I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 3, Episode 6 - Lucy Tells the Truth - full transcript
Lucy is caught in a white lie and Ricky and the Mertzes have had just about enough of her fibbing. People only believe you when you lie, Lucy asserts, but don't believe you when you tell the truth. Putting Lucy's theory to the test, Ricky and the Mertzes bet Lucy that she can't go one day without lying. Lucy picks up the gauntlet, even though the next day she and Ethel have their weekly bridge game with Carolyn Applebee and Marion Strong. Lucy tells Carolyn what she thinks of her new Chinese modern furniture (a nightmare you'd have after eating too much Chinese food) and clobbers Marion for her giddiness and Ethel for blabbing incessantly. Fred is a tightwad and Ricky is a ham. The real test comes when Lucy auditions for a television show -- can she get the part without lying or will she lie to get the part, at the 23rd hour?
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
Oh, no!
Isn't it awful when something like
that
happens right out on the stage
and there's nothing you can do about
it?
I know.
Is anybody hungry?
Hey, Fred, do you remember what
happened
to that quick- change artist--
you know, the one who used to change
her clothes in the dark
right out on the stage?
Do I? Boy, was she ever mad at that
electrician.
What happened?
Well, she called for her tights
and he thought she said "lights."
Uh... it's very amusing.
Oh, I'm sorry, Lucy.
Oh, we shouldn't talk about our old
times
in show business in front of Lucy.
It makes her feel left out.
Oh, no, it doesn't.
Yeah.
If you haven't been in show business
yourself,
it must all seem kind of dull.
I've been in show business.
Well, Ethel means real show business
not trying to get in Ricky's act.
I've been in show business!
Honey, Ethel means show business,
not playing a petunia in a grammar
school recital.
You think you know all there is
to know about me, don't you?
Remind me sometime to tell you
about my experience in musical
comedy.
Come on, Ethel, let's get some
coffee.
Hey, just a minute.
You were in musical comedy?
It was before I met you, dear.
Come on, Ethel.
Now, wait, wait a minute.
This is very interesting.
What was the name of the musical
comedy?
Oh, leave her alone, Ricky.
She's just exaggerating as usual.
I am not.
Well, what was the name of the
musical comedy?
Oklahoma.
Oklahoma?
Oklahoma?
Oklahoma, and I was the star too.
Yeah? What was your maiden name,
Alfred Drake?
Well, maybe I wasn't exactly the
star,
but would you believe I was a
featured player?
Chorus girl?
Ticket taker?
Lucy, why don't you tell the truth?
You know that you were never in
Oklahoma.
I was, too.
I spent two weeks in Tulsa once.
Why do you do it?
You always fib and you always get
caught.
I do not fib.
I never told a fib in my life.
Oh, there she goes again.
Well, it isn't fibbing.
I just like to...
color things a little.
Well, why didn't you say so?
I'll buy you some watercolors.
Oh, you're all very funny.
(door buzzer buzzes)
Very funny.
Oh, thank you.
Flowers.
Oh, Ricky, you shouldn't have.
I din't.
You "din't"?
Oh, no, these are for you.
For me?
Who's sending you flowers?
"Get well quick.
Love, Jim and Dorothy."
I feel fine.
Oh, I know.
I didn't want to go to dinner
with Jim and Dorothy Wynn tonight,
so I told them that you sprained your
ankle.
There's another one.
Oh, now, what's the matter with that?
That's just a little social fib.
Honey, you knew that we were
going to have dinner with the
Mertzes.
Why didn't you just tell them the
truth?
You can't tell people the truth.
They think you're lying.
You have to lie to make them think
you're telling the truth.
But it's not funny.
You got to cut it out.
Now, now, Ricky, don't be too tough
on Lucy.
Thanks, Fred.
She can't help it if she's a liar.
Well!
Oh, Fred didn't mean it like that.
He just means the colorful way you
push the truth around
is part of your character.
Yeah. Molly McGee should have such a
fibber.
Oh, I think you're all just horrid.
I could tell the absolute truth like
everybody else
if I wanted to be dull, present
company not excepted.
RICKY: Honey, you couldn't tell the
absolute truth
if your whole life depended on it.
Would you like to risk a little money
on that proposition?
I most certainly would.
I'll tell you what.
I'll bet you
that you can't tell the truth for,
uh...
For how long, one week?
I'll make easy on you-- one day, 24
hours.
Okay.
How much you want to bet?
Make it easy on yourself.
Any part of $100.
I'll take it all.
Can I have a piece of that?
I'd like a little of that, too.
My friends.
Oh, it hasn't anything to do with
friendship.
It's just that there are so few sure
ways
of making a buck these days.
I'll tell you what, I'll take 50
and I'll give you each 25.
Thank you.
Fine.
Uh... when do you want to start?
It's one minute to 8:00.
I'll start on the hour.
Okay, you got yourself a bet.
Okay.
Did I ever tell you the time that
Cary Grant
asked me marry him?
It hasn't started yet.
I just thought I'd have one last fib
for the road.
Okay, it's started.
For the next 24 hours.
Okay.
All right.
I can hardly wait
to hear you tomorrow afternoon, Lucy.
Why?
We're playing bridge at Caroline's,
remember?
Oh, no, no, no.
I can't spend the afternoon with
three women
and have to tell the truth.
I'll call Caroline and tell her I'm
sick.
Eww...
You'll go?
I'll go.
(knocking on door)
Hi.
Hi.
How are you?
Oh, look!
Oh, Caroline, you've redecorated.
Yep.
Changed the whole mood of the room.
My, I'll say.
We threw out everything we had
that was early American
and started fresh with Chinese
modern.
Here, let me take your coats.
I'll put them in the bedroom.
For heaven's sake.
Gee, isn't this something, huh?
Thank you.
There.
Look at this.
This is really something, isn't it?
And I thought it was awful before.
It looks like...
I don't know what.
I do.
It looks like a bad dream
you'd have after eating too much
Chinese food.
Ooh.
Well, how do you like my new
furniture?
Oh, we were just talking about it.
Weren't we, Lucy?
What do you think?
Do you like it?
Oh, I think it's just lovely.
What do you think, Lucy?
Uh...
Oh, don't be bashful.
Just tell her what you said to me.
Oh, she doesn't want my little old
opinion.
Oh, but I do, Lucy.
Come on, now.
Tell me exactly
what you told Ethel about my
furniture.
Well, uh... I said it looked like a
dream.
Didn't I, Ethel?
Isn't that what I said?
Yes.
Oh, well, thank you.
Oh, that's all right.
What kind of a dream, Lucy?
Well, let's play bridge.
Lucy, we have to wait for Marian.
Marian who?
Marian Strong.
When you're having four for bridge,
it's always polite to wait
until the fourth person arrives
before you start playing.
It's the only decent thing to do.
Oh.
Now, let's see.
What were we talking about?
Oh, yes...
Caroline's furniture.
Uh, what kind of a dream, Lucy?
Caroline, I told Ethel that your
furniture
looked like a bad dream you'd have
after eating too much Chinese food.
Well!
Is that what you really think?
Yes.
Well, Lucy, I hope it gives you
a lot of pleasure to insult me.
No, it doesn't.
I don't like it any better than you
do.
Well, nobody's twisting your arm.
Oh, no?
Before you get too mad, Caroline,
I think you ought to know something.
Last night, Ricky and Fred and I bet
Lucy $100
that she couldn't tell the absolute
truth for 24 hours.
Oh.
So you see, it wasn't my fault.
I was tricked into it by old sneaky
here.
Well, that explains it,
but it doesn't make me feel any
better.
(knocking on door)
Oh, Marian.
Hi, Marian.
Hi, Caroline.
How are you?
Hi, Ethel.
How are you?
Oh, Marian!
That's a new hat.
MARIAN: Yes.
(Marian cackling with laughter)
Do you like it?
Oh, I think it's lovely.
It's beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Hi, Lucy.
Hi, Marian.
Uh, Lucy, Marian has on a new hat.
Yeah, Marian.
Take it off.
Let's play bridge.
Lucy, what do you think
of Marian's new hat?
Oh, that's a hat, all right.
Yeah, but what do you think about it?
Well, Marian, if that's the kind of
hat you wanted,
you sure got a good one.
(cackling laughter)
No, seriously, Lucy.
Well, Marian, nothing personal,
but I think that's the silliest-
looking hat I've ever seen.
Oh, now, come on, Lucy.
Tell me what you think of it?
I am serious.
It's horrible.
I think there's something you ought
to know.
Last night, we bet Lucy $100
that she couldn't tell the truth for
24 hours.
Oh, no.
(laughing)
Then that's what she really thinks of
my hat.
Come on, let's play bridge.
That is if anyone still wants to play
with me.
Uh... Marian,
bring your things over here.
(whispering inaudibly)
Well, come on.
Okay.
Lucy, how old are you?
How much do you weigh?
What color would your hair be
if you didn't dye it?
33... 129...
and mousy brown.
Anything else you'd like to ask me?
What?
Go ahead, ask me anything you like--
I like it.
It feels wonderful to tell the truth.
(laughing)
Now, she's trying to use
psychology on us.
No, I mean it.
I feel very relieved.
It is wonderful to tell the truth.
You should try it sometime.
We'd all be much better friends.
Somehow, I doubt that.
Well, you do as you please.
I feel great.
Come on, let's play bridge.
I'm your partner this week,
aren't I, Caroline?
Oh, I guess I play with you.
And, Caroline, let someone else keep
score this week.
You cheat.
Yes, cheat.
The last three times we've played,
you added up the score
in your favor.
I would have said something about it
if I hadn't been your partner.
Well, I never!
And you stop jabbering and keep your
mind on the game.
You talk so much you don't know
what cards have been played.
(laughing)
Well!
Oh, I'm sorry, Ethel, but it's so
true.
Marian, stop cackling.
I've been waiting ten years for you
to lay that egg.
For heaven's sake, Caroline,
when are you going to get a new deck
of cards?
We've been playing with this same
dirty old deck
since I've known you.
Hey, how about that fella?
Listen, Ricky, show your Uncle Fred
how I taught you how to wave bye-bye
this morning.
Show him.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, Ricky.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Looks more like he's teaching us
how to wave bye-bye.
Well, he did it this morning.
Now, look here, old man.
You're going to have to learn
how to perform on cue
if you're going to be my son.
Hi.
Oh, here's your mommy.
Oh, that's your mommy.
Was he a good boy?
He was an angel.
Where's Ethel?
She'll be right up.
Did you feed him?
Yeah, I followed your instructions to
the letter.
Looks like you fed a whole nursery
full of babies.
Well, he was hungry.
Come on, honey, we go beddy-bye.
Bye, old man.
Bye.
Say bye-bye.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
They never do what you want them to
do
when you want them to do it.
I know it.
I can't help it.
Hi.
BOTH: Hi.
How was the bridge game?
Oh, yeah, how did we do?
Is the bet all over?
Not at all.
What?
Not at all?
She never told one lie all afternoon.
I don't believe it.
What did she do, tape her mouth shut?
I wish she had.
She not only told the truth, but she
got brutally frank
and told us all exactly what she
thought of us.
Oh, boy, I wish I'd have been there.
Oh, that must have been good.
When you two hyenas get through
laughing,
you can go dig up a hundred bucks
between you.
Oh, don't be silly.
She won't be able to keep it up.
Not Lucy.
(both laughing)
What's so funny?
Ethel was telling us what happened
when you told the girls
the truth this afternoon.
Oh, yeah, they all got a little
miffed,
but I don't care.
I feel wonderful telling the truth.
Well, I don't feel so wonderful
finding out you hate to play bridge
with me.
Well, I wouldn't if you'd stop
gabbing once in a while.
Oh, you shut up, Fred.
You're no rose.
LUCY: I'll say he's not.
Yeah.
Why don't you buy Ethel a new dress
once in a while?
Yeah, you tell him, Lucy.
If you weren't such a tightwad,
she wouldn't have to go around
looking so tacky.
Tightwad?
Tacky?
Come on, let's get out of here.
We don't have to be insulted.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Fred and Ethel.
I don't blame you for being a little
huffy
but after all, we were the ones
who forced Lucy to tell the truth.
Well, that's right.
And besides, a few truthful
criticisms
would do us all a lot of good.
Oh, that's easy for you to say.
She hasn't said anything about you
yet.
Yeah.
Okay.
Go ahead, Lucy, tell me my faults.
Tell me what you really think of me.
I think you are the most handsome,
the most wonderful,
the cleverest and the most talented
man in the whole world.
The truth didn't hurt me.
Oh, brother.
Can you think of any other faults of
mine?
Yes, you're hammy, you're stubborn
and you're a coward.
A coward?
How do you like it now?
She's really telling him, eh,
Tightwad?
You said it, Tacky.
Now, let's wait a minute.
What is this business about being a
coward?
I'm not afraid of anything.
Yeah, he proves it
every time he steps on the stage.
Never mind the wisecracks.
What is this coward routine?
You are afraid
that if I got half a chance at a
career
that I would be the star of the
family.
Oh, I see.
You would, eh?
I have more talent in my little
finger
than most people have in their whole
body.
Uh-huh... well, I'll tell you what:
I'm going to an audition tonight.
They're casting
for one of the biggest shows in
television.
Why don't you come along?
Okay, what'll I do?
Well, why don't you let them audition
your little finger?
What does it do-- sing, dance?
Never mind.
I'll show you.
Ethel, will you take care of Little
Ricky?
Thank you.
I'll go get ready.
What's the matter with you, Ricky?
Yeah, you can't run out to an
audition.
If she doesn't tell a lie by 8:00,
we're out a hundred bucks.
I know, I know.
I just found a way how to...
a way to win the bet
and keep her quiet about show
business
at the same time.
You lost me.
Well, look, I know
the way that they conduct those
auditions,
and she won't get to first base
unless she can prove to them
that she's got some experience.
I don't get it.
I do.
If she lies about her experience
to get a job, we win the bet,
and if she doesn't lie
about her experience,
she won't get the audition.
Right.
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Just give this to me slowly.
Now, look, if she doesn't win...
I can't understand where we come
into...
Now, let me see-- who's next?
Mercedes Minch.
You've got a nice list of credits
here.
"Sings like a chicken."
Sings like a chicken?
Well, this won't be
the first "fowl" singer I've heard
today.
Well, go right ahead, please.
(piano plays)
(clucking an aria)
(crows like a rooster)
Well, thank you very much.
Don't call us.
We'll call you when we need you.
MAN: Now, let me see...
What are you doing here?
Who's with Little Ricky?
We got Mrs. Trumbull to sit with him.
We couldn't miss this.
Lucille McGillicuddy.
"Singer, dancer, comedienne,
"monologist, mistress of ceremonies,
"after-dinner speaker,
saxophonist, star, bit player or
extra."
That's quite some accomplishments.
Thank you... I'm just going to sing
and dance today.
Oh, just a moment, please.
There's nothing down here under
experience.
Oh?
Where have you appeared before?
How's that?
I say, where have you appeared
before?
Oh, uh... well, I... let's see, I
just finished at, um...
Well, well, there's been so many
places,
it's hard to single one out.
Well, try.
Oh.
Uh...
I just finished a long run
at Ricardo's.
Ricardo's?
Yes, sir.
I don't believe I've ever heard of
that place.
What sort of an establishment is it?
Oh, well, it's a three-ringed circus.
Yes, it's quite a place.
You should drop by some night.
How long was your engagement there?
11 years.
(whistles)
(whistles)
Yes, well, I'm ready.
I have my...
Oh, just a minute, please.
Where else have you appeared?
Well...
I was in 3D.
You say you've appeared in Third
Dimension.
No, sir, I did not.
I said I was in 3D.
Well, what's 3D if it isn't Third
Dimension?
It's the number on our apartment.
Well, I'm very sorry, Miss
McGillicuddy,
but we're only interested in
professionals here.
Now, it's almost 8:00.
We have to move on.
We only have time for one more.
Now, let me see.
Professor Falconi.
(speaking in Italian)
(speaking in Italian)
Something about a woman, you're
trying to say?
(speaking in Italian)
Anybody here speak Italian?
Huh?
Well, I'm afraid that's all for this
session then.
Wait a minute, I speak Italian.
(Ethel gasps)
Well, I do speak Italian.
(speaking in Italian)
(speaking in Italian)
(speaking in Italian)
(screams)
(speaking in Italian)
(screams)
(speaking in Italian)
(screams)
Ricky, Ricky, get me out of here!
I don't know how to speak Italian!
I'll pay the bet, I'll pay the bet.
(laughing:)
Oh, honey.
I'll pay the bet.
I'm sorry I came in.
I'm sorry.
Oh, honey...
Don't worry, honey.
I'll pay the bet.
Oh, honey, you're wonderful.
No, you're not.
You let me stand up there
and let him throw knives at me.
What's the matter with you, are you
crazy or something?
Don't you love me anymore?
What are you trying to do, get rid of
me?
Honey, he wasn't throwing knives at
you.
What do you mean he wasn't throwing
knives at me?!
No, no, look, look, honey, I'll show
you, look.
The knives come from the back.
Let one go.
(shrieks)
You see?
You see, honey?
They come from the back.
Oh.
Oh, I...
(wails)
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
This is the CBS television network.
Oh, no!
Isn't it awful when something like
that
happens right out on the stage
and there's nothing you can do about
it?
I know.
Is anybody hungry?
Hey, Fred, do you remember what
happened
to that quick- change artist--
you know, the one who used to change
her clothes in the dark
right out on the stage?
Do I? Boy, was she ever mad at that
electrician.
What happened?
Well, she called for her tights
and he thought she said "lights."
Uh... it's very amusing.
Oh, I'm sorry, Lucy.
Oh, we shouldn't talk about our old
times
in show business in front of Lucy.
It makes her feel left out.
Oh, no, it doesn't.
Yeah.
If you haven't been in show business
yourself,
it must all seem kind of dull.
I've been in show business.
Well, Ethel means real show business
not trying to get in Ricky's act.
I've been in show business!
Honey, Ethel means show business,
not playing a petunia in a grammar
school recital.
You think you know all there is
to know about me, don't you?
Remind me sometime to tell you
about my experience in musical
comedy.
Come on, Ethel, let's get some
coffee.
Hey, just a minute.
You were in musical comedy?
It was before I met you, dear.
Come on, Ethel.
Now, wait, wait a minute.
This is very interesting.
What was the name of the musical
comedy?
Oh, leave her alone, Ricky.
She's just exaggerating as usual.
I am not.
Well, what was the name of the
musical comedy?
Oklahoma.
Oklahoma?
Oklahoma?
Oklahoma, and I was the star too.
Yeah? What was your maiden name,
Alfred Drake?
Well, maybe I wasn't exactly the
star,
but would you believe I was a
featured player?
Chorus girl?
Ticket taker?
Lucy, why don't you tell the truth?
You know that you were never in
Oklahoma.
I was, too.
I spent two weeks in Tulsa once.
Why do you do it?
You always fib and you always get
caught.
I do not fib.
I never told a fib in my life.
Oh, there she goes again.
Well, it isn't fibbing.
I just like to...
color things a little.
Well, why didn't you say so?
I'll buy you some watercolors.
Oh, you're all very funny.
(door buzzer buzzes)
Very funny.
Oh, thank you.
Flowers.
Oh, Ricky, you shouldn't have.
I din't.
You "din't"?
Oh, no, these are for you.
For me?
Who's sending you flowers?
"Get well quick.
Love, Jim and Dorothy."
I feel fine.
Oh, I know.
I didn't want to go to dinner
with Jim and Dorothy Wynn tonight,
so I told them that you sprained your
ankle.
There's another one.
Oh, now, what's the matter with that?
That's just a little social fib.
Honey, you knew that we were
going to have dinner with the
Mertzes.
Why didn't you just tell them the
truth?
You can't tell people the truth.
They think you're lying.
You have to lie to make them think
you're telling the truth.
But it's not funny.
You got to cut it out.
Now, now, Ricky, don't be too tough
on Lucy.
Thanks, Fred.
She can't help it if she's a liar.
Well!
Oh, Fred didn't mean it like that.
He just means the colorful way you
push the truth around
is part of your character.
Yeah. Molly McGee should have such a
fibber.
Oh, I think you're all just horrid.
I could tell the absolute truth like
everybody else
if I wanted to be dull, present
company not excepted.
RICKY: Honey, you couldn't tell the
absolute truth
if your whole life depended on it.
Would you like to risk a little money
on that proposition?
I most certainly would.
I'll tell you what.
I'll bet you
that you can't tell the truth for,
uh...
For how long, one week?
I'll make easy on you-- one day, 24
hours.
Okay.
How much you want to bet?
Make it easy on yourself.
Any part of $100.
I'll take it all.
Can I have a piece of that?
I'd like a little of that, too.
My friends.
Oh, it hasn't anything to do with
friendship.
It's just that there are so few sure
ways
of making a buck these days.
I'll tell you what, I'll take 50
and I'll give you each 25.
Thank you.
Fine.
Uh... when do you want to start?
It's one minute to 8:00.
I'll start on the hour.
Okay, you got yourself a bet.
Okay.
Did I ever tell you the time that
Cary Grant
asked me marry him?
It hasn't started yet.
I just thought I'd have one last fib
for the road.
Okay, it's started.
For the next 24 hours.
Okay.
All right.
I can hardly wait
to hear you tomorrow afternoon, Lucy.
Why?
We're playing bridge at Caroline's,
remember?
Oh, no, no, no.
I can't spend the afternoon with
three women
and have to tell the truth.
I'll call Caroline and tell her I'm
sick.
Eww...
You'll go?
I'll go.
(knocking on door)
Hi.
Hi.
How are you?
Oh, look!
Oh, Caroline, you've redecorated.
Yep.
Changed the whole mood of the room.
My, I'll say.
We threw out everything we had
that was early American
and started fresh with Chinese
modern.
Here, let me take your coats.
I'll put them in the bedroom.
For heaven's sake.
Gee, isn't this something, huh?
Thank you.
There.
Look at this.
This is really something, isn't it?
And I thought it was awful before.
It looks like...
I don't know what.
I do.
It looks like a bad dream
you'd have after eating too much
Chinese food.
Ooh.
Well, how do you like my new
furniture?
Oh, we were just talking about it.
Weren't we, Lucy?
What do you think?
Do you like it?
Oh, I think it's just lovely.
What do you think, Lucy?
Uh...
Oh, don't be bashful.
Just tell her what you said to me.
Oh, she doesn't want my little old
opinion.
Oh, but I do, Lucy.
Come on, now.
Tell me exactly
what you told Ethel about my
furniture.
Well, uh... I said it looked like a
dream.
Didn't I, Ethel?
Isn't that what I said?
Yes.
Oh, well, thank you.
Oh, that's all right.
What kind of a dream, Lucy?
Well, let's play bridge.
Lucy, we have to wait for Marian.
Marian who?
Marian Strong.
When you're having four for bridge,
it's always polite to wait
until the fourth person arrives
before you start playing.
It's the only decent thing to do.
Oh.
Now, let's see.
What were we talking about?
Oh, yes...
Caroline's furniture.
Uh, what kind of a dream, Lucy?
Caroline, I told Ethel that your
furniture
looked like a bad dream you'd have
after eating too much Chinese food.
Well!
Is that what you really think?
Yes.
Well, Lucy, I hope it gives you
a lot of pleasure to insult me.
No, it doesn't.
I don't like it any better than you
do.
Well, nobody's twisting your arm.
Oh, no?
Before you get too mad, Caroline,
I think you ought to know something.
Last night, Ricky and Fred and I bet
Lucy $100
that she couldn't tell the absolute
truth for 24 hours.
Oh.
So you see, it wasn't my fault.
I was tricked into it by old sneaky
here.
Well, that explains it,
but it doesn't make me feel any
better.
(knocking on door)
Oh, Marian.
Hi, Marian.
Hi, Caroline.
How are you?
Hi, Ethel.
How are you?
Oh, Marian!
That's a new hat.
MARIAN: Yes.
(Marian cackling with laughter)
Do you like it?
Oh, I think it's lovely.
It's beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Hi, Lucy.
Hi, Marian.
Uh, Lucy, Marian has on a new hat.
Yeah, Marian.
Take it off.
Let's play bridge.
Lucy, what do you think
of Marian's new hat?
Oh, that's a hat, all right.
Yeah, but what do you think about it?
Well, Marian, if that's the kind of
hat you wanted,
you sure got a good one.
(cackling laughter)
No, seriously, Lucy.
Well, Marian, nothing personal,
but I think that's the silliest-
looking hat I've ever seen.
Oh, now, come on, Lucy.
Tell me what you think of it?
I am serious.
It's horrible.
I think there's something you ought
to know.
Last night, we bet Lucy $100
that she couldn't tell the truth for
24 hours.
Oh, no.
(laughing)
Then that's what she really thinks of
my hat.
Come on, let's play bridge.
That is if anyone still wants to play
with me.
Uh... Marian,
bring your things over here.
(whispering inaudibly)
Well, come on.
Okay.
Lucy, how old are you?
How much do you weigh?
What color would your hair be
if you didn't dye it?
33... 129...
and mousy brown.
Anything else you'd like to ask me?
What?
Go ahead, ask me anything you like--
I like it.
It feels wonderful to tell the truth.
(laughing)
Now, she's trying to use
psychology on us.
No, I mean it.
I feel very relieved.
It is wonderful to tell the truth.
You should try it sometime.
We'd all be much better friends.
Somehow, I doubt that.
Well, you do as you please.
I feel great.
Come on, let's play bridge.
I'm your partner this week,
aren't I, Caroline?
Oh, I guess I play with you.
And, Caroline, let someone else keep
score this week.
You cheat.
Yes, cheat.
The last three times we've played,
you added up the score
in your favor.
I would have said something about it
if I hadn't been your partner.
Well, I never!
And you stop jabbering and keep your
mind on the game.
You talk so much you don't know
what cards have been played.
(laughing)
Well!
Oh, I'm sorry, Ethel, but it's so
true.
Marian, stop cackling.
I've been waiting ten years for you
to lay that egg.
For heaven's sake, Caroline,
when are you going to get a new deck
of cards?
We've been playing with this same
dirty old deck
since I've known you.
Hey, how about that fella?
Listen, Ricky, show your Uncle Fred
how I taught you how to wave bye-bye
this morning.
Show him.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, Ricky.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Looks more like he's teaching us
how to wave bye-bye.
Well, he did it this morning.
Now, look here, old man.
You're going to have to learn
how to perform on cue
if you're going to be my son.
Hi.
Oh, here's your mommy.
Oh, that's your mommy.
Was he a good boy?
He was an angel.
Where's Ethel?
She'll be right up.
Did you feed him?
Yeah, I followed your instructions to
the letter.
Looks like you fed a whole nursery
full of babies.
Well, he was hungry.
Come on, honey, we go beddy-bye.
Bye, old man.
Bye.
Say bye-bye.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
They never do what you want them to
do
when you want them to do it.
I know it.
I can't help it.
Hi.
BOTH: Hi.
How was the bridge game?
Oh, yeah, how did we do?
Is the bet all over?
Not at all.
What?
Not at all?
She never told one lie all afternoon.
I don't believe it.
What did she do, tape her mouth shut?
I wish she had.
She not only told the truth, but she
got brutally frank
and told us all exactly what she
thought of us.
Oh, boy, I wish I'd have been there.
Oh, that must have been good.
When you two hyenas get through
laughing,
you can go dig up a hundred bucks
between you.
Oh, don't be silly.
She won't be able to keep it up.
Not Lucy.
(both laughing)
What's so funny?
Ethel was telling us what happened
when you told the girls
the truth this afternoon.
Oh, yeah, they all got a little
miffed,
but I don't care.
I feel wonderful telling the truth.
Well, I don't feel so wonderful
finding out you hate to play bridge
with me.
Well, I wouldn't if you'd stop
gabbing once in a while.
Oh, you shut up, Fred.
You're no rose.
LUCY: I'll say he's not.
Yeah.
Why don't you buy Ethel a new dress
once in a while?
Yeah, you tell him, Lucy.
If you weren't such a tightwad,
she wouldn't have to go around
looking so tacky.
Tightwad?
Tacky?
Come on, let's get out of here.
We don't have to be insulted.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Fred and Ethel.
I don't blame you for being a little
huffy
but after all, we were the ones
who forced Lucy to tell the truth.
Well, that's right.
And besides, a few truthful
criticisms
would do us all a lot of good.
Oh, that's easy for you to say.
She hasn't said anything about you
yet.
Yeah.
Okay.
Go ahead, Lucy, tell me my faults.
Tell me what you really think of me.
I think you are the most handsome,
the most wonderful,
the cleverest and the most talented
man in the whole world.
The truth didn't hurt me.
Oh, brother.
Can you think of any other faults of
mine?
Yes, you're hammy, you're stubborn
and you're a coward.
A coward?
How do you like it now?
She's really telling him, eh,
Tightwad?
You said it, Tacky.
Now, let's wait a minute.
What is this business about being a
coward?
I'm not afraid of anything.
Yeah, he proves it
every time he steps on the stage.
Never mind the wisecracks.
What is this coward routine?
You are afraid
that if I got half a chance at a
career
that I would be the star of the
family.
Oh, I see.
You would, eh?
I have more talent in my little
finger
than most people have in their whole
body.
Uh-huh... well, I'll tell you what:
I'm going to an audition tonight.
They're casting
for one of the biggest shows in
television.
Why don't you come along?
Okay, what'll I do?
Well, why don't you let them audition
your little finger?
What does it do-- sing, dance?
Never mind.
I'll show you.
Ethel, will you take care of Little
Ricky?
Thank you.
I'll go get ready.
What's the matter with you, Ricky?
Yeah, you can't run out to an
audition.
If she doesn't tell a lie by 8:00,
we're out a hundred bucks.
I know, I know.
I just found a way how to...
a way to win the bet
and keep her quiet about show
business
at the same time.
You lost me.
Well, look, I know
the way that they conduct those
auditions,
and she won't get to first base
unless she can prove to them
that she's got some experience.
I don't get it.
I do.
If she lies about her experience
to get a job, we win the bet,
and if she doesn't lie
about her experience,
she won't get the audition.
Right.
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Just give this to me slowly.
Now, look, if she doesn't win...
I can't understand where we come
into...
Now, let me see-- who's next?
Mercedes Minch.
You've got a nice list of credits
here.
"Sings like a chicken."
Sings like a chicken?
Well, this won't be
the first "fowl" singer I've heard
today.
Well, go right ahead, please.
(piano plays)
(clucking an aria)
(crows like a rooster)
Well, thank you very much.
Don't call us.
We'll call you when we need you.
MAN: Now, let me see...
What are you doing here?
Who's with Little Ricky?
We got Mrs. Trumbull to sit with him.
We couldn't miss this.
Lucille McGillicuddy.
"Singer, dancer, comedienne,
"monologist, mistress of ceremonies,
"after-dinner speaker,
saxophonist, star, bit player or
extra."
That's quite some accomplishments.
Thank you... I'm just going to sing
and dance today.
Oh, just a moment, please.
There's nothing down here under
experience.
Oh?
Where have you appeared before?
How's that?
I say, where have you appeared
before?
Oh, uh... well, I... let's see, I
just finished at, um...
Well, well, there's been so many
places,
it's hard to single one out.
Well, try.
Oh.
Uh...
I just finished a long run
at Ricardo's.
Ricardo's?
Yes, sir.
I don't believe I've ever heard of
that place.
What sort of an establishment is it?
Oh, well, it's a three-ringed circus.
Yes, it's quite a place.
You should drop by some night.
How long was your engagement there?
11 years.
(whistles)
(whistles)
Yes, well, I'm ready.
I have my...
Oh, just a minute, please.
Where else have you appeared?
Well...
I was in 3D.
You say you've appeared in Third
Dimension.
No, sir, I did not.
I said I was in 3D.
Well, what's 3D if it isn't Third
Dimension?
It's the number on our apartment.
Well, I'm very sorry, Miss
McGillicuddy,
but we're only interested in
professionals here.
Now, it's almost 8:00.
We have to move on.
We only have time for one more.
Now, let me see.
Professor Falconi.
(speaking in Italian)
(speaking in Italian)
Something about a woman, you're
trying to say?
(speaking in Italian)
Anybody here speak Italian?
Huh?
Well, I'm afraid that's all for this
session then.
Wait a minute, I speak Italian.
(Ethel gasps)
Well, I do speak Italian.
(speaking in Italian)
(speaking in Italian)
(speaking in Italian)
(screams)
(speaking in Italian)
(screams)
(speaking in Italian)
(screams)
Ricky, Ricky, get me out of here!
I don't know how to speak Italian!
I'll pay the bet, I'll pay the bet.
(laughing:)
Oh, honey.
I'll pay the bet.
I'm sorry I came in.
I'm sorry.
Oh, honey...
Don't worry, honey.
I'll pay the bet.
Oh, honey, you're wonderful.
No, you're not.
You let me stand up there
and let him throw knives at me.
What's the matter with you, are you
crazy or something?
Don't you love me anymore?
What are you trying to do, get rid of
me?
Honey, he wasn't throwing knives at
you.
What do you mean he wasn't throwing
knives at me?!
No, no, look, look, honey, I'll show
you, look.
The knives come from the back.
Let one go.
(shrieks)
You see?
You see, honey?
They come from the back.
Oh.
Oh, I...
(wails)
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
This is the CBS television network.