Hung (2009–2011): Season 2, Episode 1 - Just the Tip - full transcript

It's funny how women get in your head.

You think you divorced
your wife and it's over.

Then suddenly you can't stop wondering
why she's unhappy.

She wanted to pay a guy for sex.

And at the last moment,
I realised that guy was supposed to be me.

If she loved her husband so much...

...what was she doing in that hotel?

Having sex for money
was a lot harder than I thought.

But I had a house to fix...

...kids who might want
to move back in...

...a job I used to think
was there forever...



...but now was only there
till the end of spring.

At least there was baseball.

Didn't know why, but I had a feeling
that this year we were gonna win.

Or if we couldn't,
we'd go down fighting.

The district might run out of money
and hang us out to dry...

...but I knew in my gut
that if we could just focus on baseball...

...I'd be all right.

And the kids would be all right.

Every year is another chance to make it.

Nothing's over till that final out.

Hey, Ray! I got the signs.

I got some coffee here.
You ready to protest?

Stir up a little trouble?

Hey, Jess, it's me again.



You haven't called me back,
so, uh, I hope you're okay.

If you're not, or if you are,
just call me, okay?

We can talk about whatever you want.

Or nothing at all.

No contracts, no school.

Get the facts before you react.

No contracts, no school.

Get the facts before you react.

Hey, I love you.

Jessica! Je-- Hey, Jessica.

- Hey, how are you doing?
- Hi, Ray.

- Hold your horses.
- What do you need?

- Didn't you get my calls?
- Oh, no.

- Watch it!
- Hi.

- Hi.
- I was thinking we should have a meeting.

- Oh?
- You know, to, uh, discuss the kids.

Face to face.
Same time, same station?

- How about Sundays at Bertson's?
- Bertson's is a dump.

- What--? You're acting weird, Ray.
- I just wanna talk to you!

Although we sell dick and not cars...

...we can learn a lot from Diego Rivera.

Notice the workers.
Clearly their jobs are depressing.

They work too many hours
for little pay...

...and they have to wear
unattractive overalls.

Actually, Lenore, the workers
are meant to be the heroes of this mural.

No, Tanya.
When I look with a modern eye...

...I see someone like Ray teaching history
year after year...

...to ungrateful kids.

Or maybe that's you, Tanya,
at Wagner & Finch...

- ...in a washed-out yellow jumpsuit.
- Can we get to the point?

Glance to the top.
You see that doughy Asian person...

...and the mannish woman holding rocks?

That-- Those fat people could be us.

If we can change our way of operating...

...I believe there's a place for us
on that mountain.

What about these clenched hands?

To me that represents fisting, Ray.

It's time for you
to change your repertoire...

...which brings us to Claire.
What went wrong?

Nothing. She-- She hugged me goodbye.

She was just a little reserved.

What do you mean, "reserved"?

I mean she kept most of her clothes on.

I guess she was shy?

Well, it's your job to make her relax.

Look, the woman is very pregnant, okay?

- Ha-ha-ha. So?
- So I had to--

- To go delicate.
- Go delicate?

- What does that mean?
- You mean....

- I mean I held back.
- Held back?

- Yes.
- I'm still in the dark.

You know, I did just the tip.

You're worried that your dick is so big
you might hurt the baby?

- You don't have to put it like that, Tanya.
- Ha-ha-ha. That's hilarious.

Look, there's a baby in there.

Babies have been seeing penises
for centuries.

Ray, here's the thing:
Horny clients with disposable income...

...are like fruit.
I can only pick them when they're ripe.

Remember the last ripe one?
You left her waiting in a hotel room.

- Now she won't take my calls.
- I had food poisoning.

It's time for you to prove to me
that you are up for this job.

We don't want Claire
to have an okay time.

We want her on your hook.

- It's called stripper theory.
- You know...

...I've worked with several ex-strippers
who are proofreaders now...

...and they're pretty miserable people.

You don't know shit about it, T-Brain.

Using Ray's penis as a metaphor...

...you gotta give her the whole dick.

Not half a dick or a quarter-dick
or just the tip.

"Stripper theory"?

Who does she think she is, a professor?

- Ph.D. of Bullshit?
- She's a businesswoman.

Yeah, just because she says that
doesn't mean it's true.

A good businesswoman
knows her product...

...which in this case is you.

And she just wanted to lecture.
She didn't even think to ask.

- Ask what?
- If it was difficult for you, you know?

Because she's so pregnant.
That was my guess.

It wasn't that difficult, Sherlock Holmes.
Where's your car?

Well, I go back-- I go back that way.

Ahem. Okay. Um, here's your cut.

My cut? Wait, Lenore gave you yours?
Why didn't she give me mine?

Because she wanted, uh...

...your cut to come out of my cut,
and I figured, why rock the boat?

Are you kidding me?
Don't you see the symbolic significance?

It's like saying I'm a charity case.

You should get 60 percent,
Lenore should get 20 and I should get 20.

Okay, but for now, Lenore gets 40
and you get 20 of my 60.

Oh.

Roll it down. Roll it down!

- You got sandwiches?
- What?

Where are your sandwiches?
I want a P.B.J.

- Where's your cooler?
- Cooler?

- I want a sandwich.
- Ain't you from the mission?

From Our Lady of Madonna.
The mission lady drives this kind of car.

- If you're hungry, I could get a doughnut.
- Doughnut?

You think I need a doughnut?
Read the fucking sign, lady.

This is the Donut Hole.
Damn, I thought they was related.

- They look so related.
- Wait, wait, wait!

Where are you guys going? Shit.

I just-- I want--

I just wanted to ask you some questions
about your work.

I'm just interested in your job,
but no judgement.

I have no interest in judgement.

- Can I help you?
- Aah!

No, I was just leaving.

You looking for work
or you looking for play?

Neither. I just wanted
to ask some questions...

...about the psychology of prostitution.

Uh-huh.

Are you their...?

Am I their what?

You know.

Look, lady...

...get the fuck out of here.

Jessica.

It's Lenore, the friend
you're not mad at anymore.

If you want to keep me
in the deep freeze, I understand.

But I still need to drop by
and give you a full refund.

I insist. I'm morally burdened.

I think Ronnie wants to kill me.

Never trust
a skin doctor who sleeps with his patients.

Full of disease.

And my grandkids are weird.

I know what you're trying to do, Mother.
It's not working.

Boy is always following the girl.

And girl masturbates too much.
Very loud.

I did notice the girl
had big muscular fingers.

You know what? We should be grateful.

Most siblings hate each other.

And believe me...

...if there was something wrong
with my kids, I'd know it.

If Darby wants to masturbate,
good for her.

You're telling me that the district has
money to bus the team to away games...

...but not enough to drive them back?

How are the players supposed
to get back home, Rhonda?

They'll have to work out
other means of transportation.

Is this some kind of sick joke?

A lot of my kids, they don't have
any money. They don't have cars.

Their parents are working two, three jobs
to survive.

I don't control the purse strings, Ray.

Don't you have more pressing things
to worry about like, I don't know, your job?

This is my job. This is my job.

- Wait, Rhonda--
- Rhonda, this is my job.

This is my job. We keep chipping away...

...at these kids.
No uniforms, no decent field.

And now there's no way
to get back from the games?

And these kids-- These kids are good.

Some of them are more than good.
Some are great.

Yeah.

We could have a championship team
this year.

They just-- They need our support.

They have our support, Ray.

Times are tough.

"Times are tough."

If I never heard that again
it would be too soon.

Every piece of cash I got,
I put in the house.

It still wasn't finished.

I just had to keep going,
one nail at a time.

- So, uh, last time....
- Yeah.

- You want it, uh, different this time?
- Yeah.

- Like harder?
- No, not necessarily that.

- No?
- No, I, um....

- Something else?
- Yeah, I'm not sure what.

Not sure. You're not sure what.

- I think you were holding back.
- Right.

Well, I didn't want to hurt--

No, I mean, like emotionally.

Are you somehow, like,
freaked out by me?

No.

The pregnant aspect of things doesn't--

No, no, that's cool.

So you really have had sex
with a pregnant woman before?

Yeah, a lot.

And did you like it?

Yeah.

A lot?

Yeah.

Uh....

A lot.

Okay.

Well, that makes me
feel better about it.

Maybe it was all in my head.

Because in your head, it's all clear?

It's totally, totally clear.

That might be the biggest lie I ever told.

So, Darb...

...how's it going with Hammer?

Bad.

- Why?
- He broke up with her again.

- Oh, what happened?
- He thinks I'm too fat.

Oh, Darb, you are not fat.

Mom, can you not say that?
Because I don't want to hear it.

And what about you, Damon?
What about your romantic life?

Oh, what romantic life?

Mom, do you mind?

Sure.

You know, Darb, there are a lot of things
I know nothing about.

I was a horrible student in high school.

I got a D in chemistry.
Barely made it through math...

...but I do know about boys.

If there had been a class on boyfriends,
I would have gotten an A-plus.

All my girlfriends used to come
and ask me for advice...

...and they usually ended up with a guy
wrapped around their finger.

Do you have Ronnie
wrapped around your finger?

Some might say so.
All I'm saying is...

...that I'm pretty good at knowing
how to use my feminine wiles.

- Gross.
- Oh, come on, Darb.

Maybe I could be of help to you,
you know, with Hammer.

There are things women could do.
Like we could go shopping...

...maybe soften your look a little.

Just think of me
as an untapped resource.

Thanks, Mom.
The problem is if I listen to you...

...then I might end up with your life.

I like my life.

I don't. It's a life lived through men.

You don't really have
an existence without them.

What are you talking about?
Yes, I do.

I don't even think you like Ronnie
that much.

- It's true, Mom.
- That is silly.

- That is so silly, guys.
- Oh, but if he left, you'd die, right?

I would not.

I would be strong.

I would find other things
to be interested in.

Like another man?

Not to be mean, Mom...

...but you just seem like
a totally lost person to me.

Here you go, Charlie.

I'm a pimp.

I mean, not exactly.

Not exactly the kind of pimp you are,
but I am a pimp nonetheless.

- Are you trying to fuck with me?
- It's the God's truth.

But let me assure you,
I am tougher than I look.

I mean, mentally.

Um, look, you don't have to believe me,
but I need help.

Um, I've got-- I've got problems.

Pimp-type problems.

And, uh, I'm new to the business.

So I need you to tell me:

How do I get my prostitute
to bond with me?

Because right now,
his loyalty is divided.

And I need him to be loyal to me...

...to respect me.

- This a male ho?
- Yeah.

What kind of male ho?

He's very fresh,
very new to the business.

- He does what kind of customer?
- Women.

- Just women.
- How can he do just women?

- That is not where the money's at.
- No, I know.

But I can't even bring up the idea of men.
He's stubborn. He'd quit.

So you have absolutely
no control over this ho.

Yeah. Yeah, therein lies the problem.

Although the just-women thing...

...it's fine,
because we're a speciality operation.

You need to get your ho
on a tighter leash.

And the way that you do that is...

...you make him want the leash.

- Want the leash?
- Uh-huh.

You gotta be there
when nobody else is there.

You gotta know him
like nobody knows him.

Find out what his problem is
and fix it for him.

That's it.

Thank you.

Name's Charlie.
And you're welcome.

Ray, I'm too old for this.

Yeah, we should probably stop.

Stop what?

You mean sex?

There's nothing wrong
with good healthy sex.

It makes for a fun vibe
in the neighbourhood.

What are you talking about then?

I'm not in the army anymore.
I'm too old to have sex on the floor.

- You were in the army?
- Yeah.

The Israeli army. You've heard of it?

Hey, Ray?

- Shh.
- Hey, Ray, you there?

Ugh. That girl. It's like she has radar.

Every time we screw,
she comes by for a visit.

Why don't you break up with her, Ray?

Because we're not going out.

- Hey, Ray?
- Tanya. Uh, hang on.

- I'm preoccupied.
- I'm leaving out the back.

Get a bed and some carpet in here, Ray.

Your floor is giving me scabs.
And you call that a skylight?

- You ever heard of hiring a professional?
- I'm working on it.

I was cooking and I thought
you might be hungry.

Plus I figure you can always use
a microbrew.

- You made burgers?
- Yeah.

I did.

- I like cooking meat.
- Meat. Uh....

- With garlic in it?
- Yeah, garlic and paprika.

So...

...you still live in your tent?

Sometimes.

I'm used to it out there, you know?

It's comfortable.

So, Ray,
I've decided from now on...

...I'm not gonna take my commission.

Thank you. What?

Since when are you
in this business for free?

Since my work stopped being respected.

I'm not saying I'm gonna
do it for free forever...

...just till you see that
I'm a better pimp than Lenore.

And if that day never comes?

Oh, it'll come, Ray.
I'm sure of that fact.

So let's talk about Claire.
How did that go?

Fine.

Pretty damn sure she was happy
this time around.

- What about you?
- Me? I did what I had to do.

- Well, what's wrong?
- Nothing.

Let's just say she's not my favourite job.

- Why? Because she's--
- No, no.

Well, what is it, then?

I don't need my head examined.

All right, it's probably Jessica.

The pregnant lady reminds you
of Jessica?

I used to love--

I used to love fucking Jessica
when she was pregnant.

I couldn't get enough of it,
you know? It's just, uh....

I was drunk on it.

You know,
it was just the future of it all.

She's pregnant...

...we were young.

Yeah.

I try not to think about it
when I'm with Claire, but....

She reminds me
of that whole period of time.

Maybe--

Maybe you just don't fight it. You know?

Maybe you just close your eyes
and pretend that it's--

That it's...

...your future, you know?

That it's...

...her.

You want me to pretend
I'm fucking my ex-wife?

Yeah.

You're my pimp
and that's your pimp advice?

Yeah.

That's my pimp advice.

And right now it's for free.

I ain't gonna lie to you guys.
We've got a lot of problems.

Principal Barr says we'd be lucky
to play any games at all.

We don't have enough equipment.

There's no money for transpo.

Levon can't practise because
he's pulling two shifts at the Waffle Inn.

People close to you are out of work,
losing their homes.

It doesn't seem like baseball's
that important anymore.

When I look at you guys,
I don't see a bunch of tired kids.

You know what I see? I see champions.

You've got more talent...

...and desire in your pinky...

...than most teams got
in their two hands combined.

And I'll be damned
if I'm gonna let you go down...

...without a fight.
So right here, right now...

...I pledge I won't let budget...

...or money or any other
bullshit adversity stop you.

That district can go to hell...

...because we're going all the way
to the state championships.

Good.

If you've got
an itch, you know where to scratch.

Listen, Lenore, we've had
a breakthrough this evening...

...and I've got a very, very good feeling
about Ray's date with Claire.

And I think it's safe to say
that I was the deciding factor...

...that turned that situation around.
So this is just a heads up...

...that I do know how to carry
my weight in this business.

So, Lenore, to put it another way...

...I am not a meaningless piece
of the pie. I am the pie.

- I can't stay long.
- Yeah, sure, Jess.

You're right, Ray.

It's good to find time
to talk about the kids.

They're teenagers now.

It's hard. It's hard for them.
It's hard for us.

Yeah.

I mean, I know that every stage of life
has its challenges.

I don't know what to say to them.
Honestly, sometimes I'm at a loss.

Yeah.

Ray?

You brought me here to talk about the kids.
You're not saying anything.

I'm yakking away
and you're just saying "yeah" and "sure."

Because I'm listening.

- What?
- Yeah, I wanted to make sure and listen.

You wanted this meeting
to listen to me talk?

That's right.

- About what?
- About whatever.

Well, that's strange, Ray.

You don't like it,
me listening to you?

It's just I....

- What?
- Where did you get that idea?

- And why did you pick this place?
- Do you want to bowl?

- What?
- Let's bowl.

- Now?
- Yeah.

I can't. I can't bowl with you anymore.
I'm married.

I'm not asking you to fuck, Jess.

I'm asking you to bowl.

- It's a complicated request.
- No.

It's simple.

- Don't miss.
- Oh, you!

Turn this one out. Over the line.

Those arrows right there.

Go ahead.

Nice.

Hey, hey!