I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 3, Episode 23 - My Double-Crossing Master - full transcript
Jeannie falls for Tony's British alter ego after he makes a bet with Roger.
[♪]
Jeannie, is breakfast ready?
MAN [OVER TV]: Hang, Gregory.
He doesn't deserve you.
You're like some lovely,
untouchable statue.
Oh, is that not beautiful?
Yeah, say how... How about
a little breakfast, huh?
I'm... I'm late.
I never knew what beauty meant
till I met you.
I never knew
what a beating heart was for.
Ooh, I cannot bear it.
Well, look,
how about a little breakfast?
What do you say?
Jeannie, this is not exactly
what I had in mind.
Read your paper, master. What?
I've treasured every second
we've been together.
Oh, is he not wonderful?
You better turn that TV set off.
It's gonna start to grow corn.
These roses are for you,
my darling.
One for every hour
that I've spent with you.
WOMAN [OVER TV]:
Oh, Ronald.
RONALD:
Cynthia.
[COUGHING]
Uh...
Where'd you get those?
They are from Ronald.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Georgia,
you never looked more beautiful.
Hey, Roge, we're supposed to be
at that lecture
those English doctors are gi...
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
I am givin' up women.
Well, I... I thought
you and Georgia had something...
Don't mention Georgia.
Well, weren't you
sort of engaged?
She was sort of engaged.
Only I found out
it was with another guy.
Oh.
I'm sorry to hear about that.
Yeah, well, it opened my eyes.
Boy, all women are unfaithful.
Ruth, Alice, Faye, all of them.
They're rotten to the core.
Past few bad experiences,
that's...
You bet they're all bad,
all of 'em.
No, not all of 'em.
All of them.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, what about Jeannie?
What about her?
Now, Jeannie'd never be
interested in another man.
How about a bet on that?
What do you mean?
What do I mean?
I'm gonna open your eyes,
that's what I'm gonna do.
I bet if the right guy
comes along,
Jeannie'll drop you so fast
your head'll swim.
You don't even know
what you're talking about.
Well, fifty dollars says I do.
I don't wanna take your money.
Fifty dollars.
Roge, I don't bet
on a thing like that.
I'll bet you
that all women are bad,
including Jeannie.
All right.
All right.
I'm gonna take your bet. Okay.
I'm gonna teach you
something about women.
All right, it's a bet, huh?
A bet.
All right, who's the guy?
Me.
You mean, you're gonna take
Jeannie away from yourself?
No, I'm betting
that I can't take Jeannie
away from myself.
[RINGING]
[IMITATING TONY]
Major Nelson's residence.
Hello, Jeannie?
Master, darling.
Is there anything
I can do for you?
No, no, no. I just wanted
to ask you to come down
and have lunch at the base
with me today.
Oh! You're inviting me
to come to the base?
Yeah, that's right.
But you always tell me
to stay away...
Well, I've changed my mind.
Why don't you put on your
prettiest dress and meet me here
at 1:00, okay?
Oh, yes, darling master,
I will be there.
Good, good.
I'll see you then.
Goodbye.
[KISSES]
[SQUEALS]
[WHISTLES]
[WHISTLES]
Oh. Oh, I am sorry.
I am looking for Major Nelson.
[IN A BRITISH ACCENT] Yes. As
a matter of fact, so was I.
Do come in.
Come, come, come.
Major Nelson was called away
rather suddenly.
Won't you sit down, please?
Oh, yes.
Now, I'm afraid he won't be back
for the rest of the afternoon.
Oh, dear, and we were
to have had lunch.
Oh.
Forgive me,
Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe
at your service, ma'am.
I am Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jolly nice name, that.
Are you a friend
of Major Nelson's?
No, no, actually.
I've just flown in
from London this morning.
Oh, you are English?
[CHUCKLING] Yes, quite, quite.
Uh, I'm in the
British Army Medical Corps.
Oh, how exciting.
No, not really.
Look here,
since your Major Nelson
stood you up,
as you Americans say,
perhaps you would have
a spot of lunch with me.
That is unless
you're one of those girls
that doesn't make dates
with strange men?
Oh, no, I...
I don't.
Oh, jolly good for you.
But in this case
I would make an exception.
You would?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Splendid, splendid.
I will just leave a note
for Major Nelson.
Yes, poor chap.
What?
Oh, good idea, good idea.
Perhaps he can join us later.
I doubt it.
No, no, no.
Dr. Bellows.
Yes. I don't believe
we've met.
I know you by your reputation,
of course.
Do you?
What's your name?
Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe. I'm here
on detached service from London.
You're a doctor?
Yes, yes, quite.
Of course, you're with the group
of English psychiatrists
who are visiting NASA.
Well, as a matter of fact...
I'm delighted to meet you.
I'd like to discuss
that new breakthrough
you chaps have been working on.
Eh, breakthrough?
The chemotherapy breakthrough
in schizophrenia.
Oh, yes, that breakthrough.
How silly of me. Of course.
Let's go to my office.
I'm dreadfully sorry.
I'm busy at the moment.
But we have so much
to talk about.
Yes, yes, of course we do.
If you'll excuse me
for one moment,
I'll be right back.
Certainly.
Are we ready for lunch?
Oh, uh, Jeannie,
I'm dreadfully sorry.
Something important has come up.
I'm afraid I won't be able
to have lunch with you.
Oh, dear. I did so want
to get to know you better.
And I to know you.
Look here, perhaps we can
have dinner together tonight?
Oh, I would love that.
You sure you're not busy
or anything?
[CHUCKLES]
Nothing I cannot get out of.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, wizard.
Uh, where shall we meet?
Why do you not pick me up
at my house?
At your house?
Mm-hmm. It is 811 Palm.
811 Palm Street.
You live there alone?
No, I...
I live with an old uncle.
An old uncle?
Yes, he's a darling old thing.
Yes, how marvelous for you.
BELLOWS: Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
Yes, I'll be right there, sir.
I'll pick you up then
at 7:30, huh?
Cheery-bye.
Cheery-bye.
Oh.
[GASPS]
I can't tell you
what a stroke of luck
this is for me, doctor.
I found I have
a rather full schedule
for this afternoon. I was...
You must cancel everything.
I don't intend to let you
out of my sight.
Ha, ha, ha. Good show.
Shall we go?
Yes, of course.
[♪]
[LAUGHS]
And I was the happiest man alive
until Major Nelson
came on this base.
You have no idea what he's done
to my life, doctor.
Dr. Bellows, I really
don't think that I'm the one...
I feel so much better
finally being able to talk
to someone about him.
Yes, of course you do.
However, may I say again that
I don't think I'm the one...?
I feel I can tell you everything
because in a day or two,
you'll be gone.
And I won't have to look you
in the eye every morning.
But may I say again that...?
He can see through walls.
It's most important
for an astronaut
to have good vision.
Thick walls.
"Thick walls."
Not so long ago,
he was in Cocoa Beach and Paris.
Well, jet pilots do get around
nowadays, you know. Heh.
At the same time.
"At the same time."
You don't think I'm disturbed,
do you, doctor?
Oh, no, no, of course not,
Dr. Bellows.
Might I make just
one, tiny suggestion, however?
Oh, please do.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, Dr. Freud had a patient
with a problem similar
to the one you've described.
Dr. Freud? He did?
Yes.
Yes, this patient thought...
Thought he saw an elephant
in his living room.
So did Major Nelson.
As a matter of fact,
I saw them too.
Did you?
So did Dr. Freud.
Really?
Yeah.
Well...
how did Dr. Freud handle it?
[WHISPERING] Well...
He, um...
He gave his patient free rein.
You see, the most important
thing to do in a case like this
is not to disturb the patient.
They are often creative,
intelligent people,
and they mustn't
be... inhibited.
Why, I never thought of it
that way.
Think of it.
Think of it.
[♪]
Hello, master.
Hello, how are you, Jeannie?
You are home early.
Oh, yes, yes.
I just came home
to pick up the papers.
I'm gonna be working late
at the base tonight.
Oh. Heh.
Well, that is too bad.
Oh, I'm... I'm sorry
I stood you up for lunch.
Lunch?
Oh, oh, yes.
You, uh... You weren't bored
or anything, were you?
Oh, no, not at all.
I like the people at NASA.
Good, good.
Meet anybody special?
Special?
Mm.
No.
You didn't?
Should I have?
No.
What are you gonna be doing
while I'm at work tonight?
Oh, well, I...
I have not been able
to make up my mind.
I-I may just
stay home and read.
Oh, look, a book,
that's a good idea.
On the other hand, I may go out
with an old uncle of mine
who is in town.
An old uncle?
Mm-hmm.
Old Uncle Geoffrey.
[♪]
[♪]
Oh.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Good evening, Jeannie.
Geoffrey, how nice
to see you again.
Please, do come in.
Thank you, thank you.
Uh...
Is your uncle at home?
No.
We are all alone.
Oh, ho, ho.
Splendid, splendid.
Do you like the house?
Oh, yes, yes, wizard, wizard.
Have you lived here long?
Oh, yes.
I was born here.
Were you?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Are you expecting someone?
Oh, no.
Oh, perhaps it is someone
for my poor old uncle.
Heh.
Hi, Jeannie.
Oh, Major Healey.
Oh, I didn't know
you redecorated.
Well...
Where's Tony?
[WHISPERING] Oh, uh, Major
Nelson had to work late tonight.
[WHISPERING]
Oh, I didn't know that.
I think it was unexpected.
Why are we whispering?
Oh, I didn't know
you had company.
Uh, hello,
I'm, uh, Major Healey.
Oh, hello.
Dr. Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe.
Oh, you're a doctor.
He's a doctor.
You, uh...?
You two known each other long?
Well...
Oh, well, not long,
but we are getting to know
each other much better.
You just made me a rich man.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, it's nothing.
Just a little bet
with a friend of mine.
What kind of bet?
Well, I... Good heavens,
look at the time.
We're gonna miss
our reservation.
Oh, reserv...
Are you two going out?
Oh, yes.
Well, not exactly.
I love dining out.
Oh, I love your loving
dining out with him.
I will go get my bag.
Yes, do that.
Oh, wait till I tell my friend
about them going out.
My foot.
Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry.
Oh, that's okay, doc.
While you're here,
would you mind looking at this?
Hmm? Oh, yes.
Stay off it for a week.
I sure it will be better.
Aah! Make that two weeks.
Shall we?
I won the bet.
I lost my foot,
but I won the bet.
[♪]
Hi.
Good morning.
Oh, hi, Roge.
Well, would you like to pay me
in cash or a check?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about the bet
you lost last night.
Are you serious?
I've never been more serious
in my life. Come on, pay up.
Roge, that was me.
What was you?
You're... You're kidding.
You really don't know
who Dr. Tiff in-Smythe is?
No, who is he?
He's me.
Who's you?
Who's what?
Who's you?
Roger, I'm me, and you're you.
That's what makes the world go
around, isn't it, Dr. Bellows?
I haven't the faintest idea
what you're talking about.
He was just saying... [THUD]
Oh! My broken foot.
Sorry, sorry.
Take a look at this when you get
a chance, would you, major?
Of course, sir.
Of course.
There's, uh, no rush.
I want you to take your time.
Oh, thank you.
I... I don't want you to feel
under any pressure.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I want you to feel
free, relaxed.
Uh, uninhibited.
I want you to have a...
A free rein.
Well, that's very kind
of you, sir.
I think you're gonna find things
a little different around here,
Major Nelson.
I certainly hope so.
I mean, good, good.
Yes. Well, uh,
carry on, gentlemen.
Thank you, sir.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, if you'll just give me
my $50, I'll be running along.
Roge, you...
You did not win that bet.
The man's always
the last one to know, isn't he?
Well, I hate to be the one
to break this to you, but, uh,
Jeannie went dining last night
with a famous British doctor.
Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
You... You mean,
you know about it?
He's an old friend
of the family.
Yeah, well, I had a fiancée
who said that once,
and she wound up
marrying the guy.
Oh, don't worry about Jeannie.
She's not gonna marry anybody.
As a matter of fact,
she has another date
with that guy tonight, and, uh,
I think she's gonna
say goodbye to him.
Another $50 says she doesn't.
You're on.
Okay.
Hey, wait a minute.
How am I gonna know
if I win or not?
Well, you can either
take my word for it,
or you can come to the house
and see for yourself.
I'll take your word for it.
Good.
And come to your house
and see for myself.
Oh, yes, a most amusing evening.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[SIGHS]
Well...
Well, here we are.
It has been
a wonderful evening, Geoffrey.
Oh, you're most flattering.
I'm sure you go out quite often.
Oh, no, I very seldom
go out to restaurants.
And... not with anyone
like you.
[CHUCKLES]
GEOFFREY:
I'm afraid this is goodbye.
JEANNIE:
Goodbye?
Yes, I must return
to London quite soon.
Oh.
Well...
I cannot let you go now.
Oh, but, uh... Don't be absurd.
You must let me go.
I will go to England.
[CHUCKLING]
You'll come to England?
Well, I will go there
if you're going to be there.
Oh, marvelous, marvelous.
That's... That's wonderful.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Mm.
[♪]
Mmm.
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
[SIGHS] Well...
Yes?
Well, it's jolly nice, um,
getting to know a person,
isn't it?
I mean,
really knowing the person.
Yes, it is, isn't it?
Yes.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Poor Tony.
Well, he wouldn't listen to me.
[QUIETLY, AS TONY]
Roger? Roger!
[MUMBLES]
[♪]
[SOFTLY] Ow!
Good evening, master.
Heh. Good evening,
Jeannie.
You're finished working?
Yeah, yeah, I'm finished.
I got so lonely.
Oh, did you?
Mmm.
How was your uncle?
Oh, he's fine.
I hope you're evening
wasn't too dull.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, you know how it is
when I am not with you.
Yeah.
[♪]
Oh, Dr. Bellows.
Oh, good evening, Major Healey.
Good evening, sir.
You haven't seen Tony?
No. Well, I've gotta find him.
You haven't seen
Dr. Tiff in-Smythe, have you?
Oh, I'll say I have.
Oh, good. Where?
He's at Tony's house.
Of course,
he must be working there.
Yeah, I'll say.
Thank you.
Oh, sir, if you see Tony,
tell him I'm looking for him.
Yes. Uh, major.
Yes, sir?
I'd see the doctor
about that foot.
Yes, doctor.
Yes, doctor.
Hmm.
I think I'll go and see
how Dr. Tiff in-Smythe
is coming along.
[JEANNIE HUMMING]
Could you stop the racket,
Jeannie, please?
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
Is there anything
I can do for you?
No, I think you've done
quite enough already.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, I will get it.
No, no...
Just pop out, please.
Yes, master.
Please.
Oh, Dr. Bellows.
Oh.
Good evening, Major Nelson.
Same to you, sir.
Um, I'm sorry to intrude,
but I'm looking
for Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
Dr. Tiff in-Smythe?
Well, he's gone.
[THUDDING] Upstairs.
Tell him I'd like to see him,
would you please?
I think he's awfully busy.
Major, if you please?
[♪]
Thanks.
Thanks a lot, Jeannie.
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
You see, I just dropped a few...
Would you please just get back
in your bottle?
Oh, yes, master.
Good night.
Good night.
[WHISPERING]
Not... Not that way.
Oh! Dr. Bellows is down there.
Just blink in your bottle.
Dr. Bellows?
Oh, Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
Yes?
You didn't lose any time,
did you?
Lose any time?
You're already working
on Major Nelson.
Oh, yes, yes, splendid chap.
Absolutely.
Huh?
Yes.
Oh, yes, I...
I just dropped by
because I'm leaving
for Washington tomorrow,
and I wanted to see
how things were progressing.
Marvelously. He's the best
patient I've ever worked with.
I'm delighted
to hear you say that.
Are you?
I would like
to say goodbye to him.
You would?
Oh, yes, please.
Of course.
I'll fetch him for you.
Thank you.
Ow!
Uh, Dr. Tiff in-Smythe said
you wanted to see me, sir.
Yes.
As a matter of fact,
I'd like to talk to both of you.
At the same time.
TONY:
Same time?
I'll go get him.
I'll go get him.
No, no, you stay here.
Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
Heh. I still think it
would be better if I went...
I don't think
that will be necessary, major.
I don't know what you're trying
to get away with,
but you've made
one serious mistake.
I have?
BELLOWS:
You happen to be dealing
with a trained psychiatrist.
There is no Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
I beg your pardon?
I beg your pardon, doctor.
I should hope so.
Major Nelson,
shall we get back to work?
Yes, oh, yes, of course, sir.
If you'll excuse us,
Dr. Bellows.
Uh, uh, yes.
Please, I didn't know.
[GIGGLES]
You see, I thought that, uh...
Well, uh, that you...
There's something
about this house.
[CHUCKLES]
Uh...
Well, you can't be.
Oh...
[GIGGLES]
Well, you mean
you knew about this all...?
You knew about this
all the time?
Yes, master.
Well, then you...
You're not in love
with Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe?
Of course, I am.
What?
I love you no matter
who you are. Heh.
[SQUEALS]
There is one thing
I do not understand, master.
What's that, Jeannie?
Why did you do this?
Oh, it's just
a little silly prank.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, I will get it.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
You stand there.
Yes?
You still here?
What did you do,
decide to move in?
What a fine friend you are.
[CHUCKLES] What have I done?
What have you done?
Don't give me that jazz.
Hey, it's me.
Major Healey to you... Look.
How could you do this
to poor Tony?
I don't understand
how you can...
Roger, it's me.
Look, buddy,
will you just butt out?
I mean, you're
gonna break the heart
of one of the nicest guys
that ever lived.
I mean, he trusted you.
He even bet on you.
Roger.
You...
Heh.
[WHISPERING] It's me.
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
Hey, it's me, see?
[CHUCKLING] It's you.
Forget about that.
It's your dollars.
No, no. Your bet. I
lost fair and square.
Forget about it.
I lost it.
No, really.
Jeannie...
It was a little thing...
What bet, master?
Aah!
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[♪]
Jeannie, is breakfast ready?
MAN [OVER TV]: Hang, Gregory.
He doesn't deserve you.
You're like some lovely,
untouchable statue.
Oh, is that not beautiful?
Yeah, say how... How about
a little breakfast, huh?
I'm... I'm late.
I never knew what beauty meant
till I met you.
I never knew
what a beating heart was for.
Ooh, I cannot bear it.
Well, look,
how about a little breakfast?
What do you say?
Jeannie, this is not exactly
what I had in mind.
Read your paper, master. What?
I've treasured every second
we've been together.
Oh, is he not wonderful?
You better turn that TV set off.
It's gonna start to grow corn.
These roses are for you,
my darling.
One for every hour
that I've spent with you.
WOMAN [OVER TV]:
Oh, Ronald.
RONALD:
Cynthia.
[COUGHING]
Uh...
Where'd you get those?
They are from Ronald.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Georgia,
you never looked more beautiful.
Hey, Roge, we're supposed to be
at that lecture
those English doctors are gi...
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
I am givin' up women.
Well, I... I thought
you and Georgia had something...
Don't mention Georgia.
Well, weren't you
sort of engaged?
She was sort of engaged.
Only I found out
it was with another guy.
Oh.
I'm sorry to hear about that.
Yeah, well, it opened my eyes.
Boy, all women are unfaithful.
Ruth, Alice, Faye, all of them.
They're rotten to the core.
Past few bad experiences,
that's...
You bet they're all bad,
all of 'em.
No, not all of 'em.
All of them.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, what about Jeannie?
What about her?
Now, Jeannie'd never be
interested in another man.
How about a bet on that?
What do you mean?
What do I mean?
I'm gonna open your eyes,
that's what I'm gonna do.
I bet if the right guy
comes along,
Jeannie'll drop you so fast
your head'll swim.
You don't even know
what you're talking about.
Well, fifty dollars says I do.
I don't wanna take your money.
Fifty dollars.
Roge, I don't bet
on a thing like that.
I'll bet you
that all women are bad,
including Jeannie.
All right.
All right.
I'm gonna take your bet. Okay.
I'm gonna teach you
something about women.
All right, it's a bet, huh?
A bet.
All right, who's the guy?
Me.
You mean, you're gonna take
Jeannie away from yourself?
No, I'm betting
that I can't take Jeannie
away from myself.
[RINGING]
[IMITATING TONY]
Major Nelson's residence.
Hello, Jeannie?
Master, darling.
Is there anything
I can do for you?
No, no, no. I just wanted
to ask you to come down
and have lunch at the base
with me today.
Oh! You're inviting me
to come to the base?
Yeah, that's right.
But you always tell me
to stay away...
Well, I've changed my mind.
Why don't you put on your
prettiest dress and meet me here
at 1:00, okay?
Oh, yes, darling master,
I will be there.
Good, good.
I'll see you then.
Goodbye.
[KISSES]
[SQUEALS]
[WHISTLES]
[WHISTLES]
Oh. Oh, I am sorry.
I am looking for Major Nelson.
[IN A BRITISH ACCENT] Yes. As
a matter of fact, so was I.
Do come in.
Come, come, come.
Major Nelson was called away
rather suddenly.
Won't you sit down, please?
Oh, yes.
Now, I'm afraid he won't be back
for the rest of the afternoon.
Oh, dear, and we were
to have had lunch.
Oh.
Forgive me,
Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe
at your service, ma'am.
I am Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jolly nice name, that.
Are you a friend
of Major Nelson's?
No, no, actually.
I've just flown in
from London this morning.
Oh, you are English?
[CHUCKLING] Yes, quite, quite.
Uh, I'm in the
British Army Medical Corps.
Oh, how exciting.
No, not really.
Look here,
since your Major Nelson
stood you up,
as you Americans say,
perhaps you would have
a spot of lunch with me.
That is unless
you're one of those girls
that doesn't make dates
with strange men?
Oh, no, I...
I don't.
Oh, jolly good for you.
But in this case
I would make an exception.
You would?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Splendid, splendid.
I will just leave a note
for Major Nelson.
Yes, poor chap.
What?
Oh, good idea, good idea.
Perhaps he can join us later.
I doubt it.
No, no, no.
Dr. Bellows.
Yes. I don't believe
we've met.
I know you by your reputation,
of course.
Do you?
What's your name?
Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe. I'm here
on detached service from London.
You're a doctor?
Yes, yes, quite.
Of course, you're with the group
of English psychiatrists
who are visiting NASA.
Well, as a matter of fact...
I'm delighted to meet you.
I'd like to discuss
that new breakthrough
you chaps have been working on.
Eh, breakthrough?
The chemotherapy breakthrough
in schizophrenia.
Oh, yes, that breakthrough.
How silly of me. Of course.
Let's go to my office.
I'm dreadfully sorry.
I'm busy at the moment.
But we have so much
to talk about.
Yes, yes, of course we do.
If you'll excuse me
for one moment,
I'll be right back.
Certainly.
Are we ready for lunch?
Oh, uh, Jeannie,
I'm dreadfully sorry.
Something important has come up.
I'm afraid I won't be able
to have lunch with you.
Oh, dear. I did so want
to get to know you better.
And I to know you.
Look here, perhaps we can
have dinner together tonight?
Oh, I would love that.
You sure you're not busy
or anything?
[CHUCKLES]
Nothing I cannot get out of.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, wizard.
Uh, where shall we meet?
Why do you not pick me up
at my house?
At your house?
Mm-hmm. It is 811 Palm.
811 Palm Street.
You live there alone?
No, I...
I live with an old uncle.
An old uncle?
Yes, he's a darling old thing.
Yes, how marvelous for you.
BELLOWS: Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
Yes, I'll be right there, sir.
I'll pick you up then
at 7:30, huh?
Cheery-bye.
Cheery-bye.
Oh.
[GASPS]
I can't tell you
what a stroke of luck
this is for me, doctor.
I found I have
a rather full schedule
for this afternoon. I was...
You must cancel everything.
I don't intend to let you
out of my sight.
Ha, ha, ha. Good show.
Shall we go?
Yes, of course.
[♪]
[LAUGHS]
And I was the happiest man alive
until Major Nelson
came on this base.
You have no idea what he's done
to my life, doctor.
Dr. Bellows, I really
don't think that I'm the one...
I feel so much better
finally being able to talk
to someone about him.
Yes, of course you do.
However, may I say again that
I don't think I'm the one...?
I feel I can tell you everything
because in a day or two,
you'll be gone.
And I won't have to look you
in the eye every morning.
But may I say again that...?
He can see through walls.
It's most important
for an astronaut
to have good vision.
Thick walls.
"Thick walls."
Not so long ago,
he was in Cocoa Beach and Paris.
Well, jet pilots do get around
nowadays, you know. Heh.
At the same time.
"At the same time."
You don't think I'm disturbed,
do you, doctor?
Oh, no, no, of course not,
Dr. Bellows.
Might I make just
one, tiny suggestion, however?
Oh, please do.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, Dr. Freud had a patient
with a problem similar
to the one you've described.
Dr. Freud? He did?
Yes.
Yes, this patient thought...
Thought he saw an elephant
in his living room.
So did Major Nelson.
As a matter of fact,
I saw them too.
Did you?
So did Dr. Freud.
Really?
Yeah.
Well...
how did Dr. Freud handle it?
[WHISPERING] Well...
He, um...
He gave his patient free rein.
You see, the most important
thing to do in a case like this
is not to disturb the patient.
They are often creative,
intelligent people,
and they mustn't
be... inhibited.
Why, I never thought of it
that way.
Think of it.
Think of it.
[♪]
Hello, master.
Hello, how are you, Jeannie?
You are home early.
Oh, yes, yes.
I just came home
to pick up the papers.
I'm gonna be working late
at the base tonight.
Oh. Heh.
Well, that is too bad.
Oh, I'm... I'm sorry
I stood you up for lunch.
Lunch?
Oh, oh, yes.
You, uh... You weren't bored
or anything, were you?
Oh, no, not at all.
I like the people at NASA.
Good, good.
Meet anybody special?
Special?
Mm.
No.
You didn't?
Should I have?
No.
What are you gonna be doing
while I'm at work tonight?
Oh, well, I...
I have not been able
to make up my mind.
I-I may just
stay home and read.
Oh, look, a book,
that's a good idea.
On the other hand, I may go out
with an old uncle of mine
who is in town.
An old uncle?
Mm-hmm.
Old Uncle Geoffrey.
[♪]
[♪]
Oh.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Good evening, Jeannie.
Geoffrey, how nice
to see you again.
Please, do come in.
Thank you, thank you.
Uh...
Is your uncle at home?
No.
We are all alone.
Oh, ho, ho.
Splendid, splendid.
Do you like the house?
Oh, yes, yes, wizard, wizard.
Have you lived here long?
Oh, yes.
I was born here.
Were you?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Are you expecting someone?
Oh, no.
Oh, perhaps it is someone
for my poor old uncle.
Heh.
Hi, Jeannie.
Oh, Major Healey.
Oh, I didn't know
you redecorated.
Well...
Where's Tony?
[WHISPERING] Oh, uh, Major
Nelson had to work late tonight.
[WHISPERING]
Oh, I didn't know that.
I think it was unexpected.
Why are we whispering?
Oh, I didn't know
you had company.
Uh, hello,
I'm, uh, Major Healey.
Oh, hello.
Dr. Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe.
Oh, you're a doctor.
He's a doctor.
You, uh...?
You two known each other long?
Well...
Oh, well, not long,
but we are getting to know
each other much better.
You just made me a rich man.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, it's nothing.
Just a little bet
with a friend of mine.
What kind of bet?
Well, I... Good heavens,
look at the time.
We're gonna miss
our reservation.
Oh, reserv...
Are you two going out?
Oh, yes.
Well, not exactly.
I love dining out.
Oh, I love your loving
dining out with him.
I will go get my bag.
Yes, do that.
Oh, wait till I tell my friend
about them going out.
My foot.
Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry.
Oh, that's okay, doc.
While you're here,
would you mind looking at this?
Hmm? Oh, yes.
Stay off it for a week.
I sure it will be better.
Aah! Make that two weeks.
Shall we?
I won the bet.
I lost my foot,
but I won the bet.
[♪]
Hi.
Good morning.
Oh, hi, Roge.
Well, would you like to pay me
in cash or a check?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about the bet
you lost last night.
Are you serious?
I've never been more serious
in my life. Come on, pay up.
Roge, that was me.
What was you?
You're... You're kidding.
You really don't know
who Dr. Tiff in-Smythe is?
No, who is he?
He's me.
Who's you?
Who's what?
Who's you?
Roger, I'm me, and you're you.
That's what makes the world go
around, isn't it, Dr. Bellows?
I haven't the faintest idea
what you're talking about.
He was just saying... [THUD]
Oh! My broken foot.
Sorry, sorry.
Take a look at this when you get
a chance, would you, major?
Of course, sir.
Of course.
There's, uh, no rush.
I want you to take your time.
Oh, thank you.
I... I don't want you to feel
under any pressure.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I want you to feel
free, relaxed.
Uh, uninhibited.
I want you to have a...
A free rein.
Well, that's very kind
of you, sir.
I think you're gonna find things
a little different around here,
Major Nelson.
I certainly hope so.
I mean, good, good.
Yes. Well, uh,
carry on, gentlemen.
Thank you, sir.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, if you'll just give me
my $50, I'll be running along.
Roge, you...
You did not win that bet.
The man's always
the last one to know, isn't he?
Well, I hate to be the one
to break this to you, but, uh,
Jeannie went dining last night
with a famous British doctor.
Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
You... You mean,
you know about it?
He's an old friend
of the family.
Yeah, well, I had a fiancée
who said that once,
and she wound up
marrying the guy.
Oh, don't worry about Jeannie.
She's not gonna marry anybody.
As a matter of fact,
she has another date
with that guy tonight, and, uh,
I think she's gonna
say goodbye to him.
Another $50 says she doesn't.
You're on.
Okay.
Hey, wait a minute.
How am I gonna know
if I win or not?
Well, you can either
take my word for it,
or you can come to the house
and see for yourself.
I'll take your word for it.
Good.
And come to your house
and see for myself.
Oh, yes, a most amusing evening.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[SIGHS]
Well...
Well, here we are.
It has been
a wonderful evening, Geoffrey.
Oh, you're most flattering.
I'm sure you go out quite often.
Oh, no, I very seldom
go out to restaurants.
And... not with anyone
like you.
[CHUCKLES]
GEOFFREY:
I'm afraid this is goodbye.
JEANNIE:
Goodbye?
Yes, I must return
to London quite soon.
Oh.
Well...
I cannot let you go now.
Oh, but, uh... Don't be absurd.
You must let me go.
I will go to England.
[CHUCKLING]
You'll come to England?
Well, I will go there
if you're going to be there.
Oh, marvelous, marvelous.
That's... That's wonderful.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Mm.
[♪]
Mmm.
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
[SIGHS] Well...
Yes?
Well, it's jolly nice, um,
getting to know a person,
isn't it?
I mean,
really knowing the person.
Yes, it is, isn't it?
Yes.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Poor Tony.
Well, he wouldn't listen to me.
[QUIETLY, AS TONY]
Roger? Roger!
[MUMBLES]
[♪]
[SOFTLY] Ow!
Good evening, master.
Heh. Good evening,
Jeannie.
You're finished working?
Yeah, yeah, I'm finished.
I got so lonely.
Oh, did you?
Mmm.
How was your uncle?
Oh, he's fine.
I hope you're evening
wasn't too dull.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, you know how it is
when I am not with you.
Yeah.
[♪]
Oh, Dr. Bellows.
Oh, good evening, Major Healey.
Good evening, sir.
You haven't seen Tony?
No. Well, I've gotta find him.
You haven't seen
Dr. Tiff in-Smythe, have you?
Oh, I'll say I have.
Oh, good. Where?
He's at Tony's house.
Of course,
he must be working there.
Yeah, I'll say.
Thank you.
Oh, sir, if you see Tony,
tell him I'm looking for him.
Yes. Uh, major.
Yes, sir?
I'd see the doctor
about that foot.
Yes, doctor.
Yes, doctor.
Hmm.
I think I'll go and see
how Dr. Tiff in-Smythe
is coming along.
[JEANNIE HUMMING]
Could you stop the racket,
Jeannie, please?
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
Is there anything
I can do for you?
No, I think you've done
quite enough already.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, I will get it.
No, no...
Just pop out, please.
Yes, master.
Please.
Oh, Dr. Bellows.
Oh.
Good evening, Major Nelson.
Same to you, sir.
Um, I'm sorry to intrude,
but I'm looking
for Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
Dr. Tiff in-Smythe?
Well, he's gone.
[THUDDING] Upstairs.
Tell him I'd like to see him,
would you please?
I think he's awfully busy.
Major, if you please?
[♪]
Thanks.
Thanks a lot, Jeannie.
Oh, I'm sorry, master.
You see, I just dropped a few...
Would you please just get back
in your bottle?
Oh, yes, master.
Good night.
Good night.
[WHISPERING]
Not... Not that way.
Oh! Dr. Bellows is down there.
Just blink in your bottle.
Dr. Bellows?
Oh, Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
Yes?
You didn't lose any time,
did you?
Lose any time?
You're already working
on Major Nelson.
Oh, yes, yes, splendid chap.
Absolutely.
Huh?
Yes.
Oh, yes, I...
I just dropped by
because I'm leaving
for Washington tomorrow,
and I wanted to see
how things were progressing.
Marvelously. He's the best
patient I've ever worked with.
I'm delighted
to hear you say that.
Are you?
I would like
to say goodbye to him.
You would?
Oh, yes, please.
Of course.
I'll fetch him for you.
Thank you.
Ow!
Uh, Dr. Tiff in-Smythe said
you wanted to see me, sir.
Yes.
As a matter of fact,
I'd like to talk to both of you.
At the same time.
TONY:
Same time?
I'll go get him.
I'll go get him.
No, no, you stay here.
Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
Heh. I still think it
would be better if I went...
I don't think
that will be necessary, major.
I don't know what you're trying
to get away with,
but you've made
one serious mistake.
I have?
BELLOWS:
You happen to be dealing
with a trained psychiatrist.
There is no Dr. Tiff in-Smythe.
I beg your pardon?
I beg your pardon, doctor.
I should hope so.
Major Nelson,
shall we get back to work?
Yes, oh, yes, of course, sir.
If you'll excuse us,
Dr. Bellows.
Uh, uh, yes.
Please, I didn't know.
[GIGGLES]
You see, I thought that, uh...
Well, uh, that you...
There's something
about this house.
[CHUCKLES]
Uh...
Well, you can't be.
Oh...
[GIGGLES]
Well, you mean
you knew about this all...?
You knew about this
all the time?
Yes, master.
Well, then you...
You're not in love
with Geoffrey Tiff in-Smythe?
Of course, I am.
What?
I love you no matter
who you are. Heh.
[SQUEALS]
There is one thing
I do not understand, master.
What's that, Jeannie?
Why did you do this?
Oh, it's just
a little silly prank.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, I will get it.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
You stand there.
Yes?
You still here?
What did you do,
decide to move in?
What a fine friend you are.
[CHUCKLES] What have I done?
What have you done?
Don't give me that jazz.
Hey, it's me.
Major Healey to you... Look.
How could you do this
to poor Tony?
I don't understand
how you can...
Roger, it's me.
Look, buddy,
will you just butt out?
I mean, you're
gonna break the heart
of one of the nicest guys
that ever lived.
I mean, he trusted you.
He even bet on you.
Roger.
You...
Heh.
[WHISPERING] It's me.
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
Hey, it's me, see?
[CHUCKLING] It's you.
Forget about that.
It's your dollars.
No, no. Your bet. I
lost fair and square.
Forget about it.
I lost it.
No, really.
Jeannie...
It was a little thing...
What bet, master?
Aah!
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[♪]