Hot in Cleveland (2010–2015): Season 3, Episode 24 - Blow Outs - full transcript
Melanie tries to keep her new salon a secret from Joy and Victoria so they don't ruin it for her.
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
in front of a live studio audience.
Melanie, explain yourself.
I don't know what you're
talking about.
Oh, I think you do.
Your hair looks amazing.
When was your last blow out?
I don't know.
Seven, eight days?
Who keeps track?
We do, it's been 12 days.
Who is this magical
hairdresser?
We demand to know
who's blowing you.
I'd rather not say.
Why not?
Because every time I find a
cool, charming Cleveland place,
you two do something
to ruin it.
What are you talking about?
Ray's dry cleaners.
They were trying
to devalue my brand.
They just wanted to put your
photo on their wall.
I think it's sweet.
Not when the only other
headshots on the wall
are of their ugly
niece and Klinger.
Actually, I think
they're both his niece.
Anyway, every time
I go in there,
Ray asks why you don't
come around any more.
It's embarrassing.
Who is Ray?
The man who owns
"Ray's" dry cleaners.
The place we're talking about.
Oh, come on, Melanie.
That's just Victoria
being Victoria.
We all know she can be a cat
among pigeons.
English, please.
That is English.
Original English
before you people
bastardized it
with your...
[American accent]
Hamburgers...and elevators.
The point is,
I don't ruin places.
You told the manager at
Gremore's that they
needed to incorporate
more vegan dishes.
- Well, they should.
- They're a barbecue joint.
Veganism is the new Atkins.
I'm giving them the tools
to be relevant.
This is exactly
what I'm talking about.
You two are always looking down
your noses at Cleveland.
Well, of course.
Looking down the nose is
flattering to the neckline.
How great is it that we got
appointments at the same time?
Now we can gossip
with each other.
I just have to get
all my talking out
before I see Christopher.
He says the sound of my voice
makes him wanna kill himself.
No, no, no.
Out of my salon, get out!
But why?
You cut your own bangs.
It is my hair.
No, no, it's my hair.
You're just the dirt
from which it grows.
Out!
Are we still on for tonight?
I suppose.
I'll do you,
but not your hair.
Scram.
Hi, Christopher.
Ugh!
That voice.
I need to go soothe my nerves.
What a putz.
You really should
switch to Pierre.
Oh, I don't know.
Isn't Pierre a little flirty?
Yeah, but it's okay.
He's gay.
Elka, you sexy beast!
I want to snap you in two
and suck out the middle.
Oh, Pierre.
Thank you, Pierre.
This is for you.
Put it in the bank,
sweetheart.
Thank you very much.
And who is this
beautiful creature?
Your sister?
Older sister.
Both of you, come on back
and let's get you started.
Oh, wait, no, I don't know
if I'm allowed
to sit in the chair yet.
You know, Christopher.
Girlfriend, please!
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely sure.
And as for you, if that fabulous
tushy isn't in that chair
in 20 seconds, it's gonna
be in my hands.
It's okay.
He's gay.
Yeah. Got that.
So much gorgeous
in this room,
it's like being backstage
at a drag show.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, who told you
you could sit there?
I did.
I told you never speak
to my clients.
I don't like them to feel
comfortable talking.
I could go sit
in the reception area.
- Really, it's not a problem.
- Now you've upset Melanie.
- Shame on you!
- Yeah, yeah.
Come on, sugarbuns.
Let's go get you shampooed.
Oh, if I could be
your bra for one day.
What am I saying?
I'd get nothing done!
What's going on here?
Speak.
Well, it's been about--
Not you, your hair!
What has she done to you?
Run her greasy fingers
through you?
Huh?
Try on some hot girl's hat
she's 20 years too old for?
It was just a beret,
I swear.
Well, well, well,
what have we here?
Oh, my God, how did
you guys find me?
We have our ways.
You followed me,
didn't you?
Yes, that is our way.
I cannot believe you two.
Oh, relax, we just wanted to
see what all the fuss was about.
Still wanna see it.
Excuse me, I don't
come to your work
and knock the mop
out of your hands.
Rude to customers.
Very un-Cleveland.
You, go get shampooed.
You two, time to leave.
Buh-bye.
Yeah. Buh-bye.
One question before I go.
Is it true that your blow outs
last 12 days?
No.
14.
16 if the bitch
follows my instructions.
He's so mean.
I know, I love him already.
You have to do my hair, today.
[Chuckles]
I'm booked.
Yeah, yeah, there's always
room if the price is right.
What do you charge?
$30.
Look, we're not
gonna get anywhere
if you insist
on joking around.
What do you charge?
If your blow outs are as good
as I think they are,
you could be charging
ten times that amount.
Oh, people
wouldn't pay that.
Of course they would.
Nothing's more seductive
than the illusion
of exclusivity.
I have been thinking
about taking
the salon in a new direction.
Yeah, like out of 1975?
I mean, what is
with this area over here
with the hooded driers
and the dog photos?
Yeah, this area has to go.
That's what
I've been thinking.
Pierre, get out here.
- What is it?
- You're fired.
What?
Let me lather, rinse
and repeat that.
What?!
Wait, wait, wait, this is not
what I was talking about.
Quiet, robot.
I'm taking the salon
in a new direction.
I'm tired of you
holding me back.
You want me out?
I'm out.
- Good.
- Good!
- Fine.
- Fine!
What's going on out here?
The pissant fired me.
Somehow he's got an idea
that I'm holding him back.
But in the words of Abba,
"The winner takes it all."
Now where would Christopher
get the idea
that Pierre's
holding him back?
Wherever Pierre is going,
we're going too.
Right, Melanie?
Uh...
Come on, let's just
storm out of here.
Yeah, but wouldn't
my storming look better
if my hair was
freshly blown out?
Now, Melanie.
Come on, you guys.
I would, but I think an
appointment just opened up.
Skinny, in the chair.
Skinnier, go get shampoo.
Which is which?
He's trying to sow dissention
between us.
The man is a genius.
I was minutes away from
getting a blow out,
and instead I get kicked out
with my hair still wet.
My hair dried... naturally.
I think it makes
you look young.
Like you went swimming
at the beach
and drove home
in a convertible.
Then... got hit by lightning.
I can't believe you guys
showed up at the salon.
Well, if you didn't
want us there,
then why didn't you say so?
I did.
Like a hundred times.
- Well, I didn't hear it.
- Of course not.
The only way to guarantee you
hear anything
is to mention
your agent called.
Well, I don't know why you're
taking this out on me.
Joy's the one who said,
"who cares how Melanie feels?
Let's follow her."
I told you that
in confidence.
And I didn't say it.
Look, she's the one that got
Pierre fired.
No, no, no that
was Melanie's fault.
If you hadn't been getting
secret blow outs,
this never
would have happened.
J'accuse!
Okay, let's just stop.
Obviously there's some
tension here.
And I think we have all
noticed that we have been
getting on each other's
nerves lately.
So I think it might be a good
idea if we just clear the air
and vent our frustrations
in a calm and respectful manner.
- Okay, that's a good idea.
- I'm willing to try.
And I'll start by saying
I love you both.
But, uh, lately,
you have a been a little,
shall we say, disrespectful.
For example, when--
We're not getting any younger
here, Melanie.
This is exactly what I'm
talking about.
You barely listen to me.
Because you take forever
to get to the point.
Now I can say what's wrong
with both of you in two words.
You're a wimp and
you're a bummer.
In what way am I bummer?
Well, you're always
pooh-poohing things
and your "can't do"
attitude is exhausting.
I will file that under
"things Victoria says
that make no sense"
or, to avoid redundancy,
"things Victoria says".
Okay, come on, that's not calm
and respectful.
Thank God we have Hall Monitor
Melanie to keep us in line.
I'll have you know
that hall monitor
was a respected position
in my high school.
If you wanted to go
to the bathroom,
you had to go through me.
While we're on Melanie,
do you have to be
so damn friendly
to everyone we run into?
You know, just once I would
like to be able to go
to the grocery store without
being introduced to the bag boy.
[Sharp laugh]
Like you've ever been
to a grocery store.
I'm the one that does
all the shopping.
That is so not fair.
I make the lists,
you do the shopping,
and Joy drinks all the vodka.
How else do you expect me
to sit through one of your
"it's so hard being famous"
stories?
I'm sorry.
Am I seriously being attacked
for being a celebrity?
Newsflash, the ins and outs
of the Lifetime Original Movie
where you portrayed a sexy
manicurist who played
by her own rules, aren't
as interesting as you think.
I'll have you know that
Lifetime had its best ratings
of the year with
You're Soaking In It.
What exactly were
the manicurist rules
she was breaking anyway?
And here come the questions.
What is that
supposed to mean?
It means living
with you is like
a never-ending game
of Jeopardy.
Everything is in the form
of a question!
Where in the world
would you get that idea?
And there's
our Daily Double.
So what?
Are there worse things
in the world?
And yes, I realize those are
both questions
to which there is one answer.
[Blows raspberry]
Well...
This was certainly productive.
I think I'm done here.
- Me too.
- Me too.
But seriously,
did my agent call?
Both: No!
Hello, traitors.
Pierre, Joy is so very sorry
about what happened today.
Yes, Victoria would like
to apologize for any part
she played
in you getting fired.
Please, like the great Gloria
Gaynor once said,
I will survive.
Besides, who could be unhappy
surrounded by
three gorgeous women?
Oh, that's so sweet,
but there's four of us here.
I know.
You've got to do something
about that hair.
Holy Toledo.
It's a mess!
Let's have a little fun
with this, shall we?
Have you ever thought about
going a tiny bit shorter?
A little brighter?
Yeah, I have, actually.
Then leave it to Pierre.
Oh, God.
Good lord.
You look fantastic.
All right, done.
But you're gonna have to wear
this wig until it grows back.
[Gasps]
Oh, my God, it's perfect.
It looks just like my old hair.
That's 'cause I'm a genius.
- Say it.
- You're a genius.
Stop kissing my ass.
This is a relief.
Normally I'd be excited to go
home and show my roommates,
but, oh, after the
fight we just had...
Let's just say
the gloves came off.
We're not even speaking
to each other.
I don't care.
It's just that it's not only
this one thing.
- Lately they've been--
- Driving me crazy.
I mean it is kind of remarkable
that we got along
as long as we did.
A lonely British expat, an
all-American girl next door,
and an underappreciated, though
highly sought after actress
living away
from the limelight.
I won't insult
your intelligence
by telling you who
the beautiful actress is.
Yeah.
I don't care.
Oh, it was
a horrible argument.
But in my defense,
Melanie is obnoxiously nice.
I don't care.
And Joy, I mean, she has such
amazingly low self-esteem.
It's probably why she's
always falling into bed
with the most unavailable men.
Go on.
I have half a mind to--
Try to find
a place of my own.
I don't care.
Listen, sweetie, I got
a client coming, so could you,
you know, fold up the couch
and beat it?
Wait, what about getting my
hair blown out?
Oh, babe, sorry, no time.
Come here.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Call me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
[Silently]
I love you.
- What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?
- I asked you first.
- I was here first.
It seems that we
are at a stalemate.
Well, clearly we're all here
for the same reason.
We're all thinking
about moving out.
Yes, and obviously we
all saw the advertisement
for this apartment
at the salon.
No, I found it
a different way.
You followed us?
That is my way.
Fine, we're all here to find
an apartment of our own
so let's just look
at it on our own.
- Fine.
- Fine.
This place is sad.
Really sad.
This place is where sad comes
to hang itself.
Maybe...I'm just sad because
I really hate it when we fight.
- Me too.
- Oh, me too.
Let's not beat ourselves up.
I mean, we've been living
together for three years.
We were due.
And it's not
the end of the world
that we wanna
find our own place.
I mean, we are adults.
Exactly. We all had our own
places in L.A.
Mm-hmm, and we can still
hang out like we did in L.A.
And have sleepovers
like we did in L.A.
And then the next morning,
talk about how fun
it would be to someday
all live together.
Like we do now.
We're actually
living our dream.
And to think we were
about to throw it away
over a bunch of nonsense.
It may be weird that women
our age live together,
- but I really like it.
- Me too.
Me too.
Okay, then let's just
go home
and pretend none of this
ever happened.
But we still have
a mess to clean up
and Elka's still mad at us
for getting Pierre fired.
Who's Pierre?
Your agent called.
Pierre is the guy
we got fired.
And we have to get him
his job back.
Christopher will never take
him back, he's too outdated.
So let's give him
a makeover.
I look ridiculous.
Without my neckerchief
and my white bucks,
I feel a little... gay.
You are two scoops of yummy
with a side of ka-pow!
Oh. Hello, Pierre.
Pierre!
You told me he was dead.
And to think
I slept with you.
She'll be back.
What the hell
is going on here?
All right, I poached
some of your clients.
I thought I could run
the salon without you,
but then I realized that most
of our business is older ladies.
No offense.
All: Why would I be offended?
It turns out,
in this economy,
no one wants to pay
$300 for a blow dry.
In fact, these three idiots
are the only ones that did.
Your hair doesn't look done.
Shh! Let him talk.
So, uh, you want me back.
Yes, dad.
Dad?
I have so many questions...
That I won't ask.
But no more scented candles.
And then no more yelling
at the customers.
Then no more Abba.
And if you get to date
the customers,
so do I.
Then be my guest.
How about it, sweet cheeks?
Wanna hit the town?
You're interested in me?
Haven't you noticed
that I've been hitting on you
relentlessly for
the past 20 years?
But we all thought
that you were...
An insatiable ladies' man?
I get that all the time.
I assure you,
I'm a one-woman guy.
Well, how could I possibly
say no?
Sweet Barbra Streisand.
I can't wait to get
my hands on those buns!
Hurry up!
It's okay.
He's not gay.
To everything going back
to just the way it was.
Yes, and, Elka,
thank you
for this beautiful
bottle of champagne.
Actually, I bought
it for myself.
To celebrate
you guys moving out.
Well, at least you
got a new boyfriend.
Hold it down.
He's asleep upstairs.
Wait, Pierre's asleep in one
of our rooms?
We goldilocks-ed your place.
Joy's bed was just right.
[Doorbell rings]
I'll get it.
On my way out
to buy a new mattress.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Sacre bleu!
Pierre's teaching me French.
[Baby coos]
Do people still leave babies
on doorsteps?
Does it matter
if it's a done thing?
It's been done.
Well, what are we gonna do?
Good question, Melanie.
Good question.
in front of a live studio audience.
Melanie, explain yourself.
I don't know what you're
talking about.
Oh, I think you do.
Your hair looks amazing.
When was your last blow out?
I don't know.
Seven, eight days?
Who keeps track?
We do, it's been 12 days.
Who is this magical
hairdresser?
We demand to know
who's blowing you.
I'd rather not say.
Why not?
Because every time I find a
cool, charming Cleveland place,
you two do something
to ruin it.
What are you talking about?
Ray's dry cleaners.
They were trying
to devalue my brand.
They just wanted to put your
photo on their wall.
I think it's sweet.
Not when the only other
headshots on the wall
are of their ugly
niece and Klinger.
Actually, I think
they're both his niece.
Anyway, every time
I go in there,
Ray asks why you don't
come around any more.
It's embarrassing.
Who is Ray?
The man who owns
"Ray's" dry cleaners.
The place we're talking about.
Oh, come on, Melanie.
That's just Victoria
being Victoria.
We all know she can be a cat
among pigeons.
English, please.
That is English.
Original English
before you people
bastardized it
with your...
[American accent]
Hamburgers...and elevators.
The point is,
I don't ruin places.
You told the manager at
Gremore's that they
needed to incorporate
more vegan dishes.
- Well, they should.
- They're a barbecue joint.
Veganism is the new Atkins.
I'm giving them the tools
to be relevant.
This is exactly
what I'm talking about.
You two are always looking down
your noses at Cleveland.
Well, of course.
Looking down the nose is
flattering to the neckline.
How great is it that we got
appointments at the same time?
Now we can gossip
with each other.
I just have to get
all my talking out
before I see Christopher.
He says the sound of my voice
makes him wanna kill himself.
No, no, no.
Out of my salon, get out!
But why?
You cut your own bangs.
It is my hair.
No, no, it's my hair.
You're just the dirt
from which it grows.
Out!
Are we still on for tonight?
I suppose.
I'll do you,
but not your hair.
Scram.
Hi, Christopher.
Ugh!
That voice.
I need to go soothe my nerves.
What a putz.
You really should
switch to Pierre.
Oh, I don't know.
Isn't Pierre a little flirty?
Yeah, but it's okay.
He's gay.
Elka, you sexy beast!
I want to snap you in two
and suck out the middle.
Oh, Pierre.
Thank you, Pierre.
This is for you.
Put it in the bank,
sweetheart.
Thank you very much.
And who is this
beautiful creature?
Your sister?
Older sister.
Both of you, come on back
and let's get you started.
Oh, wait, no, I don't know
if I'm allowed
to sit in the chair yet.
You know, Christopher.
Girlfriend, please!
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely sure.
And as for you, if that fabulous
tushy isn't in that chair
in 20 seconds, it's gonna
be in my hands.
It's okay.
He's gay.
Yeah. Got that.
So much gorgeous
in this room,
it's like being backstage
at a drag show.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, who told you
you could sit there?
I did.
I told you never speak
to my clients.
I don't like them to feel
comfortable talking.
I could go sit
in the reception area.
- Really, it's not a problem.
- Now you've upset Melanie.
- Shame on you!
- Yeah, yeah.
Come on, sugarbuns.
Let's go get you shampooed.
Oh, if I could be
your bra for one day.
What am I saying?
I'd get nothing done!
What's going on here?
Speak.
Well, it's been about--
Not you, your hair!
What has she done to you?
Run her greasy fingers
through you?
Huh?
Try on some hot girl's hat
she's 20 years too old for?
It was just a beret,
I swear.
Well, well, well,
what have we here?
Oh, my God, how did
you guys find me?
We have our ways.
You followed me,
didn't you?
Yes, that is our way.
I cannot believe you two.
Oh, relax, we just wanted to
see what all the fuss was about.
Still wanna see it.
Excuse me, I don't
come to your work
and knock the mop
out of your hands.
Rude to customers.
Very un-Cleveland.
You, go get shampooed.
You two, time to leave.
Buh-bye.
Yeah. Buh-bye.
One question before I go.
Is it true that your blow outs
last 12 days?
No.
14.
16 if the bitch
follows my instructions.
He's so mean.
I know, I love him already.
You have to do my hair, today.
[Chuckles]
I'm booked.
Yeah, yeah, there's always
room if the price is right.
What do you charge?
$30.
Look, we're not
gonna get anywhere
if you insist
on joking around.
What do you charge?
If your blow outs are as good
as I think they are,
you could be charging
ten times that amount.
Oh, people
wouldn't pay that.
Of course they would.
Nothing's more seductive
than the illusion
of exclusivity.
I have been thinking
about taking
the salon in a new direction.
Yeah, like out of 1975?
I mean, what is
with this area over here
with the hooded driers
and the dog photos?
Yeah, this area has to go.
That's what
I've been thinking.
Pierre, get out here.
- What is it?
- You're fired.
What?
Let me lather, rinse
and repeat that.
What?!
Wait, wait, wait, this is not
what I was talking about.
Quiet, robot.
I'm taking the salon
in a new direction.
I'm tired of you
holding me back.
You want me out?
I'm out.
- Good.
- Good!
- Fine.
- Fine!
What's going on out here?
The pissant fired me.
Somehow he's got an idea
that I'm holding him back.
But in the words of Abba,
"The winner takes it all."
Now where would Christopher
get the idea
that Pierre's
holding him back?
Wherever Pierre is going,
we're going too.
Right, Melanie?
Uh...
Come on, let's just
storm out of here.
Yeah, but wouldn't
my storming look better
if my hair was
freshly blown out?
Now, Melanie.
Come on, you guys.
I would, but I think an
appointment just opened up.
Skinny, in the chair.
Skinnier, go get shampoo.
Which is which?
He's trying to sow dissention
between us.
The man is a genius.
I was minutes away from
getting a blow out,
and instead I get kicked out
with my hair still wet.
My hair dried... naturally.
I think it makes
you look young.
Like you went swimming
at the beach
and drove home
in a convertible.
Then... got hit by lightning.
I can't believe you guys
showed up at the salon.
Well, if you didn't
want us there,
then why didn't you say so?
I did.
Like a hundred times.
- Well, I didn't hear it.
- Of course not.
The only way to guarantee you
hear anything
is to mention
your agent called.
Well, I don't know why you're
taking this out on me.
Joy's the one who said,
"who cares how Melanie feels?
Let's follow her."
I told you that
in confidence.
And I didn't say it.
Look, she's the one that got
Pierre fired.
No, no, no that
was Melanie's fault.
If you hadn't been getting
secret blow outs,
this never
would have happened.
J'accuse!
Okay, let's just stop.
Obviously there's some
tension here.
And I think we have all
noticed that we have been
getting on each other's
nerves lately.
So I think it might be a good
idea if we just clear the air
and vent our frustrations
in a calm and respectful manner.
- Okay, that's a good idea.
- I'm willing to try.
And I'll start by saying
I love you both.
But, uh, lately,
you have a been a little,
shall we say, disrespectful.
For example, when--
We're not getting any younger
here, Melanie.
This is exactly what I'm
talking about.
You barely listen to me.
Because you take forever
to get to the point.
Now I can say what's wrong
with both of you in two words.
You're a wimp and
you're a bummer.
In what way am I bummer?
Well, you're always
pooh-poohing things
and your "can't do"
attitude is exhausting.
I will file that under
"things Victoria says
that make no sense"
or, to avoid redundancy,
"things Victoria says".
Okay, come on, that's not calm
and respectful.
Thank God we have Hall Monitor
Melanie to keep us in line.
I'll have you know
that hall monitor
was a respected position
in my high school.
If you wanted to go
to the bathroom,
you had to go through me.
While we're on Melanie,
do you have to be
so damn friendly
to everyone we run into?
You know, just once I would
like to be able to go
to the grocery store without
being introduced to the bag boy.
[Sharp laugh]
Like you've ever been
to a grocery store.
I'm the one that does
all the shopping.
That is so not fair.
I make the lists,
you do the shopping,
and Joy drinks all the vodka.
How else do you expect me
to sit through one of your
"it's so hard being famous"
stories?
I'm sorry.
Am I seriously being attacked
for being a celebrity?
Newsflash, the ins and outs
of the Lifetime Original Movie
where you portrayed a sexy
manicurist who played
by her own rules, aren't
as interesting as you think.
I'll have you know that
Lifetime had its best ratings
of the year with
You're Soaking In It.
What exactly were
the manicurist rules
she was breaking anyway?
And here come the questions.
What is that
supposed to mean?
It means living
with you is like
a never-ending game
of Jeopardy.
Everything is in the form
of a question!
Where in the world
would you get that idea?
And there's
our Daily Double.
So what?
Are there worse things
in the world?
And yes, I realize those are
both questions
to which there is one answer.
[Blows raspberry]
Well...
This was certainly productive.
I think I'm done here.
- Me too.
- Me too.
But seriously,
did my agent call?
Both: No!
Hello, traitors.
Pierre, Joy is so very sorry
about what happened today.
Yes, Victoria would like
to apologize for any part
she played
in you getting fired.
Please, like the great Gloria
Gaynor once said,
I will survive.
Besides, who could be unhappy
surrounded by
three gorgeous women?
Oh, that's so sweet,
but there's four of us here.
I know.
You've got to do something
about that hair.
Holy Toledo.
It's a mess!
Let's have a little fun
with this, shall we?
Have you ever thought about
going a tiny bit shorter?
A little brighter?
Yeah, I have, actually.
Then leave it to Pierre.
Oh, God.
Good lord.
You look fantastic.
All right, done.
But you're gonna have to wear
this wig until it grows back.
[Gasps]
Oh, my God, it's perfect.
It looks just like my old hair.
That's 'cause I'm a genius.
- Say it.
- You're a genius.
Stop kissing my ass.
This is a relief.
Normally I'd be excited to go
home and show my roommates,
but, oh, after the
fight we just had...
Let's just say
the gloves came off.
We're not even speaking
to each other.
I don't care.
It's just that it's not only
this one thing.
- Lately they've been--
- Driving me crazy.
I mean it is kind of remarkable
that we got along
as long as we did.
A lonely British expat, an
all-American girl next door,
and an underappreciated, though
highly sought after actress
living away
from the limelight.
I won't insult
your intelligence
by telling you who
the beautiful actress is.
Yeah.
I don't care.
Oh, it was
a horrible argument.
But in my defense,
Melanie is obnoxiously nice.
I don't care.
And Joy, I mean, she has such
amazingly low self-esteem.
It's probably why she's
always falling into bed
with the most unavailable men.
Go on.
I have half a mind to--
Try to find
a place of my own.
I don't care.
Listen, sweetie, I got
a client coming, so could you,
you know, fold up the couch
and beat it?
Wait, what about getting my
hair blown out?
Oh, babe, sorry, no time.
Come here.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Call me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
[Silently]
I love you.
- What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?
- I asked you first.
- I was here first.
It seems that we
are at a stalemate.
Well, clearly we're all here
for the same reason.
We're all thinking
about moving out.
Yes, and obviously we
all saw the advertisement
for this apartment
at the salon.
No, I found it
a different way.
You followed us?
That is my way.
Fine, we're all here to find
an apartment of our own
so let's just look
at it on our own.
- Fine.
- Fine.
This place is sad.
Really sad.
This place is where sad comes
to hang itself.
Maybe...I'm just sad because
I really hate it when we fight.
- Me too.
- Oh, me too.
Let's not beat ourselves up.
I mean, we've been living
together for three years.
We were due.
And it's not
the end of the world
that we wanna
find our own place.
I mean, we are adults.
Exactly. We all had our own
places in L.A.
Mm-hmm, and we can still
hang out like we did in L.A.
And have sleepovers
like we did in L.A.
And then the next morning,
talk about how fun
it would be to someday
all live together.
Like we do now.
We're actually
living our dream.
And to think we were
about to throw it away
over a bunch of nonsense.
It may be weird that women
our age live together,
- but I really like it.
- Me too.
Me too.
Okay, then let's just
go home
and pretend none of this
ever happened.
But we still have
a mess to clean up
and Elka's still mad at us
for getting Pierre fired.
Who's Pierre?
Your agent called.
Pierre is the guy
we got fired.
And we have to get him
his job back.
Christopher will never take
him back, he's too outdated.
So let's give him
a makeover.
I look ridiculous.
Without my neckerchief
and my white bucks,
I feel a little... gay.
You are two scoops of yummy
with a side of ka-pow!
Oh. Hello, Pierre.
Pierre!
You told me he was dead.
And to think
I slept with you.
She'll be back.
What the hell
is going on here?
All right, I poached
some of your clients.
I thought I could run
the salon without you,
but then I realized that most
of our business is older ladies.
No offense.
All: Why would I be offended?
It turns out,
in this economy,
no one wants to pay
$300 for a blow dry.
In fact, these three idiots
are the only ones that did.
Your hair doesn't look done.
Shh! Let him talk.
So, uh, you want me back.
Yes, dad.
Dad?
I have so many questions...
That I won't ask.
But no more scented candles.
And then no more yelling
at the customers.
Then no more Abba.
And if you get to date
the customers,
so do I.
Then be my guest.
How about it, sweet cheeks?
Wanna hit the town?
You're interested in me?
Haven't you noticed
that I've been hitting on you
relentlessly for
the past 20 years?
But we all thought
that you were...
An insatiable ladies' man?
I get that all the time.
I assure you,
I'm a one-woman guy.
Well, how could I possibly
say no?
Sweet Barbra Streisand.
I can't wait to get
my hands on those buns!
Hurry up!
It's okay.
He's not gay.
To everything going back
to just the way it was.
Yes, and, Elka,
thank you
for this beautiful
bottle of champagne.
Actually, I bought
it for myself.
To celebrate
you guys moving out.
Well, at least you
got a new boyfriend.
Hold it down.
He's asleep upstairs.
Wait, Pierre's asleep in one
of our rooms?
We goldilocks-ed your place.
Joy's bed was just right.
[Doorbell rings]
I'll get it.
On my way out
to buy a new mattress.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Sacre bleu!
Pierre's teaching me French.
[Baby coos]
Do people still leave babies
on doorsteps?
Does it matter
if it's a done thing?
It's been done.
Well, what are we gonna do?
Good question, Melanie.
Good question.