
THIS GONNA WORK OUT FOR YOU, MAN?
I THINK THIS IS GONNA WORK
OUT FINE. ALL RIGHT, THEN, COOL.
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYIN'. YEAH, 'CAUSE
SEE, I WANT THAT ONE RIGHT OVER THERE.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON HERE?
YOU ARE STEALING FOOD. I CAUGHT
YOU RED-HANDED. YOU'RE FIRED.
MAN, WHAT'S UP WITH HIM?
SEE, HE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FIRE
NOBODY. HE DIDN'T TAKE ME FOR NO WALK.
THAT'S MESSIN' WITH MY PROFESSIONALISM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, 'CAUSE I GOT AN
APPLICATION OVER AT CASA DE BEANS.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
[Continues, Indistinct]
AND NOW FOR THE FURTHER
ADVENTURES OF HANDI MAN.
[Struggling] TINY,
WE'RE TRAPPED.
NOW, CRUTCHED
CRUSADERS, PREPARE TO DIE.
[Man] LAST EPISODE, HANDI MAN AND THE TINY
AVENGER WERE TRAPPED BY THE EVIL ISADORA.
IS IT CURTAINS FOR
OUR TWO HEROS?
OKAY, HANDI MAN. LET'S SEE
HOW HANDY YOU ARE WITH A SAW.
OH, MY GOSH, HANDI MAN.
WE'RE GONERS FOR SURE.
OH, YE OF LITTLE FAITH AND
EVEN LITTLER LEGS. BE PATIENT.
THEY SAY IT AIN'T OVER
UNTIL THE FAT LADY SINGS.
- AND I HAVEN'T HEARD YOU
BLOW YET.
- ENOUGH OF YOUR HANDI CRAP.
NOW THAT YOU TWO
TROUBLEMAKERS ARE OUT OF MY
WAY, I CAN FINALLY
COMPLETE MY MASTER PLAN.
TO TRANSPLANT A HEALTHY, YOUNG
DANCER'S LEGS ONTO MY BODY.
ONCE AGAIN, I'LL BE THE
WORLD'S GREATEST DANCER.
I DON'T CARE WHOSE LEGS YOU HAVE,
YOU'LL ALWAYS LOOK LIKE JANE PITTMAN TO ME.
[Whirring]
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
HANDI MAN, I HAVE TO CUT OUT.
[Maniacal Laughter]
I HATE HER LAUGH.
WELL, I GUESS THIS IS THE
END, ISN'T IT, HANDI MAN?
NO. YOU KNOW WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE
THE HANDICAPPED? UH-UH.
HELP! THAT WAS JUST
A LITTLE HANDI JOKE.
OH, STOP KIDDING, HANDI
MAN. WE'RE BOTH GONNA
BE SAWED IN HALF IN
A MATTER OF SECONDS.
NOT IF I CAN HELP IT. [Grunting]
IF I COULD JUST GET MY HAND ON
MY HANDI BELT, I COULD SET US FREE.
- OH, HURRY, HANDI MAN.
- THERE IT IS.
MY PORTABLE TIME
REVERSING MACHINE.
WHAT'S THAT GONNA
DO? JUST WATCH.
NO SHORT JOKES, PLEASE.
[Engine Shuts Off]
- YOU'RE FREE.
- AND NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON.
I ALMOST MADE A SUPER
STINKY IN MY HANDI SUIT.
HEY, HANDI MAN, THAT HANDI BELT IS
AMAZING. DOES IT DO ANYTHING ELSE?
YES. IT KEEPS MY PANTS UP.
WELL, WELL, WELL. IF IT
ISN'T MANNY, MOE AND JACK.
MAY I? PLEASE TAKE
CARE OF MY LIGHT WORK.
TAKE THAT.
GREAT WORK, TINY AVENGER.
NOW, QUICK, WHERE'S
ISADORA'S LABORATORY?
- ON THE THIRD FLOOR.
- AND I BET THERE'S NOT
A DISABLED RAMP EITHER.
COME ON.
YOU GO FIRST.
♪ DANCING, DANCING, DANCING ♪
♪ I'M A DANCING MACHINE ♪
♪ OH, BABY ♪
[Vocalizing]
LOOK. SHE'S ABOUT TO
TAKE THAT POOR GIRL'S LEGS.
NOT IF I CAN HELP IT.
[Machine Shuts Off]
AT LAST. THE
TRANSFERENCE IS COMPLETE.
WRONG, ISADORA. IT SEEMS
YOU'VE HAD YOUR LAST DANCE.
I'M AFRAID YOU'RE
TOO LATE, HANDI MAN.
THE LITTLE BRAT'S
LEGS ARE ALREADY MINE.
NOW I CAN DANCE LIKE
A 19-YEAR-OLD AGAIN.
MY LEGS! MY LEGS!
MY GLORIOUS LEGS!
I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, ISADORA,
THOSE ARE THE SAME OLD WITHERED
POOL STICKS THAT YOU ALWAYS HAD.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? THEY'RE LONG AND...
OH, MY GOD. THEN HOW IS IT I WAS
ABLE TO DANCE AGAIN, HANDI MAN?
YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD THE ABILITY
TO DANCE, YOU JUST NEVER TRIED.
OH, HANDI MAN, THANK YOU
FOR GIVING ME BACK MY LIFE.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE
GONNA GET, ISADORA: LIFE.
AT THE STATE PENITENTIARY. NO!
YES. NO!
YES. NO!
YES. SEE YOU LATER,
DANCING MACHINE.
THANKS, HANDI MAN
AND TINY AVENGER.
DON'T MENTION IT, TWINKLE
TOES. PLIÉ AND AWAY. PLIÉ.
WELL, HANDI MAN, I GUESS
WE BETTER GET GOING.
YOU MEAN WHEREVER THERE'S
INJUSTICE TOWARDS HANDICAP?
YOU GOT IT. OKAY.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU.
[Together] UP, UP AND AWAY.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
[Man] TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE
FURTHER ADVENTURES OF HANDI MAN.
YO, DAMON, KICK
IT. GET OUT OF HERE.
ALL RIGHT. NEXT WEEK, Y'ALL.
♪♪ [Hip-hop]