In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 1, Episode 7 - Don King: The Early Years - full transcript

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪



♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪

♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
EVERYBODY WAS YOUR FRIEND ♪

♪ FROM THIN TO THICK AND
THROUGH THICK AND THIN ♪



♪ AND EGOTISTICAL
TRIPS WAS PUT TO AN END ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪

♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪

♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.

[Cheering, Applause]

THERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHT. WELCOME
TO IN LIVING COLOR.

THANKS FOR JOINING US HERE
TONIGHT. WE GOT A FUN SHOW LINED UP.

AS USUAL, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE
CREW, STARTING WITH MY D.J., S.W. ONE.

[Cheering, Screaming]

AND MY LADIES... STARTING OVER
HERE WITH CARI, MICHELLE, DEIDRE,

LISA AND CARRIE ANN.

SO WITH NO MORE DELAY,
S.W. ONE, DO THE RIGHT THING.

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE AND
IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪♪

[Announcer] THE FOUNDATION
FOR BLACK HISTORY AWARENESS...

IS PLEASED TO SPONSOR
GREAT AMERICAN PROFILES.

TONIGHT: KING, THE EARLY YEARS.

EVEN IN HIS EARLIEST
SCHOOL DAYS,

YOUNG KING SEEMED
DESTINED TO BECOME A LEADER.

HEY, HEY, HEY. THAT'S MINE. SO?

WAIT A MINUTE. WHY'D
YOU DO THAT, BOY?

'CAUSE I WANTED
TO, DOODIE BRAIN.

YOU BETTER SHUT UP.

BROTHERS, BROTHERS, BROTHERS.

THAT'S NO WAY TO SETTLE THINGS.

THERE'S NOTHING TO
BE GAINED BY FIGHTING...

UNLESS YOU GET PAID FOR IT.

[Woman] DON. DON KING, ARE
YOU CAUSING TROUBLE AGAIN?

NO, MISS PATTERSON.

[Announcer] AND SO, A YOUNG
ENTREPRENEUR BEGAN...

WHAT WAS TO BECOME
HIS LIFE'S WORK...

ARMED ONLY WITH
THIS ONE THOUGHT,

"I THINK I CAN MAKE
A BUCK DOING THIS."

THAT'S RIGHT, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.

TODAY AT NOON THERE'S
GONNA BE THE BIGGEST,

MOST PRODIGIOUS FIGHT
IN ALL THE SCHOOL HISTORY.

IT'S GONNA BE PUNCH
TIME AT LUNCHTIME.

IT'S GONNA BE THE
THROW-DOWN IN THE PLAYGROUND!

IT'S GOING TO BE THE
RUMBLE BY THE JUNGLE GYM!

GIVE ME MONEY!

GIVE ME MONEY! MORE MONEY!

[Announcer] THIS SAME PHILOSOPHY LED
KING TO BECOME A GREAT INNOVATOR.

WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

WELL, I'M SORRY, YOUR
YO-YO IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WATCH
ON PAY-PER-VIEW. WHAT'S THAT?

YOU HAVE TO LOOK THROUGH
THE HOLE IN THE FENCE.

OKAY! LET THE FIGHTING BEGIN!

WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!

I-I DON'T WANNA BE FIGHTIN' HIM
NO MORE. OKAY, I DON'T EITHER.

[Announcer] KING ALSO
BECAME A GREAT MOTIVATOR.

OKAY, HIT MY HAND. HARDER.

THAT'S FROM HIM!

AND THE WINNER!

[Wailing] STICK WITH ME, LEON
SPINKS. YOU'LL GO ALL THE WAY.

GERRY COONEY, STICK
TO FIGHTING WHITE GUYS.

[Wailing]

HEY, HEY, HEY, MISS LADY
GIRL. MAY I W-WALK YOU HOME?

UH-UH. WHY NOT? I JUST
"WONNED" THE FIGHT.

BUT HE GOTS ALL THE MONEY.

AND A VOCABULARY.

I GOT A LITTLE PRESENT
FOR YOU, YOUNG MISS GIVENS.

OH, THANK YOU.

[Announcer] A MAN OF
VISION. A MAN OF INTEGRITY.

A MAN WITH A DECENT HAIRCUT.

HE WAS NONE OF THESE THINGS.
BUT HE GOTS ALL THE MONEY.

ONLY IN AMERICA.
ONLY IN AMERICA.

[Announcer] THIS HAS BEEN
GREAT AMERICAN PROFILES.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE, Y'ALL. THIS
AIN'T A SHOW JUST FOR ANYBODY.

WE GOT SOME FUNKY
FRESH MEAT LOAF HAPPENIN'.

ALL YOU SEXY FLY CHEFS, COME
ON, LET'S COOK. ♪ AH, COOK IT ♪

♪ AH, COOK IT ♪

- ♪ GET UP ON THIS ♪
- ♪ OH, BABY, BABY
B-B-B-BABY ♪

- ♪ GET UP ON THIS ♪
- ♪ OH, BABY, BABY
B-B-B-BABY ♪

♪ SALT 'N' PEPA'S HERE AND WE'RE IN
EFFECT ♪ ♪ WANT YOU TO LISTEN GOOD ♪

♪ WE BEEN DANCIN' ALL DAY BUT AT
NIGHT WE'RE WORKING UP A SWEAT ♪

♪ YO, YO, YO, BABY PEPA, YEAH, YOU,
PASS ME SOME SAUCE AND GREENS ♪

♪ WHATEVER ADD SOME BREAD
CRUMBS OR WE CAN'T MAKE THIS FEAST ♪

♪ NOW WHY DON'T YOU SQUEEZE THOSE
EGGS REALLY HARD I WISH YOU WOULD ♪

♪ NOW SQUISH IT ♪
♪ SQUISH IT ♪

♪ SQUISH, SQUISH IT REAL GOOD ♪

♪ WE AIM TO PLEASE YOU KNOW
THAT THAT IS OUR INTENTION ♪

♪ BUT WE WOULD BE REMISS
IF WE NEGLECTED TO MENTION ♪

♪ THAT THE REGULAR PAN
WE HAVE GENTLY BENT ♪

♪ INTO THE SHAPE OF THE
MOTHER CONTINENT SO HEAT IT ♪

♪ HEAT IT ♪
♪ HEAT IT ♪

♪ HEAT IT GOOD ♪
♪ YEAH, HEAT IT ♪

♪ HEAT IT REAL GOOD ♪

♪ WE HOPE YOU HAVE
ENJOYED OUR SIMPLE RECIPE ♪

♪ TUNE IN AGAIN NEXT TIME
AND YOU WILL SURELY SEE ♪

♪ A CHOCOLATE CAKE THAT'S IN
THE SHAPE OF KOOL MOE DEE ♪

♪ PEACE, Y'ALL ♪♪

HEY, MON, ME HOME!

[Announcer] AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF HEY MON.

WITH THE HARDEST-WORKING
WEST INDIAN FAMILY, THE HEADLEY'S.

HEY, MON.

HEY, NOW, MON. HOW MANY
TIMES I GOT TO TELL YOU...

NOT TO PUT YOUR
UNIFORMS ON MY GOOD SOFA?

DON'T YELL AT ME, WOMAN. I DROP
ME UNIFORM WHEREVER I WANT.

I WORK 15 JOB. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR
YOUR FOOLISHNESS WHEN I COME HOME.

I'M TIRED, DAMN IT.

LISTEN, YOU THINK YOU'RE
THE ONLY ONE WORK HARD?

I GOT NINE JOB MYSELF, YOU KNOW.

PLUS IS I HAVE TO DO ALL THE COOKIN' AND
THE CLEANIN' AND THE WASHIN' AROUND HERE...

NOT TO MENTION THE WELDING.

WELL, COMBINED THAT'S
ONLY 12 JOB, LAZY WOMAN.

WHAT YOU THINK IT IS A JOB?

HEY, MON.

SPEAKING OF LAZY, HERE'S THE
LAZIEST IDIOT EVER WHO LIVED.

YOUNG BILLY VANILLI RASTA BOY.

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE
WORKIN' AT THE HOTEL NOW?

NO, BECAUSE I JUST
GOT FIRED FROM THERE.

WHAT HAPPENED?
WHY YOU GOT FIRED?

I NO CARRY NO YANKEE MAN'S BAG.

PLUS, ME HAVE FOUR
PERFECTLY GOOD JOBS LEFT.

FOUR JOB? LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, YOUNG RASTA BOY.

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I
WAS A MAINTENANCE MAN,

A CARPENTER, A CAB DRIVER,
A COOK, A HOSPITAL ORDERLY,

A SECURITY GUARD, A
TOUR GUIDE, A FISH CLEANER

AND AN AMWAY DISTRIBUTOR
ALL IN THE SAME DAY.

I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME
TO ALMOST MAKE YOU, BOY.

BUT, POP, ME IN TEN BANDS NOW.

ME DON'T HAVE EVEN A LITTLE
BIT OF TIME FOR MYSELF NOW.

TEN BAND AND FOUR JOB.

THAT'S FOURTEEN THINGS.

THAT'S NOT AS BAD
AS I THOUGHT, BOY.

COME HERE, YOU CHIP OFF THE OLD
BANANA BOAT. ME PROUD OF YOU, BOY.

YOU HEAR THAT,
YOU LAZY NEIGHBORS?

MY BOY GOT 14 JOB.

- HEY, MON.
- HEY, MON.
- HEY, MON.

WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT AIN'T
TABLE NAPKIN TURNED TABLE CLOTH.

WHAT YOU DOIN' HOME RIGHT NOW?

DADDY, LEAVE ME ALONE. I HAVE
A DATE WITH MY NEW BOYFRIEND.

REALLY NOW? TELL US
ABOUT THIS NEW FELLA.

WELL, HIM NAME IS DANNY.
HIM AMERICAN. HIM VERY FUNNY.

AND I THINK I LOVE HE!

AND WHAT ELSE? WHAT
DO DADDY WANT TO HEAR?

WELL, HIM VERY
SUCCESSFUL, YOU KNOW.

HIM MAKE OVER ONE HUNDRED
THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR.

MAMA GONNA BE RICH. ONE
HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS?

HOW MANY JOB HE
GOT TO MAKE $100,000?

ONLY ONE. HE'S A DOCTOR.

ONE JOB! ONE JOB!

THE GIRL DATING A BOY
WITH ONE JOB. I HEAR IT.

THAT'S ALL YOU EVER TALK ABOUT...
WORK, WORK, WORK. WHAT ABOUT LOVE?

LOOK AT THE TWO OF YOU. YOU'RE TIRED
AND YOU'RE BUGGED OUT ALL THE TIME.

WHY DON'T YOU GO
AND TAKE A VACATION?

AH, ME ON VACATION
NOW FROM 13 JOB.

BUT PAPA, HOW CAN I THINK
ABOUT WORKIN' WHEN I AM IN LOVE?

IT'S JUST LIKE WHEN YOU AND
MAMA JUST MET, REMEMBER?

I NEVER LOVE YOUR MOTHER.

I MARRY YOUR MOTHER
BECAUSE SHE HAD SIX JOB.

WHAT HAPPEN TO THAT NICE KOREAN BOY
YOU WAS DATIN'? HE HAD A HUNDRED JOB.

HIM DEAD NOW. HIM DROP
DEAD IN A JOB INTERVIEW.

WELL, THAT MEANS ONE
HUNDRED JOB OPENINGS.

A HUNDRED JOB OPENINGS? SOMEONE
GET MY NEWSPAPER. DON'T STAND THERE.

OH, I DON'T WHY I TELL YOU
STUPID PEOPLE ANYTHING.

- I'M IN LOVE AND THAT'S
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.
- [All Shouting, Indistinct]

[Woman] HEY, YOU HEADLEY, SHUT
UP IN THERE! THIS AIN'T JERSEY.

[Man] YEAH, SHUT
THE HELL UP IN THERE!

HEY, MON! DON'T NOBODY TELL GODFREID
HEADLEY BE QUIET IN ME OWN HOUSE!

IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK, IF I HAD
THE TIME, I'D COME WHIP YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW!

OH, NO! MY GOD,
LOOK AT THE TIME!

[All Together] OH! HEY,
MON! TIME TO GO TO WORK!

[Announcer] JOIN US AGAIN SOON
FOR HEY MON WITH THE HEADLEYS.

YOU CAN'T TELL IF
THEY'RE HAPPY OR MAD.

THEY'RE JUST WORKING.

[Alarm Clocks Ringing]

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

♪ READY IN THE INTRO
CUE UP THE SEARCHLIGHT ♪

♪ PRIME IS TO THE CENTER
STAGE ♪ ♪ I GRAB THE FIRST MIKE ♪

♪ I'M CHECKING THE VOICE
WITH THIS MIKE AND I'M CUFFIN' ♪

♪ YOU AIN'T MY NUCKER SUCKER I'M SNUFFIN'
THE WORD OF THE THIRD STANDS TRUE ♪♪

FRANKLY, SCARLETT, I...

OH.

HELLO, I'M TED TURNER.

AND WELCOME TO TED
TURNER'S COLORIZED CLASSICS.

NOW, THE COLORIZATION OF THESE FILMS MAY
NOT AGREE WITH SOME PEOPLE'S ARTISTIC...

[Spits] SENSIBILITIES.

BUT THEY'RE MINE, AND I CAN
DO ANYTHING I WANT WITH THEM.

NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH.

HELL, I JUST FOUND A WAY
TO ADD EVEN MORE COLOR...

AS YOU'LL SEE IN TONIGHT'S
FILM, CASABLANCA.

OF ALL THE JIVE JOINTS IN THE WORLD,
SHE HAD TO BRING HER BIG BUTT INTO MINE.

I REALLY LOVED HER, YOU KNOW.

AND WHY NOT? SHE'S THE ONLY WOMAN I
EVER MET THAT LOOKED AS GOOD AS ME.

HERE'S LOOKING
AT YOU, MY DARLING.

YO, STEVIE, PLAY IT AGAIN.

♪ YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS ♪

♪ A KISS IS JUST A KISS ♪

♪ A SIGH IS JUST A SIGH ♪

♪ AND OH, YEAH, BABY ♪

♪ THE FUNDAMENTAL
FUNDAMENTAL THINGS APPLY ♪

♪ AS TIME GOES ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ TIME GOES ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪♪

THAT'S ALL THE TIME
WE HAVE TONIGHT.

JOIN US NEXT TIME FOR CITIZEN
KANE, STARRING JIMMY WALKER.

I THINK YOU'LL
AGREE. IT'S DY-NO-MITE.

I'M LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE
TED TURNER. GOOD NIGHT.

SO LOOK HERE, MAN. THE MERCEDES
HAS TO BE BACK BY MIDNIGHT.

SO, WHAT WE GONNA DO? I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
I PASSED OUT ALL THE FAKE BUSINESS CARDS.

WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS,
MAN. SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

BUT, YO, MAN, I AIN'T
TAKING THE FRIEND.

THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GOTTA BE. YOU KNOW I'M
THE ONE WHO ALWAYS MAKES THE FIRST MOVE.

SO YOU GET STUCK WITH THE
LEFTOVERS. NOT THIS TIME, MAN.

WHY NOT? YO, THAT
GIRL'S UGLY, MAN.

- THAT'S THE BEST KIND.
- WHAT?

I SAID THE UGLY ONE'S THE BEST
KIND, MAN. THEY DON'T ASK FOR MUCH.

ALL YOU NEED IS TEETH AND
HAIR. THAT'S ALL THEY WANT.

THAT'S RIGHT. AND IF THEY
LEAVE YOU, YOU AIN'T DEPRESSED.

YOU AIN'T THINKIN' NOTHIN'
ABOUT 'EM, YOU KNOW? RIGHT.

PRETTY GIRLS, SEE, THEY WANT
ALL YOUR MONEY. THAT'S RIGHT.

JUST LIKE THEM BOYS SAY: NEVER
TRUST A BIG BUTT WHEN IT SMILE.

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S THE DAY
YOU POISONED. ♪♪ [Humming]

WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT WOMEN, MAN?

SHOOT, I BEEN MARRIED SEVEN
TIMES, SON. LET ME TELL YOU.

THAT'S RIGHT, ALL OF
THEM UGLY. THAT'S RIGHT.

ONE OF THEM WAS SO UGLY I TOOK HER
DOWN TO THE WAX MUSEUM OF HORROR.

THE MAN SAID, "PLEASE DON'T LET
HER MOVE UNTIL WE DO INVENTORY."

[Chuckling] HEY, OLD MAN,

YOU KNOW A NICE PLACE AROUND HERE
WHERE WE CAN GET SOMETHING TO EAT?

YOUR DADDY'S OLD. YOU
BETTER WATCH IT NOW.

SORRY. I MEAN, SIR, WHERE CAN WE
FIND A NICE PLACE TO EAT AROUND HERE?

WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT DEPENDS
ON WHAT YOU'RE IN THE MOOD FOR.

NOW, IF YOU WANT CHINESE FOOD, I GUESS THE
BEST PLACE TO GO IS DOWN TO CHIN WANGS...

ON THE CORNER OF
JEFFERSON AND CENTRAL.

IT'S PRETTY GOOD CHINESE FOOD.
BUT I DON'T TRUST EM, YOU KNOW?

THEY OPEN 24 HOURS, MAN. NEVER
TAKE OUT NO GARBAGE, YOU KNOW?

HOW'S SOMEWHERE GONNA BE OPEN 24
HOURS AND NEVER TAKE OUT NO GARBAGE?

SOMETHIN' AIN'T RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, MAN, WE TAKE THE FREAKS
TO GET SOME CHINESE FOOD, MAN.

THAT AIN'T THE MOVE.

IT'S BAD. DON'T TAKE YOUR GIRL ON THE
FIRST DATE TO GET CHINESE FOOD, MAN.

THAT M.S.G. WILL GIVE HER GAS.

WHAT ABOUT SOME CHICKEN?

OH, SHUCKS. YOU SAID THE MAGIC WORD
NOW. YOU TALKIN' ABOUT THE YARD BIRD, HUH?

OH, I KNOW ABOUT CHICKEN. RIGHT, I
KNOW ABOUT SOME CHICKEN. THAT'S RIGHT.

MM-HMM. YOU CAN'T GET
NO CHICKEN THIS TIME OF

NIGHT, THOUGH. WATCH
OUT FOR THE DOOR, SON.

WHY? LOOK, YOU'D BETTER
MOVE RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

WHAT?

HAPPENS EVERY TIME THEY
PLAY MILLI VANILLI. [Vomiting]

TAKE IT EASY, BUDDY. I'LL BE YOUR BUDDY
WHEN YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE CAN, SON.

HEY, BUDDY, HOW YOU DOIN'? RIGHT.
TELL YOUR FRIEND I SAID GO TO HELL.

YOU AIN'T GONNA WASH YOUR HANDS?

NEVER MIND.

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

♪ THEY COME FROM MILES
AROUND TO CHECK OUT THE SOUND ♪

♪ WATCH THE WALLS
COME TUMBLING DOWN ♪

♪ KID 'N PLAY IS
THE PERFECT TEAM ♪

♪ NOW IT'S TIME TO
LET OFF SOME STEAM ♪

♪ DON'T BE BASHFUL NOW ♪
♪ DON'T BE SHY ♪

♪ THIS AIN'T NO TIME FOR
YOU TO WONDER WHY ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE NOT ON THE
FLOOR WITH SOMEONE ELSE ♪

- ♪ DON'T BLAME US BLAME YOURSELF
- ♪ DO A LITTLE DANCE, Y'ALL ♪

♪ GET DOWN LIKE THAT, Y'ALL ♪

♪ FEEL THE GROOVE ♪

♪ I FEEL IT I FEEL IT NOW ♪♪

[Announcer] AND NOW, PUBLIC ACCESS
TELEVISION PRESENTS MEN ON BOOKS.

HELLO, I'M BLAYNE EDWARDS.
AND I'M ANTOINE MERRIWETHER.

AND WELCOME TO MEN ON BOOKS.

THE SHOW THAT LOOKS AT GREAT
LITERATURE FROM THE PAST AND PRESENT.

FROM A MALE POINT
OF VIEW. MM-HMM.

TONIGHT WE HAVE A NEW SPONSOR.

YES, AND I'M TICKLED PINK.

THIS SHOW IS BROUGHT
TO YOU BY WANG.

DON'T THEY MAKE
COMPUTERS? MM-HMM.

OUR FIRST CLASSIC IS A BOOK
CALLED ROBINSON CRUSOE.

IT'S ALL ABOUT A
STORY OF A WHITE MAN...

WHO SUDDENLY FINDS HIMSELF
STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND,

AND HOW HE FORMS A
BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP...

WITH A VIRILE, YET
SUBMISSIVE BLACK MAN.

THE AUTHOR IS DANIEL DEFOE.

NOW IF HE'S ANYTHING LIKE
THAT CUTE LITTLE WILLEM DAFOE,

I'LL BE HIS FRIDAY,
SATURDAY AND SUNDAY.

HEAR, HEAR.

OUR NEXT BOOK IS LITTLE WOMEN.

HATED IT. HATED IT.

THEN OF COURSE
THERE'S LITTLE MEN.

HATED IT. HATED IT.

THEN WE HAVE ROUGHING
IT. IT'S A HAPPY TALE.

YES, THIS IS A STORY ABOUT MEN
ROMPING THROUGH THE WILDERNESS...

AT A TIME WHEN OUR COUNTRY
WAS STILL OPEN TO EXPLORATION.

IT WAS WRITTEN BY SAMUEL
LANGHORNE CLEMENS,

KNOWN TO MOST
PEOPLE AS MARK TWAIN.

YOU KNOW, IF I EVER HAD A SON,
I'D LOVE TO NAME HIM LANGHORNE.

IF YOU EVER HAVE A SON,
I'LL GROW ALL MY HAIR BACK.

OH, YOU GONNA MAKE ME
READ YOU ON PUBLIC ACCESS.

DON'T GET MAD.

LOOK, I KNOW WHO I AM. DO YOU?

COME ON, SHOW ME
THEM LITTLE PEARLIES.

NOW, THAT'S THE 'TOINE I KNOW.

NOW WE'RE COMING
TO THE LAST BOOK,

WHICH IS TRULY MY
PERSONAL FAVORITE.

THIS ONE'S CALLED MOBY DICK.

OPEN THE PORTHOLES,
THERE'S A MAN OVERBOARD!

I GET GOOSE-PIMPLY JUST
THINKIN' ABOUT THAT BIG MR. MOBY.

UH, RED LIGHT. UH, EXCUSE
ME. MR. MOBY IS A WHALE.

I BET HE IS.

THIS BOOKS GETS THE
YET-UNHEARD-OF ZORRO SNAP.

IN "Z" FORMATION.

YOU KNOW, I REALLY GOT WRAPPED UP IN
THIS STORY OF MEN OUT ON THE OPEN SEA,

DANGER LURKIN'
AROUND EVERY CORNER.

AND THEM ALL SNUGGLED
UP IN THEM TINY LITTLE CABINS.

JUST MADE ME WANT TO HOIST
MY SAIL AND SHOVE OFF WITH THEM.

ME, TOO. I'D PAY TOP DOLLAR JUST
TO BE A STOW AWAY IN THAT STORY.

OH, DITTO. WELL, THAT'S
OUR SHOW FOR TONIGHT.

YES, JOIN US NEXT TIME WHEN
WE'LL BE REVIEWING SOME OF DICKENS.

YES, WE'LL BE TALKIN' ABOUT
THE CLASSIC A TALE OF TWO CITIES.

I HOPE ONE OF THEM IS
SAN FRANCISCO. ME TOO.

BYE-BYE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELL, ONCE AGAIN, WE WANT
TO THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

HEY, ROLLO, TELL THEM
WHAT TO DO. WHO ASKIN'?

KEENEN. ALL RIGHT. I'LL
SEE Y'ALL NEXT WEEK.

PEACE.

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT
YOU WANT TO DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪