In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 3, Episode 14 - Michael Jackson: Little Timmy's Not My Lover - full transcript
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE
ON A FUNKY SCENE ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
♪♪ [Organ]
[Cackling]
MAN, THIS MUST
BE THE "PLA-SACE"!
ALL-NEW IN '92!
KA-KA-KAAA! NOW DIG.
NOW, WAKE UP THE DEAD, 'CAUSE
FUNKY FINGER PRODUCTIONS...
'BOUT TA "HI-YAAAAH!"
ALL UPSIDE YOUR HEAD.
BUTT-NAKED AND BUCK WILD, MAN,
COMIN' AT YOU ALL THE WAY LIVE
FROM A BIG-TIME HOLLYWOOD FUNERAL.
[Clears Throat]
ARE YOU GENTLEMEN
HERE TO VIEW THE BODY?
BROTHER, DON'T HE LOOK
LIKE A WELL-DRESSED WALRUS?
LOOK HERE, BROTHER.
IF YOU'RE REFERRING TO
HOT CHOCOLATE OVER HERE,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK US TWICE.
YEA! ♪ I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES ♪
♪♪ [Imitating Wah-Wah
Guitar] ♪ WHERE YOU FROM ♪
♪ YOU SEXY THING ♪♪
EXCUSE ME, SISTER.
IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?
I'M SAVING THIS SEAT
FOR LATOYA JACKSON.
GIRL, YOU'D BETTER NOT GRIP UP
ON MY BUTT. I WILL FLAVOR FLAV YOU!
HEY, HEY.
YOU THINK THESE ARE LP's, BUT
THESE ARE CD's. DAMN STRAIGHT!
NOW, LOOK HERE. IS LATOYA IN
TOWN? 'CAUSE SHE AIN'T CALLED ME!
WHILE WE GOT YOUR
EAR, HERSHEY KISS,
WE'D LIKE TO TELL YOU ABOUT A LITTLE
PROJECT WE GOT FOR THE SNAKE WOMAN.
IT'S A STORY ABOUT A YOUNG LADY GROWING UP
WITH A BUNCH OF MUSICAL NEGROES IN MOTOWN.
DADDY GAVE HER A REAL HARD TIME.
LOT OF ASS-WHIPPIN'S IN
THE BACK OF THE TRANS AM.
IT'S A LITTLE THING WE LIKE TO CALL
LEFT HOOK. YOU DIG IT? LEFT HOOK.
I DON'T THINK LATOYA WOULD
HARDLY BE INTERESTED IN THAT.
WELL, LOOK HERE, "SUDITTY KIDDIE,"
I BET SHE DON'T EVEN KNOW TITO.
DIG THAT. FAKE LOLA FALANA-LOOKIN'...
GO AHEAD. DON'T EVEN TRIP.
HEY, HEY, HEY. THOSE SEATS
ARE RESERVED FOR QUINCY JONES.
MAN, NOW, IF THIS IS NOT OBBA
BABATUNDÉ, I'M A WHITE MAN.
I HEAR YA. [Laughing]
NO, FOR REAL, MAN, LOOK HERE,
IS "Q" IN THE HOUSE, HOME-STUFF?
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
HE AIN'T... [Grunting]
JUST WHO ARE YOU?
MAN, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
MYSELF. MY NAME'S CLAVELL.
AND I AM HOWARD TIBBS III.
AND WE ARE... [Together]
FUNKY FINGER PRODUCTIONS.
LET ME GIVE YOU ONE OF MY BUSINESS
CARDS... YOU KNOW, I'M FRESH OUT.
HOWARD... [Chuckling]
[Simultaneously] BAM!
NOW LOOK HERE. PAY NO ATTENTION
TO THE SYRUP AND STUFF ON THE FRONT.
WE JUST CAME FROM
ROSCOE'S CHICKEN AND WAFFLES.
CHICKEN SO DRY WE
HAD TO EAT IT IN THE RAIN.
[Laughing] YOU
NEED TO STOP, MAN.
BUT LOOK HERE, SPEAKIN' OF "Q,"
I GOT A MOD SQUAD PROJECT THAT WE
WOULD LIKE TO GET QUINCY INVOLVED IN.
NOW, WE ALREADY
GOT K.C. DIG THAT.
REMEMBER? FROM
THE SUNSHINE BAND?
THE HIGH-YELLOW BROTHER
USED TO TRY AND PASS.
WELL, THIS TIME HE
GON' PLAY THE WHITE BOY.
WE COULDN'T GET A COMMITMENT FROM
LINC, BUT WE GOT VANILLI TO PLAY THE PART.
WE WANTED T.K. CARTER,
BUT HE GOT POPPED THE
OTHER NIGHT. I THOUGHT
HE BROKE HIS PIPE.
CAN WE GET SECURITY HERE?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
YOU KNOW FREDDIE SAXON...
WAS NOT ONLY A FINE ACTOR,
BUT HE WAS A PILLAR OF
THE HOLLYWOOD COMMUNITY.
IS THERE ANYONE HERE WHO WOULD LIKE
TO SHARE A FEW WORDS ABOUT FREDDIE?
[Stammers]
EXCUSE ME, REVEREND.
YOU KNOW FREDDIE IS DEAD.
♪ FREDDIE'S DEAD ♪
♪♪ [Imitating Wah-Wah Guitar]
[Laughing] NOW,
LOOK HERE, Y'ALL...
ARE YOU SURE YOU KNEW FREDDIE?
MAN, YOU'D BETTER UNHAND
ME, JAMES EARL JONES JUNIOR.
NOW, ALL Y'ALL KNOW
THAT FREDRICO SAXON...
WAS IN THE PROCESS OF MAKING HIS
LAST GREAT FILM WHEN WE LAST SAW HIM.
NOW DIG. WE GOT A
LITTLE TASTE RIGHT HERE.
WE JUST GON' GIVE YOU A TASTE.
GOTTA PAY FOR THE REST. HOWARD?
BAM!
NOW LOOK HERE, WE
DON'T HAVE A TITLE YET,
BUT IT'S A CROSS BETWEEN
THE WIZ AND FLATLINERS.
YOU GOT TO CHECK THIS.
WE LIKE TO CALL THIS ONE A REAL
COOL WAY OF SOME OPEN VIEWING.
GO AHEAD AND ROLL IT, HOWARD.
HA-HA! RONDELL... MAN, ZOOM OUT!
I'LL HANG A STACK
IN... THERE WE GO.
MAN, PUT THAT EIGHT
BALL DOWN! MAN! DAMN.
I'M TRYING TO GET MY HEAD RIGHT.
HEY, HEY, AND YOU BETTER NOT HAVE
ATE ALL MY DAMN SKINS UP NEITHER.
MAN, COME ON. HERE WE GO.
LET'S KICK UP FROM THE TOP!
HA-HA! ALL RIGHT, YOU READY?
LET'S DO IT. "ACCIONAY"!
NOW, LOOK HERE, HOMEY, WHEN
WE GET TO THE EMERALD CITY,
WE GOTTA GET THE WIZ TO GIVE
US, ER, UM, UH, A BRAIN AND A HEART.
NOW, DIG THAT. A KIDNEY AND A
LIVER AND THE WHOLE NINE YARDS.
LOOKS LIKE HOMEBOY NEEDS IT ALL.
HE NEEDS SOME JADE EAST, 'CAUSE HE
STARTIN' TO KICK UP LIKE LONG BEACH.
MAN, I THOUGHT SOMEONE
WAS FRYING SCRAPS.
SAY WHAT? DIG!
LET'S GET A FOOT UP IN
HERE. HERE WE GO. READY?
ALL RIGHT, HOMER
SIMPSON, LET'S DO THIS THING.
♪ EASE ON, COME ON
EASE ON, COME ON ♪
♪ EASE ON AH-AH ♪
♪ EASE ON EASE ON DOWN EASE ON ♪
SHAKE YOUR BOOTY
NOW! ♪ EASE ON ♪♪
OH, HEY...
ALL RIGHT! IN ORDER TO FINISH THIS
MOVIE, WE GON' NEED SOME DUCATS.
NOW, WE ALREADY GOT THE
FIRST MIL FROM JOHNNY CARSON.
WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S
FROM ED McMAHON.
BUT IT DOES SAY THAT
WE ALMOST ARE WINNERS.
MY GOD! WHAT HAVE THEY
DONE TO MY HUSBAND?
[Sobbing]
AND THERE'S STILL
STRAW IN HIS SUIT. SHAZAM!
HOMEBOY STAYED IN CHARACTER
ALL THE WAY TO THE GRAVE! DIG THAT!
HERE THEY ARE.
HEY, LOOK HERE! AIN'T NO
NEED TO GET PHYSICAL, KUNTA!
I ALREADY TOOK OUT A MEETING
WITH BILLY PRESTON, MAN!
[Announcer] AND NOW THE
FURTHER ADVENTURES OF...
HANDI MAN!
♪♪ [Whistling] OOH!
OH, HI, CLARK. HI, LOIS.
SAY HELLO TO OUR NEWEST
STAR REPORTER, TINA.
WHERE IS SHE? WHY, RIGHT HERE.
TINA, THIS IS CLARK
BENT. CLARK, TINA SMALL.
[Clears Throat] IT'S A PLEASURE
TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.
LIKEWISE, MR. BENT.
HERE, LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.
WOW. I LIKE THE VIEW
DOWN HERE MUCH BETTER.
ME TOO.
- CLARK, YOU'RE DROOLING.
- OH, AGAIN?
LISTEN, TINA, I HAVE TO CONFESS,
I'M REALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU.
IT WOULDN'T WORK, CLARK.
WHY NOT?
I'M A LITTLE PERSON
AND YOU'RE A BIG PERSON.
PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES.
WELL, I COULD TRY, BUT I
DON'T THINK THEY'D FIT. [Laughing]
MISS DANE, THIS JUST
CAME OFF THE WIRE.
OH, NO! THE BENEFIT BANDIT RIPPED
OFF ANOTHER CHARITY BALL LAST NIGHT.
ALL THE DONATIONS HAVE BEEN
STOLEN. FOURTH TIME THIS MONTH.
I'VE GOT TO GET TO THAT CHARITY
DANCE-A-THON. AND DON'T TRY AND STOP ME.
CHARITY BENEFIT, HUH?
MAYBE THIS IS SOMETHING
THAT HANDI MAN SHOULD ATTEND.
EXCUSE ME, TINA!
HMM.
MAYBE I COULD HELP.
HANDI MAN! TINY AVENGER!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I'M GOING TO CATCH
THE BENEFIT BANDIT.
- MAYBE WE SHOULD TEAM UP.
- WHY NOT?
TWO SUPERHEROES
ARE BETTER THAN ONE.
ANYWAYS, UP, UP AND AWAY!
HERE, LET ME HELP.
UP, UP AND AWAY!
UP, UP AND AWAY!
♪♪ [Pop]
TINY, LET ME HELP YOU UP.
WELL, LOOK WHO DROPPED IN.
THE GIMP AND THE
SHRIMP! [All Laughing]
YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
YOU MUST BE TALKIN' TO ME, 'CAUSE I
DON'T SEE NO OTHER GIMPS AROUND.
IT WAS JUST A LITTLE
JOKE, HANDI MAN.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
AND YOU TOO, TINY AVENGER.
I HOPE YOU TWO HAVE BROUGHT
DONATIONS FOR THIS WORTHY CAUSE.
NOW, THAT'S MY LAST.
THANK YOU.
SINCE YOU TWO ARE HERE, ENJOY
YOURSELVES ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
LISTEN, TINY AVENGER,
IF WE'RE GONNA CATCH THIS
CREEP WE'D BETTER FIT IN.
HEY, HOW COME NO ONE'S DANCIN'?
LET'S GET THIS PARTY
STARTED! RIGHT?
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED
QUICKLY! ♪♪ [Dance Pop]
GO, TINY, GO!
IS THAT A PARTY OVER THERE?
YEAH, BOY-EE!
COME ON, EVERYBODY!
DO THE HANDI DANCE!
ON THE GOOD FOOT!
ON THE GOOD FOOT!
♪♪ [Continues]
BRAVO! BRAVO!
LET'S HEAR IT FOR HANDI MAN!
THANK YOU!
HANDI MAN, I THINK ISADORA'S
GAINED A LITTLE WEIGHT...
SINCE WE'VE GOT HERE.
I THINK YOU'RE
RIGHT, TINY AVENGER.
I'LL USE MY HANDI-VISION AND FIND OUT
WHAT'S GOING ON UNDERNEATH THAT MUUMUU.
[Isadora Screaming]
UH-OH. I THINK I
USED TOO MUCH JUICE.
SO, ISADORA, IT'S BEEN YOU THAT'S
BEEN STEALING ALL THE DONATIONS.
YES! IT IS I! ISADORA!
THE WORLD'S GREATEST DANCER!
UNTIL THAT FATEFUL NIGHT
OF MY BENEFIT CONCERT...
WHEN I TRIPPED OVER THE CRUTCH AND
FELL INTO THE HANDICAPPED SEATING SECTION.
EVER SINCE THEN,
I'VE SPENT THE REST OF MY LIFE
STEALING EVERY PENNY I CAN...
FROM THE HANDICAPPED.
I'M GOING TO MAKE
YOUR LIVES UGLY!
WELL, SPEAKING OF UGLY, YOU'D
BETTER PUT SOME CLOTHES BACK ON.
DUH! THAT'S A HANDI-JOKE!
YOU TWISTED LITTLE HANDI-TWERP.
PREPARE TO DIE!
TINY AVENGER, LET'S GET BUSY!
NO JOB'S TOO LARGE
FOR THE TINY AVENGER!
[Screaming]
GOOD WORK, TINY
AVENGER! GREAT WORK!
HYAH! [Tiny Avenger]
HANDI MAN, WATCH OUT!
[Yelling, Grunting]
- WE'RE TRAPPED!
- YES, TINY AVENGER! LIKE RATS!
THIS WAS ALL A SETUP,
AND YOU FELL FOR
MY PLAN BEAUTIFULLY.
NOW, CRUTCHED CRUSADERS,
PREPARE TO DIE!
[Cackling]
[All Laughing] IT'S NOT
FUNNY! IT'S NOT FUNNY!
[Announcer] IS THIS THE FINAL
CHALLENGE FOR OUR CAPED COUPLE?
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, SAME
HANDI-TIME, SAME HANDI-CHANNEL...
FOR THE HANDI-CONCLUSION.
I, JO-JO, DeVANTE
SWING, MR. DALVIN...
OFF OF UPTOWN/MCA RECORDS.
PUT YOUR HANDS
TOGETHER FOR JODECI.
[Audience Cheering, Applauding]
♪♪ [Dance Pop]
[Man] HEAR THE
DRUMMER GET WICKED!
♪♪ [Vocalizing] [Man] K-CI! UHH!
BRING THE SOURCE! UHH!
BREAK STACK! UHH! WHAT'S UP?
A LITTLE SOMETHIN', 1992!
DEF JODECI BY THE DEF SOUND.
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
I'M OUTTA HERE! PEACE!
- YO! COME ON!
- ♪ THE TIMES ♪
COME ON! ♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
COME ON! ♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ OOH, YEAH ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
K-CI, BRING US IN.
♪ OH, GIRL, I SEE YOU ♪
SAY WHAT?
♪ THE TIME IS SO RIGHT
♪ UHH! KEEP IT GOIN!
♪ LET'S PLAN TODAY ♪
♪ TO GO OUT AT NIGHT ♪
♪ OOH, YEAH ♪
♪ LET'S MAKE THIS SPECIAL
AND REMEMBER OUR FUN ♪
♪ GO THROUGH THE STORMS ♪
♪ AND LOOK BACK ON ♪
COME ON!
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ OHH-OH-OHH ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
UHH! UHH! HEAR THE
DRUMMER GET WICKED!
♪ DOO-DOO-DOO ♪
COME ON!
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ BABY, BABY ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ CAN'T FORGET THE
NIGHT ♪ UHH! COME ON!
♪ WE WATCHED FOR
THE SUN ♪ UHH! COME ON!
♪ WE LAUGHED AND PLAYED ♪
KEEP IT GOIN'! KEEP IT GOIN'!
♪ THEN MORNING COMES ♪
♪ JUST LIKE THE DAY ♪
♪ WE STARTED OUR HEART ♪
♪ IT WAS SUNRISE ♪
COME ON!
♪ WHEN WE MADE OUR FIRST LOVE ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ OHH-OHH ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ I LOVED THEM ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ OH, THE TIMES ♪
♪ THE TIMES WE SHARED
TOGETHER ♪ ♪ OHH, YEAH ♪
♪ LET'S MAKE IT LAST
FOREVER ♪ ♪ AHH, YEAH ♪
♪ JUST LIKE THE MORNING SUN ♪
♪ WE LAUGHED AND PLAYED
NOW MORNING COMES ♪
♪ I LIKE ♪
♪ THE WAY YOU KISS ME ♪
♪ HOLDING ME GIRL, WHEN WE
DO THIS ♪ ♪ YOU'RE HOLDING ME ♪
♪ IT KEEPS ME RISING HIGH ♪
♪ ALL OUR LOVE WILL NEVER DIE ♪
♪ NOTHING COULD COMPARE ♪
♪ TO THE LOVE WE SHARE ♪
♪ FEEL THE FEELING ♪
- ♪ SAY NOTHING
NOT A THING, GIRL ♪
- ♪ COULD COMPARE ♪
♪ TO THE NIGHTS WE
SLEPT TOGETHER ♪
COME ON! K-CI! ♪ OOH-OOH-OOOH ♪
JO-JO, TAKE US OUT!
♪ OH, GIRL, I SEE
YOU ♪ UHH! COME ON!
♪ I WANNA DO YOU
TONIGHT ♪ UHH! COME ON!
♪ READ THE ROLEX, LADY ♪ ♪
LET HER SAY IT LET HER SAY IT ♪
♪ THE TIME IS RIGHT ♪
♪ LET'S MAKE IT SPECIAL ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OH, I WANT THAT GIRL ♪
- EVERYBODY!
♪ I KISS YOU ONCE I SAID ♪
♪ AND LOVE'S BACK ON ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ BABY GIRL ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER
♪ ♪ OH, YEAH OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER
YOU HOLDING ME ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
- ♪ BABY, OH ♪
- ♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ DO YOU REMEMBER ♪
♪ OHH ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ DO YOU REMEMBER ♪
♪ DO YOU REMEMBER ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ DO YOU REMEMBER ♪
♪ GONNA MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
- ♪ OH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER
♪ ♪ OH, YEAH OH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪♪
EVERYBODY JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!
COME ON! COME ON! ♪♪ [Continues]
JUMP! JUMP! EVERYBODY JUMP!
JUMP! JUMP! EVERYBODY
SAY... COME ON! COME ON!
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE
ON A FUNKY SCENE ♪
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
♪♪ [Organ]
[Cackling]
MAN, THIS MUST
BE THE "PLA-SACE"!
ALL-NEW IN '92!
KA-KA-KAAA! NOW DIG.
NOW, WAKE UP THE DEAD, 'CAUSE
FUNKY FINGER PRODUCTIONS...
'BOUT TA "HI-YAAAAH!"
ALL UPSIDE YOUR HEAD.
BUTT-NAKED AND BUCK WILD, MAN,
COMIN' AT YOU ALL THE WAY LIVE
FROM A BIG-TIME HOLLYWOOD FUNERAL.
[Clears Throat]
ARE YOU GENTLEMEN
HERE TO VIEW THE BODY?
BROTHER, DON'T HE LOOK
LIKE A WELL-DRESSED WALRUS?
LOOK HERE, BROTHER.
IF YOU'RE REFERRING TO
HOT CHOCOLATE OVER HERE,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK US TWICE.
YEA! ♪ I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES ♪
♪♪ [Imitating Wah-Wah
Guitar] ♪ WHERE YOU FROM ♪
♪ YOU SEXY THING ♪♪
EXCUSE ME, SISTER.
IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?
I'M SAVING THIS SEAT
FOR LATOYA JACKSON.
GIRL, YOU'D BETTER NOT GRIP UP
ON MY BUTT. I WILL FLAVOR FLAV YOU!
HEY, HEY.
YOU THINK THESE ARE LP's, BUT
THESE ARE CD's. DAMN STRAIGHT!
NOW, LOOK HERE. IS LATOYA IN
TOWN? 'CAUSE SHE AIN'T CALLED ME!
WHILE WE GOT YOUR
EAR, HERSHEY KISS,
WE'D LIKE TO TELL YOU ABOUT A LITTLE
PROJECT WE GOT FOR THE SNAKE WOMAN.
IT'S A STORY ABOUT A YOUNG LADY GROWING UP
WITH A BUNCH OF MUSICAL NEGROES IN MOTOWN.
DADDY GAVE HER A REAL HARD TIME.
LOT OF ASS-WHIPPIN'S IN
THE BACK OF THE TRANS AM.
IT'S A LITTLE THING WE LIKE TO CALL
LEFT HOOK. YOU DIG IT? LEFT HOOK.
I DON'T THINK LATOYA WOULD
HARDLY BE INTERESTED IN THAT.
WELL, LOOK HERE, "SUDITTY KIDDIE,"
I BET SHE DON'T EVEN KNOW TITO.
DIG THAT. FAKE LOLA FALANA-LOOKIN'...
GO AHEAD. DON'T EVEN TRIP.
HEY, HEY, HEY. THOSE SEATS
ARE RESERVED FOR QUINCY JONES.
MAN, NOW, IF THIS IS NOT OBBA
BABATUNDÉ, I'M A WHITE MAN.
I HEAR YA. [Laughing]
NO, FOR REAL, MAN, LOOK HERE,
IS "Q" IN THE HOUSE, HOME-STUFF?
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
HE AIN'T... [Grunting]
JUST WHO ARE YOU?
MAN, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
MYSELF. MY NAME'S CLAVELL.
AND I AM HOWARD TIBBS III.
AND WE ARE... [Together]
FUNKY FINGER PRODUCTIONS.
LET ME GIVE YOU ONE OF MY BUSINESS
CARDS... YOU KNOW, I'M FRESH OUT.
HOWARD... [Chuckling]
[Simultaneously] BAM!
NOW LOOK HERE. PAY NO ATTENTION
TO THE SYRUP AND STUFF ON THE FRONT.
WE JUST CAME FROM
ROSCOE'S CHICKEN AND WAFFLES.
CHICKEN SO DRY WE
HAD TO EAT IT IN THE RAIN.
[Laughing] YOU
NEED TO STOP, MAN.
BUT LOOK HERE, SPEAKIN' OF "Q,"
I GOT A MOD SQUAD PROJECT THAT WE
WOULD LIKE TO GET QUINCY INVOLVED IN.
NOW, WE ALREADY
GOT K.C. DIG THAT.
REMEMBER? FROM
THE SUNSHINE BAND?
THE HIGH-YELLOW BROTHER
USED TO TRY AND PASS.
WELL, THIS TIME HE
GON' PLAY THE WHITE BOY.
WE COULDN'T GET A COMMITMENT FROM
LINC, BUT WE GOT VANILLI TO PLAY THE PART.
WE WANTED T.K. CARTER,
BUT HE GOT POPPED THE
OTHER NIGHT. I THOUGHT
HE BROKE HIS PIPE.
CAN WE GET SECURITY HERE?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
YOU KNOW FREDDIE SAXON...
WAS NOT ONLY A FINE ACTOR,
BUT HE WAS A PILLAR OF
THE HOLLYWOOD COMMUNITY.
IS THERE ANYONE HERE WHO WOULD LIKE
TO SHARE A FEW WORDS ABOUT FREDDIE?
[Stammers]
EXCUSE ME, REVEREND.
YOU KNOW FREDDIE IS DEAD.
♪ FREDDIE'S DEAD ♪
♪♪ [Imitating Wah-Wah Guitar]
[Laughing] NOW,
LOOK HERE, Y'ALL...
ARE YOU SURE YOU KNEW FREDDIE?
MAN, YOU'D BETTER UNHAND
ME, JAMES EARL JONES JUNIOR.
NOW, ALL Y'ALL KNOW
THAT FREDRICO SAXON...
WAS IN THE PROCESS OF MAKING HIS
LAST GREAT FILM WHEN WE LAST SAW HIM.
NOW DIG. WE GOT A
LITTLE TASTE RIGHT HERE.
WE JUST GON' GIVE YOU A TASTE.
GOTTA PAY FOR THE REST. HOWARD?
BAM!
NOW LOOK HERE, WE
DON'T HAVE A TITLE YET,
BUT IT'S A CROSS BETWEEN
THE WIZ AND FLATLINERS.
YOU GOT TO CHECK THIS.
WE LIKE TO CALL THIS ONE A REAL
COOL WAY OF SOME OPEN VIEWING.
GO AHEAD AND ROLL IT, HOWARD.
HA-HA! RONDELL... MAN, ZOOM OUT!
I'LL HANG A STACK
IN... THERE WE GO.
MAN, PUT THAT EIGHT
BALL DOWN! MAN! DAMN.
I'M TRYING TO GET MY HEAD RIGHT.
HEY, HEY, AND YOU BETTER NOT HAVE
ATE ALL MY DAMN SKINS UP NEITHER.
MAN, COME ON. HERE WE GO.
LET'S KICK UP FROM THE TOP!
HA-HA! ALL RIGHT, YOU READY?
LET'S DO IT. "ACCIONAY"!
NOW, LOOK HERE, HOMEY, WHEN
WE GET TO THE EMERALD CITY,
WE GOTTA GET THE WIZ TO GIVE
US, ER, UM, UH, A BRAIN AND A HEART.
NOW, DIG THAT. A KIDNEY AND A
LIVER AND THE WHOLE NINE YARDS.
LOOKS LIKE HOMEBOY NEEDS IT ALL.
HE NEEDS SOME JADE EAST, 'CAUSE HE
STARTIN' TO KICK UP LIKE LONG BEACH.
MAN, I THOUGHT SOMEONE
WAS FRYING SCRAPS.
SAY WHAT? DIG!
LET'S GET A FOOT UP IN
HERE. HERE WE GO. READY?
ALL RIGHT, HOMER
SIMPSON, LET'S DO THIS THING.
♪ EASE ON, COME ON
EASE ON, COME ON ♪
♪ EASE ON AH-AH ♪
♪ EASE ON EASE ON DOWN EASE ON ♪
SHAKE YOUR BOOTY
NOW! ♪ EASE ON ♪♪
OH, HEY...
ALL RIGHT! IN ORDER TO FINISH THIS
MOVIE, WE GON' NEED SOME DUCATS.
NOW, WE ALREADY GOT THE
FIRST MIL FROM JOHNNY CARSON.
WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S
FROM ED McMAHON.
BUT IT DOES SAY THAT
WE ALMOST ARE WINNERS.
MY GOD! WHAT HAVE THEY
DONE TO MY HUSBAND?
[Sobbing]
AND THERE'S STILL
STRAW IN HIS SUIT. SHAZAM!
HOMEBOY STAYED IN CHARACTER
ALL THE WAY TO THE GRAVE! DIG THAT!
HERE THEY ARE.
HEY, LOOK HERE! AIN'T NO
NEED TO GET PHYSICAL, KUNTA!
I ALREADY TOOK OUT A MEETING
WITH BILLY PRESTON, MAN!
[Announcer] AND NOW THE
FURTHER ADVENTURES OF...
HANDI MAN!
♪♪ [Whistling] OOH!
OH, HI, CLARK. HI, LOIS.
SAY HELLO TO OUR NEWEST
STAR REPORTER, TINA.
WHERE IS SHE? WHY, RIGHT HERE.
TINA, THIS IS CLARK
BENT. CLARK, TINA SMALL.
[Clears Throat] IT'S A PLEASURE
TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.
LIKEWISE, MR. BENT.
HERE, LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.
WOW. I LIKE THE VIEW
DOWN HERE MUCH BETTER.
ME TOO.
- CLARK, YOU'RE DROOLING.
- OH, AGAIN?
LISTEN, TINA, I HAVE TO CONFESS,
I'M REALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU.
IT WOULDN'T WORK, CLARK.
WHY NOT?
I'M A LITTLE PERSON
AND YOU'RE A BIG PERSON.
PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES.
WELL, I COULD TRY, BUT I
DON'T THINK THEY'D FIT. [Laughing]
MISS DANE, THIS JUST
CAME OFF THE WIRE.
OH, NO! THE BENEFIT BANDIT RIPPED
OFF ANOTHER CHARITY BALL LAST NIGHT.
ALL THE DONATIONS HAVE BEEN
STOLEN. FOURTH TIME THIS MONTH.
I'VE GOT TO GET TO THAT CHARITY
DANCE-A-THON. AND DON'T TRY AND STOP ME.
CHARITY BENEFIT, HUH?
MAYBE THIS IS SOMETHING
THAT HANDI MAN SHOULD ATTEND.
EXCUSE ME, TINA!
HMM.
MAYBE I COULD HELP.
HANDI MAN! TINY AVENGER!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I'M GOING TO CATCH
THE BENEFIT BANDIT.
- MAYBE WE SHOULD TEAM UP.
- WHY NOT?
TWO SUPERHEROES
ARE BETTER THAN ONE.
ANYWAYS, UP, UP AND AWAY!
HERE, LET ME HELP.
UP, UP AND AWAY!
UP, UP AND AWAY!
♪♪ [Pop]
TINY, LET ME HELP YOU UP.
WELL, LOOK WHO DROPPED IN.
THE GIMP AND THE
SHRIMP! [All Laughing]
YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
YOU MUST BE TALKIN' TO ME, 'CAUSE I
DON'T SEE NO OTHER GIMPS AROUND.
IT WAS JUST A LITTLE
JOKE, HANDI MAN.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
AND YOU TOO, TINY AVENGER.
I HOPE YOU TWO HAVE BROUGHT
DONATIONS FOR THIS WORTHY CAUSE.
NOW, THAT'S MY LAST.
THANK YOU.
SINCE YOU TWO ARE HERE, ENJOY
YOURSELVES ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
LISTEN, TINY AVENGER,
IF WE'RE GONNA CATCH THIS
CREEP WE'D BETTER FIT IN.
HEY, HOW COME NO ONE'S DANCIN'?
LET'S GET THIS PARTY
STARTED! RIGHT?
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED
QUICKLY! ♪♪ [Dance Pop]
GO, TINY, GO!
IS THAT A PARTY OVER THERE?
YEAH, BOY-EE!
COME ON, EVERYBODY!
DO THE HANDI DANCE!
ON THE GOOD FOOT!
ON THE GOOD FOOT!
♪♪ [Continues]
BRAVO! BRAVO!
LET'S HEAR IT FOR HANDI MAN!
THANK YOU!
HANDI MAN, I THINK ISADORA'S
GAINED A LITTLE WEIGHT...
SINCE WE'VE GOT HERE.
I THINK YOU'RE
RIGHT, TINY AVENGER.
I'LL USE MY HANDI-VISION AND FIND OUT
WHAT'S GOING ON UNDERNEATH THAT MUUMUU.
[Isadora Screaming]
UH-OH. I THINK I
USED TOO MUCH JUICE.
SO, ISADORA, IT'S BEEN YOU THAT'S
BEEN STEALING ALL THE DONATIONS.
YES! IT IS I! ISADORA!
THE WORLD'S GREATEST DANCER!
UNTIL THAT FATEFUL NIGHT
OF MY BENEFIT CONCERT...
WHEN I TRIPPED OVER THE CRUTCH AND
FELL INTO THE HANDICAPPED SEATING SECTION.
EVER SINCE THEN,
I'VE SPENT THE REST OF MY LIFE
STEALING EVERY PENNY I CAN...
FROM THE HANDICAPPED.
I'M GOING TO MAKE
YOUR LIVES UGLY!
WELL, SPEAKING OF UGLY, YOU'D
BETTER PUT SOME CLOTHES BACK ON.
DUH! THAT'S A HANDI-JOKE!
YOU TWISTED LITTLE HANDI-TWERP.
PREPARE TO DIE!
TINY AVENGER, LET'S GET BUSY!
NO JOB'S TOO LARGE
FOR THE TINY AVENGER!
[Screaming]
GOOD WORK, TINY
AVENGER! GREAT WORK!
HYAH! [Tiny Avenger]
HANDI MAN, WATCH OUT!
[Yelling, Grunting]
- WE'RE TRAPPED!
- YES, TINY AVENGER! LIKE RATS!
THIS WAS ALL A SETUP,
AND YOU FELL FOR
MY PLAN BEAUTIFULLY.
NOW, CRUTCHED CRUSADERS,
PREPARE TO DIE!
[Cackling]
[All Laughing] IT'S NOT
FUNNY! IT'S NOT FUNNY!
[Announcer] IS THIS THE FINAL
CHALLENGE FOR OUR CAPED COUPLE?
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, SAME
HANDI-TIME, SAME HANDI-CHANNEL...
FOR THE HANDI-CONCLUSION.
I, JO-JO, DeVANTE
SWING, MR. DALVIN...
OFF OF UPTOWN/MCA RECORDS.
PUT YOUR HANDS
TOGETHER FOR JODECI.
[Audience Cheering, Applauding]
♪♪ [Dance Pop]
[Man] HEAR THE
DRUMMER GET WICKED!
♪♪ [Vocalizing] [Man] K-CI! UHH!
BRING THE SOURCE! UHH!
BREAK STACK! UHH! WHAT'S UP?
A LITTLE SOMETHIN', 1992!
DEF JODECI BY THE DEF SOUND.
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
I'M OUTTA HERE! PEACE!
- YO! COME ON!
- ♪ THE TIMES ♪
COME ON! ♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
COME ON! ♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ OOH, YEAH ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
K-CI, BRING US IN.
♪ OH, GIRL, I SEE YOU ♪
SAY WHAT?
♪ THE TIME IS SO RIGHT
♪ UHH! KEEP IT GOIN!
♪ LET'S PLAN TODAY ♪
♪ TO GO OUT AT NIGHT ♪
♪ OOH, YEAH ♪
♪ LET'S MAKE THIS SPECIAL
AND REMEMBER OUR FUN ♪
♪ GO THROUGH THE STORMS ♪
♪ AND LOOK BACK ON ♪
COME ON!
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ OHH-OH-OHH ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
UHH! UHH! HEAR THE
DRUMMER GET WICKED!
♪ DOO-DOO-DOO ♪
COME ON!
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ BABY, BABY ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ CAN'T FORGET THE
NIGHT ♪ UHH! COME ON!
♪ WE WATCHED FOR
THE SUN ♪ UHH! COME ON!
♪ WE LAUGHED AND PLAYED ♪
KEEP IT GOIN'! KEEP IT GOIN'!
♪ THEN MORNING COMES ♪
♪ JUST LIKE THE DAY ♪
♪ WE STARTED OUR HEART ♪
♪ IT WAS SUNRISE ♪
COME ON!
♪ WHEN WE MADE OUR FIRST LOVE ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ OHH-OHH ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ I LOVED THEM ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ OH, THE TIMES ♪
♪ THE TIMES WE SHARED
TOGETHER ♪ ♪ OHH, YEAH ♪
♪ LET'S MAKE IT LAST
FOREVER ♪ ♪ AHH, YEAH ♪
♪ JUST LIKE THE MORNING SUN ♪
♪ WE LAUGHED AND PLAYED
NOW MORNING COMES ♪
♪ I LIKE ♪
♪ THE WAY YOU KISS ME ♪
♪ HOLDING ME GIRL, WHEN WE
DO THIS ♪ ♪ YOU'RE HOLDING ME ♪
♪ IT KEEPS ME RISING HIGH ♪
♪ ALL OUR LOVE WILL NEVER DIE ♪
♪ NOTHING COULD COMPARE ♪
♪ TO THE LOVE WE SHARE ♪
♪ FEEL THE FEELING ♪
- ♪ SAY NOTHING
NOT A THING, GIRL ♪
- ♪ COULD COMPARE ♪
♪ TO THE NIGHTS WE
SLEPT TOGETHER ♪
COME ON! K-CI! ♪ OOH-OOH-OOOH ♪
JO-JO, TAKE US OUT!
♪ OH, GIRL, I SEE
YOU ♪ UHH! COME ON!
♪ I WANNA DO YOU
TONIGHT ♪ UHH! COME ON!
♪ READ THE ROLEX, LADY ♪ ♪
LET HER SAY IT LET HER SAY IT ♪
♪ THE TIME IS RIGHT ♪
♪ LET'S MAKE IT SPECIAL ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OH, I WANT THAT GIRL ♪
- EVERYBODY!
♪ I KISS YOU ONCE I SAID ♪
♪ AND LOVE'S BACK ON ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ THE TIMES ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ BABY GIRL ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER
♪ ♪ OH, YEAH OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER
YOU HOLDING ME ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
- ♪ BABY, OH ♪
- ♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ DO YOU REMEMBER ♪
♪ OHH ♪
♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ DO YOU REMEMBER ♪
♪ DO YOU REMEMBER ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER ♪
♪ DO YOU REMEMBER ♪
♪ GONNA MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪
- ♪ OH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WE SHARED TOGETHER
♪ ♪ OH, YEAH OH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OH, YEAH ♪
- ♪ MAKE IT LAST FOREVER ♪♪
EVERYBODY JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!
COME ON! COME ON! ♪♪ [Continues]
JUMP! JUMP! EVERYBODY JUMP!
JUMP! JUMP! EVERYBODY
SAY... COME ON! COME ON!