How We Roll (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Date - full transcript

Where's the bread?

Uh, it's in the freezer
where it belongs.

You... So we have to defrost it
every time we make Sam lunch?

No, you just have to raise
him not to be so soft

that he can't eat an
ice-cold sandwich.

Why is there packing tape on
my salon shears? HELEN: Oh,

I must have opened an
Amazon package with them.

I got a fresh batch
of underpants.

Helen, these aren't
regular scissors.

They're, like, $100 each.

Oh, well, you shouldn't
leave them out, then.



That's on you.

My mistake.

Uh, hey, you know, would
you mind, uh, going upstairs

and helping Sam getting
ready for school?

I am on it. Boy, I don't know

how you guys
survived without me.

So,

her living here is a lot.

I need a little
space. Okay.Mm-hmm.

Yesterday she read me an
article about hard water

while I was in the shower.

And I'm pretty sure
she was on the toilet.

I feel bad.

Archie's been working
me so hard at the alley,



you've been stuck
here with her all day.

Which, of course,

you know because
you've been stuck here

with her all day.

I just wish she had more

of a social life or something.

Just a few hours
away from the house.

A hobby. Book club.

Yeah. Or she could
just drive somewhere

and be there for a while.

Somewhere nice. Yeah,

of course. Real
nice. But also far.

Carl, what are you
doing? This is my lane.

Not today. Got you set
up right next door.

But this is my lane.

You can't put your favorite
lane in your pocket

and take it with you on tour.

You got to be
prepared for anything.

Got it. Now focus up.

I laid a new oil
pattern on this lane.

We're gonna be working
on it all week.

What? Forget all
that stuff, man.

These oil patterns
won't make you a star,

but those acting classes I
emailed you about will. TOM: Lew,

I'm not taking an
online acting class

from your friend who
was on Wheel of Fortune.

Ain't you on the
clock right now? Yep.

Right, right.

Look, you had a great
first tournament.

All right? But there's
still a lot of work to do.

You got to finish
higher than 26th

if you want to qualify
for the PBA Championship.

Okay, got it.

Now, the oil pattern I laid here

is really tough.

It's called the Cheetah pattern.

Why is it called
the Cheetah pattern?

'Cause the guy who
came up with it,

his name is Cheetah...
uh, Cheetah Jones.

Arch, if you don't
know something,

you don't have to make
it up to impress me.

Cool name, though, right? Yeah.

Well, why'd you
set her up there?

You could've put her
closer to the window.

Do you want to be
closer to the window?!

Okay. Eleanor and I
were just chatting

about this water aerobics class

that she's taking.Mm.

Look, she loves it,

and apparently the chlorine
tightens her knee skin.

I have
the shins of a 50-year-old.

If I wanted to watch a bunch
of cadavers tread water,

I'd turn on Titanic.

No offense!

You know, I was just thinking
it-it might be fun for you.

You know, take some
time for yourself?

She's right.

I mean, Helen, have you ever

thought about dipping your
toe in the dating pool again?

No. There's more
diseases in that pool

than the one that
this old lady's

been floating around in.

Come on, Helen. There's
got to be someone out there

who's caught your eye. At
church or at the post office?

What about
that guy at the hardware store

that gives you free screws and
makes dirty jokes about it?

Frank? JEN: Mm-hmm.

The only thing
filthier than his mind

is his fingernails.

But...

Ooh, there's a "but"?

Forget it.Oh.

Come on. Helen, what is it?

It's nothing. It's just there

there was a guy who asked
me out a while back.

You should go for it. Call him.

How nice would it be for you

to just be out of the
house for one night?

Oh! Shoot.

Um, I'm gonna go get
another towel, okay?

Call him.

You don't need a man.

After Milton died,
I got a ferret,

and I'm doing just fine.

My God. Haven't we
been through enough?

This pattern's too fast.

My ball is breaking late.

I'm telling you, you got to
get your release point wh...

Yes.

Yes what, woman?

You asked me out on a date.

That was ten years ago.

Well, I thought about it,

and the answer is yes.

Keep your elbow in, Tommy.

What the hell was that?

You asked my mom out?

No.

I mean, technically, yes.

But it was so long ago, I-I
forgot it ever happened.

Wait, so how did it happen?

Was it like the
beginning of a rom-com?

Did somebody drop something?
Did somebody pick something up?

Wait, did you have
to chase a train?

God, I love a good love story.

It wasn't no love story.

Look,

she came in here one
night, and I got a vibe,

so I asked her out.

But she left without
even giving me an answer.

That's why I never told you.

Okay, fine. Let's just move on.

Focus on the bowling.

Man, listen, if it bothers you,

I won't... No,
it's fine. Really.

It's... I'm okay.

You got a vibe from my mom?

A vibe? How do you know
she wasn't just hungry?

Sometimes, when she's hungry,
she gives out mixed signals.

Okay, so it does
bother you. Fine.

So I just tell her
I'm not interested.

You can't do that. Then
she'll feel rejected.

All right, then.

I guess I'll give her a call.

Well, well, only call her
if you really want to.

Oh, no, I want to.

I mean, that woman's
like a Pontiac Aztek.

They don't make them
like that anymore.

But, listen, if you're not cool
with it, I... No, it's fine.

You're calling her.

You sure you're good?

I'm good.

Gonna bowl now.

Don't get a vibe.

Hey.

My T-ball coach boned my mom.

I turned out all right.

No, you didn't.

Hey, honey. How was
practice? Not great.

Did you talk to my mom?

Yes.

I talked her into
going on a date.

Not in our house.

She's at Walmart right
now buying a dress.

Not in our house. Go, me. Right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, you.

Did she tell you who she's
going on the date with? Uh-uh.

Archie. What?

Wow. That's cute. Right?

Wait, no, bad? Awkward?

I've had a long day.

Can you just tell
me how we feel?

We feel weird.

We feel confused.

We drove home listening to jazz.

We didn't even realize we
were listening to jazz.

Honey.

She's going on a
date with Archie.

Why couldn't it be the mailman
or that waiter at Red Lobster

that gives her
the free Wet-Naps?

I'm pretty sure those
are free for everybody.

Yeah. For a woman
who tips six percent,

she gets a lot of free Wet-Naps.

And the best part
about that guy?

He's not Archie.

Look, I know that this
is uncomfortable for you,

but this is the first time
she's put herself out there

since your dad died, isn't it?

It's not about that.
This is about Archie.

He shouldn't be swooping
in and dating my mom.

He should be coaching me.

It'll be fine. It is
one date. Oh, for now.

They haven't even
gone on the date.

It's already a distraction.

We couldn't crack
one oil pattern

because he was all
over the place.

Tom. Okay, maybe I was
all over the place.

But the point is,
it's a distraction.

What if they date for a
month or-or a year? I...

What if they break up the week
of a big PBA Championship?

I mean, have you even
stopped to think about that?

Ugh!

This is not how
I wanted to spend

my "your mom's at Walmart" time.

Wow, those new dryer
sheets really worked.

I always thought I was
an Ocean Breeze gal.

Where do you think
they're going?

Better not be fancy.

If there aren't pictures
of the food on the menu,

she's gonna ask
what they're hiding.

That's what dating's all
about, trying new things.

Knock, knock.

What do you think?

Be honest. I tell you
when you look terrible.

Wow.

Really?

It's from the Sofia
Vergara collection.

Feel like I can speak Spanish.

What do you think,
Tommy? I don't know, Ma.

Aren't you always
the one that says

dresses are for princesses
and prostitutes?

You look good, Ma.

Are you sure? I mean, I don't
even know where we're going.

Maybe it's too much.

Does it make me look sweaty?

'Cause I'm feeling
really clammy right now.

If this is how you feel,
why are you even doing this?

'Cause I don't want
to end up alone.

Tightening my knee
skin in some dirty pool

to impress my ferret.

Mom, if you're nervous,
you could always cancel.

Do you think I should?

You don't have anything to
be nervous about, Helen.

You look amazing. And
besides, clammy is in now.

We call it glowy.

Well, in that case,
I've got a glow line

from the back of my neck
down to my ass crack.

You're nervous because
you're excited.

If there's anything we can do

to make you feel
more comfortable,

we'll do it. I'll-I'll
help you get ready.

: We'd even go on
the date with you if we could.

I want that.

What?

A double date. I like
that. I want that.

I'll tell Archie.

Ma...

What did you do?

Thanks for agreeing to
watch him last-minute, Lew.

Oh, man, no problem.

Oh!

Look out, Salt-N-Pepa.
There's some new queens

in town.

"New"? What is he talking about?

I've lived here 50 years.

Helen, it was a
compliment.Oh. Thanks.

Lew, just remember,
9:00 p.m. bedtime.

Oh, crap.

I-I forgot I'm supposed
to bake brownies

for Sam's bake sale tomorrow.
Lew, can you do me a huge favor?

There's a box... Shh, shh,
shh. You had me at "brownies."

Don't Jerry Maguire my wife.

Hey, Arch.

What do you say we talk
about the Cheetah pattern?

I-I was thinking
about it. My grip

might be the key
to the whole thing.

Can we not talk about
bowling? TOM: Can we...?

This is what we do, Ma.
I-I sit with Archie.

We talk about bowling. It's
important, right? I mean...

She's right, Tom.

We don't have to talk
about bowling all the time.

Come on, live a little.

Yeah, just gambled my
family's future on it,

but, yeah, let's see what
they have for appetizers.

Can I get you
something to drink? Uh,

just a round of waters, I think.
We're not drinking tonight.

We're not? Oh, no.

Archie and I have an early
morning. Big day of practice.

I'll have a glass of wine.

Make that two.

You never drink wine.

I'm just making an observation.

She never drinks wine.
The table is here.

The candle's hot.
You're pinching my leg.

I'll get those waters started.

So, what's everyone ordering?

Well, the steak
sounds exquisite.Mmm.

Since when do you
say "exquisite"?

I say it all the time.

As in, "Why don't you mind
your exquisite business?"

Sorry.

It's Lew. I'll get it later.

He's watching our kid.

I'll get it now.

What's up, man? LEW: Hey, Tom.

Do you have a hand
sifter? TOM: What?

I don't know what that is.

I don't know what I
have anymore, Lew.

I don't know what's going
on. I don't know anything!

I don't think that was about me.

Okay.

So, the tiramisu will
have no espresso powder.

Eh, it's not a big deal, Sam.

This is awesome.

You should be a chef.

Ah. Well, in my house,

we didn't have money for me
to go to culinary school,

so now I just do it for fun.

But maybe someday.

So, which one of these am
I taking to the bake sale?

Ah. I was thinking
we could cut up

this coconut,
passion fruit tart,

and you could serve them
as a little amuse-bouche.

I have enough nicknames already.

Well, it's a good thing

we didn't go with the
peanut butter balls.

So, finally, I said,

"Please don't tell
me your life story.

Just fill my damn prescription."

Oh, yeah, they don't make
pharmacists like they used to.

I know.

I don't think I get it.

Well, I guess that
makes it an inside joke.

So, what do you think?
Uh, is this, uh,

heading towards a second date,

or you think it's one and done?

They haven't even gotten
their food yet, Tom.

I just want to know
if this is something

we have to get used
to.Okay. You know what?

We have to go home.
I just remembered

we have leftovers in the
fridge. No, we don't.

Why are you lying?

I'm thinking they
might want to be alone.

Why would you think that?

We want to be alone.

How do you know she's
not just saying that

to make Archie feel good?

She's not.

Okay. It's time to go, Tom.

You two have a good night. What?

I... Honey,

I ordered the soup
of the day.

If we leave now, I'll
never know what it was.

I hate it when people bring
children to a restaurant.

Can you believe she
asked us to leave?

It was her idea that we come,
and then she asks us to leave?

She was having a good time.
You were making it weird.

Everybody was acting
different. Ordering wine.

Archie was wearing cologne.

I swear my mom smelled
him and went, "Mmm, mmm."

So, Archie smelled good,
and it's been a long time

since your mom
"Mmm, mmm-ed" a guy.

Two of the grumpiest
people I know

couldn't stop smiling
all night. I know.

It was adorable. I've never seen
that twinkle in your mom's eye.

I have, and the last
time she had it,

it wasn't with Archie.

It was with my dad.

So this is about your dad.

I don't want to
talk about my dad.

You never want to
talk about your dad.

The only thing I know
about him is that he loved

to take you fishing, he brought
you to the Grand Canyon once,

and he cried when he
met Dale Earnhardt.

This isn't about my dad...
This is about Archie.

How could he do this to me?
Do what? Have a good time?

Archie was my dad's
best friend, right?

Well... wow.

You never told me that.

He was supposed to watch
over us after my dad died.

Not swoop in and start

dating my mom right
after it happened.

Your dad died 20 years ago.

He's a procrastinator.

Look...

I get why this bothers you now.

But I really don't think
your mom would have done it

if she thought there was
anything wrong with it.

I know.

And Archie has been
watching over you guys.

You know that.

There is a reason he was the
first person she thought of

when I asked if there was
anyone she had her eye on.

Seems like your dad had a
pretty great best friend.

You're right.

It's just happening fast.

I think it's catching
me off-guard a bit.

I get it.

It's okay.

It was nice to see my mom all

dolled up like a guest
preacher was in town.

Having a good time. It was.

I just hope your best
friend does the same

for me after you die.

Joke's on you.

You're my best friend.

See, this is me
waiting for you to say,

"You're my best friend, Tom."

Thank you for
walking me to the door.

That's very gentlemanly of you.

Gentleman is my
middle name, you know?

No, it's not.

Would you

uh

Like to come in for some coffee?

And that's it?

Hey, guys.

No, I think I should go.

Come on, Archie.

Come in the kitchen
and have some coffee.

That's all right, Tom,
I... Arch, come on.

Come in the kitchen.

Have some coffee with my mom.

He's such a control freak.

I don't know where he gets it.

Whoa, Tommy.

What is all of this?

Well, I may have ruined
your first date, but...

I wanted to make sure you
guys had a great second date.

This is so fancy.

It's like one of
those restaurants

where they won't sing
to you on your birthday.

This is a real nice
thing you did, Tom.

Thought about it, Arch.

My mom's gonna date somebody.

I'm really glad it's you.

I'll leave you guys alone.

Where'd all these
desserts come from?

I have no idea.

They were in the fridge
when we got home.

Enjoy.

I'll be right back.

Tommy.

Thanks.

Have fun, Ma.

We're not actually gonna
eat any of this, are we?

Oh!

God, no! It's 9:30.

I got to get to bed.

Me, too.

I only said yes to the
coffee to be polite.

I just asked you to be polite.

All right, Helen,
I'll see you around.

All right, thanks, Arch.

Um, you know...

I've been known to
pick up a bear claw

at, uh, Mr. Donut some mornings.

I could pick up two tomorrow.

If you're asking me
out on another date,

I'm gonna need a few
years to think about it.

Make mine a maple bar.

Well, you've finally
conquered the Cheetah pattern.

Congratulations. Couldn't
have done it without you.

And, hey, Arch. Hmm?

If you hurt my mom,
I'm gonna kill you.

I'm just kidding.

But she'll kill you.

In the woods, bow and arrow.

You'll never hear her coming.

Celebrate with some curly fries?

Mm-mm, no, not today.

I made roasted bone
marrow and parsley salad,

braised short ribs with
a red wine reduction,

and a Concord grape and
honeydew torte for dessert.

It's a tasting menu.

Well, damn, Lew, this
is some fine cuisine.

This is the kind of stuff

we need to be serving here.

Set us apart from all
the rest of those dumps.

Great.

Mm, oh, how much would it cost

to, uh, put this
stuff on the menu?

About $140 per person.

Boy, what in the blue
hell are you thinking?!

All right, let's
stick with dump.