In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 16 - Anton in the Burbs - full transcript
The Wayans siblings present an African-American focused sketch comedy show.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
- ♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENAN IVORY WAYANS.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
GLAD YOU COULD JOIN US TONIGHT.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LOT OF FUN.
A FEW SURPRISES. SO EVEN IF YOU
GOTTA GO, HOLD IT FOR ABOUT A HALF.
WE'LL BE BACK. SEE YA.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
TIRED OF MAKING UP LAME EXCUSES?
DON'T YOU WANNA
CUDDLE? BABY NEEDS A HUG.
I CAN'T HUG YOU RIGHT
NOW. I'M STILL SLEEPING.
IS POSTCOITAL CUDDLING
BRINGING YOU DOWN?
SEE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I GOT TO BE
SOMEWHERE AT 6:00 TOMORROW MORNING.
THEN I'LL LEAVE WITH YOU.
NO. BUT, UH, YOU
CAN'T LEAVE WITH ME,
'CAUSE MY CAR WAS IN AN ACCIDENT
AND IT ONLY HAS ONE SEAT LEFT.
THEN I'LL SIT ON
YOUR LAP. UH, LISTEN.
NOW, I DIDN'T WANNA HAVE TO
TELL YOU THIS, AND IT'S TOP SECRET.
I'M ON A MISSION FOR THE
C.I.A. I HAVE TO TRAVEL ALONE.
IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.
BUT IF YOU DIE, I
DON'T WANNA LIVE.
GEEZ, WHAT DO I HAVE
TO DO TO GET RID OF HER?
SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED THE
EJECTOR BED FROM RUDECO.
YES, IT'S SIMPLE TO OPERATE AND CAN EJECT
UP TO 2,000 POUNDS IN A SINGLE THRUST.
OH, WOW. THIS NEVER
HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.
I GUESS I MUST'VE BEEN
UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.
MAYBE SOME FRESH AIR MIGHT HELP.
YES, THE EJECTOR BED.
YOUR BEST FRIEND
IN A STICKY SITUATION.
HONEY, I'M HOME.
IT'S MY WIFE. OH, NO!
WHERE WILL I HIDE?
DON'T GET CAUGHT WITHOUT ONE.
THE EJECTOR BED FROM RUDECO.
EJECTOR DESK AND EJECTOR
CHAIR SOLD SEPARATELY.
YES! ALL RIGHT, GUYS. GUYS!
BENNY, NOW SINCE IT'S YOUR
LAST NIGHT OF FREEDOM...
THE GUYS THOUGHT YOU SHOULD
HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.
- WHAT THE...
- SURPRISE, BENNY!
FRENCHIE HAS "ARRIVAYED"!
HEY, AND IT'S A GOOD
THING, "MON SOUP DE JOURS,"
'CAUSE ON THE WAY IN
HERE, THEY HAD THIS LITTLE
SKINNY GIRL WITH A HALF
A PAIR OF DRAWERS ON.
I SAID, "WOMAN, DON'T YOU KNOW THIS IS A
BACHELOR PARTY?" SENT HER HOME, MAN.
WHAT? YOU DID WHAT?
WHO IS THIS GUY?
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
THE NAME IS LEONARD, BUT ALL
MY FRIENDS CALL ME "FRENCHIE."
'CAUSE I'M HIP, I'M SLICK AND ALL
THE WOMEN LOVE MY EIGHT TRACKS.
- GOTCHA!
- MAN, HOW THE HELL
DID YOU FIND ME AGAIN!
OH, WELL, IT WASN'T EASY. I HAD
TO FOLLOW EVERY CATERER IN TOWN.
THERE'S ABOUT 457 OF 'EM.
FINALLY, I TRACKED
DOWN THE GUY FROM
SAMURAI SUSHI, FOLLOWED
HIM RIGHT OVER HERE.
SAMURAI SUSHI? THAT'S RIGHT.
- SO-SO WAIT A MINUTE. WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
- WELL, "MON FRUSEN GLADJE,"
THEY WAS ABOUT TO
BRING Y'ALL SOME RAW FISH.
I SAID, "HEY, LITTLE CHINAMAN, YOU
BETTER GET YOUR BUTT IN THE KITCHEN...
"AND PUT SOME CORNMEAL
ON THAT AND FRY IT UP RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND DON'T
YOU FORGET THE HOT SAUCE."
FRENCHIE! HEY, HEY, HEY. DON'T
WORRY, "MON LEAN CUISINE."
IN THE MEANTIME, I GOT PORK
RINDS AND PIG FEET FOR EVERYBODY.
COME ON, MAN. EAT UP, Y'ALL.
MAN, COME ON. BENNY,
JUST FORGET THAT CLOWN.
NOW YOU GOT TO THINK HOW BEAUTIFUL
KAREN IS GONNA LOOK TOMORROW.
SHE'D BETTER. IT
COST ME A FORTUNE.
- HER DRESS BY DIOR.
- MM-HMM.
HER DIAMOND, CARTIER.
AND HER HAIR, SASSOON.
HEY, MAN. WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA LOOK
GOOD, YOU GOT TO SPEND THE MONEY.
MY SUIT FROM PIGGLY WIGGLY.
MY SHOES, THEY FROM FAYVA,
AND MY HAIR DONE
BY WORLD OF CURLS.
YEAH, UH, LOOK, HOW
ABOUT A MOVIE, GUYS?
HEY, SAY NO MORE. SAY NO MORE.
I GOT THE TAPE
RIGHT HERE, Y'ALL.
NOW THIS HERE'S A REAL
MAN FILM. GO ON, PUT IT ON.
OH, HERE YOU GO. ♪♪
HEY, FRENCHIE, SHE'S NOT BAD.
THE GOOD STUFF'S ON
THE WAY NOW. RIGHT THERE.
WHAT THE HELL IS
THIS? DISCO GODFATHER?
THAT'S RIGHT. RUDY RAY MOORE
AT HIS BEST. RUDY RAY MOORE?
HE'S THE WRITER, DIRECTOR
AND CHOREOGRAPHER.
MAN, I'M TELLING YOU. CAN'T NOBODY DO
THE ROBOT LIKE RUDY RAY MOORE, MAN.
MAN, YOU'RE OUTTA
YOUR MIND. UH, GUYS.
UH, I GUESS IT'S
TIME FOR A TOAST.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS. NOW,
YOU GUYS ALL KNOW...
ON OUR FRESHMAN YEAR AT HARVARD,
BENNY AND I BOUGHT A BOTTLE
OF 1952 DOM PERIGNON. WHOO!
NOW HERE'S THE DEAL. WE SWORE NOT TO OPEN
THIS BOTTLE UNTIL ONE OF US GOT MARRIED.
AND YOU BEAT ME.
CONGRATULATIONS.
SO HERE IT IS MA... HEY, WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE CHAMPAGNE?
OH, THE CHAMP... OH, MAN, I
THREW THAT OLD STUFF OUT, MAN.
MY FRIEND BENNY CAN'T
DRINK NOTHING FROM 1950.
THAT'S THE BEST...
1991 COLD DUCK.
WHAT? YOU POURED
IT OUT? DECEMBER.
HEY, DON'T THANK ME.
IT WAS MY "PLEAZIRAY."
'CAUSE I'M HIP, SLICK AND ALL
THE WOMEN LOVE MY TYPING SKILLS.
MAN. HE'S GONNA GET IT. AW, LISTEN.
DON'T WORRY... BENNY, COME ON.
DON'T WORRY. AT LEAST
YOU STILL GOT YOUR GIFT.
WHOO! NOW THAT
WAS "TRES EPILADY."
BUT I GOT YOU SOMETHING THAT YOU
CAN REALLY USE. CHECK IT OUT, BENNY.
THAT'S FROM ME TO YOU.
HEY. HEY. A MERCEDES EMBLEM.
THIS WILL GO GOOD WITH MY CAR.
WELL, IT IS OFF YOUR
CAR. I HIT IT ON THE WAY IN.
BUT THE CHAIN IS MY IDEA. WHAT!
YOU CURL KING, GET OUT OF
MY HOUSE! GET OUT OF HERE!
OH, COME ON, JACQUES COUSTEAU.
DON'T BE SO GREY POUPON.
OH, COME ON! KING COBRA,
YOU'RE OUT OF HERE! COME ON!
GET OUT OF HERE! GET
OUT OF HERE! BUT, BENNY.
- HI! IS FRENCHIE HERE?
- COME ON IN,
"MON PETIT CROUTONS."
- FRENCHIE, WHO ARE THESE WOMEN?
- THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO
EXPLAIN TO YOU, BENNY.
THE LITTLE GIRL IN THE
HALF-PAIR OF DRAWERS,
I TOLD HER ONE WASN'T
GONNA BE ENOUGH.
I TOLD HER GO HOME
AND GET HER FRIENDS.
THAT'S RIGHT. 'CAUSE I'M HIP, I'M
SLICK AND ALL THE WOMEN LOVE MY...
Y'ALL FILL IT IN. COME ON NOW!
HIT THAT BOX! ♪♪
WORK IT OUT. ♪ THE ROOF,
THE ROOF THE ROOF IS ON FIRE ♪
♪ WE DON'T NEED NO WATER LET
THE MOTHER MOTHER BURN ♪♪
♪♪
HAVE YOU RECENTLY BEEN INJURED?
WERE YOU FULLY
COMPENSATED FOR ALL DAMAGES?
CHANCES ARE SOMEBODY
GOT AWAY WITH MURDER.
AT THE LAW OFFICES
OF LONNIE PARKER,
THEY SPECIALIZE IN
PERSONAL INJURY CLAIMS.
HI. I'M LONNIE PARKER.
AND IT'S MY JOB TO SEE THAT
YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE.
LONNIE PARKER GOT ME
600,000 FOR MY ACCIDENT.
THANKS, LONNIE.
LONNIE PARKER GOT MY
HUSBAND ONE MILLION DOLLARS,
AND I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.
THANKS, LONNIE.
LONNIE GOT ME FOUR MILLION
FOR MY ACCIDENT. THANKS, LONNIE.
THANK YOU. IF YOU'VE
BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT,
OR ARE GOING TO BE IN AN
ACCIDENT, PLEASE GIVE ME A CALL.
I PROMISE TO GET YOU FULL
VALUE FOR YOUR TRAGEDY.
HABLEMOS ESPAÑOL.
CALL 555-L-O-N-Y.
LONNIE. THAT'S ME.
AND I'LL... SEE THAT YOU
GET CASH FOR YOUR CRASH.
CALL NOW, 555-LONY AND
GET CASH FOR YOUR CRASH.
♪ FLY GIRL ♪
♪ FLY GIRL ♪
- ♪ FLY GIRL ♪
- ♪ YEAH ♪
♪♪
NOW BACK TO THE COMEDY
STYLINGS OF LES AND WES RAWLS.
OTHER KIDS WERE
AFRAID OF THE DARK,
WE WERE AFRAID OF
LOUD, RIPPING NOISES.
YEAH. AND WE DIDN'T DRINK
MILK, WE DRANK HALF-AND-HALF.
THAT'S HALF-AND-HALF BECAUSE
WE'RE TWINS. WE'RE SIAM...
REMEMBER THOSE FIGHTS
IN THE CAR, HUH? YEAH.
HEY, MOM, LES'S
KIDNEYS ARE ON MY HALF.
OUR FAVORITE SHOW IS TWIN PEAKS.
I DIDN'T EVEN GET
IT OUT. TWIN PEAKS.
WE'RE TWINS. DID I
MENTION WE'RE SIAMESE...
BUT THE WORSE THING WAS WHEN
HE HAD HIS GROWTH SPURT FIRST.
I MEAN, MY FEET DIDN'T TOUCH
THE GROUND FOR TWO YEARS.
THANK YOU AND GOOD
NIGHT. YOU'VE BEEN BEAUTIFUL.
MINE DID!
WE KILLED, MAN. WE
KILLED! THEY LOVED US, MAN.
NO. I KILLED, YOU
DIED. LOOK AT YOU.
YOU KNOW, I'M GETTING
TIRED OF CARRYING YOU.
"CARRYING YOU." THAT'S
FUNNY. THAT'S A NEW JOKE.
THAT'S GREAT. WE CAN USE THAT
IN THE ACT. WE'LL OPEN WITH...
LES. LES. I MEAN IT. WHAT?
I'M TIRED OF YOUR LAME JOKES.
I'M TIRED OF THESE CRUMMY CLUBS.
I'M TIRED OF YOU PASSING
GAS AND BLAMING ME.
I'VE GOT A NERVOUS
STOMACH. MY HALF.
I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT. I'M TIRED OF THESE
CLEANING BILLS. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING THAT I'M
SPLITTING UP THE ACT.
SPLITTING UP THE ACT, MAN? I
DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE'RE A TEAM.
WES, YOU NEED ME LIKE
ABBOTT NEEDS COSTELLO, MAN.
I NEED YOU LIKE
MICHAEL NEEDS TITO.
HE DOES. WHO'S GONNA
WATCH THE MONKEY?
FORGET IT, LES. I
MADE UP MY MIND.
I'M GOIN' SOLO. YEAH? WELL, LET'S
SEE HOW FAR YOU GET WITHOUT ME.
HI, EVERYBODY. I'M JOHN
TESH. I'M LEEZA GIBBONS.
WELCOME BACK TO
ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT.
NEXT UP, COMEDIAN WES RAWLS,
WHO'S JOINING US VIA SATELLITE...
FROM THE SET OF HIS NEW MOVIE
WITH DIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBERG.
THANKS FOR JOINING US, WES. WELL,
THANKS FOR HAVING ME, LEEZA AND JOHN.
I JUST WANT TO SAY WORKING WITH
STEVIE IS REALLY AN EXPERIENCE.
NOW, WES, IN MOMENT HERE, WE'RE GONNA SHOW
OUR FOLKS AT HOME A CLIP FROM YOUR MOVIE.
BUT, FIRST, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT THAT
OTHER GUY THAT YOU USED TO WORK WITH.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HIM? WELL,
THAT GUY WAS ACTUALLY MY BROTHER.
AND, UH, WE DON'T REALLY
KEEP IN TOUCH ANYMORE.
BUT, I'M SURE WHEREVER
HE IS, HIS HEART IS WITH ME.
I KNOW MINE'S WITH HIM.
WHERE ARE WE? WHERE ARE WE?
WES, WE SEEM TO BE GETTING
SOME STATIC ON THE LINE HERE.
IT'S REALLY BIG OF YOU THAT
YOU NEVER HELD A GRUDGE.
- WAS IT A PAINFUL PARTING?
- YEAH.
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY
IT REALLY TORE ME UP.
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED. THE
DOCTOR SAID I SHOULD STAY IN BED.
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? WELL, YOU KNOW,
I'M SURE YOU COULD CRACK US UP ALL NIGHT.
BUT WHY DON'T WE TAKE THIS TIME TO
ROLL THAT CLIP FROM YOUR NEW MOVIE.
HE WAS JUST ONE MAN AGAINST
THE WORLD OF ORGANIZED CRIME.
FORTUNATELY, WES RAWLS
PREFERS TO FIGHT ALONE.
OH, THAT HURT.
AND, FORTUNATELY, WES
RAWLS PREFERS TO KILL ALONE.
WES RAWLS IS LONE WOLF.
WESSIE? YES, PUMPKIN?
WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO YOUR BROTHER?
I MEAN, YOU SHOULD
REALLY TRY TO TALK TO HIM.
YEAH. BROTHERS
REALLY SHOULDN'T FIGHT.
OH, I GUESS YOU GUYS ARE
RIGHT. I MEAN, IT WAS KIND OF SILLY.
I TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,
I'LL GIVE HIM A CALL. PROMISE.
BUT I TELL YOU WHAT. FOR RIGHT
NOW, LET'S GET BACK TO BUSINESS.
SHALL WE?
YEAH.
JUST LET ME CORRECT
THIS FOR A SECOND...
LES, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I THOUGHT
I TOLD YOU TO FILL THE FRENCH FRY BIN.
I WAS GETTING READY... LOOK
AT THIS. THE COFFEE'S COLD.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE
THE MOP WATER. I WOULD'VE...
THE WHOLE DINING AREA SMELLS
LIKE SOUR MILK AND PICKLE JUICE.
I GOT MY SHOES OFF. WHAT ARE YOU OPERATING
ON, HALF A BRAIN? GET IT TOGETHER.
I'M AN IDIOT, SIR. I'M
STUPID. I'M SORRY.
BURGERS ARE WILD.
THIS IS LES SPEAKING. HOW
MAY I HELP YOU? I'M WILD
TO TAKE YOUR ORDER.
LES. YES?
LES, IT'S ME. WES, IS THAT YOU?
YEAH, MAN. WHY
ARE YOU CALLING ME?
WELL, I'VE BEEN THINKING. YOU
KNOW, WE SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING.
I MEAN, WE'RE BROTHERS. WE
SHOULD STICK TOGETHER, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL, WES. HEY.
YEAH? I THINK I EVEN FOUND A
WAY WE CAN WORK TOGETHER AGAIN.
GET THE DOOR.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. JUST
CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN.
HE'LL SIGN EVERYBODY'S
AUTOGRAPH. JUST GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
JUST BE PATIENT.
I GUESS I CAN SAY I'M YOUR RIGHT-HAND
MAN ON THE LEFT SIDE, HUH, WES?
YEAH, KID. BUT, LOOK, UH, IN
PUBLIC, IT'S MR. RAWLS, OKAY?
YES, SIR, MR. RAWLS.
DON'T TOUCH HIM.
GET THE BAGS, WILL
YA? GET THE LUGGAGE.
I'M SORRY. I SHOULD'VE LEFT
YOU FLIPPING BURGERS. COME ON!
I'M SORRY, SIR. I GO IN
FIRST, NOT THE BAGS.
COME ON. YES, SIR.
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE
OUR NEW HOUSE, HONEY?
OH, IT'S SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT
CRAMPED APARTMENT IN THE CITY.
COME ON, SON. LET'S
GET THIS LAST BOX.
WHAT THE HECK IS IN THIS THING?
HEY! WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?
SON, COME HERE.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED
BY THE BRADY BUNCH.
UH, WHO ARE YOU? HE'S A BUM.
I AIN'T NO BUM. I'M AN
INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR...
WHO SOLICITS DONATIONS AND
INVESTMENTS IN A FRESH AIR ENVIRONMENT.
THAT'S WHAT I SAID. HE'S A BUM.
THE MOVERS MUST'VE
PICKED UP HIS BOX BY MISTAKE.
HEY, MISTER, THIS AIN'T NO BOX.
THIS IS MY HOUSE,
AND I LIVE HERE.
YOU HAVE TRANSPORTED
IT AGAINST ITS WILL.
YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LEGAL
FIRM OF ERNEST AND JULIO GALLO.
I SMELL A LAWSUIT.
I SMELL SOMETHING
WORSE THAN THAT.
OH, THAT'S MY NEW
LINE OF TOILET WATER.
YOU KNOW, LIKE CHER
HAS "UNINHIBITED"?
WELL, MINE IS
CALLED "UNFLUSHED."
WELL, WHATEVER IT IS,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE.
HONEY, IT IS OUR FAULT THAT
HE'S HERE, AFTER ALL. THAT'S RIGHT.
HE IS A HUMAN
BEING. THAT'S RIGHT.
SO? TRUE.
SO LET'S SHOW HIM A
LITTLE CHARITY, HUH?
YEAH, SHOW A LITTLE CHARITY.
OKAY. HE CAN STAY TONIGHT, BUT HE
GOES BACK TO THE CITY IN THE MORNING.
GOOD MAN. GOOD MAN. HEY. I
THINK YOUR WIFE GOT A CRUSH ON ME.
Y'ALL JUST GO AHEAD AND DO WHAT Y'ALL
NORMALLY DO. PRETEND I'M NOT EVEN HERE.
JUST GO ON AND DO WHAT
YOU WOULD NORMALLY DO.
ACTUALLY, WE WERE ABOUT TO HAVE DINNER.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BREAK BREAD WITH US?
I DON'T MIND IF I DO.
I JUST BROKE WIND.
OH, Y'ALL SIT DOWN AND
EAT, HUH? IS THAT THE THING?
OH, THIS IS SOME NEW STUFF HERE. LOOK, I
WANT Y'ALL TO KNOW I AIN'T NO FREELOADER.
I AIN'T JUST GONNA EAT UP YOUR FOOD. I
WANNA CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING TO THIS MEAL.
NOW, I'VE BEEN USING
THIS PIECE OF BOLOGNA...
TO PLUG UP THE HOLE IN MY SHOE.
BUT SINCE THIS IS A SPECIAL OCCASION,
YOU GO AHEAD AND FRY THAT UP.
HOW THOUGHTFUL.
OH, I GOT SOME DOUGHNUTS TOO.
UH, WE'RE NOT HUNGRY.
LET'S UNPACK SOME MORE.
I'VE GOT SOME HOMEWORK. DAD,
CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY MATH?
I'M VERY BUSY, SON. MAYBE
A LITTLE LATER, OKAY?
HEY, LET ME HANDLE THAT.
I DID ALL RIGHT IN
THE MATH CLASS.
HEY, LOOK HERE, JUNIOR. SAY YOU
GOT THREE BOOGERS OVER HERE.
AND YOU GOT... FOUR AND A
HALF BOOGERS OVER HERE.
NOW, I WIPE THREE OF
'EM OFF ON THIS PLATE.
- WHAT DO YOU GOT?
- FIVE?
NO. A BAD COLD.
A BAD COLD. WHAT DO YOU
KNOW? IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED.
HERE WE GO, BILLY.
GOOD NIGHT. 'NIGHT, BILLY.
DON'T LET THE BOOGEYMAN GET YOU.
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, THE
BATHROOM IS RIGHT DOWN THE HALL.
OH, NO. THAT'S OKAY. I'M
USING MY OWN FACILITIES.
OH, THAT'S IT. HE'S
GOING BACK TO THE CITY!
YOU JUST FIT IT IN LIKE THAT.
THAT'S IT. YOU'RE GOING BACK.
HOW AM I GONNA GET BACK
TO THE CITY? HOLD THAT FOR ME.
NO. JUST TAKE $20. TAKE
A CAB OR SOMETHING.
TWENTY DOLLARS? WHAT ABOUT MY
HOUSE? YOU DESTROYED MY PROPERTY.
HERE'S ANOTHER
20. BUY A NEW HOUSE.
WHAT ABOUT MY EMOTIONAL
DISTRESS AND LOSS OF INCOME?
THAT'S A HUNDRED DOLLARS.
WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST LEAVE?
HEY, LISTEN. DO ME A FAVOR.
GIVE THAT TO THE KID FOR ME.
I'LL LEAVE IT RIGHT
THERE. OH, YEAH.
♪ YOU GOT WHAT I NEED ♪♪
YO. KEENAN'S BEEN
DISSED AND DISMISSED.
I'M RUNNING THINGS NOW.
IT'S MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE
FROM STRONG ISLAND, UH,
OFF THE ELEKTRA RECORDS, THESE
ARE THE LEADERS OF THE NEW SCHOOL.
GIVE IT UP.
♪ IT'S JUST ANOTHER
CASE OF THAT OLD P.T.A. ♪
CHECK IT OUT. ♪ IN SCHOOL I WROTE NOTES
AND TOOK QUOTES FROM SHAKESPEARE ♪
- ♪ AND OTHER TYPES OF RHYMES
TO SHOW YOU THAT I ♪
- ♪ CARE ♪
♪ BUT THINGS LIKE TOGETHER FOREVER
TO YOU'RE MY ONLY ONE ♪ ♪ ONLY ONE ♪
♪ IT WAS SPECIAL I CAN
SAY IT WAS ANOTHER ONE ♪
♪ YOU WOULD SAY SOMEONE'S KNOCKING
AT MY WINDOW ♪ ♪ KNOCK, KNOCK ♪
♪ SOMEONE'S RINGING MY BELL ♪
♪ DING-DONG ♪
♪ YO, IT'S ABOUT 2:00 IN THE MORNING
♪ ♪ WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON ♪
♪ IT'S JUST ANOTHER
CASE OF THAT OLD P.T.A. ♪
♪ BUT NEVERTHELESS, HERE
GOES TO SHOW MY POTENTIAL ♪
♪ EVEN THOUGH OUR LOVE
WAS THREE-DIMENSIONAL ♪
♪ ONE ♪
♪ ME ♪
♪ TWO THREE ♪ ♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOUR POPS ♪
♪ NOW WHAT AM I TO DO ♪
♪ I HAD TO TRANSFORM
INTO AN EDUCATED LAD ♪
♪ GOIN' AROUND DOING
CHORES FOR YOUR DAD ♪
♪ PLAYING A DUCK WEARING
SWEATERS AND SHOES ♪
♪ CHILLIN' WITH POPS
JUST LISTEN TO THE BLUES ♪
♪ TALKIN' TO YOUR MOM ABOUT
A LOVE FOR HER DAUGHTER ♪
♪ SUGGESTING TO ME THAT I JUST
OUGHTA WATCH MYSELF ♪ ♪ INCH BY INCH ♪
♪ WATCH MYSELF ♪
♪ AND USE SOME SENSE ♪
♪ SO I DID IT DIDN'T DO A
DAMN THING ♪ ♪ HEY ♪
♪ BUT A CASE TO
COMPLAIN SO NOW I SING ♪
♪ IT'S JUST ANOTHER
CASE OF THAT OLD P.T.A. ♪
♪ BUSTA RHYMES THE
MIGHTY INFAMOUS ♪
♪ ALWAYS MISBEHAVIN'
AND I'M MISCHIEVOUS ♪
♪ CAUSIN' AGGRAVATION
I WILL NEVER PAUSE ♪
♪ PUSHIN' OUT SPITBALLS THROUGH
PLASTIC STRAWS ♪ ♪ IN CLASS ♪
♪ UNTIL I GOT CAUGHT AT LAST FOR
LIGHTEN' UP THE COURTYARD GRASS ♪
♪ TEACHER, TEACHER
DON'T TRY TO FRISK ♪
♪ BUSTA RHYMES ABOUT
TO GET A COMPLEX ♪
♪ IN CLASS, KICKED IT TO
THIS GIRL, CHERYL ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ THE TEACHER TRIED TO TELL
ME I WAS FERAL ♪ ♪ NO, NO, NO ♪
♪ NOT WITH DETENTION
NOR WITH SUSPENSION ♪♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
- ♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENAN IVORY WAYANS.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
GLAD YOU COULD JOIN US TONIGHT.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LOT OF FUN.
A FEW SURPRISES. SO EVEN IF YOU
GOTTA GO, HOLD IT FOR ABOUT A HALF.
WE'LL BE BACK. SEE YA.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
TIRED OF MAKING UP LAME EXCUSES?
DON'T YOU WANNA
CUDDLE? BABY NEEDS A HUG.
I CAN'T HUG YOU RIGHT
NOW. I'M STILL SLEEPING.
IS POSTCOITAL CUDDLING
BRINGING YOU DOWN?
SEE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I GOT TO BE
SOMEWHERE AT 6:00 TOMORROW MORNING.
THEN I'LL LEAVE WITH YOU.
NO. BUT, UH, YOU
CAN'T LEAVE WITH ME,
'CAUSE MY CAR WAS IN AN ACCIDENT
AND IT ONLY HAS ONE SEAT LEFT.
THEN I'LL SIT ON
YOUR LAP. UH, LISTEN.
NOW, I DIDN'T WANNA HAVE TO
TELL YOU THIS, AND IT'S TOP SECRET.
I'M ON A MISSION FOR THE
C.I.A. I HAVE TO TRAVEL ALONE.
IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.
BUT IF YOU DIE, I
DON'T WANNA LIVE.
GEEZ, WHAT DO I HAVE
TO DO TO GET RID OF HER?
SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED THE
EJECTOR BED FROM RUDECO.
YES, IT'S SIMPLE TO OPERATE AND CAN EJECT
UP TO 2,000 POUNDS IN A SINGLE THRUST.
OH, WOW. THIS NEVER
HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.
I GUESS I MUST'VE BEEN
UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.
MAYBE SOME FRESH AIR MIGHT HELP.
YES, THE EJECTOR BED.
YOUR BEST FRIEND
IN A STICKY SITUATION.
HONEY, I'M HOME.
IT'S MY WIFE. OH, NO!
WHERE WILL I HIDE?
DON'T GET CAUGHT WITHOUT ONE.
THE EJECTOR BED FROM RUDECO.
EJECTOR DESK AND EJECTOR
CHAIR SOLD SEPARATELY.
YES! ALL RIGHT, GUYS. GUYS!
BENNY, NOW SINCE IT'S YOUR
LAST NIGHT OF FREEDOM...
THE GUYS THOUGHT YOU SHOULD
HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.
- WHAT THE...
- SURPRISE, BENNY!
FRENCHIE HAS "ARRIVAYED"!
HEY, AND IT'S A GOOD
THING, "MON SOUP DE JOURS,"
'CAUSE ON THE WAY IN
HERE, THEY HAD THIS LITTLE
SKINNY GIRL WITH A HALF
A PAIR OF DRAWERS ON.
I SAID, "WOMAN, DON'T YOU KNOW THIS IS A
BACHELOR PARTY?" SENT HER HOME, MAN.
WHAT? YOU DID WHAT?
WHO IS THIS GUY?
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
THE NAME IS LEONARD, BUT ALL
MY FRIENDS CALL ME "FRENCHIE."
'CAUSE I'M HIP, I'M SLICK AND ALL
THE WOMEN LOVE MY EIGHT TRACKS.
- GOTCHA!
- MAN, HOW THE HELL
DID YOU FIND ME AGAIN!
OH, WELL, IT WASN'T EASY. I HAD
TO FOLLOW EVERY CATERER IN TOWN.
THERE'S ABOUT 457 OF 'EM.
FINALLY, I TRACKED
DOWN THE GUY FROM
SAMURAI SUSHI, FOLLOWED
HIM RIGHT OVER HERE.
SAMURAI SUSHI? THAT'S RIGHT.
- SO-SO WAIT A MINUTE. WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
- WELL, "MON FRUSEN GLADJE,"
THEY WAS ABOUT TO
BRING Y'ALL SOME RAW FISH.
I SAID, "HEY, LITTLE CHINAMAN, YOU
BETTER GET YOUR BUTT IN THE KITCHEN...
"AND PUT SOME CORNMEAL
ON THAT AND FRY IT UP RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND DON'T
YOU FORGET THE HOT SAUCE."
FRENCHIE! HEY, HEY, HEY. DON'T
WORRY, "MON LEAN CUISINE."
IN THE MEANTIME, I GOT PORK
RINDS AND PIG FEET FOR EVERYBODY.
COME ON, MAN. EAT UP, Y'ALL.
MAN, COME ON. BENNY,
JUST FORGET THAT CLOWN.
NOW YOU GOT TO THINK HOW BEAUTIFUL
KAREN IS GONNA LOOK TOMORROW.
SHE'D BETTER. IT
COST ME A FORTUNE.
- HER DRESS BY DIOR.
- MM-HMM.
HER DIAMOND, CARTIER.
AND HER HAIR, SASSOON.
HEY, MAN. WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA LOOK
GOOD, YOU GOT TO SPEND THE MONEY.
MY SUIT FROM PIGGLY WIGGLY.
MY SHOES, THEY FROM FAYVA,
AND MY HAIR DONE
BY WORLD OF CURLS.
YEAH, UH, LOOK, HOW
ABOUT A MOVIE, GUYS?
HEY, SAY NO MORE. SAY NO MORE.
I GOT THE TAPE
RIGHT HERE, Y'ALL.
NOW THIS HERE'S A REAL
MAN FILM. GO ON, PUT IT ON.
OH, HERE YOU GO. ♪♪
HEY, FRENCHIE, SHE'S NOT BAD.
THE GOOD STUFF'S ON
THE WAY NOW. RIGHT THERE.
WHAT THE HELL IS
THIS? DISCO GODFATHER?
THAT'S RIGHT. RUDY RAY MOORE
AT HIS BEST. RUDY RAY MOORE?
HE'S THE WRITER, DIRECTOR
AND CHOREOGRAPHER.
MAN, I'M TELLING YOU. CAN'T NOBODY DO
THE ROBOT LIKE RUDY RAY MOORE, MAN.
MAN, YOU'RE OUTTA
YOUR MIND. UH, GUYS.
UH, I GUESS IT'S
TIME FOR A TOAST.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS. NOW,
YOU GUYS ALL KNOW...
ON OUR FRESHMAN YEAR AT HARVARD,
BENNY AND I BOUGHT A BOTTLE
OF 1952 DOM PERIGNON. WHOO!
NOW HERE'S THE DEAL. WE SWORE NOT TO OPEN
THIS BOTTLE UNTIL ONE OF US GOT MARRIED.
AND YOU BEAT ME.
CONGRATULATIONS.
SO HERE IT IS MA... HEY, WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE CHAMPAGNE?
OH, THE CHAMP... OH, MAN, I
THREW THAT OLD STUFF OUT, MAN.
MY FRIEND BENNY CAN'T
DRINK NOTHING FROM 1950.
THAT'S THE BEST...
1991 COLD DUCK.
WHAT? YOU POURED
IT OUT? DECEMBER.
HEY, DON'T THANK ME.
IT WAS MY "PLEAZIRAY."
'CAUSE I'M HIP, SLICK AND ALL
THE WOMEN LOVE MY TYPING SKILLS.
MAN. HE'S GONNA GET IT. AW, LISTEN.
DON'T WORRY... BENNY, COME ON.
DON'T WORRY. AT LEAST
YOU STILL GOT YOUR GIFT.
WHOO! NOW THAT
WAS "TRES EPILADY."
BUT I GOT YOU SOMETHING THAT YOU
CAN REALLY USE. CHECK IT OUT, BENNY.
THAT'S FROM ME TO YOU.
HEY. HEY. A MERCEDES EMBLEM.
THIS WILL GO GOOD WITH MY CAR.
WELL, IT IS OFF YOUR
CAR. I HIT IT ON THE WAY IN.
BUT THE CHAIN IS MY IDEA. WHAT!
YOU CURL KING, GET OUT OF
MY HOUSE! GET OUT OF HERE!
OH, COME ON, JACQUES COUSTEAU.
DON'T BE SO GREY POUPON.
OH, COME ON! KING COBRA,
YOU'RE OUT OF HERE! COME ON!
GET OUT OF HERE! GET
OUT OF HERE! BUT, BENNY.
- HI! IS FRENCHIE HERE?
- COME ON IN,
"MON PETIT CROUTONS."
- FRENCHIE, WHO ARE THESE WOMEN?
- THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO
EXPLAIN TO YOU, BENNY.
THE LITTLE GIRL IN THE
HALF-PAIR OF DRAWERS,
I TOLD HER ONE WASN'T
GONNA BE ENOUGH.
I TOLD HER GO HOME
AND GET HER FRIENDS.
THAT'S RIGHT. 'CAUSE I'M HIP, I'M
SLICK AND ALL THE WOMEN LOVE MY...
Y'ALL FILL IT IN. COME ON NOW!
HIT THAT BOX! ♪♪
WORK IT OUT. ♪ THE ROOF,
THE ROOF THE ROOF IS ON FIRE ♪
♪ WE DON'T NEED NO WATER LET
THE MOTHER MOTHER BURN ♪♪
♪♪
HAVE YOU RECENTLY BEEN INJURED?
WERE YOU FULLY
COMPENSATED FOR ALL DAMAGES?
CHANCES ARE SOMEBODY
GOT AWAY WITH MURDER.
AT THE LAW OFFICES
OF LONNIE PARKER,
THEY SPECIALIZE IN
PERSONAL INJURY CLAIMS.
HI. I'M LONNIE PARKER.
AND IT'S MY JOB TO SEE THAT
YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE.
LONNIE PARKER GOT ME
600,000 FOR MY ACCIDENT.
THANKS, LONNIE.
LONNIE PARKER GOT MY
HUSBAND ONE MILLION DOLLARS,
AND I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.
THANKS, LONNIE.
LONNIE GOT ME FOUR MILLION
FOR MY ACCIDENT. THANKS, LONNIE.
THANK YOU. IF YOU'VE
BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT,
OR ARE GOING TO BE IN AN
ACCIDENT, PLEASE GIVE ME A CALL.
I PROMISE TO GET YOU FULL
VALUE FOR YOUR TRAGEDY.
HABLEMOS ESPAÑOL.
CALL 555-L-O-N-Y.
LONNIE. THAT'S ME.
AND I'LL... SEE THAT YOU
GET CASH FOR YOUR CRASH.
CALL NOW, 555-LONY AND
GET CASH FOR YOUR CRASH.
♪ FLY GIRL ♪
♪ FLY GIRL ♪
- ♪ FLY GIRL ♪
- ♪ YEAH ♪
♪♪
NOW BACK TO THE COMEDY
STYLINGS OF LES AND WES RAWLS.
OTHER KIDS WERE
AFRAID OF THE DARK,
WE WERE AFRAID OF
LOUD, RIPPING NOISES.
YEAH. AND WE DIDN'T DRINK
MILK, WE DRANK HALF-AND-HALF.
THAT'S HALF-AND-HALF BECAUSE
WE'RE TWINS. WE'RE SIAM...
REMEMBER THOSE FIGHTS
IN THE CAR, HUH? YEAH.
HEY, MOM, LES'S
KIDNEYS ARE ON MY HALF.
OUR FAVORITE SHOW IS TWIN PEAKS.
I DIDN'T EVEN GET
IT OUT. TWIN PEAKS.
WE'RE TWINS. DID I
MENTION WE'RE SIAMESE...
BUT THE WORSE THING WAS WHEN
HE HAD HIS GROWTH SPURT FIRST.
I MEAN, MY FEET DIDN'T TOUCH
THE GROUND FOR TWO YEARS.
THANK YOU AND GOOD
NIGHT. YOU'VE BEEN BEAUTIFUL.
MINE DID!
WE KILLED, MAN. WE
KILLED! THEY LOVED US, MAN.
NO. I KILLED, YOU
DIED. LOOK AT YOU.
YOU KNOW, I'M GETTING
TIRED OF CARRYING YOU.
"CARRYING YOU." THAT'S
FUNNY. THAT'S A NEW JOKE.
THAT'S GREAT. WE CAN USE THAT
IN THE ACT. WE'LL OPEN WITH...
LES. LES. I MEAN IT. WHAT?
I'M TIRED OF YOUR LAME JOKES.
I'M TIRED OF THESE CRUMMY CLUBS.
I'M TIRED OF YOU PASSING
GAS AND BLAMING ME.
I'VE GOT A NERVOUS
STOMACH. MY HALF.
I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT. I'M TIRED OF THESE
CLEANING BILLS. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING THAT I'M
SPLITTING UP THE ACT.
SPLITTING UP THE ACT, MAN? I
DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE'RE A TEAM.
WES, YOU NEED ME LIKE
ABBOTT NEEDS COSTELLO, MAN.
I NEED YOU LIKE
MICHAEL NEEDS TITO.
HE DOES. WHO'S GONNA
WATCH THE MONKEY?
FORGET IT, LES. I
MADE UP MY MIND.
I'M GOIN' SOLO. YEAH? WELL, LET'S
SEE HOW FAR YOU GET WITHOUT ME.
HI, EVERYBODY. I'M JOHN
TESH. I'M LEEZA GIBBONS.
WELCOME BACK TO
ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT.
NEXT UP, COMEDIAN WES RAWLS,
WHO'S JOINING US VIA SATELLITE...
FROM THE SET OF HIS NEW MOVIE
WITH DIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBERG.
THANKS FOR JOINING US, WES. WELL,
THANKS FOR HAVING ME, LEEZA AND JOHN.
I JUST WANT TO SAY WORKING WITH
STEVIE IS REALLY AN EXPERIENCE.
NOW, WES, IN MOMENT HERE, WE'RE GONNA SHOW
OUR FOLKS AT HOME A CLIP FROM YOUR MOVIE.
BUT, FIRST, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT THAT
OTHER GUY THAT YOU USED TO WORK WITH.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HIM? WELL,
THAT GUY WAS ACTUALLY MY BROTHER.
AND, UH, WE DON'T REALLY
KEEP IN TOUCH ANYMORE.
BUT, I'M SURE WHEREVER
HE IS, HIS HEART IS WITH ME.
I KNOW MINE'S WITH HIM.
WHERE ARE WE? WHERE ARE WE?
WES, WE SEEM TO BE GETTING
SOME STATIC ON THE LINE HERE.
IT'S REALLY BIG OF YOU THAT
YOU NEVER HELD A GRUDGE.
- WAS IT A PAINFUL PARTING?
- YEAH.
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY
IT REALLY TORE ME UP.
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED. THE
DOCTOR SAID I SHOULD STAY IN BED.
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? WELL, YOU KNOW,
I'M SURE YOU COULD CRACK US UP ALL NIGHT.
BUT WHY DON'T WE TAKE THIS TIME TO
ROLL THAT CLIP FROM YOUR NEW MOVIE.
HE WAS JUST ONE MAN AGAINST
THE WORLD OF ORGANIZED CRIME.
FORTUNATELY, WES RAWLS
PREFERS TO FIGHT ALONE.
OH, THAT HURT.
AND, FORTUNATELY, WES
RAWLS PREFERS TO KILL ALONE.
WES RAWLS IS LONE WOLF.
WESSIE? YES, PUMPKIN?
WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO YOUR BROTHER?
I MEAN, YOU SHOULD
REALLY TRY TO TALK TO HIM.
YEAH. BROTHERS
REALLY SHOULDN'T FIGHT.
OH, I GUESS YOU GUYS ARE
RIGHT. I MEAN, IT WAS KIND OF SILLY.
I TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,
I'LL GIVE HIM A CALL. PROMISE.
BUT I TELL YOU WHAT. FOR RIGHT
NOW, LET'S GET BACK TO BUSINESS.
SHALL WE?
YEAH.
JUST LET ME CORRECT
THIS FOR A SECOND...
LES, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I THOUGHT
I TOLD YOU TO FILL THE FRENCH FRY BIN.
I WAS GETTING READY... LOOK
AT THIS. THE COFFEE'S COLD.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE
THE MOP WATER. I WOULD'VE...
THE WHOLE DINING AREA SMELLS
LIKE SOUR MILK AND PICKLE JUICE.
I GOT MY SHOES OFF. WHAT ARE YOU OPERATING
ON, HALF A BRAIN? GET IT TOGETHER.
I'M AN IDIOT, SIR. I'M
STUPID. I'M SORRY.
BURGERS ARE WILD.
THIS IS LES SPEAKING. HOW
MAY I HELP YOU? I'M WILD
TO TAKE YOUR ORDER.
LES. YES?
LES, IT'S ME. WES, IS THAT YOU?
YEAH, MAN. WHY
ARE YOU CALLING ME?
WELL, I'VE BEEN THINKING. YOU
KNOW, WE SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING.
I MEAN, WE'RE BROTHERS. WE
SHOULD STICK TOGETHER, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL, WES. HEY.
YEAH? I THINK I EVEN FOUND A
WAY WE CAN WORK TOGETHER AGAIN.
GET THE DOOR.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. JUST
CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN.
HE'LL SIGN EVERYBODY'S
AUTOGRAPH. JUST GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
JUST BE PATIENT.
I GUESS I CAN SAY I'M YOUR RIGHT-HAND
MAN ON THE LEFT SIDE, HUH, WES?
YEAH, KID. BUT, LOOK, UH, IN
PUBLIC, IT'S MR. RAWLS, OKAY?
YES, SIR, MR. RAWLS.
DON'T TOUCH HIM.
GET THE BAGS, WILL
YA? GET THE LUGGAGE.
I'M SORRY. I SHOULD'VE LEFT
YOU FLIPPING BURGERS. COME ON!
I'M SORRY, SIR. I GO IN
FIRST, NOT THE BAGS.
COME ON. YES, SIR.
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE
OUR NEW HOUSE, HONEY?
OH, IT'S SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT
CRAMPED APARTMENT IN THE CITY.
COME ON, SON. LET'S
GET THIS LAST BOX.
WHAT THE HECK IS IN THIS THING?
HEY! WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?
SON, COME HERE.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED
BY THE BRADY BUNCH.
UH, WHO ARE YOU? HE'S A BUM.
I AIN'T NO BUM. I'M AN
INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR...
WHO SOLICITS DONATIONS AND
INVESTMENTS IN A FRESH AIR ENVIRONMENT.
THAT'S WHAT I SAID. HE'S A BUM.
THE MOVERS MUST'VE
PICKED UP HIS BOX BY MISTAKE.
HEY, MISTER, THIS AIN'T NO BOX.
THIS IS MY HOUSE,
AND I LIVE HERE.
YOU HAVE TRANSPORTED
IT AGAINST ITS WILL.
YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LEGAL
FIRM OF ERNEST AND JULIO GALLO.
I SMELL A LAWSUIT.
I SMELL SOMETHING
WORSE THAN THAT.
OH, THAT'S MY NEW
LINE OF TOILET WATER.
YOU KNOW, LIKE CHER
HAS "UNINHIBITED"?
WELL, MINE IS
CALLED "UNFLUSHED."
WELL, WHATEVER IT IS,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE.
HONEY, IT IS OUR FAULT THAT
HE'S HERE, AFTER ALL. THAT'S RIGHT.
HE IS A HUMAN
BEING. THAT'S RIGHT.
SO? TRUE.
SO LET'S SHOW HIM A
LITTLE CHARITY, HUH?
YEAH, SHOW A LITTLE CHARITY.
OKAY. HE CAN STAY TONIGHT, BUT HE
GOES BACK TO THE CITY IN THE MORNING.
GOOD MAN. GOOD MAN. HEY. I
THINK YOUR WIFE GOT A CRUSH ON ME.
Y'ALL JUST GO AHEAD AND DO WHAT Y'ALL
NORMALLY DO. PRETEND I'M NOT EVEN HERE.
JUST GO ON AND DO WHAT
YOU WOULD NORMALLY DO.
ACTUALLY, WE WERE ABOUT TO HAVE DINNER.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BREAK BREAD WITH US?
I DON'T MIND IF I DO.
I JUST BROKE WIND.
OH, Y'ALL SIT DOWN AND
EAT, HUH? IS THAT THE THING?
OH, THIS IS SOME NEW STUFF HERE. LOOK, I
WANT Y'ALL TO KNOW I AIN'T NO FREELOADER.
I AIN'T JUST GONNA EAT UP YOUR FOOD. I
WANNA CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING TO THIS MEAL.
NOW, I'VE BEEN USING
THIS PIECE OF BOLOGNA...
TO PLUG UP THE HOLE IN MY SHOE.
BUT SINCE THIS IS A SPECIAL OCCASION,
YOU GO AHEAD AND FRY THAT UP.
HOW THOUGHTFUL.
OH, I GOT SOME DOUGHNUTS TOO.
UH, WE'RE NOT HUNGRY.
LET'S UNPACK SOME MORE.
I'VE GOT SOME HOMEWORK. DAD,
CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY MATH?
I'M VERY BUSY, SON. MAYBE
A LITTLE LATER, OKAY?
HEY, LET ME HANDLE THAT.
I DID ALL RIGHT IN
THE MATH CLASS.
HEY, LOOK HERE, JUNIOR. SAY YOU
GOT THREE BOOGERS OVER HERE.
AND YOU GOT... FOUR AND A
HALF BOOGERS OVER HERE.
NOW, I WIPE THREE OF
'EM OFF ON THIS PLATE.
- WHAT DO YOU GOT?
- FIVE?
NO. A BAD COLD.
A BAD COLD. WHAT DO YOU
KNOW? IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED.
HERE WE GO, BILLY.
GOOD NIGHT. 'NIGHT, BILLY.
DON'T LET THE BOOGEYMAN GET YOU.
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, THE
BATHROOM IS RIGHT DOWN THE HALL.
OH, NO. THAT'S OKAY. I'M
USING MY OWN FACILITIES.
OH, THAT'S IT. HE'S
GOING BACK TO THE CITY!
YOU JUST FIT IT IN LIKE THAT.
THAT'S IT. YOU'RE GOING BACK.
HOW AM I GONNA GET BACK
TO THE CITY? HOLD THAT FOR ME.
NO. JUST TAKE $20. TAKE
A CAB OR SOMETHING.
TWENTY DOLLARS? WHAT ABOUT MY
HOUSE? YOU DESTROYED MY PROPERTY.
HERE'S ANOTHER
20. BUY A NEW HOUSE.
WHAT ABOUT MY EMOTIONAL
DISTRESS AND LOSS OF INCOME?
THAT'S A HUNDRED DOLLARS.
WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST LEAVE?
HEY, LISTEN. DO ME A FAVOR.
GIVE THAT TO THE KID FOR ME.
I'LL LEAVE IT RIGHT
THERE. OH, YEAH.
♪ YOU GOT WHAT I NEED ♪♪
YO. KEENAN'S BEEN
DISSED AND DISMISSED.
I'M RUNNING THINGS NOW.
IT'S MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE
FROM STRONG ISLAND, UH,
OFF THE ELEKTRA RECORDS, THESE
ARE THE LEADERS OF THE NEW SCHOOL.
GIVE IT UP.
♪ IT'S JUST ANOTHER
CASE OF THAT OLD P.T.A. ♪
CHECK IT OUT. ♪ IN SCHOOL I WROTE NOTES
AND TOOK QUOTES FROM SHAKESPEARE ♪
- ♪ AND OTHER TYPES OF RHYMES
TO SHOW YOU THAT I ♪
- ♪ CARE ♪
♪ BUT THINGS LIKE TOGETHER FOREVER
TO YOU'RE MY ONLY ONE ♪ ♪ ONLY ONE ♪
♪ IT WAS SPECIAL I CAN
SAY IT WAS ANOTHER ONE ♪
♪ YOU WOULD SAY SOMEONE'S KNOCKING
AT MY WINDOW ♪ ♪ KNOCK, KNOCK ♪
♪ SOMEONE'S RINGING MY BELL ♪
♪ DING-DONG ♪
♪ YO, IT'S ABOUT 2:00 IN THE MORNING
♪ ♪ WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON ♪
♪ IT'S JUST ANOTHER
CASE OF THAT OLD P.T.A. ♪
♪ BUT NEVERTHELESS, HERE
GOES TO SHOW MY POTENTIAL ♪
♪ EVEN THOUGH OUR LOVE
WAS THREE-DIMENSIONAL ♪
♪ ONE ♪
♪ ME ♪
♪ TWO THREE ♪ ♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOUR POPS ♪
♪ NOW WHAT AM I TO DO ♪
♪ I HAD TO TRANSFORM
INTO AN EDUCATED LAD ♪
♪ GOIN' AROUND DOING
CHORES FOR YOUR DAD ♪
♪ PLAYING A DUCK WEARING
SWEATERS AND SHOES ♪
♪ CHILLIN' WITH POPS
JUST LISTEN TO THE BLUES ♪
♪ TALKIN' TO YOUR MOM ABOUT
A LOVE FOR HER DAUGHTER ♪
♪ SUGGESTING TO ME THAT I JUST
OUGHTA WATCH MYSELF ♪ ♪ INCH BY INCH ♪
♪ WATCH MYSELF ♪
♪ AND USE SOME SENSE ♪
♪ SO I DID IT DIDN'T DO A
DAMN THING ♪ ♪ HEY ♪
♪ BUT A CASE TO
COMPLAIN SO NOW I SING ♪
♪ IT'S JUST ANOTHER
CASE OF THAT OLD P.T.A. ♪
♪ BUSTA RHYMES THE
MIGHTY INFAMOUS ♪
♪ ALWAYS MISBEHAVIN'
AND I'M MISCHIEVOUS ♪
♪ CAUSIN' AGGRAVATION
I WILL NEVER PAUSE ♪
♪ PUSHIN' OUT SPITBALLS THROUGH
PLASTIC STRAWS ♪ ♪ IN CLASS ♪
♪ UNTIL I GOT CAUGHT AT LAST FOR
LIGHTEN' UP THE COURTYARD GRASS ♪
♪ TEACHER, TEACHER
DON'T TRY TO FRISK ♪
♪ BUSTA RHYMES ABOUT
TO GET A COMPLEX ♪
♪ IN CLASS, KICKED IT TO
THIS GIRL, CHERYL ♪ ♪ WHAT ♪
♪ THE TEACHER TRIED TO TELL
ME I WAS FERAL ♪ ♪ NO, NO, NO ♪
♪ NOT WITH DETENTION
NOR WITH SUSPENSION ♪♪