In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 1, Episode 9 - Introducing... Homey D. Clown - full transcript
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
EVERYBODY WAS YOUR FRIEND ♪
♪ FROM THIN TO THICK AND
THROUGH THICK AND THIN ♪
♪ AND EGOTISTICAL
TRIPS WAS PUT TO AN END ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENAN IVORY WAYANS.
[Cheering, Applause]
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. I'M KEENAN IVORY
WAYANS, AND THIS IS IN LIVING COLOR.
THANKS FOR BEING HERE
TONIGHT. YEAH. [Cheering, Applause]
I'D LIKE TO SAY HELLO TO
ALL OUR NEW FANS OUT THERE.
THANKS FOR TUNING IN. WE
GOT A FUN SHOW TONIGHT.
BEFORE I GET STARTED,
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO,
SAY HELLO TO MY D.J., S.W. ONE.
[Cheering, Applause]
YEAH. AND TO THE FLY GIRLS...
STARTIN' OVER HERE
WITH CARRIE ANN, LISA,
CARI, MICHELLE AND DEIDRE.
- YEAH.
- [Applause, Cheering]
I WANT YOU ALL TO
CHILL WHILE WE GET ILL.
MR. D.J., DO YOUR
THING. BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
♪♪ [Hip Hop]
YO, YO, YO! WELCOME TO THE
HOMEBOY NO-MONEY-DOWN SEMINAR.
THAT'S RIGHT. WE GONNA
TEACH YOU HOW TO GET PAID...
WITH ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY DOWN.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M
WILLIS, 'DIS DA ICEMAN.
CHILLIN'! YO, OUR
SECRET TO SUCCESS...
IS RIGHT HERE IN OUR
NEW LITTLE BOOKLET,
HOW TO MAKE MO' MONEY
WITHOUT USING YO' MONEY.
MIGHT WELL YOU ASK,
"WHOSE MONEY SHOULD I USE?"
WHO GOT MORE MONEY THEN
THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH?
THE GUB-MENT. THAT'S RIGHT.
AND IN PART ONE OF OUR BOOKLET,
WE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO USE
THAT MONEY FROM THE GOVERNMENT.
FOR EXAMPLE, DID YOU KNOW...
THAT FOOD STAMPS CANNOT BE
USED TO BUY ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES?
HMM. BUT HOW COULD I USE THAT
KNOWLEDGE TO WORK FOR ME?
I'M GLAD THAT YOU ASKED.
LET'S LOOK AT THE CHART.
I GO INTO A STORE AND PURCHASE A
PACK OF BEER FOR, LET'S SAY, $3.99.
OR EVEN LESS, DEPENDING
ON THE SECURITY SYSTEM.
AND I TRADE IT TO SOME
UNSCRUPULOUS INDIVIDUAL,
SUCH AS THIS MAN RIGHT HERE.
FOR, LET'S SAY, $40-50
WORTH OF FOOD STAMPS.
UH-HUH. NOW, HE'S EASY TO FIND.
HE MIGHT EVEN BE IN YOUR FAMILY.
AND I TAKE THAT MONEY, AND I FIND
A LITTLE FAT LADY NAMED LAQUITA...
WITH ABOUT 15 CHILDREN,
AND I TRADE IT TO HER FOR $25.
WHAT DOES THAT EQUAL?
YO, HERE GOES ONE OF
OUR MANY SUCCESS STORIES.
ANTON "BOOM BOOM" GENO.
$45,000 IN THREE WEEKS.
LUTHER "BIG HEAD" JONES.
$123,000 IN SIX MONTHS.
YO, OUR MO' MONEY SEMINAR...
WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO GET
OVER LIKE ROVER THE CASANOVA.
THAT'S RIGHT. AND IN PART THREE,
WE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW
TO DRESS FOR SUCCESS.
LIKE, CHECK OUT
MY MAN WILLIS HERE.
I KNOW YOU'RE SAYING HE
LOOKS PRETTY FLY LIKE IT IS,
BUT ADD THIS LITTLE
ACCESSORY RIGHT HERE...
NOW HE'S GOT A LOOK THAT MOST
BUSINESSMEN JUST CAN'T SEEM TO SAY "NO" TO.
THAT'S RIGHT. BUT
WAIT. HOL-HOL-HOLD ON.
YOU SAY, "YO, HOMEBOY." WHAT?
"YO, HOMEBOY." "WHAT?"
YOU DRIVE A BIG
MERCEDES. YES, I DO.
HOW CAN I DRIVE A BIG,
CRAZY MERCEDES TOO?
WELL, THAT'S EASY.
IF YOU ACT NOW,
WE GONNA SEND YOU OUR
EXCLUSIVE MO' MONEY VALET KIT.
YOU JUST FIND YOURSELF
A NICE, FANCY RESTAURANT,
STAND IN FRONT, THROW
ON THIS RED JACKET,
HOLD UP THIS HERE SIGN,
AND YOU'LL BE AMAZED AT HOW
MANY PEOPLE JUST WALK UP...
AND GIVE YOU A LUXURY CAR.
YO, SOME OF THEM WILL EVEN TIP
YOU BEFORE TURNING OVER THE KEYS.
[Pounding] [Man] FBI!
OPEN UP IN THERE!
YO. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS. WE'RE MOVING LOCATIONS.
THAT'S RIGHT. YO, PEOPLE
ARE JUST BANGING ON
THE DOORS TRYING TO
GET INTO ON OUR SEMINARS.
SO JUST SEND $50 TO THE
HOMEBOYS CARE OF THIS STATION.
SEE YOU NEXT TIME. PEACE.
[Pounding Continues]
[Woman] ♪ WE GOT LAUGHS
FROM COAST TO COAST ♪
♪ TO MAKE YOU SMILE ♪
♪ A REAL-LIFE LOOK
AT EACH OF YOU ♪
♪ TO CAPTURE ALL THAT STYLE ♪
♪ WE'RE THE RED, WHITE AND
BLUE THE FUNNY THINGS YOU DO ♪♪
HELLO, AND WELCOME TO AMERICA'S
FUNNIEST SECURITY CAMERA VIDEOS.
[Laughs] I'M BOB SAGET.
I'D LIKE TO SAY HELLO
TO MY DAUGHTER.
SHE'S AT HOME RIGHT NOW,
THROWING UP WITH THE FLU.
[Laughs] AND I HOPE
THEY'RE TAPING IT.
[Laughing] ONLY KIDDING.
I ALREADY HAVE THAT ON TAPE.
ANYWAY, AS YOU
KNOW WE GET VIDEOS...
FROM SECURITY CAMERAS
INSTALLED ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
TONIGHT WE'RE GONNA BE TAKING A LOOK
AT A VIDEO SENT TO US BY ALI BAHAD CAMCAR.
ALI WORKS AT A LUCKY
11 CONVENIENCE STORE...
AND, BOY, AM I SURPRISED.
[Laughing]
ROLL 'EM.
[Saget] JUST A TYPICAL
NIGHT IN THE LUCKY 11.
LITTLE KID'S BUYING A SLUSHY,
A CASHIER SHORT-CHANGING HIM,
AND PLENTY OF SURVEILLANCE
TO COVER THE EVENT.
[Laughing] UH-OH. COMPANY.
HEY, MAN! GHANDI,
GIVE ME THE MONEY!
UM, I'M VERY SORRY. BUSINESS
NOT TOO GOOD TODAY. OH, YEAH?
HOW IS IT NOW? [Saget]
THAT HAD TO HURT!
GIVE ME... GIVE ME
A CHANCE TO GET IT.
OPEN IT, ROACH MOTEL!
TAKE IT. THANKS A LOT, MAHATMA.
- OHHH!
- [Saget Laughing]
[Saget] CLEAN UP ON AISLE FIVE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
MOTHER... [Beep Beep]
[Saget Laughs] WOW.
GOOD THING THOSE PAPER
TOWELS ARE SUPERABSORBENT.
COPPERS! LADY, COME
HERE! [Saget] UH-OH.
STAY THERE. I'LL KILL
HER, MAN! [Screaming]
[Saget] SHE COULDA BEEN A
HOSTAGE, BUT HER HEART WASN'T IN IT.
[Saget Laughing]
[Speaks, Indistinct]
[Saget] SOME DAYS, IT JUST
DOESN'T PAY TO BE A CROOK.
[Saget Laughs]
ALI, THANKS FOR THAT
HYSTERICAL VIDEOTAPE.
YOU'RE A VERY BRAVE MAN AND
HERE'S LOOKING THROUGH YOU.
[Laughing]
STOP ME OR I'LL
JOKE AGAIN! [Chuckles]
SEE YOU ALL NEXT WEEK ON AMERICA'S
FUNNIEST SECURITY CAMERA VIDEOS.
[Laughing]
♪ WE'VE GOT LAUGHS
FROM COAST TO COAST ♪
♪ TO MAKE YOU SMILE ♪
N:
ANDREA DICE CLAY!
[Cheering, Applause]
[Audience Whooping]
[Applause Dies Out]
[Spits]
YEAH. YOU THINK
THAT'S EASY TO DO...
WHEN YOU'RE STACKED LIKE THIS?
HOW THE [Beep] ARE YOU DOING?
HOW DO YOU LIKE MY JACKET, HUH?
[Audience Members Howling]
IT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE. I GOT MORE
STUDS THAN I KNOW WHAT TO DO TO WITH.
I'M TELLING YOU. GUYS
CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF ME.
THEY'RE ALWAYS SAYING,
"OH, BABY. OH, BABY.
I LOVE YOU. I NEED YOU."
BULLS... [Beep].
JUST GIMME THE GOODS
AND GET OUTTA HERE!
I'M THROUGH WITH YOU!
I WAS DOING THIS GUY
IN MY DRESSING ROOM...
BEFORE I CAME OUT HERE TONIGHT.
HE SAYS TO ME, "YOU
HURT MY FEELINGS."
WELL, EXCUSE THE
[Beep] OUTTA ME.
ALL I SAYS WAS,
"IS THAT ALL THERE IS, HUH?"
THESE [Beep Beep] GUYS
THINK THEY'RE BUILT...
LIKE [Beep]-DAMNED ADONIS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE THIS [Beep Beep]
THE OTHER NIGHT.
HE SAYS TO ME...
[Chuckles]
HE SAYS TO ME,
"LET ME KNOW IF I HURT YOU."
IF YOU HURT ME?
I SAYS, "THE LAST TIME I SAW
SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE THAT,
IT HAD AN ERASER
ON THE END OF IT."
[Man] ANDREA DICE CLAY...
AT THE DESERT INN
NOW THROUGH JULY 15th.
IF SHE DOESN'T CUT 'EM
OFF, YOU'LL LAUGH 'EM OFF.
YEAH.
EAT [Beep Beep]
[Cheering, Applause]
♪♪ [Hip-Hop] [Woman] ♪ OOH ♪
♪ LADIES FIRST LADIES FIRST ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ LADIES FIRST LADIES FIRST ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ LADIES FIRST LADIES FIRST ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ LADIES FIRST LADIES FIRST ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME, BUT I
THINK I AM ABOUT DUE ♪
♪ TO GET INTO PRECISELY
WHAT I AM ABOUT TO DO ♪
♪ I'M CONVERSATIN' TO THE FOLKS
WHO HAVE NO WHATSOEVER CLUE ♪
♪ LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY
AS I BREAK IT DOWN TO YOU ♪
♪ MERRY, MERRY, MERRY,
MERRILY HYPERHAPPY, OVERJOYED ♪
♪ PLEASED WITH ALL THE BEATS
MY SISTAS HAVE EMPLOYED ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE'RE GOING DOWN THE SOUND
TOTALLY A YES LET ME STATE THE POSITION ♪♪
HEY, MON! ♪♪
[Caribbean Steel Drums]
[Announcer] IT'S TIME FOR
ANOTHER EPISODE OF HEY MON,
WITH THAT HARDEST-WORKING
WEST INDIAN FAMILY, THE HEADLEYS!
[Caribbean Accent] THIS IS
YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.
I'M ALSO YOUR BAGGAGE HANDLER,
TICKET AGENT, HEAD STEWARD,
NAVIGATOR, TOWEL BOY,
IN-FLIGHT CHIROPRACTOR...
AND ME OWN COPILOT TO BOOT.
WELCOME TO HEADLEY AIRLINES.
I AND MY FAMILY ARE WORKING
OUR JAMAICAN BUTTS OFF...
TO MAKE YOUR FLIGHT
A PLEASANT ONE.
SAY HELLO TO YOUR STEWARDESS,
COOK, RESTROOM ATTENDANT,
RENT-A-CAR AGENT, AIR-TRAFFIC
CONTROLLER AND ENGINE MECHANIC...
ON THE LEFT AISLE, MY
LOVELY DAUGHTER MARGARET.
HEY, MON! CAP'N SAYS TO
SHOVE YOURSELVES DOWN.
ALL RIGHT. IRIE!
AND THE RUDE BOY SERVING THE
DRINKS IS MY LAZY SON, BYRON.
COME HERE, BOY.
WHAT IS THIS UNIFORM?
WHERE'S YOUR TAN SHIRT AND TIE?
POP, YOU KNOW ME NO WEAR
NO YANKEE-STYLE UNIFORM.
PLUS, THIS UNIFORM GIVE
ME AUTHORITY. AUTHORITY?
AUTHORITY.
AUTHORITY? YOU LOOK LIKE
ISAAC FROM THE LOVE BOAT.
AND WE ALL KNOW HE HASN'T
HAD A JOB IN A LONG TIME.
BOY, GO PUT A DRINK UP THERE AND STEER THE
PLANE WHILE I TAKE CARE OF THE PASSENGERS.
[Mutters] YOU LAZY
COCONUT BLOOD CLOT.
GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.
HI, THERE. HOW YOU
DOING THERE, TIGER?
WHAT A CUTE LITTLE FELLA
YOU GOT THERE. THANK YOU.
HOW OLD IS HE? HE'S FOUR.
FOUR YEARS OLD, HUH?
HEY, HEY. LOOK AT THAT.
YEAH. WHAT DOES HE DO?
WHAT DOES HE DO? FOR A
LIVING, HIS JOB. WHAT'S HIS JOB?
HE'S A FOUR-YEAR-OLD LITTLE
BOY. HE DOESN'T HAVE A JOB.
FOUR YEARS OLD AND
DOESN'T HAVE A JOB?
WHY, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I HAD
A PAPER ROUTE, A KOOL-AID STAND,
I MOWED THE LAWN, I
WAS A DELIVERY BOY,
A BABY-SITTER, I
WORKED IN A COAL MINE,
ALL WHILE I WAS SIMULTANEOUSLY IN THE
FIRST, SECOND, THIRD AND FOURTH GRADES.
YOU BETTER GET A JOB
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, BOY.
GIMME BACK MY HAT,
YA LAZY LIMA BEAN.
EXCUSE ME. THERE'S A WOMAN
OUT ON THE WING OF THE PLANE.
DON'T GET EXCITED. IT'S JUST MY WIFE
HILDA DOING THE LAUNDRY FOR HER DAY JOB.
HEY, MON! OH, GOD, I
LOVE THE WIND OUT THERE.
IT DRIES MY LAUNDRY
IN ONE-THIRD THE TIME.
YES, IT DOES NOW.
GODFREID, LOOK IT
HERE. WHAT IS THIS?
I'M OUT THERE THREE MINUTES AND LAZY
MARGARET'S SITTING DOWN ON THE JOB.
[Huffs] LOOK, MAMA, LEAVE ME
ALONE. I'VE DONE ALL MY CHORES.
BESIDES, I TALKIN' TO THIS REAL CUTE
FELLA SITTING NEXT TO ME AND ALL.
WHAT DOES HE DO NOW?
WELL, HIM FROM TRINIDAD.
HIM HAVE 15 JOB
AND I THINK I LOVE HE.
WELL, STOP YOUR TONGUE-WAGGIN',
GIRL. GET ACQUAINTED! OKAY, MOM.
UH, EXCUSE ME, CAPTAIN,
IS IT NECESSARY FOR THIS WOMAN
TO IRON HER CLOTHES RIGHT HERE?
I'M TRYING TO RELAX. RELAX?
AREN'T YOU ON A BUSINESS TRIP?
- WELL, I'M ON A VACATION.
- VACATION FROM HOW MANY JOBS?
ONE. ONE JOB?
YOU LAZY GOAT. YOU HAVE SOME
BIG, GREAT, BIG HAIRY NERVE...
SITTIN' UP HERE IN THE BUSINESS
CLASS FOR HARD-WORKING PEOPLE.
HE SHOULD BE BACK
THERE IN THE LAZY CLASS.
NOW, BUT I PURCHASED
A BUSINESS CLASS TICKET.
WELL, I'M GONNA TELL YA SOMETHIN'. YOUR
ILL-GOTTEN LAZY MONEY IS NO GOOD HERE.
THIS CLASS IS FOR HARD-WORKIN'
BUSINESS PEOPLE. GET OUT!
SECURITY!
SECURITY HERE.
GET HIM OUTTA MY SIGHT, MON!
GET UP. YOU'RE UNDER LAZY ARREST.
GET IN THE BACK, YA LAZY GOAT!
LAZY MON! GO! GO! LAZY MON!
GET OUTTA HERE. THAT'S RIGHT.
POP, POP! POP! WE HAVE TO LAND THE
PLANE, BUT THE LANDING GEAR IS BROKEN.
OHH. WELL, WE GOT TO
LAND THE PLANE ANYWAY.
CREW, PREPARE FOR MANUAL
LANDING. ALL RIGHT, DAD.
NOTHING ELSE TO
DO, NO? THAT'S RIGHT.
OKAY, MARGARET, YOU
GET UNDER THE NOSE.
YOU AND I WILL GET UNDERNEATH
THE WINGS. OKAY, DADDY.
HEY, MON! [Headleys, Simultaneously]
GOT TO LAND THE PLANE!
♪♪ [Caribbean Steel Drums]
[Announcer] JOIN US AGAIN FOR
HEY MON WITH THE HEADLEYS.
[Man] ♪ BLACK ON WHITE
THEY START TO GET BUSY ♪
♪ GIRLS ON THE POLE WILL
DANCE TILL THEIR DIZZY ♪
♪ LAST SONG WAS SLOW
YA ASK ME TO SPEED IT UP ♪
♪ THE HEAT'S ON SO
DOC'S GOTTA HEAT IT UP ♪
♪ I ROCK THE ROCK THAT
MADE YOU GET LOOSE ♪
♪ I'M THE EMCEE AND
SHE'S THE PRODUCER ♪
♪ CROWD HEARD THE SONG
THEY ALL YELLED, "UH-OH" ♪
♪ YOU CAN HANG CAUSE
THAT'S JUST THE INTRO ♪
♪♪ [Singing
Continues, Indistinct]
[Giggling] OH! CHILDREN!
CHILDREN, ARE YOU
HAVING A GOOD TIME? [Toot]
YES! YEAH!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHNOOKY-OOKUMS.
[Horns Blow] I HAVE A
SURPRISE FOR YOU!
[Cheering] HOMEY THE CLOWN!
[Cheering Continues] I TOLD
YOU THE CLOWN! I TOLD YOU!
♪ HOMEY THE CLOWN HOMEY
THE CLOWN HOMEY THE CLOWN ♪
YAY! HOMEY! HOMEY! HOMEY!
SIT DOWN! HOMEY!
HOMEY! HOMEY! HOMEY!
HOMEY! HOMEY! HOM...
I SAID SIT DOWN.
ALL RIGHT, KIDS. I'M
HOMEY THE CLOWN.
- Y'ALL READY TO HAVE SOME FUN?
- [Children] YEAH!
ALL RIGHT. WHAT Y'ALL WANT
ME TO DO FIRST? OOH OOH!
HOMEY, HOMEY, HOMEY! DO A
SILLY CLOWN DANCE FOR US. WHAT?
[Children Cheer, Applaud]
YEAH. DEGRADE MYSELF, HUH?
I DON'T THINK SO.
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.
WHAT ELSE? WHAT
ELSE? OOH OOH OOH!
YOU COULD... OH! YOU COULD SLIP ON A
BANANA PEEL AND FALL ON YOUR BUTT!
[Children Laughing]
OH, YEAH, FALL DOWN
AND BUST MY SKULL OPEN...
AND HAVE MY BLOOD AND
BRAINS OOZE OUT ON THE CARPET...
SO YOU CAN GET A COUPLE
OF CHEAP LAUGHS, HUH?
I DON'T THINK SO.
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.
WHAT ELSE? OH! OOH! ME!
HEY! HEY! CAN WE SMASH
A CREAM PIE IN YOUR FACE...
LIKE THEY BE DOING TO
CLOWNS AND STUFF? YEAH!
YEAH! I THINK YOU GOT
IT BACKWARDS, SON.
NOW, HOW DO YOU
FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF?
MM. TOTALLY DISSED, HOMEY.
THAT'S WHY HOMEY
DON'T PLAY THAT.
ALL RIGHT. HOW
ABOUT A MAGIC TRICK?
YAY! YEAH!
WHO GOT A DOLLAR? I DO, HOMEY!
HERE YOU GO, HOMEY.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL
FOLD IT ONCE. OOH!
TWICE. WHOA. AHHH.
NOW IT'S GONE. TA-DA!
[Horn Honking]
LET'S GET SOMETHING
STRAIGHT, KIDS.
HOMEY MAY BE A CLOWN, BUT HE
DON'T MAKE A FOOL OUTTA HISSELF.
YEAH? WHY... UH, WHY YOU
BECOME A CLOWN THEN?
I GUESS IT'S BECAUSE I
GOT SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE...
AND IT'S PART OF MY PRISON
WORK-RELEASE PROGRAM,
SO I GOT ABOUT FIVE MORE
YEAR OF THIS CLOWN CRAP.
CARTOON TIME!
[Children Cheering] [Blow Horns]
Y'ALL PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION, 'CAUSE
THIS ONE HAS A CERTAIN MESSAGE TO IT.
OOH!
ONCE UPON A TIME, HOMEY THE CLOWN
WENT TO A FANCY WHITE RESTAURANT.
"CHEZ WHITEY" WAS THE NAME.
AS ALWAYS, HOMEY GETS
A-HASSLED BY THE MAN.
HE TELLS HIM THAT
A TIE IS REQUIRED...
IN ORDER TO EAT IN
THIS ESTABLISHMENT.
SO HOMEY SAYS, "MAN, GET THEM DAMN
TIES OUTTA MY FACE 'FORE I KICK YOUR ASS!"
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, MONSIEUR SNOWFLAKE
DIDN'T QUITE HEAR HOMEY CORRECTLY.
SO HOMEY HAD NO CHOICE...
BUT TO KEEP HIS WORD.
[Honking] THE END.
SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED
IF NOTHING ELSE, CHILDRENS?
[Children, Simultaneously]
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT!
THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, LET'S SING
THE HOMEY THE CLOWN SONG.
[Children Cheering]
REPEAT AFTER ME.
♪ HOMEY THE CLOWN ♪
[Children] ♪ HOMEY THE CLOWN ♪
♪ DON'T MESS AROUND ♪
♪ DON'T MESS AROUND ♪
♪ EVEN THOUGH THE MAN ♪
♪ EVEN THOUGH THE MAN ♪
♪ TRY TO KEEP HIM DOWN ♪
♪ TRY TO KEEP HIM DOWN ♪
♪ ONE DAY HOMEY WILL
BREAK ALL THE CHAINS ♪
♪ THEN HE'LL FLY AWAY
BUT UNTIL THAT DAY ♪
♪ HOMEY DON'T PLAY ♪
I SAID REPEAT AFTER
ME! [Repeating Out Of Synch]
[Repeating Out Of Synch]
VERY GOOD.
SEE. YOU...
Y'ALL MADE HOMEY
SMILE AFTER ALL.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KID. [Honking]
BYE. BYE.
HOMEY! HOMEY!
[Applause, Cheering]
ALL RIGHT.
BEFORE WE GO, WE WANNA INTRODUCE YOU TO THE
LADY BEHIND ALL THE STEPS ON THE SHOW...
AND HER ASSISTANT RIGHT
HERE... THAT'S ROSIE PEREZ.
[Whooping, Applause]
ON THE RIGHT HERE.
UH, WHAT CAN I SAY? WE
HAD FUN DOING IT ONCE AGAIN.
IF YOU'RE THERE NEXT WEEK, WE'LL
BE THERE TOO, SO UNTIL THEN... PEACE!
PEACE.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
EVERYBODY WAS YOUR FRIEND ♪
♪ FROM THIN TO THICK AND
THROUGH THICK AND THIN ♪
♪ AND EGOTISTICAL
TRIPS WAS PUT TO AN END ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENAN IVORY WAYANS.
[Cheering, Applause]
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. I'M KEENAN IVORY
WAYANS, AND THIS IS IN LIVING COLOR.
THANKS FOR BEING HERE
TONIGHT. YEAH. [Cheering, Applause]
I'D LIKE TO SAY HELLO TO
ALL OUR NEW FANS OUT THERE.
THANKS FOR TUNING IN. WE
GOT A FUN SHOW TONIGHT.
BEFORE I GET STARTED,
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO,
SAY HELLO TO MY D.J., S.W. ONE.
[Cheering, Applause]
YEAH. AND TO THE FLY GIRLS...
STARTIN' OVER HERE
WITH CARRIE ANN, LISA,
CARI, MICHELLE AND DEIDRE.
- YEAH.
- [Applause, Cheering]
I WANT YOU ALL TO
CHILL WHILE WE GET ILL.
MR. D.J., DO YOUR
THING. BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
♪♪ [Hip Hop]
YO, YO, YO! WELCOME TO THE
HOMEBOY NO-MONEY-DOWN SEMINAR.
THAT'S RIGHT. WE GONNA
TEACH YOU HOW TO GET PAID...
WITH ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY DOWN.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M
WILLIS, 'DIS DA ICEMAN.
CHILLIN'! YO, OUR
SECRET TO SUCCESS...
IS RIGHT HERE IN OUR
NEW LITTLE BOOKLET,
HOW TO MAKE MO' MONEY
WITHOUT USING YO' MONEY.
MIGHT WELL YOU ASK,
"WHOSE MONEY SHOULD I USE?"
WHO GOT MORE MONEY THEN
THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH?
THE GUB-MENT. THAT'S RIGHT.
AND IN PART ONE OF OUR BOOKLET,
WE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO USE
THAT MONEY FROM THE GOVERNMENT.
FOR EXAMPLE, DID YOU KNOW...
THAT FOOD STAMPS CANNOT BE
USED TO BUY ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES?
HMM. BUT HOW COULD I USE THAT
KNOWLEDGE TO WORK FOR ME?
I'M GLAD THAT YOU ASKED.
LET'S LOOK AT THE CHART.
I GO INTO A STORE AND PURCHASE A
PACK OF BEER FOR, LET'S SAY, $3.99.
OR EVEN LESS, DEPENDING
ON THE SECURITY SYSTEM.
AND I TRADE IT TO SOME
UNSCRUPULOUS INDIVIDUAL,
SUCH AS THIS MAN RIGHT HERE.
FOR, LET'S SAY, $40-50
WORTH OF FOOD STAMPS.
UH-HUH. NOW, HE'S EASY TO FIND.
HE MIGHT EVEN BE IN YOUR FAMILY.
AND I TAKE THAT MONEY, AND I FIND
A LITTLE FAT LADY NAMED LAQUITA...
WITH ABOUT 15 CHILDREN,
AND I TRADE IT TO HER FOR $25.
WHAT DOES THAT EQUAL?
YO, HERE GOES ONE OF
OUR MANY SUCCESS STORIES.
ANTON "BOOM BOOM" GENO.
$45,000 IN THREE WEEKS.
LUTHER "BIG HEAD" JONES.
$123,000 IN SIX MONTHS.
YO, OUR MO' MONEY SEMINAR...
WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO GET
OVER LIKE ROVER THE CASANOVA.
THAT'S RIGHT. AND IN PART THREE,
WE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW
TO DRESS FOR SUCCESS.
LIKE, CHECK OUT
MY MAN WILLIS HERE.
I KNOW YOU'RE SAYING HE
LOOKS PRETTY FLY LIKE IT IS,
BUT ADD THIS LITTLE
ACCESSORY RIGHT HERE...
NOW HE'S GOT A LOOK THAT MOST
BUSINESSMEN JUST CAN'T SEEM TO SAY "NO" TO.
THAT'S RIGHT. BUT
WAIT. HOL-HOL-HOLD ON.
YOU SAY, "YO, HOMEBOY." WHAT?
"YO, HOMEBOY." "WHAT?"
YOU DRIVE A BIG
MERCEDES. YES, I DO.
HOW CAN I DRIVE A BIG,
CRAZY MERCEDES TOO?
WELL, THAT'S EASY.
IF YOU ACT NOW,
WE GONNA SEND YOU OUR
EXCLUSIVE MO' MONEY VALET KIT.
YOU JUST FIND YOURSELF
A NICE, FANCY RESTAURANT,
STAND IN FRONT, THROW
ON THIS RED JACKET,
HOLD UP THIS HERE SIGN,
AND YOU'LL BE AMAZED AT HOW
MANY PEOPLE JUST WALK UP...
AND GIVE YOU A LUXURY CAR.
YO, SOME OF THEM WILL EVEN TIP
YOU BEFORE TURNING OVER THE KEYS.
[Pounding] [Man] FBI!
OPEN UP IN THERE!
YO. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS. WE'RE MOVING LOCATIONS.
THAT'S RIGHT. YO, PEOPLE
ARE JUST BANGING ON
THE DOORS TRYING TO
GET INTO ON OUR SEMINARS.
SO JUST SEND $50 TO THE
HOMEBOYS CARE OF THIS STATION.
SEE YOU NEXT TIME. PEACE.
[Pounding Continues]
[Woman] ♪ WE GOT LAUGHS
FROM COAST TO COAST ♪
♪ TO MAKE YOU SMILE ♪
♪ A REAL-LIFE LOOK
AT EACH OF YOU ♪
♪ TO CAPTURE ALL THAT STYLE ♪
♪ WE'RE THE RED, WHITE AND
BLUE THE FUNNY THINGS YOU DO ♪♪
HELLO, AND WELCOME TO AMERICA'S
FUNNIEST SECURITY CAMERA VIDEOS.
[Laughs] I'M BOB SAGET.
I'D LIKE TO SAY HELLO
TO MY DAUGHTER.
SHE'S AT HOME RIGHT NOW,
THROWING UP WITH THE FLU.
[Laughs] AND I HOPE
THEY'RE TAPING IT.
[Laughing] ONLY KIDDING.
I ALREADY HAVE THAT ON TAPE.
ANYWAY, AS YOU
KNOW WE GET VIDEOS...
FROM SECURITY CAMERAS
INSTALLED ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
TONIGHT WE'RE GONNA BE TAKING A LOOK
AT A VIDEO SENT TO US BY ALI BAHAD CAMCAR.
ALI WORKS AT A LUCKY
11 CONVENIENCE STORE...
AND, BOY, AM I SURPRISED.
[Laughing]
ROLL 'EM.
[Saget] JUST A TYPICAL
NIGHT IN THE LUCKY 11.
LITTLE KID'S BUYING A SLUSHY,
A CASHIER SHORT-CHANGING HIM,
AND PLENTY OF SURVEILLANCE
TO COVER THE EVENT.
[Laughing] UH-OH. COMPANY.
HEY, MAN! GHANDI,
GIVE ME THE MONEY!
UM, I'M VERY SORRY. BUSINESS
NOT TOO GOOD TODAY. OH, YEAH?
HOW IS IT NOW? [Saget]
THAT HAD TO HURT!
GIVE ME... GIVE ME
A CHANCE TO GET IT.
OPEN IT, ROACH MOTEL!
TAKE IT. THANKS A LOT, MAHATMA.
- OHHH!
- [Saget Laughing]
[Saget] CLEAN UP ON AISLE FIVE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
MOTHER... [Beep Beep]
[Saget Laughs] WOW.
GOOD THING THOSE PAPER
TOWELS ARE SUPERABSORBENT.
COPPERS! LADY, COME
HERE! [Saget] UH-OH.
STAY THERE. I'LL KILL
HER, MAN! [Screaming]
[Saget] SHE COULDA BEEN A
HOSTAGE, BUT HER HEART WASN'T IN IT.
[Saget Laughing]
[Speaks, Indistinct]
[Saget] SOME DAYS, IT JUST
DOESN'T PAY TO BE A CROOK.
[Saget Laughs]
ALI, THANKS FOR THAT
HYSTERICAL VIDEOTAPE.
YOU'RE A VERY BRAVE MAN AND
HERE'S LOOKING THROUGH YOU.
[Laughing]
STOP ME OR I'LL
JOKE AGAIN! [Chuckles]
SEE YOU ALL NEXT WEEK ON AMERICA'S
FUNNIEST SECURITY CAMERA VIDEOS.
[Laughing]
♪ WE'VE GOT LAUGHS
FROM COAST TO COAST ♪
♪ TO MAKE YOU SMILE ♪
N:
ANDREA DICE CLAY!
[Cheering, Applause]
[Audience Whooping]
[Applause Dies Out]
[Spits]
YEAH. YOU THINK
THAT'S EASY TO DO...
WHEN YOU'RE STACKED LIKE THIS?
HOW THE [Beep] ARE YOU DOING?
HOW DO YOU LIKE MY JACKET, HUH?
[Audience Members Howling]
IT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE. I GOT MORE
STUDS THAN I KNOW WHAT TO DO TO WITH.
I'M TELLING YOU. GUYS
CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF ME.
THEY'RE ALWAYS SAYING,
"OH, BABY. OH, BABY.
I LOVE YOU. I NEED YOU."
BULLS... [Beep].
JUST GIMME THE GOODS
AND GET OUTTA HERE!
I'M THROUGH WITH YOU!
I WAS DOING THIS GUY
IN MY DRESSING ROOM...
BEFORE I CAME OUT HERE TONIGHT.
HE SAYS TO ME, "YOU
HURT MY FEELINGS."
WELL, EXCUSE THE
[Beep] OUTTA ME.
ALL I SAYS WAS,
"IS THAT ALL THERE IS, HUH?"
THESE [Beep Beep] GUYS
THINK THEY'RE BUILT...
LIKE [Beep]-DAMNED ADONIS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE THIS [Beep Beep]
THE OTHER NIGHT.
HE SAYS TO ME...
[Chuckles]
HE SAYS TO ME,
"LET ME KNOW IF I HURT YOU."
IF YOU HURT ME?
I SAYS, "THE LAST TIME I SAW
SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE THAT,
IT HAD AN ERASER
ON THE END OF IT."
[Man] ANDREA DICE CLAY...
AT THE DESERT INN
NOW THROUGH JULY 15th.
IF SHE DOESN'T CUT 'EM
OFF, YOU'LL LAUGH 'EM OFF.
YEAH.
EAT [Beep Beep]
[Cheering, Applause]
♪♪ [Hip-Hop] [Woman] ♪ OOH ♪
♪ LADIES FIRST LADIES FIRST ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ LADIES FIRST LADIES FIRST ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ LADIES FIRST LADIES FIRST ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ LADIES FIRST LADIES FIRST ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME, BUT I
THINK I AM ABOUT DUE ♪
♪ TO GET INTO PRECISELY
WHAT I AM ABOUT TO DO ♪
♪ I'M CONVERSATIN' TO THE FOLKS
WHO HAVE NO WHATSOEVER CLUE ♪
♪ LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY
AS I BREAK IT DOWN TO YOU ♪
♪ MERRY, MERRY, MERRY,
MERRILY HYPERHAPPY, OVERJOYED ♪
♪ PLEASED WITH ALL THE BEATS
MY SISTAS HAVE EMPLOYED ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE'RE GOING DOWN THE SOUND
TOTALLY A YES LET ME STATE THE POSITION ♪♪
HEY, MON! ♪♪
[Caribbean Steel Drums]
[Announcer] IT'S TIME FOR
ANOTHER EPISODE OF HEY MON,
WITH THAT HARDEST-WORKING
WEST INDIAN FAMILY, THE HEADLEYS!
[Caribbean Accent] THIS IS
YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.
I'M ALSO YOUR BAGGAGE HANDLER,
TICKET AGENT, HEAD STEWARD,
NAVIGATOR, TOWEL BOY,
IN-FLIGHT CHIROPRACTOR...
AND ME OWN COPILOT TO BOOT.
WELCOME TO HEADLEY AIRLINES.
I AND MY FAMILY ARE WORKING
OUR JAMAICAN BUTTS OFF...
TO MAKE YOUR FLIGHT
A PLEASANT ONE.
SAY HELLO TO YOUR STEWARDESS,
COOK, RESTROOM ATTENDANT,
RENT-A-CAR AGENT, AIR-TRAFFIC
CONTROLLER AND ENGINE MECHANIC...
ON THE LEFT AISLE, MY
LOVELY DAUGHTER MARGARET.
HEY, MON! CAP'N SAYS TO
SHOVE YOURSELVES DOWN.
ALL RIGHT. IRIE!
AND THE RUDE BOY SERVING THE
DRINKS IS MY LAZY SON, BYRON.
COME HERE, BOY.
WHAT IS THIS UNIFORM?
WHERE'S YOUR TAN SHIRT AND TIE?
POP, YOU KNOW ME NO WEAR
NO YANKEE-STYLE UNIFORM.
PLUS, THIS UNIFORM GIVE
ME AUTHORITY. AUTHORITY?
AUTHORITY.
AUTHORITY? YOU LOOK LIKE
ISAAC FROM THE LOVE BOAT.
AND WE ALL KNOW HE HASN'T
HAD A JOB IN A LONG TIME.
BOY, GO PUT A DRINK UP THERE AND STEER THE
PLANE WHILE I TAKE CARE OF THE PASSENGERS.
[Mutters] YOU LAZY
COCONUT BLOOD CLOT.
GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.
HI, THERE. HOW YOU
DOING THERE, TIGER?
WHAT A CUTE LITTLE FELLA
YOU GOT THERE. THANK YOU.
HOW OLD IS HE? HE'S FOUR.
FOUR YEARS OLD, HUH?
HEY, HEY. LOOK AT THAT.
YEAH. WHAT DOES HE DO?
WHAT DOES HE DO? FOR A
LIVING, HIS JOB. WHAT'S HIS JOB?
HE'S A FOUR-YEAR-OLD LITTLE
BOY. HE DOESN'T HAVE A JOB.
FOUR YEARS OLD AND
DOESN'T HAVE A JOB?
WHY, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I HAD
A PAPER ROUTE, A KOOL-AID STAND,
I MOWED THE LAWN, I
WAS A DELIVERY BOY,
A BABY-SITTER, I
WORKED IN A COAL MINE,
ALL WHILE I WAS SIMULTANEOUSLY IN THE
FIRST, SECOND, THIRD AND FOURTH GRADES.
YOU BETTER GET A JOB
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, BOY.
GIMME BACK MY HAT,
YA LAZY LIMA BEAN.
EXCUSE ME. THERE'S A WOMAN
OUT ON THE WING OF THE PLANE.
DON'T GET EXCITED. IT'S JUST MY WIFE
HILDA DOING THE LAUNDRY FOR HER DAY JOB.
HEY, MON! OH, GOD, I
LOVE THE WIND OUT THERE.
IT DRIES MY LAUNDRY
IN ONE-THIRD THE TIME.
YES, IT DOES NOW.
GODFREID, LOOK IT
HERE. WHAT IS THIS?
I'M OUT THERE THREE MINUTES AND LAZY
MARGARET'S SITTING DOWN ON THE JOB.
[Huffs] LOOK, MAMA, LEAVE ME
ALONE. I'VE DONE ALL MY CHORES.
BESIDES, I TALKIN' TO THIS REAL CUTE
FELLA SITTING NEXT TO ME AND ALL.
WHAT DOES HE DO NOW?
WELL, HIM FROM TRINIDAD.
HIM HAVE 15 JOB
AND I THINK I LOVE HE.
WELL, STOP YOUR TONGUE-WAGGIN',
GIRL. GET ACQUAINTED! OKAY, MOM.
UH, EXCUSE ME, CAPTAIN,
IS IT NECESSARY FOR THIS WOMAN
TO IRON HER CLOTHES RIGHT HERE?
I'M TRYING TO RELAX. RELAX?
AREN'T YOU ON A BUSINESS TRIP?
- WELL, I'M ON A VACATION.
- VACATION FROM HOW MANY JOBS?
ONE. ONE JOB?
YOU LAZY GOAT. YOU HAVE SOME
BIG, GREAT, BIG HAIRY NERVE...
SITTIN' UP HERE IN THE BUSINESS
CLASS FOR HARD-WORKING PEOPLE.
HE SHOULD BE BACK
THERE IN THE LAZY CLASS.
NOW, BUT I PURCHASED
A BUSINESS CLASS TICKET.
WELL, I'M GONNA TELL YA SOMETHIN'. YOUR
ILL-GOTTEN LAZY MONEY IS NO GOOD HERE.
THIS CLASS IS FOR HARD-WORKIN'
BUSINESS PEOPLE. GET OUT!
SECURITY!
SECURITY HERE.
GET HIM OUTTA MY SIGHT, MON!
GET UP. YOU'RE UNDER LAZY ARREST.
GET IN THE BACK, YA LAZY GOAT!
LAZY MON! GO! GO! LAZY MON!
GET OUTTA HERE. THAT'S RIGHT.
POP, POP! POP! WE HAVE TO LAND THE
PLANE, BUT THE LANDING GEAR IS BROKEN.
OHH. WELL, WE GOT TO
LAND THE PLANE ANYWAY.
CREW, PREPARE FOR MANUAL
LANDING. ALL RIGHT, DAD.
NOTHING ELSE TO
DO, NO? THAT'S RIGHT.
OKAY, MARGARET, YOU
GET UNDER THE NOSE.
YOU AND I WILL GET UNDERNEATH
THE WINGS. OKAY, DADDY.
HEY, MON! [Headleys, Simultaneously]
GOT TO LAND THE PLANE!
♪♪ [Caribbean Steel Drums]
[Announcer] JOIN US AGAIN FOR
HEY MON WITH THE HEADLEYS.
[Man] ♪ BLACK ON WHITE
THEY START TO GET BUSY ♪
♪ GIRLS ON THE POLE WILL
DANCE TILL THEIR DIZZY ♪
♪ LAST SONG WAS SLOW
YA ASK ME TO SPEED IT UP ♪
♪ THE HEAT'S ON SO
DOC'S GOTTA HEAT IT UP ♪
♪ I ROCK THE ROCK THAT
MADE YOU GET LOOSE ♪
♪ I'M THE EMCEE AND
SHE'S THE PRODUCER ♪
♪ CROWD HEARD THE SONG
THEY ALL YELLED, "UH-OH" ♪
♪ YOU CAN HANG CAUSE
THAT'S JUST THE INTRO ♪
♪♪ [Singing
Continues, Indistinct]
[Giggling] OH! CHILDREN!
CHILDREN, ARE YOU
HAVING A GOOD TIME? [Toot]
YES! YEAH!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHNOOKY-OOKUMS.
[Horns Blow] I HAVE A
SURPRISE FOR YOU!
[Cheering] HOMEY THE CLOWN!
[Cheering Continues] I TOLD
YOU THE CLOWN! I TOLD YOU!
♪ HOMEY THE CLOWN HOMEY
THE CLOWN HOMEY THE CLOWN ♪
YAY! HOMEY! HOMEY! HOMEY!
SIT DOWN! HOMEY!
HOMEY! HOMEY! HOMEY!
HOMEY! HOMEY! HOM...
I SAID SIT DOWN.
ALL RIGHT, KIDS. I'M
HOMEY THE CLOWN.
- Y'ALL READY TO HAVE SOME FUN?
- [Children] YEAH!
ALL RIGHT. WHAT Y'ALL WANT
ME TO DO FIRST? OOH OOH!
HOMEY, HOMEY, HOMEY! DO A
SILLY CLOWN DANCE FOR US. WHAT?
[Children Cheer, Applaud]
YEAH. DEGRADE MYSELF, HUH?
I DON'T THINK SO.
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.
WHAT ELSE? WHAT
ELSE? OOH OOH OOH!
YOU COULD... OH! YOU COULD SLIP ON A
BANANA PEEL AND FALL ON YOUR BUTT!
[Children Laughing]
OH, YEAH, FALL DOWN
AND BUST MY SKULL OPEN...
AND HAVE MY BLOOD AND
BRAINS OOZE OUT ON THE CARPET...
SO YOU CAN GET A COUPLE
OF CHEAP LAUGHS, HUH?
I DON'T THINK SO.
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.
WHAT ELSE? OH! OOH! ME!
HEY! HEY! CAN WE SMASH
A CREAM PIE IN YOUR FACE...
LIKE THEY BE DOING TO
CLOWNS AND STUFF? YEAH!
YEAH! I THINK YOU GOT
IT BACKWARDS, SON.
NOW, HOW DO YOU
FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF?
MM. TOTALLY DISSED, HOMEY.
THAT'S WHY HOMEY
DON'T PLAY THAT.
ALL RIGHT. HOW
ABOUT A MAGIC TRICK?
YAY! YEAH!
WHO GOT A DOLLAR? I DO, HOMEY!
HERE YOU GO, HOMEY.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL
FOLD IT ONCE. OOH!
TWICE. WHOA. AHHH.
NOW IT'S GONE. TA-DA!
[Horn Honking]
LET'S GET SOMETHING
STRAIGHT, KIDS.
HOMEY MAY BE A CLOWN, BUT HE
DON'T MAKE A FOOL OUTTA HISSELF.
YEAH? WHY... UH, WHY YOU
BECOME A CLOWN THEN?
I GUESS IT'S BECAUSE I
GOT SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE...
AND IT'S PART OF MY PRISON
WORK-RELEASE PROGRAM,
SO I GOT ABOUT FIVE MORE
YEAR OF THIS CLOWN CRAP.
CARTOON TIME!
[Children Cheering] [Blow Horns]
Y'ALL PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION, 'CAUSE
THIS ONE HAS A CERTAIN MESSAGE TO IT.
OOH!
ONCE UPON A TIME, HOMEY THE CLOWN
WENT TO A FANCY WHITE RESTAURANT.
"CHEZ WHITEY" WAS THE NAME.
AS ALWAYS, HOMEY GETS
A-HASSLED BY THE MAN.
HE TELLS HIM THAT
A TIE IS REQUIRED...
IN ORDER TO EAT IN
THIS ESTABLISHMENT.
SO HOMEY SAYS, "MAN, GET THEM DAMN
TIES OUTTA MY FACE 'FORE I KICK YOUR ASS!"
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, MONSIEUR SNOWFLAKE
DIDN'T QUITE HEAR HOMEY CORRECTLY.
SO HOMEY HAD NO CHOICE...
BUT TO KEEP HIS WORD.
[Honking] THE END.
SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED
IF NOTHING ELSE, CHILDRENS?
[Children, Simultaneously]
HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT!
THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, LET'S SING
THE HOMEY THE CLOWN SONG.
[Children Cheering]
REPEAT AFTER ME.
♪ HOMEY THE CLOWN ♪
[Children] ♪ HOMEY THE CLOWN ♪
♪ DON'T MESS AROUND ♪
♪ DON'T MESS AROUND ♪
♪ EVEN THOUGH THE MAN ♪
♪ EVEN THOUGH THE MAN ♪
♪ TRY TO KEEP HIM DOWN ♪
♪ TRY TO KEEP HIM DOWN ♪
♪ ONE DAY HOMEY WILL
BREAK ALL THE CHAINS ♪
♪ THEN HE'LL FLY AWAY
BUT UNTIL THAT DAY ♪
♪ HOMEY DON'T PLAY ♪
I SAID REPEAT AFTER
ME! [Repeating Out Of Synch]
[Repeating Out Of Synch]
VERY GOOD.
SEE. YOU...
Y'ALL MADE HOMEY
SMILE AFTER ALL.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KID. [Honking]
BYE. BYE.
HOMEY! HOMEY!
[Applause, Cheering]
ALL RIGHT.
BEFORE WE GO, WE WANNA INTRODUCE YOU TO THE
LADY BEHIND ALL THE STEPS ON THE SHOW...
AND HER ASSISTANT RIGHT
HERE... THAT'S ROSIE PEREZ.
[Whooping, Applause]
ON THE RIGHT HERE.
UH, WHAT CAN I SAY? WE
HAD FUN DOING IT ONCE AGAIN.
IF YOU'RE THERE NEXT WEEK, WE'LL
BE THERE TOO, SO UNTIL THEN... PEACE!
PEACE.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪