Home for Christmas (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Sugar Baby? Sugar Daddy? - full transcript

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

DECEMBER 8TH

Please tell me you are legal.

I had a dream that you were 12.

In 12 days, I'll be 19.

I repeated a year
after we moved to Norway.

Your parents are away in Stockholm, right?

Not, anymore. They want to meet you.

- Hmm?
- They're here. Wanna say hi?

- Mom? Dad?
- Wait!

You're joking! Holy fuck!
You're a little dickhead, you know that?



- Were you scared?
- Yeah.

- What time is it?
- Ten.

- I need to go.
- No, you don't. I was joking.

My parents aren't back. Come on!

- I have something called a job.
- No, you don't need a dumb job.

How was that?

Johanne!

Johanne!

Please stay!
I'll do anything! Just say the word!

Mom and Dad will love you!

I need you!

Don't leave me alone!

Hi guys!

Hi! Sorry.



Sorry, sorry!

Sorry, sorry!

I recognize that smile on her face.

- She got that good peen!
- Who is it?

Fuck Boy.

- The 16-year-old?
- Are you in love with him?

No one falls in love
with a 15-year-old boy.

He's actually 19.

And I wouldn't fall in love just because
some dude gave me... five orgasms!

Five times?

In one night?

You've never had that before?

Five sounds kind of unmanageable.
I get really tired from just the one time.

One time, I got tired
from counting all the way to five.

- One, two, three, four...
- But, Johanne...

- ...five!
- Yeah?

I'm happy for you and all,
but no way can you two become an item.

Care to explain?

Oh, I don't know.
How about because he is a boy?

Who is 11!

I'm pretty sure there's a rule,
about like...

He can't be more than ten years older

or two years younger
than the girl he's dating, at the most.

You should go for someone
who's a bit more established.

What? Find a married guy to fuck?

No, like, a divorcé.

Who... well, produced some offspring.

Just saying.

It's a billboard, kind of...

Like, "Wow, your little boy
is clever and adorable.

You must have really good genes."

Otherwise, you're putting a lot
of faith in the balls of a total stranger

who, frankly,
could be a serial killer with bad credit.

Hmm.

OK, well, that's very romantic.

Look, hater. You know what?
Practicality can be very romantic.

Before I married Trym,
I thought about all that stuff.

Children,

employment, finances...

COFFEE SOON, PLEASE?

Uh-huh...

I see someone is busy cruising for dudes
on the job. Is that right?

Sorry.

Scrolling through social media on
company time is an excellent plan. Hurrah!

- It was a text message. I kept it short.
- It was short?

So will your patients' lives be.
You have a job to do. Remember that.

OK?

Now, here comes Sebastian.

He's going to 143.

A drug user. Infectious endocarditis.

He previously underwent treatment,
but the results were unsatisfactory.

So, they ultimately decided
to go ahead and do surgery

to replace the affected valves
with artificial ones.

OK.

- Hi, Sebastian.
- Fuck off!

OK.

Alright, well, my name is Johanne,
and I'll be the nurse looking after you.

It's balls cold here.

Well, I can get you an extra comforter.

Not another one of those shitty duvets

with the super bullshit
synthetic materials.

I might as well freeze to death.

You're really lucky you survived.

I mean, a heart infection
isn't something to sneeze at.

How long will I be stuck here?

I guess four to six weeks, most likely.

- Four to six weeks?
- It depends on your recovery.

If you start to feel better,
we might let you out early.

- Fuck this shit.
- Sebastian, look at me.

I get that you're stressing out right now.

The best I can do
is administer painkillers,

at least for now, OK?

Or not OK.

I know you want to get out of here,

but you'll get out sooner
if you work with us.

What do you know?

I met you, like, two seconds ago!

You're not even a fucking doctor.

OK, now, this has been fun, but...
Sebastian...

- I don't want to be here!
- OK, chill, chill.

I don't want to be here.

Where would you rather go?

Home with my girlfriend.

I want to...

game with the guys.

Watch Dancing with the Stars with Mom.

And I hate those dancing shows.

Yeah, dancing shows are shit.

So, do you want to try to get back up?

Start again?

OK. Here we go.

And up.

Age is nothing but a number.

It's nice to have a bit of a difference.

- Yeah.
- He's 19 years old.

That's nothing. Stop playing so safe.
Try and get your head out of your ass.

You need to live your life
the way you want to.

Who cares what the others say.
Opinions are like assholes, remember?

I mean, you're a good person.

And every good person
deserves a good nailing.

A girl's got needs!

Well, look at that.

Letting a COPD patient sit here and smoke,

and with a full tank of oxygen
which could blow up if it sparks.

Oh, who the hell cares?

I'm 200 years old
with an incurable condition.

One smoke probably ain't gonna be
what kills my ass.

It makes no difference.

Very nice.

I guess it makes no difference
if the entire hospital blows up either.

That's lovely. Good work.

Wow.

Someone's obviously
never gotten laid before.

No.

So, what about this young man, huh?
Is he making it to the next round or what?

Yeah, no. No next round. He's an infant.

Whatever! You seemed to enjoy him.

- I do. Like, a lot, surprisingly.
- See! So, he's not too young for you.

Huh?

- Hi, Johanne.
- Hey.

- Am I being set free?
- Yeah, I think you will be.

I just need to run
a few quick routine checks first.

Do what you've got to do.

You are the expert.

Well...

You used to be Health Minister,

so you should be one, too.

Politics and stuff like that,
I know about,

but blood pressure?

Nada.

Well?

The cat got your tongue?

- Hmm?
- Something on your mind?

A little...

To be honest,

I don't agree with politicians
trying to push rules and regulations

about how we should be doing our jobs
that they don't know anything about.

A critique, huh? Go on.

I just mean,
a hospital isn't some huge business,

and it shouldn't be
operated like one either.

So, we shouldn't run it
as efficiently as we can?

No, that's where
you're completely off-base

with that big
New Public Management idea of yours.

It may seem efficient
discharging patients early,

but how efficient is it really

when that same patient needs
to be submitted again two days later?

And cutting hours
and laying off personnel to reduce cost

probably seems very efficient
to someone like you.

It definitely helps with overcrowding.

- We're constantly overcapacity.
- Ow!

Ow! Yeah, that pretty much
sums up my whole argument.

Yeah, that's not what I'm saying.

Don't you think you've done enough by now?

Oh, fuck.

- Blood pressure is not bad.
- Yeah?

You'll be discharged.

How very efficient of you.

Yeah. I'm the queen
of New Public Management.

See you again?

If the fates allow.

Fuck!

Guess who ripped a new one
for our politician friend.

You're crazy. What did you do that for?

I really have no idea.

Seriously, girl, you need to mellow out...

before you beat a patient to death.

Hi!

- Eira?
- Yeah?

She needs to unwind.
What do you recommend?

Well, usually, I... just pour myself
a great big glass of wine,

make some really good food
with fresh ingredients...

and a little bit of love.

Sure, except Johanne only eats hummus.

Lies.

I've got a great hummus recipe
I could give you... if you want.

Yeah.

OK.

But I'll need to sample yours first,
so I can know what you like.

Taste my hummus?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I could bring in a bit extra.

Tomorrow?

OK, awesome.

Sorry about this.

Hello?

Yeah.

- Yeah...
- No!

Oh, my God!

Oh, come on!

Fuck! Fuck! Damn it!

Of course! Story of my life.

Hi there.

It's been a while.

Yep.

Got some trouble?

- No, I'm fine.
- No?

OK, yeah.

- So, do you know much about cars?
- OK...

Oh, yeah.
It's not my first rodeo with this one.

My dad's done this with me
hundreds of times.

- Oh, OK.
- I should be totally fine.

- Should I take this?
- Thanks.

- Do you know anything about cars?
- We'll see.

Come on, come on!

Seriously?

No.

That's not it...

- In the middle.
- This is embarrassing.

This doesn't usually happen to me.

There it is!

- Yep.
- Yep.

Positive terminal there.

- You mean this thing?
- Yeah.

- And this on the negative one.
- The negative terminal.

You really...

know your stuff.

- All set.
- All set.

Good to go.

- Very impressed.
- Thanks.

Start your car to jumpstart it,
or your chauffeur can.

- Got your own private chauffeur, huh?
- Guilty.

- I must say, that's some next-level shit.
- You think so?

Yeah.

I wish...

Look, I...

I feel like I should...

I need to apologize for earlier.

Yeah?

I should have known better than to yell
at an atrial fibrillation patient.

Well, I don't know
if I'd call that yelling.

I thought it was
more like a small correction.

I'm sure I deserved every word of it.

- We're good!
- There you go. Yep!

Alright, then.

I'll give these back to you.

- Turns out you're quite the handyman.
- Oh, yeah. Anytime. No problem.

Sure.

- Thanks for the help.
- Don't mention it.

Uh...

Well, keep in touch.

- OK.
- If you have car trouble again.

- Or if you want to grab coffee.
- OK.

Or a glass of wine?

Tea? Double cortado with milk to the top?

Mango juice? Water? Anything!

Mango juice?

- I was thinking...
- Oh, maybe.

We could discuss Norwegian healthcare.

- What?
- Yeah.

- Or is that a bad idea?
- Yeah, it's not great.

Well, I guess we'll see.

- OK.
- Alright. Well...

Bye.

- Anyway, thanks a lot for your help.
- My pleasure.

Later.

Invited for mango juice
with Bengt-Erik Løvskog?

Well, that's a first!

No... That's creepy.

We might need to have an intervention.

Look,

that goddamn Crawford placed
three reindeer in the middle of this lawn.

You know that the Americans
are still our allies, right?

Declaring war on NATO members:
not a great idea.

You think these are big enough?

Won't they be kind of a power suck?

I've made some modifications
to the power outlet.

It might not be
completely by the book, but...

not quite illegal.

Oh, my God.
What does "not quite illegal" mean?

It means I worked at the power company
long enough to learn a few tricks.

Is Mom home right now?

No... she...

went for a walk.

Huh.
So, a little stroll with Aunt Mildrid?

Was there something you wanted?

Actually, yeah.
I thought I'd raid her yarn cabinet.

- We both know she never knits anything.
- Ah!

- A new creative endeavor?
- Yeah.

I was thinking I'd make a blanket
with a whole bunch of different colors

for a patient.

- I figured it might make a nice gift.
- Yeah.

Don't use too many colors,
or it will be tacky.

Right, got it.

♪ Seasons are changing
You're cold and you're feeling alone ♪

♪ The lights aren't bright anymore... ♪

CAR OK? MANGO JUICE? OFFER STILL STANDS.

♪ Stories by magic and carols
Don't make any sense ♪

♪ Got no one to share it with
So you put up a fence ♪

♪ Just when you feel like
It's all gonna end ♪

♪ I'll make you feel like
It's Christmas again ♪

JOHANNE'S BOYFRIEND

♪ Oh, like it's Christmas again ♪

You ready?

- Yeah.
- Watch.

Check this out.

- Oh, wow!
- Yeah!

Cool!

Dad, that was
the whole fucking neighborhood!

Well, shit.

How did it go with Fuck Boy?

Hot as hell.

Tight ass, super pretty and fun.

I told you so.

Oh, and he just had his 13th birthday.

Well, you don't have to marry the guy.

I wouldn't be mad at it if it were to last
maybe, like, through the holidays.

Yeah, we may need
to pump the breaks

and lower our expectations.

I thought the whole point here was
to get to Christmas dinner. Was it not?

That's our top priority.

Also, I think I just got hit on
by Bengt-Erik Løvskog on the job.

Who is that?

Only the former Health Minister

and the current Head of Business,
or something.

- A billionaire, I think.
- OK?

You have to say yes, obvi!

He's the same age as both Mom and Dad.

You're being closed-minded again.

- Listen...
- What?

What's the problem with testing someone
with a bit more experience?

Try him before he dies.

You can look at it a bit like...
caring for the elderly.

Ew!

Hey, do you still have that gift card
I gave you for your birthday last year?

- Yeah.
- Perfect!

You'll invite the minister billionaire
out to the spa.

It's genius!

Or you could just put on a trench coat,

and show up, right, naked, of course.

He opens up, you open up.

Bam!

Never fails, I'm telling you!

You want me to give the poor old man
more heart problems?

I'm only offering suggestions.
It's up to you, alright?

- Yeah.
- What will it be?

Hmm...

DECEMBER 11TH

- What a nice treat.
- Do you think?

- I had a gift card which I hadn't used...
- So you're using it now.

- Yeah.
- Well, that's smart.

What's your poison?
Massage, sauna, peeling...?

I don't know. The sauna sounds good.

- Huh.
- Hi, Bengt!

- Well, hello.
- It's so good to see you!

- How have things been here?
- Can't complain.

You must meet Johanne.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Johanne.
- Anne.

She's treating me.

That's lovely!

Well, then, we'll do our absolute best
to make sure you have a relaxing and...

romantic experience.

Here are your robes and towels,

which you'll use
to cover up with in the...

communal area.

And don't forget, swimwear
is always prohibited in the sauna.

- Yep.
- Sorry, you have to be naked to go in?

- Mm-hmm.
- Will that be a problem?

Oh, no, no.

- Hmm.
- OK.

Well, enjoy.

- I'll see you later, then.
- Same to you.

Ah! There you are.

Are you ready to get warmed up?

- Ready?
- Yeah.

Jesus Christ...

- That's nice!
- Yeah.

Huh?

- This is the life!
- You could say that.

Johanne?

Mama?

Hey, honey.

Oh, God.

Hi.

- This here is...
- I can see.

- Bengt-Erik Løvseth, right?
- Yes, sir.

The name's Tor.

- Tor?
- Yes.

- Lovely! And you are?
- Oh, hi.

- Wait, hold on. Jorid?
- Yeah!

- It's really you!
- In the flesh.

Somewhat sweaty.

How fun!

Bengt-Erik and I studied together
back in Kristiansand!

- We did.
- Huh!

Did you meet on some dating app?

No, we know each other from the hospital.

- Hmm.
- Yeah.

Yeah...

- It was a heart attack.
- Fibrillation.

Yeah. Atrial fibrillation. Sorry.

Yeah.

Champagne?

- Yes!
- Yes, please!

Sounds great.

So, then he said,
"That wasn't a man. That was his sister!"

The sister!

Those were the days, huh, Yo-yo?

- They were.
- Cheers!

Remember when you and your friend
wanted to get across that bridge?

The suspended bridge in Kristiansand?

You were absolutely determined
to get up there.

You both refused to come down.

I remember that.

I felt so naughty being there
in the Bible Belt

with an ungodly amount of liqueur
and a fridge full of beer.

Wait a second. "Yo-yo"?

That's what we called her.

I've never heard that one before.

Why Yo-yo?

I don't know, actually.
Maybe because I was all over the place.

BUSY TONIGHT?

- So, you two were in the same classes?
- Yeah. Our poor teachers!

NO. WHY?

Bengt, tell us some more about...
I don't know. How's life?

You'll need a bit more alcohol
before I can begin with that.

- Bubbly, anyone?
- Oh, yes.

- Bubbly for everyone!
- No, I'm good.

This has been a delightful surprise.

No, thanks! I got
an urgent message from the hospital.

Oh.

Yeah. I feel so bad for leaving,
but it's an extraordinary case.

So, I have to be there. I'm really sorry.

Well, I wouldn't worry. We'll manage
to have a nice time, won't we?

- You want me to drive you?
- No, no. Sit back and enjoy. Stay.

Oh, we will.
Don't worry about us. We'll be fine.

- You go get them.
- Yeah, OK, bye. Have a good time.

That poor rowing team!

DON'T GO ANYWHERE...

They never found their oars.

A nice surprise!

Mm-hmm.

Are you alone today?

Yeah.

How about tonight?

Yeah. What for?

♪ We were too hot, we melted off ♪

♪ A kiss turned into night in daytime ♪

DECEMBER 12TH

♪ It's been forever since I felt forever ♪

♪ But my words didn't come out ♪

♪ We ♪

♪ We were too high, we had to fall... ♪

OSLO COMMERCE HIGH SCHOOL
SENIOR - JONAS

♪ Lonely is the heart
That longs for love ♪

♪ That never came to life
That's why I have this... ♪

MICHEL HOUELLEBECQ
SEROTONIN

♪ Higher love ♪

Morning!

Sleep well?

Yeah.

Pretty well.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

I baked us some bread, so we can eat.

You baked bread when?

I woke up a bit early and just felt, like,
damn, this would be better with bread.

So, are you... I don't know...
the muffin man?

Nah, it's...

something I do.

I guess I find it kind of therapeutic,
or whatever - baking.

I like trying out new things.

Some baking, bungee jump...

yoga, tango...

dating old ladies...

like you.

Widen my horizons.

Fucker!

Question: is this your bedroom?

No, I don't really know who lives here.

I saw that you're an "I read books
in their native language" kind of boy.

Judging a book by its cover, huh?

Well, I lived in Rouen, in Normandy.

So, yeah, I picked up a bit of French.

And some Spanish, too.

Say something, then.

Nah, nah. Breakfast first.

Breakfast first. Listen to daddy.

♪ Higher love ♪