I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Girls Want to Go to the Nightclub - full transcript
It's Fred and Ethel's 18th wedding anniversary, Ethel wants to go to the Copa Cabana and Fred wants to go to the fights. Lucy helps Ethel to try and change the boys minds and Ricky helps Fred to do the same with the girls. Neither side will give in so Lucy tries to find dates to escort her and Ethel to the Copa, when Ricky finds out he tells Fred they need to find dates so they can go to the Copa and keep an eye on the girls. They both end up calling the same person for help with finding escorts and the result was the beginning of TV's funniest sitcom ever.
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
(theme song ending)
Here, you missed
something on this one.
That's the design.
It is?
Sure, can't you see?
Flowers against
a background of...
gravy.
I've been meaning to talk to you
about Monday night.
We want you and Ricky
to help us celebrate.
It's our wedding
anniversary.
Oh, yours and Fred's?
No, me and Gregory Peck.
We've been married
for 18 years
and I vowed that at least
once before I died,
Fred was going to take me
to a nightclub
on our wedding anniversary.
Well, that sounds reasonable.
Now, this is my plan.
We'll go in there
and I'll say:
"I know what let's do
next Monday night.
Let's go to a nightclub."
And you second the motion.
Then Ricky will bound
to his feet and say
"That's great."
Then Fred will have
to take me because if...
Ricky bounds to his feet
and says, "That's great"?
Right.
Wrong. Ricky
hates nightclubs.
But he works in one.
Your life should be just
one gay round of nightclubs.
Yeah, that's what I thought
when I married a bandleader,
but ever since
we said "I do",
there are so many
things we don't.
Well, it was a good idea
while it lasted.
Gee, it was going to be
the Copacabana.
The Copacabana.
Uh-huh.
Gee!
Well, don't you worry,
we'll go!
We will?
Sure, I want to go
as much as you do.
But don't forget
you can catch more flies
with honey than
you can with vinegar.
You mean, be nice
to the boys?
Yeah, we'll be
so lovey-dovey to them
that they'll be
sitting in a nightclub
before they know
what hit them.
- Oh, that ought to do it.
- Sure.
Hey, Rick, are you doing
anything Monday night?
I don't think so.
It's my night off, why?
I'd like you to join me
in commemoration
of an 18-year-old tragedy.
What do you mean?
Well, it's our
wedding anniversary.
Oh, you want us to join you
in a celebration?
I prefer to think of it
as a grim reminder.
I'd like to go over
to Charlie's Steak house
and then take in the fights.
Oh, you dreamer, you.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I don't know, Fred.
If you want to go to the fights,
I think you should.
After all,
it's your anniversary.
There must be some way
we can get the girls
to go to the fights.
Yeah, we can tie
them in sacks
and carry them in.
I tell you what!
As soon as they come
into the living room,
we'll be real nice
to them, see,
soft-soap them
a little...
smoosh 'em up.
Smoosh?
Ethel?
Now, look, everybody knows
you can get around a woman
with a little
sweet talk.
Well, that's
all right for Lucy
but it's a longer
trip around Ethel.
Do you want to go
to the fights, or don't you?
All right, all right,
I'll smooch.
Okay, now...
How can four people
use so many dishes?
I don't know.
What's the matter?
What you
standing up for?
Because two gorgeous
ladies entered the room.
They did, where?
They mean us.
Oh!
You great big
Latin lover, you!
Oh, you sweet
handsome man, you!
You gorgeous exciting
woman, you!
I pass.
Aw, isn't he cute?
Darling, why don't
you sit down here.
Oh, yes, you sit
down, too, baby.
Well, you sit down on my lap.
You'll be more
comfortable there.
All right.
You sit there, darling.
This chair is more comfortable.
Oh, but if it's so comfortable,
I want you to have it.
Ethel, do one thing that
I ask you, will you, please?
I said sit down!
Ethel, don't you think
you're overdoing it a little?
How about
a cigarette?
I'll get them.
No, don't trouble
yourself.
Right here.
Oh!
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, sorry.
Thank you very much.
That's all right.
Thank you, Lucy.
Thank you very much.
It's all right.
ALL:
Light?
Would you like...?
I'll get them.
You know, Ricky, baby,
there's only one time you look
handsomer than you do now,
and that's when you wear
a tuxedo.
Oh, yes,
I think a tuxedo
is the best-
looking thing
3 man can wear.
Unless he's wearing
boxing trunks.
Speaking of boxing,
there's nothing
more exciting
than a
ringside seat.
Yes, sir, a ringside
seat at the Copacabana.
Yeah. Well, look, Lucy,
Monday is Fred's anniversary,
and he wants
to go to the fights.
Yeah, well, Monday's
Ethel's anniversary, too,
and she wants
to go to a nightclub.
Yeah, well, Fred
is not going to go
to any stuffy nightclub.
Well, Ethel's not going
to any stale fights.
Lucy, don't push
me too far.
It's the fights
or nothing.
Well, is that final?
Final.
Then you brought
this on yourself.
Ethel wants
a divorce.
Good.
No, she doesn't!
No, I don't!
Well, honey, you said
you wanted to go a nightclub.
Why don't you mind
your own business?
(all arguing at once)
Wait a minute,
will you!
Everybody be calm!
We'll figure out a way
to settle this thing.
I know, the democratic way!
We'll put it to a vote.
Couldn't you guess
how it's going to come out?
We'll try it anyhow.
All right, everybody wants
to go to the fights,
raise their hand.
One, two.
Everybody wants to go
to the nightclub
raise their hands.
One, two, three.
All right, I guess
we'll have to go
to the Copaca...
Three?
Lucy!
Well, I don't care.
We want to go to the Copacabana.
We're going
to the fights.
If you go to the fights,
you can just go alone.
Okay, if that's
the way you want it,
and I hope you have
a nice, pleasant
evening at home.
Who's staying at home?
Ethel and I are going
dancing at the Copa.
I hope one of you
knows how to lead.
We will not be dancing together,
smarty.
We will have dates.
We will?
Oh, we will,
we will!
Date, Ethel with a date?
Dates!
That's very funny!
LUCY:
Go ahead and laugh.
I know just who
our dates will be,
and they're both tall,
dark and handsome and young.
Who are they?
You'll just die
when I tell you.
Two of the most eligible
young bachelors in town.
Of course I can't talk while
certain parties are in the room.
Well, whisper their
names to me.
Okay.
No!
Yes!
I guess
we can take a hint.
Come on downstairs
to my apartment, Rick.
I don't like the
atmosphere up here.
Yeah.
Lucy, what were those names
you whispered to me?
What did they
sound like?
It sounded like Little Boy Blue
and Peter Cottontail.
That's who it was.
Huh?
Well, I was just trying
to put up a big front
while the boys
were here.
That's what I
was afraid of.
Where can we get
any dates?
Don't give up so easily.
We'll find some men somewhere.
Where?
There's no place where
millions of single women
haven't already looked.
Well, how about...
No.
Uh...
No.
Oh, we're not
concentrating.
We must know two men
who are single and attractive.
Two men who are single?
Two men?
A boy and a dog?
No, maybe we
should settle
for Little Boy Blue
and Peter Cottontail.
- I know!
- What?
I'll get my address book,
call up some
of my old boyfriends.
Oh, Lucy.
Well, it's only
11 years old.
Oh!
Well, after all,
it's worth a try.
This is an emergency.
I'll start at the A's.
George Anderson.
Hmm,
Butterfield 89970.
Brother, will Monday
be a night!
We'll go over
to Charlie's
and we'll get steaks
this thick,
and we'll have big slices
of raw onions all over 'em.
And there won't be
any women around
to tell us we
can't eat them.
Do you suppose
they really can get dates?
Well, who cares.
Why don't you stop worrying
about them.
I keep thinking
that they'll...
they'll go out to
dinner somewhere and...
and they'll have
some champagne and...
then they'll go to
the Copacabana and...
and have more champagne and..
And then they'll dance
and have more champagne
and... who knows
what will happen.
Yeah, with all that champagne,
even Ethel might look good.
Well, what are we
going to do, Rick?
Well, we could
get dates, too
and go to the Copacabana
and keep an eye on them.
No, that's not
a very good idea.
Dates!
You said dates.
Ricky, that's the most
sensational idea you ever had!
And we owe it to ourselves.
We can get a couple of blondes
just to help us keep our eye
on our wives, who've seen fit
to go out with other men!
Yeah, and they couldn't get mad
at us by being with other girls
because they're there
with other fellows.
What a dream
situation.
And I bet you know
a million gals.
Where's your
address book?
I burned it.
Burned it!
I hadn't been in
this country very long,
and Lucy said
it was part of
the American
marriage ceremony.
That's absolutely
criminal.
I bet you could have got
a fortune for that book.
"A" alone was worth
a hundred bucks.
Hey, I'll tell you
what I'll do.
I'll call Ginny Jones.
You mean the girl that sings
at the Starlight Roof?
Yeah.
She's married now, but she
knows every girl in town.
I'm glad you
thought of her.
Yes, well, it's been
nice talking to you, Paul.
Yes, it's been a long time.
My, my, seven children.
Yes, it's been a long time.
Yes, well, all right,
good-bye, Paul.
Well, that takes care
of old Wagner.
Yeah, Excelsior Cleaners,
Yum Yum Market
and Sam Zabaglione.
Sam Zabaglione,
he must be around.
Nobody would marry him.
Plaza 52099.
Did you call up
Howard Thompson?
He isn't marked off.
Yeah, he's busy
Monday night.
Baby-sitting
with his grandson.
Oh, yeah.
Grandson!
Well, don't look
at me like that!
When I dated him, he was
an interesting older man.
Hello? Hello, is this
Sam Zabaglione's house?
Oh, no, no, no, don't call
your daddy to the phone.
I don't want to ta...
Little girl, paisan!
Well, we can always
call the zoo
and order a couple
of dancing bears.
Oh! Why didn't I think
of this before?
Who are you calling?
Who, who, who?
Quiet, you sound
like an owl.
Well, who are
you calling?
Ginny Jones, she works
at the Starlight Roof,
and she knows
every man in town.
Oh, I feel hopeful again.
Hello, Ginny? Ginny,
this is Lucy Ricardo.
Well, it's very nice to hear
your voice again, too, dear.
I'll tell you
why I called.
It seems that a friend
of mine, Ethel Mertz...
What?
They did!
Ricky and Fred
just called her.
They did!
They didn't.
They didn't!
They did?
They did!
(gasps)
They didn't!
Well, did they
or didn't they?
Ricky and Fred
just asked her
to get them dates
for Monday night, too.
They didn't!
They did!
Those dirty two-timers.
Wait till I get
my hands on...
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, I got an idea.
Ginny, I want you
to get them dates
for Monday night.
That's right.
But the dates will
be Ethel and me.
Yeah, yeah, and one
more thing, Ginny.
I want you to build up these
beautiful, blind dates,
yeah, and tell them
that we'll meet them
at Ricky's apartment
at 8:00.
That's right.
Just leave the rest
to us, Ginny.
Okay, bye.
I wonder what
they'll be like.
Ginny said that they
were just knockouts.
Real dreams.
(whistles)
Gorgeous, willowy
figures.
(whistles)
Sweet dispositions.
I wonder why they wanted
to meet us here
at the apartment.
Well, maybe they want
to be with us alone.
- Well, why...?
- Now, now, don't fight it.
Just be thankful our wives
have got early dinner dates.
(doorbell buzzes)
Hello, there!
H-H... How do you,
how do you do?
We'll be looking
for a couple
of fellas named
Ricky and Fred.
Be you they?
We be...
We be Simon and Elmer.
Good-bye.
Oh, boy, that's
a good one.
We be your dates.
This one is
yours, Fred.
FRED:
Oh, no, no, no.
This one is
yours, too, Fred.
Wait a minute now.
There's a little
mistake here, fella.
I'm going to have
that little man right over there
and this one is yours, Ma.
(whimpering):
Oh, no.
Hey, I'm going
to like you.
Now, look, look, girls,
there must be
some mistake here.
We're waiting for some
friends of Ginny Jones'.
Well, that's us'n.
I'm Yuncy.
This here's my ma.
That's your mother?
It is?
Oh, it is,
it is, yeah!
I knew that.
Do something, Ricky!
Look, look, girls,
it's very nice of you
to come over,
but, uh... an emergency
just came up
and we have to
change our plans.
Oh, look at him,
Ma, he's shy.
What's the matter,
sonny boy?
-It's not that I'm shy...
- Come on, kiss me.
Wait a minute now,
wait...
Come on, kiss me.
Kiss me right now.
Let's get acquainted
a little... please!
Oh, boy, Ma,
this is fun!
What's the matter, boy,
ain't I your type?
Oh, I do like to see the
young'uns having fun!
It's past his bedtime.
He's got a rehearsal
in the morning.
Killjoy, come on
over here and sit down.
RICKY:
Please, now hold it!
Wait a minute!
Wait...
He's right,
that's it.
I have to rehearse
in the morning.
Oh, are you
an actor fella?
No' no.
A dancer fella?
No, I'm a
singer fella.
No!
MA:
Well, sing something.
Yeah.
No, I couldn't.
Really, I couldn't.
Okay, let's neck.
Wait a minute.
I'll sing.
What, uh...
What would you
like to hear?
Ooh, any little ditty.
How about, uh,
"Guadalajara "?
Oh, that was beautiful!
Let's neck.
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
♪ Guadalajara,
Guadalajara ♪
♪ Guadalajara, Guadalajara ♪
♪ Tienes el alma
de provinciana ♪
♪ Hueles a limpio,
rosa temprana ♪
♪ A verde jara
fresca del rio ♪
♪ Son mis palomas
tu caserio ♪
♪ Guadalajara,
Guadalajara ♪
♪ Sabes a pura
tierra mojada X
♪ Ay, ay, \y
ay , ay, ay ♪
♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
Ay, ay, ay,
ay, ay!
♪ Ay, colomitos lejano ♪
I Ay...! ♪
♪ Ojito, de agua hermanos ♪
♪ Ay colomitos inolvidables ♪
♪ lnolvidable como la tardes ♪
♪ En que Ia lluvia
desde la loma ♪
♪ Y nos hacia hasta Zapopan. ♪
♪ Hasta Zapopan. ♪
♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ Av,
ay, ay ♪
♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ Ay, ay, ay... ♪
♪ Guadalajara ♪
♪ Gua-da-la-ja-ra! ♪
Well, well,
if that don't beat all.
I sure didn't know
you had it in you, boy!
Come on, let's neck.
Let's have
a cigarette.
Yeah, let's smoke
it up a bit.
I had a pack here
a minute ago.
I know where they are,
sonny, I'll get 'em for you.
YUNCY:
Here you are, sonny.
I would like to get a glass
of water.
Come on, Fred.
What's a matter, sonny?
Can't you carry a glass
of water by yourself?
Let's get out of here
while we got a chance.
Wait, wait,
wait a minute.
- Wait for what?
- Come back here.
Did you notice
that she knew
exactly where
the cigarettes were
and the matches, too?
Yeah, that was kind
of funny, wasn't it?
You know who those
two creeps are in there?
That's Lucy and Ethel.
Oh, no, I'd know my
own wife, wouldn't I?
- I bet you, Fred.
- No.
By gosh, it is Ethel.
What do they think
they're getting away with?
Never mind, look, look,
never mind, never mind.
Just forget it.
I got a wonderful idea
to get even with them.
Yeah, what?
I'll tell you
what we'll do.
We'll turn the
tables on them, see.
As soon as we get back
in there, we'll give them
that same wolf treatment
they've been giving us.
Ricky, you're
a genius.
- Let's go.
- Come on.
Oh, there you are,
Ricky boy.
I've been waiting
to pitch a little woo
with you
hog-center style.
Okay, only I thought
we'd do it Latin style.
Latin style?
Yeah.
Hey... hey, now,
take it easy!
Now wait just a...
Hey, just a minute!
Come here.
Ma!
I'm getting
out of here.
I'm coming with you!
This smart aleck's
trying to unbutton
my high-top shoes.
Call us again, Lucy.
Nice to have met
you, Ethel.
Why, Fred Mertz!
You knew it all the time!
(guffaws)
Well, not all
the time.
You were pretty
convincing.
(laughing)
Wait a minute,
what are we laughing at?
You two bums were going out
with other women.
- Yeah!
- Now, now, now, listen, listen.
I swear we were
only getting dates
to go to the Copa just to keep
an eye on you girls.
Is that the truth?
Upon my honor,
passion flower.
What do you think?
Now, look, just to convince you
that we're on the level,
you two girls go and
change your clothes
and we'll all go out
and celebrate
the Mertz's anniversary.
- Rig ht!
"Oh. Ricky!
(cheering in Spanish)
Happy anniversary,
Ethel.
Thank you, Lucy.
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
(theme song ending)
Here, you missed
something on this one.
That's the design.
It is?
Sure, can't you see?
Flowers against
a background of...
gravy.
I've been meaning to talk to you
about Monday night.
We want you and Ricky
to help us celebrate.
It's our wedding
anniversary.
Oh, yours and Fred's?
No, me and Gregory Peck.
We've been married
for 18 years
and I vowed that at least
once before I died,
Fred was going to take me
to a nightclub
on our wedding anniversary.
Well, that sounds reasonable.
Now, this is my plan.
We'll go in there
and I'll say:
"I know what let's do
next Monday night.
Let's go to a nightclub."
And you second the motion.
Then Ricky will bound
to his feet and say
"That's great."
Then Fred will have
to take me because if...
Ricky bounds to his feet
and says, "That's great"?
Right.
Wrong. Ricky
hates nightclubs.
But he works in one.
Your life should be just
one gay round of nightclubs.
Yeah, that's what I thought
when I married a bandleader,
but ever since
we said "I do",
there are so many
things we don't.
Well, it was a good idea
while it lasted.
Gee, it was going to be
the Copacabana.
The Copacabana.
Uh-huh.
Gee!
Well, don't you worry,
we'll go!
We will?
Sure, I want to go
as much as you do.
But don't forget
you can catch more flies
with honey than
you can with vinegar.
You mean, be nice
to the boys?
Yeah, we'll be
so lovey-dovey to them
that they'll be
sitting in a nightclub
before they know
what hit them.
- Oh, that ought to do it.
- Sure.
Hey, Rick, are you doing
anything Monday night?
I don't think so.
It's my night off, why?
I'd like you to join me
in commemoration
of an 18-year-old tragedy.
What do you mean?
Well, it's our
wedding anniversary.
Oh, you want us to join you
in a celebration?
I prefer to think of it
as a grim reminder.
I'd like to go over
to Charlie's Steak house
and then take in the fights.
Oh, you dreamer, you.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I don't know, Fred.
If you want to go to the fights,
I think you should.
After all,
it's your anniversary.
There must be some way
we can get the girls
to go to the fights.
Yeah, we can tie
them in sacks
and carry them in.
I tell you what!
As soon as they come
into the living room,
we'll be real nice
to them, see,
soft-soap them
a little...
smoosh 'em up.
Smoosh?
Ethel?
Now, look, everybody knows
you can get around a woman
with a little
sweet talk.
Well, that's
all right for Lucy
but it's a longer
trip around Ethel.
Do you want to go
to the fights, or don't you?
All right, all right,
I'll smooch.
Okay, now...
How can four people
use so many dishes?
I don't know.
What's the matter?
What you
standing up for?
Because two gorgeous
ladies entered the room.
They did, where?
They mean us.
Oh!
You great big
Latin lover, you!
Oh, you sweet
handsome man, you!
You gorgeous exciting
woman, you!
I pass.
Aw, isn't he cute?
Darling, why don't
you sit down here.
Oh, yes, you sit
down, too, baby.
Well, you sit down on my lap.
You'll be more
comfortable there.
All right.
You sit there, darling.
This chair is more comfortable.
Oh, but if it's so comfortable,
I want you to have it.
Ethel, do one thing that
I ask you, will you, please?
I said sit down!
Ethel, don't you think
you're overdoing it a little?
How about
a cigarette?
I'll get them.
No, don't trouble
yourself.
Right here.
Oh!
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, sorry.
Thank you very much.
That's all right.
Thank you, Lucy.
Thank you very much.
It's all right.
ALL:
Light?
Would you like...?
I'll get them.
You know, Ricky, baby,
there's only one time you look
handsomer than you do now,
and that's when you wear
a tuxedo.
Oh, yes,
I think a tuxedo
is the best-
looking thing
3 man can wear.
Unless he's wearing
boxing trunks.
Speaking of boxing,
there's nothing
more exciting
than a
ringside seat.
Yes, sir, a ringside
seat at the Copacabana.
Yeah. Well, look, Lucy,
Monday is Fred's anniversary,
and he wants
to go to the fights.
Yeah, well, Monday's
Ethel's anniversary, too,
and she wants
to go to a nightclub.
Yeah, well, Fred
is not going to go
to any stuffy nightclub.
Well, Ethel's not going
to any stale fights.
Lucy, don't push
me too far.
It's the fights
or nothing.
Well, is that final?
Final.
Then you brought
this on yourself.
Ethel wants
a divorce.
Good.
No, she doesn't!
No, I don't!
Well, honey, you said
you wanted to go a nightclub.
Why don't you mind
your own business?
(all arguing at once)
Wait a minute,
will you!
Everybody be calm!
We'll figure out a way
to settle this thing.
I know, the democratic way!
We'll put it to a vote.
Couldn't you guess
how it's going to come out?
We'll try it anyhow.
All right, everybody wants
to go to the fights,
raise their hand.
One, two.
Everybody wants to go
to the nightclub
raise their hands.
One, two, three.
All right, I guess
we'll have to go
to the Copaca...
Three?
Lucy!
Well, I don't care.
We want to go to the Copacabana.
We're going
to the fights.
If you go to the fights,
you can just go alone.
Okay, if that's
the way you want it,
and I hope you have
a nice, pleasant
evening at home.
Who's staying at home?
Ethel and I are going
dancing at the Copa.
I hope one of you
knows how to lead.
We will not be dancing together,
smarty.
We will have dates.
We will?
Oh, we will,
we will!
Date, Ethel with a date?
Dates!
That's very funny!
LUCY:
Go ahead and laugh.
I know just who
our dates will be,
and they're both tall,
dark and handsome and young.
Who are they?
You'll just die
when I tell you.
Two of the most eligible
young bachelors in town.
Of course I can't talk while
certain parties are in the room.
Well, whisper their
names to me.
Okay.
No!
Yes!
I guess
we can take a hint.
Come on downstairs
to my apartment, Rick.
I don't like the
atmosphere up here.
Yeah.
Lucy, what were those names
you whispered to me?
What did they
sound like?
It sounded like Little Boy Blue
and Peter Cottontail.
That's who it was.
Huh?
Well, I was just trying
to put up a big front
while the boys
were here.
That's what I
was afraid of.
Where can we get
any dates?
Don't give up so easily.
We'll find some men somewhere.
Where?
There's no place where
millions of single women
haven't already looked.
Well, how about...
No.
Uh...
No.
Oh, we're not
concentrating.
We must know two men
who are single and attractive.
Two men who are single?
Two men?
A boy and a dog?
No, maybe we
should settle
for Little Boy Blue
and Peter Cottontail.
- I know!
- What?
I'll get my address book,
call up some
of my old boyfriends.
Oh, Lucy.
Well, it's only
11 years old.
Oh!
Well, after all,
it's worth a try.
This is an emergency.
I'll start at the A's.
George Anderson.
Hmm,
Butterfield 89970.
Brother, will Monday
be a night!
We'll go over
to Charlie's
and we'll get steaks
this thick,
and we'll have big slices
of raw onions all over 'em.
And there won't be
any women around
to tell us we
can't eat them.
Do you suppose
they really can get dates?
Well, who cares.
Why don't you stop worrying
about them.
I keep thinking
that they'll...
they'll go out to
dinner somewhere and...
and they'll have
some champagne and...
then they'll go to
the Copacabana and...
and have more champagne and..
And then they'll dance
and have more champagne
and... who knows
what will happen.
Yeah, with all that champagne,
even Ethel might look good.
Well, what are we
going to do, Rick?
Well, we could
get dates, too
and go to the Copacabana
and keep an eye on them.
No, that's not
a very good idea.
Dates!
You said dates.
Ricky, that's the most
sensational idea you ever had!
And we owe it to ourselves.
We can get a couple of blondes
just to help us keep our eye
on our wives, who've seen fit
to go out with other men!
Yeah, and they couldn't get mad
at us by being with other girls
because they're there
with other fellows.
What a dream
situation.
And I bet you know
a million gals.
Where's your
address book?
I burned it.
Burned it!
I hadn't been in
this country very long,
and Lucy said
it was part of
the American
marriage ceremony.
That's absolutely
criminal.
I bet you could have got
a fortune for that book.
"A" alone was worth
a hundred bucks.
Hey, I'll tell you
what I'll do.
I'll call Ginny Jones.
You mean the girl that sings
at the Starlight Roof?
Yeah.
She's married now, but she
knows every girl in town.
I'm glad you
thought of her.
Yes, well, it's been
nice talking to you, Paul.
Yes, it's been a long time.
My, my, seven children.
Yes, it's been a long time.
Yes, well, all right,
good-bye, Paul.
Well, that takes care
of old Wagner.
Yeah, Excelsior Cleaners,
Yum Yum Market
and Sam Zabaglione.
Sam Zabaglione,
he must be around.
Nobody would marry him.
Plaza 52099.
Did you call up
Howard Thompson?
He isn't marked off.
Yeah, he's busy
Monday night.
Baby-sitting
with his grandson.
Oh, yeah.
Grandson!
Well, don't look
at me like that!
When I dated him, he was
an interesting older man.
Hello? Hello, is this
Sam Zabaglione's house?
Oh, no, no, no, don't call
your daddy to the phone.
I don't want to ta...
Little girl, paisan!
Well, we can always
call the zoo
and order a couple
of dancing bears.
Oh! Why didn't I think
of this before?
Who are you calling?
Who, who, who?
Quiet, you sound
like an owl.
Well, who are
you calling?
Ginny Jones, she works
at the Starlight Roof,
and she knows
every man in town.
Oh, I feel hopeful again.
Hello, Ginny? Ginny,
this is Lucy Ricardo.
Well, it's very nice to hear
your voice again, too, dear.
I'll tell you
why I called.
It seems that a friend
of mine, Ethel Mertz...
What?
They did!
Ricky and Fred
just called her.
They did!
They didn't.
They didn't!
They did?
They did!
(gasps)
They didn't!
Well, did they
or didn't they?
Ricky and Fred
just asked her
to get them dates
for Monday night, too.
They didn't!
They did!
Those dirty two-timers.
Wait till I get
my hands on...
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, I got an idea.
Ginny, I want you
to get them dates
for Monday night.
That's right.
But the dates will
be Ethel and me.
Yeah, yeah, and one
more thing, Ginny.
I want you to build up these
beautiful, blind dates,
yeah, and tell them
that we'll meet them
at Ricky's apartment
at 8:00.
That's right.
Just leave the rest
to us, Ginny.
Okay, bye.
I wonder what
they'll be like.
Ginny said that they
were just knockouts.
Real dreams.
(whistles)
Gorgeous, willowy
figures.
(whistles)
Sweet dispositions.
I wonder why they wanted
to meet us here
at the apartment.
Well, maybe they want
to be with us alone.
- Well, why...?
- Now, now, don't fight it.
Just be thankful our wives
have got early dinner dates.
(doorbell buzzes)
Hello, there!
H-H... How do you,
how do you do?
We'll be looking
for a couple
of fellas named
Ricky and Fred.
Be you they?
We be...
We be Simon and Elmer.
Good-bye.
Oh, boy, that's
a good one.
We be your dates.
This one is
yours, Fred.
FRED:
Oh, no, no, no.
This one is
yours, too, Fred.
Wait a minute now.
There's a little
mistake here, fella.
I'm going to have
that little man right over there
and this one is yours, Ma.
(whimpering):
Oh, no.
Hey, I'm going
to like you.
Now, look, look, girls,
there must be
some mistake here.
We're waiting for some
friends of Ginny Jones'.
Well, that's us'n.
I'm Yuncy.
This here's my ma.
That's your mother?
It is?
Oh, it is,
it is, yeah!
I knew that.
Do something, Ricky!
Look, look, girls,
it's very nice of you
to come over,
but, uh... an emergency
just came up
and we have to
change our plans.
Oh, look at him,
Ma, he's shy.
What's the matter,
sonny boy?
-It's not that I'm shy...
- Come on, kiss me.
Wait a minute now,
wait...
Come on, kiss me.
Kiss me right now.
Let's get acquainted
a little... please!
Oh, boy, Ma,
this is fun!
What's the matter, boy,
ain't I your type?
Oh, I do like to see the
young'uns having fun!
It's past his bedtime.
He's got a rehearsal
in the morning.
Killjoy, come on
over here and sit down.
RICKY:
Please, now hold it!
Wait a minute!
Wait...
He's right,
that's it.
I have to rehearse
in the morning.
Oh, are you
an actor fella?
No' no.
A dancer fella?
No, I'm a
singer fella.
No!
MA:
Well, sing something.
Yeah.
No, I couldn't.
Really, I couldn't.
Okay, let's neck.
Wait a minute.
I'll sing.
What, uh...
What would you
like to hear?
Ooh, any little ditty.
How about, uh,
"Guadalajara "?
Oh, that was beautiful!
Let's neck.
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
♪ Guadalajara,
Guadalajara ♪
♪ Guadalajara, Guadalajara ♪
♪ Tienes el alma
de provinciana ♪
♪ Hueles a limpio,
rosa temprana ♪
♪ A verde jara
fresca del rio ♪
♪ Son mis palomas
tu caserio ♪
♪ Guadalajara,
Guadalajara ♪
♪ Sabes a pura
tierra mojada X
♪ Ay, ay, \y
ay , ay, ay ♪
♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
Ay, ay, ay,
ay, ay!
♪ Ay, colomitos lejano ♪
I Ay...! ♪
♪ Ojito, de agua hermanos ♪
♪ Ay colomitos inolvidables ♪
♪ lnolvidable como la tardes ♪
♪ En que Ia lluvia
desde la loma ♪
♪ Y nos hacia hasta Zapopan. ♪
♪ Hasta Zapopan. ♪
♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ Av,
ay, ay ♪
♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ Ay, ay, ay... ♪
♪ Guadalajara ♪
♪ Gua-da-la-ja-ra! ♪
Well, well,
if that don't beat all.
I sure didn't know
you had it in you, boy!
Come on, let's neck.
Let's have
a cigarette.
Yeah, let's smoke
it up a bit.
I had a pack here
a minute ago.
I know where they are,
sonny, I'll get 'em for you.
YUNCY:
Here you are, sonny.
I would like to get a glass
of water.
Come on, Fred.
What's a matter, sonny?
Can't you carry a glass
of water by yourself?
Let's get out of here
while we got a chance.
Wait, wait,
wait a minute.
- Wait for what?
- Come back here.
Did you notice
that she knew
exactly where
the cigarettes were
and the matches, too?
Yeah, that was kind
of funny, wasn't it?
You know who those
two creeps are in there?
That's Lucy and Ethel.
Oh, no, I'd know my
own wife, wouldn't I?
- I bet you, Fred.
- No.
By gosh, it is Ethel.
What do they think
they're getting away with?
Never mind, look, look,
never mind, never mind.
Just forget it.
I got a wonderful idea
to get even with them.
Yeah, what?
I'll tell you
what we'll do.
We'll turn the
tables on them, see.
As soon as we get back
in there, we'll give them
that same wolf treatment
they've been giving us.
Ricky, you're
a genius.
- Let's go.
- Come on.
Oh, there you are,
Ricky boy.
I've been waiting
to pitch a little woo
with you
hog-center style.
Okay, only I thought
we'd do it Latin style.
Latin style?
Yeah.
Hey... hey, now,
take it easy!
Now wait just a...
Hey, just a minute!
Come here.
Ma!
I'm getting
out of here.
I'm coming with you!
This smart aleck's
trying to unbutton
my high-top shoes.
Call us again, Lucy.
Nice to have met
you, Ethel.
Why, Fred Mertz!
You knew it all the time!
(guffaws)
Well, not all
the time.
You were pretty
convincing.
(laughing)
Wait a minute,
what are we laughing at?
You two bums were going out
with other women.
- Yeah!
- Now, now, now, listen, listen.
I swear we were
only getting dates
to go to the Copa just to keep
an eye on you girls.
Is that the truth?
Upon my honor,
passion flower.
What do you think?
Now, look, just to convince you
that we're on the level,
you two girls go and
change your clothes
and we'll all go out
and celebrate
the Mertz's anniversary.
- Rig ht!
"Oh. Ricky!
(cheering in Spanish)
Happy anniversary,
Ethel.
Thank you, Lucy.
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)