I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 3, Episode 8 - Redecorating the Mertzes' Apartment - full transcript
Lucy decides that she and Ricky are going to redecorate the Mertzes' apartment.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
Yes, Caroline, that's right-- a mink
stole of my very own.
Ricky just told me.
Oh, isn't he a dream?
Oh, really? He's the nicest, dearest,
sweetest husband
in the whole world.
Oh, naturally, it was very expensive,
but Ricky says nothing's too good
for his little wife.
Oh, well, I have to go now, Caroline.
I'll see you Thursday at the club
meeting at Ethel's.
Good-bye, dear.
(sighs)
Lucy...
What?
Do you realize that
that's the seventh person that you
called
telling them I'm gonna get you a mink
stole?
Yeah, I know.
Lay off the phone, honey.
I'm waiting for a very important
call.
Oh, all right.
Oh, baby!
Mmm!
Did I thank you properly?
Yes, but do it again.
You got the best thank-yous in town.
Mmm-mm!
You know, I wish you wouldn't...
(chuckling)
I wish you wouldn't make such a big
point
about how expensive it's gonna be.
After all, I'm getting it wholesale.
Shh! No one's supposed to know that
but you, me and the minks.
What's the difference who knows?
I want people to think
you love me retail, not 40% off.
Ay-yi-yi.
Oh, I can't stand it!
A mink stole!
A m-i-n-k s-t-o-l-e
of my very own!
Oh!
Hello, Marge?
Guess what Ricky's getting me.
A mink stole!
That's right!
I wonder what's keeping that guy.
LUCY: Well, and when he told me
he was going to give it to me,
you have no idea, you know what he
said?
Lucy!
Wel-- ah!
Oh, uh, thanks for calling.
Thanks very much for calling, Marge.
Good-bye.
Hmm?
What are you going to do?
Call everybody in town?
But, Ricky, a mink stole, a mink
stole!
I never had a mink stole before.
A mink to a woman is like...
I know, I know, but if I hear you say
"mink stole"
once more tonight, you're not gonna
get it.
Understand?
All right.
But you can't stop me from thinking
about it.
I wonder where this guy could be.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, Ethel! Where have you been?
Downtown.
Guess what.
Ricky's getting me a m...
Oh, I'm not allowed to say it!
Guess what Ricky's getting me.
I haven't got time to play games.
I got to go get my dinner on.
No, no, wait a minute.
This is very important.
Ricky's giving me a present.
Yeah?
Yeah, well, guess what it is.
Okay, give me a hint.
Well, Ricky is giving me something--
something that every woman has always
wanted
from her husband.
A divorce?
No. It's something to wear.
What does this look like?
A diaper?
Oh...
Now, Ethel, be serious.
A shawl.
A necktie.
You be quiet!
Uh... now watch.
A burglar?
ETHEL: A burglar. Uh...
Ricky's giving you a burglar to wear
around your neck?
No.
Uh... now watch.
What's he doing?
Stealing?
Stealing. Uh...
Steal?
Steal?
Uh...
Uh...
Stole?
Stole?
Uh, yeah!
Stole?
Oh, a stole!
Yes!
Uh, uh, uh...
Now, what kind of fur is it?
Fur?
Yeah.
Uh... fox?
No, uh...
No?
Smaller than a fox?
Uh, yeah...
Rabbit?
Smaller than a rabbit?
A white rat stole?
No.
Come on, Ethel, think, think.
It rhymes with "think"!
"Think"?
Yeah!
Think... think...
Yeah.
(falsetto): Oh!
From Ricky?
Yes!
I don't believe it.
It's true, Ethel,
it's true!
Ricky's giving me a-a...
A mink stole!
Yes, a real, honest-to-goodness what
you said.
Oh!
Oh, Ricky, that's just wonderful.
Isn't that gonna cost a lot of money?
Well, as a matter of fact, I'm
getting it...
Holy cow!
Oh, it's terribly expensive,
Ethel, but you know how Ricky is.
Gee, can't you just see the girls
when I wear it to the meeting
Thursday?
Oh, they'll just die.
Oh!
Oh, that's the best news.
I got to go now and get my dinner on.
Okay.
Oh!
Bye.
Bye.
(door shuts)
Oh, I'm sorry I kicked you, honey.
Sorry I kicked you so hard.
That was kind of stupid of me,
especially right now, huh?
You're not mad, are you?
My father always said to me,
"El que le da de comer al padre ajeno
pierde la mano y pierde el pan."
What does that mean?
Don't kick the shin that stoles you.
Oh!
Oh.
You're cute!
Here we go!
We say good night to Daddy.
Say good night to Daddy.
Good night, boy.
Say good night.
Say, "Good night, Daddy."
Say, "Good..." Oh, come on, say good
night to Daddy.
Oh...
Well, honey, I guess he's just tired.
Sure, he's tired, Mama.
Yeah, you should have seen him today.
He was all over the place.
Really?
Yeah. Want to walk a little bit for
Daddy?
Oh, come on. Show me how you can
walk.
Here, take this.
Here, boy.
Come on, show Daddy how you can walk.
Here, come on over here.
Come on to Daddy.
Come on. Come on.
Oh! Isn't that wonderful?
Look at that boy.
Oh, that's wonderful!
Oh, that's wonderful, man.
Come on. Say, "Nighty night, Poppy."
He's a big boy.
Yeah. Say nighty night.
Good night, Ricky.
Here, honey.
There we are.
Say good night.
Good night.
Wave bye-bye to Poppy.
Good night, sweetheart.
Wave bye-bye.
Wave bye-bye.
He's sleepy, Mommy.
Yeah, good night.
Good night, boy.
(chuckling)
Well, our little man is sound asleep.
Good. When's Mrs. Trumbull gonna get
here?
Any minute.
You know, I always think
it's so silly to have to get a
baby-sitter
to go across the hall to the Mertzes'
to play canasta.
Well, the price is right:
Nothing an hour, double for overtime.
Well, I guess it gives her something
to do.
Yeah.
(phone rings)
She's an awfully nice woman.
Yeah.
Hello?
Oh, hi, Ethel.
Sure. What's on your mind?
Honey, we're gonna be there in a
minute.
Shh!
Why don't you talk then?
Oh, well, yes, honey,
it's your turn to have the club
meeting this week.
Well, I don't know, Ethel.
The last two times it was your turn,
I had it here.
Now, you can't have the club meeting
here.
Shh, be quiet!
Well, besides, if I have it here,
what excuse have I got to wear my
mink stole?
No, I can't leave all the windows
open.
Oh, I know, I know.
Well, maybe
I can have it here.
No, you can't have it here.
Will you please be quiet?
Uh, yes, dear, I understand.
Lucy, I want to talk to you for a
minute!
Shh!
Uh, all right, dear.
Uh, okay, I'll have it here. All
right.
What's the matter with you?
You crazy or something?
I told you, you can't have that
meeting here.
I'm sorry, Ricky, but don't you know
why Ethel never wants
to have the meeting at her place?
Sure. She's smart; she doesn't want
to go through that mess.
No. Because she's ashamed of her
apartment.
She's ashamed of her apartment?
Yes.
Why?
Well, you know, the wallpaper is all
stained
and the furniture is so crummy.
Well, I'm sorry, but you can't have
that meeting here.
Marco is coming over Thursday.
We're gonna work on arrangements all
day long.
Now, you certainly can change that.
Besides, every time you have that
meeting here,
it takes you two days to get ready
for it,
two days to get over it,
and the place is a mess while they're
here.
It'd be simpler to paint the Mertzes'
apartment.
Hey, that's a wonderful idea!
What?
Paint the Mertzes' apartment.
Now, wait a minute.
I didn't mean that lirally.
Well, I'm taking it lirally.
That is a sensational idea.
We'll have a painting party.
The four of us will paint the
Mertzes' apartment.
We're not going to do any such thing.
Why not?
Look, Fred knows how to paint;
it's his apartment;
if he wants to fix it up, let him do
it.
My father always says,
"No te mete en adonde no te llaman."
What does that mean?
Don't meddle in other people's
business.
What did your father ever do
but sit around and think up corny
sayings?
Besides, it's not meddling.
If they don't want it painted, they
can say so.
And if they do, you certainly can
spend one afternoon
helping our dearest, closest friends,
can't you?
Well...
Then you will?
Okay, but...
All right, I'll go get Mrs. Trumbull.
I'll tell her to hurry,
then we'll go right over and tell
them.
ETHEL: I'm lily of the valley
Of the quiet, peaceful valley over
there
And I'm lonely, oh, so lonely...
Fred, Lucy and Ricky will be here in
a minute.
That's good.
Well, go change.
Change?
Well, you don't expect to stay
dressed like that, do you?
Well, from the tone of your voice,
I guess I don't.
Go on, get fixed up.
(groans)
It's only the Ricardos.
It's the principle of the thing. Go
on!
And put on a necktie.
Necktie?
Yes, a necktie.
(mutters): Necktie? I know, I know.
Ricardos are coming over, I got to
get a necktie on.
(knock at door)
Come in, come in.
Hi, girl.
Hi.
Hi, Ethel!
Where's Fred?
Where's Fred?
He'll be right out in a minute.
He's showering and dressing.
Fred Mertz!
Well, you didn't have to get
all dressed up just for us.
Fred Mertz, you march right back in
there...
No. Now, wait a minute.
I have something to tell you.
What?
Well...
Come here, Fred.
LUCY: Um...
Ethel, you know how your apartment
is.
What do you mean?
Well, the way it looks.
Let's face it, it's sort of, uh...
Oh, what's the word I'm looking for?
I don't use that kind of language.
Yeah, well, Ricky and I thought
it might be fun to have a painting
party.
The four of us could paint your
apartment.
A painting party?
Yes.
And paint this apartment?
Yeah.
Oh, that's a wonderful idea.
Well, wh-wh-what color do you think
it ought to be?
Oh, let's see...
Who's gonna pay for the paint?
Well, there goes that idea.
Let's play canasta.
Well, those are things you got to
find out.
How ungrateful can you be!
I wouldn't be surprised
if they called the whole thing off
now.
Why?
Because you just don't ask questions
like that.
When they offer to give us a party,
that obviously means that they supply
everything.
That is, unless they've changed their
minds after your rudeness.
Have you?
Uh...
No, we-we-we haven't, have we, Ricky?
No, no, no...
Oh, that's great!
That is a good idea, you know.
That's the best idea you've ever had,
Lucy.
Let's see now, when we paint it,
we ought to paint it some, uh...
Oh, uh, real...
some real bright color.
That's what it needs, a real bright
color.
Orange would be nice.
Orange! Orange!
Oh, don't be so silly.
For heaven's sake.
Then, after it's painted,
all we'll have to do is buy new
furniture
and we'll have a whole
completely redecorated apartment.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What's this about new furniture?
Well, after it's painted,
we can't leave this ratty stuff in
here.
It'll just show it up.
Sure.
Now, just a minute.
You're not gonna touch this chair.
You're not gonna touch that lamp.
(rattling)
Oh, no, let's don't lose that lamp.
No. You're not gonna touch that table
or that chair he's sitting in either.
Well, that only leaves the ashtrays.
Well, I don't care.
I-I just got this stuff broken in so
it's comfortable.
Oh...!
How can you say that, Fred?
Look at that chair.
It's all lumpy and sags in the wrong
places.
So does Fred.
Never mind!
Well, if we're not gonna get new
furniture,
you can just forget all about the
painting.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, come on, let's play canasta.
LUCY: No, no. Now, now, you listen,
Fred.
Now you listen.
You're not gonna touch this
furniture.
It's all stuffed with feathers.
Every bit of it.
Why-why, they don't make furniture
like this anymore.
You can say that again.
Well, I've lived in this miserable
rat's nest
for 20 years.
I guess I can live in it for 20 more.
Oh, now, Ethel, we'll think of
something.
I know.
How about...?
How about you butting out for a
change?
Well!
Aw, now, don't cry, honey bunch.
Don't you "honey bunch" me,
you penny-pinching old goat!
Who's a penny-pinching old goat?
If the penny fits, pinch it!
Okay!
Que lo estoy diciendo por 13 anos que
no te mete en...
They're still not speaking.
And the craziest thing of all--
they're both mad at me.
No!
I just can't understand people.
Try to help them and they turn on you
every time.
Well, I...
And don't say, "I told you so."
Well, I did told you so.
I know, I know.
You told me, your father told me,
everybody told me.
Why don't you admit that you were
wrong
to go there and butt in?
All right, I admit it-- I made a
boo-boo.
From now on, whatever they do is
their own business.
I've learned my lesson.
I'm through.
Good.
(sighs)
Boy, this is a tough one.
What is?
Trying to figure out
how to get Fred and Ethel back
together again.
I give up.
What's the matter?
What were we just talking about?
And now you're getting ready to butt
in again.
Just butt out, will you?
I can't go through life
with a boo-boo on my record.
Besides, they're our dearest friends,
and it's our fault that they're
fighting.
Our fault?
Well, my fault.
And I know how to straighten it out,
too.
Well, I'm not gonna listen.
Well, I'm gonna say it anyway.
Where's that magazine?
You see, if we do the painting and
don't get the furniture,
Ethel will be mad.
If we do get the furniture, Fred will
be mad.
So, there's just one thing to do--
paint the furniture and upholster the
old furniture.
Did you hear me?
"Paint the furniture and upholster
the old furniture"?
Yes.
You mean paint the apartment
and upholster the old furniture?
Yes.
I didn't hear you.
Oh...
Now, look, I don't mean
that we're going to have it done.
We're going to do it ourselves.
Do it ourselves?
Sure, there's an article in here;
it's easy.
Look. Here it is.
Now look at this.
Right here.
Who's going to pay for the material?
You sound more like Fred Mertz every
day.
Now, look, Ricky, we've just got to
do it.
We'll pay for the material.
Okay, but that means that your mink
stole
is going to be cut from here to here.
All right, if that's the way it has
to be.
Come on.
But that's certainly hitting below
where my mink belt used to be.
(knock at door)
Come in.
Hello, Fred.
Oh, it's you.
What's that you're eating?
My breakfast.
A bottle of beer and a salami
sandwich?
Well, it's the only thing I know how
to cook.
Ethel has locked herself
in the bedroom and won't come out.
Well, that's why we're here, Fred.
I have a plan that'll fix everything.
Please, from now on,
your channel doesn't come in on my
set.
He'll listen to you, Ricky.
You tell him I have a wonderful plan
that won't cost him a cent.
My scatterbrained wife has another
half-witted scheme,
and if you listen to it, you're out
of your mind.
Boy, did I suffer in that
translation.
Well, what's the plan?
I want to tell you both together.
Did you lose something?
No, I didn't lose something.
What's your plan?
Well, we thought that we would paint
the apartment
and upholster the furniture
ourselves.
We'd leave in all the lumps and sags
and that way, everybody would be
happy.
Hey, that's a good idea, isn't it,
sweetie?
That sounds fine, honey bunch.
There's an article in Better Homes
and Gardens
here I want to show you.
I know how to do it.
Who's going to buy the material?
Okay, we'll buy the material.
Let's not...
(sighs)
Well, I'm all through with my wall.
Oh, isn't it beautiful?
Hey, that didn't take very long at
all, did it?
Uh-uh.
Well, not a bad job for a bunch of
amateurs.
How are you doing, Lucy?
Fine. I just got this little corner
here.
RICKY: That's good. Uh-oh!
You missed a little spot right here.
LUCY: Oh?
ETHEL: Oh, Ricky, you did a swell job
on that woodwork.
Lucy!
What?
Oh, Fred, I'm sorry.
Oh, thank you, Lucy.
That's the most hair he's had on his
head for 30 years.
Oh, I'm sorry, Fred.
(laughing:)
Here, Fred.
You know, actually, we did pretty
good
not getting a lot of paint all over
us.
Most people would have had paint all
over them.
Sure.
Yeah, I'll say.
Oh, Lucy.
Well, so I'm enthusiastic.
But look at that paint job.
Isn't that a dilly?
I'll say, but I was right.
LUCY: What?
The furniture looks worse.
Well, we're getting to that now.
That's next, the upholstering.
Are you sure you know what you're
doing?
Sure. We painted ourselves, didn't
we?
Well, you did, anyway.
You know what I meant.
Go down...
in the apartment
and get that material.
It's on the desk.
Okay.
Let me at this stale old chair.
I've been waiting for this.
Oh, no!
I can't stand to look at this.
It seems just like an old friend.
Oh, keep quiet, Fred.
(grunting): Aa-ah!
(whimpering)
Tell me, did it suffer much?
Oh... come on, do something useful.
Go open the window.
The paint smells awful in here.
All right.
I can't stand the smell of paint.
Hey, Fred, go get that electric fan
we used last summer.
That'll clear all this paint smell
out.
All right.
Now, don't plug it in here.
It's still wet there.
Well, I'll get a longer cord
and plug it in the kitchen.
What's the matter with that?
Boy, he wasn't kidding about these
feathers, was he?
Oh, Lucy, be awful careful.
They're just murder to sweep up.
I know. I got to put them all up
here.
Can I help you get that out of there?
Yeah, you do that.
Okay.
(grunting)
Aah... ooh...
Oh, this tired old chair.
Am I glad to get this eyesore out of
here!
Aah!
There.
We got to get these tacks out of
here, you know?
How do you do that?
With a screwdriver.
Oh, okay.
And you be careful 'cause we have to
use them again.
All right.
There, this ought to work fine.
Uh-oh, it must have caught on
something.
This will do it all right, though.
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Go pull out the plug!
Fred!
Oh, my God,
look at the place.
Oh, Fred!
Oh, no, look...
What happened?
Oh...
What happened?!
Lucy, now look at the mess you made!
You've ruined our whole apartment!
I have?
Yes, you, this was your idea.
Now what are you going to do about
it?
Hi, girl.
Hi.
Oh, boy doesn't our furniture
look wonderful in here!
Uh-huh.
It was kind of rough on you and Ricky
having to pay for all this,
but I'm glad the way it turned out.
So am I, in a way.
You see, you got our old furniture,
but I got to buy new furniture for
our apartment.
And I get to hold the club meeting
in my own, wonderful, newly furnished
apartment!
Yeah. My stuff came; you want to see
it?
Mm-hmm.
Come on.
Okay.
There it is.
(gasps)
Isn't it beautiful?
Oh, Lucy, isn't that wonderful!
I think it's dreamy.
Oh!
Oh, everything turned out just
wonderful--
everything except...
Except what?
Well, I've been kind of afraid to ask
you,
but what happened to your mink stole?
We're sitting on it.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
ANNOUNCER 2: This is the CBS
Television Network.
Yes, Caroline, that's right-- a mink
stole of my very own.
Ricky just told me.
Oh, isn't he a dream?
Oh, really? He's the nicest, dearest,
sweetest husband
in the whole world.
Oh, naturally, it was very expensive,
but Ricky says nothing's too good
for his little wife.
Oh, well, I have to go now, Caroline.
I'll see you Thursday at the club
meeting at Ethel's.
Good-bye, dear.
(sighs)
Lucy...
What?
Do you realize that
that's the seventh person that you
called
telling them I'm gonna get you a mink
stole?
Yeah, I know.
Lay off the phone, honey.
I'm waiting for a very important
call.
Oh, all right.
Oh, baby!
Mmm!
Did I thank you properly?
Yes, but do it again.
You got the best thank-yous in town.
Mmm-mm!
You know, I wish you wouldn't...
(chuckling)
I wish you wouldn't make such a big
point
about how expensive it's gonna be.
After all, I'm getting it wholesale.
Shh! No one's supposed to know that
but you, me and the minks.
What's the difference who knows?
I want people to think
you love me retail, not 40% off.
Ay-yi-yi.
Oh, I can't stand it!
A mink stole!
A m-i-n-k s-t-o-l-e
of my very own!
Oh!
Hello, Marge?
Guess what Ricky's getting me.
A mink stole!
That's right!
I wonder what's keeping that guy.
LUCY: Well, and when he told me
he was going to give it to me,
you have no idea, you know what he
said?
Lucy!
Wel-- ah!
Oh, uh, thanks for calling.
Thanks very much for calling, Marge.
Good-bye.
Hmm?
What are you going to do?
Call everybody in town?
But, Ricky, a mink stole, a mink
stole!
I never had a mink stole before.
A mink to a woman is like...
I know, I know, but if I hear you say
"mink stole"
once more tonight, you're not gonna
get it.
Understand?
All right.
But you can't stop me from thinking
about it.
I wonder where this guy could be.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, Ethel! Where have you been?
Downtown.
Guess what.
Ricky's getting me a m...
Oh, I'm not allowed to say it!
Guess what Ricky's getting me.
I haven't got time to play games.
I got to go get my dinner on.
No, no, wait a minute.
This is very important.
Ricky's giving me a present.
Yeah?
Yeah, well, guess what it is.
Okay, give me a hint.
Well, Ricky is giving me something--
something that every woman has always
wanted
from her husband.
A divorce?
No. It's something to wear.
What does this look like?
A diaper?
Oh...
Now, Ethel, be serious.
A shawl.
A necktie.
You be quiet!
Uh... now watch.
A burglar?
ETHEL: A burglar. Uh...
Ricky's giving you a burglar to wear
around your neck?
No.
Uh... now watch.
What's he doing?
Stealing?
Stealing. Uh...
Steal?
Steal?
Uh...
Uh...
Stole?
Stole?
Uh, yeah!
Stole?
Oh, a stole!
Yes!
Uh, uh, uh...
Now, what kind of fur is it?
Fur?
Yeah.
Uh... fox?
No, uh...
No?
Smaller than a fox?
Uh, yeah...
Rabbit?
Smaller than a rabbit?
A white rat stole?
No.
Come on, Ethel, think, think.
It rhymes with "think"!
"Think"?
Yeah!
Think... think...
Yeah.
(falsetto): Oh!
From Ricky?
Yes!
I don't believe it.
It's true, Ethel,
it's true!
Ricky's giving me a-a...
A mink stole!
Yes, a real, honest-to-goodness what
you said.
Oh!
Oh, Ricky, that's just wonderful.
Isn't that gonna cost a lot of money?
Well, as a matter of fact, I'm
getting it...
Holy cow!
Oh, it's terribly expensive,
Ethel, but you know how Ricky is.
Gee, can't you just see the girls
when I wear it to the meeting
Thursday?
Oh, they'll just die.
Oh!
Oh, that's the best news.
I got to go now and get my dinner on.
Okay.
Oh!
Bye.
Bye.
(door shuts)
Oh, I'm sorry I kicked you, honey.
Sorry I kicked you so hard.
That was kind of stupid of me,
especially right now, huh?
You're not mad, are you?
My father always said to me,
"El que le da de comer al padre ajeno
pierde la mano y pierde el pan."
What does that mean?
Don't kick the shin that stoles you.
Oh!
Oh.
You're cute!
Here we go!
We say good night to Daddy.
Say good night to Daddy.
Good night, boy.
Say good night.
Say, "Good night, Daddy."
Say, "Good..." Oh, come on, say good
night to Daddy.
Oh...
Well, honey, I guess he's just tired.
Sure, he's tired, Mama.
Yeah, you should have seen him today.
He was all over the place.
Really?
Yeah. Want to walk a little bit for
Daddy?
Oh, come on. Show me how you can
walk.
Here, take this.
Here, boy.
Come on, show Daddy how you can walk.
Here, come on over here.
Come on to Daddy.
Come on. Come on.
Oh! Isn't that wonderful?
Look at that boy.
Oh, that's wonderful!
Oh, that's wonderful, man.
Come on. Say, "Nighty night, Poppy."
He's a big boy.
Yeah. Say nighty night.
Good night, Ricky.
Here, honey.
There we are.
Say good night.
Good night.
Wave bye-bye to Poppy.
Good night, sweetheart.
Wave bye-bye.
Wave bye-bye.
He's sleepy, Mommy.
Yeah, good night.
Good night, boy.
(chuckling)
Well, our little man is sound asleep.
Good. When's Mrs. Trumbull gonna get
here?
Any minute.
You know, I always think
it's so silly to have to get a
baby-sitter
to go across the hall to the Mertzes'
to play canasta.
Well, the price is right:
Nothing an hour, double for overtime.
Well, I guess it gives her something
to do.
Yeah.
(phone rings)
She's an awfully nice woman.
Yeah.
Hello?
Oh, hi, Ethel.
Sure. What's on your mind?
Honey, we're gonna be there in a
minute.
Shh!
Why don't you talk then?
Oh, well, yes, honey,
it's your turn to have the club
meeting this week.
Well, I don't know, Ethel.
The last two times it was your turn,
I had it here.
Now, you can't have the club meeting
here.
Shh, be quiet!
Well, besides, if I have it here,
what excuse have I got to wear my
mink stole?
No, I can't leave all the windows
open.
Oh, I know, I know.
Well, maybe
I can have it here.
No, you can't have it here.
Will you please be quiet?
Uh, yes, dear, I understand.
Lucy, I want to talk to you for a
minute!
Shh!
Uh, all right, dear.
Uh, okay, I'll have it here. All
right.
What's the matter with you?
You crazy or something?
I told you, you can't have that
meeting here.
I'm sorry, Ricky, but don't you know
why Ethel never wants
to have the meeting at her place?
Sure. She's smart; she doesn't want
to go through that mess.
No. Because she's ashamed of her
apartment.
She's ashamed of her apartment?
Yes.
Why?
Well, you know, the wallpaper is all
stained
and the furniture is so crummy.
Well, I'm sorry, but you can't have
that meeting here.
Marco is coming over Thursday.
We're gonna work on arrangements all
day long.
Now, you certainly can change that.
Besides, every time you have that
meeting here,
it takes you two days to get ready
for it,
two days to get over it,
and the place is a mess while they're
here.
It'd be simpler to paint the Mertzes'
apartment.
Hey, that's a wonderful idea!
What?
Paint the Mertzes' apartment.
Now, wait a minute.
I didn't mean that lirally.
Well, I'm taking it lirally.
That is a sensational idea.
We'll have a painting party.
The four of us will paint the
Mertzes' apartment.
We're not going to do any such thing.
Why not?
Look, Fred knows how to paint;
it's his apartment;
if he wants to fix it up, let him do
it.
My father always says,
"No te mete en adonde no te llaman."
What does that mean?
Don't meddle in other people's
business.
What did your father ever do
but sit around and think up corny
sayings?
Besides, it's not meddling.
If they don't want it painted, they
can say so.
And if they do, you certainly can
spend one afternoon
helping our dearest, closest friends,
can't you?
Well...
Then you will?
Okay, but...
All right, I'll go get Mrs. Trumbull.
I'll tell her to hurry,
then we'll go right over and tell
them.
ETHEL: I'm lily of the valley
Of the quiet, peaceful valley over
there
And I'm lonely, oh, so lonely...
Fred, Lucy and Ricky will be here in
a minute.
That's good.
Well, go change.
Change?
Well, you don't expect to stay
dressed like that, do you?
Well, from the tone of your voice,
I guess I don't.
Go on, get fixed up.
(groans)
It's only the Ricardos.
It's the principle of the thing. Go
on!
And put on a necktie.
Necktie?
Yes, a necktie.
(mutters): Necktie? I know, I know.
Ricardos are coming over, I got to
get a necktie on.
(knock at door)
Come in, come in.
Hi, girl.
Hi.
Hi, Ethel!
Where's Fred?
Where's Fred?
He'll be right out in a minute.
He's showering and dressing.
Fred Mertz!
Well, you didn't have to get
all dressed up just for us.
Fred Mertz, you march right back in
there...
No. Now, wait a minute.
I have something to tell you.
What?
Well...
Come here, Fred.
LUCY: Um...
Ethel, you know how your apartment
is.
What do you mean?
Well, the way it looks.
Let's face it, it's sort of, uh...
Oh, what's the word I'm looking for?
I don't use that kind of language.
Yeah, well, Ricky and I thought
it might be fun to have a painting
party.
The four of us could paint your
apartment.
A painting party?
Yes.
And paint this apartment?
Yeah.
Oh, that's a wonderful idea.
Well, wh-wh-what color do you think
it ought to be?
Oh, let's see...
Who's gonna pay for the paint?
Well, there goes that idea.
Let's play canasta.
Well, those are things you got to
find out.
How ungrateful can you be!
I wouldn't be surprised
if they called the whole thing off
now.
Why?
Because you just don't ask questions
like that.
When they offer to give us a party,
that obviously means that they supply
everything.
That is, unless they've changed their
minds after your rudeness.
Have you?
Uh...
No, we-we-we haven't, have we, Ricky?
No, no, no...
Oh, that's great!
That is a good idea, you know.
That's the best idea you've ever had,
Lucy.
Let's see now, when we paint it,
we ought to paint it some, uh...
Oh, uh, real...
some real bright color.
That's what it needs, a real bright
color.
Orange would be nice.
Orange! Orange!
Oh, don't be so silly.
For heaven's sake.
Then, after it's painted,
all we'll have to do is buy new
furniture
and we'll have a whole
completely redecorated apartment.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What's this about new furniture?
Well, after it's painted,
we can't leave this ratty stuff in
here.
It'll just show it up.
Sure.
Now, just a minute.
You're not gonna touch this chair.
You're not gonna touch that lamp.
(rattling)
Oh, no, let's don't lose that lamp.
No. You're not gonna touch that table
or that chair he's sitting in either.
Well, that only leaves the ashtrays.
Well, I don't care.
I-I just got this stuff broken in so
it's comfortable.
Oh...!
How can you say that, Fred?
Look at that chair.
It's all lumpy and sags in the wrong
places.
So does Fred.
Never mind!
Well, if we're not gonna get new
furniture,
you can just forget all about the
painting.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, come on, let's play canasta.
LUCY: No, no. Now, now, you listen,
Fred.
Now you listen.
You're not gonna touch this
furniture.
It's all stuffed with feathers.
Every bit of it.
Why-why, they don't make furniture
like this anymore.
You can say that again.
Well, I've lived in this miserable
rat's nest
for 20 years.
I guess I can live in it for 20 more.
Oh, now, Ethel, we'll think of
something.
I know.
How about...?
How about you butting out for a
change?
Well!
Aw, now, don't cry, honey bunch.
Don't you "honey bunch" me,
you penny-pinching old goat!
Who's a penny-pinching old goat?
If the penny fits, pinch it!
Okay!
Que lo estoy diciendo por 13 anos que
no te mete en...
They're still not speaking.
And the craziest thing of all--
they're both mad at me.
No!
I just can't understand people.
Try to help them and they turn on you
every time.
Well, I...
And don't say, "I told you so."
Well, I did told you so.
I know, I know.
You told me, your father told me,
everybody told me.
Why don't you admit that you were
wrong
to go there and butt in?
All right, I admit it-- I made a
boo-boo.
From now on, whatever they do is
their own business.
I've learned my lesson.
I'm through.
Good.
(sighs)
Boy, this is a tough one.
What is?
Trying to figure out
how to get Fred and Ethel back
together again.
I give up.
What's the matter?
What were we just talking about?
And now you're getting ready to butt
in again.
Just butt out, will you?
I can't go through life
with a boo-boo on my record.
Besides, they're our dearest friends,
and it's our fault that they're
fighting.
Our fault?
Well, my fault.
And I know how to straighten it out,
too.
Well, I'm not gonna listen.
Well, I'm gonna say it anyway.
Where's that magazine?
You see, if we do the painting and
don't get the furniture,
Ethel will be mad.
If we do get the furniture, Fred will
be mad.
So, there's just one thing to do--
paint the furniture and upholster the
old furniture.
Did you hear me?
"Paint the furniture and upholster
the old furniture"?
Yes.
You mean paint the apartment
and upholster the old furniture?
Yes.
I didn't hear you.
Oh...
Now, look, I don't mean
that we're going to have it done.
We're going to do it ourselves.
Do it ourselves?
Sure, there's an article in here;
it's easy.
Look. Here it is.
Now look at this.
Right here.
Who's going to pay for the material?
You sound more like Fred Mertz every
day.
Now, look, Ricky, we've just got to
do it.
We'll pay for the material.
Okay, but that means that your mink
stole
is going to be cut from here to here.
All right, if that's the way it has
to be.
Come on.
But that's certainly hitting below
where my mink belt used to be.
(knock at door)
Come in.
Hello, Fred.
Oh, it's you.
What's that you're eating?
My breakfast.
A bottle of beer and a salami
sandwich?
Well, it's the only thing I know how
to cook.
Ethel has locked herself
in the bedroom and won't come out.
Well, that's why we're here, Fred.
I have a plan that'll fix everything.
Please, from now on,
your channel doesn't come in on my
set.
He'll listen to you, Ricky.
You tell him I have a wonderful plan
that won't cost him a cent.
My scatterbrained wife has another
half-witted scheme,
and if you listen to it, you're out
of your mind.
Boy, did I suffer in that
translation.
Well, what's the plan?
I want to tell you both together.
Did you lose something?
No, I didn't lose something.
What's your plan?
Well, we thought that we would paint
the apartment
and upholster the furniture
ourselves.
We'd leave in all the lumps and sags
and that way, everybody would be
happy.
Hey, that's a good idea, isn't it,
sweetie?
That sounds fine, honey bunch.
There's an article in Better Homes
and Gardens
here I want to show you.
I know how to do it.
Who's going to buy the material?
Okay, we'll buy the material.
Let's not...
(sighs)
Well, I'm all through with my wall.
Oh, isn't it beautiful?
Hey, that didn't take very long at
all, did it?
Uh-uh.
Well, not a bad job for a bunch of
amateurs.
How are you doing, Lucy?
Fine. I just got this little corner
here.
RICKY: That's good. Uh-oh!
You missed a little spot right here.
LUCY: Oh?
ETHEL: Oh, Ricky, you did a swell job
on that woodwork.
Lucy!
What?
Oh, Fred, I'm sorry.
Oh, thank you, Lucy.
That's the most hair he's had on his
head for 30 years.
Oh, I'm sorry, Fred.
(laughing:)
Here, Fred.
You know, actually, we did pretty
good
not getting a lot of paint all over
us.
Most people would have had paint all
over them.
Sure.
Yeah, I'll say.
Oh, Lucy.
Well, so I'm enthusiastic.
But look at that paint job.
Isn't that a dilly?
I'll say, but I was right.
LUCY: What?
The furniture looks worse.
Well, we're getting to that now.
That's next, the upholstering.
Are you sure you know what you're
doing?
Sure. We painted ourselves, didn't
we?
Well, you did, anyway.
You know what I meant.
Go down...
in the apartment
and get that material.
It's on the desk.
Okay.
Let me at this stale old chair.
I've been waiting for this.
Oh, no!
I can't stand to look at this.
It seems just like an old friend.
Oh, keep quiet, Fred.
(grunting): Aa-ah!
(whimpering)
Tell me, did it suffer much?
Oh... come on, do something useful.
Go open the window.
The paint smells awful in here.
All right.
I can't stand the smell of paint.
Hey, Fred, go get that electric fan
we used last summer.
That'll clear all this paint smell
out.
All right.
Now, don't plug it in here.
It's still wet there.
Well, I'll get a longer cord
and plug it in the kitchen.
What's the matter with that?
Boy, he wasn't kidding about these
feathers, was he?
Oh, Lucy, be awful careful.
They're just murder to sweep up.
I know. I got to put them all up
here.
Can I help you get that out of there?
Yeah, you do that.
Okay.
(grunting)
Aah... ooh...
Oh, this tired old chair.
Am I glad to get this eyesore out of
here!
Aah!
There.
We got to get these tacks out of
here, you know?
How do you do that?
With a screwdriver.
Oh, okay.
And you be careful 'cause we have to
use them again.
All right.
There, this ought to work fine.
Uh-oh, it must have caught on
something.
This will do it all right, though.
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Fred!
Go pull out the plug!
Fred!
Oh, my God,
look at the place.
Oh, Fred!
Oh, no, look...
What happened?
Oh...
What happened?!
Lucy, now look at the mess you made!
You've ruined our whole apartment!
I have?
Yes, you, this was your idea.
Now what are you going to do about
it?
Hi, girl.
Hi.
Oh, boy doesn't our furniture
look wonderful in here!
Uh-huh.
It was kind of rough on you and Ricky
having to pay for all this,
but I'm glad the way it turned out.
So am I, in a way.
You see, you got our old furniture,
but I got to buy new furniture for
our apartment.
And I get to hold the club meeting
in my own, wonderful, newly furnished
apartment!
Yeah. My stuff came; you want to see
it?
Mm-hmm.
Come on.
Okay.
There it is.
(gasps)
Isn't it beautiful?
Oh, Lucy, isn't that wonderful!
I think it's dreamy.
Oh!
Oh, everything turned out just
wonderful--
everything except...
Except what?
Well, I've been kind of afraid to ask
you,
but what happened to your mink stole?
We're sitting on it.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at this same
time.
ANNOUNCER 2: This is the CBS
Television Network.