In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 13 - Johnny Abdul - full transcript
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[Audience Applauding, Cheering]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
UM, THEY LEFT AGAIN.
GET BACK HERE. COME HERE.
THE FLY GIRLS, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.
[Audience Applauding, Cheering]
HOW ABOUT A HAND
FOR MY DEEJAY, SW1?
ALL RIGHT. WELL, ONCE AGAIN,
IT'S OUR TURN TO MAKE YOU LAUGH,
SO SIT BACK FOR ABOUT A HALF.
WE'LL GET INTO TROUBLE. SEE YA.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[All Chattering]
COMMISSIONER, WHY DID ARIZONA SAY
NO TO THE MARTIN LUTHER KING HOLIDAY?
WELL, UH, AS YOU KNOW,
WE PUT IT TO THE VOTERS,
AND THEY VOTED IT
DOWN, UH, 50% TO 49%.
WILL THE SUPER BOWL BE HELD HERE?
AND WHAT ABOUT THE FIESTA BOWL?
ISN'T IT TRUE ARIZONA FACES A TOTAL
BOYCOTT OF BLACK ATHLETES AND CELEBRITIES?
WHY, NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE
AT ALL. AS A MATTER OF FACT,
WE HAVE TWO WELL-KNOWN BLACK CELEBRITIES
WHO HAVE AGREED TO BE OUR SPOKESMEN,
MEN WHO HAVE THEIR FINGER ON
THE PULSE OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY.
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE THEM NOW. HERE
ARE TOM AND TOM, THE BROTHERS BROTHERS.
YEE-HAW! YIPPIE-KI-YAY!
HEY, BRO, GIVE ME FIVE!
UH, THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT.
I HOPE YOU RETURN IT!
OH, HOW ABOUT OUR
INSTRUMENTS, EH?
THANK YOU, GENTS.
KICK IT OFF, TOM. ♪♪ [Western]
♪ COME TO ARIZONA THE
GRAND CANYON STATE ♪
♪ AND DON'T BE PUT OFF
BY THIS RACIAL DEBATE ♪
♪ THE FOLKS HERE AREN'T
RACIST I KNOW THIS IS TRUE ♪
♪ THEY STILL SHOW THE
JEFFERSONS ON CHANNEL TWO ♪♪
EXCUSE ME. WE DIDN'T COME
HERE TO SEE A NIGHTCLUB ACT.
I STILL WANNA KNOW WHY ARIZONA
DOESN'T HAVE A KING HOLIDAY.
WELL, WHY SHOULD WE
GIVE DON KING A HOLIDAY?
I MEAN, HE CAN'T EVEN
COMB HIS HAIR STRAIGHT!
THAT'S RIGHT. I MEAN,
HE'S MADE SOME GREAT
ADVANCEMENTS IN THE
WORLD OF BOXING, BUT...
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
MARTIN LUTHER KING.
WHO? IS... IS HE ANY RELATION...
TO ALAN KING OR STEPHEN
KING OR BILLIE JEAN KING?
THE CIVIL RIGHTS LEADER!
MARTIN... KING.
AH! ABERNATHY'S FRIEND!
SURE, SURE! OH, YEAH.
WELL, HE WAS CERTAINLY
A NICE GENTLEMEN, BUT, UM,
I GUESS JUST ANOTHER HOLIDAY
WOULD BE SO INCONVENIENT.
I MEAN, THE BANKS WOULD BE CLOSED,
YOU COULDN'T GET YOUR MAIL. YOU KNOW.
EXACTLY. AND I DON'T THINK THAT'S
HOW HE WOULD HAVE WANTED IT.
NO. I MEAN, I... I'VE GOT IT.
I SAY WE CELEBRATE
FROM MIDNIGHT TO 8:00 A.M.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, ISN'T THAT WHAT
HE'S FAMOUS FOR... HAVING A DREAM?
THAT'S RIGHT. HE HAD A DREAM.
OR WE COULD JUST HAVE A...
A WHITE SALE OR SOMETHING.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. I'D BE
THERE. I'M SURE YOU WOULD.
BUT DON'T YOU THINK THE
ARIZONA VOTERS WERE INSENSITIVE?
INSENSITIVE, MY
LEFT BOOT. COME ON.
I MEAN, ARIZONIANS ARE ALWAYS
LOOKING FOR A WAY TO HELP YOU OUT.
WHY, THE POLICE PULLED
US OVER THREE TIMES
JUST TO MAKE SURE WE
KNEW WHERE WE WERE GOING.
THAT'S RIGHT. THEY EVEN GAVE US
THIS GREAT, BIG HUG AROUND THE NECK.
WOULDN'T LET GO.
I MEAN, WE THOUGHT WE WERE
GONNA DIE FROM ALL THE AFFECTION!
YEAH. YOU'VE STILL GOT SOME BURNS
AROUND YOUR NECK FROM ALL THAT AFFECTION.
SO DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF THAT DOOHICKEY
NONSENSE! TOM, WATCH YOUR MOUTH.
NO, I'M TIRED OF THIS
FRANKENTURTLE BULL DOOKEY. OW!
I'VE NEVER HEARD HIM
TALK LIKE THIS BEFORE.
YOU TALK ABOUT
HOSPITALITY. I'M GONNA TELL 'EM
ABOUT LAST NIGHT. TELL
'EM ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
WE GET HOME LATE LAST NIGHT, AND
I'LL BE GOSH DARNED IF THE ARIZONIANS...
DIDN'T LIGHT A NICE, BIG FIRE ON OUR
LAWN SO WE COULD FIND OUR KEYS.
YES, THEY DID.
♪ SO IT'S HIDEY-HEY
AND A-YIPPIE-KI-YAY ♪
♪ WE LOVE ARIZONA
AND WE'RE HERE TO SAY ♪
♪ PLEASE DON'T THINK THE
WORST OF THE AVERAGE GENT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT ALL
BIGOTS JUST FIFTY PERCENT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT ALL
BIGOTS JUST FIFTY PERCENT ♪♪
GOOD WHITE! GOOD
WHITE, EVERYBODY!
YEE-HAW!
[Man Narrating] K-TEL PRESENTS
THE MAN OF THE MIDDLE EAST,
THE ELVIS OF AKABA,
JOHNNY ABDUL!
♪♪ [Rock And Roll]
EVERY AMAZING HIT HE'S EVER SUNG IS
NOW INCLUDED IN THIS NEW DUAL-ALBUM SET.
UNFORGETTABLE HITS LIKE "YOU
AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HOSTAGE."
♪♪ [Mock Middle East Singing]
AND IF YOU ACT NOW, YOU'LL GET
"KUWAIT A MINUTE, MR. POSTMAN,"
"STAIRWAY TO MECCA," "BEIRUT
SUEDE SHOES," "HEARTBREAK HUSSEIN,"
"PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAGHDAD,"
"I LEFT MY HAND IN SAN FRANCISCO."
AND WHO COULD FORGET
HIS BEAUTIFUL LOVE BALLAD...
"LOVE ME TENDER OR DIE SLOWLY"?
♪♪ [Mock Middle East Singing]
♪♪ [Ballad] ♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Continues]
AND, OF COURSE,
HIS BIGGEST HIT EVER,
THE SHOW-STOPPING
"IRAQ AROUND THE CLOCK."
♪♪ [Mock Middle East Singing]
ALL THESE HITS AND
MANY, MANY MORE.
SEND $13.95 TO...
[Middle Eastern Accent]
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
♪♪ [Ululating]
[Chattering]
EXCEPT FOR VINCENT VAN
GOGH. ISN'T THAT AMAZING?
OH, THERE ARE THE
CHILDREN I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
THEY ARE SO CUTE.
IT'S GONNA BE VERY DIFFICULT TO
DECIDE WHICH ONE TO ADOPT, HONEY.
ISN'T IT, THOUGH? COME
ON, MOM AND DAD. LET'S GO.
COME ON, MAN, I ALREADY
GOT MY STUFF PACKED.
THE CAR'S RUNNING.
LET'S GO! CHOP, CHOP.
OR IS IT MORE LIKE A EUROPEAN
THING, YOU GUYS... UH, MAMA AND PAPA?
OR DO WE HAVE ONE OF THOSE POSTMODERN
CHILD-PARENT RELATIONSHIPS, HUH, TED, ANNE?
- WHO ARE YOU?
- GEORGE IS ONE
OF OUR OLDER CHILDREN.
HOW OLD IS GEORGE? HE'S 35.
AND HE'D BETTER START
ACTING HIS AGE! YES, MISS CLAW.
YOU MEAN HE'S BEEN WAITING
35 YEARS TO GET ADOPTED?
YOU KNOW, SOME CHILDREN ARE
JUST SLOWER TO ADOPT THAN OTHERS.
WELL, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR THE RIGHT PARENTS... YOU.
[Imitates Dog Whining]
LOOK, I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU TWO HERE TO GET
ACQUAINTED WITH THE OTHER CHILDREN, OKAY?
YEAH. GEORGE, LEAVE
THE GLEASONS ALONE.
[Groans] YES, MISS CLAW. HEY.
LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GUY. I THINK
HE'S GONNA BE A BASKETBALL STAR.
SLAM-DUNKIN' IT!
WHERE'S YOUR FIVE YEAR OLD NOW,
MAN? YOU'RE EATEN UP, THAT'S WHERE.
ALL RIGHT. WHO'S NEXT? COME
ON, POP. ONE-TO-ONE. LET'S GO.
UH, GEORGE, COME ON, MAN!
I THINK WE'RE JUST GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE LOOK AROUND, ALL RIGHT?
- OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- SEE... S-SEE SPOT...
HERE'S A SMART LITTLE GUY. HE'S
ALREADY LEARNING TO READ. YEAH.
"HE SLOWLY MOVED HIS
HAND DOWN HER THIGH.
SHE QUIVERED IN ECSTASY."
S-SEE SPOT R-R...
I THINK THE WORD THAT THE LITTLE
GENIUS IS LOOKING FOR IS "RUN"!
HONEY, THINK OF HOW MUCH
WE COULD TEACH HIM. YEAH.
MAN, YOU CAN TEACH ME. COME ON.
"A," "B," UH, "D"...
COME ON, MAN, HELP ME OUT. I DON'T
KNOW WHAT'S NEXT. GEORGE, GEORGE,
IT'S OBVIOUS THAT YOU'RE
A VERY TALENTED MAN.
GIFTED, EVEN. THANK YOU.
BUT, YOU SEE, WE
WANT TO ADOPT A CHILD...
SOMEONE WHO WILL DO ALL THE LITTLE
THINGS A CHILD CAN DO. [Baby Crying]
OH, HONEY. LET'S ADOPT A BABY.
LOOK, SHE'S DROOLING.
THAT'S SO ADORABLE.
ADORABLE? WHAT, YOU
THINK DROOLING IS ADORABLE?
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
THIS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
UH-OH, I THINK SOMEONE
JUST HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT.
- DAD, I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE TO...
- DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
STAND UP.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?
I... I JUST WANNA...
HAVE WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE HAD...
A MOMMY AND A DADDY
WHO'LL LOVE THEM.
AND JUST A SMALL CHANCE...
FOR THE HAPPINESS I NEVER KNEW.
YALE SCHOOL OF DRAMA, 1978.
YOU'RE A LUNATIC. YOU KNOW, IT'S
FUNNY. MY EX-WIFE ONCE SAID THAT TOO.
YOUR EX-WIFE? THAT'S
IT! WE'RE TAKING THIS ONE.
LET'S GO. DON'T TRY
TO FOLLOW US, GEORGE.
THERE THEY ARE.
GEORGE, STAY AWAY FROM
THE ERICKSONS. YES, MISS CLAW.
MOM! DAD! OR IS IT KIND
OF LIKE A STREET THING?
YO, MOM! YO, POP! WHAT'S UP?
BOY-EE!
LOVE YA.
♪♪ [Sultry Jazz]
HI. YOU MUST BE
VELMA MULHOLLAND.
THAT'S RIGHT, KID. GOT
A CIGARETTE, JOHNNY?
NO, I DON'T SMOKE. SORRY.
STICK AROUND, BRIGHT BOY.
I'LL TEACH YA A FEW THINGS.
OH, REALLY? WELL, UH, LISTEN,
MY NAME IS ACTUALLY EDDIE.
EDDIE, JOHNNY,
KID, BRIGHT BOY...
IT'S A BIG WORLD OUT
THERE. WHAT'S IN A NAME?
THAT'S HIP. UM...
LISTEN, MY MAN STEVE
TOLD ME A LOT ABOUT YOU.
SAID YOU'RE A PARTY GIRL AND
YOU'RE KIND OF OLD-FASHIONED.
LIES, ALL LIES, I TELL YOU.
SURE, MAYBE I HUNG WITH
THE WRONG CROWD AND
SKIPPED SUNDAY SCHOOL,
BUT I'M NOT ALL BAD.
NO. HE SAID GOOD THINGS
ABOUT YOU. HE SAID THAT,
YOU KNOW, BESIDES YOU LOOKIN'
GOOD, HE SAID THAT, YOU KNOW,
YOU WORKED AT THE FIVE AND 10, GOT A
JOBSKY AND, YOU KNOW, YOU LIKE OLD MOVIES.
SURE, I SEE A PICTURE
SHOW NOW AND AGAIN.
IT HELPS TO PASS THE TIME WHEN YOUR
HEART'S BEEN BROKEN IN SO MANY PIECES...
IT FEELS AS THOUGH YOU'LL
NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.
HEY, UH, WHY DON'T WE JUST
TALK ALL THIS OVER OVER DINNER...
AND SOME MOVIES OR SOMETHING?
AW, JOHNNY, YOU'RE
A SWEET KID. I AM?
BUT DON'T YOU SEE?
IT'D NEVER WORK.
I'M NO GOOD FOR YA,
JOHNNY. I'D BE TROUBLE FROM
THE WORD GO. HELL, MY
MIDDLE NAME IS TROUBLE.
BUT NOT YOU, JOHNNY. YOU'VE GOT
A SHOT AT SOMETHING REALLY BIG.
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE
SOMETHING OF YOURSELF.
I'M GONNA BE SOMEBODY?
JOHNNY, DON'T YOU SEE? WE'RE
FROM TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS.
YOU'RE REAL TOP-DRAWER, HEAD
OF THE LIST, CREAM OF THE CROP.
I'M NOTHING BUT A WASHED-UP HAS-BEEN
WORKIN' IN A DIME-A-DANCE SALOON.
STEVE SAID YOU WORKED
AT THE FIVE AND 10.
FIVE AND 10, DIME-A-DANCE.
CAN'T YA SEE, JOHNNY, I'M TRYING TO KNOCK
SOME SENSE INTO THAT LUNKHEAD OF YOURS.
I'M NO GOOD FOR YOU.
NO GOOD, I TELL YOU.
OH, JOHNNY, YOU DESERVE
THAT STONE COTTAGE
WITH THE PICKET FENCE
AND THE SHADY OAK TREE.
IF YOU STICK AROUND
WITH ME, KID, THEY'LL
RUIN YOUR LIFE JUST
LIKE THEY'VE RUINED MINE.
HEY, LOOK, IS IT THE
BLACK-AND-WHITE THING?
BECAUSE YOU SHOULD'VE SAID
THAT UP FRONT. ALL RIGHT, JOHNNY.
YOU'VE FORCED ME TO SAY IT.
I HATE YOU.
YOU HEAR ME? I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU! I DESPISE YOU!
IF I NEVER SEE THAT PUPPY DOG FACE
AROUND HERE AGAIN, IT'LL BE TOO SOON.
NOW BEAT IT. SCRAM!
I'D BETTER GET OUT OF HERE, 'CAUSE
YOU CAN'T BE HITTIN' A BROTHER LIKE THAT.
JOHNNY!
JOHNNY!
THAT'S RIGHT, JOHNNY.
SAVE YOURSELF.
RUN JUST AS FAST AS
YOUR LEGS WILL CARRY YOU.
RUN TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH IF
YOU HAVE TO, ONLY DON'T LOOK BACK,
BECAUSE I WON'T BE HERE.
BUT I LOVE YOU, YA BIG PALOOKA!
HERE WE ARE. FUNKY
FINGER PRODUCTIONS.
WE ARE NOW IN BUSINESS.
[Man] HELLO. OH. L-LOOK BUSY.
OKAY. [Together]
CONFERENCE CALL.
NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG, NOW.
NELL CARTER IS A GIGANTIC
TALENT. HUMONGOUS.
BUT LOOK HERE. WHAT WE'RE
LOOKING FOR, HOME SKILLET,
IS SOMEBODY WHO
LOOKS LIKE CICELY TYSON...
AND SINGS LIKE PEABO
BRYSON, YA KNOW?
QUINCY, STOP PLAYIN'. FRESH
PRINCE IS GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
THIS HERE'S LONG-DISTANCE.
I'M HERE TO HOOK UP YOUR PHONES.
NOW, AIN'T THAT A BLIP?
EXCUSE ME. I THOUGHT
WE HAD A BAD CONNECTION.
FINALLY, I FOUND YOU!
AH, MR. IRITANI. LOOK HERE.
I'M CLAVELL, AND THIS
HERE'S MY PARTNER.
HOWARD TIBBS III.
HOW YOU FEELIN'?
LOOK JUST LIKE AL
GREEN. DON'T HE?
[Together] AND WE ARE
FUNKY FINGER PRODUCTIONS!
NOW LOOK HERE. LET ME GIVE
YOU ONE OF MY BUSINESS CARDS.
YOU KNOW, I'M FRESH OUT. HOWARD?
BAM!
LOOK HERE. PAY NO
ATTENTION TO THIS...
BECAUSE THAT'S MY MOTHER'S
RECIPE FOR SUCCOTASH, ALL RIGHT?
THIS IS MY SISTER CLORINE'S
NUMBER ON THE BACK IN PINK CRAYON.
OKAY? GIVE HER A CALL
ANYTIME. SHE DOWN WITH IT.
BUT LOOK HERE, IF HER BOYFRIEND
BEAUDROW ANSWERS, YOU JUST BETTER HANG UP.
LISTEN, GUYS. I WANT MY CAR.
NOW, LOOK HERE. YOU SEEMED A LITTLE
ATTITUDINAL WITH OUR UNCTUOUS BEHAVIOR...
WHEN YOU MET US OUTSIDE
OF SPAGO'S LAST NIGHT.
NOW, DIG THAT. BUT THAT VALET GIG IS
JUST A WAY FOR US TO SPOT NEW TALENT.
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T
WANT TO BRING THIS UP, CHIEF,
BUT YOU FORGOT
TO TIP ME, YA KNOW?
A TIP? YOU GAVE ME THE
KEYS TO THE WRONG CAR.
LOOK, I JUST CAME HERE TO GET
MY MERCEDES, AND I WANT IT NOW.
NOW, WE KNOW YOU JAPANESE
BOUGHT UP COLUMBIA AND UNIVERSAL...
AND IT'S NOT THAT WE AIN'T
DOWN WITH THE ASIANS. "ARIGATE."
BUT WE FIGURED IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF
TIME BEFORE Y'ALL CAME AFTER FUNKY FINGER.
- DIG THAT.
- I THOUGHT I EXPLAINED
TO YOU LAST NIGHT...
THAT I'M NOT IN SHOW BUSINESS.
WELL, THAT AIN'T NOTHING
BUT A MEATBALL. EXCUSE ME.
'CAUSE WE GOT A SWEET DEAL
FOR YOU. YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS.
SIT DOWN, BROTHER. HOWARD, IT'S
TIME TO UNVEIL OUR MARKETING PLAN.
BAM!
ALL RIGHT, NOW. NOW, SAY
WE SIGN A MAJOR ARTIST...
LIKE A, UH, FREDDY FENDER.
OKAY? SIGN HIM
FOR A RECORD DEAL.
FOR HOW MUCH? A DUCAT.
SELL EVERY RECORD FOR HOW MUCH?
A MILLION RECORDS, THAT
MAKES A MILLION DUCATS.
SAY WHAT?
FREDDY FENDER'S RIGHT ON TOP WITH
DAVID CASSIDY. YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?
LOOK, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN
RECORD DEALS. MOVIE DEAL!
I JUST WANT MY CAR! MOVIES. SEE?
NOW, LOOK HERE, HOMEY.
WHAT WE GOT HERE...
IS A SURE-FIRE BOX
OFFICE SMASH-OLA.
NOW, SEE, IT'S A CROSS BETWEEN THE
POSEIDON ADVENTURE AND DIRTY DANCING.
SEE, WE THINK THE TIME IS RIGHT FOR
A, UH, WATER BALLET DISASTER FILM.
CLAVEY, GIVE HIM
THE GOODS, COULD YA?
I'M JUST GONNA GIVE HIM A
TASTE. GOTTA PAY FOR THE REST.
OH, YOU'RE GONNA
LEAVE ME HANGIN'.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT?
OKAY. WE'RE ROLLIN', HOMEY.
OH, NO! IT'S A TIDAL WAVE!
COME ON, NOW. PULL
BACK. SEE? THERE IT GOES!
THERE IT GOES. SEE?
I'M DROWNING, BUT I'M DANCING. LOOK
HERE. I'M DROWNING, BUT I'M DANCING.
LOOK AT THIS HERE.
I'M DROWNIN', BUT I'M
DANCIN'. I'M DROWNIN'.
HE'S SELLIN' THIS
ONE, CHIEF. I'M DANCIN'!
AND GODZILLA CAN BE
IMPLEMENTED QUITE EASILY,
AS YOU CAN SEE. I
KNEW YOU'D LOVE THAT.
YOUR FIVE MINUTES IS UP.
I JUST WANT MY CAR,
OR I'LL CALL THE POLICE.
HEY, YOU AIN'T GOTTA DO THAT!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! LOOK HERE!
WE GOT THE CONTRACTS IN OUR PINTO,
RIGHT NEXT TO THE CHEEZ DOODLES.
LOOK HERE. SHALL WE GIVE BRUCE
LEE A LITTLE TASTE ON THE SOUNDTRACK?
JUST A LITTLE TINY
BIT. ♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪ I'M DANCIN' ♪
♪ I'M DROWNIN' ♪
♪ I'M DANCIN' I'M DROWNIN ♪
TEMPTATIONS WALK.
GET IT. DROP DOWN IN THE POCKET.
AND THIS ONE'S FOR FREE, HOMEY.
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
BLOOD PRESSURE'S
STABLE AT 120 OVER 70.
DOC! HOW'S MY PARTNER?
IS HE GONNA PULL THROUGH?
HE'S IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE.
TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF.
OH, MY GOD!
LOOK... LOOK, DOC,
DO WHATEVER YOU GOTTA DO, MAN,
BUT PLEASE MAKE HIM WHOLE AGAIN!
WE CAN REBUILD HIM. WE HAVE
THE TECHNOLOGY. THANK GOD.
IT'S GONNA COST YOU
SIX MILLION DOLLARS.
SIX MILLION DOLLARS? THE DEPARTMENT
DOESN'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY!
FIFTEEN THOUSAND. LOOK.
I GOT UM, 19, 20, 21, 22...
25, 28, UM, 45.
ALL RIGHT? THAT'S 28.45.
I CAN'T PROMISE
ANYTHING, BUT WE'LL TRY.
HE'LL BE A LOT SHORTER
AND A LITTLE SLOWER,
BUT AT LEAST HE'LL
BE ALIVE. THANKS, MAN.
WE GOTTA GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
HANG IN THERE, PARTNER.
[Man Narrating] COMING THIS
SPRING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU...
THE HEAD ALWAYS GETS HIS MAN!
LET'S JUST FORGET IT, MAN. HE'S
TOO FAR AWAY. WE'LL NEVER CATCH HIM.
THROW ME AT HIM. WHAT?
JUST THROW ME
AT HIM. I CAN DO IT.
NO WAY, MAN. TOO
DANGEROUS. JUST DO IT!
AAH! WATCH MY BRAIN!
- WAY TO GO, HEAD!
- FREEZE, SLIMEBALL!
DON'T MAKE ME CHASE
YOU ANY FURTHER.
[Narrator] AND WOMEN
FIND HIM IRRESISTIBLE.
YES! YOU'VE GOT INCREDIBLE
HANDS AND FEET, YOU ANIMAL, YOU.
OH, DETECTIVE HEAD,
I NEVER DREAMED IT
COULD BE LIKE THIS.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,
BABY... IT'S NOT WHAT A MAN'S GOT,
IT'S HOW HE USES IT THAT COUNTS.
[Sighing] STOP TICKLING MY FEET.
[Narrator] THE HEAD DETECTIVE.
COMING THIS SPRING
TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
THANK YOU FOR HANGING
OUT ONE MORE TIME.
TAKING US HOME TONIGHT, MOTOWN
RECORDING ARTIST RICH NICE.
OH, YEAH. HERE WE GO. COME ON.
CLAP YOUR HANDS.
EVERYBODY. COME ON, CLAP.
CLAP YOUR HANDS LIKE THIS.
ALL THE LADIES CHECK IT OUT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
♪ I LIKE LADIES WHO
PARTY AND DANCE ♪
♪ INTELLECTUAL AND
LOVE A ROMANCE ♪
♪ COOL, CALM, COLLECTED
AND A BEAUTIFUL STYLE ♪
♪ GOOD HEAD ON HER
SHOULDERS AND WORTH MY WHILE ♪
♪ TALL AND SLENDER
SKIN SO TENDER ♪
♪ ONE NIGHT WITH ME AND
ALL SHE'LL REMEMBER IS ♪
♪ HUGS AND KISSES IN MY ARMS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M A LOVER FROM
THE NIGHT TILL THE EARLY MORN ♪
♪ THE COOL TALKIN'
SMOOTH WALKIN' ♪
♪ SOME TRY TO FIGHT BUT
IT'S ME YOU'RE HAWKIN' ♪
♪ SO OUTSTANDING, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO WISH ON A STAR ♪
♪ I'M RICH NICE
YOUR MR. GOODBAR ♪
ALL THE LADIES IN THE HOUSE
TONIGHT, CHECK THIS OUT. COME ON.
- ALL THE LADIES SAY, "OW."
- OW!
SAY, "OW, OW."
EVERYBODY SAY,
"RICH NICE." RICH NICE!
SAY, "RICH NICE." RICH NICE!
SAY, "RICH NICE." RICH NICE!
NOW, SCREAM! [Screaming]
JUST WAVE THEM HANDS LIKE THIS.
EVERYBODY. COME ON. WAVE THEM HANDS.
THAT'S RIGHT. COME ON.
JUST WAVE THEM HANDS.
EVERYBODY, LET ME HEAR YOU
SAY, "WE CAME TO THE PARTY."
WE CAME TO THE
PARTY. CHECK IT OUT.
FOR IN LIVING COLOR, WE
GONNA BREAK IT DOWN LIKE THIS.
WE GO ONE, YOU GO
TWO. CHECK IT OUT.
ONE, TWO, THREE...
BREAK IT DOWN.
OH, YEAH. CHECK IT OUT.
EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE,
LET ME HEAR YOU
SAY, "IN LIVING COLOR."
IN LIVING COLOR.
EVERYBODY SAY, "IN
LIVING COLOR." COME ON!
IN LIVING COLOR.
COME ON, CLAP. CLAP
YOUR HANDS. COME ON.
COME ON, CLAP. CLAP YOUR
HANDS. EVERYBODY SAY...
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[Audience Applauding, Cheering]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
UM, THEY LEFT AGAIN.
GET BACK HERE. COME HERE.
THE FLY GIRLS, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.
[Audience Applauding, Cheering]
HOW ABOUT A HAND
FOR MY DEEJAY, SW1?
ALL RIGHT. WELL, ONCE AGAIN,
IT'S OUR TURN TO MAKE YOU LAUGH,
SO SIT BACK FOR ABOUT A HALF.
WE'LL GET INTO TROUBLE. SEE YA.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[All Chattering]
COMMISSIONER, WHY DID ARIZONA SAY
NO TO THE MARTIN LUTHER KING HOLIDAY?
WELL, UH, AS YOU KNOW,
WE PUT IT TO THE VOTERS,
AND THEY VOTED IT
DOWN, UH, 50% TO 49%.
WILL THE SUPER BOWL BE HELD HERE?
AND WHAT ABOUT THE FIESTA BOWL?
ISN'T IT TRUE ARIZONA FACES A TOTAL
BOYCOTT OF BLACK ATHLETES AND CELEBRITIES?
WHY, NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE
AT ALL. AS A MATTER OF FACT,
WE HAVE TWO WELL-KNOWN BLACK CELEBRITIES
WHO HAVE AGREED TO BE OUR SPOKESMEN,
MEN WHO HAVE THEIR FINGER ON
THE PULSE OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY.
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE THEM NOW. HERE
ARE TOM AND TOM, THE BROTHERS BROTHERS.
YEE-HAW! YIPPIE-KI-YAY!
HEY, BRO, GIVE ME FIVE!
UH, THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT.
I HOPE YOU RETURN IT!
OH, HOW ABOUT OUR
INSTRUMENTS, EH?
THANK YOU, GENTS.
KICK IT OFF, TOM. ♪♪ [Western]
♪ COME TO ARIZONA THE
GRAND CANYON STATE ♪
♪ AND DON'T BE PUT OFF
BY THIS RACIAL DEBATE ♪
♪ THE FOLKS HERE AREN'T
RACIST I KNOW THIS IS TRUE ♪
♪ THEY STILL SHOW THE
JEFFERSONS ON CHANNEL TWO ♪♪
EXCUSE ME. WE DIDN'T COME
HERE TO SEE A NIGHTCLUB ACT.
I STILL WANNA KNOW WHY ARIZONA
DOESN'T HAVE A KING HOLIDAY.
WELL, WHY SHOULD WE
GIVE DON KING A HOLIDAY?
I MEAN, HE CAN'T EVEN
COMB HIS HAIR STRAIGHT!
THAT'S RIGHT. I MEAN,
HE'S MADE SOME GREAT
ADVANCEMENTS IN THE
WORLD OF BOXING, BUT...
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
MARTIN LUTHER KING.
WHO? IS... IS HE ANY RELATION...
TO ALAN KING OR STEPHEN
KING OR BILLIE JEAN KING?
THE CIVIL RIGHTS LEADER!
MARTIN... KING.
AH! ABERNATHY'S FRIEND!
SURE, SURE! OH, YEAH.
WELL, HE WAS CERTAINLY
A NICE GENTLEMEN, BUT, UM,
I GUESS JUST ANOTHER HOLIDAY
WOULD BE SO INCONVENIENT.
I MEAN, THE BANKS WOULD BE CLOSED,
YOU COULDN'T GET YOUR MAIL. YOU KNOW.
EXACTLY. AND I DON'T THINK THAT'S
HOW HE WOULD HAVE WANTED IT.
NO. I MEAN, I... I'VE GOT IT.
I SAY WE CELEBRATE
FROM MIDNIGHT TO 8:00 A.M.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, ISN'T THAT WHAT
HE'S FAMOUS FOR... HAVING A DREAM?
THAT'S RIGHT. HE HAD A DREAM.
OR WE COULD JUST HAVE A...
A WHITE SALE OR SOMETHING.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. I'D BE
THERE. I'M SURE YOU WOULD.
BUT DON'T YOU THINK THE
ARIZONA VOTERS WERE INSENSITIVE?
INSENSITIVE, MY
LEFT BOOT. COME ON.
I MEAN, ARIZONIANS ARE ALWAYS
LOOKING FOR A WAY TO HELP YOU OUT.
WHY, THE POLICE PULLED
US OVER THREE TIMES
JUST TO MAKE SURE WE
KNEW WHERE WE WERE GOING.
THAT'S RIGHT. THEY EVEN GAVE US
THIS GREAT, BIG HUG AROUND THE NECK.
WOULDN'T LET GO.
I MEAN, WE THOUGHT WE WERE
GONNA DIE FROM ALL THE AFFECTION!
YEAH. YOU'VE STILL GOT SOME BURNS
AROUND YOUR NECK FROM ALL THAT AFFECTION.
SO DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF THAT DOOHICKEY
NONSENSE! TOM, WATCH YOUR MOUTH.
NO, I'M TIRED OF THIS
FRANKENTURTLE BULL DOOKEY. OW!
I'VE NEVER HEARD HIM
TALK LIKE THIS BEFORE.
YOU TALK ABOUT
HOSPITALITY. I'M GONNA TELL 'EM
ABOUT LAST NIGHT. TELL
'EM ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
WE GET HOME LATE LAST NIGHT, AND
I'LL BE GOSH DARNED IF THE ARIZONIANS...
DIDN'T LIGHT A NICE, BIG FIRE ON OUR
LAWN SO WE COULD FIND OUR KEYS.
YES, THEY DID.
♪ SO IT'S HIDEY-HEY
AND A-YIPPIE-KI-YAY ♪
♪ WE LOVE ARIZONA
AND WE'RE HERE TO SAY ♪
♪ PLEASE DON'T THINK THE
WORST OF THE AVERAGE GENT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT ALL
BIGOTS JUST FIFTY PERCENT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT ALL
BIGOTS JUST FIFTY PERCENT ♪♪
GOOD WHITE! GOOD
WHITE, EVERYBODY!
YEE-HAW!
[Man Narrating] K-TEL PRESENTS
THE MAN OF THE MIDDLE EAST,
THE ELVIS OF AKABA,
JOHNNY ABDUL!
♪♪ [Rock And Roll]
EVERY AMAZING HIT HE'S EVER SUNG IS
NOW INCLUDED IN THIS NEW DUAL-ALBUM SET.
UNFORGETTABLE HITS LIKE "YOU
AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HOSTAGE."
♪♪ [Mock Middle East Singing]
AND IF YOU ACT NOW, YOU'LL GET
"KUWAIT A MINUTE, MR. POSTMAN,"
"STAIRWAY TO MECCA," "BEIRUT
SUEDE SHOES," "HEARTBREAK HUSSEIN,"
"PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAGHDAD,"
"I LEFT MY HAND IN SAN FRANCISCO."
AND WHO COULD FORGET
HIS BEAUTIFUL LOVE BALLAD...
"LOVE ME TENDER OR DIE SLOWLY"?
♪♪ [Mock Middle East Singing]
♪♪ [Ballad] ♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Continues]
AND, OF COURSE,
HIS BIGGEST HIT EVER,
THE SHOW-STOPPING
"IRAQ AROUND THE CLOCK."
♪♪ [Mock Middle East Singing]
ALL THESE HITS AND
MANY, MANY MORE.
SEND $13.95 TO...
[Middle Eastern Accent]
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
♪♪ [Ululating]
[Chattering]
EXCEPT FOR VINCENT VAN
GOGH. ISN'T THAT AMAZING?
OH, THERE ARE THE
CHILDREN I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
THEY ARE SO CUTE.
IT'S GONNA BE VERY DIFFICULT TO
DECIDE WHICH ONE TO ADOPT, HONEY.
ISN'T IT, THOUGH? COME
ON, MOM AND DAD. LET'S GO.
COME ON, MAN, I ALREADY
GOT MY STUFF PACKED.
THE CAR'S RUNNING.
LET'S GO! CHOP, CHOP.
OR IS IT MORE LIKE A EUROPEAN
THING, YOU GUYS... UH, MAMA AND PAPA?
OR DO WE HAVE ONE OF THOSE POSTMODERN
CHILD-PARENT RELATIONSHIPS, HUH, TED, ANNE?
- WHO ARE YOU?
- GEORGE IS ONE
OF OUR OLDER CHILDREN.
HOW OLD IS GEORGE? HE'S 35.
AND HE'D BETTER START
ACTING HIS AGE! YES, MISS CLAW.
YOU MEAN HE'S BEEN WAITING
35 YEARS TO GET ADOPTED?
YOU KNOW, SOME CHILDREN ARE
JUST SLOWER TO ADOPT THAN OTHERS.
WELL, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR THE RIGHT PARENTS... YOU.
[Imitates Dog Whining]
LOOK, I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU TWO HERE TO GET
ACQUAINTED WITH THE OTHER CHILDREN, OKAY?
YEAH. GEORGE, LEAVE
THE GLEASONS ALONE.
[Groans] YES, MISS CLAW. HEY.
LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GUY. I THINK
HE'S GONNA BE A BASKETBALL STAR.
SLAM-DUNKIN' IT!
WHERE'S YOUR FIVE YEAR OLD NOW,
MAN? YOU'RE EATEN UP, THAT'S WHERE.
ALL RIGHT. WHO'S NEXT? COME
ON, POP. ONE-TO-ONE. LET'S GO.
UH, GEORGE, COME ON, MAN!
I THINK WE'RE JUST GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE LOOK AROUND, ALL RIGHT?
- OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- SEE... S-SEE SPOT...
HERE'S A SMART LITTLE GUY. HE'S
ALREADY LEARNING TO READ. YEAH.
"HE SLOWLY MOVED HIS
HAND DOWN HER THIGH.
SHE QUIVERED IN ECSTASY."
S-SEE SPOT R-R...
I THINK THE WORD THAT THE LITTLE
GENIUS IS LOOKING FOR IS "RUN"!
HONEY, THINK OF HOW MUCH
WE COULD TEACH HIM. YEAH.
MAN, YOU CAN TEACH ME. COME ON.
"A," "B," UH, "D"...
COME ON, MAN, HELP ME OUT. I DON'T
KNOW WHAT'S NEXT. GEORGE, GEORGE,
IT'S OBVIOUS THAT YOU'RE
A VERY TALENTED MAN.
GIFTED, EVEN. THANK YOU.
BUT, YOU SEE, WE
WANT TO ADOPT A CHILD...
SOMEONE WHO WILL DO ALL THE LITTLE
THINGS A CHILD CAN DO. [Baby Crying]
OH, HONEY. LET'S ADOPT A BABY.
LOOK, SHE'S DROOLING.
THAT'S SO ADORABLE.
ADORABLE? WHAT, YOU
THINK DROOLING IS ADORABLE?
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
THIS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
UH-OH, I THINK SOMEONE
JUST HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT.
- DAD, I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE TO...
- DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
STAND UP.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?
I... I JUST WANNA...
HAVE WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE HAD...
A MOMMY AND A DADDY
WHO'LL LOVE THEM.
AND JUST A SMALL CHANCE...
FOR THE HAPPINESS I NEVER KNEW.
YALE SCHOOL OF DRAMA, 1978.
YOU'RE A LUNATIC. YOU KNOW, IT'S
FUNNY. MY EX-WIFE ONCE SAID THAT TOO.
YOUR EX-WIFE? THAT'S
IT! WE'RE TAKING THIS ONE.
LET'S GO. DON'T TRY
TO FOLLOW US, GEORGE.
THERE THEY ARE.
GEORGE, STAY AWAY FROM
THE ERICKSONS. YES, MISS CLAW.
MOM! DAD! OR IS IT KIND
OF LIKE A STREET THING?
YO, MOM! YO, POP! WHAT'S UP?
BOY-EE!
LOVE YA.
♪♪ [Sultry Jazz]
HI. YOU MUST BE
VELMA MULHOLLAND.
THAT'S RIGHT, KID. GOT
A CIGARETTE, JOHNNY?
NO, I DON'T SMOKE. SORRY.
STICK AROUND, BRIGHT BOY.
I'LL TEACH YA A FEW THINGS.
OH, REALLY? WELL, UH, LISTEN,
MY NAME IS ACTUALLY EDDIE.
EDDIE, JOHNNY,
KID, BRIGHT BOY...
IT'S A BIG WORLD OUT
THERE. WHAT'S IN A NAME?
THAT'S HIP. UM...
LISTEN, MY MAN STEVE
TOLD ME A LOT ABOUT YOU.
SAID YOU'RE A PARTY GIRL AND
YOU'RE KIND OF OLD-FASHIONED.
LIES, ALL LIES, I TELL YOU.
SURE, MAYBE I HUNG WITH
THE WRONG CROWD AND
SKIPPED SUNDAY SCHOOL,
BUT I'M NOT ALL BAD.
NO. HE SAID GOOD THINGS
ABOUT YOU. HE SAID THAT,
YOU KNOW, BESIDES YOU LOOKIN'
GOOD, HE SAID THAT, YOU KNOW,
YOU WORKED AT THE FIVE AND 10, GOT A
JOBSKY AND, YOU KNOW, YOU LIKE OLD MOVIES.
SURE, I SEE A PICTURE
SHOW NOW AND AGAIN.
IT HELPS TO PASS THE TIME WHEN YOUR
HEART'S BEEN BROKEN IN SO MANY PIECES...
IT FEELS AS THOUGH YOU'LL
NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.
HEY, UH, WHY DON'T WE JUST
TALK ALL THIS OVER OVER DINNER...
AND SOME MOVIES OR SOMETHING?
AW, JOHNNY, YOU'RE
A SWEET KID. I AM?
BUT DON'T YOU SEE?
IT'D NEVER WORK.
I'M NO GOOD FOR YA,
JOHNNY. I'D BE TROUBLE FROM
THE WORD GO. HELL, MY
MIDDLE NAME IS TROUBLE.
BUT NOT YOU, JOHNNY. YOU'VE GOT
A SHOT AT SOMETHING REALLY BIG.
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE
SOMETHING OF YOURSELF.
I'M GONNA BE SOMEBODY?
JOHNNY, DON'T YOU SEE? WE'RE
FROM TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS.
YOU'RE REAL TOP-DRAWER, HEAD
OF THE LIST, CREAM OF THE CROP.
I'M NOTHING BUT A WASHED-UP HAS-BEEN
WORKIN' IN A DIME-A-DANCE SALOON.
STEVE SAID YOU WORKED
AT THE FIVE AND 10.
FIVE AND 10, DIME-A-DANCE.
CAN'T YA SEE, JOHNNY, I'M TRYING TO KNOCK
SOME SENSE INTO THAT LUNKHEAD OF YOURS.
I'M NO GOOD FOR YOU.
NO GOOD, I TELL YOU.
OH, JOHNNY, YOU DESERVE
THAT STONE COTTAGE
WITH THE PICKET FENCE
AND THE SHADY OAK TREE.
IF YOU STICK AROUND
WITH ME, KID, THEY'LL
RUIN YOUR LIFE JUST
LIKE THEY'VE RUINED MINE.
HEY, LOOK, IS IT THE
BLACK-AND-WHITE THING?
BECAUSE YOU SHOULD'VE SAID
THAT UP FRONT. ALL RIGHT, JOHNNY.
YOU'VE FORCED ME TO SAY IT.
I HATE YOU.
YOU HEAR ME? I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU! I DESPISE YOU!
IF I NEVER SEE THAT PUPPY DOG FACE
AROUND HERE AGAIN, IT'LL BE TOO SOON.
NOW BEAT IT. SCRAM!
I'D BETTER GET OUT OF HERE, 'CAUSE
YOU CAN'T BE HITTIN' A BROTHER LIKE THAT.
JOHNNY!
JOHNNY!
THAT'S RIGHT, JOHNNY.
SAVE YOURSELF.
RUN JUST AS FAST AS
YOUR LEGS WILL CARRY YOU.
RUN TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH IF
YOU HAVE TO, ONLY DON'T LOOK BACK,
BECAUSE I WON'T BE HERE.
BUT I LOVE YOU, YA BIG PALOOKA!
HERE WE ARE. FUNKY
FINGER PRODUCTIONS.
WE ARE NOW IN BUSINESS.
[Man] HELLO. OH. L-LOOK BUSY.
OKAY. [Together]
CONFERENCE CALL.
NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG, NOW.
NELL CARTER IS A GIGANTIC
TALENT. HUMONGOUS.
BUT LOOK HERE. WHAT WE'RE
LOOKING FOR, HOME SKILLET,
IS SOMEBODY WHO
LOOKS LIKE CICELY TYSON...
AND SINGS LIKE PEABO
BRYSON, YA KNOW?
QUINCY, STOP PLAYIN'. FRESH
PRINCE IS GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
THIS HERE'S LONG-DISTANCE.
I'M HERE TO HOOK UP YOUR PHONES.
NOW, AIN'T THAT A BLIP?
EXCUSE ME. I THOUGHT
WE HAD A BAD CONNECTION.
FINALLY, I FOUND YOU!
AH, MR. IRITANI. LOOK HERE.
I'M CLAVELL, AND THIS
HERE'S MY PARTNER.
HOWARD TIBBS III.
HOW YOU FEELIN'?
LOOK JUST LIKE AL
GREEN. DON'T HE?
[Together] AND WE ARE
FUNKY FINGER PRODUCTIONS!
NOW LOOK HERE. LET ME GIVE
YOU ONE OF MY BUSINESS CARDS.
YOU KNOW, I'M FRESH OUT. HOWARD?
BAM!
LOOK HERE. PAY NO
ATTENTION TO THIS...
BECAUSE THAT'S MY MOTHER'S
RECIPE FOR SUCCOTASH, ALL RIGHT?
THIS IS MY SISTER CLORINE'S
NUMBER ON THE BACK IN PINK CRAYON.
OKAY? GIVE HER A CALL
ANYTIME. SHE DOWN WITH IT.
BUT LOOK HERE, IF HER BOYFRIEND
BEAUDROW ANSWERS, YOU JUST BETTER HANG UP.
LISTEN, GUYS. I WANT MY CAR.
NOW, LOOK HERE. YOU SEEMED A LITTLE
ATTITUDINAL WITH OUR UNCTUOUS BEHAVIOR...
WHEN YOU MET US OUTSIDE
OF SPAGO'S LAST NIGHT.
NOW, DIG THAT. BUT THAT VALET GIG IS
JUST A WAY FOR US TO SPOT NEW TALENT.
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T
WANT TO BRING THIS UP, CHIEF,
BUT YOU FORGOT
TO TIP ME, YA KNOW?
A TIP? YOU GAVE ME THE
KEYS TO THE WRONG CAR.
LOOK, I JUST CAME HERE TO GET
MY MERCEDES, AND I WANT IT NOW.
NOW, WE KNOW YOU JAPANESE
BOUGHT UP COLUMBIA AND UNIVERSAL...
AND IT'S NOT THAT WE AIN'T
DOWN WITH THE ASIANS. "ARIGATE."
BUT WE FIGURED IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF
TIME BEFORE Y'ALL CAME AFTER FUNKY FINGER.
- DIG THAT.
- I THOUGHT I EXPLAINED
TO YOU LAST NIGHT...
THAT I'M NOT IN SHOW BUSINESS.
WELL, THAT AIN'T NOTHING
BUT A MEATBALL. EXCUSE ME.
'CAUSE WE GOT A SWEET DEAL
FOR YOU. YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS.
SIT DOWN, BROTHER. HOWARD, IT'S
TIME TO UNVEIL OUR MARKETING PLAN.
BAM!
ALL RIGHT, NOW. NOW, SAY
WE SIGN A MAJOR ARTIST...
LIKE A, UH, FREDDY FENDER.
OKAY? SIGN HIM
FOR A RECORD DEAL.
FOR HOW MUCH? A DUCAT.
SELL EVERY RECORD FOR HOW MUCH?
A MILLION RECORDS, THAT
MAKES A MILLION DUCATS.
SAY WHAT?
FREDDY FENDER'S RIGHT ON TOP WITH
DAVID CASSIDY. YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?
LOOK, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN
RECORD DEALS. MOVIE DEAL!
I JUST WANT MY CAR! MOVIES. SEE?
NOW, LOOK HERE, HOMEY.
WHAT WE GOT HERE...
IS A SURE-FIRE BOX
OFFICE SMASH-OLA.
NOW, SEE, IT'S A CROSS BETWEEN THE
POSEIDON ADVENTURE AND DIRTY DANCING.
SEE, WE THINK THE TIME IS RIGHT FOR
A, UH, WATER BALLET DISASTER FILM.
CLAVEY, GIVE HIM
THE GOODS, COULD YA?
I'M JUST GONNA GIVE HIM A
TASTE. GOTTA PAY FOR THE REST.
OH, YOU'RE GONNA
LEAVE ME HANGIN'.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT?
OKAY. WE'RE ROLLIN', HOMEY.
OH, NO! IT'S A TIDAL WAVE!
COME ON, NOW. PULL
BACK. SEE? THERE IT GOES!
THERE IT GOES. SEE?
I'M DROWNING, BUT I'M DANCING. LOOK
HERE. I'M DROWNING, BUT I'M DANCING.
LOOK AT THIS HERE.
I'M DROWNIN', BUT I'M
DANCIN'. I'M DROWNIN'.
HE'S SELLIN' THIS
ONE, CHIEF. I'M DANCIN'!
AND GODZILLA CAN BE
IMPLEMENTED QUITE EASILY,
AS YOU CAN SEE. I
KNEW YOU'D LOVE THAT.
YOUR FIVE MINUTES IS UP.
I JUST WANT MY CAR,
OR I'LL CALL THE POLICE.
HEY, YOU AIN'T GOTTA DO THAT!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! LOOK HERE!
WE GOT THE CONTRACTS IN OUR PINTO,
RIGHT NEXT TO THE CHEEZ DOODLES.
LOOK HERE. SHALL WE GIVE BRUCE
LEE A LITTLE TASTE ON THE SOUNDTRACK?
JUST A LITTLE TINY
BIT. ♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪ I'M DANCIN' ♪
♪ I'M DROWNIN' ♪
♪ I'M DANCIN' I'M DROWNIN ♪
TEMPTATIONS WALK.
GET IT. DROP DOWN IN THE POCKET.
AND THIS ONE'S FOR FREE, HOMEY.
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
BLOOD PRESSURE'S
STABLE AT 120 OVER 70.
DOC! HOW'S MY PARTNER?
IS HE GONNA PULL THROUGH?
HE'S IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE.
TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF.
OH, MY GOD!
LOOK... LOOK, DOC,
DO WHATEVER YOU GOTTA DO, MAN,
BUT PLEASE MAKE HIM WHOLE AGAIN!
WE CAN REBUILD HIM. WE HAVE
THE TECHNOLOGY. THANK GOD.
IT'S GONNA COST YOU
SIX MILLION DOLLARS.
SIX MILLION DOLLARS? THE DEPARTMENT
DOESN'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY!
FIFTEEN THOUSAND. LOOK.
I GOT UM, 19, 20, 21, 22...
25, 28, UM, 45.
ALL RIGHT? THAT'S 28.45.
I CAN'T PROMISE
ANYTHING, BUT WE'LL TRY.
HE'LL BE A LOT SHORTER
AND A LITTLE SLOWER,
BUT AT LEAST HE'LL
BE ALIVE. THANKS, MAN.
WE GOTTA GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
HANG IN THERE, PARTNER.
[Man Narrating] COMING THIS
SPRING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU...
THE HEAD ALWAYS GETS HIS MAN!
LET'S JUST FORGET IT, MAN. HE'S
TOO FAR AWAY. WE'LL NEVER CATCH HIM.
THROW ME AT HIM. WHAT?
JUST THROW ME
AT HIM. I CAN DO IT.
NO WAY, MAN. TOO
DANGEROUS. JUST DO IT!
AAH! WATCH MY BRAIN!
- WAY TO GO, HEAD!
- FREEZE, SLIMEBALL!
DON'T MAKE ME CHASE
YOU ANY FURTHER.
[Narrator] AND WOMEN
FIND HIM IRRESISTIBLE.
YES! YOU'VE GOT INCREDIBLE
HANDS AND FEET, YOU ANIMAL, YOU.
OH, DETECTIVE HEAD,
I NEVER DREAMED IT
COULD BE LIKE THIS.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,
BABY... IT'S NOT WHAT A MAN'S GOT,
IT'S HOW HE USES IT THAT COUNTS.
[Sighing] STOP TICKLING MY FEET.
[Narrator] THE HEAD DETECTIVE.
COMING THIS SPRING
TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
THANK YOU FOR HANGING
OUT ONE MORE TIME.
TAKING US HOME TONIGHT, MOTOWN
RECORDING ARTIST RICH NICE.
OH, YEAH. HERE WE GO. COME ON.
CLAP YOUR HANDS.
EVERYBODY. COME ON, CLAP.
CLAP YOUR HANDS LIKE THIS.
ALL THE LADIES CHECK IT OUT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
♪ I LIKE LADIES WHO
PARTY AND DANCE ♪
♪ INTELLECTUAL AND
LOVE A ROMANCE ♪
♪ COOL, CALM, COLLECTED
AND A BEAUTIFUL STYLE ♪
♪ GOOD HEAD ON HER
SHOULDERS AND WORTH MY WHILE ♪
♪ TALL AND SLENDER
SKIN SO TENDER ♪
♪ ONE NIGHT WITH ME AND
ALL SHE'LL REMEMBER IS ♪
♪ HUGS AND KISSES IN MY ARMS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M A LOVER FROM
THE NIGHT TILL THE EARLY MORN ♪
♪ THE COOL TALKIN'
SMOOTH WALKIN' ♪
♪ SOME TRY TO FIGHT BUT
IT'S ME YOU'RE HAWKIN' ♪
♪ SO OUTSTANDING, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO WISH ON A STAR ♪
♪ I'M RICH NICE
YOUR MR. GOODBAR ♪
ALL THE LADIES IN THE HOUSE
TONIGHT, CHECK THIS OUT. COME ON.
- ALL THE LADIES SAY, "OW."
- OW!
SAY, "OW, OW."
EVERYBODY SAY,
"RICH NICE." RICH NICE!
SAY, "RICH NICE." RICH NICE!
SAY, "RICH NICE." RICH NICE!
NOW, SCREAM! [Screaming]
JUST WAVE THEM HANDS LIKE THIS.
EVERYBODY. COME ON. WAVE THEM HANDS.
THAT'S RIGHT. COME ON.
JUST WAVE THEM HANDS.
EVERYBODY, LET ME HEAR YOU
SAY, "WE CAME TO THE PARTY."
WE CAME TO THE
PARTY. CHECK IT OUT.
FOR IN LIVING COLOR, WE
GONNA BREAK IT DOWN LIKE THIS.
WE GO ONE, YOU GO
TWO. CHECK IT OUT.
ONE, TWO, THREE...
BREAK IT DOWN.
OH, YEAH. CHECK IT OUT.
EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE,
LET ME HEAR YOU
SAY, "IN LIVING COLOR."
IN LIVING COLOR.
EVERYBODY SAY, "IN
LIVING COLOR." COME ON!
IN LIVING COLOR.
COME ON, CLAP. CLAP
YOUR HANDS. COME ON.
COME ON, CLAP. CLAP YOUR
HANDS. EVERYBODY SAY...