In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 1, Episode 13 - Homey D. Clown Returns - full transcript

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪



♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪

♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
EVERYBODY WAS YOUR FRIEND ♪

♪ FROM THIN TO THICK AND
THROUGH THICK AND THIN ♪



♪ AND EGOTISTICAL
TRIPS WAS PUT TO AN END ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪

♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪

♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.

EVERYBODY MADE IT. ALL RIGHT.

HOW YOU DOING?
[Audience Cheering]

GOOD. I'M KEENEN IVORY
WAYANS. THIS IS IN LIVING COLOR.

THIS IS OUR LAST SHOW OF OUR FIRST
SEASON. WE MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST ONE.

WE WANT TO THANK Y'ALL FOR ALL THE SUPPORT
YOU GAVE US. AND WE'LL BE BACK NEXT TIME.

[Audience Cheering]

I GOTTA SAY HELLO TO THE
GUYS FROM ORANGE DRIVE.

[Men] AW, YEAH!

GIVE THEM A HAND.
GIVE IT UP FOR 'EM.

[Applause]

AMERICA, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO
THE GUYS FROM ORANGE DRIVE ARE.

BUT THEY'RE A GROUP OF
OBNOXIOUS, LITTLE KIDS...

THAT KEPT BANGING ON MY
DOOR BUGGING ME FOR TICKETS.

SO I HOOKED THEM UP.
SO NOW THEY'RE HERE.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN
TONIGHT. THIS IS OUR LAST

ONE. WE'RE GONNA TRY
TO GO OUT WITH A BANG.

BEFORE WE DO THAT, SAY
HELLO TO S.W. ONE, MY D.J.

[Audience Cheering]

AND TO THE FLY GIRLS, WHO PROMISED THEY
WON'T WEAR ANY OF THESE OUTFITS NEXT YEAR.

STARTING OVER HERE.
CARRIE ANN, DEIDRE,

LISA, MICHELLE. [Man] LISA!

SIT FOR A MINUTE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪

ONE DOLLAR. TRY
AND DUNK THE CLOWN.

ONLY ONE DOLLAR. TRY
YOUR LUCK FOR JUST A BUCK.

TRY YOUR LUCK. ONE DOLLAR.
DUNK THE CLOWN. ONE...

[Dings] TRY AGAIN.

ONE DOLLAR. DUNK THE CLOWN.

[Dings] TRY AGAIN. ONE DOLLAR.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. I JUST HIT
THE TARGET. WHY DIDN'T YOU FALL IN?

OH, FALL IN, HUH?

AND DRINK UP ALL THIS
WATER AND SUFFOCATE, HUH?

FLOAT ON MY BACK LIKE A DEAD MAN.
THAT WOULD BE PRETTY FUNNY, HUH?

[Giggling] YEAH. I
DON'T THINK SO.

HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.

[Horn Honking] HOMEY'S ONE-STOP
CARNIVAL. STEP RIGHT UP.

STEP RIGHT UP, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. STEP RIGHT UP.

[Horn Honks] ARE
YOU A REAL CLOWN?

NO, I'M YOUR DADDY.
THAT'S THE CLOWN.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR
YOU, LITTLE GIRL?

CAN YOU MAKE ME
A BALLOON ANIMAL?

SURE. HOW ABOUT A LITTLE DOGGY?

YEAH. YEAH.

HOMEY ONCE HAD A LITTLE
DOGGY JUST LIKE THIS.

HIS NAME WAS PAL-O-MINE.

PET HIM. PAL-O-MINE.
P-A-L-O, MINE.

USED TO LOVE TO
PLAY FETCH THE STICK.

YEAH. TILL ONE DAY A COP CAR
CAME BY AND RAN OVER HIS BACK LEGS.

HE AIN'T NO PAL O' MINE NO MORE.

HERE YOU GO. YOU'RE
A STUPID CLOWN.

YEAH?

ONE-STOP CARNIVAL. ONE-STOP
CARNIVAL. [Horn Honking]

STEP RIGHT UP. STEP RIGHT UP.

HEY, CLOWN. CAN YOU
GUESS MY WIFE'S WEIGHT?

SURE. ONE DOLLAR.

OKAY, SHE'S ABOUT...

I'D SAY... ONE FAT BITCH.

HEY, HE'S PRETTY GOOD.

[Horn Honking]

HOMEY'S ONE-STOP CARNIVAL.
STEP RIGHT UP. [Horn Honking]

HEY, HOMEY, WHAT'S THIS?
THAT'S THE HOMEY WHIRL-TWIRL.

WANT A RIDE? YEAH.

ONE DOLLAR. HAVE A SEAT.

ALL RIGHT. ROUND
AND ROUND YOU GO.

ROUND AND ROUND YOU GO. WHERE
YOU STOP, ONLY HOMEY KNOWS.

ROUND AND ROUND I SPIN
YOUR DUMB ASS. OKAY, HOMEY.

YOU BETTER HANG ON TIGHT, BECAUSE
YOU MIGHT NOT LAST. HOMEY, NOW I AM SICK.

YOU SAID YOU WANT TO GO
FASTER, HUH? NO, HOMEY!

ROUND AND ROUND YOU STILL MUST GO TO PAY
FOR YOUR SINS THAT KEPT HOMEY DOWN SO LOW.

SO HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT YOURSELF NOW?

I FEEL DIZZY AND
NAUSEOUS, HOMEY.

GOOD. THAT'S THE SAME WAY I
FELT AFTER EIGHT YEARS IN PRISON.

PUPPET TIME. PUPPET TIME.

[Horn Honking] GATHER ROUND.

PAY CAREFUL ATTENTION,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

'CAUSE THIS PUPPET SHOW
HAS A CERTAIN MESSAGE TO IT.

I WANT YOU TO MEET
MR. ESTABLISHMENT.

SAY HELLO TO THE NICE PEOPLE.

[High-pitched Voice]
HELLO, NICE PEOPLE.

NOW... TELL THE NICE PEOPLE HOW
YOU'VE TRIED TO KEEP HOMEY DOWN.

WELL, I'VE STRUCTURED
SOCIETY IN SUCH A WAY...

THAT MEN LIKE HOMEY FACE
NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE ODDS...

OF EVER ACHIEVING ANY SORT
OF EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITY.

THEREFORE, THEY'RE UNABLE
TO OBTAIN GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT,

THUS FORCING THEM TO TURN TO
AN ALTERNATE SOURCE OF INCOME.

SOONER OR LATER, THEY JUST
END UP IN JAIL, JUST LIKE HOMEY.

THAT'S RIGHT. NOW LET'S SHOW THEM HOW
HOMEY GETS BACK AT MR. ESTABLISHMENT.

SHALL WE?

[High-pitched Voice] SURE.

VERY GOOD.

SO, WHAT HAVE WE
LEARNED, IF NOTHING ELSE?

HOMEY... DON'T PLAY THAT.

VERY GOOD. NOW TAKE YOUR BOW.

THE END. ONE DOLLAR.

[Horn Honking]

UH, ME AND MY WIFE,
WE'VE BEEN HAVING SOME,

UH, SEXUAL PROBLEMS.

I GUESS IT'S 'CAUSE I HAVE BEEN
UNDER A LOT OF STRESS AND...

MAYBE I DO HARBOR SOME
MISPLACED ANGER, BUT,

YOU KNOW, I THINK MOST
GUYS DO GO THROUGH THIS.

AM I RIGHT, FELLAS? [Laughter]

THIS AIN'T THE OPRAH
WINFREY SHOW?

EXCUSE ME.

HEY! SO THEY FINALLY
RENTED THAT PLACE, HUH?

BEEN ABOUT TWO YEARS. SURE HOPE
THAT SLUMLORD CHANGED THE CARPET.

IT WAS SO STINK OVER THERE,
I COULD TASTE IT OVER HERE.

MM-HMM. OH, BY THE WAY,

I LOVE WHAT YOU DID WITH THOSE LITTLE
MILK CRATES... THAT LITTLE TABLE YOU MADE.

WHAT'S THAT, ART DECO?

YEAH. LOOK AT ME RATTLING ON
AND ON LIKE YOU KNOW WHO I AM.

HI, GIRL. I'M BONITA BATRELL.
I'VE BEEN HERE ALL MY LIFE.

I KNOW EVERYBODY IN THIS
NEIGHBORHOOD. MM-HMM.

YEAH, GIRL, THERE'S SOME FINE
PEOPLE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

THERE'S A LOT OF TRASH
TOO. BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP.

HEY, THERE GOES
MAVIS AND HER KIDS.

MAVIS!

HEY, I SEE YOU GOT THE WHOLE
GANG OUT THERE TODAY, HUH?

THEM KIDS LOOK LIKE A
PACK OF RAG MUFFINS.

GOTTA WRAP THEM UP IN NEWSPAPER
TO TAKE THEM TO SUNDAY SCHOOL.

MMM, MM-MMM. YOU SEE
THAT LITTLE ONE DOWN THERE?

THAT LITTLE ONE. NO, THE ONE DOWN
THERE WITH THE SNOT IN HIS NOSE.

MM-HMM. THAT'S MY
LITTLE GODSON, CHUCKIE.

HEY, CHUCKIE. HEY, CHUCKSTER.

HEY, CHUCKIE WUCKY DOODLE. YOU
GONNA GIVE YOUR GODMOTHER A KISS?

[Kissing Sound]

THAT'S A LITTLE CRACK
ADDICT IN THE MAKING THERE.

HONEY, I'M TELLING YOU.
ALL THEM KIDS DO IS BEG.

"GIVE ME," "LOAN ME," "CAN YOU
SPARE?" EVERY TIME YOU TURN AROUND.

NEITHER ONE OF THEM WOULD
EVER SAY, "HERE, DOG. HERE'S A BONE."

NOW, THE MAMA, EVERY TIME I OPEN MY
DOOR, SHE'S HANGING OUT THERE WITH A CUP.

SHE NEEDS SOME FLOUR. SHE NEEDS
SOME BREAD. SHE NEEDS SOME EGGS.

SHE NEED TO TAKE HER ASS TO THE
SUPERMARKET. THAT'S WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DO.

GIRL, I JUST DON'T
UNDERSTAND PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

'CAUSE I'M TRYING TO
BETTER MYSELF. THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M ENROLLED IN THE ROBERT
FEON SCHOOL OF BEAUTY...

AND THE ACE TRUCK
DRIVING SCHOOL.

SO I'M GONNA HAVE
SOMETHING, YOU SEE?

HEY! THERE GO MY
HOME GIRL, GRETCHEN.

HEY, GRETCHEN. HEY,
GIRL. I'M SCARED OF YOU.

YOU LOOK GOOD. LOVE
WHAT YOU DID WITH YOUR HAIR.

SHAKE IT, BUT DON'T BREAK IT.
BUT IF YOU DO, SAVE CHUCK A PIECE.

THAT FOOL WENT AND SPENT THE BABY'S
DIAPER MONEY TO GET HER WEAVE TIGHTENED.

GIRL, THE BABY WAS HOLLERING
LIKE A BANSHEE ALL NIGHT.

I'M TELLING YOU, I'M GLAD I AIN'T
GOT TO WORRY ABOUT THAT...

'CAUSE I GOT ME SOME
CHEROKEE ON MY MAMA'S SIDE.

SO HAIR AIN'T NO
LUXURY ITEM IN MY FAMILY.

MATTER OF FACT,
WHEN I WAS A GIRL,

MY HAIR WAS LONG AND
STRAIGHT AND BLACK AND THICK.

THEY USED TO CALL ME POCAHONTAS.

THEN ONE DAY I WAS HEATING UP SOME
HAM HOCKS, AND MY PONYTAIL CAUGHT ON FIRE.

AIN'T NEVER COME BACK.

JUST DON'T UNDERSTAN... HUH?

OH, OH, OH, HIM. THAT'S
MR. WASHINGTON DOWN THERE.

YEAH, HE'S LIKE A FATHER TO ME.

HEY, DADDY WASHINGTON.

IT'S ME, YOUR
LITTLE FUZZY-WUZZY.

YOU LOOKIN' MIGHTY SPRY TODAY.

GOT SOME SPRING IN
YOUR STEP. MM-HMM.

YOU'D HAVE SOME SPRING IN YOUR
STEP TOO IF YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH...

THE PREACHER'S
22-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER.

POOR MRS. WASHINGTON. SHE DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HERSELF.

ALL SHE DO IS SIT AROUND EATING THE
GOVERNMENT CHEESE AND PASSING GAS ALL DAY.

GIRL'S STOMACH DONE BLOWN UP SO BIG, LOOK
LIKE SHE GOT FOOD POISONING OR SOMETHING.

MMM, MMM, MMM, IT'S A TRIP.
BUT I AIN'T ONE TO GOSSIP.

IF ANYONE ASKS YOU, YOU AIN'T
HEARD IT FROM ME. NO, YOU HAVEN'T.

OH, OH, YOU GOTTA... LOOK AT.
THERE GOES MISS JENKINS RIGHT THERE.

MM-HMM. THAT'S GOOD
OLD MRS. JENKINS, HONEY.

I DARE SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING
BAD ABOUT MRS. JENKINS.

DON'T NOBODY BETTER SAY NOTHING BAD
ABOUT MISS JENKINS, 'CAUSE I'LL GO CRAZY.

THAT'S WHEN I'LL LOSE IT. MISS JENKINS
IS A STERLING EXAMPLE OF A HUMAN BEING.

MMM, MMM-MMM-MMM.

HEY, MISS JENKINS! SHE IS
SOMETHING ELSE, HONEY.

JUST DON'T LET HER TAKE HER
SHOES OFF IN YOUR APARTMENT.

FEET SMELL LIKE A DILL PICKLE.

YEAH, THERE'S SOME NICE PEOPLE IN THIS
NEIGHBORHOOD. THERE'S SOME FINE FOLKS.

YOU GONNA LIKE IT JUST
FINE. YOU JUST DO ME A FAVOR.

YOU STAY AWAY FROM NOSY,
GOSSIPING HENS, AND YOU BE OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. I GOT TO GO NOW. THE HOME
SHOPPING CLUB'S COMING ON. SEE YOU LATER.

- ♪ THEY'RE JINGLING, BABY ♪
- ♪ GO AHEAD, BABY ♪

♪ THEY'RE JINGLING, BABY ♪
♪ GO AHEAD, BABY ♪

- ♪ THEY'RE JINGLING, BABY ♪
- ♪ GO AHEAD, BABY ♪

- ♪ THEY'RE JINGLING, BABY ♪
- ♪ GO AHEAD, BABY ♪

♪ WHEN YOU FIRST WALKED IN
I AIN'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU GRABBED THE MICROPHONE
LIKE YOUR BOOTY DON'T STINK ♪

♪ AND TRIED TO RUN DOWN
THAT I CAN'T GET OVER THAT ♪

♪ GARBAGE YOU WERE SAYING
YOU CALL THAT A BATTLE RAP ♪

♪ HOW YOU GONNA GO AGAINST
AN ARMY WITH A HANDGUN ♪

♪ I'M L.L. YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND, SON ♪

♪ I'M A LEGEND ON
TOP OF THAT I'M LIVING ♪

♪ NOW YOU LOOK BOOTY
LIKE THAT BUM MISS GIVENS ♪♪

[Man] YOU LOVED HIM
IN POLICE ACADEMY ONE,

TWO, THREE, FOUR,

FIVE, SIX AND SEVEN.

NOW YOU CAN SEE HIM LIVE ON STAGE IN A
SPECIAL EVENING OF PERFORMANCE ENTITLED,

MICHAEL WINSLOW: A ONE MAN SHOW.

[Applause]

[Mimicking Rotary Phone Dialing]

[Mimicking Line Ringing]

[Applause]

[Mimicking Engine
Cranking, Sputtering]

[Sputtering Continues]

[Mimicking Engine Starting]

DAVID ANSEN OF NEWSWEEK
MAGAZINE CALLS IT "SPELLBINDING."

[Mimicking Machine Gun Firing]

CLIVE BARNES OF THE
NEW YORK POST SAYS,

"WINSLOW MAKES US LISTEN
ULTIMATELY TO OURSELVES,

AND WHAT WE HEAR IS QUITE UGLY."

[Mimicking Turkey Gobbling]

[Recording Of Crowd Cheering]

♪♪ ["Charge" On
Organ] [Bat Hits Baseball]

[Man] IT'S A HOME RUN!

[Crowd Cheering]

DON'T MISS MICHAEL WINSLOW THIS
JUNE AT THE WINTER GARDEN THEATER.

THE EXPERIENCE
IS SOUND-SATIONAL.

[Man] THIS MONTH ON HBO.

SHE'S LOUD, SHE'S UGLY,
SHE WEARS AN OVERCOAT...

AND SHE'S A SCREAMING SUCCESS.

SHE'S SAMANTHA KINISON.

YEAH, IT'S GREAT
TO BE HERE TONIGHT.

I GUESS YOU CAN TELL
IT'S MY ANNIVERSARY.

THAT'S RIGHT. I'VE BEEN
MARRIED FOR FIVE YEARS...

TO A [Bleep] MAN. [Screaming]

I TRY NOT TO BE BITTER
ABOUT IT THOUGH.

I GUESS I JUST PICTURED MARRIAGE AS
BEING SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW.

I GUESS I JUST PICTURED
SOMETHING OTHER THAN...

SOME LAZY SLOB LAYING AROUND READING
PLAYBOYS AND DRINKING BLACK LABEL.

"MORNING, HONEY. SURE WISH I COULD STICK
AROUND WAITING ON YOU HAND AND FOOT...

[Bleep] YOUR [BLEEP] ALL DAY, BUT
ONE OF US HAS GOTTA EARN A LIVING!"

[Screaming]

I TELL YOU.

MAYBE NEXT TIME I'LL CONSIDER MARRYING
A LITTLE HIGHER UP ON THE FOOD CHAIN.

LIKE MAYBE AN
AMOEBA OR SOMETHING.

[Chuckling]

I'M NOT BITTER THOUGH.

I LOVE [Bleep] MEN. I HAVE
ALWAYS LOVED [Bleep] MEN.

I'LL NEVER FORGET THE
FIRST TIME I FELL IN LOVE.

I WAS ABOUT 18
YEARS OLD, YOU KNOW.

I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

I WAS JUST WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MAN
TO COME AND SWEEP ME RIGHT OFF MY FEET.

JUST SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET.

NOT USE ME LIKE A [Bleep]
RIDE AT DISNEY WORLD!

[Screaming]

BUT I STILL REMEMBER
THE FIRST ONE.

THAT'S RIGHT. WROTE A LITTLE SONG
ABOUT HIM. HE LOOKED SOMETHING LIKE YOU.

MR. SMOOTH THERE IN THE FRONT ROW. HOW
YOU DOIN'? I BET YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE, SIR.

I BET YOU'VE TAKEN SOME
YOUNG LADY UNDER YOUR ARM, SIR.

I BET YOU TOLD HER YOU LOVED
HER, AND SHE BELIEVED YOU.

I'D LIKE TO SING A SONG THAT I WROTE FOR
MY HONEY LAMB. IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

YOU [Bleep] BASTARD!
YOU BROKE MY HEART!

YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME,
YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH!

YOU LAME-ASS [Bleep]!

I NEVER FELT YOUR [Bleep]!
I NEVER FELT YOUR [Bleep]!

[Man] YOU'LL LAUGH, YOU'LL
GAS, YOU'LL BURN IN HELL.

SAMANTHA KINISON.
THIS MONTH ON HBO.

♪ GOING, GOING, GONE ♪

♪ NOW I DIALED 911
A LONG TIME AGO ♪

♪ DON'T YOU SEE HOW
LATE THEY'RE REACTING ♪

♪ THEY ONLY COME AND THEY
COME WHEN THEY WANNA ♪

♪ SO GET THE MORGUE TRUCK
AND EMBALM THE GONER ♪

♪ THEY DON'T CARE 'CAUSE
THEY STAY PAID ANYWAY ♪

♪ THEY TREAT YOU LIKE AN
ACE THAT CAN'T BEAT THE TREY ♪

♪ A NO-USE NUMBER
WITH NO-USE PEOPLE ♪

♪ IF YOUR LIFE IS ON THE LINE
THEN YOU'RE DEAD TODAY ♪

♪ GET UP GIT, GIT, GIT DOWN ♪

- ♪ LATE 911
WEARS THE LATE CROWN ♪
- [Man Cackling]

♪ 911 IS A JOKE ♪♪
[Cackling Continues]

[Man] AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR
ANOTHER VISIT WITH THE BUTTMANS.

OOH, IT'S COLD OUT THERE.

BUFF? HONEY, ARE YOU HOME?

[Woman] HI, DEAR. I'M JUST
FINISHING UP IN THE KITCHEN.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY? OH, TERRIBLE.

I'VE GOT A SPLITTING HEADACHE.

OH, WHOO.

WHOO! I JUST FEEL LIKE MY
HEAD'S ABOUT TO CRACK WIDE OPEN.

OH, THAT'S AWFUL.

HERE. OH, THANKS, HON.

LET ME MASSAGE YOUR TEMPLES.

AW.

WAS THERE ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR
THAT BOTHERED YOU TODAY? [Can Opens]

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S JUST THAT
SINCE I STARTED LOSING MY HAIR,

IT SEEMS LIKE THE GUYS AROUND THE
LOADING DOCK ARE LAUGHING BEHIND MY BACK.

OH.

AND BESIDES THAT, I SPLIT
THIS PAIR OF PANTS TODAY,

BENDING DOWN TO PICK UP A CRATE.

LOOK AT THAT. OH, THAT'S AWFUL.

IT MUST BE A FAULTY PAIR. WE SHOULD
COMPLAIN TO THE MANUFACTURER.

YOU'RE DARN RIGHT. IS
THERE A LABEL IN THERE?

WELL, LET'S SEE. THEY USUALLY
KEEP ONE AROUND THE, UH...

[Muffled]

OH, WHAT THE HELL. ANOTHER
20 BUCKS DOWN THE HOLE.

- HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
- YOU KNOW,
THE ODDEST THING HAPPENED.

REMEMBER THAT TIME WE TOOK THE
KIDS ON THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE...

AND WE COULDN'T FIGURE OUT
WHAT THAT WHISTLING SOUND WAS?

YEAH. IT SOUNDED LIKE A
HILLBILLY JUG BAND OR SOMETHING.

WELL, ON THE WAY
TO SCHOOL TODAY,

JIMMY STUCK HIS HEAD OUT THE
WINDOW, AND I HEARD IT AGAIN.

WEIRD. [Knocking On Door]

MUST BE THE KIDS. MUST
HAVE FORGOT THEIR KEYS AGAIN.

AW, HOW'S MY LITTLE BUDDIES?

WHEW. IT'S COLD OUT THERE.

TALK ABOUT FREEZING
YOUR FACE OFF.

HI, DADDY. HI, MUFFIN.

I BROUGHT THE MAIL
IN. OH, THANK YOU.

HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?

IT WAS FINE, EXCEPT
JIMMY GOT IN TROUBLE

'CAUSE HE KEPT GIVING
MISS JENKINS RASPBERRIES.

DID NOT! YOU DID TOO.

NOT! NOT! YOU DID TOO!

[Raspberries] [Raspberries]

STOP THAT. I'LL HAVE NONE
OF THAT IN MY HOUSE. [Raspberry]

AND YOU, YOUNG MAN. WHAT'S THIS ON
THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD? WHAT, DAD?

THIS. AW, THEY DID IT AGAIN?

"PLANET URANUS."

WHAT DOES THAT
MEAN? I DON'T KNOW, SON.

PROBABLY JUST SOME MORE
OF THAT ASININE HUMOR.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN
JUST TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.

DADDY?

YES, PUMPKIN? DADDY, CAN I
GET SOME, UM, HAIR EXTENSIONS?

OH, PUMPKIN, YOU NEED THAT LIKE
YOU NEED ANOTHER HOLE IN YOUR HEAD.

DADDY, BUT THE
BOYS SEEM TO LIKE 'EM.

WELL, THOSE BOYS ARE JUST
PACKING YOUR HEAD FULL OF NONSENSE.

[Doorbell Rings] I'LL GET IT.

MRS. BUTTMAN? YES.

GAS MAN. WE DIDN'T
CALL THE GAS MAN.

GOOD GOD!

IT SMELLS LIKE FOOT
AND ASS IN THIS HOUSE.

WHOO!

MAN!

UH, THERE'S BEEN A REPORT OF A
GAS LEAK IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,

AND, UH, JUDGING FROM THE SMELL OF THINGS,
I THINK IT'S COMING FROM THIS HOUSE.

I DON'T SMELL ANYTHING. DO
YOU SMELL ANYTHING? NO, MA.

NOT AT ALL.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK
NEXT DOOR AT THE DICKENS HOUSE.

THANKS A LOT, MR. BUTTMAN.

LOOK HERE, MAN, IF Y'ALL
AIN'T GONNA LIGHT A MATCH,

INVEST IN SOME INCENSE.

WHOO!

[Jimmy Laughing]

EVERYBODY, COME HERE. YOU'VE
GOTTA SEE THIS. [Dad] WHAT?

OH, JUST COME ON. YOU'LL SEE.

[All] OOH! WOW!

IT'S A FULL MOON. A FULL MOON.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I THINK
THE MOON WAS MADE JUST FOR US.

MM-HMM. [Man] JOIN
US AGAIN NEXT WEEK...

FOR MORE ASS-BACKWARD
ANTICS WITH THE BUTTMANS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WE HAD A LOT OF FUN THIS SEASON. WE WANT
EVERYBODY TO HAVE A FUN AND SAFE SUMMER,

AND WE'LL SEE YOU IN
THE FALL. [Tommy] LATER.

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪