In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 1, Episode 12 - Conspiracy - full transcript

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪



♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪

♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
EVERYBODY WAS YOUR FRIEND ♪

♪ FROM THIN TO THICK AND
THROUGH THICK AND THIN ♪



♪ AND EGOTISTICAL
TRIPS WAS PUT TO AN END ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪

♪ IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪

♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪

♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪

♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'M KEENEN IVORY WAYANS,
AND THIS IS IN LIVING COLOR.

GOOD TO BE HERE TONIGHT.
GOOD TO HAVE YOU ALL HERE.

BEFORE WE GET STARTED, I WANT
TO KNOW WHY YOU'RE UP THERE.

I LIKE SHAWN. I WANT
TO BE WITH SHAWN.

SHE COULDN'T GET THE
DANCE NUMBER DOWN, SO...

SAY HELLO TO D.J. AND ONE OF MY
FLY GIRLS, CARRIE ANN AND S.W. ONE.

THESE OTHER GIRLS BACK
HERE, START WITH CARI, DIEDRE,

LISA AND MICHELLE.

WE'RE READY TO GET
LOOSE AND HAVE SOME FUN,

SO SIT BACK AND LAUGH
FOR ABOUT A HALF.

BE RIGHT BACK. KICK IT.

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪

[Muttering, Barking]

AND WAKE UP!

[Laughs] OH!

ALL RIGHT, ANOTHER
VOLUNTEER. YES, YOU, SIR.

LET'S GIVE HIM A HAND,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

AND YOUR NAME IS?
EUGENE CARMICHAEL III.

ALL RIGHT, EUGENE CARMICHAEL
III, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?

- COMMODITIES BROKER.
- COMMODITIES BROKER.

LET ME ASK YOU, HAVE YOU
EVER BEEN HYPNOTIZED?

NO, I HAVEN'T AND FRANKLY,
I'M QUITE SKEPTICAL.

ONE, TWO, THREE, TRANCE!

NOW AT MY COMMAND, YOU
WILL CLUCK LIKE A CHICKEN.

ONE, TWO, THREE...

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA... [Clucks]

- BEG YOUR PARDON?
- [Clucking]

LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, THE SKEPTIC.

I ASSURE YOU, HE WILL REMAIN
THIS WAY AS LONG AS I... AHH!

[Clucks]

AS LONG AS I... OH, MY HEART!

[Woman Screaming]

HE'S NOT BREATHING.
CALL AN AMBULANCE QUICK!

[Thinking] OH, MY GOD!
COME ON. GET UP!

[Clucking] IT'S NO
USE. HE'S DEAD.

[Clucking]

[Thinking] YOU BASTARD, LIVE!

[Clucking]

WELCOME TO NOTHING BUT
BURGERS. MAY I HELP YOU?

[Thinking] ALL RIGHT.

NOW JUST CONCENTRATE.

PUT THE MONEY ON THE COUNTER,

LOOK HER IN THE EYE
AND CONCENTRATE.

[Clucking]

EXCUSE ME?

[Thinking] OH, FOR THE LOVE
OF GOD, PLEASE HEAR ME.

I'M STARVING! I WANT A BURGER!

LOOK, BUD, I DON'T HAVE TO
TAKE THIS. I'LL CALL THE POLICE.

YOU CAN'T COME IN CLUCKING
AND GRABBIN'. WAIT. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

THIS GUY'S TRYING
TO TELL US SOMETHING.

I THINK I'VE SEEN
THIS ON GERALDO.

CAN YOU WRITE IT DOWN?

[Thinking] THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THIS.

"I'D LIKE A HAMBURGER...

"AND A COLA, PLEASE.

I AM STARVING."

OKAY. OKAY.

"CLUCK, CLUCK."

I'M SORRY. I CAN'T READ
THAT CHICKEN SCRATCH.

[Thinking] OH! PLEASE! PLEASE!

[Clucks]

A NIGHTCLUB ACT
THAT WENT AWRY...

WAS A DEPARTURE POINT FOR A LONG DESCENT
TO A PLACE STRANGER THAN NIGHTMARES.

A PLACE CRUELER THAN HELL.

HE'S ENTERED A PLACE
CALLED THE VORTEX OF FEAR.

[Laughing]

[Clucking]

[Clucks]

[Girls Squealing]

[Announcer] COMING
THIS FALL ON ABC.

[Man] MUFFIN, SKIP,
YOU KIDS OKAY?

WE'RE FINE, MR. CHARLES.

[Announcer] THE KIDS AREN'T HIS,
BUT THEY'RE HIS RESPONSIBILITY.

HE'S RAY CHARLES IN CHARGE.

FOUR OF A KIND.
READ 'EM AND WEEP.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SKIP?

MATH.

THAT'S GOOD. AND WHAT
ABOUT YOU, MUFFIN?

WE'RE STUDYING ANATOMY.

[Ray] GOOD. GOOD.
YOU'RE FINE CHILDREN.

♪ TELL ME WHAT I SAY
TELL ME WHAT I SAY ♪♪

[Announcer] MOVE OVER,
MR. BELVEDERE, AND HIT THE ROAD, JACK.

HE'S RAY CHARLES IN CHARGE.

COMING THIS FALL RIGHT AFTER
THE STEVIE WONDER YEARS.

THEY'RE BLIND AND THEY'RE BLACK,

THEY'RE BACK-TO-BACK,
TUESDAYS ON ABC.

♪ AHH-OHH ♪♪

[Announcer] NOW, BOYS AND GIRLS,

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR
FAVORITE STORYTELLER.

[Applause, Cheering]

HELLO, SWEET BABIES.

HOW Y'ALL DOING TODAY?

WOULD Y'ALL LIKE
TO HEAR A STORY?

THEN SHUT UP. [Applause Stops]

ANYWAY, TONIGHT'S
STORY IS CINDERELLA.

CINDERELLA WAS THE
PRETTIEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL

AND MOST TALENTED
ONE IN THE FAMILY,

AND ALL OF THEM HATED HER.

JUST LIKE ME. SO
BEAUTIFUL AND SO TALENTED.

AND THEY ALL HATE ME,
YOU KNOW. OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

CINDERELLA WANTED
TO MEET THE PRINCE,

AND EVERYBODY'S TALKING
ABOUT PRINCE, PRINCE, PRINCE.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN' ABOUT
PRINCE. PRINCE IS NOTHING COMPARED TO ME.

PRINCE CANNOT SIT NEXT TO ME ON
MY THRONE UNLESS HE'S IN A HIGH CHAIR.

THAT'S RIGHT, I'VE SEEN HIM. THAT LITTLE
TINY MAN, POSING NAKED ON A HORSE,

TRYING TO COVER
UP WITH ONE HAND.

IF I HAD TO COVER UP WITH
ONE HAND, WHY BOTHER? [Laughs]

SHUT UP.

SO, ANYWAY, CINDERELLA
HEARD ABOUT THE KING'S BALL...

AND SHE GOT ALL
EXCITED, JUST LIKE I DID.

I LOVE A GOOD BALL.

ANYWAY, KINGS ARE
ALWAYS KNOWN...

FOR HAVING GREAT BALLS
AND I AIN'T TALKING ABOUT ELVIS.

OH, NO, ELVIS WAS
NO KING. I'M SORRY.

ELVIS COULDN'T EVEN
TIE MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES.

I WOULDN'T LET HIM PET
MY HOUND DOG. OH, NO.

IF ELVIS IS THE KING,
THEN WHAT AM I?

SHUT UP.

SO, ANYWAYS, CINDERELLA WAS
VERY SAD BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T GO.

THEN IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT, HER FAIRY

GODMOTHER CAME AND
GAVE HER A BEAUTIFUL GOWN,

SILVER SLIPPERS, AND A
WHITE CARRIAGE WITH HORSES.

YOU KNOW, THEY
NEVER GAVE ME NOTHING.

THAT'S RIGHT. I HAVEN'T
GOT A GRAMMY YET.

THEY NEVER GAVE ME NOTHIN'. THEY
GAVE PAUL McCARTNEY A GRAMMY.

WHEN I HEARD THAT, I SCREAMED
LIKE A WHITE LADY IN CHURCH.

MM-HMM. WHERE WAS I?

YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY STOLE
FROM ME. OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I CAN'T TELL THIS STORY NO MORE.
I HAVE TO TELL THE REAL STORY.

EVERYONE STOLE FROM ME.
STEVIE WONDER AND RAY CHARLES?

I WAS BLIND FIRST. OH,
YES. I DID THAT FIRST.

OH, AND DIANA ROSS? DIANA
ROSS... TALL, GLAMOROUS WOMAN?

YOU KNOW WHO DID THAT FIRST.

OH, AND JAMES BROWN?
STOLE MY HAIR. STOLE MY CAPE.

MM-HMM. HE'S IN PRISON,
RIGHT WHERE HE BELONGS.

OH, YES, HE IS. YOU KNOW,
PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG NOW.

PROBABLY GOT SOME
SHOES TO MATCH. [Laughs]

SHUT UP.

ANYWAY, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE
HAVE FOR LIL' RICHARD'S PLAYHOUSE.

I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
BYE-BYE, SWEET BABIES.

♪ EXPRESS YOURSELF ♪

♪ YOU GOTTA BE YOU
AND ONLY YOU, BABE ♪

♪ EXPRESS YOURSELF
LET ME BE ME ♪

♪ EXPRESS YOURSELF ♪

♪ DON'T TELL ME WHAT
I CANNOT DO, BABY ♪

♪ COME ON AND WORK YOUR BODY ♪

♪ BUST THAT ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH ♪

♪ ROCK THIS ♪

♪ BUST THAT ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH ♪

[ing]

[Applause]

GREAT SET, DELLA.
THANK YOU, BUSTER.

HI, I'M DELLA REESE.

IF YOU'RE LIKE ME,
YOU SUCK UP FOOD...

THE WAY A VACUUM
CLEANER SUCKS UP HAIR BALLS.

BUT I GOT TO WATCH WHAT I EAT.

AND, HONEY, SOMETIMES I
DON'T WANT A WHOLE PORTION.

I JUST WANT A LITTLE TASTE.

AND THAT'S WHY I DEVELOPED
DELLA REESE'S PIECES.

HONEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY
ABOUT HAVING WHOLE PORTIONS ANYMORE...

BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY TAKEN
BITES OUT OF EVERYTHING FOR YOU.

SEE? THAT'S ALL I WANTED.

WAIT A MINUTE.

LET ME GET A LITTLE
SMIDGEN MORE.

SAVE ME A LITTLE
PIECE FOR LATER TOO.

AND THIS IS ALL YOU GONNA GET...

WITH DELLA REESE'S PIECES.

IT'S THE SIMPLE WAY TO STOP
MAKING A PIG OUT OF YOURSELF, HONEY.

SO THE NEXT TIME SOMEBODY
COMES IN YOUR FACE...

WITH A BIG OL' MEAN
DRUMSTICK LIKE THIS,

YOU SAY, "UH-UH, BABY. I'M
EATING DELLA REESE'S PIECES."

[Announcer] NEW
DELLA REESE'S PIECES.

WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY STARVING
FOR JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING.

TODAY'S THE BIG
DAY. I'M MOVING UP.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, MY BROTHER.

THEY AIN'T NEVER GONNA
LET THAT HAPPEN. [Scoffs]

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? PETERSON TOLD ME...

I'M IN THE NUMBER ONE
POSITION FOR THIS PROMOTION.

THEN LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MY BROTHER.

THE WHITE MAN AIN'T NEVER...

GONNA PUT A BLACK MAN IN
CHARGE OF HIS FRENCH FRIES.

THEY JUST DON'T GIVE
US THAT TYPE OF POWER.

MAN, WHY ARE YOU SO
NEGATIVE? HEY, I AIN'T NEGATIVE.

I'M JUST REAL, MY BROTHER.

SEE, BROTHERS DON'T GET
THEM TYPE OF POSITIONS.

LOOK AT ME. I'VE
BEEN HERE FIVE YEARS.

WHAT AM I DOING? MOPPING.

YEAH, BUT THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU FAILED
YOUR FRENCH FRY APTITUDE TEST. TWICE.

HEY, MAN, THAT WAS A
CULTURALLY-BIASED TEST, MAN.

HOW THEY GOING TO ASK A
BLACK MAN FROM COMPTON...

ABOUT SOME WHITE
POTATOES FROM IDAHO?

ASK ME ABOUT SOME SWEET POTATOES.
I'LL TELL YA ANYTHING ABOUT A YAM.

YAM FROM THE MOTHERLAND.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

MAN, MAYBE YOUR
PROBLEM IS YOUR ATTITUDE.

HEY, I AIN'T GOT NO
ATTITUDE, MY BROTHER.

THERE'S A CONSPIRACY OUT
THERE. YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?

THERE'S A CONSPIRACY.

A C-O-N... SPIRACY.

EXCELLENT WORK, NUMBER FOUR. YOUR PLAN TO
GET RID OF MARION BARRY WORKED BEAUTIFULLY.

THANK YOU, SIR. NEXT?

AND YOU, NUMBER FIVE,
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

THANK YOU, YOUR WHITENESS.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

NUMBER SIX. MR. SCREWUP.

IT REALLY WASN'T MY FAULT, NUMBER
ONE. WHAT HAPPENED... SILENCE!

THE OTHERS HAVE DONE THEIR JOBS WELL.
BUT YOU HAVE FOULED UP TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

FIRST, YOU LET EDDIE MURPHY BECOME
THE BIGGEST MOVIE STAR IN THE WORLD.

IT WAS THE WRITING.
AND BRYANT GUMBEL?

I LEAKED THE MEMO. ARSENIO HALL?

I THOUGHT SAJAK
COULD GO ALL THE WAY.

PAT SAJAK? IT'S THAT KIND OF DIMWITTED
THINKING THAT'S GOTTEN YOU INTO THIS MESS.

AND NOW THE LAST STRAW. I JUST
HEARD THAT A BLACK MAN IN YOUR SECTOR...

IS GOING TO BE PUT IN
CHARGE OF FRENCH FRIES.

- FRENCH FRIES!
- NOTHING I COULD DO. WHAT COULD I DO?

YOU'RE PATHETIC.
WAIT OUTSIDE. YES, SIR.

GET ME SENATOR THOMPKINS.

MELVIN? MELVIN? MELVIN!

HELLO, MR. PETERSON. MELVIN,

LAST NIGHT I WENT OVER THE LIST OF PEOPLE
FOR THE NEW FRENCH FRY SUPERVISION JOB.

YEAH? AND I JUST
WANNA TELL YA...

THERE WAS NO ONE
MORE QUALIFIED THAN YOU.

ALL RIGHT! SEE, I TOLD YOU.

BUT THEN THIS MORNING, I WAS LISTENING TO
THE RADIO AND I HEARD THE FUNNIEST THING.

APPARENTLY, SENATOR
THOMPKINS PASSED A BILL...

BANNING THE SALE OF FRENCH
FRIES ANYWHERE IN THE STATE.

IT PASSED UNANIMOUSLY.

SO I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO BE
ON THAT MOP FOR A WHILE LONGER.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, LET'S
SHUT DOWN THOSE FRYERS.

SEE? I TOLD YOU, MAN.

THERE IS A CONSPIRACY OUT THERE.

C-O-N... YEAH, RIGHT. I KNOW.

[Together] SPIRACY.

BY THE WAY, GUYS, WE
HAVE A NEW TRAINEE TODAY.

SHOW HIM THE ROPES, WILL YA?

HEY, YOU! GET YOUR
FEET DOWN OFF THERE!

BETTER BE NICE TO HIM, BROTHER.

THAT'S YOUR NEW MANAGER.

MAN, YOU CRAZY.

ISN'T HE?

♪♪ [Man Rapping, Indistinct]

♪ STEPPED INTO THIS
JAM WITH THE F.B.I. CREW ♪

♪ PEOPLE DANCING UP A SWEAT
YOU KNOW, JUST DOING IT TOO ♪

♪ I DIDN'T KNOW THIS GIRL BUT
SHE WALKED UP LIKE SHE KNEW ME ♪

♪ WRAPPED HER ARMS AROUND
ME AND BEGAN TO KICK IT TO ME ♪♪

♪♪ ["I Love Lucy" Theme]

LAQUITA, I'M HOME!

HEY, SWEETHEART.

WHERE'S MY SUGAR? MM!

THAT'S MY BABY. I'M RIGHT IN
THE MIDDLE OF PAINTING MY NAILS.

NAILS? WHAT ABOUT DINNER?

I GOT SOME PIGS FEET
STEAMIN' ON THE STOVE.

PIGS FEET? AY, YI, YI!

MY MOTHER TOLD ME NEVER TO MARRY
A CRAZY REDHEAD FROM COMPTON.

WELL, YOU DID.

I TOLD YOU LAST WEEK I'M HAVING
A VERY IMPORTANT PRODUCER...

OVER FOR DINNER ON MONDAY
NIGHT. PRODUCER? PRODUCER?

RICKY, SIT DOWN. RICKY, LOOK.

YOU THINK HE MIGHT BE
INTERESTED IN A FEMALE RAPPER?

♪ MY NAME'S LAQUITA
THESE ARE MY... ♪♪ LAQUITA!

RICKY! LET ME "SPLAIN"
SOMETHIN' TO YOU.

WHAT YOU GONNA "SPLAIN" TO ME?

DON'T MAKE FUN OF MY LANGUAGE.
YOU AIN'T GOT NO LANGUAGE.

LAQUITA, I AM GONNA
TELL YOU SOMETHING...

FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME.

I DON'T WANT ANY MORE OF YOUR HAREBRAINED
SCHEMES TO GET INTO SHOW BUSINESS.

BUT, RICKY! COME ON, MAN. I
COULD BE THE NEXT QUEEN LATIFAH!

NO BUTS!

NOW, GO ON IN THERE
AND SET THE TABLE.

SHOOT! I'LL GO TO THE CHINESE
RESTAURANT DOWNSTAIRS...

AND GET SOMETHING A LITTLE
MORE FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION.

AND DON'T FORGET, THE
CABLE MAN IS COMING.

HE'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

WHAT'D YOU SAY?

HI, LAQUITA. IT'S
ME. ETHEL! ETHEL!

COME HERE. SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.

YO, CHECK THIS OUT. RICKY'S
GONNA HAVE A BIG-TIME PRODUCER...

COMIN' OVER HERE
TONIGHT. A PRODUCER!

A PRODUCER. SO I FIGURED WE
COULD DO OUR SALT 'N PEPA ROUTINE.

OH, LAQUITA, I DON'T KNOW.
COME ON! IT'S OUR BIG CHANCE!

[Doorbell Rings] WELL...

THAT'S HIM! THAT'S HIM.
JUST FOLLOW ALONG.

JUST BUST A MOVE. WHATEVER
I DO, YOU DO. WELL, ALL RIGHT.

IS THIS THE MERCADO RESIDENCE?

YES, IT IS. YEAH, I'M
LOOKING FOR MR. MERCADO.

I'M FROM CONTINENTAL TELEVISION.
WE WERE EXPECTING YOU.

COME ON IN. COME ON IN.

HAVE A SEAT. HAVE A SEAT.

OKAY. ETHEL, GET THE NICE
MAN SOMETHING TO DRINK.

SOME RIPPLE.

ON THE ROCKS.

YOU WANT A MASSAGE?
A LEG MASSAGE?

UH, YEAH. SURE, I
GUESS. HERE YOU ARE.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING
TO EAT? THANK YOU. YEAH. OKAY.

DO YOU LIKE MUSIC? WELL, I
GUESS SO. I MEAN, WHO DOESN'T?

WELL, PEEP THIS OUT.

ONE, TWO. ONE, TWO.

♪ WHAT WE GONNA DO ♪

♪ MY NAME'S LAQUITA
AND I'M TELLING YOU, SEE ♪

♪ I'M THE KINDA GIRL
SHOULD BE ON TV ♪

♪ OVER HERE, ON MY RIGHT
WITH THE CURLY LOCKS ♪

♪ SHE'S A GIRL, SHE'S MY
FRIEND SHE'S A HUMAN BEAT BOX ♪

♪ SAY, WHAT ♪♪

OH, THAT WAS GREAT! I MEAN,
YOU TWO REALLY SHOULD BE ON TV.

YES!

NOW, JUST LISTEN. I GOT A
SERVICE CONTRACT RIGHT HERE.

LET ME PUT MY JOHN HANCOCK
ON IT. WAIT A MINUTE! NOT SO FAST.

NOTHING GETS SIGNED UNTIL I TAKE
CARE OF THE PHYSICAL CONNECTION.

WHAT? YOU KNOW,

I HAVE TO PLUG MY
CABLE INTO THE BOX.

OH, LAQUITA! I DON'T
KNOW. DO WE HAVE TO?

THIS IS STANDARD PROCEDURE. IT
WILL ONLY TAKE ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.

MAYBE A LITTLE LONGER.
THIS IS MY 12th ONE TODAY.

[Together] TWELFTH?

ONE LADY I SAW THIS MORNING
TOOK ALMOST TWO HOURS.

MM-HMM. THE POOR WOMAN COULDN'T
REMEMBER WHERE HER BOX WAS.

AND WHEN WE FINALLY FOUND IT, IT WAS
ALL RUSTED SHUT. HAD TO USE A CROWBAR.

OH, MY GOD! LAQUITA, I
DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.

COME ON, ETHEL. COME
ON. COME ON AND THINK.

JUST THINK ABOUT IT! WE
TALKING THE BIG TIME HERE.

WE COULD BE ON SHOWTIME AT THE
APOLLO AND THE BYRON ALLEN SHOW.

BYRON ALLEN?

WHERE DO YOU WANNA DO IT,
LADIES? WE AIN'T NO FREAKS!

IN THE BEDROOM, OF
COURSE. OKAY, NO PROBLEM.

YOU KNOW, I GOT MORE THAN
100 FEET OF CABLE. OH, NO!

LOOK AT HIS TEENY FEET. HE
AIN'T GOT NO 100 FEET OF CABLE.

- I JUST RUN IT UP THE SIDE
AND RIGHT THROUGH THE WINDOW.
- OH, NO, LAQUITA!

OH, NO. PLEASE! THIS
IS OUR BIG CHANCE.

PLEASE, ETHEL. PLEASE. WELL...

COME ON. YOU KNOW FRED AIN'T
THROWIN' DOWN IN THE BEDROOM ANYWAY.

WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, SIR, YOU CAN DO
ME FIRST AND THEN MY FRIEND.

ARE YOU KIDDIN'? I CAN GET A
SPLITTER AND TURN YOU BOTH ON.

WE'LL JUST DO IT ONE AT
A TIME IF YOU DON'T MIND.

FINE WITH ME. LET'S GET IT OVER
WITH. AREN'T YOU GONNA LEAVE THAT?

AH! THE RIGHT TOOL
FOR THE RIGHT JOB.

WELL, IF YOU SAY SO.

[Man] HEY, LADY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

[Laughing]

RICKY!

HI, HONEY. THIS IS THAT
PRODUCER I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

PRODUCER?

BUT IF THAT'S THE
PRODUCER, THEN... WHO...

[Crying]

DID YOU LET THE CABLE MAN IN?

NOPE. ETHEL DID.

ETHEL! WHAT HAPPENED?

I JUST GOT FREE CABLE
FOR THE WHOLE BUILDING.

LAQUITA!

[Crying]

WHAT?

[Laughing]

WE'RE HAVING TOO MUCH
FUN, BUT WE GOTTA GO.

[Grunts]

WE OUT OF HERE. SEE Y'ALL LATER.

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪

♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪