How We Roll (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Sponsor - full transcript

I'll never forget it.
It was 30 years ago.

I was spraying activator
in my Jheri curl

when this lanky kid wandered
into my bowling alley.

Never picked up a
ball in his life,

but I knew right away
he was a natural.

An untamed horse just
waiting to be broken.

Now, I don't want to
take all the credit

for Tom becoming a pro bowler...

Wait for it.

But if it wasn't for me,

it never would've happened.



There it is.

I am proud to
officially announce

the very first PBA member ever
to come out of Archie's Lanes,

Tom Smallwood. Tell the
people how you did it, Tom.

I had, uh, over a 200 average
in 36 games of league play.

Great bowler, lousy storyteller.

Just show 'em the card, Tom.

[laughs]

[applause, laughter]Yeah, man.

To Tom. Mm.ALL: To Tom.

Come on, honey.
It's a school night.

Okay, you stay and have
fun. This is your night.

Mwah.

Bye-bye. Bye, pal. Bye, Dad.



Bye, honey. Hey, man.

Your manager has a
surprise for you.

Lew, I told you I
don't need a manager.

Oh, then I guess you don't need

an exclusive television
interview... on television.

What are you talking about?

I know a guy at the
Channel Ten news.

He likes the idea
of a feel-good story

about a laid-off factory
worker chasing a dream.

Channel Ten? Ooh.

They got the nice van with
the big satellite dish on top.

Mm-hmm.

They got Doppler.

I don't know what the hell
that is, but they got it.

Wow. My first TV interview.

Thanks, Lew.

Thanks, Manager.

You just made everyone

at Lew Can Do It
Entertainment very happy.

Hey. You're late.

Yeah, sorry. I was getting
ready for the interview.

In...? What interview?

With Channel Ten.

They got the nice van with
the big satellite on top.

Well, you could've
gave me a warning.

I didn't even wax my head.

Actually, I-I think they
just want to interview me.

Oh. Well, listen, don't forget
to mention Archie's Lanes...

It's showtime, baby. Look, the
news van just pulled up. Here.

Put this hat on. What? Why?

Well, because you either need
a look or a big personality.

And we're going with a look.

I've never been
on TV before. I...

Oh, it's easy. Just-just
be your smartest,

most professional self.

The hat will do
the heavy lifting.

I appreciate it, Lew, but
I-I'm not really a hat guy.

Here, man. Bam! Yeah.

You better grab your luggage,
'cause you have just arrived.

How do I look?

Like Samuel L. Jackass.

Well, henceforth, you know,

being a professional bowler
has always been my dream.

And I-I never would
have gotten here

without the support
of my family.

Hence... forth.

There you have it. Tom Smallwood

reminding us all to
bowl-ieve in our dreams.

How amazing was that?

I don't know. Did you get
paid by the "henceforth"?

I thought you looked
very handsome.

What'd you think of the hat?

I thought you looked
very handsome.

Okay, honey, let's
get ready for bed.

[clears throat]Good night, Dad.

Night.

Good night, Pumpkin.

Good night, Grandma.

Well, I guess I should be
heading home. Henceforth.

Come on, Ma. What did you think?

That's a big deal.
Ah, you did great.

Now get your big head down here
and give your mother a kiss.

Good night. Good night.

[bowling pins clattering,
indistinct chatter]

Maybe I am a hat guy.

Hey, Arch, you, uh...
you see the interview?

Yeah, I saw it. Get this.

I go to the gas
station this morning,

asked the guy if he saw it.

He hadn't, so I show
it to him on my phone.

Next thing you know, he's
giving me a free Big Gulp.

I didn't even want it,
but, you know, free stuff.

Congratulations.

Can we start bowling now?
And take that damn hat off,

LL Not Cool J.

Hey, man.

Got some great news.

I was at Powell's
Mortuary this morning

to pick up some flowers
for a date tonight.

Man, you are just begging
to be haunted, aren't you?

Anyway, I was talking
to Powell himself.

He saw your interview
on the news,

and he wants to
sponsor you, man.

He loves what you stand for.

Really? What do I stand for?

Yeah, you're an everyman.

He-he buries five guys
like you every day.

I mean, great. What
are we talking?

Commercials? Endorsements?

Are they gonna put
my name on a casket?

No. They want to put
their logo on your jersey.

That's great. I can have
Archie's logo on the back

and, uh, Powell on the front.

Yeah, about that.

Since Powell's
putting up real money,

they want exclusive rights.

So you can only have their logo

on your jersey
during tournaments.

Oh.

What about Archie?

Well, Archie's just gonna have
to be more of a silent partner.

Archie? He's never
been a silent anything.

Th-This is a huge opportunity
to get some cash coming in.

I mean, that's true, and
we're gonna need money

for equipment and-and travel.

Archie's a businessman.

He'll understand.Exactly.

And-and plus, Powell said

he'd give us all a family
and friends discount.

And he said he'd
cremate us feet first.

I mean, you normally
don't get to pick that.

It was so cool seeing Tom on TV.

The closest I ever got to
dating a professional athlete

was when I slept with a referee.

But you know the guy at Foot
Locker wasn't really a referee.

Yeah. And I wasn't
really J.Lo's sister,

but we both got what we wanted.

Hey, Jen. Oh, hey, Lee.

Okay. Are we doing the usual?

Actually, no.

My mom finally said it's okay

for me to do
something different.

So, I want to do super
short pink bangs.

Ooh, I like that.

And maybe, like, pink
tips on the bottom?

Love that. [Laughs]
Okay, um, let's get...

Excuse us for a second.

Hold on. Pink?

You know what kind
of salon we are.

We don't do pink here.

Natural colors only,

and if someone has a very good
reason, strawberry blonde.

Uh, she's young. She's just
trying to express herself.

And there are plenty of
salons where she can do that,

like that goofy one downtown

with aromatherapy
and a hookah bar.

We cater to the
traditional clientele.

I know. She can express herself
with short, medium and long.

It's not like we
don't offer choices.

But that's not what she wants.
What am I supposed to tell her?

Tell her if she wants to rebel,
she can buy a jean jacket.

[sighs]

Hey, guess what.

I had a chance to do
something creative

and cool for my client
today, and Ruth squashed it.

I'm sorry.

It's just frustrating.

It's not why I
became a hairdresser.

Yeah, I know. Like, yes,

I started off washing
heads, never thinking,

ten years later, I'd
still be working for Ruth

in a salon that's
frozen in time.

I hear you.

How was your day?

I actually have some
pretty great news.

But, you know...
Ugh, that darn Ruth!

Just tell me.

Okay, good.

I, uh, I got an actual sponsor.

Like, a money sponsor.

That's fantastic. Yeah, I know.

It's not a lot, but
it'll help cover some

of the bowling expenses.

And if we ever want to
get cremated feet first,

I have an in.

No. We talked about this.

I want to be buried in one
of those boxes that grows

into a tree so Sam has a
place to cry every day.

Can it be an apple tree so we
don't have to bring snacks?

Sure. Mm-hmm. Thank you.

Check it out.

A mortuary?

Yeah. I know it's
kind of creepy,

but I feel like I can
just lean into it,

make it part of my brand.

Like, after the match, go
up to the other bowlers

and be like, "So
sorry for your loss."

But, uh, hold on. What about
the jersey that Archie gave you?

Well, I can only wear this
one during tournaments.

That's what the deal is.

What did Archie say?

I-I didn't tell Archie yet. I...

Oh.

But, you know, this is,
like, a real sponsor,

like the ones the
bowlers on tour have.

Uh-huh. And I feel like me
getting recognized like this

also reflects on
Archie as a coach.

So you're just
gonna tell him that?

I see what this is.

But I've broken bad news
to Archie plenty of times.

I know how to do it.

After all, I was the
one that told him

gluten-free cookies still
aren't that great for you.

If you say so.

Okay, see, I know what.

"If you say so" means.Mm.

It's like when we tell
Sam "Maybe," or I tell you

"I'll look at it tomorrow."

We're all very polite liars!

Hey, you ready?
Today we're working

on your release
and follow-through.

I hope you wore
your tight underwear

'cause you're about
to bowl your ass off.

[laughs]

Look, Archie, I-I'm a
little worried, man.

We got our first
tournament coming up,

and I'm short on equipment.

I mean, look. My-my
bag's all crapped out,

my shoes are older than Sam,

and I only got one decent ball.

Don't worry about
that right now.

It's all I can think about.

I mean, Arch, that money
has to come from somewhere.

Once your career takes
off, the money'll come.

Tournament winnings,
endorsements, sponsors.

It's a crazy coincidence
that you said "sponsors."

I think I just got one.

You did? Yeah.
Powell's Mortuary.

They're-they're gonna
give us real money.

Huh. I mean, how great is that?

They only thing is, I can
only wear their jersey

during tournaments,
but still, high five!

So you made this decision
without talking to me first?

I-I'm talking to you now.

This is good for both of us.

It means I'm a legit pro
bowler. It's good for my brand.

Oh, I didn't realize
you have a brand now.

Come on, Arch. It-It's business.

We both benefit. You
understand, right?

Of course I understand.

No big deal.

Where are you going?

I just got to take
care of some business.

[clears throat]

[microphone squealing]Lane
five, your nachos are ready.

And, Smallwood, you
have five minutes

to clear out your locker, or
your stuff goes in the dumpster.

I'd make fun of you, but
my nachos are ready, so...

What the hell is going on?

Nothing. Nothing?

You just took away my locker.

If you need somewhere

to store your stuff,

perhaps Powell's Mortuary has
an empty casket you can use.

I knew it. It's
about the jersey.

You know, I was really hoping
you'd see the bigger picture.

It's not just the jersey.

It's the interview
and that stupid hat

and that swollen
head that's in it.

I get a lot of
compliments on this hat.

You don't get it.

I had this whole
thing planned out.

First we win a few tournaments,

then we get some big
money from a big sponsor.

You think Nike would
have called Tiger Woods

if he was wearing a jersey from
a bunch of damn gravediggers?

Nike's not calling. Powell is.

He says he believes in me.

Oh, good. You finally found
somebody who believes in you.

You know what I meant!

He knows what I meant.

Thanks for doing this.
Oh, are you kidding?

This is the kind of cool, edgy
stuff I dream about doing.

Finally, I get to do a
hairstyle that doesn't scream,

"Tom Selleck is the
Sexiest Man Alive."

I hope I'm as cool
as you when I'm old.

Okay, uh, why don't
we let this soak in

while I let that soak in?

Unbelievable.

Oh, hey, honey. This is Lee.

Hi. Nice to meet you.
Oh, she's not listening.

Good. Unbelievable!

What's wrong? It's Archie.

He completely overreacted.

The one guy who's
supposed to have my back

kicked me out of my
locker. Oh, so the whole,

"Don't worry. I'll handle
Archie" thing didn't work out.

Really? We're-we're gonna review
the game tape while I'm down?

That's...

Okay, I'm sorry.

Apparently, I'm an
egomaniac. How can he not see

that everything I'm
doing is for us?

I-I wouldn't even be a
bowler if it weren't for him.

Right. He's like a father to me.

That's true. The last person
I'd want to let down is Archie.

I know. So why are
you doing that?

You're right. I-I
got to fix this.Okay.

Archibald.Helen.

I brought supper. Where's Tommy?

Not here.

When's he coming back?

Don't know.

What's going on?

Ask him.

Well, I'm asking you.

We had a dustup.

A big one.

You guys don't have
time for dustups.

My son put his family at risk

to follow a dream that
you told him he could do.

Well, apparently,
he doesn't need me.

Oh, for God's sake, is
that what this is about?

You may want to stop
spraying those shoes

so you can start
sucking your thumb.

Talking about somebody
believing in him.

Well, guess who believed in
him since the beginning. Me.

I know that. So does he.

Well, he didn't even mention
me in that damn interview.

What the hell are
you talking about?

He said he wouldn't be where
he is without his family.

Well, I hate to break it to you,
bonehead, you are his family.

Hey, um... what... what's that?

Is that your seven-layer
lasagne there?

You know damn well it is.

But you don't get a bite of it

until you work things
out with Tommy.

[whiny]: Aw.

Incentive.

Could I...? Oh! Yeah! [Exhales]

You almost had yourself
a sale. [laughs]

Oh.What?

Is this theTom Smallwood
in my showroom? I...

I'm Jacob Powell. Oh, my
goodness. So nice to meet you.

Oh, you probably don't want to
do that. It's been a busy day.

So, uh, what brings you by?

Well, Mr. Powell, I wanted to
talk to you about my jersey.

I really appreciate you
wanting to sponsor me,

but it would mean a lot
if I could have the logo

for Archie's Lanes
on there, too.

Uh, no. You see, the logo rule
is the same as the casket rule...

One per customer.

I mean, can't you just
make an exception?

For the logo, not the casket.

I get that one.

Tom, if there's one
thing I've learned

in the body box business,
it's that life is short.

And unless people stop dying,
I'm going to be putting money

in your pockets for
a very long time.

Now, I get it.

The bowling alley
guy helped you out.

But what you need to think
about right now is your family.

Right?

Right.

Ah, yeah. Ooh.

You're a tall one, aren't you?

Yeah, we have to cut guys
like you off at the knees.

Yeah, I'm kidding.
We don't do that.

Uh, anymore.

So, I followed up with
Foot Locker guy.Mm-hmm.

He's bald, overweight,
really let himself go.

You're still gonna hook
up with him, aren't you?

You know J.Lo's sister so well.

So, guess who I just saw

loitering outside the Dairy
Queen with pink bangs and tips.

Lady Gaga?

Jen, I spoke to her. She
told me what you did.

Okay, yes, I did her hair,

but I did it in my own
home, on my own time.

That's not the point.

You represent this salon.

You've been working
here a long time, Jen.

You know I created a very
specific business model.

People come here
knowing what to expect.

I mean, don't you want
to evolve a little?

I mean, you might actually
get more business.

My salon has been
doing just fine

for 30 years with the same
rules we've always had.

No crazy haircuts, no TV
screens and no breastfeeding.

I know. I've read the sign.

When you have your own salon,
you can do it your own way.

Hey.

Hey.

Look, man, I-I just
want to... Listen, man.

If I could just...
I just need to...

You go. You go.
No, you go ahead.

Can I just say something?!

I'm sorry. I-I didn't
see an end to that.

Here. What is this?

It's a check from
Powell's Mortuary.

That guy puts tombstones
on everything, doesn't he?

It's meaningless

compared to everything you've
given me over the years.

The free lane time, the lessons.

The bike you gave
me so I could get

to the bowling
alley after school.

The bottomless curly fries.

Well, the curly fries wasn't
bottomless. Your stomach was.

Arch, youalways believed in me.

I forgot that for a
minute, and I'm...

I'm really sorry.

I really appreciate
that, Thomas.

Look,

and you know that...

Yeah.

And sometimes, I can be... eh...

Don't worry about it.

Really feels good
to talk this out.

Listen, on second thought, why
don't you just keep the check?

It's just a jersey. I
don't really give a damn.

I do. You're my sponsor
and you always will be.

Henceforth. I do
say that too much.

Rip it up. You sure?

Yes.

There's gonna be a lot
more money like that

when you and me win a PBA
Championship as a team.

I don't think
that's gonna happen.

Why?'Cause you can't keep your
damn elbow in on your release.

Now get your ass down that lane.

We got a lot of work to do.

You know, when you
smile real big,

the back of your neck
crinkles up like a puppy dog?

Just shut up and bowl.

Thanks again for
the flowers, Lew.

Oh, yeah. There's something
creepy about them.

You should've seen
'em with the sash

that said "Gone too soon."

No, what's gone too soon is
that money from Powell's.

Sorry about all that
trouble, by the way.

So, how about another piece
of that lasagne, Helen?

It was worth the
wait. Well, the secret

is noodles, sauce, meat, cheese,

noodles, sauce, meat, cheese.

And then you just kind
of keep doing that.

Don't give away the
family recipe, Mom.

[knocking]

Oh, I'll get it. [Sighs]

Hey. Lee, what are
you doing here?

This is my friend Hannah. She
likes what you did with my hair.

Oh, it's dope. Can you do the
same for me except in blue?

[sighs] My boss would
have a heart attack

if I did that again.

So come on in.

Captioning sponsored by CBS.