Hot in Cleveland (2010–2015): Season 4, Episode 18 - The Fixer - full transcript
Melanie rebounds with the unsavory Danny (Tom Arnold) but is soon juggling two men, including a blast from the past: Dr. Everett (Jack Wagner). Victoria hires a shady lawyer to help Emmet. Joy and Elka compete in film class.
- Hot in Cleveland is recorded
in front
of a live studio audience.
- Sorry I'm late.
What did I miss?
- Oh, we were just telling
sad, bloated Melanie
that Alec was right
to break up with her.
- What?
That's a horrible thing to say!
You're gonna make her cry.
- That's the plan.
- I haven't been able to cry
since Alec and I broke up,
and I feel like it's
all bottled up inside me.
If I could just get one good
cry, maybe I could get over him.
- Got it.
Has anyone mentioned
that he's probably banging
some hot 20-something already?
- I said twins.
- Well, the movie's
in ten minutes.
Everyone says you can't watch
The Diary
without bursting into tears.
- Oh, yes.
The Diary is the movie
The Notebook goes to see
when it wants to feel sad.
- After all the artsy-fartsy
cinema Elka and I have had
to sit through
in our Theory of Film class,
we could use
a little mindless entertainment.
No subtitles,
no moral ambiguity,
no chess games with Death.
- And only good-looking people
get naked.
- You know what, you guys?
I'm really not up for a movie.
You go, I'm gonna stay here
and finish my wine.
I'll pay the check.
- Oh, honey, are you sure?
- No, don't try to be nice.
It only makes it harder.
- Well, bye, Mel.
Sorry you're so hideous.
- And unlovable.
- Have fun dying alone.
Nothing.
- Bourbon and branch.
- Empty...
Just like my life.
- You okay?
- I'm sorry.
It's just that...
There's no nut in my peanut.
- That's a bummer,
but easily remedied.
- Oh, why bother?
I didn't even want
the damn peanut!
I just want Alec.
- Hey, don't cry.
- No, no, this is really good.
This is the first time
I've been able to cry
since I broke up
with my boyfriend.
- Alec?
- Oh, my God, you know him?
- No, you—you just— Never mind.
Look, I'm here,
so you want to talk about it?
- So much.
But just talk.
'Cause I never want
to be with another man.
Never, ever, ever again!
Oh, no.
Oh, no!
Oh, hey, peanut.
Listen, I'm really embarrassed,
but I don't remember anything
about last night, so I need you
to answer one very
important question.
Did I eat all these candy bars?
- No, no, no.
That was me.
- Oh, thank God.
Did we have sex?
- No.
I mean...
Nothing actionable.
- What does that mean?
- Look, you were sad
and a little drunk,
so I drove you home
to make sure you were safe.
And then I laid you...
down on these sheets,
and they are so soft.
What is the thread count
on these babies?
- Forget about the sheets.
What did we do on the sheets?
- Don't worry,
we didn't exchange any fluids.
Well, I spilled a little Sprite
on you, but...
Mostly we just cuddled.
Which was nice.
It was so nice.
You're nice.
- Yeah, anyway, thank you
for taking me home last night,
but I do have
a doctor's appointment at...
Oh, my God!
It's almost 10:00.
So can you—
- Oh, I got a meeting at 10:00!
Oh, boy!
Oh.
Hey, do you have any idea
where 68 Cedarcliff Road is?
- 68 Cedarcliff Road?
That's here.
- ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
Hey!
- You didn't see this.
- Expecting someone?
- Yes, my secret weapon
to get Emmet out of jail.
Danny Doyle.
They call him "The Fixer."
He's gonna bribe the judge
in Emmet's case.
- Victoria!
- No, I know!
But Emmet's arraignment
is tomorrow, and I'm desperate.
Wouldn't you do anything
you could
to keep your fiancé out of jail?
- Of course.
Does Emmet know about this?
- No.
He wants to do things
above board.
But did Honor St. Raven
get off death row
by going above board?
No!
No, her lawyers went
to a voodoo high priestess.
A woefully miscast
Mary Lou Retton.
- Didn't she win the Emmy?
- Oh.
- Victoria Chase?
Danny Doyle.
- Hi.
This is Joy Scroggs.
- Let me get one thing straight
right off the bat.
I operate completely within
the bounds of the law.
- I'm not wearing a wire.
- Good, let's bribe some judges.
- All right, are you really
as good as they say you are?
- Did John Glenn
go to jail for murder?
- What murder?
- I rest my case!
- Oh, I didn't realize we had
a total stranger in the house.
- Melanie, this is Danny Doyle.
He came here to help me
with Emmet's case.
- I am very pleased to meet you.
- Why, yes,
we should shake hands,
since we're meeting
for the very first time.
- Don't mind her.
She's going through a breakup.
- Yes, poor, old,
wrinkled Melanie.
- Okay, guys, you can stop.
I cried last night...
And a little bit
a few minutes ago.
- Well, I'll just go get
those non-sequential hundreds
that I so awkwardly got
from the bank yesterday.
- Oh! And I'm late for class.
I'm a student.
College.
Sort of reinventing myself.
Nobody cares.
Good-bye.
- I have to see you again,
Melanie.
- No.
Last night was last night.
- Women never say no to me.
- Really?
- I date prostitutes.
So if they did, they really
wouldn't be doing their job.
- You date prostitutes?
- As a matter of fact,
when I saw you at the bar,
I assumed that...
- You thought I was
a prostitute?
- Well, you were making
a meal of those peanuts
and drinking
other people's wine.
I knew you weren't
upper management.
But now I think
you're something else entirely.
You're a real lady.
- I passed out drunk and woke up
with a total stranger.
- That's how my mom met my dad.
By the way, they can't wait
to meet you.
- Yeah... Not gonna happen.
Good luck with whatever it is
you two are doing.
- Okay, here's your money.
Go and do your magic.
- Change of plans.
I don't want the money.
I want Melanie.
- What?
- You have to get her
to go out with me.
- Oh, well, she's not really
dating anyone right now.
She's sort of going through
a bad breakup.
- Make it happen,
or our whole deal's off.
- Okay.
I'll go ask her.
You know,
I can pretty much guarantee
that I could get Joy
to go out with you.
- Melanie.
- Where's Melanie?
She went to the doctor's.
- Shoot.
Melanie, I need to speak to you,
about Danny.
Yes, he is cute.
Good news!
It's a date.
Tonight, here,
she's gonna cook for you.
- What is she making?
- Why?
- 'Cause some foods
make me gassy.
- I'll let her know.
- Okay.
- I only give out
one "A" per semester,
and that goes
to the student film
that nauseates me the least.
- I have an idea.
- So, nothing cute,
and for God's sakes,
nothing with animals.
- I have no ideas.
- No flowers opening slowly,
all right?
I know what a vagina looks like.
It looks like years of alimony.
- I'm out too.
- Dr. Dubin is still
in delivery.
Do you want to reschedule
or see one of the other doctors?
- Oh, another doctor is fine.
- So just in
for your annual checkup?
- Yes.
Although I did sleep
with someone last night,
but he said we didn't
do anything.
On the other hand,
he's kind of sleazy,
and he usually sleeps
with prostitutes...
But I really don't think
we did anything.
So it might be something
to be noted.
Or not.
Actually, don't put any
of that down.
Why are you writing?
- Just notes for the doctor.
Now, let's get your weight.
- Ugh.
Do we have to?
Because I drank, like,
a gallon of wine last night.
Can't you just put down what
I was last year?
Why are you still writing?
- Oh, let's see.
- Just put that down!
- The doctor will be right in.
- Shoot.
- Melanie?
- So in 1939, German SS Officers
commandeered your family's home
in Krakow.
You must have been terrified.
- Yes.
But I was one of the lucky ones.
I said good-bye to the animals
on the farm
and fled Poland that very night.
- And, cut!
That was beautiful, Elka.
My film's got everything
those Oscar-winners have...
Craggy-looking old people
talking about Nazis.
I'm a shoo-in to get that "A."
- Not so fast.
I want to interview you
for my film.
- Really?
But my story can't possibly be
as interesting as yours.
- Oh, don't put yourself down,
Joy.
That's my job.
Hey, guys, guess what.
I have a date
with my gynecologist.
- They're called appointments,
dear.
- We've all been there, Melanie.
So desperate for a man's touch
you make an appointment
you don't even need.
- No, I've never done that.
- Nor have I.
- No, this is a real date.
Remember that cute doctor
I met when the bar got held up,
and he needed me
to take off my Spanx
so he could use it
as a tourniquet,
and I thought, at the time,
that's the most
embarrassing way possible
to meet a guy?
Well, same guy,
more embarrassing way.
- You didn't let him
examine you.
- No, no, no, no.
And I know I said
I wasn't gonna start dating yet,
but...
You know what?
Maybe this is just what I need
to get over Alec.
- You know the old saying.
- When God closes a door,
he opens a window?
- No.
The best way to get over a man
is to get under another one.
- Wait, wait.
Wasn't this the guy who said
he'd call you and never did?
- Yes, but that's because
he got back together
with his girlfriend.
And then he didn't want
to call just to say
he wasn't gonna call,
but now they've broken up,
so we can be two miserable peas
in a pod together.
I'm excited!
- Oh, there you are, Melanie.
- Guess what.
I have a date tomorrow night.
- Perfect!
So what you need
is a practice date tonight.
- What?
- Yes, I can get you a date
with Danny Doyle.
Tonight at 8:00?
Done and done.
- I'm not following.
- Yeah, I met him last night
at the bar,
we spent the night together,
we didn't do anything, and now
he thinks he's in love with me.
- Up to speed.
- I can't date him.
He dates prostitutes.
And he spilled Sprite on me.
He's not my type.
- Look, I know this is a huge
thing, but it's just dinner.
And I'll monitor your drinking
so that you don't end up
in bed with him again.
Oh, please?
He's refusing to help Emmet
if you don't give him
another chance.
- Fine, I'll let him
take me to dinner.
- Actually, you're cooking.
And I would avoid dairy
and legumes.
- Why?
- Nothing.
Okay, Danny will be here
any minute.
Go put something sexier on.
- No, I'm doing this
to get Emmet off, not Danny.
And I'm breaking up with him
tomorrow after the arraignment,
and I'm going out with Aaron
tomorrow night.
- Absolutely, but at least
go put some lipstick on.
- I'm 90.
I'll get it.
- Just tell Danny
I'll be down in a sec.
- Hi, I'm Dr. Everett.
Is Melanie home?
- Oh, boy.
Um, no...
I mean, no, she's not.
- Tell him to come on in
and open the wine.
- Oh, I guess I was wrong.
Come in, Dr. Everett.
- Aaron?
- Hi!
- Aaron—I—uh—Aaron, hi.
Elka, this is Aaron.
- Yes.
I told him you weren't here,
but then you opened your
big mouth and I was wrong.
- You left your wallet
at the office,
so I thought it might be cute
if I returned it,
like I did the first time.
- Oh.
Aw, that is cute.
- I'm sorry, I thought our date
was tomorrow night.
- Oh, my God, I'm such an idiot!
You're right,
it is tomorrow night,
so I'll just see you
tomorrow night.
- I heard the doorbell.
Who are you?
- It's Aaron.
He's here for our date,
which is tomorrow night,
so he's just leaving.
- I'm happy to stay—
- What, are we barbarians?
No, I insist that you come back
on the correct night.
- Hello, Melanie.
These are for you.
- What?
Who's this guy?
- I'm her date.
Who's this guy?
- Uh...
This is Melanie's gynecologist.
- He's here to examine Joy.
- Yes! Excellent.
Joy has an urgent gynecological
issue that we should really
discuss in the kitchen due
to its embarrassing nature.
- Sure.
That's what's happening.
- I'm sorry.
I'll explain everything.
- The rubber gloves
are under the sink.
- What the hell's going on here?
- Um, well, yeah.
- Look, Melanie's just
pretending to be on a date
so he'll bribe a judge.
Let me start again.
See, that guy's got a crush
on her because she got really
drunk and spent
the night with him, but...
I'll let you two sort this out.
- Look, Aaron...
If you knew me, you'd know that
I am not the type of person
to get drunk and spend
the night with strangers.
- I read your chart.
- I told her not
to write that stuff down!
What weight did she put?
Never mind.
Okay, then here's an idea...
We still go out tomorrow night,
as planned,
and we forget tonight
ever happened.
I've already forgotten about it.
I don't even know what the heck
just happened in there.
Yeah, I'm making it worse,
aren't I?
- A little bit.
- Oh, okay.
I get it.
Good-bye, Aaron.
- Good-bye, Melanie.
- So, you can imagine
with something like that,
Joy was simply too embarrassed
to go to
a gynecologist's office,
and Melanie is just really anal
about keeping a clean kitchen.
- Look, I'm not an idiot.
- Oh, that's really a shame
in this instance.
- She's obviously with that guy,
and this whole night
was a bunch of B.S.
to keep me working
on your boyfriend's case.
- Okay, okay, you're right,
and I'm sorry.
Look, you seem like
a really good guy,
and—and I shouldn't have done
something so underhanded.
But couldn't we just go back
to our original agreement
where I give you the money
and you bribe the judge?
- Yeah, well, it turns out
Emmet's judge can't be bribed.
It's starting
to make me question
the American judicial system.
- So you came here
under false pretenses?
You lied to me!
- Well, you lied to me!
And I'm outta here.
Any chance I could get
a plate of food to go?
- Will you just get out of here?
- So how's Emmet holding up?
- Mm, he's doing okay.
I have to admit it.
He was right to go
the legitimate route
and take the plea bargain.
- And the good news is he'll
be out in less than a year.
- At least you'll get
to visit him all the time.
- Hey, I'm really sorry
that I messed things up
between you and Dr. Aaron.
- Oh, no, it's okay.
Maybe it is too soon
for me to start dating.
- That's ridiculous.
You like him and he likes you.
You're already ahead of most
of my relationships.
- But I've sent him texts
and he hasn't responded.
- You know, there is a way
he'd have to see you again.
- Melanie.
- You wouldn't answer my texts,
so I made an appointment
so you'd have to see me.
I got you a present.
A new uterus.
Mm, still has
that new uterus smell.
Come on, that was pretty funny.
It was.
I'm really sorry
about last night,
but I really was just trying
to help my friend.
- Which means you're
a nice person.
- Thank you.
- And I'd like to get to know
the girl that broke my uterus.
Dinner tonight?
- Yeah, I'd love to.
- I have one more patient
to see.
You can wait
in the waiting room.
- Okay.
Wait, so while I'm waiting,
you're gonna get to third base
with a naked woman?
- That's not really
how doctors think of it.
- Mm-hmm, is she attractive?
- No.
- Would you tell me if she was?
- No.
- Is this something
I have to get used to?
- Yep!
- I said good-bye to the animals
on the farm
and fled Poland that very night.
- That was Passage to Freedom,
by Joy Scroggs.
Don't clap!
Only one person did
a film worthy of an "A."
In a clever homage to
the Godzilla films of the 1950s,
which warned of the horrors
of the Atomic Age,
this film maker also used
frightening imagery
to provoke thought.
I give you Elka Ostrovsky's
Man Hands.
- Wait, what?
- I was married to the mob.
I lived through
the horrors of war.
But I have never seen anything
as terrifying as...
Man Hands.
Man Hands.
I wanted the "A."
- ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪♪
- Hey!
in front
of a live studio audience.
- Sorry I'm late.
What did I miss?
- Oh, we were just telling
sad, bloated Melanie
that Alec was right
to break up with her.
- What?
That's a horrible thing to say!
You're gonna make her cry.
- That's the plan.
- I haven't been able to cry
since Alec and I broke up,
and I feel like it's
all bottled up inside me.
If I could just get one good
cry, maybe I could get over him.
- Got it.
Has anyone mentioned
that he's probably banging
some hot 20-something already?
- I said twins.
- Well, the movie's
in ten minutes.
Everyone says you can't watch
The Diary
without bursting into tears.
- Oh, yes.
The Diary is the movie
The Notebook goes to see
when it wants to feel sad.
- After all the artsy-fartsy
cinema Elka and I have had
to sit through
in our Theory of Film class,
we could use
a little mindless entertainment.
No subtitles,
no moral ambiguity,
no chess games with Death.
- And only good-looking people
get naked.
- You know what, you guys?
I'm really not up for a movie.
You go, I'm gonna stay here
and finish my wine.
I'll pay the check.
- Oh, honey, are you sure?
- No, don't try to be nice.
It only makes it harder.
- Well, bye, Mel.
Sorry you're so hideous.
- And unlovable.
- Have fun dying alone.
Nothing.
- Bourbon and branch.
- Empty...
Just like my life.
- You okay?
- I'm sorry.
It's just that...
There's no nut in my peanut.
- That's a bummer,
but easily remedied.
- Oh, why bother?
I didn't even want
the damn peanut!
I just want Alec.
- Hey, don't cry.
- No, no, this is really good.
This is the first time
I've been able to cry
since I broke up
with my boyfriend.
- Alec?
- Oh, my God, you know him?
- No, you—you just— Never mind.
Look, I'm here,
so you want to talk about it?
- So much.
But just talk.
'Cause I never want
to be with another man.
Never, ever, ever again!
Oh, no.
Oh, no!
Oh, hey, peanut.
Listen, I'm really embarrassed,
but I don't remember anything
about last night, so I need you
to answer one very
important question.
Did I eat all these candy bars?
- No, no, no.
That was me.
- Oh, thank God.
Did we have sex?
- No.
I mean...
Nothing actionable.
- What does that mean?
- Look, you were sad
and a little drunk,
so I drove you home
to make sure you were safe.
And then I laid you...
down on these sheets,
and they are so soft.
What is the thread count
on these babies?
- Forget about the sheets.
What did we do on the sheets?
- Don't worry,
we didn't exchange any fluids.
Well, I spilled a little Sprite
on you, but...
Mostly we just cuddled.
Which was nice.
It was so nice.
You're nice.
- Yeah, anyway, thank you
for taking me home last night,
but I do have
a doctor's appointment at...
Oh, my God!
It's almost 10:00.
So can you—
- Oh, I got a meeting at 10:00!
Oh, boy!
Oh.
Hey, do you have any idea
where 68 Cedarcliff Road is?
- 68 Cedarcliff Road?
That's here.
- ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
Hey!
- You didn't see this.
- Expecting someone?
- Yes, my secret weapon
to get Emmet out of jail.
Danny Doyle.
They call him "The Fixer."
He's gonna bribe the judge
in Emmet's case.
- Victoria!
- No, I know!
But Emmet's arraignment
is tomorrow, and I'm desperate.
Wouldn't you do anything
you could
to keep your fiancé out of jail?
- Of course.
Does Emmet know about this?
- No.
He wants to do things
above board.
But did Honor St. Raven
get off death row
by going above board?
No!
No, her lawyers went
to a voodoo high priestess.
A woefully miscast
Mary Lou Retton.
- Didn't she win the Emmy?
- Oh.
- Victoria Chase?
Danny Doyle.
- Hi.
This is Joy Scroggs.
- Let me get one thing straight
right off the bat.
I operate completely within
the bounds of the law.
- I'm not wearing a wire.
- Good, let's bribe some judges.
- All right, are you really
as good as they say you are?
- Did John Glenn
go to jail for murder?
- What murder?
- I rest my case!
- Oh, I didn't realize we had
a total stranger in the house.
- Melanie, this is Danny Doyle.
He came here to help me
with Emmet's case.
- I am very pleased to meet you.
- Why, yes,
we should shake hands,
since we're meeting
for the very first time.
- Don't mind her.
She's going through a breakup.
- Yes, poor, old,
wrinkled Melanie.
- Okay, guys, you can stop.
I cried last night...
And a little bit
a few minutes ago.
- Well, I'll just go get
those non-sequential hundreds
that I so awkwardly got
from the bank yesterday.
- Oh! And I'm late for class.
I'm a student.
College.
Sort of reinventing myself.
Nobody cares.
Good-bye.
- I have to see you again,
Melanie.
- No.
Last night was last night.
- Women never say no to me.
- Really?
- I date prostitutes.
So if they did, they really
wouldn't be doing their job.
- You date prostitutes?
- As a matter of fact,
when I saw you at the bar,
I assumed that...
- You thought I was
a prostitute?
- Well, you were making
a meal of those peanuts
and drinking
other people's wine.
I knew you weren't
upper management.
But now I think
you're something else entirely.
You're a real lady.
- I passed out drunk and woke up
with a total stranger.
- That's how my mom met my dad.
By the way, they can't wait
to meet you.
- Yeah... Not gonna happen.
Good luck with whatever it is
you two are doing.
- Okay, here's your money.
Go and do your magic.
- Change of plans.
I don't want the money.
I want Melanie.
- What?
- You have to get her
to go out with me.
- Oh, well, she's not really
dating anyone right now.
She's sort of going through
a bad breakup.
- Make it happen,
or our whole deal's off.
- Okay.
I'll go ask her.
You know,
I can pretty much guarantee
that I could get Joy
to go out with you.
- Melanie.
- Where's Melanie?
She went to the doctor's.
- Shoot.
Melanie, I need to speak to you,
about Danny.
Yes, he is cute.
Good news!
It's a date.
Tonight, here,
she's gonna cook for you.
- What is she making?
- Why?
- 'Cause some foods
make me gassy.
- I'll let her know.
- Okay.
- I only give out
one "A" per semester,
and that goes
to the student film
that nauseates me the least.
- I have an idea.
- So, nothing cute,
and for God's sakes,
nothing with animals.
- I have no ideas.
- No flowers opening slowly,
all right?
I know what a vagina looks like.
It looks like years of alimony.
- I'm out too.
- Dr. Dubin is still
in delivery.
Do you want to reschedule
or see one of the other doctors?
- Oh, another doctor is fine.
- So just in
for your annual checkup?
- Yes.
Although I did sleep
with someone last night,
but he said we didn't
do anything.
On the other hand,
he's kind of sleazy,
and he usually sleeps
with prostitutes...
But I really don't think
we did anything.
So it might be something
to be noted.
Or not.
Actually, don't put any
of that down.
Why are you writing?
- Just notes for the doctor.
Now, let's get your weight.
- Ugh.
Do we have to?
Because I drank, like,
a gallon of wine last night.
Can't you just put down what
I was last year?
Why are you still writing?
- Oh, let's see.
- Just put that down!
- The doctor will be right in.
- Shoot.
- Melanie?
- So in 1939, German SS Officers
commandeered your family's home
in Krakow.
You must have been terrified.
- Yes.
But I was one of the lucky ones.
I said good-bye to the animals
on the farm
and fled Poland that very night.
- And, cut!
That was beautiful, Elka.
My film's got everything
those Oscar-winners have...
Craggy-looking old people
talking about Nazis.
I'm a shoo-in to get that "A."
- Not so fast.
I want to interview you
for my film.
- Really?
But my story can't possibly be
as interesting as yours.
- Oh, don't put yourself down,
Joy.
That's my job.
Hey, guys, guess what.
I have a date
with my gynecologist.
- They're called appointments,
dear.
- We've all been there, Melanie.
So desperate for a man's touch
you make an appointment
you don't even need.
- No, I've never done that.
- Nor have I.
- No, this is a real date.
Remember that cute doctor
I met when the bar got held up,
and he needed me
to take off my Spanx
so he could use it
as a tourniquet,
and I thought, at the time,
that's the most
embarrassing way possible
to meet a guy?
Well, same guy,
more embarrassing way.
- You didn't let him
examine you.
- No, no, no, no.
And I know I said
I wasn't gonna start dating yet,
but...
You know what?
Maybe this is just what I need
to get over Alec.
- You know the old saying.
- When God closes a door,
he opens a window?
- No.
The best way to get over a man
is to get under another one.
- Wait, wait.
Wasn't this the guy who said
he'd call you and never did?
- Yes, but that's because
he got back together
with his girlfriend.
And then he didn't want
to call just to say
he wasn't gonna call,
but now they've broken up,
so we can be two miserable peas
in a pod together.
I'm excited!
- Oh, there you are, Melanie.
- Guess what.
I have a date tomorrow night.
- Perfect!
So what you need
is a practice date tonight.
- What?
- Yes, I can get you a date
with Danny Doyle.
Tonight at 8:00?
Done and done.
- I'm not following.
- Yeah, I met him last night
at the bar,
we spent the night together,
we didn't do anything, and now
he thinks he's in love with me.
- Up to speed.
- I can't date him.
He dates prostitutes.
And he spilled Sprite on me.
He's not my type.
- Look, I know this is a huge
thing, but it's just dinner.
And I'll monitor your drinking
so that you don't end up
in bed with him again.
Oh, please?
He's refusing to help Emmet
if you don't give him
another chance.
- Fine, I'll let him
take me to dinner.
- Actually, you're cooking.
And I would avoid dairy
and legumes.
- Why?
- Nothing.
Okay, Danny will be here
any minute.
Go put something sexier on.
- No, I'm doing this
to get Emmet off, not Danny.
And I'm breaking up with him
tomorrow after the arraignment,
and I'm going out with Aaron
tomorrow night.
- Absolutely, but at least
go put some lipstick on.
- I'm 90.
I'll get it.
- Just tell Danny
I'll be down in a sec.
- Hi, I'm Dr. Everett.
Is Melanie home?
- Oh, boy.
Um, no...
I mean, no, she's not.
- Tell him to come on in
and open the wine.
- Oh, I guess I was wrong.
Come in, Dr. Everett.
- Aaron?
- Hi!
- Aaron—I—uh—Aaron, hi.
Elka, this is Aaron.
- Yes.
I told him you weren't here,
but then you opened your
big mouth and I was wrong.
- You left your wallet
at the office,
so I thought it might be cute
if I returned it,
like I did the first time.
- Oh.
Aw, that is cute.
- I'm sorry, I thought our date
was tomorrow night.
- Oh, my God, I'm such an idiot!
You're right,
it is tomorrow night,
so I'll just see you
tomorrow night.
- I heard the doorbell.
Who are you?
- It's Aaron.
He's here for our date,
which is tomorrow night,
so he's just leaving.
- I'm happy to stay—
- What, are we barbarians?
No, I insist that you come back
on the correct night.
- Hello, Melanie.
These are for you.
- What?
Who's this guy?
- I'm her date.
Who's this guy?
- Uh...
This is Melanie's gynecologist.
- He's here to examine Joy.
- Yes! Excellent.
Joy has an urgent gynecological
issue that we should really
discuss in the kitchen due
to its embarrassing nature.
- Sure.
That's what's happening.
- I'm sorry.
I'll explain everything.
- The rubber gloves
are under the sink.
- What the hell's going on here?
- Um, well, yeah.
- Look, Melanie's just
pretending to be on a date
so he'll bribe a judge.
Let me start again.
See, that guy's got a crush
on her because she got really
drunk and spent
the night with him, but...
I'll let you two sort this out.
- Look, Aaron...
If you knew me, you'd know that
I am not the type of person
to get drunk and spend
the night with strangers.
- I read your chart.
- I told her not
to write that stuff down!
What weight did she put?
Never mind.
Okay, then here's an idea...
We still go out tomorrow night,
as planned,
and we forget tonight
ever happened.
I've already forgotten about it.
I don't even know what the heck
just happened in there.
Yeah, I'm making it worse,
aren't I?
- A little bit.
- Oh, okay.
I get it.
Good-bye, Aaron.
- Good-bye, Melanie.
- So, you can imagine
with something like that,
Joy was simply too embarrassed
to go to
a gynecologist's office,
and Melanie is just really anal
about keeping a clean kitchen.
- Look, I'm not an idiot.
- Oh, that's really a shame
in this instance.
- She's obviously with that guy,
and this whole night
was a bunch of B.S.
to keep me working
on your boyfriend's case.
- Okay, okay, you're right,
and I'm sorry.
Look, you seem like
a really good guy,
and—and I shouldn't have done
something so underhanded.
But couldn't we just go back
to our original agreement
where I give you the money
and you bribe the judge?
- Yeah, well, it turns out
Emmet's judge can't be bribed.
It's starting
to make me question
the American judicial system.
- So you came here
under false pretenses?
You lied to me!
- Well, you lied to me!
And I'm outta here.
Any chance I could get
a plate of food to go?
- Will you just get out of here?
- So how's Emmet holding up?
- Mm, he's doing okay.
I have to admit it.
He was right to go
the legitimate route
and take the plea bargain.
- And the good news is he'll
be out in less than a year.
- At least you'll get
to visit him all the time.
- Hey, I'm really sorry
that I messed things up
between you and Dr. Aaron.
- Oh, no, it's okay.
Maybe it is too soon
for me to start dating.
- That's ridiculous.
You like him and he likes you.
You're already ahead of most
of my relationships.
- But I've sent him texts
and he hasn't responded.
- You know, there is a way
he'd have to see you again.
- Melanie.
- You wouldn't answer my texts,
so I made an appointment
so you'd have to see me.
I got you a present.
A new uterus.
Mm, still has
that new uterus smell.
Come on, that was pretty funny.
It was.
I'm really sorry
about last night,
but I really was just trying
to help my friend.
- Which means you're
a nice person.
- Thank you.
- And I'd like to get to know
the girl that broke my uterus.
Dinner tonight?
- Yeah, I'd love to.
- I have one more patient
to see.
You can wait
in the waiting room.
- Okay.
Wait, so while I'm waiting,
you're gonna get to third base
with a naked woman?
- That's not really
how doctors think of it.
- Mm-hmm, is she attractive?
- No.
- Would you tell me if she was?
- No.
- Is this something
I have to get used to?
- Yep!
- I said good-bye to the animals
on the farm
and fled Poland that very night.
- That was Passage to Freedom,
by Joy Scroggs.
Don't clap!
Only one person did
a film worthy of an "A."
In a clever homage to
the Godzilla films of the 1950s,
which warned of the horrors
of the Atomic Age,
this film maker also used
frightening imagery
to provoke thought.
I give you Elka Ostrovsky's
Man Hands.
- Wait, what?
- I was married to the mob.
I lived through
the horrors of war.
But I have never seen anything
as terrifying as...
Man Hands.
Man Hands.
I wanted the "A."
- ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪♪
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
♪♪
- Hey!