In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 3, Episode 16 - Live Super Bowl Show - full transcript
[Man Announcing] WE INTERRUPT
REGULAR PROGRAMMING TO PRESENT...
THE IN LIVING COLOR
SUPER HALFTIME PARTY...
LIVE FROM HOLLYWOOD.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY BITE-SIZE
DORITOS BRAND TORTILLA CHIPS.
HEY, HEY, HEY! WHAT'S
UP, WHAT'S UP, WHAT'S UP?
WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE
FIRST HALF OF THE GAME. [Cheering]
WELCOME TO THE IN LIVING COLOR
HALFTIME COUNTDOWN PARTY.
WE'RE COMING TO YOU LIVE
FROM FOX STUDIOS IN HOLLYWOOD.
HEY, I KNOW WHAT
YOU GUYS ARE THINKING.
YOU ARE THINKING, "HEY,
ARE THESE BOZOS GONNA
MAKE US MISS ANY PART
OF THE SECOND HALF?"
THAT'S WHERE THIS COMES IN...
OUR SUPER BOWL COUNTDOWN CLOCK.
IT'LL BE COMING IN LATER
IN THE SHOW TO LET YOU
KNOW WHEN TO SWITCH
BACK TO THE SECOND HALF.
YOU WON'T MISS ANY OF
THE SENSELESS BRUTALITY.
BUT CHECK THIS OUT. THE BAD BOYS OF COMEDY
GOT A LOT OF ACTION FOR YOU RIGHT HERE...
FIRE MARSHALL BILL, MEN ON, AND
COLOR ME BADD PERFORMING HERE LIVE.
[Cheering]
AND ABOUT 2,000 CENSORS READY
TO PULL THE PLUG AT ANY MOMENT.
SO IF YOU'RE READY, HEY, WE'RE READY. SO
LET'S HANG OUT WITH THE HOMEBOYZ RIGHT NOW.
WHAT'S UP? GET OUT OF HERE!
[Indistinct Shout]
[Together] WELCOME TO THE
HOMEBOYZ SHOPPING NETWORK.
THAT'S RIGHT. FOR ALL YOU SUPER
BOWL FANS, I'M WIZ, THIS IS THE ICE MAN.
[Together] CHILLIN'.
YO. WELCOME TO OUR
SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SALE.
WE GOT SOME SUPER SLICK, SMASH IT WITH
A BRICK, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN...
SORRY, CENSORS, THAT'S
MERELY A DISPLAY ITEM.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. COMIN'
TO YOU LIVE. Y'ALL IN THE HOUSE.
YO, CHECK IT OUT. FOR ALL YOU LITTLE COUCH
POTATOES OUT THERE, SITTING THERE SAYING,
"YO, HOMEBOY, HOW CAN I GET
CLOSER TO THE ACTION?" BIP.
BIP. BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE.
YO. NOT ONLY WILL WE GET YOU ON THE FIELD,
BUT WE CAN ACTUALLY GET YOU IN THE GAME.
THAT'S RIGHT. [Groaning]
THEY BROKE MY RIBS. I WANT
MY MONEY BACK. [Both Laugh]
ANOTHER SATISFIED CUSTOMER.
YO, SHOW 'EM THE N'OTHER STUFF.
SHOW THEM THE N'OTHER STUFF.
FOR ALL YOU COLLECTORS OUT THERE, WE'VE
BEEN DOING A LITTLE COLLECTING OF OUR OWN.
CHECK IT OUT...
NFL PLAYER CARDS.
GOT ALL YOUR
FAVORITES RIGHT HERE...
MASTERCARD, VISA,
THURMAN THOMAS' GOLD CARD.
YO, DIDN'T THURMAN THOMAS JUST SIGN,
LIKE, ONE OF THOSE "MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR,
GET A HO AND A COUPLE OF YACHTS,
AND BE LOVELY FOR LIFE" TYPE DEALS?
I THINK SO. [Scoffs]
YOU THINKIN' WHAT
I'M THINKIN'? I THINK SO.
SORRY, CUSTOMERS. THAT ONE WAS
JUST A DISPLAY ITEM. BUT DON'T FRET NONE.
'CAUSE WE GOT SOME N'OTHER
STUFF. WE LIKE TO CALL IT:
[Together] JEWELRY,
JEWELRY, JEWELRY.
CHECK IT OUT... SUPER
BOWL RINGS AND THINGS. I
KNOW SOME OF YOU ARE
SITTING OUT THERE SAYING,
"HOMEBOYZ, THESE RINGS
ARE A LITTLE BIG FOR ME."
THAT'S WHY WITH EVERY
PURCHASE WE'RE GONNA GIVE
YOU, ABSOLUTELY FREE,
THIS JAR OF NFL VITAMINS.
THAT'S RIGHT. WITHIN SIX MONTHS, YOU'LL BE
WEARING THESE BAD BOYS LIKE PINKIE RINGS.
YO, WHAT ELSE WE GOT, HOMEY?
[Trilling] SHOW 'EM THE N'OTHER
STUFF! SHOW 'EM THE N'OTHER STUFF!
FOR ALL THE LITTLE KIDDIES OUT THERE,
IF YOU ACT NOW, FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY,
THESE AUTOGRAPHED NFL FOOTBALLS,
AUTOGRAPHED BY MARK RYPIEN HIMSELF.
HOW YOU DO THAT, HOMEBOY? LET'S JUST SAY I
DID A LITTLE QUARTERBACK SNEAK OF MY OWN.
SIGN THIS. PUT THAT
ONE, "TO LAQUIDA."
THAT'S L-A... QUIDA.
YOU FIGURE IT OUT. [Scoffs]
YO, JUST A TIP, Y'ALL. IN THE SECOND
HALF, BET HEAVY ON THE 'SKINS.
EXACTLY. NOW, HOMEBOY.
WHAT? I SAID, "HOMEBOY."
WHAT? DON'T MAKE ME
SAY "HOMEBOY" AGAIN.
SUPPOSE I WANT TO WATCH
SUPER BOWL ACTION NEXT YEAR.
UH-HUH. AT HOME? AT HOME.
SAY NO MORE.
HOO! LET'S GO TO THE
WIDE-SCREEN. OH, SNAP!
YO, YOU HOOK THIS BAD BOY UP IN
YOUR LIVING ROOM, POP OUT SOME O.E.,
THROW IN A COUPLE OF PORNO TAPES,
YOU'LL BE THE TOAST OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
THAT'S RIGHT. YO, PEE-WEE HERMAN
MIGHT EVEN COME BY YOUR PAD.
NOW, YOU SET THEM CHAIRS OUT THERE AND
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN VERSION OF PAY-PER-VIEW.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS:
MO' MONEY, MO' MONEY, MO' MONEY!
YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
FOR THE GUY WHO BUYS THE MOST
MERCHANDISE, YOU WILL BE OUR M.V.P.
MOST VALUABLE PERPETRATOR. THAT
MEANS YOU GET TO DRIVE THIS BABY HOME.
YO, CHECK OUT THE
CLASSIC LINES. YEAH.
CHECK OUT THE
HEADLIGHTS. UH-HUH.
CHECK OUT THE TRUNK SPACE.
YEAH, AND THE CAR COMES WITH IT TOO.
[Man On P.A.] SECURITY ALERT, LEVEL
FIVE. SECURITY ALERT, LEVEL FIVE.
UH-OH. I THINK THAT'S
OUR TWO-MINUTE WARNING.
YO, HOMEBOY, NOW THAT WE'VE
DISCOUNTED ALL THIS LOVELY MERCHANDISE,
WHAT WE GONNA DO NEXT? YO, WE
GONNA GO BREAK INTO DISNEYLAND.
PEACE, Y'ALL.
[Announcer] STAY TUNED
FOR FIRE MARSHALL BILL.
[Cheering] WHOO!
YEA! WELCOME BACK TO THE PARTY.
WE HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A
GREAT SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, WE'RE HOPING
YOU HAVE A SAFE SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.
FIRE MARSHALL BILL HAS GOT SOME
VERY IMPORTANT TIPS FOR EVERYONE,
SO PLEASE PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE
WHAT YOU HEAR COULD JUST SAVE YOUR LIFE.
[All Imitating Fire Marshall Bill]
LET HIM SHOW YOU SOMETHING!
[Man On TV] WELL, IT'S HALFTIME
HERE AT THE SUPER BOWL,
AND... [Chuckles] WHAT A
SUPER BAND, HUH, BOB?
ANOTHER PITCHER OF FLAMING
KAMIKAZES, STEVE-O! [Man] YOU GOT IT.
[Whistle Blowing]
FOOTBALL AND ALCOHOL:
A DEADLY COMBINATION!
HOWDY FOLKS. I'M
FIRE MARSHALL BILL,
HERE TO MAKE SURE YOUR SUPER
BOWL SUNDAY IS A S-S-SAFE ONE.
UH-OH. I SEE SOMEONE
SERVIN' UP SOME DANGER.
HEY! JUST WHAT GIVES
HERE, BLOODY MARY?
MY NAME IS MINDY, AND I'M BUSY.
SERVING DRINKS TO THESE YAHOOS
DURING HALFTIME CAN BE LUCRATIVE.
BUT IT CAN ALSO PUT
YOU OUT FOR THE SEASON.
WHAT IF SOME PRACTICAL JOKER
SWITCHES YOUR COCKTAIL TRAY...
WITH THIS HERE
REGULATION DARTBOARD?
EVERYONE'S A LITTLE TIPSY.
YOU GO TO COLLECT ON THE TAB.
♪ AH LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA ♪
HEY, GUYS, HOW ABOUT
THROWING ME A FEW TIPS?
WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
SOMEONE GOT A BULL'S-EYE.
[Cackling]
HOLD IT JUST A
FIRECRACKIN' MINUTE.
- IS THAT A KARAOKE MACHINE
YOU'VE GOT THERE?
- YEAH.
WELL, IT'S AWFUL CLOSE
TO YOUR BIG-SCREEN TV.
- LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING!
- [Dartboard Thuds]
LET'S JUST SAY YOU'RE SINGING
AN INSPIRATIONAL FOOTBALL SONG.
♪ ROCK 'EM, SOCK 'EM,
KICK 'EM TILL YOU LICK 'EM ♪
♪ GO T-T-T-T-T-TEAM ♪♪
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, ONE OF
YOUR BUDDIES GETS FOOTBALL FEVER...
AND DECIDES TO
GATORADE YOU LIKE SO.
OH, MAN! MY BIG-SCREEN'S
RUINED! JOCKO, 86 THIS CREEP.
I WOULDN'T DO THAT, JOCKO. AAH!
WHEN YOU'VE BEEN ELECTROCUTED AS
MANY TIMES AS I HAVE, WHO NEEDS A ZAPPER?
[Cackling] [Electrical Sizzling]
'SCUZE ME, FELLAS. HEY!
[Purring Groan]
WHAT THE HELL'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO TEACH US?
SOME THINGS YOU JUST
HAVE TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF.
OKAY, SPORTS FANS, ONE
MORE DEMONSTRATION...
AND MY JOB HERE IS DONE.
LET'S JUST SAY YOU GUYS DECIDE TO
HAVE A LITTLE SUPER BOWL OF YOUR OWN.
WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW IS THIS PLACE WAS BUILT
ON AN ANCIENT TERRORIST BURIAL GROUND.
YOUR QUARTERBACK IS
POSSESSED BY THE DEMON SPIRIT...
OF A MUNITIONS EXPERT FROM
THE IRISH REPUBLICAN ARMY.
♪ OH, DANNY BOY ♪
COACH CALLS FOR A LONG BOMB.
HE TAKES HIM LITERALLY, THROWING
THIS EXPLOSIVE DEVICE INTO THE END ZONE.
YOU SCORE THE T.D. YOU'RE HAVING
AN EPIPHANY. YOU'RE GONNA CELEBRATE.
EVERYBODY RUN!
SUNDAY, BLOODY SUNDAY.
THEY'RE NOT LISTENING STILL.
PERHAPS THEY...
♪ NEVER WILL ♪
HEY! THEY'RE TRYING
TO LAND THE BLIMP!
YOU KNOW, THESE MOORING LINES
CAN BE EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE.
- LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING!
- [All Scream]
OH, THE HUMANITY. [Cackling]
[Announcer] NEXT UP, THE MILLION-DOLLAR
GIVEAWAY AND MEN ON FOOTBALL.
[Cheering]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK
YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THIS IS SUGAR RAY LEONARD
HERE AT THE HALFTIME PARTY.
WE PULLED A COUPLE OF CELEBRITIES
OUT OF THE CROWD SO THEY COULD TELL US...
JUST HOW THE PARTY WAS GOING.
ALL RIGHT. HERE WE
GOT PHIL FROM DREXELL'S
CLASS. DO YOU LIKE IT?
IS THIS GOOD FOR YOU?
I'M HAVING THE
TIME OF MY LIFE, MAN.
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE BEST
THING THAT I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE GUACAMOLE?
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE NACHOS?
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE BEER?
ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME?
ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS,
MAN. IT'S THE BEST. THE BEST.
I HEARD THAT. NOW, WE
GOT BLAIR UNDERWOOD HERE.
[Whooping]
SUGAR RAY, SUGAR RAY. BLAIR,
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE FESTIVITIES?
IS IT A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR
YOU BEING HERE FOR SUPER BOWL?
ARE YOU ENJOYING
THE NACHOS? ARE YOU
ENJOYING THE GUACAMOLE?
OH, I'M FEELING GOOD.
THE GUACAMOLE'S GOOD. THE
REDSKINS ARE WINNING. I'M FEELING GOOD.
I HEAR THAT. NOW WE'RE
GONNA GO ON OVER HERE.
IF YOU WATCH TOTALLY PAULY, THIS
IS PAULY. PAULY'S A FRIEND OF MINE.
PAULY, ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS? IS THERE
ENOUGH "NUGS" IN THE HOUSE FOR YOU?
EXCUSE ME, SIR? IS THERE ENOUGH
"NUGS" IN THE HOUSE FOR YOU, PAULY?
UH, YES, SIR, THERE'S PLENTY OF FLY
GIRLS HERE, AND THEY'RE VERY MOIST-URE.
WHOA. NOW, DID YOU BRING
CORKY WITH YOU? IS CORKY HERE?
YEAH, CORKY'S HERE TOO. FROM
PARKER LEWIS. YEAH, THERE HE IS.
CAN YOU STEP ON UP HERE FOR A MINUTE?
EVERYBODY GIVE HIM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE
FESTIVITIES? AS YOU CAN SEE,
WE GOT GIRLS HERE, WE GOT GUYS
HERE, EVERYBODY'S HAVING A GOOD TIME.
PEOPLE ARE HAVING BEER, PEOPLE
ARE HAVING GUACAMOLE AND NACHOS.
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE FESTIVITIES
SO FAR? I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME. YOU?
I'M HAVING A VERY, VERY, VERY,
VERY, VERY, VERY GOOD TIME.
EL 96...
PRESENTS MEN ON FOOTBALL.
HELLO! I'M BLAYNE EDWARDS.
AND I'M ANTOINE MERRYWETHER.
[Together] AND WELCOME
TO MEN ON FOOTBALL.
THE SHOW THAT LOOKS AT
FOOTBALL FROM A MALE POINT OF VIEW.
THAT'S RIGHT. TONIGHT
WE'RE LIVE AND UNCENSORED.
THAT'S RIGHT, NAKED TO
THE WORLD. PEEKABOO!
PLEASE, STOP.
DO YOU KNOW WE
HAVE A NEW SPONSOR?
WILSON SPORTING GOODS...
THE OFFICIAL BALLS OF THE NFL.
I AIN'T SAID A WORD.
YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE
WERE VERY SURPRISED TO HEAR...
THAT WE WAS DOING A
SPECIAL FOOTBALL SHOW.
BUT WE'VE BEEN FANS OF
FOOTBALL FOR MANY YEARS.
I MEAN, WHAT OTHER GAME BOASTS
SUCH GREAT NAMES LIKE DICK BUTKUS?
OR MY FAVORITE, BOB GRIESE.
NOW, ISN'T HE A
TIGHT END? HE WAS.
STILL, THERE'S A LOT
OF THINGS ABOUT THIS
GAME THAT COULD BE
BETTER, LIKE THE UNIFORMS.
[Together] HATED 'EM.
FOR INSTANCE, YOU KNOW, I WAS
SO DISAPPOINTED WHEN I FOUND OUT...
THAT THOSE NUMBERS ON THE BACK,
THEY WERE JUST FOR IDENTIFICATION.
OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
THE SMALLEST ONE I SAW WAS 11.
AND THEN I SAW ONE THAT
SAID 78. CHILD, I ALMOST FAINTED.
[Giggles]
YOU NEED TO STOP.
AND YOU KNOW, I FOUND THAT THOSE PADDED
SHOULDERS WERE JUST TOO JOAN CRAWFORD.
MM-HMM. AND SPEAKING
OF OLD FISH... MM-HMM.
WHAT ABOUT THOSE CHEERLEADERS?
[Together] HATED 'EM.
I MEAN, WHAT GOOD ARE THEY?
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THESE ARE MENS...
WHO JUST LOOK AT EACH OTHERS FOR THEY
"STRUNGTH" AND INSPIRATION TO DO THEY BEST,
NOT SOME SCALLOP
ON THE SIDELINES.
FUFF!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
THEY BRING 'EM IN. MM-HMM.
AND WHAT ABOUT THIS
MATCHUP TODAY, THE
BUFFALO BILLS AGAINST
THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS?
OH, YES! IT'S LIKE PLAYING
COWBOYS AND INDIANS.
[War Whoop]
WELL, TIE ME UP AND SCALP ME,
BUT I'D BE A LOT MORE ENTERTAINED...
IF THEY WERE PLAYING WITH
THE OILERS AND PACKERS.
THAT'S A THOUGHT. [Chuckles]
NOW, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLAY OF
THE GAME, 'TOINE? WELL, TO BE TRUTHFUL,
MM-HMM? FOR ME NOTHING BEATS...
THAT "RESQUISITE"
MOMENT OF TENSION...
RIGHT BEFORE THE PLAY BEGIN,
AS THE MUSCULAR, SWEATY FOOTBALL
MENS GET DOWN ON THAT LINE OF SCRIMMAGE.
THERE THEY IS,
EYEBALL TO EYEBALL.
THEY BREATHS IS COMIN' OUT LIKE
STEAM FROM A BIG BULL'S NOSTRILS.
I JUST GOT THREE WORDS
TO DESCRIBE IT... DE-LI-CIOUS.
I'M THROUGH.
UH-OH, I THINK I
JUST SPRUNG A LEAK.
AND SPEAKING OF FOOTBALL, LET'S
BRING BACK THAT JOE NAMATH. MM-HMM.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THE TIME WHEN HE PUT ON
THOSE PANTY HOSE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
IT MUST HAVE TAKEN SO MUCH COURAGE
FOR HIM TO COME OUT AND SAY, "THIS IS ME.
THIS IS WHO I AM. CALL
ME BROADWAY JOE,
'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I
DO IT... THE 'BROAD' WAY."
[Blows Whistle] TIME OUT.
NOW, YOU GOT TO REVERSE THAT
CALL. JOE NAMATH IS MARRIED. HELLO!
NOW, I'M VERY CONFUSED
ABOUT THIS PART OF THE GAME.
NOW, BLAYNE, WE ALL KNOW WHAT A
RED FLAG IN THE RIGHT POCKET MEANS.
MM-HMM. BUT WHAT DOES A YELLOW
FLAG IN THE LEFT POCKET MEAN?
OH, I THINK THOSE ARE THE
WIDE RECEIVERS. MM-HMM.
BUT THERE'S SO MUCH ABOUT THIS
GAME THAT'S SO CONFUSING. MM-HMM.
FOR INSTANCE, WHY DO THEY STOP A PLAY
WHEN THERE'S TOO MANY MENS ON THE FIELD?
TO ME, THAT'S PARTY
TIME. BECAUSE, BLAYNE,
TOO MANY MENS, THAT'S
AN ILLEGAL FORMATION.
WELL, IF LOVE IS WRONG,
THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT.
OH, YOU DON'T KNOW THE
FIRST THING ABOUT FOOTBALL.
AND YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST
THING ABOUT LOTION. SO ANYWAYS...
OH, YOU ABOUT TO SERIOUSLY
WORK MY LAST GOOD NERVE, AIN'T YOU?
DON'T GET MAD, 'TOINE.
IS THAT ALL YOU? [Giggles]
YOU CAN SHOW ME HOW TO
PLAY. TEACH ME. GO AHEAD.
OKAY. YOU HAVE A BALL? I
THINK I HAVE ONE RIGHT HERE.
COME ON.
NOW... I THINK I PLAYED
THIS ONE BEFORE.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY "HIKE" AND TAKE
THE LITTLE, BLUE BALL AND START RUNNING.
BUT ISN'T THAT GONNA HURT YOU?
TAKE THE BALL, SILLY.
GO AHEAD. SAY, "HIKE."
[Both Squealing]
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. WHERE'S
ALL THE MENS THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CHASE ME?
I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME.
WELL, THAT'S OUR SHOW FOR
THIS WEEK. BUT BEFORE WE GO,
WE'D LIKE TO SALUTE
ALL THE MENS PLAYING THE
SUPER BOWL WITH OUR
SPECIAL SUPER BOWL SNAP.
[Together] TWO SNAPS AND
YOUR BACKFIELD IN MOTION.
GOOD-BYE! GOOD NIGHT.
♪ IT'S RAINING MEN HALLELUJAH ♪
♪ IT'S RAINING MEN AMEN ♪♪
[Announcer] STAY TUNED
FOR COLOR ME BADD.
OKAY, THANK YOU, ROGER.
HALFTIME IS ALMOST OVER,
BUT WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET SOME
LAST-MINUTE INSTRUCTIONS FROM THE COACH.
WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET A WORD FROM
HIM RIGHT NOW. HERE HE COMES NOW.
COACH, CAN WE GET A WORD FROM YOU
REAL QUICK? [Man] YEAH, YOU SURE CAN.
NOW, WHAT DID YOU TELL
YOUR PLAYERS BEFORE
THEY LEFT THE LOCKER
ROOM FOR THE SECOND HALF?
WELL, WHAT I TOLD THEM WAS JUST RELAX
AND CONCENTRATE AND PLAY SOME BALL.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU LEAVE
THE CANDY AND THE GIRLS ALONE,
BECAUSE THAT MAKES
YOUR LEGS WEAK, YOU KNOW.
WHAT I'M TRYING TO GET 'EM TO DO
IS DON'T LET THEM DICTATE THE GAME.
AND I BELIEVE IF WE
PLAY AS HARD AS WE CAN,
THEN WE CAN PLAY UP
TO OUR POTENTIAL, O.J.
WELL, LOOK, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
THE TEAM'S FIRST-HALF PERFORMANCE?
WELL, ANYTIME YOU HAVE A BIG GAME, I
MEAN, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SOME JITTERS.
I MEAN, IF WE COULD START STICKING
SOME PEOPLE, PUTTIN' HANDS ON THE PEOPLE,
YOU KNOW, GIVE 'EM
110% EVERY SINGLE TIME,
THEN I BELIEVE THE
SUPER BOWL IS OURS.
OKAY, WELL, LOOK HERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR
GUYS ARE GONNA DO 'ROUND
ABOUT THE SECOND HALF?
YOU GOT A LOT OF
OPPORTUNITIES TO GET GOING.
BUFFALO'S GOT ITS
RUNNING GAME GOING WELL.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT THAT? THEY'RE
REALLY PENETRATING, A LOT OF RUNNING.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
GONNA DO ABOUT THAT?
WELL, WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS
PLAY SOME CONTROL-TYPE OFFENSE.
I MEAN, WE GOTTA KEEP THE BALL
FROM THEM IN THE SECOND HALF.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW...
[Indistinct] [Horn Honks]
OPEN THAT UP. I MEAN, BECAUSE IF WE DON'T
DO THAT... I KNOW IT'S HARD TO HEAR ME.
BUT WE'LL GET A FEW BREAKS,
AND WE'LL BE FINE, YOU KNOW.
BUT AS YOU KNOW, THIS GAME
IS A GAME OF UPS AND DOWNS.
SO WE'RE GONNA GO OUT THERE AND GET
THE MOMENTUM GOIN' FOR US, YOU KNOW?
WELL, LOOK, BUFFALO
GOT THEIR RUNNING GAME
GOING EARLY. THEY'RE
PENETRATING THE LINES.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT THAT?
ARE YOU GONNA PUT SOME LINEBACKERS IN?
WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN IN THE SECOND
HALF? WHAT WE'RE GONNA TRY TO DO...
IS GET OUR PASSING GAME GOING.
AS YOU KNOW, THE WAR'S NOT OVER.
THE BATTLE HAS TO KEEP BEING FOUGHT.
YOU CAN'T ALLOW THEM
TO PLAY... I MEAN, THEY'RE
PLAYING WORSE THAN MY
GRANDMOTHER WOULD PLAY.
SO THEY JUST GOTTA GO OUT
THERE WITH OUR HEADS ON. [Gunshots]
WELL, I THINK THAT'S THE
SIGNAL FOR THE SECOND
HALF. I GOT ONE MORE
QUESTION TO ASK YOU.
ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU GONNA
GO WITH YOUR AIR ATTACK?
WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU DO
A LOT OF THAT IN THIS GAME.
WELL, WE'RE GONNA KEEP
RUNNING AT 'EM WITH WHAT WE HAVE,
AND THEN WE'RE GONNA TRY TO KEEP, YOU KNOW,
GET THE PASSING GAME WIDE OPEN FOR IT.
WELL, THANK YOU, COACH. I'M GONNA
HAVE TO WRAP THIS UP. ALL RIGHT, O.J.
ROGER, BACK TO YOU.
WE'RE GONNA BE LOOKING
FORWARD TO A GREAT
SECOND HALF OF FOOTBALL.
[Shoes Thudding]
I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYBODY WHO
WAS INVOLVED IN OUR FIRST LIVE SHOW:
MY CAST, OF COURSE, ALL
THE WRITERS, [Scattered Shouts]
A GREAT TECH CREW,
ALL OUR SPECIAL GUESTS.
WE HAD A GREAT TIME. I WANT TO
THANK ALL YOU FOLKS FOR TUNING IN.
REMEMBER, WE'RE HERE EVERY
SUNDAY, 8:00, RIGHT HERE ON FOX.
SO COME ON BACK AND
CHECK US OUT. WE GOT A VERY...
KEENEN, KEENEN, I JUST WANT TO
SAY... WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY, DAVID?
I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU...
AND THE PEOPLE IN THE THING...
[Screaming]
AND I WANT TO... AND I WANT TO
APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING BUFFALO!
OH, OH! YEAH! OH, OH, OH!
YO... IT'S KAREN'S BIRTHDAY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN,
AND BILLY, AND AUNT LOUISE,
AND CARMEN... ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
HEY, HI, PATRICK IN
WISCONSIN! [Giggles]
WHO'S PATRICK IN
WISCONSIN? I HAVE NO FRIENDS.
YOU'RE DEAD, PATRICK! YOU'RE A
DEAD MAN! STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. BEFORE WE GO, WE GOT A
VERY SPECIAL GUEST JOINING US THIS WEEK.
THEY'RE GOING NUMBER ONE ON THE POP CHARTS
THIS WEEK... ANOTHER SONG, THE THIRD ONE.
A VERY TALENTED GROUP WITH US HERE
FOR YOU... COLOR ME BADD TAKING US HOME.
THANK Y'ALL. PEACE.
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
♪ KEEP ON PARTYIN'
KEEP ON PARTYIN' ♪
♪ HEY, BEAUTIFUL LADY ♪
♪ I NEED YOU TONIGHT ♪
♪ LOVELY, LOVELY LADY ♪
♪ I WANNA MAKE YOU
FEEL ALL RIGHT, YEAH ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪ YOU FEEL SO RIGHT ♪
♪ I WANNA LOVE YOU DOWN ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ AND YOU ARE SO FINE ♪
♪ ALL I WANNA DO IS ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ I WANNA SEX YOU UP ♪
♪ YEAH, ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I WANNA SEX YOU UP ♪
ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.
♪ AND I WON'T STOP, STOP ♪
♪ LET ME TAKE OFF
ALL YOUR CLOTHES ♪
♪ DISCONNECT THE PHONE
SO NOBODY KNOWS, YEAH ♪
♪ LET ME LIGHT A CANDLE
SO WE CAN MAKE IT BETTER ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE UNTIL WE DROWN ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
YOU FEEL SO RIGHT, BABY.
♪ OH, ALL NIGHT, YEAH ♪
♪ NOW WOULD YOU BE MY WIFE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE ALL I WANNA DO IS ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ I WANNA SEX YOU UP ♪
♪ YEAH, ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ I WANT ♪
♪ TO ♪
♪ I WANNA SEX YOU UP ♪
YO, K.T.!
♪ COME ON, BABY WHERE YOU
GOING 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I WANT IT ♪
♪ BECAUSE I WANT IT ♪
♪♪ [Continues, Indistinct]
[Announcer] THANKS FOR JOINING US FOR
THE IN LIVING COLOR SUPER HALFTIME PARTY.
IN JUST A FEW MOMENTS,
WE'LL BE RETURNING YOU...
TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING
ALREADY IN PROGRESS.
THAT MEANS MORE IN LIVING COLOR,
FOLLOWED BY A HILARIOUS MARRIED...
WITH CHILDREN, EXCEPT ON THE WEST COAST.
CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS.
♪ YEAH, FEELS SO RIGHT
IT CAN'T BE WRONG ♪
♪ OH, DON'T BE SHY,
GIRL COME TO ME ♪
♪ I WANNA SEX YOU UP ♪
♪ GET WITH ME ♪
♪ OPEN UP YOUR HEART AND
I'LL SET YOU FREE, YEAH ♪♪
[Cheering, Applause]
THANKS. THANK YOU.
REGULAR PROGRAMMING TO PRESENT...
THE IN LIVING COLOR
SUPER HALFTIME PARTY...
LIVE FROM HOLLYWOOD.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY BITE-SIZE
DORITOS BRAND TORTILLA CHIPS.
HEY, HEY, HEY! WHAT'S
UP, WHAT'S UP, WHAT'S UP?
WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE
FIRST HALF OF THE GAME. [Cheering]
WELCOME TO THE IN LIVING COLOR
HALFTIME COUNTDOWN PARTY.
WE'RE COMING TO YOU LIVE
FROM FOX STUDIOS IN HOLLYWOOD.
HEY, I KNOW WHAT
YOU GUYS ARE THINKING.
YOU ARE THINKING, "HEY,
ARE THESE BOZOS GONNA
MAKE US MISS ANY PART
OF THE SECOND HALF?"
THAT'S WHERE THIS COMES IN...
OUR SUPER BOWL COUNTDOWN CLOCK.
IT'LL BE COMING IN LATER
IN THE SHOW TO LET YOU
KNOW WHEN TO SWITCH
BACK TO THE SECOND HALF.
YOU WON'T MISS ANY OF
THE SENSELESS BRUTALITY.
BUT CHECK THIS OUT. THE BAD BOYS OF COMEDY
GOT A LOT OF ACTION FOR YOU RIGHT HERE...
FIRE MARSHALL BILL, MEN ON, AND
COLOR ME BADD PERFORMING HERE LIVE.
[Cheering]
AND ABOUT 2,000 CENSORS READY
TO PULL THE PLUG AT ANY MOMENT.
SO IF YOU'RE READY, HEY, WE'RE READY. SO
LET'S HANG OUT WITH THE HOMEBOYZ RIGHT NOW.
WHAT'S UP? GET OUT OF HERE!
[Indistinct Shout]
[Together] WELCOME TO THE
HOMEBOYZ SHOPPING NETWORK.
THAT'S RIGHT. FOR ALL YOU SUPER
BOWL FANS, I'M WIZ, THIS IS THE ICE MAN.
[Together] CHILLIN'.
YO. WELCOME TO OUR
SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SALE.
WE GOT SOME SUPER SLICK, SMASH IT WITH
A BRICK, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN...
SORRY, CENSORS, THAT'S
MERELY A DISPLAY ITEM.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. COMIN'
TO YOU LIVE. Y'ALL IN THE HOUSE.
YO, CHECK IT OUT. FOR ALL YOU LITTLE COUCH
POTATOES OUT THERE, SITTING THERE SAYING,
"YO, HOMEBOY, HOW CAN I GET
CLOSER TO THE ACTION?" BIP.
BIP. BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE.
YO. NOT ONLY WILL WE GET YOU ON THE FIELD,
BUT WE CAN ACTUALLY GET YOU IN THE GAME.
THAT'S RIGHT. [Groaning]
THEY BROKE MY RIBS. I WANT
MY MONEY BACK. [Both Laugh]
ANOTHER SATISFIED CUSTOMER.
YO, SHOW 'EM THE N'OTHER STUFF.
SHOW THEM THE N'OTHER STUFF.
FOR ALL YOU COLLECTORS OUT THERE, WE'VE
BEEN DOING A LITTLE COLLECTING OF OUR OWN.
CHECK IT OUT...
NFL PLAYER CARDS.
GOT ALL YOUR
FAVORITES RIGHT HERE...
MASTERCARD, VISA,
THURMAN THOMAS' GOLD CARD.
YO, DIDN'T THURMAN THOMAS JUST SIGN,
LIKE, ONE OF THOSE "MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR,
GET A HO AND A COUPLE OF YACHTS,
AND BE LOVELY FOR LIFE" TYPE DEALS?
I THINK SO. [Scoffs]
YOU THINKIN' WHAT
I'M THINKIN'? I THINK SO.
SORRY, CUSTOMERS. THAT ONE WAS
JUST A DISPLAY ITEM. BUT DON'T FRET NONE.
'CAUSE WE GOT SOME N'OTHER
STUFF. WE LIKE TO CALL IT:
[Together] JEWELRY,
JEWELRY, JEWELRY.
CHECK IT OUT... SUPER
BOWL RINGS AND THINGS. I
KNOW SOME OF YOU ARE
SITTING OUT THERE SAYING,
"HOMEBOYZ, THESE RINGS
ARE A LITTLE BIG FOR ME."
THAT'S WHY WITH EVERY
PURCHASE WE'RE GONNA GIVE
YOU, ABSOLUTELY FREE,
THIS JAR OF NFL VITAMINS.
THAT'S RIGHT. WITHIN SIX MONTHS, YOU'LL BE
WEARING THESE BAD BOYS LIKE PINKIE RINGS.
YO, WHAT ELSE WE GOT, HOMEY?
[Trilling] SHOW 'EM THE N'OTHER
STUFF! SHOW 'EM THE N'OTHER STUFF!
FOR ALL THE LITTLE KIDDIES OUT THERE,
IF YOU ACT NOW, FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY,
THESE AUTOGRAPHED NFL FOOTBALLS,
AUTOGRAPHED BY MARK RYPIEN HIMSELF.
HOW YOU DO THAT, HOMEBOY? LET'S JUST SAY I
DID A LITTLE QUARTERBACK SNEAK OF MY OWN.
SIGN THIS. PUT THAT
ONE, "TO LAQUIDA."
THAT'S L-A... QUIDA.
YOU FIGURE IT OUT. [Scoffs]
YO, JUST A TIP, Y'ALL. IN THE SECOND
HALF, BET HEAVY ON THE 'SKINS.
EXACTLY. NOW, HOMEBOY.
WHAT? I SAID, "HOMEBOY."
WHAT? DON'T MAKE ME
SAY "HOMEBOY" AGAIN.
SUPPOSE I WANT TO WATCH
SUPER BOWL ACTION NEXT YEAR.
UH-HUH. AT HOME? AT HOME.
SAY NO MORE.
HOO! LET'S GO TO THE
WIDE-SCREEN. OH, SNAP!
YO, YOU HOOK THIS BAD BOY UP IN
YOUR LIVING ROOM, POP OUT SOME O.E.,
THROW IN A COUPLE OF PORNO TAPES,
YOU'LL BE THE TOAST OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
THAT'S RIGHT. YO, PEE-WEE HERMAN
MIGHT EVEN COME BY YOUR PAD.
NOW, YOU SET THEM CHAIRS OUT THERE AND
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN VERSION OF PAY-PER-VIEW.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS:
MO' MONEY, MO' MONEY, MO' MONEY!
YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
FOR THE GUY WHO BUYS THE MOST
MERCHANDISE, YOU WILL BE OUR M.V.P.
MOST VALUABLE PERPETRATOR. THAT
MEANS YOU GET TO DRIVE THIS BABY HOME.
YO, CHECK OUT THE
CLASSIC LINES. YEAH.
CHECK OUT THE
HEADLIGHTS. UH-HUH.
CHECK OUT THE TRUNK SPACE.
YEAH, AND THE CAR COMES WITH IT TOO.
[Man On P.A.] SECURITY ALERT, LEVEL
FIVE. SECURITY ALERT, LEVEL FIVE.
UH-OH. I THINK THAT'S
OUR TWO-MINUTE WARNING.
YO, HOMEBOY, NOW THAT WE'VE
DISCOUNTED ALL THIS LOVELY MERCHANDISE,
WHAT WE GONNA DO NEXT? YO, WE
GONNA GO BREAK INTO DISNEYLAND.
PEACE, Y'ALL.
[Announcer] STAY TUNED
FOR FIRE MARSHALL BILL.
[Cheering] WHOO!
YEA! WELCOME BACK TO THE PARTY.
WE HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A
GREAT SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, WE'RE HOPING
YOU HAVE A SAFE SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.
FIRE MARSHALL BILL HAS GOT SOME
VERY IMPORTANT TIPS FOR EVERYONE,
SO PLEASE PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE
WHAT YOU HEAR COULD JUST SAVE YOUR LIFE.
[All Imitating Fire Marshall Bill]
LET HIM SHOW YOU SOMETHING!
[Man On TV] WELL, IT'S HALFTIME
HERE AT THE SUPER BOWL,
AND... [Chuckles] WHAT A
SUPER BAND, HUH, BOB?
ANOTHER PITCHER OF FLAMING
KAMIKAZES, STEVE-O! [Man] YOU GOT IT.
[Whistle Blowing]
FOOTBALL AND ALCOHOL:
A DEADLY COMBINATION!
HOWDY FOLKS. I'M
FIRE MARSHALL BILL,
HERE TO MAKE SURE YOUR SUPER
BOWL SUNDAY IS A S-S-SAFE ONE.
UH-OH. I SEE SOMEONE
SERVIN' UP SOME DANGER.
HEY! JUST WHAT GIVES
HERE, BLOODY MARY?
MY NAME IS MINDY, AND I'M BUSY.
SERVING DRINKS TO THESE YAHOOS
DURING HALFTIME CAN BE LUCRATIVE.
BUT IT CAN ALSO PUT
YOU OUT FOR THE SEASON.
WHAT IF SOME PRACTICAL JOKER
SWITCHES YOUR COCKTAIL TRAY...
WITH THIS HERE
REGULATION DARTBOARD?
EVERYONE'S A LITTLE TIPSY.
YOU GO TO COLLECT ON THE TAB.
♪ AH LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA ♪
HEY, GUYS, HOW ABOUT
THROWING ME A FEW TIPS?
WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
SOMEONE GOT A BULL'S-EYE.
[Cackling]
HOLD IT JUST A
FIRECRACKIN' MINUTE.
- IS THAT A KARAOKE MACHINE
YOU'VE GOT THERE?
- YEAH.
WELL, IT'S AWFUL CLOSE
TO YOUR BIG-SCREEN TV.
- LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING!
- [Dartboard Thuds]
LET'S JUST SAY YOU'RE SINGING
AN INSPIRATIONAL FOOTBALL SONG.
♪ ROCK 'EM, SOCK 'EM,
KICK 'EM TILL YOU LICK 'EM ♪
♪ GO T-T-T-T-T-TEAM ♪♪
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, ONE OF
YOUR BUDDIES GETS FOOTBALL FEVER...
AND DECIDES TO
GATORADE YOU LIKE SO.
OH, MAN! MY BIG-SCREEN'S
RUINED! JOCKO, 86 THIS CREEP.
I WOULDN'T DO THAT, JOCKO. AAH!
WHEN YOU'VE BEEN ELECTROCUTED AS
MANY TIMES AS I HAVE, WHO NEEDS A ZAPPER?
[Cackling] [Electrical Sizzling]
'SCUZE ME, FELLAS. HEY!
[Purring Groan]
WHAT THE HELL'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO TEACH US?
SOME THINGS YOU JUST
HAVE TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF.
OKAY, SPORTS FANS, ONE
MORE DEMONSTRATION...
AND MY JOB HERE IS DONE.
LET'S JUST SAY YOU GUYS DECIDE TO
HAVE A LITTLE SUPER BOWL OF YOUR OWN.
WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW IS THIS PLACE WAS BUILT
ON AN ANCIENT TERRORIST BURIAL GROUND.
YOUR QUARTERBACK IS
POSSESSED BY THE DEMON SPIRIT...
OF A MUNITIONS EXPERT FROM
THE IRISH REPUBLICAN ARMY.
♪ OH, DANNY BOY ♪
COACH CALLS FOR A LONG BOMB.
HE TAKES HIM LITERALLY, THROWING
THIS EXPLOSIVE DEVICE INTO THE END ZONE.
YOU SCORE THE T.D. YOU'RE HAVING
AN EPIPHANY. YOU'RE GONNA CELEBRATE.
EVERYBODY RUN!
SUNDAY, BLOODY SUNDAY.
THEY'RE NOT LISTENING STILL.
PERHAPS THEY...
♪ NEVER WILL ♪
HEY! THEY'RE TRYING
TO LAND THE BLIMP!
YOU KNOW, THESE MOORING LINES
CAN BE EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE.
- LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING!
- [All Scream]
OH, THE HUMANITY. [Cackling]
[Announcer] NEXT UP, THE MILLION-DOLLAR
GIVEAWAY AND MEN ON FOOTBALL.
[Cheering]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK
YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THIS IS SUGAR RAY LEONARD
HERE AT THE HALFTIME PARTY.
WE PULLED A COUPLE OF CELEBRITIES
OUT OF THE CROWD SO THEY COULD TELL US...
JUST HOW THE PARTY WAS GOING.
ALL RIGHT. HERE WE
GOT PHIL FROM DREXELL'S
CLASS. DO YOU LIKE IT?
IS THIS GOOD FOR YOU?
I'M HAVING THE
TIME OF MY LIFE, MAN.
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE BEST
THING THAT I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE GUACAMOLE?
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE NACHOS?
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE BEER?
ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME?
ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS,
MAN. IT'S THE BEST. THE BEST.
I HEARD THAT. NOW, WE
GOT BLAIR UNDERWOOD HERE.
[Whooping]
SUGAR RAY, SUGAR RAY. BLAIR,
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE FESTIVITIES?
IS IT A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR
YOU BEING HERE FOR SUPER BOWL?
ARE YOU ENJOYING
THE NACHOS? ARE YOU
ENJOYING THE GUACAMOLE?
OH, I'M FEELING GOOD.
THE GUACAMOLE'S GOOD. THE
REDSKINS ARE WINNING. I'M FEELING GOOD.
I HEAR THAT. NOW WE'RE
GONNA GO ON OVER HERE.
IF YOU WATCH TOTALLY PAULY, THIS
IS PAULY. PAULY'S A FRIEND OF MINE.
PAULY, ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS? IS THERE
ENOUGH "NUGS" IN THE HOUSE FOR YOU?
EXCUSE ME, SIR? IS THERE ENOUGH
"NUGS" IN THE HOUSE FOR YOU, PAULY?
UH, YES, SIR, THERE'S PLENTY OF FLY
GIRLS HERE, AND THEY'RE VERY MOIST-URE.
WHOA. NOW, DID YOU BRING
CORKY WITH YOU? IS CORKY HERE?
YEAH, CORKY'S HERE TOO. FROM
PARKER LEWIS. YEAH, THERE HE IS.
CAN YOU STEP ON UP HERE FOR A MINUTE?
EVERYBODY GIVE HIM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE
FESTIVITIES? AS YOU CAN SEE,
WE GOT GIRLS HERE, WE GOT GUYS
HERE, EVERYBODY'S HAVING A GOOD TIME.
PEOPLE ARE HAVING BEER, PEOPLE
ARE HAVING GUACAMOLE AND NACHOS.
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE FESTIVITIES
SO FAR? I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME. YOU?
I'M HAVING A VERY, VERY, VERY,
VERY, VERY, VERY GOOD TIME.
EL 96...
PRESENTS MEN ON FOOTBALL.
HELLO! I'M BLAYNE EDWARDS.
AND I'M ANTOINE MERRYWETHER.
[Together] AND WELCOME
TO MEN ON FOOTBALL.
THE SHOW THAT LOOKS AT
FOOTBALL FROM A MALE POINT OF VIEW.
THAT'S RIGHT. TONIGHT
WE'RE LIVE AND UNCENSORED.
THAT'S RIGHT, NAKED TO
THE WORLD. PEEKABOO!
PLEASE, STOP.
DO YOU KNOW WE
HAVE A NEW SPONSOR?
WILSON SPORTING GOODS...
THE OFFICIAL BALLS OF THE NFL.
I AIN'T SAID A WORD.
YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE
WERE VERY SURPRISED TO HEAR...
THAT WE WAS DOING A
SPECIAL FOOTBALL SHOW.
BUT WE'VE BEEN FANS OF
FOOTBALL FOR MANY YEARS.
I MEAN, WHAT OTHER GAME BOASTS
SUCH GREAT NAMES LIKE DICK BUTKUS?
OR MY FAVORITE, BOB GRIESE.
NOW, ISN'T HE A
TIGHT END? HE WAS.
STILL, THERE'S A LOT
OF THINGS ABOUT THIS
GAME THAT COULD BE
BETTER, LIKE THE UNIFORMS.
[Together] HATED 'EM.
FOR INSTANCE, YOU KNOW, I WAS
SO DISAPPOINTED WHEN I FOUND OUT...
THAT THOSE NUMBERS ON THE BACK,
THEY WERE JUST FOR IDENTIFICATION.
OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
THE SMALLEST ONE I SAW WAS 11.
AND THEN I SAW ONE THAT
SAID 78. CHILD, I ALMOST FAINTED.
[Giggles]
YOU NEED TO STOP.
AND YOU KNOW, I FOUND THAT THOSE PADDED
SHOULDERS WERE JUST TOO JOAN CRAWFORD.
MM-HMM. AND SPEAKING
OF OLD FISH... MM-HMM.
WHAT ABOUT THOSE CHEERLEADERS?
[Together] HATED 'EM.
I MEAN, WHAT GOOD ARE THEY?
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THESE ARE MENS...
WHO JUST LOOK AT EACH OTHERS FOR THEY
"STRUNGTH" AND INSPIRATION TO DO THEY BEST,
NOT SOME SCALLOP
ON THE SIDELINES.
FUFF!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
THEY BRING 'EM IN. MM-HMM.
AND WHAT ABOUT THIS
MATCHUP TODAY, THE
BUFFALO BILLS AGAINST
THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS?
OH, YES! IT'S LIKE PLAYING
COWBOYS AND INDIANS.
[War Whoop]
WELL, TIE ME UP AND SCALP ME,
BUT I'D BE A LOT MORE ENTERTAINED...
IF THEY WERE PLAYING WITH
THE OILERS AND PACKERS.
THAT'S A THOUGHT. [Chuckles]
NOW, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLAY OF
THE GAME, 'TOINE? WELL, TO BE TRUTHFUL,
MM-HMM? FOR ME NOTHING BEATS...
THAT "RESQUISITE"
MOMENT OF TENSION...
RIGHT BEFORE THE PLAY BEGIN,
AS THE MUSCULAR, SWEATY FOOTBALL
MENS GET DOWN ON THAT LINE OF SCRIMMAGE.
THERE THEY IS,
EYEBALL TO EYEBALL.
THEY BREATHS IS COMIN' OUT LIKE
STEAM FROM A BIG BULL'S NOSTRILS.
I JUST GOT THREE WORDS
TO DESCRIBE IT... DE-LI-CIOUS.
I'M THROUGH.
UH-OH, I THINK I
JUST SPRUNG A LEAK.
AND SPEAKING OF FOOTBALL, LET'S
BRING BACK THAT JOE NAMATH. MM-HMM.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THE TIME WHEN HE PUT ON
THOSE PANTY HOSE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
IT MUST HAVE TAKEN SO MUCH COURAGE
FOR HIM TO COME OUT AND SAY, "THIS IS ME.
THIS IS WHO I AM. CALL
ME BROADWAY JOE,
'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I
DO IT... THE 'BROAD' WAY."
[Blows Whistle] TIME OUT.
NOW, YOU GOT TO REVERSE THAT
CALL. JOE NAMATH IS MARRIED. HELLO!
NOW, I'M VERY CONFUSED
ABOUT THIS PART OF THE GAME.
NOW, BLAYNE, WE ALL KNOW WHAT A
RED FLAG IN THE RIGHT POCKET MEANS.
MM-HMM. BUT WHAT DOES A YELLOW
FLAG IN THE LEFT POCKET MEAN?
OH, I THINK THOSE ARE THE
WIDE RECEIVERS. MM-HMM.
BUT THERE'S SO MUCH ABOUT THIS
GAME THAT'S SO CONFUSING. MM-HMM.
FOR INSTANCE, WHY DO THEY STOP A PLAY
WHEN THERE'S TOO MANY MENS ON THE FIELD?
TO ME, THAT'S PARTY
TIME. BECAUSE, BLAYNE,
TOO MANY MENS, THAT'S
AN ILLEGAL FORMATION.
WELL, IF LOVE IS WRONG,
THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT.
OH, YOU DON'T KNOW THE
FIRST THING ABOUT FOOTBALL.
AND YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST
THING ABOUT LOTION. SO ANYWAYS...
OH, YOU ABOUT TO SERIOUSLY
WORK MY LAST GOOD NERVE, AIN'T YOU?
DON'T GET MAD, 'TOINE.
IS THAT ALL YOU? [Giggles]
YOU CAN SHOW ME HOW TO
PLAY. TEACH ME. GO AHEAD.
OKAY. YOU HAVE A BALL? I
THINK I HAVE ONE RIGHT HERE.
COME ON.
NOW... I THINK I PLAYED
THIS ONE BEFORE.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY "HIKE" AND TAKE
THE LITTLE, BLUE BALL AND START RUNNING.
BUT ISN'T THAT GONNA HURT YOU?
TAKE THE BALL, SILLY.
GO AHEAD. SAY, "HIKE."
[Both Squealing]
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. WHERE'S
ALL THE MENS THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CHASE ME?
I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME.
WELL, THAT'S OUR SHOW FOR
THIS WEEK. BUT BEFORE WE GO,
WE'D LIKE TO SALUTE
ALL THE MENS PLAYING THE
SUPER BOWL WITH OUR
SPECIAL SUPER BOWL SNAP.
[Together] TWO SNAPS AND
YOUR BACKFIELD IN MOTION.
GOOD-BYE! GOOD NIGHT.
♪ IT'S RAINING MEN HALLELUJAH ♪
♪ IT'S RAINING MEN AMEN ♪♪
[Announcer] STAY TUNED
FOR COLOR ME BADD.
OKAY, THANK YOU, ROGER.
HALFTIME IS ALMOST OVER,
BUT WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET SOME
LAST-MINUTE INSTRUCTIONS FROM THE COACH.
WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET A WORD FROM
HIM RIGHT NOW. HERE HE COMES NOW.
COACH, CAN WE GET A WORD FROM YOU
REAL QUICK? [Man] YEAH, YOU SURE CAN.
NOW, WHAT DID YOU TELL
YOUR PLAYERS BEFORE
THEY LEFT THE LOCKER
ROOM FOR THE SECOND HALF?
WELL, WHAT I TOLD THEM WAS JUST RELAX
AND CONCENTRATE AND PLAY SOME BALL.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU LEAVE
THE CANDY AND THE GIRLS ALONE,
BECAUSE THAT MAKES
YOUR LEGS WEAK, YOU KNOW.
WHAT I'M TRYING TO GET 'EM TO DO
IS DON'T LET THEM DICTATE THE GAME.
AND I BELIEVE IF WE
PLAY AS HARD AS WE CAN,
THEN WE CAN PLAY UP
TO OUR POTENTIAL, O.J.
WELL, LOOK, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
THE TEAM'S FIRST-HALF PERFORMANCE?
WELL, ANYTIME YOU HAVE A BIG GAME, I
MEAN, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SOME JITTERS.
I MEAN, IF WE COULD START STICKING
SOME PEOPLE, PUTTIN' HANDS ON THE PEOPLE,
YOU KNOW, GIVE 'EM
110% EVERY SINGLE TIME,
THEN I BELIEVE THE
SUPER BOWL IS OURS.
OKAY, WELL, LOOK HERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR
GUYS ARE GONNA DO 'ROUND
ABOUT THE SECOND HALF?
YOU GOT A LOT OF
OPPORTUNITIES TO GET GOING.
BUFFALO'S GOT ITS
RUNNING GAME GOING WELL.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT THAT? THEY'RE
REALLY PENETRATING, A LOT OF RUNNING.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
GONNA DO ABOUT THAT?
WELL, WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS
PLAY SOME CONTROL-TYPE OFFENSE.
I MEAN, WE GOTTA KEEP THE BALL
FROM THEM IN THE SECOND HALF.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW...
[Indistinct] [Horn Honks]
OPEN THAT UP. I MEAN, BECAUSE IF WE DON'T
DO THAT... I KNOW IT'S HARD TO HEAR ME.
BUT WE'LL GET A FEW BREAKS,
AND WE'LL BE FINE, YOU KNOW.
BUT AS YOU KNOW, THIS GAME
IS A GAME OF UPS AND DOWNS.
SO WE'RE GONNA GO OUT THERE AND GET
THE MOMENTUM GOIN' FOR US, YOU KNOW?
WELL, LOOK, BUFFALO
GOT THEIR RUNNING GAME
GOING EARLY. THEY'RE
PENETRATING THE LINES.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT THAT?
ARE YOU GONNA PUT SOME LINEBACKERS IN?
WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN IN THE SECOND
HALF? WHAT WE'RE GONNA TRY TO DO...
IS GET OUR PASSING GAME GOING.
AS YOU KNOW, THE WAR'S NOT OVER.
THE BATTLE HAS TO KEEP BEING FOUGHT.
YOU CAN'T ALLOW THEM
TO PLAY... I MEAN, THEY'RE
PLAYING WORSE THAN MY
GRANDMOTHER WOULD PLAY.
SO THEY JUST GOTTA GO OUT
THERE WITH OUR HEADS ON. [Gunshots]
WELL, I THINK THAT'S THE
SIGNAL FOR THE SECOND
HALF. I GOT ONE MORE
QUESTION TO ASK YOU.
ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU GONNA
GO WITH YOUR AIR ATTACK?
WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU DO
A LOT OF THAT IN THIS GAME.
WELL, WE'RE GONNA KEEP
RUNNING AT 'EM WITH WHAT WE HAVE,
AND THEN WE'RE GONNA TRY TO KEEP, YOU KNOW,
GET THE PASSING GAME WIDE OPEN FOR IT.
WELL, THANK YOU, COACH. I'M GONNA
HAVE TO WRAP THIS UP. ALL RIGHT, O.J.
ROGER, BACK TO YOU.
WE'RE GONNA BE LOOKING
FORWARD TO A GREAT
SECOND HALF OF FOOTBALL.
[Shoes Thudding]
I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYBODY WHO
WAS INVOLVED IN OUR FIRST LIVE SHOW:
MY CAST, OF COURSE, ALL
THE WRITERS, [Scattered Shouts]
A GREAT TECH CREW,
ALL OUR SPECIAL GUESTS.
WE HAD A GREAT TIME. I WANT TO
THANK ALL YOU FOLKS FOR TUNING IN.
REMEMBER, WE'RE HERE EVERY
SUNDAY, 8:00, RIGHT HERE ON FOX.
SO COME ON BACK AND
CHECK US OUT. WE GOT A VERY...
KEENEN, KEENEN, I JUST WANT TO
SAY... WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY, DAVID?
I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU...
AND THE PEOPLE IN THE THING...
[Screaming]
AND I WANT TO... AND I WANT TO
APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING BUFFALO!
OH, OH! YEAH! OH, OH, OH!
YO... IT'S KAREN'S BIRTHDAY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN,
AND BILLY, AND AUNT LOUISE,
AND CARMEN... ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
HEY, HI, PATRICK IN
WISCONSIN! [Giggles]
WHO'S PATRICK IN
WISCONSIN? I HAVE NO FRIENDS.
YOU'RE DEAD, PATRICK! YOU'RE A
DEAD MAN! STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. BEFORE WE GO, WE GOT A
VERY SPECIAL GUEST JOINING US THIS WEEK.
THEY'RE GOING NUMBER ONE ON THE POP CHARTS
THIS WEEK... ANOTHER SONG, THE THIRD ONE.
A VERY TALENTED GROUP WITH US HERE
FOR YOU... COLOR ME BADD TAKING US HOME.
THANK Y'ALL. PEACE.
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
♪ KEEP ON PARTYIN'
KEEP ON PARTYIN' ♪
♪ HEY, BEAUTIFUL LADY ♪
♪ I NEED YOU TONIGHT ♪
♪ LOVELY, LOVELY LADY ♪
♪ I WANNA MAKE YOU
FEEL ALL RIGHT, YEAH ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪ YOU FEEL SO RIGHT ♪
♪ I WANNA LOVE YOU DOWN ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ AND YOU ARE SO FINE ♪
♪ ALL I WANNA DO IS ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ I WANNA SEX YOU UP ♪
♪ YEAH, ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I WANNA SEX YOU UP ♪
ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.
♪ AND I WON'T STOP, STOP ♪
♪ LET ME TAKE OFF
ALL YOUR CLOTHES ♪
♪ DISCONNECT THE PHONE
SO NOBODY KNOWS, YEAH ♪
♪ LET ME LIGHT A CANDLE
SO WE CAN MAKE IT BETTER ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE UNTIL WE DROWN ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
YOU FEEL SO RIGHT, BABY.
♪ OH, ALL NIGHT, YEAH ♪
♪ NOW WOULD YOU BE MY WIFE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE ALL I WANNA DO IS ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ I WANNA SEX YOU UP ♪
♪ YEAH, ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ I WANT ♪
♪ TO ♪
♪ I WANNA SEX YOU UP ♪
YO, K.T.!
♪ COME ON, BABY WHERE YOU
GOING 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I WANT IT ♪
♪ BECAUSE I WANT IT ♪
♪♪ [Continues, Indistinct]
[Announcer] THANKS FOR JOINING US FOR
THE IN LIVING COLOR SUPER HALFTIME PARTY.
IN JUST A FEW MOMENTS,
WE'LL BE RETURNING YOU...
TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING
ALREADY IN PROGRESS.
THAT MEANS MORE IN LIVING COLOR,
FOLLOWED BY A HILARIOUS MARRIED...
WITH CHILDREN, EXCEPT ON THE WEST COAST.
CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS.
♪ YEAH, FEELS SO RIGHT
IT CAN'T BE WRONG ♪
♪ OH, DON'T BE SHY,
GIRL COME TO ME ♪
♪ I WANNA SEX YOU UP ♪
♪ GET WITH ME ♪
♪ OPEN UP YOUR HEART AND
I'LL SET YOU FREE, YEAH ♪♪
[Cheering, Applause]
THANKS. THANK YOU.