Hung (2009–2011): Season 2, Episode 3 - Mind Bullets or Bang Bang Bang Bang Motherfucker - full transcript
Spurred by criticism from Damon and Darby, Ray tries to prove he's not an insensitive ex-jock. Seething from the demands of her new boss at work, Tanya turns to Charlie for advice on how to deal with an even more irritable problem: Lenore. Meanwhile, Jessica feels the pinch of the economic downturn, but can't stomach Ronnie's remedy.
Okay, let's go.
Why are we jogging?
It's healthy to sweat.
Dad, I'm very healthy already.
Why do people think I'm not healthy?
I'm in great, happy health.
I never said you weren't. Come on, guys,
let's pick up the pace a little bit.
Did Mom put you up to this?
No. What?
I told him, Darb.
I get a weird vibe from those girls.
- They'll make you die of sleep apnea.
- What girls?
Fat people get sleep apnea
and choke in the night.
- No, they don't.
- Hey, hey.
- Yes, they do.
- Instead of going to these fat classes...
...how about the three of us,
we run, huh?
- Come on.
- I have a cramp.
You ever wonder what kind of guy
Dad would be like in high school?
Paul Kolsenovic.
What? Paulie K?
I was never a shortstop.
- Dad, he's a total asshole.
- What?
Guys like that are allergic
to people like us.
They make mooing sounds
when we walk past.
What's up with you guys?
I never mooed at anybody.
Paulie K calls me Gaymon.
What? That kid just got benched.
Dad, you don't get it.
You think you would've
been friends with us in school?
Absolutely. Of course.
I always had interesting friends.
- Oh, like who?
- Like-- Well....
Like my friend Tanya, for example.
We do stuff together all the time.
- Like what?
- Interesting stuff.
What's the matter with you guys, huh?
Why am I the enemy all of a sudden?
You don't live with me for a while and
suddenly you're making these assumptions?
Honey, hey,
I'm the same great dad I always was.
Come on. We're three peas in a pod.
Dad, look in the mirror.
Everybody looks at you and mom
and wonders where we came from.
Honey.
You're never gonna know
what that's like.
Hey.
He calls me Bitch Tits too.
- What?
- Paulie K, he calls me Bitch Tits.
Jess, I can see your tiles.
Oh.
Honey, just make a move.
Don't sweat it.
Remember how you made me
go bowling and I hesitated...
...but then I really, really loved it?
I'm sure the same can happen for you.
How about this economy, huh?
So are you guys feeling it, or...?
Actually, Matt couldn't be busier.
I hate to say it, but when times are tough,
people do have more heart attacks.
Veins seem to constrict.
Hearts are recession-proof.
Feet, not so much.
Or skin. I'm like down 40 percent.
Forty percent?
You're so tight-lipped, Ron.
- Oh, "tics," like the bug.
- Oh.
Or with that spelling,
an uncontrollable jerk.
- Like a tic.
- It's a nervous... tic.
- An involuntary-- Your husband's a doctor.
- It's a great word, Jess.
- Come on, it's 12 points.
- It is a word.
You have one new message.
Tanya, are you wearing
your new cashmere sweater?
I just read an article in The New York Times
about how French luxury labels...
...use Indian children
to sew their garments.
How do you feel about that?
Claudine? I'm sorry. Where is Claudine?
Oh, didn't you hear? Shingles.
She went to Florida to be with her mom.
I'm the new supervisor.
Wow. I didn't even know
there was an opening.
It's great.
Anyway, this schedule says
I only work four hours next week?
Oh, yeah, that's a mistake.
It should say zero.
Sorry, it looks like you're
a victim of the recession.
Wait, you're firing me?
You get a little power
and you're firing me?
Mm-mm. Not necessarily.
You've just been downshifted.
You could be upshifted
if things change.
I need this job. I depend on it.
I'm behind on my rent.
What does that even mean, "upshift"?
It means what you think it means.
You're down, but you could be up.
You could get me a date
with the big-dick guy.
Oh, sure.
I could even swing you a discount.
I don't want a discount.
I want him for free.
Patty, Richard has to be paid.
Then you pay him.
In my whole life,
I have never been anyone's boss, Tanya.
I'm 44. I've never got to tell
anyone what to do.
Would you get that for me?
Patty, I have a life outside of here.
Do you know, this sweater,
it cost ? 1800?
It looks like one that I have
from J.T. Warehouse that makes me itch.
No, this is a Lanvin.
- It looks like a Lankin.
- Lankin?
No, this is--
- Nice uniforms.
- Yeah, they're great, huh?
I got the team some new uniforms.
Told Mike I got a special donor
to pay for them.
The kids loved it.
They look like a million bucks.
My own kids....
I don't know.
Were they right?
If they were in high school with me...
...would I be friends with them?
I missed you a little bit.
- What?
- No need to panic.
I mean like a friend,
not in the romantic sense of the situation.
I'm not panicked.
Well, you look kind of
freaked out to me...
...or intimidated, but in the anxious zone.
No, I'm a calm,
confident person, Charlie...
...and more and more so every day.
This is just a difficult moment.
Which is why
you reached out to me, right?
Would you consider us friends...
...or are we just acquaintances?
Well, I don't know if I would say friends,
because we just met...
...but I do think we have
a special, open dynamic.
Say no more.
If our talks are special to you,
that is answer enough for me.
What we have is special, I agree.
Anyway, the problem is,
my ho-- My one ho--
Actually, he's not all mine.
Actually, the truth is
I have to share him with this woman...
...who I think has
sociopathic tendencies.
What do you mean by the word "share"?
Well, she's his pimp too.
She's his pimp too?
Correct.
One ho, two pimps?
Correct.
Wow. If that's how you like to run things.
No, absolutely not.
This woman, she's trying to fuck with me.
She's trying to fuck with my head
and I need to fight back.
I see. You're very excitable.
Well, for example, this sweater.
I think she practically cursed it.
I think she went so far
as to sneak into my apartment...
...and switch it out
with a cheaper version.
I am absolutely positive that this label
used to say "Lanvin," and now--
Hold.
Take her out.
- The other pimp.
- Take her out?
Uh-huh.
That's what I want to do.
Not in a violent way.
Hey.
Okay, this is how I do it.
Close your eyes.
Really, close your eyes.
Now imagine this lady.
Imagine the colour of her hair.
Wait, wait. Okay.
Good. Her eyes.
Well, everything. You got it?
Yeah.
Now see her dead.
See every detail.
See the blood coming from her head...
...bleeding from her fucking ears,
stab wounds--
- I can't do that.
- No, just go with it. It's just an exercise.
No. I think I need a different idea.
You bide your time like a cobra.
And when the moment is right,
you strike.
- How do I know the time is right?
- Well, you'll feel it.
Mind bullets.
Bang, bang, bang, bang!
This place is very inconvenient.
- Next time I pick the venue.
- Hi.
Hi. It's fine. It's cultural.
It's not cultural, Ray.
It's people eating beans.
Thanks, Jozo.
Ugh. I love this place.
They make the best boiled beans.
Hey, puppy.
Here's your cash.
Thanks.
That's it? There's 240 in here.
Your 60 percent of 1200 is 720...
...minus 40 percent
of the previous 1200.
You didn't commission me on that.
Remember when Claire paid you
and you forgot to tell me?
I think I understand
Ray's frustration, Lenore.
Forty percent is too high
a commission for you.
I think zero percent is too high
a commission for you, Tanya.
Come on, Lenore, ease up.
Come on, we're not
in high school anymore.
How about we treat each other
with a little respect?
Let's not talk about commission now.
Who have we got lined up?
I have several exciting prospects lined up,
starting with Patty.
I talked her into rebooking
and she's willing to pay 300.
- Patty?
- Mm-hm.
Right, SeaWorld.
- Ray doesn't do discounts anymore.
- I think Ray can speak for Ray.
And I think he understands
the value of an enthusiastic client.
- Right?
- I think Lenore is right, Tanya.
Three hundred? It's a little low.
Okay, I think maybe I can
massage her into 400.
The minimum is ?600.
Look, Patty is--
She's between paycheques right now...
...and the best she can do is 400.
Then Patty is a definite no-go.
On the other hand, I have two clients
that I have almost sealed the deal with.
I wasn't done talking, okay?
I wasn't done talking.
I have a second client, Frances...
...and she's a mature, wealthy widow--
- I'm sorry, who?
- Frances.
Yes, that's right, Frances.
Frances is someone
that I have a connection with.
I told you we have a connection.
And she gave me a gift.
This sweater, actually.
Frances is someone that Lenore
couldn't close and I saw an opening.
Gee, I'm feeling chilly.
What are you wearing?
You two look like twins.
- Lenore.
- Oh, for God's sake.
Lenore, just tell me the truth.
Where did you get that sweater?
At the store.
I liked your sweater so I got one for myself.
No, admit it. You stole it.
You snuck into my apartment
and you stole the sweater.
- Show me the label.
- Okay, let me break it down for you, Tanya.
I understand why you're confused.
I told you last time that
your sweater was a Lanvin...
...but I made a mistake.
You know when I realised it?
When I went to buy this one...
...and it was clearly so much nicer.
I'm sorry you're disappointed.
I really am.
I would be too if I discovered
that my ? 1800 gift was a Lankin.
Although Lankin is a well respected
emerging Israeli designer...
...who just happens to favour
cheap rayon.
That's it. That's it. I am sick of it.
I am sick of your shit.
I am sick of you, Lenore.
I have tried to make this work.
I tried to be a gracious person...
...when you swooped in
and took Ray away.
But I'm so tired of being gracious.
I am sick of being accommodating.
I am tired of being walked all over.
You think you're the only one
who can play hardball?
I know how to play hardball.
I am not afraid to play hardball.
What are you gonna do, T-Brain,
write a mean poem about me?
Fuck you.
Bang, bang, bang, motherfucker!
What if the neighbours see you?
Honey, if your business is down
40 percent, so is theirs.
There's nothing embarrassing
about doing a little yard work.
It's not exactly 40 percent.
Are you saying it's more?
It varies. The Botox boom is over...
...but we still get the stress-related acne
and the skin-cancer crowd.
Don't worry about it, Jess.
I just want to help, Ron.
I mean, look at someone like Mindy.
She's a wife.
She brings home a doctor's salary.
She's trying to get pregnant too.
Jeez, I can't imagine
being pregnant right now.
What if you did imagine it?
- What?
- I think we should have a baby.
There, I said it.
Ron...
...when we were dating you said
you had absolutely no interest in kids.
I know, but I changed my mind.
Mindy says it's a wonderful gift.
I'm not Mindy, Ron. I'm nothing like her.
Well, honey,
Mindy's really good at being married.
This is gonna be so good.
Doesn't it smell good?
You're gonna love it.
It's much better than old beans.
Now, I'm sorry.
I know I scared you.
But I promise I'm the kind of person
that's always kind to animals. Hold on.
Tanya.
Just a second, Ray.
Okay.
Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I thought I'd stop by
for a little post-game recap.
Yeah, well, would you like some--?
Would you like scrambled eggs?
No. Listen, Tanya--
- Some tea?
- No, thanks.
I feel bad, the commission thing.
Lenore, she's wrong.
You deserve more than zero percent.
I shouldn't have let that slide by.
I should have stood up for you.
Thanks, Ray. That means a lot.
But the thing is, I'm--
I haven't earned it yet.
And about Horny Patty, she's....
She's very persistent.
Forget about Horny Patty, okay?
If she won't pay our prices,
then that's that, right?
I say we hold the fort.
I bet she comes around.
What is that?
It's-- It's rats.
Rats.
They're in the attic
and then they migrate...
...to the bathroom through the wall.
Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow?
Me and the kids are going to a movie.
Wanna come?
Really? What are you gonna see?
Whatever you want. Your choice.
But, Ray, you don't ever
invite me anywhere.
Well, I'm full of surprises, Tanya.
I'm an interesting guy, right?
I'm a nice guy.
I mean, if we went to school together,
you wouldn't-- Ahem.
You wouldn't hate me, right?
I would try not to, Ray.
That's not a rat.
Why take her dog, Tanya?
It's complicated.
Then why not just leave it at home?
How do you think she got my sweater?
Shh! Shh!
What the hell kind of movie
is this, Tanya?
It's too peculiar.
There's a deeper meaning.
Just look for it.
What kind of movie is this?
It's....
There's a deeper meaning.
Look and try to find it.
So are you and Dad
friends with benefits?
Benefits?
No. No, there are no benefits.
What about you?
I heard you were going through
a kind of experimental phase.
- Are you asking me if I'm gay?
- No, that's private.
Do I look gay?
- What does gay look like?
- Exactly.
It's just, I'm not gonna climb
into any box...
...and I'm not gonna climb
out of any box.
If there even is a box,
someone else put it there, not me.
Come on, people are trying
to sleep in here.
Shh!
Shh!
I deserve respect.
Just return the dog, Tanya.
Okay.
This is not a way to run a business.
Okay, but wait.
Ray, I need to ask a favour of you.
It's about Horny Patty, the person.
Don't tell Lenore.
What, you want me to see her for 400?
No.
I need you to do her for free.
- Come on, Tanya.
- I know.
I'm trying to be a professional.
I have fucked a lot of women for free,
all right?
Stop trying to knock me
back to the minors.
I'm sorry, Ray.
She's my boss
and I kind of have to pay for it.
- What?
- Look, it's a long story.
Let's not get into it. How about 200?
Can you swing 250?
Okay.
Two-fifty is fine. I can swing anything.
Oh, my God, that's like vibrator-good.
That's nice.
I'm glad I'm better than a vibrator.
I didn't say that you were better...
...I just said that you were as good.
Now, as good.
Ooh! Better. No.
Ooh. Ooh. As good.
I'm such a joker sometimes, you know?
I love to let it all just hang out.
I missed you, big-dick man.
You remind me of my Ken doll.
Ken doll?
When I was little, I always made
my Ken doll have sex with my Barbies.
But I had 16 Barbies...
...and only one Ken.
Barbie always had to, like, you know...
...go to work, and she got to go
to parties and stuff.
But Ken...
...just fucked.
He didn't have time to go to work.
Sometimes being a good guy has its price.
I know. I know what it's like
to have a terrible mother.
But I like to think that difficult mothers...
...make strong, independent women.
So just take some comfort in that.
I'm--
I came to return Horny Patty.
Thanks, but this is my dog now.
Horny Patrick.
But what about Horny Patty?
I missed her, but I needed to move on.
Ray, I'm at
Bertson's. I thought we were meeting here.
You said every Sunday. It's Sunday.
- I thought you cancelled that.
- No.
Well, I thought you did,
or else I'd be there.
Oh.
Okay.
Ray, I thought you weren't coming.
You okay?
Oh, yeah. I just need to...
...get it together.
I'm not very....
You need to talk to me?
I'm just....
I am so confused.
- Marriage is so confusing.
- Yeah.
As you know,
I'm not easy to be married to.
You were okay.
It's probably my fault.
And if it wasn't, I sure deserve it.
I'm being melodramatic.
How can I help you?
I want to help you.
Jessica.
Oh, it's my--
- My friend. I called her.
- Hi.
I thought you said you were here alone.
No.
I'm-- I was talking to--
This is my ex-husband, Ray.
- We're friends.
- I can see that.
Hi, I'm Lenore.
Hi, I'm Ray.
Hi.
Why are we jogging?
It's healthy to sweat.
Dad, I'm very healthy already.
Why do people think I'm not healthy?
I'm in great, happy health.
I never said you weren't. Come on, guys,
let's pick up the pace a little bit.
Did Mom put you up to this?
No. What?
I told him, Darb.
I get a weird vibe from those girls.
- They'll make you die of sleep apnea.
- What girls?
Fat people get sleep apnea
and choke in the night.
- No, they don't.
- Hey, hey.
- Yes, they do.
- Instead of going to these fat classes...
...how about the three of us,
we run, huh?
- Come on.
- I have a cramp.
You ever wonder what kind of guy
Dad would be like in high school?
Paul Kolsenovic.
What? Paulie K?
I was never a shortstop.
- Dad, he's a total asshole.
- What?
Guys like that are allergic
to people like us.
They make mooing sounds
when we walk past.
What's up with you guys?
I never mooed at anybody.
Paulie K calls me Gaymon.
What? That kid just got benched.
Dad, you don't get it.
You think you would've
been friends with us in school?
Absolutely. Of course.
I always had interesting friends.
- Oh, like who?
- Like-- Well....
Like my friend Tanya, for example.
We do stuff together all the time.
- Like what?
- Interesting stuff.
What's the matter with you guys, huh?
Why am I the enemy all of a sudden?
You don't live with me for a while and
suddenly you're making these assumptions?
Honey, hey,
I'm the same great dad I always was.
Come on. We're three peas in a pod.
Dad, look in the mirror.
Everybody looks at you and mom
and wonders where we came from.
Honey.
You're never gonna know
what that's like.
Hey.
He calls me Bitch Tits too.
- What?
- Paulie K, he calls me Bitch Tits.
Jess, I can see your tiles.
Oh.
Honey, just make a move.
Don't sweat it.
Remember how you made me
go bowling and I hesitated...
...but then I really, really loved it?
I'm sure the same can happen for you.
How about this economy, huh?
So are you guys feeling it, or...?
Actually, Matt couldn't be busier.
I hate to say it, but when times are tough,
people do have more heart attacks.
Veins seem to constrict.
Hearts are recession-proof.
Feet, not so much.
Or skin. I'm like down 40 percent.
Forty percent?
You're so tight-lipped, Ron.
- Oh, "tics," like the bug.
- Oh.
Or with that spelling,
an uncontrollable jerk.
- Like a tic.
- It's a nervous... tic.
- An involuntary-- Your husband's a doctor.
- It's a great word, Jess.
- Come on, it's 12 points.
- It is a word.
You have one new message.
Tanya, are you wearing
your new cashmere sweater?
I just read an article in The New York Times
about how French luxury labels...
...use Indian children
to sew their garments.
How do you feel about that?
Claudine? I'm sorry. Where is Claudine?
Oh, didn't you hear? Shingles.
She went to Florida to be with her mom.
I'm the new supervisor.
Wow. I didn't even know
there was an opening.
It's great.
Anyway, this schedule says
I only work four hours next week?
Oh, yeah, that's a mistake.
It should say zero.
Sorry, it looks like you're
a victim of the recession.
Wait, you're firing me?
You get a little power
and you're firing me?
Mm-mm. Not necessarily.
You've just been downshifted.
You could be upshifted
if things change.
I need this job. I depend on it.
I'm behind on my rent.
What does that even mean, "upshift"?
It means what you think it means.
You're down, but you could be up.
You could get me a date
with the big-dick guy.
Oh, sure.
I could even swing you a discount.
I don't want a discount.
I want him for free.
Patty, Richard has to be paid.
Then you pay him.
In my whole life,
I have never been anyone's boss, Tanya.
I'm 44. I've never got to tell
anyone what to do.
Would you get that for me?
Patty, I have a life outside of here.
Do you know, this sweater,
it cost ? 1800?
It looks like one that I have
from J.T. Warehouse that makes me itch.
No, this is a Lanvin.
- It looks like a Lankin.
- Lankin?
No, this is--
- Nice uniforms.
- Yeah, they're great, huh?
I got the team some new uniforms.
Told Mike I got a special donor
to pay for them.
The kids loved it.
They look like a million bucks.
My own kids....
I don't know.
Were they right?
If they were in high school with me...
...would I be friends with them?
I missed you a little bit.
- What?
- No need to panic.
I mean like a friend,
not in the romantic sense of the situation.
I'm not panicked.
Well, you look kind of
freaked out to me...
...or intimidated, but in the anxious zone.
No, I'm a calm,
confident person, Charlie...
...and more and more so every day.
This is just a difficult moment.
Which is why
you reached out to me, right?
Would you consider us friends...
...or are we just acquaintances?
Well, I don't know if I would say friends,
because we just met...
...but I do think we have
a special, open dynamic.
Say no more.
If our talks are special to you,
that is answer enough for me.
What we have is special, I agree.
Anyway, the problem is,
my ho-- My one ho--
Actually, he's not all mine.
Actually, the truth is
I have to share him with this woman...
...who I think has
sociopathic tendencies.
What do you mean by the word "share"?
Well, she's his pimp too.
She's his pimp too?
Correct.
One ho, two pimps?
Correct.
Wow. If that's how you like to run things.
No, absolutely not.
This woman, she's trying to fuck with me.
She's trying to fuck with my head
and I need to fight back.
I see. You're very excitable.
Well, for example, this sweater.
I think she practically cursed it.
I think she went so far
as to sneak into my apartment...
...and switch it out
with a cheaper version.
I am absolutely positive that this label
used to say "Lanvin," and now--
Hold.
Take her out.
- The other pimp.
- Take her out?
Uh-huh.
That's what I want to do.
Not in a violent way.
Hey.
Okay, this is how I do it.
Close your eyes.
Really, close your eyes.
Now imagine this lady.
Imagine the colour of her hair.
Wait, wait. Okay.
Good. Her eyes.
Well, everything. You got it?
Yeah.
Now see her dead.
See every detail.
See the blood coming from her head...
...bleeding from her fucking ears,
stab wounds--
- I can't do that.
- No, just go with it. It's just an exercise.
No. I think I need a different idea.
You bide your time like a cobra.
And when the moment is right,
you strike.
- How do I know the time is right?
- Well, you'll feel it.
Mind bullets.
Bang, bang, bang, bang!
This place is very inconvenient.
- Next time I pick the venue.
- Hi.
Hi. It's fine. It's cultural.
It's not cultural, Ray.
It's people eating beans.
Thanks, Jozo.
Ugh. I love this place.
They make the best boiled beans.
Hey, puppy.
Here's your cash.
Thanks.
That's it? There's 240 in here.
Your 60 percent of 1200 is 720...
...minus 40 percent
of the previous 1200.
You didn't commission me on that.
Remember when Claire paid you
and you forgot to tell me?
I think I understand
Ray's frustration, Lenore.
Forty percent is too high
a commission for you.
I think zero percent is too high
a commission for you, Tanya.
Come on, Lenore, ease up.
Come on, we're not
in high school anymore.
How about we treat each other
with a little respect?
Let's not talk about commission now.
Who have we got lined up?
I have several exciting prospects lined up,
starting with Patty.
I talked her into rebooking
and she's willing to pay 300.
- Patty?
- Mm-hm.
Right, SeaWorld.
- Ray doesn't do discounts anymore.
- I think Ray can speak for Ray.
And I think he understands
the value of an enthusiastic client.
- Right?
- I think Lenore is right, Tanya.
Three hundred? It's a little low.
Okay, I think maybe I can
massage her into 400.
The minimum is ?600.
Look, Patty is--
She's between paycheques right now...
...and the best she can do is 400.
Then Patty is a definite no-go.
On the other hand, I have two clients
that I have almost sealed the deal with.
I wasn't done talking, okay?
I wasn't done talking.
I have a second client, Frances...
...and she's a mature, wealthy widow--
- I'm sorry, who?
- Frances.
Yes, that's right, Frances.
Frances is someone
that I have a connection with.
I told you we have a connection.
And she gave me a gift.
This sweater, actually.
Frances is someone that Lenore
couldn't close and I saw an opening.
Gee, I'm feeling chilly.
What are you wearing?
You two look like twins.
- Lenore.
- Oh, for God's sake.
Lenore, just tell me the truth.
Where did you get that sweater?
At the store.
I liked your sweater so I got one for myself.
No, admit it. You stole it.
You snuck into my apartment
and you stole the sweater.
- Show me the label.
- Okay, let me break it down for you, Tanya.
I understand why you're confused.
I told you last time that
your sweater was a Lanvin...
...but I made a mistake.
You know when I realised it?
When I went to buy this one...
...and it was clearly so much nicer.
I'm sorry you're disappointed.
I really am.
I would be too if I discovered
that my ? 1800 gift was a Lankin.
Although Lankin is a well respected
emerging Israeli designer...
...who just happens to favour
cheap rayon.
That's it. That's it. I am sick of it.
I am sick of your shit.
I am sick of you, Lenore.
I have tried to make this work.
I tried to be a gracious person...
...when you swooped in
and took Ray away.
But I'm so tired of being gracious.
I am sick of being accommodating.
I am tired of being walked all over.
You think you're the only one
who can play hardball?
I know how to play hardball.
I am not afraid to play hardball.
What are you gonna do, T-Brain,
write a mean poem about me?
Fuck you.
Bang, bang, bang, motherfucker!
What if the neighbours see you?
Honey, if your business is down
40 percent, so is theirs.
There's nothing embarrassing
about doing a little yard work.
It's not exactly 40 percent.
Are you saying it's more?
It varies. The Botox boom is over...
...but we still get the stress-related acne
and the skin-cancer crowd.
Don't worry about it, Jess.
I just want to help, Ron.
I mean, look at someone like Mindy.
She's a wife.
She brings home a doctor's salary.
She's trying to get pregnant too.
Jeez, I can't imagine
being pregnant right now.
What if you did imagine it?
- What?
- I think we should have a baby.
There, I said it.
Ron...
...when we were dating you said
you had absolutely no interest in kids.
I know, but I changed my mind.
Mindy says it's a wonderful gift.
I'm not Mindy, Ron. I'm nothing like her.
Well, honey,
Mindy's really good at being married.
This is gonna be so good.
Doesn't it smell good?
You're gonna love it.
It's much better than old beans.
Now, I'm sorry.
I know I scared you.
But I promise I'm the kind of person
that's always kind to animals. Hold on.
Tanya.
Just a second, Ray.
Okay.
Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I thought I'd stop by
for a little post-game recap.
Yeah, well, would you like some--?
Would you like scrambled eggs?
No. Listen, Tanya--
- Some tea?
- No, thanks.
I feel bad, the commission thing.
Lenore, she's wrong.
You deserve more than zero percent.
I shouldn't have let that slide by.
I should have stood up for you.
Thanks, Ray. That means a lot.
But the thing is, I'm--
I haven't earned it yet.
And about Horny Patty, she's....
She's very persistent.
Forget about Horny Patty, okay?
If she won't pay our prices,
then that's that, right?
I say we hold the fort.
I bet she comes around.
What is that?
It's-- It's rats.
Rats.
They're in the attic
and then they migrate...
...to the bathroom through the wall.
Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow?
Me and the kids are going to a movie.
Wanna come?
Really? What are you gonna see?
Whatever you want. Your choice.
But, Ray, you don't ever
invite me anywhere.
Well, I'm full of surprises, Tanya.
I'm an interesting guy, right?
I'm a nice guy.
I mean, if we went to school together,
you wouldn't-- Ahem.
You wouldn't hate me, right?
I would try not to, Ray.
That's not a rat.
Why take her dog, Tanya?
It's complicated.
Then why not just leave it at home?
How do you think she got my sweater?
Shh! Shh!
What the hell kind of movie
is this, Tanya?
It's too peculiar.
There's a deeper meaning.
Just look for it.
What kind of movie is this?
It's....
There's a deeper meaning.
Look and try to find it.
So are you and Dad
friends with benefits?
Benefits?
No. No, there are no benefits.
What about you?
I heard you were going through
a kind of experimental phase.
- Are you asking me if I'm gay?
- No, that's private.
Do I look gay?
- What does gay look like?
- Exactly.
It's just, I'm not gonna climb
into any box...
...and I'm not gonna climb
out of any box.
If there even is a box,
someone else put it there, not me.
Come on, people are trying
to sleep in here.
Shh!
Shh!
I deserve respect.
Just return the dog, Tanya.
Okay.
This is not a way to run a business.
Okay, but wait.
Ray, I need to ask a favour of you.
It's about Horny Patty, the person.
Don't tell Lenore.
What, you want me to see her for 400?
No.
I need you to do her for free.
- Come on, Tanya.
- I know.
I'm trying to be a professional.
I have fucked a lot of women for free,
all right?
Stop trying to knock me
back to the minors.
I'm sorry, Ray.
She's my boss
and I kind of have to pay for it.
- What?
- Look, it's a long story.
Let's not get into it. How about 200?
Can you swing 250?
Okay.
Two-fifty is fine. I can swing anything.
Oh, my God, that's like vibrator-good.
That's nice.
I'm glad I'm better than a vibrator.
I didn't say that you were better...
...I just said that you were as good.
Now, as good.
Ooh! Better. No.
Ooh. Ooh. As good.
I'm such a joker sometimes, you know?
I love to let it all just hang out.
I missed you, big-dick man.
You remind me of my Ken doll.
Ken doll?
When I was little, I always made
my Ken doll have sex with my Barbies.
But I had 16 Barbies...
...and only one Ken.
Barbie always had to, like, you know...
...go to work, and she got to go
to parties and stuff.
But Ken...
...just fucked.
He didn't have time to go to work.
Sometimes being a good guy has its price.
I know. I know what it's like
to have a terrible mother.
But I like to think that difficult mothers...
...make strong, independent women.
So just take some comfort in that.
I'm--
I came to return Horny Patty.
Thanks, but this is my dog now.
Horny Patrick.
But what about Horny Patty?
I missed her, but I needed to move on.
Ray, I'm at
Bertson's. I thought we were meeting here.
You said every Sunday. It's Sunday.
- I thought you cancelled that.
- No.
Well, I thought you did,
or else I'd be there.
Oh.
Okay.
Ray, I thought you weren't coming.
You okay?
Oh, yeah. I just need to...
...get it together.
I'm not very....
You need to talk to me?
I'm just....
I am so confused.
- Marriage is so confusing.
- Yeah.
As you know,
I'm not easy to be married to.
You were okay.
It's probably my fault.
And if it wasn't, I sure deserve it.
I'm being melodramatic.
How can I help you?
I want to help you.
Jessica.
Oh, it's my--
- My friend. I called her.
- Hi.
I thought you said you were here alone.
No.
I'm-- I was talking to--
This is my ex-husband, Ray.
- We're friends.
- I can see that.
Hi, I'm Lenore.
Hi, I'm Ray.
Hi.