I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Adagio - full transcript
Lucy decides to try out for a job as an Apache dancer in Ricky's show. The man she rehearses with falls madly in love with her.
( "I Love Lucy"
theme song playing)
( theme song ending)
Mmm... that was good, Lucy.
Want some more?
I have eight or nine
pieces left in the kitchen.
No, three's my limit.
Ha!
Well, I guess I'd better
go put on a new face.
Yeah, me, too.
Say, did you see that little
polka-dot dress at Orbach's?
The one with the
white, ruffled collar?
LUCY: Wasn't
that the cutest thing
you've ever seen?
What's that for?
Well, I'm always hoping that
this time will be the charm.
What do you mean?
Ethel keeps going out
to put on a new face
but she always comes
back with the old one.
Well, you know how women are.
Yeah.
If Lucy doesn't
have any lipstick on,
she thinks she's niked.
"Niked"?
Yeah, you know...
Not wearing a thin'.
A "thin'" what?
Clothes, clothes, clothes!
"Niked"... not wearing
no "thin'" clothes.
Nah, me either.
Uh-huh, same old one.
Same old one here, too.
What are they talking about?
I don't know,
but whatever it is,
ours aren't young enough.
We were just teasing you,
honey, because you said
you were going to go in and
put on a new face, and you didn't.
Oh, Ethel, did you ever wish
there was something
else to marry besides men?
Often.
Well, what are we
gonna do tonight
besides sit around and
sneer at each other?
Shall I look in the paper?
Yeah.
I'd better call Jerry.
Wouldn't it be quicker
to look in the paper?
This is for something else.
Oh.
I'm having some trouble finding
some apache dancers for my show.
Apache dancers?
Yeah.
( hooting)
Lucy.
Lucy!
What?
Not that kind, honey.
It's for the Parisian
number. Oh.
The French kind.
A French Indian?
Oui, oui.
♪ Oui, oui ♪
♪ Oui, oui ♪
♪ Oui, oui, oui, oui... ♪
No, no, Lucy.
You know, where
the tough Frenchman
grabs the girl by the hair and
throws her over his shoulder
and slams her down on
the floor and steps on her.
Oh!
Oh.
( humming tango)
( squawking melodramatically)
( gasping)
Wait.
Oh!
Ah-ah-ahhhh!
( gasping and yelling)
Lucy.
Lucy.
Lucy!
What?
I got your message.
You want to be
in the show, right?
Right.
And you think you
can do the dance, right?
Right.
Well, honey, you don't have
to go into all these routines.
I don't?
No, honey.
All you have to do is
just come out and ask me:
"Ricky, can I be in the show?"
Really?
Of course.
Ricky, can I be in the show?
No.
Jerry. You're mean.
You didn't even let
me finish auditioning.
For heaven sakes, Hold
on a minute, Jerry, will you?
You give everybody else
a chance but your wife.
What do you mean,
"what's going on?"
My wife is acting
crazy again, Jerry.
That's all that's going on.
Now, look, you just hold
on like I told you to do, Jerry!
Just wait a minute!
¡Ay, que barbaridad!
( yelling gibberish)
Relax, Lucy, relax.
Oh, he makes me so mad.
There are just two things
keeping me from
dancing in that show.
Your feet?
No.
A partner and some rehearsal.
It's a wonderful
opportunity for somebody.
Even if you had a partner,
Ricky wouldn't hire you.
Well, you heard what he said.
He's having trouble
finding somebody.
Maybe if I had a partner
and we were really good,
Ricky couldn't turn me down.
It's a wonderful
opportunity for... somebody.
Yeah, but who?
Well...
Gee, I wonder
what Fred Astaire
is doing these days.
( groans)
Lucy.
Coming.
Hi, Ethel.
Hi.
Uh...
( chuckles nervously)
Something on your mind, Ethel?
No... yes.
Well, that covers the
territory pretty well.
Lucy, were you
serious last night
about finding that partner
for the apache dance?
I certainly was.
Well, I've got him
for you... Fred.
Fred!
Astaire!
(imitates drumroll)
♪ Ta-dah-dah! ♪
Oh, Mertz.
Now, Lucy, before you
make up your mind, listen.
Fred used to be a
headliner in vaudeville.
Why, he can dance circles
around any of the
younger men today.
He's the king of
the apache dancers.
There, I said it.
Do I get my new hat?
Yes.
Well, thanks a lot,
Fred, but I don't think...
Oh, now, listen, Lucy.
He's really not half bad.
He might work out fine.
Why don't you give him a chance?
Yeah.
Well, all right.
I suppose a fat apache
is better than none.
ETHEL: Okay, you're on your own.
See you later.
Bye.
Now we can start
rehearsing, huh?
Oh, all right.
Now, let's get going.
Well, I don't know
much about this, but...
Well, I'm gonna
show you... now, here.
Put your hands together
behind your back.
Put them up a little higher.
Now turn around.
Now... Now we face each other
and look in each other's eyes.
Where are you?
I'm down here.
Well, it's impossible to
look into each other's eyes.
No, it isn't;
we've got to do it.
All apache dancers do it.
Now, you come down
a little and I'll come up.
All right.
Hey... whoa, whoa,
whoa, right in there.
Ah, hold that. Yeah.
Now we put our heads together.
Now stare in each other's eyes.
All right.
Now we go forward.
Okay.
Are you ready? Yep.
♪ Da, da, da, de... ♪
Ow!
Oh!
Forward, I said forward.
I went forward.
I mean I go forward
and you go backward.
Well, why didn't you say that?
I did.
You did not.
Now, don't argue with me.
I'm the one who
knows about this.
All right.
Oh, come on, let's try it again.
Put your hands behind your back.
All right.
Now, turn around.
Now, put our heads together.
All right.
Look in each other's eyes.
Okay.
Now, are you ready?
Yeah.
♪ Da, da, da... ♪
♪ Ya, da, da, da
da, da-dum, bum ♪
♪ Ya, dia, dia... ♪
♪ Ya, da, da, da
da, da-dum, bum ♪
( groaning)
Oh, Fred, I'm sorry.
You're sorry.
Yeah, that helps a lot.
Fred, I'll be careful next time.
Try it yourself
this time, will you?
All right.
All right, now, put your
hands behind your back.
All right.
All right, now. Now...
( yells)
Stand still, will you?
All right, yeah.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
♪ Da, da, da... ♪
♪ Ya, da, da, da
da, da-dum, bum ♪
♪ Ya, dia, dia... ♪
♪ Ya, da, da, da
da, da-dum, bum ♪
( groaning)
I guess I dah-ed when
I should have dum-ed.
Yeah.
Oh, Fred, I'm sorry.
You're sorry and I'm crippled.
Oh, come on, let's
go on from here.
Let's try something else.
Okay. Here.
Now I grab you by the wrist
and hurl you to the floor.
What?
I grab you by the wrist
and hurl you to the floor.
Okay.
I said I grab you by the wrist
and hurl you to the floor.
Okay.
What's the matter with you?
Are you nailed down?
Well, Fred, maybe you
weren't doing it right.
Now, you said you
take me by the wrist
and you hurl me to the floor.
Is that what you mean?
Yes, that's exactly what I mean.
But there's a little
bug in it someplace.
We've got to figure out
how to get you down
here and me up there.
Lucy! What?
Lucy, I've got the
most wonderful news.
What?
Well, this is going
to cost me a new hat,
but I found the
perfect partner for you.
Really? Who?
I'm sorry, Fred,
but I'm about to dethrone you
as king of the apache dancers.
You're a little late.
I've just abdicated.
Who was it?
The owner of the French
laundry has a nephew
who just got here from Paris,
and he's an apache dancer.
Really? What's his name?
His name is...
now, I want to say it
just like he did...
His name is Jean
Valjean Raymand.
( nasally): Onh?
Jean Valjean Raymand.
Jean Valjean Raymand.
Onh. Onh.
I asked him to come
over here this afternoon.
Is that all right?
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Ricky will be at
rehearsal all day.
Oh, I envy you
spending all afternoon
with a romantic Frenchman.
Oh, Ethel, don't be silly.
This is strictly business.
Onh?
Onh.
( doorbell buzzing)
Madame Ricardo?
Yes?
I am Jean Valjean Raymand.
Oh!
Won't you come in, please?
It was so good of you
to come this afternoon.
( gasps)
What's the matter?
Oh, madame.
But you have such
a beautiful hand!
Oh, really?
Well, I have another
one just like it.
Please, we'd better
get to the dancing.
Oh, but you don't
understand, madame.
The apache dance
is a dance of amour.
One must warm up to it.
Yeah, well, I think
you started warming up
on the way over here.
I can't help it.
I can't help it.
There's a pounding in my heart.
You don't watch out, there'll
be a pounding on your head.
Lucy, Ricky's coming.
Ricky?!
I just saw him coming
up the front stairs.
Oh, no! Quickly, quickly!
Vite? My husband.
Oh, vite!
Here, here.
Hi, honey.
Oh!
Oh, hello, Ricky.
What are you doing here?
I live here, remember?
I mean, what are you
doing home in the afternoon?
Oh, I forgot this music, honey.
I need it for rehearsal.
Oh, gee, it's a shame
you can't stay for a minute.
Oh, I guess I can
stay a minute or two.
Oh, no, no, you'd better go.
What's the matter with you?
Well, I guess I'm just excited
because you're...
h-home in the afternoon.
Well!
If you're going to
get that excited,
I should never leave.
( squawking)
I'll see you tonight.
Oh, good-bye, dear.
I'd better get my
hat; it looks like rain.
Oh, I'll get it, I'll get it.
All right, thank you.
There.
Thank you, honey.
Maybe I should
take an umbrella, too.
Oh, I'll get it, I'll get it.
No, I guess not.
Still, I hate to get soaked
on the way down to the club.
Ah, the heck with it.
I'll see you
tonight, honey. Bye.
( sighs)
Is he gone?
Huh?
Your husband, is he gone?
Oh, yes, he's gone.
Oh, ma cherie, now I know
how you really feel about me.
Kiss me! No!
Why are you American women
so stubborn?
Why are you
Frenchmen so amorous?
I don't know.
Just fortunate, I guess.
Kiss me. No!
But if all you wanted me
was to dance with you,
why did you hide me
from your husband?
Because I want to get a
job dancing in his show,
and I don't want him to know
that I'm rehearsing with you.
Am I not romantic to you?
Yes, you are not romantic to me.
Now, please go.
Very well.
I shall go.
Thank goodness.
But... I shall return
and I shall look for ways
to make myself more romantic
in your beautiful,
big, blue eyes.
Ewww...
Vive la romance!
Well!
What are you doing, dear?
Oh, just getting comfortable.
Put your shoe back on.
I promised the Mertzes we'd go
to the movies with them tonight.
They'll be up in a few minutes.
Oh... all right.
Lucy?
Yes, dear, you have to shave.
Shave, shave, shave.
All this shaving is liable
to wear my chin away.
Okay, Andy Gump.
( laughs)
Shh! shh!
What are you doing here?
Oh, this is more romantic.
We will elope together.
Elope? Are you out of your mind?
Now, get out of here.
No, please don't.
Oh!
( yelling)
( crashing)
What happened?
The ladder... she
went down without me.
Fine, now what
are you going to do?
RICKY: Lucy?
( yells)
Shh!
Lucy?
What is it?!
No hot water again.
Did you tell Ethel
to fix the hot-water heater?
Yes, I talked to her.
Well, she'd better fix it
or I'm going to move.
I cut myself to pieces in here.
Feels like I shaved
with the top of a tin can.
Tin can?
Yeah.
You know, it wouldn't be such
a bad idea to move, at that.
How would you like to live
in the country and commute?
Oh, I'd like that.
Uh, honey, you'd better
go get your shirt on.
The Mertzes will
be here any minute.
Oh, we have lots of time.
Want a cigarette?
Yeah, light it for me, dear.
All right.
Hey, look at me.
I'm making like Paul Henreid.
( Lucy laughing stiffly)
Uh, put it in my mouth, dear.
Do you want me
to smoke it for you?
You know, living in the country
wouldn't be a bad idea at all
with the trees
and the flowers...
the birds singing...
tweet-tweet,
tweet-tweet, tweet-tweet.
Tweet-tweet.
Where would you like to live,
Long Island or Westchester?
Westchester.
Yeah, you know,
it'd be real wonderful
to be away from the...
from the crowd and the
noise and the nightclubs.
And the smoke.
We could get a place in
New Jersey. That's nice...
( Jean Valjean yelling)
What's that?
What's that?
Hey, there's a man out here!
Hey, hold it now.
Hold on.
I'll get...
Hold on, now, hold on.
( sighing)
Oh, thank you, monsieur.
I thought I was going to fall.
Who are you, and what are
you doing outside that window?
Yeah, how about that?
My ladder fell.
I came here to
elope with madame.
Elope! What's going on here?
How can you say
a thing like that?
What do you mean
you came here...?
Please, please, this
is no time to argue.
If we stay here much longer,
her stupid husband will return
and find us here.
Watch what you're saying!
He's my stupid husband!
He's my husband.
All right, you, now you
tell me what's going on
or I'll punch you
right in the nose.
( screaming)
Don't try to get
away, you gigolo!
Gigolo!
I am very insulted.
I challenge you to a duel.
LUCY: A duel!
You got yourself
a deal, brother.
Very well.
Tomorrow at dawn
behind Radio City Music Hall.
What do you mean,
"tomorrow at dawn
behind Radio City Music Hall"?
Right now... I'm ready now.
Very well.
I challenge you.
You choose the weapons.
These are good
enough for me, brother.
Put them up. Come on.
Ricky, Ricky.
Please, please,
please... too crude.
Very vulgar. It must be pistols.
"Pee-stoles"?
"Pee-stoles"?
Who's got any "pee-stoles"?
I'll hit you on top of the head
with a conga drum, you bum.
Qu'est-ce que c'est
"conga drum, you bum"?
Well, it's a long...
and it's...
and you...
It'll hurt you.
It must be pistols.
Where are we
going to get pistols?
I have such a terrible temper
that I always carry with me
dueling pistols.
Oh, no. Oh, no!
Okay, that's good enough for me.
Ricky, Ricky, you don't
know what you're doing.
Come on, honey, this is
liable to be a bit messy.
Ricky, I'm not worth it.
I'm not worth it. Out.
I'm not worth it. Out! Out!
All right, I'm ready.
Where did you go?
Hey, Frenchy!
All right.
Please, put that thing away
before you kill somebody.
You mean we're
not going to duel?
I hope not.
Whew!
That's the closest
I've ever been to a duel
in my whole life.
Me, too.
What do you mean, "me, too"?
It was a bum steer.
I was told that it was safe
to challenge people over here
because American men
would be afraid to duel.
American men, eh?
I guess I fooled you with
my Brooklyn accent, eh?
I guess I made what
you call a boo-boo.
I guess you did.
What about all this stuff
about eloping with my wife?
Is that another, uh... boo-boo?
Oh, super-size.
I was also told that
American women
expect Frenchmen to be romantic.
I have a wife and five
children of my own.
Then what are you doing here?
I came here to be your
wife's dance partner
in the apache dance.
Oh.
Ohhh...
Oh, I smell a red-headed rat.
I tell you what we're
going to do, amigo.
This thing loaded?
But yes.
Ay!
We're going to teach
my wife a lesson
she will never forget.
You and I are going to do...
Well, we're ready
to go to the movies.
Lucy... ( yells)
what's the matter?
They're in there. They're
going to fight a duel.
A duel! Yes!
Who's dueling?
Did he come back?
Yes! Who's dueling?
How did it happen?
He called him a gigolo.
Who's dueling?
Swords?
Pistols.
Who's dueling?
Ricky and Jean Valjean Raymand.
All four of them?
( gunshots)
( wailing)
( gunshots stop)
LUCY: Oh, no.
Sorry, madame, c'est la vie.
Is he...?
Oh, Ricky!
Don't, madame.
It isn't a pretty sight.
( wailing)
Oh, this is all my fault.
I killed him.
Oh, you poor little thing.
No, you didn't. He did.
You... you crêpe suzette!
If I hadn't wanted to
do that apache dance,
this never would have happened.
Oh, if I only had
it to do over again,
I'd just be happy being
Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.
Oh, Ethel, if I only
had another chance.
All right
I'll give you one more chance.
Ricky!
Ricky, you're all right.
Oh, sure I'm all right.
Honey, what happened?
We both made a boo-boo.
Oh, yoo-hoo.
Vive la romance.
Oh, honey, you should
have seen your face
when I popped out of that room.
Well, you scared me
out of ten years' growth.
Oh, well, honey, I just
wanted to teach you a lesson.
That's all.
Yeah, I guess I
had it coming to me.
Well, good night, baby.
Good night, sweetheart.
( sighing)
( yells)
Hey! what's that for?!
Well, I've just been
thinking it over.
That wasn't funny at all.
That was a terrible
thing to do to me.
How could you
play such a dirty trick
when you know the
effect it would have on me?
Of all the inconsiderate,
no-good, lowdown...
I don't think that I'll
ever speak to you again.
( "I Love Lucy"
theme song playing)
The part of Jean Valjean Raymand
was played by Shepard Mencken.
I Love Lucy is a
Desilu Production.
theme song playing)
( theme song ending)
Mmm... that was good, Lucy.
Want some more?
I have eight or nine
pieces left in the kitchen.
No, three's my limit.
Ha!
Well, I guess I'd better
go put on a new face.
Yeah, me, too.
Say, did you see that little
polka-dot dress at Orbach's?
The one with the
white, ruffled collar?
LUCY: Wasn't
that the cutest thing
you've ever seen?
What's that for?
Well, I'm always hoping that
this time will be the charm.
What do you mean?
Ethel keeps going out
to put on a new face
but she always comes
back with the old one.
Well, you know how women are.
Yeah.
If Lucy doesn't
have any lipstick on,
she thinks she's niked.
"Niked"?
Yeah, you know...
Not wearing a thin'.
A "thin'" what?
Clothes, clothes, clothes!
"Niked"... not wearing
no "thin'" clothes.
Nah, me either.
Uh-huh, same old one.
Same old one here, too.
What are they talking about?
I don't know,
but whatever it is,
ours aren't young enough.
We were just teasing you,
honey, because you said
you were going to go in and
put on a new face, and you didn't.
Oh, Ethel, did you ever wish
there was something
else to marry besides men?
Often.
Well, what are we
gonna do tonight
besides sit around and
sneer at each other?
Shall I look in the paper?
Yeah.
I'd better call Jerry.
Wouldn't it be quicker
to look in the paper?
This is for something else.
Oh.
I'm having some trouble finding
some apache dancers for my show.
Apache dancers?
Yeah.
( hooting)
Lucy.
Lucy!
What?
Not that kind, honey.
It's for the Parisian
number. Oh.
The French kind.
A French Indian?
Oui, oui.
♪ Oui, oui ♪
♪ Oui, oui ♪
♪ Oui, oui, oui, oui... ♪
No, no, Lucy.
You know, where
the tough Frenchman
grabs the girl by the hair and
throws her over his shoulder
and slams her down on
the floor and steps on her.
Oh!
Oh.
( humming tango)
( squawking melodramatically)
( gasping)
Wait.
Oh!
Ah-ah-ahhhh!
( gasping and yelling)
Lucy.
Lucy.
Lucy!
What?
I got your message.
You want to be
in the show, right?
Right.
And you think you
can do the dance, right?
Right.
Well, honey, you don't have
to go into all these routines.
I don't?
No, honey.
All you have to do is
just come out and ask me:
"Ricky, can I be in the show?"
Really?
Of course.
Ricky, can I be in the show?
No.
Jerry. You're mean.
You didn't even let
me finish auditioning.
For heaven sakes, Hold
on a minute, Jerry, will you?
You give everybody else
a chance but your wife.
What do you mean,
"what's going on?"
My wife is acting
crazy again, Jerry.
That's all that's going on.
Now, look, you just hold
on like I told you to do, Jerry!
Just wait a minute!
¡Ay, que barbaridad!
( yelling gibberish)
Relax, Lucy, relax.
Oh, he makes me so mad.
There are just two things
keeping me from
dancing in that show.
Your feet?
No.
A partner and some rehearsal.
It's a wonderful
opportunity for somebody.
Even if you had a partner,
Ricky wouldn't hire you.
Well, you heard what he said.
He's having trouble
finding somebody.
Maybe if I had a partner
and we were really good,
Ricky couldn't turn me down.
It's a wonderful
opportunity for... somebody.
Yeah, but who?
Well...
Gee, I wonder
what Fred Astaire
is doing these days.
( groans)
Lucy.
Coming.
Hi, Ethel.
Hi.
Uh...
( chuckles nervously)
Something on your mind, Ethel?
No... yes.
Well, that covers the
territory pretty well.
Lucy, were you
serious last night
about finding that partner
for the apache dance?
I certainly was.
Well, I've got him
for you... Fred.
Fred!
Astaire!
(imitates drumroll)
♪ Ta-dah-dah! ♪
Oh, Mertz.
Now, Lucy, before you
make up your mind, listen.
Fred used to be a
headliner in vaudeville.
Why, he can dance circles
around any of the
younger men today.
He's the king of
the apache dancers.
There, I said it.
Do I get my new hat?
Yes.
Well, thanks a lot,
Fred, but I don't think...
Oh, now, listen, Lucy.
He's really not half bad.
He might work out fine.
Why don't you give him a chance?
Yeah.
Well, all right.
I suppose a fat apache
is better than none.
ETHEL: Okay, you're on your own.
See you later.
Bye.
Now we can start
rehearsing, huh?
Oh, all right.
Now, let's get going.
Well, I don't know
much about this, but...
Well, I'm gonna
show you... now, here.
Put your hands together
behind your back.
Put them up a little higher.
Now turn around.
Now... Now we face each other
and look in each other's eyes.
Where are you?
I'm down here.
Well, it's impossible to
look into each other's eyes.
No, it isn't;
we've got to do it.
All apache dancers do it.
Now, you come down
a little and I'll come up.
All right.
Hey... whoa, whoa,
whoa, right in there.
Ah, hold that. Yeah.
Now we put our heads together.
Now stare in each other's eyes.
All right.
Now we go forward.
Okay.
Are you ready? Yep.
♪ Da, da, da, de... ♪
Ow!
Oh!
Forward, I said forward.
I went forward.
I mean I go forward
and you go backward.
Well, why didn't you say that?
I did.
You did not.
Now, don't argue with me.
I'm the one who
knows about this.
All right.
Oh, come on, let's try it again.
Put your hands behind your back.
All right.
Now, turn around.
Now, put our heads together.
All right.
Look in each other's eyes.
Okay.
Now, are you ready?
Yeah.
♪ Da, da, da... ♪
♪ Ya, da, da, da
da, da-dum, bum ♪
♪ Ya, dia, dia... ♪
♪ Ya, da, da, da
da, da-dum, bum ♪
( groaning)
Oh, Fred, I'm sorry.
You're sorry.
Yeah, that helps a lot.
Fred, I'll be careful next time.
Try it yourself
this time, will you?
All right.
All right, now, put your
hands behind your back.
All right.
All right, now. Now...
( yells)
Stand still, will you?
All right, yeah.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
♪ Da, da, da... ♪
♪ Ya, da, da, da
da, da-dum, bum ♪
♪ Ya, dia, dia... ♪
♪ Ya, da, da, da
da, da-dum, bum ♪
( groaning)
I guess I dah-ed when
I should have dum-ed.
Yeah.
Oh, Fred, I'm sorry.
You're sorry and I'm crippled.
Oh, come on, let's
go on from here.
Let's try something else.
Okay. Here.
Now I grab you by the wrist
and hurl you to the floor.
What?
I grab you by the wrist
and hurl you to the floor.
Okay.
I said I grab you by the wrist
and hurl you to the floor.
Okay.
What's the matter with you?
Are you nailed down?
Well, Fred, maybe you
weren't doing it right.
Now, you said you
take me by the wrist
and you hurl me to the floor.
Is that what you mean?
Yes, that's exactly what I mean.
But there's a little
bug in it someplace.
We've got to figure out
how to get you down
here and me up there.
Lucy! What?
Lucy, I've got the
most wonderful news.
What?
Well, this is going
to cost me a new hat,
but I found the
perfect partner for you.
Really? Who?
I'm sorry, Fred,
but I'm about to dethrone you
as king of the apache dancers.
You're a little late.
I've just abdicated.
Who was it?
The owner of the French
laundry has a nephew
who just got here from Paris,
and he's an apache dancer.
Really? What's his name?
His name is...
now, I want to say it
just like he did...
His name is Jean
Valjean Raymand.
( nasally): Onh?
Jean Valjean Raymand.
Jean Valjean Raymand.
Onh. Onh.
I asked him to come
over here this afternoon.
Is that all right?
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Ricky will be at
rehearsal all day.
Oh, I envy you
spending all afternoon
with a romantic Frenchman.
Oh, Ethel, don't be silly.
This is strictly business.
Onh?
Onh.
( doorbell buzzing)
Madame Ricardo?
Yes?
I am Jean Valjean Raymand.
Oh!
Won't you come in, please?
It was so good of you
to come this afternoon.
( gasps)
What's the matter?
Oh, madame.
But you have such
a beautiful hand!
Oh, really?
Well, I have another
one just like it.
Please, we'd better
get to the dancing.
Oh, but you don't
understand, madame.
The apache dance
is a dance of amour.
One must warm up to it.
Yeah, well, I think
you started warming up
on the way over here.
I can't help it.
I can't help it.
There's a pounding in my heart.
You don't watch out, there'll
be a pounding on your head.
Lucy, Ricky's coming.
Ricky?!
I just saw him coming
up the front stairs.
Oh, no! Quickly, quickly!
Vite? My husband.
Oh, vite!
Here, here.
Hi, honey.
Oh!
Oh, hello, Ricky.
What are you doing here?
I live here, remember?
I mean, what are you
doing home in the afternoon?
Oh, I forgot this music, honey.
I need it for rehearsal.
Oh, gee, it's a shame
you can't stay for a minute.
Oh, I guess I can
stay a minute or two.
Oh, no, no, you'd better go.
What's the matter with you?
Well, I guess I'm just excited
because you're...
h-home in the afternoon.
Well!
If you're going to
get that excited,
I should never leave.
( squawking)
I'll see you tonight.
Oh, good-bye, dear.
I'd better get my
hat; it looks like rain.
Oh, I'll get it, I'll get it.
All right, thank you.
There.
Thank you, honey.
Maybe I should
take an umbrella, too.
Oh, I'll get it, I'll get it.
No, I guess not.
Still, I hate to get soaked
on the way down to the club.
Ah, the heck with it.
I'll see you
tonight, honey. Bye.
( sighs)
Is he gone?
Huh?
Your husband, is he gone?
Oh, yes, he's gone.
Oh, ma cherie, now I know
how you really feel about me.
Kiss me! No!
Why are you American women
so stubborn?
Why are you
Frenchmen so amorous?
I don't know.
Just fortunate, I guess.
Kiss me. No!
But if all you wanted me
was to dance with you,
why did you hide me
from your husband?
Because I want to get a
job dancing in his show,
and I don't want him to know
that I'm rehearsing with you.
Am I not romantic to you?
Yes, you are not romantic to me.
Now, please go.
Very well.
I shall go.
Thank goodness.
But... I shall return
and I shall look for ways
to make myself more romantic
in your beautiful,
big, blue eyes.
Ewww...
Vive la romance!
Well!
What are you doing, dear?
Oh, just getting comfortable.
Put your shoe back on.
I promised the Mertzes we'd go
to the movies with them tonight.
They'll be up in a few minutes.
Oh... all right.
Lucy?
Yes, dear, you have to shave.
Shave, shave, shave.
All this shaving is liable
to wear my chin away.
Okay, Andy Gump.
( laughs)
Shh! shh!
What are you doing here?
Oh, this is more romantic.
We will elope together.
Elope? Are you out of your mind?
Now, get out of here.
No, please don't.
Oh!
( yelling)
( crashing)
What happened?
The ladder... she
went down without me.
Fine, now what
are you going to do?
RICKY: Lucy?
( yells)
Shh!
Lucy?
What is it?!
No hot water again.
Did you tell Ethel
to fix the hot-water heater?
Yes, I talked to her.
Well, she'd better fix it
or I'm going to move.
I cut myself to pieces in here.
Feels like I shaved
with the top of a tin can.
Tin can?
Yeah.
You know, it wouldn't be such
a bad idea to move, at that.
How would you like to live
in the country and commute?
Oh, I'd like that.
Uh, honey, you'd better
go get your shirt on.
The Mertzes will
be here any minute.
Oh, we have lots of time.
Want a cigarette?
Yeah, light it for me, dear.
All right.
Hey, look at me.
I'm making like Paul Henreid.
( Lucy laughing stiffly)
Uh, put it in my mouth, dear.
Do you want me
to smoke it for you?
You know, living in the country
wouldn't be a bad idea at all
with the trees
and the flowers...
the birds singing...
tweet-tweet,
tweet-tweet, tweet-tweet.
Tweet-tweet.
Where would you like to live,
Long Island or Westchester?
Westchester.
Yeah, you know,
it'd be real wonderful
to be away from the...
from the crowd and the
noise and the nightclubs.
And the smoke.
We could get a place in
New Jersey. That's nice...
( Jean Valjean yelling)
What's that?
What's that?
Hey, there's a man out here!
Hey, hold it now.
Hold on.
I'll get...
Hold on, now, hold on.
( sighing)
Oh, thank you, monsieur.
I thought I was going to fall.
Who are you, and what are
you doing outside that window?
Yeah, how about that?
My ladder fell.
I came here to
elope with madame.
Elope! What's going on here?
How can you say
a thing like that?
What do you mean
you came here...?
Please, please, this
is no time to argue.
If we stay here much longer,
her stupid husband will return
and find us here.
Watch what you're saying!
He's my stupid husband!
He's my husband.
All right, you, now you
tell me what's going on
or I'll punch you
right in the nose.
( screaming)
Don't try to get
away, you gigolo!
Gigolo!
I am very insulted.
I challenge you to a duel.
LUCY: A duel!
You got yourself
a deal, brother.
Very well.
Tomorrow at dawn
behind Radio City Music Hall.
What do you mean,
"tomorrow at dawn
behind Radio City Music Hall"?
Right now... I'm ready now.
Very well.
I challenge you.
You choose the weapons.
These are good
enough for me, brother.
Put them up. Come on.
Ricky, Ricky.
Please, please,
please... too crude.
Very vulgar. It must be pistols.
"Pee-stoles"?
"Pee-stoles"?
Who's got any "pee-stoles"?
I'll hit you on top of the head
with a conga drum, you bum.
Qu'est-ce que c'est
"conga drum, you bum"?
Well, it's a long...
and it's...
and you...
It'll hurt you.
It must be pistols.
Where are we
going to get pistols?
I have such a terrible temper
that I always carry with me
dueling pistols.
Oh, no. Oh, no!
Okay, that's good enough for me.
Ricky, Ricky, you don't
know what you're doing.
Come on, honey, this is
liable to be a bit messy.
Ricky, I'm not worth it.
I'm not worth it. Out.
I'm not worth it. Out! Out!
All right, I'm ready.
Where did you go?
Hey, Frenchy!
All right.
Please, put that thing away
before you kill somebody.
You mean we're
not going to duel?
I hope not.
Whew!
That's the closest
I've ever been to a duel
in my whole life.
Me, too.
What do you mean, "me, too"?
It was a bum steer.
I was told that it was safe
to challenge people over here
because American men
would be afraid to duel.
American men, eh?
I guess I fooled you with
my Brooklyn accent, eh?
I guess I made what
you call a boo-boo.
I guess you did.
What about all this stuff
about eloping with my wife?
Is that another, uh... boo-boo?
Oh, super-size.
I was also told that
American women
expect Frenchmen to be romantic.
I have a wife and five
children of my own.
Then what are you doing here?
I came here to be your
wife's dance partner
in the apache dance.
Oh.
Ohhh...
Oh, I smell a red-headed rat.
I tell you what we're
going to do, amigo.
This thing loaded?
But yes.
Ay!
We're going to teach
my wife a lesson
she will never forget.
You and I are going to do...
Well, we're ready
to go to the movies.
Lucy... ( yells)
what's the matter?
They're in there. They're
going to fight a duel.
A duel! Yes!
Who's dueling?
Did he come back?
Yes! Who's dueling?
How did it happen?
He called him a gigolo.
Who's dueling?
Swords?
Pistols.
Who's dueling?
Ricky and Jean Valjean Raymand.
All four of them?
( gunshots)
( wailing)
( gunshots stop)
LUCY: Oh, no.
Sorry, madame, c'est la vie.
Is he...?
Oh, Ricky!
Don't, madame.
It isn't a pretty sight.
( wailing)
Oh, this is all my fault.
I killed him.
Oh, you poor little thing.
No, you didn't. He did.
You... you crêpe suzette!
If I hadn't wanted to
do that apache dance,
this never would have happened.
Oh, if I only had
it to do over again,
I'd just be happy being
Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.
Oh, Ethel, if I only
had another chance.
All right
I'll give you one more chance.
Ricky!
Ricky, you're all right.
Oh, sure I'm all right.
Honey, what happened?
We both made a boo-boo.
Oh, yoo-hoo.
Vive la romance.
Oh, honey, you should
have seen your face
when I popped out of that room.
Well, you scared me
out of ten years' growth.
Oh, well, honey, I just
wanted to teach you a lesson.
That's all.
Yeah, I guess I
had it coming to me.
Well, good night, baby.
Good night, sweetheart.
( sighing)
( yells)
Hey! what's that for?!
Well, I've just been
thinking it over.
That wasn't funny at all.
That was a terrible
thing to do to me.
How could you
play such a dirty trick
when you know the
effect it would have on me?
Of all the inconsiderate,
no-good, lowdown...
I don't think that I'll
ever speak to you again.
( "I Love Lucy"
theme song playing)
The part of Jean Valjean Raymand
was played by Shepard Mencken.
I Love Lucy is a
Desilu Production.