Hot in Cleveland (2010–2015): Season 3, Episode 11 - I'm with the Band - full transcript
When Victoria's rocker boy friend dumps her she tries to make him jealous by hanging with is ex partner, who her boyfriend hates, in the middle of a charity rock concert. It doesn't help that she takes along Elke, Melanie and Joy who each get into trouble.
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
in front of a live studio audience.
Rock and roll history
will be made
in Cleveland this week
when sexy rocker Johnny Revere
reunites with his
band mate, Drago,
shown here during their
1988 simpatico tour.
Unfortunately,
one week into simpatico,
Johnny and Drago broke up
due to creative differences.
They hate each other.
But now the two rockers
have agreed
to put aside their differences
to perform
a We Are The World type song
promoting the idea
that everyone should just stop
yelling at each other
and get along.
It's called Cool Aid:
A time to chill.
And I'll have
exclusive access
to the story
behind the story
because I happen to know
the lucky lady
dating Johnny Revere.
That's right,
the Ohio part of America.
It's me.
Hey, what are you doing?
Oh, just chilling glasses.
Johnny likes
his martini cold
and his Victoria hot.
This Cool Aid thing
has an amazing lineup
of musicians.
Oh, my God.
David Gates
is gonna be there?
- Who?
- David Gates from Bread.
Oh, I must have listened
to The Best of Bread
a million times
in high school.
You went to high school
in an elevator?
Bread is not elevator music.
It's soft rock.
There's a difference.
Oh, sure.
Soft rock isn't
all up in your face
like elevator music.
I'm coming with you
to the recording session.
I want David Gates
to sign my guitar.
I'm coming too.
Maybe someone will discover me.
I still dream of becoming
a professional singer.
And I dream
about CC Sabathia
coming back to the Indians.
Neither one of 'em's
gonna happen.
Seriously.
I'm better than Verena.
Stupid Mariah Carey wannabe.
- Well, doesn't Verena have,
like, a six-octave range?
If computers can digitally
take out a rib
for a photo shoot,
they can do anything.
I told you that
in confidence.
Oh, that must be Johnny.
Do you want us to stall him
while you get ready?
No, that's what's so great
about our relationship now.
We can just be ourselves.
Guess who's hot for teacher.
I...
Oh, I was expecting
someone else.
Would you like to buy
some chocolate?
Do you really think
that I could eat candy
and fit into an outfit
like this?
Why are you
dressed like that?
Well, I just got home
from school,
and, uh, haven't had a chance
to put on
my play clothes yet.
Oh, and there's
my playmate now.
- Hi, Victoria.
- Hi, Johnny.
I had a "hot for teacher" line,
but now that seems
wildly inappropriate.
Uh, we need to talk.
Uh-oh.
Sounds like you're gonna need
some chocolate.
Well, Natalya and I
have been seeing each other
for six months.
How old is she?
That's not important.
Oh, my God.
How young is she?
22.
That's more than half
my... height.
So, uh, how did you meet?
She's a backup singer
in my band.
Oh.
Okay, so it's nothing.
No, it would be like me
sleeping with an extra,
like "cop #1"
or "hunky trucker."
You don't understand.
Of course I understand.
You and I have
an open relationship.
What you do on the road
or what I do on the set
of the Lifetime Original Movie
Truck Stop Waitress:
The Alison McClaney Story
has nothing to do
with us.
I'm gonna ask her
to marry me.
A backup singer?
Well, she repeats
everything I say.
It's very affirming.
All right, please, just no--
no jokes right now.
I'm kind of reeling here.
Okay, I'm sorry.
What you and I have
is incredible.
But all you want
is a weekend here
and a night there.
I know, that's what makes it
so exciting.
Yeah, and--
and this outfit you're wearing
isn't making this
any easier.
But I need more than that.
Natalya wants to be there
every day.
I mean, I asked you
to marry me,
and you turned me down.
Well, of course.
I can't go on the road
and--and travel around
with you in a bus
and--and stay in motels
and--and all that loud music.
I mean, that is
a young woman's game.
Oh.
I'm devastated.
Look at me.
I'm actually eating chocolate.
And it's the lowest form
of chocolate.
Fundraiser chocolate.
Honey.
I'm so sorry.
I know it hurts.
You know, even though Johnny
wasn't always there,
I thought he'd always
be there.
He was like
my safety net.
Maybe knowing
you had a safety net
was holding you back
from finding someone wonderful.
That's just something
people who don't have
safety nets say.
That's true.
You know what?
This is crazy.
No more wallowing.
I have got to move on.
Bravo, Victoria.
And the best way to do that
is to get revenge.
I always "bravo" too soon.
I know.
I need to go
to Johnny's recording tomorrow
with a new boyfriend,
someone who trumps rock star.
How about George Clooney?
- Ooh, that's good.
- Mm-hmm.
But does movie star
beat rock star?
Yes, that's the only problem
with choosing George Clooney.
Look, it has to be someone
who will really
make Johnny mad--
as mad at you
as he is with Drago.
That's it! Drago!
Oh, that is gonna kill Johnny
to see me with him.
Guess who's hot for teacher.
It's chaos out here.
I was totally like...
And good news!
Got so excited,
out of the blue...
Knee socks.
Oh, my gosh.
Of course I'll be
your girlfriend.
Look, I'm sorry.
I don't know where the hell
Drago is.
Oh, I'm sure
he had a good excuse.
Perhaps he was out late
last night
with some beautiful woman.
A woman whose identity
could be surprising
and potentially disturbing
to you.
I'm here!
I'm here!
History to be made.
Where's Johnny Revere?
I'm Johnny, you idiot.
Whoa! Gee!
Whoa, time is cruel.
Just craggy.
I got these bags
carrying your drunken ass,
like I'm about to do
right now.
Okay, guys, guys.
Let's do this thing.
Welcome, everybody.
A time to chill is a song
to promote peace and brotherhood
in these contentious times.
The world needs...
If we could all just get...
I mean, take...
I mean,
that's what it's all about.
Right?
Well said, Drago.
Anyway, I can't think
of a better project
to bring us back together.
And speaking of together,
I know that America
would be very interested to know
that you have
a new girlfriend
who's young enough to be
your granddaughter.
So it's not creepy
at all.
And--and Drago,
uh, I hear that you have
a new special someone
in your life.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Shout it from the rooftops.
Viselnub.
I'll just give everyone
out there in TV land a hint.
It's me.
What?
That's what I said.
Viselnub.
- Uh, Vic-to-ria.
Viselnub.
- Vic--
- Visel--
- toria.
- Nub.
- Victoria.
- Viselnub.
Oh, isn't he adorable?
Okay, Frank, that's enough.
I think we got it.
Look, Victoria.
You don't have to pretend
to like this jerk
just to get back at me.
I'm not pretending.
No, he and I have had a thing
for each other for years.
Number one
in me spank bank.
And you in mine,
my love.
Who in this room
do you think
has the most valuable hair?
Put those away.
Are you insane?
But I need a lock
of celebrity hair
to auction off
for my animal shelter.
I--
Ohh, Bieber!
The mother lode.
Any sign of David Gates
from Bread?
I don't know
what he looks like.
Well, probably the same
as he did,
only 30 years older.
I don't know
what he looked like then.
Seriously?
Baby, I'm-a want you?
"I wanna make it
with you?"
David Gates from Bread
is famous.
If you have to add
the band he played with
when you say his name,
he's not famous.
Nobody ever says
"Sting from The Police."
I'm sorry, ma'am.
Mr. Bieber's busy.
Oh, it's okay.
I'm Justin's grandmother.
His grandmother's 45.
Okay, I'll level with you.
I need a lock of his hair
for my animal shelter.
Do you know
how many charities
want a piece
of Mr. Bieber?
Ugh. I didn't think
I'd have to do this,
but check out these puppies.
Please don't, ma'am.
Well, I mean--
I mean, these are the puppies
you'd be saving.
Cupcake and--
and Frosting.
Ooh, doo-doo
woo-doo-woo-dee.
Ooh, headset man.
Do you know
if David Gates is here?
Uh, yeah,
he's in the control room.
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Who's David Gates?
He's the president
of the Minivan council.
They're sponsoring
this whole thing.
- 'Scuse me. Hi.
- Hello.
You're David Gates from--
I--you're David Gates.
Call me Dave.
- I'm Melanie.
- Mm-hmm.
I think it's so great
that you're doing this.
Do you think maybe you'd sign
my guitar?
Well, I'm not really much
of a musician.
Oh, stop!
Don't listen to the haters.
That's, uh, one of those
non-electric ones.
Yeah.
Oh, could you write,
"To Melanie:
I wanna make it with you"?
Sure.
You're a beautiful woman,
Melanie.
Thank you.
I'd like to see you
in one of my minivans.
Oh!
Well, in my fantasy,
it's a Porsche.
But okay.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you so much.
Um, could I ask
for one more thing?
I mean, you probably get asked
this all the time,
but can I give you a kiss?
Does the Toyota Sienna
have 12 cup holders?
Does it?
Hell, yeah.
♪ Hello ♪
♪ what's up ♪
♪ I love those boots ♪
How's it going?
Well, I couldn't get
any Bieber hair.
That chick runs fast.
Well, my plan's
not working either.
Neither is mine.
I've yet to be discovered,
even though I'm singing
in everyone's face
and being all cute
and "adorkable."
How come that works
for Zooey Deschanel?
- "Adorkable"
is like short shorts--
ridiculous after 30.
But back to me.
Johnny's not buying
that Drago and I are together.
He just needs to see it
with his own eyes.
If the billion-dollar porn
industry has taught us anything,
it's that men are visual.
And when a pizza
is delivered,
the topping is always sausage.
Ooh, look at these oranges.
So high in vitamin--
♪ "C" ♪
Verena, right?
Sorry, dude.
I really don't have time
to sign autographs right now.
Actually, I was hoping
for an interview.
I'm... Opal
with the BBC World Service.
Oh!
I love the BBC.
Um, I'm sorry, what did you say
your name was?
Opal. Opal...
Winfrey.
No relation.
Would you care to demonstrate
your six-octave range?
A lot of people think
it's a trick done
in the studio.
Not me, but credible sources.
I would,
but I'm resting my voice.
Well, you heard it here first.
She can't do it.
This is Opal Winfrey
with the--
Now, hang on a minute.
♪ United ♪
♪ United ♪
♪ United ♪
♪ United ♪
Yeah. I counted four.
Oh, Drago.
You naughty boy.
There's a room full
of people next door.
Victoria!
People can hear you.
The mic is on.
I know. I turned it on
so Johnny could hear.
Unfortunately,
Drago passed out,
like, five minutes ago.
I've had to play both parts.
What are you smiling about?
I made out
with David Gates
in this very room.
Johnny's coming!
Quick, put Drago
back on top of me.
Now what?
Hide, hide!
Oh, yes.
Yes, Drago.
Oh, Viselnub.
Viselnub, oh,
you're so hot, Viselnub.
Oh! Oh!
Yes, yes.
Well, did it work?
Was he jealous?
I don't know.
I couldn't see anything.
I was under
the mixing board.
I'm up! Did we shag?
Was I good?
Two girls.
Was I in a sandwich?
Not in a sandwich?
♪ United ♪
Didn't quite get there,
did you?
Oh, no.
Vo--gone.
Vo--duh--
What?
What are you saying?
She says she can't sing.
Are you guys ready
to rock? Huh?
But first,
let's thank our sponsor,
the Minivan Ad council,
and their president
of marketing and strat planning,
David Gates.
Oh, my God.
I take it you made out
with the wrong guy?
See, this is why you say,
"David Gates from Bread."
Quick announcement.
Verena had to cancel
due to throat problems.
No!
I'm here.
Verena's here.
I'm Verena.
Great.
We all know
that's Joy, right?
And cue playback.
Try to stay in tune,
you brain-dead freak.
Didn't need brains
to shag your girlfriend.
♪ Too many people ♪
♪ raising their voice ♪
♪ the world
is so divided ♪
♪ and isn't it time ♪
♪ we all made a choice ♪
♪ to sing as friends united ♪
♪ uni-- ♪
Cut! Stop the playback.
You keep your hands
off Victoria,
you limey bastard.
Oh, it's working.
Oh, bloody hell, wanker.
She's not your Viselnub.
She is my veezelnub.
Uh, Victoria.
And I'm taking her back.
There's no take-backs,
you selfish pissant!
You kicked me
out of the band!
You left the band.
Wandered off
in Amsterdam.
You and Keith Richard,
living in that windmill.
Oh.
You can turn it off.
They're not talking
about me any more.
I'm gonna take a five.
Don't touch anything.
Oh, well,
now I gotta touch something.
Well, your revenge plan
worked.
Bravo.
Oh, I got much more
than revenge.
I got my safety net back.
And now Johnny and I can go back
to the way things were,
you know.
I mean, I know that he wanted
someone
who'd be there
all the time,
but, you know,
when you love someone,
you have to make sacrifices.
I'd certainly do that
for him.
Although, uh...
Clearly, I didn't
on this occasion.
I...
I didn't even think
of him at all.
God, this was
a terrible plan.
Again, I "bravo" too soon.
So, Melanie, m'lady.
When this is all over,
are we still going to Chili's?
Listen, David Gates from...
Marketing.
I thought you were
David Gates from Bread.
I wish!
Huge Bread fan.
I'm a loafer for life.
Really?
Are you a Bread Head?
Does the Toyota Sienna
have 12 cup holders?
I'm confused.
I just want you to have
what you need,
which is someone
who'll be there for you
every day,
and that's just not me.
So you need to go back
to Natalya.
You did all that
to get me back,
and now you don't want me?
We both know
it's for the best.
Wow.
So this is really it
for us?
I guess so.
But you'll always be
in my spank bank.
Do you even know
what that is?
No.
Good.
You know, I'm gonna write
a song about you.
Course, I won't be able
to play it in concert
'cause the fans just want
to hear all the old stuff.
Good-bye, Johnny.
What was I thinking?
Natalya's not better
for me.
She's 22.
She never even dialed
a phone.
What was I thinking,
doing something unselfish?
Yeah.
That's not the woman
I love.
Having you 20% of the time
is better than having
any other woman
all of the time.
Aww.
Actually,
when you add up the days,
it's--it's really not
even 20%, just...
Oh, shut up.
This is...
I can't believe it.
Viselnub's back with Johnny.
There are plenty of fish
in the sea.
Especially for somebody
famous like you.
You are famous, aren't you?
Yes, very.
But it still hurts.
Oh, of course it does.
Come here.
Oh.
in front of a live studio audience.
Rock and roll history
will be made
in Cleveland this week
when sexy rocker Johnny Revere
reunites with his
band mate, Drago,
shown here during their
1988 simpatico tour.
Unfortunately,
one week into simpatico,
Johnny and Drago broke up
due to creative differences.
They hate each other.
But now the two rockers
have agreed
to put aside their differences
to perform
a We Are The World type song
promoting the idea
that everyone should just stop
yelling at each other
and get along.
It's called Cool Aid:
A time to chill.
And I'll have
exclusive access
to the story
behind the story
because I happen to know
the lucky lady
dating Johnny Revere.
That's right,
the Ohio part of America.
It's me.
Hey, what are you doing?
Oh, just chilling glasses.
Johnny likes
his martini cold
and his Victoria hot.
This Cool Aid thing
has an amazing lineup
of musicians.
Oh, my God.
David Gates
is gonna be there?
- Who?
- David Gates from Bread.
Oh, I must have listened
to The Best of Bread
a million times
in high school.
You went to high school
in an elevator?
Bread is not elevator music.
It's soft rock.
There's a difference.
Oh, sure.
Soft rock isn't
all up in your face
like elevator music.
I'm coming with you
to the recording session.
I want David Gates
to sign my guitar.
I'm coming too.
Maybe someone will discover me.
I still dream of becoming
a professional singer.
And I dream
about CC Sabathia
coming back to the Indians.
Neither one of 'em's
gonna happen.
Seriously.
I'm better than Verena.
Stupid Mariah Carey wannabe.
- Well, doesn't Verena have,
like, a six-octave range?
If computers can digitally
take out a rib
for a photo shoot,
they can do anything.
I told you that
in confidence.
Oh, that must be Johnny.
Do you want us to stall him
while you get ready?
No, that's what's so great
about our relationship now.
We can just be ourselves.
Guess who's hot for teacher.
I...
Oh, I was expecting
someone else.
Would you like to buy
some chocolate?
Do you really think
that I could eat candy
and fit into an outfit
like this?
Why are you
dressed like that?
Well, I just got home
from school,
and, uh, haven't had a chance
to put on
my play clothes yet.
Oh, and there's
my playmate now.
- Hi, Victoria.
- Hi, Johnny.
I had a "hot for teacher" line,
but now that seems
wildly inappropriate.
Uh, we need to talk.
Uh-oh.
Sounds like you're gonna need
some chocolate.
Well, Natalya and I
have been seeing each other
for six months.
How old is she?
That's not important.
Oh, my God.
How young is she?
22.
That's more than half
my... height.
So, uh, how did you meet?
She's a backup singer
in my band.
Oh.
Okay, so it's nothing.
No, it would be like me
sleeping with an extra,
like "cop #1"
or "hunky trucker."
You don't understand.
Of course I understand.
You and I have
an open relationship.
What you do on the road
or what I do on the set
of the Lifetime Original Movie
Truck Stop Waitress:
The Alison McClaney Story
has nothing to do
with us.
I'm gonna ask her
to marry me.
A backup singer?
Well, she repeats
everything I say.
It's very affirming.
All right, please, just no--
no jokes right now.
I'm kind of reeling here.
Okay, I'm sorry.
What you and I have
is incredible.
But all you want
is a weekend here
and a night there.
I know, that's what makes it
so exciting.
Yeah, and--
and this outfit you're wearing
isn't making this
any easier.
But I need more than that.
Natalya wants to be there
every day.
I mean, I asked you
to marry me,
and you turned me down.
Well, of course.
I can't go on the road
and--and travel around
with you in a bus
and--and stay in motels
and--and all that loud music.
I mean, that is
a young woman's game.
Oh.
I'm devastated.
Look at me.
I'm actually eating chocolate.
And it's the lowest form
of chocolate.
Fundraiser chocolate.
Honey.
I'm so sorry.
I know it hurts.
You know, even though Johnny
wasn't always there,
I thought he'd always
be there.
He was like
my safety net.
Maybe knowing
you had a safety net
was holding you back
from finding someone wonderful.
That's just something
people who don't have
safety nets say.
That's true.
You know what?
This is crazy.
No more wallowing.
I have got to move on.
Bravo, Victoria.
And the best way to do that
is to get revenge.
I always "bravo" too soon.
I know.
I need to go
to Johnny's recording tomorrow
with a new boyfriend,
someone who trumps rock star.
How about George Clooney?
- Ooh, that's good.
- Mm-hmm.
But does movie star
beat rock star?
Yes, that's the only problem
with choosing George Clooney.
Look, it has to be someone
who will really
make Johnny mad--
as mad at you
as he is with Drago.
That's it! Drago!
Oh, that is gonna kill Johnny
to see me with him.
Guess who's hot for teacher.
It's chaos out here.
I was totally like...
And good news!
Got so excited,
out of the blue...
Knee socks.
Oh, my gosh.
Of course I'll be
your girlfriend.
Look, I'm sorry.
I don't know where the hell
Drago is.
Oh, I'm sure
he had a good excuse.
Perhaps he was out late
last night
with some beautiful woman.
A woman whose identity
could be surprising
and potentially disturbing
to you.
I'm here!
I'm here!
History to be made.
Where's Johnny Revere?
I'm Johnny, you idiot.
Whoa! Gee!
Whoa, time is cruel.
Just craggy.
I got these bags
carrying your drunken ass,
like I'm about to do
right now.
Okay, guys, guys.
Let's do this thing.
Welcome, everybody.
A time to chill is a song
to promote peace and brotherhood
in these contentious times.
The world needs...
If we could all just get...
I mean, take...
I mean,
that's what it's all about.
Right?
Well said, Drago.
Anyway, I can't think
of a better project
to bring us back together.
And speaking of together,
I know that America
would be very interested to know
that you have
a new girlfriend
who's young enough to be
your granddaughter.
So it's not creepy
at all.
And--and Drago,
uh, I hear that you have
a new special someone
in your life.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Shout it from the rooftops.
Viselnub.
I'll just give everyone
out there in TV land a hint.
It's me.
What?
That's what I said.
Viselnub.
- Uh, Vic-to-ria.
Viselnub.
- Vic--
- Visel--
- toria.
- Nub.
- Victoria.
- Viselnub.
Oh, isn't he adorable?
Okay, Frank, that's enough.
I think we got it.
Look, Victoria.
You don't have to pretend
to like this jerk
just to get back at me.
I'm not pretending.
No, he and I have had a thing
for each other for years.
Number one
in me spank bank.
And you in mine,
my love.
Who in this room
do you think
has the most valuable hair?
Put those away.
Are you insane?
But I need a lock
of celebrity hair
to auction off
for my animal shelter.
I--
Ohh, Bieber!
The mother lode.
Any sign of David Gates
from Bread?
I don't know
what he looks like.
Well, probably the same
as he did,
only 30 years older.
I don't know
what he looked like then.
Seriously?
Baby, I'm-a want you?
"I wanna make it
with you?"
David Gates from Bread
is famous.
If you have to add
the band he played with
when you say his name,
he's not famous.
Nobody ever says
"Sting from The Police."
I'm sorry, ma'am.
Mr. Bieber's busy.
Oh, it's okay.
I'm Justin's grandmother.
His grandmother's 45.
Okay, I'll level with you.
I need a lock of his hair
for my animal shelter.
Do you know
how many charities
want a piece
of Mr. Bieber?
Ugh. I didn't think
I'd have to do this,
but check out these puppies.
Please don't, ma'am.
Well, I mean--
I mean, these are the puppies
you'd be saving.
Cupcake and--
and Frosting.
Ooh, doo-doo
woo-doo-woo-dee.
Ooh, headset man.
Do you know
if David Gates is here?
Uh, yeah,
he's in the control room.
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Who's David Gates?
He's the president
of the Minivan council.
They're sponsoring
this whole thing.
- 'Scuse me. Hi.
- Hello.
You're David Gates from--
I--you're David Gates.
Call me Dave.
- I'm Melanie.
- Mm-hmm.
I think it's so great
that you're doing this.
Do you think maybe you'd sign
my guitar?
Well, I'm not really much
of a musician.
Oh, stop!
Don't listen to the haters.
That's, uh, one of those
non-electric ones.
Yeah.
Oh, could you write,
"To Melanie:
I wanna make it with you"?
Sure.
You're a beautiful woman,
Melanie.
Thank you.
I'd like to see you
in one of my minivans.
Oh!
Well, in my fantasy,
it's a Porsche.
But okay.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you so much.
Um, could I ask
for one more thing?
I mean, you probably get asked
this all the time,
but can I give you a kiss?
Does the Toyota Sienna
have 12 cup holders?
Does it?
Hell, yeah.
♪ Hello ♪
♪ what's up ♪
♪ I love those boots ♪
How's it going?
Well, I couldn't get
any Bieber hair.
That chick runs fast.
Well, my plan's
not working either.
Neither is mine.
I've yet to be discovered,
even though I'm singing
in everyone's face
and being all cute
and "adorkable."
How come that works
for Zooey Deschanel?
- "Adorkable"
is like short shorts--
ridiculous after 30.
But back to me.
Johnny's not buying
that Drago and I are together.
He just needs to see it
with his own eyes.
If the billion-dollar porn
industry has taught us anything,
it's that men are visual.
And when a pizza
is delivered,
the topping is always sausage.
Ooh, look at these oranges.
So high in vitamin--
♪ "C" ♪
Verena, right?
Sorry, dude.
I really don't have time
to sign autographs right now.
Actually, I was hoping
for an interview.
I'm... Opal
with the BBC World Service.
Oh!
I love the BBC.
Um, I'm sorry, what did you say
your name was?
Opal. Opal...
Winfrey.
No relation.
Would you care to demonstrate
your six-octave range?
A lot of people think
it's a trick done
in the studio.
Not me, but credible sources.
I would,
but I'm resting my voice.
Well, you heard it here first.
She can't do it.
This is Opal Winfrey
with the--
Now, hang on a minute.
♪ United ♪
♪ United ♪
♪ United ♪
♪ United ♪
Yeah. I counted four.
Oh, Drago.
You naughty boy.
There's a room full
of people next door.
Victoria!
People can hear you.
The mic is on.
I know. I turned it on
so Johnny could hear.
Unfortunately,
Drago passed out,
like, five minutes ago.
I've had to play both parts.
What are you smiling about?
I made out
with David Gates
in this very room.
Johnny's coming!
Quick, put Drago
back on top of me.
Now what?
Hide, hide!
Oh, yes.
Yes, Drago.
Oh, Viselnub.
Viselnub, oh,
you're so hot, Viselnub.
Oh! Oh!
Yes, yes.
Well, did it work?
Was he jealous?
I don't know.
I couldn't see anything.
I was under
the mixing board.
I'm up! Did we shag?
Was I good?
Two girls.
Was I in a sandwich?
Not in a sandwich?
♪ United ♪
Didn't quite get there,
did you?
Oh, no.
Vo--gone.
Vo--duh--
What?
What are you saying?
She says she can't sing.
Are you guys ready
to rock? Huh?
But first,
let's thank our sponsor,
the Minivan Ad council,
and their president
of marketing and strat planning,
David Gates.
Oh, my God.
I take it you made out
with the wrong guy?
See, this is why you say,
"David Gates from Bread."
Quick announcement.
Verena had to cancel
due to throat problems.
No!
I'm here.
Verena's here.
I'm Verena.
Great.
We all know
that's Joy, right?
And cue playback.
Try to stay in tune,
you brain-dead freak.
Didn't need brains
to shag your girlfriend.
♪ Too many people ♪
♪ raising their voice ♪
♪ the world
is so divided ♪
♪ and isn't it time ♪
♪ we all made a choice ♪
♪ to sing as friends united ♪
♪ uni-- ♪
Cut! Stop the playback.
You keep your hands
off Victoria,
you limey bastard.
Oh, it's working.
Oh, bloody hell, wanker.
She's not your Viselnub.
She is my veezelnub.
Uh, Victoria.
And I'm taking her back.
There's no take-backs,
you selfish pissant!
You kicked me
out of the band!
You left the band.
Wandered off
in Amsterdam.
You and Keith Richard,
living in that windmill.
Oh.
You can turn it off.
They're not talking
about me any more.
I'm gonna take a five.
Don't touch anything.
Oh, well,
now I gotta touch something.
Well, your revenge plan
worked.
Bravo.
Oh, I got much more
than revenge.
I got my safety net back.
And now Johnny and I can go back
to the way things were,
you know.
I mean, I know that he wanted
someone
who'd be there
all the time,
but, you know,
when you love someone,
you have to make sacrifices.
I'd certainly do that
for him.
Although, uh...
Clearly, I didn't
on this occasion.
I...
I didn't even think
of him at all.
God, this was
a terrible plan.
Again, I "bravo" too soon.
So, Melanie, m'lady.
When this is all over,
are we still going to Chili's?
Listen, David Gates from...
Marketing.
I thought you were
David Gates from Bread.
I wish!
Huge Bread fan.
I'm a loafer for life.
Really?
Are you a Bread Head?
Does the Toyota Sienna
have 12 cup holders?
I'm confused.
I just want you to have
what you need,
which is someone
who'll be there for you
every day,
and that's just not me.
So you need to go back
to Natalya.
You did all that
to get me back,
and now you don't want me?
We both know
it's for the best.
Wow.
So this is really it
for us?
I guess so.
But you'll always be
in my spank bank.
Do you even know
what that is?
No.
Good.
You know, I'm gonna write
a song about you.
Course, I won't be able
to play it in concert
'cause the fans just want
to hear all the old stuff.
Good-bye, Johnny.
What was I thinking?
Natalya's not better
for me.
She's 22.
She never even dialed
a phone.
What was I thinking,
doing something unselfish?
Yeah.
That's not the woman
I love.
Having you 20% of the time
is better than having
any other woman
all of the time.
Aww.
Actually,
when you add up the days,
it's--it's really not
even 20%, just...
Oh, shut up.
This is...
I can't believe it.
Viselnub's back with Johnny.
There are plenty of fish
in the sea.
Especially for somebody
famous like you.
You are famous, aren't you?
Yes, very.
But it still hurts.
Oh, of course it does.
Come here.
Oh.