In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Wrath of Farrakhan - full transcript

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪



♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪

♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
EVERYBODY WAS YOUR FRIEND ♪

♪ FROM THIN TO THICK AND
THROUGH THICK AND THIN ♪



♪ AND EGOTISTICAL
TRIPS WAS PUT TO AN END ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪

♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪

♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.

THANK YOU. GOOD EVENING.
I'M KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.

WELCOME TO IN LIVING COLOR.

I WANNA THANK ALL THE
PEOPLE WHO SENT THOSE

WONDERFUL LETTERS AFTER
SEEING LAST WEEK'S SHOW.

I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. BEFORE
WE GET THE PARTY STARTED,

I ALWAYS GOT TO SAY HELLO TO THE
MAN WHO MAKES THE BUTTS BOUNCE,

THE KING OF
BEATS, D.J. S.W. ONE.

AND, OF COURSE, WE CAN'T FORGET
THE LOVELY LADIES OF IN LIVING COLOR.

MY FLY GIRLS...
CARRIE ANN, DEIDRE,

LISA, CARI AND MICHELLE.

WE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. I
WANT YOU TO CHILL WITH US FOR ABOUT A HALF.

LET'S GET THIS PARTY
STARTED RIGHT. DO IT.

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪♪

I WANT TO BE VANILLI.

NO, YOU CAN'T BE VANILLI.

I AM ALWAYS VANILLI.

NO, BUT YOU CAN'T BE
VANILLI TWO DAYS STRAIGHT.

WHY NOT? BECAUSE...

YOU ARE GERMANY
AND I'M FROM FRENCH.

OH.

NOW I GET IT. MAKES SENSE TO ME.

MILLI VANILLI
COMMERCIAL, TAKE ONE.

HELLO, WE ARE MILLI... VANILLI.

YOU KNOW, LOTS OF PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE ENORMOUS SUCCESS OF MILLI VANILLI.

AND NEITHER DO WE.

BUT WE ARE HERE TODAY TO TELL
YOU THAT YOU TOO CAN BE MILLI VANILLI...

WITH LOTS OF POSITIVE ENERGY
AND OUR NEW DO-IT-YOURSELF...

AT-HOME MILLI VANILLI KIT.

THAT IS RIGHT. IN
JUST 10 MINUTES...

COUNT THEM. FIVE, 10.

YOU DIDN'T THINK I
COULD DO THAT, HUH?

TEN MINUTES, YOU TOO CAN LOOK
AND SOUND JUST LIKE MILLI... VANILLI.

TELL THEM WHAT
THEY GET, VANILLI.

WELL, FOR ONLY 39.95,

YOU'LL GET THIS.

MILLI VANILLI HAIR.

VERY EASY TO APPLY,

AND DYE IT WHATEVER
COLOR YOU LIKE.

PLUS YOU'LL GET THIS.

MILLI VANILLI EYES
THAT WILL GIVE YOU...

POSITIVE ENERGY.

WHAT ELSE? LET'S NOT
FORGET OUR TERRIBLE ACCENTS.

YOU'LL ALSO GET THESE.

THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'LL LISTEN TO
THESE CARTOON CHARACTERS...

PEPÉ LE PEW, BORIS AND
NATASHA, ELMER FUDD...

AND YOU ARE ALMOST
READY TO BE MILLI VANILLI.

NO, BUT NOT YET. NO, NO.

FIRST, YOU GO OUT AND SEE THE LATEST,
HOTTEST, FRESHEST, EXCITING DANCES,

BUT DON'T DO THEM. NO, NO, NO.

DO THIS INSTEAD.

NOW YOU ARE DOING MILLI VANILLI.

SO GET A FRIEND. BECAUSE IT
TAKES TWO JERKS TO BE MILLI VANILLI.

AND REMEMBER... ♪ DON'T
FORGET OUR NUMBER ♪

SO ACT NOW BECAUSE WE
ARE ALMOST OUT OF STYLE.

SEND 39.95 TO:

MILLI VANILLI, P.O. BOX 227,
PARIS, CALIFORNIA 90029.

IT'S THE ARSENIO HALL SHOW
STARRING ARSENIO HALL.

AND HERE'S EDDIE MURPHY'S BEST
FRIEND... AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT...

ARSENIO...

OOOOO...

HALL!

WOOH! WOOH! WOOH!

YES! YES!

OH, YEAH!

OH, BOY!

THAT'S MY DOG POUND RIGHT THERE,

AND THIS IS MY POSSE.

YES. OH, BOY.

GOOD EVENING.

WOOH! WOOH! WOOH!

NOW, I COULDN'T BEGIN THE SHOW WITHOUT
INTRODUCING A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.

STOPPED IN TONIGHT. WE WERE HANGIN'
OUT AT THE CHINA CLUB LAST NIGHT.

A REAL PARTY ANIMAL. WON'T YOU
PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR MY MAIN MAN,

POPE JOHN PAUL II!

YES!

POPE, STRIVE TO BE NUMBER ONE.

YES!

OH, WE GOT A GREAT SHOW.

SO, WITH NO MORE
DELAY, LET'S GET BUSY!

OH, BOY.

NOW I'D LIKE TO
INTRODUCE MY FIRST GUEST.

A VERY, VERY SPECIAL
MAN. VERY TALENTED.

HE'S JUST WRITTEN A
BOOK, HE'S IN A NEW FILM,

AND RUNNING FOR HIS FOURTH
TERM AS MAYOR OF WASHINGTON, D.C.

WOULD YA PLEASE GIVE IT UP
FOR A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE,

MARION BARRY!

LET'S JUST GET RIGHT INTO IT.

NOW, YOU'RE IN THE
PRESS A LOT LATELY.

YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN
INVITING YOU TO HOTELS.

PEOPLE FOLLOW YOU
EVERYWHERE YOU GO.

WHAT'S IT LIKE TO
BE A SEX SYMBOL?

UH, I DON'T THINK YOU
UNDERSTAND, ARSENIO.

I DON'T CONSIDER
MYSELF A SEX SYMBOL.

I DO CONSIDER MYSELF A MAN WHO'S
BEEN WRONGLY ACCUSED OF A CRIME,

AND I'M HERE TONIGHT
TO CLEAR MY NAME.

ALL CHARGES
AGAINST ME ARE FALSE.

THERE'S BEEN NO PROOF OF
ANY WRONGDOIN' ON MY PART.

HEY, YOU, WAKE UP!

DEEP, DEEP.

SO, I HAVEN'T READ IT, BUT MY PEOPLE
TELL ME YOU'VE WRITTEN A BOOK.

UH, WELL, I DIDN'T WRITE A BOOK.

I WAS BOOKED...

ON POSSESSION OF
AN ILLEGAL SUBSTANCE.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE IMAGE I'D
LIKE TO PORTRAY HERE TONIGHT.

I'M ABOUT THE BUSINESS
OF GOVERNMENT. YES.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT MY REELECTION
CAMPAIGN ALREADY? OH, EDDIE'S HERE?

I SAID "ALREADY," NOT "EDDIE."

I SAID "ALREADY," NOT "EDDIE."

OH. OH.

I'M SORRY. I GET A LITTLE
CONFUSED 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,

EDDIE IS MY BEST FRIEND.

AND TO ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE
OUT THERE WHO DON'T KNOW,

EDDIE MURPHY IS ONLY THE
BIGGEST MOVIE STAR IN THE WORLD.

THE BLACK PEOPLE ARE
SITTING OUT THERE, GOING,

"I KNOW WHO EDDIE MURPHY
IS. I SEE EDDIE MURPHY ON TV."

SAY, SAY, SAY, ARSENIO?

OH, BOY. SO,

WHERE WILL YOU
BE APPEARING NEXT?

UH, WELL, THIS FRIDAY I'LL BE
APPEARING IN FRONT OF THE GRAND JURY.

WHOO! WHOO-HOO! WHOO!

- NOW, WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
- ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I JUST LIKE TO DO THAT
AFTER EVERY THIRD QUESTION.

SO, I UNDERSTAND
YOU'RE IN A NEW FILM?

UH, NOW, WAIT. NO.
SEE, THEY TOLD ME...

YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO
ASK ME ABOUT THAT. AH, BROTHER.

NO DISRESPECT TO MORGAN
FREEMAN OR DENZEL WASHINGTON,

BUT, BROTHER, I HEAR
YOU ARE SMOKING.

NO, I'D RATHER NOT
TALK ABOUT THAT...

SANDY, DO WE HAVE A CLIP?

I'VE GOT IT RIGHT
HERE, ARSENIO. KICK IT!

WOULD YOU LET GO! MAN, I'M
THE MAYOR OF WASHINGTON, D.C.!

THIS IS A SETUP!
THIS IS A SETUP!

GET THAT CAMERA OFF ME! THEY WERE
SUPPOSED TO TELL ME THAT Y'ALL WAS COMING.

HEY, LEROY! LEROY, MAN!

CALL WHITNEY! CALL...
IS JESSE IN TOWN?

CALL AL SHARPTON, MAN!

I'M NOTHIN', MAN! I'M NOTHIN'.

I CAME UP HERE TO CLEAR MY NAME!

I'M RUINED!

YES, THAT WAS SO REAL.

I'M NOBODY. I'M NOTHIN'.
YOU'VE RUINED MY CAREER.

STRIVE TO BE THE
BEST YOU CAN BE.

MICHAEL WOLFF, TAKE US HOME WITH
SOME OF THAT NASTY, BOOGER-NOSE FUNK.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE
WELCOME, ALL THE WAY FROM DETROIT,

THE MOTOR CITY HOMEBOY CHOIR.

♪♪

ONE, TWO, THREE, GO.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ CASH, COLD ♪

♪ THAT'S WHAT I NEED ♪

♪ I WANNA BE RICH
'CAUSE I'M RICH NICE ♪

♪ I SEE THE PIE
AND I WANT A SLICE ♪

♪ SO ONE SIDE MAKE
WAY, I'M COMIN' ♪

♪ THE RACE AIN'T OVER
'CAUSE I'M STILL RUNNIN' ♪

♪ LADIES, GET CLOSE
AND CALL ME SNUGGLES ♪

♪ I'LL SQUEEZE YOU TIGHT
AND CALL YOU CUDDLES ♪

♪ THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT
MY LIFE WILL SWITCH ♪

♪ AND THAT'S WHY
I WANNA BE RICH ♪

♪ BILL COLLECTORS
THEY'RE IN MY PHONE ♪

♪ RING-A-LING-A-LING ♪

♪ THEY BOTHER ME
WHEN I'M NOT AT HOME ♪♪

♪ DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪

I'M STANDING HERE WITH THE
LEGENDARY SUGAR RAY LEONARD.

RAY, HOW DOES THE
SHOW LOOK TO YOU SO FAR?

WELL, LARRY, I HAVE TO
CALL THE SHOW PRETTY EVEN.

SO FAR, THE AUDIENCE HAS
BEEN ABLE TO TAKE EVERYTHING...

THAT THE CAST HAS DISHED OUT.

IF WE LOOK AT THE
TALE OF THE VIDEOTAPE,

WE'LL SEE THAT THE AUDIENCE
OUTNUMBERS THE CAST 30 TO ONE.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. IF YOU
WERE IN THIS CAST'S SHOES RIGHT NOW,

WHAT WOULD SUGAR BE DOING?

WELL, LARRY, LIKE I SAID,

THIS IS A VERY, VERY, VERY,
VERY, VERY TOUGH AUDIENCE.

AND REMEMBER WHAT
THEY DID TO FRANK'S PLACE.

IF I WERE THE CAST RIGHT NOW,
I'D BE GOING FOR THE KNOCKOUT.

LIKE I DID AGAINST MARVIN
HAGLER. HE SCARED ME.

HE LOOKED LIKE A GIANT
MILK DUD. I WAS AFRAID OF HIM.

THIS MILK DUD HAD
ARMS AND WAS JABBING.

UH, RAY... I WAS JABBING BACK.

UH, RAY.

WELL, WE'RE ABOUT READY
TO START THAT FIFTH ROUND.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
GREAT SUGAR RAY LEONARD.

THANK YOU. BIGGER
WORDS THAN I USUALLY USE.

CAPTAIN'S LOG, STARDATE 14.

WE'RE BEING PULLED
TOWARDS A HOSTILE PLANET.

I'M HOPING THAT SCOTTY WILL BE ABLE TO
ACTIVATE THE BACKUP CONTROL SYSTEMS.

GOD, I FEEL SO VULNERABLE.

CAPTAIN, I'M PICKING UP
SOME STRANGE SIGNALS.

SOMETHING ABOUT
INTERGALACTIC OPPRESSORS, SIR.

CAPTAIN, INTRUDERS ARE
APPROACHING THE BRIDGE, SIR.

WHO ARE YOU?

I AM THE MINISTER
LOUIS FARRAKHAN.

SPOCK. SPOCK, WHO IS HE?

A FORMER CALYPSO
SINGER, CAPTAIN,

WHO LATER BECAME LEADER OF A
20th-CENTURY AFRICAN-AMERICAN...

RELIGIOUS SECT KNOWN
AS THE NATION OF ISLAM.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO
BUY SOME INCENSE?

BEAN PIE, MY BROTHER?
NO, THANK YOU.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I'VE COME TO WARN YOUR CREW...

WARN YOUR CREW. WARN YOUR CREW.

OF THEIR ENSLAVEMENT...

ENSLAVEMENT. ENSLAVEMENT.

- ABOARD THIS VESSEL.
- THAT'S POPPYCOCK.

THESE PEOPLE ARE PERFECTLY
FREE TO DO ANYTHING THEY'D LIKE.

IT IS THAT SAME LIE
THAT KEPT ELVIS THE KING.

THAT MADE THAT POOR CHILD, LATOYA
JACKSON, THINK SHE COULD SING.

IT IS THAT SAME LIE THAT'S
GOT WHITE BOYS RAPPING...

AND THE FAT BOYS ACTING.

HEY, MISTER, YOU CAN'T COME IN
HERE AND TALK TO ME LIKE THAT.

UHURA, GET ME STARFLEET
COMMAND. YES, CAPTAIN.

OH, MY NUBIAN PRINCESS!

HOW LONG HAVE YOU
PLACED HIS CALLS?

I WATCH THIS SHOW EVERY WEEK AND
ALL I SEE IS THE BACK OF YOUR NAPPY WIG.

UHURA, STARFLEET, NOW.

WELL, WAIT A SECOND! HE'S RIGHT.

I'VE BEEN SITTING
HERE FOR 15 YEARS...

WITH THIS DAMN THING IN MY
EAR AND AIN'T GOT ONE RAISE YET.

IS THAT ALL I'M GOOD FOR? TO
BE YOUR LITTLE SECRETARY...

OR YOUR OCCASIONAL
CHOCOLATE FANTASY?

- SHH!
- YOU GET UP OFF
YOUR FLAT BUTT...

AND GET STARFLEET YOUR
DAMN SELF, 'CAUSE I AIN'T BUDGING.

PREACH ON, BROTHER! YES, SISTER.

MR. SULU, CALL SCOTTY.

TELL HIM TO GET THIS
MAN OUT OF HERE.

WAIT A MINUTE, MR. SULU.

BEFORE YOU TOUCH THAT DIAL,
ANSWER ME THIS QUESTION...

WHO DOES THE
LAUNDRY AROUND HERE?

I DO.

MR. SULU. YOU CALL
ME BUDDHA HEAD...

AND PIE FACE IN FRONT
OF EVERYBODY. WELL...

I'VE BEEN IN SPACE ALL THIS TIME,
AND I HAVEN'T HAD ONE WOMAN YET.

YOU EVEN TAKE THE
UGLY ONES, CAPTAIN.

MY LOINS ARE ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

I WANT TO DO THE NASTY.

THAT'S RIGHT. RISE UP FROM
YOUR OPPRESSOR! RISE UP!

MR. SPOCK, MY FRIEND,
WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.

WHY DO YOU SAY WE, CAUCASOID?

IT'S OBVIOUS, CAPTAIN, THAT
MINISTER FARRAKHAN IS RIGHT.

SPOCK, ARE YOU OUT
OF YOUR VULCAN MIND?

WELL, LOGICALLY
SPEAKING, CAPTAIN,

I AM THE STRONGEST AND MOST
INTELLIGENT PERSON ABOARD THIS VESSEL,

- YET I'M ONLY SECOND-IN-COMMAND.
- MM-HMM.

I SHOULD BE CAPTAIN,

AND I'M ALSO A BETTER
DIRECTOR THAN YOU.

CAN'T YOU SEE?
IT'S DISCRIMINATION!

YOU GET OFF MY SHIP, BUDDY!

PUT YOUR PUNY
WEAPON DOWN, CAPTAIN.

YOU CANNOT HARM ME.

MY PEOPLE HAVE SURVIVED
400 YEARS OF SLAVERY...

SLAVERY! SLAVERY!

300 YEARS OF APARTHEID...

APARTHEID! APARTHEID!

AND 25 YEARS OF THE
JEFFERSONS IN SYNDICATION.

FARRAKHAN!

GO TO YOUR ROOM.

OH, I LOVE IT WHEN
I DO THAT TO THEM.

NUBIAN PRINCESS, CALL
SYLVIA'S SOUL FOOD SHACK.

MAKE RESERVATIONS.

I GOT A TASTE FOR SOME
BLACKENED WHITEFISH.

MR. SULU, WHAT ARE
YOU GOING TO HAVE?

SYLVIA.

WELL, ALL RIGHT THEN,
MY HORNY ASIAN BROTHER.

WARP FACTOR FIVE.
WE'RE GOING HOME.

DESTINATION... 125th STREET.

♪♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪

HI, I'M HOKE COLBURN.

EVERY MORNING AROUND 7:30,

I PICKS UP MISS DAISY AND I
TAKES HER TO HER FAVORITE PLACE.

SLOW DOWN NOW. YES, MISS DAISY.

DRIVIN' LIKE A MADMAN. SEE, WE
DIDN'T ALWAYS GET ALONG SO GOOD.

MISS DAISY DON'T LIKE NOBODY DOING
NOTHING FOR HER, ESPECIALLY NO COLORED.

SHE WHAT THEY
CALL "INDEPENDENT."

THE REAL TRUTH IS, MISS
DAISY DON'T DRIVE SO GOOD.

SHE CRASHED UP HER
CAR, OOH, SOMETHIN' BAD.

SO BAD THAT MASSA...
UH, WHAT'S HIS NAME?

YOU KNOW, DAN AYKROYD.

HE HIRED ME TO TAKE CARE OF HER
AND GIVE HER SOME COMPANIONSHIP.

NOW, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE
GOING. YES, MISS DAISY.

YOU DON'T DRIVE ANY BETTER
THAN I DO. YES, MISS DAISY.

SHE NOT AT ALL THAT BAD.

JUST A LITTLE LONELY
AND WRINKLED UP.

BUT I UNDERSTANDS HER AND I
KNOWS HOW TO MAKE HER HAPPY...

'CAUSE I GIVES HER
JUST WHAT SHE NEEDS.

NOW, NOW, NOW, DON'T
MUSS UP MY DRESS, HOKE.

YES, MISS DAISY.

RIDIN' MISS DAISY.

COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.

OH, HOKE! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!

THANK YOU.

ON BEHALF OF THE CAST, WE HOPE
YOU ENJOYED THE SHOW TONIGHT.

WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT
WEEK. GOOD NIGHT.

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪