Home for Christmas (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Party Flirting/Julebordflørt - full transcript

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

[cutlery banging]

DECEMBER 12TH

No...

All I still dreaming?

Welcome!

[Johanne] Thanks.

[Jonas] Milady.

Did you hire a caterer or what?

Just some things I whipped up.

[Johanne meows]



I'm happy you're here.

- I'm actually really happy to be here.
- [Jonas] Good.

I woke up with a bit of anxiety
this morning, to be honest.

Well, it seems like
it's still there, actually.

You know what you need to do?
Live a little, especially at your age.

You...

I'll stab you!

- Do you want it?
- [Jonas] Yeah, I do.

This is weird.

Weird can be good and even... lovely.

Hmm.

You're right. This whole thing is lovely.

And you're cute.

- You're cuter.
- You're the cutest.



Shut up.

- Cheers to that.
- Yeah.

- Wow, smoothie?
- Homemade.

- No way!
- [Jonas] Yeah.

- Cheers! Nice, huh?
- Hmm.

- Good?
- Hmm.

DECEMBER 15TH

HI JONAS. GET TOGETHER SOON? MISS YOU...

- [clown] Oh!
- Oh, God. I'm so sorry!

Oh, thanks.

[clown] Ah...

Voilà!

No, thanks.

Wow. Yeah, no, thanks.

- Nah?
- Nah.

Wow. Very impressive, but no.

No?

[clown miming]

Oh, my God...

So, tonight's the night
of that Christmas party, is that right?

Yes. Ever been to a party
with a bunch of doctors before?

They've got nothing
on the parties in my day.

I can still remember the Christmas parties

they threw at the embassy in Beirut.

Oh, God, were they wild!

They flew in a living pig,

and we ended up slaughtering it
right there in the living room.

You guys slaughtered a pig
in the living room?

Yeah, yeah.
I mean, technically, in the foyer.

I thought Muslims couldn't eat pigs.

What happens at Christmas parties
stays at them.

What?

That's why the Lebanese
are my favorite people on Earth.

When we were there,

I had an affair
with my husband's chauffeur.

You see, my husband and I
didn't get along well.

He started porking his secretary,

so it was fair game
for me to get some, too.

You know how it works.

Anyway, I'll tell you...

That hot Lebanese guy had his hands
all over me from the moment I said yes.

Everywhere. All over.
From my boobs down to my feet.

- To be fair, I was a pretty little thing.
- Yeah.

I still am.
And if you disagree, I'll fight you.

I see you making all the guys thirsty!
Sorry, sounds too handsy for me.

Liar!

No woman is turned off by a lover's touch!

And I could say "stop,"
and he'd be a gentleman about it.

[knocking on door]

- Good morning!
- Hey there!

Yeah, Tone...

Uh, Trine, shall we check
how your lungs are doing?

- Are you Ulrik?
- Close. It's Henrik.

- Henrik.
- [Trine] Henrik?

- [Henrik] Yes.
- You look more like an Ulrik.

It's Henrik.

I'll see you.

- Make sure, at the party, you... [growls]
- Yeah. [hisses]

[both hiss like cats]

Woof!

[Trine] Have fun.

What... What was your name?

- Henrik or Ulrik?
- Yeah, Henrik.

- Sure, sure.
- [Henrik] We need to unbutton this a bit.

Be gentle with me, Henrik. Ulrik!

[Sebastian] Heartless fucking bitch!

So...

I thought we could play some ball today.

Got no one to train for, so who cares?

Well, first off,
you should be getting better for yourself.

And not for that...

heartless fucking bitch.

You can't call her that.

- Then what's her name?
- Runa.

She's not nice to me.

Why is that?

Because she's... Well, I just said it.

She says she won't see me
until I get professional help.

Women will abandon you
just when you need them.

That's so goddamn lame.

I get her, actually.

Huh?

If you carry on like this,
here's what will happen...

You'll be admitted again,
we rehabilitate you, send you on your way.

But you'll be back again in a month.

It will be the same cycle,
the same unlearned lesson,

until one day, it will be too late.

What do you want her to do?

Should she just stand around
and watch helplessly

as the person she loves inevitably
self-destructs right in front of her?

She obviously cares.

But you put her through all that because
you think it's lame to ask for help?

You should feel so lucky
that someone out there gives a crap.

You fight hard to deserve a girl
who cares like that!

[laughter and chattering]

- Hey, guys!
- Hi!

Hi.

Hey!

So, how are we getting to the party?

- I got us a taxi.
- Here.

Perfect. Pregaming!

- Zip me up. Help a girl out.
- Sure.

- And one for you.
- [Johanne] Damn it!

Does anyone have
an extra pair of tights I could steal?

[nurse] Let me see.

Or, I don't know.
I think I can rock this look.

Do you think?

[nurse] I've only got this thing.

What even are these things?

- [Eira] Wait, hold on.
- Give me that. Your loss!

How are these?

Perfect! Thanks.

You're my hero.

- [nurse] Hi.
- Well, well, well.

You already started the party.

- [nurse] You bet!
- [Johanne] Yeah!

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

[all whooping]

[dance music playing]

[Henrik] Do you know what the leading
cause of divorce in this country is?

Work parties,

the arena where you see
what you and your partner are made of.

HI, JOHANNE. YOU OUT TONIGHT?

Marriage and parties are scientifically
proven to reveal your dark side,

I kid you not.

I never knew you were so funny, Henrik.

Show that facet of yourself more.
It's highly amusing!

[laughter]

Hi.

And you?

Do you have a guy in your life?

Not yet, no.

- [Eira] Nice dress. Very sexy.
- Thanks.

HI, STEIN.
I'M AT MY WORK XMAS PARTY.

Hey, put that phone away,
or I'm going to have to confiscate it!

Tonight, we need you
to be present for your department.

This party happens once a year,
so let's get through it. Can we do that?

- Yes, ma'am.
- Ready to do this?

OK. Yes!

[nurse whoops]

Stay together.
Use the buddy system. I've got the tab.

Order whatever your heart desires,
but, you know, the cheaper, the better.

[Henrik] Yes, perfect.

Oh, hey! Hello.

Hi.

Are you here for the party?

Yeah, tonight
is the United Plumbing Association's

holiday get-together.

Looks like we booked it
with an army of nurses.

- Like, "TV hot" nurses.
- Yep, that would be the case.

- Well, I...
- Hey...

I've been thinking about
what you told me after our date that time.

- Do you remember?
- Yeah.

What you said to me...

You know what would be great?

If we could just move on
and not bring up what I said.

Yeah, but Johanne,
I really thought it was kind of...

- "Ne!"
- What?

- "Ne!"
- Hey, we miss you over there.

Look, lady,
I just need a minute with Johanna...

- Johanne! It's not difficult.
- Yeah.

Cheers!

[laughter and whooping]

[Johanne] Cheers.

Regrets tomorrow!

[cheering and laughter]

Have you done
anymore skiing recently, Johanne?

So...

are we hitting the slopes sometime?

- Me and you?
- Me and you.

Uh... I don't know.

[dance music playing]

This... This song is my jam!

- [whoops]
- [nurse] That's popping!

Come dance with me!

- No, I'm good.
- [nurse] Let's go!

Sorry, I'm way too sore after
that impromptu ski trip. I really can't.

- Can I go ahead and get anyone a drink?
- [head nurse] Oh, yes!

- Yeah?
- [Johanne] Definitely!

- Yeah.
- [man] Me too!

I've got you all taken care of.

Thanks.

Stein?

Stein, can you hear me?

The music is, like, super loud in here,
so if you can hear me, I'm in the party!

Hello?

Hello?

What would you like?

- Gin and tonic.
- Well, OK, Miss Hemingway?

Sorry, but you'll have
to pick something more fun.

- OK, uh... Skinny Bitch?
- [laughs] Skinny Bitch!

A vodka soda, alright?

A Skinny... Maybe not. OK, I give up.
You order me something, then.

Yeah, I'll have a Jameson on the rocks

and also one
Sex on the Beach for the lady.

That's quite a...

Can we put a pin in this
for just a minute?

I'll be right back.

Could I just scooch by you? Sorry!

Excuse me. I just...
I need to say hello to you.

I know I've seen you before,
but I, for the life of me,

can't figure out from where.

I don't mean to be that person
and hit on you at a Christmas party,

but I promise
I'm not some superficial weirdo.

You can look like Keanu Reeves,
but be dumber than a box of bricks.

Not that you... I didn't mean you were...

You're probably really smart,
and Keanu Reeves might not be dumb.

He just plays those parts.

Oh, God...

You know what? You're that guy.

The kind of guy who can be silent

and girls just come and word vomit
all over into his lap.

You must have a really big aura
or something.

Sorry, after my ex, it's been a nightmare
trying to find guys to be open with.

But the important part
is opening up in spite of my fears.

Break outside of my little box!

I...

It's just hemorrhaging now.

OK, Mulligan, let's start again.

Yeah...

So, who are you?

Sorry, but I don't understand any English.

[man laughs]

[Henrik laughs]

This is too good!

I can't believe you've never met him.
This is Raul from the hospital.

He works as a clown.

- Oh, my God.
- [Henrik laughs]

Yeah.

[in Spanish] I'm so sorry!
I didn't recognize you without the makeup.

[in Spanish] No worries.

[in Spanish] I can translate...
[in English] What I just said...

- [in Spanish] No, I can't.
- [Raul in Spanish] No, it's OK.

Cheers.

Salud!

[in English] Congratulations.

[Stein] Johanne!

Johanne!

- Hey!
- Hi!

Hey! You came!

Of course I did,

with a clear agenda: to say I'm sorry.

- Oh, what are you talking about?
- Sorry for what?

Yeah, Stein, this is Henrik.
Henrik, this is Stein.

- Hi. Henrik.
- Stein.

A doctor from the hospital.

- This guy over here is Raul, the clown.
- Hi.

And the rest of my co-workers
are all right here.

Hi, guys!

- You look lovely!
- That's sweet.

- Stein, would you like a drink?
- No, thanks. I drove.

Hey!

And this is Eira.

Hi!

- Stein, yeah.
- [Eira] Yeah?

[Stein] A pleasure.

- Yeah... You don't drink, do you?
- Normally, I'm in my car, so not really.

Think you'll need a DD later?

Yep, just give us a minute.
Will you need a ride?

This must be some party!

[Eira] You are so ridiculously beautiful.

[Johanne laughs nervously]

Cheers to that!

- Yes, to the holidays!
- [Eira] To you!

- The holidays!
- Cheers!

- To the holidays!
- Christmas!

- [Henrik] Cheers!
- Excuse me. Sorry.

Hi!

Hi.

I just needed to talk with you
before I got too drunk, or whatever.

- [Johanne] OK.
- Work together long?

- Could I just tell you one little thing?
- [Johanne] Mm-hmm.

Well, it's just...
I don't think you were being very...

- You said you just wanted a nice guy.
- Look, OK...

- [plumber] I'm a nice guy.
- What are you saying?

- Johanne... No, let me finish first.
- It's "Johanne."

- [plumber] Huh?
- "Ne"! Johanne.

Yeah, yeah. All your friends
are looking at me right now.

It's a little overwhelming.

- And some co-workers, too.
- [Stein] Relax, man.

Don't touch me! Back up, Fabio.

Don't involve them. Talk to me.

- Say what you wanted to say.
- OK.

- I want to make one thing real clear.
- OK.

And that is, I would rather date
a dry-ass Christmas tree

than a judgy bitch like you.

- Whoa, hey!
- [Johanne] Hold on.

- He's a kind of, sort of friend.
- Don't talk to her like that.

What the fuck
is a "kind of, sort of" friend?

- Paul, calm down!
- My name isn't Paul, then. It's Paulo!

- I can play that game, too!
- Paulo, my ass!

- I'll give you a Paul right in your ass!
- You, no! That's enough!

- [Paul grunts]
- [Johanne shrieks]

[Henrik] Whoa...
- Paul, what the hell is wrong with you?

- [Paul yells]
- Is the Y chromosome totally defective?

Testosterone's a bad look on you!

Did you lose your mind
or were you missing one to start?

And, OK...

Look, I get it, dudes.
You men have to be better than everyone.

Best at... escape room,

best at skiing,
best at the Christmas party...

And I guess that's human nature, but...

No one is the best.
It's OK to be mediocre.

And you're cute and actually still smart

and witty in a way
that I can't unpack right now,

but that aside,
you can't deny the stone-cold fact:

if dudes just vanished, right,

well, for starters,
we'd have less violence,

or way less chlamydia.

Erectile dysfunction.

Erectile dysfunction! Smart, Henrik.

Nailed it!

And maybe we'd even get equal pay
for doing the same job.

Yep, that is a verifiable fact!

[Johanne] It's Christmas. Chill out!

Be merry and kind,
not angry and full of crap.

And stop trying to impress people.

It's not impressive.
You're just annoying everyone.

[laughter]

Was that a hell of a speech, or what?

To girls!

They run the world!

[cheering]

[pop music playing]

[whoops]

[music drowns out dialogue]

Hey.

Hey.

[Eira] Are you actually alright?

Yes.

Well, I think I'm fine.

Are you sure about that? You seem sad.

I don't want to pry.

I mean, do I...

seem that sad?

Mm-hmm.

OK, but I'm fine. I think I'm fine.

I'm good.

What is it you're thinking about?

I'm thinking that you truly are...

stunningly beautiful.

- That's sweet.
- Mm-hmm.

You know, you're beautiful yourself.

Poised and graceful.

[sentimental music playing]

I've been wanting you for forever.

[music intensifies]

[Johanne] What are you doing? No!

[moans]

Jesus Christ almighty!

[moans]

[both yell]

- [Johanne] Hey, are you OK?
- [groans]

- [Johanne] Did you get hurt?
- Yeah!

[groans]

Ow, ow, ow!

Listen up...

This isn't a Turkish bathhouse.

I'm sorry. I...

- I mean, come on!
- I mean it. We're really sorry!

Yeah, real sorry.

Because you got caught...

[Johanne] Sorry about that.

[driver] Christ!

[both giggle]

[Johanne] Oh, my God!

Oh no.

[Eira] So...

Wanna come home with me?

I can't. That's not a good idea.

Ow, ow! Never mind.

- Yeah.
- [Eira groans]

OK...

Why don't you just sleep on it? Excuse me.

[laughs] OK...

[upbeat guitar music playing]

[laughs]

DECEMBER 16TH

- [Eira yells]
- Oh! Oh, God. Oh, shoot! Sorry.

- Hi.
- [Johanne laughs nervously]

I'm really fine. I just can't...

Hi. [laughs nervously]

Hi, hi.

Thanks for... last night.

Yeah.

Right back at you.

Oh, dear.
How did you hurt your neck like that?

- Whiplash.
- Well, yes. I can see that, but how?

No? No.

No, no. Don't tell me. That's fine.

I have a strong feeling the less I know
about your private escapades,

the better for me.

- Johanne?
- [Johanne] Hmm?

New patient in 138.

Yeah.

[Eira clears her throat]

- [head nurse] Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Oh, boy.
- Sorry.

[Johanne and Eira laugh]

- Mrs. Nergaard?
- Yeah.

They're taking you to the OR.

They will go in and see
if they can clear up your airways, OK?

- Yeah.
- Be a good girl.

I promise I'll sneak a glass
into your room on Christmas Eve.

A glass of port!
For God's sake, please let it be port.

- [Johanne] OK.
- Don't let me down.

OK.

Thanks for the party!

You and your harem
kept me entertained the whole night.

[both laugh]

So, which beast won the beauty in the end?

He who cries, he who fights,
or she who gropes.

- I don't think any of them won anything.
- Oh?

Don't forget
what a very wise man once said...

"If you look for it,

I've got a sneaky feeling

you'll find
that love really is all around."

[Johanne laughs]

You're great.

You're great.

[doorbell rings]

DECEMBER 17TH

Johanne.

- [Johanne] Hi.
- Hi.

Weren't we meeting
at the Christmas tree sales place?

Yes, sure! I just wanted a few minutes
with you alone before...

everyone gets together.

Just to say...

I quite enjoyed it...

at the spa.

Yeah.

I think it might have gone over my head...

the whole thing with you and Bengt-Erik.

Mom, can we just pretend
like that was a bad dream

and never speak of it?

- Ever.
- OK, but was there anything between you?

No.

OK. Great.

- Then, we'll let that sleeping dog lie.
- Great.

But... on Christmas Eve,
well, who are you going to be bringing?

[Johanne's friend] Christmas cakes?

Hi, Jørgunn!

- These are for you.
- [Jorid] Oh, thanks!

So, what are your plans for Christmas?

I'll probably be right here...

testing new Christmas recipes,
and that kind of stuff.

I think I'm going to make lamb ribs,

but chop up some pork belly,

and put it underneath
to catch the drippings and prop them up.

Oh?

Hear that?

That will be a riveting evening.

- [Jørgunn] Yep.
- Yes.

Well, she and I need to get going,

so we can stop my family
from buying a pine Christmas tree.

- [Jørgunn] Pine is literally the worst.
- [Jorid] Exactly! We're in agreement.

Pine is for noobs. Noobs!

You took the words right out of my mouth.

- Yeah?
- [Jorid] Yeah!

- Merry, merry!
- You too!

[Jørgunn] Bye.

These are so good!

[sighs]

- Hi!
- Hi!

- Hi!
- [Johanne] Hey.

- [Tor] Are you doing good?
- Yeah.

- You guys found a tree?
- Not yet, but some contenders.

- Don't choose pine, or Mom will kill you.
- Hilarious.

So, how's the love life looking?

It's what dreams are made of.

Will you tell us his name soon?

Yep, soon.

- Are you set on a spruce fir, Jorid?
- Yeah, that looks great.

Yeah, fir is definitely the winner.

Plus I think this one
is even a subalpine fir.

You can get three pines
for the same price.

- Yeah, they're not cheap.
- But Mom said she doesn't want...

I don't want that one either.

They not Norwegian trees.

Aren't they Danish imports?

Originally,
I think they're from the Adriatic Sea,

or somewhere round about there,

but this is a Norwegian fir.

I still think they're Danish.

Yeah, you're right.
They're probably Danish.

So, about your mystery guy...

I just hope he's good to you
and everything.

Dad and I, we talk about this a lot.

We worry for you
and just want you to be happy.

- You're our little girl.
- [Tor] What about this one, dear?

No. Hands down, that one is way too short.

- But shorter is cheaper.
- Shell out more for Christmas!

OK, then, what about this beauty here?

- Is it dry on top?
- Dry on top?

Of course it's not dry on top!

Morten?

Yeah. I mean, no... I...

I think it's...

- It's clearly not dry on top.
- No, it's...

- It's nice, Morten.
- I think this one's great.

- Good. Three to two. That's it.
- [Morten] Is that alright, Mom?

Yeah.

- [Morten whoops]
- Oh...

You know I'm going to London
with your Aunt Mildrid,

doing our Christmas shopping there,
remember?

I bought some tickets
for you and your father,

so you can both watch the biathlon.

Why would you do that?
I don't like skiing or shooting.

No, but Dad loves it.

And I thought it might be nice if you guys
had a father-daughter date together,

like old times.

You remember those days.

Yeah, but isn't it only skiing
that Dad likes?

Skiing is skiing.

Right?

- [Tor] Jorid?
- Yes?

The Visa card...?

- I thought you brought it.
- [Tor] Well, I didn't.

[Christian] Johanne?

I knew it!

- Hi.
- [Christian] Hi.

How are you?

Good. You?

- Have you two met?
- No.

Hi.

- Siri.
- Johanne.

So, you two
are also out Christmas-tree shopping?

Yeah, actually. All three. Three of us.

Would you want to meet Noa?

Come on. Say hi to Noa.

Hey.

[Johanne] Oh... Hi, hi!

- Meet Johanne.
- [Noa cries]

- Oops. I've made him cold.
- [Siri] We'll meet you at the car.

I'll be there in a second.

[Johanne] Nice to meet you.

I thought it might be nice
to set up a kind of Christmas...

I don't know, tradition,
now that we're a family.

- Yeah, that's smart.
- [Christian] Thanks.

- Nice tree you've got there.
- Yeah, it's pretty great.

Of course, it was actually Siri
who picked it out.

- Good picker.
- [Christian] Yeah.

Well, I just wanted
to say Merry Christmas.

Yeah. You too.

Good to see you.

Likewise.

- Christian?
- Jorid?

[Jorid] How nice to see you!

- Hi!
- [Christian] Good to see you, too.

Is the entire gang out and about today?

- Hey, you.
- [Christian] Hey.

Look at you!

- You look great.
- [Tor] Bring 'em in!

- [Christian] There's the man of the hour.
- [Johanne's dad laughing]

[Christian] Big Tor!

Me too. Don't forget me.

[Christian] Hey, buddy. How are you?

- Great to see you.
- [Christian] It is.

- [Christian] It's been forever.
- [sister] Longer than that.

I'd love to stay
and catch up with you guys all day,

but I really should be going.

- I've got a cold kid in the car.
- [Morten] Oh, I've been there.

[Jorid] OK, but stop by
for a drink sometime, won't you?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- That would be really nice.
- [Tor] Absolutely.

- And maybe we could have a...
- Maybe a little.

We could put them away.

[laughter]

[Christian] Well, Merry Christmas.

- [all] Merry Christmas!
- Take care.

- Good seeing you.
- [Tor] Bye.

Oh, God, how I miss him.

- [Tor] Man!
- [Jorid] I'm sad now.

- [sister] Such a great guy.
- [Morten] Yeah.

- Right, Morten?
- Absolutely. I agree, definitely.

So, what happened with you two?

He was such a catch.

Nothing. That's the thing.

I just got dumped.

That's just how it goes. It's OK.

I'm not as lucky as you guys.

[sad music playing]