In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 3 - Spike's Joint - full transcript
A MAN WINS AN EMMY,
HE BECOMES PREEMINENT.
HE HAS HIS CERTAIN ENTHUSIASMS.
ENTHUSIASMS.
NOW, CAN ANYBODY GUESS
WHAT MY ENTHUSIASMS ARE?
WHAT IT IS THAT
BRINGS ME GREAT JOY?
SHIRTS WITH LOUD PRINTS?
GIVING JOBS TO
PEOPLE NAMED WAYANS?
BASEBALL... THE GREAT
AMERICAN PASTIME.
OH, YEAH.
YOU SEE, MUCH LIKE PRODUCING AN
AWARD-WINNING COMEDY-VARIETY SERIES,
IT'S A TEAM EFFORT. YEAH.
A MAN WRITES HIS
SKETCH WITH SETUPS,
PUNCH LINES, FOLLOW-UPS.
THE CAST GETS LAUGHS,
WE ALL GET LAUGHS.
BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF A GUY...
WRITES A SELF-INDULGENCE SKETCH?
WHAT DO WE GET THEN, HUH?
UH, NOTHIN'. NOTHIN'.
YOU SEE, SOMETIMES A MAN STEPS UP TO
A TYPEWRITER, THINKING OF THEMSELVES,
TRYING TO HIT A HOME RUN.
BUT THE TEAM GETS NOTHIN'.
NOW THAT WAS MERELY
A DEMONSTRATION.
YOU SEE, EVEN THOUGH
WE'VE WON AN EMMY,
I DON'T WANT ANYBODY
RESTING ON THEIR LAURELS.
YOU GOT THAT? YEAH.
GOOD. THEN LET'S GET THIS SHOW
STARTED WITH SOME ENTHUSIASM.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
♪♪
WHAT'S WRONG, MARGE?
YOU LOOK WORRIED.
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT THAT'S DAVE'S
FIFTH HELPING OF DEVILED EGGS,
AND THEY GIVE HIM
SUCH, YOU KNOW, GAS.
DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T
HEARD ABOUT NEW FLATUSCENTS.
- FLATUSCENTS?
- YES.
THEY'RE THE NEW AROMATIC
SUPPOSITORIES FROM POOCO.
IT TAKES THE WORRY
OUT OF HAVING GAS.
YES, FLATUSCENTS.
THE NEW EASILY INSERTED,
TIME-RELEASED PERSONAL AROMA DISKS.
MM, LILAC MIST.
MY FAVORITE IS FRESH HERBAL. MM.
DAVE!
RELAX.
I HAVE FLATUSCENTS.
HEY, DO I SMELL FRESH FLOWERS?
FLATUSCENTS TURN A POTENTIALLY
EMBARRASSING SITUATION...
INTO A BURST OF POTPOURRI.
HOLD EVERYTHING!
FLATUSCENTS NOW COME IN THE
MOST EXCITING AROMA YET... NEW CAR.
♪♪
DAVE, IS THIS A NEW CAR?
NOPE. HAD A COUPLE OF
CHILI DOGS AT THE GAME.
I DON'T GET IT.
MAKE SURE YOU DO.
FLATUSCENTS. DON'T
GET GAS WITHOUT THEM.
♪♪
MM, GOOD MORNING
AND GOOD NIGHT...
TO ALL YOU INSOMNIACS
AND EARLY-RISERS.
IT'S 4:00 A.M., AND YOU
KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
IT'S TIME FOR THE
MAGENTA THOMPSON SHOW.
SHE LIT UP THE SILVER SCREEN, AND NOW
SHE'S GOING TO LIGHT UP YOUR MORNING.
PLEASE WELCOME MAGENTA THOMPSON.
OW! WILL YOU TURN THAT
MUSIC OFF, PLEASE? ♪♪
WE'RE ON. WE'RE ON. WHAT?
- I SAID WE'RE ON.
- DON'T POINT AT ME. THAT'S SO RUDE.
HI. WELCOME TO THE
MAGENTA THOMPSON SHOW.
UH, YOU KNOW, I WAS
GONNA DO THIS, UH,
MONOLOGUE, THIS OPENING
MONOLOGUE FOR YOU,
BUT I CAN'T REALLY FIND
IT ANYWHERE, SO UM...
YOU KNOW, I GUESS I'LL JUST SHOW
YOU A CLIP OF MY PERFORMANCE IN SHAFT.
THAT WAS REALLY THE, UH...
THAT WAS REALLY THE, UH, ROLE
THAT LAUNCHED MY FILM CAREER.
PAUL, DO WE STILL HAVE THAT
CUED UP FROM LAST NIGHT?
YEAH, WE SURE DO,
MAGENTA. ROLL IT.
GET OUTTA MY WAY, BITCH!
OH, YEAH.
I WAS REALLY
SOMETHING IN THOSE DAYS.
YOU KNOW, THAT BLONDE ON MOD
SQUAD NEVER TOOK A FALL LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW, BUT I GUESS IF YOU WANT A
PRIME-TIME TV SHOW, ALL YOU GOTTA DO...
IS GIVE A LITTLE
SOMETHING TO MR. QUINCY
"OOH, I PRODUCE MICHAEL
JACKSON ALBUMS" JONES.
YOU KNOW, ONE... ONE WHITE, ONE
BLACK AND ONE INCOMPETENT LITTLE SLUT,
THAT'S WHAT THE SHOW'S
MOTTO SHOULD HAVE BEEN.
GO TO THE SPONSOR. WHAT?
YEAH. YES.
IT'S THE MR. DRIPPY
STOP SMOKING KIT.
IT'S THE ONLY SYSTEM THAT
USES CARBONATED SPRING WATER.
WELCOME, MR. DRIPPY, TO THE
MAGENTA THOMPSON SPONSOR FAMILY.
NOW, UH, LET'S BRING
ON MY FIRST GUEST,
ANOTHER UNTALENTED BLONDE WHO, UH, MANAGED
TO LAND HERSELF A PRIME-TIME TV SHOW,
FOR WHAT REASON, WE CAN'T
REALLY BE SURE... SARAH PURCELL.
WE GOT TO... YOU'RE
SPITTING ON ME! WHAT?
SHE WON'T?
- WE GOT PAM GRIER.
- OH. WHO?
PAM GRIER. PAM GRIER.
OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH, PAM GRIER.
WELL, UH, LET'S WELCOME
PAM GRIER, SHALL WE?
♪♪
HI, PAM. SIT DOWN. UH...
YOU, UH, YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?
NO.
I'M GONNA HAVE SOME.
SO, UH, PAM, YOU, UH, YOU, UH,
STARRED IN A NUMBER OF
FILMS IN THE '70s, DIDN'T YOU?
UH, COFFY AND FOXY BROWN.
UH, BIG DOLL HOUSE. UH,
BLACK MAMA, WHITE MAMA.
I THINK THAT WAS THE ONE WHERE
YOU KEPT YOUR SHIRT ON, WASN'T IT?
WELL, ANYWAY, I GUESS THE, UH...
I GUESS THE QUESTION THAT I
HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT IS, UH, UM...
WH-WHY WASN'T I IN
ANY OF THESE FILMS?
- EXCUSE ME?
- LOOK. JUST DON'T BOTHER.
I GUESS I DIDN'T SLEEP
WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. YOU KNOW,
WHEN I STARRED IN SUPERFLY,
YOU KNOW, I GOT THAT ROLE
THROUGH MY ACTING TALENT ALONE.
TH-THERE WAS NO HORIZONTAL AUDITIONING
FOR THIS, BABE. YOU STARRED IN SUPERFLY?
THAT'S RIGHT. HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I
MEAN. PAUL, DO WE STILL HAVE THAT CUED UP?
YEAH, ROLL IT, HON.
GET OUTTA MY WAY, YOU BITCH!
A LITTLE SOMETHING THAT WE
USED TO CALL "STAR QUALITY," PAM.
- THAT'S REAL ACTING.
- YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANNA
DO THAT. YEAH, WELL, THANKS.
PAM, IT'S BEEN, UH...
WHAT? WHAT, ARE
WE LANDING A PLANE?
YOU KNOW, I-I
PLAYED THOSE GAMES.
I JUMPED ON THE CASTING COUCH ONCE OR
TWICE. YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT IT GOT ME?
I NEVER DID THAT. IT GOT ME THE
GREATEST ROLE OF MY CAREER.
THAT'S RIGHT... MOTHER,
JUGS AND SPEED.
ROLL IT, PAUL.
SOMEBODY GET THIS
BITCH OUTTA MY WAY!
YES. YES!
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
ENDED UP ON THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR.
IT REALLY COULD HAVE CHANGED
THE WHOLE COURSE OF MY CAREER.
YEAH, I SEE THAT.
WELL... ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT!
I GUESS THAT DOES IT FOR THE
MAGENTA THOMPSON SHOW TONIGHT.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. UM, WON'T
YOU, UH, TUNE IN TOMORROW NIGHT...
WHEN OUR SPECIAL GUEST IS ANN
B. DAVIS FROM THE BRADY BUNCH.
THANKS. ♪♪
PAM, THAT'S THE END OF THE
SHOW, ALL RIGHT? LET'S GO HERE.
WHO... WHO IS SHE ANYWAY?
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF HER.
YOU DANCED TO THEIR RECORDS,
YOU SAT THROUGH THEIR CONCERTS,
NOW THE SINGING SOUL
SENSATIONS CEPHUS AND
REESIE MAYWEATHER ARE
COMING TO YOUR TOWN...
IN THE NEW BROADWAY GOSPEL MUSICAL
WRITTEN, DIRECTED AND CHOREOGRAPHED...
♪♪ BY THE
MAYWEATHERS THEMSELVES.
♪ GET OFF THE LORD'S BUS IF
YOU AIN'T GOT CORRECT CHANGE ♪
♪ DON'T SIT ON THE DEVIL'S SOUL IF
YOU'RE TOO HOT TO RIDE THE RANGE ♪
♪ JUST KEEP SINGING GOSPEL IF
YOU DON'T START FEELING STRANGE ♪
♪ THEN ONE DAY YOU'LL FIND
YOURSELF HOME ON THE RANGE ♪
♪ SO GIMME A HOME
WHERE THE BUFFALO ROAM ♪
♪ WHERE THE DEER AND
THE ANTELOPE PLAY ♪
♪ HIP-HIP HOPPIN' ON DOWN ♪♪
NOW WAIT A MINUTE!
WHAT? THAT'S A DIFFERENT SONG.
SURE IS.
YOU'LL THINK THE NEXT STOP
IS THE VERY GATES OF HEAVEN...
AS CEPHUS SINGS
"CAN I GET A TRANSFER?"
♪ GET A TRANSFER
CAN I GET A TRANSFER ♪
♪♪ ♪ CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL
WITHOUT A TRANSFER ♪
♪ CAN'T GO HOME
WITHOUT A TRANSFER ♪
♪ CAN'T GO TO WORK
WITHOUT A TRANSFER ♪
♪ CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL
WITHOUT A TRANSFER ♪
♪ TRANSFER ♪
♪ AAH ♪♪
YOUR HEART WILL TAKE THE EXPRESS
TO THAT GREAT STATION IN THE SKY...
WHEN CEPHUS, REESIE AND THE ENTIRE
ENSEMBLE SING "DON'T TALK TO THE DRIVER."
♪ DON'T TALK ♪
♪ DON'T TALK ♪
♪ TO THE DRIVER ♪
♪ DRIVER ♪
♪ WHEN THE BUS ♪
♪ WHEN THE BUS ♪
♪ IS IN MOTION ♪
♪ MOTION ♪
♪ REMAIN BEHIND THE WHITE LINE ♪
♪ THE WHITE LINE ♪
♪ DON'T TALK ♪
♪ DON'T TALK ♪
♪ TO THE DRIVER ♪
♪ DRIVER ♪
♪ WHEN THE BUS ♪
♪ WHEN THE BUS ♪
♪ IS IN MOTION ♪
♪ MOTION ♪
♪ REMAIN BEHIND THE WHITE LINE ♪
♪ I'M DRIVING ♪ ♪ I'M SORRY,
MR. DRIVER HE WON'T LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HEY, DRIVER HE WON'T
LISTEN TO ME ♪ ♪ BEEP, BEEP ♪
♪ HEY, DRIVER, EXCUSE ME
EXCUSE ME ♪ ♪ GET OUTTA MY WAY ♪
♪ HE GONNA CRASH THE BUS
HE GONNA CRASH THE BUS ♪
♪ HERE WE GO HERE WE GO ♪♪
CEPHUS AND REESIE
SING WITH SUCH SOUL,
SUCH HEART, SUCH CONVICTION, YOU'LL
SWEAR THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.
COMING SATURDAY TO THE COLEVILLE
COUNTY LIVESTOCK SHOW ARENA.
♪♪
OH, HONEY, I JUST LOVE
DANCING CHEEK TO CHEEK.
IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER EPISODE FROM
THE ANNALS OF THOSE ZANY CRACK-UPS...
THE BUTTMANS.
GOSH, HON, LOOK AT THIS TABLE.
BOY, YOU MUST HAVE REALLY
WORKED YOUR HEAD OFF.
OH, I HOPE IT'S OKAY. I
JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
OUR LITTLE GIRL IS
HAVING HER FIRST DATE.
YEAH, I KNOW WHAT
YOU MEAN. IT SEEMS LIKE
ONLY YESTERDAY YOU
WERE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM,
AND THE DOCTOR HELD HER UP
AND SLAPPED HER PRETTY FACE.
♪ DOIN' THE BUTT DANCE
PRETTY, PRETTY ♪♪
HEY, TURN THAT OFF.
BRENDA'S GOT A BOYFRIEND.
BRENDA'S GOT A BOYFRIEND.
STOP THAT! NOW THIS IS A VERY
IMPORTANT NIGHT FOR YOUR SISTER,
AND I WON'T HAVE YOU
MAKING AN ASS OF YOURSELF.
THAT'S RIGHT. IS SHE READY?
RICHARD WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
OH! HERE I AM, MOM.
SHE'S SO LOVELY, I COULD CRY.
THAT'S A LOVELY HAIR BAND.
DO YOU LIKE IT? I GOT THE IDEA
FROM WATCHING A CHER VIDEO.
I LOVE IT.
THAT RICHARD'S A LUCKY BOY.
OH, THERE HE IS. I SURE HOPE
EVERYBODY LIKES HIM AS MUCH AS I DO.
I'M SURE WE WILL.
MOM, DAD, JIMMY, THIS
IS RICHARD DICKERSON.
HI, EVERYBODY.
WELL, WELCOME, RICHARD.
EVERYBODY CALLS ME DICK.
I GUESS IT'S JUST
EASIER TO REMEMBER.
BOY, AND HE SURE
DOES HAVE A BIG...
DICK PLAYS FOOTBALL.
OH, SHOOT, I'M JUST
SECOND-STRING.
WELL, SIT DOWN, DICK. TAKE A LOAD
OFF. DINNER WILL BE READY IN A SECOND.
THANKS. I'M KIND OF BUSHED.
WELL, YOU KNOW, OUR SON JIMMY
HERE PLAYS FOOTBALL TOO. DON'T YOU?
OH, OH, OH, YEAH. I PLAY TIGHT
END. WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY?
A LITTLE NOSE TACKLE. THEY PUT ME IN
WHEN THEY WANT BETTER PENETRATION.
MOSTLY, I JUST HANG OUT THOUGH.
SO, HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?
WE MET IN BIOLOGY CLASS. WHEN
IT COMES TO BIOLOGY, DICK KNOWS.
OF COURSE, I CAN'T WRITE
A TERM PAPER LIKE BRENDA.
BUT WHEN WE PUT
OUR HEADS TOGETHER...
THERE'S SOMETHING
ELSE THAT WE'D LIKE TO DO.
PORK?
OH, NO. DICK'S ALLERGIC TO PORK.
MAKES MY NOSE RUN LIKE CRAZY.
OH, NO, DON'T. WELL, WE WOULDN'T
WANT THAT NOW, WOULD WE?
DO WE HAVE ANYTHING
ELSE FOR DICK? BUTT STEAK.
MY FAVORITE. PUT THAT BETWEEN A
COUPLE OF BUNS, AND I'M A HAPPY GUY.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, DIVE IN, DICK.
BUTTMANS, STUFF YOUR FACES.
I REALLY HAD A GREAT
TIME TONIGHT, BRENDA.
I HOPE I DIDN'T COME
OFF AS BEING STIFF.
DON'T BE A WEENIE.
MY PARENTS MAY BE WATCHING.
ESKIMO KISS? OKAY.
OH, WOW, HONEY. I'M REALLY SORRY
I SEEMED SO DISTRACTED TONIGHT.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MY
HEAD FROM A HOLE IN THE GROUND.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
HE'S JUST SO DIFFERENT.
YEAH. WHO WOULD
HAVE EVER EXPECTED IT?
OUR DAUGHTER DATING A WHITE GUY.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THANKS FOR
COMING IN. COME VISIT US AGAIN, ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.
LATER.
YO, YO, FIGHT THE POWER.
HEY, JOY! WHAT?
JOY! WHAT?
JOY! WHAT?
JOY! WHAT?
COME HERE. WHAT IF I DON'T?
I WON'T PUT YOU
IN MY NEXT MOVIE.
LOOK, SPIKE. HOW MANY
TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?
IT'S NOT JOY, IT'S JOI.
JOY, WE'RE BACK IN BROOKLYN,
ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT?
IN BROOKLYN, IT'S
JOY, NOT JOI, OKAY?
IT'S NOT JACKAY, ALL
RIGHT? IT'S JACKIE.
IT'S NOT SADE, ALL
RIGHT? IT'S SADIE.
ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT.
WHAT YOU GONNA CALL ME NEXT?
WHAT YOU GONNA CALL ME, SPIKAY?
GET OUTTA HERE. I WANNA
SHOW YOU MY NEW PRODUCT.
CHECK IT OUT. AH,
YOU LIKES, RIGHT?
YOU LIKES, RIGHT? AH, THIS IS
THE MO' BETTER BUTTER DISPENSER.
CHECK IT OUT.
AH.
I'VE TASTED BUTTER, BUT
THIS IS MO' BETTER BUTTER.
GO STACK THAT OVER THERE.
STACK IT BY THE MALCOLM EX-LAX.
I GOT A CUSTOMER.
CAN I HELP YOU? YEAH,
DO YOU CARRY SNEAKERS?
SNEAKERS? YEAH.
LIKE TENNIS SHOES? RIGHT.
LIKE BASKETBALL SHOES? YES.
LIKE JUST PLAIN SNEAKERS? YES.
GOT 'EM. OH, GREAT.
CHECK IT OUT. MY OWN LINE.
OH. SPIKES. YOU LIKE?
NO. COME ON. YOU GOTTA LIKE.
NO, I... COME ON,
LOOK. YOU GOTTA LIKE.
I DON'T. PLEASE,
BABY, BABY, PLEASE.
PLEASE, BABY, BABY, BABY,
BABY. PLEASE, BABY, BABY, PLEASE.
PLEASE, BABY, BABY. PLEASE,
BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY.
PLEASE, BABY, BABY,
PLEASE. OKAY, I'LL TAKE THEM.
ALL RIGHT. YOU SURE? YES.
YOU WANT 'EM? YES.
YOU BUY 'EM? YES.
YOU SURE? ABSOLUTELY.
ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN PAY
FOR THEM RIGHT OVER HERE.
YOU GET A COPY OF
SCHOOL DAZE WITH THAT.
OH. THAT'S OKAY. IT'S FREE.
OH, IT'S FREE? FREE.
THAT'S OKAY.
GET OUTTA HERE!
WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO
YOU WANT? I'M GONNA GO BROKE!
HERE! HERE! YOU'RE
GONNA DRIVE ME CRAZY.
MM-MM-MM. THANK YOU. YOU
SOUND LIKE A MACHINE GUN.
♪ THAT MAKE THE
WHOLE WORLD SING ♪
EXCUSE ME. CAN YOU TURN
THE RADIO DOWN, PLEASE?
♪ I WRITE THE SONGS OF LOVE
AND SPECIAL THINGS ♪♪ EXCUSE ME.
CAN YOU TURN YOUR
RADIO DOWN, PLEASE? HEY!
EXCUSE ME. I'D LIKE TO RETURN
THIS FREE COPY OF SCHOOL DAZE.
WHAT'S WRONG? IT'S DEFECTIVE?
NO. I DIDN'T GO TO A BLACK
COLLEGE. I JUST DIDN'T GET IT.
CAN YOU PLEASE TURN
YOUR RADIO DOWN? HEY.
CAN YOU PLEASE TURN
YOUR RADIO DOWN?
HELLO. SPIKE'S JOINT.
HA, HA, HA, VERY FUNNY.
DELIVER PIZZAS TO YOUR HOUSE.
YEAH, RIGHT. FOR THE
40th TIME, HELL NO! ♪♪
CAN YOU TURN YOUR
RADIO DOWN, PLEASE?
HEY, SPIKE. WHY
DOESN'T NIKE APPOINT ANY
BLACK PEOPLE TO ITS
BOARD OF DIRECTORS, MAN?
IT'S A VERY COMPLICATED ISSUE, ALL RIGHT?
BUT YOU CAN READ ABOUT IT IN MY NEW BOOK:
THE MAKING OF NIKE COMMERCIALS.
ALL RIGHT? $9.95.
I NEED 20 TRIPLE "A" BATTERIES FOR MY
RADIO. WE DON'T HAVE ANY BATTERIES.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TURN
YOUR RADIO DOWN. NO BATTERIES?
TWENTY TRIPLE "A"?
TURN YOUR RADIO DOWN.
TURN THAT DOWN. WE DON'T
HAVE ANY BATTERIES. EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME. MOOKIE, WHEN ARE YOU
GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS, ALL RIGHT?
IT'S... IT'S NOT MOOKIE, ALL
RIGHT? IT'S SPIKE, ALL RIGHT?
TURN THE RADIO DOWN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
GET OUTTA HERE. GET OUTTA HERE.
- GET OUTTA HERE!
- HOW COME THERE'S NO WHITE
PEOPLE ON THE WALL, MAN?
THIS IS SPIKE'S JOINT, ALL RIGHT?
WHEN YOU GET YOUR OWN JOINT,
YOU CAN PUT ANYBODY
YOU WANT ON THE WALL.
THE GUY WHO WAS
IN GILLIGAN, MAN.
HUH? HOW COME HE'S NOT...
NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
THINKING RIGHT NOW.
YOU'RE THINKING, "HEY, NOW'S A GREAT TIME
TO THROW A TRASH CAN THROUGH THE WINDOW."
WELL, I COULDN'T
AGREE WITH YOU MORE.
THAT'S WHY I'VE GOT TRASH
CANS IN THE BACK FOR $15.
ALL RIGHT? THEY'RE
LIGHTWEIGHT AND RIOT SIZE.
WHAT A DISCOUNT.
YOU'LL ALSO GET A FREE
COPY OF SCHOOL DAZE.
OH, FORGET IT. NAH, NEVER MIND.
GET OUTTA HERE!
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
M-M-M-M-MIDGET.
HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE SHOW. WE
HAD A GOOD TIME, AS WELL, WITH YOU.
AND WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
HE BECOMES PREEMINENT.
HE HAS HIS CERTAIN ENTHUSIASMS.
ENTHUSIASMS.
NOW, CAN ANYBODY GUESS
WHAT MY ENTHUSIASMS ARE?
WHAT IT IS THAT
BRINGS ME GREAT JOY?
SHIRTS WITH LOUD PRINTS?
GIVING JOBS TO
PEOPLE NAMED WAYANS?
BASEBALL... THE GREAT
AMERICAN PASTIME.
OH, YEAH.
YOU SEE, MUCH LIKE PRODUCING AN
AWARD-WINNING COMEDY-VARIETY SERIES,
IT'S A TEAM EFFORT. YEAH.
A MAN WRITES HIS
SKETCH WITH SETUPS,
PUNCH LINES, FOLLOW-UPS.
THE CAST GETS LAUGHS,
WE ALL GET LAUGHS.
BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF A GUY...
WRITES A SELF-INDULGENCE SKETCH?
WHAT DO WE GET THEN, HUH?
UH, NOTHIN'. NOTHIN'.
YOU SEE, SOMETIMES A MAN STEPS UP TO
A TYPEWRITER, THINKING OF THEMSELVES,
TRYING TO HIT A HOME RUN.
BUT THE TEAM GETS NOTHIN'.
NOW THAT WAS MERELY
A DEMONSTRATION.
YOU SEE, EVEN THOUGH
WE'VE WON AN EMMY,
I DON'T WANT ANYBODY
RESTING ON THEIR LAURELS.
YOU GOT THAT? YEAH.
GOOD. THEN LET'S GET THIS SHOW
STARTED WITH SOME ENTHUSIASM.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
♪♪
WHAT'S WRONG, MARGE?
YOU LOOK WORRIED.
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT THAT'S DAVE'S
FIFTH HELPING OF DEVILED EGGS,
AND THEY GIVE HIM
SUCH, YOU KNOW, GAS.
DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T
HEARD ABOUT NEW FLATUSCENTS.
- FLATUSCENTS?
- YES.
THEY'RE THE NEW AROMATIC
SUPPOSITORIES FROM POOCO.
IT TAKES THE WORRY
OUT OF HAVING GAS.
YES, FLATUSCENTS.
THE NEW EASILY INSERTED,
TIME-RELEASED PERSONAL AROMA DISKS.
MM, LILAC MIST.
MY FAVORITE IS FRESH HERBAL. MM.
DAVE!
RELAX.
I HAVE FLATUSCENTS.
HEY, DO I SMELL FRESH FLOWERS?
FLATUSCENTS TURN A POTENTIALLY
EMBARRASSING SITUATION...
INTO A BURST OF POTPOURRI.
HOLD EVERYTHING!
FLATUSCENTS NOW COME IN THE
MOST EXCITING AROMA YET... NEW CAR.
♪♪
DAVE, IS THIS A NEW CAR?
NOPE. HAD A COUPLE OF
CHILI DOGS AT THE GAME.
I DON'T GET IT.
MAKE SURE YOU DO.
FLATUSCENTS. DON'T
GET GAS WITHOUT THEM.
♪♪
MM, GOOD MORNING
AND GOOD NIGHT...
TO ALL YOU INSOMNIACS
AND EARLY-RISERS.
IT'S 4:00 A.M., AND YOU
KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
IT'S TIME FOR THE
MAGENTA THOMPSON SHOW.
SHE LIT UP THE SILVER SCREEN, AND NOW
SHE'S GOING TO LIGHT UP YOUR MORNING.
PLEASE WELCOME MAGENTA THOMPSON.
OW! WILL YOU TURN THAT
MUSIC OFF, PLEASE? ♪♪
WE'RE ON. WE'RE ON. WHAT?
- I SAID WE'RE ON.
- DON'T POINT AT ME. THAT'S SO RUDE.
HI. WELCOME TO THE
MAGENTA THOMPSON SHOW.
UH, YOU KNOW, I WAS
GONNA DO THIS, UH,
MONOLOGUE, THIS OPENING
MONOLOGUE FOR YOU,
BUT I CAN'T REALLY FIND
IT ANYWHERE, SO UM...
YOU KNOW, I GUESS I'LL JUST SHOW
YOU A CLIP OF MY PERFORMANCE IN SHAFT.
THAT WAS REALLY THE, UH...
THAT WAS REALLY THE, UH, ROLE
THAT LAUNCHED MY FILM CAREER.
PAUL, DO WE STILL HAVE THAT
CUED UP FROM LAST NIGHT?
YEAH, WE SURE DO,
MAGENTA. ROLL IT.
GET OUTTA MY WAY, BITCH!
OH, YEAH.
I WAS REALLY
SOMETHING IN THOSE DAYS.
YOU KNOW, THAT BLONDE ON MOD
SQUAD NEVER TOOK A FALL LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW, BUT I GUESS IF YOU WANT A
PRIME-TIME TV SHOW, ALL YOU GOTTA DO...
IS GIVE A LITTLE
SOMETHING TO MR. QUINCY
"OOH, I PRODUCE MICHAEL
JACKSON ALBUMS" JONES.
YOU KNOW, ONE... ONE WHITE, ONE
BLACK AND ONE INCOMPETENT LITTLE SLUT,
THAT'S WHAT THE SHOW'S
MOTTO SHOULD HAVE BEEN.
GO TO THE SPONSOR. WHAT?
YEAH. YES.
IT'S THE MR. DRIPPY
STOP SMOKING KIT.
IT'S THE ONLY SYSTEM THAT
USES CARBONATED SPRING WATER.
WELCOME, MR. DRIPPY, TO THE
MAGENTA THOMPSON SPONSOR FAMILY.
NOW, UH, LET'S BRING
ON MY FIRST GUEST,
ANOTHER UNTALENTED BLONDE WHO, UH, MANAGED
TO LAND HERSELF A PRIME-TIME TV SHOW,
FOR WHAT REASON, WE CAN'T
REALLY BE SURE... SARAH PURCELL.
WE GOT TO... YOU'RE
SPITTING ON ME! WHAT?
SHE WON'T?
- WE GOT PAM GRIER.
- OH. WHO?
PAM GRIER. PAM GRIER.
OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH, PAM GRIER.
WELL, UH, LET'S WELCOME
PAM GRIER, SHALL WE?
♪♪
HI, PAM. SIT DOWN. UH...
YOU, UH, YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?
NO.
I'M GONNA HAVE SOME.
SO, UH, PAM, YOU, UH, YOU, UH,
STARRED IN A NUMBER OF
FILMS IN THE '70s, DIDN'T YOU?
UH, COFFY AND FOXY BROWN.
UH, BIG DOLL HOUSE. UH,
BLACK MAMA, WHITE MAMA.
I THINK THAT WAS THE ONE WHERE
YOU KEPT YOUR SHIRT ON, WASN'T IT?
WELL, ANYWAY, I GUESS THE, UH...
I GUESS THE QUESTION THAT I
HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT IS, UH, UM...
WH-WHY WASN'T I IN
ANY OF THESE FILMS?
- EXCUSE ME?
- LOOK. JUST DON'T BOTHER.
I GUESS I DIDN'T SLEEP
WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. YOU KNOW,
WHEN I STARRED IN SUPERFLY,
YOU KNOW, I GOT THAT ROLE
THROUGH MY ACTING TALENT ALONE.
TH-THERE WAS NO HORIZONTAL AUDITIONING
FOR THIS, BABE. YOU STARRED IN SUPERFLY?
THAT'S RIGHT. HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I
MEAN. PAUL, DO WE STILL HAVE THAT CUED UP?
YEAH, ROLL IT, HON.
GET OUTTA MY WAY, YOU BITCH!
A LITTLE SOMETHING THAT WE
USED TO CALL "STAR QUALITY," PAM.
- THAT'S REAL ACTING.
- YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANNA
DO THAT. YEAH, WELL, THANKS.
PAM, IT'S BEEN, UH...
WHAT? WHAT, ARE
WE LANDING A PLANE?
YOU KNOW, I-I
PLAYED THOSE GAMES.
I JUMPED ON THE CASTING COUCH ONCE OR
TWICE. YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT IT GOT ME?
I NEVER DID THAT. IT GOT ME THE
GREATEST ROLE OF MY CAREER.
THAT'S RIGHT... MOTHER,
JUGS AND SPEED.
ROLL IT, PAUL.
SOMEBODY GET THIS
BITCH OUTTA MY WAY!
YES. YES!
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
ENDED UP ON THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR.
IT REALLY COULD HAVE CHANGED
THE WHOLE COURSE OF MY CAREER.
YEAH, I SEE THAT.
WELL... ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT!
I GUESS THAT DOES IT FOR THE
MAGENTA THOMPSON SHOW TONIGHT.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. UM, WON'T
YOU, UH, TUNE IN TOMORROW NIGHT...
WHEN OUR SPECIAL GUEST IS ANN
B. DAVIS FROM THE BRADY BUNCH.
THANKS. ♪♪
PAM, THAT'S THE END OF THE
SHOW, ALL RIGHT? LET'S GO HERE.
WHO... WHO IS SHE ANYWAY?
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF HER.
YOU DANCED TO THEIR RECORDS,
YOU SAT THROUGH THEIR CONCERTS,
NOW THE SINGING SOUL
SENSATIONS CEPHUS AND
REESIE MAYWEATHER ARE
COMING TO YOUR TOWN...
IN THE NEW BROADWAY GOSPEL MUSICAL
WRITTEN, DIRECTED AND CHOREOGRAPHED...
♪♪ BY THE
MAYWEATHERS THEMSELVES.
♪ GET OFF THE LORD'S BUS IF
YOU AIN'T GOT CORRECT CHANGE ♪
♪ DON'T SIT ON THE DEVIL'S SOUL IF
YOU'RE TOO HOT TO RIDE THE RANGE ♪
♪ JUST KEEP SINGING GOSPEL IF
YOU DON'T START FEELING STRANGE ♪
♪ THEN ONE DAY YOU'LL FIND
YOURSELF HOME ON THE RANGE ♪
♪ SO GIMME A HOME
WHERE THE BUFFALO ROAM ♪
♪ WHERE THE DEER AND
THE ANTELOPE PLAY ♪
♪ HIP-HIP HOPPIN' ON DOWN ♪♪
NOW WAIT A MINUTE!
WHAT? THAT'S A DIFFERENT SONG.
SURE IS.
YOU'LL THINK THE NEXT STOP
IS THE VERY GATES OF HEAVEN...
AS CEPHUS SINGS
"CAN I GET A TRANSFER?"
♪ GET A TRANSFER
CAN I GET A TRANSFER ♪
♪♪ ♪ CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL
WITHOUT A TRANSFER ♪
♪ CAN'T GO HOME
WITHOUT A TRANSFER ♪
♪ CAN'T GO TO WORK
WITHOUT A TRANSFER ♪
♪ CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL
WITHOUT A TRANSFER ♪
♪ TRANSFER ♪
♪ AAH ♪♪
YOUR HEART WILL TAKE THE EXPRESS
TO THAT GREAT STATION IN THE SKY...
WHEN CEPHUS, REESIE AND THE ENTIRE
ENSEMBLE SING "DON'T TALK TO THE DRIVER."
♪ DON'T TALK ♪
♪ DON'T TALK ♪
♪ TO THE DRIVER ♪
♪ DRIVER ♪
♪ WHEN THE BUS ♪
♪ WHEN THE BUS ♪
♪ IS IN MOTION ♪
♪ MOTION ♪
♪ REMAIN BEHIND THE WHITE LINE ♪
♪ THE WHITE LINE ♪
♪ DON'T TALK ♪
♪ DON'T TALK ♪
♪ TO THE DRIVER ♪
♪ DRIVER ♪
♪ WHEN THE BUS ♪
♪ WHEN THE BUS ♪
♪ IS IN MOTION ♪
♪ MOTION ♪
♪ REMAIN BEHIND THE WHITE LINE ♪
♪ I'M DRIVING ♪ ♪ I'M SORRY,
MR. DRIVER HE WON'T LISTEN TO ME ♪
♪ HEY, DRIVER HE WON'T
LISTEN TO ME ♪ ♪ BEEP, BEEP ♪
♪ HEY, DRIVER, EXCUSE ME
EXCUSE ME ♪ ♪ GET OUTTA MY WAY ♪
♪ HE GONNA CRASH THE BUS
HE GONNA CRASH THE BUS ♪
♪ HERE WE GO HERE WE GO ♪♪
CEPHUS AND REESIE
SING WITH SUCH SOUL,
SUCH HEART, SUCH CONVICTION, YOU'LL
SWEAR THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.
COMING SATURDAY TO THE COLEVILLE
COUNTY LIVESTOCK SHOW ARENA.
♪♪
OH, HONEY, I JUST LOVE
DANCING CHEEK TO CHEEK.
IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER EPISODE FROM
THE ANNALS OF THOSE ZANY CRACK-UPS...
THE BUTTMANS.
GOSH, HON, LOOK AT THIS TABLE.
BOY, YOU MUST HAVE REALLY
WORKED YOUR HEAD OFF.
OH, I HOPE IT'S OKAY. I
JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
OUR LITTLE GIRL IS
HAVING HER FIRST DATE.
YEAH, I KNOW WHAT
YOU MEAN. IT SEEMS LIKE
ONLY YESTERDAY YOU
WERE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM,
AND THE DOCTOR HELD HER UP
AND SLAPPED HER PRETTY FACE.
♪ DOIN' THE BUTT DANCE
PRETTY, PRETTY ♪♪
HEY, TURN THAT OFF.
BRENDA'S GOT A BOYFRIEND.
BRENDA'S GOT A BOYFRIEND.
STOP THAT! NOW THIS IS A VERY
IMPORTANT NIGHT FOR YOUR SISTER,
AND I WON'T HAVE YOU
MAKING AN ASS OF YOURSELF.
THAT'S RIGHT. IS SHE READY?
RICHARD WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
OH! HERE I AM, MOM.
SHE'S SO LOVELY, I COULD CRY.
THAT'S A LOVELY HAIR BAND.
DO YOU LIKE IT? I GOT THE IDEA
FROM WATCHING A CHER VIDEO.
I LOVE IT.
THAT RICHARD'S A LUCKY BOY.
OH, THERE HE IS. I SURE HOPE
EVERYBODY LIKES HIM AS MUCH AS I DO.
I'M SURE WE WILL.
MOM, DAD, JIMMY, THIS
IS RICHARD DICKERSON.
HI, EVERYBODY.
WELL, WELCOME, RICHARD.
EVERYBODY CALLS ME DICK.
I GUESS IT'S JUST
EASIER TO REMEMBER.
BOY, AND HE SURE
DOES HAVE A BIG...
DICK PLAYS FOOTBALL.
OH, SHOOT, I'M JUST
SECOND-STRING.
WELL, SIT DOWN, DICK. TAKE A LOAD
OFF. DINNER WILL BE READY IN A SECOND.
THANKS. I'M KIND OF BUSHED.
WELL, YOU KNOW, OUR SON JIMMY
HERE PLAYS FOOTBALL TOO. DON'T YOU?
OH, OH, OH, YEAH. I PLAY TIGHT
END. WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY?
A LITTLE NOSE TACKLE. THEY PUT ME IN
WHEN THEY WANT BETTER PENETRATION.
MOSTLY, I JUST HANG OUT THOUGH.
SO, HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?
WE MET IN BIOLOGY CLASS. WHEN
IT COMES TO BIOLOGY, DICK KNOWS.
OF COURSE, I CAN'T WRITE
A TERM PAPER LIKE BRENDA.
BUT WHEN WE PUT
OUR HEADS TOGETHER...
THERE'S SOMETHING
ELSE THAT WE'D LIKE TO DO.
PORK?
OH, NO. DICK'S ALLERGIC TO PORK.
MAKES MY NOSE RUN LIKE CRAZY.
OH, NO, DON'T. WELL, WE WOULDN'T
WANT THAT NOW, WOULD WE?
DO WE HAVE ANYTHING
ELSE FOR DICK? BUTT STEAK.
MY FAVORITE. PUT THAT BETWEEN A
COUPLE OF BUNS, AND I'M A HAPPY GUY.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, DIVE IN, DICK.
BUTTMANS, STUFF YOUR FACES.
I REALLY HAD A GREAT
TIME TONIGHT, BRENDA.
I HOPE I DIDN'T COME
OFF AS BEING STIFF.
DON'T BE A WEENIE.
MY PARENTS MAY BE WATCHING.
ESKIMO KISS? OKAY.
OH, WOW, HONEY. I'M REALLY SORRY
I SEEMED SO DISTRACTED TONIGHT.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MY
HEAD FROM A HOLE IN THE GROUND.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
HE'S JUST SO DIFFERENT.
YEAH. WHO WOULD
HAVE EVER EXPECTED IT?
OUR DAUGHTER DATING A WHITE GUY.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THANKS FOR
COMING IN. COME VISIT US AGAIN, ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.
LATER.
YO, YO, FIGHT THE POWER.
HEY, JOY! WHAT?
JOY! WHAT?
JOY! WHAT?
JOY! WHAT?
COME HERE. WHAT IF I DON'T?
I WON'T PUT YOU
IN MY NEXT MOVIE.
LOOK, SPIKE. HOW MANY
TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?
IT'S NOT JOY, IT'S JOI.
JOY, WE'RE BACK IN BROOKLYN,
ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT?
IN BROOKLYN, IT'S
JOY, NOT JOI, OKAY?
IT'S NOT JACKAY, ALL
RIGHT? IT'S JACKIE.
IT'S NOT SADE, ALL
RIGHT? IT'S SADIE.
ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT.
WHAT YOU GONNA CALL ME NEXT?
WHAT YOU GONNA CALL ME, SPIKAY?
GET OUTTA HERE. I WANNA
SHOW YOU MY NEW PRODUCT.
CHECK IT OUT. AH,
YOU LIKES, RIGHT?
YOU LIKES, RIGHT? AH, THIS IS
THE MO' BETTER BUTTER DISPENSER.
CHECK IT OUT.
AH.
I'VE TASTED BUTTER, BUT
THIS IS MO' BETTER BUTTER.
GO STACK THAT OVER THERE.
STACK IT BY THE MALCOLM EX-LAX.
I GOT A CUSTOMER.
CAN I HELP YOU? YEAH,
DO YOU CARRY SNEAKERS?
SNEAKERS? YEAH.
LIKE TENNIS SHOES? RIGHT.
LIKE BASKETBALL SHOES? YES.
LIKE JUST PLAIN SNEAKERS? YES.
GOT 'EM. OH, GREAT.
CHECK IT OUT. MY OWN LINE.
OH. SPIKES. YOU LIKE?
NO. COME ON. YOU GOTTA LIKE.
NO, I... COME ON,
LOOK. YOU GOTTA LIKE.
I DON'T. PLEASE,
BABY, BABY, PLEASE.
PLEASE, BABY, BABY, BABY,
BABY. PLEASE, BABY, BABY, PLEASE.
PLEASE, BABY, BABY. PLEASE,
BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY.
PLEASE, BABY, BABY,
PLEASE. OKAY, I'LL TAKE THEM.
ALL RIGHT. YOU SURE? YES.
YOU WANT 'EM? YES.
YOU BUY 'EM? YES.
YOU SURE? ABSOLUTELY.
ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN PAY
FOR THEM RIGHT OVER HERE.
YOU GET A COPY OF
SCHOOL DAZE WITH THAT.
OH. THAT'S OKAY. IT'S FREE.
OH, IT'S FREE? FREE.
THAT'S OKAY.
GET OUTTA HERE!
WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO
YOU WANT? I'M GONNA GO BROKE!
HERE! HERE! YOU'RE
GONNA DRIVE ME CRAZY.
MM-MM-MM. THANK YOU. YOU
SOUND LIKE A MACHINE GUN.
♪ THAT MAKE THE
WHOLE WORLD SING ♪
EXCUSE ME. CAN YOU TURN
THE RADIO DOWN, PLEASE?
♪ I WRITE THE SONGS OF LOVE
AND SPECIAL THINGS ♪♪ EXCUSE ME.
CAN YOU TURN YOUR
RADIO DOWN, PLEASE? HEY!
EXCUSE ME. I'D LIKE TO RETURN
THIS FREE COPY OF SCHOOL DAZE.
WHAT'S WRONG? IT'S DEFECTIVE?
NO. I DIDN'T GO TO A BLACK
COLLEGE. I JUST DIDN'T GET IT.
CAN YOU PLEASE TURN
YOUR RADIO DOWN? HEY.
CAN YOU PLEASE TURN
YOUR RADIO DOWN?
HELLO. SPIKE'S JOINT.
HA, HA, HA, VERY FUNNY.
DELIVER PIZZAS TO YOUR HOUSE.
YEAH, RIGHT. FOR THE
40th TIME, HELL NO! ♪♪
CAN YOU TURN YOUR
RADIO DOWN, PLEASE?
HEY, SPIKE. WHY
DOESN'T NIKE APPOINT ANY
BLACK PEOPLE TO ITS
BOARD OF DIRECTORS, MAN?
IT'S A VERY COMPLICATED ISSUE, ALL RIGHT?
BUT YOU CAN READ ABOUT IT IN MY NEW BOOK:
THE MAKING OF NIKE COMMERCIALS.
ALL RIGHT? $9.95.
I NEED 20 TRIPLE "A" BATTERIES FOR MY
RADIO. WE DON'T HAVE ANY BATTERIES.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TURN
YOUR RADIO DOWN. NO BATTERIES?
TWENTY TRIPLE "A"?
TURN YOUR RADIO DOWN.
TURN THAT DOWN. WE DON'T
HAVE ANY BATTERIES. EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME. MOOKIE, WHEN ARE YOU
GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS, ALL RIGHT?
IT'S... IT'S NOT MOOKIE, ALL
RIGHT? IT'S SPIKE, ALL RIGHT?
TURN THE RADIO DOWN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
GET OUTTA HERE. GET OUTTA HERE.
- GET OUTTA HERE!
- HOW COME THERE'S NO WHITE
PEOPLE ON THE WALL, MAN?
THIS IS SPIKE'S JOINT, ALL RIGHT?
WHEN YOU GET YOUR OWN JOINT,
YOU CAN PUT ANYBODY
YOU WANT ON THE WALL.
THE GUY WHO WAS
IN GILLIGAN, MAN.
HUH? HOW COME HE'S NOT...
NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
THINKING RIGHT NOW.
YOU'RE THINKING, "HEY, NOW'S A GREAT TIME
TO THROW A TRASH CAN THROUGH THE WINDOW."
WELL, I COULDN'T
AGREE WITH YOU MORE.
THAT'S WHY I'VE GOT TRASH
CANS IN THE BACK FOR $15.
ALL RIGHT? THEY'RE
LIGHTWEIGHT AND RIOT SIZE.
WHAT A DISCOUNT.
YOU'LL ALSO GET A FREE
COPY OF SCHOOL DAZE.
OH, FORGET IT. NAH, NEVER MIND.
GET OUTTA HERE!
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
M-M-M-M-MIDGET.
HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE SHOW. WE
HAD A GOOD TIME, AS WELL, WITH YOU.
AND WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪