In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 2 - Anton at the Recruiter - full transcript

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪

♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪

♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪



♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪

♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪

♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪



♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, AND
WELCOME TO IN LIVING COLOR.

TONIGHT'S A SPECIAL NIGHT ON THE
SHOW. WE HAD A LOCAL RADIO CONTEST...

AND THE WINNER GOT A CHANCE TO COME ON
THE SHOW AND MEET THEIR FAVORITE PERFORMER.

AND, WELL, THEY CHOSE ME.

SO, LET'S GIVE A BIG ROUND OF
APPLAUSE TO OUR WINNER JAMIL HASSAN.

COME ON OUT, JAMIL.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

YOU KNOW, I LOVE THE
WAY YOU DO ANTON.

AND YOU'RE SO FUNNY
ON "MEN ON FILM."

WELL, JAMIL, ACTUALLY, UM, THAT'S MY
BROTHER DAMON WHO DOES THAT STUFF.

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

YOU'RE THE COOLEST DEEJAY. I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT YOU GET TO HANG WITH THE FLY GIRLS.

WELL, SEE, UH,
ACTUALLY, THAT'S, UM...

THAT'S SHAWN, UM,
WHO'S THE DEEJAY.

RIGHT, RIGHT. HOW
COULD I BE SO STUPID?

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU DO
AN AMAZING TRACY CHAPMAN.

NO. NO, UM,
ACTUALLY, THAT'S, UM...

THAT'S MY SISTER KIM
THAT DOES TRACY CHAPMAN.

WELL, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

- I'M KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
- WHO?

THE GUY... THE GUY WHO PUT THE WHOLE
THING TOGETHER. THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER.

YOU'RE THE MAN IN
CHARGE. YES, YES.

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S ME.
I'M THE MAN IN CHARGE.

YOU'RE THE BOSS. THE
BOSS. NOW YOU GOT IT, JAMIL.

THERE YOU GO. THAT'S
WHAT I DO. I'M THE BOSS.

HERE'S A PEN AND PAPER.

NOW, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

COULD YOU GET ME
THEIR AUTOGRAPHS?

SURE.

♪♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪♪

NEXT!

VRROOOM.

IS THIS THE ARMY
RECRUCIFICATION OFFICE, SIR?

NOW, YOU PROBABLY WANT
THE ETERNAL LIFE MISSION.

IT'S DOWN THE STREET
AND AROUND THE BLOCK.

NO, I'VE COME TO
BE ALL I CAN BE,

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN WHAT I'VE BEEN
AND IT AIN'T PAYING TOO WELL.

LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING, BOY. HUH?

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU
HAVE TO OFFER THE ARMY?

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU ASK, SIR.

SEE, 'CAUSE I'M AN
ENTERTAINER, YOU KNOW?

IF YOU GAVE ME $5,

I COULD GO OVER
TO SALTY ARMENIA...

AND ENTERTAIN THE TROOPS, SEE?

'CAUSE I'M A REGULAR BOOGIE-WOOGIE
BUGLE BOY OF COMPANY "B."

I'M A BOOGIE-WOOGIE
BUGLE BOY... COMPAN...

HERE. CAMOUFLAGE THAT FOR ME.

NOW, LISTEN TO ME. I AM IN THE BUSINESS
OF SIGNING UP REAL LIVE SOLDIERS, MAGGOT!

MAGGOT? HEY, I AIN'T NO MAGGOT.

HEY, I AIN'T NEVER BEEN
WITH ANOTHER MAN BEFORE.

WHO TOLD YOU THAT, CLARENCE?
HE'S LYING. HE'S LYING. I'M TELLING YOU.

ALL RIGHT, ONCE.
I WAS DESPERATE.

I NEEDED THE MONEY. I WAS DRUNK
AND DOWN OUT. DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST ME.

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! I'M IN
THE MIDDLE OF A RAPID DEPLOYMENT!

WELL, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF UNEMPLOYMENT,
SO WE GOT SOMETHING IN COMMON.

YOU KNOW, AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE
TO SEND YOU OVER TO IRAQ... MM-HMM.

I DON'T THINK YOU'D
LAST 10 MINUTES.

OKAY, JUST FOR INSTANCE,

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU HAD TO
ENGAGE THE ENEMY IN HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT?

THAT'S NO PROBLEM, SEE,

'CAUSE I'M SKILLED
IN THE MARTIAN ARTS.

I KNOW TAI CHI. WHAA!

I KNOW TAE KWON-DO.

AND I KNOW TYRONE. HE
TAUGHT ME ALL THAT STUFF.

YOU KNOW, LIKE
HOW TO TAKE A ROPE.

JUST A SIMPLE ROPE...
ANYTHING BECOMES A WEAPON.

YOU TAKE THAT OUT AND...

OH, THAT'S THE
SECRET WEAPON THERE.

EWWW.

OH, MY GOD. WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

WELL, THAT WAS A
SAMPLE OF MY NERVE GAS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THAT DOES IT.
GET OUT OF HERE. GO ON! GET OUT OF HERE!

WELL, WAIT A SECOND. HOLD ON.

WAIT A MINUTE, UH, UNCLE
SAMBO. HEY, HEY, HEY.

I WANT TO SERVE MY COUNTRY.

LOOK, I'LL GIVE YOU $5
IF YOU JUST GET OUT OF

HERE AND FORGET YOU
EVER HEARD ABOUT THE ARMY.

COME ON! TAKE IT! WELL, THE GUY
DOWN AT THE NAVY OFFICE GAVE ME...

AH, HERE'S $10. WELL, THE
GUY AT THE COAST GUARD...

ALL RIGHT, HERE'S $25. JUST GO!

$25, GET YOU $45.
$45? $55? $55? $55?

SOLD! $55! HEY, HEY, HEY!

♪♪ IT'S TIME FOR TRAINING
MEN THE WODEHOUSE WAY.

HELLO. I'M BARBARA WODEHOUSE.

YOU KNOW, MEN ARE LIKE DOGS.

THEY SCRATCH, THEY CHASE TAIL,

AND THEY'RE ALWAYS DOING
THINGS LIKE LICKING YOUR FACE...

WHEN YOU WISH THEY'D JUST CURL UP
AND GO TO SLEEP AT THE FOOT OF THE BED.

I'VE TAKEN THE LESSONS I'VE LEARNED
FROM TAMING DOGS AND APPLIED THEM TO MEN,

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF YOU TRAIN A MAN
PROPERLY, YOU CAN KEEP HIM FOR A LIFETIME.

TONIGHT, WE HAVE
THREE COUPLES WHO HAVE

VOLUNTEERED TO SHARE
THEIR PROBLEMS WITH US.

- AND YOUR NAME, DEAR, IS?
- ALISON.

HELLO, ALISON. AND
YOUR MAN'S NAME IS?

- TOM.
- TOM. WHAT A GOOD BOY.

YES, YOU ARE. WHAT A
GOOD BOY. GUESS SO.

YOU HAVE TO ENCOURAGE THEM, YOU SEE,
DEAR? NOW TELL US WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.

WELL, THE THING WITH TOM IS
EVERY TIME WE GO OUT... YES?

TOM WILL GO THROUGH THE DOOR,
SLAM THE DOOR TIGHTLY BEHIND HIM,

AND LEAVE ME STANDING
OUT IN THE COLD.

NOW, I'VE TALKED TO HIM
ABOUT IT SEVERAL TIMES.

AND IT HASN'T WORKED,
HAS IT? NO, IT HASN'T.

NO, IT SELDOM DOES.
IT SELDOM DOES WORK.

- WHAT SORT OF COLLAR
ARE YOU USING, DEAR?
- COLLAR?

YES. WELL, JUDGING FROM
TOM'S SIZE AND HIS TEMPER,

I WOULD RECOMMEND A NUMBER-SEVEN
WILSON ADJUSTABLE SPIKED.

WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO IS KEEP
THE LEASH STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR.

WE JERK THEM AND WE LOVE THEM. YOU
SEE? WE JERK THEM AND WE LOVE THEM.

NOW, LET'S YOU AND I GO FOR
A NICE WALK, SHALL WE, TOM?

COME NOW. WALKIES. WALKIES.

THAT'S RIGHT. THERE WE GO.
RIGHT THROUGH THE DOOR.

THERE WE ARE, DEAR. WALKIES.

TOM, YOU'RE GOING THROUGH
THE DOOR WITH A LADY.

YOU SEE? YOU'RE GOING
THROUGH THE DOOR WITH A LADY.

TRY IT AGAIN, SHALL
WE? WALKIES. WALKIES.

TOM!

TOM! I SAID YOU'RE GOING
THROUGH THE DOOR WITH A LADY.

YES? TRY IT AGAIN, SHALL WE?

WALKIES. WALKIES.

AFTER YOU, MA'AM?

NOW, WHY DON'T YOU HOLD THE
DOOR OPEN FOR ME, TOM? SURE.

ALISON, SEE HOW SIMPLE
IT IS? NOW, WHY DON'T

YOU TAKE TOM FOR A
NICE WALK IN THE PARK?

THERE YOU ARE. OFF YOU GO,
CHILDREN. WALKIES. WALKIES.

NEXT COUPLE, PLEASE.

NOW, REBECCA HAS A COMMON
PROBLEM, HAVEN'T YOU, DEAR?

YES. MY MAN LEAVES
THE TOILET SEAT UP.

OH, MY. YOU'RE A NAUGHTY
BOY, AREN'T YOU? YES, YOU ARE.

NOW, DO YOU USE A MAGAZINE OR
NEWSPAPERS TO DISCIPLINE YOUR MAN?

WELL, NOTHING REALLY. I... I...

YOU KNOW, I FIND THAT MAGAZINES HAVE
JUST A LITTLE MORE STING. HEY! CUT IT OUT!

A LITTLE MORE CRISPNESS. NOW,
LET'S YOU AND I WALK OVER HERE, DEAR.

YES, WE'RE GOING TO
TOUCH THE TOILET BOWL.

YOU AIN'T GONNA HIT ME WITH THAT
MAGAZINE AGAIN, ARE YOU? OH, NO.

I WAS JUST HAVING A
LITTLE FUN. YES. HEY!

NOW TOUCH THE BOWL. IT'S
NOT GOING TO BITE YOU. IT'S COLD.

IT CERTAINLY IS. BUT WE WOMEN HAVE
FOUND THAT OUT THE HARD WAY, HAVEN'T WE?

YES. WE CERTAINLY HAVE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW CLOSE
YOUR EYES AND SIT DOWN.

IT'S A PIECE OF
CAKE. THAT'S RIGHT.

THERE WE GO. AND IN WE GO.

- WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?
- THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS TO WOMEN...

WHEN NAUGHTY MEN
LEAVE THE SEAT UP.

WE FALL IN, DON'T WE?
NOW, IN THE FUTURE,

YOU'RE GOING TO PUT THE
TOILET SEAT DOWN, AREN'T YOU?

AREN'T YOU? YES, YOU ARE, DEAR.

YES, YOU ARE. NOW OFF YOU GO.

ALL CURED, DEAR. THERE
YOU ARE. THANK YOU.

NOW, KAREN HERE HAS THE
MOST DIFFICULT PROBLEM OF ALL.

YEAH, YEAH. WELL, APPARENTLY,
NO MATTER WHAT I DO,

HAROLD CAN'T SEEM TO STOP
LOOKING AT OTHER WOMEN.

OH, MY GOODNESS.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

LET US JUDGE THE SEVERITY
OF THE PROBLEM THUSLY...

SUSAN, WOULD YOU WALK
THROUGH NOW, DEAR?

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

I MOST CERTAINLY DO. YOU'RE
A LITTLE RASCAL, AREN'T YOU?

YES, YOU ARE. YOU'RE
A LITTLE RASCAL.

IN A CASE LIKE THIS, I
NORMALLY PRESCRIBE...

A PROSTHETIC CONE-SHAPED COLLAR WHICH
SEVERELY LIMITS THE MOVEMENT OF THE NECK.

SAY, SAY, SAY! WHAT
THE HELL YOU DOING?

YOU BE A GOOD BOY AND
I'LL GIVE YOU A BISCUIT.

WOULD YOU GET OUT OF MY
FACE, YOU UGLY HEIFER? OH, MY!

I'M LEAVING, BABY. THIS
WON'T DO. THIS WON'T DO.

WHAT DID YOU DO? WELL,
NOW, DON'T BE ALARMED, DEAR.

I SIMPLY STUNNED HIM. YOU SEE?

BUT, YOU KNOW, I WOULD, IN FUTURE,
CONSIDER PUTTING HIM TO SLEEP.

I BELIEVE HE'S GOT
RABIES. YES. REALLY?

WELL, YOU KNOW, KAREN, WHY
DON'T YOU AND I GO DOWN TO THE...

HOW WOULD YOU SAY?
UM, DISCOTHEQUE...

AND FIND YOU ANOTHER
MAN, SHALL WE?

WALKIES. WALKIES. THAT'S RIGHT.

THIS HAS BEEN TRAINING
MEN THE WODEHOUSE WAY.

NOW HEAR OTHER
PATRIOTIC TUNES...

BUTCHERED BY YOUR FAVORITE SLOB,
ROSEANNE BARR, IN HER NEW VIDEO ALBUM.

SEE ROSEANNE AS SHE SCRATCHES
HER CROTCH OR HOCKS A BIG LOOGIE.

SHE SPITS, SHE SCRATCHES,
SHE BELCHES. ♪ OH, BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ FOR SPACIOUS SKIES ♪

♪ FOR AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN... ♪

THE WAY HER SINGING STINKS,

YOU'D SWEAR SHE'S
DONE SOMETHING WORSE.

BUT NOTHING COULD BE WORSE
THAN ROSEANNE SINGS AMERICA.

♪ ABOVE THE FRUITED PLAIN ♪♪

HEY, LOOK. THAT'S
JUST THE WAY I SING.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN
KISS "MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE."

ROSEANNE SINGS AMERICA.

IT WILL LEAVE A LUMP IN YOUR
THROAT, BUT NOT FOR VERY LONG.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. WHAT'S UP?

YEAH, HELLO, LUTHER? YEAH, WHAT'S UP,
PHIL? PHIL, FROM THE RECORD COMPANY.

YEAH. YEAH, I'M JUST
CALLING TO SEE...

HOW THE 2 LIVE CREW SONG FOR THE
NEW WE ARE THE WORLD ALBUM IS COMING.

IT'S GOING PRETTY
GOOD, PHIL. I'M PUTTING

THE FINISHING TOUCHES
ON THE SONG RIGHT NOW.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S GOOD.

LUTHER, I KNOW WE
WENT OVER THIS BEFORE,

BUT REMEMBER, THIS IS A CHARITY
ALBUM FOR WORLD HUNGER.

NO VULGARITY. I KNOW.

I GOT A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD
BABY GIRL RIGHT HERE,

MAN. I'M GOING TO WRITE
THIS SONG FOR HER.

GOOD. GOOD. I'LL SEE YOU
IN THE STUDIO TOMORROW.

HEY, THAT'S A DOLLAR
BET. YEAH. LATER, MAN.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME
SEE WHAT I GOT HERE.

NOW,

IT'S WINTER IN THE CITY AND THE
STREETS ARE WHITE WITH SNOW.

THERE AIN'T A CREATURE STIRRING,
EXCEPT A MANGY OLD STANK HO...

BO. HOBO.

ALL RIGHT. YEAH.

THAT'S EASIER THAN I THOUGHT, LUTHER.
ALL RIGHT. OKAY, OKAY. NOW, HERE WE GO.

UH, HE'S LIVING IN THE SUBWAY
AND HE'S FEELING KIND OF SICK.

HE SAYS, MY GOD IT'S
COLD, I'M GOING TO FREEZE...

OFF MY TRICK ELBOW.

NO, I'LL COME BACK
TO THAT LATER.

ALL RIGHT, I GOT HOMELESS
MAN. HE'S IN THE SNOW.

WHAT'S HE DO? WHAT'S HE
SEE? UH... OH, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.

HE GOES INTO A SHELTER.

AND HE SEES SOME
CUTE LITTLE KITTIES.

BUT THE HOST SAYS,
"DON'T YOU PET THOSE.

COME HERE..."

DON'T GO THERE,
LUTHER. EASY NOW.

YOU CAN KEEP IT CLEAN.

"COME PET MY DOGGY...

THAT WAS BORN
IN THE TWIN CITIES."

NO, THAT DON'T WORK. LET
ME BACK UP. LET ME BACK UP.

HE LOOKS AROUND THE SHELTER...

AND HE SMELLS A
FRESH-BAKED COOKIE BATCH.

BUT THE HO WON'T
LET HIM EAT THEM.

SHE SAYS, "HERE
COME EAT THE CAKE...

I BAKED FROM SCRATCH."

THAT DOESN'T MAKE
SENSE, BUT IT'S CLEAN. OKAY.

SO, YOU NEED JUST ONE
MORE LINE. LET'S KEEP GOING.

THE HOBO FALLS ASLEEP IN
BED. HIS COVERS ARE ALL TUCKED.

BUT THE HO WON'T
LET HIM SLEEP...

THE CONCLUSION OF THIS SKETCH HAS
UNFORTUNATELY BEEN BANNED IN THE U.S.A.

♪♪

♪ FLY GIRL, FLY GIRL ♪

♪ FLY GIRL, FLY GIRL ♪

♪ FLY GIRL, FLY GIRL ♪

NEXT!

LISTEN, DO YOU
MIND IF I GO FIRST?

I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE
STOCK EXCHANGE BEFORE 4:00.

OH, SURE, LET YOU GO
EMBEZZLE YOUR MILLIONS...

WHILE I STRUGGLE TO GET
BY OFF OF MINIMUM WAGE.

I DON'T THINK SO.

HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.

SIT DOWN. I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

I SAID SIT DOWN!

- NAME.
- HOMEY D. CLOWN.

OH, YES. HERMAN SIMPSON.

WE KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU.

I'M SALLY. I'M YOUR
NEW PAROLE OFFICER.

- WHAT'S THAT, SALLY?
- IT'S YOUR FILE.

LET'S SEE. "ABUSIVE LANGUAGE,
FAILURE TO PERFORM PRESCRIBED..."

SAVE YOUR BREATH. THAT'S
JUST ANOTHER LONG LIST OF LIES...

PERPETRATED BY THE MAN
TO KEEP A BROTHER DOWN.

CLOWN, PLEASE. LET'S PLACE
THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS.

I BELIEVE YOUR ANTI-SOCIAL
BEHAVIOR IS THE REAL PROBLEM.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THE REAL PROBLEM IS.

THE REAL PROBLEM IS
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A

TOOL OF THE MAN. YOU
ARE LIVING IN A FANTASY.

ANOTHER OPPRESSOR. YOU WANNA
BLAME EVERYBODY BUT YOURSELF!

YOU WANT TO BREAK THE RULES AND
STAY OUT OF JAIL! YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME!

I DON'T THINK SO.

♪♪

YEAH! IT'S HOMEY THE CLOWN!

HEY, HOMEY, DOES YOUR NOSE
SQUEAK? GIRL, DON'T TOUCH MY NOSE.

HEY, CLOWNY, DO A
STUPID CLOWN TRICK. YEAH!

I'D LOVE TO. HERMAN!

COME ON! YEAH, COME ON!

OKAY, CHILDREN. JUST
ONE STUPID CLOWN TRICK.

YEAH! YEA!

LOOK AT HOMEY'S FLOWER.
SMELL HOMEY'S FLOWER.

OKAY, RUN ALONG,
LITTLE CHILDREN.

SEE? HE'S A STUPID WEAK CLOWN.

NOW, THAT'S MORE LIKE
THE HERMAN I WANT TO SEE.

HE KICKED ME IN
MY BEHIND, HONEY.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. BECAUSE YOU'RE
STARTING TO ACT LIKE A REAL PERSON.

BY THE WAY, MAMA'S
COMING OVER ON MONDAY.

AND WEDNESDAY YOU
START YOUR NEW JOB.

BUT I GOT A JOB, HONEY BUNCH.

I'M A CLOWN, REMEMBER?

YOU'RE NOT A CLOWN.
YOU'RE A BUFFOON.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
A REAL JOB, HERMAN.

AN ENTRY LEVEL POSITION AT THAT
FANCY NEW RESTAURANT I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

NOT CHEZ WHITEY. YES.

LOOK. IT'S HIGH TIME YOU
STOPPED PLAYING THE FOOL.

GET YOURSELF OUT OF THAT RIDICULOUS
OUTFIT AND INTO A REGULAR SUIT.

YOU KNOW, HERMAN,
I CAN JUST PICTURE IT.

YOU WEARING ONE OF THOSE
NICE LITTLE RED VALET JACKETS.

IF YOU'RE FAITHFUL AND HUMBLE,

AND DO EXACTLY WHAT
THE MAN TELLS YOU...

THAT MEANS NO HOSTILITY...

THEY MIGHT EVEN LET YOU
INSIDE THE RESTAURANT.

THE TIME HAS COME FOR
YOU TO FIT INTO SOCIETY.

COME ON, HERMAN, GIVE IT UP
AND JOIN THE ESTABLISHMENT.

THE ESTABLISHMENT, HUH? YES.

YOU WANT ME TO PUT ON A LITTLE MONKEY
SUIT AND PARK CARS FOR THE MAN, HUH?

MAYBE IF I DO REAL GOOD, I
CAN MOVE UP TO WASHING DISHES.

THEN MAYBE WAITING
TABLES. WHO KNOWS?

MAYBE FIVE OR SIX YEARS LATER,

I'LL BE ABLE TO SEAT
WHITEY HIMSELF.

YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T
YOU? YES, HERMAN, I WOULD.

I DON'T THINK SO.

HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.

- I'M TELLING DADDY.
- GOOD. GIVE HIM THIS
WHEN YOU SEE HIM.

HMM. NOW, I WONDER WHERE
THOSE SWEET LITTLE CHILDRENS WENT.

THERE HE IS! I TOLD
YOU HE'D STILL BE HERE.

HEY, UH... HEY, CLOWN MAN, DO
ANOTHER TRICK FOR US, WILL YA?

YEAH! YEAH!

ANOTHER CLOWN
TRICK, HUH? YEAH! YEAH!

SO YOU CAN FALL DOWN
LAUGHING WHILE I DEGRADE

AND SHAME MYSELF FOR
YOUR AMUSEMENT, HUH?

YEAH! YOU'D LIKE
THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?

YEAH! YEAH! HOMEY! HOMEY!

HOMEY! HOMEY! HOMEY!

HOMEY! SIT DOWN!

GATHER ROUND, LITTLE CHICKADEES.

HOMEY'S GOT A LITTLE
LOVE STORY TO TELL YOU.

OOH! NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU
KICKED ME IN MY BEHIND EARLIER?

HE DID! ME!

OKAY, YOU GET UP HERE
AND BE MY ASSISTANT. YEAH!

HEY!

NOW, ONCE UPON A TIME,

TWO LONELY HEARTS CAME TOGETHER.

WOO WOO. WOW. JUST LIKE THIS.

OOH. EWWW.

THEN LOVE POURED ALL
OUT FROM THEIR HEARTS,

NICE AND THICK LIKE.

UNTIL HOMEY REALIZED...

THAT IT WAS JUST A TRICK
TO WHITEN HIM UP, LIKE SO.

AND IT MADE HIS HEART BEAT
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

THE END.

SO, WHAT HAS OUR LITTLE LESSON
TAUGHT US IF NOTHING ELSE, CHILDRENS?

HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.

VERY GOOD. NOW, LET'S SING
A LITTLE HOMEY LOVE SONG.

YOU DO BACKUP FOR
ME, WOULD YOU? YEAH!

- ♪ LOVE IS BAD ♪
- ♪ BAD ♪

♪ LOVE IS SAD ♪
♪ SAD ♪

♪ LOVE AIN'T GLAD ♪
♪ GLAD ♪

♪ LOVE IS SOMETHING
YOU WISH YOU NEVER HAD ♪

♪ 'CAUSE LOVE TAKES YOUR HEART
AND KICKS IT AROUND THE ROOM ♪

♪ THEN IT TRIES TO SET YOU
UP AND SEND YOU TO JAIL ♪

♪ IT'LL MAKE YOU UNHAPPY
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE ♪

I SAID BACK ME UP.

♪♪

HEY, HEY! HEY!

THE WHITE GIRL IS OFF BEAT.

THE END.

WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK...
SUNDAY NIGHT, 8:00. PEACE.

LATER! ♪♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪