In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 26 - Dickie Peterson: Cherub of Justice - full transcript
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
HOW YOU DOIN'? I'M KEENEN IVORY
WAYANS. THANKS FOR TUNIN' IN.
I KNOW SOME OF Y'ALL
SITTIN' OUT THERE THINKIN',
"YO, HOMEBOY." WHAT?
"YO, YO, YO! HO-HO-HO-HOMEBOY!"
WHAT?
"WHEN YOU GONNA PUT ALL THE
BEST OF IN LIVING COLOR IN ONE SHOW?
"JUST PACK IT UP, YOU
KNOW, ALL THAT STUFF...
"HOMEY, HOMEBOYS, 'MEN ON, '
ALL THEM LITTLE DOODAD THINGS."
BOOM! GUESS WHAT?
I DID THAT FOR YA.
SIT BACK AND
CHECK IT OUT. PEACE.
[Spectators Chanting] ROCKY! ROCKY, I
KNOW THIS IS YOUR BIG COMEBACK,
AND I KNOW I CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO
TRAIN YOU, BUT THIS FIGHT IS PURE INSANITY!
NO WAY, BROTHER. YOU
JUST WANNA HUMIL... HUMIL...
EASY, ROCKY. NOT
TOO MANY SYLLABLES.
I GOT LIGHT-HEADED THERE. LISTEN, I STILL
GOT THE EYE OF THE TIGER. YOU KNOW THAT.
LOOK, ROCKY, YOU GOT THE EYE OF
A TIGER AND THE I.Q. OF A LIMA BEAN.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE FIGHTING A MAN
TONIGHT. YOU'LL BE FIGHTIN' AN ANIMAL.
ANIMALS DON'T SCARE ME.
YEAH? WELL, THIS
ONE WILL. [Growling]
[Spectators Chanting] ROCKY!
ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
[Bell Ringing]
ALL RIGHT, FANS. HERE
WE GO. IN THE RED CORNER,
- THE CHALLENGER:
ROCKY BALBOA!
- [Spectators Cheering]
AND IN THE BLUE CORNER, THE
UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
LET'S GIVE IT UP
FOR GRACE JONES!
[Spectators Cheering Wildly]
- [Bell Rings]
- [Announcer] ROCKY VI:
THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE.
[Wild Cheering Continues]
HELLO, ROCKY. DO YOU
FIND ME SEXY? [Grunts]
I SAID, DO YOU FIND ME SEXY?
[Growls]
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, GRACE,
YOU'RE STARTIN' TO SCARE ME A LITTLE.
[Growls, Grunts] HARDER!
FASTER! HARDER! FASTER!
HARDER! FASTER!
[Shrieking Laughter]
ENOUGH OF THE FOREPLAY, ROCKY.
IS IT GONNA BE YOUR PLACE OR MINE?
AW, COME ON, GRACE.
I GOT A WIFE AND KID.
THEN I GUESS IT'S
GONNA BE MINE, ROCKY.
[Spectators Booing] ♪
SLAVE TO THE RHYTHM ♪
ADRIAN! ♪ SLAVE TO THE RHYTHM ♪
ADRIAN! [Spectators Chanting]
ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
[Man Narrating] FIRST, LOU
FERRIGNO WAS THE INCREDIBLE HULK.
THEN ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER WAS CONAN.
AND NOW, WORLD CHAMPION
FEMALE BODYBUILDER VERA DE MILO...
EXPLODES UPON THE SCREEN AS...
VERACOSA, MISTRESS
OF DESTRUCTION.
WATCH VERA'S BICEPS BULGE...
AS SHE SUMMONS
THE SPIRIT DIANABOL.
[Grunting]
WATCH HER BELLY BULGE AS SHE
LETS LOOSE THE WIND OF THE GODS.
[Exhales]
YOU'LL MARVEL AT ALL OF
VERA'S INCREDIBLE BULGES.
YAAH! WHOA!
WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO?
YAAH! WHOO!
YAAH!
THANKS FOR HANGIN' AROUND.
HEY. NO FAIR.
OW!
[Whip Cracks]
[Growling]
[Growls]
AH!
AT LAST WE MEET, MY
DREADED VERACOSA.
I AM KEE-MAN OF THE
HANNA-BARBERIANS.
I AM HE THAT MUST
VANQUISH THEE FROM THINE.
THEREFORE, I AM, I MUST.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
A WORD YOU'RE SAYING.
WHAT KIND OF LANGUAGE IS THAT?
IT IS THE TONGUE OF MY
NATIVE LAND, DYSLEXIA.
NOW, SAY YOU'LL BE MY BRIDE.
AND TOGETHER WE
WILL RULE THE ERUDITES.
[Laughing]
YOU ARE BRAVE AS
WELL AS BEAUTIFUL.
THAT EXCITES ME.
YOU SHALL NEVER TASTE
MY AMBROSIA, KEE-MAN.
- [All Groaning]
- FOR I AM VERACOSA...
OF BRITISH CALEDONIA,
KEEPER OF NAUTILUS...
AND DECEPTOR OF URINALYSIS.
VERY WELL.
THEN WHAT I CANNOT HAVE,
TAKE IT I SHALL.
YES. I SHALL UNLEASH
THE MAMMARIES...
THAT KINGS AND PRINCES
HAVE DIED FOR. [Gasps]
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU JUST DID THAT!
I AM SO HUMILIATED!
NOW YOU'VE ASKED FOR IT.
NO! NO, NOT THE POISON PIT.
OH! OH, NO! SLEEP WELL, KEE-MAN.
[Groaning]
LET THAT BE A LESSON TO
ALL THOSE WHO PRACTICE EVIL.
WHEN YOU MESS WITH MY BREASTS,
YOU DIE LIKE THE REST!
[Whinnying]
[All Chanting] VERA!
VERA! VERA! VERA!
[Narrator] VERACOSA,
MISTRESS OF DESTRUCTION,
COMING SOON TO A
THEATER NEAR YOU.
[Chanting Continues]
♪♪ [Organ]
OHH! OH, LORD HAVE MERCY.
MY DEAR SISTERS AND
BRETHREN, ♪♪ [Organ Stops]
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TO BID
FAREWELL TO A GREAT BLUES SINGER.
AMEN. MISSISSIPPI "FAT
BACK" WITHERSPOON.
FAT BACK!
NOW, HE-HE WANTED THIS
TO BE A JOYOUS OCCASION.
HE DIDN'T WANT US CARRYING ON.
SO I PRESENT HIS FRIEND,
MR. CALHOUN TUBBS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, REVEREND.
LOOK HERE. NO
DISRESPECT TO THE FAMILY,
BUT, UH, CALHOUN'S
900 GREATEST HITS IS
AVAILABLE ON EIGHT-TRACK
CASSETTE IN THE LOBBY.
$3.95. OF COURSE, YOU GET A
COMPLIMENTARY COPY, SON.
YOU KNOW, FAT BACK WANTED
THIS TO BE A JOYOUS OCCASION,
SO I THOUGHT I MIGHT SING A FEW SONGS, TELL
SOME FUNNY STORIES ABOUT MY GOOD FRIEND.
NOW, YOU ALL KNOW FAT
BACK LOVED HIM SOME CATFISH.
AMEN. I SAY, FAT BACK
LOVED HIM SOME CATFISH.
- AMEN.
- THE ONLY THING HE LOVED MORE
THAN SOME OF THAT CHANNEL CAT...
WAS THAT LITTLE BABY GIRL CHILD.
LORD, THAT GIRL COULD COOK!
YOU KNOW, SHE DONE COOKED SOME
CATFISH FOR HIM THE DAY HE DIED.
WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT.
LIKE TO HEAR IT? HERE IT GO.
♪ FAT BACK CHOKED ON A CATFISH ♪
♪ THAT STUPID GIRL
FED HIM THE BONE ♪♪
[Sobbing] THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG NOW.
FAT BACK WASN'T NO SKIRT CHASER.
NO, NO, NO. HE DID WHAT HE
DID ON ACCOUNT OF HIS SON.
HE LOVED THAT BOY.
WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT.
LIKE TO HEAR IT? HERE IT GO.
♪ FAT BACK'S WIFE WASN'T
NOTHIN' BUT A SKANK TRAMP ♪
♪ SHE HAD A BASTARD CHILD ♪♪
[Sobbing]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, THAT WAS THE FIRST STANDING
OVATION I EVER GOT IN MY LONG CAREER.
YOU KNOW, I'D LIKE TO THANK
Y'ALL FOR LETTING ME TAKE TIME...
TO SHARE THESE FEW LOVING MEMORIES
ABOUT MY GOOD OLD BUDDY FAT BACK.
YOU KNOW, HE WAS ALWAYS
THINKING ABOUT HIS WIFE AND FAMILY.
BUT HE LIVED JUST FOR TODAY. THAT'S
KIND OF LIKE WHAT MADE HIM SO SPECIAL.
WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT.
LIKE TO HEAR IT? HERE IT GO.
♪ FAT BACK AIN'T HAD
NO LIFE INSURANCE ♪
♪ YOU'RE ABOUT TO LOSE
THE HOUSE AND CAR ♪♪
NOW THAT'S THE SECOND
STANDING OVATION I EVER GOT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
♪ [Announcer] AND NOW,
PUBLIC ACCESS TELEVISION CHANNEL
53 PRESENTS: MEN ON VACATION.
HELLO. I'M BLAYNE EDWARDS.
AND I'M ANTOINE MERRYWEATHER.
[In Unison] AND WELCOME
TO MEN ON VACATION.
TODAY WE'LL BE REVIEWING
OUR LITTLE EUROPEAN VACATION.
FROM A MALE POINT OF VIEW.
HERE WE ARE ON OUR LAST STOP ON OUR
WHIRLWIND GALLIVANT THROUGH EUROPA.
WAIT A MINUTE. WE
GOT A NEW SPONSOR.
SOMEBODY BETTER
CHECK THEIR MAIL.
TONIGHT'S BROADCAST IS
BROUGHT TO YOU BY JEWELS,
THE GUM THAT
EXPLODES IN YOUR MOUTH.
I BET YOU JUST CAN'T CHEW ONE.
AND WHO'D WANT TO?
WE STARTED OUR
LITTLE TRIP IN GREECE.
THE GREEK "PEOPLES" WAS SO NICE.
YES. THEY BENT OVER BACKWARDS
TO SHOW US A GOOD TIME.
OH, LOOK. EXCUSE ME.
NOT YOU, FISH. YOU
GO BACK IN THE SEA.
GARÇON.
OH, MAY I HAVE
ANOTHER WALLBANGER?
- AND FOR MONSIEUR?
- OUI, OUI.
BOTTOMS UP. DITTO.
IS THAT LITTLE RICKY SCHRODER? WHAT'S
HE DOIN' HERE? DON'T LET HIM SEE ME.
WHO'S THAT WITH HIM? YOU
KNOW, I THINK THAT'S ERIK ESTRADA.
OH, WELL. ANYWAY. NEXT WE
WENT TO HOLLAND, LAND OF DIKES.
[In Unison] HATED IT!
AND FROM THERE, IT WAS
ON TO MERRY OLD ENGLAND.
REMEMBER BIG BEN? OH,
HOW COULD I FORGET IT?
IT WAS SO NICE OF HIM TO
SHOW US AROUND THE CITY.
EXCUSE ME. BIG BEN WAS A CLOCK.
WELL, WE BOTH KNOW
WHAT TIME THAT WAS.
YOU'D BETTER STOP.
YOU KNOW, IT'S SO CHILLY OUT
HERE, MY NIPPLES ARE HARD.
THEN IT WAS JUST A HOP, SKIP
AND JUMP ON TO GAY PARIS,
BUT WE DECIDED TO GO
BACK TO GREECE INSTEAD.
AND THEN IT WAS ON TO SCOTLAND.
YOU KNOW, I FOUND IT TO
BE QUITE AN OPEN SOCIETY...
WHERE "MENS" ARE FREE TO EXPLORE
THE FEMININE SIDE OF THEIR NATURE.
ALL THOSE HAIRY LEGS AND
SKIRTS HOLDIN' THEM BAGPIPES.
MM-HMM. NOT SINCE THE FIRE
ISLAND HALLOWEEN BARN DANCE...
HAVE I SEEN SO MANY MEN IN DRAG.
JUST A HINT, FELLAS:
PLAID IS OUT THIS FALL.
OUR NEXT STOP WAS SWEDEN, BEST
KNOWN FOR ITS BEAUTIFUL, BUXOM BLONDES.
[In Unison] HATED IT!
SO WE WENT BACK TO GREECE.
BUT IT WAS VERY SAD WHEN WE HAD
TO LEAVE OUR SOLDIER BUDDIES BEHIND...
AND TRAVEL TO OUR FINAL
DESTINATION: THE FRENCH RIVIERA,
WHICH IS WHERE
WE'VE BEEN EVER SINCE.
OH, YES. AND TO SUM UP OUR LITTLE
EUROPEAN VACATION, WE'RE GONNA HAVE...
TO GIVE THE WHOLE TRIP A NEW AND
IMPROVED AROUND-THE-WORLD-AND-BACK SNAP.
TELL A FRIEND.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, WHEN WE'LL
BE BACK IN THE GOOD OLD U.S. OF A...
REVIEWING THE NEW
RELEASE, MEMPHIS BELLE.
IT'S THE STORY OF 10 YOUNG
"MENS" IN LEATHER JACKETS,
ALL SWEATY, STANDIN'
NEXT TO EACH OTHER...
AND THEM LONG, HARD BOMBS CRAMMED
TOGETHER IN A LITTLE OLD COCKPIT.
WELL, GREASE MY LANDING
GEAR, I'M COMING IN FOR A LANDING.
TOODLE-OO! SEE
YOU NEXT WEEK! BYE!
♪ IT'S RAININ' MEN, HALLELUJAH ♪
♪ IT'S RAININ' MEN, AMEN ♪
♪ I'M GONNA GO OUT ♪♪
NEXT!
LISTEN, DO YOU
MIND IF I GO FIRST?
I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE
STOCK EXCHANGE BEFORE 4:00.
OH, SURE, LET YOU GO
EMBEZZLE YOUR MILLIONS...
WHILE I STRUGGLE TO GET
BY OFF OF MINIMUM WAGE.
I DON'T THINK SO.
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.
SIT DOWN. I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.
I SAID SIT DOWN!
- NAME.
- HOMEY D. CLOWN.
OH, YES. HERMAN SIMPSON.
WE KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU.
I'M SALLY. I'M YOUR
NEW PAROLE OFFICER.
- WHAT'S THAT, SALLY?
- IT'S YOUR FILE.
LET'S SEE. "ABUSIVE LANGUAGE,
FAILURE TO PERFORM PRESCRIBED..."
SAVE YOUR BREATH. THAT'S
JUST ANOTHER LONG LIST OF LIES...
PERPETRATED BY THE MAN
TO KEEP A BROTHER DOWN.
CLOWN, PLEASE. LET'S PLACE
THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS.
I BELIEVE YOUR ANTI-SOCIAL
BEHAVIOR IS THE REAL PROBLEM.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THE REAL PROBLEM IS.
THE REAL PROBLEM IS
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A
TOOL OF THE MAN. YOU
ARE LIVING IN A FANTASY.
ANOTHER OPPRESSOR. YOU WANNA
BLAME EVERYBODY BUT YOURSELF!
YOU WANT TO BREAK THE RULES AND
STAY OUT OF JAIL! YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME!
[In Unison] I DON'T THINK SO.
♪♪ [Melodramatic Classical]
[Snaps]
[Clown Horn Honking]
[Horn Continues Honking]
YEAH! IT'S HOMEY THE CLOWN!
HEY, HOMEY, DOES YOUR NOSE
SQUEAK? GIRL, DON'T TOUCH MY NOSE.
HEY, CLOWNY, DO A
STUPID CLOWN TRICK. YEAH!
I'D LOVE TO. HERMAN!
COME ON! YEAH, COME ON!
OKAY, CHILDREN. JUST
ONE STUPID CLOWN TRICK.
YEAH! YEA!
LOOK AT HOMEY'S FLOWER.
SMELL HOMEY'S FLOWER.
[Squeals]
[Laughing] OKAY, RUN
ALONG, LITTLE CHILDREN.
SEE? HE'S A STUPID WEAK CLOWN.
NOW, THAT'S MORE LIKE
THE HERMAN I WANT TO SEE.
HE KICKED ME IN
MY BEHIND, HONEY.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. BECAUSE YOU'RE
STARTING TO ACT LIKE A REAL PERSON.
BY THE WAY, MAMA'S
COMING OVER ON MONDAY.
AND WEDNESDAY YOU
START YOUR NEW JOB.
BUT I GOT A JOB, HONEY BUNCH.
I'M A CLOWN, REMEMBER?
YOU'RE NOT A CLOWN.
YOU'RE A BUFFOON.
I'M TALKING ABOUT
A REAL JOB, HERMAN.
AN ENTRY LEVEL POSITION AT THAT
FANCY NEW RESTAURANT I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
NOT CHEZ WHITEY. YES.
LOOK. IT'S HIGH TIME YOU
STOPPED PLAYING THE FOOL.
GET YOURSELF OUT OF THAT RIDICULOUS
OUTFIT AND INTO A REGULAR SUIT.
YOU KNOW, HERMAN,
I CAN JUST PICTURE IT.
YOU WEARING ONE OF THOSE
NICE LITTLE RED VALET JACKETS.
IF YOU'RE FAITHFUL AND HUMBLE,
AND DO EXACTLY WHAT
THE MAN TELLS YOU...
THAT MEANS NO HOSTILITY...
THEY MIGHT EVEN LET YOU
INSIDE THE RESTAURANT.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR
YOU TO FIT INTO SOCIETY.
COME ON, HERMAN, GIVE IT UP
AND JOIN THE ESTABLISHMENT.
THE ESTABLISHMENT, HUH? YES.
YOU WANT ME TO PUT ON A LITTLE MONKEY
SUIT AND PARK CARS FOR THE MAN, HUH?
MAYBE IF I DO REAL GOOD, I
CAN MOVE UP TO WASHING DISHES.
THEN MAYBE WAITING
TABLES. WHO KNOWS?
MAYBE FIVE OR SIX YEARS LATER,
I'LL BE ABLE TO SEAT
WHITEY HIMSELF.
YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T
YOU? YES, HERMAN, I WOULD.
I DON'T THINK SO.
HOMEY, DON'T PLAY THAT.
- I'M TELLING DADDY.
- GOOD. GIVE HIM THIS
WHEN YOU SEE HIM.
HMM. NOW, I WONDER WHERE
THOSE SWEET LITTLE CHILDRENS WENT.
THERE HE IS! I TOLD
YOU HE'D STILL BE HERE.
HEY, UH... HEY, CLOWN MAN, DO
ANOTHER TRICK FOR US, WILL YA?
YEAH! YEAH!
ANOTHER CLOWN
TRICK, HUH? YEAH! YEAH!
SO YOU CAN FALL DOWN
LAUGHING WHILE I DEGRADE
AND SHAME MYSELF FOR
YOUR AMUSEMENT, HUH?
[Children In Unison] YEAH! YOU'D
LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?
YEAH! YEAH! HOMEY! HOMEY!
HOMEY! HOMEY! HOMEY!
HOMEY! SIT DOWN!
GATHER ROUND, LITTLE CHICKADEES.
HOMEY'S GOT A LITTLE
LOVE STORY TO TELL YOU.
OOH! NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU
KICKED ME IN MY BEHIND EARLIER?
HE DID! ME!
OKAY, YOU GET UP HERE
AND BE MY ASSISTANT. YEAH!
HEY!
NOW, ONCE UPON A TIME,
TWO LONELY HEARTS CAME TOGETHER.
WOO WOO. WOW. JUST LIKE THIS.
OOH. EWWW.
THEN LOVE POURED ALL
OUT FROM THEIR HEARTS,
NICE AND THICK LIKE.
UNTIL HOMEY REALIZED...
THAT IT WAS JUST A TRICK
TO WHITEN HIM UP, LIKE SO.
AND IT MADE HIS HEART BEAT
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
THE END.
SO, WHAT HAS OUR LITTLE LESSON
TAUGHT US IF NOTHING ELSE, CHILDRENS?
[Children In Unison]
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.
VERY GOOD. NOW, LET'S SING
A LITTLE HOMEY LOVE SONG.
YOU DO BACKUP FOR
ME, WOULD YOU? YEAH!
- ♪ LOVE IS BAD ♪
- ♪ BAD ♪
♪ LOVE IS SAD ♪
[Children In Unison] ♪ SAD ♪
♪ LOVE AIN'T GLAD ♪
♪ GLAD ♪
♪ LOVE IS SOMETHING
YOU WISH YOU NEVER HAD ♪
♪ 'CAUSE LOVE TAKES YOUR HEART
AND KICKS IT AROUND THE ROOM ♪
♪ THEN IT TRIES TO SET YOU
UP AND SEND YOU TO JAIL ♪
♪ IT'LL MAKE YOU UNHAPPY
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE ♪
- I SAID BACK ME UP.
- ♪♪ [Singing Haphazardly]
♪♪ [Haphazard Singing Continues]
HEY, HEY! HEY!
THE WHITE GIRL IS OFF BEAT.
THE END.
[Whines]
♪♪ [Theme]
♪♪ [Man Vocalizing, Indistinct]
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
HOW YOU DOIN'? I'M KEENEN IVORY
WAYANS. THANKS FOR TUNIN' IN.
I KNOW SOME OF Y'ALL
SITTIN' OUT THERE THINKIN',
"YO, HOMEBOY." WHAT?
"YO, YO, YO! HO-HO-HO-HOMEBOY!"
WHAT?
"WHEN YOU GONNA PUT ALL THE
BEST OF IN LIVING COLOR IN ONE SHOW?
"JUST PACK IT UP, YOU
KNOW, ALL THAT STUFF...
"HOMEY, HOMEBOYS, 'MEN ON, '
ALL THEM LITTLE DOODAD THINGS."
BOOM! GUESS WHAT?
I DID THAT FOR YA.
SIT BACK AND
CHECK IT OUT. PEACE.
[Spectators Chanting] ROCKY! ROCKY, I
KNOW THIS IS YOUR BIG COMEBACK,
AND I KNOW I CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO
TRAIN YOU, BUT THIS FIGHT IS PURE INSANITY!
NO WAY, BROTHER. YOU
JUST WANNA HUMIL... HUMIL...
EASY, ROCKY. NOT
TOO MANY SYLLABLES.
I GOT LIGHT-HEADED THERE. LISTEN, I STILL
GOT THE EYE OF THE TIGER. YOU KNOW THAT.
LOOK, ROCKY, YOU GOT THE EYE OF
A TIGER AND THE I.Q. OF A LIMA BEAN.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE FIGHTING A MAN
TONIGHT. YOU'LL BE FIGHTIN' AN ANIMAL.
ANIMALS DON'T SCARE ME.
YEAH? WELL, THIS
ONE WILL. [Growling]
[Spectators Chanting] ROCKY!
ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
[Bell Ringing]
ALL RIGHT, FANS. HERE
WE GO. IN THE RED CORNER,
- THE CHALLENGER:
ROCKY BALBOA!
- [Spectators Cheering]
AND IN THE BLUE CORNER, THE
UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
LET'S GIVE IT UP
FOR GRACE JONES!
[Spectators Cheering Wildly]
- [Bell Rings]
- [Announcer] ROCKY VI:
THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE.
[Wild Cheering Continues]
HELLO, ROCKY. DO YOU
FIND ME SEXY? [Grunts]
I SAID, DO YOU FIND ME SEXY?
[Growls]
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, GRACE,
YOU'RE STARTIN' TO SCARE ME A LITTLE.
[Growls, Grunts] HARDER!
FASTER! HARDER! FASTER!
HARDER! FASTER!
[Shrieking Laughter]
ENOUGH OF THE FOREPLAY, ROCKY.
IS IT GONNA BE YOUR PLACE OR MINE?
AW, COME ON, GRACE.
I GOT A WIFE AND KID.
THEN I GUESS IT'S
GONNA BE MINE, ROCKY.
[Spectators Booing] ♪
SLAVE TO THE RHYTHM ♪
ADRIAN! ♪ SLAVE TO THE RHYTHM ♪
ADRIAN! [Spectators Chanting]
ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
[Man Narrating] FIRST, LOU
FERRIGNO WAS THE INCREDIBLE HULK.
THEN ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER WAS CONAN.
AND NOW, WORLD CHAMPION
FEMALE BODYBUILDER VERA DE MILO...
EXPLODES UPON THE SCREEN AS...
VERACOSA, MISTRESS
OF DESTRUCTION.
WATCH VERA'S BICEPS BULGE...
AS SHE SUMMONS
THE SPIRIT DIANABOL.
[Grunting]
WATCH HER BELLY BULGE AS SHE
LETS LOOSE THE WIND OF THE GODS.
[Exhales]
YOU'LL MARVEL AT ALL OF
VERA'S INCREDIBLE BULGES.
YAAH! WHOA!
WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO?
YAAH! WHOO!
YAAH!
THANKS FOR HANGIN' AROUND.
HEY. NO FAIR.
OW!
[Whip Cracks]
[Growling]
[Growls]
AH!
AT LAST WE MEET, MY
DREADED VERACOSA.
I AM KEE-MAN OF THE
HANNA-BARBERIANS.
I AM HE THAT MUST
VANQUISH THEE FROM THINE.
THEREFORE, I AM, I MUST.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
A WORD YOU'RE SAYING.
WHAT KIND OF LANGUAGE IS THAT?
IT IS THE TONGUE OF MY
NATIVE LAND, DYSLEXIA.
NOW, SAY YOU'LL BE MY BRIDE.
AND TOGETHER WE
WILL RULE THE ERUDITES.
[Laughing]
YOU ARE BRAVE AS
WELL AS BEAUTIFUL.
THAT EXCITES ME.
YOU SHALL NEVER TASTE
MY AMBROSIA, KEE-MAN.
- [All Groaning]
- FOR I AM VERACOSA...
OF BRITISH CALEDONIA,
KEEPER OF NAUTILUS...
AND DECEPTOR OF URINALYSIS.
VERY WELL.
THEN WHAT I CANNOT HAVE,
TAKE IT I SHALL.
YES. I SHALL UNLEASH
THE MAMMARIES...
THAT KINGS AND PRINCES
HAVE DIED FOR. [Gasps]
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU JUST DID THAT!
I AM SO HUMILIATED!
NOW YOU'VE ASKED FOR IT.
NO! NO, NOT THE POISON PIT.
OH! OH, NO! SLEEP WELL, KEE-MAN.
[Groaning]
LET THAT BE A LESSON TO
ALL THOSE WHO PRACTICE EVIL.
WHEN YOU MESS WITH MY BREASTS,
YOU DIE LIKE THE REST!
[Whinnying]
[All Chanting] VERA!
VERA! VERA! VERA!
[Narrator] VERACOSA,
MISTRESS OF DESTRUCTION,
COMING SOON TO A
THEATER NEAR YOU.
[Chanting Continues]
♪♪ [Organ]
OHH! OH, LORD HAVE MERCY.
MY DEAR SISTERS AND
BRETHREN, ♪♪ [Organ Stops]
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TO BID
FAREWELL TO A GREAT BLUES SINGER.
AMEN. MISSISSIPPI "FAT
BACK" WITHERSPOON.
FAT BACK!
NOW, HE-HE WANTED THIS
TO BE A JOYOUS OCCASION.
HE DIDN'T WANT US CARRYING ON.
SO I PRESENT HIS FRIEND,
MR. CALHOUN TUBBS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, REVEREND.
LOOK HERE. NO
DISRESPECT TO THE FAMILY,
BUT, UH, CALHOUN'S
900 GREATEST HITS IS
AVAILABLE ON EIGHT-TRACK
CASSETTE IN THE LOBBY.
$3.95. OF COURSE, YOU GET A
COMPLIMENTARY COPY, SON.
YOU KNOW, FAT BACK WANTED
THIS TO BE A JOYOUS OCCASION,
SO I THOUGHT I MIGHT SING A FEW SONGS, TELL
SOME FUNNY STORIES ABOUT MY GOOD FRIEND.
NOW, YOU ALL KNOW FAT
BACK LOVED HIM SOME CATFISH.
AMEN. I SAY, FAT BACK
LOVED HIM SOME CATFISH.
- AMEN.
- THE ONLY THING HE LOVED MORE
THAN SOME OF THAT CHANNEL CAT...
WAS THAT LITTLE BABY GIRL CHILD.
LORD, THAT GIRL COULD COOK!
YOU KNOW, SHE DONE COOKED SOME
CATFISH FOR HIM THE DAY HE DIED.
WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT.
LIKE TO HEAR IT? HERE IT GO.
♪ FAT BACK CHOKED ON A CATFISH ♪
♪ THAT STUPID GIRL
FED HIM THE BONE ♪♪
[Sobbing] THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG NOW.
FAT BACK WASN'T NO SKIRT CHASER.
NO, NO, NO. HE DID WHAT HE
DID ON ACCOUNT OF HIS SON.
HE LOVED THAT BOY.
WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT.
LIKE TO HEAR IT? HERE IT GO.
♪ FAT BACK'S WIFE WASN'T
NOTHIN' BUT A SKANK TRAMP ♪
♪ SHE HAD A BASTARD CHILD ♪♪
[Sobbing]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, THAT WAS THE FIRST STANDING
OVATION I EVER GOT IN MY LONG CAREER.
YOU KNOW, I'D LIKE TO THANK
Y'ALL FOR LETTING ME TAKE TIME...
TO SHARE THESE FEW LOVING MEMORIES
ABOUT MY GOOD OLD BUDDY FAT BACK.
YOU KNOW, HE WAS ALWAYS
THINKING ABOUT HIS WIFE AND FAMILY.
BUT HE LIVED JUST FOR TODAY. THAT'S
KIND OF LIKE WHAT MADE HIM SO SPECIAL.
WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT.
LIKE TO HEAR IT? HERE IT GO.
♪ FAT BACK AIN'T HAD
NO LIFE INSURANCE ♪
♪ YOU'RE ABOUT TO LOSE
THE HOUSE AND CAR ♪♪
NOW THAT'S THE SECOND
STANDING OVATION I EVER GOT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
♪ [Announcer] AND NOW,
PUBLIC ACCESS TELEVISION CHANNEL
53 PRESENTS: MEN ON VACATION.
HELLO. I'M BLAYNE EDWARDS.
AND I'M ANTOINE MERRYWEATHER.
[In Unison] AND WELCOME
TO MEN ON VACATION.
TODAY WE'LL BE REVIEWING
OUR LITTLE EUROPEAN VACATION.
FROM A MALE POINT OF VIEW.
HERE WE ARE ON OUR LAST STOP ON OUR
WHIRLWIND GALLIVANT THROUGH EUROPA.
WAIT A MINUTE. WE
GOT A NEW SPONSOR.
SOMEBODY BETTER
CHECK THEIR MAIL.
TONIGHT'S BROADCAST IS
BROUGHT TO YOU BY JEWELS,
THE GUM THAT
EXPLODES IN YOUR MOUTH.
I BET YOU JUST CAN'T CHEW ONE.
AND WHO'D WANT TO?
WE STARTED OUR
LITTLE TRIP IN GREECE.
THE GREEK "PEOPLES" WAS SO NICE.
YES. THEY BENT OVER BACKWARDS
TO SHOW US A GOOD TIME.
OH, LOOK. EXCUSE ME.
NOT YOU, FISH. YOU
GO BACK IN THE SEA.
GARÇON.
OH, MAY I HAVE
ANOTHER WALLBANGER?
- AND FOR MONSIEUR?
- OUI, OUI.
BOTTOMS UP. DITTO.
IS THAT LITTLE RICKY SCHRODER? WHAT'S
HE DOIN' HERE? DON'T LET HIM SEE ME.
WHO'S THAT WITH HIM? YOU
KNOW, I THINK THAT'S ERIK ESTRADA.
OH, WELL. ANYWAY. NEXT WE
WENT TO HOLLAND, LAND OF DIKES.
[In Unison] HATED IT!
AND FROM THERE, IT WAS
ON TO MERRY OLD ENGLAND.
REMEMBER BIG BEN? OH,
HOW COULD I FORGET IT?
IT WAS SO NICE OF HIM TO
SHOW US AROUND THE CITY.
EXCUSE ME. BIG BEN WAS A CLOCK.
WELL, WE BOTH KNOW
WHAT TIME THAT WAS.
YOU'D BETTER STOP.
YOU KNOW, IT'S SO CHILLY OUT
HERE, MY NIPPLES ARE HARD.
THEN IT WAS JUST A HOP, SKIP
AND JUMP ON TO GAY PARIS,
BUT WE DECIDED TO GO
BACK TO GREECE INSTEAD.
AND THEN IT WAS ON TO SCOTLAND.
YOU KNOW, I FOUND IT TO
BE QUITE AN OPEN SOCIETY...
WHERE "MENS" ARE FREE TO EXPLORE
THE FEMININE SIDE OF THEIR NATURE.
ALL THOSE HAIRY LEGS AND
SKIRTS HOLDIN' THEM BAGPIPES.
MM-HMM. NOT SINCE THE FIRE
ISLAND HALLOWEEN BARN DANCE...
HAVE I SEEN SO MANY MEN IN DRAG.
JUST A HINT, FELLAS:
PLAID IS OUT THIS FALL.
OUR NEXT STOP WAS SWEDEN, BEST
KNOWN FOR ITS BEAUTIFUL, BUXOM BLONDES.
[In Unison] HATED IT!
SO WE WENT BACK TO GREECE.
BUT IT WAS VERY SAD WHEN WE HAD
TO LEAVE OUR SOLDIER BUDDIES BEHIND...
AND TRAVEL TO OUR FINAL
DESTINATION: THE FRENCH RIVIERA,
WHICH IS WHERE
WE'VE BEEN EVER SINCE.
OH, YES. AND TO SUM UP OUR LITTLE
EUROPEAN VACATION, WE'RE GONNA HAVE...
TO GIVE THE WHOLE TRIP A NEW AND
IMPROVED AROUND-THE-WORLD-AND-BACK SNAP.
TELL A FRIEND.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, WHEN WE'LL
BE BACK IN THE GOOD OLD U.S. OF A...
REVIEWING THE NEW
RELEASE, MEMPHIS BELLE.
IT'S THE STORY OF 10 YOUNG
"MENS" IN LEATHER JACKETS,
ALL SWEATY, STANDIN'
NEXT TO EACH OTHER...
AND THEM LONG, HARD BOMBS CRAMMED
TOGETHER IN A LITTLE OLD COCKPIT.
WELL, GREASE MY LANDING
GEAR, I'M COMING IN FOR A LANDING.
TOODLE-OO! SEE
YOU NEXT WEEK! BYE!
♪ IT'S RAININ' MEN, HALLELUJAH ♪
♪ IT'S RAININ' MEN, AMEN ♪
♪ I'M GONNA GO OUT ♪♪
NEXT!
LISTEN, DO YOU
MIND IF I GO FIRST?
I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE
STOCK EXCHANGE BEFORE 4:00.
OH, SURE, LET YOU GO
EMBEZZLE YOUR MILLIONS...
WHILE I STRUGGLE TO GET
BY OFF OF MINIMUM WAGE.
I DON'T THINK SO.
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.
SIT DOWN. I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.
I SAID SIT DOWN!
- NAME.
- HOMEY D. CLOWN.
OH, YES. HERMAN SIMPSON.
WE KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU.
I'M SALLY. I'M YOUR
NEW PAROLE OFFICER.
- WHAT'S THAT, SALLY?
- IT'S YOUR FILE.
LET'S SEE. "ABUSIVE LANGUAGE,
FAILURE TO PERFORM PRESCRIBED..."
SAVE YOUR BREATH. THAT'S
JUST ANOTHER LONG LIST OF LIES...
PERPETRATED BY THE MAN
TO KEEP A BROTHER DOWN.
CLOWN, PLEASE. LET'S PLACE
THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS.
I BELIEVE YOUR ANTI-SOCIAL
BEHAVIOR IS THE REAL PROBLEM.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THE REAL PROBLEM IS.
THE REAL PROBLEM IS
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A
TOOL OF THE MAN. YOU
ARE LIVING IN A FANTASY.
ANOTHER OPPRESSOR. YOU WANNA
BLAME EVERYBODY BUT YOURSELF!
YOU WANT TO BREAK THE RULES AND
STAY OUT OF JAIL! YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME!
[In Unison] I DON'T THINK SO.
♪♪ [Melodramatic Classical]
[Snaps]
[Clown Horn Honking]
[Horn Continues Honking]
YEAH! IT'S HOMEY THE CLOWN!
HEY, HOMEY, DOES YOUR NOSE
SQUEAK? GIRL, DON'T TOUCH MY NOSE.
HEY, CLOWNY, DO A
STUPID CLOWN TRICK. YEAH!
I'D LOVE TO. HERMAN!
COME ON! YEAH, COME ON!
OKAY, CHILDREN. JUST
ONE STUPID CLOWN TRICK.
YEAH! YEA!
LOOK AT HOMEY'S FLOWER.
SMELL HOMEY'S FLOWER.
[Squeals]
[Laughing] OKAY, RUN
ALONG, LITTLE CHILDREN.
SEE? HE'S A STUPID WEAK CLOWN.
NOW, THAT'S MORE LIKE
THE HERMAN I WANT TO SEE.
HE KICKED ME IN
MY BEHIND, HONEY.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. BECAUSE YOU'RE
STARTING TO ACT LIKE A REAL PERSON.
BY THE WAY, MAMA'S
COMING OVER ON MONDAY.
AND WEDNESDAY YOU
START YOUR NEW JOB.
BUT I GOT A JOB, HONEY BUNCH.
I'M A CLOWN, REMEMBER?
YOU'RE NOT A CLOWN.
YOU'RE A BUFFOON.
I'M TALKING ABOUT
A REAL JOB, HERMAN.
AN ENTRY LEVEL POSITION AT THAT
FANCY NEW RESTAURANT I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
NOT CHEZ WHITEY. YES.
LOOK. IT'S HIGH TIME YOU
STOPPED PLAYING THE FOOL.
GET YOURSELF OUT OF THAT RIDICULOUS
OUTFIT AND INTO A REGULAR SUIT.
YOU KNOW, HERMAN,
I CAN JUST PICTURE IT.
YOU WEARING ONE OF THOSE
NICE LITTLE RED VALET JACKETS.
IF YOU'RE FAITHFUL AND HUMBLE,
AND DO EXACTLY WHAT
THE MAN TELLS YOU...
THAT MEANS NO HOSTILITY...
THEY MIGHT EVEN LET YOU
INSIDE THE RESTAURANT.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR
YOU TO FIT INTO SOCIETY.
COME ON, HERMAN, GIVE IT UP
AND JOIN THE ESTABLISHMENT.
THE ESTABLISHMENT, HUH? YES.
YOU WANT ME TO PUT ON A LITTLE MONKEY
SUIT AND PARK CARS FOR THE MAN, HUH?
MAYBE IF I DO REAL GOOD, I
CAN MOVE UP TO WASHING DISHES.
THEN MAYBE WAITING
TABLES. WHO KNOWS?
MAYBE FIVE OR SIX YEARS LATER,
I'LL BE ABLE TO SEAT
WHITEY HIMSELF.
YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T
YOU? YES, HERMAN, I WOULD.
I DON'T THINK SO.
HOMEY, DON'T PLAY THAT.
- I'M TELLING DADDY.
- GOOD. GIVE HIM THIS
WHEN YOU SEE HIM.
HMM. NOW, I WONDER WHERE
THOSE SWEET LITTLE CHILDRENS WENT.
THERE HE IS! I TOLD
YOU HE'D STILL BE HERE.
HEY, UH... HEY, CLOWN MAN, DO
ANOTHER TRICK FOR US, WILL YA?
YEAH! YEAH!
ANOTHER CLOWN
TRICK, HUH? YEAH! YEAH!
SO YOU CAN FALL DOWN
LAUGHING WHILE I DEGRADE
AND SHAME MYSELF FOR
YOUR AMUSEMENT, HUH?
[Children In Unison] YEAH! YOU'D
LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?
YEAH! YEAH! HOMEY! HOMEY!
HOMEY! HOMEY! HOMEY!
HOMEY! SIT DOWN!
GATHER ROUND, LITTLE CHICKADEES.
HOMEY'S GOT A LITTLE
LOVE STORY TO TELL YOU.
OOH! NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU
KICKED ME IN MY BEHIND EARLIER?
HE DID! ME!
OKAY, YOU GET UP HERE
AND BE MY ASSISTANT. YEAH!
HEY!
NOW, ONCE UPON A TIME,
TWO LONELY HEARTS CAME TOGETHER.
WOO WOO. WOW. JUST LIKE THIS.
OOH. EWWW.
THEN LOVE POURED ALL
OUT FROM THEIR HEARTS,
NICE AND THICK LIKE.
UNTIL HOMEY REALIZED...
THAT IT WAS JUST A TRICK
TO WHITEN HIM UP, LIKE SO.
AND IT MADE HIS HEART BEAT
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
THE END.
SO, WHAT HAS OUR LITTLE LESSON
TAUGHT US IF NOTHING ELSE, CHILDRENS?
[Children In Unison]
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.
VERY GOOD. NOW, LET'S SING
A LITTLE HOMEY LOVE SONG.
YOU DO BACKUP FOR
ME, WOULD YOU? YEAH!
- ♪ LOVE IS BAD ♪
- ♪ BAD ♪
♪ LOVE IS SAD ♪
[Children In Unison] ♪ SAD ♪
♪ LOVE AIN'T GLAD ♪
♪ GLAD ♪
♪ LOVE IS SOMETHING
YOU WISH YOU NEVER HAD ♪
♪ 'CAUSE LOVE TAKES YOUR HEART
AND KICKS IT AROUND THE ROOM ♪
♪ THEN IT TRIES TO SET YOU
UP AND SEND YOU TO JAIL ♪
♪ IT'LL MAKE YOU UNHAPPY
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE ♪
- I SAID BACK ME UP.
- ♪♪ [Singing Haphazardly]
♪♪ [Haphazard Singing Continues]
HEY, HEY! HEY!
THE WHITE GIRL IS OFF BEAT.
THE END.
[Whines]
♪♪ [Theme]
♪♪ [Man Vocalizing, Indistinct]
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪