Hung (2009–2011): Season 3, Episode 4 - F**k Me, Mr. Drecker or Let's Not Go to Jail - full transcript

Fuck me.

Fuck me, Mr. Breaker. Oh, shit.

Mr. Drecker, you're so good.

Mr. Drecker, fuck me
like you mean it.

I'm gonna come again.
Oh, fuck.

I'm gonna some again, Mr. Breaker.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh. Oh, fuck.

Look at me. Look at me.

I gotta go back in. It's my party.

- Ah...
- What's the, uh...?

Hey, Logan, what's the occasion?



Tuesday.

You're welcome to join if you want.

Well, what do you want?

I want an apartment in Paris.
I want new parents.

I wanna go back inside
and get another drink.

Why, Mr. Drecker?

What do you want?

It doesn't make sense.
Why would a cop dress up as a cop'?

It makes more sense than
some of these motherfuckers.

Wanna wear diapers
and get fed baby food.

Look, I've been sending Ray
to have sex with her.

Rough sex.
What am I supposed to do?

- She paying you, right?
- Yeah.

Then keep doing what you're doing.



- Most cops fuck for free.
- No, I can't do that. I can't.

I promised Ray I would get rid of her.

She's a paying customer
who will drag your ass in...

if she becomes disgruntled.

Keep her gruntled.

So your ho gets a black eye or two.

It's better than pissing her off
and getting arrested.

- I wouldn't even tell him.
- I have to tell him.

You don't understand.
We're partners.

Man, why do you ask me this shit?
I mean, you come to me for advice...

like I'm some kind of magical
Yoda negro, but you don't listen.

- I listen to the essence of your advice.
- What essence?

Could you not treat me
like I don't know what I'm doing?

I'm a successful pimp.
I'm making money...

and I did it my own way
while you were in jail.

Why did you bail me out then?

I needed to stay someplace
had a landline...

so they could track me.

I'm supposed to commiserate
with non-felons...

and, well,
you're the only one I know.

And because I like you.

Probably should have put that
at the top of the list...

but, hey, that's me.

What about you?
Why did you bail me out?

Six in the side.

One in the corner. Eight in the side.

Who's next, motherfuckers?

Oh, don't stop.

Oh, don't stop.

Don't stop.

Oh.
- Oh, God.

You scared the bejesus out of me.

- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.

Our hearts are still beating.

- Who let you in?
- Security.

I wanted to get an early...

start.

It's 6:30 in the morning.

I just wanted to familiarize myself
with the system...

so I filed all of the records.

- Chronologically and alphabetically.
- Great. Now go home.

- No.
- Yes, go home.

- I wanna do a good job.
- You are.

Look, and you're running
yourself ragged doing it.

You're sick.

Physically, not mentally.

Nothing wrong with you mentally.

But go home. Go on.

Take an antihistamine,
a decongestant.

Get some rest.

Go on.

- So you like musicals.
- Oh, no.

I mean, I played Adelaide
in high school.

I can tell.

Good morning, Mr. Drecker.
How'd you sleep?

It's good to see you again.

You were always my favorite.

He?
He?'

Aw...

Drink some water, Mr. Drecker.

You'll feel better.

- You can call me Ray, you know.
- I know.

Where are you going?

I'm gonna take a shower,
maybe go back to bed.

What are you doing,
uh, later today?

I'm gonna take a shower
and maybe go back to bed.

Logan Lewis.

She had me in the palm
of her hand.

Ray, I called you 20 times last night.

Shh, shh.
Not so loud.

Oh, my God, you look terrible.

- What happened?
- Ah.

Where were you?

Ray, would you stop?

- Look, I'm trying to talk to you.
- Just talk softly.

Ray, Ray. Lydia's a cop, all right?

I saw her last night in person,
and she's a cop.

- Makes sense.
- Makes...?

Ray, she's Ia policia.

Look, look, she's 5-0
and we're criminals, okay?

But here's the thing.
We need to keep her satisfied.

Satisfied?
What are you talking about?

- I thought we cut this lady loose.
- We need to reconsider that.

Um, apparently
it's common practice...

for prostitutes to keep
police people as clients...

- ...from what I've read.
- She almost busted my ribs.

- I'm out. I'm done.
- Please, let's not go to jail, okay?

I don't wanna go to jail either.

That's why I'm not gonna
see her anymore.

All right, well,
somebody's gotta tell her.

I mean, she can't know we know.

We gotta let her down easy.

- Right?
- You're the pimp.

I'm the p... I'm the pimp?

What? What?
You said we were partners.

Fuck, Ray. She's gonna know
I'm lying. You know, I'm a bad liar.

- She'll see right through me.
- All right, I'll do it.

Call her up. Tell her I'll meet her
in a public place with witnesses.

Great, okay.

Uh, ahem.

Lenore, what about this one?

The ones in the back are better.

She said I could have
any one I wanted.

- Maybe they're better in the back.
- Yeah, I want this one.

And when are you gonna ask
about that other thing?

I'm waiting for the right time.

Okay.

Lenore?

All right, this area.
Anything you want.

- Where's Sandee?
- I think she wants one from the front.

- These have a higher resolution.
- They're dented.

They have a better warranty.
You said we could pick any cane.

Any one of these.

I think Sandee wants one up front.

I think Sandee is a leech and a liar who
faked a pregnancy to try to trap you.

No, she's a great fiancée, Lenore.

I think that I should be making
more than $200 per woman.

I think 400 is closer
to the going rate.

Jason, your going rate is $200.

How much did they pay you
to fuck me?

How much does your boss
pay you to bus tables?

Hmm?

Yeah.

Pick a TV, Jason. Thank me later.

Understand it's not you.

It's all me.

Uh-huh.

You know, I need to do stuff.
I've never been to Paris.

I mean, I've never been to Africa.

I wanna travel.

You know, riverboat, bicycle.

Are you sure it's not because
I was too aggressive with you?

No, no, I'm positive.

I just...

I thought that I could
let it all hang out with you.

Oh, you can. I mean, you could,
if I wasn't just giving it all up...

but I am.

I'm sweet.

I think I haven't
shown you my sweet side.

I know.

Looking at you now, um...

- Heh.
- I am so different...

from what you think I am,
Richard.

You can't just leave with no warning.

- I can't accept that. I simply can't
- You can't?

Come on, let's just enjoy
each other one more time...

then I'll be happy.

Yes. Oh, Richard, I enjoy you.

- I enjoy you so much.
- Oh, yes. I enjoy you too.

Yeah, papi, yeah!

Ay, how could you leave me?

It's not you, it's me.

I could do this all day.

- All night.
- So could I.

- Every day.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

- Ow!
- Oh, I'm sorry.

- What...?
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Oh, I don't know why I did that.

I'm sorry. I never wanna stop.

Never, never, never.

Tell me that you didn't
end it with her...

by having sex with her
in a bathroom.

That was after I ended it.

That's not how you end it, Ray.

Oh, God, I'm the one who said
we should keep her happy.

- You said, "No, I don't wanna see her."
- I don't.

Well, now she thinks
she's still a client.

She says that you wanna
fuck her forever.

That's... Those are not
the words that I used.

Well, those are the words
that she heard.

Well, I was, uh,
in the moment, okay?

She was looking good.
She was wearing a dress.

You had sex with a cop
because she wore a dress?

Well, it had flowers on it.

I mean, look, we were just
two people doing what people do.

- And then she slapped me.
- She hit you'!

She's a violent woman, Tanya.
It's a problem.

Well, now you have
to keep seeing her.

No, I'm not. I ended it.
I made it very clear.

And what happens after that
is besides the point!

Men and their fucking penises.

So, uh, Lydia, you know,
I spoke with Richard...

and he apologizes
if, uh, he gave you the wrong idea.

He's sorry we fucked
at the restaurant?

Oh, no, no. No, no, not at all.

He enjoyed that very much.

He regrets that his actions
were confusing.

He has a lot going on right now.

And. you know,
Richard is leaving the business...

for entirely personal reasons.

Between me and you, I'm furious.

I mean, he left me with no notice,
without a replacement.

I mean, if I don't find somebody soon,
my goose is cooked.

I mean, it's a big problem for me.

Do you think I give a shit
what your problems are?

- Lydia. Lydia, let's be civil.
- Fuck civil.

You know that thing
that I wanted to do?

Well, I wanna do it tonight.

Lydia, that's just... It's not possible.

- Uh, Richard is...
- Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot.

I know when I'm being lied to.

So if you wanna keep
this wellness center...

I strongly suggest a burglar
show up at my house.

Ten o'clock sharp.

Fuck me.

Um...

Hey, this is Ray. Leave your number.

Yeah, Ray, I need to talk to you.

Um, Lydia wants to see you tonight.

She's a scary woman, Ray.
I don't wanna go to jail.

Ray, where are you?

'Whoa-hon! Get her! Ha-ha!

- Aah!
- I'm gonna get you!

I'm gonna get you!

- Get him, kid!
- Go get her. Don't listen to her.

Get the old guy, that old guy!

Goddamn it.

- That's it!
- Get back in your vehicle, sir.

Sir, you must remain... Sir!

You can't do that!

Sir, return to your vehicle.

Come here.

It's cool that you wanted to see me.

I wanted to see you too,
but I need your number, Tanya.

Okay. Okay, we need to talk, okay?

I have... I have something
that might interest you.

- Oh, I'm interested.
- Heh.

All right, stay...

Stay on topic, okay?
This is business.

Did you... '2
Did you tell Lenore about us?

Oh, fuck, no. I'm not her slave.

- I do what I wanna do.
- Oh, my God.

- When do you get off work?
- About 9. Why?

Because... All right, look,
I'm trying to tell you I have a job.

I have a job that might interest you.

Does it pay $400?

Um...

Okay.

Cool.

Shh.

Freeze! Hands where I can see them.

Higher. Nice and high.

That's it.

Got any weapons?
Are you packing?

Are you fucking packing?

What the fuck?

Who the fuck are you?

- Wait, what?
- Unh.

Yeah, yeah. Oh.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Oh, don't stop.
Oh, right there, right there.

Matt, please.

- Am I hurting you?
- No, no, it's not that. Heh.

Am I too big?

I'm too big.

No. It's not that.

- I can go slower if you want.
- No.

- I can go faster too.
- It's not that either.

- Are you okay?

I'm fi... Yeah.

Mm. That's it. I'm good.

- That's it.
- What?

- You're good?
- I'm good.

- Jessica.
- Yeah.

Oh.

Ah.

Um...

- Did you have fun?
- It's late.

- I have to go home.
- Okay, sure.

If you're good, I'm good.

Oh. Heh-heh.

I gotta go.

In 1492,
Columbus sailed the ocean blue...

and he landed in the Caribbean.

Oh...

And he said, "How, big chief.

How do you do? My name is
Christopher and I've discovered you."

Oh.

Uh... Oh, yes, yes, you in the back,
with the beautiful pom-poms.

My name is Logan, Mr. Drecker.

My question was, uh, do you think
you could, like, lose the jockstrap?

It's really distracting.

Absolutely.

You know, the Indians
never wore jockstraps.

Why should I?

Wow.

You must have been fucking gorgeous
when you were 25.

Ray?
- Wait. Shh.

What's wrong? Who is it?

- Ray!
- Oh.

Get... Get-
Get dressed. Hurry.

Why? Are your parents home early?

Shh. It's my ex-wife.

Hide.

- Well, why don't we just ignore her?
- Because, Logan.

Hi. Hey, sorry.

.L..
- Hey.

I was in the area.

Well, yeah, it's...
it's a good area to be in.

He-h

- it's cold.
- Yeah.

Wow, you're wearing a dress.

You look good, really good.

Hi, I'm Logan.
Nice to meet you, Mrs. Drecker.

Jessica.

Right. You're divorced.

I'm gonna jump in the shower, Ray.

Nice meeting you, Jessica.

- Jess. Jess.
- Sorry, I should have called.

- No, don't be sorry.
- I said sorry.

Fuck you and accept it
I should have called.

- You're single, I'm single.
- Listen, please.

- You do what you want and I will too.
- Jess.

- Oh.
- Uh...

She's a child. Ray, she looks 18.

No, she's not 18. She's... Come on,
she's much older than that.

- She's like...
- She's like what? Tell me.

What's she like?

We're 43 years old.

What are we doing?

- -on 94. You can see
he cut across several lanes...

in the Harper Woods area.

He went on to go about
another seven or eight miles.

I'm so glad you're here.

So am I.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Even though you don't listen
to a damn word I say.

- I do listen.
- Oh, yeah, I forgot.

You listen to my essence.

To my ebony essence.

Here you go, Mr. Drecker, $600.

- Club's open till 4.
- Oh. Heh.

I don't think I'd be much fun.
I am running on fumes.

You're running on empty.

I am no longer 25.

Mm.

You sure?

Wednesday night dollar drinks.

Maybe next time.

Freeze! Hands where I can see them.

Turn around,
put your hands on your head.

- Keep your hands right there.
- Lydia?

You have the right to remain silent.

What are you doing? Wait, stop.

- What are you doing?
- You're under arrest.

Arrest? For what?

Prostitution, motherfucker!