In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 25 - Homey the Sellout: Part 1 - full transcript

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪

♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪

♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪



♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪

♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪

♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪



♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪

[Audience Cheering, Applauding]

YEAH, I'M STANDING BY. VICE PRESIDENT
QUAYLE WILL BE APPROACHING SHORTLY.

[Radio Squeals] ROGER. I GOT THAT ONE,
DEEP THROAT. THE EAGLE HAS LANDED.

TWEETY IS OUT OF HIS CAGE.

HE'S FLYING OVER THE CUCKOO'S
NEST. THREE MINUTES TILL CONDOR.

WHO ARE YOU?

DICKIE PETERSON, CHERUB OF
JUSTICE, HERE TO PROTECT AND SERVE!

WELL, THE SECRET SERVICE
WILL TAKE CARE OF THIS, KID.

THE LAST THING WE NEED IS SOME GUARDIAN
ANGEL TROOP HANGING AROUND HERE.

I AM NOT A GUARDIAN ANGEL,
SIR, NOR DO I CARE TO BE,

UNLESS THEY START RETURNING
MY PHONE CALLS, BUT FAST.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
STEP BEHIND THAT LINE.

GO UNDERCOVER? MINGLE
WITH THE CROWD? ROGER!

I KNOW THIS IS AGAINST
CHERUB REGULATIONS,

BUT, UH, YOU'RE SECRET SERVICE.

I THINK I CAN TRUST YA.

WOODCHUCK? IT'S MY CODE NAME.

USE IT SPARINGLY AND
ONLY IN AN EMERGENCY.

YOU ARE GONNA EAT
THAT, AREN'T YOU?

YEAH. OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

[Gasps]

UNAUTHORIZED DISPOSAL
OF CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO
PUT HIM ON REPORT.

ALSO, LEAVING HIS POST.
TWO MORE DEMERITS.

LOOKS LIKE I'M GONNA HAVE TO
SECURE THIS PERIMETER MYSELF.

HUSSEIN!

SORRY ABOUT THAT, MISS.

MERELY A TRAINED REFLEX REACTION
TRIGGERED BY POTENTIAL TERRORIST ACTIVITY.

FOR ALL I KNOW, THAT HOT DOG
COULD HAVE BEEN A SCUD MISSILE...

AND ITS BUN, THE
MOBILE LAUNCHER.

YOU ARE AN IDIOT!

STICKS AND STONES MAY
BREAK MY BONES, MISS,

BUT NAMES ARE NOT GONNA PUT
THAT HOT DOG BACK IN YOUR MOUTH.

SURE, GO AHEAD. GET
ANOTHER ONE. I'LL DO IT AGAIN.

[Radio Squeals]
SITUATION RESOLVED.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
SURPRISE INSPECTION.

THE SECOND MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE ENTIRE
WORLD IS GONNA BE BY HERE ANY SECOND,

AND I SWEAR BY THIS
TRADEMARK YELLOW BERET...

THAT EVERY MAN, WOMAN AND CHILD
IN MY SECTOR WILL PASS MUSTER.

HEY! NEWS FLASH.

THE '60s ARE OVER. GET
A HAIRCUT, TRANSVESTITE!

SUCK IN YOUR GUT. [Gasps]

I BETTER CHECK INTO HOME BASE.

WOODCHUCK TO GRAY SQUIRREL. WOODCHUCK
TO GRAY SQUIRREL. COME IN, GRAY SQUIRREL.

[Old Woman] DICKIE?
IS THAT YOU, DICKIE?

YES, GRAY SQUIRREL,
IT'S WOODCHUCK!

LISTEN, WOODCHUCK. WHAT ARE THESE
MAGAZINES I FOUND UNDER YOUR BED?

UH, MERELY REFERENCE
MATERIAL FOR THE SCENARIO

FILE OF MY CHERUBS
OF JUSTICE CRIME LAB.

NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S FILTHY SMUT.

WHEN YOU GET HOME, I'M GOING
TO TAKE YOU OVER MY KNEE...

[Imitating Radio Squeals] UH, YOU'RE
BREAKING UP, GRAY SQUIRREL.

GRAY SQUIRREL?
UH, I CAN'T... [Muttering]

MAINTAIN RADIO SILENCE.

[Cheering] THE VICE PRESIDENT!

♪♪ ["Hail to the Chief"]

DID YOU SEE THE
WAY HE LOOKED AT ME?

DID ANYBODY SEE THAT?

I THINK WE HAD A MOMENT THERE.

[Chattering] WHAT'S
THAT GUY DOIN'?

THE VICE PRESIDENT'S IN TROUBLE!

SORRY. I DIDN'T
SEE YOU. HUSSEIN!

I WAS AIMING FOR THE TRASH
CAN. I'LL BET YOU WERE, TAXI DRIVER.

I BET YOU DIDN'T COUNT ON
DICKIE PETERSON, HUMAN SHIELD,

GETTING BETWEEN YOU AND
THE VICE PRESIDENT, DID YA?

UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T HAVE THE
AUTHORITY TO DETAIN YOU AT THIS MOMENT.

BUT I PROMISE YOU, MISTER,

ONE DAY IT'LL BE
JUST YOU AND ME.

AND THEN, BOOM!

DEATH TOUCH.

WOODCHUCK TO GRAY SQUIRREL.
WOODCHUCK TO GRAY SQUIRREL.

EVIL PLAN ABORTED.
TWEETY IS BACK IN HIS CAGE.

SYLVESTER, ONCE AGAIN,
HAS BEEN THWARTED.

JUDGING BY THE
LENGTH OF MY SHADOW,

IT IS ABOUT 1800 HOURS, WHICH
MEANS IT'S TIME FOR CHERUB CHOW.

SO GET THOSE DING DONGS
READY. I'M COMIN' HOME!

[Knob Jingling]

GRAY SQUIRREL, IT'S LOCKED.

GRAY SQUIRREL?
[Audience Cheering]

[Glass Shattering]

[Phone Beeping]

[Man] DUE TO THE
VOLUME OF CALLS TO 911,

YOUR CALL IS BEING
ANSWERED BY THE M.X. SYSTEM.

IF YOU ARE WITNESSING
A MURDER, PRESS 1.

IF YOU ARE BEING
ASSAULTED, PRESS 2.

IF YOU ARE BEING
ROBBED, PRESS 3.

[Beeps]

IF YOU ARE BEING ROBBED IN A
SINGLE-FAMILY HOME, PRESS 1.

IF YOU ARE BEING ROBBED
IN AN APARTMENT, PRESS 2.

IF THE PERPETRATOR IS STILL
OUTSIDE YOUR APARTMENT, PRESS 1.

IF THE PERPETRATOR HAS
ENTERED YOUR APARTMENT, PRESS 2.

IF THE PERPETRATOR IS A
CAUCASIAN MALE ABOVE SIX FEET...

AND OVER 175 POUNDS
WITH IDENTIFIABLE TATTOOS,

PRESS 1.

IF HE HAS NO TATTOOS, PRESS 2.

IF YOU DIDN'T HEAR YOUR
SPECIFIC SITUATION CLEARLY,

THIS TAPE WILL REPEAT.

IF YOU ARE WITNESSING
A MURDER, PRESS 1.

♪♪ ["Celebrated Minuet"]

YOU'VE DONE A WONDERFUL JOB
ORGANIZING THE RECITAL, JANICE.

I'M QUITE SURE DONATIONS
WILL BE GENEROUS.

WELL, THANK YOU, MRS. BEAUMONT.

I JUST HOPE WE'VE RAISED ENOUGH
MONEY TO KEEP THE OPERA HOUSE OPEN.

OH, I'M CERTAIN
WE WILL, MY DEAR.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, THERE'S SOME
UNFORESEEN DISASTER. [Laughing]

WELL, MÉNAGE À TROIS, EVERYBODY!

I HAVE "ENTRAY-VOOED."
[Audience Applauding]

I AM READY TO PARTY!
NOW WHERE IS OPRAH?

I'M SORRY, BUT I THINK YOU'RE A
BIT CONFUSED. THIS IS THE OPERA.

WHAT? YOU MEAN THERE AIN'T
GONNA BE NO WOMEN ON HERE...

TALKIN' ABOUT THEIR PANTIES
POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL?

- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.

I'M HIP, I'M SLICK, AND ALL THE WOMEN
LOVE MY G.I. JOE WITH THE KUNG-FU GRIP.

WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE US.

I THINK WE SEE SOMEBODY
OVER THERE WE KNOW.

OH, BON SOUFFLÉ, MON BIDET.

OH, MY GOD. IT'S
THAT IDIOT, FRENCHIE.

UM, EXCUSE ME. I
HAVE TO FRESHEN UP.

[Frenchie] JANICE! HEY, JANICE.

IT'S ME, FRENCHIE,
BABY. [Groans]

HOW YOU DOING, WOMAN?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, DON'T BE SO EL DeBARGE.

IT WASN'T EASY
FINDIN' YOU, YOU KNOW.

REMEMBER WHEN WE
WAS IN THE LAUNDROMAT?

YOU SAID, "CLOSE YOUR EYES" WHEN
I ASKED YOU FOR A PIECE OF SUGAR.

YOU SAID, "CLOSE YOUR EYES AND COUNT TO A
HUNDRED." I OPENED MY EYES, YOU WAS GONE.

DON'T WORRY. YOU DROPPED A LITTLE
SOMETHING ON THE LAUNDROMAT FLOOR.

I TOOK IT DOWN TO THE POLICE STATION.
HAD YOUR FINGERPRINTS AND DUSTED.

THEY GAVE ME YOUR LICENSE PLATE
NUMBER. I FOLLOWED YOU DOWN HERE.

I JUST WANTED TO RETURN
THESE TO YOU, BABY.

[Gasps]

I LOVE A WOMAN THAT
WEARS SAFARI DRAWERS.

YOU KNOW, I GOT SOME
ON RIGHT NOW. WANNA SEE?

NO!

JANICE. JANICE. I DON'T
BELIEVE I'VE MET YOUR FRIEND.

HE'S NOT MY FRIEND. THAT'S
RIGHT. IT'S MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

WE GO TOGETHER
LIKE TOES AND JAM.

[Groans] YES.

WELL, DON PARDO. MY NAME IS LEONARD,
BUT ALL MY FRIENDS CALL ME "FRENCHIE."

OH. OH, DEAR.

FRENCHIE, LET ME
SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU.

MRS. BEAUMONT IS THE
C.E.O. OF A TOP S & L.

YES, BUT I'M OUT TONIGHT
FOR A LITTLE R & R.

[Laughing]

QUE COINCIDENCE. [Beaumont] OH.

THAT'S RIGHT. I GOT B.O.
FROM THE LOCAL Y.M.C.A.

AND I'M OUT FOR A LITTLE T & A.

WELL, I'VE NEVER BEEN
SO INSULTED IN ALL MY LIFE!

SHE SURE GOT ENOUGH "A."

FRENCHIE, I HAVE SOMETHING
VERY IMPORTANT TO DO...

UH-HUH. SOMEWHERE ELSE.

YOU STAY HERE. JUST STAY.

DON'T FOLLOW ME.
DON'T MOVE. JUST STAY.

WHATEVER YOU SAY,
MON PETITE COMMODE.

SOME FOIE GRAS, SIR?

OH, LOOKS LIKE
MON DOO-DOO TO ME.

IT'S GOOSE LIVER PÂTÉ.

OH, GREAT. THEN THESE CHITLINS AND
HOT SAUCE WILL GO WITH THAT JUST FINE.

GO ON. PASS THAT AROUND.

THIS IS NICE. HEY, ZORRO.

YOU KNOW, I WORE THAT SAME
COSTUME LAST HALLOWEEN.

WON FIRST PLACE DOWN AT
MR. RICK'S SUGAR SHACK. SURE DID.

WON A CONFUNKSHUN SINGLE, AND
DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO GET MY T-SHIRT WET.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

JANICE! HEY, JANICE.

YOU LOOKIN' MIGHTY HÄAGEN-DAZ.
LOOK LIKE YOU MISSED ME, BABY.

YOU KNOW, IN MY HARVARD DAYS, I
ONCE SHOT SIX THREE-POINTERS IN A ROW.

OH. MMM, VERY IMPRESSIVE.

WELL, LAST NEW YEAR'S EVE, I
PUT 12 REESE'S PIECES UP MY NOSE,

SHOT 'EM INTO A DIXIE CUP
FROM ACROSS THE ROOM.

[Man Over P.A.] LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, INTERMISSION IS OVER.

TAKE YOUR SEATS FOR THE SECOND PORTION
OF TONIGHT'S PROGRAM. OH, IT'S PARTY TIME.

[Barking]

♪♪ ["La Donna È Mobile"]

♪ LA DONNA È MOBILE ♪

♪ QUAL PIUMA AL VENTO ♪

♪ VENTO... ♪♪

[Shouting]

WAIT A MINUTE, MAN. WHAT'S
ALL THIS YELLING ABOUT?

THIS IS WORSE THAN A
PATTI LaBELLE CONCERT, MAN.

[Shouting] WHAT IS THIS? YOU ARE THE
BIGGEST BUFFOON I HAVE EVER MET!

AH, GOTCHA. I'M A
BARITONE. [Grumbling]

BUT YOU ALL DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THE PARTY NOW.

'CAUSE I USED TO PLAY
FOR SLY AND THE FAMILY

STONE, SO I'M GONNA
GET THE MUSIC GOIN'.

SEE, THIS HERE OPERA STUFF IS FINE,
BUT IT'S JUST A LITTLE TOO TRES LIMOUSINE.

YOU CAN'T DANCE TO IT.
EXCUSE ME, DON CORLEONE.

HOW 'BOUT "SUPER FREAK" ON
FOUR? UN, DEUX, TROIS, FOUR!

♪♪ [Piano] AH, SHUCKS
NOW. JANICE, THIS IS FOR YOU.

♪ SHE'S A VERY KINKY GIRL ♪

STOP!

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW
SORRY I AM ABOUT THIS.

SORRY? THIS IS DISGRACEFUL!

IF THIS IS THE ONLY PERFORMANCE
YOU PEOPLE CAN AFFORD,

I'M GONNA DOUBLE MY DONATION TO
SEE THAT THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

I ASSURE YOU, THIS IS NEVER...

OH, JANICE, KEEP YOUR
FIANCÉ, FRENCH FRY, SINGING.

ON FOUR. UN, DEUX, TROIS, FOUR!

♪♪ [Piano] AW, SHUCKS
NOW. FUNKY CHICKEN!

THAT'S RIGHT. COME ON, JANICE.

ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. COME ON NOW.

LET'S GET THIS PARTY
GOIN', MAN. SOUL TRAIN!

NOW, DO THE SOUL TRAIN. ♪ ROCK ♪

♪ FREAK ROCK ♪

EAST COAST! WEST COAST!

EAST COAST! WEST COAST!

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

ARING REAL FUR BECOME A HASSLE?

ARE ANIMAL RIGHTS
ACTIVISTS BRINGING YOU DOWN?

THEN SAY HELLO TO THE CLEAR
CONSCIENCE FUR FARM AND OUTLET STORE.

HERE AT CLEAR CONSCIENCE, 90% OF OUR PELTS
COME FROM RODENTS THAT DIE OF OLD AGE...

RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN LUXURIOUS
RODENT RETIREMENT HOME.

THE REST OF OUR PELTS COME
TO US THANKS TO MOTHER NATURE.

FOR INSTANCE, THIS UNLUCKY LITTLE
FELLOW WAS STRUCK DOWN BY LIGHTNING,

WHILE THESE LITTLE GUYS WERE
STRUCK BY SEVERE ANIMAL DEPRESSION...

AND MASS SUICIDE.

SO THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A
RUN-IN WITH AN ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST,

FLASH HIM THE LABEL ON
THE INSIDE OF YOUR SABLE.

CLEAR CONSCIENCE... WE'LL
SKIN NO HIDE BEFORE ITS TIME.

- HEY, CAN I HELP YOU?
- HIYA, JOHNNY.

- THE NAME'S JIMMY.
- JIMMY, JOHNNY, JOEY. WHAT'S IN A NAME?

ANYWAY, GIVE ME A DOUBLE
DIP, BLACK AND WHITE.

AND, HEY, JOHNNY, DON'T
FORGET THE CHERRY.

[Chuckles] NAME'S JIMMY.

SURE GOT STRONG ARMS, JOHNNY.
I BET NO ONE PUSHES YOU AROUND.

NOPE, SURE DON'T. ALL RIGHT.

PUT THE SPRINKLES
ON THERE. TA-DA.

A CHERRY. THAT'LL BE A DOLLAR.

A DOLLAR? WELL, I THOUGHT
IT WOULD COST A QUARTER.

OH, FIDDLESTICKS. I JUST SPENT
MY LAST BUCK AT THE PICTURE SHOW.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. JUST
GIVE ME THE QUARTER.

BRING THE REST WHEN
YOU COME BACK, OKAY?

OH, JOHNNY, YOU'RE THE GREATEST.

I WAS NOTHIN', A NOBODY,
A BUM IN THE STREET,

BUT YOU CAME ALONG
AND PICKED ME UP, DUSTED

ME OFF AND TURNED ME
INTO SOMETHING SPECIAL.

I'M YOURS, JOHNNY, FOREVER.

LOOK, LADY, THANKS A LOT, ALL
RIGHT. JUST ENJOY YOUR ICE CREAM.

BRING ME MY CHANGE WHEN YOU CAN.

OH, JOHNNY, I COULD
NEVER REPAY YOU,

NOT AFTER WHAT
YOU'VE DONE FOR ME.

OH, JOHNNY, THE TWO OF
US WILL BE GREAT TOGETHER.

WE'LL BE THICK AS THIEVES, LIKE
BIRDS OF A FEATHER, TWO PEAS IN A POD.

WE'LL BOARD THE
NEXT TRAIN TO NIAGARA.

- TRAIN TO NIAGARA?
- A TRAIN TO NIAGARA,
SLOW BOAT TO CHINA.

AH, JOHNNY, I'D GO TO HELL
IN A HANDBASKET WITH YOU.

LOOK, LADY, THAT'S
ENOUGH. HEY, YO, LARRY!

LARRY, I'M GONNA TAKE MY
BREAK NOW, MAN. I'M OUTTA HERE.

LADY, THERE'S HELP
AROUND. SEEK IT. WAIT!

JOHNNY?

DON'T GO.

♪♪ [Piano] ♪ I'VE GOT
THE DOUBLE-DIP BLUES ♪

♪ IT REALLY MAKES
NO DIFFERENCE ♪

♪ WHICH CONE I CHOOSE ♪

♪ PLEASE HOLD THE SPRINKLES
YOU SEE, I DON'T THINK ♪

♪ I'LL EVER, EVER LOSE ♪

♪ THIS DOUBLE DIP OF
ROCKY ROAD BLUES ♪

♪ I HAD A FELLOW ♪

♪ SWEETER THAN JELL-O ♪

♪ WE MADE A PERFECT PARFAIT ♪

♪ BUT NOW MY COOKIE'S
BEEN SMOOSHED ♪

♪ MY NUTS HAVE BEEN CRUSHED ♪

♪ BECAUSE HE WENT AWAY ♪

♪ DOUBLE-DIP BLUES ♪

♪ I CRIED A ROOT BEER RIVER ♪

♪ OVER THE NEWS ♪

♪ I'M HOPING THAT ONE DAY
I'LL MAKE A NEW SUNDAE ♪

♪ SET 'EM UP SPOONS FOR TWO ♪

♪ UNTIL THEN I'LL BE ♪

♪ DOUBLE-DIP BLUE ♪♪

SO LONG, JOHNNY.
SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS.

♪ DANCE THE SUCKERS
CAN'T DEAL WITH IT ♪

♪ STRAIGHT AHEAD
AND HITTIN' IT ♪

♪ YOU DIG WHAT WE'RE DOIN' AND
I'LL LET YOU KNOW I'M DIGGIN' YOU ♪

♪ I'M BACK CAST
BACK THE BOWS AT ♪

♪ RHYMES FROM A RUBBER ROOM
RADIO JOCKS KILLING ME SOFTLY ♪

♪ GET UP OFF BUST IT, I'M
GONNA CHANGE THE STYLE ♪

BABY, I LOVE YOU. ♪
BABY, I LOVE YOU ♪

YES, I DO. ♪ OH, YES, I DO NOW ♪

WITH ALL MY LIFE. ♪
WITH ALL MY LIFE ♪

YOU'RE MY DREAM COME TRUE.
♪ YOU'RE MY DREAM COME TRUE ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN DOWN WRAPPED
AROUND PARDON MY MANNERS ♪♪

YO, WORD!

NOW, I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T
SEEN LITTLE G. IN A LONG TIME,

BUT I STILL THINK IT'S TIME YOU HAD THAT
TALK WITH HIM ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES.

I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY TO HIM,

BUT I STILL THINK IT'S
BEST IF IT COMES FROM YOU.

LITTLE G.!

YOUR DADDY'S GONNA HAVE
THAT TALK WITH YOU NOW, OKAY?

FLATULATE YOURSELF OVER
HERE, MY LITTLE ZYGOTE.

FLATULATE! FLATULATE!
DON'T BE REDUNDANT.

NOW, YOU SEE, WHEN
A MAN LIPOSUCKS...

A WOMAN'S, UH, MAMMOGRAM,

IT IS THE TITILLATING EXPRESSION
BETWEEN LUBRICATION...

OF TWO SECRETING ADULTS, YA DIG?

YEAH, YEAH. A PROTRACTOR.

CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG'S
LIKE FROSTED MINI-WHEATS.

[Laughter, Applause]

NO, NO, IT'S MUCH MORE
"MUCAZOID" THAN THAT,

MY LITTLE "GENIPHILIA."

IT'S THE ADOLESCENT DUKAKIS...

THAT IS CALCULATED,
YA UNDERSTAND,

BY THE INSANE, OR, UH, HUSSEIN,

DEPENDENT ON THE
CONFRONTATION FORTHWITH,

FURTHERMORE,
POSTHASTE, POST OFFICE,

CREATING A MEDIOCRE-TYPE ARSENIC,
UH, UH, "TREATYOLOGY," YA UNDERSTAND?

AM I BEING "CRUEX"?

UH, GESUNDHEIT. UH-HUH.

A MOST SPECTACULAR
OFF-RAMP. UH-HUH.

BUT SOMETIMES, I'M
DEFA... DEFLA... DEFECATED.

DEFECATED... RIGHT.

BY MY MISFORTUNE. UH-HUH.

THAT'S... THAT'S VERY ANTISEPTIC,
MY LITTLE HORS D'OEUVRE.

BUT DO NOT HOMOGENIZE
THE NEUTROGENA,

OR 'GINA, DEPENDING
ON THE WOMAN.

ALL RIGHT?

THAT'S SO NINTENDO.

MY OWN GIBLETS ARE
UNDER SURVEILLANCE.

OH, THAT'S DEEP. THAT'S DEEP.

THAT'S MY SON THERE. YOU'VE
RADIATED MUCHO AMBIVALENCE,

AS THE FRENCH PEOPLE SAY.

TIME'S UP. LET'S GO, OSWALD.

HEY. REMEMBER. DON'T CONSTIPATE
YOUR MOTHER'S HEMORRHOIDS.

I WON'T.

FORNICATE MY REDEMPTION!

I'LL RECEDE TO MY OWN BOWELS.

[Audience Applauding]

[Audience Cheering]

WE HAD A... WE HAD A...

[Laughs] ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD.

WE... SORRY. GO AHEAD.

WE... WE...

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

♪♪ [Theme]

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT
YOU WANNA... ♪♪