In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 4 - Hour of Power - full transcript
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM
ME IT'S A'IGHT... ♪♪
- UM, SHAWN, WHERE'S THE DANCERS?
- I DON'T KNOW, KEENEN.
ANYBODY CHECK THEIR
DRESSING ROOMS? WHAT'S UP?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN. YOU CAN
CHECK MY DRESSING ROOM.
ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING
TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
BOY, THIS IS SO WEIRD. THEY'RE
USUALLY SO RESPONSIBLE.
HEY, HEY, HEY. WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE, LADIES?
HI, KEENEN. WHY AREN'T
YOU GUYS ON STAGE?
HEY, SORRY, KEENEN. I GUESS WE JUST GOT
CAUGHT UP IN THIS OPEN-HEART SURGERY THING.
WELL, YOU GUYS ARE
MY DANCERS, REMEMBER?
KEENEN, THE ONLY REASON WE'RE DANCING IS
TO WORK OUR WAY THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL.
WELL, LOOK, UNTIL MED SCHOOL IS
FINISHED, YOU HAVE A CONTRACT WITH ME.
NOW, SOMEONE HAS
TO START THE SHOW.
- WELL, KEENEN,
WE HAVE THIS PATIENT.
- WELL, GO ON, LADIES.
I FEEL BETTER ALREADY.
COULD YOU CLOSE
FOR US? EXCUSE ME?
WE'LL OPEN FOR YOU
IF YOU CLOSE FOR US.
HERE, IT'S JUST LIKE
SEWING ON A BUTTON.
GOOD LUCK.
AND YOU GUYS THOUGHT
THEY WERE JUST SEX OBJECTS.
I KNOW I DID.
SW1, KICK IT.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
♪♪
AND NOW, FROM THE
FAITH MINISTRY CHURCH,
IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR
ANOTHER HOUR OF POWER TV PRAYER.
HALLELUJAH.
HALLELUJAH, BROTHERS.
HALLELUJAH!
GREETINGS, BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
WELCOME TO ANOTHER HOUR
OF POWER. THIS IS TV PRAYER.
MY NAME IS THE REVEREND
M. CASH. CASH MONEY, Y'ALL.
AND I'M REVEREND
DR. CARL PATHOS.
AND WE'RE GONNA DOUBLE-TEAM
YOUR FAITH TODAY. PRAISE THE LORD.
THAT'S RIGHT. WE'RE GONNA REACH DOWN
INTO YOUR SOUL AND GET YOU IN THE MOOD.
WE'RE GONNA GET YOU EXCITED.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.
I'M TELLING YOU, IF ALL I HAD
WAS A CLOCK IN MY PANTS,
IT WOULD BE HIGH NOON RIGHT NOW.
WELL, I THINK YOU NEED TO KEEP
THAT TIME TO YOURSELF, REVEREND.
PARDON ME THEN. NO, TODAY'S
LESSON IS ABOUT TITHING.
THAT'S RIGHT. NOW I KNOW WE'VE TALKED
ABOUT GIVING OF 10% OF YOUR EARNINGS.
WE TALKED ABOUT THAT LAST
WEEK AND THE WEEK BEFORE.
AND WE'RE GONNA KEEP TALKING
ABOUT IT TILL Y'ALL GET IT RIGHT.
WE NEVER GET TIRED OF THAT
SUBJECT BECAUSE THE LORD SAYS...
YOU MUST STORE UP TREASURES
IN HEAVEN AND NOT ON EARTH.
THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S WHY THERE'S
A HOLE IN THE OZONE LAYER NOW,
'CAUSE YOU'VE ALL BEEN
TARDY WITH YOUR PAYMENTS.
THAT'S RIGHT. NOW SOME OF YOU...
SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN TRYING TO
SKATE BY ON FIVE AND SIX PERCENT.
NICE TRY, BUT YOU
CANNOT FOOL THE LORD!
NOW, I'M GONNA READ OFF
SOME NAMES RIGHT NOW,
AND I WANT YOU TO STAND UP
WHEN YOU HEAR YOUR NAME.
RAYMOND GARY. UP ON YOUR FEET.
DOROTHY BILL. RISE AND SHINE.
JOE WILSON. YO, JOE.
NOW, YOUR CHECKS HAVE BOUNCED.
GET OUT.
I REBUKE YOU. GET OUT, AND TAKE YOUR
FAT WIFE WITH YOU. GET ON OUT OF HERE.
THAT'S A SIN. THAT'S
AN UNFORGIVABLE SIN.
I CAN FEEL THE SIN
IN THIS ROOM TONIGHT.
IT IS THAT TEMPTATION
THAT WOULD MAKE A WOMAN...
SELL HER BODY FOR
UPWARDS OF $40,
EVEN THOUGH SHE
WANTED IT AS MUCH AS I DID.
I HAVE SINNED AGAINST YOU!
I THINK WHAT REVEREND
PATHOS IS TRYING TO SAY...
IS THAT WE'VE ALL SINNED.
NOT LIKE ME.
WELL, WE AIN'T ALL FREAKAZOIDS
LIKE YOU, BUT WE'VE ALL SINNED.
- YOU SEE, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE TODAY.
- - AMEN.
BUT THAT'S OKAY, SEE, 'CAUSE THE
LORD FORGIVES. THE LORD FORGIVES.
HE'S FORGIVEN ME AND WILL
FORGIVE YOU TOO. HE DOES.
I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE TALKED
TO THE LORD. THAT'S RIGHT.
I'VE TALKED TO HIM IN TONGUES.
THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S THE
ONLY WAY TO GET TO THE LORD.
HE DON'T ANSWER IF YOU JUST SAY,
"HEY, LORD." YOU GOTTA SPEAK IN A TONGUE.
AND THIS MAN CAN DO IT.
HOLD ON. HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
I GOT A CALL RIGHT
NOW. OH, MY GOODNESS.
♪ HAVA NAGILAH HAVA HAVA ♪♪
♪ MA MA SE, MA MA SA MA
MA COO SA ♪♪ WHOO-HOO!
AND I'M BACK.
AND THE LORD
SAID TO TELL YOU HI.
WHOO! I GOT THE SPIRIT.
I FEEL LIKE HEALING.
YES!
WE HAVE A CANDIDATE RIGHT HERE,
REVEREND, SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF US.
BRING ME UP SOMEONE.
COME ON UP HERE, SON.
WHAT IS YOUR AFFLICTION,
BROTHER? I CAN'T MOVE MY LEG.
YOU CAN'T MOVE YOUR LEG?
WELL, LET ME GET THE SPIRIT.
LET ME PUT MY HAND ON IT. I
THINK I FEEL IT. OH, HERE IT IS.
THIS IS WHAT'S BEEN HOLDING YOU DOWN.
THIS WALLET'S BEEN HOLDING YOU DOWN.
YOU ARE HEALED. GET ON
OUT OF HERE. I CAN'T WALK!
PRAISE THE LORD. THE
SPIRIT HAS BEEN LIFTED.
AMEN. AMEN.
YES!
NOW YOU'VE SEEN THE LORD
IN EFFECT. YOU HAVE SEEN HIM.
YOU'VE WITNESSED THE
LORD'S SPIRIT. YOU WERE THERE!
NOW, IT'S TIME TO PAY
THE LORD. PAY HIM UP.
PAY THAT MAN HIS MONEY. NOW,
WHILE I COLLECT THE OFFERINGS, ♪♪
BROTHER PATHOS HERE
WILL LEAD US IN A SONG.
BROTHER PATHOS.
♪ I THINK I SAW HIM ON
THE HILL THE OTHER DAY ♪
♪ I THINK I SAW HIM WHEN I
WATCHED THE CHILDREN PLAY ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I OPENED UP
MY VOICE TO SING HIM PRAISE ♪
♪ HE RAN AWAY ♪
♪ RAN AWAY ♪
♪ FAR AWAY ♪
♪ MY SINGING MADE
SWEET JESUS RUN AWAY ♪
♪ I DID NOT HAVE TO
WAIT FOR JUDGMENT... ♪♪
WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON.
THIS AIN'T WORKING. OH, NO.
ONE DOLLAR. WHAT'S
THIS, ONE DOLLAR?
NO, NO, WE TRIED TO
DO IT THE LORD'S WAY.
NOW WE'RE GONNA DO IT THE GOOD OLD
125th STREET AND SEVENTH AVENUE WAY.
GIVE US THE MONEY
NOW. PAY THE LORD.
YOU WANTED HEAVEN.
NOW REACH FOR IT.
AND GIVE ME THEM
ALLIGATOR SHOES.
GIVE IT UP. GIVE IT UP.
I WANT SHOES! NOW
YOU'RE GIVING, BROTHERS.
YOU'RE GIVING NOW.
♪♪ ♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪♪
I DIDN'T THINK I WAS EVER GONNA
FIND THIS WEDDING RECEPTION.
BUT I'M CERTAINLY GLAD TO BE
HERE WITH ALL MY FAVORITE PEOPLE.
OH, LOOK AT ME JUST RATTLING ON
AND ON LIKE YOU'D KNOW WHO I AM.
HI, I'M BENITA BATRELL. YOU KNOW,
FROM OVER THERE IN HOPKINS PROJECTS.
YEAH, I'M A FRIEND OF THE BRIDE'S.
ME AND ALTHEA GO WAY BACK, HONEY.
THAT'S MY HOMEGIRL THERE. I LOVES
ME SOME ALTHEA. OH, THERE SHE GO NOW.
ALTHEA! HEY, ALTHEA!
GIRL, LOOK AT YOU. HUBBA, HUBBA,
ZING, ZING. ALTHEA, YOU GOT EVERYTHING.
LOOK AT YOU. THE
BLUSHING BRIDE. WHOO!
I GUESS YOU'D BE BLUSHING TOO IF YOU
JUST GOT THROUGH DOING THE HUMPTY DANCE...
WITH THE BEST MAN
IN THE MEN'S ROOM.
THAT'S A SLUT ON WHEELS THERE. HONEY,
DON'T ASK ME WHAT THE MEN SEE IN HER.
THE GIRL'S SO UGLY SHE GOTTA SNEAK
UP ON A GLASS OF WATER TO GET A DRINK.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP,
SO YOU AIN'T HEARD IT FROM ME.
HMM? OF COURSE I WAS INVITED. I JUST
DIDN'T GET MY INVITATION, THAT'S ALL.
PROBABLY TOO DAMN CHEAP TO
MAIL IT. BUT I KNOW I WAS INVITED.
OH, LOOK IT HERE. THERE GO
LESTER. THAT'S THE GROOM THERE.
LESTER! L-L-L-L-LESTER!
OH!
WHAT YOU SWEATING ABOUT?
YOU ALREADY SAID "I DO."
HE'S JUST AS NERVOUS
AS HE CAN BE. MMM.
YOU'D BE NERVOUS TOO IF
YOU WERE WAITING ON YOUR
TEST RESULTS TO COME
BACK FROM THE FREE CLINIC.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME.
WHOO, GIRL, I'M SO HUNGRY
I COULD EAT A HORSE.
LOOK LIKE THAT'S WHAT
THEY'RE SERVING TOO.
I GUESS MR. ED
FINALLY MET HIS MAKER.
THIS FOOD IS SO NASTY EVEN THE
ROACHES DONE SIGNED UP FOR FOOD STAMPS.
I SURE HOPE THEY GOT A STOMACH
PUMP FOR A WEDDING PRESENT.
HMM? OF COURSE I WAS INVITED.
OH, LOOK. LOOK. THERE
GOES ALTHEA'S NIECE SHARENA.
HEY, SHARENA.
HEY, SH-SH-SHARENA.
AH. HOW'S MY LITTLE BABY DOING?
OH, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, HAIR ALL DONE
UP IN THOSE LITTLE SHIRLEY TEMPLE CURLS.
YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE ANGEL.
LITTLE DEVIL'S MORE LIKE IT.
WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME NONE...
IF HER NAPPY HEAD SPUN AROUND
AND STARTED SPEAKING IN TONGUES.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
OH, BOY. YEAH.
MM-MM-MM. I LOVE
ME SOME WEDDINGS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON THESE DAYS.
EVERYONE JUST RUSHING TO GET MARRIED.
WHAT'S THE BIG RUSH? YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
THESE WOMEN OUT HERE WANT A
MAN WHO CAN DO SOMETHING FOR THEM.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
BENITA DOES FOR HERSELF.
YOU SEE THIS MINK HERE? I
BOUGHT THAT MYSELF. YES, I DID.
IT USED TO BE FULL-LENGTH.
LONG AND LUSH.
LOOKED LIKE A QUEEN, HONEY.
USED TO CALL ME QUEEN BENITA.
BUT ONE DAY I WAS HEATING UP SOME
PIG FEET, MY COAT CAUGHT ON FIRE.
AND THIS IS ALL THAT'S LEFT.
YEAH, HONEY. SEE, I GOT ME
SOMETHING. YES, I DO. I GOT ME SOMETHING.
AND SPEAKING OF HAVING SOMETHING,
THERE GOES THE REVEREND ATKINS...
UP THERE HAVING
HISSELF ANOTHER DRINK.
REVEREND ATKINS.
REVEREND ATKINS.
IT'S ME, BABY "B."
HOW YOU DOING?
GOD, THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL CEREMONY.
JUST BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES.
YOU GONNA MARRY
ME WHEN I'M READY?
WELL, YOU GO ON NOW, 'CAUSE YOU CERTAINLY
OUTDID YOURSELF. DRINK UP. DRINK UP.
HMM? OH. OH, THAT'S
MISS JENKINS OVER THERE.
THAT'S A FINE EXAMPLE OF A HUMAN
BEING. I LOVE ME SOME MISS JENKINS.
I DARE SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING
BAD ABOUT MISS JENKINS.
DON'T NOBODY DARE SAY NOTHING BAD ABOUT
MISS JENKINS, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I LOSE IT.
THAT'S WHEN I GO OFF.
THAT'S A FINE, FINE LADY.
MM-HMM. JUST DON'T
GET TOO CLOSE TO HER.
BREATH SO BAD SHE SINGE
THE HAIR ON YOUR NOSTRILS.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
SAY WHAT? OH, THIS YOUR SEAT.
WELL, MINE MUST BE OVER THERE
SOMEWHERE, 'CAUSE I KNOW I WAS INVITED.
EVEN THOUGH THIS IS THE DAMN CHEESIEST
WEDDING I'VE EVER BEEN TO IN MY LIFE.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP,
SO YOU AIN'T HEARD IT FROM ME.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
TOM? YOU LOOK DOWN.
WELL, I HIRED ANOTHER WHITE INCOMPETENT
APPLICANT FOR A MANAGEMENT POSITION...
AND GAVE THE OVERQUALIFIED BLACK
APPLICANT THE ENTRY-LEVEL OFFICE JOB AGAIN.
I FEEL SO TERRIBLE. I
KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, HON.
I CALLED THE COPS ON SOME BLACK
KIDS THAT WERE ASKING FOR DONATIONS...
FOR THE UNITED NEGRO
SCHOLARSHIP FUND.
I JUST ASSUMED THEY WERE GANG
MEMBERS. I FEEL TERRIBLE TOO.
HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
WELL, NOW YOU CAN UNLOAD YOUR
GUILT IN MINUTES FOR ONLY $5.95.
THAT'S RIGHT... $5.95. HOW?
BY SIMPLY DIALING
1-900-Y.T.GUILT.
YOUR CALL WILL BE ANSWERED BY AN
EDUCATED, MILITANT AFRO-AMERICAN PERSON.
PRESS 1 FOR HOUSING DISCRIMINATION,
PRESS 2 FOR JOB DISCRIMINATION,
OR PRESS 3 FOR PLAIN OLD SCARED YOUR
DAUGHTER MIGHT MARRY ONE OF THEM FEAR.
THIS IS THE MINISTER
LOUIS FARRAKHAN.
AND WHAT IS YOUR CRIME?
WELL, THEY HAD A VOTE FOR
AFFIRMATIVE ACTION ON THE JOB TODAY...
AND I VETOED IT.
WHY? ARE YOU AFRAID THAT IF GIVEN A
POSITION OF AUTHORITY IN THAT OFFICE,
THAT BLACK MAN WILL REPAY YOU
FOR YOUR 300 YEARS OF OPPRESSION?
YES, THAT'S IT. OR
IS THE REAL FEAR...
THAT YOU'LL BE STANDING SIDE BY
SIDE IN THE EXECUTIVE WASHROOM...
AND ACCIDENTALLY LOOK
OVER AND BE REMINDED...
OF YOUR ANATOMICAL INFERIORITY?
YOU ARE SO SPOT ON. PLEASE,
CONTINUE. I DESERVE THIS.
WELL, WAIT, HONEY.
I WANNA TALK TOO.
HELLO, UH,
MR. FARRAKHAN. I'M HIS WIFE.
HELLO, WHITE WIFE. AND
WHAT IS YOUR CRIME?
WELL, I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE
DISTRUST OF BLACK PEOPLE.
IN FACT, A MAN WAS
WALKING BEHIND ME TODAY.
AND I BECAME SO AFRAID I BEGAN
TO RUN JUST AS FAST AS I COULD.
AND EVEN THOUGH HE WASN'T CHASING
ME, I FELT AS THOUGH HE WANTED SOMETHING.
DON'T YOU SEE, IT IS YOUR
OWN ADMISSION OF GUILT?
THE FEAR IS YOUR FANTASY...
OF WHAT YOU REALLY
WANTED FROM HIM. YES.
TO BE TAKEN AWAY
TO THE MOTHERLAND.
SET FREE TO RUN
NAKED IN THE JUNGLE,
BEGGING TO BE DOMINATED
BY THE MASTERS OF THAT LAND.
YES, YES, YES! HEY,
HEY. DON'T HOG IT.
MR. FARRAKHAN, I HAVE
ONE MORE CONFESSION.
I'M SORRY. YOUR TIME IS UP.
BUT WAIT. I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO DENOUNCE MY RACE.
LISTEN, IF I CALL YOU BACK, WILL
YOU BROWBEAT US SOME MORE?
CERTAINLY, YOU SMALL-MINDED,
ANAL-RETENTIVE, PIECE OF TRAILER TRASH.
I THREW THAT ONE IN FOR FREE.
THANKS! WE'LL CALL RIGHT BACK.
CALL 1-900-Y.T.GUILT NOW,
AND LET ONE OF OUR ANGRY AFRO-AMERICAN
OPERATORS PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE.
YOU CAN UNLOAD A WHOLE
DAY OF GUILT IN JUST MINUTES.
WELL, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.
LET'S WATCH ARSENIO.
DIAL 1-900-Y.T.GUILT.
ABUSERS ARE STANDING BY.
COME ON, WHITEY. MAKE THAT CALL.
HERE WE GO.
♪ UH-HUH ♪
♪ EVERYBODY RISE UP ♪
♪ UH-HUH ♪ ♪ PEOPLE
CHECKING OUT THE TIME ♪
♪ UH-HUH ♪
♪ EVERYBODY ♪
♪ I AM GODCHILD
CALLING TO DESTINY ♪
♪ FOR HE HAS BLESSED ME
THOUGH SOME THINK LESS OF ME ♪
♪ GUYS WILL FEAR ME SO
LET YOUR HEART GUIDE ♪
♪ GOD OF THE SKY
THAT'S ALL A BIG LIE ♪
♪ FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
SO HOW CAN I BE FREE ♪
♪ SMOKE SCREEN CLOUDS
YOUR EYES SO YOU CAN'T SEE ♪
♪ BABYLON IS FALLING
HARD TIME IS STARTING ♪
♪ FROM THE WOMB TO THE TOMB ♪♪
OH, LOOK WHO IT IS.
GOOD MORNING, RUTH.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
STARTING MY DAY DOWNWIND OF YOU, BABY.
OH, YEAH.
AL, I REALLY HAVE
TO GET IN MY CLASS...
I GOT A COUPLE TICKETS FOR
THE SPREAD EAGLE LOUNGE.
THAT'S DINNER AND
DANCING. DROP DEAD.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, I USED TO BE ABLE TO
BOOGIE DOWN WITH THE BEST OF THEM...
BEFORE I SHATTERED THIS OLD HIP.
STILL GOT A FEW GOOD
MOVES LEFT IN ME. DOORBELL.
ATTA GIRL. GIVE ME ALL
THE WOMAN YOU GOT.
YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME YOU
HEARD MR. MacAFEE'S SPEECH ON CHICKS.
ONCE YOU DRINK FROM THE FOUNTAIN
OF AL, MAKE YOU ONE THIRSTY GAL.
GO TO HELL, MacAFEE.
OH, SHE WANTS ME.
BEGGIN' LIKE A DOG.
THREE, TWO, ONE.
♪♪
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, FREEZE.
LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.
FROM LOCKER 57 DOWN TO THE
EXIT SIGN, THAT'S MacAFEE TURF.
I OWN YOU PEOPLE, YA UNDERSTAND?
ALL RIGHT, CARRY ON.
HEY, PARTNER. I THOUGHT I TOLD
YOU TO CUT THAT HAIR, BIG GUY.
THAT GOES ON YOUR
YELLOW SHEET, MAN.
HARDISON. OW, OW!
WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE, SON?
OW. IT'S MY SCIENCE PROJECT.
I HAVE TO TURN IT IN
OR I'LL FLUNK. OH, YEAH?
LET ME SEE THAT THING.
WHAT THE HELL IS IT?
IT'S A C130 TROOP
TRANSPORT. IT'S VERY FRAGILE.
IT TOOK ME SIX MONTHS
TO BUILD. PLEASE.
WHAT THE HELL'S IT
MADE OUT OF, SON?
FOUR THOUSAND,
288 POPSICLE STICKS.
IT'S VERY FRAGILE. PLEASE, BE CAREFUL.
WELL, THAT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE,
BUT I THINK ONE OF YOUR
DOOHICKEYS IS OUT OF WHACK HERE.
LET ME SEE IF I CAN FIX IT.
MR. MacAFEE, THERE'S NO DOOHICKEY.
NO! NO! YOU KNOW, HARDISON,
I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME YOU HEARD
MR. MacAFEE'S SPEECH ON WORK, SON.
IF YOU DON'T PLAN ON DOING IT
RIGHT, PLAN ON DOING IT AGAIN, BOY.
THAT'S NOT FAIR! WHO SAID
ANYTHING ABOUT LIFE BEING FAIR, SON?
LIFE'S NOT FAIR.
YOU SEE THIS HIP?
I SHATTERED IT PLAYING AN INNOCENT
GAME OF TWISTER. THAT'S RIGHT.
LEFT HAND, BLUE DOT.
THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE.
NOW PICK UP THOSE POPSICLE STICKS
BEFORE I PUT YOU ON REPORT, EINSTEIN.
RINGLEADER, RIGHT HERE.
YOU'RE HURTING MY ARM.
NOW, WHERE'S YOUR
HALL PASS, PRINCESS?
I DON'T HAVE ONE.
WE'RE BETWEEN CLASSES.
I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME YOU HEARD
MR. MacAFEE'S SPEECH ON BACK TALK.
TOO MUCH SASS, NO HALL
PASS, ADDS UP TO ONE THING.
DETENTION, LITTLE
MISS LIPPY. LET'S GO.
BUT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. ARE
YOU CALLING MR. MacAFEE A LIAR?
NO, I SWEAR. OH, NOW
YOU'RE SWEARING.
NO, YOU'RE GETTING ALL MIXED UP.
MR. MacAFEE'S GETTING ALL
MIXED UP? NO, THIS IS CRAZY.
NOBODY CALLS MacAFEE CRAZY,
BABY. COME ON, YOU LITTLE BIKER CHICK!
THROW YOUR BEST SHOT.
COME ON, BABY! COME ON!
HIT ME RIGHT HERE ON THE NOGGIN.
TWENTY-ONE YEARS OF JUJITSU.
YOU'RE GONNA BE A GRANDMA BY
THE TIME YOU GRADUATE FROM HERE!
THIS IS FOR YOUR
OWN GOOD, SON. HEY!
I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME YOU HEARD
MR. MacAFEE'S SPEECH ON DRUGS, BUSTER.
STAY AWAY FROM GOOFBALLS
'CAUSE THEY MAKE YOU GOOFY.
PLEASE, I'M HAVING AN ASTHMA...
FOR THE LOVE OF PETE,
LOOK AT THOSE PUPILS.
YOU'RE GOOFY RIGHT
NOW, AREN'T YOU, MISTER?
I CAN'T BREATHE.
OF COURSE YOU CAN'T. WHY
DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT DOPE?
NOW THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
YOU KNOW, COLD TURKEY'S THE ONLY WAY
TO GET THAT MONKEY OFF YOUR BACK, BUDDY.
SLEEP IT OFF, THAT'S
RIGHT. CARRY ON.
MACA-FREAK! HEY, FOOL!
YOU COULDN'T CATCH A FLY.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, I WANT YOUR
NAMES. I'M PUTTING YOU ON REPORT.
SEYMOUR HEINIE. BUSTER HYMEN.
BEN DOVER. ALL RIGHT,
HEINIE, HYMEN, DOVER.
YOUR NAMES ARE RIGHT DOWN
HERE. THEY'RE GOING ON REPORT.
THIS LITTLE INCIDENT'S GONNA
COST YOU YOUR FUTURE, SON.
YOUR LIVES ARE
IN RUINS NOW, KIDS!
YEAH, I THINK THEY KNOW
WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE.
AL MacAFEE, THAT'S WHO.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, HOPE YOU HAD FUN TONIGHT.
TAKING US HOME, A YOUNG LADY WHO
COMES TO US ALL THE WAY FROM LONDON.
SO PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER,
HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH MONIE LOVE.
♪♪
COME ON, EVERYONE!
LET'S SEE SOME ENERGY.
YEAH! GET UP OFF YOUR
SEATS. UP OFF YOUR SEATS.
EVERYONE. YEAH.
LET'S SEE SOME ENERGY
OVER THIS SIDE. YEAH!
AH, YEAH. EVERYBODY.
♪ YA CAN'T TAKE A HINT I NEED TO
SHOVE THIS BETWEEN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ FOR YOU TO SEE YOU AND
ME WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ YOUR HOMEBOY
LIKES ME I LIKE HIM TOO ♪
♪ GET OUT THE PICTURE I GET YOUR
POINT BUT I'M NOT ROLLING WITH THE PUNCH ♪
♪ I SCRUNCHED UP THE LETTER
YOU WROTE ME AT LUNCH ♪
♪ IN FIFTH PERIOD I
DON'T SEE NO EMOTION ♪
♪ MY WORK IS ON THE TABLE
MY PEN'S A LOCOMOTION ♪
♪ EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND
YOU'RE LOOKING AT MY FACE ♪
♪ I TRY TO IGNORE YOU THE
BELL RINGS I RACE OUT THE ROOM ♪
♪ ZOOM, ZOOM TO ANOTHER ROOM
SIT DOWN, WHAT DO YA KNOW ♪
♪ THE LOVER'S IN TOWN
THE OTHER BROTHER WHO ♪
♪ THE ONE I WISH TO TALK
TO SITTIN' THREE SEATS BACK ♪
♪ AND I'M GONNA WALK OVER TO
HIM AND GIVE HIM WHAT I WROTE ♪
♪ BECAUSE MY FEELINGS
TOWARDS HIM ARE REAL, YA KNOW ♪
♪ MONIE'S IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE SHE AT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ MONIE'S IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE THAT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ MONIE IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE SHE AT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ GO, MONIE, MONIE
MONIE IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ MONIE IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE SHE AT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ MONIE IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE THAT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ MONIE IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE SHE AT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ GO, MONIE, MONIE
MONIE IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ IN SEVENTH THE KNUCKLEHEAD
WALKS IN AND SITS DOWN BESIDE ME ♪
♪ I SAID, YO, WHY YOU
TRYING TO ROB ME ♪
♪ DAY IN, DAY OUT I CAN'T
SEEM TO GET YOU OFF MY BACK ♪
♪ WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT
I SHOULD DO ABOUT THAT ♪
♪ IN FACT, IT'S EMBARRASSING
WHAT A BUFFOON ♪
♪ YOU EVEN FOLLOW ME
IN THE LADIES' BATHROOM ♪
♪ GIVE ME A BREAK I CAN TAKE
IT IF THE STAKES ARE TOO HIGH ♪
♪ BESIDES, THERE GOES
THE OTHER BROTHER ♪
♪♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM
ME IT'S A'IGHT... ♪♪
- UM, SHAWN, WHERE'S THE DANCERS?
- I DON'T KNOW, KEENEN.
ANYBODY CHECK THEIR
DRESSING ROOMS? WHAT'S UP?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN. YOU CAN
CHECK MY DRESSING ROOM.
ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING
TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
BOY, THIS IS SO WEIRD. THEY'RE
USUALLY SO RESPONSIBLE.
HEY, HEY, HEY. WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE, LADIES?
HI, KEENEN. WHY AREN'T
YOU GUYS ON STAGE?
HEY, SORRY, KEENEN. I GUESS WE JUST GOT
CAUGHT UP IN THIS OPEN-HEART SURGERY THING.
WELL, YOU GUYS ARE
MY DANCERS, REMEMBER?
KEENEN, THE ONLY REASON WE'RE DANCING IS
TO WORK OUR WAY THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL.
WELL, LOOK, UNTIL MED SCHOOL IS
FINISHED, YOU HAVE A CONTRACT WITH ME.
NOW, SOMEONE HAS
TO START THE SHOW.
- WELL, KEENEN,
WE HAVE THIS PATIENT.
- WELL, GO ON, LADIES.
I FEEL BETTER ALREADY.
COULD YOU CLOSE
FOR US? EXCUSE ME?
WE'LL OPEN FOR YOU
IF YOU CLOSE FOR US.
HERE, IT'S JUST LIKE
SEWING ON A BUTTON.
GOOD LUCK.
AND YOU GUYS THOUGHT
THEY WERE JUST SEX OBJECTS.
I KNOW I DID.
SW1, KICK IT.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
♪♪
AND NOW, FROM THE
FAITH MINISTRY CHURCH,
IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR
ANOTHER HOUR OF POWER TV PRAYER.
HALLELUJAH.
HALLELUJAH, BROTHERS.
HALLELUJAH!
GREETINGS, BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
WELCOME TO ANOTHER HOUR
OF POWER. THIS IS TV PRAYER.
MY NAME IS THE REVEREND
M. CASH. CASH MONEY, Y'ALL.
AND I'M REVEREND
DR. CARL PATHOS.
AND WE'RE GONNA DOUBLE-TEAM
YOUR FAITH TODAY. PRAISE THE LORD.
THAT'S RIGHT. WE'RE GONNA REACH DOWN
INTO YOUR SOUL AND GET YOU IN THE MOOD.
WE'RE GONNA GET YOU EXCITED.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.
I'M TELLING YOU, IF ALL I HAD
WAS A CLOCK IN MY PANTS,
IT WOULD BE HIGH NOON RIGHT NOW.
WELL, I THINK YOU NEED TO KEEP
THAT TIME TO YOURSELF, REVEREND.
PARDON ME THEN. NO, TODAY'S
LESSON IS ABOUT TITHING.
THAT'S RIGHT. NOW I KNOW WE'VE TALKED
ABOUT GIVING OF 10% OF YOUR EARNINGS.
WE TALKED ABOUT THAT LAST
WEEK AND THE WEEK BEFORE.
AND WE'RE GONNA KEEP TALKING
ABOUT IT TILL Y'ALL GET IT RIGHT.
WE NEVER GET TIRED OF THAT
SUBJECT BECAUSE THE LORD SAYS...
YOU MUST STORE UP TREASURES
IN HEAVEN AND NOT ON EARTH.
THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S WHY THERE'S
A HOLE IN THE OZONE LAYER NOW,
'CAUSE YOU'VE ALL BEEN
TARDY WITH YOUR PAYMENTS.
THAT'S RIGHT. NOW SOME OF YOU...
SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN TRYING TO
SKATE BY ON FIVE AND SIX PERCENT.
NICE TRY, BUT YOU
CANNOT FOOL THE LORD!
NOW, I'M GONNA READ OFF
SOME NAMES RIGHT NOW,
AND I WANT YOU TO STAND UP
WHEN YOU HEAR YOUR NAME.
RAYMOND GARY. UP ON YOUR FEET.
DOROTHY BILL. RISE AND SHINE.
JOE WILSON. YO, JOE.
NOW, YOUR CHECKS HAVE BOUNCED.
GET OUT.
I REBUKE YOU. GET OUT, AND TAKE YOUR
FAT WIFE WITH YOU. GET ON OUT OF HERE.
THAT'S A SIN. THAT'S
AN UNFORGIVABLE SIN.
I CAN FEEL THE SIN
IN THIS ROOM TONIGHT.
IT IS THAT TEMPTATION
THAT WOULD MAKE A WOMAN...
SELL HER BODY FOR
UPWARDS OF $40,
EVEN THOUGH SHE
WANTED IT AS MUCH AS I DID.
I HAVE SINNED AGAINST YOU!
I THINK WHAT REVEREND
PATHOS IS TRYING TO SAY...
IS THAT WE'VE ALL SINNED.
NOT LIKE ME.
WELL, WE AIN'T ALL FREAKAZOIDS
LIKE YOU, BUT WE'VE ALL SINNED.
- YOU SEE, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE TODAY.
- - AMEN.
BUT THAT'S OKAY, SEE, 'CAUSE THE
LORD FORGIVES. THE LORD FORGIVES.
HE'S FORGIVEN ME AND WILL
FORGIVE YOU TOO. HE DOES.
I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE TALKED
TO THE LORD. THAT'S RIGHT.
I'VE TALKED TO HIM IN TONGUES.
THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S THE
ONLY WAY TO GET TO THE LORD.
HE DON'T ANSWER IF YOU JUST SAY,
"HEY, LORD." YOU GOTTA SPEAK IN A TONGUE.
AND THIS MAN CAN DO IT.
HOLD ON. HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
I GOT A CALL RIGHT
NOW. OH, MY GOODNESS.
♪ HAVA NAGILAH HAVA HAVA ♪♪
♪ MA MA SE, MA MA SA MA
MA COO SA ♪♪ WHOO-HOO!
AND I'M BACK.
AND THE LORD
SAID TO TELL YOU HI.
WHOO! I GOT THE SPIRIT.
I FEEL LIKE HEALING.
YES!
WE HAVE A CANDIDATE RIGHT HERE,
REVEREND, SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF US.
BRING ME UP SOMEONE.
COME ON UP HERE, SON.
WHAT IS YOUR AFFLICTION,
BROTHER? I CAN'T MOVE MY LEG.
YOU CAN'T MOVE YOUR LEG?
WELL, LET ME GET THE SPIRIT.
LET ME PUT MY HAND ON IT. I
THINK I FEEL IT. OH, HERE IT IS.
THIS IS WHAT'S BEEN HOLDING YOU DOWN.
THIS WALLET'S BEEN HOLDING YOU DOWN.
YOU ARE HEALED. GET ON
OUT OF HERE. I CAN'T WALK!
PRAISE THE LORD. THE
SPIRIT HAS BEEN LIFTED.
AMEN. AMEN.
YES!
NOW YOU'VE SEEN THE LORD
IN EFFECT. YOU HAVE SEEN HIM.
YOU'VE WITNESSED THE
LORD'S SPIRIT. YOU WERE THERE!
NOW, IT'S TIME TO PAY
THE LORD. PAY HIM UP.
PAY THAT MAN HIS MONEY. NOW,
WHILE I COLLECT THE OFFERINGS, ♪♪
BROTHER PATHOS HERE
WILL LEAD US IN A SONG.
BROTHER PATHOS.
♪ I THINK I SAW HIM ON
THE HILL THE OTHER DAY ♪
♪ I THINK I SAW HIM WHEN I
WATCHED THE CHILDREN PLAY ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I OPENED UP
MY VOICE TO SING HIM PRAISE ♪
♪ HE RAN AWAY ♪
♪ RAN AWAY ♪
♪ FAR AWAY ♪
♪ MY SINGING MADE
SWEET JESUS RUN AWAY ♪
♪ I DID NOT HAVE TO
WAIT FOR JUDGMENT... ♪♪
WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON.
THIS AIN'T WORKING. OH, NO.
ONE DOLLAR. WHAT'S
THIS, ONE DOLLAR?
NO, NO, WE TRIED TO
DO IT THE LORD'S WAY.
NOW WE'RE GONNA DO IT THE GOOD OLD
125th STREET AND SEVENTH AVENUE WAY.
GIVE US THE MONEY
NOW. PAY THE LORD.
YOU WANTED HEAVEN.
NOW REACH FOR IT.
AND GIVE ME THEM
ALLIGATOR SHOES.
GIVE IT UP. GIVE IT UP.
I WANT SHOES! NOW
YOU'RE GIVING, BROTHERS.
YOU'RE GIVING NOW.
♪♪ ♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪ COME ON ♪
♪♪
I DIDN'T THINK I WAS EVER GONNA
FIND THIS WEDDING RECEPTION.
BUT I'M CERTAINLY GLAD TO BE
HERE WITH ALL MY FAVORITE PEOPLE.
OH, LOOK AT ME JUST RATTLING ON
AND ON LIKE YOU'D KNOW WHO I AM.
HI, I'M BENITA BATRELL. YOU KNOW,
FROM OVER THERE IN HOPKINS PROJECTS.
YEAH, I'M A FRIEND OF THE BRIDE'S.
ME AND ALTHEA GO WAY BACK, HONEY.
THAT'S MY HOMEGIRL THERE. I LOVES
ME SOME ALTHEA. OH, THERE SHE GO NOW.
ALTHEA! HEY, ALTHEA!
GIRL, LOOK AT YOU. HUBBA, HUBBA,
ZING, ZING. ALTHEA, YOU GOT EVERYTHING.
LOOK AT YOU. THE
BLUSHING BRIDE. WHOO!
I GUESS YOU'D BE BLUSHING TOO IF YOU
JUST GOT THROUGH DOING THE HUMPTY DANCE...
WITH THE BEST MAN
IN THE MEN'S ROOM.
THAT'S A SLUT ON WHEELS THERE. HONEY,
DON'T ASK ME WHAT THE MEN SEE IN HER.
THE GIRL'S SO UGLY SHE GOTTA SNEAK
UP ON A GLASS OF WATER TO GET A DRINK.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP,
SO YOU AIN'T HEARD IT FROM ME.
HMM? OF COURSE I WAS INVITED. I JUST
DIDN'T GET MY INVITATION, THAT'S ALL.
PROBABLY TOO DAMN CHEAP TO
MAIL IT. BUT I KNOW I WAS INVITED.
OH, LOOK IT HERE. THERE GO
LESTER. THAT'S THE GROOM THERE.
LESTER! L-L-L-L-LESTER!
OH!
WHAT YOU SWEATING ABOUT?
YOU ALREADY SAID "I DO."
HE'S JUST AS NERVOUS
AS HE CAN BE. MMM.
YOU'D BE NERVOUS TOO IF
YOU WERE WAITING ON YOUR
TEST RESULTS TO COME
BACK FROM THE FREE CLINIC.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME.
WHOO, GIRL, I'M SO HUNGRY
I COULD EAT A HORSE.
LOOK LIKE THAT'S WHAT
THEY'RE SERVING TOO.
I GUESS MR. ED
FINALLY MET HIS MAKER.
THIS FOOD IS SO NASTY EVEN THE
ROACHES DONE SIGNED UP FOR FOOD STAMPS.
I SURE HOPE THEY GOT A STOMACH
PUMP FOR A WEDDING PRESENT.
HMM? OF COURSE I WAS INVITED.
OH, LOOK. LOOK. THERE
GOES ALTHEA'S NIECE SHARENA.
HEY, SHARENA.
HEY, SH-SH-SHARENA.
AH. HOW'S MY LITTLE BABY DOING?
OH, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, HAIR ALL DONE
UP IN THOSE LITTLE SHIRLEY TEMPLE CURLS.
YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE ANGEL.
LITTLE DEVIL'S MORE LIKE IT.
WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME NONE...
IF HER NAPPY HEAD SPUN AROUND
AND STARTED SPEAKING IN TONGUES.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
OH, BOY. YEAH.
MM-MM-MM. I LOVE
ME SOME WEDDINGS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON THESE DAYS.
EVERYONE JUST RUSHING TO GET MARRIED.
WHAT'S THE BIG RUSH? YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
THESE WOMEN OUT HERE WANT A
MAN WHO CAN DO SOMETHING FOR THEM.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
BENITA DOES FOR HERSELF.
YOU SEE THIS MINK HERE? I
BOUGHT THAT MYSELF. YES, I DID.
IT USED TO BE FULL-LENGTH.
LONG AND LUSH.
LOOKED LIKE A QUEEN, HONEY.
USED TO CALL ME QUEEN BENITA.
BUT ONE DAY I WAS HEATING UP SOME
PIG FEET, MY COAT CAUGHT ON FIRE.
AND THIS IS ALL THAT'S LEFT.
YEAH, HONEY. SEE, I GOT ME
SOMETHING. YES, I DO. I GOT ME SOMETHING.
AND SPEAKING OF HAVING SOMETHING,
THERE GOES THE REVEREND ATKINS...
UP THERE HAVING
HISSELF ANOTHER DRINK.
REVEREND ATKINS.
REVEREND ATKINS.
IT'S ME, BABY "B."
HOW YOU DOING?
GOD, THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL CEREMONY.
JUST BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES.
YOU GONNA MARRY
ME WHEN I'M READY?
WELL, YOU GO ON NOW, 'CAUSE YOU CERTAINLY
OUTDID YOURSELF. DRINK UP. DRINK UP.
HMM? OH. OH, THAT'S
MISS JENKINS OVER THERE.
THAT'S A FINE EXAMPLE OF A HUMAN
BEING. I LOVE ME SOME MISS JENKINS.
I DARE SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING
BAD ABOUT MISS JENKINS.
DON'T NOBODY DARE SAY NOTHING BAD ABOUT
MISS JENKINS, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I LOSE IT.
THAT'S WHEN I GO OFF.
THAT'S A FINE, FINE LADY.
MM-HMM. JUST DON'T
GET TOO CLOSE TO HER.
BREATH SO BAD SHE SINGE
THE HAIR ON YOUR NOSTRILS.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
SAY WHAT? OH, THIS YOUR SEAT.
WELL, MINE MUST BE OVER THERE
SOMEWHERE, 'CAUSE I KNOW I WAS INVITED.
EVEN THOUGH THIS IS THE DAMN CHEESIEST
WEDDING I'VE EVER BEEN TO IN MY LIFE.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP,
SO YOU AIN'T HEARD IT FROM ME.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
TOM? YOU LOOK DOWN.
WELL, I HIRED ANOTHER WHITE INCOMPETENT
APPLICANT FOR A MANAGEMENT POSITION...
AND GAVE THE OVERQUALIFIED BLACK
APPLICANT THE ENTRY-LEVEL OFFICE JOB AGAIN.
I FEEL SO TERRIBLE. I
KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, HON.
I CALLED THE COPS ON SOME BLACK
KIDS THAT WERE ASKING FOR DONATIONS...
FOR THE UNITED NEGRO
SCHOLARSHIP FUND.
I JUST ASSUMED THEY WERE GANG
MEMBERS. I FEEL TERRIBLE TOO.
HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
WELL, NOW YOU CAN UNLOAD YOUR
GUILT IN MINUTES FOR ONLY $5.95.
THAT'S RIGHT... $5.95. HOW?
BY SIMPLY DIALING
1-900-Y.T.GUILT.
YOUR CALL WILL BE ANSWERED BY AN
EDUCATED, MILITANT AFRO-AMERICAN PERSON.
PRESS 1 FOR HOUSING DISCRIMINATION,
PRESS 2 FOR JOB DISCRIMINATION,
OR PRESS 3 FOR PLAIN OLD SCARED YOUR
DAUGHTER MIGHT MARRY ONE OF THEM FEAR.
THIS IS THE MINISTER
LOUIS FARRAKHAN.
AND WHAT IS YOUR CRIME?
WELL, THEY HAD A VOTE FOR
AFFIRMATIVE ACTION ON THE JOB TODAY...
AND I VETOED IT.
WHY? ARE YOU AFRAID THAT IF GIVEN A
POSITION OF AUTHORITY IN THAT OFFICE,
THAT BLACK MAN WILL REPAY YOU
FOR YOUR 300 YEARS OF OPPRESSION?
YES, THAT'S IT. OR
IS THE REAL FEAR...
THAT YOU'LL BE STANDING SIDE BY
SIDE IN THE EXECUTIVE WASHROOM...
AND ACCIDENTALLY LOOK
OVER AND BE REMINDED...
OF YOUR ANATOMICAL INFERIORITY?
YOU ARE SO SPOT ON. PLEASE,
CONTINUE. I DESERVE THIS.
WELL, WAIT, HONEY.
I WANNA TALK TOO.
HELLO, UH,
MR. FARRAKHAN. I'M HIS WIFE.
HELLO, WHITE WIFE. AND
WHAT IS YOUR CRIME?
WELL, I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE
DISTRUST OF BLACK PEOPLE.
IN FACT, A MAN WAS
WALKING BEHIND ME TODAY.
AND I BECAME SO AFRAID I BEGAN
TO RUN JUST AS FAST AS I COULD.
AND EVEN THOUGH HE WASN'T CHASING
ME, I FELT AS THOUGH HE WANTED SOMETHING.
DON'T YOU SEE, IT IS YOUR
OWN ADMISSION OF GUILT?
THE FEAR IS YOUR FANTASY...
OF WHAT YOU REALLY
WANTED FROM HIM. YES.
TO BE TAKEN AWAY
TO THE MOTHERLAND.
SET FREE TO RUN
NAKED IN THE JUNGLE,
BEGGING TO BE DOMINATED
BY THE MASTERS OF THAT LAND.
YES, YES, YES! HEY,
HEY. DON'T HOG IT.
MR. FARRAKHAN, I HAVE
ONE MORE CONFESSION.
I'M SORRY. YOUR TIME IS UP.
BUT WAIT. I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO DENOUNCE MY RACE.
LISTEN, IF I CALL YOU BACK, WILL
YOU BROWBEAT US SOME MORE?
CERTAINLY, YOU SMALL-MINDED,
ANAL-RETENTIVE, PIECE OF TRAILER TRASH.
I THREW THAT ONE IN FOR FREE.
THANKS! WE'LL CALL RIGHT BACK.
CALL 1-900-Y.T.GUILT NOW,
AND LET ONE OF OUR ANGRY AFRO-AMERICAN
OPERATORS PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE.
YOU CAN UNLOAD A WHOLE
DAY OF GUILT IN JUST MINUTES.
WELL, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.
LET'S WATCH ARSENIO.
DIAL 1-900-Y.T.GUILT.
ABUSERS ARE STANDING BY.
COME ON, WHITEY. MAKE THAT CALL.
HERE WE GO.
♪ UH-HUH ♪
♪ EVERYBODY RISE UP ♪
♪ UH-HUH ♪ ♪ PEOPLE
CHECKING OUT THE TIME ♪
♪ UH-HUH ♪
♪ EVERYBODY ♪
♪ I AM GODCHILD
CALLING TO DESTINY ♪
♪ FOR HE HAS BLESSED ME
THOUGH SOME THINK LESS OF ME ♪
♪ GUYS WILL FEAR ME SO
LET YOUR HEART GUIDE ♪
♪ GOD OF THE SKY
THAT'S ALL A BIG LIE ♪
♪ FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
SO HOW CAN I BE FREE ♪
♪ SMOKE SCREEN CLOUDS
YOUR EYES SO YOU CAN'T SEE ♪
♪ BABYLON IS FALLING
HARD TIME IS STARTING ♪
♪ FROM THE WOMB TO THE TOMB ♪♪
OH, LOOK WHO IT IS.
GOOD MORNING, RUTH.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
STARTING MY DAY DOWNWIND OF YOU, BABY.
OH, YEAH.
AL, I REALLY HAVE
TO GET IN MY CLASS...
I GOT A COUPLE TICKETS FOR
THE SPREAD EAGLE LOUNGE.
THAT'S DINNER AND
DANCING. DROP DEAD.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, I USED TO BE ABLE TO
BOOGIE DOWN WITH THE BEST OF THEM...
BEFORE I SHATTERED THIS OLD HIP.
STILL GOT A FEW GOOD
MOVES LEFT IN ME. DOORBELL.
ATTA GIRL. GIVE ME ALL
THE WOMAN YOU GOT.
YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME YOU
HEARD MR. MacAFEE'S SPEECH ON CHICKS.
ONCE YOU DRINK FROM THE FOUNTAIN
OF AL, MAKE YOU ONE THIRSTY GAL.
GO TO HELL, MacAFEE.
OH, SHE WANTS ME.
BEGGIN' LIKE A DOG.
THREE, TWO, ONE.
♪♪
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, FREEZE.
LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.
FROM LOCKER 57 DOWN TO THE
EXIT SIGN, THAT'S MacAFEE TURF.
I OWN YOU PEOPLE, YA UNDERSTAND?
ALL RIGHT, CARRY ON.
HEY, PARTNER. I THOUGHT I TOLD
YOU TO CUT THAT HAIR, BIG GUY.
THAT GOES ON YOUR
YELLOW SHEET, MAN.
HARDISON. OW, OW!
WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE, SON?
OW. IT'S MY SCIENCE PROJECT.
I HAVE TO TURN IT IN
OR I'LL FLUNK. OH, YEAH?
LET ME SEE THAT THING.
WHAT THE HELL IS IT?
IT'S A C130 TROOP
TRANSPORT. IT'S VERY FRAGILE.
IT TOOK ME SIX MONTHS
TO BUILD. PLEASE.
WHAT THE HELL'S IT
MADE OUT OF, SON?
FOUR THOUSAND,
288 POPSICLE STICKS.
IT'S VERY FRAGILE. PLEASE, BE CAREFUL.
WELL, THAT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE,
BUT I THINK ONE OF YOUR
DOOHICKEYS IS OUT OF WHACK HERE.
LET ME SEE IF I CAN FIX IT.
MR. MacAFEE, THERE'S NO DOOHICKEY.
NO! NO! YOU KNOW, HARDISON,
I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME YOU HEARD
MR. MacAFEE'S SPEECH ON WORK, SON.
IF YOU DON'T PLAN ON DOING IT
RIGHT, PLAN ON DOING IT AGAIN, BOY.
THAT'S NOT FAIR! WHO SAID
ANYTHING ABOUT LIFE BEING FAIR, SON?
LIFE'S NOT FAIR.
YOU SEE THIS HIP?
I SHATTERED IT PLAYING AN INNOCENT
GAME OF TWISTER. THAT'S RIGHT.
LEFT HAND, BLUE DOT.
THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE.
NOW PICK UP THOSE POPSICLE STICKS
BEFORE I PUT YOU ON REPORT, EINSTEIN.
RINGLEADER, RIGHT HERE.
YOU'RE HURTING MY ARM.
NOW, WHERE'S YOUR
HALL PASS, PRINCESS?
I DON'T HAVE ONE.
WE'RE BETWEEN CLASSES.
I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME YOU HEARD
MR. MacAFEE'S SPEECH ON BACK TALK.
TOO MUCH SASS, NO HALL
PASS, ADDS UP TO ONE THING.
DETENTION, LITTLE
MISS LIPPY. LET'S GO.
BUT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. ARE
YOU CALLING MR. MacAFEE A LIAR?
NO, I SWEAR. OH, NOW
YOU'RE SWEARING.
NO, YOU'RE GETTING ALL MIXED UP.
MR. MacAFEE'S GETTING ALL
MIXED UP? NO, THIS IS CRAZY.
NOBODY CALLS MacAFEE CRAZY,
BABY. COME ON, YOU LITTLE BIKER CHICK!
THROW YOUR BEST SHOT.
COME ON, BABY! COME ON!
HIT ME RIGHT HERE ON THE NOGGIN.
TWENTY-ONE YEARS OF JUJITSU.
YOU'RE GONNA BE A GRANDMA BY
THE TIME YOU GRADUATE FROM HERE!
THIS IS FOR YOUR
OWN GOOD, SON. HEY!
I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME YOU HEARD
MR. MacAFEE'S SPEECH ON DRUGS, BUSTER.
STAY AWAY FROM GOOFBALLS
'CAUSE THEY MAKE YOU GOOFY.
PLEASE, I'M HAVING AN ASTHMA...
FOR THE LOVE OF PETE,
LOOK AT THOSE PUPILS.
YOU'RE GOOFY RIGHT
NOW, AREN'T YOU, MISTER?
I CAN'T BREATHE.
OF COURSE YOU CAN'T. WHY
DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT DOPE?
NOW THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
YOU KNOW, COLD TURKEY'S THE ONLY WAY
TO GET THAT MONKEY OFF YOUR BACK, BUDDY.
SLEEP IT OFF, THAT'S
RIGHT. CARRY ON.
MACA-FREAK! HEY, FOOL!
YOU COULDN'T CATCH A FLY.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, I WANT YOUR
NAMES. I'M PUTTING YOU ON REPORT.
SEYMOUR HEINIE. BUSTER HYMEN.
BEN DOVER. ALL RIGHT,
HEINIE, HYMEN, DOVER.
YOUR NAMES ARE RIGHT DOWN
HERE. THEY'RE GOING ON REPORT.
THIS LITTLE INCIDENT'S GONNA
COST YOU YOUR FUTURE, SON.
YOUR LIVES ARE
IN RUINS NOW, KIDS!
YEAH, I THINK THEY KNOW
WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE.
AL MacAFEE, THAT'S WHO.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, HOPE YOU HAD FUN TONIGHT.
TAKING US HOME, A YOUNG LADY WHO
COMES TO US ALL THE WAY FROM LONDON.
SO PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER,
HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH MONIE LOVE.
♪♪
COME ON, EVERYONE!
LET'S SEE SOME ENERGY.
YEAH! GET UP OFF YOUR
SEATS. UP OFF YOUR SEATS.
EVERYONE. YEAH.
LET'S SEE SOME ENERGY
OVER THIS SIDE. YEAH!
AH, YEAH. EVERYBODY.
♪ YA CAN'T TAKE A HINT I NEED TO
SHOVE THIS BETWEEN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ FOR YOU TO SEE YOU AND
ME WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ YOUR HOMEBOY
LIKES ME I LIKE HIM TOO ♪
♪ GET OUT THE PICTURE I GET YOUR
POINT BUT I'M NOT ROLLING WITH THE PUNCH ♪
♪ I SCRUNCHED UP THE LETTER
YOU WROTE ME AT LUNCH ♪
♪ IN FIFTH PERIOD I
DON'T SEE NO EMOTION ♪
♪ MY WORK IS ON THE TABLE
MY PEN'S A LOCOMOTION ♪
♪ EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND
YOU'RE LOOKING AT MY FACE ♪
♪ I TRY TO IGNORE YOU THE
BELL RINGS I RACE OUT THE ROOM ♪
♪ ZOOM, ZOOM TO ANOTHER ROOM
SIT DOWN, WHAT DO YA KNOW ♪
♪ THE LOVER'S IN TOWN
THE OTHER BROTHER WHO ♪
♪ THE ONE I WISH TO TALK
TO SITTIN' THREE SEATS BACK ♪
♪ AND I'M GONNA WALK OVER TO
HIM AND GIVE HIM WHAT I WROTE ♪
♪ BECAUSE MY FEELINGS
TOWARDS HIM ARE REAL, YA KNOW ♪
♪ MONIE'S IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE SHE AT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ MONIE'S IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE THAT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ MONIE IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE SHE AT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ GO, MONIE, MONIE
MONIE IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ MONIE IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE SHE AT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ MONIE IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE THAT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ MONIE IN THE MIDDLE
WHERE SHE AT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ GO, MONIE, MONIE
MONIE IN THE MIDDLE ♪
♪ IN SEVENTH THE KNUCKLEHEAD
WALKS IN AND SITS DOWN BESIDE ME ♪
♪ I SAID, YO, WHY YOU
TRYING TO ROB ME ♪
♪ DAY IN, DAY OUT I CAN'T
SEEM TO GET YOU OFF MY BACK ♪
♪ WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT
I SHOULD DO ABOUT THAT ♪
♪ IN FACT, IT'S EMBARRASSING
WHAT A BUFFOON ♪
♪ YOU EVEN FOLLOW ME
IN THE LADIES' BATHROOM ♪
♪ GIVE ME A BREAK I CAN TAKE
IT IF THE STAKES ARE TOO HIGH ♪
♪ BESIDES, THERE GOES
THE OTHER BROTHER ♪
♪♪