In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 1, Episode 10 - Vera DeMilo - full transcript
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS AND WHAT'S
YOURS IS MINE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
EVERYBODY WAS YOUR FRIEND ♪
♪ FROM THIN TO THICK AND
THROUGH THICK AND THIN ♪
♪ AND EGOTISTICAL
TRIPS WAS PUT TO AN END ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ ♪ YOU CAN WALK
ON THE MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[Applause, Cheering]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
WHAT'S UP? HOW
Y'ALL DOIN'? [Yelling]
ALL RIGHT, GOOD, YOU READY TO
HAVE SOME FUN? [Audience] YEAH!
ALL RIGHT, COOL, COOL.
WELL, I'M KEENEN IVORY WAYANS
AND THIS IS IN LIVING COLOR.
YOU KNOW, UH...
I JUST WANT TO ASK
YOU GUYS SOMETHING.
MIKE TYSON INVITED ME TO
COME, LIKE, CHECK OUT HIS FIGHT.
Y'ALL THINK IT'S A
SETUP? [Laughing]
I FIGURED I'D TELL THE WORLD
SO IF ANYTHING HAPPENS,
YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT'S UP, OKAY?
BE WATCHING MY BACK. BEFORE WE GET
STARTED, SAY HELLO TO MY D.J... S.W. ONE.
[Applause, Cheering]
MY FLY GIRLS, STARTING
OVER HERE WITH CARI,
DEIDRE, CARRIE ANN, MICHELLE
AND LISA. [Cheering, Applause]
ALL RIGHT, GIVE US A FEW
SECONDS, WE'LL BE BACK, SIT TIGHT.
HIT IT.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ ♪ YOU CAN WALK
ON THE MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE AND
IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪♪
[Announcer] ARE YOU
BORED? NOTHING TO DO?
IS YOUR FAMILY QUALITY TIME LIKE
FAMILY NAP TIME? WELL, WAKE UP!
IT'S TIME FOR FUN WITH THE
MICHAEL JACKSON POTATO HEAD KIT.
[Chuckles] THAT'S RIGHT.
CAPTURE THE MANY FACES
OF MICHAEL JACKSON...
WITH THE MICHAEL
JACKSON POTATO HEAD KIT.
FOUR HUNDRED MOLDED,
PLASTIC FACIAL FEATURES...
ALLOW KIDS TO RECONSTRUCT
MICHAEL'S EVER-CHANGING FACE...
AFTER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF
HIS PLASTIC SURGERY OPERATIONS.
I MADE MY MICHAEL JACKSON
POTATO HEAD LOOK LIKE HE LOOKED...
WHEN HE WAS WITH THE JACKSON FIVE,
WITH A STRONG AFRO-AMERICAN NOSE...
AND A BIG 'FRO.
I MADE MY MICHAEL POTATO HEAD
INTO THE MICHAEL OF APRIL, 1986,
RIGHT BEFORE HIS THIRD NOSE JOB,
BUT AFTER HIS EXTENSIVE
CHEEKBONE RECONSTRUCTION...
AND THE CLEFT ADDED TO HIS CHIN.
[Announcer] NOW, KEEPING
THE APRIL 1986 FACE AS IT IS,
REPLACE THE HAIR WITH
HAIRPIECE NUMBER 139-D...
AND LOOK WHO YOU'VE JUST MADE.
IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON'S
OWN IDOL... DIANA ROSS!
NOW, JUST ADD
MOLE NUMBER FIVE-D,
AND YOU'VE MADE MICHAEL'S
FABULOUS SISTER, JANET.
TAKE AWAY THE NOSE COMPLETELY,
AND YOU'VE JUST MADE LATOYA.
LOOK, EVERYBODY! I'VE
MADE MICHAEL LOOK...
JUST LIKE HE LOOKED ON
THE FRONT OF HIS BAD ALBUM.
THAT'S GREAT, SON. BUT YOU KNOW,
SOMETHING'S JUST NOT QUITE RIGHT.
I KNOW.
[Announcer] THAT'S RIGHT. WITH JUST AN
ORDINARY KITCHEN VEGETABLE PEELER,
YOU CAN SIMULATE MICHAEL'S CHEMICAL
FACE PEEL AND DERMABRASION SCRUBS.
THE ONLY LIMITS ARE
YOUR FAMILY'S IMAGINATION.
THERE IS NO END TO THE
MAXIO FACIALARY FUN.
THE MICHAEL JACKSON
POTATO HEAD KIT FROM DEM-CO.
MASHED POTATO LIPOSUCTION
ACCESSORY SOLD SEPARATELY.
[Announcer] HE'S A
LOVER, HE'S A FIGHTER.
HE'S KEENEN AND DAMON'S BROTHER.
YOU'VE SEEN HIM SPIN RECORDS
ON IN LIVING COLOR. [Grunts]
NOW SEE HIM FIGHT
CRIME IN HIS SCREEN DEBUT.
THE WAYANS COMPANY, IN
ASSOCIATION WITH TIGER BEAT MAGAZINE,
IS PROUD TO PRESENT S.W. ONE
IN DISC JOCKEY, DEATH JOCKEY.
COMING SOON TO A
THEATER NEAR YOU.
[Both] WE'LL BE THERE.
THE "AMBIQUITY" THAT I FEEL...
NEVER JUSTIFIES ITSELF.
THERE'S ALWAYS THE PUNGENT
ODOR OF LIFE'S CONSTIPATION...
THAT SURREPTITIOUSLY CONFLICTS
WITH THE DETRIMENTAL INSTABILITY,
HITHERTO FORE, SIX-EIGHT,
WHO DO WE APPRECIATE,
THE UNIFICATION OF CONGRESS...
[Chuckles] EXCUSE ME. CONDOMS...
DEMYSTIFYING THE
SQUALOR OF PROFANITY...
REGURGITATING
OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
HERE, LET ME DIGRESS
MY BOWELS FOR A MINUTE...
AND INVITE TO THE FRONT
THE NONDESCRIPT HERNIA...
RECTIFIES THE MISCOMMUNICATION
OF FETAL, OR FECAL,
DEPENDING ON WHERE
YOUR HEAD IS AT.
[Announcer] READING
IS FUNDAMENTAL.
DO NOT BE PERSECUTED
BY THE POMPOUS FEDORA...
BALANCED BY THE
EQUILIBRIUM FORTIFIED...
BY THE GOVERNMENT'S
INABILITY TO ERADICATE,
OR FORESHADOW, TAKEN FROM
THE HEBREW WORD... FORESKIN.
[Announcer] PAID FOR BY...
NOW, EDNA LOUISE, I
WANT YOU TO SIT DOWN...
AND I WANT YOU TO WRITE AN
APOLOGY LETTER TO MR. FERGUSON.
PULLING OFF THE PRINCIPAL'S
HAIRPIECE WAS NOT VERY NICE.
YEAH, BUT SURE WAS
FUNNY. WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I SAID, SURE, HONEY.
DON'T BE A SMARTY-PANTS.
AS FOR YOU, PARNELL,
THERE'LL BE NO TALKING
FROM YOU. YOU'RE IN
ENOUGH TROUBLE AS IT IS.
PARNELL, YOU'RE IN
ENOUGH TROUBLE AS IT IS.
HEY, IT'S YOUR FAULT
I'M IN HERE, EDNA.
HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GAVE MRS. KEY
MY CHOCOLATE BAR IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME IT
WAS A LAXATIVE, PUKUS-MAXIMUS!
YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE.
BLOW IT OUT YOUR HINEY-HORN!
GOOD ONE.
DEAR MR. FERGUSON, I AM SO
SORRY THAT YOU ARE BALDHEADED...
AND TRYING TO HIDE IT WITH THAT
UGLY WIG THAT DOESN'T FOOL ANYBODY.
AND I AM ALSO VERY SORRY
THAT YOU ARE FAT AND UGLY...
AND NOBODY LIKES YOU,
NOT EVEN YOUR WIFE,
BECAUSE YOUR BREATH
SMELLS LIKE ROADKILL.
I HOPE YOU WILL ACCEPT
MY APOLOGY. EDNA LOUISE.
THERE. I THINK HE'LL LIKE IT.
HEY, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE TALKING, BARF-A-SAURUS.
I DO NOT WISH TO BE TRAPPED IN
YOUR WEB OF INTRIGUE. PARNELL, LOOK.
DANCE WITH THE DEAD! DANCE WITH
THE DEAD! DANCE WITH THE DEAD!
THAT SKELETON IS AN EXAMPLE
OF BIOLOGICAL PETRIFICATION...
AND IS TO BE USED FOR
SCIENTIFIC PURPOSES ONLY.
OH, YEAH? WELL, I THINK IT
LOOKS LIKE YOUR MOM. DOES NOT!
DOES TOO! HEY, MRS. PARNELL, YOU
LOOK LIKE YOU LOST SOME WEIGHT.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, YOU AND THAT BUTT-HEAD
SEEM TO HAVE THE SAME BONE STRUCTURE.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
DANCE OVER HERE?
DANCE WITH THE DEAD!
DANCE WITH THE... UH-OH!
HEY, PARNELL. WAY TO GO!
[Laughs] PARNELL? PARNELL?
PARNELL? PARNELL? I'M NOT LISTENING!
YES, YOU ARE. AM NOT.
ARE SO. AM NOT.
ARE SO. AM NOT.
ARE SO!
YOU BETTER STOP...
YOU BETTER STOP...
I HATE IT WHEN...
I HATE IT WHEN...
I SORTA... I SORTA...
MRS. KEEGAN! MRS. KEEGAN!
HEY, PARNELL, HERE'S
MY IMPRESSION OF YOU.
[Babbling]
SHUT UP.
MY TEETH DON'T LOOK
LIKE THAT. THEY DO SO!
WATCH OUT, EVERYONE!
HERE COMES PARNELL'S TEETH!
[Screams] THEY'LL EAT YOU UP!
HEY, PARNELL, LOOK!
[Babbling]
MUST BE JAPANESE FOR DOG WEENIE.
I'M SURE. PARNELL, LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S MY OLD FRIEND, TOADY
WOADY NOADY GOADY. RIBBIT!
IT'S NOT A TOAD, IT'S A FROG. YOU
DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT KIND. OH, DUH.
I DO TOO. IT'S A DEAD FROG.
IT'S A SOUTH AMERICAN
SPECKLED LEAPER,
THANK YOU VERY
MUCH, MISS. OH, PARNELL.
YOU ARE SO SMART. I
CAN'T BELIEVE IT. YEAH?
YOU KNOW WHAT, PARNELL?
I HEARD THAT IF YOU, UM,
HOLD YOUR HAND UP TO YOUR
FACE AND YOUR HAND IS BIGGER,
THAT MEANS YOU'RE
SUPER-INTELLIGENT.
- SO THAT MUST MEAN
I'M REALLY A GENIUS.
- NOT!
OH, WAY TO GO, EDNA! NOW
MY NOSE IS STARTING TO BLEED!
PARNELL. PARNELL, HEY, I
KNOW HOW TO FIX A NOSEBLEED.
HOW? YOU HAVE TO
LIE ON A FLAT SURFACE.
HERE, YOU BETTER LIE ON
MISS KEEGAN'S DESK. WHAT?
AND YOU HAVE TO PUT
YOUR LEGS UP IN THE AIR.
AND-AND YOU HAVE TO HOLD
SOMETHING IN-BETWEEN YOUR LEGS.
AND-AND THEN... AND YOU
HAVE TO PLUG YOUR EARS UP...
AND YOU HAVE TO SAY, "SNOT,
SNOT," OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK! IT IS
TOO! JUST DO IT! SNOT, SNOT, SNOT.
OH! SNOT, SNOT,
SNOT, SNOT, SNOT,
SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT...
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- MRS. KEEGAN,
THIS IS NOT CONDUCIVE
TO THE EDUCATIVE PROCESS.
PARNELL HAS GONE COMPLETELY OUT
OF HIS MIND. I CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT.
- SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT...
- EDNA. EDNA LOUISE,
GET YOUR BOOKS.
EDNA, GET YOUR
BOOKS. COME ON. SHH.
I THINK WE'D BETTER LEAVE VERY
QUIETLY. PARNELL IS HAVING PROBLEMS.
YES. YOU KNOW SOMETHING
ELSE, MRS. KEEGAN?
I THINK I'D BETTER STAY HOME
FROM SCHOOL TOMORROW,
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THROUGH A
TERRIBLE TRAUMA. SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT.
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ HIT 'EM ♪
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ HIT 'EM ♪
♪ AS WE OUT DID 'EM I'LL
LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ HIT 'EM, HIT 'EM ♪
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ HIT 'EM, HIT 'EM ♪
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪♪
[Man] WELCOME TO UNCLE JOE'S
FAIRYTALES AND BARBECUE RECIPES.
ONCE UPON A TIME IN A LAND NOT SO FAR
AWAY, THERE LIVED A GAL NAMED RAPUNZLE.
SHE WAS PRETTY. I
MEAN, SHE WAS FINE.
BUT HER DADDY DIDN'T WANT ANY
OF THE YOUNG MEN TO MESS WITH HER.
HUH. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
SO HE BUILT THIS TALL CASTLE SO
THAT NOBODY COULD GET TO HER.
RAPUNZLE! RAPUNZLE!
THERE IS NO MAIDEN
FAIRER THAN THEE.
ON FIRST, I FELL
IN LOVE WITH THEE,
PORTEND, MY FAIR MAIDEN, AND
LET ME PROVE THYSELF TO THOU.
IF ONLY I WAS A BIRD AND
COULD FLY UP TO THEE.
BUT THAT MY HEART COULD
SOAR ON WINGS OF LOVE...
FOR THEE, FAIR MAIDEN, RAPUNZLE!
I AIN'T UNDERSTOOD
A WORD YOU SAID.
RAPUNZLE DON'T LIVE HERE
NO MORE. SHE GOT EVICTED.
NOW MY NAME IS BATWINDA
MOLICA HIGHTOWER JR.
AND I ON THE CUSP OF VIRGO.
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME ON UP
HERE AND BUST THAT RESCUE MOVE?
LOOK HERE, BABY, UH, THROW
DOWN THOSE CURLY LOCKS,
AND I'LL CLIMB ON UP AND
WE'LL GET BUSY. [Chuckles]
OUCH! OHH!
DAMN HAIR WEAVE!
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
PULLED IT SO HARD, STUPID!
♪ THE OLD ♪
♪ TRAIN ♪♪
GOOD MORNING,
EVERYBODY. I'M HUBERT...
NO, I'M-I'M FRED...
AM I RON O'NEIL? DON CORNELIUS.
DON CORNELIUS.
AND MY GUESTS TODAY COME
ALL THE WAY FROM ETHIOPIA.
THAT'S ENGLAND. ENGLAND.
ETHIOPIA, ENGLAND.
BUT BEFORE WE GET TO THAT,
LET'S GET TO THIS, A GROUP...
TELL THEM THE NAME OF THE GROUP.
FINE ONE CARNIVAL.
FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS.
THAT'S RIGHT, FINE
YOUNG CANNIBALS.
BUT BEFORE WE GET TO
THAT, LET'S GET TO A GROOVE...
THAT'S SURE ENOUGH GONNA MAKE YOU
WANT TO BOOGIE WHILE YOU WOOGIE, BOOGIE...
ON THE DANCE FLOOR!
ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
MY MAIN MAN, FAT G.
THAT'S HEAVY D! AND THE BOYS.
♪♪ [Rap]
AND RIGHT NOW, I'D LIKE YOU TO
MEET TWO MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY.
OLD TRAIN DANCERS. YES,
TWO OF THE OLD TRAIN DANCERS.
AND YOU ARE, YOUNG
MAN? METHUSELAH.
AND YOU? JANE PITTMAN.
AS YOU BOTH KNOW,
YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS...
TO CORRECTLY UNSCRAMBLE THE
NAME OF A VERY FAMOUS TALKING HORSE.
AND I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT...
IT'S NOT LIONEL RICHIE.
AND WHILE THEY DO
THAT, WE'LL DO THIS.
♪♪ ["She Drives Me Crazy"]
♪ SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ LIKE NO ONE ELSE ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
YES. AND YOU ARE?
[Off-key] ♪ DRIVES ME CRAZY
AND I... ♪♪ YES, AND YOU?
OH, YES, YES.
YOU ALL MUST BE...
VERY... VERY PROUD
OF YOUR SUCCESS.
[English Accent] WELL,
WE FIRST STARTED OUT...
WILL YOU COME BACK AND
DO ANOTHER SONG FOR US?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE
IT UP FOR FINE ONE MAMMAL.
YES, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE
HAVE FOR BOOGEYING TODAY.
AND I'M DON... CORLEONE.
AND, AS USUAL, IT'S
ALWAYS IN PARTING...
THAT WE WISH YOU
LOVE, PEACE AND...
[All] SOUL!
♪ THE OLD ♪
♪ TRAIN ♪
♪ OLD TRAIN ♪
♪ OLD TRAIN ♪♪
♪ I CAN TELL WHAT IT IS AND IF IT
AIN'T FUNKY ♪ ♪ YEAH, SECRET ♪
♪ PEOPLE ASKIN' ME
WHAT'S GOIN' ON IN MY MIND ♪
♪ WAIT A MINUTE ♪
♪♪ [Rap]
♪ BUMP IT LIKE THAT ♪
♪ JUST A MATTER OF RACE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE A BLACK MALE'S IN THEIR
FACE STEP BACK FOR THE NEW JACK ♪
♪ SWING ♪
♪ FOR THE PLATTER ♪
♪ SCATTER, HUH ♪
♪ YES, THIS JAM LET
THE RHYTHM RUN ♪
♪ DAY TO DAY AMERICA
EATS ITS YOUNG ♪
♪ IT DEFEATS OUR WOMEN THERE IS A
GAP SO WIDE WE ALL COULD SWIM IN ♪
♪ DROWN IN ♪
♪ UHH, GET DOWN IN ♪♪
GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I'M ROGER SPITTMAN FOR
THE WILD WORLD OF SPORTS.
AND WELCOME TO
THE FINAL ROUND...
OF THE TENTH ANNUAL SWEETHEARTS
BODYBUILDING COMPETITION...
HERE IN BEAUTIFUL
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA.
IT'S THE GREASED-UP
POSE PORTION OF THE SHOW.
THE ACTION HAS BEEN
PRETTY FIERCE HERE.
AND HERE COMES
OUR FIRST COMPETITOR.
SHE'S SARA SUNKIST FROM
SALAMANDER, CALIFORNIA.
[Whooping, Hollering]
[Spittman] THIS IS
HER FIRST FINALS,
NOT A LOT OF MUSCLE MASS,
AND STILL QUITE FEMININE.
AND QUITE FRANKLY, I DON'T LIKE
THAT AND NEITHER DO THE JUDGES.
SHE'S GONNA HAVE A
TOUGH TIME HERE TODAY.
NEXT IS CARLA MEALS.
SHE'S 5 FOOT 7, 140 POUNDS,
FROM BEAVERTON, WISCONSIN.
PRETTY GOOD DEFINITION.
BUT SHE'S HAVING TROUBLE
GETTING RID OF THOSE DARN BREASTS,
AND THAT'S GONNA
COUNT AGAINST HER.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THEM.
THEY JUST WON'T GO AWAY.
AND FINALLY, THE COMPETITOR EVERYONE'S
BEEN WAITING TO SEE. VERA! VERA! VERA!
VERA! VERA! VERA! VERA! VERA!
VERA! YOU CAN FEEL THE ANTICIPATION.
OH, BOY!
OH, BOY!
YEAH! WHAT AN ENTRANCE!
THE LADY, THE CONTROVERSY,
THE PRODUCTION.
VERA DeMILO.
OH, SHE IS AWESOME!
SOME SAY SHE'S GONE TOO
FAR, BUT I HAVE TO DISAGREE.
OF COURSE, SHE'S THE
ONLY WOMAN ON THE
CIRCUIT WHO GOES TO THE
BATHROOM STANDING UP.
OH, YEAH, SHE IS
WORKING IT TONIGHT.
SHE IS IN TOP... OH! OH!
LOOK THERE! THERE SHE GOES.
SHOWING HER FEMININE SIDE WITH
THE PREGNANT OBSTETRIC PUSH.
IT'S HER ODE TO THE
MYSTERY OF MOTHERHOOD.
OH, BABY! SHE IS HARD AS A ROCK!
MAGNIFICENT!
[Applause]
AFTER A PERFORMANCE LIKE THAT,
CAN THERE BE ANY DOUBT? [Woman] NO!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
JUDGES HAVE COME TO A DECISION.
AND THE WINNER IS...
MISS VERA DeMILO!
CONGRATULATIONS ON A GREAT
VICTORY FOR YOU, PRINCESS.
NOW THE REPORTS ARE THAT
YOU HAVE USED STEROIDS.
UH, DO YOU CARE TO
COMMENT ON THAT, LITTLE LADY?
[Husky Voice] YES,
I WOULD, ROGER.
I DON'T KNOW WHO'S
STARTING THOSE RUMORS,
BUT I DO KNOW THAT THERE ARE A
LOT OF JEALOUS PEOPLE OUT THERE...
WHO AREN'T WILLING TO DO THE
WORK IT TAKES TO LOOK LIKE THIS.
LET'S FACE IT, WOMEN SEE
ME, THEY WANT TO BE ME.
WELL SAID. WELL SAID. COULD YOU JUST
TELL ME ONE MORE THING THEN, VERA?
SURE.
I GOT TO ASK YOU THIS. UH, WHAT IS
THAT BULGE IN FRONT OF YOUR TROUSERS?
NOW, NOW. A GIRL'S GOT
TO HAVE HER LITTLE SECRETS.
[Horse Laugh]
THAT'S WHERE I KEEP
MY CHEWING TOBACCO.
AND I CAN SEE THAT YOU STILL HAVE THAT
WONDERFULLY FEMININE SENSE OF HUMOR.
OH, THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND AND TRAINER,
BART. AND-AND WHAT A LUCKY MAN.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, BABY. LOOK AT
HER! ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL? OH! OH!
[Chanting] VERA! VERA!
VERA! VERA! VERA!
VERA! VERA! THERE YOU HAVE
IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
A BEAUTIFUL STORY. [Sniffles]
FOR WILD WORLD OF SPORTS, I'M
ROGER SPITTMAN. CATCH YOU NEXT TIME.
VERA! VERA! VERA!
THANK YOU. HOPE YOU HAD FUN.
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME
AROUND. TAKE CARE. BYE-BYE!
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS AND WHAT'S
YOURS IS MINE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
EVERYBODY WAS YOUR FRIEND ♪
♪ FROM THIN TO THICK AND
THROUGH THICK AND THIN ♪
♪ AND EGOTISTICAL
TRIPS WAS PUT TO AN END ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ ♪ YOU CAN WALK
ON THE MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[Applause, Cheering]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
WHAT'S UP? HOW
Y'ALL DOIN'? [Yelling]
ALL RIGHT, GOOD, YOU READY TO
HAVE SOME FUN? [Audience] YEAH!
ALL RIGHT, COOL, COOL.
WELL, I'M KEENEN IVORY WAYANS
AND THIS IS IN LIVING COLOR.
YOU KNOW, UH...
I JUST WANT TO ASK
YOU GUYS SOMETHING.
MIKE TYSON INVITED ME TO
COME, LIKE, CHECK OUT HIS FIGHT.
Y'ALL THINK IT'S A
SETUP? [Laughing]
I FIGURED I'D TELL THE WORLD
SO IF ANYTHING HAPPENS,
YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT'S UP, OKAY?
BE WATCHING MY BACK. BEFORE WE GET
STARTED, SAY HELLO TO MY D.J... S.W. ONE.
[Applause, Cheering]
MY FLY GIRLS, STARTING
OVER HERE WITH CARI,
DEIDRE, CARRIE ANN, MICHELLE
AND LISA. [Cheering, Applause]
ALL RIGHT, GIVE US A FEW
SECONDS, WE'LL BE BACK, SIT TIGHT.
HIT IT.
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ ♪ YOU CAN WALK
ON THE MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE AND
IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪♪
[Announcer] ARE YOU
BORED? NOTHING TO DO?
IS YOUR FAMILY QUALITY TIME LIKE
FAMILY NAP TIME? WELL, WAKE UP!
IT'S TIME FOR FUN WITH THE
MICHAEL JACKSON POTATO HEAD KIT.
[Chuckles] THAT'S RIGHT.
CAPTURE THE MANY FACES
OF MICHAEL JACKSON...
WITH THE MICHAEL
JACKSON POTATO HEAD KIT.
FOUR HUNDRED MOLDED,
PLASTIC FACIAL FEATURES...
ALLOW KIDS TO RECONSTRUCT
MICHAEL'S EVER-CHANGING FACE...
AFTER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF
HIS PLASTIC SURGERY OPERATIONS.
I MADE MY MICHAEL JACKSON
POTATO HEAD LOOK LIKE HE LOOKED...
WHEN HE WAS WITH THE JACKSON FIVE,
WITH A STRONG AFRO-AMERICAN NOSE...
AND A BIG 'FRO.
I MADE MY MICHAEL POTATO HEAD
INTO THE MICHAEL OF APRIL, 1986,
RIGHT BEFORE HIS THIRD NOSE JOB,
BUT AFTER HIS EXTENSIVE
CHEEKBONE RECONSTRUCTION...
AND THE CLEFT ADDED TO HIS CHIN.
[Announcer] NOW, KEEPING
THE APRIL 1986 FACE AS IT IS,
REPLACE THE HAIR WITH
HAIRPIECE NUMBER 139-D...
AND LOOK WHO YOU'VE JUST MADE.
IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON'S
OWN IDOL... DIANA ROSS!
NOW, JUST ADD
MOLE NUMBER FIVE-D,
AND YOU'VE MADE MICHAEL'S
FABULOUS SISTER, JANET.
TAKE AWAY THE NOSE COMPLETELY,
AND YOU'VE JUST MADE LATOYA.
LOOK, EVERYBODY! I'VE
MADE MICHAEL LOOK...
JUST LIKE HE LOOKED ON
THE FRONT OF HIS BAD ALBUM.
THAT'S GREAT, SON. BUT YOU KNOW,
SOMETHING'S JUST NOT QUITE RIGHT.
I KNOW.
[Announcer] THAT'S RIGHT. WITH JUST AN
ORDINARY KITCHEN VEGETABLE PEELER,
YOU CAN SIMULATE MICHAEL'S CHEMICAL
FACE PEEL AND DERMABRASION SCRUBS.
THE ONLY LIMITS ARE
YOUR FAMILY'S IMAGINATION.
THERE IS NO END TO THE
MAXIO FACIALARY FUN.
THE MICHAEL JACKSON
POTATO HEAD KIT FROM DEM-CO.
MASHED POTATO LIPOSUCTION
ACCESSORY SOLD SEPARATELY.
[Announcer] HE'S A
LOVER, HE'S A FIGHTER.
HE'S KEENEN AND DAMON'S BROTHER.
YOU'VE SEEN HIM SPIN RECORDS
ON IN LIVING COLOR. [Grunts]
NOW SEE HIM FIGHT
CRIME IN HIS SCREEN DEBUT.
THE WAYANS COMPANY, IN
ASSOCIATION WITH TIGER BEAT MAGAZINE,
IS PROUD TO PRESENT S.W. ONE
IN DISC JOCKEY, DEATH JOCKEY.
COMING SOON TO A
THEATER NEAR YOU.
[Both] WE'LL BE THERE.
THE "AMBIQUITY" THAT I FEEL...
NEVER JUSTIFIES ITSELF.
THERE'S ALWAYS THE PUNGENT
ODOR OF LIFE'S CONSTIPATION...
THAT SURREPTITIOUSLY CONFLICTS
WITH THE DETRIMENTAL INSTABILITY,
HITHERTO FORE, SIX-EIGHT,
WHO DO WE APPRECIATE,
THE UNIFICATION OF CONGRESS...
[Chuckles] EXCUSE ME. CONDOMS...
DEMYSTIFYING THE
SQUALOR OF PROFANITY...
REGURGITATING
OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
HERE, LET ME DIGRESS
MY BOWELS FOR A MINUTE...
AND INVITE TO THE FRONT
THE NONDESCRIPT HERNIA...
RECTIFIES THE MISCOMMUNICATION
OF FETAL, OR FECAL,
DEPENDING ON WHERE
YOUR HEAD IS AT.
[Announcer] READING
IS FUNDAMENTAL.
DO NOT BE PERSECUTED
BY THE POMPOUS FEDORA...
BALANCED BY THE
EQUILIBRIUM FORTIFIED...
BY THE GOVERNMENT'S
INABILITY TO ERADICATE,
OR FORESHADOW, TAKEN FROM
THE HEBREW WORD... FORESKIN.
[Announcer] PAID FOR BY...
NOW, EDNA LOUISE, I
WANT YOU TO SIT DOWN...
AND I WANT YOU TO WRITE AN
APOLOGY LETTER TO MR. FERGUSON.
PULLING OFF THE PRINCIPAL'S
HAIRPIECE WAS NOT VERY NICE.
YEAH, BUT SURE WAS
FUNNY. WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I SAID, SURE, HONEY.
DON'T BE A SMARTY-PANTS.
AS FOR YOU, PARNELL,
THERE'LL BE NO TALKING
FROM YOU. YOU'RE IN
ENOUGH TROUBLE AS IT IS.
PARNELL, YOU'RE IN
ENOUGH TROUBLE AS IT IS.
HEY, IT'S YOUR FAULT
I'M IN HERE, EDNA.
HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GAVE MRS. KEY
MY CHOCOLATE BAR IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME IT
WAS A LAXATIVE, PUKUS-MAXIMUS!
YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE.
BLOW IT OUT YOUR HINEY-HORN!
GOOD ONE.
DEAR MR. FERGUSON, I AM SO
SORRY THAT YOU ARE BALDHEADED...
AND TRYING TO HIDE IT WITH THAT
UGLY WIG THAT DOESN'T FOOL ANYBODY.
AND I AM ALSO VERY SORRY
THAT YOU ARE FAT AND UGLY...
AND NOBODY LIKES YOU,
NOT EVEN YOUR WIFE,
BECAUSE YOUR BREATH
SMELLS LIKE ROADKILL.
I HOPE YOU WILL ACCEPT
MY APOLOGY. EDNA LOUISE.
THERE. I THINK HE'LL LIKE IT.
HEY, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE TALKING, BARF-A-SAURUS.
I DO NOT WISH TO BE TRAPPED IN
YOUR WEB OF INTRIGUE. PARNELL, LOOK.
DANCE WITH THE DEAD! DANCE WITH
THE DEAD! DANCE WITH THE DEAD!
THAT SKELETON IS AN EXAMPLE
OF BIOLOGICAL PETRIFICATION...
AND IS TO BE USED FOR
SCIENTIFIC PURPOSES ONLY.
OH, YEAH? WELL, I THINK IT
LOOKS LIKE YOUR MOM. DOES NOT!
DOES TOO! HEY, MRS. PARNELL, YOU
LOOK LIKE YOU LOST SOME WEIGHT.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, YOU AND THAT BUTT-HEAD
SEEM TO HAVE THE SAME BONE STRUCTURE.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
DANCE OVER HERE?
DANCE WITH THE DEAD!
DANCE WITH THE... UH-OH!
HEY, PARNELL. WAY TO GO!
[Laughs] PARNELL? PARNELL?
PARNELL? PARNELL? I'M NOT LISTENING!
YES, YOU ARE. AM NOT.
ARE SO. AM NOT.
ARE SO. AM NOT.
ARE SO!
YOU BETTER STOP...
YOU BETTER STOP...
I HATE IT WHEN...
I HATE IT WHEN...
I SORTA... I SORTA...
MRS. KEEGAN! MRS. KEEGAN!
HEY, PARNELL, HERE'S
MY IMPRESSION OF YOU.
[Babbling]
SHUT UP.
MY TEETH DON'T LOOK
LIKE THAT. THEY DO SO!
WATCH OUT, EVERYONE!
HERE COMES PARNELL'S TEETH!
[Screams] THEY'LL EAT YOU UP!
HEY, PARNELL, LOOK!
[Babbling]
MUST BE JAPANESE FOR DOG WEENIE.
I'M SURE. PARNELL, LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S MY OLD FRIEND, TOADY
WOADY NOADY GOADY. RIBBIT!
IT'S NOT A TOAD, IT'S A FROG. YOU
DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT KIND. OH, DUH.
I DO TOO. IT'S A DEAD FROG.
IT'S A SOUTH AMERICAN
SPECKLED LEAPER,
THANK YOU VERY
MUCH, MISS. OH, PARNELL.
YOU ARE SO SMART. I
CAN'T BELIEVE IT. YEAH?
YOU KNOW WHAT, PARNELL?
I HEARD THAT IF YOU, UM,
HOLD YOUR HAND UP TO YOUR
FACE AND YOUR HAND IS BIGGER,
THAT MEANS YOU'RE
SUPER-INTELLIGENT.
- SO THAT MUST MEAN
I'M REALLY A GENIUS.
- NOT!
OH, WAY TO GO, EDNA! NOW
MY NOSE IS STARTING TO BLEED!
PARNELL. PARNELL, HEY, I
KNOW HOW TO FIX A NOSEBLEED.
HOW? YOU HAVE TO
LIE ON A FLAT SURFACE.
HERE, YOU BETTER LIE ON
MISS KEEGAN'S DESK. WHAT?
AND YOU HAVE TO PUT
YOUR LEGS UP IN THE AIR.
AND-AND YOU HAVE TO HOLD
SOMETHING IN-BETWEEN YOUR LEGS.
AND-AND THEN... AND YOU
HAVE TO PLUG YOUR EARS UP...
AND YOU HAVE TO SAY, "SNOT,
SNOT," OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK! IT IS
TOO! JUST DO IT! SNOT, SNOT, SNOT.
OH! SNOT, SNOT,
SNOT, SNOT, SNOT,
SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT...
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- MRS. KEEGAN,
THIS IS NOT CONDUCIVE
TO THE EDUCATIVE PROCESS.
PARNELL HAS GONE COMPLETELY OUT
OF HIS MIND. I CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT.
- SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT...
- EDNA. EDNA LOUISE,
GET YOUR BOOKS.
EDNA, GET YOUR
BOOKS. COME ON. SHH.
I THINK WE'D BETTER LEAVE VERY
QUIETLY. PARNELL IS HAVING PROBLEMS.
YES. YOU KNOW SOMETHING
ELSE, MRS. KEEGAN?
I THINK I'D BETTER STAY HOME
FROM SCHOOL TOMORROW,
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THROUGH A
TERRIBLE TRAUMA. SNOT, SNOT, SNOT, SNOT.
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ HIT 'EM ♪
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ HIT 'EM ♪
♪ AS WE OUT DID 'EM I'LL
LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ HIT 'EM, HIT 'EM ♪
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪
♪ HIT 'EM, HIT 'EM ♪
♪ LET THE RHYTHM HIT 'EM ♪♪
[Man] WELCOME TO UNCLE JOE'S
FAIRYTALES AND BARBECUE RECIPES.
ONCE UPON A TIME IN A LAND NOT SO FAR
AWAY, THERE LIVED A GAL NAMED RAPUNZLE.
SHE WAS PRETTY. I
MEAN, SHE WAS FINE.
BUT HER DADDY DIDN'T WANT ANY
OF THE YOUNG MEN TO MESS WITH HER.
HUH. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
SO HE BUILT THIS TALL CASTLE SO
THAT NOBODY COULD GET TO HER.
RAPUNZLE! RAPUNZLE!
THERE IS NO MAIDEN
FAIRER THAN THEE.
ON FIRST, I FELL
IN LOVE WITH THEE,
PORTEND, MY FAIR MAIDEN, AND
LET ME PROVE THYSELF TO THOU.
IF ONLY I WAS A BIRD AND
COULD FLY UP TO THEE.
BUT THAT MY HEART COULD
SOAR ON WINGS OF LOVE...
FOR THEE, FAIR MAIDEN, RAPUNZLE!
I AIN'T UNDERSTOOD
A WORD YOU SAID.
RAPUNZLE DON'T LIVE HERE
NO MORE. SHE GOT EVICTED.
NOW MY NAME IS BATWINDA
MOLICA HIGHTOWER JR.
AND I ON THE CUSP OF VIRGO.
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME ON UP
HERE AND BUST THAT RESCUE MOVE?
LOOK HERE, BABY, UH, THROW
DOWN THOSE CURLY LOCKS,
AND I'LL CLIMB ON UP AND
WE'LL GET BUSY. [Chuckles]
OUCH! OHH!
DAMN HAIR WEAVE!
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
PULLED IT SO HARD, STUPID!
♪ THE OLD ♪
♪ TRAIN ♪♪
GOOD MORNING,
EVERYBODY. I'M HUBERT...
NO, I'M-I'M FRED...
AM I RON O'NEIL? DON CORNELIUS.
DON CORNELIUS.
AND MY GUESTS TODAY COME
ALL THE WAY FROM ETHIOPIA.
THAT'S ENGLAND. ENGLAND.
ETHIOPIA, ENGLAND.
BUT BEFORE WE GET TO THAT,
LET'S GET TO THIS, A GROUP...
TELL THEM THE NAME OF THE GROUP.
FINE ONE CARNIVAL.
FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS.
THAT'S RIGHT, FINE
YOUNG CANNIBALS.
BUT BEFORE WE GET TO
THAT, LET'S GET TO A GROOVE...
THAT'S SURE ENOUGH GONNA MAKE YOU
WANT TO BOOGIE WHILE YOU WOOGIE, BOOGIE...
ON THE DANCE FLOOR!
ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
MY MAIN MAN, FAT G.
THAT'S HEAVY D! AND THE BOYS.
♪♪ [Rap]
AND RIGHT NOW, I'D LIKE YOU TO
MEET TWO MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY.
OLD TRAIN DANCERS. YES,
TWO OF THE OLD TRAIN DANCERS.
AND YOU ARE, YOUNG
MAN? METHUSELAH.
AND YOU? JANE PITTMAN.
AS YOU BOTH KNOW,
YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS...
TO CORRECTLY UNSCRAMBLE THE
NAME OF A VERY FAMOUS TALKING HORSE.
AND I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT...
IT'S NOT LIONEL RICHIE.
AND WHILE THEY DO
THAT, WE'LL DO THIS.
♪♪ ["She Drives Me Crazy"]
♪ SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
♪ LIKE NO ONE ELSE ♪
♪ OOH OOH ♪
YES. AND YOU ARE?
[Off-key] ♪ DRIVES ME CRAZY
AND I... ♪♪ YES, AND YOU?
OH, YES, YES.
YOU ALL MUST BE...
VERY... VERY PROUD
OF YOUR SUCCESS.
[English Accent] WELL,
WE FIRST STARTED OUT...
WILL YOU COME BACK AND
DO ANOTHER SONG FOR US?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE
IT UP FOR FINE ONE MAMMAL.
YES, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE
HAVE FOR BOOGEYING TODAY.
AND I'M DON... CORLEONE.
AND, AS USUAL, IT'S
ALWAYS IN PARTING...
THAT WE WISH YOU
LOVE, PEACE AND...
[All] SOUL!
♪ THE OLD ♪
♪ TRAIN ♪
♪ OLD TRAIN ♪
♪ OLD TRAIN ♪♪
♪ I CAN TELL WHAT IT IS AND IF IT
AIN'T FUNKY ♪ ♪ YEAH, SECRET ♪
♪ PEOPLE ASKIN' ME
WHAT'S GOIN' ON IN MY MIND ♪
♪ WAIT A MINUTE ♪
♪♪ [Rap]
♪ BUMP IT LIKE THAT ♪
♪ JUST A MATTER OF RACE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE A BLACK MALE'S IN THEIR
FACE STEP BACK FOR THE NEW JACK ♪
♪ SWING ♪
♪ FOR THE PLATTER ♪
♪ SCATTER, HUH ♪
♪ YES, THIS JAM LET
THE RHYTHM RUN ♪
♪ DAY TO DAY AMERICA
EATS ITS YOUNG ♪
♪ IT DEFEATS OUR WOMEN THERE IS A
GAP SO WIDE WE ALL COULD SWIM IN ♪
♪ DROWN IN ♪
♪ UHH, GET DOWN IN ♪♪
GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I'M ROGER SPITTMAN FOR
THE WILD WORLD OF SPORTS.
AND WELCOME TO
THE FINAL ROUND...
OF THE TENTH ANNUAL SWEETHEARTS
BODYBUILDING COMPETITION...
HERE IN BEAUTIFUL
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA.
IT'S THE GREASED-UP
POSE PORTION OF THE SHOW.
THE ACTION HAS BEEN
PRETTY FIERCE HERE.
AND HERE COMES
OUR FIRST COMPETITOR.
SHE'S SARA SUNKIST FROM
SALAMANDER, CALIFORNIA.
[Whooping, Hollering]
[Spittman] THIS IS
HER FIRST FINALS,
NOT A LOT OF MUSCLE MASS,
AND STILL QUITE FEMININE.
AND QUITE FRANKLY, I DON'T LIKE
THAT AND NEITHER DO THE JUDGES.
SHE'S GONNA HAVE A
TOUGH TIME HERE TODAY.
NEXT IS CARLA MEALS.
SHE'S 5 FOOT 7, 140 POUNDS,
FROM BEAVERTON, WISCONSIN.
PRETTY GOOD DEFINITION.
BUT SHE'S HAVING TROUBLE
GETTING RID OF THOSE DARN BREASTS,
AND THAT'S GONNA
COUNT AGAINST HER.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THEM.
THEY JUST WON'T GO AWAY.
AND FINALLY, THE COMPETITOR EVERYONE'S
BEEN WAITING TO SEE. VERA! VERA! VERA!
VERA! VERA! VERA! VERA! VERA!
VERA! YOU CAN FEEL THE ANTICIPATION.
OH, BOY!
OH, BOY!
YEAH! WHAT AN ENTRANCE!
THE LADY, THE CONTROVERSY,
THE PRODUCTION.
VERA DeMILO.
OH, SHE IS AWESOME!
SOME SAY SHE'S GONE TOO
FAR, BUT I HAVE TO DISAGREE.
OF COURSE, SHE'S THE
ONLY WOMAN ON THE
CIRCUIT WHO GOES TO THE
BATHROOM STANDING UP.
OH, YEAH, SHE IS
WORKING IT TONIGHT.
SHE IS IN TOP... OH! OH!
LOOK THERE! THERE SHE GOES.
SHOWING HER FEMININE SIDE WITH
THE PREGNANT OBSTETRIC PUSH.
IT'S HER ODE TO THE
MYSTERY OF MOTHERHOOD.
OH, BABY! SHE IS HARD AS A ROCK!
MAGNIFICENT!
[Applause]
AFTER A PERFORMANCE LIKE THAT,
CAN THERE BE ANY DOUBT? [Woman] NO!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
JUDGES HAVE COME TO A DECISION.
AND THE WINNER IS...
MISS VERA DeMILO!
CONGRATULATIONS ON A GREAT
VICTORY FOR YOU, PRINCESS.
NOW THE REPORTS ARE THAT
YOU HAVE USED STEROIDS.
UH, DO YOU CARE TO
COMMENT ON THAT, LITTLE LADY?
[Husky Voice] YES,
I WOULD, ROGER.
I DON'T KNOW WHO'S
STARTING THOSE RUMORS,
BUT I DO KNOW THAT THERE ARE A
LOT OF JEALOUS PEOPLE OUT THERE...
WHO AREN'T WILLING TO DO THE
WORK IT TAKES TO LOOK LIKE THIS.
LET'S FACE IT, WOMEN SEE
ME, THEY WANT TO BE ME.
WELL SAID. WELL SAID. COULD YOU JUST
TELL ME ONE MORE THING THEN, VERA?
SURE.
I GOT TO ASK YOU THIS. UH, WHAT IS
THAT BULGE IN FRONT OF YOUR TROUSERS?
NOW, NOW. A GIRL'S GOT
TO HAVE HER LITTLE SECRETS.
[Horse Laugh]
THAT'S WHERE I KEEP
MY CHEWING TOBACCO.
AND I CAN SEE THAT YOU STILL HAVE THAT
WONDERFULLY FEMININE SENSE OF HUMOR.
OH, THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND AND TRAINER,
BART. AND-AND WHAT A LUCKY MAN.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, BABY. LOOK AT
HER! ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL? OH! OH!
[Chanting] VERA! VERA!
VERA! VERA! VERA!
VERA! VERA! THERE YOU HAVE
IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
A BEAUTIFUL STORY. [Sniffles]
FOR WILD WORLD OF SPORTS, I'M
ROGER SPITTMAN. CATCH YOU NEXT TIME.
VERA! VERA! VERA!
THANK YOU. HOPE YOU HAD FUN.
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME
AROUND. TAKE CARE. BYE-BYE!
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪