Hot in Cleveland (2010–2015): Season 3, Episode 23 - What's Behind the Door - full transcript
Victoria persuades her costar/writer to resurrect their soap opera as an app.
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
in front of a live studio audience.
Why are you watching
the last episode of
Edge Of Tomorrow?
Ah-ha!
You said you never watched it.
You said it was terrible.
No, I watched it.
I said you were terrible.
It's the third anniversary
of the cancellation of the show.
So we watch it with Victoria
to cheer her up.
It's the one day of the year
I reserve to really
think about myself.
Now watch.
Lady Natalie.
Dr. Tess Montgomery.
Judge Thorndike.
I always expected one of you
to betray me.
But not all three.
You're ruined,
Honor St. Raven.
Pack your bags and leave...
Primrose Valley.
Like many
of the harlots before you,
you will not be missed,
my dear.
Why all this cruelty?
As you well know,
our relationship never recovered
from your little affair
with Luis...
The sexy Latin pool boy.
I haven't been
a sexy Latin pool boy
for 15 years.
I am a sexy Latin lawyer.
That's it!
I'm leaving.
But you haven't heard the last
of Honor St. Raven!
Oh, my God.
How tragic is it
that I will never know
what was waiting
for Honor St. Raven
on the other side
of that door?
I'll tell you
what's tragic.
They've stopped making
my favorite lipstick color.
- Oh, man!
- Unbelievable they did that.
I've been wearing
"Prohibition Pink" for 75 years.
I know what'll
cheer you up.
Let's watch
the last episode again.
Only this time with
my voice-over commentary.
- Is that on the DVD?
- No, I'll just do it now.
Wait, I'm getting
a vision of the future.
Oh, it's me...
Puncturing my own eardrums.
You know though, it's too bad
they didn't bring it
back online as webisodes.
Like they tried to do
with All My Children.
I'll do it.
I'll star in new webisodes
of Edge Of Tomorrow.
Victoria, you're doing
that thing where you accept
parts in shows
that don't exist.
No, but it can.
I mean, fans have
obsessed for years
about what was behind
that door.
Now all I need to do
is to get Apryl Sinclaire,
the show's creator,
on board.
She'll never do it.
Oh, they couldn't
stand each other.
They fought all the time
about who was responsible
for Honor St. Raven.
Which is ridiculous.
I mean, sure she
created the character
and wrote her lines,
but it was my acting
that brought her to life.
Now Apryl was
a horrid pig about it
but I always
took the high road.
But weren't your
last words to Apryl,
"I hate you
and I hope you die."
Well, in Hollywood
that's practically "Aloha."
It means both
"hello" and "good-bye."
Victoria Chase.
- Hugh Fletcher?
- Why are you here?
I should ask you
the same thing.
And I will.
Why are you here?
The day after our show ended,
I took all of my money
and I made a little film
called Twilight.
That's amazing!
And then the real Twilight
came out.
And I was sued
for copyright infringement
and I lost everything.
So now I'm working
as Apryl Sinclaire's butler.
[Gasps]
Well, this room is exactly
like our old set.
Oh, if I pull open a drawer,
will Dr. Tess Montgomery's
dialog be written in it?
And yet, that bubblehead
got all the meaty scenes
and I was relegated
to providing exposition
and reminding others
of what the plot points were!
Well, to be honest,
I never really paid attention
to what the other people
on the show were saying.
Well, well, well.
Look what
the cat drug in.
Apryl Sinclaire,
my old friend.
This is an awkward moment.
The two of you haven't
seen each other in three years.
And you did not depart
on the best of terms.
I should exit.
[Clears throat]
I fear we started off
on the wrong foot.
I actually came here
to bury the hatchet
and move forward.
Not until you say
that Honor St. Raven
was based on me.
I'll gladly
say those words.
Honor St. Raven
was based on me.
I don't want
to have this fight.
Neither do I.
- I'm Honor St. Raven.
- Honor St. Raven is me.
- I'm her.
- Fine.
She's me.
And now that that's settled,
uh, let's talk about
why I'm here.
How would you like
to help me bring back
Edge Of Tomorrow?
- You mean on TV?
- Not exactly.
Webisodes?
Like All My Children?
Not exactly.
I've talked
to some marketing people
who want to
do it as an app.
An app?
The news station
where I work
has agreed
to recreate the set,
and with product placement,
we can pay for the whole thing.
So what do you say?
[Gasps] Hugh!
I have standing orders
to have the bags ready
should anybody show
the slightest bit of interest
in resurrecting the show.
To sum up...
She'll do it.
After our long flight
from Los Angeles,
we have arrived
in Cleveland.
Well, Victoria,
this is so exciting.
You're bringing
your show back.
My show.
Apryl is correct,
my show.
And we have
our first sponsor.
The good people
at 3 Musketeers.
We just have to make sure
that a major character
is seen eating
a 3 Musketeers bar
or is named
"3 Musketeers bar."
I'm sorry but it always
takes me out of a show
when I see a product
displayed so boldly.
But wow, these things
are really good!
Joy, you'll be happy
to know that Hector Cruz--
The sexy Latin lawyer.
Has agreed to do the show
just because of you.
Oh, please.
I did his eyebrows
on the show a few times.
He flirted with me,
but besides his being married,
he's just not my type.
But he's not married any more.
Hot damn,
I am so gonna tap that.
Me too.
What?
It's just as likely.
Okay, everybody, let's go.
You're a writer,
so you'll be my writing staff.
As soon as you
let go of my face, okay.
And you can
do hair and makeup!
I know I can.
It's my job.
Grab my face,
you'll pull back a stump.
Okay, if I'm the writer,
I do have a few questions.
How many actors
are coming back?
Only the ones
from the last scene.
It's all we could afford.
Well, then who's
on the other side of the door?
Ooh, we didn't
think about that.
Well, as we all know,
everyone on the show
had an evil twin.
My character
had two evil twins.
As I do
in real life.
Okay.
If we're gonna
continue the series,
how do we explain that
all the other
characters disappeared?
We can't just say
an atom bomb went off.
Wait, I've got it.
An atom bomb went off.
[Cell phone beeps]
Oh, no.
It's from Elizabeth Meadow.
The upper crust
British Lady Natalie.
She got a better offer.
She's playing
a corpse on Psych.
Cable's delightful
mystery comedy.
Okay, now what
are we gonna do?
We have to find an actress
to play this part
at the last minute.
Perhaps, my dear,
I can be of assistance.
Well as you all can see,
Victoria's news station
did an excellent job
in recreating our set.
With a few exceptions.
Uh, some of the windows
and doors don't work.
But it'll do.
And we have
two new sponsors.
Bed, Bath & Beyond
and then at some point
someone has to say
"Happy Birthday, Nana,"
from Ed and Denise Milch.
Yeah, that'll
be easy to fit in.
[Laughs]
Victoria!
I am so excited!
Oh, you haven't
changed a bit.
I'm not Victoria.
- Jessica, I'm Victoria.
- Oh!
Victoria!
- You haven't changed a bit.
- Oh-ho-ho.
And Apryl...
You haven't changed a bit.
Jessica, hi,
are you all right?
Oh, I got lasik surgery.
On my eyes.
I don't think
it turned out so good.
Even though I went
to a really good eye dentist.
So you may have to write
my lines a little bigger
inside the drawers.
Joy!
Where are you, my sweet?
It's Hector.
He's here.
Joy.
You're as beautiful
as ever.
I recognize you as well.
Yes, I am no longer
a slave to the gym.
I got rid of my trainer.
What'd he do, eat him?
- What about your hair?
- It was a weave.
I got behind
on my payments.
What hasn't thinned...
Is my desire for you.
[Loud kiss]
Ay dios mio, I could
take you right now!
Out for a burger.
Okay, everyone,
get in costume.
- Rehearsal in ten.
- I'll be back in five.
All I have to do
is take off my shirt.
Am I right, ladies?
Oh, Hector,
you haven't changed a bit.
Let me get this straight.
We're still gonna
go through with this,
despite several
obvious potential disasters.
All right.
From Honor's line and action.
Lady Natalie.
Dr. Tess Montgomery.
Judge Thorndike.
I always expected one of you
to betray me.
But not all three.
Cut.
Victoria, Honor St. Raven
cries after that line.
Honor St. Raven
would do no such thing
because Honor St. Raven, me,
would never give these people
the satisfaction
of crying in front of them.
Okay, what if honor
says "I won't give you"
"the satisfaction
of seeing me cry.
"Instead I will
take satisfaction
"from this classic light
and fluffy whipped nougat
3 Musketeers bar."
- Powerful.
- Good stuff.
Yeah, it just came to me.
In a text from our sponsor.
Okay, places everyone.
Let's start with Jessica's line.
You're ruined,
Honor St. Raven.
Pack your bags
and leave...
Primrose Valley.
Like the many
harlots before you,
you will not be missed,
my dear.
Cut.
What's with the straw?
I'm conserving
my lipstick.
So FYI,
no kissing scenes.
Sorry, Hugh.
Okay, from Honor's line
and action.
Why all this cruelty?
As you well know...
Our relationship
has never recovered
from your little...
Affair with Luis...
The sexy Latin pool boy.
I haven't been
a sexy Latin pool boy
in 15 years.
I'm a sexy Latin lawyer.
[Sighs]
What do we do?
Well, we could do
what you did with actresses
that got pregnant
on your show.
I haven't been
a sexy Latin pool boy
in 15 years.
I'm a sexy Latin lawyer,
who likes his women
like he likes his laundry--
fresh, folded.
- I'll work on that line.
- Mm.
Let's go to Victoria
at the door.
Well, that's it.
I'm leaving.
And you haven't heard the last
of Honor St. Raven!
Oh, my God.
[Gasps] It's...
[Drawer opens]
Made in China!
Other drawer, honey!
It's...
[Drawer opens]
Senator Jason Von Klauss!
My twin brother,
whom I haven't spoken to
in 20 years.
And I refuse to be
in the same room with him!
Unh! Geez!
Uh, that's one of the doors
that doesn't work.
It's...
Senator Jason Von Klauss!
I have shocking news.
Terrorists have
set off an atomic bomb.
Everyone else
in Primrose Valley have gone...
To the great beyond.
And all we have left
are these few items
from the great...
Bed, Bath & Beyond.
Only one thing
would surprise me more.
If you were to say...
"Happy Birthday, Nana,
from Ed and Denise Milch."
I can't believe it,
everyone is gone.
Cut.
Once again, the stage
directions say "cry."
And once again,
Honor St. Raven would not cry.
Which I know because
I am Honor St. Raven.
No, I am Honor St. Raven!
You're just a puppet
that butchers my lines.
I'm gonna pull the plug
on this disaster.
Yeah!
Yeah, go ahead
and give up.
That's what you do best.
God, if you had any guts
at all, then our show
would still
be on the air!
You don't know
what you're talking about.
I hate you
and I hope you die!
Oh, very mature.
I hate you
and I hope you die.
No, guys, don't go now!
The next scene is gold!
And we have to pay
for lunch
if we don't mention
the taco truck.
Well, I'm leaving.
Thanks for wasting my time.
- Thanks for ruining my career.
- I gave you your career.
And then you
took it away.
If you had stood up
to the network,
Edge Of Tomorrow
wouldn't have been cancelled.
But you just gave up
without a fight.
And I am not letting you
go back to L.A.
Until you admit
that I'm right.
- You're right.
- Wow.
You really don't know how
to put up much of a fight,
do you?
Yes, I could have
kept the show on the air.
But only if I killed off
Honor St. Raven.
That's what was
waiting for you
on the other side
of that door-- a bullet.
Well, so what?
I've been killed off
five or six times.
I always come back.
Once I even had to perform
brain surgery on myself
while being held hostage
in a submarine.
No, this would
have been a real death.
You see, the network wanted
the show to revolve around...
A younger character.
Younger?
Yes.
Oh.
- Wow.
- I know.
But should we really
be eavesdropping?
You're right,
let's go.
I even wrote
her death scene
but I couldn't
go through with it.
I loved Honor St. Raven
too much.
So you cancelled the show
to keep her alive.
- Yes.
- I see.
Uh, if you wouldn't mind
telling me,
what were my dying words?
Well, I don't
remember them exactly.
Oh, that's okay.
I wouldn't have
done them exactly.
You apologized to anyone
you may have wronged.
And then you whispered,
"Honor St. Raven is no more."
"Honor St. Raven,
never more."
And I haven't
written a word since.
We really shouldn't
be spying on them like this.
I know.
We should go.
Seriously. Now.
Uh-huh.
- Thank you.
- For what?
For creating Honor,
protecting her,
and loving her
as much as I did.
Because she was you.
- She was both of us.
- Maybe a little more me.
But probably not.
Feels like
she's really dead now.
Maybe I can finally say
good-bye and mourn her loss.
Me too.
And maybe we can
finally both move on.
I don't really think there's
any more moving on for me.
That show was
the last chapter of my life.
I couldn't help overhearing.
Because I was eavesdropping.
Unbelievable.
Apryl...
Let me be the next chapter
in your life.
Will you marry me?
What?
As you don't know,
because I have never told you...
I've always been
in love with you.
Oh. And I you.
- Of course I'll marry you.
- Ooh.
To recap,
she said "yes."
Yes!
Aw!
Have you been eavesdropping
this entire time?
How terribly rude!
Well, I for one
am going to look
at Honor St. Raven's death
as a new beginning.
If Cheers hadn't ended,
we wouldn't have had Becker.
In which I played a woman
who Becker found stuffy.
Elka, if you want
to save your lipstick,
you shouldn't
blot your lips.
I didn't.
That's my color.
It's a weird lip print.
Ah, that is mine.
And it's not
a lip print.
Please don't
tell us what it is.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's nothing bad.
It's just lipstick
I use for my pecs.
So that my nipples
pop on camera.
Yeah, that's
burned in there.
Do you have
more of it?
Sadly it's been discontinued.
This is my last tube.
- How much?
- No, no, no.
Not money.
Her.
Done.
Elka, you can't
trade me for lipstick.
Oh, please, you've given it up
for less than that.
What do you say, Joy?
Give me a chance.
Well, maybe
I was being unfair.
You seem like a nice person
and I've had
a really tough year.
There are a few guys
I really liked,
but none of them
worked out the way I wanted.
I'm kind of at a crossroads
in my life.
You know, typical Virgo.
Excuse me.
[Sighs] Are you one
of those women
who talks about stuff?
Yeah, I talk about stuff.
Yeah.
I just got divorced
from someone who...
Wanted to talk
about... stuff.
And, well, it's...
It's not what
I want right now.
Good-bye, Joy.
Wow.
You're life really is sad.
I'm sad?
You're putting nipple stick
on your lips.
I'm loving it!
in front of a live studio audience.
Why are you watching
the last episode of
Edge Of Tomorrow?
Ah-ha!
You said you never watched it.
You said it was terrible.
No, I watched it.
I said you were terrible.
It's the third anniversary
of the cancellation of the show.
So we watch it with Victoria
to cheer her up.
It's the one day of the year
I reserve to really
think about myself.
Now watch.
Lady Natalie.
Dr. Tess Montgomery.
Judge Thorndike.
I always expected one of you
to betray me.
But not all three.
You're ruined,
Honor St. Raven.
Pack your bags and leave...
Primrose Valley.
Like many
of the harlots before you,
you will not be missed,
my dear.
Why all this cruelty?
As you well know,
our relationship never recovered
from your little affair
with Luis...
The sexy Latin pool boy.
I haven't been
a sexy Latin pool boy
for 15 years.
I am a sexy Latin lawyer.
That's it!
I'm leaving.
But you haven't heard the last
of Honor St. Raven!
Oh, my God.
How tragic is it
that I will never know
what was waiting
for Honor St. Raven
on the other side
of that door?
I'll tell you
what's tragic.
They've stopped making
my favorite lipstick color.
- Oh, man!
- Unbelievable they did that.
I've been wearing
"Prohibition Pink" for 75 years.
I know what'll
cheer you up.
Let's watch
the last episode again.
Only this time with
my voice-over commentary.
- Is that on the DVD?
- No, I'll just do it now.
Wait, I'm getting
a vision of the future.
Oh, it's me...
Puncturing my own eardrums.
You know though, it's too bad
they didn't bring it
back online as webisodes.
Like they tried to do
with All My Children.
I'll do it.
I'll star in new webisodes
of Edge Of Tomorrow.
Victoria, you're doing
that thing where you accept
parts in shows
that don't exist.
No, but it can.
I mean, fans have
obsessed for years
about what was behind
that door.
Now all I need to do
is to get Apryl Sinclaire,
the show's creator,
on board.
She'll never do it.
Oh, they couldn't
stand each other.
They fought all the time
about who was responsible
for Honor St. Raven.
Which is ridiculous.
I mean, sure she
created the character
and wrote her lines,
but it was my acting
that brought her to life.
Now Apryl was
a horrid pig about it
but I always
took the high road.
But weren't your
last words to Apryl,
"I hate you
and I hope you die."
Well, in Hollywood
that's practically "Aloha."
It means both
"hello" and "good-bye."
Victoria Chase.
- Hugh Fletcher?
- Why are you here?
I should ask you
the same thing.
And I will.
Why are you here?
The day after our show ended,
I took all of my money
and I made a little film
called Twilight.
That's amazing!
And then the real Twilight
came out.
And I was sued
for copyright infringement
and I lost everything.
So now I'm working
as Apryl Sinclaire's butler.
[Gasps]
Well, this room is exactly
like our old set.
Oh, if I pull open a drawer,
will Dr. Tess Montgomery's
dialog be written in it?
And yet, that bubblehead
got all the meaty scenes
and I was relegated
to providing exposition
and reminding others
of what the plot points were!
Well, to be honest,
I never really paid attention
to what the other people
on the show were saying.
Well, well, well.
Look what
the cat drug in.
Apryl Sinclaire,
my old friend.
This is an awkward moment.
The two of you haven't
seen each other in three years.
And you did not depart
on the best of terms.
I should exit.
[Clears throat]
I fear we started off
on the wrong foot.
I actually came here
to bury the hatchet
and move forward.
Not until you say
that Honor St. Raven
was based on me.
I'll gladly
say those words.
Honor St. Raven
was based on me.
I don't want
to have this fight.
Neither do I.
- I'm Honor St. Raven.
- Honor St. Raven is me.
- I'm her.
- Fine.
She's me.
And now that that's settled,
uh, let's talk about
why I'm here.
How would you like
to help me bring back
Edge Of Tomorrow?
- You mean on TV?
- Not exactly.
Webisodes?
Like All My Children?
Not exactly.
I've talked
to some marketing people
who want to
do it as an app.
An app?
The news station
where I work
has agreed
to recreate the set,
and with product placement,
we can pay for the whole thing.
So what do you say?
[Gasps] Hugh!
I have standing orders
to have the bags ready
should anybody show
the slightest bit of interest
in resurrecting the show.
To sum up...
She'll do it.
After our long flight
from Los Angeles,
we have arrived
in Cleveland.
Well, Victoria,
this is so exciting.
You're bringing
your show back.
My show.
Apryl is correct,
my show.
And we have
our first sponsor.
The good people
at 3 Musketeers.
We just have to make sure
that a major character
is seen eating
a 3 Musketeers bar
or is named
"3 Musketeers bar."
I'm sorry but it always
takes me out of a show
when I see a product
displayed so boldly.
But wow, these things
are really good!
Joy, you'll be happy
to know that Hector Cruz--
The sexy Latin lawyer.
Has agreed to do the show
just because of you.
Oh, please.
I did his eyebrows
on the show a few times.
He flirted with me,
but besides his being married,
he's just not my type.
But he's not married any more.
Hot damn,
I am so gonna tap that.
Me too.
What?
It's just as likely.
Okay, everybody, let's go.
You're a writer,
so you'll be my writing staff.
As soon as you
let go of my face, okay.
And you can
do hair and makeup!
I know I can.
It's my job.
Grab my face,
you'll pull back a stump.
Okay, if I'm the writer,
I do have a few questions.
How many actors
are coming back?
Only the ones
from the last scene.
It's all we could afford.
Well, then who's
on the other side of the door?
Ooh, we didn't
think about that.
Well, as we all know,
everyone on the show
had an evil twin.
My character
had two evil twins.
As I do
in real life.
Okay.
If we're gonna
continue the series,
how do we explain that
all the other
characters disappeared?
We can't just say
an atom bomb went off.
Wait, I've got it.
An atom bomb went off.
[Cell phone beeps]
Oh, no.
It's from Elizabeth Meadow.
The upper crust
British Lady Natalie.
She got a better offer.
She's playing
a corpse on Psych.
Cable's delightful
mystery comedy.
Okay, now what
are we gonna do?
We have to find an actress
to play this part
at the last minute.
Perhaps, my dear,
I can be of assistance.
Well as you all can see,
Victoria's news station
did an excellent job
in recreating our set.
With a few exceptions.
Uh, some of the windows
and doors don't work.
But it'll do.
And we have
two new sponsors.
Bed, Bath & Beyond
and then at some point
someone has to say
"Happy Birthday, Nana,"
from Ed and Denise Milch.
Yeah, that'll
be easy to fit in.
[Laughs]
Victoria!
I am so excited!
Oh, you haven't
changed a bit.
I'm not Victoria.
- Jessica, I'm Victoria.
- Oh!
Victoria!
- You haven't changed a bit.
- Oh-ho-ho.
And Apryl...
You haven't changed a bit.
Jessica, hi,
are you all right?
Oh, I got lasik surgery.
On my eyes.
I don't think
it turned out so good.
Even though I went
to a really good eye dentist.
So you may have to write
my lines a little bigger
inside the drawers.
Joy!
Where are you, my sweet?
It's Hector.
He's here.
Joy.
You're as beautiful
as ever.
I recognize you as well.
Yes, I am no longer
a slave to the gym.
I got rid of my trainer.
What'd he do, eat him?
- What about your hair?
- It was a weave.
I got behind
on my payments.
What hasn't thinned...
Is my desire for you.
[Loud kiss]
Ay dios mio, I could
take you right now!
Out for a burger.
Okay, everyone,
get in costume.
- Rehearsal in ten.
- I'll be back in five.
All I have to do
is take off my shirt.
Am I right, ladies?
Oh, Hector,
you haven't changed a bit.
Let me get this straight.
We're still gonna
go through with this,
despite several
obvious potential disasters.
All right.
From Honor's line and action.
Lady Natalie.
Dr. Tess Montgomery.
Judge Thorndike.
I always expected one of you
to betray me.
But not all three.
Cut.
Victoria, Honor St. Raven
cries after that line.
Honor St. Raven
would do no such thing
because Honor St. Raven, me,
would never give these people
the satisfaction
of crying in front of them.
Okay, what if honor
says "I won't give you"
"the satisfaction
of seeing me cry.
"Instead I will
take satisfaction
"from this classic light
and fluffy whipped nougat
3 Musketeers bar."
- Powerful.
- Good stuff.
Yeah, it just came to me.
In a text from our sponsor.
Okay, places everyone.
Let's start with Jessica's line.
You're ruined,
Honor St. Raven.
Pack your bags
and leave...
Primrose Valley.
Like the many
harlots before you,
you will not be missed,
my dear.
Cut.
What's with the straw?
I'm conserving
my lipstick.
So FYI,
no kissing scenes.
Sorry, Hugh.
Okay, from Honor's line
and action.
Why all this cruelty?
As you well know...
Our relationship
has never recovered
from your little...
Affair with Luis...
The sexy Latin pool boy.
I haven't been
a sexy Latin pool boy
in 15 years.
I'm a sexy Latin lawyer.
[Sighs]
What do we do?
Well, we could do
what you did with actresses
that got pregnant
on your show.
I haven't been
a sexy Latin pool boy
in 15 years.
I'm a sexy Latin lawyer,
who likes his women
like he likes his laundry--
fresh, folded.
- I'll work on that line.
- Mm.
Let's go to Victoria
at the door.
Well, that's it.
I'm leaving.
And you haven't heard the last
of Honor St. Raven!
Oh, my God.
[Gasps] It's...
[Drawer opens]
Made in China!
Other drawer, honey!
It's...
[Drawer opens]
Senator Jason Von Klauss!
My twin brother,
whom I haven't spoken to
in 20 years.
And I refuse to be
in the same room with him!
Unh! Geez!
Uh, that's one of the doors
that doesn't work.
It's...
Senator Jason Von Klauss!
I have shocking news.
Terrorists have
set off an atomic bomb.
Everyone else
in Primrose Valley have gone...
To the great beyond.
And all we have left
are these few items
from the great...
Bed, Bath & Beyond.
Only one thing
would surprise me more.
If you were to say...
"Happy Birthday, Nana,
from Ed and Denise Milch."
I can't believe it,
everyone is gone.
Cut.
Once again, the stage
directions say "cry."
And once again,
Honor St. Raven would not cry.
Which I know because
I am Honor St. Raven.
No, I am Honor St. Raven!
You're just a puppet
that butchers my lines.
I'm gonna pull the plug
on this disaster.
Yeah!
Yeah, go ahead
and give up.
That's what you do best.
God, if you had any guts
at all, then our show
would still
be on the air!
You don't know
what you're talking about.
I hate you
and I hope you die!
Oh, very mature.
I hate you
and I hope you die.
No, guys, don't go now!
The next scene is gold!
And we have to pay
for lunch
if we don't mention
the taco truck.
Well, I'm leaving.
Thanks for wasting my time.
- Thanks for ruining my career.
- I gave you your career.
And then you
took it away.
If you had stood up
to the network,
Edge Of Tomorrow
wouldn't have been cancelled.
But you just gave up
without a fight.
And I am not letting you
go back to L.A.
Until you admit
that I'm right.
- You're right.
- Wow.
You really don't know how
to put up much of a fight,
do you?
Yes, I could have
kept the show on the air.
But only if I killed off
Honor St. Raven.
That's what was
waiting for you
on the other side
of that door-- a bullet.
Well, so what?
I've been killed off
five or six times.
I always come back.
Once I even had to perform
brain surgery on myself
while being held hostage
in a submarine.
No, this would
have been a real death.
You see, the network wanted
the show to revolve around...
A younger character.
Younger?
Yes.
Oh.
- Wow.
- I know.
But should we really
be eavesdropping?
You're right,
let's go.
I even wrote
her death scene
but I couldn't
go through with it.
I loved Honor St. Raven
too much.
So you cancelled the show
to keep her alive.
- Yes.
- I see.
Uh, if you wouldn't mind
telling me,
what were my dying words?
Well, I don't
remember them exactly.
Oh, that's okay.
I wouldn't have
done them exactly.
You apologized to anyone
you may have wronged.
And then you whispered,
"Honor St. Raven is no more."
"Honor St. Raven,
never more."
And I haven't
written a word since.
We really shouldn't
be spying on them like this.
I know.
We should go.
Seriously. Now.
Uh-huh.
- Thank you.
- For what?
For creating Honor,
protecting her,
and loving her
as much as I did.
Because she was you.
- She was both of us.
- Maybe a little more me.
But probably not.
Feels like
she's really dead now.
Maybe I can finally say
good-bye and mourn her loss.
Me too.
And maybe we can
finally both move on.
I don't really think there's
any more moving on for me.
That show was
the last chapter of my life.
I couldn't help overhearing.
Because I was eavesdropping.
Unbelievable.
Apryl...
Let me be the next chapter
in your life.
Will you marry me?
What?
As you don't know,
because I have never told you...
I've always been
in love with you.
Oh. And I you.
- Of course I'll marry you.
- Ooh.
To recap,
she said "yes."
Yes!
Aw!
Have you been eavesdropping
this entire time?
How terribly rude!
Well, I for one
am going to look
at Honor St. Raven's death
as a new beginning.
If Cheers hadn't ended,
we wouldn't have had Becker.
In which I played a woman
who Becker found stuffy.
Elka, if you want
to save your lipstick,
you shouldn't
blot your lips.
I didn't.
That's my color.
It's a weird lip print.
Ah, that is mine.
And it's not
a lip print.
Please don't
tell us what it is.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's nothing bad.
It's just lipstick
I use for my pecs.
So that my nipples
pop on camera.
Yeah, that's
burned in there.
Do you have
more of it?
Sadly it's been discontinued.
This is my last tube.
- How much?
- No, no, no.
Not money.
Her.
Done.
Elka, you can't
trade me for lipstick.
Oh, please, you've given it up
for less than that.
What do you say, Joy?
Give me a chance.
Well, maybe
I was being unfair.
You seem like a nice person
and I've had
a really tough year.
There are a few guys
I really liked,
but none of them
worked out the way I wanted.
I'm kind of at a crossroads
in my life.
You know, typical Virgo.
Excuse me.
[Sighs] Are you one
of those women
who talks about stuff?
Yeah, I talk about stuff.
Yeah.
I just got divorced
from someone who...
Wanted to talk
about... stuff.
And, well, it's...
It's not what
I want right now.
Good-bye, Joy.
Wow.
You're life really is sad.
I'm sad?
You're putting nipple stick
on your lips.
I'm loving it!