How We Roll (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Hustle - full transcript

I suppose you want to
close again tonight.

I could really use the
hours.

I'm too good to you.

Looks like I get to go home

and watch Family Feud.

That Steve Harvey really
blows my skirt up.

Your husband not working
has been great for me.

He is working.

I mean, not working,
working. He's bowling.

Right. I think we're
saying the same thing.

Oh.



When you sweep up the hair,

I want you to pull
out any long strands

and shampoo them.

I sell them to my
cousin who makes dolls.

Dad,

my tap dance group is performing
at the mall next week.

I need you to sign this.

You put me down to chaperone?

Yeah. That just means you
have to keep teenagers

from throwing stuff at us.

They're just jealous you
get to wear a bow tie

and do a kick line with
three pretty girls.

All right, go get ready for bed.

I'm gonna wait up for your mom.
I've barely seen her all week.



Okay. Night, Dad.

Good night.

Play music.

There's my queen.

A beverage, milady?

Thanks. Good night.

Mom usually gives
me baby carrots,

not the big ones.

Little piece of info, Sam.
I'm about to blow your mind.

Baby carrots aren't real.

They're just big ones cut into
little pieces by a machine.

Yeah, right.

Enjoy your babies.

Aw, honey, I tried so hard

to get home early
last night to see you.

How was your test? Fine.

Okay.

Morning. I'm gonna
need you to mail these.

Also, they'll need stamps.
Uh, we're out of milk.

The garage light is
out. I'm gonna need you

to write this down.
Oh, no, I got it.

I'll just picture
myself licking a stamp

while a light bulb
shoots milk in my face.

Okay. Sam,

what else happened at school?
I want to hear all about it.

School. Stuff. You know.

Oh, I got to grab my backpack.

What?

"School. Stuff. You know"?

That's all I get? I used
to get a full report.

He gave me the whole lowdown.

Maybe I could fill
you in tonight.

We could have dinner, dessert.

I'll even watch Great
British Bake Off with you.

Every time a new
character comes on-screen,

I promise I won't go...

:
"Hello, governor."

Look, I have clients all
day, and I'm closing again.

Let's play it by ear?

Yeah. I-I just miss you.

I miss you, too. I miss
Sam. I miss everything.

But this is the way it is.

Can't you just take a night
off? My mom can watch Sam.

He can learn how to gut a fish.

No. Someone has
to pay the bills,

and right now,
that person is me.

And we're still good
with that, right? I...

Yeah. Course.

Oh, great. Ruth is
pissed. I got to go.

Sam, I love you!

Oh, we're out of baby carrots.

Your game is off.
What's up with you?

It's this lane.

It's not level.

It's like rolling my ball
down a 60-foot waffle.

My lanes are smoother than
Denzel eating chocolate mousse,

and you know it.

Something's up your
craw. What is it?

Nothing. Just having
some problems at home.

It's no big deal.

Jen's just used to being

the one that gets
to pick up Sam.

She helps him with his
homework. They get all

that quality time together.

It's killing her that
she doesn't get that.

I'm trying to fill in,

but I can't even cut
his carrots right.

Well, why don't you
just buy the baby ones?

Carl, gonna blow
your mind, dude.

There's no such thing
as a baby carrot.

They just take regular carrots,
and they put it in a mach...

Nobody believes me.

Look, we got a tournament
in a couple of weeks.

If you get your
head in the game,

you could win some money.

That'd give you both
some breathing room.

I want to do
something for her now.

That look on her
face this morning

when she left, it...

It broke me.

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Hold up.

Let's just... Let's
just back up a bit.

Um, what do you mean,

there's no such thing
as baby carrots?

I've eaten them, so...

There you go, Doreen.
You're all set.

Have fun at the funeral.

"Have fun at the funeral"?

I know. My brain is mush.

And the craziest thing is she's
not even going to a funeral.

Well, I know what'll
fix you right up.

Mm.Margarita Mondays.

First round's on me, girl.

And I mean that literally.
I plan on doing body shots.

I wish I could, but...

Margarita Mondays
have turned into

"chug a beer in my
kitchen while I worry

about paying my
mortgage" Mondays.

Maybe 'cause it's longer, but
yours sounds way less fun.

I know. It's just the
way things have to be

until Tom's career
starts to take off.

It was a wedding, not a funeral.

It's okay. They're
kind of close.

Church. People crying.

Everybody's horny.

All right. I will
see you next month.

It's just
this whole thing

is harder than I expected.

By the time I get home,
Sam's already in bed.

I'm too tired to eat.

I'm barking orders at Tom.

I'm just not the wife
or mother I want to be.

I want to be Jessica Alba.

Like, how does she
make it look so easy?

Well, I heard she
has six nannies,

two personal assistants,

and she's three-quarters fembot.

You already started
drinking, didn't you?

I may have had a
hard coffee.Mm-hmm.

Well, tonight is not gonna
be as much fun without you.

I'm sure you'll survive

the ten minutes
we spend together

before you disappear
with some random dude.

Oh, that guy wasn't random.

He used to be the principal
at my high school.

Oh.

Oh.

Take this turkey sandwich.

It's got the perfect amount
of meat, mayo, lettuce,

just a thin slice of tomato.

Thank you for seeing me.

Our life was like this sandwich.

It had a rhythm to it.

Everybody knew the
part they played.

Now it's all mixed up.

Turkey's working double shifts.

She's missing the tomato,

and the bread can't
do anything about it.

I was thinking with
how pasty your skin is,

you'd be the mayo.

So, am I the turkey
or the bread?

Have you two never
heard of a metaphor?

I'm the tomato, right?

No. Forget the sandwich.

I just wish there was a way

for me to bring in
some extra cash,

give Jen a day off

so she can get a massage, have
some quality time with Sam.

Maybe even have dinner
with me. LEW: Well, I mean,

you got your baseball
card collection.

That's got to be worth
something, right?

I'll thank you to
never say that again.

Next idea, please.

Clinical trials are a great
way to make some quick cash.

That's what I do.

You mean scientific experiments?

Don't those things have
crazy side effects?

Nothing serious. I mean, one
time, my toenails fell off.

Easiest hundred
bucks I ever made.

Thank you.

I'll just keep that
in my back pocket

until anyone suggests

literally anything else.

Hey, there's always the
old Hardwood Hustle.

What the hell is that?

When Tom was a kid,

we used to hustle other
bowlers out of money.

Fast way to make some cash.Yeah.

I don't wanna do anything shady.

I'm not doing that
again. ARCHIE: You sure?

'Cause there's a
telemarketers convention

that's rented out half
the alley tonight.

Those bastards spend their
days ripping off old ladies.

And even worse, calling
me during my meditation!

You know what, they are
constantly calling me, too.

Talking about I need to
pay off my credit cards.

Like, what? It's weird.

Lew, those aren't telemarketers.

Those are bill collectors.

You need to pay every
month. You pay a little bit.

I got to go. I got to get Sam. I'll
be back later. ARCHIE: All right.

But don't forget,

you got a tournament coming up,

and your game is
all over the place.

A little hustle just might
get your juices flowing again.

That was
another side effect.

Mimi, no one wants to
hear about your juices.

I'm listening.

All right, Sam.

If Mom can't be home,
we'll bring home to her.

Little treat. Couple
good stories from you.

Maybe she can help you solve

that math problem with
the letters in it.

You said you knew
the answer to that.

I do. I just think
she'd like to tell you.

Mom!

Surprise! What?

Oh, my God!

What are you doing here?

You brought me Froyo?

That's my favorite "yo."

All your favorite toppings. We
got gummy bear.

We got cookie dough.
Hey, Jen.

Your phone's buzzing.Oh. Okay.

I'll be right back.
Don't cut anyone's hair.

Hey, Sam, when Mom gets back,

tell me that story you
told me in the car.

I'll pretend I've
never heard it. Got it.

Sorry.

Sam was just gonna tell me

something that happened
in class today.

Okay. Based on his
excitement, it may top the day

his health teacher threw up
in the CPR dummy's mouth.

Yes! A Sam story straight
from the source. Go.

So, Miss Hong was
asking for volunteers...

Jen? I'm here.

Hey! Brenda. Uh, why
don't you have a seat

and get settled, and
I'll be right over.

Okay.

Continue. Honey,
is-is this a bad time?

Yes, but
I don't want you to go.

Jen, your phone's buzzing again.

Honey, it's fine. I'm in a
little bit of a time crunch.

Do you want me to get it? No.

No, no, no. Uh, no, I got it.

I'm sorry, guys. I got to go.

But I love that
you came by. Here.

Feel free

to eat my yo if it's still fro.

How much would you give me

for this 1965 rookie card?

Keeping in mind
he's a Hall of Famer

and only three people have
ever touched this card.

Four.

Actually, sorry. Hold it
gently, loosely by the edges.

Like that.

No, looselier.

Looselier. I'm...

You know what, I'm actually
gonna hold on to this one.

And this one.

Also this one.

Wow.

This was a huge
waste of your time.

All right. Hardwood
Hustle it is.

Great. We're gonna
take those fools down.

That'll teach them to sell a
guy hair pills that don't work.

Sizes? 11.

Nine.

So, I called the old lady back.

You sold her a second
reverse mortgage? Damn right.

Plus a warranty to her car,
and I don't even do those.

All right, gentlemen. Have fun.

Ah.

Mm-hmm. While you still alive,

'cause you gonna be smoking
turds in hell.

Um, Sam,

here's five bucks, pal. Um,
go play video games, okay?

Nice.

All right. I'm going in.

All right, so, how we
gonna play these chumps?

Rock the Baby? Skin the Goat?

Oh, Karaoke Night in Taiwan?

Does this look
like Taiwan, dummy?

We're doing a classic
Hardwood Hustle,

same as when Tom was a kid.

You throw the first game.
You ask for another chance.

You double the bet,
and then ba-ba-bam.

Okay.

I'm going in. Do I
look like a sucker?

: You always
look like a sucker.

You have cheese in your beard.

Howdy, fellas.

Hope I don't disturb
you if I play over here.

It's been a few
years since I bowled.

Boy, that lane sure is long.

Ugh. That act was a lot
cuter when he was 11.

All right, Cinderella.

I'm off to the ball.

Okay, earrings or no earrings?

In that skirt, I don't think

anyone's gonna
notice you have ears.

Okay. Have fun. Be safe.

Do not settle for
a guy with a futon.

You deserve a bed
that's never a couch.

Thanks, Mom.

Mm.

Least I can be a mom
to someone today.

What are you talking about?

You were a great
mom all day today.

How? I wasn't home.

I-I couldn't even take
a Froyo break with them.

That's right. Because you
were working your ass off

and showing Sam
you'll do anything

to provide for your family

while your husband
chases his dream.

Yeah? Hell yeah.

I would take that bad ass mom
over robot Jessica Alba any day.

Do you ever notice that
her eyes don't move?

It's like...

Thanks.

You know, I got to stop
feeling sorry for myself

and-and be in acceptance.

Like, this is my new life
now, and we're gonna be okay.

And I just need
to start focusing

on all the... Ooh. I got to go.

I think my gummy just kicked in.

Well,

here goes nothing.

How many pins do I need
to catch up to you guys?

36.And you have ten left.

Ooh! Wow.

That seems impossible.

You only lose when
you don't try.

That's very deep, Brad. I'm Ben.

There you go being
deep again, Brad.

Now comes the ba-bam.

I really feel like I
started to hit my groove

towards the end there.

Guess it just wasn't your day.

I-I'm open to playing again.

I'd even be willing
to double the bet.

What do... What do you say?

I'm good.

What?

I sell reverse mortgages.

Do you really think
you're gonna hustle me?

What the hell just happened?

I think you just got
Karaoke'd in Taiwan.

Or, as they say...

"The teacher has been taught."

What? I'm taking night classes.

Let me grow.

Hey. TOM: Hey.

Um, can I talk to
you for a second?

I-I know you're tired.

Not that you look tired.
You look great.

Fresh. Like the day I met you.

Okay. Honey.

Radiant?

I... Look, I just...

I know it's a tough
time right now,

and the burden's all on you.

So I-I wanted to do something
to give you a break.

Ba-bam.

But where did this come from?
I had an interesting day.

I won a couple hundred
bucks off a guy

doing the Hardwood Hustle.

It didn't go well at first.
I actually lost money.

Okay.

But then I found this other guy.

Guess I just got lucky.

You say the 7-10 split
is difficult to pick up?

So you conned a guy
out of his money?

I'm a smooth operator.

And it worked perfectly until...

I couldn't do it.

I'm a dad now.

That doesn't set a
good example for Sam.

So I gave the money back.

So where did this
money come from?

I sold my baseball
card collection.

What? Babe, come on. You
love that collection.

I love you more.

It was a no-brainer.

Give them a good home.

Actually, maybe...

Maybe I could just say goodbye.

Just a little... Just
five more minutes, maybe?

I'm having a bit of
seller's remorse.

Is this money gonna

solve all of our problems? No.

Can you quit your job? Nope.

Not even close.

But can you take a
couple of days off?

You're damn right.

And the first day,
you get to chaperone

Sam and his tap dance
troupe to the mall,

and you'll get to
tell me all about it.

The day after that, get to
spend the afternoon at the spa

for some much deserved
relaxation and pampering.

Followed by

pizza and wings. Maybe
even that dessert.

You can tell it's just pizza
dough with sugar on it,

but it's still pretty good.

I don't know. It-it depends
on how much cash we have left.

Is that not good?

It's better than good.

You're always better than good.

All those years,

you worked a job you didn't love
to keep a roof over our head.

You missed

so many things with Sam,
and you never said a word.

You never made me
feel bad about it.

Now it's my turn.

I love you.

I love you, too.

We make a pretty
good team.Mm-hmm.

Not as good as the '84 Tigers,
which I had. Near mint.

With counseling,
I'll-I'll get over it.

Okay.

Girl products smell
different from boy products.

Boy products are all
tobacco and leather.

It smells like a leprechaun
baby shower in here.

Cute, right?

You are
helping me close

to spend time together.

Anything you say is cute.

Oops. Sorry.

You guys can have this room.

We'll just take the
chair by the sink.

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