In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 15 - My Dark Conscience - full transcript
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WE GOT A GREAT...
WE GOT, UH... WE GOT
A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT.
SOME GREAT COMEDY,
SOME MUSIC. UM...
AND AS ALWAYS, WE
GOT... THE FLY GIRLS. UH...
YOU KNOW, I'M A GUY WHO REALLY
BELIEVES IN HIRING HIS FAMILY.
YOU KNOW I HAVE MY BROTHERS
AND SISTERS ON THIS SHOW.
BUT, UM, NO MATTER HOW MUCH
YOU LOVE YOUR GRANDPARENTS,
NEVER HIRE 'EM AS
A BOOM OPERATOR.
ARE YOU OKAY, KEENEN?
I'M JUST FINE, GRANDMA.
JUST FINE. WE'LL JUST LET
THIS BE THE LAST WEEK, OKAY?
UP YOURS. I'M IN THE UNION NOW.
SW1, KICK IT!
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
OH, GIRL, YOU ALMOST
GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK,
SNEAKING UP ON ME LIKE THAT.
I AIN'T NEVER SEEN
YOU HERE BEFORE.
OH, HI, GIRL. MY NAME IS
BENITA BUTRELL, MM-HMM.
BEEN HERE IN THESE HOPKINS
PROJECTS OVER 18 YEARS.
YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN HAVING A RASH
OF ROBBERIES GOING ON AROUND HERE,
SO US CONCERNED TENANTS DECIDED
TO ORGANIZE THIS HERE TENANT PATROL.
OH, LOOK! THERE GOES EASTERLY.
SHE THE ONE THAT SUGGESTED
I BE THE BLOCK CAPTAIN.
SHE LIKE A SISTER TO ME.
EASTERLY! HEY, EASTERLY!
IT'S ME... BEEBEE!
GIRL, I SEE WHY YOUR
MAMA CALL YOU EASTERLY.
WITH THAT PERFUME YOU'RE WEARING, SMELL
LIKE A BASKET OF FRESH EASTER FLOWERS.
A BASKET OF ROTTEN EASTER
EGGS IS MORE LIKE IT, MM-HMM.
GIRL THINK ALL SHE GOT
TO DO IS THROW SOME
PERFUME ON TOP OF STANK
AND EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
SMELLS SO FUNKY, YOU CAN
SMELL HER OVER THE TELEPHONE.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP,
SO YOU AIN'T HEARD IT FROM ME.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T. MM-MM.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
OH, LOOKEE THERE! THERE
GO LITTLE RUSSELL THOMAS.
I USED TO BABYSIT HIM WHEN HE
WAS JUST A LITTLE, ITTY-BITTY BABY.
RUSSELL! RUSSELL!
BOY, YOUR MAMA MUST
BE SO PROUD OF YOU.
GIVE HER MY LOVE. HMM!
IF MISS BENITA WAS JUST 15 YEARS
YOUNGER AND HAD ALL MY STRENGTH,
LORD KNOWS WHAT I'D DO.
I'D BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THAT
LITTLE HUSTLER. THAT'S WHAT I'D DO.
I NOTICE YOU SHOOK HIS
HAND. YOU BETTER COUNT
YOUR FINGERS AND MAKE
SURE THEY STILL THERE.
THAT LITTLE ADDICT'S
SO DESPERATE FOR A FIX,
HE'D STEAL THE CRACK
FROM YOUR BEHIND.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T, MM-MM.
YEAH, HONEY, THE WHOLE
NEIGHBORHOOD RUNNING SCARED.
WOMAN OVER IN BUILDING 27 HAD
A GOLD WATCH STOLEN LAST WEEK.
THAT'S WHY YOU GOT TO WEAR
YOUR VALUABLES ON YOU, GIRL.
YOU SEE THIS HERE?
THAT'S A REAL DIAMOND THERE.
YEAH, YOU KNOW I GOT
ROYALTY IN MY BLOOD.
THIS DIAMOND WAS PASSED DOWN
FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION.
USED TO BE THE SIZE
OF AN ICE CUBE, MM-HMM.
FRIENDS WOULD CALL
ME ZSA ZSA BUTRELL.
THEN ONE DAY I WAS
HEATING UP SOME NECK BONES,
MY DIAMOND CAUGHT ON FIRE,
AND THIS WAS ALL I COULD SAVE.
BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT, HONEY, 'CAUSE
UNLIKE THESE OTHER PROJECT BUNNIES,
I'M GONNA HAVE ME SOMETHING.
THAT'S RIGHT, 'CAUSE I'M ENROLLED IN THE
PARKER SCHOOL OF RODENT EXTERMINATION...
AND THE HELICOPTER
PILOTS ACADEMY.
SO MISS BENITA'S
GONNA HAVE. MM-HMM.
OH, LOOKEE THERE.
THERE GO PEABODY SCOTT.
YEAH, PEABODY SCOTT
FROM BUILDING 92.
SEE HE GOT THE WHOLE
BROOD WITH HIM TONIGHT.
PEABODY! P-P-PEABODY!
BOY, SOMEBODY OUGHT TO GIVE
YOU THE FATHER OF THE YEAR AWARD.
MM-HMM. WE NEED MORE MEN
LIKE YOU IN THESE PROJECTS.
ALWAYS GOT THEM
KIDS OUT WITH YOU.
THAT LITTLE ONE OVER
THERE GOT YOUR PERSONALITY.
HIS PERSONALITY AND THE
MAINTENANCE MAN'S EYES.
DAMN FOOL. AIN'T
ONE OF THEM KIDS HIS.
THAT LAST ONE CAME OUT
LOOKING SO MUCH LIKE THE MAILMAN,
PEOPLE WERE STICKING
LETTERS IN HIS DIAPERS.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T. SO WHO
ARE YOU HERE TO SEE?
MRS. JENKINS? OH, LORD!
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
YOU WERE HERE TO SEE MRS. JENKINS?
SHE LIKE A MOTHER TO ME.
I LOVE ME SOME
MRS. JENKINS, HONEY.
DON'T NOBODY BETTER SAY
NOTHING BAD ABOUT MRS. JENKINS...
'CAUSE THAT'S
WHEN BENITA LOSE IT.
THAT'S WHEN BENITA GOES OFF.
THAT'S A FINE WOMAN. FINE WOMAN.
MM-HMM. JUST DON'T LET
HER TAKE HER WIG OFF.
HEAD SO BALD, YOU
CAN SEE HER THOUGHTS.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME!
NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
MISS BENITA, MISS
BENITA. EXCUSE ME.
MISS BENITA, COPS ARE
ALL OUTSIDE YOUR BUILDING.
SOMEONE BROKE IN YOUR APARTMENT.
I KNEW THAT OLD BEADY-EYED
RUSSELL THOMAS WAS UP TO NO GOOD!
GIRL, I GOTS TO GO. THE CHINA
THE QUEEN GAVE ME IS IN THERE.
OOH, LET ME GET MY CHAIR.
♪♪
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE!
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, FREEZE!
EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP! AL
MACAFEE'S ON THE SCENE.
NOW, THAT MEANS NO FONDLING,
HOLDING, HUGGING, CARESSING,
CUDDLING, EMBRACING,
DANCING TOO CLOSE.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A CLEAN
PROM THIS YEAR, PEOPLE.
CONSIDER YOURSELVES
WARNED. CARRY ON.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY, RUTHY. HI, AL.
RUTHY, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU HEARD
MR. MACAFEE'S SPEECH ON LOVE.
IF YOU WERE FOOD,
YOU'D BE MY MUFFIN,
AND IF YOU WERE A TURKEY,
I'D GIVE YOU MY STUFFIN'.
YOU'RE MAKING ME QUEASY, AL.
HERE YOU GO,
RUTH. OH, HEY, BABY.
EXCUSE ME, SON. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HOME ROOM YOU'RE IN,
BUT I'M SURE YOU KNOW THE RULES
ABOUT FRATERNIZING WITH THE TEACHERS.
AL, I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO
MEET MY FIANCÉ, JOHN TYLER.
HEARD A LOT ABOUT
YOU, AL. FIANCÉ?
RUTHY, YOU'RE MAKIN' THE
BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE!
GIVE ME YOUR LOVE, HONEY!
AL! HEY, THAT'LL BE ENOUGH, PAL.
ALL RIGHT, YOU
LITTLE STUD, COME ON!
SHOOT YOUR BEST SHOT, MISTER! FIVE
YEARS OF TAE KWON DO, BABY! COME ON!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
YEAH, YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU
CAN'T HIDE, YOU LITTLE RUNT!
HEY, HEY, HEY! WHAT THE
SAM HILL'S GOIN' ON HERE?
I'M GETTING A GLASS OF PUNCH.
YEAH, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING. I THINK IT'S TIME
YOU HEARD MR. MACAFEE'S
SPEECH ON BOOZE.
DON'T SPIKE THE PUNCH BOWL
'CAUSE IT MAKES YOU PUNCHY!
LET ME GO! BACK TALK,
HUH, LITTLE MISSY?
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE OUT
OF HERE! BUT IT'S MY PROM.
YEAH, TELL IT TO AN A.A. MEETING,
YOU LITTLE LUSH! GET OUT!
BOY, THAT'S GOOD PUNCH.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
HEY, HEY, HEY! HARDISON?
WHERE'S THE FIRE, SON?
MR. MACAFEE, I GOT A
STAIN ON MY FATHER'S TUX.
AND QUITE A NICE LITTLE
OUTFIT IT IS, MY BOY.
IT'S MY FATHER'S TUX, AND HIS
FATHER WORE IT TO HIS PROM TOO.
IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE. IF ANYTHING
HAPPENED TO IT, I'D BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!
WELL, JUST COOL YOUR
JETS, LITTLE MISTER.
LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST GOT A LITTLE
THREAD LOOSE. THERE'S NOTHING ON IT...
MR. MACAFEE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
YOU JUST BROKE THE DRESS CODE!
GET OUT OF HERE! TAKE IT TO
THE PARKING LOT! THAT'S NOT FAIR!
LIFE'S NOT FAIR. GO AHEAD.
HEY, MACAFEE. YOU'RE LOOKING
PRETTY SHARP THERE, BIG GUY.
THANKS A LOT,
BUCKO. HEY, MA-CA-FEE!
IT'S MACAFEE, SON. YOU
ARE DOIN' A GOOD JOB.
HEY, GIMME SOME
SKIN. TAKE A HIKE.
NO GANG SIGNALS ON THE DANCE
FLOOR. GO AHEAD, GET OUT OF HERE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THE
SHOW'S OVER. COME ON.
SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!
MARCY'S CHOKING!
I KNOW THE HEIMLICH
MANEUVER! HEY, HEY, HEY!
ALL RIGHT, BREAK IT UP, YOU TWO!
COME ON, COME ON,
LET HER GO, LET HER GO!
YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU TWO
HEARD MACAFEE'S SPEECH ON TEENAGE SEX.
YOU TWO, YOU'RE ONLY 16.
YOU'RE BOTH STILL YOUNG'UNS.
WAY TOO SOON TO
START YOUR TONGUIN'.
BUT SHE CAN'T BREATHE!
JUST LET HER REST A LITTLE BIT.
AH, THAT'S IT, HONEY. THAT'S
IT. JUST TAKE A LITTLE REST.
ONCE THOSE LOINS COOL
DOWN, YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
HEY, MR. MACAFEE, SOMEBODY'S
SMOKING IN THE BATHROOM!
OUT OF MY WAY, THE
MAC-MAN'S COMING.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, COME ON.
WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?
HEY. OKAY, EVERYBODY!
THE COAST IS CLEAR!
LET'S PARTY!
♪♪
BEFORE WE VOTE ON
YOUR REQUEST FOR PAROLE,
WE DO HAVE SOME QUESTIONS.
DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO
ADJUST TO LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE?
ALLOW ME TO
"PROCTOLOGIZE" MYSELF.
"SUPPOSITORILY" SPEAKING,
MY INCARCERATION HAS
FORCED, YOU UNDERSTAND,
THE VENTILATION OF,
SHALL I SAY, MY DERRIERE,
AND UPON MY DISCHARGE,
I WILL EVACUATE...
EXCUSE ME. "EJACUTATE"...
MY MIND TO THE PROPHYLACTIC
OF THE BOWELS OF SOCIETY.
BUT HOW WOULD YOU
SUPPORT YOURSELF, MR. BATES,
CONSIDERING THAT YOUR
READING COMPREHENSION...
HAS GONE DOWN EVERY YEAR
SINCE YOU'VE BEEN IN PRISON?
A VERY "VAGINATIVE"
PROPOSITION, MY MAN.
THAT IS TO SAY, PROSTITUTION,
PERTAINING TO THE KOTEX, YOU
UNDERSTAND, OF THE ARGUMENT.
I MYSELF HAVE "ENEMAPATIZED"
MY "ILLIQUIDATION,"
THEREFORE, ERGO, I.E.,
THAT IS THE INSTIGATION,
WHICH IS EXCESSIVE
CLEAVAGE, SHALL WE SAY.
SO LET ME "CLARIFLY" OR...
EXCUSE ME... "CLITIFY."
IN OTHER WORDS,
I'D PROBABLY TEACH.
ALL RIGHT, IF THERE ARE NO FURTHER
QUESTIONS, LET US PUT THIS TO A VOTE.
ALL THOSE IN FAVOR
OF PAROLE, VOTE AYE.
AYE.
ALL THOSE OPPOSED, VOTE NAY.
NAY!
I'M SORRY, MR. BATES.
IS THERE ANYTHING
FURTHER YOU'D LIKE TO SAY?
LET ME BE VENEREAL...
IN MY REQUISITION FOR
THIS BODY OF CONGREGATION,
SEE, FOR THE PERSONAL
GRATIFICATION OF MY URETHRA.
AS THE GREEK PHILOSOPHER,
UH, MASSENGILL ONCE DICTATED,
"LICKUS MY PROBISCIS!"
"UNDOUCHE" ME!
I CAN FIND MY OWN DAMNATION
IN TARDY COMPLETION.
♪♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪♪
JUST LIKE THE FILMS CRY
FREEDOM AND A WORLD APART,
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT THE ANGUISH
AND UPHEAVAL OF BLACK SOUTH AFRICA.
I CAN REMEMBER IT AS IF
IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY...
THE DAY THEY BULLDOZED
DOWN MY MAIDSERVANT'S SHACK,
DESTROYED ALL OF HER PROPERTY,
AND SEPARATED HER
FROM HER CHILDREN.
AND ALL OF THIS ON A NIGHT THAT I
HAD PLANNED A FORMAL DINNER FOR 30.
OH, HOW I CRIED.
HOW MANY GIRLS WOULD I HAVE TO
INTERVIEW BEFORE I'D FIND ANOTHER JACINTA?
AND AS THEY TOOK JACINTA
AWAY KICKING AND STRUGGLING,
I FELT AS IF THE POLICE WERE PULLING
ME AWAY KICKING AND STRUGGLING.
I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.
I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
SO I CRIED, AND I TOOK A PICTURE
FOR MY LITTLE SCRAPBOOK OF ANGUISH.
WAIT! WAIT!
AFTER THE POLICE HAD GONE,
I NOTICED THAT THEY HAD
TRAMPLED OVER A BED OF GERANIUMS...
THAT I HAD BEEN PRUNING
SINCE I WAS A CHILD.
I LOOKED DOWN AT THOSE FLOWERS,
AND I SAW THE PAIN OF
BLACK SOUTH AFRICA...
IN ALL OF THOSE BROKEN
STEMS AND WOUNDED PETALS.
I WEPT... UNTIL I REALIZED
THEY WERE PERENNIALS...
AND WOULD BE BACK
AGAIN NEXT SUMMER.
YES, WITH JACINTA GONE, LIFE JUST
WASN'T THE SAME IN JOHANNESBURG.
OH, DID I MENTION THAT I WEPT?
AND AS THE CONDITION OF MY HOUSE
SO DETERIORATED WITHOUT JACINTA,
I BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND
WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE...
TO LIVE IN A BLACK SOUTH
AFRICAN RELOCATION CAMP.
NEXT, AS I ATTEMPTED
TO POLISH MY OWN SILVER,
MY ARMS BEGAN TO ACHE, AND I
COULD FEEL WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE...
TO TOIL LONG, ARDUOUS HOURS...
IN THE WHITE SOUTH
AFRICAN DIAMOND MINES.
IT WAS AT THIS POINT THAT I DECIDED
THAT JACINTA SIMPLY HAD TO BE LIBERATED...
BEFORE MY ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD
ROTTED FROM WITHIN,
THE SAME WAY MINORITY RULE
WAS ROTTING MY CONTINENT.
NO ONE COULD STOP ME NOW.
I WOULD WRITE A LETTER
TO PRESIDENT DE KLERK.
SO I WROTE AND I CRIED.
AND I CRIED AND I WROTE.
AND I WROTE AND I CRIED.
WHO KNOWS? ONE
DAY I MAY EVEN MAIL IT.
MY DARK CONSCIENCE.
A TRUE STORY ABOUT THE PAIN OF
WATCHING SOMEBODY ELSE SUFFER...
AND WANTING TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT,
BUT NOT REALLY WANTING
TO GET INVOLVED...
AND THEN FEELING A LITTLE
GUILTY ABOUT IT, SORT OF.
MY DARK CONSCIENCE.
A FILM THAT COULD WELL BE
COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
THREE FAMOUS BOXERS FOR
FRUIT O' THE LOOM BOXERS.
HI, BOB.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER?
WHO ARE YOU GUYS?
WE'RE THE FRUIT O' THE LOOM BOXERS,
AND WE'RE ECSTATIC TO BE HERE. I'M MIKE.
I'M SUGAR RAY.
AND MY NAME IS, UH...
CONCENTRATE.
NO, NO, IT'S SHORTER THAN THAT.
ALI! MY NAME IS ALI!
I'M AN APPLE BECAUSE I
WAS SO POLISHED IN THE RING.
AND I'M A BANANA BECAUSE I
WAS GOOD TO A RIPE OLD AGE.
WHY ARE YOU A BUNCH OF GRAPES?
BECAUSE SOME BITCH
STOMPED ALL OVER ME.
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT FRUIT
O' THE LOOM BOXER SHORTS?
FOR ONE THING, THEY'RE MADE
OF DOUBLE-STITCHED COTTON.
THAT WAY YOU NEVER HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT BOBBING AND WEAVING.
BOBBING AND WEAVING?
CUT IT OUT, ALI. STOP
BEING LUDICROUS.
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE
ME FORGET MY LINES.
WHAT ARE THESE BOXERS MADE OF?
WELL, THESE ARE THE
NEW DON KING BRAND.
THEY'RE 10 PERCENT COTTON,
90 PERCENT COMMISSION.
AND THEY COME IN SEVERAL SIZES:
MIDDLEWEIGHT, HEAVYWEIGHT,
SUPER HEAVYWEIGHT...
AND GEORGE FOREMAN.
DISPOSABLE SHORTS.
WE LIKE TO CALL THIS
OUR BUSTER DOUGLAS LINE.
THEY'RE GOOD ONLY ONCE,
BUT IF YOU WEAR THEM AGAIN,
THEY FALL DOWN AFTER 10 SECONDS.
OKAY. I'LL TRY THESE
BOXER SHORTS.
BYE, BOB!
HEY, GUYS,
WILL THE LADIES LIKE ME
BETTER IN MY FRUIT O' THE LOOM?
THE LADIES WILL THINK
YOU'RE SWEET AS SUGAR.
THE GIRLS WILL THINK YOU'RE
THE GREATEST OF ALL TIMES.
OH, SURE, THEY'LL LOVE YOU, BOB.
THEY'LL LOVE YOU TILL YOU
GET A RING ON THEIR FINGER.
AND THEN, THEN...
THEN THEY'LL BRING THEIR MOTHERS AROUND
AND TRY TO TAKE ALL YOUR MONEY FROM YOU.
AND THEY GET MAD JUST BECAUSE YOU
THROW A FEW CHAIRS AND BREAK SOME DISHES.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!
I'M NOT FINISHED, BOB!
THEN THEY'LL DIVORCE YOU, AND THEN
YOU'LL HAVE THE WORST FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE.
YOU KNOW, I WON THAT FIGHT.
I HIT HIM WITH AN UPPERCUT...
FRUIT O' THE LOOM BOXERS.
GET SOME TODAY AND
STOP BEING LUDICROUS.
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU
FOR HANGING OUT WITH US.
TELL 'EM WHAT TO DO,
MAN. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT
YOU WANNA DO ♪♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WE GOT A GREAT...
WE GOT, UH... WE GOT
A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT.
SOME GREAT COMEDY,
SOME MUSIC. UM...
AND AS ALWAYS, WE
GOT... THE FLY GIRLS. UH...
YOU KNOW, I'M A GUY WHO REALLY
BELIEVES IN HIRING HIS FAMILY.
YOU KNOW I HAVE MY BROTHERS
AND SISTERS ON THIS SHOW.
BUT, UM, NO MATTER HOW MUCH
YOU LOVE YOUR GRANDPARENTS,
NEVER HIRE 'EM AS
A BOOM OPERATOR.
ARE YOU OKAY, KEENEN?
I'M JUST FINE, GRANDMA.
JUST FINE. WE'LL JUST LET
THIS BE THE LAST WEEK, OKAY?
UP YOURS. I'M IN THE UNION NOW.
SW1, KICK IT!
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
OH, GIRL, YOU ALMOST
GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK,
SNEAKING UP ON ME LIKE THAT.
I AIN'T NEVER SEEN
YOU HERE BEFORE.
OH, HI, GIRL. MY NAME IS
BENITA BUTRELL, MM-HMM.
BEEN HERE IN THESE HOPKINS
PROJECTS OVER 18 YEARS.
YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN HAVING A RASH
OF ROBBERIES GOING ON AROUND HERE,
SO US CONCERNED TENANTS DECIDED
TO ORGANIZE THIS HERE TENANT PATROL.
OH, LOOK! THERE GOES EASTERLY.
SHE THE ONE THAT SUGGESTED
I BE THE BLOCK CAPTAIN.
SHE LIKE A SISTER TO ME.
EASTERLY! HEY, EASTERLY!
IT'S ME... BEEBEE!
GIRL, I SEE WHY YOUR
MAMA CALL YOU EASTERLY.
WITH THAT PERFUME YOU'RE WEARING, SMELL
LIKE A BASKET OF FRESH EASTER FLOWERS.
A BASKET OF ROTTEN EASTER
EGGS IS MORE LIKE IT, MM-HMM.
GIRL THINK ALL SHE GOT
TO DO IS THROW SOME
PERFUME ON TOP OF STANK
AND EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
SMELLS SO FUNKY, YOU CAN
SMELL HER OVER THE TELEPHONE.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP,
SO YOU AIN'T HEARD IT FROM ME.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T. MM-MM.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
OH, LOOKEE THERE! THERE
GO LITTLE RUSSELL THOMAS.
I USED TO BABYSIT HIM WHEN HE
WAS JUST A LITTLE, ITTY-BITTY BABY.
RUSSELL! RUSSELL!
BOY, YOUR MAMA MUST
BE SO PROUD OF YOU.
GIVE HER MY LOVE. HMM!
IF MISS BENITA WAS JUST 15 YEARS
YOUNGER AND HAD ALL MY STRENGTH,
LORD KNOWS WHAT I'D DO.
I'D BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THAT
LITTLE HUSTLER. THAT'S WHAT I'D DO.
I NOTICE YOU SHOOK HIS
HAND. YOU BETTER COUNT
YOUR FINGERS AND MAKE
SURE THEY STILL THERE.
THAT LITTLE ADDICT'S
SO DESPERATE FOR A FIX,
HE'D STEAL THE CRACK
FROM YOUR BEHIND.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T, MM-MM.
YEAH, HONEY, THE WHOLE
NEIGHBORHOOD RUNNING SCARED.
WOMAN OVER IN BUILDING 27 HAD
A GOLD WATCH STOLEN LAST WEEK.
THAT'S WHY YOU GOT TO WEAR
YOUR VALUABLES ON YOU, GIRL.
YOU SEE THIS HERE?
THAT'S A REAL DIAMOND THERE.
YEAH, YOU KNOW I GOT
ROYALTY IN MY BLOOD.
THIS DIAMOND WAS PASSED DOWN
FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION.
USED TO BE THE SIZE
OF AN ICE CUBE, MM-HMM.
FRIENDS WOULD CALL
ME ZSA ZSA BUTRELL.
THEN ONE DAY I WAS
HEATING UP SOME NECK BONES,
MY DIAMOND CAUGHT ON FIRE,
AND THIS WAS ALL I COULD SAVE.
BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT, HONEY, 'CAUSE
UNLIKE THESE OTHER PROJECT BUNNIES,
I'M GONNA HAVE ME SOMETHING.
THAT'S RIGHT, 'CAUSE I'M ENROLLED IN THE
PARKER SCHOOL OF RODENT EXTERMINATION...
AND THE HELICOPTER
PILOTS ACADEMY.
SO MISS BENITA'S
GONNA HAVE. MM-HMM.
OH, LOOKEE THERE.
THERE GO PEABODY SCOTT.
YEAH, PEABODY SCOTT
FROM BUILDING 92.
SEE HE GOT THE WHOLE
BROOD WITH HIM TONIGHT.
PEABODY! P-P-PEABODY!
BOY, SOMEBODY OUGHT TO GIVE
YOU THE FATHER OF THE YEAR AWARD.
MM-HMM. WE NEED MORE MEN
LIKE YOU IN THESE PROJECTS.
ALWAYS GOT THEM
KIDS OUT WITH YOU.
THAT LITTLE ONE OVER
THERE GOT YOUR PERSONALITY.
HIS PERSONALITY AND THE
MAINTENANCE MAN'S EYES.
DAMN FOOL. AIN'T
ONE OF THEM KIDS HIS.
THAT LAST ONE CAME OUT
LOOKING SO MUCH LIKE THE MAILMAN,
PEOPLE WERE STICKING
LETTERS IN HIS DIAPERS.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T. SO WHO
ARE YOU HERE TO SEE?
MRS. JENKINS? OH, LORD!
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
YOU WERE HERE TO SEE MRS. JENKINS?
SHE LIKE A MOTHER TO ME.
I LOVE ME SOME
MRS. JENKINS, HONEY.
DON'T NOBODY BETTER SAY
NOTHING BAD ABOUT MRS. JENKINS...
'CAUSE THAT'S
WHEN BENITA LOSE IT.
THAT'S WHEN BENITA GOES OFF.
THAT'S A FINE WOMAN. FINE WOMAN.
MM-HMM. JUST DON'T LET
HER TAKE HER WIG OFF.
HEAD SO BALD, YOU
CAN SEE HER THOUGHTS.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP, SO
YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT FROM ME!
NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
MISS BENITA, MISS
BENITA. EXCUSE ME.
MISS BENITA, COPS ARE
ALL OUTSIDE YOUR BUILDING.
SOMEONE BROKE IN YOUR APARTMENT.
I KNEW THAT OLD BEADY-EYED
RUSSELL THOMAS WAS UP TO NO GOOD!
GIRL, I GOTS TO GO. THE CHINA
THE QUEEN GAVE ME IS IN THERE.
OOH, LET ME GET MY CHAIR.
♪♪
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE!
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, FREEZE!
EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP! AL
MACAFEE'S ON THE SCENE.
NOW, THAT MEANS NO FONDLING,
HOLDING, HUGGING, CARESSING,
CUDDLING, EMBRACING,
DANCING TOO CLOSE.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A CLEAN
PROM THIS YEAR, PEOPLE.
CONSIDER YOURSELVES
WARNED. CARRY ON.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY, RUTHY. HI, AL.
RUTHY, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU HEARD
MR. MACAFEE'S SPEECH ON LOVE.
IF YOU WERE FOOD,
YOU'D BE MY MUFFIN,
AND IF YOU WERE A TURKEY,
I'D GIVE YOU MY STUFFIN'.
YOU'RE MAKING ME QUEASY, AL.
HERE YOU GO,
RUTH. OH, HEY, BABY.
EXCUSE ME, SON. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HOME ROOM YOU'RE IN,
BUT I'M SURE YOU KNOW THE RULES
ABOUT FRATERNIZING WITH THE TEACHERS.
AL, I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO
MEET MY FIANCÉ, JOHN TYLER.
HEARD A LOT ABOUT
YOU, AL. FIANCÉ?
RUTHY, YOU'RE MAKIN' THE
BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE!
GIVE ME YOUR LOVE, HONEY!
AL! HEY, THAT'LL BE ENOUGH, PAL.
ALL RIGHT, YOU
LITTLE STUD, COME ON!
SHOOT YOUR BEST SHOT, MISTER! FIVE
YEARS OF TAE KWON DO, BABY! COME ON!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
YEAH, YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU
CAN'T HIDE, YOU LITTLE RUNT!
HEY, HEY, HEY! WHAT THE
SAM HILL'S GOIN' ON HERE?
I'M GETTING A GLASS OF PUNCH.
YEAH, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING. I THINK IT'S TIME
YOU HEARD MR. MACAFEE'S
SPEECH ON BOOZE.
DON'T SPIKE THE PUNCH BOWL
'CAUSE IT MAKES YOU PUNCHY!
LET ME GO! BACK TALK,
HUH, LITTLE MISSY?
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE OUT
OF HERE! BUT IT'S MY PROM.
YEAH, TELL IT TO AN A.A. MEETING,
YOU LITTLE LUSH! GET OUT!
BOY, THAT'S GOOD PUNCH.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
HEY, HEY, HEY! HARDISON?
WHERE'S THE FIRE, SON?
MR. MACAFEE, I GOT A
STAIN ON MY FATHER'S TUX.
AND QUITE A NICE LITTLE
OUTFIT IT IS, MY BOY.
IT'S MY FATHER'S TUX, AND HIS
FATHER WORE IT TO HIS PROM TOO.
IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE. IF ANYTHING
HAPPENED TO IT, I'D BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!
WELL, JUST COOL YOUR
JETS, LITTLE MISTER.
LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST GOT A LITTLE
THREAD LOOSE. THERE'S NOTHING ON IT...
MR. MACAFEE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
YOU JUST BROKE THE DRESS CODE!
GET OUT OF HERE! TAKE IT TO
THE PARKING LOT! THAT'S NOT FAIR!
LIFE'S NOT FAIR. GO AHEAD.
HEY, MACAFEE. YOU'RE LOOKING
PRETTY SHARP THERE, BIG GUY.
THANKS A LOT,
BUCKO. HEY, MA-CA-FEE!
IT'S MACAFEE, SON. YOU
ARE DOIN' A GOOD JOB.
HEY, GIMME SOME
SKIN. TAKE A HIKE.
NO GANG SIGNALS ON THE DANCE
FLOOR. GO AHEAD, GET OUT OF HERE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THE
SHOW'S OVER. COME ON.
SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!
MARCY'S CHOKING!
I KNOW THE HEIMLICH
MANEUVER! HEY, HEY, HEY!
ALL RIGHT, BREAK IT UP, YOU TWO!
COME ON, COME ON,
LET HER GO, LET HER GO!
YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU TWO
HEARD MACAFEE'S SPEECH ON TEENAGE SEX.
YOU TWO, YOU'RE ONLY 16.
YOU'RE BOTH STILL YOUNG'UNS.
WAY TOO SOON TO
START YOUR TONGUIN'.
BUT SHE CAN'T BREATHE!
JUST LET HER REST A LITTLE BIT.
AH, THAT'S IT, HONEY. THAT'S
IT. JUST TAKE A LITTLE REST.
ONCE THOSE LOINS COOL
DOWN, YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
HEY, MR. MACAFEE, SOMEBODY'S
SMOKING IN THE BATHROOM!
OUT OF MY WAY, THE
MAC-MAN'S COMING.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, COME ON.
WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?
HEY. OKAY, EVERYBODY!
THE COAST IS CLEAR!
LET'S PARTY!
♪♪
BEFORE WE VOTE ON
YOUR REQUEST FOR PAROLE,
WE DO HAVE SOME QUESTIONS.
DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO
ADJUST TO LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE?
ALLOW ME TO
"PROCTOLOGIZE" MYSELF.
"SUPPOSITORILY" SPEAKING,
MY INCARCERATION HAS
FORCED, YOU UNDERSTAND,
THE VENTILATION OF,
SHALL I SAY, MY DERRIERE,
AND UPON MY DISCHARGE,
I WILL EVACUATE...
EXCUSE ME. "EJACUTATE"...
MY MIND TO THE PROPHYLACTIC
OF THE BOWELS OF SOCIETY.
BUT HOW WOULD YOU
SUPPORT YOURSELF, MR. BATES,
CONSIDERING THAT YOUR
READING COMPREHENSION...
HAS GONE DOWN EVERY YEAR
SINCE YOU'VE BEEN IN PRISON?
A VERY "VAGINATIVE"
PROPOSITION, MY MAN.
THAT IS TO SAY, PROSTITUTION,
PERTAINING TO THE KOTEX, YOU
UNDERSTAND, OF THE ARGUMENT.
I MYSELF HAVE "ENEMAPATIZED"
MY "ILLIQUIDATION,"
THEREFORE, ERGO, I.E.,
THAT IS THE INSTIGATION,
WHICH IS EXCESSIVE
CLEAVAGE, SHALL WE SAY.
SO LET ME "CLARIFLY" OR...
EXCUSE ME... "CLITIFY."
IN OTHER WORDS,
I'D PROBABLY TEACH.
ALL RIGHT, IF THERE ARE NO FURTHER
QUESTIONS, LET US PUT THIS TO A VOTE.
ALL THOSE IN FAVOR
OF PAROLE, VOTE AYE.
AYE.
ALL THOSE OPPOSED, VOTE NAY.
NAY!
I'M SORRY, MR. BATES.
IS THERE ANYTHING
FURTHER YOU'D LIKE TO SAY?
LET ME BE VENEREAL...
IN MY REQUISITION FOR
THIS BODY OF CONGREGATION,
SEE, FOR THE PERSONAL
GRATIFICATION OF MY URETHRA.
AS THE GREEK PHILOSOPHER,
UH, MASSENGILL ONCE DICTATED,
"LICKUS MY PROBISCIS!"
"UNDOUCHE" ME!
I CAN FIND MY OWN DAMNATION
IN TARDY COMPLETION.
♪♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪
♪ HOLD ON ♪♪
JUST LIKE THE FILMS CRY
FREEDOM AND A WORLD APART,
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT THE ANGUISH
AND UPHEAVAL OF BLACK SOUTH AFRICA.
I CAN REMEMBER IT AS IF
IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY...
THE DAY THEY BULLDOZED
DOWN MY MAIDSERVANT'S SHACK,
DESTROYED ALL OF HER PROPERTY,
AND SEPARATED HER
FROM HER CHILDREN.
AND ALL OF THIS ON A NIGHT THAT I
HAD PLANNED A FORMAL DINNER FOR 30.
OH, HOW I CRIED.
HOW MANY GIRLS WOULD I HAVE TO
INTERVIEW BEFORE I'D FIND ANOTHER JACINTA?
AND AS THEY TOOK JACINTA
AWAY KICKING AND STRUGGLING,
I FELT AS IF THE POLICE WERE PULLING
ME AWAY KICKING AND STRUGGLING.
I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.
I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
SO I CRIED, AND I TOOK A PICTURE
FOR MY LITTLE SCRAPBOOK OF ANGUISH.
WAIT! WAIT!
AFTER THE POLICE HAD GONE,
I NOTICED THAT THEY HAD
TRAMPLED OVER A BED OF GERANIUMS...
THAT I HAD BEEN PRUNING
SINCE I WAS A CHILD.
I LOOKED DOWN AT THOSE FLOWERS,
AND I SAW THE PAIN OF
BLACK SOUTH AFRICA...
IN ALL OF THOSE BROKEN
STEMS AND WOUNDED PETALS.
I WEPT... UNTIL I REALIZED
THEY WERE PERENNIALS...
AND WOULD BE BACK
AGAIN NEXT SUMMER.
YES, WITH JACINTA GONE, LIFE JUST
WASN'T THE SAME IN JOHANNESBURG.
OH, DID I MENTION THAT I WEPT?
AND AS THE CONDITION OF MY HOUSE
SO DETERIORATED WITHOUT JACINTA,
I BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND
WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE...
TO LIVE IN A BLACK SOUTH
AFRICAN RELOCATION CAMP.
NEXT, AS I ATTEMPTED
TO POLISH MY OWN SILVER,
MY ARMS BEGAN TO ACHE, AND I
COULD FEEL WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE...
TO TOIL LONG, ARDUOUS HOURS...
IN THE WHITE SOUTH
AFRICAN DIAMOND MINES.
IT WAS AT THIS POINT THAT I DECIDED
THAT JACINTA SIMPLY HAD TO BE LIBERATED...
BEFORE MY ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD
ROTTED FROM WITHIN,
THE SAME WAY MINORITY RULE
WAS ROTTING MY CONTINENT.
NO ONE COULD STOP ME NOW.
I WOULD WRITE A LETTER
TO PRESIDENT DE KLERK.
SO I WROTE AND I CRIED.
AND I CRIED AND I WROTE.
AND I WROTE AND I CRIED.
WHO KNOWS? ONE
DAY I MAY EVEN MAIL IT.
MY DARK CONSCIENCE.
A TRUE STORY ABOUT THE PAIN OF
WATCHING SOMEBODY ELSE SUFFER...
AND WANTING TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT,
BUT NOT REALLY WANTING
TO GET INVOLVED...
AND THEN FEELING A LITTLE
GUILTY ABOUT IT, SORT OF.
MY DARK CONSCIENCE.
A FILM THAT COULD WELL BE
COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
THREE FAMOUS BOXERS FOR
FRUIT O' THE LOOM BOXERS.
HI, BOB.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER?
WHO ARE YOU GUYS?
WE'RE THE FRUIT O' THE LOOM BOXERS,
AND WE'RE ECSTATIC TO BE HERE. I'M MIKE.
I'M SUGAR RAY.
AND MY NAME IS, UH...
CONCENTRATE.
NO, NO, IT'S SHORTER THAN THAT.
ALI! MY NAME IS ALI!
I'M AN APPLE BECAUSE I
WAS SO POLISHED IN THE RING.
AND I'M A BANANA BECAUSE I
WAS GOOD TO A RIPE OLD AGE.
WHY ARE YOU A BUNCH OF GRAPES?
BECAUSE SOME BITCH
STOMPED ALL OVER ME.
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT FRUIT
O' THE LOOM BOXER SHORTS?
FOR ONE THING, THEY'RE MADE
OF DOUBLE-STITCHED COTTON.
THAT WAY YOU NEVER HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT BOBBING AND WEAVING.
BOBBING AND WEAVING?
CUT IT OUT, ALI. STOP
BEING LUDICROUS.
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE
ME FORGET MY LINES.
WHAT ARE THESE BOXERS MADE OF?
WELL, THESE ARE THE
NEW DON KING BRAND.
THEY'RE 10 PERCENT COTTON,
90 PERCENT COMMISSION.
AND THEY COME IN SEVERAL SIZES:
MIDDLEWEIGHT, HEAVYWEIGHT,
SUPER HEAVYWEIGHT...
AND GEORGE FOREMAN.
DISPOSABLE SHORTS.
WE LIKE TO CALL THIS
OUR BUSTER DOUGLAS LINE.
THEY'RE GOOD ONLY ONCE,
BUT IF YOU WEAR THEM AGAIN,
THEY FALL DOWN AFTER 10 SECONDS.
OKAY. I'LL TRY THESE
BOXER SHORTS.
BYE, BOB!
HEY, GUYS,
WILL THE LADIES LIKE ME
BETTER IN MY FRUIT O' THE LOOM?
THE LADIES WILL THINK
YOU'RE SWEET AS SUGAR.
THE GIRLS WILL THINK YOU'RE
THE GREATEST OF ALL TIMES.
OH, SURE, THEY'LL LOVE YOU, BOB.
THEY'LL LOVE YOU TILL YOU
GET A RING ON THEIR FINGER.
AND THEN, THEN...
THEN THEY'LL BRING THEIR MOTHERS AROUND
AND TRY TO TAKE ALL YOUR MONEY FROM YOU.
AND THEY GET MAD JUST BECAUSE YOU
THROW A FEW CHAIRS AND BREAK SOME DISHES.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!
I'M NOT FINISHED, BOB!
THEN THEY'LL DIVORCE YOU, AND THEN
YOU'LL HAVE THE WORST FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE.
YOU KNOW, I WON THAT FIGHT.
I HIT HIM WITH AN UPPERCUT...
FRUIT O' THE LOOM BOXERS.
GET SOME TODAY AND
STOP BEING LUDICROUS.
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU
FOR HANGING OUT WITH US.
TELL 'EM WHAT TO DO,
MAN. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT
YOU WANNA DO ♪♪