How I Met Your Mother (2005–2014): Season 7, Episode 24 - The Magician's Code: Part 2 - full transcript
Ted makes a fateful phone call to his old girlfriend Victoria, Barney's magic trick gets him in trouble with airport security just as he's about to leave on a trip with Quinn, and Robin tries to take the perfect birth announcement photo.
Kids, this is the story
of a wedding day
that went horribly wrong.
Ted, the bride wants to see you.
Uncle Barney
was getting married.
How the hell did we get there?
I love the name Marvin.
Marv.
Sounds like a little
middle-aged man.
Golf next weekend, Marv?
How's that tax report
coming, Marv?
At your age,
erectile dysfunction
is nothing to be
ashamed of, Marv.
It was a beautiful moment.
But then a thought popped
into my head, kids.
The same thought that will pop
into your heads
the first time you see your
best friend holding their baby.
Wonder how much this would hurt.
That guy's a dad.
Oh, I think he's hungry.
Oh, we'll give
you some privacy.
Wow. Seeing them in there
all together like that,
they're a family, you know?
That's what I want.
Oh, Ted, I'm glad
we're friends again.
Me, too.
Because as your friend,
I have to tell you:
You're full of crap!
You say you want a family,
you say
you want to meet "The One,"
but you are always chasing
the wrong women.
That is not true.
Look at the women you date,
starting with me:
I told you right away
I didn't want marriage or kids.
Stella had a child with another
man who she still loved.
Zoey was married and trying
to sabotage your career
and wore a lot of stupid hats.
Hats were in that year, kind of.
Name one exception.
Victoria.
Victoria was great.
Exactly,
and you threw it all away
to chase after some hot piece
of ass.
- You mean you?
- Thank you!
Victoria is the only
woman you've dated
who could've been "The One."
You should call her.
Tiny thing, last time I saw her,
she was getting engaged.
That was eight months ago.
For all you know,
she's single again.
What if she's married?
What if she's not?
Then you would actually
have a chance
to get what you say you want,
and it terrifies you.
Whoa.
What's wrong?
I ruined things with Quinn.
I insisted she stop stripping,
we got in a huge fight about it,
then I ran off to Atlantic City
for two days without calling.
What the hell
am I coming home to?
Let's have an eight-way with
my six hottest stripper friends.
Um, how is that a punishment?
Wait for it.
But I forbid you from filming it
with your overhead camera
that zooms in
on whoever's being the loudest.
Nooooo!
No, that's too cruel.
Or, you know,
maybe Quinn's moved out.
I didn't even think of that!
Hi.
Welcome home.
I decided the place was a bit
too "American Psycho" for me,
so while you were gone,
I hired a decorator
and I asked him,
"What would the inside
of Tinkerbell's vagina
look like?"
And the kid just ran with it!
So... what do you think?
Thank God you're still here!
Welcome home.
Lily and Marshall asked Robin
to be the photographer
for Baby Marvin's
Birth Announcement card
instead of me.
Whatever.
The only problem?
Okay. How about this?
Tomorrow, we go
to Central Park at sunset
and we get the perfect picture
in the perfect setting.
Oh, I like that.
It'll be Marvin's first
outing into the world.
You're gonna love
the park, buddy.
It's a great place
to meet chicks.
Or-or dudes.
Or both.
Oh, we love you no matter what!
And kids, as I watched your
Aunt Lily hold her baby boy,
another thought
popped into my head.
Even though you
didn't buy anything,
I want to thank you
for coming in.
Here's a free teddy bear.
What are you gonna
name the little guy?
Six Pack.
Gun it, bitches!
That girl's a mom!
Okay, so I met this girl
on the train,
and I texted her, "What's up"
She texted,
"Hey," exclamation point.
Does that mean,
"Ask me out" or "Just..."
Ted, we are responsible for
a whole other human life now,
so new rule: You can't come
to us with any issue unless
it's an "8" or higher.
Got it.
So I'm thinking of texting
back a winky smiley face.
Eight or higher, bro.
Well, no, what should I--
Eight or higher, bro.
No, yeah,
I'm just wondering if--
Eight or higher, bro.
Well, where do you rate this?
This is the same as what's in
little Marvin's pants right now:
A soft two.
Sorry, bro.
Stop texting the bimbo
and call Victoria.
That chapter's over.
W-We just weren't destined
to be together.
"Destined." Aren't you tired
of waiting for destiny, Ted?
Isn't it time
to make your own destiny?
Hey, false alarm.
What I was smelling was
the previous poop,
which, apparently, is
still somewhere on my
clothes and/or in my hair.
- Hold him, would you?
- Oh.
- Ooh.
- Yeah, smart.
Oh, sure, that one
turns out great. Ugh.
- And then another thought popped-
That guy's nowhere
near being a dad.
Hello?
Hey, Victoria, it's Ted.
Um, listen, I was just wondering
if you wanted to catch up
sometime; it's been a while.
That sounds nice.
I'm actually around
this afternoon.
Oh, wow, uh, great.
MacLaren's at 2:00?
Is 1:30 okay?
I might have a thing later.
Yeah. Yeah. See you then.
See you then.
Meanwhile, Barney
and Quinn were off to Hawaii
for their first getaway
as a couple.
Ma'am, I need you
to open your suitcase.
It's mine.
Did you have
to replace my luggage, too?
Run away on me again, you'll
be wearing hot pink stilettos.
What's that?
Yeah, what is that?
It's a magic trick.
You see, I'm something
of a magician.
Open the box, sir.
Oh, I can't do that.
Sir, are there drugs
in that box?
Oh, no. He's probably
just barking
because of the explosives.
Oh, my God!
Tell us what's
in the box right now!
I can't.
Magician's Code.
Okay, I need to figure out
if Victoria ever got engaged.
I'll have to very subtly
check for an engagement ring.
Hmm, can't see the left hand.
Open the box now!
I can't.
Magician's Code.
What the hell is
the Magician's Code?!
"A magician never
reveals his tricks."
Mr. Flanagan, my magic mentor
from the hallowed
Staten Island Mall Magic Shop,
taught me the importance
of the Code
one fateful autumn
night in 1993.
Hello? Mr. Flanagan.
Wh-What are you doing here?
Um...
I'm checking up on you.
Just to make sure
you're practicing your craft
or whatever.
That is an honor, sir.
And yeah, I promise,
I'm practicing.
But wait.
Why were you, why were you
going in my mom's room?
Uh... your mom's actually
helping me with a new trick.
That is so cool!
What is this trick?
Is it sawing a lady in half?
Well, not sawing.
But actually,
the Magician's Code forbids me
from telling you anything else
about the trick.
Wayne, come back to bed!
Okay, it involves a bed.
W-W-Wait. Can
you at least
tell me the name of this trick?
Sure, kid.
It's called--
The Disappearing Salami.
Mr. Flanagan's wife shot him
before he could ever tell me
what the trick was.
Yeah, that guy was
banging your mom.
Yup.
Totally.
Mr. Flanagan was not ban--
Oh, my God, he was.
Wait, why are you bringing
a magic trick to Hawaii anyway?
I was hoping to shoot up
to Honolulu
for the Worldwide
Magic Convention.
Don't worry. You'll
notice I was gone.
It's only three
14-hour days.
So on our romantic getaway
to help me forget about
you skipping town on me,
you're skipping town on me?!
Look Quinn, you're
very important to me,
but you're sharing my heart
with an equally important Miss.
Miss...
Direction.
What?
H...
Shoot him.
So what did you order?
Oh, just black coffee.
I like it that way, too.
Yeah, it just tastes
better to me.
I find that if the coffee beans
are good enough,
you really don't need--
Why are you in a wedding dress?!
Well, I'm sort of supposed to...
get married today.
All your friends and family
are waiting for you
in some church right now?
Well, not all; we had
five last-minute no-shows.
Well... six.
Mazel tov, Ted.
I was starting to think
this would never happen.
Oh, no, Mrs. Matsen--
I told you he wasn't gay.
Wait, what?
I was tempted to leave Klaus
for you last fall.
The only thing holding me back
was the Robin of it all.
I know, and you were right,
but... but that's all over now.
She moved out-- I mean, we're
still friends, but that's over.
All these years, I never stopped
thinking about you, Ted.
I've got a car outside
if you're ready to drive off
into the sunset together.
But if you don't feel
the same way,
if you've closed the door on us,
just say the word...
and I'll go.
Barney, tell them the trick.
The only person I could possibly
reveal the trick to
is another magician.
Well, I'm a magician.
Prove it.
Whoo-hoo!
That's Barney's version.
Quinn said it was
a simple card trick.
Who's to say which
version was true?
Quinn's.
Quinn's version was true.
Okay.
I'll tell you.
Oh, that's really cool.
So what's the trick?
I can't say.
Magician's Code.
Ta-da...
da-da-da-da-da-da.
Hello.
Why did you make me
call Victoria?
She's here in a wedding dress.
I'm the verge of
ruining a wedding!
And Mrs. Madsen's friend
thinks I'm gay,
but let's put a pin
in that till later.
Oh, my God.
Victoria's at the bar with Ted.
That's a seven.
And she's in a wedding dress.
That's a ten.
We got a ten!
What are you gonna do?
Where is she right now?
So this dress, what's the cut?
Are we talking princess,
ball gown, column?
Right, 'cause it's a federal
crime to love weddings.
She's in the bathroom,
which I guess
takes forever with that
giant poufy skirt thing.
Ball gown. Thank you.
Four shots of tequila.
Ted, calm down.
Or not. This is your chance
to get the one who got away.
You want her, she wants you,
what's the problem?
The problem is Victoria's in
the middle of a giant freak-out.
What if she winds up
regretting this decision?
She's going after Ted Mosby.
That's the best decision
she's ever made.
There you go.
- Whoa. What was that?
- What?
You said you wanted a picture
of Baby Marvin's first outing.
Our baby's first outing
was to a bar.
I dribble Cuervo
on Marv's soft spot.
Here she comes! Quick!
Oh, yeah.
Eggshell or cream?
Is it eggshell or cream?
So.
You... me...
riding off into the sunset.
Any thoughts?
One question:
FDR or Westside Highway,
what's the quickest
way to the sunset?
I need to ask you both
a few questions.
Let's start with you.
Name?
Quinn Garvey.
Occupation?
Unemployed.
Well, well, well.
Look who's keeping secrets now.
Sir, I'll tell you her
stripper.
She insists she's proud of it,
but apparently not
proud enough to tell you.
Barney, I was going to surprise
you with this on our trip,
but... I quit.
You... did that for me?
Yes.
And now that you know
what I did for you,
and how much I care for you,
would you please
show him the trick?
Sorry. Magician's Code.
Where should we go?
Your place?
My place?
We could go on my honeymoon.
Just kidding.
Although, it is paid for.
- I know where we should go.
- Where?
Your wedding.
I'm taking you back.
I don't understand.
I thought you wanted this.
I do want this.
I've thought about you
so many times.
What might have been...
But I got left at the altar,
and it nearly killed me.
You're someone's fiancé,
and I have to respect that.
So let's hit a motel,
jam in a quickie,
and get you back
to your wedding.
It's the right thing to do.
Some part of me
needed to hear you say
that running away together
wasn't an option.
And now that I know that...
it's like I'm sobering up.
Is there any way
that we can just pretend
this never happened?
This never happened.
Mr. Flanagan wasn't
banging my mom.
Well.
Your flight left.
We need to hold Mr. Stinson
for further questioning.
But you're free to go.
Maybe I should.
Wait!
I'll show you the trick.
Sir!
May I please have
the silk handkerchief
in your top left breast pocket?
Well... I don't have...
Sim salabi ma...
sim salabi ma...
Relax, relax,
it's part of the trick.
How did you get that
through the X-Ray machine?
No questions from
the audience, please!
What is that?
Madam, may I please have
the key on your necklace?
Oh!
Is that gonna explode?
What?
Ahem.
What?
Will you marry me?
Yes.
Come on, guys.
We're losing the light
for Baby's Second First Outing.
I hate to say it,
but Robin nailed it.
- Hey.
- Guys, we've got something to tell you.
Eight or higher, bro.
We're engaged.
That's a... that's a ten.
We got another ten!
- Oh...
- Wow, big day!
- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
How did this happen?
Oh... magic.
Oh.
Uh, not to ruin the moment,
but apparently little Marvin
is quite stunned by the news.
Well...
- Yeah. Wow.
- Yeah.
Do you guys mind
recounting this romantic tale
next to a Diaper Genie?
Oh, Marvin, you're about to
hear your first love story!
Once up on a time,
this creepy magic dude
was boning Barney's mom...
It's our last chance
to run away together.
Door's right there.
Yes, we'll start a new life.
- Head for the border!
- Canada!
Eh, Mexico.
Canada sucks.
Okay, well,
you're one-quarter Canadian,
so by that logic
you one-quarter suck.
I'm 100% awesome
and you know it.
Yeah, I do.
Look, I-I hope this isn't weird,
or anything, because...
Barney...
I'm... I'm really happy for you.
Really?
♪ I listen to the wind ♪
Really.
♪ To the wind of my soul ♪
♪ Where I'll end up
well I think ♪
♪ Only God really knows ♪
♪ I've sat upon ♪
♪ The setting sun ♪
♪ But never never never... ♪
You just drove
right by the church.
I know.
♪ I never wanted water once ♪
♪ No, never, never, never ♪
♪ I listen to my words ♪
♪ But they fall far below ♪
The road to this day has had
a few twists and
turns, hasn't it?
Yeah. Just a few.
♪ My heart wants to go ♪
In a weird way, it all makes
sense, though, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, it kind of does.
♪ ...the devil's lake ♪
♪ But never never ♪
♪ Never never ♪
The bride wants to see me?
♪ No, never, never, never. ♪
of a wedding day
that went horribly wrong.
Ted, the bride wants to see you.
Uncle Barney
was getting married.
How the hell did we get there?
I love the name Marvin.
Marv.
Sounds like a little
middle-aged man.
Golf next weekend, Marv?
How's that tax report
coming, Marv?
At your age,
erectile dysfunction
is nothing to be
ashamed of, Marv.
It was a beautiful moment.
But then a thought popped
into my head, kids.
The same thought that will pop
into your heads
the first time you see your
best friend holding their baby.
Wonder how much this would hurt.
That guy's a dad.
Oh, I think he's hungry.
Oh, we'll give
you some privacy.
Wow. Seeing them in there
all together like that,
they're a family, you know?
That's what I want.
Oh, Ted, I'm glad
we're friends again.
Me, too.
Because as your friend,
I have to tell you:
You're full of crap!
You say you want a family,
you say
you want to meet "The One,"
but you are always chasing
the wrong women.
That is not true.
Look at the women you date,
starting with me:
I told you right away
I didn't want marriage or kids.
Stella had a child with another
man who she still loved.
Zoey was married and trying
to sabotage your career
and wore a lot of stupid hats.
Hats were in that year, kind of.
Name one exception.
Victoria.
Victoria was great.
Exactly,
and you threw it all away
to chase after some hot piece
of ass.
- You mean you?
- Thank you!
Victoria is the only
woman you've dated
who could've been "The One."
You should call her.
Tiny thing, last time I saw her,
she was getting engaged.
That was eight months ago.
For all you know,
she's single again.
What if she's married?
What if she's not?
Then you would actually
have a chance
to get what you say you want,
and it terrifies you.
Whoa.
What's wrong?
I ruined things with Quinn.
I insisted she stop stripping,
we got in a huge fight about it,
then I ran off to Atlantic City
for two days without calling.
What the hell
am I coming home to?
Let's have an eight-way with
my six hottest stripper friends.
Um, how is that a punishment?
Wait for it.
But I forbid you from filming it
with your overhead camera
that zooms in
on whoever's being the loudest.
Nooooo!
No, that's too cruel.
Or, you know,
maybe Quinn's moved out.
I didn't even think of that!
Hi.
Welcome home.
I decided the place was a bit
too "American Psycho" for me,
so while you were gone,
I hired a decorator
and I asked him,
"What would the inside
of Tinkerbell's vagina
look like?"
And the kid just ran with it!
So... what do you think?
Thank God you're still here!
Welcome home.
Lily and Marshall asked Robin
to be the photographer
for Baby Marvin's
Birth Announcement card
instead of me.
Whatever.
The only problem?
Okay. How about this?
Tomorrow, we go
to Central Park at sunset
and we get the perfect picture
in the perfect setting.
Oh, I like that.
It'll be Marvin's first
outing into the world.
You're gonna love
the park, buddy.
It's a great place
to meet chicks.
Or-or dudes.
Or both.
Oh, we love you no matter what!
And kids, as I watched your
Aunt Lily hold her baby boy,
another thought
popped into my head.
Even though you
didn't buy anything,
I want to thank you
for coming in.
Here's a free teddy bear.
What are you gonna
name the little guy?
Six Pack.
Gun it, bitches!
That girl's a mom!
Okay, so I met this girl
on the train,
and I texted her, "What's up"
She texted,
"Hey," exclamation point.
Does that mean,
"Ask me out" or "Just..."
Ted, we are responsible for
a whole other human life now,
so new rule: You can't come
to us with any issue unless
it's an "8" or higher.
Got it.
So I'm thinking of texting
back a winky smiley face.
Eight or higher, bro.
Well, no, what should I--
Eight or higher, bro.
No, yeah,
I'm just wondering if--
Eight or higher, bro.
Well, where do you rate this?
This is the same as what's in
little Marvin's pants right now:
A soft two.
Sorry, bro.
Stop texting the bimbo
and call Victoria.
That chapter's over.
W-We just weren't destined
to be together.
"Destined." Aren't you tired
of waiting for destiny, Ted?
Isn't it time
to make your own destiny?
Hey, false alarm.
What I was smelling was
the previous poop,
which, apparently, is
still somewhere on my
clothes and/or in my hair.
- Hold him, would you?
- Oh.
- Ooh.
- Yeah, smart.
Oh, sure, that one
turns out great. Ugh.
- And then another thought popped-
That guy's nowhere
near being a dad.
Hello?
Hey, Victoria, it's Ted.
Um, listen, I was just wondering
if you wanted to catch up
sometime; it's been a while.
That sounds nice.
I'm actually around
this afternoon.
Oh, wow, uh, great.
MacLaren's at 2:00?
Is 1:30 okay?
I might have a thing later.
Yeah. Yeah. See you then.
See you then.
Meanwhile, Barney
and Quinn were off to Hawaii
for their first getaway
as a couple.
Ma'am, I need you
to open your suitcase.
It's mine.
Did you have
to replace my luggage, too?
Run away on me again, you'll
be wearing hot pink stilettos.
What's that?
Yeah, what is that?
It's a magic trick.
You see, I'm something
of a magician.
Open the box, sir.
Oh, I can't do that.
Sir, are there drugs
in that box?
Oh, no. He's probably
just barking
because of the explosives.
Oh, my God!
Tell us what's
in the box right now!
I can't.
Magician's Code.
Okay, I need to figure out
if Victoria ever got engaged.
I'll have to very subtly
check for an engagement ring.
Hmm, can't see the left hand.
Open the box now!
I can't.
Magician's Code.
What the hell is
the Magician's Code?!
"A magician never
reveals his tricks."
Mr. Flanagan, my magic mentor
from the hallowed
Staten Island Mall Magic Shop,
taught me the importance
of the Code
one fateful autumn
night in 1993.
Hello? Mr. Flanagan.
Wh-What are you doing here?
Um...
I'm checking up on you.
Just to make sure
you're practicing your craft
or whatever.
That is an honor, sir.
And yeah, I promise,
I'm practicing.
But wait.
Why were you, why were you
going in my mom's room?
Uh... your mom's actually
helping me with a new trick.
That is so cool!
What is this trick?
Is it sawing a lady in half?
Well, not sawing.
But actually,
the Magician's Code forbids me
from telling you anything else
about the trick.
Wayne, come back to bed!
Okay, it involves a bed.
W-W-Wait. Can
you at least
tell me the name of this trick?
Sure, kid.
It's called--
The Disappearing Salami.
Mr. Flanagan's wife shot him
before he could ever tell me
what the trick was.
Yeah, that guy was
banging your mom.
Yup.
Totally.
Mr. Flanagan was not ban--
Oh, my God, he was.
Wait, why are you bringing
a magic trick to Hawaii anyway?
I was hoping to shoot up
to Honolulu
for the Worldwide
Magic Convention.
Don't worry. You'll
notice I was gone.
It's only three
14-hour days.
So on our romantic getaway
to help me forget about
you skipping town on me,
you're skipping town on me?!
Look Quinn, you're
very important to me,
but you're sharing my heart
with an equally important Miss.
Miss...
Direction.
What?
H...
Shoot him.
So what did you order?
Oh, just black coffee.
I like it that way, too.
Yeah, it just tastes
better to me.
I find that if the coffee beans
are good enough,
you really don't need--
Why are you in a wedding dress?!
Well, I'm sort of supposed to...
get married today.
All your friends and family
are waiting for you
in some church right now?
Well, not all; we had
five last-minute no-shows.
Well... six.
Mazel tov, Ted.
I was starting to think
this would never happen.
Oh, no, Mrs. Matsen--
I told you he wasn't gay.
Wait, what?
I was tempted to leave Klaus
for you last fall.
The only thing holding me back
was the Robin of it all.
I know, and you were right,
but... but that's all over now.
She moved out-- I mean, we're
still friends, but that's over.
All these years, I never stopped
thinking about you, Ted.
I've got a car outside
if you're ready to drive off
into the sunset together.
But if you don't feel
the same way,
if you've closed the door on us,
just say the word...
and I'll go.
Barney, tell them the trick.
The only person I could possibly
reveal the trick to
is another magician.
Well, I'm a magician.
Prove it.
Whoo-hoo!
That's Barney's version.
Quinn said it was
a simple card trick.
Who's to say which
version was true?
Quinn's.
Quinn's version was true.
Okay.
I'll tell you.
Oh, that's really cool.
So what's the trick?
I can't say.
Magician's Code.
Ta-da...
da-da-da-da-da-da.
Hello.
Why did you make me
call Victoria?
She's here in a wedding dress.
I'm the verge of
ruining a wedding!
And Mrs. Madsen's friend
thinks I'm gay,
but let's put a pin
in that till later.
Oh, my God.
Victoria's at the bar with Ted.
That's a seven.
And she's in a wedding dress.
That's a ten.
We got a ten!
What are you gonna do?
Where is she right now?
So this dress, what's the cut?
Are we talking princess,
ball gown, column?
Right, 'cause it's a federal
crime to love weddings.
She's in the bathroom,
which I guess
takes forever with that
giant poufy skirt thing.
Ball gown. Thank you.
Four shots of tequila.
Ted, calm down.
Or not. This is your chance
to get the one who got away.
You want her, she wants you,
what's the problem?
The problem is Victoria's in
the middle of a giant freak-out.
What if she winds up
regretting this decision?
She's going after Ted Mosby.
That's the best decision
she's ever made.
There you go.
- Whoa. What was that?
- What?
You said you wanted a picture
of Baby Marvin's first outing.
Our baby's first outing
was to a bar.
I dribble Cuervo
on Marv's soft spot.
Here she comes! Quick!
Oh, yeah.
Eggshell or cream?
Is it eggshell or cream?
So.
You... me...
riding off into the sunset.
Any thoughts?
One question:
FDR or Westside Highway,
what's the quickest
way to the sunset?
I need to ask you both
a few questions.
Let's start with you.
Name?
Quinn Garvey.
Occupation?
Unemployed.
Well, well, well.
Look who's keeping secrets now.
Sir, I'll tell you her
stripper.
She insists she's proud of it,
but apparently not
proud enough to tell you.
Barney, I was going to surprise
you with this on our trip,
but... I quit.
You... did that for me?
Yes.
And now that you know
what I did for you,
and how much I care for you,
would you please
show him the trick?
Sorry. Magician's Code.
Where should we go?
Your place?
My place?
We could go on my honeymoon.
Just kidding.
Although, it is paid for.
- I know where we should go.
- Where?
Your wedding.
I'm taking you back.
I don't understand.
I thought you wanted this.
I do want this.
I've thought about you
so many times.
What might have been...
But I got left at the altar,
and it nearly killed me.
You're someone's fiancé,
and I have to respect that.
So let's hit a motel,
jam in a quickie,
and get you back
to your wedding.
It's the right thing to do.
Some part of me
needed to hear you say
that running away together
wasn't an option.
And now that I know that...
it's like I'm sobering up.
Is there any way
that we can just pretend
this never happened?
This never happened.
Mr. Flanagan wasn't
banging my mom.
Well.
Your flight left.
We need to hold Mr. Stinson
for further questioning.
But you're free to go.
Maybe I should.
Wait!
I'll show you the trick.
Sir!
May I please have
the silk handkerchief
in your top left breast pocket?
Well... I don't have...
Sim salabi ma...
sim salabi ma...
Relax, relax,
it's part of the trick.
How did you get that
through the X-Ray machine?
No questions from
the audience, please!
What is that?
Madam, may I please have
the key on your necklace?
Oh!
Is that gonna explode?
What?
Ahem.
What?
Will you marry me?
Yes.
Come on, guys.
We're losing the light
for Baby's Second First Outing.
I hate to say it,
but Robin nailed it.
- Hey.
- Guys, we've got something to tell you.
Eight or higher, bro.
We're engaged.
That's a... that's a ten.
We got another ten!
- Oh...
- Wow, big day!
- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
How did this happen?
Oh... magic.
Oh.
Uh, not to ruin the moment,
but apparently little Marvin
is quite stunned by the news.
Well...
- Yeah. Wow.
- Yeah.
Do you guys mind
recounting this romantic tale
next to a Diaper Genie?
Oh, Marvin, you're about to
hear your first love story!
Once up on a time,
this creepy magic dude
was boning Barney's mom...
It's our last chance
to run away together.
Door's right there.
Yes, we'll start a new life.
- Head for the border!
- Canada!
Eh, Mexico.
Canada sucks.
Okay, well,
you're one-quarter Canadian,
so by that logic
you one-quarter suck.
I'm 100% awesome
and you know it.
Yeah, I do.
Look, I-I hope this isn't weird,
or anything, because...
Barney...
I'm... I'm really happy for you.
Really?
♪ I listen to the wind ♪
Really.
♪ To the wind of my soul ♪
♪ Where I'll end up
well I think ♪
♪ Only God really knows ♪
♪ I've sat upon ♪
♪ The setting sun ♪
♪ But never never never... ♪
You just drove
right by the church.
I know.
♪ I never wanted water once ♪
♪ No, never, never, never ♪
♪ I listen to my words ♪
♪ But they fall far below ♪
The road to this day has had
a few twists and
turns, hasn't it?
Yeah. Just a few.
♪ My heart wants to go ♪
In a weird way, it all makes
sense, though, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, it kind of does.
♪ ...the devil's lake ♪
♪ But never never ♪
♪ Never never ♪
The bride wants to see me?
♪ No, never, never, never. ♪