I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 0, Episode 0 - Pilot - full transcript
Ricky tries to keep Lucy away from auditioning for a TV show, but when a clown becomes unavailable, Lucy takes his place.
( lighthearted music playing)
("I Love Lucy" theme
song playing, applause)
( theme song and
applause fades out)
BOB LeMOND: In this city
live Lucy and Ricky Ricardo.
Of course, you know Ricky
as a famous Latin America
orchestra leader and singer
and Lucy as the
famous, uh, um...
Well, she's... her
hair is very red,
and she's married to Ricky.
In this district,
close to theaters
and nightclubs
where Ricky works,
they have a little apartment
where they laugh, love,
and thoroughly enjoy life.
They live in this apartment
here on the seventh floor.
Now, let's look in on them.
No, no, no, not that apartment.
Yes, that's right.
Okay.
It's 11:00 now.
They should be getting up.
Ricky is one of
those individuals
who wakes up in the
morning bright and cheery.
( alarm clock rings)
On the other hand,
Lucy is one of those individuals
who, when she wakes
up in the morning...
( shower running)
( shrieks)
He looks like he
got in later than I did.
( gasps)
I wonder whatever
happened to my type.
Ricky? Ricky?
Ricky?!
Yes, Lucy, what is it?
If you'd known how
I look in the morning,
would you still have married me?
Well, would you?
I'm trying to decide.
I was just tizzing you, honey.
You look beautiful
to me all the time.
You were not "tizzing" me.
I know you, Ricky Ricardo.
Just because you're going
to be a big television star,
you're casting me
aside like an old shoe.
Now, please, don't talk
about it until it happens.
What do you want
to do, "jints" me?
"Jints you?"
Yeah, jints.
J-I-N... um... um...
"X?"
"X?" Don't be ridiculous.
I don't have to spell it.
It means "bad luck."
Some sponsors are coming
to the club to see my show,
and if they like it, they'll
put it on television. That's all.
What night are they
coming? Do you know?
No.
You do, too.
I do not.
They're going to tell my agent,
and Jerry will tell me
as soon as he knows.
Well, it doesn't matter.
You'll never be a success
on television anyway.
What?
What do you mean
I won't be a success
on television?
You don't have a
pretty girl in your act.
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi,
here we go again.
On television, you
have to have a pretty girl
to demonstrate the
sponsor's product.
Yeah?
Sure... she eats it or
drinks it or smokes it
or waxes the floor with
it or cuts potatoes with it
or drives off in it.
Sure. How would you like to
have your sponsor's product
demonstrated by a
gorgeous redhead?
I'd love it.
You know where I can find one?
Ah... Ay!
Oh, Ricky, stop.
You're getting lather all over.
Never mind that.
Help me find my ear.
You didn't really lose an ear.
Huh?
( giggles softly): Stop.
Okay, you talked me into it.
You can demonstrate the
sponsor's product on the show.
Good. What is it?
Men's shorts.
Oh...
Now, look, Lucy, you
know how I feel about this.
I don't want my wife
in show business.
Why?
Why?
I asked you first.
Oh, honey, we've been
over this 10,000 times.
I want a wife
who is just a wife.
Now, look, all you got to
do is clean the house for me,
hand me my pipe when
I come home at night,
cook for me, and be the
mama for my children.
You don't smoke a pipe.
It doesn't matter.
Just do the others.
You're missing a good bet.
I say you're missing a good bet.
Am I?
Yeah.
How do you figure?
Because I can sing.
Huh?
And dance.
What else?
And tell jokes.
How about it?
No.
Oh, you have no imagination.
I'll bet if Ziegfeld or
Earl Carroll had seen me,
they'd sign me up like that.
As what?
As a beautiful showgirl.
( doorbell ringing)
Go answer the door.
Hello, Jerry.
Hiya, baby.
Well, this is it, boy.
Tonight is the night!
This is it! Tonight
is the night!
S-S-Shh!
What do you mean, "Shoosh"?
Shout it from the
housetops, boy. This is it!
( muffled yelling)
Tonight is the night the
sponsors are coming down
to catch your show for TV.
Fine, fine, but I don't
want Lucy to hear.
If she knows the
audition is tonight,
she'll pester the
life out of me.
Oh, I see.
Well, have you got
everything all set?
Sure, everything's fine.
Can you get that clown act
you want to put in the show?
You mean Pepito?
Yeah, Pepito, the fella
that rides on the bicycle.
Yeah, I'll have him
do the bicycle act,
and then he can do that
cello bit. That's good. Fine.
Then everything is all taken
care of, huh? Everything's fine.
Okay, I'll see you
down at the club later.
All right, Jerry.
Good. Yeah. Bye-bye.
Oh, ooh! I almost forgot.
The lawyer gave
me this yesterday.
He wants you and Lucy to...
Hey, what am I whispering for?
He wants you
and Lucy to sign it,
and I'll take it
right back to him.
What is it?
Well, you know, I don't
think he has much confidence
that you'll be a
success in television.
It's your will.
He's been talking
about that for months.
Well, come on, boy.
Let's get going with it.
Get it signed because
on account of you
I got to take it all the
way back downtown.
Hey, wait a minute, Jerry.
You run along.
I'll have Lucy take it
down to the attorneys.
Lucy? Well, now, why should she
have to go all the
way down there?
It'll take her most of the day,
and I won't have her in
my hair during rehearsals.
Oh, I see.
Is she still trying
to get in the act?
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.
Ah, well, I give up.
I tell you, I'll see
you later, huh?
All right, Jerry.
Hey, now, don't forget:
knock 'em dead tonight. Shh!
( mouthing)
Lucy, I got something...
Lucy?
No.
And that's final.
( whistling)
Hurry up, honey.
Coming, master.
Who was that at the door?
Jerry. Jerry? What did he say?
Does he know anything yet?
What did he say?
What did he say?
"What did he say? What
did he say? What did he say?"
Nothing. Just business.
He brought my will.
Oh. I'll get your toast for you.
Your will?
Yeah.
What's the matter, Ricky?
Nothing is the matter.
There is, too.
You're keeping
something from me.
( gasping): You're sick.
I never felt better
in my whole life.
Then you lied to me
when we were married.
You're really
older than I think.
Now, look, honey, this
is just good business.
The lawyer said I
should have a will.
Then everything is
legally taken care of
if anything happens, that's all.
I won't discuss it.
Look, you have
to know what to do
so that you know what
you... going to happen
when, when I go.
All right, Ricky.
That's better.
( wailing)
Now what's the matter?
Oh, Ricky, I miss you so!
For goodnes" sakes, Lucy,
I haven't gone yet.
Don't go, Ricky. Don't go!
Now, look, honey,
I'm perfectly well.
I feel fine.
But let's face I, we all
have to go sometime.
We do?
We do unless you know something
the rest of us dun't.
No, I "dun't."
I'll get your toast for you.
All right.
He brought your will along, too.
My will?
Yeah.
What for?
You're the one that's going.
Now, Lucy...
What are you trying to do,
shove me ahead of you in line?
Look, honey, this isn't my idea.
It's the lawyers'.
We got to get them signed,
and you got to take it
down to the attorneys today.
Impossible. I have
an appointment
to have my hair dyed. Washed.
They got to go today.
Aw, Ricky, the
attorney's way downtown.
It'll take me all day.
Yeah, I know.
Look, Lucy, forget
about the toast.
I got to go to the club.
Oh, Ricky, do I have to
take them down today?
Can't they wait?
Absolutely not.
Why not?
Well... well, suppose you didn't
take them down till tomorrow.
Yes?
And we both got killed today.
Yes?
How could you take
them down tomorrow?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
( playing upbeat Cuban music)
♪ Babalu aye ♪
♪ Babalu aye ♪
♪ Babalu aye ♪
♪ Babalu aye... ♪
Yeah!
( applause)
Fellows, what's the
use of having a rehearsal
if we're not going
to do it right?
When you sing, don't
go, "Ah, ah, ah, ah."
Go "Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!"
Let's put some pep
into the thing, you know?
All right?
Okay, all right.
Pepito!
Haven't you got
your costume on yet?
I'm coming!
All right. Start my music!
Come on, let's go! All right.
Let's get "Valencia."
( upbeat jazz intro plays)
( applause)
( coughs)
( whistles)
( intro stops)
( laughs)
Siempre elegante.
( sucking noise)
( orchestral intro plays)
Aydame un poquito.
Como no, mucho gusto.
Ah, thanks, Señor
Ricardo, muchas gracias.
My impression of a baby cry.
( squeals)
( screeches)
( imitates baby crying)
( bawling)
( applause)
( imitates baby crying)
( screaming)
( applause)
( muttering)
ORCHESTRA: Awwww!
The world's smallest bicycle.
Make myself comfortable,
Balley, Señor Balley.
( audience laughing)
( trombone sting)
No, trombonista.
( drum sting)
( music plays, light applause)
( applause)
( music stops)
Hey, Don Carmen,
Don Pepe, that's wonderful.
Te gusta, eh? Very good.
Listen, aren't you going to do
the big bicycle, you
know, the zigzag business?
Oh, the zigzag? Yeah.
All right?
Okay, vamos a ver. Okay.
( music playing)
Pepito! Pepito!
( all shouting)
Pepito!
Are you all right?
Well, I'm alive.
All you need is a little rest.
Help him along there.
I go home.
No, Pepito, don't go home,
would you? That's too far.
Why don't you go
over to my apartment?
There's nobody there.
You can rest for
a couple of hours.
Okay. All right?
My bicycle broke!
They'll help you with
it. Will you help him?
Sure.
Take it easy now,
Pepe, will you?
I, I, I'll be all right.
All right.
You go and finish
your rehearsal.
All right, Pepe,
take it easy now.
Go with him, would you, fellows?
Let's, uh, let's take
"The Continental."
"The Continental," you ready?
Okay.
( trumpets start)
All right, all right.
What kind of a start is that?
( orchestra grumbles)
All right, all right.
Drumroll.
( trumpet fanfare)
( upbeat Cuban music playing)
( screaming)
It's me. It's me, Pepito!
Pepito!
What are you doing here?
Oh, I hurt myself at rehearsal.
Ricky told me to
come here and rest.
What are you doing at rehearsal?
Are they getting ready
for that television audition?
It's tonight.
Tonight!
Why, that big bum.
So that's why he wanted me
to traipse all the way downtown.
Just to get rid of me.
Well, how do you
feel, Pepito, all right?
Uh, not so good.
Gee, what's Ricky going
to do if you're not there?
Who will he get?
I don't know.
Maybe you can take my place.
Oh, don't be ridicu...
Hey...
Pepito! Yeah?
You look awful. I do?
Yeah, you're, you're
hurt worse than you think.
I am?! Yeah, you'd
better lie down and rest.
No, no, no, I, I, I,
I need, I need
to do it for Ricky.
Feels pretty good.
It does, huh?
I think I can do it.
You do, huh?
Yup, yeah, I think
I can do it just fine.
( phone rings)
Hup! Eh!
( yells)
( crashing)
Still think you can
make it tonight, Pepito?
( groans)
( dramatic intro plays)
♪ Granada ♪
♪ Tu tierra está llena ♪
♪ De lindas mujeres ♪
♪ De sangre ♪
♪ De sol... ♪
♪ ¡Olé! ♪
( music stops)
( applause)
Here, did, did, did,
did Pepito show up yet?
No, he has not come.
Oh, my goodness, here we are,
we're giving the audition,
the sponsor's out there,
and, and he's not here yet.
What am I going to do?
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll do one more number,
and if he doesn't
show up by then,
I, I'll just have to
close the show.
All right? All right.
Okay.
Eh, we'll do "Cabbie," eh?
Give me the hat.
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention
for a minute, please?
You know, the last time
that we went to Havana,
we met a fellow down there
that we'd like to
talk to you about
because he's really
quite a character.
He, uh, he drives a horse
and buggy in Havana.
As a matter of fact,
he drives the only horse
and buggy left in Havana.
He, uh, he doesn't
believe in taxi cabs.
He says a taxi cab and a Havana
moon don't go well together.
So he's broke all the
time, but he's happy.
Everybody knows him down there.
They all like him,
and they call him
"The Cuban Cabbie."
And if you want to see him,
all you got to do is just come
down with me to Havana.
We sit in the open-air
cafes in El Prado.
And he'll be riding up
and down the boulevard.
Every night.
And if you happen to be
in the mood for listening,
you probably hear him
singing something like this.
( clip-clop music)
Giddyap there, Pinto.
I forgot to tell you.
"Pinto" is the name
of the horse. ( laughter)
♪ My horse and carriage
is for hire, Señor ♪
♪ For just as long
as you desire ♪
♪ Señorita ♪
♪ Do you want to ride ♪
♪ Forget the mañana and
come to Havana with me ♪
♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪
♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪
♪ The taxi drivers drive
you frantic, you know ♪
♪ Oh, but my rig is
more romantic and so ♪
♪ Do you want to ride? ♪
♪ An eye full of splendor and
you can depend upon me ♪
♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪
♪ And I need dinero ♪
Money, that is.
You're broke, too, eh?
♪ The moon is peeping,
the shadows creeping ♪
♪ It's time for riding
through the park ♪
♪ A lovely night for lovers ♪
♪ The same as you two are ♪
♪ If you like music,
I'll give you music ♪
♪ As we go riding in the dark ♪
♪ I'll sing Spanish love songs
to the strains of my guitar ♪
♪ Ese lunar que tienes ♪
♪ Cielito lindo,
junto a la boca ♪
♪ No se, lo des a
nadie, cielito lindo ♪
I'm just kidding fellow.
♪ Que a mi me toca ♪
♪ Aye, aye, ya, aye ♪
Everybody, sing, sing!
♪ Canta y no llores ♪
Canta!
♪ Porque cantando se alegran ♪
♪ Cielito lindo, los corazones ♪
Once more, everybody!
♪ Aye, aye, ya, aye ♪
Aye, yay, yay.
♪ Canta y no llores ♪
♪ Porque cantando se
alegran, cielito lindo, los cora... ♪
Orchestra: ¡Olé!
You're a fine one.
I'm singing a love song.
She's getting hysterical.
( laughter)
♪ My horse and carriage
is for hire, señor ♪
♪ For just as long as
you desire, señorita ♪
♪ Do you want to ride ♪
♪ The sweet señoritas and
gay caballeros know me ♪
♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪
♪ And I know my business ♪
♪ And I mind my business ♪
♪ You want to ride ♪
ORCHESTRA: ♪ You want to ride ♪
♪ You want to ride ♪
ORCHESTRA: ♪ You want to ride ♪
♪ Do you want to ride? ♪
( applause)
( mouthing)
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
You've been a
wonderful audience,
but I am afraid that
we're going to close...
( deep voice): Have you seen a
fellow named Risky Riskerdoe?
Have you seen a fellow
named Risky Riskerdoe?
Have you...? Hah!
( applause)
Who are...? ( screams)
Who are you looking for?
I'm looking for a fellow
named Risky Riskerdoe.
I'm Ricky Ricardo.
Oh, well, pleased to meet you.
Pleased to meet you.
You know where I can
find Risky Riskerdoe?
Huh?
Now, look, Pepito...
I mean... Lucito...
Um... we're doing a
show here, you know.
Oh, yeah, I know, I know.
Well, what do you want?
I want to be in the band.
Oh! You're a musician.
I am?
Oh, I am! I am, yeah!
Where do I sit?
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Come back here.
What do you think you can do?
Just walk up here like this
and start working with the band?
( snapping fingers) Just
like that? Just like that?
( band member chuckling)
What do you think this is?
First of all, I'll have to
see your credentials.
( gasping)
Have you had any experience?
Look, Professor...
Professor, come here, will you?
Tell me something.
Do you play that thin'?
How's that?
I say, do you play that thin'?
What "thin'"?
Never mind making
fun of my English.
That's English?
( audience laughing)
Do you pl...? Do you
play that instrument?
Where? There.
Where? Right there.
Where? There.
You brought it up here.
Right there. There.
Oh!
There! There.
Do you play it?
Well...
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I'll tell you what we do.
We'll give you an audition. Huh?
We'll listen to you.
Play something. We'll listen.
No! Yes.
Now? Oh, my! Right now.
You want to help me? Okay.
I'll help you with it, sure.
Thanks a lot. You're welcome.
( audience laughing)
( drumbeat) Wh...?
( drumbeats)
( drumroll)
( drumbeats)
( drumbeats continue)
( drumbeats)
( drumroll)
( cymbal clashes)
( drumming stops)
Oh.
There you are, Professor.
Gracias.
Gracias to you, too.
( creaking)
( applause and laughter)
Yes, Professor?
( mouthing)
Oh... ( speaking Spanish)
Huh?
( speaking Spanish)
Gracias. Gracias.
All right, everybody ready?
We go with the professor
on the downbeat.
Any time you're
ready, Professor,
we go with you. Okay.
Ready! Aah-ah!
( band playing fast tune)
( music stops)
( drumbeats)
Profess... Professor,
please, come over
here, will you, please?
Look, Professor, I'm sorry,
but I haven't got
any use for a cellist.
No! No.
I'll tell you what, though.
I have a brand-new
instrument. Yeah?
And I've been looking for
somebody who can play it. Oh...
And if you can play it...
Yeah. You got yourself a job.
Oh...
Yeah.
Oh...
Yeah.
Oh!
You want to try it?
Well, what is it?
It's a saxa-fifa-
trona-phono-vich.
Oh, saxa-fifa-trona-phono-vich.
You think you can play it?
Oh, sure, sure.
Well, that's wonderful.
The professor can play it.
Bring it out here.
Professor, we'll take
care of the cello for you.
Here you are. Take good care of
the professor's cello now, all right?
♪ Saxa-fifa-trona-phono-vich
♪ Here you are, Professor.
♪ Saxa-fifa-trona-phono-vich
♪ Back here, Professor.
♪ Saxa-fifa-trona... ♪
Professor.
What? Professor, back here.
Now, Professor...
all you got to do is just
give us a tune Right.
And you got
yourself a job. Right.
All right? Right.
Go to it. Right.
( screams)
That's it right
there, Professor.
Right there. Go ahead.
Any tune. Any tune.
( audience laughing)
( horns playing simple tune)
( sharp note plays)
( imitates seal barking)
Up! Up! ( imitates seal)
( band playing fast tune)
Ricky, where you been?
It's almost 3:00.
Ricky, talk to me.
Oh, Ricky.
Gee, I was only trying
to help you, honest.
I never dreamed they'd
offer me a contract.
What are you
going to do about it?
What do you want
me to do, Ricky?
You know what I want.
All I want you to do is
just clean the house...
Oh, I-I've been
cleaning the house
ever since I got home.
And hand me my pipe...
And cook for you
and be the mama
for your children.
Let's see you pull
that out of your pocket.
Well, I kind of wanted to
talk to you about that, Ricky.
I... have a surprise for you.
You do?
Yeah, something that
should make you very happy.
Lucy... you mean?
Yes, darling.
I baked your favorite pie.
( applause)
("I Love Lucy"
theme song playing)
("I Love Lucy" theme
song playing, applause)
( theme song and
applause fades out)
BOB LeMOND: In this city
live Lucy and Ricky Ricardo.
Of course, you know Ricky
as a famous Latin America
orchestra leader and singer
and Lucy as the
famous, uh, um...
Well, she's... her
hair is very red,
and she's married to Ricky.
In this district,
close to theaters
and nightclubs
where Ricky works,
they have a little apartment
where they laugh, love,
and thoroughly enjoy life.
They live in this apartment
here on the seventh floor.
Now, let's look in on them.
No, no, no, not that apartment.
Yes, that's right.
Okay.
It's 11:00 now.
They should be getting up.
Ricky is one of
those individuals
who wakes up in the
morning bright and cheery.
( alarm clock rings)
On the other hand,
Lucy is one of those individuals
who, when she wakes
up in the morning...
( shower running)
( shrieks)
He looks like he
got in later than I did.
( gasps)
I wonder whatever
happened to my type.
Ricky? Ricky?
Ricky?!
Yes, Lucy, what is it?
If you'd known how
I look in the morning,
would you still have married me?
Well, would you?
I'm trying to decide.
I was just tizzing you, honey.
You look beautiful
to me all the time.
You were not "tizzing" me.
I know you, Ricky Ricardo.
Just because you're going
to be a big television star,
you're casting me
aside like an old shoe.
Now, please, don't talk
about it until it happens.
What do you want
to do, "jints" me?
"Jints you?"
Yeah, jints.
J-I-N... um... um...
"X?"
"X?" Don't be ridiculous.
I don't have to spell it.
It means "bad luck."
Some sponsors are coming
to the club to see my show,
and if they like it, they'll
put it on television. That's all.
What night are they
coming? Do you know?
No.
You do, too.
I do not.
They're going to tell my agent,
and Jerry will tell me
as soon as he knows.
Well, it doesn't matter.
You'll never be a success
on television anyway.
What?
What do you mean
I won't be a success
on television?
You don't have a
pretty girl in your act.
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi,
here we go again.
On television, you
have to have a pretty girl
to demonstrate the
sponsor's product.
Yeah?
Sure... she eats it or
drinks it or smokes it
or waxes the floor with
it or cuts potatoes with it
or drives off in it.
Sure. How would you like to
have your sponsor's product
demonstrated by a
gorgeous redhead?
I'd love it.
You know where I can find one?
Ah... Ay!
Oh, Ricky, stop.
You're getting lather all over.
Never mind that.
Help me find my ear.
You didn't really lose an ear.
Huh?
( giggles softly): Stop.
Okay, you talked me into it.
You can demonstrate the
sponsor's product on the show.
Good. What is it?
Men's shorts.
Oh...
Now, look, Lucy, you
know how I feel about this.
I don't want my wife
in show business.
Why?
Why?
I asked you first.
Oh, honey, we've been
over this 10,000 times.
I want a wife
who is just a wife.
Now, look, all you got to
do is clean the house for me,
hand me my pipe when
I come home at night,
cook for me, and be the
mama for my children.
You don't smoke a pipe.
It doesn't matter.
Just do the others.
You're missing a good bet.
I say you're missing a good bet.
Am I?
Yeah.
How do you figure?
Because I can sing.
Huh?
And dance.
What else?
And tell jokes.
How about it?
No.
Oh, you have no imagination.
I'll bet if Ziegfeld or
Earl Carroll had seen me,
they'd sign me up like that.
As what?
As a beautiful showgirl.
( doorbell ringing)
Go answer the door.
Hello, Jerry.
Hiya, baby.
Well, this is it, boy.
Tonight is the night!
This is it! Tonight
is the night!
S-S-Shh!
What do you mean, "Shoosh"?
Shout it from the
housetops, boy. This is it!
( muffled yelling)
Tonight is the night the
sponsors are coming down
to catch your show for TV.
Fine, fine, but I don't
want Lucy to hear.
If she knows the
audition is tonight,
she'll pester the
life out of me.
Oh, I see.
Well, have you got
everything all set?
Sure, everything's fine.
Can you get that clown act
you want to put in the show?
You mean Pepito?
Yeah, Pepito, the fella
that rides on the bicycle.
Yeah, I'll have him
do the bicycle act,
and then he can do that
cello bit. That's good. Fine.
Then everything is all taken
care of, huh? Everything's fine.
Okay, I'll see you
down at the club later.
All right, Jerry.
Good. Yeah. Bye-bye.
Oh, ooh! I almost forgot.
The lawyer gave
me this yesterday.
He wants you and Lucy to...
Hey, what am I whispering for?
He wants you
and Lucy to sign it,
and I'll take it
right back to him.
What is it?
Well, you know, I don't
think he has much confidence
that you'll be a
success in television.
It's your will.
He's been talking
about that for months.
Well, come on, boy.
Let's get going with it.
Get it signed because
on account of you
I got to take it all the
way back downtown.
Hey, wait a minute, Jerry.
You run along.
I'll have Lucy take it
down to the attorneys.
Lucy? Well, now, why should she
have to go all the
way down there?
It'll take her most of the day,
and I won't have her in
my hair during rehearsals.
Oh, I see.
Is she still trying
to get in the act?
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.
Ah, well, I give up.
I tell you, I'll see
you later, huh?
All right, Jerry.
Hey, now, don't forget:
knock 'em dead tonight. Shh!
( mouthing)
Lucy, I got something...
Lucy?
No.
And that's final.
( whistling)
Hurry up, honey.
Coming, master.
Who was that at the door?
Jerry. Jerry? What did he say?
Does he know anything yet?
What did he say?
What did he say?
"What did he say? What
did he say? What did he say?"
Nothing. Just business.
He brought my will.
Oh. I'll get your toast for you.
Your will?
Yeah.
What's the matter, Ricky?
Nothing is the matter.
There is, too.
You're keeping
something from me.
( gasping): You're sick.
I never felt better
in my whole life.
Then you lied to me
when we were married.
You're really
older than I think.
Now, look, honey, this
is just good business.
The lawyer said I
should have a will.
Then everything is
legally taken care of
if anything happens, that's all.
I won't discuss it.
Look, you have
to know what to do
so that you know what
you... going to happen
when, when I go.
All right, Ricky.
That's better.
( wailing)
Now what's the matter?
Oh, Ricky, I miss you so!
For goodnes" sakes, Lucy,
I haven't gone yet.
Don't go, Ricky. Don't go!
Now, look, honey,
I'm perfectly well.
I feel fine.
But let's face I, we all
have to go sometime.
We do?
We do unless you know something
the rest of us dun't.
No, I "dun't."
I'll get your toast for you.
All right.
He brought your will along, too.
My will?
Yeah.
What for?
You're the one that's going.
Now, Lucy...
What are you trying to do,
shove me ahead of you in line?
Look, honey, this isn't my idea.
It's the lawyers'.
We got to get them signed,
and you got to take it
down to the attorneys today.
Impossible. I have
an appointment
to have my hair dyed. Washed.
They got to go today.
Aw, Ricky, the
attorney's way downtown.
It'll take me all day.
Yeah, I know.
Look, Lucy, forget
about the toast.
I got to go to the club.
Oh, Ricky, do I have to
take them down today?
Can't they wait?
Absolutely not.
Why not?
Well... well, suppose you didn't
take them down till tomorrow.
Yes?
And we both got killed today.
Yes?
How could you take
them down tomorrow?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
( playing upbeat Cuban music)
♪ Babalu aye ♪
♪ Babalu aye ♪
♪ Babalu aye ♪
♪ Babalu aye... ♪
Yeah!
( applause)
Fellows, what's the
use of having a rehearsal
if we're not going
to do it right?
When you sing, don't
go, "Ah, ah, ah, ah."
Go "Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!"
Let's put some pep
into the thing, you know?
All right?
Okay, all right.
Pepito!
Haven't you got
your costume on yet?
I'm coming!
All right. Start my music!
Come on, let's go! All right.
Let's get "Valencia."
( upbeat jazz intro plays)
( applause)
( coughs)
( whistles)
( intro stops)
( laughs)
Siempre elegante.
( sucking noise)
( orchestral intro plays)
Aydame un poquito.
Como no, mucho gusto.
Ah, thanks, Señor
Ricardo, muchas gracias.
My impression of a baby cry.
( squeals)
( screeches)
( imitates baby crying)
( bawling)
( applause)
( imitates baby crying)
( screaming)
( applause)
( muttering)
ORCHESTRA: Awwww!
The world's smallest bicycle.
Make myself comfortable,
Balley, Señor Balley.
( audience laughing)
( trombone sting)
No, trombonista.
( drum sting)
( music plays, light applause)
( applause)
( music stops)
Hey, Don Carmen,
Don Pepe, that's wonderful.
Te gusta, eh? Very good.
Listen, aren't you going to do
the big bicycle, you
know, the zigzag business?
Oh, the zigzag? Yeah.
All right?
Okay, vamos a ver. Okay.
( music playing)
Pepito! Pepito!
( all shouting)
Pepito!
Are you all right?
Well, I'm alive.
All you need is a little rest.
Help him along there.
I go home.
No, Pepito, don't go home,
would you? That's too far.
Why don't you go
over to my apartment?
There's nobody there.
You can rest for
a couple of hours.
Okay. All right?
My bicycle broke!
They'll help you with
it. Will you help him?
Sure.
Take it easy now,
Pepe, will you?
I, I, I'll be all right.
All right.
You go and finish
your rehearsal.
All right, Pepe,
take it easy now.
Go with him, would you, fellows?
Let's, uh, let's take
"The Continental."
"The Continental," you ready?
Okay.
( trumpets start)
All right, all right.
What kind of a start is that?
( orchestra grumbles)
All right, all right.
Drumroll.
( trumpet fanfare)
( upbeat Cuban music playing)
( screaming)
It's me. It's me, Pepito!
Pepito!
What are you doing here?
Oh, I hurt myself at rehearsal.
Ricky told me to
come here and rest.
What are you doing at rehearsal?
Are they getting ready
for that television audition?
It's tonight.
Tonight!
Why, that big bum.
So that's why he wanted me
to traipse all the way downtown.
Just to get rid of me.
Well, how do you
feel, Pepito, all right?
Uh, not so good.
Gee, what's Ricky going
to do if you're not there?
Who will he get?
I don't know.
Maybe you can take my place.
Oh, don't be ridicu...
Hey...
Pepito! Yeah?
You look awful. I do?
Yeah, you're, you're
hurt worse than you think.
I am?! Yeah, you'd
better lie down and rest.
No, no, no, I, I, I,
I need, I need
to do it for Ricky.
Feels pretty good.
It does, huh?
I think I can do it.
You do, huh?
Yup, yeah, I think
I can do it just fine.
( phone rings)
Hup! Eh!
( yells)
( crashing)
Still think you can
make it tonight, Pepito?
( groans)
( dramatic intro plays)
♪ Granada ♪
♪ Tu tierra está llena ♪
♪ De lindas mujeres ♪
♪ De sangre ♪
♪ De sol... ♪
♪ ¡Olé! ♪
( music stops)
( applause)
Here, did, did, did,
did Pepito show up yet?
No, he has not come.
Oh, my goodness, here we are,
we're giving the audition,
the sponsor's out there,
and, and he's not here yet.
What am I going to do?
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll do one more number,
and if he doesn't
show up by then,
I, I'll just have to
close the show.
All right? All right.
Okay.
Eh, we'll do "Cabbie," eh?
Give me the hat.
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention
for a minute, please?
You know, the last time
that we went to Havana,
we met a fellow down there
that we'd like to
talk to you about
because he's really
quite a character.
He, uh, he drives a horse
and buggy in Havana.
As a matter of fact,
he drives the only horse
and buggy left in Havana.
He, uh, he doesn't
believe in taxi cabs.
He says a taxi cab and a Havana
moon don't go well together.
So he's broke all the
time, but he's happy.
Everybody knows him down there.
They all like him,
and they call him
"The Cuban Cabbie."
And if you want to see him,
all you got to do is just come
down with me to Havana.
We sit in the open-air
cafes in El Prado.
And he'll be riding up
and down the boulevard.
Every night.
And if you happen to be
in the mood for listening,
you probably hear him
singing something like this.
( clip-clop music)
Giddyap there, Pinto.
I forgot to tell you.
"Pinto" is the name
of the horse. ( laughter)
♪ My horse and carriage
is for hire, Señor ♪
♪ For just as long
as you desire ♪
♪ Señorita ♪
♪ Do you want to ride ♪
♪ Forget the mañana and
come to Havana with me ♪
♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪
♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪
♪ The taxi drivers drive
you frantic, you know ♪
♪ Oh, but my rig is
more romantic and so ♪
♪ Do you want to ride? ♪
♪ An eye full of splendor and
you can depend upon me ♪
♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪
♪ And I need dinero ♪
Money, that is.
You're broke, too, eh?
♪ The moon is peeping,
the shadows creeping ♪
♪ It's time for riding
through the park ♪
♪ A lovely night for lovers ♪
♪ The same as you two are ♪
♪ If you like music,
I'll give you music ♪
♪ As we go riding in the dark ♪
♪ I'll sing Spanish love songs
to the strains of my guitar ♪
♪ Ese lunar que tienes ♪
♪ Cielito lindo,
junto a la boca ♪
♪ No se, lo des a
nadie, cielito lindo ♪
I'm just kidding fellow.
♪ Que a mi me toca ♪
♪ Aye, aye, ya, aye ♪
Everybody, sing, sing!
♪ Canta y no llores ♪
Canta!
♪ Porque cantando se alegran ♪
♪ Cielito lindo, los corazones ♪
Once more, everybody!
♪ Aye, aye, ya, aye ♪
Aye, yay, yay.
♪ Canta y no llores ♪
♪ Porque cantando se
alegran, cielito lindo, los cora... ♪
Orchestra: ¡Olé!
You're a fine one.
I'm singing a love song.
She's getting hysterical.
( laughter)
♪ My horse and carriage
is for hire, señor ♪
♪ For just as long as
you desire, señorita ♪
♪ Do you want to ride ♪
♪ The sweet señoritas and
gay caballeros know me ♪
♪ I'm the Cuban Cabbie ♪
♪ And I know my business ♪
♪ And I mind my business ♪
♪ You want to ride ♪
ORCHESTRA: ♪ You want to ride ♪
♪ You want to ride ♪
ORCHESTRA: ♪ You want to ride ♪
♪ Do you want to ride? ♪
( applause)
( mouthing)
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
You've been a
wonderful audience,
but I am afraid that
we're going to close...
( deep voice): Have you seen a
fellow named Risky Riskerdoe?
Have you seen a fellow
named Risky Riskerdoe?
Have you...? Hah!
( applause)
Who are...? ( screams)
Who are you looking for?
I'm looking for a fellow
named Risky Riskerdoe.
I'm Ricky Ricardo.
Oh, well, pleased to meet you.
Pleased to meet you.
You know where I can
find Risky Riskerdoe?
Huh?
Now, look, Pepito...
I mean... Lucito...
Um... we're doing a
show here, you know.
Oh, yeah, I know, I know.
Well, what do you want?
I want to be in the band.
Oh! You're a musician.
I am?
Oh, I am! I am, yeah!
Where do I sit?
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Come back here.
What do you think you can do?
Just walk up here like this
and start working with the band?
( snapping fingers) Just
like that? Just like that?
( band member chuckling)
What do you think this is?
First of all, I'll have to
see your credentials.
( gasping)
Have you had any experience?
Look, Professor...
Professor, come here, will you?
Tell me something.
Do you play that thin'?
How's that?
I say, do you play that thin'?
What "thin'"?
Never mind making
fun of my English.
That's English?
( audience laughing)
Do you pl...? Do you
play that instrument?
Where? There.
Where? Right there.
Where? There.
You brought it up here.
Right there. There.
Oh!
There! There.
Do you play it?
Well...
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I'll tell you what we do.
We'll give you an audition. Huh?
We'll listen to you.
Play something. We'll listen.
No! Yes.
Now? Oh, my! Right now.
You want to help me? Okay.
I'll help you with it, sure.
Thanks a lot. You're welcome.
( audience laughing)
( drumbeat) Wh...?
( drumbeats)
( drumroll)
( drumbeats)
( drumbeats continue)
( drumbeats)
( drumroll)
( cymbal clashes)
( drumming stops)
Oh.
There you are, Professor.
Gracias.
Gracias to you, too.
( creaking)
( applause and laughter)
Yes, Professor?
( mouthing)
Oh... ( speaking Spanish)
Huh?
( speaking Spanish)
Gracias. Gracias.
All right, everybody ready?
We go with the professor
on the downbeat.
Any time you're
ready, Professor,
we go with you. Okay.
Ready! Aah-ah!
( band playing fast tune)
( music stops)
( drumbeats)
Profess... Professor,
please, come over
here, will you, please?
Look, Professor, I'm sorry,
but I haven't got
any use for a cellist.
No! No.
I'll tell you what, though.
I have a brand-new
instrument. Yeah?
And I've been looking for
somebody who can play it. Oh...
And if you can play it...
Yeah. You got yourself a job.
Oh...
Yeah.
Oh...
Yeah.
Oh!
You want to try it?
Well, what is it?
It's a saxa-fifa-
trona-phono-vich.
Oh, saxa-fifa-trona-phono-vich.
You think you can play it?
Oh, sure, sure.
Well, that's wonderful.
The professor can play it.
Bring it out here.
Professor, we'll take
care of the cello for you.
Here you are. Take good care of
the professor's cello now, all right?
♪ Saxa-fifa-trona-phono-vich
♪ Here you are, Professor.
♪ Saxa-fifa-trona-phono-vich
♪ Back here, Professor.
♪ Saxa-fifa-trona... ♪
Professor.
What? Professor, back here.
Now, Professor...
all you got to do is just
give us a tune Right.
And you got
yourself a job. Right.
All right? Right.
Go to it. Right.
( screams)
That's it right
there, Professor.
Right there. Go ahead.
Any tune. Any tune.
( audience laughing)
( horns playing simple tune)
( sharp note plays)
( imitates seal barking)
Up! Up! ( imitates seal)
( band playing fast tune)
Ricky, where you been?
It's almost 3:00.
Ricky, talk to me.
Oh, Ricky.
Gee, I was only trying
to help you, honest.
I never dreamed they'd
offer me a contract.
What are you
going to do about it?
What do you want
me to do, Ricky?
You know what I want.
All I want you to do is
just clean the house...
Oh, I-I've been
cleaning the house
ever since I got home.
And hand me my pipe...
And cook for you
and be the mama
for your children.
Let's see you pull
that out of your pocket.
Well, I kind of wanted to
talk to you about that, Ricky.
I... have a surprise for you.
You do?
Yeah, something that
should make you very happy.
Lucy... you mean?
Yes, darling.
I baked your favorite pie.
( applause)
("I Love Lucy"
theme song playing)