I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 3, Episode 25 - Operation: First Couple on the Moon - full transcript
Jeannie's sister gets assigned to Tony on the first couple on the moon project.
[♪]
"NASA announced
that women applicants
"will be interviewed today
for the new space program
"that will send an American
man-and-woman team of astronauts
as the first couple
on the moon."
Why did you not tell me
that you were going
to the moon with a woman?
Slipped my mind.
Well, I hope you have
a very enjoyable dinner
with your lady astronaut.
Uh, do you really wanna know
why I didn't tell you?
No.
No?
Mm-mm. What is it?
Oh, well, I'm trying to get
out of the project.
Are you really?
Yeah.
Why?
Well, who wants to go
to the moon
with a female Louis Pasteur?
Oh, I remember
Professor Pasteur.
He had a darling beard.
Yeah.
Have you ever seen any of these
lady scientists? Forget it.
Would you like me to help you
get out of the project, master?
No, no. I'll handle it
myself, thank you. Thank you.
Have a good day.
Oh.
Oh, sister, you surprised me.
You surprise me
even more, darling.
Falling for that line
about a female Louis Pasteur.
What do you mean?
Sweetie pie,
the day of the
horn-rimmed glasses,
long tweed skirt
and flat shoes is over.
Nowadays, they wear minismocks.
[LAUGHS] Oh.
In a laboratory?
Well, that's why so many
labs have blown up.
The men scientists keep
dropping their test tubes.
You mean to say my master
will be living on the moon
with a beautiful girl?
Mm-hm.
Well, what will I do?
Leave everything
to your big sister.
I'll make sure your master
doesn't get off that
launch pad with another woman.
Would you do that for me?
Darling, have I ever
let you down?
No.
[♪]
[♪]
It occurs to me, gentlemen,
that your anxieties
over this mission
are predicated on the fact
that the applicants
will turn out to be
dull, drab,
intellectual females.
Well, sir, based
on my past experience...
Well, now, major,
let me assure you
that the woman-scientist
image has changed.
The day of the horn-rimmed
glasses,
the long tweed skirt,
and the flat shoes is over.
Uh, honestly, sir,
based on my experience,
I really can't agree
with you there.
Oh, uh, send in the first
applicant, will you, please?
Dr. Bellows, I think that
this person ought to be trained.
You'll see. In the same
procedures we are.
Doctor Bellows?
Yes.
I'm Professor Henrietta Swanson.
Oh, how do you do, professor?
How do you do?
Uh, this is Major Nelson.
Major Nelson.
How do you do?
And Major Healey.
How do you do, Major Healey?
I see by your application
that you're teaching, uh,
nuclear physics
at Carver College.
Yes, that's right.
Good, may I take your coat?
Hey, I'll take it.
I'll take it.
Oh.
Would you mind telling me
the address of Carver College?
Well, you see, on my lunch hour,
I moonlight
as a cocktail waitress.
Why don't I take the professor
to the lunar mock-up and
show her the base operation.
Uh, let's not be
premature, major.
Uh, I'm afraid I have
to get back to the restaurant.
Well, I haven't eaten yet.
I'll drive you.
Major Healey, remember we have
another applicant to screen.
Thank you very much,
Professor Swanson.
Thank you.
We'll let you know.
Professor Swanson, is that...?
We'll let you know.
Thank you.
We'll let you know.
Thank you very much.
Don't get cold.
Nuclear physicist, eh?
I don't think we need
to look any further, sir.
I think that this
woman probably needs...
Now, let me remind you
that we need two women, major.
One for the backup team.
I wonder what yours
is going to look like?
Excuse me.
I'm Dr. Rita Walters.
You must be Dr. Bellows.
Yes, how do you do, doctor?
Oh, excuse me,
this is Major Nelson.
How do you do,
Dr. Walters?
And, uh, Major Healey.
Hello.
Well, you certainly
come well-qualified.
Uh, B.A., B.S.,
M.A., PhD.
And I see by records
that you spent
a great deal of time
in the Middle East.
That's right, doctor.
I was very intrigued
by your hobbies.
Oh, really?
What are they?
[CHUCKLES] Oh...
carpet-making and...
flying.
Now, before we make
the final pairings
of teams in this project,
we'll conduct a series of tests.
Since the man and woman
who'll land on the moon
will be totally isolated
from the rest of the universe,
it is extremely important
that they be compatible.
I don't think
there's any question
about the professor and I
being compatible, sir.
She moonlights
as a cocktail waitress
and, uh, I moonlight
in cocktail lounges.
The computer will make the
proper decision, Major Healey.
I'm counting on it.
We all are.
Now, then, these are
very simple questions,
and I'll ask that you
make your response
on the cards in front of you.
First question.
If, uh, you were furnishing a
house, what style would you use?
Early American, contemporary,
Danish modern
or French provincial.
[HUMMING
"LA MARSEILLAISE"]
BELLOWS:
Major Healey.
Have you answered that question?
Good. Second question.
Now, what is your favorite dog?
German shepherd, French poodle,
English sheepdog
or Mexican Chihuahua?
[HUMMING
"LA CUCARACHA"]
No humming.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, the
results are now coming through.
Oh, boy, are we going to have
a lot of fun on the moon.
Uh, ask the machine
what time we leave, huh?
Now, uh, as for the type
of furnishing,
Professor Swanson,
you answered early American.
And Major Healey,
you answered French provincial.
Wait a minute. I didn't hum
French provincial.
I love early American.
I am an early American.
Tell them, don't I have an old
spinning wheel in the parlor?
From these cards,
it would appear that.
Major Nelson
and Professor Swanson
are the more compatible team.
The final selection will be made
after the physical fitness test.
A physical fitness test?
Woman applicant who demonstrates
the best coordination
and physical fitness will be on
your number one team,
Major Nelson.
And the other will be on the
backup team with Major Healey.
Dr. Bellows, that's unfair.
Oh?
Well, you see, I was
the national women's
gymnastic champion in college.
And what about you,
Dr. Walters?
Hm? Oh, I was a 97-pound
weakling, darling.
Now, then, ladies,
our first test
will be chin-ups.
Professor Swanson,
you first, please.
Would you like to try now,
Dr. Walters?
Very good. And now we'll move
over to the basketball court.
Yeah, we're going to be playing
a lot of basketball on the moon.
A lot of basketball.
Yeah.
Well, we'll now test
your coordination, ladies
by each of you attempting
to sink some baskets.
Professor Swanson, you first.
Very good.
Thank you.
Very good.
And now, Dr. Walters,
if you please.
Well, I've never done
this before,
but it looks like it's a gas.
Excellent, Dr. Walters.
Excellent.
And now, uh, if we'll just go...
Oh.
Excuse me.
Well, congratulations,
Dr. Walters,
you've just been chosen
to train with Major Nelson
in our simulated lunar house.
Well...
That is if the Olympic team
doesn't steal you away from us.
Oh, believe me, no one's going
to steal me from Major Nelson.
I have some
marvelous plans for us.
Say, how did you do that anyway?
I gave it a try myself...
Oh, excuse me, Major Nelson.
This is your new teammate.
Oh, welcome aboard,
Dr. Walters.
Well, at least you get a nice
consolation prize, professor.
Oh, what's that, major?
Me.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, gentlemen, we have some
additional work in my office.
Ladies, we'll see you
tomorrow at 8:00.
Yes, uh, tomorrow
at 8:00, professor.
Sister?
Oh, well, look who's here.
You look worried, pet.
I am.
Did you not say you'd
keep women off the launch pad
with my master?
That's right.
They have just selected you
to go on this project with him.
Oh, yes, but I'm not another
woman. I'm your sister.
But you will go to the moon
with my master.
Oh, don't be
such a square, darling.
The moon is a dull lump of clay.
Oh, you mean
you will not go there?
I wouldn't be caught dead there.
The really swinging
planet is Venus.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Yes? Oh, hi, come on in.
Good evening, major.
Hi, Tony.
Good evening.
What can I do for you?
We're just on our way to dinner.
We wanted to ask you to join us.
Didn't we, major?
Oh, I... Really, I couldn't.
Tell him you insist
he join us for dinner.
She wants me to tell you
I insist you join us for dinner.
That's the most gracious
invitation I've ever had
but really I'm sorry, I can't.
You can't?
Oh. Oh, that's great.
It's part of the program.
We want to see if we're
compatible for dinner.
Quick thinking.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it.
So you're going out?
Yeah?
Major Nelson.
Yes?
They told me at NASA
I might find
Professor Swanson here.
Professor Swan...
Oh, yes. Professor?
Yes?
Sugar.
Turk. What are you
doing here?
I stopped by to see who
you're going to the moon with.
Not me. Him.
Oh, well, I'm just part
of the runner-up team.
We'll probably never
get off the ground.
Major Healey, Major Nelson,
this is my fiancé, Turk Parker.
Turk Parker.
The All-Pro linebacker?
That's right.
Well, how do you do?
[BONES CRUNCHING]
Uh, Major Healey and I were
just on our way to dinner.
Yeah, well, I have a good idea.
Why don't you join us?
I have a better idea.
Why don't you join us?
That's a better idea.
Uh, you know, you could tell
Turk all about the project.
Well, look, it's a little late
and I forgot
I had another dinner engagement.
I think I'll just go home...
I have one question
I would like to answer now.
Well, what's that?
What happens when you
and my girl get to the moon?
Oh, we, uh, plan to read a lot.
I'm going to the library
to pick up some books.
What about dinner, Roger?
Bye.
I'm sorry, he gets like this.
Good night, major.
It's been a pleasure
meeting you, Turk.
Major Nelson?
Thanks. It's been
a pleasure.
Ooh. Jeannie?
Jeannie.
Oh, master?
I've got something
to tell you, young lady.
Dr. Walters is my sister.
Dr. Walters
is your sister?
Yes.
Yeah.
Well, you knew about it?
You asked her to do this?
Oh, no, master.
Well, it won't work.
She can't go.
The whole point of this project
is to put two people
on the moon together.
See what'll happen.
And she's not a people,
she's a genie.
No, master.
You start blinking.
You get her out of this
right away.
No, master.
What do you mean, no?
Well, I cannot.
Why not?
Well, it does not work
on genies.
Well, something better work
or she's gonna be with me
in that lunar house
for three whole months.
Lunar house?
Yeah...
Well, it's a room
where they lock us up.
And she cannot get out?
That's right.
Well, that is the answer.
What? What's the answer?
Genies are afraid of being
bottled up.
The moment she discovers
that she cannot get out,
she will be terrified.
She'll panic and they'll
wash her out of the project.
I certainly hope so, master
or I am afraid you are going
to be swinging on Venus.
What?
This morning, we'll have you
familiarize yourselves
with the lunar house.
Zulu, Able, Foxtrot.
This is, uh,
the lunar mock-up.
I'll be transmitting
on 122.8 VHF.
In order to orient yourselves,
I think it'd be a good idea
to, uh, test out your equipment.
Major Nelson, see that the panel
board and the electronic devices
are all functioning properly.
Oh, any questions?
Uh, yes. Dr. Bellows?
Uh, yes, major?
In case of panic,
do you want me
to abort the mission?
Well, you do have
a panic button on the panel.
But I'm sure that it won't
be necessary to use it.
Oh, of course not, sir.
I was just checking.
Oh, is there really
a panic button?
Uh, don't worry, uh,
we'll never have to use it.
Kind of snug in here, isn't it?
Yes, isn't it heaven?
Get off.
You know, a person could get
claustrophobia in a place
like this.
Just think, after three months,
when the project is over,
we'll spend three months here.
Three whole months.
Yes, it's truly heaven.
Fight it, fight it.
Oh, fight what, darling?
Well, the...
The panic... The panic that
you're feeling now
from being all bottled up,
I'm sure...
I'm not feeling panicky.
Oh, yes, you are.
I can see it in your eyes.
Oh, oh. Major Baby.
Now, listen, just fight it,
will you?
I... I... I know it's
awfully hard but it's...
You're losing your cool,
darling.
I'm losing my cool?
You're the one that's losing
your cool.
Prof. Swanson,
I want you to notice
calm is the most
important ingredient.
Yes, I can see that, doctor.
Major Nelson, what's
the matter with you?
I... I... Wait a minute.
Dr. Bellows?
Dr. Bellows, I've got
a hysterical woman on my hands.
Isn't he darling?
Major, do you want me to scrub
the operation for today?
No. No, no, no.
Don't scrub the mission.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Carry on.
Lie down, darling, and relax.
You're losing your cool.
No, I'm not losing my cool.
You just close those baby blues
and go to sleep.
Now, now, now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I... I... I think we
ought to, uh...
We ought to take a look
at some of our equipment.
♪ Lullaby ♪
♪ Dee-dee-dee ♪
Now, wait a minute.
[WALTERS LAUGHING]
TONY: You're sure you're not
getting a closed-in feeling?
WALTERS:
All I feel is togetherness.
TONY:
Ah!
We're gonna test
your breaking point, doctor.
Woo, groovy.
Yeah.
Okay. Up you go.
Ah! Ah!
Major Nelson, where are you?
He's up there.
Dr. Walters,
what's he doing up there?
What are you doing up there,
Major Baby?
Tell him I'm testing
the weightlessness.
Oh, he's testing weightlessness.
It's too early for that.
Get him down immediately.
Dr. Walters, what in the world
is happening?
I was just trying
to get Major...
Oh. Oh!
Go to the panel board and press
the vacuum pressure button.
Aha. Yea, daddy.
TONY:
I don't think this is right.
Hello, Dr. Bellows.
She didn't fall apart.
I fell apart.
I cannot understand it.
I was sure she
would be terrified
of being alone
in a closed place.
No, she wasn't
the least bit terrified.
Alone?
Mm.
Oh, she was never alone
for a second.
I was her security blanket.
You gotta get her
bottled up and out
before she ruins
the whole project.
But if she suddenly disappears.
How are you going to
explain it to NASA?
Well, I won't have to
explain it to NASA.
Because she is not
suddenly gonna disappear.
Oh, listen...
You sent for me, major?
Oh, yes, Dr. Walters.
I, uh, thought since we're
both in the project
we might as well spend as
much time as possible together.
Groovy.
Yes. Um, physical fitness
is a key factor.
We've got to keep our bodies
in good shape.
Mm-hm. Yes.
Well, one of our bodies
is in good shape already.
Yes.
Now, the first thing we ought to
do is start practicing
on the lunar landing chute.
What is the lunar landing chute?
Oh, well, it's this right here.
You see, when we land
on the moon
we'll have to get to the surface
through a tube similar to this.
Well, well, what will they
think of next?
Yeah. Do you want to
try it on for size?
Uh, no. No, it's not my bag.
You're not afraid, are you?
No, no, no.
Well, go ahead, try it on.
I'll be right behind you.
Oh, you'll be in
the tube with me.
Sure, sure.
Oh. Well, that's
a whole other scene.
Go ahead.
Oh, look.
Major Nelson.
Ah!
Hello, Dr. Bellows,
how are you?
May I ask what you're doing
with that trash can?
I'm throwing it out, sir.
Well, I know that, but why?
Well, it's classified trash,
and it should be thrown out
by a classified man who's
classified to throw out
the classified trash.
Do I make myself clear?
All of our janitors
have security clearances.
They haven't come on
duty yet, sir.
They don't come
on until 6:00.
And I thought I'd just
tidy up the gymnasium.
You show me a clean gymnasium,
I'll show you a clean astronaut.
Well, Major Nelson,
where's Dr. Walters?
Dr. Walters.
Oh, Dr. Walters...?
Sorry I'm late to...
Ah!
Dr. Walters.
Here's Dr. Walters.
I want you both to report
to the lunar house at 1600.
Yes. Right, sir.
We'll be there at 1600.
Right.
Jeannie, hey,
you made it just in time.
You... Wh...? Now, you are
Jeannie, aren't you?
I mean, I really can't tell...
Yes, you can.
Yeah, you're my Jeannie.
We'll have another go with
lunar house familiarization.
And this time, Major Nelson,
try to exercise
a little more self-control.
I think everything will be
just fine this time, sir.
Oh, you do not
have to worry about him.
Listen, I want you
to wait a few minutes
and then really crack up.
Oh, must I, master?
Jeannie, it's the only way
we're gonna
get Dr. Walters
out of the project.
But now that I am here
I am thinking how wonderful
it would be to be alone
with you on the moon.
Jeannie, the whole idea
of the project
is to put a man and a woman
on the moon together,
now, you're not a woman.
That's beside the point.
What is going on, Major Nelson?
We keep losing our picture.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Please, master.
I will keep house for you on the
moon just like we do on Earth.
We've just lost the audio too.
Would you go over there
and sit down?
Now, Dr. Bellows,
I think I've found the problem.
Oh, master.
Jeannie!
Oh, master, what are you doing?
Pull the switch!
What switch?
The red one.
Which? Oh.
Yes, master. Do not worry.
Do not worry.
Major Nelson, what's going on?
What's happening?
Jeannie! Ah!
Thank you, Dr. Walters.
Uh, Dr. Bellows, I think
we've remedied the situation.
Incredible.
It just shows you never know
how things are gonna work out.
We're gonna have to find
a replacement.
Gee, that's too bad.
I hope you weren't too
disappointed, sir.
I am sure you will be able to
find someone to replace me.
Replace you?
Oh, my dear Dr. Walters,
you're going to the moon.
I'm replacing Major Nelson.
It's bad enough they washed me
out of the moon project.
But they could have washed me
out of the whole NASA program.
I told you I was sorry, master.
Yeah.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Tony.
Yeah?
Good news.
They're giving me
a court-martial.
No, no, the whole operation.
First Couple to the Moon
has been scrubbed.
No kidding?
No kidding.
Well, did they give
an explanation for it?
No, Dr. Bellows says
something about
the American man and woman
has deep-seated
male-female hostilities.
They have overly
complicated libido problems
and they can't resolve
the Oedipus complex.
And the linebacker punched
Dr. Bellows in the nose.
You're kidding.
But I'll tell you what,
listen, the captain barge
is throwing a party
tonight and he has
his two twin sisters there?
Wants me to bring you.
You think...?
I'll get my hat.
Yeah.
Tell you what, you think
we should bring two cars?
You had better go
without him, major.
He will be hanging
around the house this evening.
Yeah. Yeah.
Would you...?
Jeannie, would you stop?
Would you...?
Would you...?
"NASA announced
that women applicants
"will be interviewed today
for the new space program
"that will send an American
man-and-woman team of astronauts
as the first couple
on the moon."
Why did you not tell me
that you were going
to the moon with a woman?
Slipped my mind.
Well, I hope you have
a very enjoyable dinner
with your lady astronaut.
Uh, do you really wanna know
why I didn't tell you?
No.
No?
Mm-mm. What is it?
Oh, well, I'm trying to get
out of the project.
Are you really?
Yeah.
Why?
Well, who wants to go
to the moon
with a female Louis Pasteur?
Oh, I remember
Professor Pasteur.
He had a darling beard.
Yeah.
Have you ever seen any of these
lady scientists? Forget it.
Would you like me to help you
get out of the project, master?
No, no. I'll handle it
myself, thank you. Thank you.
Have a good day.
Oh.
Oh, sister, you surprised me.
You surprise me
even more, darling.
Falling for that line
about a female Louis Pasteur.
What do you mean?
Sweetie pie,
the day of the
horn-rimmed glasses,
long tweed skirt
and flat shoes is over.
Nowadays, they wear minismocks.
[LAUGHS] Oh.
In a laboratory?
Well, that's why so many
labs have blown up.
The men scientists keep
dropping their test tubes.
You mean to say my master
will be living on the moon
with a beautiful girl?
Mm-hm.
Well, what will I do?
Leave everything
to your big sister.
I'll make sure your master
doesn't get off that
launch pad with another woman.
Would you do that for me?
Darling, have I ever
let you down?
No.
[♪]
[♪]
It occurs to me, gentlemen,
that your anxieties
over this mission
are predicated on the fact
that the applicants
will turn out to be
dull, drab,
intellectual females.
Well, sir, based
on my past experience...
Well, now, major,
let me assure you
that the woman-scientist
image has changed.
The day of the horn-rimmed
glasses,
the long tweed skirt,
and the flat shoes is over.
Uh, honestly, sir,
based on my experience,
I really can't agree
with you there.
Oh, uh, send in the first
applicant, will you, please?
Dr. Bellows, I think that
this person ought to be trained.
You'll see. In the same
procedures we are.
Doctor Bellows?
Yes.
I'm Professor Henrietta Swanson.
Oh, how do you do, professor?
How do you do?
Uh, this is Major Nelson.
Major Nelson.
How do you do?
And Major Healey.
How do you do, Major Healey?
I see by your application
that you're teaching, uh,
nuclear physics
at Carver College.
Yes, that's right.
Good, may I take your coat?
Hey, I'll take it.
I'll take it.
Oh.
Would you mind telling me
the address of Carver College?
Well, you see, on my lunch hour,
I moonlight
as a cocktail waitress.
Why don't I take the professor
to the lunar mock-up and
show her the base operation.
Uh, let's not be
premature, major.
Uh, I'm afraid I have
to get back to the restaurant.
Well, I haven't eaten yet.
I'll drive you.
Major Healey, remember we have
another applicant to screen.
Thank you very much,
Professor Swanson.
Thank you.
We'll let you know.
Professor Swanson, is that...?
We'll let you know.
Thank you.
We'll let you know.
Thank you very much.
Don't get cold.
Nuclear physicist, eh?
I don't think we need
to look any further, sir.
I think that this
woman probably needs...
Now, let me remind you
that we need two women, major.
One for the backup team.
I wonder what yours
is going to look like?
Excuse me.
I'm Dr. Rita Walters.
You must be Dr. Bellows.
Yes, how do you do, doctor?
Oh, excuse me,
this is Major Nelson.
How do you do,
Dr. Walters?
And, uh, Major Healey.
Hello.
Well, you certainly
come well-qualified.
Uh, B.A., B.S.,
M.A., PhD.
And I see by records
that you spent
a great deal of time
in the Middle East.
That's right, doctor.
I was very intrigued
by your hobbies.
Oh, really?
What are they?
[CHUCKLES] Oh...
carpet-making and...
flying.
Now, before we make
the final pairings
of teams in this project,
we'll conduct a series of tests.
Since the man and woman
who'll land on the moon
will be totally isolated
from the rest of the universe,
it is extremely important
that they be compatible.
I don't think
there's any question
about the professor and I
being compatible, sir.
She moonlights
as a cocktail waitress
and, uh, I moonlight
in cocktail lounges.
The computer will make the
proper decision, Major Healey.
I'm counting on it.
We all are.
Now, then, these are
very simple questions,
and I'll ask that you
make your response
on the cards in front of you.
First question.
If, uh, you were furnishing a
house, what style would you use?
Early American, contemporary,
Danish modern
or French provincial.
[HUMMING
"LA MARSEILLAISE"]
BELLOWS:
Major Healey.
Have you answered that question?
Good. Second question.
Now, what is your favorite dog?
German shepherd, French poodle,
English sheepdog
or Mexican Chihuahua?
[HUMMING
"LA CUCARACHA"]
No humming.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, the
results are now coming through.
Oh, boy, are we going to have
a lot of fun on the moon.
Uh, ask the machine
what time we leave, huh?
Now, uh, as for the type
of furnishing,
Professor Swanson,
you answered early American.
And Major Healey,
you answered French provincial.
Wait a minute. I didn't hum
French provincial.
I love early American.
I am an early American.
Tell them, don't I have an old
spinning wheel in the parlor?
From these cards,
it would appear that.
Major Nelson
and Professor Swanson
are the more compatible team.
The final selection will be made
after the physical fitness test.
A physical fitness test?
Woman applicant who demonstrates
the best coordination
and physical fitness will be on
your number one team,
Major Nelson.
And the other will be on the
backup team with Major Healey.
Dr. Bellows, that's unfair.
Oh?
Well, you see, I was
the national women's
gymnastic champion in college.
And what about you,
Dr. Walters?
Hm? Oh, I was a 97-pound
weakling, darling.
Now, then, ladies,
our first test
will be chin-ups.
Professor Swanson,
you first, please.
Would you like to try now,
Dr. Walters?
Very good. And now we'll move
over to the basketball court.
Yeah, we're going to be playing
a lot of basketball on the moon.
A lot of basketball.
Yeah.
Well, we'll now test
your coordination, ladies
by each of you attempting
to sink some baskets.
Professor Swanson, you first.
Very good.
Thank you.
Very good.
And now, Dr. Walters,
if you please.
Well, I've never done
this before,
but it looks like it's a gas.
Excellent, Dr. Walters.
Excellent.
And now, uh, if we'll just go...
Oh.
Excuse me.
Well, congratulations,
Dr. Walters,
you've just been chosen
to train with Major Nelson
in our simulated lunar house.
Well...
That is if the Olympic team
doesn't steal you away from us.
Oh, believe me, no one's going
to steal me from Major Nelson.
I have some
marvelous plans for us.
Say, how did you do that anyway?
I gave it a try myself...
Oh, excuse me, Major Nelson.
This is your new teammate.
Oh, welcome aboard,
Dr. Walters.
Well, at least you get a nice
consolation prize, professor.
Oh, what's that, major?
Me.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, gentlemen, we have some
additional work in my office.
Ladies, we'll see you
tomorrow at 8:00.
Yes, uh, tomorrow
at 8:00, professor.
Sister?
Oh, well, look who's here.
You look worried, pet.
I am.
Did you not say you'd
keep women off the launch pad
with my master?
That's right.
They have just selected you
to go on this project with him.
Oh, yes, but I'm not another
woman. I'm your sister.
But you will go to the moon
with my master.
Oh, don't be
such a square, darling.
The moon is a dull lump of clay.
Oh, you mean
you will not go there?
I wouldn't be caught dead there.
The really swinging
planet is Venus.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Yes? Oh, hi, come on in.
Good evening, major.
Hi, Tony.
Good evening.
What can I do for you?
We're just on our way to dinner.
We wanted to ask you to join us.
Didn't we, major?
Oh, I... Really, I couldn't.
Tell him you insist
he join us for dinner.
She wants me to tell you
I insist you join us for dinner.
That's the most gracious
invitation I've ever had
but really I'm sorry, I can't.
You can't?
Oh. Oh, that's great.
It's part of the program.
We want to see if we're
compatible for dinner.
Quick thinking.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it.
So you're going out?
Yeah?
Major Nelson.
Yes?
They told me at NASA
I might find
Professor Swanson here.
Professor Swan...
Oh, yes. Professor?
Yes?
Sugar.
Turk. What are you
doing here?
I stopped by to see who
you're going to the moon with.
Not me. Him.
Oh, well, I'm just part
of the runner-up team.
We'll probably never
get off the ground.
Major Healey, Major Nelson,
this is my fiancé, Turk Parker.
Turk Parker.
The All-Pro linebacker?
That's right.
Well, how do you do?
[BONES CRUNCHING]
Uh, Major Healey and I were
just on our way to dinner.
Yeah, well, I have a good idea.
Why don't you join us?
I have a better idea.
Why don't you join us?
That's a better idea.
Uh, you know, you could tell
Turk all about the project.
Well, look, it's a little late
and I forgot
I had another dinner engagement.
I think I'll just go home...
I have one question
I would like to answer now.
Well, what's that?
What happens when you
and my girl get to the moon?
Oh, we, uh, plan to read a lot.
I'm going to the library
to pick up some books.
What about dinner, Roger?
Bye.
I'm sorry, he gets like this.
Good night, major.
It's been a pleasure
meeting you, Turk.
Major Nelson?
Thanks. It's been
a pleasure.
Ooh. Jeannie?
Jeannie.
Oh, master?
I've got something
to tell you, young lady.
Dr. Walters is my sister.
Dr. Walters
is your sister?
Yes.
Yeah.
Well, you knew about it?
You asked her to do this?
Oh, no, master.
Well, it won't work.
She can't go.
The whole point of this project
is to put two people
on the moon together.
See what'll happen.
And she's not a people,
she's a genie.
No, master.
You start blinking.
You get her out of this
right away.
No, master.
What do you mean, no?
Well, I cannot.
Why not?
Well, it does not work
on genies.
Well, something better work
or she's gonna be with me
in that lunar house
for three whole months.
Lunar house?
Yeah...
Well, it's a room
where they lock us up.
And she cannot get out?
That's right.
Well, that is the answer.
What? What's the answer?
Genies are afraid of being
bottled up.
The moment she discovers
that she cannot get out,
she will be terrified.
She'll panic and they'll
wash her out of the project.
I certainly hope so, master
or I am afraid you are going
to be swinging on Venus.
What?
This morning, we'll have you
familiarize yourselves
with the lunar house.
Zulu, Able, Foxtrot.
This is, uh,
the lunar mock-up.
I'll be transmitting
on 122.8 VHF.
In order to orient yourselves,
I think it'd be a good idea
to, uh, test out your equipment.
Major Nelson, see that the panel
board and the electronic devices
are all functioning properly.
Oh, any questions?
Uh, yes. Dr. Bellows?
Uh, yes, major?
In case of panic,
do you want me
to abort the mission?
Well, you do have
a panic button on the panel.
But I'm sure that it won't
be necessary to use it.
Oh, of course not, sir.
I was just checking.
Oh, is there really
a panic button?
Uh, don't worry, uh,
we'll never have to use it.
Kind of snug in here, isn't it?
Yes, isn't it heaven?
Get off.
You know, a person could get
claustrophobia in a place
like this.
Just think, after three months,
when the project is over,
we'll spend three months here.
Three whole months.
Yes, it's truly heaven.
Fight it, fight it.
Oh, fight what, darling?
Well, the...
The panic... The panic that
you're feeling now
from being all bottled up,
I'm sure...
I'm not feeling panicky.
Oh, yes, you are.
I can see it in your eyes.
Oh, oh. Major Baby.
Now, listen, just fight it,
will you?
I... I... I know it's
awfully hard but it's...
You're losing your cool,
darling.
I'm losing my cool?
You're the one that's losing
your cool.
Prof. Swanson,
I want you to notice
calm is the most
important ingredient.
Yes, I can see that, doctor.
Major Nelson, what's
the matter with you?
I... I... Wait a minute.
Dr. Bellows?
Dr. Bellows, I've got
a hysterical woman on my hands.
Isn't he darling?
Major, do you want me to scrub
the operation for today?
No. No, no, no.
Don't scrub the mission.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Carry on.
Lie down, darling, and relax.
You're losing your cool.
No, I'm not losing my cool.
You just close those baby blues
and go to sleep.
Now, now, now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I... I... I think we
ought to, uh...
We ought to take a look
at some of our equipment.
♪ Lullaby ♪
♪ Dee-dee-dee ♪
Now, wait a minute.
[WALTERS LAUGHING]
TONY: You're sure you're not
getting a closed-in feeling?
WALTERS:
All I feel is togetherness.
TONY:
Ah!
We're gonna test
your breaking point, doctor.
Woo, groovy.
Yeah.
Okay. Up you go.
Ah! Ah!
Major Nelson, where are you?
He's up there.
Dr. Walters,
what's he doing up there?
What are you doing up there,
Major Baby?
Tell him I'm testing
the weightlessness.
Oh, he's testing weightlessness.
It's too early for that.
Get him down immediately.
Dr. Walters, what in the world
is happening?
I was just trying
to get Major...
Oh. Oh!
Go to the panel board and press
the vacuum pressure button.
Aha. Yea, daddy.
TONY:
I don't think this is right.
Hello, Dr. Bellows.
She didn't fall apart.
I fell apart.
I cannot understand it.
I was sure she
would be terrified
of being alone
in a closed place.
No, she wasn't
the least bit terrified.
Alone?
Mm.
Oh, she was never alone
for a second.
I was her security blanket.
You gotta get her
bottled up and out
before she ruins
the whole project.
But if she suddenly disappears.
How are you going to
explain it to NASA?
Well, I won't have to
explain it to NASA.
Because she is not
suddenly gonna disappear.
Oh, listen...
You sent for me, major?
Oh, yes, Dr. Walters.
I, uh, thought since we're
both in the project
we might as well spend as
much time as possible together.
Groovy.
Yes. Um, physical fitness
is a key factor.
We've got to keep our bodies
in good shape.
Mm-hm. Yes.
Well, one of our bodies
is in good shape already.
Yes.
Now, the first thing we ought to
do is start practicing
on the lunar landing chute.
What is the lunar landing chute?
Oh, well, it's this right here.
You see, when we land
on the moon
we'll have to get to the surface
through a tube similar to this.
Well, well, what will they
think of next?
Yeah. Do you want to
try it on for size?
Uh, no. No, it's not my bag.
You're not afraid, are you?
No, no, no.
Well, go ahead, try it on.
I'll be right behind you.
Oh, you'll be in
the tube with me.
Sure, sure.
Oh. Well, that's
a whole other scene.
Go ahead.
Oh, look.
Major Nelson.
Ah!
Hello, Dr. Bellows,
how are you?
May I ask what you're doing
with that trash can?
I'm throwing it out, sir.
Well, I know that, but why?
Well, it's classified trash,
and it should be thrown out
by a classified man who's
classified to throw out
the classified trash.
Do I make myself clear?
All of our janitors
have security clearances.
They haven't come on
duty yet, sir.
They don't come
on until 6:00.
And I thought I'd just
tidy up the gymnasium.
You show me a clean gymnasium,
I'll show you a clean astronaut.
Well, Major Nelson,
where's Dr. Walters?
Dr. Walters.
Oh, Dr. Walters...?
Sorry I'm late to...
Ah!
Dr. Walters.
Here's Dr. Walters.
I want you both to report
to the lunar house at 1600.
Yes. Right, sir.
We'll be there at 1600.
Right.
Jeannie, hey,
you made it just in time.
You... Wh...? Now, you are
Jeannie, aren't you?
I mean, I really can't tell...
Yes, you can.
Yeah, you're my Jeannie.
We'll have another go with
lunar house familiarization.
And this time, Major Nelson,
try to exercise
a little more self-control.
I think everything will be
just fine this time, sir.
Oh, you do not
have to worry about him.
Listen, I want you
to wait a few minutes
and then really crack up.
Oh, must I, master?
Jeannie, it's the only way
we're gonna
get Dr. Walters
out of the project.
But now that I am here
I am thinking how wonderful
it would be to be alone
with you on the moon.
Jeannie, the whole idea
of the project
is to put a man and a woman
on the moon together,
now, you're not a woman.
That's beside the point.
What is going on, Major Nelson?
We keep losing our picture.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Please, master.
I will keep house for you on the
moon just like we do on Earth.
We've just lost the audio too.
Would you go over there
and sit down?
Now, Dr. Bellows,
I think I've found the problem.
Oh, master.
Jeannie!
Oh, master, what are you doing?
Pull the switch!
What switch?
The red one.
Which? Oh.
Yes, master. Do not worry.
Do not worry.
Major Nelson, what's going on?
What's happening?
Jeannie! Ah!
Thank you, Dr. Walters.
Uh, Dr. Bellows, I think
we've remedied the situation.
Incredible.
It just shows you never know
how things are gonna work out.
We're gonna have to find
a replacement.
Gee, that's too bad.
I hope you weren't too
disappointed, sir.
I am sure you will be able to
find someone to replace me.
Replace you?
Oh, my dear Dr. Walters,
you're going to the moon.
I'm replacing Major Nelson.
It's bad enough they washed me
out of the moon project.
But they could have washed me
out of the whole NASA program.
I told you I was sorry, master.
Yeah.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Tony.
Yeah?
Good news.
They're giving me
a court-martial.
No, no, the whole operation.
First Couple to the Moon
has been scrubbed.
No kidding?
No kidding.
Well, did they give
an explanation for it?
No, Dr. Bellows says
something about
the American man and woman
has deep-seated
male-female hostilities.
They have overly
complicated libido problems
and they can't resolve
the Oedipus complex.
And the linebacker punched
Dr. Bellows in the nose.
You're kidding.
But I'll tell you what,
listen, the captain barge
is throwing a party
tonight and he has
his two twin sisters there?
Wants me to bring you.
You think...?
I'll get my hat.
Yeah.
Tell you what, you think
we should bring two cars?
You had better go
without him, major.
He will be hanging
around the house this evening.
Yeah. Yeah.
Would you...?
Jeannie, would you stop?
Would you...?
Would you...?