In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 5 - Miss Black Person USA - full transcript
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
THANK YOU. WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A FUN SHOW TONIGHT.
STOP IT! THERE HE IS!
THE MAN IN CHARGE.
HEY, BLACK STRONG. GIVE ME
A HUG, MAN. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YOU'RE DOING DYNAMITE WORK ON THIS
LITTLE THING YOU'RE DOING RIGHT HERE.
YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME.
1978, RAHWAY STATE PRISON.
FRED WILLIAMSON FILM RETROSPECTIVE.
I WAS RUNNING THE PROJECTOR.
DON'T ASK WHAT I WAS DOING
THERE. ANOTHER CAREER.
ALL RIGHT. YOU MIGHT REMEMBER
ME FROM HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT,
WHERE WE HAD RONNIE
DYSON'S PARTY. NO.
WELL, ANYWAY, RIGHT NOW I'M
MANAGING A GROUP CALLED STRATUS.
THERE'S 19 HORNS AND THE REST
ARE DRUMS. IT'S A NEW CONCEPT.
WE'RE DOING A REAL HYPED-UP
VERSION OF BACKSTABBERS.
- HE AIN'T THE ONLY ONE IN MUSIC.
- I GOT A NEW SINGLE OUT.
ENOUGH SAID, YOU
KNOW? LOOK HERE.
I GOT A QUICK THING
FOR YOU. HOW CAN TWO
YOUNG, BLACK, STRONG
BROTHERS LIKE MYSELF...
GET INTO THIS FUNKY
BUSINESS YOU DO?
WROTE A COUPLE SCRIPTS,
AND HERE'S A VIDEOTAPE.
GO AHEAD AND LOOK AT IT,
BROTHER. GIVE HIM A BUSINESS CARD.
YOU KNOW, I'M FRESH OUT.
YOU KNOW I GOT
ONE. BAM! ALL RIGHT!
DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THE
NAME THAT'S ON THE FRONT, ALL RIGHT?
BUT MY NUMBER IS IN PURPLE
RIGHT THERE. YOU SEE THAT?
THIS ONE IN CRAYON? RIGHT.
I'M AT MY MOM'S HOUSE NOW.
YOU CAN REACH ME ON BOO
BOO'S BEEPER. THAT'S THE NUMBER.
SAY, "KEENEN'S CALLING."
LISTEN, I GOTTA GET ON THE SHOW.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE A FLAT. YOU HAVE
A JACK I CAN BORROW JUST A MINUTE?
AND ALSO, WOULDN'T NOBODY
VALIDATE MY PARKING. AIN'T THAT A BLIP?
EXCUSE ME! AIN'T THAT SOMETHING?
I THINK I CAN HELP BOTH OF YOU. KEENEN,
SOMEBODY TOLD ME ABOUT AN AFTER-PARTY.
WE'RE TRYING TO BOOGIE. THESE
PEOPLE WILL ESCORT YOU THERE.
SECURITY. ALL RIGHT!
LISTEN, KEENEN, KEEP
IT UP, MAN. ALL RIGHT!
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT
YOU WANNA DO ♪♪
KYYT NOW PRESENTS A MINORITY
AFFAIRS PROGRAM, BLACK LIKE YOU.
HERE ARE YOUR
HOSTS, TOM AND TOM,
THE BROTHERS BROTHERS.
ALL RIGHTY! WHY, THANK YOU.
HOW ARE YA? I'M TOM. HOWDY.
WE'RE DELIGHTED TO HOST
THIS VERY WORTHWHILE SHOW.
WHAT DO YOU SAY,
TOM? THAT'S RIGHT, TOM.
IN FACT, WE'VE WRITTEN A VERY
SPECIAL SONG JUST FOR THIS SHOW.
WELL, LET'S KICK IT OFF,
BROTHER. SHALL WE?
♪ PROBLEMS AND BLACKS
SEEM TO GO HAND IN HAND ♪
♪ WHEREVER THEY ROAM
IN THIS GLORIOUS LAND ♪
♪ WE'LL HELP THEM WITH CUSTOMS
WE'LL HELP THEM WITH LAWS ♪
♪ AND WE'LL TRY TO SOLVE ALL
THE PROBLEMS THEY CAUSE ♪♪
ALL RIGHTY.
OH, STOP IT. STOP IT!
ALL RIGHTY. WELL, LET'S
GET STARTED, SHALL WE?
YES, WE CERTAINLY SHALL.
TODAY'S GUEST IS A YOUNG
MAN WHO SAYS HE WAS
SENT TO PRISON FOR A
CRIME HE DIDN'T COMMIT.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WELL, LET'S MEET HIM ANYWAY.
SAY HELLO TO MR. RAJEEM CARTER.
COME ON OUT, RAJEEM.
WHAT'S HAPPENING, BROTHERS?
IS THAT SOME SORT OF
KARATE MOVE THERE?
WELL, WHAT'S HAPPENING
IS WE'RE DOING A SHOW.
SO, I MEAN, LET'S JUST CUT
RIGHT TO THE CHASE, RAJ.
RIGHT TO IT. YEAH.
WHAT IS YOUR BEEF?
ALL RIGHT, FIRST OF ALL, I
WANT TO SAY HOW GLAD I AM...
THAT THERE'S FINALLY A SHOW WHERE
WE BROTHERS CAN DISCUSS THINGS.
OH, YOUR BROTHER'S HERE? WHERE'S
YOUR BROTHER? BRING YOUR BROTHER OUT.
COME ON OUT HERE. I
DIDN'T SEE HIM BACKSTAGE.
YO, YO, MAN, YO! I'M TALKING
ABOUT US THREE BROTHERS.
I THINK YOU'RE KIND OF CONFUSED.
WE'RE THE BROTHERS BROTHERS.
YOU'RE A BLACK GUY WHO CAME
TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING.
MAN, I'M NOT HERE
COMPLAINING, SEE.
I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW
HOW THE MAN SCREWED ME UP.
THE MAN? WHAT MAN?
THE MAN? WHAT MAN?
YOU KNOW, THE MAN...
MR. CHARLIE, BOBO.
HIS LEGAL SYSTEM HAS
RAILROADED ME, BROTHER.
WELL, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.
MR. CHARLIE BOBO'S LEGAL FIRM...
HARDLY SOUNDS LIKE A
REPUTABLE ONE TO ME.
I MEAN, NEVER TRUST A MAN
WITH THE LAST NAME "BOBO."
I MEAN, WOULD YOU BUY
A HOME FROM LOUIE BOBO?
I SURE WOULDN'T.
SAY WHAT?
WHAT. WHAT.
Y'ALL DON'T EVEN
UNDERSTAND, MAN.
THE POLICE ARRESTED
ME FOR NO REASON.
COME ON! OH, COME ON.
THE POLICE DON'T DO THAT.
THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS. THEY'RE
HERE TO PROTECT AND SERVE.
WELL, MY FRIENDS DRAGGED
ME OUT MY CRIB BUTT NAKED.
WELL, GOSH DARN IT, WHAT
THE HECK WERE YOU DOING...
BUTT NAKED IN THE BABY'S CRIB?
MAN, DON'T Y'ALL UNDERSTAND? MAN,
I WENT TO PRISON FOR EIGHT YEARS,
AND THE ONLY THING I LEARNED
WAS HOW TO RESOLE SHOES.
WELL, GOSH DARN IT, YOU SHOULD BE
DARN HAPPY THAT YOU LEARNED A TRADE.
YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN'. A TRADE?
MAN, NOBODY WANTS TO GET
THEIR SHOES RESOLED ANYMORE.
THAT'S NOT TRUE. WELL, HECK,
I'VE GOT A FEW PAIR BACKSTAGE.
YOU CAN START ON THEM
RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW.
YOU CAN EVEN SHINE 'EM FOR ME.
SHINE SHOES? NOW, WHAT
KIND OF A TOM DO YOU THINK I AM?
THERE YOU GO AGAIN. I THINK
HE'S CONFUSED. WE'RE THE TOMS.
YOU'RE THE ANGRY
BLACK GUY. RIGHT.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. YOU'RE
THE BIGGEST TOMS I EVER SEEN.
WHY, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I'VE BEEN WORKING
OUT A LITTLE AT THE GYM.
WELL, ACTUALLY, TOM BROKAW
IS BIGGER THAN US. YEAH, HE IS.
I GUESS IT'S OBVIOUS. Y'ALL GUYS,
YOU CAN'T RELATE TO THIS AT ALL.
MAN, I SUFFERED IN THE JOINT.
HEY, HEY, HEY! YOU DON'T GIVE US
THAT DOOHICKEY NONSENSE, MISTER.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'LL SAY "DOOHICKEY"
AGAIN... HEY, TOM, TAKE IT EASY.
'CAUSE I'M OUTRAGED!
DOOHICKEY, DARN IT, HECK!
NOW, I WANT YOU TO
KNOW SUFFERING, MISTER.
WHEN YOU TALK TO TOM AND
TOM, WE KNOW SUFFERING.
TELL HIM ABOUT THE
TIME IN TAHOE, MISTER.
WE FLEW TO TAHOE FOR A
WORK ENGAGEMENT, MIND YOU.
WE HAD RESERVATIONS, A
CONFIRMATION NUMBER AND GOT THERE,
AND ONLY ONE OF OUR
ROOMS WERE AVAILABLE.
WE HAD TO SHARE IT.
AND NEEDLESS TO SAY...
THAT WE WERE PRETTY
UPSET BEHIND THAT.
I HAD TO CALL MY MOM.
LUCKY IT WAS A SUITE, HUH?
Y'ALL DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS, DO YOU?
SURE I DO. 7:25.
SURE I DO. 7:25.
I GUESS YOU'RE ON C.P. TIME.
CAN WE GET AWAY WITH THAT?
SO I SUPPOSE Y'ALL THINK I'M SUPPOSED
TO JUST MOVE OUT INTO THE SUBURBS, MAN,
GET A NOSE JOB, MARRY
SOME WHITE WOMAN,
BUY A BMW AND JUST
TOTALLY SELL OUT, RIGHT?
THAT'S THE SPIRIT! YEAH. MAYBE
YOU WANT TO PUT A BRIM ON THAT HAT.
FORGET Y'ALL!
WELL, I GUESS WE SHOWED HIM HOW TO
LOOK AT THINGS ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE.
I THINK WE CERTAINLY HAVE.
TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T WE SING A
SONG ABOUT IT? ALL RIGHTY, BROTHER.
AND YOU KNOW I MEAN FRATERNAL.
♪ WHEN YOU'RE IN
TROUBLE JUST CALL 911 ♪
♪ AND RIGHT TO YOUR
DOORSTEP THE POLICE WILL RUN ♪
♪ BUT IF THEY SHOULD CUFF
YOU AND GIVE YOU A SMACK ♪
♪ IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE GUILTY ♪
♪ NOT 'CAUSE YOU'RE BLACK ♪♪
GOOD-BYE. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
BABALOO!
♪♪
♪ GET IT UP ♪
♪ G-G-G-GET,
G-G-G-GET, GET IT UP ♪
♪ GET-GET IT UP GET-GET IT UP ♪
♪ G-G-G-GET,
G-G-G-GET, GET IT UP ♪
♪ GET-GET IT UP ♪
♪ GET-GET IT UP ♪♪
YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE
INVINCIBLE, YOU ARE WOMAN.
WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO THE
SHOW BY, FOR AND ABOUT WOMEN.
GO ON, GIRL!
ALL RIGHT. I'M YOUR
HOST, SHIWANDA HARVEY.
TODAY'S SHOW IS GOING
TO BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
FOR THE FIRST TIME, WE'RE
GOING TO HAVE MEN ON GO ON GIRL.
OOH! NOW HOLD ON, SISTERS.
THESE AREN'T YOUR
TYPICAL WORTHLESS MALES.
THEY'RE SENSITIVE
OUTCASTS FROM THEIR GENDER.
LET'S HAVE A BIG "GO ON, BOY" FOR
GREGORY MILLER AND LIONEL BAKER.
GO ON, BOY! ALL RIGHT.
YOU TWO ARE A RARE BREED OF MEN,
ALMOST WORTHY OF
SHARING THIS EARTH WITH US.
ALL RIGHT. GREGORY,
YOU WROTE THE BOOK...
THE MAN WHO HATES
MEN WHO HATE WOMEN.
TELL ME, WHO ARE
THESE MEN YOU HATE?
WELL, SHIWANDA,
YOU KNOW THE TYPE.
THE TYPE OF MAN THAT PICKS
UP A WOMAN, SLEEPS WITH HER...
AND THEN SPLITS AROUND 2:00 A.M.
GO ON, BOY. GO ON, BOY.
I FIGURE, YOU KNOW, WHY SPLIT?
STICK AROUND, GET SOME
BREAKFAST OR SOMETHING.
BREAKFAST?
I MEAN, OF COURSE,
I'D BE COOKING.
SHIWANDA, I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND
OF GAME THIS GUY IS TRYING TO PLAY,
BUT I THINK MEN WHO HAVE
SEX WITHOUT COMMITMENT...
ARE ANIMALS.
GO ON, BOY! GO ON, BOY.
COMMITMENT, RIGHT. I
WASN'T EVEN THINKING.
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I NEED A
WOMAN STRONGER THAN MYSELF...
TO GET ME BACK
ON THE RIGHT TRACK.
OH. I'M STRONG LIKE THAT.
GO ON, GIRL!
FINE, BUT A WOMAN SHOULDN'T
HAVE TO LEAD A MAN AROUND BY THE...
I MEAN, A MAN SHOULD TAKE IT
UPON HIMSELF TO WASH THE DISHES,
DO THE LAUNDRY AND
THE VACUUMING IF NEED BE.
GO ON, BOY! THAT'S
THE KIND OF MAN I LIKE.
WELL, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT A
MAN WHO TAKES CARE OF CHILDREN?
OH, YES. THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT A
MAN HOLDING DIRTY DIAPERS IN HIS HANDS.
MM-HMM! MAKES ME
JUST WEAK IN THE KNEES.
TAKES CARE OF THE
CHILDREN? EXCUSE ME.
I WANT TO HAVE THE CHILDREN,
AS YOU CAN SEE IN MY BOOK...
SHE'S HAVING MY
BABY... WHY CAN'T I?
GO ON, BOY! I JUST WANT
TO HAVE A BABY SO BADLY.
I WANT TO EXPERIENCE
IT THE NATURAL WAY.
I'M SORRY, SHIWANDA. I DIDN'T MEAN
TO GET EMOTIONAL ON THE SHOW.
LET IT GO.
IT'S JUST THAT...
WHEN I THINK ABOUT
THE BEAUTY, MM-HMM.
OF HOLDING A BABY AGAINST
YOUR BREAST, MM-HMM.
ALL SWELLED WITH MILK, MM-HMM.
AND THAT I'LL NEVER
KNOW... THAT KIND OF JOY.
- GO ON, GIRL.
- GO ON, GIRL!
BREAST SWELLED WITH
MILK? WHAT A WUSS.
EXCUSE ME?
OH, DON'T LET HIM
GET TO YOU, LIONEL.
THERE'S NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH HAVING
A HIGHLY DEVELOPED FEMININE SENSIBILITY.
WHY, SOME OF MY
BEST FRIENDS ARE...
- SHUT UP. I'M NO WUSS, MAN.
- OH, YEAH? PROVE IT.
OH, NOW... LAST MONTH
I SLEPT WITH 10 WOMEN.
THAT'S NOTHING TO BE
PROUD OF. IT SURE ISN'T.
THAT'S AN EASY
AFTERNOON FOR ME, BUDDY.
YEAH, WELL, I GUESS IT TAKES A LITTLE
LONGER TO GET FROM JOB TO JOB...
WHEN YOU'RE MOVING
HEAVY EQUIPMENT. OH, YEAH?
YEAH!
MEN ARE ALL ALIKE.
YOU KNOW, YOU TWO
AREN'T AT ALL SENSITIVE.
YOU'RE AS BAD AS ALL
THE REST. I MEAN, REALLY.
WE GOT BOOKS TO SELL!
GET OUT, BOY!
SHUT UP! GIRLFRIENDS,
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
NOW WE KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY
THINK AND WHAT THEY THINK WITH.
UH-HUH. I MAKE YOU THIS PROMISE:
NO MORE MEN ON GO ON, GIRL.
YEAH, YOU LOVE IT!
YEAH, YOU LOVE IT!
- GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
- GO ON, GIRL!
LEGALLY REPRESSING
MY "BALLSITUDE,"
I'VE RETRACTED MY "GODADS"
WITH GIGANTIC PROPORTIONS.
AND THE SIGNING OF
THE PROHIBITION, YOU SEE,
DEFECATES THE
FLUIDS OF THE TENSION...
BETWEEN THE ESSENCE OF THE
EURO INTERCOURSE, YOU SEE.
A.T. + T. ALLOWS YOU TO REACH
OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE,
EVEN WHEN THEY
DON'T GET OUT MUCH.
RIGHT, EXACTLY.
OKAY, BROTHER, OKAY.
SEE, ALL YOU'RE DOING
RIGHT NOW... UH-HUH.
IS FLATULATING YOUR LIQUIDS,
OKAY, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT WAS
HOMO ERECTUS... RIGHT.
THAT SAID TO EXPOSE THE
HEMORRHOIDAL RAMIFICATION... UH-HUH.
WOULD MERELY DELINEATE
THE COLONIC ORIFICE, OOH!
THEREBY SEPARATING THE
GLUTEUS FROM THE MAXIMUS.
WELL, HOMO WAS
VERY DEEP, UH-HUH.
BUT YOU SEEM TO MASTICATE THE
PROCLAMATION, MY BROTHER, OKAY.
BECAUSE THE
GASTROINTESTINAL PHLEBITIS...
PROSTIGATES THE "CRUSTATION"
OF THE COLOSTOMY, OKAY.
IF THAT'S YOUR BAG.
UH-HUH, FOR SURE!
RIGHT. AND FURTHER "HINDRANT"
THE PYORRHEA, WHICH HAS...
EXCUSE ME? UH, YOU
GOT ME, BROTHER.
THE DIARRHEA. OKAY.
MOVING TOWARD THE
ANGINA OR "BAGINA,"
DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH TIME
YOU GOT. MAN, YOU ARE METAMUCIL.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
♪ TALK TO ME ♪
♪ IF YOU FEEL THE NEED AND
WHEN YOU NEED THE FEELING ♪
♪ TALK TO ME ♪♪
♪♪ ♪ HERE'S THE FINE FLY G ♪
♪ HERE'S THE FINE FLY G ♪
♪ HERE'S THE FINE FLY G ♪
♪ HERE'S THE FINE FLY G ♪
♪ HERE'S THE FINE FLY G ♪
♪ HERE'S THE FINE
FLY G HERE'S THE... ♪
♪♪
ALL RIGHT.
WELCOME BACK TO THE MISS BLACK
PERSON U.S.A. BEAUTY PAGEANT...
AT THE LOLA FALANA
RECREATIONAL CENTER...
IN BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN
MOTOWN, DETROIT CITY.
GIVE YOURSELVES A
HAND, WOULD YA? ALL RIGHT.
NOW, I'M YOUR HOST,
MR. LAMAR HIGHTOWER.
WOULD YOU GIVE IT UP FOR ME?
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
NOW, WE'RE GETTING MUCH
CLOSER TO THAT VERY BIG MOMENT.
BUT NOW LET'S TAKE
TIME TO REVIEW...
THE SWIMSUIT AND TALENT
COMPETITION, SHALL WE?
BEAUTIFUL, AREN'T THEY?
GIVE THEM ANOTHER HAND, Y'ALL.
LOOK HERE, IT'S
TIME FOR THE TALENT,
AND THESE GIRLS
HAVE PLENTY OF IT.
FIRST UP, RECITING AN ORIGINAL
POEM ENTITLED "THE BUTTERFLY,"
THE WINDY CITY'S VERY OWN...
ZAHARA NARIBA PATTERSON.
I... AM... AFRICA!
A TEAR...
FALLS FROM MY...
NEXT, FROM THE BALSA
WOOD CAPITAL OF AMERICA,
PERFORMING AN EXCITING
NEW RENDITION OF SHAFT,
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA'S
OWN LAHONDA WATKINS.
GIVE IT UP.
♪♪
AND FINALLY, PERFORMING AN
ORIGINAL SONG ENTITLED "I AM WOMAN,"
OAKTOWN, CALIFORNIA'S
OWN MISS ALFREDA HILL.
♪ I AM WO-WO-WOMAN ♪
♪ WOMAN AM I WOMAN ARE YOU ♪
♪ I LOOK IN THE MIRROR
AND I SEE WOMAN ♪
♪ YOU LOOK IN MY EYES
AND YOU SEE WOMAN ♪
♪ WOMAN, WOMAN, WOMAN, WOMAN ♪
♪ FELINE, FEMININE FANTASTICAL ♪
♪ I AM WO... ♪
♪♪
♪ MAN ♪♪
ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY HAVING FUN?
I KNOW I AM. ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL.
LOOK HERE, WE WOULD SHOW Y'ALL THE
OTHER TWO CONTESTANTS' TALENT SEGMENTS,
BUT SINCE WE RUNNING OUT OF TIME AND
THEY AIN'T GONNA WIN ANYWAY, WHO CARES?
NOW THAT YOU KNOW WHO OUR
FINAL THREE CONTESTANTS ARE,
LET'S GET TO THE JUDGES'
QUESTIONS, SHALL WE?
IF YOU COULD RUN THE WORLD,
WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENT?
I BELIEVE ALL PEOPLE ARE NICE,
EVEN THOUGH THEY
GET MAD SOMETIMES.
MY PERSONAL HERO IS
SOMEONE WHO NEVER GOT MAD,
WHO ALWAYS TURNED
THE OTHER CHEEK,
THE REVEREND
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
IF YOU WERE STRANDED
ON A DESERT ISLAND,
WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU'D BRING
ALONG? THAT'LL DEFINITELY BE...
THE TEACHINGS OF THE REVEREND
DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.!
PLEASE DEFINE THE WORD "JOY."
JOY, SIR?
I DO NOT KNOW THE
MEANING OF THE WORD.
BUT THE REVEREND
MARTIN LUTHER KING DID.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, LADIES. GIVE
'EM A HAND, WOULD YOU?
HEY, Y'ALL, GUESS
WHAT TIME IT IS.
IT'S TIME TO
ANNOUNCE THE WINNER.
JUDGES, I DON'T ENVY YOU,
BUT GIVE ME THE ANSWER.
OOH, I'M NERVOUS.
OUR SECOND RUNNER-UP,
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA'S
OWN LAHONDA WATKINS.
FIRST RUNNER-UP, AND IN THE EVENT
THAT SOMETHING SHOULD HAPPEN...
TO OUR NEW 1990 MISS
BLACK PERSON U.S.A.,
YOU WILL, OF COURSE, BE
REQUIRED TO ASSUME THE CROWN,
CHICAGO'S OWN ZAHARA
NARIBA PATTERSON.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 1990 MISS
BLACK PERSON U.S.A., ALFREDA HILL!
CONGRATULATIONS!
♪ HEY, MISS BLACK
PERSON U.S.A. ♪
♪ YOU'RE THE
FINEST IN THE LAND ♪
♪ HEY, MISS BLACK
PERSON U.S.A. ♪
♪ LIKE A BIG, SWEET
HONEY-GLAZED HAM ♪
♪ BROWN AND LOVELY ♪
♪ LIKE A BOTTLE
OF ANCIENT WINE ♪
♪ KNOW WHAT YOU GOT ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AT THAT BIG BEHIND ♪
♪ WHAT A BOUQUET MISS
BLACK PERSON U.S.A. ♪
♪ SHE'S BLACK AIN'T
NO TAKING HER BACK ♪♪
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
TOMMY, YOU DO THE HONORS, MAN.
YO, WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK
ON IN LIVING COLOR. CHILLIN'!
OH, DAMN!
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
THANK YOU. WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A FUN SHOW TONIGHT.
STOP IT! THERE HE IS!
THE MAN IN CHARGE.
HEY, BLACK STRONG. GIVE ME
A HUG, MAN. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YOU'RE DOING DYNAMITE WORK ON THIS
LITTLE THING YOU'RE DOING RIGHT HERE.
YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME.
1978, RAHWAY STATE PRISON.
FRED WILLIAMSON FILM RETROSPECTIVE.
I WAS RUNNING THE PROJECTOR.
DON'T ASK WHAT I WAS DOING
THERE. ANOTHER CAREER.
ALL RIGHT. YOU MIGHT REMEMBER
ME FROM HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT,
WHERE WE HAD RONNIE
DYSON'S PARTY. NO.
WELL, ANYWAY, RIGHT NOW I'M
MANAGING A GROUP CALLED STRATUS.
THERE'S 19 HORNS AND THE REST
ARE DRUMS. IT'S A NEW CONCEPT.
WE'RE DOING A REAL HYPED-UP
VERSION OF BACKSTABBERS.
- HE AIN'T THE ONLY ONE IN MUSIC.
- I GOT A NEW SINGLE OUT.
ENOUGH SAID, YOU
KNOW? LOOK HERE.
I GOT A QUICK THING
FOR YOU. HOW CAN TWO
YOUNG, BLACK, STRONG
BROTHERS LIKE MYSELF...
GET INTO THIS FUNKY
BUSINESS YOU DO?
WROTE A COUPLE SCRIPTS,
AND HERE'S A VIDEOTAPE.
GO AHEAD AND LOOK AT IT,
BROTHER. GIVE HIM A BUSINESS CARD.
YOU KNOW, I'M FRESH OUT.
YOU KNOW I GOT
ONE. BAM! ALL RIGHT!
DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THE
NAME THAT'S ON THE FRONT, ALL RIGHT?
BUT MY NUMBER IS IN PURPLE
RIGHT THERE. YOU SEE THAT?
THIS ONE IN CRAYON? RIGHT.
I'M AT MY MOM'S HOUSE NOW.
YOU CAN REACH ME ON BOO
BOO'S BEEPER. THAT'S THE NUMBER.
SAY, "KEENEN'S CALLING."
LISTEN, I GOTTA GET ON THE SHOW.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE A FLAT. YOU HAVE
A JACK I CAN BORROW JUST A MINUTE?
AND ALSO, WOULDN'T NOBODY
VALIDATE MY PARKING. AIN'T THAT A BLIP?
EXCUSE ME! AIN'T THAT SOMETHING?
I THINK I CAN HELP BOTH OF YOU. KEENEN,
SOMEBODY TOLD ME ABOUT AN AFTER-PARTY.
WE'RE TRYING TO BOOGIE. THESE
PEOPLE WILL ESCORT YOU THERE.
SECURITY. ALL RIGHT!
LISTEN, KEENEN, KEEP
IT UP, MAN. ALL RIGHT!
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT
YOU WANNA DO ♪♪
KYYT NOW PRESENTS A MINORITY
AFFAIRS PROGRAM, BLACK LIKE YOU.
HERE ARE YOUR
HOSTS, TOM AND TOM,
THE BROTHERS BROTHERS.
ALL RIGHTY! WHY, THANK YOU.
HOW ARE YA? I'M TOM. HOWDY.
WE'RE DELIGHTED TO HOST
THIS VERY WORTHWHILE SHOW.
WHAT DO YOU SAY,
TOM? THAT'S RIGHT, TOM.
IN FACT, WE'VE WRITTEN A VERY
SPECIAL SONG JUST FOR THIS SHOW.
WELL, LET'S KICK IT OFF,
BROTHER. SHALL WE?
♪ PROBLEMS AND BLACKS
SEEM TO GO HAND IN HAND ♪
♪ WHEREVER THEY ROAM
IN THIS GLORIOUS LAND ♪
♪ WE'LL HELP THEM WITH CUSTOMS
WE'LL HELP THEM WITH LAWS ♪
♪ AND WE'LL TRY TO SOLVE ALL
THE PROBLEMS THEY CAUSE ♪♪
ALL RIGHTY.
OH, STOP IT. STOP IT!
ALL RIGHTY. WELL, LET'S
GET STARTED, SHALL WE?
YES, WE CERTAINLY SHALL.
TODAY'S GUEST IS A YOUNG
MAN WHO SAYS HE WAS
SENT TO PRISON FOR A
CRIME HE DIDN'T COMMIT.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WELL, LET'S MEET HIM ANYWAY.
SAY HELLO TO MR. RAJEEM CARTER.
COME ON OUT, RAJEEM.
WHAT'S HAPPENING, BROTHERS?
IS THAT SOME SORT OF
KARATE MOVE THERE?
WELL, WHAT'S HAPPENING
IS WE'RE DOING A SHOW.
SO, I MEAN, LET'S JUST CUT
RIGHT TO THE CHASE, RAJ.
RIGHT TO IT. YEAH.
WHAT IS YOUR BEEF?
ALL RIGHT, FIRST OF ALL, I
WANT TO SAY HOW GLAD I AM...
THAT THERE'S FINALLY A SHOW WHERE
WE BROTHERS CAN DISCUSS THINGS.
OH, YOUR BROTHER'S HERE? WHERE'S
YOUR BROTHER? BRING YOUR BROTHER OUT.
COME ON OUT HERE. I
DIDN'T SEE HIM BACKSTAGE.
YO, YO, MAN, YO! I'M TALKING
ABOUT US THREE BROTHERS.
I THINK YOU'RE KIND OF CONFUSED.
WE'RE THE BROTHERS BROTHERS.
YOU'RE A BLACK GUY WHO CAME
TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING.
MAN, I'M NOT HERE
COMPLAINING, SEE.
I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW
HOW THE MAN SCREWED ME UP.
THE MAN? WHAT MAN?
THE MAN? WHAT MAN?
YOU KNOW, THE MAN...
MR. CHARLIE, BOBO.
HIS LEGAL SYSTEM HAS
RAILROADED ME, BROTHER.
WELL, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.
MR. CHARLIE BOBO'S LEGAL FIRM...
HARDLY SOUNDS LIKE A
REPUTABLE ONE TO ME.
I MEAN, NEVER TRUST A MAN
WITH THE LAST NAME "BOBO."
I MEAN, WOULD YOU BUY
A HOME FROM LOUIE BOBO?
I SURE WOULDN'T.
SAY WHAT?
WHAT. WHAT.
Y'ALL DON'T EVEN
UNDERSTAND, MAN.
THE POLICE ARRESTED
ME FOR NO REASON.
COME ON! OH, COME ON.
THE POLICE DON'T DO THAT.
THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS. THEY'RE
HERE TO PROTECT AND SERVE.
WELL, MY FRIENDS DRAGGED
ME OUT MY CRIB BUTT NAKED.
WELL, GOSH DARN IT, WHAT
THE HECK WERE YOU DOING...
BUTT NAKED IN THE BABY'S CRIB?
MAN, DON'T Y'ALL UNDERSTAND? MAN,
I WENT TO PRISON FOR EIGHT YEARS,
AND THE ONLY THING I LEARNED
WAS HOW TO RESOLE SHOES.
WELL, GOSH DARN IT, YOU SHOULD BE
DARN HAPPY THAT YOU LEARNED A TRADE.
YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN'. A TRADE?
MAN, NOBODY WANTS TO GET
THEIR SHOES RESOLED ANYMORE.
THAT'S NOT TRUE. WELL, HECK,
I'VE GOT A FEW PAIR BACKSTAGE.
YOU CAN START ON THEM
RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW.
YOU CAN EVEN SHINE 'EM FOR ME.
SHINE SHOES? NOW, WHAT
KIND OF A TOM DO YOU THINK I AM?
THERE YOU GO AGAIN. I THINK
HE'S CONFUSED. WE'RE THE TOMS.
YOU'RE THE ANGRY
BLACK GUY. RIGHT.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. YOU'RE
THE BIGGEST TOMS I EVER SEEN.
WHY, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I'VE BEEN WORKING
OUT A LITTLE AT THE GYM.
WELL, ACTUALLY, TOM BROKAW
IS BIGGER THAN US. YEAH, HE IS.
I GUESS IT'S OBVIOUS. Y'ALL GUYS,
YOU CAN'T RELATE TO THIS AT ALL.
MAN, I SUFFERED IN THE JOINT.
HEY, HEY, HEY! YOU DON'T GIVE US
THAT DOOHICKEY NONSENSE, MISTER.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'LL SAY "DOOHICKEY"
AGAIN... HEY, TOM, TAKE IT EASY.
'CAUSE I'M OUTRAGED!
DOOHICKEY, DARN IT, HECK!
NOW, I WANT YOU TO
KNOW SUFFERING, MISTER.
WHEN YOU TALK TO TOM AND
TOM, WE KNOW SUFFERING.
TELL HIM ABOUT THE
TIME IN TAHOE, MISTER.
WE FLEW TO TAHOE FOR A
WORK ENGAGEMENT, MIND YOU.
WE HAD RESERVATIONS, A
CONFIRMATION NUMBER AND GOT THERE,
AND ONLY ONE OF OUR
ROOMS WERE AVAILABLE.
WE HAD TO SHARE IT.
AND NEEDLESS TO SAY...
THAT WE WERE PRETTY
UPSET BEHIND THAT.
I HAD TO CALL MY MOM.
LUCKY IT WAS A SUITE, HUH?
Y'ALL DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS, DO YOU?
SURE I DO. 7:25.
SURE I DO. 7:25.
I GUESS YOU'RE ON C.P. TIME.
CAN WE GET AWAY WITH THAT?
SO I SUPPOSE Y'ALL THINK I'M SUPPOSED
TO JUST MOVE OUT INTO THE SUBURBS, MAN,
GET A NOSE JOB, MARRY
SOME WHITE WOMAN,
BUY A BMW AND JUST
TOTALLY SELL OUT, RIGHT?
THAT'S THE SPIRIT! YEAH. MAYBE
YOU WANT TO PUT A BRIM ON THAT HAT.
FORGET Y'ALL!
WELL, I GUESS WE SHOWED HIM HOW TO
LOOK AT THINGS ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE.
I THINK WE CERTAINLY HAVE.
TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T WE SING A
SONG ABOUT IT? ALL RIGHTY, BROTHER.
AND YOU KNOW I MEAN FRATERNAL.
♪ WHEN YOU'RE IN
TROUBLE JUST CALL 911 ♪
♪ AND RIGHT TO YOUR
DOORSTEP THE POLICE WILL RUN ♪
♪ BUT IF THEY SHOULD CUFF
YOU AND GIVE YOU A SMACK ♪
♪ IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE GUILTY ♪
♪ NOT 'CAUSE YOU'RE BLACK ♪♪
GOOD-BYE. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
BABALOO!
♪♪
♪ GET IT UP ♪
♪ G-G-G-GET,
G-G-G-GET, GET IT UP ♪
♪ GET-GET IT UP GET-GET IT UP ♪
♪ G-G-G-GET,
G-G-G-GET, GET IT UP ♪
♪ GET-GET IT UP ♪
♪ GET-GET IT UP ♪♪
YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE
INVINCIBLE, YOU ARE WOMAN.
WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO THE
SHOW BY, FOR AND ABOUT WOMEN.
GO ON, GIRL!
ALL RIGHT. I'M YOUR
HOST, SHIWANDA HARVEY.
TODAY'S SHOW IS GOING
TO BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
FOR THE FIRST TIME, WE'RE
GOING TO HAVE MEN ON GO ON GIRL.
OOH! NOW HOLD ON, SISTERS.
THESE AREN'T YOUR
TYPICAL WORTHLESS MALES.
THEY'RE SENSITIVE
OUTCASTS FROM THEIR GENDER.
LET'S HAVE A BIG "GO ON, BOY" FOR
GREGORY MILLER AND LIONEL BAKER.
GO ON, BOY! ALL RIGHT.
YOU TWO ARE A RARE BREED OF MEN,
ALMOST WORTHY OF
SHARING THIS EARTH WITH US.
ALL RIGHT. GREGORY,
YOU WROTE THE BOOK...
THE MAN WHO HATES
MEN WHO HATE WOMEN.
TELL ME, WHO ARE
THESE MEN YOU HATE?
WELL, SHIWANDA,
YOU KNOW THE TYPE.
THE TYPE OF MAN THAT PICKS
UP A WOMAN, SLEEPS WITH HER...
AND THEN SPLITS AROUND 2:00 A.M.
GO ON, BOY. GO ON, BOY.
I FIGURE, YOU KNOW, WHY SPLIT?
STICK AROUND, GET SOME
BREAKFAST OR SOMETHING.
BREAKFAST?
I MEAN, OF COURSE,
I'D BE COOKING.
SHIWANDA, I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND
OF GAME THIS GUY IS TRYING TO PLAY,
BUT I THINK MEN WHO HAVE
SEX WITHOUT COMMITMENT...
ARE ANIMALS.
GO ON, BOY! GO ON, BOY.
COMMITMENT, RIGHT. I
WASN'T EVEN THINKING.
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I NEED A
WOMAN STRONGER THAN MYSELF...
TO GET ME BACK
ON THE RIGHT TRACK.
OH. I'M STRONG LIKE THAT.
GO ON, GIRL!
FINE, BUT A WOMAN SHOULDN'T
HAVE TO LEAD A MAN AROUND BY THE...
I MEAN, A MAN SHOULD TAKE IT
UPON HIMSELF TO WASH THE DISHES,
DO THE LAUNDRY AND
THE VACUUMING IF NEED BE.
GO ON, BOY! THAT'S
THE KIND OF MAN I LIKE.
WELL, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT A
MAN WHO TAKES CARE OF CHILDREN?
OH, YES. THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT A
MAN HOLDING DIRTY DIAPERS IN HIS HANDS.
MM-HMM! MAKES ME
JUST WEAK IN THE KNEES.
TAKES CARE OF THE
CHILDREN? EXCUSE ME.
I WANT TO HAVE THE CHILDREN,
AS YOU CAN SEE IN MY BOOK...
SHE'S HAVING MY
BABY... WHY CAN'T I?
GO ON, BOY! I JUST WANT
TO HAVE A BABY SO BADLY.
I WANT TO EXPERIENCE
IT THE NATURAL WAY.
I'M SORRY, SHIWANDA. I DIDN'T MEAN
TO GET EMOTIONAL ON THE SHOW.
LET IT GO.
IT'S JUST THAT...
WHEN I THINK ABOUT
THE BEAUTY, MM-HMM.
OF HOLDING A BABY AGAINST
YOUR BREAST, MM-HMM.
ALL SWELLED WITH MILK, MM-HMM.
AND THAT I'LL NEVER
KNOW... THAT KIND OF JOY.
- GO ON, GIRL.
- GO ON, GIRL!
BREAST SWELLED WITH
MILK? WHAT A WUSS.
EXCUSE ME?
OH, DON'T LET HIM
GET TO YOU, LIONEL.
THERE'S NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH HAVING
A HIGHLY DEVELOPED FEMININE SENSIBILITY.
WHY, SOME OF MY
BEST FRIENDS ARE...
- SHUT UP. I'M NO WUSS, MAN.
- OH, YEAH? PROVE IT.
OH, NOW... LAST MONTH
I SLEPT WITH 10 WOMEN.
THAT'S NOTHING TO BE
PROUD OF. IT SURE ISN'T.
THAT'S AN EASY
AFTERNOON FOR ME, BUDDY.
YEAH, WELL, I GUESS IT TAKES A LITTLE
LONGER TO GET FROM JOB TO JOB...
WHEN YOU'RE MOVING
HEAVY EQUIPMENT. OH, YEAH?
YEAH!
MEN ARE ALL ALIKE.
YOU KNOW, YOU TWO
AREN'T AT ALL SENSITIVE.
YOU'RE AS BAD AS ALL
THE REST. I MEAN, REALLY.
WE GOT BOOKS TO SELL!
GET OUT, BOY!
SHUT UP! GIRLFRIENDS,
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
NOW WE KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY
THINK AND WHAT THEY THINK WITH.
UH-HUH. I MAKE YOU THIS PROMISE:
NO MORE MEN ON GO ON, GIRL.
YEAH, YOU LOVE IT!
YEAH, YOU LOVE IT!
- GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
- GO ON, GIRL!
LEGALLY REPRESSING
MY "BALLSITUDE,"
I'VE RETRACTED MY "GODADS"
WITH GIGANTIC PROPORTIONS.
AND THE SIGNING OF
THE PROHIBITION, YOU SEE,
DEFECATES THE
FLUIDS OF THE TENSION...
BETWEEN THE ESSENCE OF THE
EURO INTERCOURSE, YOU SEE.
A.T. + T. ALLOWS YOU TO REACH
OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE,
EVEN WHEN THEY
DON'T GET OUT MUCH.
RIGHT, EXACTLY.
OKAY, BROTHER, OKAY.
SEE, ALL YOU'RE DOING
RIGHT NOW... UH-HUH.
IS FLATULATING YOUR LIQUIDS,
OKAY, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT WAS
HOMO ERECTUS... RIGHT.
THAT SAID TO EXPOSE THE
HEMORRHOIDAL RAMIFICATION... UH-HUH.
WOULD MERELY DELINEATE
THE COLONIC ORIFICE, OOH!
THEREBY SEPARATING THE
GLUTEUS FROM THE MAXIMUS.
WELL, HOMO WAS
VERY DEEP, UH-HUH.
BUT YOU SEEM TO MASTICATE THE
PROCLAMATION, MY BROTHER, OKAY.
BECAUSE THE
GASTROINTESTINAL PHLEBITIS...
PROSTIGATES THE "CRUSTATION"
OF THE COLOSTOMY, OKAY.
IF THAT'S YOUR BAG.
UH-HUH, FOR SURE!
RIGHT. AND FURTHER "HINDRANT"
THE PYORRHEA, WHICH HAS...
EXCUSE ME? UH, YOU
GOT ME, BROTHER.
THE DIARRHEA. OKAY.
MOVING TOWARD THE
ANGINA OR "BAGINA,"
DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH TIME
YOU GOT. MAN, YOU ARE METAMUCIL.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
♪ TALK TO ME ♪
♪ IF YOU FEEL THE NEED AND
WHEN YOU NEED THE FEELING ♪
♪ TALK TO ME ♪♪
♪♪ ♪ HERE'S THE FINE FLY G ♪
♪ HERE'S THE FINE FLY G ♪
♪ HERE'S THE FINE FLY G ♪
♪ HERE'S THE FINE FLY G ♪
♪ HERE'S THE FINE FLY G ♪
♪ HERE'S THE FINE
FLY G HERE'S THE... ♪
♪♪
ALL RIGHT.
WELCOME BACK TO THE MISS BLACK
PERSON U.S.A. BEAUTY PAGEANT...
AT THE LOLA FALANA
RECREATIONAL CENTER...
IN BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN
MOTOWN, DETROIT CITY.
GIVE YOURSELVES A
HAND, WOULD YA? ALL RIGHT.
NOW, I'M YOUR HOST,
MR. LAMAR HIGHTOWER.
WOULD YOU GIVE IT UP FOR ME?
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
NOW, WE'RE GETTING MUCH
CLOSER TO THAT VERY BIG MOMENT.
BUT NOW LET'S TAKE
TIME TO REVIEW...
THE SWIMSUIT AND TALENT
COMPETITION, SHALL WE?
BEAUTIFUL, AREN'T THEY?
GIVE THEM ANOTHER HAND, Y'ALL.
LOOK HERE, IT'S
TIME FOR THE TALENT,
AND THESE GIRLS
HAVE PLENTY OF IT.
FIRST UP, RECITING AN ORIGINAL
POEM ENTITLED "THE BUTTERFLY,"
THE WINDY CITY'S VERY OWN...
ZAHARA NARIBA PATTERSON.
I... AM... AFRICA!
A TEAR...
FALLS FROM MY...
NEXT, FROM THE BALSA
WOOD CAPITAL OF AMERICA,
PERFORMING AN EXCITING
NEW RENDITION OF SHAFT,
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA'S
OWN LAHONDA WATKINS.
GIVE IT UP.
♪♪
AND FINALLY, PERFORMING AN
ORIGINAL SONG ENTITLED "I AM WOMAN,"
OAKTOWN, CALIFORNIA'S
OWN MISS ALFREDA HILL.
♪ I AM WO-WO-WOMAN ♪
♪ WOMAN AM I WOMAN ARE YOU ♪
♪ I LOOK IN THE MIRROR
AND I SEE WOMAN ♪
♪ YOU LOOK IN MY EYES
AND YOU SEE WOMAN ♪
♪ WOMAN, WOMAN, WOMAN, WOMAN ♪
♪ FELINE, FEMININE FANTASTICAL ♪
♪ I AM WO... ♪
♪♪
♪ MAN ♪♪
ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY HAVING FUN?
I KNOW I AM. ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL.
LOOK HERE, WE WOULD SHOW Y'ALL THE
OTHER TWO CONTESTANTS' TALENT SEGMENTS,
BUT SINCE WE RUNNING OUT OF TIME AND
THEY AIN'T GONNA WIN ANYWAY, WHO CARES?
NOW THAT YOU KNOW WHO OUR
FINAL THREE CONTESTANTS ARE,
LET'S GET TO THE JUDGES'
QUESTIONS, SHALL WE?
IF YOU COULD RUN THE WORLD,
WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENT?
I BELIEVE ALL PEOPLE ARE NICE,
EVEN THOUGH THEY
GET MAD SOMETIMES.
MY PERSONAL HERO IS
SOMEONE WHO NEVER GOT MAD,
WHO ALWAYS TURNED
THE OTHER CHEEK,
THE REVEREND
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
IF YOU WERE STRANDED
ON A DESERT ISLAND,
WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU'D BRING
ALONG? THAT'LL DEFINITELY BE...
THE TEACHINGS OF THE REVEREND
DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.!
PLEASE DEFINE THE WORD "JOY."
JOY, SIR?
I DO NOT KNOW THE
MEANING OF THE WORD.
BUT THE REVEREND
MARTIN LUTHER KING DID.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, LADIES. GIVE
'EM A HAND, WOULD YOU?
HEY, Y'ALL, GUESS
WHAT TIME IT IS.
IT'S TIME TO
ANNOUNCE THE WINNER.
JUDGES, I DON'T ENVY YOU,
BUT GIVE ME THE ANSWER.
OOH, I'M NERVOUS.
OUR SECOND RUNNER-UP,
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA'S
OWN LAHONDA WATKINS.
FIRST RUNNER-UP, AND IN THE EVENT
THAT SOMETHING SHOULD HAPPEN...
TO OUR NEW 1990 MISS
BLACK PERSON U.S.A.,
YOU WILL, OF COURSE, BE
REQUIRED TO ASSUME THE CROWN,
CHICAGO'S OWN ZAHARA
NARIBA PATTERSON.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 1990 MISS
BLACK PERSON U.S.A., ALFREDA HILL!
CONGRATULATIONS!
♪ HEY, MISS BLACK
PERSON U.S.A. ♪
♪ YOU'RE THE
FINEST IN THE LAND ♪
♪ HEY, MISS BLACK
PERSON U.S.A. ♪
♪ LIKE A BIG, SWEET
HONEY-GLAZED HAM ♪
♪ BROWN AND LOVELY ♪
♪ LIKE A BOTTLE
OF ANCIENT WINE ♪
♪ KNOW WHAT YOU GOT ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AT THAT BIG BEHIND ♪
♪ WHAT A BOUQUET MISS
BLACK PERSON U.S.A. ♪
♪ SHE'S BLACK AIN'T
NO TAKING HER BACK ♪♪
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
TOMMY, YOU DO THE HONORS, MAN.
YO, WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK
ON IN LIVING COLOR. CHILLIN'!
OH, DAMN!
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪