I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 3, Episode 7 - The French Revue - full transcript
After being embarrassed in a restaurant, Lucy takes French lessons. Then she does everything she can to get into Ricky's new French-themed show.
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
...gonna get all fastened up here,
young man,
and then you go to bed.
Come on, now, sit still.
Come on, Ricky, sit still, honey,
now, Mama's got to...
Come on, honey, I'm hungry.
I'm ready. We can go as soon as Mrs.
Trumbull gets here.
Hey, where are we going to eat?
We're going to meet the Mertzes
at that French restaurant.
What French restaurant?
The new one, the one the Applebys
told us about.
You remember?
Okay. I'll go and see what's keeping
Mrs. Trumbull.
Okay. Listen, Caroline said
that the menus were all written in
French.
Do you know how to read French?
Sure, I can read it.
Oh, good.
But I can't understand it.
Oh, great. Well, listen, Ethel took
French in high school
and Fred was in France during the
first world war.
Let's let them order and then we'll
take what they take.
All right.
(door buzzer sounds)
There's Mrs. Trumbull.
I'll let her in.
Good night, old man.
Say good night, papi.
Good night.
Say good night, honey.
Good night, boy.
Take your blanket.
Here we go.
Now, I want you to go right to sleep
for Mrs. Trumbull.
You lie down now, honey.
You go right to sleep for Mrs.
Trumbull.
That's a good boy.
What time'd they say they'd meet us
here, Ethel?
Oh, they ought to be here any minute.
Well, I'm hungry.
So am I.
Well, let's see what looks good.
Fred...
Yeah?
This menu's all written in French.
Well, what did you expect in a French
restaurant?
But there's no English on it.
Let me see it.
There's English here.
Where?
Right here.
"Acme Printing Corporation, union
shop."
Oh, very funny.
Well, I ought to be able to figure
out something
on this thing.
After all, during the first world
war...
"I was stationed in France."
I know.
Well, I was.
You were there exactly three weeks.
Well, I learned a l...
I know everything you learned,
and they don't serve
"hinky dinky parley vous" here.
Well, I'll just ask the waiter
to tell us what these things mean.
Hey, garcon.
(whistles)
Don't whistle!
I know what we'll do.
We'll wait till Ricky orders
and then we'll say we'll have some of
the same.
Well, what makes you think he can
speak French?
Well, he speaks Spanish,
and all those foreign languages are
practically the same.
Oh.
Wouldn't you think I'd recognize
something on this thing?
LUCY: Oh, hi.
Oh, hi.
Oh, hi. You're late, you know.
I'm sorry we're late.
Well, he was getting hungry, of
course.
Oh, isn't this fun?
It's a real atmospheric type place,
isn't it?
Yeah, I feel just like I was in
Paris.
Ah, bonsoir, messieurs et mesdames.
Oh, bonsoir.
Bonswear.
Oh, gee, doesn't everything look
delicious?
It certainly does.
What is madame's choice?
Uh... oh, well,
it certainly is difficult
to make a choice.
Uh, what are you going to have, Fred?
Me?
Uh-huh.
Oh, I don't know.
What are you going to order, Rick?
Well, I thought I'd have this--
Oh, I beg your pardon, ladies first.
Go ahead, Ethel.
Oh, uh, I haven't decided yet.
Lucy?
Oh, no, you don't.
I started this.
Well, now, is anyone ready to order?
Well, you go ahead, Fred.
You order first, Rick.
You order first, Luce...
You order...
You know, we could starve to death
like this.
Now, someone has to go first.
I would gladly go first, but I have
already eaten.
Oh, well, I know, I'll count.
One potato, two potato
three potato, four...
Please, allow me-- une pomme de terre
deux pommes de terre, trois pommes de
terre, quatre.
Cinq pommes de terre, six pommes de
terre
sept pommes de terre, c'est tout.
Ma mere m'a dit de prendre a vous.
Oh, well, that sounds good.
Bring four orders of that.
Madame, I was counting.
You must order first.
Oh...
Oh, well, uh, let's see now.
I'll have this.
That?
Yes.
I'll have the same.
Me, too.
So will I.
Mesdames, messieurs...
You heard our order.
Will you please bring it?
Please, could I not suggest something
else?
No, this is what we want.
Very well.
Four orders of "Closed on Sundays."
Please, allow me.
I will bring you the specialite de la
maison.
Un petit roti, des petits pois
et quelque chose de pomme de terre
frite.
Merci, monsieur.
Oh!
I was never so humiliated in my life.
That is the most embarrassing thing
that has ever happened to me.
Aw, honey, you're 'zaggerating.
I am not "zaggerating."
So we can't read French.
We're going to have a meal, aren't
we.
That's right.
Who cares what they call it.
Yes, but suppose you want to order
the same thing next time.
Well, I'll just wear the same tie
and say, "Bring me some of this."
Now, look, you can laugh all you
want,
but we are going to do something
about this situation.
We are?
Yes. We are going to take lessons
and learn how to speak French.
Not me.
I had enough trouble learning how to
speak English.
How about you, Fred?
Are you kidding?
Very well, Ethel, they'll be sorry.
People will say
"How could those two charming,
sophisticated
cultured women ever marry those
uncouth slobs?"
What does that mean, Fred?
Well, "slobs" means...
"Slobs" I know.
What does this "uncouth" mean?
Well, if you're uncouth,
it means that...
that you're not couth.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Now, you listen to me.
You can get just as couth as you
want,
but just make sure
that it doesn't cost me any money.
"Doesn't cost me any money.
Doesn't cost me any money."
Ethel, did you ever take a good look
into his eyes?
He has little dollar signs
instead of pupils.
"Doesn't cost me any money."
(door buzzer sounds)
Oh, it's you.
Well, that's a nice, friendly
greeting.
I'll see you later.
Oh, come on in.
Don't be silly.
I was expecting our French teacher.
Our French teacher?
Our French teacher, and for free.
If you'd have been around this
morning,
you'd have known about it.
Oh, I had to go downtown.
How'd you do it?
How'd it happen?
Well, I got a brainstorm.
I called that French restaurant.
I thought maybe that waiter
would be willing to give us lessons.
He said he would, and for nothing.
Oh, Lucy, that's wonderful.
Why should he teach us for nothing?
I don't know, and I didn't ask
questions.
He'll be here any minute.
Well, I'll be right back.
You don't have to get fixed up, you
know.
Fixed up?
Don't be silly.
I just want to tell Fred I'm home.
I'll be right back.
All right.
I wouldn't leave you alone in your
apartment
with a Frenchman who's going to give
you lessons for nothing.
Oh, go on.
Silly.
(door buzzer sounds)
Ah, bonjour, madame.
Bonjour to you too.
I'm Robert Dubois.
Well, how do you do.
Won't you come in?
Merci.
Is your husband home?
Now, just a minute.
Let's get one thing straight.
You came here to give me French
lessons.
It doesn't matter whether my husband
is home or not.
But you don't understand.
I understand perfectly.
Are you going to give me French
lessons or not?
Oui, madame.
Very well, that's better.
Now, then, shall we start
with the menu from the restaurant?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We will begin the lesson
with a few simple words.
Repeat after me.
Yes?
Le crayon.
La crayawn.
Le crayon.
Le crayawn.
La plume.
La plooma.
La plume.
La plooooom.
La plume.
La plooooom.
La...
Oh, no.
Am I too late?
Yes, years too late.
Sit down.
Oh, you're kidding with that, aren't
you?
Uh, you remember Mrs. Mertz, this is
Robert Dubois.
How do you do?
How do you do?
Have you learned anything yet?
Oh, sure, it's simple.
La crayawn and, uh, la ploom.
Oh, that's wonderful.
What does it mean?
The pencil, the pen.
(gasps)
Do you think you could teach us
enough French
so that we could order in any French
restaurant?
Absolument.
He says he can.
We were just starting
with a few simple words.
The pencil.
Le crayon.
Uh, le crayawn.
Le crayawn.
Le crayawn.
La plume.
La ploom.
La plooooom.
La plooooom.
Up here.
Ploom.
La plooooom.
Ploom.
La plume.
La ploooooma.
Uh, la, el?
Le.
Le, uh, le crayawn.
La plooooom.
La plooooom.
Bon.
Bon.
Bon.
No, "bon" means good.
Oh.
You are doing fine.
You speaking French very well.
Oh, yeah, we're in great shape
if the restaurant we go to
happens to serve pens and pencils.
We will begin our vocabulary slowly.
Table.
LUCY: Table.
Table.
La table.
La tabluh.
La table.
La tabluh.
Let me try.
Okay.
La tabluh.
La table.
La tabluh.
'Bluh.
Cat.
What?
Cat.
Cat?
Cat.
Oh, cat, cat, yes.
Le chat.
Le chat.
Gee, French is a funny language.
Why are some of 'em le and some of
'em la?
You see, there is difference between
French and English.
In French, everything, it is either
masculine or feminine.
You Americans don't have that.
You haven't been in this country very
long, have you?
Oh, Lucy, that's very funny.
Mrs. Ricardo, please.
What?
I do not know all the rules of
grammar.
I am no teacher.
Oh, I know, I know, you're a waiter.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I am an entertainer.
An entertainer?
Oui, that is why when I found out who
you were,
I agreed to teach you for nothing.
I hope I could meet your husband and
be in one of his shows.
What's French for sneaky waiter?
You never get anything for nothing in
this world.
Oh, Lucy, this is really too bad,
honestly.
There's strings attached to
everything.
Free French lessons.
Please, do not be angry.
All I want is an introduction to your
husband.
Just an introduction?
Oui.
Is that all you want?
Oui.
Well, okay, if you keep on giving us
free French lessons,
I will introduce you to my husband,
but that's all.
Oui, madame, merci.
Merci, you are very kind.
Perhaps I could use my influence
with Mr. Ricardo, too.
Merci.
Now we'll start to make a simple
sentence.
Uh-huh.
"The pencil is on the table."
Le crayon est sur la table.
BOTH: Lay crayawn est soor la tabluh.
Lay crayawn est soor la tabluh.
Lucy!
Oh, mon husband, bonjour.
Are you still on that French kick?
I certainly am, and I took a lesson
today.
And it didn't cost you a cent.
Okay, that's fine.
How did it go?
Uh, bon, mo'seer.
Uh, le crayawn est soor la tabluh.
Muy bien.
Uh, la maison est roosh.
Magnifico.
Gee, we sound so international.
Yeah.
Too bad we can't understand each
other.
Yeah.
Who's your teacher?
Well, uh, the waiter from that French
restaurant.
Oh?
He's coming over again tonight.
Another lesson so soon?
Well, not exactly.
No, he's coming over to see you.
Me? What does he want with me?
Well, you see, he's really an
entertainer from Paris--
Paris, France, that is--
and he thought if he could just get
to talk to you,
he might be able to get an audition
at the club
and possibly be in one of the shows.
Lucy.
Lucy...
He's-He's really a very... what?
Lucy, there's one word
that is exactly the same in Spanish
in French and in English.
What's that?
No.
But Ricky, all you have to do...
He'll give us free French lessons
if you just talk to him once.
Just talk, say hello, how do you do,
anything.
What's wrong with that?
It wouldn't be fair to the guy,
honey.
I couldn't possibly use a French
singer at the club.
Why not?
A real French act at the club might
be a good change of pace.
No, no, no.
Besides, French revues are very
popular now.
They're all the rage-- you know,
Folies- Bergere type stuff
and the cancan stuff and Moulin Rouge
and Toulouse-Lautrec paintings all
around
and all that frilly stuff.
You know, as much...
as much as I hate to admit it,
you might have something there.
Really?
Hi.
Hi, kids.
We were so dressed up,
we decided to eat out again.
Listen, Ethel, guess what?
Ricky's going to star Robert Dubois
in a French revue at the club, and
we're all going to be in it.
We're all going to be in it?!
(all talking at once)
Hey, hey, Ricky, we can do our apache
dance we used to do.
Watch.
(humming song)
That's the part I like--
where I hit him.
You should have seen us one night
when we got mad.
We darn near killed each other.
Well, that's very clever,
but don't call me
and I won't call you.
Oh, Ricky, you're mean.
Okay, so I'm mean.
Now, come on, let's cut out all the
auditions
and let me see if I can figure out
something about this French...
Come on, let's go, let's go.
Well, you don't have to go away mad.
I'm not mad, I'm hungry.
We'll see you later, honey.
Okay.
So long.
French revue...
That might not be bad, at that.
(imitating Maurice Chevalier): Every
little breeze seems to whisper Louise
Birds in the trees seems to twitter
Louise.
Yeah, might be all right at that.
Like Chevalier kind of stuff, yeah.
LUCY: Every little breeze
Seems to twitter Louise.
Birds...
Every little breeze seems to whisper
Louise...
Every little breeze
Seems to whisper Louise.
The birds in the trees
They all twitter Louise...
Alors.
We seem to be overstocked
on Maurice Chevaliers.
(door buzzer sounds)
Oh, you characters.
He just walked in and played the
piano,
and I got the idea.
Every little breeze
Seems to whisper Louise...
Uh, you're in the right place.
Uh, you remember my husband, Mr.
Maurice Ricardo.
How do you do?
Enchante.
And Mr. And Mrs.
Maurice Mertz.
Monsieur.
Bonjour, bonjour.
Bonjou...
Ah, Monsieur Ricardo,
your wife say I may speak to you
about appearing at your club.
Well, uh, yes, we'd be happy to give
you an audition.
Could you come over tomorrow
afternoon about 4:00?
Certainement, I will be there.
Merci.
Merci, madame, merci, monsieur.
Merci, merci.
Au revoir.
Au revoir.
Every little breeze seems to...
Bonjour.
Hey, you know, this idea of so many
Chevaliers
might be very funny.
We could all be in the same thing.
We could all wear the same costume.
We could sing
Every little breeze...
Lucy!
What?
You don't seem to understand
that I don't want you in the show.
Listen, Ricky, this whole French
revue idea is mine,
and if I can't be in it, you can't
use it.
Okay, sue me.
Look, honey, you know I'll manage to
sneak in anyway,
so why don't you let me be in it
right from the beginning?
Come on, Ricky, you'll save yourself
a lot of trouble.
I'm going to save us all a lot of
trouble.
I'm going to give orders down at the
club
that you're not going to be allowed
in there for any reason at all.
You're not even going to be allowed
to get into the building.
That'll take care of you.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
I'll just bet you I can get in
anyway.
You want to lose a little more money,
eh?
How much would you like to bet?
You name it, buster.
$20?
Not very sure of yourself, are you?
$30?
Piker.
50 bucks?
You got yourself a bet.
Okay.
Okay.
Every little breeze seems to whisper
Louise
The birds in the trees...
Let's take the dance.
We're going to rehearse that music in
there.
One...
(French music hall medley playing)
(Ricky whistles)
(whistles)
(music stops)
(whistles)
(music continues)
Any sign of her yet?
No, sir, haven't seen her yet.
Well, it won't be long now.
Oh, here come the boys.
Come on, fellows.
You sure take a long time having
dinner.
Como esta?
(whistles)
(Latin dance playing)
(voices inaudible)
(applause)
Thank you, thank you.
(drum roll)
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
The Tropicana takes great pleasure in
presenting tonight
our new French revue.
Amigos.
(playing intro)
I have found the very girl
The one and only
Guaranteed to mend the heart
That felt so lonely
My mind's made up today
And I am on my way
Knowing just what I intend to say
Believe me.
I'll forget all other little girls
Valentine, Valentine
You have teeth that look like pretty
pearls
And your kisses are a dream
And as for loving
You know all, in fact you set the
style
Valentine, Valentine
I'll, I'll walk a mile
To see the smile that's worth the
while
That is why I must have Valentine.
(cancan interlude)
Eww...
I'll...
walk a mile and spend awhile
To see your pretty smile
That is why I must have Valentine
Now, you know, that I love Valentine!
(applause)
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
This is the CBS television network.
...gonna get all fastened up here,
young man,
and then you go to bed.
Come on, now, sit still.
Come on, Ricky, sit still, honey,
now, Mama's got to...
Come on, honey, I'm hungry.
I'm ready. We can go as soon as Mrs.
Trumbull gets here.
Hey, where are we going to eat?
We're going to meet the Mertzes
at that French restaurant.
What French restaurant?
The new one, the one the Applebys
told us about.
You remember?
Okay. I'll go and see what's keeping
Mrs. Trumbull.
Okay. Listen, Caroline said
that the menus were all written in
French.
Do you know how to read French?
Sure, I can read it.
Oh, good.
But I can't understand it.
Oh, great. Well, listen, Ethel took
French in high school
and Fred was in France during the
first world war.
Let's let them order and then we'll
take what they take.
All right.
(door buzzer sounds)
There's Mrs. Trumbull.
I'll let her in.
Good night, old man.
Say good night, papi.
Good night.
Say good night, honey.
Good night, boy.
Take your blanket.
Here we go.
Now, I want you to go right to sleep
for Mrs. Trumbull.
You lie down now, honey.
You go right to sleep for Mrs.
Trumbull.
That's a good boy.
What time'd they say they'd meet us
here, Ethel?
Oh, they ought to be here any minute.
Well, I'm hungry.
So am I.
Well, let's see what looks good.
Fred...
Yeah?
This menu's all written in French.
Well, what did you expect in a French
restaurant?
But there's no English on it.
Let me see it.
There's English here.
Where?
Right here.
"Acme Printing Corporation, union
shop."
Oh, very funny.
Well, I ought to be able to figure
out something
on this thing.
After all, during the first world
war...
"I was stationed in France."
I know.
Well, I was.
You were there exactly three weeks.
Well, I learned a l...
I know everything you learned,
and they don't serve
"hinky dinky parley vous" here.
Well, I'll just ask the waiter
to tell us what these things mean.
Hey, garcon.
(whistles)
Don't whistle!
I know what we'll do.
We'll wait till Ricky orders
and then we'll say we'll have some of
the same.
Well, what makes you think he can
speak French?
Well, he speaks Spanish,
and all those foreign languages are
practically the same.
Oh.
Wouldn't you think I'd recognize
something on this thing?
LUCY: Oh, hi.
Oh, hi.
Oh, hi. You're late, you know.
I'm sorry we're late.
Well, he was getting hungry, of
course.
Oh, isn't this fun?
It's a real atmospheric type place,
isn't it?
Yeah, I feel just like I was in
Paris.
Ah, bonsoir, messieurs et mesdames.
Oh, bonsoir.
Bonswear.
Oh, gee, doesn't everything look
delicious?
It certainly does.
What is madame's choice?
Uh... oh, well,
it certainly is difficult
to make a choice.
Uh, what are you going to have, Fred?
Me?
Uh-huh.
Oh, I don't know.
What are you going to order, Rick?
Well, I thought I'd have this--
Oh, I beg your pardon, ladies first.
Go ahead, Ethel.
Oh, uh, I haven't decided yet.
Lucy?
Oh, no, you don't.
I started this.
Well, now, is anyone ready to order?
Well, you go ahead, Fred.
You order first, Rick.
You order first, Luce...
You order...
You know, we could starve to death
like this.
Now, someone has to go first.
I would gladly go first, but I have
already eaten.
Oh, well, I know, I'll count.
One potato, two potato
three potato, four...
Please, allow me-- une pomme de terre
deux pommes de terre, trois pommes de
terre, quatre.
Cinq pommes de terre, six pommes de
terre
sept pommes de terre, c'est tout.
Ma mere m'a dit de prendre a vous.
Oh, well, that sounds good.
Bring four orders of that.
Madame, I was counting.
You must order first.
Oh...
Oh, well, uh, let's see now.
I'll have this.
That?
Yes.
I'll have the same.
Me, too.
So will I.
Mesdames, messieurs...
You heard our order.
Will you please bring it?
Please, could I not suggest something
else?
No, this is what we want.
Very well.
Four orders of "Closed on Sundays."
Please, allow me.
I will bring you the specialite de la
maison.
Un petit roti, des petits pois
et quelque chose de pomme de terre
frite.
Merci, monsieur.
Oh!
I was never so humiliated in my life.
That is the most embarrassing thing
that has ever happened to me.
Aw, honey, you're 'zaggerating.
I am not "zaggerating."
So we can't read French.
We're going to have a meal, aren't
we.
That's right.
Who cares what they call it.
Yes, but suppose you want to order
the same thing next time.
Well, I'll just wear the same tie
and say, "Bring me some of this."
Now, look, you can laugh all you
want,
but we are going to do something
about this situation.
We are?
Yes. We are going to take lessons
and learn how to speak French.
Not me.
I had enough trouble learning how to
speak English.
How about you, Fred?
Are you kidding?
Very well, Ethel, they'll be sorry.
People will say
"How could those two charming,
sophisticated
cultured women ever marry those
uncouth slobs?"
What does that mean, Fred?
Well, "slobs" means...
"Slobs" I know.
What does this "uncouth" mean?
Well, if you're uncouth,
it means that...
that you're not couth.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Now, you listen to me.
You can get just as couth as you
want,
but just make sure
that it doesn't cost me any money.
"Doesn't cost me any money.
Doesn't cost me any money."
Ethel, did you ever take a good look
into his eyes?
He has little dollar signs
instead of pupils.
"Doesn't cost me any money."
(door buzzer sounds)
Oh, it's you.
Well, that's a nice, friendly
greeting.
I'll see you later.
Oh, come on in.
Don't be silly.
I was expecting our French teacher.
Our French teacher?
Our French teacher, and for free.
If you'd have been around this
morning,
you'd have known about it.
Oh, I had to go downtown.
How'd you do it?
How'd it happen?
Well, I got a brainstorm.
I called that French restaurant.
I thought maybe that waiter
would be willing to give us lessons.
He said he would, and for nothing.
Oh, Lucy, that's wonderful.
Why should he teach us for nothing?
I don't know, and I didn't ask
questions.
He'll be here any minute.
Well, I'll be right back.
You don't have to get fixed up, you
know.
Fixed up?
Don't be silly.
I just want to tell Fred I'm home.
I'll be right back.
All right.
I wouldn't leave you alone in your
apartment
with a Frenchman who's going to give
you lessons for nothing.
Oh, go on.
Silly.
(door buzzer sounds)
Ah, bonjour, madame.
Bonjour to you too.
I'm Robert Dubois.
Well, how do you do.
Won't you come in?
Merci.
Is your husband home?
Now, just a minute.
Let's get one thing straight.
You came here to give me French
lessons.
It doesn't matter whether my husband
is home or not.
But you don't understand.
I understand perfectly.
Are you going to give me French
lessons or not?
Oui, madame.
Very well, that's better.
Now, then, shall we start
with the menu from the restaurant?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We will begin the lesson
with a few simple words.
Repeat after me.
Yes?
Le crayon.
La crayawn.
Le crayon.
Le crayawn.
La plume.
La plooma.
La plume.
La plooooom.
La plume.
La plooooom.
La...
Oh, no.
Am I too late?
Yes, years too late.
Sit down.
Oh, you're kidding with that, aren't
you?
Uh, you remember Mrs. Mertz, this is
Robert Dubois.
How do you do?
How do you do?
Have you learned anything yet?
Oh, sure, it's simple.
La crayawn and, uh, la ploom.
Oh, that's wonderful.
What does it mean?
The pencil, the pen.
(gasps)
Do you think you could teach us
enough French
so that we could order in any French
restaurant?
Absolument.
He says he can.
We were just starting
with a few simple words.
The pencil.
Le crayon.
Uh, le crayawn.
Le crayawn.
Le crayawn.
La plume.
La ploom.
La plooooom.
La plooooom.
Up here.
Ploom.
La plooooom.
Ploom.
La plume.
La ploooooma.
Uh, la, el?
Le.
Le, uh, le crayawn.
La plooooom.
La plooooom.
Bon.
Bon.
Bon.
No, "bon" means good.
Oh.
You are doing fine.
You speaking French very well.
Oh, yeah, we're in great shape
if the restaurant we go to
happens to serve pens and pencils.
We will begin our vocabulary slowly.
Table.
LUCY: Table.
Table.
La table.
La tabluh.
La table.
La tabluh.
Let me try.
Okay.
La tabluh.
La table.
La tabluh.
'Bluh.
Cat.
What?
Cat.
Cat?
Cat.
Oh, cat, cat, yes.
Le chat.
Le chat.
Gee, French is a funny language.
Why are some of 'em le and some of
'em la?
You see, there is difference between
French and English.
In French, everything, it is either
masculine or feminine.
You Americans don't have that.
You haven't been in this country very
long, have you?
Oh, Lucy, that's very funny.
Mrs. Ricardo, please.
What?
I do not know all the rules of
grammar.
I am no teacher.
Oh, I know, I know, you're a waiter.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I am an entertainer.
An entertainer?
Oui, that is why when I found out who
you were,
I agreed to teach you for nothing.
I hope I could meet your husband and
be in one of his shows.
What's French for sneaky waiter?
You never get anything for nothing in
this world.
Oh, Lucy, this is really too bad,
honestly.
There's strings attached to
everything.
Free French lessons.
Please, do not be angry.
All I want is an introduction to your
husband.
Just an introduction?
Oui.
Is that all you want?
Oui.
Well, okay, if you keep on giving us
free French lessons,
I will introduce you to my husband,
but that's all.
Oui, madame, merci.
Merci, you are very kind.
Perhaps I could use my influence
with Mr. Ricardo, too.
Merci.
Now we'll start to make a simple
sentence.
Uh-huh.
"The pencil is on the table."
Le crayon est sur la table.
BOTH: Lay crayawn est soor la tabluh.
Lay crayawn est soor la tabluh.
Lucy!
Oh, mon husband, bonjour.
Are you still on that French kick?
I certainly am, and I took a lesson
today.
And it didn't cost you a cent.
Okay, that's fine.
How did it go?
Uh, bon, mo'seer.
Uh, le crayawn est soor la tabluh.
Muy bien.
Uh, la maison est roosh.
Magnifico.
Gee, we sound so international.
Yeah.
Too bad we can't understand each
other.
Yeah.
Who's your teacher?
Well, uh, the waiter from that French
restaurant.
Oh?
He's coming over again tonight.
Another lesson so soon?
Well, not exactly.
No, he's coming over to see you.
Me? What does he want with me?
Well, you see, he's really an
entertainer from Paris--
Paris, France, that is--
and he thought if he could just get
to talk to you,
he might be able to get an audition
at the club
and possibly be in one of the shows.
Lucy.
Lucy...
He's-He's really a very... what?
Lucy, there's one word
that is exactly the same in Spanish
in French and in English.
What's that?
No.
But Ricky, all you have to do...
He'll give us free French lessons
if you just talk to him once.
Just talk, say hello, how do you do,
anything.
What's wrong with that?
It wouldn't be fair to the guy,
honey.
I couldn't possibly use a French
singer at the club.
Why not?
A real French act at the club might
be a good change of pace.
No, no, no.
Besides, French revues are very
popular now.
They're all the rage-- you know,
Folies- Bergere type stuff
and the cancan stuff and Moulin Rouge
and Toulouse-Lautrec paintings all
around
and all that frilly stuff.
You know, as much...
as much as I hate to admit it,
you might have something there.
Really?
Hi.
Hi, kids.
We were so dressed up,
we decided to eat out again.
Listen, Ethel, guess what?
Ricky's going to star Robert Dubois
in a French revue at the club, and
we're all going to be in it.
We're all going to be in it?!
(all talking at once)
Hey, hey, Ricky, we can do our apache
dance we used to do.
Watch.
(humming song)
That's the part I like--
where I hit him.
You should have seen us one night
when we got mad.
We darn near killed each other.
Well, that's very clever,
but don't call me
and I won't call you.
Oh, Ricky, you're mean.
Okay, so I'm mean.
Now, come on, let's cut out all the
auditions
and let me see if I can figure out
something about this French...
Come on, let's go, let's go.
Well, you don't have to go away mad.
I'm not mad, I'm hungry.
We'll see you later, honey.
Okay.
So long.
French revue...
That might not be bad, at that.
(imitating Maurice Chevalier): Every
little breeze seems to whisper Louise
Birds in the trees seems to twitter
Louise.
Yeah, might be all right at that.
Like Chevalier kind of stuff, yeah.
LUCY: Every little breeze
Seems to twitter Louise.
Birds...
Every little breeze seems to whisper
Louise...
Every little breeze
Seems to whisper Louise.
The birds in the trees
They all twitter Louise...
Alors.
We seem to be overstocked
on Maurice Chevaliers.
(door buzzer sounds)
Oh, you characters.
He just walked in and played the
piano,
and I got the idea.
Every little breeze
Seems to whisper Louise...
Uh, you're in the right place.
Uh, you remember my husband, Mr.
Maurice Ricardo.
How do you do?
Enchante.
And Mr. And Mrs.
Maurice Mertz.
Monsieur.
Bonjour, bonjour.
Bonjou...
Ah, Monsieur Ricardo,
your wife say I may speak to you
about appearing at your club.
Well, uh, yes, we'd be happy to give
you an audition.
Could you come over tomorrow
afternoon about 4:00?
Certainement, I will be there.
Merci.
Merci, madame, merci, monsieur.
Merci, merci.
Au revoir.
Au revoir.
Every little breeze seems to...
Bonjour.
Hey, you know, this idea of so many
Chevaliers
might be very funny.
We could all be in the same thing.
We could all wear the same costume.
We could sing
Every little breeze...
Lucy!
What?
You don't seem to understand
that I don't want you in the show.
Listen, Ricky, this whole French
revue idea is mine,
and if I can't be in it, you can't
use it.
Okay, sue me.
Look, honey, you know I'll manage to
sneak in anyway,
so why don't you let me be in it
right from the beginning?
Come on, Ricky, you'll save yourself
a lot of trouble.
I'm going to save us all a lot of
trouble.
I'm going to give orders down at the
club
that you're not going to be allowed
in there for any reason at all.
You're not even going to be allowed
to get into the building.
That'll take care of you.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
I'll just bet you I can get in
anyway.
You want to lose a little more money,
eh?
How much would you like to bet?
You name it, buster.
$20?
Not very sure of yourself, are you?
$30?
Piker.
50 bucks?
You got yourself a bet.
Okay.
Okay.
Every little breeze seems to whisper
Louise
The birds in the trees...
Let's take the dance.
We're going to rehearse that music in
there.
One...
(French music hall medley playing)
(Ricky whistles)
(whistles)
(music stops)
(whistles)
(music continues)
Any sign of her yet?
No, sir, haven't seen her yet.
Well, it won't be long now.
Oh, here come the boys.
Come on, fellows.
You sure take a long time having
dinner.
Como esta?
(whistles)
(Latin dance playing)
(voices inaudible)
(applause)
Thank you, thank you.
(drum roll)
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
The Tropicana takes great pleasure in
presenting tonight
our new French revue.
Amigos.
(playing intro)
I have found the very girl
The one and only
Guaranteed to mend the heart
That felt so lonely
My mind's made up today
And I am on my way
Knowing just what I intend to say
Believe me.
I'll forget all other little girls
Valentine, Valentine
You have teeth that look like pretty
pearls
And your kisses are a dream
And as for loving
You know all, in fact you set the
style
Valentine, Valentine
I'll, I'll walk a mile
To see the smile that's worth the
while
That is why I must have Valentine.
(cancan interlude)
Eww...
I'll...
walk a mile and spend awhile
To see your pretty smile
That is why I must have Valentine
Now, you know, that I love Valentine!
(applause)
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
This is the CBS television network.